Ruska
by Yoshiyuki Ly
Summary: Lulu begins to think for herself, with herself; Paine accepts that only conflict allows her to blossom. Wakka/Lulu (one-sided) to Paine/Lulu: set post-game.
1. I: Cruel Mistress

**Title: **Ruska. It's a song by Apocalyptica. It is Finnish, meaning the change of leaves from green to brown during autumn. A major theme of this story is change. Natural change, though the kind others can take as negative due to their personal preferences and circumstances.  
**Rating: **M. This is an **erotica** story. Don't like, don't read.  
**Pairings**: Paine/Lulu (soon), Wakka/Lulu (one-sided), Tidus/Yuna, Yuna/Baralai (duty), and more surprises down the line.  
**Warnings: **Homophobes: please leave now. Also, brief infidelity, _softcore_ leading to **hardcore ****RACK/SSC/BDSM** (Bondage, Discipline, Dominance/Submission, Sado Masochism), voyeurism, character death/murder, blood and gore, mild drug use, angst (later), mild incest, futanari, pedophilia, exhibitionism, consensual rape.  
**Disclaimer: **I do not own Final Fantasy X or X-2, nor any of the characters or settings of either game.

—

_Cruel Mistress, I look to you, as embodiment of my vile wants, to be. To be. To live. To not wither away._

Paine knew the leaves to be ubiquitous. Now scarce, yellowing, and losing their verdant sheen, she reconsidered this. Flights dragged on over patches of mislaid life, with boundless opportunity above her.

The passing of dying to death, of days to dearth: Paine, too, passed through seasonal motions as she stood atop the Celsius. None joined her. Happiness and satisfaction lay on deck, beneath her. Above it all, perhaps, she humored herself to be. Being higher than the trees of Kilika Forest in particular justified her yarn. Spun and spun it did, as did the wind to her quicksilver falls of hair, and the sun to her pallid skin. Vestiges of heat within that wind bothered her leather; entertained her blade such that it sung at the right frequency. She feared her garments would fall apart one day from overexposure to such zephyrs. As long as her sword triumphed over defeat, she would endure.

After six years, the Gullwings were active, still searching for treasure all over Spira. Friendly opposition gave sphere hunting a fresh flair. Friendly helping from other members detracted from the novelty. Tidus had a fine sword and blitzball arm, though Paine preferred his silence above all. She took care to never voice her opinions anymore, lest Yuna became upset with her for days on end again. Rikku was ever annoying, ever Rikku. Brother was quiet these days, for reasons Paine could guesstimate with ease. Buddy and Shinra only knew age and knowledge gained as their sole differences from before.

Travels to Besaid had grown scarce over the years. Though she harbored baffling ire, she said nothing, in fear of being too interested in a prospect unrelated to battle. This day, Yuna and the others insisted on visiting Wakka, Lulu, and Vidina. Paine had a suspicion that Tidus, too, held plans for their brief retreat.

For once, she and the man shared a similarity beyond their choice of weaponry. Perhaps she would take this opportunity to learn more from him. He held a kind of victory Paine wished she could taste. She was unfamiliar with the source. The why _mattered_. Reflection proved a fruitless endeavor the longer she stood; the harder she watched the Isle of Besaid grow closer along the darkening horizon.

The years bore much change within her self, much growth, much knowledge. The skill of life was sharper than ever; sharper than that of her peers. It burdened Paine to tally comparisons. What remained the same was how malnourished her good intentions were. Twisted dreams spun in abundance. None questioned Paine, her state, her stoicism—this was her predilection.

Over the western beaches of the island, the airship engines sighed their descent. Paine considered staying rooted to the spot for but a second before Buddy's voice sounded over the intercom.


	2. Be Said

_In Besaid, nothing is to be said without vestiges of truth lying about somewhere in the conversation._

The first time Lulu smiled in the presence of others, she had mastered her personal element: thunder. Almost every smile after that had been in relation to black magic. The manner in which the Arts weaved and wound through her spirit did not darken nor discolor her view of the world. Her specialty threaded through her skin, as it did to the fabric of each and every one of her dolls. Despite Besaid's humidity, Lulu could never abandon her choice of dress: a further symbolization of her magic, her muse.

Despite Besaid's general easy-living environment, Lulu never felt quite at-ease in her years of residence on the isle. Never quite at-ease, never quite ill-at-ease; Lulu permeated into a middle-life of perceived satisfaction. She was to be the no-nonsense wife of a well-intentioned man—nothing more, nothing less. Lulu disliked questioning her place in life, or even acknowledging that a specific place had been assigned to her at all. She usually looked to her son during these times, to remember her 'place.'

On this afternoon, Lulu stood alone at the entrance to the village, observing the Celsius' descent along the incline before her. The falls of her hair and braids lifted from the nearby landing of the crimson airship, lancing behind her. The fur collar of her dress shifted, yet her arms at her sides stood still against the small torrent of wind. A possible coincidence kept her countenance curious, studious. This was the first time Yuna had scheduled a visit to Besaid.

Lulu smiled, quaint—she saw Rikku jogging down the slope first, waving as she went. "Hey! You're here!" At this, Lulu chuckled—where else would she be? "We missed you!" Rikku almost tackled her with a hug, giggling. "Listen," she whispered, "I'm not supposed to tell you this, but—"

"Rikku," scolded Yuna, her hands upon her hips as she approached the pair. "Why do I have a feeling you look suspicious right now?" Rikku moaned in dismay, skulking a little ways away. "Is there something going on I don't know about?"

Lulu pretended not to understand what was going on, instead moving to embrace Yuna. "It's been a while, Yuna," she said, stroking her hair. "You look well. I'm glad." When she made to pull away, Yuna was intent on prolonging their hold on one another. Lulu made a mental note to speak with Yuna in private, later on.

Rikku thought nothing of it, looking about with a frown. "Ohhh," she groaned, "those two! Yunie, your boyfriend's missing! And where's Dr. P when you need her? Shouldn't they be here by now?" Yuna shook her head against Lulu's shoulder. Lulu wondered who Dr. P could be. "Huh…hey, where's Wakka? And Vidina? Why's everyone _missing?_"

"They…" started Lulu, distracted in her concern for Yuna, "they won't be returning until next week. Wakka and the rest of the Aurochs decided it would be fun to take Vidina on a fishing trip around Kilika and Luca. Boys only—I wasn't allowed to join."

Yuna pulled away, staring at her. "And you agreed to this?" she asked, incredulous. "Vidina's almost six years old. Isn't he a little young for something like that?"

Lulu folded her arms. "He's almost the same age I was when I began practicing black magic. Although…" She saw Tidus marching down the slope, with none other than Dr. P in tow. The both of them carried one parcel each. "Hm…Rikku, I believe that's them. The boxes they carry—do they have something to do with what you weren't supposed to tell me?"

"Huh?" Rikku looked blank for a moment. Yuna looked just as clueless. Lulu had her answer. "You guys!" Rikku sprang back into action, jumping and waving as the two entered the village. "You made it!"

Tidus grinned in triumph, motioning with the box in his arms. "Sure did!" He winked at Yuna before mellowing a tad. "Hey-hey, Lulu! It's nice to see you again—" Tidus looked around, confused. "Whoa, wait a minute…shouldn't—uhh—a couple of red-heads be here right about now? Where's your two guys?"

Lulu stepped forward to take the parcel he handed to her in his absent-mindedness. "It's nice to see you again as well. You're looking happy as ever, I see."

Rikku and Yuna took the liberty of explaining to Tidus where Wakka and Vidina had gone. Lulu noted the lightness of the parcel, curious as to what might be inside.

Paine stepped forward with her package, giving a curt nod. "These are for you," she said, "both of them are." Instead of giving her the second box, Paine looked to the hut Lulu shared with Wakka. "Do you want these in there?"

"That would be nice," said Lulu, noticing the slight strain about Paine as she continued to carry the box in her arms. "Thank you for doing this." Paine nodded again, letting Lulu lead the way. The rest of the Gullwings were caught up in conversation about commspheres. Lulu stopped, and turned to the group to say, "You're all very kind for bringing me gifts." She stopped their chatter all at once, garnering their attention. "I'll be right at home whenever you want to stop by."

"Wait!" said Rikku, running to catch up with them; "We wanna show you what we brought! Don't open them without us!"

—

An hour later, Lulu sat on her bed, admiring all of her gifts. The Gullwings had just taken off again for a brief trip, having to do with commspheres. Lulu had only received the aforementioned information due to Rikku's slip-of-the-tongue. She gave a faint smile at the memory. The group promised to be back by nightfall, along with a new gift. Lulu had an idea as to what it might have been.

Various dolls surrounded her, courtesy of Yuna and the others. Each one had a story behind its creation, and how each Gullwing had found it during their travels. Lulu held her new chocobo doll, observing its make. The bird looked to be the perfect miniature model of the chocobos that frequented the Mi'ihen Highroad. Paine had found this one on the Oldroad. After showing it to her comrades, the four of them did research on arcane dolls as a favor to Lulu, managing to find many more scattered about Spira. Lulu even had a Ronso doll from Mt. Gagazet, reminding her of Kimahri.

In addition to dolls, Lulu now had new tomes of knowledge on black magic—books. One in particular about the nuances of wind and water combined kept her attention for hours. Lulu read by candlelight as the sun retreated along the horizon, still surrounded by her dolls, both old and new. The text, written in archaic Spiran, challenged her perceived notions of the manner in which wind and water co-existed. Gravity played a bigger role in their harmony and discord than she once thought…

"Lulu?"

Yuna shuffled inside, her hands behind her back. Lulu closed her book, setting it aside. Flames from the bonfire outside tinted the entrance of the hut with heat, undulating. Excited chatter from the villagers reached Lulu's ears as Yuna sat next to her, showing her a commsphere.

"Hey! Hey, guys! Guys! I see her! Yuna, you're a genius!"

Lulu smiled in relief—she could see her husband through the sphere, surrounded by the Aurochs on the dock of the ferry. The men all gave her a hearty greeting. Lulu and Yuna both waved back.

"Lu!" said Wakka, looking as though he wanted to kiss the sphere; "How you been, ya? Everything going well without me?"

Lulu nodded. "Wakka," she said, in a tone that made him frown. "Where is my son? You promised to take good care of him."

"Ahh, don't worry, ya!" Wakka rubbed the back of his head. "Vidina's in the bunks below, fast asleep! Hey, I even read him a story before bed, just like we always do. We're takin' good care of him, ya?"

When Lulu didn't look convinced, Wakka took the commsphere away from the company of his teammates. Lulu's perspective of the area shook as Wakka sat down with crossed legs on the stern, with a view of the milky night sky behind him. Yuna placed a hand over Lulu's. Lulu didn't notice her silver-haired visitor, watching them from the entrance of the hut.

"Lu, listen to me," said Wakka, in earnest; "I know you got a funny way of showin' it—you miss your son. He's havin' a great time. It's like you said—I promised to take good care of him. I _did _make a promise, and I'm not goin' back on it. You trust me?"

Lulu closed her eyes for a moment. Part of her was grateful that Yuna spoke in her stead. "You know, Wakka, I don't think this is a very good idea. The waters _have _been acting rather strange lately…"

"But, Yuna," argued Wakka, "it's the Eternal Calm! C'mon, what could happen, ya? And you know, if anything does happen, Vidina's got his dad here to protect him!"

Lulu stared at him. "Actually," she chimed in, "you forgot your blitzball here, of all things." Wakka made a guilty face. Yuna sighed. "If any fiends attack the ferry, you won't be able to keep them at bay."

Wakka grunted in defeat. "All right, all right…you got me there—"

"What will you do, Wakka?" asked Lulu, remembering how much he had angered her years ago whenever he did something inane. It showed in her tone. "If you fish up a round of fiends by accident, my son won't be able to defend himself. He can't count on you to react in time without a proper weapon. I can't count on you to protect him!"

"Y-Yeah, but—"

"_What will you do, Wakka?_" repeated Lulu, standing now. "You want Vidina to have a good time—that's the only reason why I won't demand you return this instant. _I _want him to be safe. Who will you listen to—me, or yourself?"

When Wakka had no response, Lulu shook her head, walking to the other side of the hut to sit down. In her ire, she still failed to notice Paine leaning against the entrance, arms folded. Yuna hurried to say goodbye to Wakka and turn off the commsphere before going over to Lulu.

"I'm sorry, Lulu," said Yuna as she knelt before the black mage. "I should've told him to come back when I brought him the commsphere… Or I should've at least brought Vidina home to you."

Lulu held both of Yuna's hands in her own, looking down at her lap. "It's all right. There is nothing to blame you for, Yuna. You did nothing wrong. _I _was the one who let Wakka convince me of something, for the first time in years."

Yuna looked surprised. "You…you mean…" Lulu made eye contact, asking her to continue in her silence. "I… I always assumed _he_ was the one…who convinced you to marry him."

Lulu shook her head. "No. I didn't need any convincing. Something told me it was right, so I went with it."

"Was it your heart?"

For once, a question from Yuna that Lulu had no answer to. Judging from her expression, Yuna took Lulu's silence to be negative. Lulu resumed staring at her own lap, thinking nothing of Yuna turning around and standing so suddenly to address someone.

The absence of Yuna's hands in her own—Lulu noticed it, felt it. She missed the genuine affection of someone she cared for. Wakka had always been too cautious for affection with Lulu, forever afraid to be intimate with a wall of ice. This wall of ice had never been willing to admit her needs or wants, to make them known to anyone. She had always assumed that those who truly knew her would _know._


	3. Prey and Praetor

_In order to expand your horizons, you have to open yourself up. Get involved with the outside world, let it shape and affect you. That's the only way to change._

Two years ago, Paine had been of the mind that she finally felt like she could talk about things. Traveling with the Gullwings had done wonders for her confidence with communication.

Two days after her arrival to Besaid, Paine felt like that _finally _had cast itself away to the sea breeze. She stood alone at the dock, watching the finally flicker about unseen.

_Just beyond my reach._

The skies above and water below proved to be clearer than her mind's eye. Paine stared through the horizon. She thought formless thoughts, weaving them into a mirage before her: a collective mirror of years of brief visits, nods, and eye contact. A human-shaped figure felt to be there. The figure spoke, though no words sounded to reality's ear. Its presence calmed her—trance-like, though she maintained her countenance.

The mirror collected more over the past two days: a woman, unhappy because of compromise. Paine raised a hand, at first to touch the figure's face, only to lower it to her hip.

Footsteps sounded along the wood behind her. Laughter soon followed, though not all of it reached her ears. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Tidus swimming in her direction.

"He likes the water," said Yuna as she approached. Paine found this to be an odd point of departure. "It's nice, how he can laugh like that all the time…" Something must have been wrong. "I guess…not everyone can be like him. If everyone were the same, we would all know what to expect in life. Wouldn't we?"

Paine decided to get to the point, "Something bothering you?"

Yuna clasped her hands behind her, looking down. "Hmm…yes and no, I suppose. Call it a bad feeling about things to come. I'm not too sure." She looked up, waving at Tidus as he neared them. "And what about you? You seem different…"

"I do?" Paine considered this, arms folded. "Can't imagine how you'd feel that way. I thought I was always like this."

"You and I have been friends for…a few years now," recalled Yuna, turning to smile at her. "Seeing Lulu like this has made me realize how similar the two of you are. Similar…but so very different." Paine maintained her silence, watching Yuna pace back and forth along the dock. "She is very much an older sister to me. Seeing her like this…well, I can't help but think the two of you look alike when you're upset. I've always gone to her for advice, but Lulu never…well…"

Paine raised an eyebrow. "You want me to talk to her…"

Yuna stopped her pacing, unmindful of Tidus' pretend-drowning to get her attention. "Ohhh," she sighed, "you don't have to say it like _that! _It's just—even Rikku agrees with me. Maybe you should…"

"Maybe," said Paine, stiff-mouthed; "Lulu isn't exactly an open book."

"Well," replied Yuna, wincing for the inevitable reaction, "neither are you…"

Paine made to leave, noticing Rikku jogging about along the shore. "How observant of you, Yuna. I'll keep you in mind the next time I need to know more about someone." She shook her head, scowling. "I can't help anyone."

Yuna followed after her, pouting. "Paine! Can't you try being a _little_ more sympathetic about all this? Lulu's hurting and I don't know what else to do!"

"She'll fix her own problems," said Paine, making her way back to the village, "and if she doesn't, she doesn't. I think she's strong enough to tough it out on her own. That's why she won't talk to you."

"Now wait just one minute!" Yuna quickened her pace to keep up. "Where is all this coming from? Whenever I'm upset and I just want someone to listen, I've always been able to count on you to be there for me. Not so much when we first got to know each other, but…"

"There's your answer for you," replied Paine, sounding dry. She didn't mean to leave Yuna behind.

It was only after slaying a few fiends along the dusty road back to the village did Paine notice she was alone. She stopped along a bridge near a waterfall, piercing the earth with her blade. The rainbow haze at the base of the cascade kept her attention as she stood, a stark contrast to the water's movement.

She tried shifting, toying with her hair; before sitting near the base of the bride to stare at the multicolored miasma. No matter what she did, one nagging thought persisted, permeated:

_I want to help her…but I don't even think she'd let me._

Every time something had bothered Paine, she wished someone would appear from her shadow to lift her spirits. The desire brought her shame—she had no desire to be similar to everyone else in her wants and needs. The years had shifted the optimism from her youth, twisting them until she scorned the shreds and scraps of leftover hope. Vague vestiges of that hope she saw in her readiness to assist a familiar stranger.

But Lulu was no stranger to her, not at all.

Lulu must've been her shadow; in her shadow; weaving, wandering, wondering. Comfort became manifest for Paine when she heard that drag of dress along dust, heard that voice:

"What a coincidence. I didn't expect to find you here. Certainly not looking like this."

Paine turned her head a tic, enough to watch Lulu walk along the bridge and stop, not too far away. Her grace was as soft and swift as the slight breeze. Paine fixed her expression, lest Lulu turned to question her.

Instead, Lulu went on, as composed as ever, "Yuna told me you and I should speak. Something's bothering you, she said." Paine grimaced—Yuna was persistent in her plans. "I can't help but think something more is going on here." Lulu turned—and faced her; "Do you not agree?"

Paine looked away, scenting the nearby water as she inhaled. To take the attention away from the lack of eye contact, she grabbed the hilt of her sword as she stood. Lulu approached her, watching with wrists folded over her front. Paine figured a response to be appropriate to alleviate the silence: "I can't really say. Yuna's just full of surprises."

They fell in step, walking back to the village. "Yes," replied Lulu, "she certainly is. She's going through a lot of changes…as am I."

Paine looked to the sky, as if searching for answers. She got the hint well enough. Unsure she was, as to how to utilize the opportunity.

Smooth, Lulu spoke, easing the edges of their silence once more, "It's comforting to know that someone will always be there for you. Always, though not in the way you might wish for. Yuna thinks she is coming to realize her place in life." Paine regarded her, child-like. Lulu chuckled. "I think it best to not question the things that come to you."

Paine was unperturbed by Lulu's riddling, her meaning clear. "All right, then. So you know what's going on with Yuna?"

"More or less," said Lulu, ever cryptic. "I am sure you know marriage is on her horizon."

"Yeah…he wants to marry her."

"And would you be surprised," Lulu stopped; Paine continued but a few paces; "if I told you _she _has no desire to marry _him?"_

They reached the shade of the overpass made of rubble and ruins. Paine could scent the hanging trees, the debris of the day's end nearing; nearing. Observed her surroundings as they walked she continued to do—no reaction came to the news, the not-so-new news.

And Paine spoke, plain, "As if I'm all _that_ surprised…she's been too distracted to pay attention to him lately. I'd say he's in for a rude awakening pretty soon." She thought about Lulu's words, thought into what she'd said so clear. "You said Yuna's getting married…how could she, if it's not with him?"

"You'll see," responded Lulu.

Paine was disinclined to doubt her words. Still, she couldn't help but wonder… "Why are you telling me all this?"

"I thought I already told you," said Lulu, "to not question the things that come to you? I see you've already forgotten."

"No, it's not that." They passed the monument at the top of the cliff overseeing the village. Paine frowned at the contrast of their interaction with the ease of the seaside settlement. "I guess… I don't understand how it's so easy for you. How you can help others and be there for them…all the while ignoring your own problems…"

Lulu had her response ready, "Well, I never have the opportunity to care for myself." Downward they walked along the slope, their steps in sync. "There are others I must care for. It's easy to not let things bother me. Sometimes."

Paine felt to be prying, yet could not keep the questions inside: "And what do you do when those times come about? You shut people out, don't you?"

Lulu gave no response. They continued their descent to the village. Paine watched her, noticing the strain about Lulu's face. Not once did Lulu incline her head, so as to have her body speak a desire to be left alone. Mixed signals formed a solid answer for Paine. She held it close, imagining it to sing as soft as the lift of Lulu's braids in the breeze.

—

Two more days blurred into one another, diluting the vagueness of Lulu's character over years passed. Paine and Lulu conversed more, with some ease—she thought Lulu to have no trouble speaking to anyone. Yuna's plan—whatever it was—did not backfire.

On the fourth night of their stay, Paine found it difficult to sit next to Tidus near the bonfire as he ate. He appeared aware that he was being kept in the dark about things—his stare bore holes in Yuna's wont to disregard him as she sat at his side. Rikku sat at Paine's other side, in animated conversation with one of the villagers. Paine knew her to be attentive of Yuna's moods, but content enough to not pester her in the company of others.

And Lulu was off alone, having finished what little food she'd gathered for herself some time ago. Paine was of the mind to go look for her, until Rikku spoke thus to her companion:

"Yeah, I think she's still off with the commsphere, talking to Wakka. Seems like she's really worried about him…"

Paine hadn't a clue as to why her appetite left her in that moment.

Rikku turned to her, nudging. "Hey! You gonna eat the rest of that?—" Paine shoved her plate in Rikku's lap, and left—"Aww! C'mon, you didn't have to do it like that! I was only…"

Distance and disregard drowned out the rest of Rikku's words. Paine walked in the direction of the temple, leather shifting against her skin, uncomfortable. Sweat from the heat so proximal moments ago lingered, slow-drying in the humid night air.

Another source of heat caught her attention, off to the side of the temple. There stood Lulu, her back to Paine, watching an object burn. Be it may an assumption, panic stirred within Paine as she stopped, observing.

The air about Lulu was taut; tense. Colored shadows of the ember before her tinted her skin a pallid anger.

For the first time in ages, Paine felt her own skin go cold.

Lulu spoke to the lit darkness: "How reckless of me… Doing such a thing, because of my own contempt… I can't help but think this is fitting of my entire life." With ease, she turned her head, enough to give Paine a sidelong regard. "How do I look?"

Paine's head filled with the white of uncertainty. Lulu paid her silence no mind, casting Watera to douse the flame.

"It's fine," continued Lulu, "if you're unsure about me right now. Even I don't know who I am. This is…nothing like me."

She inclined her head, down, to stare at the debris. A circle had burned there, a tattoo on the ground. Paine felt compelled to speak, to help; yet she could do neither without comprehension, understanding. She wondered what Yuna would do in a situation like this.

Just as the answer came to her, Lulu shook her head with a hand over her forehead. She walked away, back to the bonfire, back to the safety of company to avoid the uncomfortable questions or further stares. Paine swallowed her unspoken words down so as to not burn her tongue with anxiety. She followed Lulu, curious as to why Yuna was on her feet; the center of attention.

"Everyone," began Yuna, soft-spoken; commanding; "I have an announcement. There have been rumors spreading, about the Youth League's dissolution… I have spoken with Praetor Baralai…and found those rumors to be true." A thicker silence spread over the village. Yuna continued on, with the same determination, "New Yevon is playing a bigger part in Spira's world order. There have been…concerns about ex-Youth League members rising in rebellion _if _they are not satisfied with the way things turn out…"

Understanding overcame Paine, even before Yuna's next words: "The Praetor…in hopes to bring calm to the boiling chaos…has asked me to marry him." A muted joy was visible among the villagers. Yuna made a point to not look at Tidus. Paine couldn't bring herself to look at him, either. Lulu was unsurprised. "Tomorrow, I leave for Bevelle with Praetor Baralai. I hope that you will all welcome him warmly…"

Yuna ended her speech on a dissonant note. No one stood, nor spoke to congratulate the High Summoner. Only Lulu moved to embrace her surrogate sister, shielding Yuna from the stares and hushed conversations. Paine watched them, shifting in the tides of change. Lulu looked the same as she did moments ago, even at the other side of the flame. Admiration.


	4. Obligation

_Being surrounded by the sound of rain that sounds like sighs  
I realize that words are powerless  
There's only one thing that reaches me  
I touch your cold face with my palm, and feel it_

Lulu lay awake that night, thoughts burning; diminishing; as did the bonfire just outside. She wore none of her jewels to bed, nor her dress—only a quicksilver nightgown, as long as her usual wear, only much lighter.

She had spoken with Tidus before turning in—he didn't know what to do with himself. Yuna had given him no notice of the events to come with her arrangements with New Yevon, with Praetor Baralai. Yuna refused to speak with anyone, after her announcement of marriage. Rikku had gone to bed upset, because of this.

Lulu wanted to regret burning the commsphere—her only source of communication with her husband and son. Wakka's insistence on staying out there for two more weeks to catch the bigger game coming in, however, had put her off. She sat up, placing a hand over her heart as she recalled the ire that had burned there during their earlier argument. The agony of uncertainty as to her son's safety had been paramount. Not once did she consider Wakka's state. In her contempt, she was content to ignore his existence as he was unable to protect their son properly. He had no purpose anymore.

"Hey Lulu…?" came Rikku's voice from the other side of the hut. Lulu sighed her response, regaining her composure. "Can't sleep, huh? Me neither…all this mess with Yunie's keeping me up…" Rikku looked around, standing up. "Where is she anyway?"

"Sleeping in the temple," said Lulu, shaking her head. "She said she wanted to pray, to her father, before staying in one of the rooms there… Though I have a feeling she wanted to be alone."

Rikku walked to the entrance to peek outside, staring at the temple, then to the hotel. "Paine's acting funny, too. I mean, she won't sleep in here and she's quieter than normal…" She skulked back to her bed, mumbling, "Why'd all this have to happen now? Right before he was gonna to propose to Yunie…"

Lulu thought of how Wakka used to always say such things.

The reminder made her mind burn anew.

After what felt like ages tucked away in the span of a few moments, Lulu rose from bed, wishing to take a walk. Rikku was already fast asleep. Lulu envied her.

She expected her brief walk to bring her to the temple, where she might check on Yuna. As she reached the dying bonfire, however, she paused as Tidus emerged from the hotel, on his way to the temple. He didn't spare a glance to the only other one outside at such an hour. Lulu decided to let them be.

The sound of fabric rustling once more signaled Paine's exit from the hotel. Paine watched Tidus go, hesitating to follow after him. In her hesitation, she looked down to the shifting shadows on the ground. She still hadn't even changed out of her warrior dressphere.

"Good evening," said Lulu, surprising Paine, surprising herself—her greeting felt out-of-place. Paine nodded. "Is…something bothering you? Rikku seems concerned about you, too."

Paine folded her arms about her waist, shifting her stance; closing up. "I don't know, Lulu. I'm not the one who burned a commsphere just a few hours ago. Maybe I should be asking you the same thing."

Lulu took a few paces toward her. "Perhaps," she went on, "and yet you won't actually come out and say what's on your mind. We hardly know each other, after all. Unless you count disjointed visits and curt words over the last six years as 'getting to know one another.' I certainly don't. What about you?"

After turning away, Paine ambled about—aimless—still looking down. Lulu held her ground with practiced poise, watching that body language. She willed to wait for a reply, though she felt she would not receive one. Lulu turned to sit at the bonfire, hoping her movements were slow enough to look inviting. Paine took the hint right away, going so far as to sit close to her—she noticed Lulu's small smile.

"That's a first," commented Paine; "I haven't seen you smile, not since… Hell if I know." That smile left as swift as it came. Paine watched Lulu stare at the flame's perimeter. "…that scared me, earlier. Only I didn't realize it scared me…not until after you'd gone to bed, after I felt like it was too late to ask you about it."

Lulu felt the way Paine's body shielded her from the breeze. The falls of her hair shifted, her braids less so—her skin felt different. She had always felt closest to Wakka when they sat here, together, his arm around her as Vidina sat on her lap. The sting of her son's absence reached higher than her heart—her throat—keeping her from speaking.

Her ears were soothed upon hearing Paine's empathy: "I know…you miss Vidina. It's pretty obvious. I remember…it surprised me, to see how affectionate you were with him—in your own ways. When I think of it that way, I almost wanna say you don't even miss Wakka."

"You're right," said Lulu, her voice sounding foreign in its efforts to steady itself. "I don't miss Wakka. I can't even say I miss Chappu, not anymore."

"But weren't you happy with him?" asked Paine; "With Chappu, I mean…Yuna told me about you two."

Lulu lowered her gaze. "I don't miss him…for the same reasons I don't miss his irresponsible brother. Too much time has passed, from the times when I cared until now, now that I don't. I had Vidina right before I stopped caring. I couldn't control it…I can't control it."

Paine said nothing; her understanding filled the silence between them. Lulu placed a hand over her chest, steadying herself. This was unlike her. Not even Yuna had heard such raw truths from her before, not like this. These were facts that had not once been presented to Lulu before, though they had everything to do with her. Not-presented, because she hadn't had the opportunity to consider them before now—before the seamless comfort of another beside her who could listen.

Someone who had no history of judging others based on pre-conceived notions or false beliefs. Someone she hardly knew. Lulu felt calm in that unknown, having been exposed to it for so many years—those disjointed visits. The only other unknown she _enjoyed _was that of raising her son.

Lulu regarded Paine, realizations plain about her face. Paine kept eye contact, unmindful of how long they stared at one another.

Long moments passed, until Paine coated their calm with a question: "Lulu…you're not all right, are you? You feel like you have no one to talk to. If that's the case…" Paine didn't hesitate to place a gloved hand over her shoulder; "I'm here for you. Even if you don't feel that way…I'm not going anywhere. Not really."

Lulu smiled at Paine's unique grace. "Thank you, Paine. I'll be sure to keep that in mind."

And Lulu felt more than just Paine's absence after they bade each other good night. That feeling helped to put her right to sleep.

—

A tropical storm woke Lulu the next afternoon—a possible melting of her dream. She sat up, already getting out of bed to dress herself; thinking. A vivid recollection of waltzing in the snow with someone stayed at the forefront of her mind. Rikku's absence went unnoticed.

Lulu soon emerged from the tent, chary of the freezing downpour that greeted her. All the villagers stood outside, blending into the overcast in their dedication to see the High Summoner off—the Praetor's cruise ship was due to arrive soon. Rikku was off in the distance where the Celsius had landed, screaming at Brother over the rain—the ship looked badly damaged. Lulu shook her head at Rikku's hysterics.

"Lulu!" She turned to that sound, of Paine calling her name as she jogged toward her. "I can't find Yuna anywhere! _He's _nowhere to be found, either. Baralai's due to be here any minute now. This isn't like her…"

"Hmm…" Lulu looked to the temple, inclining her head. Paine watched the possibilities flicker about Lulu's eyes. "Have you checked Yuna's room?"

Paine winced at the obvious question. "Well…yeah, but…if she's in there, she won't open the door."

Lulu was already on her way. "Come on," she said, a hint of venom in her tone.

Paine quickened her stride to catch up. As Lulu made it to the stairs of the structure, Paine took her hand, halting. She placed herself between Lulu and the temple, looking distraught; her heels digging into the earth. Lulu had stopped more out of surprise than anything. Surprise at the motion, surprise with her personal reaction she didn't show. She couldn't show it.

"He didn't come back to the hotel last night," said Paine, still holding her hand. "I-I was up all night, thinking…I would've heard him."

In her ire, it took a moment for Lulu to notice the tremble of Paine's jaw as she spoke and did not speak; the tremble of Paine's hand over her own. Paine sniffled occasionally as she waited for Lulu to speak or act. Something about Paine made Lulu raise her free hand to Paine's face, to calm her. The gesture worked, going so far as to stir within Lulu an emotional shield from the freeze they stood under.

Commotion from the temple interrupted the pair; Paine turned immediately, not letting go of Lulu's hand. Tidus was thrown from the premises with nothing except a sheet to cover himself. He spouted broken apologies and explanations for his behavior as he collected himself from the ground. The temple doors closed shut before he could attempt to re-enter. He pounded his fist against the doors, shouting Yuna's name as if expecting her to fix things.

Paine gripped Lulu's hand so as to keep her from reacting too harshly. Lulu said nothing, not even after Tidus turned and found the whole village staring at him.

"Ummm…" Tidus rubbed the back of his head, fumbling to keep himself covered. "H-Hiya, everyone… fine day we're havin', huh…?" One look from Lulu was enough to make him skulk behind the temple.

Paine sighed in defeat when Lulu pressed forward to the doors, demanding entry over the sounds of the Praetor's airship landing just outside the village. A temple monk soon allowed her and Paine inside. Lulu walked right to Yuna's room near the stairs to the Cloister of Trials, incensed enough to steam dry the rain from her clothes; her dress left a trail of water in its wake as it dragged across the stone floor.

Lulu was polite enough to pound on the door first, making her presence known. "Yuna," she spoke, with ice clear in her tone, "I'm coming inside. We need to talk."

A few muffled noises of distress from Yuna was all the permission Lulu needed. She and Paine entered to the sight of Yuna fumbling to put on a pair of shoes underneath her modest dress. Yuna had her free hand against the wall when she stopped to take in the aura about Lulu. Her eyes flickered to those hands, now interlaced. Flickered, and kept flickering, until finally Lulu spoke:

"I can't believe you… Of all days, you pick _this _one to make a fool of yourself?"

Yuna argued back, "I didn't do it on purpose! He just…came in!" Lulu's lips thinned at the pun. "Okay…maybe I shouldn't have said it like that."

Lulu went on, "What happened to saving yourself for marriage? You promised me you would. I'm not angry that you _clearly _enjoyed yourself—only that you broke your…promise…at such an inopportune time." Yuna's face fell at the pun. Lulu appeared not to have noticed Paine's muted laughter. "Won't Praetor Baralai notice? Won't he question your allegiance to New Yevon? You've gone against a very important precept in the teachings!"

"Ohh…" Yuna resumed rushing around to gather her things. "Lulu, please! I-I'll just say I lost it while chocobo riding! He's sure to understand!"

Lulu was incensed further, "Yuna, that excuse is for miscarriages only! _Not_ for losing your virginity the night before your fiancé arrives!"

Yuna sighed, letting her half-open luggage fall to the floor. "Okay then…I'll tell him the truth. If he doesn't accept it, then I won't have to marry him, and all of Spira will know why…then I can go back to my boyfriend and be happy again. Is that what you want me to say?" Lulu bit back several retorts as to the radical shift in Yuna's behavior. "And what about you, Lulu…? Isn't it a little odd for you and Paine to be holding hands like that?"

Paine quickly made to let go of Lulu's hand; Lulu tightened her grip, to make a point. "To you it may be a little odd," she said, willing herself to calm down, "but to me it isn't. Paine's hand is the only thing keeping me from being angrier with you than I already am. You should be thankful."

"But I don't understand…" Yuna mumbled to herself, looking down. She then snapped her head up, alarmed. "Lulu! Don't tell me you're still on with these horrible puns of yours! What about Wakka?—"

Before Lulu could explode, Paine interjected: "Yuna—do you need any help with your luggage? Baralai's…outside…"

Yuna's gaze wandered between the pair, trance-like. "Oh, yes… Yes, Paine, thank you…it's just this one… this one here. Thank you…very much…" Paine managed to free her hand from Lulu's grasp, moving carefully to Yuna's side of the room. She busied herself with closing the suitcase, avoiding eye contact. "I…" Yuna tried saying something to Lulu, but settled on regarding Paine as she stood to carry the suitcase. "I appreciate everything you've done for me, Paine… I really do."

Paine looked at Yuna as if she were ill. "Yeah…it's no problem. Do…do you have an umbrella or something? It's raining pretty hard out."

"Oh," sighed Yuna, "that makes sense. No wonder the two of you are so wet…" Paine's expression was one of defeat—she tried to hide it from Lulu, but to no avail. Lulu decided it was best to leave the temple now, to spare the three of them any more moments such as these. This was not how she had envisioned seeing Yuna off that day.

—

A few minutes after Lulu had greeted the Praetor, Paine and Yuna emerged from the temple. Yuna carried an umbrella over both of their heads, Paine carrying Yuna's suitcase. They spoke in hushed voices—Lulu could only make out her name after reading their lips upon their approach. The villagers said nothing as they looked on. Tidus was hiding still; Rikku off in the distance with the damaged Celsius. Lulu felt the sting of Yuna's inevitable departure, only when Paine glanced at her for a moment, lingering.

Praetor Baralai stood between two guards, sans umbrella, at the middle of the village with Lulu. His jade robes and hoary hair soaked further under the torrent, shifting in the winds of obligation. Yuna stopped with Paine just a few paces before him, words failing. A guard moved to relieve Paine of the luggage—Yuna and Baralai both bowed appropriately. The fluidity in their movements slowed time, epitomizing a disembarkation to come.

"Lady Yuna," said the Praetor, "I must first express my deepest apologies to you for all this." Yuna regarded him in earnest, waiting. Lulu noticed Rikku running down the slope, finally. "Even in between the politics, it's hard to forget your devotion to someone else. Someone you spent years searching for."

Yuna lowered her head for a moment, reflecting. "Praetor Baralai…I am most grateful…for your concern. However…he is no longer a part of my present. This union of ours is necessary, for the greater good of Spira."

"Impressive," he commented, "or most depressing…how you could neglect your own wants, just like that." Yuna stared at him; Lulu heard mumbles from the villagers. Baralai bowed once more. "Forgive me. But I believe that's him, running over to us…"

Tidus whistled as he ran through the rain, wearing his clothes this time. "Yuna! Yuna, wait! Can't you hold on for one sec—"

Yuna did not turn around. "Let us be going, Praetor Baralai. I no longer wish to see him." Lulu heard that practiced formality in Yuna's tone, hiding her emotions. Paine noticed as well.

Baralai smiled. "As you wish, High Summoner." The guards moved to block Tidus' path, much to his dismay. Rikku shouted over him to get Yuna's attention. "Your cousin, I presume? Will she be the one accompanying you?"

Lulu felt Yuna's efforts to not look her way. Memories of their earlier argument—_burned. _"Yes," said Yuna, "Rikku will be coming with me."

"We have a lot to do in Bevelle over the next two weeks. Your guests are welcome to stop by…as soon as their ship's repairs are done, of course. Let us be going."

Yuna must have been angry—she walked right past Lulu as she moved to embrace her. Praetor Baralai bid the village farewell, leaving with Yuna. Though Lulu had had a few days' notice of the event, Yuna's stubbornness made her departure feel abrupt—awkward… Rikku gave her a hug before leaving, with promises to see each other soon. It wasn't enough. It wasn't Yuna. It wasn't Yuna forgiving her for caring too much, for knowing too much. She missed her, deeply; as hard as the pouring rain.

Lulu made a note to watch her temper from that day forward. That tempest dissolved as she watched Yuna go without once turning back to look at anyone. Paine understood—that same gloved hand upon her shoulder told her over and over again: she understood.


	5. Repairs

_Maybe it's time to let go of the past, and start focusing more on what's to come. _

Even from the hull of the Celsius as she worked on the frame's reparations in the pouring rain, Paine felt Lulu's eyes on her. Brother had crashed the ship in one of the valleys on the way back from giving Wakka that commsphere—now burned. The winds had picked up to dangerous levels, sending the ship out of control. When Paine went inside to take the elevator down to the exit hatch, she still felt Lulu's gaze on her. Paine busied herself with pretending to listen to Buddy's rant over Brother's incompetence, shaking his head over Brother standing off in the distance; he was most distraught over Yuna's absence.

In the same vein as Brother's unhealthy obsession with Yuna, Paine recognized where her own thoughts had started going in the week since seeing Yuna and Rikku off. She felt sternness about Lulu as she stood in the village. She wondered if that attitude meant to be directed at Tidus working on the ship not too far from her, for his reckless actions with Yuna. No, that couldn't have been it…Lulu never moved her eyes away from Paine as she labored amid Brother's wild orders.

Lulu must have been anxious for the Gullwings to complete their repairs. Despite her argument with Yuna, she had need to go to her in Bevelle via airship before the wedding next week.

After hours of remaining statuesque under her black parasol, Lulu summoned Paine inside her hut for tea. Paine followed her inside, sitting on her knees as she watched Lulu warm the water and crisp herbs. Lulu had given her a cloth with which to dry herself; Paine dried her hair with quick rubs, the sound a smooth soothe to her ears and scalp.

"How do you prefer your tea?" asked Lulu. "Sweet or bitter?"

Paine let her cloth rest about her shoulders. "A bit of both, actually," she replied. Lulu hummed, acquiescing with a select choice of herbs and dashes of honey. After a few moments, Lulu handed her the warm cup. Paine accepted it with both hands. "Thank you, Lulu."

"You're very welcome." Lulu stood to remove the cloth from Paine's shoulders; Paine fought back a shiver. "I hope you like it. It's not very often I get to prepare tea for a guest. I'm remembering how much I enjoy it."

"It's very good," said Paine, savoring the balance she felt on her tongue. "I'm terrible at cooking—food, tea, it doesn't matter…"

Lulu sat on her knees opposite Paine, collecting her own tea from the surface nearby. "So I've heard," she commented. "I suppose we balance each other out, then."

"Yeah, we do…" Paine let her words hang in the air.

Lulu studied her, sipping her own tea. "Is something the matter?" she asked.

Paine bit her cup, somewhat. Not obvious enough for Lulu to notice. "No, I was just thinking…did you want to visit Wakka and Vidina? Before we go to Bevelle, I mean."

"Wakka will want to stay at sea for at least another week, until right before the wedding," said Lulu. "So, yes, a visit would be apt. I can finally give Wakka his blitzball, and see my son again." She took another sip. "That's not what's bothering you, though, is it?"

Paine shook her head. "Nothing's _bothering _me," she said. "I noticed you watching me as I worked on the Celsius. I kept wondering what was on your mind—why you looked so angry. I thought I might've pissed you off or something…"

Lulu sat still for a moment. "No, Paine," she said, soft. She set her cup on the table. "In fact, I doubt you ever could. Take solace in that."

"How are you so sure?"

Lulu held the hem of her dress as she stood, and walked the few paces to sit next to Paine. She took Paine's empty cup from her hands, setting it down near hers. Paine listened to the clink of those belts as Lulu situated herself once more. She went so far as to stare at the pattern of leather there, folded as Lulu's legs were. She became transfixed by the black, the buckles—the similarities in Lulu's style to her own, albeit Lulu's exuded a different kind of femininity.

And as she made to regard Lulu once more, she paused for but a second on the swell of Lulu's chest.

Lulu used the tips of two fingers to lift Paine's chin. "This past month has been quite the whirlwind for me," she intoned. "Though I may not show it very well…I have a good feeling about you. I trust you won't let me down."

Paine lifted her hand to touch Lulu's still so close to her face—she felt no ring there. She could not focus on that, for Lulu's eyes had dimmed to a slow simmer at the gesture.

Lulu took Paine's hand in her own. "Your hands are rather delicate," she observed. Paine stayed stark still, lest she did something with her hands she might have regretted later. "I wonder how it is you're able to use black magic without your black mage dressphere. I used to have several burns on my hands when I first began stepping out of my element, in order to master fire…"

Lulu pressed Paine's hand to her heart, over the burning, bare skin there—how it thundered beneath Paine's touch.

Paine held her breath. She stared, wide-eyed at where her hand stayed. She watched it rise and fall with Lulu's breathing. How Lulu's skin there prickled with shivers as it exuded heat; her natural scent…Paine's head began to fill from fumes of anticipation.

_How could Wakka have left Lulu alone for so long? Had he never tasted even a breath of Lulu's true sexuality? Did he even know the depths within her?_

Paine was convinced she was witness to another side Lulu had never shown anyone else.

Lulu licked her lips, adjusting her shoulders and chest—toward Paine. _So feminine… _"Tell me what you're thinking," she whispered. Her eyes beckoned Paine in their clarity, their strength. "As entranced as I am by the season of your silence, I'm curious to know…what's on your mind."

Paine eyes flickered between the suppleness of Lulu's lips and Lulu's chest. She swallowed, to clear the dryness of her throat. "You're so fucking _beautiful_, Lulu," she blurted out. She did not mean to, yet Lulu asked a question; Paine could not lie to her. Lulu simpered. "I… I know we've been having this…unspoken thing going on for a while now. You…you're married, you're unavailable and I'm…" She paused to collect the breath necessary to continue, lest it became lost in the jumble inside of her. "I'm stepping on dangerous territory here."

Lulu guided Paine's hand down her body—over her breasts—and along her waist to settle on her lap. Paine's lungs cracked to accommodate her near-suffocation.

"No one has ever taken such a liking to my thrall," said Lulu, staring down at Paine's hand. "Many men have called me beautiful. I doubt any of them truly understood the word when they used it with me. That a woman could call another such…it denotes a certain level of _reverential_ understanding. One that has been sorely missing from my life…until now…"

Paine had to repeat thus to her, in case Lulu had, perhaps, forgotten: "Lulu…you're _married_."

"You don't need to remind me."

Lulu led Paine back outside with her, walking close to her to cover both of their heads with her parasol. They walked up the hill to where Tidus, Brother, Buddy and Shinra continued working on the Celsius. Paine feared Lulu had only meant to see her back to her duties, until Lulu addressed Yuna's cousin:

"Brother," she said, snapping his attention to her. "Paine and I were just on our way to the beach. I hope you don't mind if I steal her away for a bit longer."

"Oh, no, no!" he said in his thick Al Bhed accent, waving his greased hands in front of his face. "It is no trouble, Lulu! No trouble at all! The men can take care of the repairs! You take as long as you need, yes?"

"We certainly will," said Lulu, looking vindicated as she walked off with Paine amid Brother's gaping.

Paine didn't blame him.

For a while as they walked together, Paine listened to the raindrops hitting Lulu's parasol, making out random rhythms. Lulu appeared to be at ease; content, even, as she kept her eyes on the road ahead. Paine kept her eyes on Lulu: the way she moved, and how she held herself; how warm and _right _she felt so nearby. For all the years Lulu spent on Besaid, Paine envied these paths that knew the texture of her dress dragging through them; the villagers who saw her every day and knew the extent of her sympathetic stoicism; even Wakka, as clueless as he was as to the true nature of his wife.

"Again, Paine," began Lulu, "While I do enjoy your staring, it would be wise of you to also speak your mind. I am a mental creature, thus I am forever inclined to be in the minds of those closest to me."

"You just surprised me back there," said Paine. "I don't know what I'm doing. I don't want you to resent me for anything or for Wakka to—"

Lulu raised her hand, silencing Paine. "There is nothing you need to worry about," she said. "I am not one of those people who will take ages to let go of someone they do not truly love. In fact, I believe I let go of Wakka long ago. At this point, it is only a matter of letting him know why."

Paine stopped walking, chilled by Lulu's sudden turnaround. Lulu kept going for a few more paces, removing Paine from the shield of her parasol. Sudden, to Paine, for she knew nothing of the inner-workings of Lulu's mind and heart. Lulu's words sounded premeditated; prepared for years, having lain in waiting until the right opportunity to be heard.

"That's disturbing," she said, speaking over the sounds of the nearby waterfall.

Lulu turned around. "As it should be…" she responded.

Paine gaped at Lulu's indifference. "So you mean to tell me that if you and I didn't have—" She gestured back and forth between Lulu and herself; "—_this _going on, that you'd have stayed with Wakka? Even though you're unhappy with him? You wouldn't have _said_ anything?"

Lulu shifted her torso in that regal, feminine manner again. "No," she said, plain.

"_Why_?"

"My relationship with Wakka is, for the most part, platonic," supplied Lulu, stepping closer. "I tell him to go gather food for each meal—he does." _Closer._ "I tell him to take a trip to the market in Kilika when Vidina's outgrown his clothes—he does." _Even closer. _Paine put her hand over her aching forehead. "He has certain responsibilities as my husband. He fulfills them. Vidina is happy with the way things are. I saw no reason to disrupt the calm we had, as a family."

Paine shook her head. "That can't be everything, Lulu," she insisted. "You don't need a husband if that's the case. You're independent—you can do those things on your own." Lulu looked down, and off to the side. Paine stood with her beneath the parasol once more, holding Lulu's face with her rain-soaked hands. "What is it?"

Lulu turned around, out of Paine's touch; she continued walking with her to the beach. Paine waited until they reached the docks, listening to the loud silence Lulu emanated in her contemplation. They sat together on the dock where the S.S. Liki had been, facing the sea. Each time the waves threatened to overwhelm the silence between them, Lulu flicked her wrist toward the tempest with a _Gravija _spell, bending the water back from whence it came.

Lulu looked so angry again, so frustrated with herself.

"You don't want to be alone," surmised Paine. "…do you?"

Lulu gave no definite answer. "I wasn't always so…composed, so introverted," she said. "There was once a time when I had dreams for myself. I wanted to explore the world, to learn more about Spira beyond Besaid. Yevon offered me that worldly knowledge—that is why I was devoutly religious, before we found out the truth. I became a guardian to see new places in the name of duty to another, to mask my own wants.

"In his own ways, when Wakka and I grew up together with Yuna, he taught me that my needs don't matter." Paine wrapped her arm around Lulu's waist. "I was five when Sin attacked the island. Our parents were taken from us. We got through it together, with Chappu, and then Yuna and Kimahri when they arrived much later. Barring Kimahri, I was the oldest out of all of us. They looked up to me for guidance. Wakka made a point of reprimanding me whenever I made a mistake."

"What kind of mistakes?"

"Yuna once asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, when she was around nine years old. I was fourteen. I told her I wanted to teach black magic, perhaps as a professor in Bevelle. We spent hours talking about it. This was all before her ambitions to become a summoner. We planned the whole thing: I would leave the island when I became of age, and she would meet me there in a few years. She knew the exact district in the city where we would have a home together…"

"I don't get it," said Paine, frowning. "Where's the mistake? Did Wakka say something to you?"

Lulu pursed her lips. "He did," she replied. "He said it was irresponsible of me, to want to leave everyone behind. I was the oldest—I had to look after them, no matter what. Never mind his irrational dreams of wanting to be a blitzball legend when the Aurochs hadn't won a single match since a year before he was born."

"And you didn't tell him he had no right to talk to you like that?"

"I didn't know any better. I was too young. Chappu tried to encourage me, after that, to ignore what Wakka had said; to follow my dreams. That was part of the reason why I loved him so much…he always understood me, what I truly wanted. I felt too obligated to everyone to speak my mind completely. With him…we didn't have to speak."

"I always wanted to ask why you didn't make him stay…you know, when he joined the Crusaders to go fight Sin."

Lulu used the sleeves of her dress over her wrists to dab at the corners of her eyes. "How could I?" she asked, regarding Paine; _pained. _"That was what he wanted. I fell in love with him because he always respected my many unspoken wants. The Crusades sounded like a miracle, much like Operation Mi'ihen did years later. We all believed the Crusaders could end Sin the first time, and the second with the Al Bhed. We had to believe, with so much false hope. You were in the Crimson Squad—you were there, you must have believed. How could I have forced him to stay with odds such as those?"

Paine had never heard such passion behind Lulu's voice before. The tides had calmed, enough to save Lulu the trouble of continuing to cast her gravity spells. A question pressed upon Paine's mind—so hard, she felt the beginnings of a migraine from keeping quiet. She dismissed it as morbid, inappropriate…

Lulu didn't miss a beat. "You know what I'm going to say, don't you?" she asked.

"It's…a stupid question, Lulu," mumbled Paine, trying to look away. "The answer should be obvious. I won't waste your time…"

Lulu let go of her parasol, letting it stay atop their heads. She edged her body, her face closer to Paine's. Lulu tilted her head, breathing over Paine's parted, trembling lips. Paine breathed in the thickness of Lulu's lipstick. How she _needed _it pressed against her mouth; for Lulu to keep kissing her until she'd painted Paine with that mauve.

Through the chill of the stormy air, Lulu spoke through Paine's lips: "Obvious it may be." Paine swallowed the vibrations of Lulu's sultry voice filling her mouth. "You'll never _truly_ know…until you ask me."

"If…" Paine willed herself to continue, weaving her way through the fog of Lulu's smoldering thrall. "If you knew…what would happen, that Chappu wouldn't make it back… If you knew that, when he told you—that he would fall in battle, and one day I would fall for you…would you still have let him go?"

Lulu took Paine by surprise—she inclined her head, up, to whisper thus into her ear: _"Yes…_especially if I could predict the depths you'd instill in me… The absolute thrill in seeing you strip yourself of your shell; the sheer transformations you'd put me through, simply in getting to know me." Lulu pressed her hand over Paine's upper thigh, squeezing. Paine _wanted _her to do so much more… "You harbor understandable concerns about me. You don't need to tell me what they are. All I ask is that you wait until we visit Wakka—to allow me to show you how much this means to me."

Lulu rested her head on Paine's shoulder. Silence weaved between them until the sky began to darken with the day's departure. Paine had memorized Lulu's gravity spells, archiving them for another rainy day.

—

They returned to the village in time for dinner, after it had stopped raining. None of the villagers or the Gullwings noted their prolonged absence, though Paine noticed Tidus staring at her throughout the meal around the village bonfire. Lulu appeared more animated as she spoke with her neighbor about the weather—Paine excused herself from Lulu's side to sit with Tidus.

"Something wrong?" asked Paine.

Tidus stared at her in disbelief. "Didn't think you'd come over and ask," he admitted.

"I'm here now."

"Yeah," muttered Tidus. "I know. Wish I could say the same about Yuna and Rikku." He set aside his half-eaten bowl of food. "After all that's happened, I still don't get why Yuna just jumps up and decides she has to save Spira again. I feel like she's gonna pull another Seymour with Baralai. Why can't I be some important guy Yuna wants to influence? I'm sitting here, ready to be manipulated by her!"

Tidus failed to remember a modicum of self-control with his last sentence. Everyone turned to stare at him. He waved them off and left. Lulu gave Paine a look, encouraging her to follow him.

Paine went after Tidus as he hiked up the hill to the powered-down Celsius. The two of them entered through the hatch, taking the stairs to the bridge. Tidus sat at the helm, in Brother's usual seat. Paine stood behind him, arms folded as she observed the view of Besaid through the window. The far-off flames of the bonfire provided the only source of light on the bridge. Paine stared down at her shadow.

"I just wanna go!" said Tidus, grabbing the Celsius' motorbike-like controls. "I wanna take this airship to Bevelle and get Yuna outta there. I don't believe for one _second _she really wants to marry that guy. Then I remember how crazy she is about duty and responsibilities and…then I can't do anything. I can't get in the way of what she's set her mind on…"

"So what's your plan? If you tell me you're gonna stand by and watch this happen, I won't buy it."

"I _am _going after her!" replied Tidus. "I am… As soon as Shinra and the others finish eating, they said we'll finish the repairs. When we do, we're going to Bevelle…and…" Tidus sighed. "And then, I don't know. I don't know anything about this Praetor, if he's really a good guy or if he's Seymour all over again."

"I've known Baralai since I was sixteen," said Paine. "He's a good person. The only thing I can say against him is that he makes a good puppet. You'd need to do some serious digging to find out anything more."

"Doesn't the Youth League hate his guts?" asked Tidus, sounding hopeful. "They'd have something on him, wouldn't they?"

"The Youth League's been dissolved, remember? No one knows where Nooj is. Leblanc probably doesn't know, either, given his record."

Tidus sighed, dismayed. "Maybe I shouldn't go to Bevelle, then," he concluded. "Maybe…maybe I'll stay with Wakka and the Aurochs and…_fish _with them while I come up with a better plan. I know we've been through a lot… For the first time, I feel like I'm in over my head with all of this." He heaved another sigh. "You ever feel like this, Paine? Like…there's someone you want so badly—all the stars line up, telling you…that the two of you can be happy together…except there are all these other things going on that get in the way of that…"

"Somewhat," said Paine, making sure not to forget her trademark tone, so as to not betray her emotions. "All I can say is that it…was complicated. It _is _complicated.. It's not so much other things going on as it is the other person."

"Oh," groaned Tidus. "_That _doesn't sound so impossible. If it's just the other person…you can kinda work around that. I guess." Paine thanked Tidus' preoccupation with his own problems to not care for guessing as to who she meant. He hopped out from Brother's seat. "I'm gonna head upstairs and call it a night. The whole village still remembers what happened the night before Yuna left…so I'd rather not go down there if I can help it."

"You're sure you can even sleep?" asked Paine as he went.

"No, but I will eventually," said Tidus over his shoulder, waving his hand to her. "I always have dreams about Yuna. Good or bad, I get to see her when I sleep. They keep me going." Tidus stopped just before the hallway leading to the elevator and stairs. "Hey, Paine! Thanks for talking with me. I know we haven't exactly been best friends since I joined up with the Gullwings. It means a lot."

"Don't worry about it. Get some rest. Hopefully we can leave tomorrow."

"I hear ya!" Tidus made to leave again, until stopping to turn around. "Oh! And good luck with the guy you want. I'm sure the two of you can work things out."

Paine forgot herself as she corrected him: "She's not a guy," she said, blunt.

Tidus stared at her, open-mouthed. "You serious?" he asked.

Paine folded her arms. "Yeah," she replied. Tidus continued to stare. "Is this gonna be an issue?"

"No, no!" said Tidus, rubbing the back of his head. "I never would've guessed! Well…" Paine gave him a look, telling him to consider his words with great care before he continued. "Uhh…I guess it…depends on, you know, _who it is_…"

"It's not Yuna or Rikku, if that's what you're wondering."

Tidus narrowed his eyes in curiosity. He walked back over to Paine, his boots sounding cautious against the metal beneath them. Paine clamped her lips shut, trying _not _to let her emotions pour over the remainder of this conversation.

"Huh," intoned Tidus. "That's…pretty cool, actually. Makes sense, too."

"It makes sense?" asked Paine, outraged. "What the hell do you _mean, _it makes sense?"

Tidus folded his hands behind his head, grinning. "You don't look like the type to go with a guy," he said.

"I look like a lesbian. That's what you're trying to say."

"Well…yeah!"

Paine stepped around him, walking off. "I'm not having this conversation," she declared.

"Paine, wait!" said Tidus, following her to stairs to the exit hatch. "I didn't mean it like that! I just meant your _personality, _not the way you dress or anything!"

Paine stopped at the foot of the stairs, glaring at him. "Fine," she said. "Explain yourself."

"Guys are idiots," said Tidus, shrugging. "We like to joke around, have fun and just be guys, you know? I can see why you wouldn't have any patience for that. I've known Yuna long enough to know how to go to her when I know something's wrong. She talks, and I listen…but I always wish I could do more than that."

"What do you mean?"

"I wish I could _understand _what she's going through, not just know how to listen. Empathize on that deeper level… It's kinda shallow because we're so different, so she usually goes to Rikku first. Or you. You're an intense person. You'd need more than that shallowness from someone else, right?"

Paine averted her eyes, nodding. "So does she."

"Who?" asked Tidus, watching as Paine left the airship. "Paine! Who is it? I won't tell anyone—promise!"

Paine ignored him. Not that she didn't believe Tidus could keep a secret—she didn't know how Lulu would feel if other people knew. In case Tidus decided to follow Paine back to the village, to see her with Lulu and guess correctly that it was her, Paine did not look at her as she went inside the hotel.

—

Paine lay awake in her bed for hours that night. She thought over Tidus' words—how much sense he had made, how he'd surprised her with his observations. For how correct he'd been, that made her wonder how deeply Lulu understood her after almost six years of distant pleasantries. Paine had never thought to question Lulu's happiness with Wakka. She never knew what unhappiness looked like on Lulu. She had nothing to use for comparisons.

_Now, _she did. Now, she knew what it meant for Lulu to be happy. She licked her lips, tasting the hints of Lulu's lipstick lingering there. Paine knew nothing of the higher places one could reach on the shoulders—or hips—of another. Not personally; not exactly.. She had never assumed Lulu shared that emptiness of inexperience. Lulu had always seemed just that—experienced, in all things. Never would Paine have assumed Lulu's reasons for staying with Wakka as so platonic, so superficial.

And now, it all felt so simple. Tomorrow, Lulu would confess to Wakka on the absence of her feelings for him. He would be upset, perhaps angry. He would wonder as to why she chose then to say such things to him. Perhaps Lulu would mention Paine, her feelings, their feelings—Wakka would be outraged. Paine imagined him wishing Lulu would also leave her after six years of emptiness, only to tell her the truth _after _she'd found another.

Paine could not go to Lulu with these concerns. She could not be so forward, so presumptuous as to the pace of their _relationship _to ask such questions.

_Would you not tell me if you were unhappy, like you did with Wakka?_

_Would you only marry me out of obligation?_

_Would you only stay with me to keep me happy?_

_Would you only leave when someone else came along, so you wouldn't have to be alone?_

To ask such things presumed too much—that Lulu _would _be with her, Lulu _would _marry her. It was all too soon. Too much. Too much, too soon. And yet Paine felt these all as valid concerns. For as attractive as Lulu was, as that ice queen, Paine felt herself slipping on that slope of uncertainty.

Those years of disjointed visits caught up to her in those moments, joining with all she began to feel for Lulu most recently. All of it solidified into an extended devotion she had never known before: it stretched out, endlessly within her, showing her the path to take as the singular answer to her questions.

Paine turned over on her side, as if to hide her blushing face and neck from the empty hotel. The heat weighed her down, making her realize how hard her heartbeats worked to keep her afloat in this sea of Lulu's seduction. She wanted to rise from her bed with these weights, this ball and chain; go to Lulu in her hut, to throw these pretenses to the side. She _wanted _to trust in Lulu, to wait until tomorrow.

That impending conversation between Lulu and Wakka continued to concern her. Lulu spoke so little of her feelings. How could she even think to say such things to Wakka when her _relationship_ with Paine had such poor standing? They had never even…

Paine fought the urge to go to Lulu. She would not be able to control herself, her urges. Lulu asked her to wait until tomorrow. Wait. _Wait_…

And yet Paine knew Lulu saw her walk past her without a word or a glance after her conversation with Tidus…

Paine rose from bed, and went to Lulu's hut. She could not let this night pass, knowing that Lulu might have been up wondering about her behavior. The possibility far outweighed all else.


	6. Sudden, Sharpness

_Close the gap between the two of us with that warmth  
So we can share this time as our heart beats  
With our eyes closed_

A deep ember formed in the upright palm of Lulu's hand as she stood in her hut—her back to the entrance. In her other hand, she held her wedding ring between two fingers: the same ones she had used to lift Paine's chin earlier that day.

The same fingertips she had used to see how wet she'd been earlier that night.

Lulu had ignited the flame from within the same airless abyss _Paine _had carved inside of her. As she stared at her ring, turning it over in her wet-tipped fingers, she felt Paine's nails digging deeper—_deeper _in her psyche. She felt the leather of Paine's outfit turning in her hands, folding; disintegrating in the heat of their need.

"This heat," murmured Lulu. "How quickly it erupted…from so many years of the slow, slow simmering end to our only obstacle…"

Had this manifestation happened without that explosion, that suddenness…Lulu would have been content to dismiss it. Had it been gradual, typical—_normal_—Lulu would not have reached this decision with such alacrity. Years, months, weeks, days, seconds of _Paine _all compressed into one moment; she dropped her ring into the ember. She closed her palms over the image of Wakka's dismay: how she anticipated it.

"Lulu…" sounded Paine's meek voice as she entered. "I know you…asked me to wait until tomorrow. I'm mostly only here to check up on you."

Lulu rubbed her palms together. She looked at them, upright again. Nothing was there, no trace of what she'd done. Nothing was there, to get in the way of what had already begun.

"Lulu…?"

_Nothing._

"Come in, Paine," replied Lulu, reaching to remove her necklaces. Paine did so; Lulu heard the shift of fabric as Paine closed the entrance behind her. "As for tomorrow…" Lulu set down her first necklace on her vanity. "I only meant that I would speak to Wakka, and tell him the truth." Her second necklace followed. "You seemed angry earlier. I hope I had nothing to do with your mood."

Paine stepped behind her, mumbling a _no_. Lulu paused, feeling those gloved hands work to remove her final necklace. "What were you doing?" she asked, masking a massage in between this favor.

Lulu's eyes fluttered closed; she smiled. "Burning my wedding ring," she said.

Paine froze. Lulu turned around, meeting Paine's shock dead-on with her matter-of-factness. Lulu removed the many decorative pins keeping her braids in place, one at a time; savoring Paine's expressive expressions as she watched her process the information.

"Lulu—we only—" Paine watched Lulu's braids spray over Lulu's chest: how they rose and fell quicker with each passing moment. "…I—you—" Lulu held Paine's hands, moved them to the corset of her dress. "_This can't be real…_"

"Undress me."

To see Paine squirm, to see her uncertainty—it delighted Lulu beyond measure. For behind that confusion, behind those tepid efforts at maintaining usual pretenses, Lulu saw what she wanted. For however long Paine wanted to let these trivial matters stay in the way, Lulu was more than willing to wait.

She saw nothing wrong with a little encouragement in the mean time.

"I know you have many questions for me," said Lulu, her hands against Paine's shoulders. She smoothed down the tense muscles in her reach. "Women enjoy speaking, discussing. While I do take pride in my femininity, as well as your own…that is one aspect I wish to avoid tonight. I don't want to talk." Paine studied Lulu with bated, elated anticipation. "I want you to take me." Lulu saw the mark of possessiveness in Paine's eyes, much sooner than she expected it to manifest. "As you do, you will have your every question answered…"

Lulu stepped forward, pressing her chest against Paine's. The remaining ropes that had stayed taut around Paine's fingers—_severed_. Paine undid Lulu's corset; Lulu slithered her fingertips along the back of Paine's scalp, through her hair. Already she felt traces of sweat there.

Lulu hissed at the night air that swept over her body. Her dress fell to the floor; Paine held her, pulled her into her body with one arm. Paine used her other arm to undo her own buckles and leather, growling in her haste. Lulu swayed a bit at a time with Paine's movements, holding Paine around her neck with enduring need. Lulu closed her eyes against Paine's neck, savoring the contrast of the wholeness of her body against Paine's fit form.

Moments before, Paine had been so hesitant. So cautious, so careful to avoid offending anyone else who may have been affected; Paine's quickness to comply heated Lulu's neck. That neck, Paine kissed first: thick lips against the slender of Lulu's sensitivity. Lulu let out the full sound of her surprise into Paine's ear; she twisted her torso this way and that to accommodate Paine's groping. Not the insensitive, clumsiness Lulu had come to expect—

Paine grabbed her, stroked her with elegance_; urgency_.

Thunder sounded outside over Paine's guttural groan. Paine's bare back met the sheets of Lulu's bed. She still wore her shorts and strapped pants. Those hips covered with leather bucked with Lulu's weight, settling her in place. Lulu hissed at the sudden, strength: so sharp in sensation.

They bucked again when Lulu held Paine's face; pressed her lips into the endlessness of Paine's. As she fell deeper through that abyss of the _finally, _of the fantastical, Paine tipped her farther down with thrusts of her hips against Lulu's sex. That hard rhythm to Paine's hips pushed into different places all at the same time. Lulu's hold over Paine's lips buoyed in her bad balance; her breath exploded out the corners of Paine's mouth in small bursts as it could when space allowed.

Paine kept grunting, thrusting with speed: need. The uncontrollable lived in her hips, making Lulu scream over the rain and lightning outside. Lulu had tried to focus on other—_things_—to keep from coming too soon. Paine's nails raking with dubious softness along the length of her back broke that control. As did Paine's words as she tilted her head back to break their kiss:

"_Anything you want from me_, _Lulu,_" growled Paine into her mouth; "It's yours—" Paine thrust her hips high, keeping Lulu gasping there as they caught their breaths; "—you can ask, you can say nothing—" Lulu complied with Paine pulling her hips—_upward_—reveling Paine pressing her lips against every part of Lulu she could reach; "—I'm yours to command; yours to revere you in every way."

Lulu's need, Paine voiced with fullness. Her heart filled as her soul soared and soared.

Paine tipped her head up again, to suck, to drink with Lulu straddling her head and neck. Lulu reached back to hold Paine's hands, keeping her arms erect as she rode the insatiable. Paine circled their hands around, to Lulu's arched torso—her front, her breasts, to give the illusion of Lulu cupping them as she moaned, _louder_.

That tongue, dexterous as it flicked before pressing, licked before fucking. Lulu's throat bled raw to make room for her every high-pitched sound that drove Paine's mouth more, more. Paine fought back suffocation as her head pushed Lulu's body up a bit at a time; elevating her, ascending, _perfecting _an absolute, blissful whole that Lulu never wanted to be without…

—

When morning came, the storm had passed. Lulu awoke to the faint smell of sex still in the chilly air. Paine lay next to her, her back to the hut's entrance; sweat-dried arms wrapped around Lulu—holding her close. Lulu could not help but kiss those lips, swollen in Paine's sleep. How Lulu wanted to stay abed with her…yet she had planned on doing one other thing last night before Paine's arrival. She navigated Paine's sleepy form, managing to not disturb her as she rose from bed.

An hour later, her task was complete. As she donned the last of her jewels and makeup after putting on her dress, Paine stirred from the sounds of wailing outside. Lulu went to her, calming her as Paine realized where she was.

"I'm right here," said Lulu, running her nails through Paine's chilled hair.

"Thought it might've been Wakka…" mumbled Paine.

Lulu kissed Paine's sideburn. "You don't need to worry about him anymore," she reminded her.

Paine nodded, disoriented and annoyed by the continued wailing. She narrowed her eyes. "Who the fuck is that…? Sounds like Brother…"

"I'll go see who it is," said Lulu, smoothing her hand down to Paine's bare chest—and kissing her full on the lips—before she went. She turned her head just before exiting the hut, smiling at Paine's breathlessness. "If your prediction is correct, you may want to get dressed."

The moment she exited her home, she looked to the Celsius just outside the village. It looked to be in poor shape, much worse than it had been after Brother had damaged it while flying. Brother sat on his knees outside the hotel, crying over the state of his airship. Buddy tried to console him, to no avail. Shinra spotted Lulu and waddled over to her, giving his greetings.

"Good morning, Lulu…" said Shinra, sounding somber.

Lulu nodded. "Good morning," she replied. Tidus sat by the airship upon the incline, looking morose. "What's happened? I don't remember your ship being in such a state last night."

Shinra sighed. "While we were working on the Celsius last night, the storm got too heavy," he informed her. "So we went to the hotel, to sleep until at least the lightning had passed. Turns out, the lightning fried the ship while we slept… Just from looking at her, I can tell she's busted real bad. We're gonna need more than the few of us to get her back into shape."

Lulu hummed in worry. "It appears we won't make it to Bevelle in time for the wedding," she noted.

"I'm sorry, Lulu," lamented Shinra.

"You have nothing to apologize for, Shinra," said Lulu. "I appreciate what you at least tried to do with the repairs. You can't always predict the weather." Shinra nodded, still rather distressed. "We'll have to go the long way."

Paine exited the hut, fully dressed; looking annoyed over Brother's dramatic showing. Before Lulu could turn to inform her of the setbacks, she saw a group of men walking into the village.

It was the Aurochs, including Wakka and Vidina. Lulu held back her smile of surprise as she went to them.

"Heyyyy, Lu!" said Wakka, waving to her with one hand; holding Vidina's with the other. "Surpriiiise! We're back early, ya?" Lulu knelt down to hug her son, giving Wakka a cryptic smile. "How you been, ya? What'd I miss while we were gone?"

Vidina held onto Lulu tighter than he normally would, unable to let go of her as she made to stand. Lulu picked him up, observing him in between smiling at the Aurochs around her. His hair had gotten darker, much darker since she last saw him—it appeared crimson, the same color as Paine's eyes.

"Did you have a good time?" she asked Vidina. Vidina shook his head, burying his face in her neck. Lulu raised an eyebrow at Wakka. "He said no. Why is that?"

Wakka made a guilty face. "Uhhh… I-I, I dunno!" he stammered. Lulu was not impressed. "Hey-hey, we caught lots of fish for the village, enough to last us all for weeks! We all had fun, didn't we, boys?"

Lulu gave him a stern look. "Wakka," she said. "Come with me. We need to talk."

She led Wakka behind the temple, still holding Vidina in her arms. Wakka sat down on the rear steps of the temple, gathering from Lulu's mood that he was due for a lecture. Lulu did not plan on having this talk with Vidina there to listen. She did not have the heart to tell her son to leave them be. Not even for this.

"When we had Vidina," began Lulu, "I told you about my policy." Wakka nodded, grave. "Do you remember what I said?"

"Endanger our son, endanger our marriage," recited Wakka, monotone. He snapped his head up to her. "But Lu, I didn't put him in danger! We were fine, ya? If you didn't burn your commsphere, you'd know that already—"

"Don't you dare argue with me, Wakka," warned Lulu. Wakka subdued himself. "You saw what happened to the Celsius. Near monsoons have been hitting the island almost every day! And still you insisted taking him out right in the middle of those storms. He even said he didn't have a good time!"

"Okay," said Wakka. "I get it. I get it, ya? I see what you mean." Wakka rolled his fist against the ground. "What I _don't _get is why you keep talking about _his _safety and not mine. It's like you don't even care about me, you know?"

"I don't."

Wakka stared at her in quiet horror. His eyes then went to her hand—his mouth began to hang open at the absence of her ring.

"You know how I am," said Lulu. "About caring; caring about someone who only serves to bring me continuous stress, whether they notice or not… _Especially _when they don't notice!"

Wakka stood up. He hesitated for a moment, before holding out his arms. "Lu, hang on," he said, gesturing to Vidina. "I don't wanna have this talk in front of him, ya? He's heard us argue way too much. I don't wanna damage him—"

"The truth never _damages_ anyone," snapped Lulu, setting Vidina down. "But you're right." She bent down a little to address her son. "Vidina, dear, I have a few gifts for you from Yuna and the others at home. After you find them, let Paine know if you're hungry or not."

Vidina nodded and went, looking morose; tired. He had been so much happier and animated before Wakka's fishing trip. How could Wakka not have noticed their son's change in demeanor?

"I've been a fool," said Lulu, shaking her head. She pushed Wakka away as he tried to hold her. "Nothing you do or say will make me change my mind. My only mistake was in not telling you this sooner."

Wakka sighed. "How long…?" he tried. "How long's this been goin' for, huh? This ain't a shock no more, comin' back home to you after a couple weeks—"

"—over a month—"

"…over a month," amended Wakka. "A month…and you just don't care anymore. If it didn't happen just like that, _tell me when _it did."

Lulu folded her arms. "Right after I had Vidina," she said. Wakka looked unsurprised. "You know why."

"I fucked up," admitted Wakka. "I know…that time I lost him on the way to the beach… After that you said I couldn't go nowhere alone with him again. I didn't…I didn't think—"

"That's the problem, Wakka. You don't think. You don't know _how _to think! Unless I'm giving you a direct order, I can't rely on you! And it even took you years to learn how to go to the market in Kilika without stopping to let the Beasts pressure you into a blitzball game!" Wakka took a few steps back per Lulu's steps forward. "I've given you _years _worth of chances. I have given you the benefit of the doubt in the face of our marriage, our child!" Wakka had to stop himself from tripping against the stairs as he backed into them. "No more. We're through."

Lulu made to leave. Wakka scrambled after her, blocking her path. "Lu, _please_!" he begged. "Please, please don't give up on me, ya? I love you, Lulu! I-I'll work harder! I'll be better—"

"You promised me on our wedding day that you would work your hardest," said Lulu. She had a view of Paine sitting down with Vidina in the middle of the village, eating with him amid Brother's continued hysterics. "Your best was not good enough. I'm not interested in watching you fail anymore."

"But…but…!" tried Wakka, looking around in a panic. "What did you do with your ring? Where—"

"I burned it in my own hands. I don't love you. Our marriage is over."

Wakka fell to his knees before her. Lulu walked around him. She paused, turning her head to look at him one last time.

"You are free to decide if you still wish to be a part of Vidina's life. When you've reached a decision, come find me. If it isn't about Vidina, do _not_ speak to me."

Lulu left at last. She chose to find peace inside the temple. She could not stay outside, for Brother would irritate her had she stayed. She could not find the way to explain these changes to her son—not yet. With Wakka around, she could have little to no privacy with Paine, thus she decided to be alone.

—

For hours, Lulu prayed in the temple. She prayed to no one—to her heart, perhaps. Her wicked soul. She did not enjoy breaking Wakka's heart like that. It needed to be done. She felt at ease; calm after doing so. She trusted that the information about Yuna's wedding had been passed along to him by now.

Lulu had planned to tell him about Paine—what they had done the night prior. The details had escaped her around Wakka, though she hadn't forgotten them. She felt better about having not told him. Wakka would wallow in his own misery, believing it was his own fault for bringing about the end of their marriage. Later—soon—he would know about Paine.

Lulu had a better idea now as to how to divulge _that _to him.

When the temple doors opened, Vidina entered through them with his new moomba doll. Lulu gestured for him to come to her.

"You're looking a little better than you did earlier," observed Lulu, stroking his hair.

"I was tired," said Vidina, his voice cracking as he held her with one arm. Lulu smiled. "Paine fed me. Then I took a nap. I was looking for you."

"I've been here the whole time," said Lulu. Vidina looked away, frowning. "Why didn't you have a good time on your trip? Your father said everyone had fun."

"_They _did," complained Vidina. "I don't like fish. They smell bad! It rained too much. I was cold all the time. When I asked if I could go home, everyone laughed at me! I hated it."

"Hmm," hummed Lulu, venomous. "I see. Well, son, you won't be going on anymore fishing trips. I know you haven't been happy with the way your father has been handling things. He and I are no longer together."

Vidina's expression remained unchanged: unsurprised. "Why?" he asked.

"Sometimes, people have too many disagreements," said Lulu. "When they argue _too _much, their feelings for one another might change. I don't feel the same way about him anymore. That's all."

"Is it my fault?"

Lulu shook her head, holding him close. "No, son," she assured him. "You did nothing wrong. He is irresponsible. He can't take care of you the way I need him to. Someone like that is not a good father. I don't want you to grow up to dislike him."

Vidina nodded in understanding. "I kind of do," he mumbled. "He never listens to me. He's always joking around. I don't like it."

"I know…" Lulu's heart ached to hear her son say such things. If it were only her, she could handle it. It wouldn't faze her. But Vidina… "I know. When you need something, you come to me. I don't know if he'll still want to be around. Whatever he decides, I'll keep you safe. Okay?"

Vidina showed a glimpse of a smile. "Okay," he said.

That small smile gave Lulu all the validation she needed in her decision. Including, of course, _Paine_…

—

Lulu sat at the stern of the S.S. Liki en route to Luca in the early evening, holding Vidina in her lap. He held his moomba doll, smiling again as Lulu instructed him in water magic. The ferry rocked in Lulu's amusement and pride, seeing her son's capabilities; watching him learn. Upon arriving to the decision of taking the long way to Bevelle, she had told Paine they would speak later—after putting Vidina to sleep. The Gullwings, except Paine and Tidus, would accompany them thus far to D'jose to enlist the aid of the Machine Faction to repair the Celsius yet again.

Wakka had come along, without the rest of the Aurochs. He sat upon the upper deck with Tidus, no doubt watching Lulu and Vidina. Lulu paid him no mind.

"Be careful," instructed Lulu in the soft tone she reserved for her son; he had almost sprayed his conjured water over his clothes. "It's a little harder to aim when you're not standing still. Try hitting the harpoon, just over there. Think of nothing else."

A few moments later, Vidina succeeded. With his moomba cradled in his left arm, he continued to flick his wrist at the harpoon, sending _Water _spells to douse the wooden contraption it sat upon. Lulu smiled, full of pride—already, she had forgotten all else other than her son. Paine also filled her thoughts, her heart, spreading her capacity for care and affection for her son's positive reinforcement.

She did not worry what Yuna would think when she found out, how it would affect her; or even how Rikku might pester her for every little detail on the matter. All felt right; peaceful. So Zen-like, Lulu wondered if this was a mere calm before the storm…

Hours later, Lulu took Vidina below deck. She tucked him in, in a bed far removed from the rest of the rooms where others might wander.

As soon as she closed the door behind her, she found Wakka staring at her.

"Good evening, Wakka," said Lulu, ever courteous. Wakka continued to frown in frustration. "Did you manage to reach a decision?"

"You think I'm shallow," said Wakka. "That I'm not enough for you, ya? Didn't you always think that? You changed your mind when you married me!—"

Lulu held a hand up, dismissing him. "I did not give you permission to speak to me about this," she said. "I will say it once more: if Vidina is not the topic of discussion, you will hold your tongue with me." When Wakka tried to get a few words in, Lulu cut him a severe look. "I won't warn you again."

Again, Lulu walked away from him with ease. Wakka followed her up the stairs to the deck. Lulu continued to ignore him, finding Paine standing where she had just been sitting with Vidina.

"Paine," said Lulu on her approach. Paine regarded her in silence; those eyes so full of volume. "I apologize, for being so absent today. I'm sure you've heard what's happened."

Paine gave an annoyed look to Wakka, standing _right _behind Lulu. "Yeah, I heard," she said, unable to mask her irritation. Lulu's stubborn calm permeated, despite Wakka's rudeness. "In fact, I'm not sure if this is the time to really _discuss _anything, in _private_. I would really love to, you know, to see how you're dealing with all of this."

"I agree," said Lulu. "It is unfortunate, how hard it is to find a modicum of respectful privacy these days. Perhaps we should move someplace else? I would love to continue our conversation from last night."

"That's a great idea," said Paine, guiding Lulu by the arm—away from Wakka breathing down her neck.

Lulu returned below deck, with Paine; with Wakka following them. Lulu took Paine to the same small suite where Vidina lay sleeping. After Paine gestured for Lulu to enter the darkened area before her, she slammed the door shut in Wakka's face.

Paine pressed Lulu against the door, holding her tight. Lulu held Paine around her shoulder blades with one arm; held the back of Paine's head with her other hand. They said nothing, breathing each other in as the moments passed. Lulu could tell from how much Paine's body trembled; how hard she fought _not _to take her again—against this door; for Wakka to hear, with Vidina just in the other room. Lulu used her nails along Paine's scalp to soothe her.

Before long, Lulu felt her neck curling to accommodate Paine's breathing against her skin there. Paine tested the temptation, tasting with her tongue: from Lulu's neck, down to her exposed shoulders. Lulu slipped back into the proverbial darkness with her. The ferry dipped with the increasing tides, tickling Lulu just behind her navel. She muted her breathing, to savor this escapade; she held Paine closer, spreading her palm against the back of her silk-like hair. The muscles along the nape of Paine's neck tensed, relaxed under Lulu's hand as she moved to please—to whisper through the door that Wakka's ex-wife was very much _taken_.

"_Mmmm_, Paine," murmured Lulu. Paine stopped to regard her through the black between them. "I never asked…how well you do in the face of poor privacy. Never mind about Wakka and the others. I only don't want to wake Vidina. He's had a long day."

Paine nodded against Lulu's face, nuzzling her almost as she moved to lock the door. "We can talk," she said, kissing the fall of hair over Lulu's eye. "We can whisper. I want to know how you are."

Lulu hooked her index finger inside of Paine's shorts, tugging her along to the nearest bed. They lay down together, with Paine resting her head over Lulu's chest. Lulu listened to the creak of the ferry as the winds began to pick up overhead, tracing random patterns with her nail along Paine's back.

Paine shivered. "How are you feeling, Lulu?" she asked, her breath hot and somewhat muffled against Lulu's breasts. "Wakka found me earlier, before you came back upstairs. He sounded so devastated. He told me you didn't even care…like how you told me a few weeks ago."

"It felt…liberating, to tell him that," responded Lulu. "After so many years of resenting him, never forgiving him when he made a mistake…putting a definite end to our marriage was the only way to stop that cycle. Vidina is also happy with my decision."

"He's happy?" asked Paine, concerned. "That's…unusual."

"It solidified my resolve all the more. I could tell Wakka and Vidina never got along very well. My son is rather reserved, like I am. He doesn't take kindly to irresponsible behavior and joking around."

Paine stayed quiet. Lulu guessed as to what was on her mind. "I don't want you to be concerned," said Lulu, "About Vidina. If he asks, I won't hesitate to explain what you mean to me. Act as you will."

"I respect your relationship with your son, Lulu," supplied Paine. "If I'm going to be with you…I understand it's a two-part package. It doesn't scare me. I just never thought I'd be in this position…"

"For someone of your age, that is very mature of you to say. You've been around Vidina long enough to not be intimidated by such a thing, I'm sure. And for that…" Lulu reached to pull a folded sheet of paper from up her sleeve, held in place by her bangles; "…you have my utmost respect, and adoration."

Lulu handed Paine the letter she had written that morning. Paine took it in her hands, quite unable to read anything in this pitch dark.

"Put it away for now," said Lulu. Paine did so, opening her pocket-sized satchel to place it there. "I wrote it earlier today. I am not the most…prolific when it comes to explaining myself; my thoughts. Perhaps that is why I ask you so often to speak your mind with me. I envy your openness, your sincerity." Lulu adjusted herself, to press her forehead to Paine's; to search through the graying black to find her eyes. "What you told me last night…about giving me anything I want. The words you used, the _way_ you told me—I've wanted nothing more from another."

"I meant it, Lulu. In fact, I _know _I meant it…I didn't think when I said it—"

Loud, insistent knocking at the door interrupted them. Paine groaned, getting up to bark at their intruder. With Paine no longer in her arms, she noticed how the ferry had been rocking at an abnormal rate. Lulu went to check on Vidina. She found him sitting upright in his bed, holding his head. Lulu sat at his side, holding him as Tidus stormed in the room.

"A nasty storm's coming in!" he shouted. "This feels worse than when Sin attacked us that time… The captain says it's a monsoon!" Lulu sighed, keeping her composure. "All we can do is tough it out… Is it a good idea to stay down here?"

"The ferry won't hold if it's a monsoon," said Lulu. "We'll be the first to drown if we stay here. Come on."

After giving Vidina a change of warmer clothes, she held him close as they returned to the upper deck. Paine stayed just as close, holding her about her waist as they stood amidst the torrential rainfall and wind. The Gullwings and the other passengers stayed in the captain's cabin, watching them.

"Lulu!" shouted Paine over the wind. "You have any idea how we can make it to Luca through _this_?"

Lulu shook her head, hearing Wakka throw the cabin door open nearby. "Perhaps, perhaps not," she said, shielding Vidina's face from the flying wooden debris from the ferry. "Just stay close to me…and don't let go."

Paine tightened her grip about Lulu's waist. That strength, that care grounded Lulu as she prepared her experiment. For years, she had wondered about and studied the theory of what she planned to do. Now was the most appropriate time to take practical action.

Lulu concentrated on the _way _Paine grounded her, how safe she felt with Paine's consistency and chivalry. The gravity that lanced the waves under the full moon shifted to Lulu's control. She manipulated as much of that gravity as she could to keep the failing ferry afloat, for as long as possible; driving them through the storm to their destination.


	7. Genocide

_Walking with you in the afternoon, without any reason I wonder  
If these days will come to an end someday…_

Hunger for one who felt days away kept Paine limp upon the wet ground where she lay. Encompassing and riveting, the revilement she felt within made her conscious to her fate. The faintness of grass she could scent in her misery. Water—crisp, fresh and revitalizing, sounded nearby, though unable to make Paine open her eyes. Awake, but sleeping, Paine continued to stay still.

The pyreflies hovering behind her joined her surroundings' effort to rouse her. Paine refused.

_The seas had torn them apart. _Paine would not open her eyes to ascertain this.

Pained sounds of someone letting go of her to roll on their side reached her ears. It was not Lulu. Paine had no interest in this person. It was not _Lulu_.

"What the hell happened…?" asked Wakka, struggling to a sitting position. "The Moonflow?! How the fuck did I—" He noticed Paine facing the water lilies along the sea; the pyreflies covering the sounds of her labored breathing. "Paine!" Wakka shook her, moving her to her back. "Paine, you awake? Tell me you're not dead, ya…"

Paine shut her eyes. Wakka soon noticed her emotional state, sighing in relief. After the sigh, concern came. Could he have felt the weights pulling at her heart? She doubted this.

"Hey, Paine," murmured Wakka, consoling. "You're all right, ya? We're still in one piece. Can't say where the others are… And _Lulu_—" Wakka sighed. "…'least we're still breathing, ya? We'll find them."

"…don't understand," managed Paine, "I don't…get how it is you can be so optimistic after what's happened."

"I gotta be. I gotta find Lulu again, ya? Make her see I'm responsible, show her I still love her—"

Paine turned on her side, away from him.

Wakka gave a sardonic sort of laugh. "You think I can't, huh?" he asked. "Figures. You two got real close when I was gone with the boys. You'd know her best by now, ya?"

Her mouth tasted sour. Dry. She refused to say anything. Not out of fear, not out of pity—she _could not_.

"Hey, I'm gonna go ask the locals if they seen the others," said Wakka, getting to his feet. "You stay put, ya? I'll be back in a jiffy…"

Wakka's efforts at reinventing himself—_disgusted_ Paine. His ignorance, his blindness: doubly so. Paine saw no way to convince Wakka with words that Lulu would not have him back. He needed to see it for himself. That would not happen until they found Lulu again, until Paine showed him Lulu's lipstick decorating her face in the shape of Lulu's kiss.

Until they showed him more than that. His unawareness thickened her venom.

Paine opened her satchel. She found Lulu's letter there, in-tact with some water damage. Though the ink had bled somewhat onto the page, she could still read Lulu's slanted, deliberate, delicate handwriting with ease…

_Paine,_

_When you came to me last night, you filled me with words I could not express. My expression lent itself into the sexual, the spiritual…as did yours. I find myself believing in things with you that I never could with another. _

_I want you to know me, to understand me. I am used to people simply taking me as I am; to them being intimidated by the thought of learning my reasons for being. Rarely have I encountered any inertia from someone as to my behavior, my reticence. Yet I feel your curiosity—how it is imperative for you to know where it is you're going before you set foot into the uncharted. The journey may be novel, unknown, but the destination must be clear for you. Allow me to provide that clarity in this letter._

_It must be worrying for you, how I can end my marriage on such a sudden note. You are a catalyst for this decision I've made. The burden of my change in my outlook is not yours to bear. Growing up and living on such a small island had sheltered me to a large degree. I admit to not having known anyone beyond Wakka, beyond Chappu. They were familiar to me, exclusive to me. Whenever I left the island, it was for duty, not love. My lovers both came to me. I never expected to pursue, or find anyone who could open my mind the way you have._

_You were unexpected, but not unwelcome by any means. _

_I am getting used to placing my passions to a face, to a person. For years, I have felt this way without knowing who it was for. Often, when I was alone, I would put my feelings down to paper without thinking of anyone in particular. Ever since I met you, your image would come to mind when I wondered who they might be for. We barely knew each other. I didn't acknowledge you that way. Now…I do._

_You are so beautiful to me, Paine. Plains of poems become manifest within me whenever I think to describe your manner. A part of me tells me you would enjoy hearing these. Your intensity inspires me, invigorates me. When you kiss me, I feel your past pains and sorrows mending themselves for the moments we share. Mine do the same. That you are so susceptible to my charms…it encourages me to show all of them to you. That is why I could not help myself around you yesterday. That is why I cannot help myself any longer. I will hold nothing back with you, so long as you do the same with me._

_So soon this all may be… I can't stay quiet. The pull is too strong. I am smart enough to not ignore it, to avoid wasting time with love's usual formalities when getting to know someone. I want to know you, to learn your world. Though I do wish to take things slowly…as slowly as you worshipped me all night; as slowly as I showed my gratitude to you until we fell asleep tangled in one another…_

_I entrust you with my heart, my body, my spirit and more. Ask me questions and I will tell you no lies. I will take care of you as best as I know how. Please, care for me, and watch over my son when I cannot._

—

When Wakka found her again, Paine had read Lulu's letter over a dozen times. Her heart nearly beat out of her chest over the day's cruelty. Lulu had written such sweetness and sincerity, only to be lost to the bitterness of their distance. Distance, and unknown, for Paine had no idea where Lulu could have wound up…

"Yo, sleepyhead!" called Wakka, walking back to her. Paine folded the letter, placing it back in her satchel. "Let's get a move on, ya? I heard a few people say they saw your rival taking Vidina to Guadosalam! Uhh, Leblanc? I think that's what her name is? She's a sphere hunter like you, ya?"

Paine got to her feet, dusting herself off. "Vidina's safe, if that's the case," she said, in the usual monotone everyone expected of her. Wakka, of course, thought nothing of it as they set off along the northern path. "This is the North Bank, right? Guadosalam's just past these trees."

"Yup!" Wakka's cheeriness…grated her, to say the least. "Didn't you guys hook up her Syndicate with a few commspheres? Maybe they can find Lu and the others, ya?"

Paine nodded, feeling that typical crease to her eyebrows and stiffness in her lips. Those had abandoned her during her stay in Besaid. With Lulu around to give her one calming regard; with her presence to keep this façade at bay, Paine had had no need to bear this anymore when she'd been around.

They said nothing, making it so far as the entrance to Guadosalam. The Guado were absent from their home—a sign that had Paine worry of what was amiss. Amiss, not only in Guadosalam, but about Spira: the Guado had played such a vital role in religious politics. Perhaps Leblanc would know more.

Wakka nudged her. "Hey-hey, what's on your mind?" he asked. Paine wanted to scream at him. "You're real quiet. More than usual! Should I be worried?"

"Lulu won't take you back. Get that around your head first before you speak to me again."

Paine kept on to the Syndicate's mansion, unmindful of Wakka stopping to stare at her as she went. Leblanc's goons allowed her entry, not before stopping her to inquire:

"Who's the redhead?" asked the first. "He with you? You can do better than him, Paine! He's gettin' fat—look at him!"

"Idiot," said the second. "That's Lulu's husband—"

"_Ex_-husband," droned Paine. The goons sniggered. "If he wants to come inside, let him. I really don't care either way. Where's your boss?"

"She's right inside," said the first, pointing through the doors. "Careful, she's got a new baby. She don't want no one botherin' him."

Paine rolled her eyes. "Thanks," she muttered, heading inside.

This mansion that once belonged to Maester Seymour still bore that regal somberness native to Guado architecture and style. Paine wondered as to why Leblanc never chose to redecorate, or relocate. She supposed her rival had little time for such things—Paine heard her cajoling tone coming from the dining room.

"Don't you want anything to eat?" cooed Leblanc, bending down to address Vidina. Vidina looked most perturbed, shaking his head as he clutched his moomba. "Logos, Ormi! Get the kid to eat something! I can't have his mother finding him again, thin as a skeleton—"

"Leblanc," said Paine, entering through the doors. Leblanc, Logos and Ormi gaped at her. "What the _hell_ are you doing?" Vidina ran to her and hugged her legs. Paine placed her hand over the back of his head. "Hey, I'm here now. Don't worry."

"Why hello, Paine!" greeted Leblanc, waltzing over to her. "What a pleasure to see you again! You're looking absolutely fabulous for someone who washed up on the Moonflow!"

"You took Vidina in and not us? You _saw _Wakka and me and just left us for dead?"

"I would _never_!" gasped Leblanc, clutching her imaginary pearls. "You're too heavy, that's all. I knew you'd find me eventually!"

Leblanc placed a kiss upon Paine's cheek for her grumpiness. Logos and Ormi giggled at this, until Leblanc silenced them with a glare.

"Now, now," said Leblanc. "No need to stir her up anymore than we already have!" Leblanc smirked at Paine, mirth dancing in her eyes as she gave her a once-over. "I'm sure you're in need of…something else, if you're looking at me like that. Am I right? Tell me I'm right…"

Paine fought her hardest not to slap Leblanc in front of Vidina. She would not give in to Leblanc's teasing. She knew better—it would only entertain her rival all the more.

"I need to find Lulu and the Gullwings who came with me," said Paine, strictly business. "We were trying to get to Bevelle, with Lulu at least. The Gullwings needed to go to D'jose, so they might have found their way there."

"Ah, yes," said Leblanc, caressing Paine's stiff jaw. "You've missed Yuna's wedding, I take it. The boys can use our commspheres to find your friends." Leblanc snapped her fingers, pointing Logos and Ormi in the direction of the underground passageway. "While they do that.. I need to speak with you. It's important."

Paine rubbed the back of Vidina's head. He continued to hold her, trembling somewhat. "Vidina, we'll find your mother soon," she assured him. "Just stay with me. I won't let anything happen to you." He nodded, relaxing his hold on her. "All right, Leblanc. We can talk, if you've finished flirting with me."

Leblanc gave an impish grin. "I never finish." She led Paine to sit down at the table covered in plates and layers of desserts and delicacies fit for a banquet. Vidina sat next to Paine as she fed him. She watched Leblanc pacing in her periphery. "You've noticed the Guado aren't in town anymore."

"I have. I was going to ask you about it."

Leblanc sat at Paine's other side, most obvious with her flirting, her body language. Vidina was sufficiently distracted by Leblanc's showing of her cleavage to stare at it. Paine pushed Leblanc back into her seat with one hand; turned Vidina's head around with the other.

"Stop it, Leblanc," warned Paine through her teeth. "I'm _with_ someone. This wasn't okay before and it's not okay now, especially not in front of a five-year-old boy. I don't want him to grow up thinking all women are a mess like you."

"A mess!" said Leblanc, scandalized. She pouted, folding her arms. "You're no fun, Paine!" she scoffed. "Oh, fine. All right, listen! Nooj ordered the Guado's genocide—" She paused for dramatic effect, relishing in Paine's shock; "…as a warning, to New Yevon, that there will be more to come if they don't stop what they're doing."

"And just what are they _doing _that's so terrible?" asked Paine. "You can't justify genocide!"

Leblanc surveyed her nails, smirking. "Oh yes, you can," she countered. "Whoever's controlling the Praetor's strings has been doing a good job of riling the Youth League up, ever since we—" Paine raised an eyebrow; "—_you_ defeated Vegnagun. Don't you remember what happened, right after you, Yuna and Rikku trashed that hunk of junk?"

"You mean with the Farplane?" asked Paine. Leblanc hummed her affirmative. "All I heard were rumors. The unsent have been bridging the gap between the real world and the Otherworld. There aren't anymore summoners…"

"Which means no one's around to send the dead. People like Sir Auron have been able to come and go as they please. Noojie thinks the old Maesters are gaining control in Bevelle's depths. The Guado knew about it, and tried to carry out their plans in secret."

"Does he have proof?"

Leblanc pulled out a sphere from her garment grid. The sphere depicted a blurry scene of Maester Mika holding a court session above the Via Purifico, from the perspective of one of those on trial. The Youth League members shouted soundless words before the recording cut out.

"Nooj has a few more spheres like these," said Leblanc, putting the sphere back in place. "Those were his best men on trial, sent to the Via Purifico for undisclosed reasons. A group of Guado had them taken to Bevelle, fooling Nooj's men into thinking New Yevon was interested in peace talks. The men are either still locked up or dead by now. This happened about six months ago."

"That means Yuna's caught in the middle of this…"

"Oh, she's dead center," agreed Leblanc. "Nooj has been trying to get the Ronso to launch an offensive on Bevelle. The only reason they won't is because their leader doesn't want to get involved."

Paine nodded. "Kimahri," she said. "He wouldn't want to see Yuna get hurt."

"She's Baralai's saving grace, for the time being. The Youth League is still pushing for this war. Everyone knows Yuna wants to be with her boyfriend. That's no secret. It's only a matter of time before justice is served!"

Logos and Ormi returned from underground with good news at last.

—

Paine held Vidina's hand as she entered the Farplane with him. They found Wakka sitting down, talking to the static image of Chappu. The flower fields and waterfalls of the Otherworld did not manifest as they should have—only a bleak night surrounded them.

"You had it easy, brudda," said Wakka. "Lu loved you to pieces. You always did everything right, always kept her happy. Only mistake you made was leavin' us to protect her. I know I teased you all the time after you first told me you liked her… Guess I was just jealous."

Paine stopped behind him, looking down to Vidina. Vidina made no sign of wishing to let go of her hand to greet his father. Paine thought of Lulu, hoping to not see her appear next to Chappu. She did not.

"Now look at me… Divorced, Lulu won't take me back and my son probably thinks I'm a failure. This what I get for goin' after your girl after you were gone? You did tell me to stay away from her…that she'd never really love me. I _can't _give up, though, you know? I just can't… What else am I gonna do with my life if I'm not out there chasing her, ya?"

"Wakka," said Paine. He lowered his head; Chappu vanished. "We should get going."

Wakka got to his feet. "Where to?" he asked. Vidina would not look at him.

"D'jose Temple. Everyone's there, waiting for us. We can be there in a few days if we take a chocobo from the South Bank of the Moonflow."

"Why don't they just come here?" asked Wakka, following after her as they left. "We're all goin' to Bevelle after, right?"

"Lulu…didn't make it there in the best shape. She's in a coma."

Paine paled as she said the words. Wakka was too absorbed in his own emotions to notice hers. She would not show more than she already had. She needed to stay strong, and focus on getting to Lulu; on reuniting her with her son.

"We need to go to her," she went on. "No one knows how long she'll be out for. She's resting in the temple."

Wakka stopped. He walked to the nearest wall, pushing his fists against it as he stared at his sandaled feet. Paine did not turn to look at him, though she at least gave him enough courtesy to stop until he collected himself. If she allowed herself to, she would be just as troubled—worried. Vidina let go of her hand, going to his father at last.

"We have to go," said Vidina, unimpressed with his father's helplessness. "You're wasting time."

"I'm wasting time?!" echoed Wakka. "Since when do you speak to your parent like that, huh? Show some respect! I'm worried about your mother, you know! There's nothing wrong with being emotional!"

"Honestly, Wakka, he's right," said Paine, still refusing to regard him. "You can be worried about her on the way. Let's pick up the pace."

"Pick up the pace," mumbled Wakka, following her again. "The two of you—both of you are the same, bossing me around like you're better than me. This is my wife we're talking about, ya? Lulu never gets hurt like this! This is serious!"

"Your _ex_-wife," corrected Paine. Wakka grumbled. "Seriously, get over yourself. You're angry over your son having a better sense of logic than you. That's gotta be rough."

"You got somethin' against me?" asked Wakka. "You been _real_ hostile toward me ever since I got back. Before that, whenever you visited me and Lu, you were so nice to me…in your own ways, anyway. I ain't done nothin' to you to deserve whatever you're tryin' to do, you know?"

"I'm just not in the mood for your ignorance, Wakka."

Wakka scoffed. "Ignorance!" he said. "The hell am I ignorant about?"

"Too much."

"So why don't you enlighten me, ah?!"

"I will on my own time," said Paine. A sudden image of letting Wakka _watch _her with Lulu steeled her. "Not when you ask for it."


	8. Comatosexual

_Instead of listening to the voice of premonition  
Instead, I exchange smiles and believe with our hands overlapped_

In Lulu's deep sleep, the depths of arousal commanded her.

_Compulsion…_

…_duress…_

…_to coerce another into an act of love…_

_Lulu had never been seduced, situated into the arms of a man over his irresistible nature. She controlled him. She dominated. He listened, obeyed. He never asked for her objectification: that she loved him as a woman should only love a man. He expected her interest. He felt entitled to her gaze. His expression of sexual tension, his hardening should have given her the worth she lacked._

_Lulu wanted that hardness. Not on a man. She wanted it from a place that had to be earned, doubly so. Earned, unexpected, and given passage from places impressed. Paine…_

_Her name evoked the extraordinary, the exceptional. The ability to inspire the smoke from a filthy haze of human nature: inhaling that smoke, inhaling Paine's scent around her inflexibility before,_

—_touch—taste—feel—taste—touch…_

_Sucking it all in. _

_The rain reminded her of these sensations, novel after her limited experienced-experience. Cities grew in her mind's eye, where she might wander aimlessly with Paine, their hands intertwined. Every smile, every gesture of hers would color the skies and scenes around them…_

"Lu?! Lulu, you awake?! We got here as fast as we could, ya?"

_She needed time…so much more time to observe, to see, to continue this stringent, silent serenity. To abandon life's burdens, to toss problems to the side in the gossamer of Paine's lips:_

Lulu felt them, at long last. In her sleep, she smiled.

"The FUCK are you doin', Paine?!"

Reality slipped through. The faint sounds of outrage in the background faded, faded as she fell upward into the embrace of that velvet. Vaguely, she felt someone pulling her penchant away—trying to pull Paine away.

Paine would not budge. She kissed and kissed, pouring her everything into the one she'd missed so much. Wakka tried again to pull her free, to interrupt. Lulu felt the recoil of Paine using her heel to kick him away.

Lulu wrapped her arms about Paine's neck, pulling her down from where Paine stood at her bedside. Their lips echoed with the pressing of Lulu's soft moans into Paine's mouth—Paine breathed those in, sucking and hissing in her relief, her emotions. When Paine crawled on top of Lulu's body—slow, seductive, feline—that struggling stopped… With Paine covering her body, tilting her head to kiss Lulu fully, all ignited within Lulu to stay awake enough to enjoy this. Paine's bent knees clamped onto Lulu's sides, keeping her still; controlled in the company of their voyeur.

Enough blood flowed to Lulu's limbs to react with visceral richness. She whispered Paine's name into her mouth, a sigh so full of fucking need. Blood raced to Lulu's face, reddening the skin there. Her eyes darted about behind her lids, painting the visual scene before her; to paint her way out of her comatose state.

"That's ENOUGH! Enough, ya?! Stop torturing me—I GET IT!"

Lulu opened her eyes right as Wakka lifted Paine from her. Wakka held Paine by the collar around her neck, against the wall of the temple bedroom. Paine gripped his wrists, struggling to keep her eyes open from the gradual suffocation.

"You think you can wreck what I had with Lulu and get away with it?!" spat Wakka, his features fixed in sheer loathing. "You wanna act like a man now? Try me—see if you're more of a man than I am, eh?! I bet to hell and back you're not!"

Panic, anger and confusion assailed Lulu at once. Paine changed her dressphere, freeing herself from Wakka's hold during her transformation. Armor as dark as night replaced Paine's leather; she held up her customized Dark Knight sword, pointing it at her attacker. Wakka stepped back, horrified in his bewilderment.

"What the hell is wrong with you?!" he blurted.

"Darkness is my ally," said Paine. "Those who cross me shall know its wrath." Wakka snorted. "Hurt me and I'll hurt you back, twice as much."

Wakka threw his hands in the air. "You're fuckin' crazy, you know that? Just _insane_!"

"No, I'm not. You're the deluded one here. I told you, you're ignorant."

"_I'm_ ignorant!" echoed Wakka, his tone mocking. "You've been fucking her! You turned her! I'd say the ignorant one here is you, for havin' no respect for our marriage! It's over now, thanks to you!"

Lulu found the strength to sit up at last. Wakka whipped his head around to regard her, to take in her ire. Paine kept her eyes on Wakka, though the lighter grip against the hilt of her sword suggested she was aware of Lulu's state.

It took a moment for Lulu to process the scene before her as _real_. Wakka…_assumed _Paine had ruined their marriage? He blamed _her _instead of himself? Had he no shame?

"How quaint," said Lulu, her voice scratching her throat as she spoke. "From your choice of words, Wakka, I'd have thought Paine had severed your ears from your head…"

Wakka stuck his chest out. "I'm pissed off, Lulu!" he affirmed. "You cheated on me!—"

"I did no such thing." Though Lulu spoke straight through a loophole, Wakka was none the wiser. He considered Lulu's words, saddening by the second. "You have only yourself to blame for this. I really…should not have to explain a thing to you. I've said more than enough as it is."

"But—Lu," tried Wakka, going over to her—most unaware of Lulu's increasing fury. "I _love _you. Doesn't that mean anything to you anymore?"

Lulu would hate herself later for this. She stood, and closed the distance between them. Wakka regarded her with hope unwavering, until she spoke:

"You put your hands on her. That…will forever invalidate _anything _you say to me from this day forward. Leave us."

Wakka wasted no time in trying to test the waters further. He left the bedroom. Paine changed back to her warrior dressphere, just as Lulu began to feel light-headed. In her weakness, Lulu nearly collapsed to the floor before Paine caught her. That save Paine masked as a warm embrace, keeping Lulu standing.

"I'm sorry we woke you," murmured Paine into Lulu's ringing ear. "When I saw you again, I couldn't help myself… I couldn't stop." Paine helped Lulu lay back down. "Vidina's in the other room. I didn't have the heart to explain to him what it means to be in a coma. He was tired, anyway."

Lulu sighed as Paine sat down at her side. "Thank you…for bringing him to me," she said. "The last thing I remember before falling asleep was being angry that no one knew where he was. No one knew where you were… You're here now. That's all I could want."

Paine combed her fingers through the falls of Lulu's hair. "We missed Yuna's wedding…"

"I thought so…"

Lulu stared at the ceiling. When Paine tried to kiss her, Lulu turned her head to one side.

"I apologize," said Lulu. Paine stared at her in question. "For Wakka's outburst, for my inelegance in dealing with him…for losing you." Lulu paused, remembering how she had grieved upon the realization that it had been Tidus carrying her along the D'jose shore—not Paine. "My weakness got the better of me when I should have gone to you. I can never repay you for what you've done."

Paine shifted, facing the opposite wall, her forearms over her thighs as she sat hunched over. Lulu rubbed Paine's back, the texture changing from leather to bare skin. The lace mouth of Lulu's dress sleeve kissed the tenseness there; tasted the way Paine's spine ached with a weight she tried to express.

"Besaid and Kilika were both destroyed by that monsoon," began Paine. "It's going to take ages for the Celsius to get fixed. We have nowhere to go except for Bevelle."

"You say that as if it's a bad thing," observed Lulu. Paine's silence…stung. "…is it?"

Paine glared at her fists over her knees. "From what I've heard, Bevelle isn't safe these days. I always thought it was odd, the way news reporters weren't allowed to talk about New Yevon anymore. The Youth League wants to tear New Yevon apart…even if it means taking Bevelle down with them."

Lulu sat up again, this time leaning against Paine for support. "We must go to Yuna," she said. "She shouldn't be caught in the middle of this."

"Yuna's the only thing keeping Nooj from _starting_…more than he already did, anyway. The Guado are all dead because of him."

"_What_?"

Paine explained it all—Nooj's motivations, his thirst for revenge against New Yevon's recent policy changes—in the name of _the_ _people_. That Nooj did not care if he died in this brewing war, for he would forever remain a death seeker in Paine's eyes. The Maesters' return as unsent: the conspirators of New Yevon, building a new age that the Guado had tried to begin until the demise of their entire race.

"Nooj thinks Praetor Baralai is the puppet now that the Guado are gone," said Paine. "I don't really know what's going on beyond that… I want to talk to him—both of them. We…used to be friends." Paine turned her head, looking over her shoulder at Lulu resting upon her. Lulu remembered Yuna explained to her years ago on the nature of Paine's strained friendship with the leaders of Spira's three factions. "When do you want to head out?"

Lulu had had long enough to process this information. "As soon as possible," she replied. "Preferably now."

—

They set off for Bevelle within minutes. Lulu sat side-saddle with Vidina on a chocobo along the dirt path to the Moonflow, struggling to stay awake as the night arrived. Paine helped Tidus get up to speed with the recent news surrounding New Yevon and the Youth League. Wakka straggled behind, dragging his feet through the ground as he shouldered a backpack full of supplies for the journey.

Lulu held her son as he continued to sleep. As she reflected on Paine's lamentation of their homelessness, she still could find no reason to share in that regret. Lulu did feel uncomfortable with the idea of traveling this way, essentially as a nomad with her son. Vidina needed safe shelter—something constant, as a home. Though fiends had been difficult to come by in the days of the Eternal Calm, Lulu stayed vigilant for any signs of hostiles in the distance.

Several hours later, she woke up as though she'd closed her eyes for but a moment. The chocobo she sat upon knelt down. Tidus hoisted Vidina in his arms, escorting him inside the tent he and Wakka had set up. Paine carried Lulu, laying her down with care on a cot by the fire. Lulu's core ached with hunger and fatigue.

"Wakka will make sure Vidina eats something before he goes back to sleep," said Paine, tight-lipped as she poured a few portions of dried rations into a bowl. Lulu again sat up to rub Paine's back. "…I seem tense again, don't I?"

"You do," replied Lulu. "It's all right. I don't blame you."

They ate in silence. Lulu pretended not to notice Tidus turning to stare at her so often, from where he sat with Wakka at the other side of the camp. Their places should have been inverted, in Wakka's opinion no doubt. Paine was no stranger to physical closeness with Lulu; even as they ate, their body language spoke of a certain intimacy that any onlooker could have deciphered.

Lulu rested her head along the nape of Paine's neck, having finished her meal. She listened to Paine's shallow breathing, so close to her back; how her very bones creaked with exhaustion.

"Paine," murmured Lulu, closing her eyes. "You are far too young to have such a tired frame. I can hear your limbs crying out for rest beneath my ear."

Paine's voice echoed through her back. "I _am _tired," she admitted. "I worried about you the whole way to D'jose. I listened to Wakka interrogate me about my attitude toward him, about how I should respect him. I could tell Vidina wanted me to make Wakka shut his mouth. Then I wondered…where we would go when I found you. I don't like the idea of not having a home."

"Wakka has always taken great care as to not display his chauvinism around me," said Lulu. "So many others have tried so hard to not be flawed in my company. You have so many burdens, Paine. Share them with me." Paine's breathing steadied somewhat with her words. "Vidina is my responsibility, not yours. I am sure a few doors will open for us in Bevelle. Yuna's influence is strong, as is yours."

"Mine?"

"You are the legendary sphere hunter who assisted the High Summoner in defeating Vegnagun."

Paine laughed at that. "Legendary?" she repeated. Lulu hummed in affirmation. "I thought you were the legendary one, Lulu. You were her guardian when she defeated Sin. I'm sure you have more influence in Spira than I do."

"You're too humble." Lulu had Paine turn to face her. She touched Paine's neck and shoulders, heated from the fire so nearby; from Lulu's strokes along her skin. "Look at me." Paine did so. Lulu noted the slight blur of Paine's eyeliner, a sure sign of her stress. "You don't look well at all.. I want you to rest."

Paine looked too tired even to protest. Lulu went with her to their designated tent, a ways away from the one for Vidina, Wakka and Tidus.

Lulu gave Wakka a look before she entered, asking with her eyes if she could still trust him to keep an eye on their son. Wakka seemed to understand, giving her a curt nod before muttering something to Tidus. Lulu was satisfied enough with his answer; she closed the tent.

—

Lulu didn't care if Wakka opened the tent and found them like this.

Resplendence covered Lulu's body. With her dress, removed, and spread out beneath her as a bed, Paine laid face-up on top of Lulu. Paine's sighs filled the otherwise freezing tent. Lulu kept her hands warm and wet, learning Paine's body. Lulu lifted her shoulders to smooth eight fingers down the slickness between Paine's legs, deeper and deeper each time she went. The heat, the softness pulled her in; from where Paine dripped through tightness, Lulu felt that pull strengthening with each stroke.

Lulu pressed her lips to Paine's neck. Paine reached her arms behind, to continue those sighs over Lulu's eyes—that she might _see _the verve of her pleasure. When Lulu pulled her hands free of that gravity, she kept them pressed along Paine's skin—connected by the tips of her thumb nails, massaging Paine through her growing frustration.

The fire outside still burned. Lulu saw Wakka's outline shadowed along the entrance to the tent. That height to his hair made him indistinguishable as he stood in place. So close, he could listen with ease.

"_Lulu_," whined Paine, in a rare bout of vulnerability. "Stop teasing… You're fucking killing me!"

Lulu smoothed her hands back down, to spread Paine's legs farther apart. "I like to take my time," she breathed. Paine writhed in Lulu's arms. "_Although_…I'm curious about something…" Lulu moved her same fingers back to that heat. Paine sucked in a breath when Lulu pushed inside of her with shallow tips; that telling heat constricted, cutting off blood flow to Lulu's fingers. "You're still a virgin."

Paine's shaking breath paused when she swallowed. "I never let anyone touch me," she confessed.

Those muscles would not let Lulu go with ease. Still, she pulled her fingers from them, and Paine exhaled in mixed relief. Lulu resumed her caresses, moistening her hands anew. Her chest filled as her ears did with those soft sounds from the one above her.

"I know better than to assume I'm your very first experience, Paine." Paine's body shuddered with spasms; Lulu kept Paine's most sensitive spot wedged between her index fingers, rubbing—stimulating. "You don't touch me with frivolity, with carelessness." Crescendos of Paine's breaths and moans spurred Lulu's hands harder, faster. "You don't fuck me with uncertainty." Paine whimpered from Lulu's choice of words. Lulu smiled as she slowed down, striking at Paine's frustration. "Perhaps I shouldn't expect you to be faithful."

Paine whined again, "_Fuck_, Lulu!"

Lulu overlapped her hands, fingers erect and tips bent to keep her nails from interfering. "Tell me why I'm different," she whispered.

The control she had over Paine—it pounded throughout Lulu's head as the moments passed. She teased Paine enough to keep the minimum amount of momentum going: feather-like strokes against Paine's spot.

Paine surprised her; she turned her head to press her lips to Lulu's, full of insistent need. Lulu pressed down right where Paine needed her to, rubbing in quick hard circles. So hard; Paine arched her back, her hips putting such pressure against Lulu's soaked waist. Paine kept whining through Lulu's mouth, setting Lulu _off_ over and over again. As Paine continued to kiss, her day persona vanished. Lulu felt the beginnings of her own spiritual climax with Paine's uninhibited submission, her trust.

Lulu moved one hand to grasp Paine's breasts, quickening the other as Paine's rapture escalated. When at last Paine came beneath Lulu's hand, she smothered her lips against Lulu's for a long moment to keep from making a sound. Quiet lingered as she arched her body. Lulu heard sheer loudness in her mind, sensing the sounds Paine _wanted _to make. When Paine sucked Lulu's breath from her mouth, Paine betrayed how hard she tried not to cry.

Paine tried to roll over, away from Lulu, to no avail. Lulu allowed Paine to settle on her side, bringing their thin blanket up to cover their bodies. They faced one another; Lulu held her, with Paine's eyes wide shut against her collar bone. Wakka's shadow retreated at last, stumbling as he went. Lulu made a mental note to not confront him in the morning. She didn't want him to believe she harbored a sadistic streak by not saying anything sooner.

"Did that answer your question?" sounded Paine's muffled voice.

Lulu savored their closeness, the strong softness of Paine's structure. "It certainly did," she said, breathing in the sweat along Paine's scalp. "Nevertheless, I still want you to use your words."

"You control me with your beauty alone.. You tame me. You make it so I _can't _think. There's something about you that makes me want to be your bitch…I don't know what it is. It might be because you're older than me. I want to serve you. I want to give into you."

Lulu refrained from smirking. "That's quite reckless of you to say," she noted.

Paine held her tighter. "You're supposed to be flattered by it," she insisted, sounding sleepy.

"Oh, I _am_," said Lulu, soothing her to sleep. "I am, Paine… Never doubt that."

—

They crossed through the necessary days and nights, arriving at the Moonflow. It had been years since Lulu had seen the glitter of the pyreflies hovering along the water. Lulu walked at the fore of the group, her arm wrapped through Paine's as they proceeded to the shoopuf. Many of the surrounding locals and travelers stopped to stare at them, paying little mind to Wakka and Tidus with Vidina behind them. Wakka had been quite jittery since that night, saying little within earshot of Lulu or Paine. Lulu rather preferred this behavior from him.

_There's something about you that makes me want to be your bitch…_

Those words continued to play in Lulu's mind, edging her eyes with cryptic mirth. She observed Paine as they neared the hypello who would see them aboard the shoopuf.

Paine bore a dark pride about herself, her chin tilted at an arrogant angle as she walked. Lulu thought Paine's manner as sexy as it was magnetic. Had Paine not been so dashing in her body language, Lulu surmised their onlookers would not have assumed correctly as to their intimacy. Lulu smirked to herself before addressing the hypello conductor.

Lulu sat with Vidina upon her lap as they crossed the sea. The mood about her surroundings felt dissonant, uncertain. Paine sat next to her, leaning against her with arms and legs folded; staring out to the sea so as to avoid Wakka's vacant staring across from them. Tidus sat adjacent to Wakka, fidgeting in his restlessness. Lulu felt he wanted to scream, for some kind of answers as to her relationship with Paine.

But first, Vidina.

Lulu was most amused by her son, holding him by the waist as he studied her with a smile. Vidina's moomba lay in his lap as he played lightly with his mother's necklaces.

"You're so pretty!" said Vidina, looking into her eyes. "I haven't told you in a long time. You are."

Lulu smiled; this was not the first time her son made such an observation. "You're quite handsome as well, son," she complimented. Paine gave them a sidelong glance, brow raised. "That reminds me—I haven't forgotten you have a birthday coming up soon. When we arrive in Bevelle, I'll see if we can find a way to celebrate there."

Vidina's smile widened. "What's Bevelle like?"

"It's a very large city," said Lulu. "Many people of different backgrounds live there today. The buildings are tall, much taller than the ones in Besaid. Yuna and Rikku are there waiting for us. They may be able to show us around."

Vidina stared at the sea in wonder. Tidus leaned forward, speaking at last. "You think it's still safe there?" he asked.

"No doubt Yuna's presence helps to maintain peace," said Lulu. "Barring what happened with the Guado, we would have heard something by now if the contrary were true." She paused. "What will you do when you see Yuna again?" Tidus looked away. "Do you plan to take her away from Praetor Baralai, from Bevelle?"

"This might sound weird," began Tidus, "I feel like I should…_talk _to Baralai. He sounds like he gets that Yuna and I are…were…together, so maybe he'd be at least a little understanding?"

"Sounds like you want his permission to fool around with Yuna," observed Paine.

Tidus laughed. "That _is _what it sounds like, huh?" he asked, turning to Wakka. Tidus faltered when Wakka did not join in his amusement. "I don't know, maybe he would. Yuna can stay there, we can still be together and no one has to know! It'd be harmless, right?" Paine shrugged. Before she could return to her silent sea-watching, Tidus interjected with another question: "Are you guys gonna tell Yuna?"

"Tell Yuna _what_?" asked Paine, her tone sharp.

Tidus gestured between her and Lulu. "You know…" he mumbled.

"No, I don't know. Spit it out."

"About your new relationship…"

Lulu spoke for her. "I'm sure Yuna will notice, and ask us about it the moment we're alone," she supplied. She looked to Wakka; saw how his clasped hands covered the evidence of his thoughts. "I have nothing to hide."

Lulu guessed that Paine also noticed Wakka's…problem. Paine stood and went over to him, bending down to hiss something in his ear. Tidus stared at them, trying to make out Paine's words. Lulu returned her attention to her son, knowing full well what Paine said to Wakka without hearing her directly. That warning in Paine's body language: the venom there, the hostility and possessiveness Lulu could scent with ease. Lulu smiled.

—

When they set foot in Guadosalam, Lulu felt the emptiness about the town. With the Guado no longer there, the rich sense of culture and innovation left with them. She expected to only pass through on the way to the Thunder Plains, until Paine walked ahead to the town's mansion.

Tidus jogged ahead with Vidina, catching up with Paine. "Hey!" he called to her. "Not this way! That's Seymour's old mansion. What are you going in there for?"

"We need some place to stay for the night," said Paine over her shoulder. "Did you forget who lives here now?"

Tidus said nothing, answering Paine's question.

"You're back!" said one of Leblanc's goons. "Did you bring your sweetheart this time, Paine?"

Lulu stepped forward. "Do you _know_ these people?" she asked her.

Paine held Lulu's hand. "Sort of," she muttered. The goons jeered at her. "Can you just let us inside? I don't wanna go through this again."

"Sure, sure," said the second, opening the double doors for her. "Leblanc's gonna _love _this!"

As they entered the mansion, Paine rolled her eyes in disgust. "They're so gross," she said. Lulu turned her head, watching Wakka fight off the goons' teasing as he closed the doors on them. "They work for Leblanc. All they do is watch guard and gossip with the rest of her lackeys who pass through here." Lulu hummed in understanding. "I don't want to sleep outside again. Leblanc owes me a few favors, anyway. She'll let us stay the night."

Lulu wondered as to how Paine had earned those favors.

Leblanc jumped from her seat at the dining room table the moment she spotted Paine. "Back so soon? How wonderful!" she said, dancing over to her. Leblanc paused, however, when she noticed Lulu. "Oh."

"It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance at last," said Lulu, bowing somewhat. She ignored the tension she felt about the room—for now. "I appreciate what you've done for my son. You have my gratitude."

"The pleasure was all mine," said Leblanc, her eyes twitching in her barely-concealed irritation. "I have three legendary guardians, all under _my _roof," she observed, her hand over her cocked hip. Lulu did her best not to question, not to judge Leblanc's choice of clothing. "And the legendary sphere hunter has brought them all to me because…?"

"We need someplace to stay for the night," repeated Paine, to Leblanc this time. Leblanc narrowed her eyes, confused and delighted all at once. "You're always bragging about how many rooms this place has. You can spare a few, can't you?"

"I certainly can," said Leblanc, in a strained sort of politeness, quickness. "Go upstairs and make yourselves at home. I'll be underground."

Leblanc left to peruse her underground passageway. Wakka and Tidus went with Vidina upstairs. Lulu and Paine took their time to follow them—not before Lulu made her thoughts known.

"I have a feeling she dislikes me," said Lulu. Paine sighed. "That's quite unusual. It tends to take people a bit longer than a few seconds to come to such a verdict."

"She's just bitter for stupid reasons."

Lulu raised an eyebrow. "And what reasons are those…?" she asked.

"I came here one night on my own, looking for the sphere she'd stolen from me as a joke," explained Paine. Her face soured with the recollection of her tale. "Turns out, she was lonely over Nooj disappearing yet again. She wanted my company. She wanted more than that." Lulu was unsurprised, until: "Leblanc took me to her room and told me to strap up. It was just one time. Ever since then, she's been flirting with me way too much. I should've told her no."

"Strap…up?" asked Lulu, puzzled.

Paine winced as they began walking up the winding staircase. "A strap-on, Lulu," she said. "To put one on. You know what that is. I won't believe you if you say you don't."

"No, I do. I'd only never heard that term you used before. I'm not familiar with that type of vernacular."

Paine said nothing. When they made it to their extravagant, spacious bedroom of choice, Lulu sat down upon the queen-sized bed. She placed her hand to her chest as Paine set her sword down against the wall behind her. Lulu remembered the shape and scope of the dreams she'd had during her coma.

"Paine," she said. "What did you say to Wakka earlier, on the shoopuf?"

Paine straddled Lulu's hips, holding onto her bare shoulders. "I saw him watching you." She wrapped her arms about Lulu's neck. "I could tell he was thinking about something he wasn't supposed to. His dick got hard. He tried to hide it. I told him I didn't appreciate it—that I'd tear his off if I caught him again."

"You do know he's been listening to us each night."

"That makes it even worse."

Leblanc entered the room, leaning on the door frame. "There are cameras everywhere," she warned. "So unless you wish to provide entertainment for me, I suggest you play nice with each other tonight…" When neither Lulu nor Paine had anything to say, Leblanc stepped inside. She closed the door behind her. "And now I'll bite. How did this start? I thought you were married, Lulu. To that dunce, no less!"

"I was too sheltered," said Lulu, instrumental in what she chose to divulge. "My decision to marry him was merely a symptom of that."

"Ah," said Leblanc, her learning tipped with that same venom. "Well, that makes perfect sense. Someone like Paine must be downright exotic to you!"

Lulu suspected this woman harbored more than the mere bitterness Paine had mentioned. "_Exotic_, you say?" she inquired. "And exactly why is it that you think so?"

"Hm? Hadn't you heard?" asked Leblanc, high-pitched with bitchiness. "Paine plays it fast and loose with the women who throw themselves at her. She fucks them and leaves them, high and dry. Typical butch."

Paine went over to Leblanc. "Don't you have a _real man _to pine over? You always said _mine _was only plastic. His isn't. You can use him to forget about me, and stay out of Lulu's business." Leblanc glared at her, flabbergasted. "We'll be gone first thing in the morning."

"I don't want you to _go_!" sputtered Leblanc. "If it wasn't obvious, I want you to stay!"

"You've done nothing but disrespect Lulu," said Paine, opening the door. "I'd be gone now if we weren't out of a place to stay! If you can't find Nooj, I'm sure you can distract yourself with one of your glittery dildos or something. Leave us alone."

Leblanc scoffed loudly as she stormed out of the room. Paine closed the door again, staring down at her heeled boots. Lulu waited for her to speak.

"Sorry you had to hear that…"

"You shouldn't apologize," offered Lulu. "I expressed to you my interest in learning your world. A crash course that might have been—it intrigued me nonetheless." Paine turned to her, smiling. "What is it?"

"Nothing."

Paine made her way to the adjoining restroom. Lulu stood, following her, for she did not believe that _nothing_.

"Paine," warned Lulu, just before she entered through the doorway. "That was a poor lie. I know full well something else is on your mind."

"You're like an alien sometimes, Lulu," said Paine, laughing at Lulu's confusion.

"I beg your pardon?"

Paine laughed anew. "It's hard to believe how sheltered you really were, living in Besaid," she went on, standing in the doorway. "I think about how much _I _know about the gay scene all over Spira, how it's second nature to me. Then I realize you don't know anything about it…you're with me because of your feelings, not because I look a certain way. I really like that about you."

Lulu clasped her hands along the front of her dress. "I am willing to learn more, provided you are my teacher," she said. "But before that, I need to check on Vidina. He hasn't eaten since before we arrived to the Moonflow."

"I'll be here, waiting for you."

As Lulu went, she heard the sounds of Paine drawing a bath.


	9. Greased Lightning

_Bind the connection between the two of us with that small warmth  
Ringing life and burning love  
Dye this moment_

Paine slept away in Lulu's arms as they sat in the bath together, Lulu's back against the porcelain. The scented soaps bore a headiness Paine had never known, exfoliating her senses. The water stayed warm for the hours she rested in them. Lulu's hold on her felt constant, awake.

Paine dreamed of returning to Bevelle, of showing Lulu how much the city had changed since her last visit during Yuna's pilgrimage. Bevelle maintained its largesse, its buildings never abandoning their trademark parasol roofs and circular architecture; Paine imagined getting lost in the streets, no longer fearing the unknown with Lulu at her side. It all felt akin to how Tidus would tell his tall tales of returning to Zanarkand one day with Yuna. Paine knew of the sights she wanted to show Lulu. The places she would take her, the shops Lulu would want to frequent, the culture she could show Lulu.

That dream shifted to a nightmare. Losing Lulu in the middle of a civil war; falling in battle; rising to find her again; trying to escape—

"Paine," whispered Lulu's voice, easing her from those fears. "The way you're breathing…it's worrying me. Were you having a nightmare?"

Paine shifted her head over Lulu's shoulder, nodding as she did. "I don't know what to expect," she said. "About getting to Bevelle—what we'll find there…"

"I also don't know what to expect," said Lulu. "I admit I'm a little worried. It isn't wise for me to continue wandering about Spira. Vidina is at that age where he needs structure, routine." A moment passed; a drop of water dripped from the bath's faucet. Paine had a sudden, bad feeling ravage her insides. "Why are you so uncomfortable with the idea of having no place to go?"

"I spent too much time by myself, before I joined the Gullwings… Not having a definite roof over my head, even if it's an airship, reminds me of those times. It was all so aimless…pointless."

"You have a purpose this time," Lulu reminded her. "Yuna needs us. Whatever Meyvn Nooj and Praetor Baralai are planning must be stopped. You're not alone, either…"

Paine kept those words in mind, in heart as she fell asleep once again.

The next morning, Paine awoke in the same place. Lulu sat awake, still, holding her—staring at nothing.

In her grogginess, Paine failed to notice Lulu's state, unwilling to move from that spot. For Lulu held her with such resolve, unlike any time Paine had been in her arms before. They stepped out of the bath together at last, with Paine still too sleepy to be of much use. Lulu wrapped a large towel around both their bodies, together, joined by the currents of water that suffocated their pores and weighed down their limbs and hair. Their breaths on one another dried the other with limited effectiveness. Minutes into Paine's weary bliss did she realize she hadn't the luxury of dawdling.

"We're still in Leblanc's mansion," said Paine into Lulu's soaked shoulder, "Aren't we?"

Lulu hummed against Paine's ear. "We should get going," she said.

"I have something to give you first."

They stayed huddled together to walk into the bedroom. Upon the bed sat a small slate, with half-spheres carved within. In the very center slot sat a purple sphere.

Paine gifted Lulu with her own garment grid. Lulu smiled, pressing the grid to her heart with Paine's hand over the back of hers. As it dissolved into light within Lulu's skin, Paine felt a stringent shock within her hand. Though it hurt far more than she expected it to, she tried to think nothing of it. They changed into their respective dresspheres at the same time.

"That should save you a lot of time," said Paine, crossing the room to retrieve her sword. "Fully dressed again with all your makeup and jewelry in seconds."

"It will come in handy at times like this. Thank you, Paine. As much as I enjoy my daily ritual of getting dressed, it can take an age when I'm pressed for time."

Though Paine wanted to take the time to greet the day with Lulu properly, she could tell as to Lulu's concealed impatience. Lulu's desire to be far away from anything to do with Leblanc sounded clear to Paine's ears and eyes. She left the room with her, without looking back, and went to collect Vidina and the others. The moment Paine opened the door, she found Vidina there smiling up at her. She stepped aside for Lulu to hug him good morning. Before Paine or Lulu could look up to survey the room, Tidus screamed at them to turn around and close the door.

Paine covered her eyes, doing as she was told; she caught a brief glimpse of Tidus hobbling about with nothing on, searching for his dressphere.

"Heyyy!" sounded Wakka's voice from downstairs, his mouth full of food. "You two bein' nasty and watching him?" Paine leaned over the railing, glaring down at him. Wakka certainly was one to talk about _watching_ others. "I was gonna warn you, he can't find his dressphere! Too late now, eh?"

"My, what a travesty!" said Leblanc as she emerged from her bedroom across from Paine. "How_ever _will you all leave if one of your companions can't find his clothes? I can't imagine you'd be so cruel as to have him run through the Thunder Plains in such a state."

Paine went over to Leblanc, who stood against her room's doorframe, caressing it in amusement. "I swear, Leblanc, if you stole his dressphere to keep us stranded here—"

Leblanc's jaw dropped; she placed a hand over her chest. "Well, I never!" she scoffed. "How could you accuse me of such a thing, love?" Leblanc whispered her nails along Paine's face, smirking at Lulu some feet behind her as she did. "Do you really think I would hatch such a scheme, all for such shallow, petty reasons? You should know me better than that by now…"

Paine slapped Leblanc's hand away. She walked past Lulu standing thin-lipped with a confused Vidina. Amid Wakka's uproarious laughter downstairs, she threw Tidus' door open.

"We need to leave!" she shouted.

Tidus covered himself with a pillow, kneeling down to search beneath the bed. "I'm not going anywhere without my clothes!" he argued. "Do _you _wanna cross the Thunder Plains with nothing covering your ass?! It's freezing out there!"

Paine searched through her garment grids for a spare sphere. "Here!" she said, throwing it at him. "Equip it—now. We have to get a move-on!"

Tidus hesitated for a moment before placing it inside his garment grid. He changed into the sphere within seconds. When Leblanc moved to get a better look at him from the opposite side of the landing, she wheezed with laughter.

"Lady Luck?!" roared Tidus, throwing his deck of cards to the floor. "Are you serious with this, Paine?!" A deep blue, backless V-neck dress ensemble hugged his form, paired with a glittering tiara upon his head. "You give me a _Lady Luck _dressphere out of all the damn ones you could've picked out?! You could've at _least _given me one with a tuxedo instead!"

Paine fought her hardest not to laugh, to maintain her steeled expression. "It's better than…nothing," she offered, her voice breaking to accommodate her wavering demeanor. "Yuna might like it."

When Wakka came upstairs to see the sight, he, too, broke down in laughter. Tidus slammed the door shut in Paine's face. Paine felt rather bad over her carelessness leading to Tidus' utter embarrassment. Wakka and Leblanc laughed themselves downstairs, not at all helping her regret to dissolve as fast as she wanted it to.

She frowned, turning her head to regard Lulu…and found Lulu covering her mouth, laughing a soundless laugh. Paine stared at her.

"I'm sorry," said Lulu, taking deep breaths to recover. She fanned her face as Paine went to her. "That was immature of me, to laugh at his misfortune. It was so unexpected. I couldn't help it."

Paine shook her head. "That's not why I'm staring," she said. "I don't think I've ever seen you laugh before."

Lulu smiled. "Vidina has," she supplied. "I'm getting used to letting everyone else see that. It's rather therapeutic, actually."

"I want to see that again soon."

Tidus emerged from his room in his Zanarkand Abes uniform at last, shooting a scathing look at Paine.

"Here's your stupid dressphere," he said, shoving the sphere in her arms. "You pull anything like that again, I swear I'll…"

He trailed off when Lulu giggled.

"No way!" said Tidus. "You made _Lulu _laugh at me? She never laughs! Damnit, Paine, I'm gonna get you back for this… You owe me!"

Paine covered her mouth with one hand, steeling her eyes. "Whatever," she said. "Let's just get going. You can be mad at me all you want on the way."

Tidus left the mansion straightaway, choosing to wait outside. Paine followed after him, palm facing upward as she helped Lulu descend the stairs. For as much as Paine adored the make of Lulu's dress, she could never comprehend how Lulu could have crossed through Spira's varied terrains through three pilgrimages.

"Hey, hey, hey!" said Wakka, before Paine, Lulu and Vidina could make it to the double doors. "Wait for us, ya? You forget you got other people goin' with you?"

"_Us_?"

Leblanc leaned against Wakka, placing her hands over his shoulder. She gave Paine her most dazzling smile, clearly relishing in her dismay.

"I'm going too, love," said Leblanc, cocking her head behind her as she looked back at Wakka. "Noojie's asked me to meet him at Lake Macalania. We can cross the Thunder Plains together!"

Lulu exited the building with Vidina. Leblanc took this as her permission to come along, strutting past Paine with a wink. Paine pursed her lips, sneering at Wakka. She had no doubt he had encouraged Leblanc to join them; Paine's ire toward her was no secret.

Wakka clapped Paine on the shoulder. "Let's go-go-go, ah?" He jostled her, a little rougher than what Paine considered playful before he made his way out.

—

The lightning, thunder, rain and winds of the Thunder Plains ravaged the land as they always had: relentless in their purpose, never stopping to give travelers a respite. Scattered about the obsidian plains stood the aging lightning towers; they absorbed each strike of white to spare any on the ground the agony of pain immeasurable. Paine made the mistake of watching the tip of one tower, blinded by light as she stood just inside the tunnel leading back to Guadosalam. Beside her, Tidus smirked at her as he and Wakka alternated with squats.

The freeze in the air from the downpour alerted Paine to her immediate surroundings. She stared at Tidus in question.

"Are you warming up for something?" she asked. Tidus' smirk widened all the more. "Okay…what?"

Tidus stopped his squats to stand anew, pointing at her. "You owe me, that's what!" he declared. Paine's veins went cold. "You, me and Wakka—it's a race to the travel agency. Loser has to buy us all drinks! I'm gonna make sure it's not me!"

"Me too!" said Wakka, with the same smugness he had about himself in Leblanc's mansion. "This should be good, ya? We get to see what Miss Legendary Sphere Hunter's made of!"

Paine thought of a morbid reference of Wakka preferring to see what her insides looked like. She _did _destroy his marriage, after all. The thought showed in her face, wavering Wakka's conceit.

"How exciting!" exclaimed Leblanc, her hands over her chest and forehead. "A race to the death—drinks for us all! Which one of our three men will make it to the finish line first? The winner will go down in history as the most valiant, the most daring in the face of nature! This is a _wonderful _idea, isn't it, Lulu?"

Paine folded her arms. She regarded Lulu beneath her parasol, standing next to Leblanc; she held Vidina's hand as he tried to catch the bolts of lightning with his eyes.

"I agree," said Lulu. "I should like to stay behind with you, Leblanc. We can walk to the travel agency at our own leisure. It will give us the chance to talk."

Though Leblanc cackled at the notion, Paine heard the forewarning in Lulu's tone. Wakka laughed as well, joining Tidus along their imaginary starting line. Lulu nodded to Paine, as a gesture that told her not to worry. Paine stood beside Tidus, not bothering with the same needless crouching stance he'd adopted.

Paine needed only to think of that day on the Mi'ihen Highroad, when Nooj betrayed them—when he'd shot her, before she _ran._

She kept her head down and her eyes shut as she had back then. Her long legs tore through the storm. She left Wakka and Tidus behind within seconds, deaf to their shouts of disbelief. The rain that drenched her felt as her blood had. The lightning overhead, the thunder—it all sounded as Nooj had, screaming at her to stop moving. He'd wanted to kill her properly.

_That _Nooj was a ghost, possessed by one: Shuyin. Susceptible in his death seeking, malleable and affected as Baralai had been after him. Paine ran from the possibility of that ever happening to her. For someone to open the dam of her despair; to take advantage of it; to become one with it as Shuyin had done. Yet the longer she considered Nooj's history, his tendencies, she wondered if it had been Shuyin within Nooj pulling the trigger of his gun.

When she opened her eyes again, she'd arrived at the travel agency. Paine slowed to a fast walk, turning her head to see Wakka and Tidus panting alongside each other in the far distance. She didn't stop, pushing both hands against the agency's door to enter.

Paine stood by the sphere, her hands against her knees as she breathed in its healing properties. The crystal within soothed her burning lungs and bleeding throat. She sat down on a wooden chair, hunched over; hands raking through her drenched hair. Near twenty minutes passed before Tidus arrived.

"Un-REAL!" he said, collapsing against the front counter. "Yo, Paine!" Paine lifted her head at last, pushing her hair from her face to regard him. "How'd you _do _that? You're… WOW! Lulu…sure is lucky."

Paine didn't want to ask what he meant by that.

Wakka followed soon after, clutching at his side as he hobbled through the door. "The hell did your parents feed you…when you were little, huh?" he panted. "Whatever it was…Vidina needs in on it. That was…like greased lightning out there, ya? Damn…"

"Haha! Hey, Wakka!" said Tidus, finding the energy to jump up and point at him. "You lost! Drinks are on you, man!"

"No way! We both lost! That was just embarrassing, ya? You're splittin' the tab with me—no complaints!"

Tidus and Wakka continued to bicker, eventually deciding on what to buy each member of their group. Paine slicked her hair back as she surveyed the bottles the two had purchased. All of the alcohol looked too strong for her tastes. She contemplated renting a room, or opening the door to see if Lulu and Leblanc had made it anywhere near the building without getting into an argument.

Moments later, Leblanc entered the travel agency. She said not a word to anyone. Her hair was somewhat frazzled, with her makeup running as though she'd been crying. Lulu followed after, closing her parasol. Vidina hugged his moomba close, squeezing the water from the doll. Tidus beckoned Vidina over with a sugary drink and a meal.

Lulu went to Paine, a hazy surprise about her features. Paine watched those hips move, enticed; holding her arms out to hold Lulu's waist when she neared enough. The belts of Lulu's dress chimed as she sat on Paine's lap, wrapping her arms about Paine's damp neck.

"Congratulations on your victory," said Lulu. "At least, I'm assuming you won, since the men are buying drinks." She admired Paine's new hairstyle. "I quite like this on you." Those nails, Lulu ran through Paine's water-weighed hair, eliciting a shiver. "It's very sexy."

Though Paine smirked at Lulu's compliments, she knew better. Leblanc watched their exchange from across the room, as horrified as one who'd witnessed a terrible death. Tidus also noticed, shouting his observations at Leblanc with the utmost obliviousness. Leblanc said not a word.

Paine looked up at Lulu. "As much as I'm loving the attention, Lulu," she said, "I need to know what you did to that woman. She looks completely out of it."

"Leblanc merely wished to know what is on my mind when I'm not fantasizing about you," explained Lulu. Paine felt her face become flushed; Lulu's lidded eyes darkened as she smiled. "I responded that I think of the elements, of black magic. She proceeded to joke about my dolls, calling them instruments of voodoo magic. A poor simile to do with my sexual control over you followed. About a second later, a bolt of lightning struck the ground next to her. I didn't do anything."

"So it was karma, then? _Almost_."

"I suppose you could say that," responded Lulu. Paine chuckled. "But before that, she did point out how quickly you took off running. In heels, no less. I hope it wasn't _me _you were running from."

"No…no," said Paine, lowering her head. "Never that…not away from you… More like I ran _to _you." She held Lulu closer, resting her chin over Lulu's chest to conceal her words between the two of them. The sounds of Wakka and Tidus' chatter as they drank further served to drown out her hushed voice. "Yuna told you about the time I spent with Nooj, Gippal and Baralai. Didn't she?"

Lulu turned her head, only to ascertain that no one had given Vidina any alcohol. Wakka stared at her, speaking words to Tidus that Paine could not discern. Tidus waved his arms in front of Wakka's face. "She was rather vague about it," said Lulu, moving to regard Paine once more. "Did you tell her everything?"

"The truth is recorded in some of the spheres she took with her to Bevelle… She knows. She saw it."

Lulu held Paine's cold face in her lukewarm hand. It felt colder than it should have been, lacking in that half of warmth. "Let's talk about this later, when we're alone," she suggested. "There are too many eyes on us. I can tell this is an emotional topic for you…"

"Nooj shot me."

Lulu paled, first, before scowling in anger. Not at Paine, no—despite that Paine could not keep the words inside, she knew Lulu's resentment was not aimed at her.

"He…he was possessed," she went on. "We weren't supposed to have survived. Yevon didn't want anyone to know what we saw in the Den of Woe—how Shuyin's despair crippled those inside to murder their allies. For years, I thought it was Shuyin who'd still possessed him that day…on the Mi'ihen Highroad. I'd been running from the memory, until earlier. It wasn't Shuyin who made Nooj shoot Baralai, Gippal…and me. It wasn't."

Lulu willed herself to ask: "Then…who was it?"

"Someone else was there, in that cave with us. Something and someone deeper and darker than death, more dangerous than even Shuyin was… I have to ask Nooj if he's come to grips with it by now, if he can put a name to whoever drove him to do that to us. I have a feeling it's the same thing—or person—who had him give the order for the Guado's genocide. He'll be in Lake Macalania, waiting for Leblanc. I…I have to go to him."

A long moment passed, where neither moved nor spoke.

Lulu held Paine's head nearer to her slow-beating heart. Paine felt her skin drying at last against the natural heat of Lulu's skin. Tender protectiveness flowed through Lulu's hold, her touch; the very same that made Paine drift to sleep with such ease during their bath the previous night. Though Paine wished to stay there longer, she felt herself loitering in that instant with so much uncertainty ahead.

—

They all set off again, with the stretch of the plains after the travel agency far longer than the previous one. With Wakka and Tidus rather buzzed from the alcohol they'd had and Leblanc still indisposed, Paine and Lulu stayed together at the fore of the group. They rid the path of the rare fiends they happened upon. At one point, Vidina had grown tired of walking with the men and hurried behind Paine to help.

Vidina cast a _Water _spell around Paine's sword, imbuing her blade with the element. Lulu expressed her amazement as the battle ended swiftly, as the thunder fiends native to the area all had a weakness to water attacks.

Paine smiled down at him, behind her. "Think you can keep up?" she asked him.

"Yes!" Vidina nodded, looking to Lulu. "I'll stay back," he promised.

"Hmm," hummed Lulu, uncertain. "You're still too young, Vidina. I don't want you getting hurt." The canopy-like structure nearby caught her eye. "I'd suggest we take a breather, but Wakka and the others are dragging behind. We've lost too much time."

Paine pointed ahead to the fading forest along the horizon. "The Macalania Woods aren't too far from here," she noted. "We can take the lit path through the trees as a shortcut when we get there."

Lulu quickened her stride, holding Vidina's hand. Paine jogged a bit to catch up. They soon crossed through to the cool dryness of the Macalania Woods. The cobalt that once coated the trees and winding paths had faded to pale blue. Paine had little time for sightseeing, as Lulu had already led her to the aforementioned path.

The ribbon of gleaming light took them above the maze they would have otherwise had to navigate, compacting days' worth of travel into but a few hours.

Vidina yelped at the first whip of the blizzard's breeze of Lake Macalania. Lulu pulled his hood over his head, explaining the weather to him. In the distance by the travel agency, Paine spotted Nooj with a regiment of Youth League members.

Leblanc ran to Nooj, expressing her utmost glee upon seeing him again. Paine followed after her, her heels digging in the snow.

"Why hello, Paine," said Nooj, sporting a clingy Leblanc along his left side. Lulu stood just as close to Paine, a telling look in her eyes. "So the rumors are true, then. I never thought I'd see the day." Nooj bowed to Lulu. "I am honored to make your acquaintance, my lady. Meyvn Nooj of the Youth League. Spira is rather obsessed with the news of your relationship with my old friend."

Lulu nodded her head; she would not bow. Paine raised her eyebrows at that: a strong admission of Lulu's relative importance compared to Nooj, in regards to respect.

Nooj smirked. "It seems you're the type of woman whose respect must be earned," he acknowledged. "I admire that, and I also welcome any criticism you may have of me. I trust that Leblanc and Paine have been quite open as to what they know of me."

Tidus and Wakka knew to enter the travel agency without a word; they brought Vidina inside with them.

Paine knew Lulu had no desire to hold a conversation with this man. "Leblanc," she said. "Do you mind? I need to speak with Nooj without you listening."

Leblanc did not scoff, did not protest as she went to the agency. Lulu stayed at Paine's side, unwavering.

"What's this about, Paine?" asked Nooj. "If you're concerned about my men, what we're planning—"

Paine interjected. "I couldn't care less about your _plans _right now, Nooj," she said. "I only want to know why you're doing this. Why kill the Guado? Why all the talks about war? Weren't Sin and Vegnagun enough? Spira doesn't need this."

Nooj paused before answering, fluid, "Spira needs this more than anything. What will follow makes the sacrifices, the bloodshed worth it." He stopped again, seeing the contempt there in Paine's eyes. "The Maesters of Yevon have returned. They've already pushed Baralai to dissolve my faction, effectively severing all governmental powers I had in the regions of Spira I controlled. That's injustice."

"The Maesters never _left_," urged Paine. "Right after Vegnagun was defeated, the Farplane opened up to allow the energy controlling that machine to dissipate. Energy can't be created or destroyed—it has to go somewhere. The dead came back. They've been around for years now. You must have done something to provoke them if this dissolution happened so recently."

"Yes," said Nooj. "You know the Guado are gone because of me. That certainly prompted these consequences. I reacted to them first; they reacted to me, and so on. You were never a formal member of the League—you wouldn't know of the intricacies of this deadly dance with New Yevon. They must be stopped. I won't say anything more than that."

Paine chose not to press the issue. She had her answers. "Fine," she said, making her way inside with Lulu.

"Paine," Nooj called to her. His words cut her as the gusts did, scarring her skin with snow. "Tell Baralai I said hello. It's been a while since I've seen him."

"Tell him yourself. I'm not doing you any favors if you can't even be straight with me."


	10. Sublimely Magnificent

_Even if the dream wishing to stop time  
Disappears  
In this world where everything fades  
This moment I live with you now isn't a dream._

The lithe, sharp fingers of Lulu's hand intertwined with Paine's gloved ones; hand-in-hand they ambled through the snow of Lake Macalania, aimless. Though the frost of the gales bit at Lulu's skin, she could not focus on that. Though she yearned for the warmth of Besaid again, she knew it was an empty wish.

Paine's slicked-back hair had frozen in place, her hair salted by the streaks of snow throughout. As she walked without that confidence, that arrogance, her head stayed low. A few stray strands sagged down over her eyes with her mood.

After long, Lulu had them stop walking. She stayed in place as Paine made feeble attempts to keep going, hovering about between side-steps and staying.

"We are far enough away from Meyvn Nooj now," observed Lulu, smoothing her hands along the exposed skin of Paine's waist. "Talk to me.. Tell me what's on your mind." Paine ran her hand through her hair, keeping her arm bent over her head. Though Lulu had never seen that gesture from her before, it spoke volumes all the same. "I don't want you to censor yourself, love."

Even in this white gale, Lulu could tell as to Paine's heated face at the term of endearment. Lulu stood closer, closer. Their bodies pressed together—a shield from the snow. With that proximity came the dimming of the blizzard around them. Though Paine averted her eyes, her movements in this enclosed space spoke of a need to never move, never separate.

Paine's breaths slowed down; down Lulu's neck to keep her warm. "You mean so much to me, Lulu," she whispered, husky in her timbre. "If we could stay here, together, and need nothing else to sustain us…I wouldn't want to leave." A freeze in the shape of Paine's lips found Lulu's shoulder, melting on the spot. The contour continued to warm; warm along Lulu's slanting neck, her shifting shoulders. "Having you like this, making you react to me…nothing else matters anymore."

Lulu pushed her hand along the back of Paine's head, putting more pressure behind Paine's ravaging. One movement at a time. One movement at a time, and Paine unwound Lulu, unwrapped her of her worries.

After Lulu's sighs had warmed Paine's ears to what she wanted, and those lips had heated enough along her skin, Lulu moved Paine's head to tease first—to kiss. The strength, the ease in Paine's arms wrapped about Lulu's waist had her fall into them. Could that the blizzard had pushed Lulu back into an arch, Paine would have maintained her hold as a natural dip in their motionless valse. Paine no doubt possessed the grace for such a movement: seamless in its effortlessness.

As she extended her arms, bending them at the elbow to embrace Paine's head, the sounds of snowy footsteps sounded from the direction of Macalania Temple.

Leaning back in Paine's hold, Lulu turned her head to a sight she never thought she would see again.

Breathless, she uttered her shock, "Sir Auron!"

Auron's signature chuckle came as Paine, too, noticed his approach. He looked not a day older, no different since his sending to the Farplane after Yu Yevon's defeat. His boots crunched the snow beneath his feet; his robes shifted in the winds, with his injured arm still cradled within his sleeve. Paine lifted Lulu back to a standing position, letting go of her.

"You're doing well, I see," said Auron, with a brief smile. Lulu stopped herself from forming her hands in the old Yevon circle; stopped herself from bowing. "There's no need for that. We've known each other long enough to disregard those formalities. Haven't we?"

Lulu felt foolish. "Of course…" she replied, as Auron stood before her. He surveyed Paine, muted admiration present behind his glasses. Introductions could wait—she needed answers. "Sir Auron, how did you manage to return to Spira? How long have you been here?"

Auron returned his regard to Lulu. "Do you remember when the aeons attacked their respective temples?" he asked. "The holes left by the fayth's statues provided an escape for those wandering the Farplane, after Vegnagun's defeat. We decided to wait until we felt we were needed before returning."

Before Lulu could ask who else he referred to, Yuna's father, Braska, and Tidus' father, Jecht, appeared in the near distance.

"Lord Braska, Sir Jecht!" said Lulu, bowing this time as they stood next to Auron. "This is…surprising. It is an honor, all the same, to meet you at last."

"Our meeting is long overdue," said Braska in his elegant summoner's robes, with the same gentle smile Lulu remembered of him from the spheres he'd recorded for Yuna. "I'm pleased to finally make your acquaintance, my lady. You have done so much for Yuna. I can never thank you enough."

Jecht roared with laughter. "Same here, for my crybaby son!" he added, shaking Paine's hand roughly. "And you, Paine—I gotta thank you too!"

Paine stared at Jecht, uncertain. "You're welcome… But…for what?"

"For gettin' Lulu here away from that useless lug, Wakka!" he bellowed. Lulu covered her smile with her hand—Paine appeared rather disheveled by the news. "We all knew he wouldn't amount to nothin'. It was a _bad_ match, you know? Wakka's a good man and all. Just not for her."

"So you've…been…watching us?" asked Paine, fighting back a wince.

"That's right!"

She gave a distant nod, looking elsewhere. Lulu exchanged smiles with all three men, standing closer to Paine. In her happiness, she could not find it in her to be embarrassed, or wonder as to how closely they had watched them.

"I must ask," began Lulu, "Why the three of you have chosen to return on this day. Sir Auron mentioned you waited until you felt you needed to. I'm curious."

"Bevelle's depths are in utter turmoil," spoke Braska. "We're not entirely certain on the details. All we know is that Yuna needs us. She needs all of us. We could not return to Bevelle on our own, without living escorts."

"We feared a sending would be our greeting," said Auron, "Had we decided to go ahead without you. We can move as a group now. Let us explain more on the way."

—

Pale white gave way to the beginnings of richly decorated patterns upon the ground. Lulu walked through to the end of the Macalania Woods, with Paine and Auron at either side of her, her arm encircled within Paine's. As she observed Bevelle's Highbridge but paces away, she could hear the sounds of Jecht with Vidina sitting upon his shoulders, teasing Tidus at the very back of the group. Jecht also expressed his excitement over the newly-built blitzball stadium in the city. Braska and Wakka spoke together in the center, Wakka's tone sounding remorseful for reasons Lulu could only guess.

With a large part of the Highbridge covered by an endless canopy, Lulu had a limited view of the city beyond. Even partial in scope, Lulu recognized that blooming architecture. Reds, yellows and other warm colors seemed brighter after Lulu's eyes had been so adjusted to the coolness of Macalania. Yet the longer she stared before her, the more she began to sense that something was off.

"These buildings no longer feel the same," said Auron, putting a voice to her concerns. "No doubt the Farplane has touched this city. The immensity that held Vegnagun in place has spread to the living. I believe it chose Bevelle's temple as its exit point, instead of Guadosalam."

"What could that mean for Spira?" asked Lulu.

Before Auron could supply her with his speculation, a group of guards approached them with their muskets drawn. The many monks and acolytes scattered about the Highbridge ran away, back toward Bevelle's entrance.

As Paine stepped forward, using her arm to shield Lulu, the captain aimed his weapon right in her face.

"Halt! You are under arrest, for evading capture under Maester Mika's orders during Operation Mi'ihen. You will come with us!"

Lulu could think of nothing to say in her shock.

"This must be a misunderstanding," spoke Braska, stepping to the fore of the group. "Allow Paine to explain her situation before arresting her. Failing to do so—"

"I won't let a ghost tell me how to do my job," said the captain. Braska stared at him, affronted. "If any of you want to stick up for her, I'm sending you to the Via Purifico. No exceptions!"

"Everyone, get out of here!" said Paine, as more guards began running their way.

Paine drew her sword, standing in profile as she held the hilt by her face. Auron pulled Lulu back, despite her efforts to stay in place and fight. She refused to leave Paine there to face those waves of guards alone. Lulu fought against that current pushing her back, to stay; so much that Wakka had to carry her away from the fray as he ran with the others.

Lulu struck Wakka's chest with her fist, amid the fading sounds of Paine's blade clashing; killing. "Set me down this _instant_, Wakka!" she ordered. "This is NOT up for debate!"

"Damn right it's not!" said Wakka, as he ran alongside Braska through the Macalania Woods again. "You heard what Paine said! She told us to get out of there, so that's what we're doin', ya?!"

Lulu lost it. She tried to cast _Thundaga _on him, to jolt him to his senses and let her go. Braska anticipated this, casting _NulShock _on him just before her spell could take effect, nullifying the damage.

"Hey, hey!" shouted Wakka. "Anything but that, Lu! Come on, ya! I don't wanna end up fried like a water fiend on the Thunder Plains!"

"Be reasonable!" urged Auron. "We won't be of use to anyone if we're locked away in jail! Stay calm!"

Lulu felt she could scream at this man had she respected him any less. How could they decide to leave Paine like that? So _what _if Paine told them as much, or if she was clearly capable of taking on an entire legion of New Yevon soldiers—everything about this situation boiled Lulu's insides.

They ran the short way back to Lake Macalania, where Nooj still stood outside the travel agency with his men. Wakka had set her down at last, making a point to walk behind her, to catch her in case she decided to take off for Bevelle. Lulu could not look at them—any of them.

Nooj stopped her before she could storm inside the agency. "I forgot to warn you," he said. "New Yevon has already arrested Gippal for his involvement in the Crimson Squad all those years ago." Nooj surveyed her group. "I assume they've taken Paine as well—"

"You _knew _this would happen!" shouted Lulu, forgetting herself. Nooj averted his eyes. "I cannot believe that you merely _forgot _to mention such crucial information! Are you so threatened by her, that you would rather she faded away in the Via Purifico to not stop whatever it is you're planning?"

Nooj said nothing. Lulu backhanded him; Wakka ran to her, restraining her. She could not struggle against him.

"Lu, calm down, ya?!" Wakka pulled her away from Nooj. "We'll find a way to get Paine out! We just gotta regroup, figure out how to get in the city, and…"

Lulu shook her head. "Wakka," she said. He let go of her, still standing behind her. Nooj had turned to walk away, nursing his injured jaw. How her hand pulsed with…pain. "I don't need your sympathy." Jecht approached her with apprehension, his hand over his shoulder as he cracked his neck. "Sir Jecht."

"Hey," said Jecht, his tone soft. "Don't worry. We'll get your girl outta there." They watched as Nooj set off at last for Macalania Temple with his regiment and Leblanc, who'd watched their exchange. "Who knows, maybe she slaughtered her way through the bastards by now. You trust her, don't you?"

Lulu could not find the words to express the depths of her affirmative answer. As Auron regarded her with Tidus and Vidina at his side, she realized the truth in his words. It was quite possible they'd have been overwhelmed had they stayed. They would be no use to Yuna at all, stuck within the Via Purifico for their crimes. With Nooj's secrecy, she could not tell as to his motivations. So long as he wanted the demise of New Yevon, to help free Yuna from her fate, Lulu would not stop him.

That did not forgive his omissions.

"I must go to her," spoke Lulu, uncaring if any specific one of her comrades heard her words.

Each one of them heard her, nodding in agreement. She looked to Vidina, to Wakka, just as a mass of red and engines began to descend from the sky. The Celsius had arrived, fully repaired at last and in top condition. Tidus and the others walked over to the ship as it landed nearby.

"Lulu," said Wakka. "I know what you're thinkin'. You got that look on your face, ya?" He folded his arms. "You don't want the two of us goin' with you. That it?"

"We can't bring Vidina with us all over Spira," she insisted. "He needs structure. He needs a home. I planned on enrolling him in school on his birthday…"

"Can we talk now? On the ship, I mean. It's freezing out here, you know? I got a lot of things I wanna say, ya? It's lookin' like now's the last chance I'll get to say 'em."

Lulu could not find it in her to protest. She held Vidina's hand, walking with him and Wakka to the Celsius.

—

As Vidina napped in a bed on the other side of the inn, Wakka stood with Lulu on the opposite side of the upper level. The ceiling fans sounded faint, as faint as the hum of the engines and the chocobo downstairs by the bar. Lulu had allowed the Gullwings, Auron, Braska and Jecht to decide on how to infiltrate Bevelle to find Paine…while she had this conversation with Wakka.

If she chose to be honest with herself, she'd been avoiding this talk. Wakka leaned against the wall, his body language tense and closed-off. Lulu sat upon the bed, hands folded over her lap as she observed them. Paine had felt so good in her hands but a few nights prior.

"I'm not gonna lie to you, Lu," said Wakka. "Even though I was too heartbroken to see it, I was real disappointed in you for not tellin' me sooner, ya? Thought I could always count on you to be straight with me." Lulu might have smiled at the pun, if Paine were sitting next to her. "So I come back home, and you just expect me to be okay with this? I'm still not."

"That is rather unfortunate," said Lulu, still not raising her eyes to meet his. "There comes a time when the people we know will act in ways we won't expect…"

"You don't say!" replied Wakka, sarcasm clear in his tone. Lulu hung her head further. "Lulu, no offense, but what the fuck happened to you, eh? So Paine ain't here—it's no big deal, ya? You'll get through this. Like I said, we'll find her…"

Lulu didn't know what had come upon her. Her eyes began to shine; she could not stop it; her sleeves could not absorb it all or hide it from Wakka. Perhaps frustration, perhaps helplessness—she didn't know which—had reduced her to this, over Paine, for her ex-husband to see. She had been asleep the last time they were separated. She'd slept through it all, awakening again to the bliss of Paine's lips and starved touch.

She held her breath, staying silent through her embarrassment—her realization that she wouldn't have that this time.

Wakka was not used to her emotions. He rarely saw them. And when he did, she'd painted them in the fury of her rage toward him. Never did she feel the need to cry over him, or his failures. He knew it.

"This is why…I didn't say anything," said Lulu, refusing to see his reactions to her. "You would have been angry. You wouldn't have left me alone. I'd have had no place else to go. Besaid is…was…such a small place. I would not have been able to escape your tantrums, your efforts to win me back. There was no point."

Wakka kept his silence for a moment. "Yeah," he agreed, moving closer to her. "You're right. I can't accept it now…sure as hell wouldn't have earlier, ya? I still wanna be with you, Lu—"

"Stop this," ordered Lulu, pushing him away as he tried to hold her. "You're trying to take advantage of my weakness. If you can't behave yourself, our conversation is over."

"I can't even hug you while you're crying?!"

"You can't embrace me, and then go on to say you still want to be with me!" Lulu stood up; Wakka looked down at his feet. "I don't want you to go with me to Bevelle. I need to get away from you, if you haven't noticed. Your presence has been draining me far more than I care to accept."

The look in Wakka's face told Lulu he did not agree with this, yet he would not protest.

"What about Vidina?" he asked. "You can't take him with you, either. What's a five-year-old gonna do on an infiltration mission, ya?" Lulu was ready to concur with his statements, until, "But you're tellin' me I gotta babysit _our _son while you run off into the sunset with your girlfriend? That's just messed up!"

It took every ounce, every grain of calm within Lulu to not go off on him; to not shatter the window next to them and send Wakka flying. That indignation, that haughtiness in his face as he stared at her did not help matters.

"You will stay here with Vidina," spoke Lulu, a full warning in her tone that struck Wakka right away. "It is for his safety _and _yours. I still owe you a taste of my thunder spells, for being so quick to take me from the Highbridge when you _knew _I wanted to stay. Don't tempt me further."

Wakka sighed, defeated. "You're not gonna back down, huh?" he asked.

"You don't even need to ask."

Buddy's voice sounded over the intercom, politely calling Lulu to the bridge. Wakka held her arm before she could go.

"I'm not giving up on you—"

Lulu shoved him away from her, against the wall. That was it. He'd set her off—sent her to a place within her rage she did not want to go.

"Let this _die_," she hissed, with every last bit of her malice toward him. "If you knew even a fraction, a _percent _of how much she makes me feel, you'd have given up long ago! When have I ever spoken like this about you? It doesn't matter that Paine is not a man and you are, Wakka. Your sex is not what moves me—hers does. Her mind, her heart, her intelligence, her strength, her _everything _is leagues beyond what you are! Unless you wake up in the morning as Paine, you will never be what I need."

Wakka turned away. He slumped against the wall, burning his arm from the friction as he slid to the floor. Buddy called Lulu again, repeating his request to have her go down to the bridge. Lulu left Wakka there. She did not turn back; did not feel anything when he began to cry.

—

The productive mood about the bridge was a welcome change from Wakka's cluelessness. Tidus and Jecht stood in the nearest corner with their blitzballs, giving Lulu encouraging nods as she walked by. Braska stood behind Shinra's panel, watching the spheres the Gullwings had recorded of Yuna; he smiled warmly at her. Auron regarded her with understanding, leaning against the railing of the stairs. With Brother ready to get going at the helm, Lulu put the disagreements of the day behind her. It was time to press onward.

Buddy summoned her over to the center of the area, behind the helm—the sphere-oscillo finder showed footage of Paine lying low somewhere in the slums of Bevelle. Paine was…_reading. _Those sheets of paper looked most familiar. Lulu felt the utmost relief, listening as Buddy explained the situation.

"Looks like she managed to push through all those guards, and booked it the hell outta there," he observed, switching the screen to a nearby area. "New Yevon's guards and their machina are still on the lookout. Paine's from the area of Bevelle she's in, so I'm pretty sure she'll be fine until you can get to her." Lulu had never thought to ask of Paine's origins… Buddy switched the screen again, to a massive crowd gathering in the higher district. "Even more good news—there's a blitzball game happening tonight. Everyone will be distracted. We can move in and get her…but that leaves one problem."

"We went to Bevelle to find Yuna," said Lulu. Buddy nodded, grim as he changed the view back to Paine. "There is a good chance that, even if we found Paine, we would not make it to Yuna without being incarcerated."

"That is where Auron and I come in," said Braska. "In case that does end up happening, we can work to free you; clear your names. Unless you manage to evade the sentencing during the trial."

"Either way," added Auron, "You needn't worry about the guards finding you. Focus on getting to Paine. As reckless as it sounds, we can figure the rest out after that. Trust that Braska and I will learn more about Yuna's situation—what can be done to get her out of it."

"We're helpin' too!" said Jecht, dragging Tidus by his hood. "Buddy says there's a blitzball game goin' tonight. That's the perfect excuse for me to make my comeback! I'll entertain the crowd, show 'em my Sublimely Magnificent Jecht Shot Mark Five I've been workin' on!"

Tidus rolled his eyes. "Sounds like _such _a great idea," he said.

"It is," insisted Lulu. "I will need to get into the city undetected. I don't want to become the main attraction for all of Bevelle to witness. If everyone nearby is distracted by your displays, I can do what needs to be done without incident."

Later, from the top of the Celsius' deck, Lulu watched the sights before her as the ship circled over Bevelle at nighttime. The city stretched out from horizon to horizon, brightened by the electricity they had finally learned to utilize from the Al Bhed. She had said her goodbyes to Vidina moments before, promising to return with Paine as soon as she could. Tidus and Jecht jumped headlong into the sphere of water below. Soon after, Buddy gave her the signal that they were now over the slums where Paine continued to hide. Without a single thought save for her gravity spells, Lulu jumped.

These spells had helped her countless times before on her journeys, helping her to accomplish such feats in the dress she wore with supreme grace. Lulu free-fell with control, with direction; she shifted the gravity around her to fit her form and purpose. Her braids lanced behind her, above her, with the wind against her face a welcome change from the day's events thus far.

Soon, Lulu would land; she would be at liberty to look for Paine. The consequences if she were to fail—too severe, at least in her mind, her worries. Lulu had a good enough idea of where to locate Paine. She'd memorized the run-down streets where Paine sat, collected a number of landmarks to go by; her instincts being her most prominent compass of all.


	11. Crisp, Perfumed Compass

_Even if that empty warmth moves to the distance  
In the same moment our souls touch each other  
Dwell on the feelings to tomorrow_

The slums of Bevelle on this night felt to Paine as the stubborn home that never wanted to relinquish her. Nearly two years had passed since she last returned there. The slums' sole difference from the rest of the city lay not in overall cleanliness or credence, but in the placement of buildings: tighter, enclosed, with less space to maneuver, for religious officials never visited so as to garner large crowds of observers. Despite that closeness, its residents refused to acknowledge one another outside of common areas of interest or displeasure with their neighbor's choices or values.

She could sit in her narrow alleyway of choice, unbothered by passerby who noticed her out of the corners of their eyes on the walkways at either side. Those speeding past on their hoverbikes and hovertaxis spared her no notice. Many groups of young people walked together, jostling one another on their way to the nearby late-night venues. Their antics provided enough of a distraction, to perturb those simply on their way home who may have been curious enough to notice her.

Paine had tuned her in-ear radio to New Yevon's frequency, listening to their patrols search for her in all the wrong locations. She had contemplated finding shelter in a bar, or elsewhere, yet her instincts told her to stay in one place. The papers she held in her hand—their scent, of sensuality, kept her seated against the cold wall.

_Do you remember that day, in the pouring rain, when I spent hours standing in place, watching as you repaired your airship? It's been nearly five months, though it certainly doesn't feel as if it was that long ago. That was the first time I allowed my mind to wander. It was then that your allure unshackled me in my refusal to move._

_Watching you work, toil and sweat beneath the rain…I wanted you to kiss me. I wanted to push your hair back, like the longest blades of grass in the morning dew. I wished to know just how strong your arms are—if you might carry me to bed, and marry the night with me. _

_Ever since we spoke together, that night by the fire before Yuna's departure, I have dreamed of you or in relation to you. Many times have I dreamed of dancing with you, all throughout Spira. I feel a haze simply thinking about it. My hand has weakened, slowing my writing. I despair the day if we were to be separated again; despite my pride, it would weaken me in ways I could not accept…_

"_X-ATMOS has spotted one of the High Summoner's former guardians," _said one of New Yevon's guards. _"Relocate to the lower district, not the upper residences; I repeat: Sixth Street, on the western side of the borough. No doubt she's searching for our target…"_

Paine's breath tried to choke her on its way out. She quickly folded Lulu's letters, placing them back in her satchel. After changing her dressphere, she bolted out of the alleyway. She shoved past a group of adolescents amid their whining demands for an apology. After they got a better look at her choice of dress, they laughed. She preferred they did that, to not remember her face.

In her Mascot dressphere, dressed as a tonberry, she made her way down the three streets to Lulu's location.

When she arrived at the correct street, Paine was stopped in her tracks. A large group of children with their parents circled around her, begging for her attention. She could not maneuver through the mass, with several hands tugging at her beige robes and asking for hugs. It was as if New Yevon themselves scheduled this intervention, for Paine could not justify such an amassment of children outside so late at night. Paine thumped her tail upon the pavement, searching for Lulu.

"_X-ATMOS has been…destroyed?" _said another guard. _"I've lost all feeds from the unit closest to our suspects. The last thing I saw was a large gathering of lightning around it. I'm sending Y-ATMOS to take its place and investigate. ETA on our arrival is still over twenty minutes."_

As light traveled faster than sound, within seconds Paine heard the evidence of Lulu's destructive spell. In the same direction, she saw Lulu emerge from the nearest alleyway. The annoyance about her features melted away Paine's irritation with their circumstances. Yet Paine could not linger there. She had twenty minutes to get them to safety, with but one option for shelter.

Lulu spotted her and smiled. Paine moved her way through the children, waddling over to Lulu with the utmost disregard for the embarrassment she should have felt.

She held Lulu's hand, setting off in the opposite direction. "We have to hide!" said Paine, her voice muffled from her costume. "Lulu, why are you still smiling at me like that? There are tons of guards looking for us…"

"You left your many admirers behind," replied Lulu. "They were quite taken with you."

Hearing Lulu's relaxed amusement calmed Paine a great deal. Lulu could not even worry, given their situation. Lulu's sheer relief and happiness upon seeing her again awoke Paine's senses. She could think clearly. They would be all right, so long as Paine found a secure location.

Within minutes, they arrived at a nightclub. The line beginning at the door wrapped around the building, spanning the length of the block. The hum of the bass thundered within Paine's chest; drunken groups of people stumbled around them, screaming in delight with their friends for no apparent reason. Lulu appeared unbothered by these displays, wrapping her opposite arm around Paine's in her relaxation.

Paine proceeded to the entry with Lulu. She recognized the bouncer.

"No funny business. Get in line like everybody else," he ordered, folding his arms.

Paine removed her headpiece. "There's nothing _funny _about my business here," she remarked.

"Paine?!" he exclaimed, holding his hand out to the ones next in line. "You're back? I thought you said we'd never see you around this dump again? The hell's with that get-up?"

"It's a long story," she replied. "Look, is my place upstairs still open? I need to lay low for a while."

"Yeah, yeah, just head on up," he said, ushering her inside. "But you can't just go on in without tellin' me who you got with you… You bring a beautiful lady like _her_ here—I need to know who she is."

"My girlfriend—that's all you need to know. I have to go. If you see any guards looking for me, tell them they have the wrong place."

He promised he would, saluting to Paine and Lulu as they went. Lulu assisted Paine in placing her headpiece over her neck again, muting somewhat the stringent sounds of music and drunken behavior. Paine chose not to linger in the circular area of the bar, with its dimmed, crimson lights. She walked with Lulu along the perimeter of the area, avoiding the cluster of crowds.

Paine led Lulu up the tapered stairwell, to the third floor. The apartments of the club's owners, DJs, and other employees were scattered about the first two floors. Paine's singular suite on this floor had remained untouched. She changed to her warrior dressphere once more, using the barbed-wire chain of her necklace as a key to the door.

The smell of old welcome met her nose: the staleness of familiarity in absence.

"You once lived here?" asked Lulu, surveying Paine's old home in the absence of light. Her dress blended with the black of the walls.

Paine locked the door behind them. "Yeah, I did," she replied. Lulu ambled away, surveying the many swords and uniforms hanging along the otherwise plain walls. "I used to be in Yevon's youth group, to get away from my parents. They trained me, taught me how to fight. I kept this place immaculate, from the habits I learned in the program. After I joined the Crimson Squad, I said I'd never be back here. Every now and then, I did come back.."

To see Lulu admiring her old home amid the light permeating through the veil-like curtains of the windows…it subdued Paine a great deal. The faint beat of the music downstairs vibrated beneath her feet: intrusive enough to fill her old home, yet not loud enough to disturb the calm she felt.

Lulu continued to look around, somehow finding interest in the blandness around her. She picked up one of the few war books from atop the nearest shelf, thumbing through the yellowed pages. Paine frowned at the image of Lulu by the window, reading, for she looked so out-of-place in this embarrassment for a home. Lulu deserved far better than this, to have been stuck there of all places.

Paine retreated to the small kitchen, noting the absence of food, perishable or otherwise in the cabinets and pantry. The refrigerator was empty, its transparent shelves painted with the faint rings of the bottoms of alcohol bottles that had once been there.

"Lulu, are you hungry?" asked Paine, walking back to her. Lulu shook her head, setting the book back over the shelf. "I don't have anything to eat here. I always went downstairs for meals."

Lulu held Paine's face in her hands, chilled by the coldness of the refrigerator. "I can't recall the last time I've seen you look so saddened by something," she observed. Paine smelled the residue of book pages along Lulu's touch. "We're safe now. I'm very grateful for your networking. You shouldn't worry."

"It's not that I'm _worried_.. More like ashamed." The surprise about Lulu prompted Paine to continue. "You belong in a penthouse suite, not in an apartment over a nightclub. I don't plan on staying here…"

Impassioned, irrepressible comeliness Lulu applied to Paine's mouth, silencing her with softness. Heat rose to Paine's head as the sound that escaped her, far too feminine for what she felt capable of. Lulu moved, forward; Paine sat on the windowpane, over the veil, leaning back in Lulu's command against the window. Longing unrepressed from Lulu erased the worry wallowing in Paine's mind.

A bout of exposure took over, as Lulu wrapped her hands around Paine's thighs—pulling them closer to her hips, and off the windowsill. Paine hooked her heeled boots around Lulu's waist, kicking the nearby radio as she did. Neither jumped at the noise, or stopped, too into one another, until—

"_Just moments ago, New Yevon's Advance Guard launched a pre-emptive strike on a large group of Youth League soldiers attempting to terrorize Bevelle," _said the announcer. _"Meyvn Nooj and his regiment scattered to regroup in the midst of New Yevon's attack. He was last seen fleeing in the direction of the Celsius—the Al Bhed airship helmed by the Gullwings." _Then—Paine took in mouthfuls of Lulu's unresponsive lips, finally paying attention to the broadcast._ "New Yevon officials are currently questioning High Summoner Yuna, whose former involvement in the Gullwings may shed light on the situation."_

Paine stared at the taciturn anger that replaced Lulu's ardor.

"Lulu," said Paine, her tone stern to get through to her. "New Yevon's looking for you, too. They know what you are to me… And I know what you're thinking." Lulu relaxed her regard. "If we go to Yuna, there's no turning back. We'd have to leave with her."

"Meyvn Nooj no longer cares for preserving what little peace there was in Spira," noted Lulu. "Yuna's purpose in Bevelle is null and void. I thought we would have more time…"

Paine switched the frequency of her in-ear radio. "I should've thought of this sooner… Rikku? Rikku!" she tried, hearing signs of life on the other end. "This is Paine. Rikku, tell me you can hear me.."

"_Is that really you?!" _Rikku sounded as if she was in the middle of a crowded room._ "Oh…oh, shoot, sorry—sorry! I'm interrupting, I'll move!" _She ran to a private location. _"Jeez, talk about taking your sweet time! You guys were supposed to be here like five months ago! Yunie's in big trouble!"_

"Yeah, we heard… Lulu's here with me—"

"_I heard about that, you know! When I see you again, we are SO talking about how the heck you managed to pull it off. No excuses!"_

Paine sighed. "Whatever, fine, that's fine," she said, dismissive. Lulu allowed herself a brief smile. "We need to come up with a plan to get out of this city. The Celsius is literally a red flag right now."

Rikku lowered her voice to a whisper. _"Seriously…I'm gonna kick Brother so hard when I find him. I'm with Yunie right now. I think we can get outta here. Baralai's in the other room trying to convince everyone to leave her out of this."_

"Do you have your Mascot dresspheres?"

"_Yeah!" _A pause; Paine heard the sounds of their dressphere changes. _"We're gonna sneak out now. Yunie thinks we can jump down the hole in Bevelle's temple, you know, find our way back to Macalania Temple through there. Where are you guys?"_

The sounds of gunfire reached her ears. Lulu moved the curtain enough to witness the Youth League members firing back at New Yevon in the streets, spurring civilians into a panic.

"Shit," muttered Paine.

"_You're where?" _asked Rikku, before adding: _"Oh! Auron?!"_

"Auron? He's there?"

"_Yeah! Yunie's dad is with him…? And Jecht? And…_him!_ No time to guess where they came from—we're getting out of here! We'll meet you outside the temple!"_

Upon the sounds of thundering footsteps sounding down the hall, Paine grabbed the nearest sword on the wall. She used the hilt of the blade to shatter the window behind her. Paine pulled Lulu out and down with her. Through an upside-down view of the fighting, Lulu clamped her arms about Paine's shoulders, using her gravity spells to see them down safely.

A poor disguise for the occasion, yet Paine shifted again to her Mascot dressphere. She picked Lulu up, setting off at a sprint as best as she could. Paine could not focus on the outward foolishness of it all, for Lulu could hide her face from any who might recognize her against the travesty of this outfit. Lulu cradled her Onion Knight in her arms, having it cast spells for her to clear their path of battling soldiers.

Paine spotted an abandoned hoverbike nearby, turned over on its side. She ran toward it, setting Lulu down to set the bike upright. They boarded the hoverbike, with Lulu side-saddle behind Paine. The moment Lulu held tight onto Paine's waist, they set off for Bevelle's temple raised far above the ground.

New Yevon soldiers passed them by on their airborne vehicles, paying her tonberry disguise little mind. None turned their heads around to spot Lulu behind her; none gave chase.

Lulu buried her face into Paine's back, for what Paine thought was to savor the moment.

"Hey, Lulu!" said Paine, her voice echoing through her costume. "When you see Vidina again, are you gonna tell him about this? I think it's a defining moment for me!"

Lulu held her tighter, leaning her head up to speak through the partial gap between the headpiece. "I couldn't agree more," she replied. "Far more than I can express…"

New Yevon's mile-long altar raised high above the ground soon came into view. Paine held onto Lulu's arms about her waist as they jumped off the hoverbike. Together they landed on solid ground, running southward down the steps into the temple. Yuna, Rikku, Tidus, Braska, Jecht and Auron all stood in the temple's entrance by the winding staircase, brightening on their approach.

Rikku assaulted Paine with a hug, just as Yuna did the same with Lulu—Yuna and Rikku both had returned to their usual dresspheres. They teased Paine before she changed to her warrior dressphere, their voices echoing about the dankness of the temple. The group all stood upon the moving platform; the machina wound them down the stairs.

"_Someone's _looking happy," observed Rikku, lightly elbowing Paine's ribs. "You said you'd give me ALL the details when we found each other again, remember? Now spill it!"

Lulu covered her smile with one hand, turning away. Paine was suddenly aware of everyone's proximity—Braska, Jecht, Tidus, Auron, Yuna _and _Rikku all stood in a circle around her. Lulu at her side somehow managed to hide her amusement from the others, turning to smile into Paine's shoulder to make a point. Rikku's amusement and confusion boiled over at the gesture; she slapped her hands over her mouth, gasping.

"This is…so unreal," said Yuna, uncertain on the appropriateness of smiling at the scene.

Tidus wrapped his arm about Yuna's shoulders. "Seriously!" he agreed. "Wakka's a total wreck over it—"

"Yeah, right!" said Jecht. "It's just his pride—he can't accept a woman takin' his place. Pretty sexist if you ask me! Bet you anything it wouldn't be such a big deal otherwise."

"How do _you _know, old man?"

"Don't question me, boy," warned Jecht, in good-humor. Paine wanted to push everyone off of the lift, to cease this awkwardness. "I know way more about these things than you ever will. Deal with it."

"Hey, don't change the subject!" insisted Rikku, as the lift reached the bottom of the staircase. Braska went to remove the security from the doorway, smiling as he typed on the machina's panel. "Paine, you _have _to tell us how it happened! I thought Lulu and Wakka would get old and boring together, not you two!"

"Rikku, can we not?" asked Paine, holding Lulu in place as they walked; Lulu refused to show her enjoyment to anyone just yet. "When we make it out of here, I'll tell you… Now's not a good time."

Paine ignored Rikku's minor tantrum, waving off her complaints as they all proceeded along the moving glyph through the multi-leveled Cloister of Trials. She did notice Auron and Braska in front of them speaking in hushed tones; for some, some reason, Paine felt her ears burning, as if she and Lulu were the topic of their conversation. Again, she felt claustrophobic from the discomfort of everyone's nearness, how she knew this would continue for hours as they proceeded to the Chamber of the Fayth.

—

When at last they reached the wide, open vestibule leading to the fayth, Paine stopped in the center of the room with Lulu by the sphere, breathing freely again. Braska and Yuna sat in a corner of the room, their minds exhausted from the Cloister of Trials. Tidus and Rikku spoke together, the subject of their conversation most obvious as they stared at the pair in the center of the room. Jecht joked with Auron some paces away, no doubt listening in.

Lulu's hold on Paine remained affectionate, unmindful of their staring companions. Paine licked her lips, noting the serenity about Lulu's features.

"You seem to be enjoying this," she pointed out.

Lulu hummed her agreement. "It isn't every day that I see someone display their capabilities, as you have," she said, moving to whisper in Paine's ear. "I am so used to relying on my own abilities to free myself of any unlucky circumstances I may come across. With you…I feel perfectly comfortable letting you handle things. It brings me much joy." When Lulu added thus, Paine felt an acute awareness of everyone's eyes on them: "If I hadn't fallen for you before, I certainly would have earlier."

The vigor of Lulu's romantic nature seized hold of Paine, by surprise, as it always did—such that Paine felt the need to compensate, reciprocate, even in the company of others. Lulu no doubt took pride in this, evidenced by her tone as she continued speaking. "I see your thoughts, here," said Lulu, using her nails to prompt Paine's head toward her; covert enough for no one to notice. "Allow me the pleasure of listening to them as well."

_One day, _Paine thought, Lulu would not have to prompt her to speak her mind during uncertain times such as these.

"A quote that I relate to came to mind, from an author whose name I can't remember…" Paine thought for a moment longer, ascertaining that she still knew the words verbatim. "_Because she loved me as a person—removed from the environment—it troubled me to let her see me as part of the environment, of society, lest she changed her view of me with the coloration of those outside forces…_"

Lulu gave a sidelong regard to the ones who stared, smiling with her eyes—telling them not to follow just yet. "Think nothing of other people, love," she said, guiding Paine within the open Chamber of the Fayth. "If our journey has taught me anything, it is that they will all be there for support—anything beyond that: possibly judging our relationship, is irrelevant. The shock will pass soon enough. In time, they'll get over it."

As they entered the circular room, Paine felt herself backpedaling as Lulu eased her against the chilled wall. Lulu had an adequate enough view of the vestibule beyond, to keep an eye out for any eavesdroppers. Paine kept her hands along the contours of Lulu's hips, watching countless thoughts pass through Lulu's eyes.

"I want you to know something," spoke Lulu, hushed and humid along Paine's lips. "Yesterday, after you told us to leave…my emotions got the better of me."

"What do you mean…?"

The tips of Lulu's fingers trembled over Paine's lips; the tips of her irises burned her yearning over that suppleness. Paine kept her tongue from licking the tickle of those nails. The moments between them, between Lulu's words made Paine immune to the cold behind her.

"I was…quite upset," continued Lulu, eyes focused still upon Paine's lips. "The thought of not being able to simply wake up to you again after having slept our separation away…it made me cry." Paine felt a sudden surge of vitality from such a confession from Lulu. "Wakka saw me. When he tried to take advantage of the situation, to comfort me, I pushed him away. I made him cry. Now, I have the distinct feeling that all I did was fuel his foolishness."

Paine searched for regret about Lulu, yet she found none. The same ardor remained. "Where is he?" she asked.

"On your airship," replied Lulu. Her eyes still would not move. "With Vidina."

"Are you…worried? About either of them?"

"No, although I am aware it isn't wise for Brother and the others to return for us. Not until we've moved far enough away from this conflict on foot."

Hollow boots sounded upon the ground, their echoes nearing. Lulu's lidded eyes moved to observe Paine's collar bone, amid Auron's company.

"I apologize, for the interruption," said Auron, his voice smoother than Paine expected. "The others are collecting themselves, that we might make it to Macalania Temple soon enough. Braska thinks it would be a good idea to pay Kimahri a visit, on Mount Gagazet. The Ronso can provide us adequate shelter from the civil war that has erupted. Anything south of the Calm Lands won't be safe. I think we've all agreed that we would rather stay out of Spira's mess this time."


	12. Possessions

_I won't forget that dear palm, so  
I'll reach you, I'll meet you…for sure  
By passing over even in the darkness_

After the days spent navigating the depths of the Farplane, and Paine further ignoring Rikku's demands, they arrived at Macalania Temple. They found the temple empty of all visitors and disciples of New Yevon alike. Lulu and the others stayed on guard as they passed through the icy, vacant entrance hall. Jecht and Auron went ahead, to make certain they would not run into trouble outside—they did not.

As they passed along the winding, snowy path leading to Lake Macalania, Lulu wrapped both her arms around Paine's closest to her. It was a habit she'd acquired, forever managing to make Paine smile the same way each time she did it. The temperature of their closeness kept Lulu warm in this frozen landscape. The others had stopped their incessant staring, rather used to the sight of Lulu and Paine so close to one another.

Yuna walked alongside her, with Tidus ahead with their fathers and Auron. Rikku trotted at Paine's side, fit to burst with several questions she held inside.

"It eludes me as to why the two of you have not left our side," said Lulu, to Yuna and Rikku. "I can't imagine you're growing impatient over something."

"You should probably work on your sarcasm," came Yuna's light suggestion. "I think it's more than a little obvious, Lulu. Rikku and I could hardly believe it when we heard the news…"

"Are you disappointed in me, Yuna?"

"Oh, no, I promise I'm not!" said Yuna. "Rikku isn't, either! Isn't that right, Rikku?"

Rikku grinned too much to bear any sort of disappointment. "Nope, not me!" she affirmed. "All I want are answers! When did it start? Who asked who out? How did Wakka _react_?!"

Lulu smiled to herself upon hearing Paine's groan. She took the liberty of answering their questions, careful to deflect any of Rikku's more probing inquiries. Lulu kept her replies objective, instrumental. She preferred to save her more romantic vein of speaking for Paine's audience only.

After hours of conversation, Yuna and Rikku were satisfied enough with Lulu's answers, skipping ahead to give the pair their privacy. They had reached Lake Macalania, deciding to go the day-long trek to the travel agency with but one stop halfway to rest. Tidus lamented over the absence of the machina bikes they had used during Yuna's pilgrimage to cross through the area.

"I remember riding with him to Macalania Temple," recalled Lulu. "He had been flirting with me in Guadosalam. Even though he didn't offer, I still chose to accompany him."

Paine stared at Tidus' back, narrowing her eyes against the blizzard's gale. "_He _tried to flirt with _you_?" she asked. Lulu nodded. "I can't imagine you reciprocating. He's not your type at all. That's so…"

"Unlike me…? Perhaps," acknowledged Lulu. "I only wanted to divert his attention away from Yuna. I could tell he had fallen for her. Due to the nature of her pilgrimage at the time, I felt his heart's course was unwise. Up until this point, we still didn't have the courage to clarify the end result of Yuna's journey."

"Sounds like you felt sorry for him."

"I suppose you could say that."

Lulu took her time, observing the sullenness about Paine's features. Paine didn't need prompting this time. "I wish I knew you, back then," she said. "I wish I'd always known you. A part of me feels like I really have, except maybe in another lifetime. It would have made things easier if I had."

"I'm intrigued," said Lulu. "Tell me more… How do you believe things would have been easier, as you say?"

Paine smiled, so child-like; Lulu didn't recognize that expression's timbre on her. "Say we met when we were younger, like I came to Besaid with Yuna and Kimahri. I would've been six, and you would've been twelve. There's no doubt in my mind I'd have found you attractive, even at that age." Paine moved her head to give an exaggerated once-over of Lulu's cleavage. "Especially if you had these, with another version of your dress—I'd have _definitely _been after you."

Lulu laughed out loud, her hand over her mouth as a few of their companions turned to stare. "Am I to believe your garish charm would have been so keen, even at such a young age?" she asked, paying the others no mind.

"I think it'd have been better than it is now," said Paine, with a grin so smooth Lulu _almost _took her claims seriously. "No, but really—I can see myself stealing you away; no one else would have had a chance with you. I'd have wanted you all to myself. Like I do today."

"Funny, how this conversation has evolved from me mentioning an unwanted occasion of sexual attention," observed Lulu. She reveled in Paine's alarm. "You know, I could very well call you jealous."

"Hey, you didn't say it was a _sexual_ thing," noted Paine. Lulu's smile widened. "Was it…?"

"On his end, it undoubtedly was," revealed Lulu. "I noticed the way he looked at me, the way he always did since we met in Besaid. All things considered, Yuna was a safer option. I prefer how things have turned out now. Turning him down would have been…awkward."

"So, if Yuna was safe, what does that make you?"

The arctic wind shifted the fall of hair from over Lulu's eye, allowing her to regard Paine to her fullest. "I don't know," said Lulu, in pure honesty. "Yuna was willing to have a relationship with him, whereas I was not and never will be. In that sense, she was safe—the right decision, so to speak." Paine frowned, unsatisfied. "It sounds as though you are twisting my words, love. What did you take it to mean?"

"When I first met you, you definitely seemed safe," explained Paine. "You'd settled down with Wakka at a relatively young age. You lived in Besaid of all places. It just didn't seem right."

"What, exactly, didn't seem right?" asked Lulu; once again riveted by Paine's personal observations. "Be honest with me."

Paine slipped her arm behind Lulu, wrapping it around her hips; pulling her in—sharp. "If we're being completely honest," she murmured into Lulu's freezing ear, "I never… You just never belonged. It distracted me from making an effort to get to know you. I couldn't tell if you were genuinely happy with what you had."

"I could very well say the same about you," said Lulu. Their conversation had long dimmed away the snowstorm around them; Paine's clear interest in what she had to say erased the image of those in front turning too often to glance, observe. "Though I appreciate the balance you offer to Rikku and Yuna's more outgoing personalities, I never felt you belonged, either."

Just as Braska announced his suggestion to set up camp, Paine's smile spoke the response Lulu wanted to hear.

_I belong with you._

Hours after the sky had darkened, and the others had fallen asleep inside their tents, Lulu lay on her side in the snow, her back to the nearby fire as Paine kissed her. The blizzard could not faze her. Paine angled her body over Lulu's, easing her on her back one movement at a time, shielding her from all else. If Lulu could stay there, a slave to the tempest inside of her, from Paine's touch, she would not move. What Paine did to Lulu's body—each stroke, each divulgement—Lulu felt it all mapped along her mind. A heady haze filled her pores, her skin exuding a sheer need for Paine to do more to her.

From that haze, her shoulders; her back had melted that need into the snow nearest to her; it encircled her; embraced her as Paine did; made wet warmth define the space between her thighs, and behind her closed eyes. This need within Lulu demanded all of her. Her every emotion, beyond the scope of what she'd felt capable of; before she knew how softly Paine could handle her; apply herself to tasking these changes in her. The essence Paine pressed and licked along Lulu's mouth perfumed her insides, lighting Lulu's mind; sending all away save for the shadows Paine had branded within her.

_So_ _deep, _Lulu could not stand to let Paine pull away even to breathe. That depth blinded her; bled her eyes clear of all pretenses. When she opened her eyes to the fullness of the stars above, she saw Paine's two crimson ones half-open, lit by the fire; the smolder, the care there shot thick temperature through her.

What another might have perceived as rudeness, tactlessness, Lulu found adulation there. She felt Paine asking her permission, before moving down; down to dip her head beneath Lulu's dress, not caring about who might see. Those possibilities did not make Lulu's heart tremble with panic—the sudden loss, the absence of Paine's sweetness and care in the first of intimate places, _did_.

Lulu pulled Paine back to her, back to where she once was. Paine shifted to straddle her, acknowledging that she understood her place: where Lulu needed her to be, despite their arousal. Lulu wrapped her arms around Paine's neck, the back of her head; keeping her close as she felt Paine beginning to speak.

"I've never felt you…_feel_ this way beneath me, before tonight," she sighed along Lulu's mouth. Paine breathed out a brief laugh that smelled of Lulu's lipstick. "I wonder…what's changed." She brushed her lips along Lulu's face; shifted her hold around Lulu's back; nestling as she moved. "Even in the snow, you're so warm…"

The words flowed as water, as serene as the longest stream: "I need you—" She kissed Paine, once; "—I need you, here—" Again, as she arched her back, pressing her chest up; "Everywhere, anywhere.. Especially here, with all I hold sacred."

Lulu closed her eyes, to savor the quickened pulse she felt through Paine's equally quickened lips. Before long, Paine shifted again, this time to lift Lulu from the ground, never breaking all else. She retreated with Lulu away from camp, far enough away to please in peace. With Lulu standing, leaning back against a frozen wall of hollow blue, Paine stood against her, pushing her hips into Lulu's with sensual resolve. The slow, timed guttural groans from Paine freed Lulu's need for Paine's mouth to never leave hers—Lulu wanted, _wanted _it elsewhere now.

Underneath Lulu's dress and shielded from the snow, Paine removed her gloves, to touch; run her hands up and down Lulu's thighs with relatable fervor. Numbness dissolved to cold, and cold to nerves beneath Paine's bare hands. She felt those fingertips pushing into her skin, moving _into _her no matter their verticality. Paine claimed Lulu's thighs to the fullest when at last she settled her shoulders beneath them for support, hiking Lulu up along the wall.

Paine was never one to tease. With her breaths close enough, with her strands of hair pushed back and held down by Lulu's belts, she tongued and kissed Lulu by the mouthful. Lulu insulated herself: pulling Paine's head into her at a sharp angle, clamping her thighs as she quavered from the suddenness, the overload. Paine's tongue, usually so soft, she hardened to push through as far as she could reach, curling and twisting as she kissed and swallowed Lulu's reaction.

To keep the cold from entering her, Lulu held her breath. She would not open her mouth or her eyes. The slight tremble from the nape of Paine's neck as she applied her taste higher, deeper, reverberated up through Lulu's body, forming within her words she could not yet express.

Turbulence of that non-expression formed instead. The single word it encapsulated caught at each hinge within her, repeating, resolving itself in Lulu's acceptance. Never before had she been able to breathe without oxygen, see with eyes closed; travel with legs unmoving. That resonance at last began to trigger her mind's axis, turning her from this world into the entirety of Paine's mouth.

_And you belong with me._

—

The next day in the early evening, everyone arrived at Lake Macalania's travel agency, again finding it devoid of other travelers. Tidus and Rikku took advantage of this, reserving the largest table in the corner and purchasing several drinks. Before Lulu could gauge Paine's reaction to the clamor around them, Yuna approached her, asking if they could speak alone in the room she'd rented for the night.

Lulu accompanied Yuna to her room: pale blue, and minimalist in appearance, such like Macalania Temple. Yuna let her guard down once she closed the door, sighing as she sat next to Lulu on the bed.

"Yuna, is something the matter?"

Yuna folded her hands over her lap, staring down at them. "It was a mistake to go to Bevelle with Praetor Baralai. All it did was delay the inevitable." She sounded as though she'd been holding the words in for an age. "Now Spira is in disarray, and the others don't even seem to care! I've tried to be the same way. I just can't find it in me to be so callous."

"It isn't callousness that keeps the others from caring," supplied Lulu. "We have done our parts. You're here, safe with us. It isn't an enemy the likes of Sin, or Vegnagun that threatens Spira this time. It is irrational hatred and civil war. It would be pointless for us to get involved any more than we already have."

Yuna sighed again. "I suppose…you're right," she conceded. "Maybe by the time we find Kimahri, my conscience will have calmed down." Yuna regarded Lulu at last, smiling. "And maybe I can follow your example!"

"My example?" asked Lulu.

"You know, with Paine," said Yuna, her smile unfaltering. Lulu still did not understand. "I saw you two, last night. And before yesterday, I hadn't heard you laugh that way in _years_… You look so happy with Paine, happier than I remember you being with Chappu. It's why I'm not disappointed, about Wakka. You said he isn't taking it very well, but that doesn't mean I'm allowed to blame you for anything. I can't do that."

Lulu assumed Yuna meant she saw her and Paine by the fire last night—not elsewhere. "That is kind of you to notice, in regards to my happiness," she replied. "Though perhaps you should explain the smile you wear. It's a little worrying."

Yuna laughed. "There are a _few _things I never mentioned to you, about Paine," she said, piquing Lulu's interest. "They didn't really seem relevant before, since the two of you didn't know each other very well."

"Go on," said Lulu, a thin smirk on her face.

"Well," continued Yuna, dragging the word out, "I should probably mention first that almost everyone had a crush on her, when she first joined the Gullwings before me. When I joined, Rikku warned me about her just before Paine turned around and saw me. I'm glad she did warn me…even if it was a little too late." Lulu's smirk widened, watching the girlish embarrassment about Yuna as she went on. "So then, after Rikku introduced me to everyone, we went to the cabin and talked about her for hours…"

"Oh?" asked Lulu, having forgotten the last time she'd been so enraptured with gossip. "And what did the two of you talk about, specifically?"

Yuna subdued herself, somewhat. "Ohhh, you're probably going to go tell her everything I'm going to say," she complained. Lulu hadn't decided if she would or not. "It doesn't matter, anyway… Hmm, well, let's just say that Rikku already had a crush on her. She kept telling me about how mysterious Paine was, how strong she looked. Rikku and I weren't really used to those qualities in a girl, so it caught us off guard. We found ourselves talking about the wildest things after that—all of them had to do with Paine."

Lulu was most astonished to hear about Yuna and Rikku's adventurous, experimental fantasies. The pair had exchanged several of these together each night before bed, with Paine asleep on the other side of the cabin. Most of their delusions involved Paine waking up in the middle of the night, suggesting that they keep their voices down, only to take them both at the same time to ensure they were silent enough for her to catch up on her sleep. While going on missions together over the years, Yuna and Rikku had made a point to tease Paine at each opportunity, sometimes to provoke a sexual response. To Yuna's knowledge, Paine had been too distant to register the nature of their too-coy suggestions.

"Or, if she did notice," said Yuna, "Paine just didn't say anything. Even after we defeated Vegnagun, she still seemed to be off in her own little world… And after he came back, Rikku and I still met up to talk about the same things whenever we could. No one else knows about it."

"I take it the two of you never made your attraction known," surmised Lulu.

Yuna shook her head. "The biggest thing we wanted was for her to come to us," she admitted. "If…if you know what I mean." When Lulu further expressed her amusement, Yuna's face became flushed. "This is a little embarrassing… I'm making us sound like thirteen-year-old girls!"

"You needn't worry about that, Yuna," said Lulu. "I may be shocked to learn these things, but I am nowhere near appalled. And I certainly can't blame either of you." She waited, watching the apprehension about Yuna's face. "I still haven't decided if I'll tell her about this. In some ways, she deserves to know. The two of you might feel better, knowing things are out in the open."

Yuna began fidgeting with her hands. "I just don't know how she'll react…" she mumbled.

"Use the same rule with her as you do with me," offered Lulu. "You know to tell me what I deserve to know, despite how you think I may react. I'll react the way I will—it will pass. In the end, the truth is what counts."

Lulu knew Yuna harbored concerns far deeper than these. Still, Yuna agreed, suggesting that Lulu divulge these secrets to Paine at the next opportunity. They left the room together, and walked down the hallway amid the growing sounds of a few of their companions drinking and gambling.

As Lulu passed one of the doors, it swung open. Paine pulled her inside the candlelit room. Lulu kept some semblance of grace about her movements; eyes wide as Paine shut and locked the door behind her. She allowed Paine to take her by the hand to the spacious bed alongside the wall.

"You were waiting for me," observed Lulu. She had them sit, facing one another; she placed her hands along Paine's collar bone, stopping her movements. "I have something to tell you. It's important."

Paine's carnal impatience dissipated into anxiety. "What is it…?" she asked, breathless.

Lulu smiled at her seamless control. "It's nothing you need to worry about," she reassured, giving Paine's shoulders a light massage. Paine's eyes fluttered closed for a brief moment. "However, this is something I want you to be relaxed for."

Lulu reached down her cleavage—where she conveniently kept her store of items—procuring a small bottle of oil. Paine watched with fascination as Lulu warmed the oil with her hands, as if casting the subtlest of fire spells around the bottle, without sparking a single flame. With her hands warmed still, Lulu unfolded Paine's top, smoothing the container along her exposed skin—down and up between Paine's breasts.

When Paine shuddered and sighed, in that feminine manner Lulu had hoped to trigger, Lulu moved to breathe along Paine's arching neck. There, Lulu scented the sweet beginnings of Paine's relaxation.

"Lie down on your stomach."

She leaned over Paine, setting the oil down on the nearby nightstand; making her lay down in the center of the bed. Lulu changed her dressphere, out of her dress and jewelry as Paine turned over on her stomach in the same movement.

"Don't change," said Lulu, glossing her nails along the nape of Paine's neck to remove her barbed-wire necklace. She left the collar alone. "I want to savor you…"

Lulu unfastened each of Paine's belts and buckles within reach, one at a time, smoothing her hands along Paine's muscles as she moved. With all loose and free to be removed, Lulu removed Paine's elbow-high gloves first. Paine's boots followed—to her calves, Lulu applied her hands firmer, to soothe them from the near-continuous walking of their journey thus far.

With all but Paine's collar removed, with Paine's beauty exposed in full, Lulu leaned sideways to retrieve the oil. She poured the oil over her heated hands, straddling Paine's lower back. Lulu spread her hands along Paine's shoulders, moving them up and down along her back; leaning into her presses. Relief released from Paine's lips, hissing before her sighs took over.

When Lulu arched her back low enough, she whispered into Paine's ear: "As you know, Yuna asked me to speak with her earlier," she began. Paine's soft moan told Lulu she listened. "Apparently, she isn't as _safe _as I thought her to be. She and Rikku have wanted for years for you to take them." Lulu kissed the knot within Paine's shoulders that refused to release. "Sexually… At the same time, or separately."

Paine stirred somewhat, until Lulu feather-pressed her fingertips along Paine's back, spreading them wide. "I know you knew of their intentions," said Lulu, using her breasts to spread more oil along Paine's shoulder blades. "They couldn't have been so coy that you of all people would not catch on. I won't believe you if you say you didn't."

"It was…_obvious_," managed Paine, her voice softened in her indulgence of Lulu's ministrations. "They're—they're…" Paine sighed in time with Lulu slicking her body, her breasts up and down over the oil; Lulu's hands stayed in place over Paine's hips, helping her ride that arching plain. "…they're not my _type_… _Fuck, Lulu—_"

In Paine's inflection came her soft surprise from Lulu's slicked hips gyrating along the backs of her thighs, and higher. The fullness of Lulu's body slipped down, up, over and down again; Lulu kissed Paine's spine, lightly as she went, her braids and the falls of her hair caressing Paine further as they moved with her.

"Good," affirmed Lulu, speaking in between more expresses of her veneration. "You belong to me." Concavity held her attentions: Paine's lower back, compressed to capacity. "Tonight, I want to make sure your body remembers that."

Lulu moved behind Paine, lifting her up by her hips on all fours. She moved to her back, sliding underneath Paine—taking in all she had caused between Paine's thighs. Lulu wrapped her arms around and up to Paine's waist, pulling her down just as she felt thick drips find her tongue. She felt Paine's shudders, her very groans reverberating through her body; with her hands, she kept Paine in place, from bucking _too_ much in her tongue's touch.

The smoothest spirit Lulu had ever tasted: bittersweet musk that neither overpowered or underwhelmed, more pungent than Lulu remembered Paine tasting before. Lulu kept her mouth's caresses slow, whole. She kissed, pressing in subtle circles the words she wished to convey. As Paine looked down at her, in between her forearms upon the bed, Lulu believed she understood. From the epicene, the serene of pleasure she heard from Paine's breaths, her every sound, she knew Paine understood.

Lulu did not linger there for long. She moved up, along her back, finding Paine's mouth to give her the silken flavor that stayed over her lips. Paine's growl of frustration vibrated through, louder when Lulu continued to move her body up. With her back along the headboard, Lulu held Paine's face in her hands, pulling Paine in to straddle her hips.

"_Mmm_, Lulu," murmured Paine, her hands over Lulu's shoulders for support. "When you said you want my body to remember that I belong to you…what did you mean?"

Lulu thumbed Paine's collar, focusing on it. "When I surprise you," she began, "Would you prefer that I take my time, or should I do it quickly?"

Paine gave a confused sort of grin. "You're _going _to surprise me? As in right this second?" she asked in disbelief. Lulu offered no response; Paine threw her head back and laughed. "How are you supposed to surprise me if I'm anticipating something? I seriously don't think you can. You'd have to do it quick enough for me to not laugh again—"

As Paine formulated her last words, after _quick, _Lulu changed her dressphere one more time.

To hear Paine's scream of pain and pleasure all at once…it made Lulu smile in absolute delight as she held her tight, pushing the plastic strapped to her hips all the way inside. Paine kept eye contact, her forehead over Lulu's as she sucked in mouthfuls of her exhalations.

"You shouldn't underestimate me," said Lulu, holding Paine around her back with one arm; gripping her collar now with her other hand. "I have wanted to do this…for far too long. Especially to silence your arrogance." Shrill were Paine's sounds as she adjusted, slowly relaxing in Lulu's hold. Lulu started her motions of shallow penetration, staying deep within, easing her hips as much as the space between them allowed. "Keep looking into my eyes, as you did last night. Don't you dare look away from me…"

To control Paine's every movement, their origins, their reasons—Lulu felt a high from that influence, igniting her. Lulu kept her hips compassionate, careful to not move too fast. Though she heard Paine's lower register begin to purr in place of those sharper cries of soreness, Lulu still paced herself the same.

Nights upon nights might have passed, with Lulu grinding at such an _excruciating_, slow tempo, offering little variety; frustrating Paine—deeply. The stretching, the sting had left Paine's body sooner than Lulu had anticipated, yet she would not quicken her hips. She elicited those whines from Paine she had so missed. Lulu gripped Paine's collar every so often, to subdue her, wrestling control back when she felt Paine's attempts at manipulating the pace between them. Lulu watched the exasperation boil in Paine's eyes, hearing it sear her sighs as effeminate, depraved. Paine tried to kiss her, to convey the need that had grown so hard. Lulu reciprocated, with her mouth—not her hips.

"Louder," ordered Lulu, speaking through Paine's sighs. "I adore when you strip yourself of your pride for me, in these intimate moments between us… If you spur me further that way—" Lulu shot her hips up, once, to educe the precise sound she wanted from Paine; "—I might give you what you want." When Paine tried to look away as she heightened her whines, Lulu pulled her head back by her collar. "I told you _not_ to look away from me."

Lulu inflected her hips lower before bringing them back up, feeling Paine's weight over her, fuller. Paine at last relinquished the bits of control she'd retained over her body. As penance for Paine not listening to her demands, Lulu refused to move any faster. She felt and heard Paine's impatience as it coiled in her throat, carving Paine's depravity—slowly, surely—into uncontainable imploring for more.

Yet Lulu would not. She listened to the growing wetness between them, how each shallow thrust entangled with the moisture therein. That want soaped Lulu's ears, heightening all else around her.

How Paine began to shout Lulu's name, the creak of Paine's spine as she arched her body further into the solace of their closeness; the quality to Paine's relief as Lulu guided their bodies to the bed, sideways, facing one another still; the ease with which Paine allowed Lulu to hold her thigh, lifting it, to push in and pull out with more freedom. Somehow Lulu felt constrictions as she pulled out—harder when Paine hooked their legs together; stronger when Paine pulled their bodies together, lest they lost themselves to the unreachable spaces that could no longer breathe between them. Lulu held her closer, held on as she rode the strongest of those constrictions.

Lulu stayed still, mouth open to Paine's broken dam of loudness, of release. She had been focusing so long on Paine's reactions; she finally felt her own pour over and into Paine's open eyes. This sheer, wordless expression: perpetuity, wholeness reflected in the eyes of another, constancy… Lulu knew what it was. She could not give form to the words, for her voice would only be a disservice to that purity.


	13. Charon

_Twisted, tangled thoughts  
Coiling about forever, chains lifelessly rusted  
"Time heals all wounds" is a lie  
I remembered the way to lock in and seal emotion_

Hours into the late of night, as the candles still burned, Paine thrust her hips into Lulu's from behind. The twisted sheets beneath them had warmed from the friction of Lulu's hands gripping and knees rubbing; her hot, muffled breath as she screamed for more. Outside the window, the blizzard blew on through pitch black. Outside their door, or through surrounding walls, Paine did not _care_ if anyone listened to how hard her hips slapped against Lulu's thick, soaking thighs. The empty bottles of wine on the nightstand by the flickering candles had helped to erase such concerns.

She had Lulu, tonight—_now_.

Paine fucked her, unthinking, spurred by Lulu's sounds. For Lulu was so beautiful in her submission, her shameless enjoyment. Lulu bowed her head between her arms, watching the non-stop quickening movements behind her. Paine could not keep her hands still. With such power behind her thrusts, she felt her hold on Lulu slip the second after she held onto another part of her body.

She failed to find a steady hold by Lulu's shoulders, scratching down Lulu's back. Marking her—branding her red. Lulu took it all, hissing. Paine pulled a handful of Lulu's long braids. Lulu's neck snapped back with that force. The whine that left her curved the new angle of her throat on its way out. The harder Paine pulled the more freedom it afforded her to fuck faster and harder—to not slip out.

Paine ground out her words: "You like this?" she asked, gripping the bend of Lulu's thigh with her other hand. Lulu's louder, breathy moan Paine took as her affirmative. "…you're so _fuckable_—" Paine pulled harder, leaning down; lowering Lulu's body to the bed. The mattress shook even more, with Paine driving down at a steeper angle. Shorter, quicker thrusts she could make as she hissed over Lulu whimpering in time with the mattress. "_You're mine," _she repeated again and again, growling deeper each time she did. Lulu's responses heightened, heightened. "Fuck, I love hearing you like this…"

Both of Paine's hands she kept pressed against Lulu's waist. Paine lifted her weight from Lulu's body, all tension in her biceps and forearms. Her hips moved on their own accord. Her breaths and curses came out staccato over the side of Lulu's face. In between deep, quick breaths, Paine kissed Lulu's sweating skin, nipped at her ear; bit down on her shifting shoulder. The sweat from Paine's forehead and hair dripped down, spreading over Lulu's neck and jaw.

The wetness pulling Paine in thickened as she spoke again. She felt those muscles gripping her in their spasms. "Come for me, Lulu," she demanded. Lulu whined louder. "Grip me—come all over me—" _Louder, _faster, needier; "You're so damned beautiful…beneath me…_like this_—" Paine clenched her chest, fighting off the burning in her lungs. Lulu's mind needed more, more stimulation; "I need you—" With her heart thundering raw truth, she pressed her trembling mouth to Lulu's ear, voice stifled, but clear and uninhibited as it triggered Lulu's orgasm; "_I'm so in love with you_…"

At the height of Lulu's loudness, Paine stopped full-thrust. She buried her arms beneath the weight of Lulu's sweat-slicked torso to hold her. The unfathomable turned her insides, steaming them from the incense of Lulu's vocal emotions. Full sobriety might have stopped Paine from saying those words. The rich reward of pulling out, of Lulu turning over on her back to hold and kiss her deeper than ever—erased the fear Paine's partial clear-headedness had tried to make her feel.

As Lulu pulled her in, Paine fell farther down tenfold with Lulu's every caress, every clasp of her lips. The softness of Lulu's tongue, how her mouth's movements paused as if waiting for Paine to make a move she might respond to—it continued, continued, with Lulu sighing her growing want more, more. The sweat along Paine's scalp, Lulu used to massage the roots there, soothing Paine on down; rejuvenating.

"_Again," _begged Lulu, spreading her legs to accommodate Paine's strap-on between her. "_Please—_please…_please_ take me again—" Paine moaned against the corner of Lulu's mouth; Lulu tugged on her hardness, situating her in place; pulling Paine inside of her; "Talk to me; make love to me, Paine…"

With Lulu needing in such a way, Paine could not deny her. "How are you still so wet…?" she asked, looking into her eyes. She hissed as she eased all the way in. Lulu spread her fingers wide, spreading her hands up and down Paine's back; leaning her neck back, curving her moans. "We should've done this sooner…" By the back of Paine's neck, Lulu pulled her in; that Paine might taste the totality of this intimacy she'd instilled within both of them. Responding with her body, first, Paine moved in deeper, curling her lower back before her hips. "I can't think. Can't think anymore." The heat in her neck and face trickled down, keeping the coil of her back at just the right angle for Lulu. "I never want to stop."

The more she spoke, the more profound Lulu's cries became. The wider Paine opened her mouth to kiss each part of Lulu she could reach, the more immersed she became in Lulu's body language. She could imagine being with no other. To stretch out this moment unending, as long as Lulu's body became in her arches, Paine thrust her hips higher, pushing in deeper and pulling out less so.

For hours longer into the early morning just after midnight, they went on, switching places and roles until hunger began to claw at their insides. They changed into their normal attire, still smelling of sex, stumbling and laughing together out of their room. Another door down the hall—Yuna's door—slammed shut. Paine ignored it, guiding Lulu down the hall to the table Tidus and the others had secured earlier.

At nearly four in the morning, Jecht, Rikku, and Auron still sat at the table, drinking over a game of cards. Jecht took the cigar from his mouth, using the same hand to usher Paine and Lulu over. Paine took a seat across Rikku, smirking at her as she helped herself to the food to the side of the pile of gil. Lulu stood behind Paine, her arms wrapped about her neck and head. Rikku shifted in her seat, hiding her red face behind the cards in her hand—the smirk on Paine's face spoke clearly: _I know your secret._

"Deal the lady her hand," said Jecht, the only sober one at the table, his cigar bobbing between his lips. Auron did so; Lulu began to eat, eyeing each of the cards Paine was dealt. "You're just in time, Paine! I've been on a roll all night! These two are too pissed out of their minds to beat me. 'Bout time someone else can help me wipe the floor with them."

Auron's face was flushed from the sake he drank. He chuckled. "As if it matters," he remarked. "If we lose all our gil to you, it means you get to pay for our supplies when we next run into a merchant."

Jecht scoffed. "Bah! I'm not payin' for your crap, Auron," he said. Paine kept her eyes on Rikku, watching her squirm. "Hey, Rikku! Pay attention! Are you stayin' in or are you folding?!"

Lulu licked her lips clean of the wine she'd sipped, moving to murmur in Paine's ear. "She looks nervous," she observed, her voice hazy with amusement. "I wonder…if Yuna told her that I know. If she told her that _you _know… Though you've always known—now it's undeniable. You can no longer pretend as if you don't notice the way Rikku looks at you."

The game went on with Paine rarely moving her eyes from Rikku's, only to look down at her hand. Lulu sprinkled her advice with the game between suggestions, seductions. Paine thanked the alcohol she'd consumed for heightening her ability to multi-task: to listen to Lulu, joke with Jecht, and rivet Rikku's reactions all in the same breath. Paine smirked and smiled with ease, relaxed by Lulu's nails running along her scalp as the hour passed with gil gained.

"I know what you're thinking, love," whispered Lulu, as Jecht laughed loudly at Rikku spilling alcohol down her front. Paine licked her lips at the tranquil, telling tone of Lulu's voice. "With me, intoxicated enough to admit this… You could easily dominate her in bed. With her head in my lap, you between her legs—how she would love it, scream…your name." A very distinct image of that happening played out in Paine's mind. "That would certainly mean crossing the line. There would be no going back. Rikku would become…too attached. As tempting as it sounds, we mustn't allow that to happen.

"You will stay faithful to me," continued Lulu, her voice darkened with warning. "You will only fuck me—make love to me. No one else…" Paine smiled at Rikku one last time—at the hardness she noticed pushing through Rikku's wet top. "You are the type to act out your sexual fantasies…so I'm telling you now. While I still have the chance. I don't like to share…not after what you gave me earlier. I want you."

After she showed her hand, Lulu didn't wait to see if she won before turning Paine's head around to kiss her. Vigor had Paine stand amid Jecht's victory cheer, breathing Lulu in as they went back down the hall.

—

The next morning, Paine did _not _want to leave the room. Getting dressed again and out of bed, only to have the relentless blizzard of Lake Macalania scar her face with cold did not help her horrible hangover. Lulu leaned on her a great deal, not at her best as she, too, suffered a biting headache. Though the walk to Macalania Forest was a short one, Paine could not find it in her to focus.

Jecht, Braska and Yuna remained the only sober ones in the group, leading at the front. Auron held his composure well; deceiving Paine into thinking he suffered no consequences from his late-night drinking. Tidus and Rikku leaned on one another, with Rikku complaining to him in a low voice that Paine did not want to hear.

As they walked through the forest, around Bevelle to reach the spring, Paine felt herself falling asleep. With Lulu holding her, and Rikku's mumbling nearby, Paine allowed herself this weakness…

Gunshots cracked through the air, startling Paine to her senses. For a few seconds, she swore it was but a dream, until she felt Lulu's weight slump down in her arms. Blood trailed down her dress, bullet wounds clear through Lulu's thigh and knee. The others hurried to support Lulu, Yuna and Rikku screaming in panic. Paine's eyes darted to the perpetrator, in the direction of Bevelle's Highbridge.

It was Gippal, with a smoking revolver in his hand, looking rough from his escape from the Via Purifico. Paine relinquished Lulu from her hold, charging after him. Gippal turned and ran.

"Paine, I-I'm sorry!" shouted Gippal, tearing through the forest. "I freaked, okay?! I thought—thought you guys were New Yevon's guards!"

"_Sorry_ isn't enough!"

He ran faster. She needed to stop him—incapacitate him. Paine transformed into her dark knight dressphere. She activated her _Charon_—launching herself at Gippal, kamikaze-style; self-destructing the moment she caught him. The explosion spanned several square feet. No doubt the others could have seen, heard the noise and guessed as to the source.

Paine survived with a sliver of health left, kneeling upon the ground. Gippal convulsed in pain as he lay before her, bleeding profusely.

"I hope they find you," breathed Paine, pushing herself up with her spiked blade. "If she can never walk again, I'll make sure you suffer more than you already have. You're lucky you're still alive."

Gippal reached for her as she made to walk away. "H-Here," he managed, a gleaming vial in his injured hand. "Give this to her.. It's—it's an Al Bhed…miracle elixir… Don't trust me? Ask…ask Rikku…" Paine bent down to snatch the vial from him, flicking it clean of his blood. "Rumors were true… huh.." He coughed, slowly getting to his feet. "You love her…? We'd sure as hell…be dead if you didn't…"

Paine said nothing. Seeing her old friend live after that—seeing herself live after her Charon—spoke for her. She could have killed Gippal and herself both had nothing been keeping her tied to this world. Many times had she contemplated using her ability in battle, even through Yuna and Rikku imploring her not to unless she had something—someone—to survive for.

Gippal began drinking another elixir. He would live. "I should go," said Paine, leaving him.

She limped back to the small, enclosed area across from the spring where she knew the others had gathered. Paine did not think to change from her dark knight dressphere, her thoughts troubled as her boots crunched against the forest ground. For a moment before she left, she'd considered apologizing to Gippal. She didn't know why.

They were friends. He shot Lulu. They were friends. He may have taken away her ability to walk, to run, to love freely with her body. They were _friends_, and Paine had nearly killed them both in her fury.

When Paine arrived at the camp, she spotted a number of her companions congregated around the nearby sphere—around Lulu. Paine gripped the vial in her hand, an ominous feeling ravaging her insides as she walked forward with her half-helmed head down. The others noticed her approach, making room. Before Paine had even made it all the way to Lulu lying upon the ground, she realized the mistake she'd made.

"_Why _did you leave the way you did?!" demanded Lulu, scattering those around them to the perimeter of the area. Paine kept her head down, as Lulu sat up with her elbows supporting her. "_I needed you_, I needed your support more than ever, and your first instinct was to throw yourself away? To become a literal suicide bomb?! I am injured, Paine—I am not _dead_!"

Paine knelt down, glancing at Lulu's patched wounds. "How did you _expect _me to react?" she asked, well-aware of everyone watching. "Was I just supposed to let him go? He deserved to pay for what he did. I'm still here, aren't I? I'm not dead, either."

"That is beside the point!" argued Lulu. Paine's head throbbed in her frustration. "It should have been you carrying me here, _not _Sir Jecht! There was absolutely no need for you to literally self-destruct! Do you know how worried I was—how worried we all were about you?"

Paine knew she should not have been arguing like this, with both of them in such a state. "I'm sorry, Lulu," she muttered. "I was scared and pissed off. I didn't think—"

"Are you still suffering from your hangover?" asked Lulu, her words clipped in her ire. Paine gave Lulu the courtesy of looking her in the eye as she nodded. Lulu conjured water in her hand. She flicked her wrist, throwing the water in Paine's face. Paine hadn't the energy even to flinch. "_Think _next time before you decide to kill yourself in my honor!"

She understood why Lulu bore such a short fuse for her failure to _think _things through. Lulu's rage did not stop, not even with Paine's offering of Gippal's elixir to soothe her pain. Lulu sent her away after that, no longer wishing to see her shame.

Paine refused to look at anyone as she walked away. None followed her. The water on her face had dried by the time she found a tree to sit against. She kept one knee bent, her forehead against her armor as black as night. For the minutes she spent sitting there, thinking, she could not come up with an answer as to why Lulu held such strong expectations of her. Or if they were not expectations, Paine wished she knew what had driven Lulu's anger to such lengths that day.

"She's attached to you," said a voice—young, male, somewhat familiar. Sandaled footsteps sounded nearby. "That's more than I can say, 'bout how Lulu felt for me. She's into you real hard—I can tell."

Chappu sat down with Paine, smiling much like Wakka used to. He bore a strong resemblance to Tidus. Paine stared at him, disbelieving.

"Hey-hey, I'm no different than Sir Auron and them who's with you," he offered. "Just took me a little longer to find you guys. I shouldn't see Lulu, anyway. Not yet. My bone-headed brother needs me."

"How…do you know she's attached?" asked Paine, with the distinct feeling of talking to a ghost.

Chappu laughed. "It's tougher for you to see, since you haven't known her that long," he said. "Might be a little easier to tell if you knew how she was before. I'm not talkin' 'bout the stoic Lulu everyone's always seen. I mean if you knew what she put up with from my brother."

Paine shrugged. "She and Wakka seemed happy enough, before," she said, though she knew better. "You're right…I didn't have anything else to go by. Yuna never mentioned anything, either."

"I spent a long time watching her," Chappu went on. "Lulu was too distant, too quiet with my brother. The longer I watched, the more I realized she thought she had to live with it. No one else tried to get to know her. My brother went after her, made all these promises. Lulu didn't want real love after me. Thought she couldn't handle losing no one again. So now that she's got you, she wants to hold on."

Paine sighed. "That makes sense," she replied. "I didn't think of it that way… Lulu's so strong. I forget that it's even possible for anything to bring her down. No doubt my self-destruction brought back memories of her losing you…"

"Yeah," agreed Chappu, somber. "Instead of just sayin' stuff like that, she'll get pissed off. When she gets that way, you know to steer clear from now on, eh? 'Least 'til she cools off. Don't stay gone too long. She'll get mad at you all over again if you do!"

"Thank you, Chappu," said Paine. "I really appreciate you finding me, telling me these things. This whole day has been full of surprises. Some good, some bad… I thought I'd know how to handle everything that came our way. Guess not."

Chappu waved a hand in front of his face before standing. "No worries, Paine—Lulu's a lotta work." He helped Paine to her feet. "You're used to runnin' straight to battles when you know you can win. I respect that. It's just—there's all these unspoken things Lulu needs, you know? She don't always wanna say 'em. I'm sure you know what they are."

"Yeah, I know. She's like that. I'm the same way." Before Chappu could say his goodbyes, Paine asked, "Will she get to see you soon? And should I tell her I spoke with you?"

"She will, Paine—eventually!" said Chappu, waving as he left. "I won't be alone when I find you again. Let's keep this between us for now. It'll be a nice surprise for Lulu when she sees me again!"

Paine waved goodbye as he went, taking the shining path above the trees. She decided to return to Lulu—after making sure she would not be empty-handed.

—

In her hooded robes, slacks and boots making up her white mage dressphere, Paine went back to the area where the others still remained. She walked past them, going to Lulu who still lay upon the grass. She was unfazed as Lulu scowled at her—as everyone stared at her, at both of them.

Paine sat on her knees, smiling as she handed Lulu the everlasting roses she'd picked from the forest. Lulu's expression softened, somewhat, as she held the flowers in her hands. She observed them a moment, her scowl returning as Paine picked her up.

"What are you doing?" asked Lulu, annoyance still managing to shear her tone.

"Be quiet and let me take care of you." Paine walked with her to the spring across the way. Before Lulu could say anything, Paine added: "I think you've been mad at me long enough. Staying angry won't change anything. I've learned my lesson."

When they arrived at the body of water that had once glittered in the glow of the fayth's presence, Paine set Lulu down next to the spring's edge. Beyond the large tree on the island in the center of the water, the moon shined down, illuminating the roses in Lulu's hands. Paine undid the belts of Lulu's dress near her wounds, applying a curative touch so as to not irritate the skin there.

Lulu watched without a single sign of soreness as Paine massaged the elixir over her injuries. Braska had removed the bullets some time ago, making Paine's task a bit easier. She made sure her hands conveyed how her pride had left her for this—how she'd truly meant the words she uttered the night before. That nothing had changed between them, despite Lulu's anger.

As Paine shook her falls of hair from her face, she felt Lulu's hand pushing them back for her.

Paine gazed at her, at the forgiveness she did not expect to find so soon. Lulu stared down at her flowers. Waiting…thinking.

"Lulu…" said Paine, placing those belts back in place with utmost care. "I don't want to argue with you again. I know…you were worried about me. I brought back memories you didn't want to remember."

Lulu averted her eyes, in that way that told her Chappu was right. "Listen to me," said Paine. She moved, for Lulu to rest her head over her lap, perpendicular to one another. Though Lulu would not meet her eyes, Paine spoke freely regardless. "Charon…will only _not _kill the user, and their target, if there is something powerful that binds them to this world. For me, you are that link…" She could not resist being captivated so by the way Lulu's hair covered her eye, how her beauty _burned _in the moonlight. "I give you my word that I'll never leave your side so long as you need me. I'll help you walk again soon. Until then, I'll carry you for miles if I have to. I won't complain."

"You would carry me all through the Calm Lands?" said Lulu, phrased as more of an observation than a question. "To Mount Gagazet, even to Zanarkand if we so decide to go there?"

"Yes," replied Paine. "You could pretend you still couldn't walk down the line and I'll still do it." Lulu moved her flowers, to smell them; closing her eyes as she moved her face closer to Paine's waist. "After everything you've put up with, everything you've been through…you deserve a break. You deserve someone who loves you with only the highest, strongest devotion." Lulu looked up at her at last, her regard indulgent. "I'm here for you. I want to prove that to you before I say the words."


	14. On Our Way

_If it's a thought that doesn't reach, even if I embrace it, it will just be able to bewilder  
If it chills and dries, it will sink into the past  
If it's a memory that's been grieving, I shouldn't mind, even if I forget it_

The most peaceful of thoughts kept Lulu's eyes closed against Paine's neck, as the warm sun of the Calm Lands greeted them at last. She wished Vidina could have seen the sights. Paine carried her in her arms, as promised without a single complaint as their group left behind the chill of Macalania Forest. A mild breeze blew past along the endless plains, prompting a sigh from Yuna standing nearby.

Lulu hadn't the heart to admit to Paine that she could very well walk on her own if she tried. Her efforts would require the full, unique use of her gravity spells. This would no doubt drain her mana after but half a mile. For the months it would take them to cross the plains on foot, Lulu thought it impractical to do such a thing. She preferred not to mention it altogether, perhaps saving it as a surprise or for emergencies.

"So nice," said Yuna, lying down upon the yellowing grass—as she'd done during her pilgrimage. "Yet I can't help but feel…something's off here."

Tidus lay next to her, yawning loudly. "Hey, you're right!" he said. Paine shifted her torso from side to side in the wind, as if lulling Lulu to stay asleep. "I don't see all those hovercrafts—you know, with the games? Looks like they closed up shop!"

"That's not all," said Braska. Lulu opened her eyes as he pointed to the blurred horizon. "The Farplane has touched these lands, as it affected Bevelle. Stay on your guard. The mirages will be strong. Auron, Jecht and I—we can tell the difference between what is real here and what is not. Allow us to lead."

"Do we _really _have to walk the whole way?" complained Rikku, slouched over as she stood by the nearby cliff. Lulu closed her eyes again, remembering the things she'd whispered in Paine's ear last night during her game of cards. "Can't we call Clasko and get some chocobos? We spent a long time breeding those birds! We should use them!"

Paine's voice hummed through Lulu's ear. "Clasko's going through his tree-hugging phase, remember?" she said. "No technology, including no radios. If you really want a chocobo, we'll have to walk to the ranch."

Rikku ran over to Paine. "That's gonna take _forever_," she whined. "Weeks! Months! By the time we get there, we'll be so close to Mount Gagazet it won't matter anymore!"

"You said you wanted a chocobo," Paine reminded her, making her way westward, down the incline. "So we'd better get moving."

Braska, Jecht and Auron led the way, with Tidus and Yuna at the very end and Paine somewhere in between. Rikku walked next to Paine, with an expression Lulu could not discern in her pretend-sleep. The annoyance, tenseness about Paine was clear to Lulu: how her muscles clenched as she continued to carry, to walk, to wait for Rikku to speak.

"Is she asleep?" asked Rikku, leaning in to whisper to Paine.

Paine's reply sounded mechanical to Lulu's ears. "If she is or she isn't, it's not like it matters," she said, dry. "Just say what you need to say. Lulu is obviously going to learn the information sooner or later. Don't worry about her listening in."

Rikku clicked her tongue. "You don't have to say it like that!" she nagged. "Geez…I just wanted to talk to you about…about last night, you know. You guys were talking about me. I know you were."

"You want to know what we said?" asked Paine. Lulu assumed Rikku nodded. "You're sure about that? It's not exactly kid-friendly."

"Hey!" hissed Rikku. "I'm not a kid anymore, all right? Let's get that straight. I'm _only _a year younger than you, remember?"

"_Kids _like to gossip and keep secrets from their friends," remarked Paine. "Adults straight-up admit to someone when they want a good lay." Paine paused. For dramatic effect, or to formulate her next words, Lulu did not know which. "I know you and Yuna have been fantasizing about me for years. Too many nights you two kept me up with your nasty conversations. Then you have the nerve to act so innocent around everyone else."

Rikku grumbled. "She _promised _she wouldn't tell you—"

"She told Lulu, not me," clarified Paine. "Call it a loophole if you want. I already knew anyway."

"That's even _worse_," moaned Rikku.

"You want me. Big deal," said Paine. "It's not the end of the world. Lulu's not going to run off and tell all of Spira what she knows. Get over it."

Rikku growled, clearly annoyed with Paine's brusqueness. "You're terrible!" she mocked. "He told me he heard you guys in Lulu's hut, before you left to come get Yunie…" _He _as in Tidus. Lulu heard Paine swallow air. "Yeah, yeah—she burned her wedding ring before you guys did anything. Is that how you got around it? It still counts as cheating, you know! You're lucky he didn't tell Wakka—"

"You _fucking_ listen to me, Rikku," spat Paine, her voice lowered for the sake of her own privacy. Lulu fought not to shift in Paine's arms, from the sudden arousal. "You're bitter and jealous because I don't wanna entertain your teenage fantasies about you getting fucked by a mysterious butch. She cheated on him, fine—so _what? _Are you trying to throw something in my face? That _she _might cheat on _me _and I'll get what I deserve? Is that it? Just stop. You're wasting my time."

Rikku sniffled, as though she was about to cry. "Why are you so _mean_ to me?" she whimpered. "What did I ever do to you?! We've been best friends for years and you treat me like this now? Over _Lulu_?"

Paine grunted deep in her throat. "You can't throw dirt on me like that and then cry when I bury you in a damn ditch!" she said. "Look—stop crying, I don't want your tears. The others will n—_damnit!_"

"Rikku…?" asked Yuna, jogging ahead to hold her. "Oh, Rikku! Why are you crying? What's the matter?"

Lulu opened her eyes once more, watching as Tidus and Yuna comforted Rikku, falling behind to the back of the group. Paine sighed through her clenched jaw.

"Hey!" called Jecht, waving Paine over. She caught up with him just behind Auron and Braska. "What's goin' on back there? She whining about her damned chocobos again?" Jecht brightened when he noticed Lulu was awake. "They wake you up, Your Majesty? Must be tough, bein' disturbed while your girl's carryin' you all around the world so you ain't gotta walk."

Lulu smiled at Jecht's light teasing. "It was a bit of a disagreement, that's all," she supplied. Jecht laughed, haughty. "I'm sure Rikku will get over it in time. I wouldn't worry about her."

Jecht rubbed the back of his shoulder. "Can't say I would, even if you told me I had to," he said, frowning. "She's a good kid, Rikku—I just can't deal with the _whining_, the _complaining, _the 'oh, look at poor ol' me, comfort me' thing she's got goin' on! Reminds me of my son, how bad he used to be when he was younger. It's no wonder he and Yuna get along with her so well."

"You can say _that_ again," muttered Paine, rolling her eyes. Jecht chuckled. "I don't think I'll be able to put up with it for however long it'll take us to get to Mount Gagazet. We don't even know how long we'll be there for."

Auron fell back, to add to the conversation. "I assume we'll only be passing through," he said. "Though the Ronso will be able to provide us a place to stay, it is unwise for us to remain in Spira. I have a strong feeling this civil war will take its course beyond these plains soon enough."

"Zanarkand's not much of an alternative," said Paine. "It's just a bunch of ruins." From the way Jecht grinned, and Braska ahead of them, she changed her tone. "Or…is it?"

"We don't exactly know for certain," said Braska over his shoulder. "That is another reason why we wished to join you. We heard from other residents of the Farplane that Zanarkand has been restored to its former glory, but the city can only be entered by those in the presence of unsent. We may be able to find a suitable safe haven from this war yet."

"How can that be," began Lulu, "If the fayth are no longer present to continue dreaming of Zanarkand? Or have those on the Farplane taken the fayth's place?"

"Your guess is correct," replied Auron. "Those ejected from the Farplane, who have no desire to return to Spira, have reincarnated the city with the energy released from Vegnagun. However, as Braska mentioned, this may only be a tall tale spun by our fellow dead. We will have to travel beyond Mount Gagazet, and discover the truth for ourselves."

"My lady," spoke Braska, to Lulu. "Has Yuna mentioned anything—any reservations about leaving Spira in the midst of this conflict? I have tried to speak to her on the matter. She has been…unresponsive, or otherwise dismissive. I thought it best to not pry further, yet I still worry."

Lulu recalled the conversation she had with Yuna the night prior. "She has mentioned her regrets to me," she said. "I don't believe you should be so concerned, my lord. Yuna assured me she agreed that it would be pointless to stay and fight. Whether the Youth League bests New Yevon, or vice-versa, there is no real gain for us either way. Give her time."

Braska appeared sated by this, most gracious as he thanked Lulu for her input. When a large group of fiends came upon them, Jecht and Auron both drew their blades to protect Braska. Lulu let out a sound of amused surprise when Paine swung her to her back, hiking her up. Lulu laughed with Paine, as loud and as carefree as adolescents without a care in the world. That amusement came about from the safety she felt from gravity's pull—from Paine having memorized her spells, using them to her advantage.

"Paine?" asked Lulu, unable to stop her laughter. "Are you—_taking _me into battle with you? With me on your back?"

Paine turned her head to grin at her. "You can cast your magic," she said, her sword at the ready. "Just keep your arms around my neck. I won't let you fall."

Lulu directed her destruction at the entire group of coeurls, dousing them with _Flood_, one of many ancient magic spells she'd taught herself in recent years. Jecht stopped mid-charge with his greatsword, turning to Lulu with a wide grin.

"I'll be damned!" he shouted, saluting her. "With you on Paine's back, you can use all the spells you want and not get tired! You two need to lead, take out all these fiends in one shot! We might as well be your cheerleaders after that! Shit."

"That is a fine idea," agreed Braska, allowing Paine to walk to the fore. "I'm amazed we didn't think of it sooner. With the fayth no longer present in Spira, I am rather useless on the offensive side of things, without my aeons.. I can provide healing magic, as needed."

"And the others?" asked Auron, glancing at the three straggling behind. "They appear to be engrossed in deep conversation. I doubt they'll be of much aid."

Lulu had relaxed her hold around Paine's neck and shoulders, sighing now. "Allow them this reprieve," she urged. "I am sure whatever they're discussing is more important than slaying a few errant fiends. You may scold them later, when we set up camp for the evening."

"Sounds like a plan," said Jecht, grumbling as he leered at Tidus' gossiping. "Let's get this show on the road, whether they keep up or not. It's no skin off my back if _two _of them don't, anyway."

—

After a fortnight of traveling with few stops, everyone decided to take a full night of rest. In their efforts to reach the travel agency as soon as possible, they forewent sleep on most nights, or sleeping as little as a few hours before continuing on. Lulu had learned that Paine adopted the idea of their unique method of travel from a video game character: a green dinosaur that carried the hero upon her back.

Lulu could not walk still, without the aid of her spells. Paine had been shocked to discover her walking with them one night, until Lulu explained how she'd managed such a feat. For an hour each night before their brief rest, Paine had massaged more of the elixir over Lulu's leg; never resisting more than that, gently.

As the fire burned in the center of camp, Lulu sat with Paine on the outskirts of the area. Lulu leaned on Paine's shoulder, watching as she crafted a sphere from the crystal in her bare hands. This project had begun on their first night in the Calm Lands. Paine had told her she could create a new dressphere by '_making a memory_,' as she had put it, instead of recording actual footage for the sphere to hold. She would not divulge more details than those, despite Lulu's tender inquiries.

"It feels as though there is a divide among us," spoke Lulu, as she glanced at the separation between those sitting around the fire. Tidus, Yuna and Rikku sat with their backs to the men. Jecht, Braska and Auron spoke in hushed voices; over what Lulu assumed must have been politics. "Do you not agree?"

Paine let out a brief laugh, mild sparks flying from the crystal in her hands. "It's my fault," she said, without remorse. "If he really did hear us in your hut that night, he's probably sided with Rikku over…whatever the hell's bothering her. I know Yuna's caught in the middle. Auron, Jecht and Braska…I don't think they care. I like that they don't." Paine tilted her head, leaning into Lulu. "Don't you think it's silly, how all of this started over drama about who's fucking who?"

Lulu hummed as she thought those words over. "I find it hard to believe it could be that simple," she whispered. "Rikku is too emotionally invested in this for it to be about sex—or teenage fantasies, as you so called them. Yuna has also taken much care to avoid both of us."

"It's their loss," drawled Paine, shrugging.

"Is it?" asked Lulu. "Something tells me you would not be so disinclined to care for your friends, were I not involved. It was you who brought the Gullwings back together after you had all separated, was it not?"

Paine chuckled anew at the memory. "Yeah, that's when I went back to Bevelle for a while," she recalled. "I wrote Yuna and Rikku a letter, asking to meet up again for one last mission. When we got there, we explored again, fought together again.. At the very end, I told them it was me who sent the letters. I couldn't leave my friends behind, after all we went through. We made the decision to stay together after that, as long as there were spheres to hunt in Spira. The sphere hunting gig is unofficially over, so…"

"So…?" echoed Lulu, prompting her to continue.

With a sigh, Paine put her project away—broken pieces of crystal and half a sphere, back in her garment grid. "My priorities have changed," she said. "It's not that I'm ditching them for you. I just don't want to deal with their broken hearts, or egos, or whatever's going on with them. That's beyond the friend zone we'd established. It's none of my business. If I act like I care, that'll lead at least one of them on."

"You've given this a great deal of thought," Lulu pointed out. "Though, I suppose you're right. It isn't your place to offer counsel as to how they should deal with their situation, for the very reasons you've given. It only troubles me that one, perhaps two or three members of our party are so passive-aggressive in their hostility toward us. It is rather…unsettling, to say the least, if not uncalled for."

As the minutes passed, Lulu sensed that Paine disagreed—she did not find anything to be unsettling, or uncalled for. She would have hung her head, or otherwise showed some sort of sign of being worried or in distress. Paine showed none of those. Calm as could be, Paine held Lulu as she watched the stars above, paying no mind to the barely audible whispers of their names coming from Rikku in particular.

"Lulu," said Paine, already on a different tangent. "Do you miss Vidina? It's his birthday tomorrow."

"I know.. I do miss him, especially because of what tomorrow holds," she replied. "Had I known we would go so long without your airship returning for us, I may have brought him with me. For purely selfish reasons, of course… Ensuring his safety through Bevelle, through Macalania would have been rather difficult."

Paine hummed, fighting to keep from smiling. Lulu pretended not to notice, instead wondering whatever was so entertaining. "Yeah, that's too bad about Vidina," said Paine, spreading her arms. "I wish I could make him appear here, just for you. Maybe the stars will listen tonight?"

Jecht and Auron stood, on guard as they heard running footsteps in the distance. Seconds later, Lulu had a view of Vidina sprinting toward her. He ignored all else as he ran into her arms. As Lulu reveled in her surprise, holding her son at long last, she heard Jecht's loud greeting as he addressed someone else. Paine stood up, promising to find her again later.

Someone else—someone she never expected to see again followed after Vidina, smiling the same way he always did before.

"Hey there," said Chappu, rubbing the back of his head. Lulu stared at him, holding Vidina close to her chest. "Long time no see, eh? Sorry I been gone so long. We had to get to you the old-fashioned way." Chappu thumbed behind him, in the direction of the fire—Wakka stood in front of Paine, his posture awkward before her pride as he tried to speak with her. "Guess you're not gonna say nothin'…"

Shock constricted Lulu's throat. She could not speak, breathe, or blink as she watched Chappu sit down before her.

"Didn't really expect you to," he went on. "I had this…big speech I thought up. It was real impressive, with all these…_words _and…feelings, you know? 'Cause it's been so long… Now I get the feeling you don't want me around."

Lulu willed herself to speak, if only not to be rude. "Chappu, I.. never thought I would…see you again," she said, her voice low—deep with stoicism. "I set myself to the task, to the reality that I would not. To that end, I encourage you to say what is on your mind."

"You shut me out then," said Chappu, "You're doin' it again now. I'm not surprised."

"Then, pray tell, what _are _you, Chappu, if not surprised?" asked Lulu, still devoid of emotion.

The widest vein of disappointment spread across Chappu's face. "I'm leaving," he said, standing up. "I brought you your son. But I shouldn't have come here. Shouldn't have brought my brother. I just wanted to see you again so bad, Lu… Ended up wastin' your time. Sorry!"

"You aren't _wasting _my time," said Lulu, annoyed with his assumptions. "I did not expect you, this—any of this. You should know better."

Chappu shoved his hands in his pockets. "I don't," he said. "It's Paine who knows better, who always knows best. Not me. Not my brother. You're used to that from her. I think you forgot that I never really did know better. It was easier to stay quiet, let you take over. You were happy then. You're happier now that it finally goes both ways."

Lulu pursed her lips, feeling Vidina falling asleep so soon. "You came here to tell me what I already know?" she asked, unimpressed.

"No…" said Chappu. "Lulu, is it _so hard _to know that I love you? You can be as cold as you want, as mean as you want. Don't matter… I went from your fiancé to your guardian angel, now I'm here. All I want is for you to know what I am, how I feel."

Lulu had no interest in knowing any of those things. "You coordinated this with Paine, didn't you?"

Chappu shrugged. "Sorta yeah, kinda no," he replied. "All she agreed to was me bringin' my nephew with me. Wakka came along; couldn't tell him no. He wants to stay with you guys. Me? I gotta go."

Yuna's voice interrupted: "Lulu?" she asked, stepping right between Chappu's fading figure. "Who are you talking to?" Lulu watched as Chappu disappeared; Yuna took his place, frowning in worry. "You're letting the mirages get to you… There's no one else here."

Vidina felt _real _in her arms. Lulu held him closer as she lay down upon the grass. She glanced over and saw Wakka and Paine speaking together in private, on the opposite end of the camp. Yuna stood over her, hands over her hips. The night sky spread wide over her head. Fumes from the fire rose up as a steady billow of glowing red, orange, brown. Those very same colors that made up her former lover—she did not imagine them.

"That was no illusion, Yuna," insisted Lulu. "I am not so senile that I would have a conversation with a mirage." Yuna appeared unconvinced. "Hm? You truly believe I've lost my mind?"

"That _isn't _what I'm saying," said Yuna, sitting beside her. "My father warned us that the Farplane has touched these lands. That we might start to see things as time went on. I think you're in denial that you could be influenced like that."

Lulu felt—something—about Yuna that made her uncomfortable; on-edge. "Very well," she conceded.

Yuna said nothing for a long moment, watching Vidina sleep in Lulu's arms. The cold in the air began to envelop Lulu in that silence instead, such that Yuna's loss for words began to annoy her. Perhaps it was Wakka's presence that had Lulu in such a mood, for she could not remember being anything short of happy with Yuna in the recent past.

Seeing Chappu again—or not seeing him—also added to her disposition.

Before Yuna could speak again, Paine stomped over to them, Wakka right on her heels. Lulu became lost in the cacophony that followed: Wakka begging for a moment of Lulu's time; Paine insisting that no one wanted to give him any time, carrying Lulu and Vidina to their tent. Relief, and confusion settled within as Paine set Lulu down over their makeshift bed. She allowed Paine to tuck Vidina in just nearby. He did not wake from the noise, somehow. Though Paine was irritated by Wakka's showing, she did not convey this through her movements.

Emotional exhaustion showed as Paine lay down at Lulu's side. "I don't know what you did to Wakka," she said, groaning as she rested her head over Lulu's chest. "Whatever you did, you're a vixen. As if I didn't already know. He's officially obsessed with us."

"Us?" asked Lulu, feeling the plurality did not belong.

Paine tried to change the subject. "Do you want me to rub the elixir on you?" Lulu did not need to voice her concerns, her desire for her to elaborate on the previous matter. "…I don't understand all of it. He says that he loves you, he won't give up…then, in the same breath, he says how jealous he is of me, how he wants to know what I did to make you so interested in me. It's like he's declared me to be his rival, and yet he wants tips from me at the same time.. He's lost it. I want nothing to do with what's happened to almost everyone out there. I'm turning my emotions off, to them. Starting now."

_How?_

Lulu only thought of the question once before the paradox solved itself.

Instead of her allowing her anger to take over, Lulu projected her stoicism to all beyond her tent. Anyone outside no longer knew her. Those who respected her actions would not prod her. Those who believed the opposite would receive nothing from her to sate their entitlement to her emotions. From such an overload in one night, Lulu could not help this shutdown. The mental and emotional gymnastics required of her to solve man's need to gossip, to probe, to invade had well-beyond exceeded her limit.


	15. The Other Promise

_"The Other Promise" by Yoko Shimomura (Piano Collections)_

_Sleep, as if drowned, at the bottom of the deep ocean  
My pain of that day has gone somewhere  
The sweet wish, I hide and put to sleep  
Clad in stillness, I merely flow_

Three months of travel led to the final night of rest before crossing the ravine leading to Mount Gagazet. Paine lay awake in her tent beside Lulu, applying the last touches to the sphere she worked on. The first sphere she had crafted for Vidina: a dressphere for his birthday, which he refused to change out of. She smiled at the possibility of him wearing it still as he slept in the tent across the way with Jecht, Braska and Auron. The men had been ever so kind to offer these sleeping arrangements for the remainder of their travels, to give Paine and Lulu their privacy in the wake of Wakka's incessant behavior during the day.

As Lulu slept on beside her, Paine completed the sphere in a matter of hours. For Lulu's birthday was fast approaching in these weeks of spring. She estimated her birthday would arrive during their climb over Mount Gagazet; her gift was appropriate for the occasion. After tucking the sphere away in her garment grid, she made to kiss Lulu's neck as a precursor to something more—

The shrillness of Rikku's scream sounded just outside, waking Lulu with the utmost displeasure upon her face as she sat up. Lulu lifted Paine in the same motion; the screams continued, joined with Tidus' panic. They both changed into their usual dresspheres.

Paine kept her head against Lulu's bare shoulder. "Should we go see what their problem is?" she asked. Lulu situated her hands and arms against Paine for support. "You want to try walking?"

With all of her strength focused in her arms, to support Lulu around her waist, Paine walked outside with her at a steady pace. She held Lulu close, moving backward out of the tent to keep the fabric from brushing over Lulu's face.

A sky-high basilisk slithered in the direction of the camp, its fangs bared as it prepared to devour all in its path. Rikku threw her near-entire arsenal of explosives at the fiend, failing to stop its momentum. She scattered spare bombs and grenades in her wake as she ran away, shouting, "_Snake!_" at the top of her lungs. Tidus sprinted at her heel. He held Vidina with one arm and Yuna's hand with his other, screaming just as loud as the women.

Paine panicked as she tried to run after them, with Lulu, yet Lulu would not budge.

"Lulu, what are you doing?!" shouted Paine, attempting to uproot Lulu's stubborn hold on the ground by her gravity spells. "Don't you see the giant snake headed our way? We have to move!"

Yuna noticed Paine's predicament, falling back to grab her hand and run with her. She pulled Paine away from Lulu; Paine dug her heels in the ground, fighting to free herself from Yuna's hold. Wakka emerged from his tent, staring at everyone as though they'd gone mad. Jecht, Auron and Braska stood outside their tent, dazed by the noise.

"Lulu!" shouted Yuna, holding her hand out as Lulu began walking toward the approaching menace. "Why are you going that way?! I don't want to _lose_ you!"

Before the basilisk reached her, Lulu held her arms out and dropped them to her thighs like a ragdoll, as if to say:

_There's nothing here…_

As she did that, the illusion disbanded into a collection of pyreflies around her.

Lulu glared at Paine in particular, shaking her head. Yuna let go of Paine, most sheepish as Lulu made her way back to them with legs stiffened.

"You guys seein' things again?" asked Wakka, arms folded as he regarded Yuna. "There was nothin' over there. Don't know what the fuss was all about."

"But Wakka, there _was _something," insisted Yuna in earnest. Wakka grumbled in his weariness, unconvinced.

Rikku motioned with her hands, still a ways away. "It was a GIANT freaking snake!" she said, shrill. "How did you not see that thing?! It was HUGE! And it almost ate Lulu!"

Braska cleared his throat, for his voice to reach her in the distance. "My lady, this is the third time this month you all have reported sightings of fictional fiends," he reminded her. "Perhaps it is time to acknowledge that we have indeed overextended our stay here in the Calm Lands. I can assure you, once again: you were only imagining things."

Tidus ran with Vidina back to the group, exasperated. "Okay, but how is it that we always see the same thing?!" he asked. "The three of you, Lulu and Wakka—you _never _see anything! It feels so real every time! How are we supposed to just ignore something like that?"

Lulu reached Paine, her hands putting pressure along Paine's shoulders to sustain her weight. She retreated inside the tent, far too tired to be involved in baseless speculation. Jecht took Vidina in his arms, motioning for Paine to return inside with Lulu. Paine did so, finding Lulu beneath their blanket already, wearing nothing; regarding her through the dark with hard eyes.

Paine lay down with her, too embarrassed to say anything. She removed her dressphere.

Lulu held her, sighing after a long while. "This is getting a little old," she commented, her voice rusted with fatigue. Heat rushed to Paine's face. "Hasn't it been long enough now for you to be able to discern between illusion and reality here? The others I can excuse this behavior from. Even Wakka hasn't been fooled once. I expect better of you."

"Sorry, Lulu," mumbled Paine, shaking her head over Lulu's neck. "It's like he said—it feels so _real _every time it happens. I forget that we were all just seeing things before. We all see the same fiend, too. So that's yet another reason why I can't ignore it—that collective fear gets to us."

"I suppose I see what you mean," replied Lulu. "At any rate, we will reach Mount Gagazet tomorrow at long last. Hopefully we can escape these episodes…"

Lulu's hold around Paine did not waver in her foul mood. Fullness and calm, Paine felt, regardless of all else as the others continued to chat outside. That resolve in Lulu's arms told a story unspoken. As their comrades began to return to their tents, Lulu stared ahead at nothing. Paine thought against interrupting her thoughts. She tried to find sleep for the night.

Long minutes later, Lulu sighed as she held Paine tighter. Sleep had distorted Paine's senses; she pressed her lips to Lulu's neck, instead, to speak of her half-consciousness.

"I didn't think you'd still be awake," whispered Lulu. Paine shifted toward her, closer; tangling their legs together. "Our not-so-near-death experience earlier…reminded me of what happened, ten years ago; beneath the ravine we're due to cross over later today. Now…I can't stop thinking about it."

Paine inhaled a deep breath of Lulu's warm skin, to wake herself. "Tell me what happened," she said.

"There is a cavern nearby," began Lulu, "Where a group of Al Bhed tried to hide a fayth they'd stolen from an old temple. The summoner I guarded on my first pilgrimage…died there." Her pulse against Paine's nose slowed considerably. Her skin chilled. "I should not have been her sole guardian. I was far too young, too inexperienced."

Silence saturated the end of her confessions. Paine allowed the information to sink in, further filling the picture she had of Lulu's past. She made the link with her own experiences in the same cavern.

"That makes sense," murmured Paine. "The first time I went there with Yuna and Rikku, there was a dark aeon there with its unsent summoner. We defeated the aeon. Yuna sent the summoner, before mentioning she felt something familiar about her. I think she said her name was Lady Ginnem…"

Lulu held her breath, before releasing it. "I failed her," she said. "On my second pilgrimage, the summoner Wakka and I guarded ended his journey here. I purposely avoided the cavern during Yuna's pilgrimage. I said nothing as we crossed over the bridge to Mount Gagazet. I should not have allowed that burden to fall to the three of you."

Though she felt the answer was obvious, Paine still asked: "Do you…want to go there this time?"

"Not with the others," replied Lulu. "Only with you, so that we can talk in peace. I doubt any fiends will be there. I need to face my past…" Paine shifted her body; on top of hers—taking in Lulu's bare form with her eyes, her roving hand. "…With you by my side."

Before Paine moved her head down, she turned it around to observe what had caught Lulu's attention. She saw Wakka's form there, silhouetted against the tent from the fire outside. His back was to the tent, head canted skyward. He did not stand close enough that he could have listened, yet his distance was not so marked as to hear nothing between them.

Paine turned her head back round, moving her hand down to rub Lulu's injured leg. She retrieved the elixir, noting it was almost empty. She spread the last drops over her hands, moving down, beneath the blanket.

She pressed her liquid-warmed hands to Lulu's nearly-healed wounds. With each shift of Lulu's body, Paine brushed her lips over the skin that found her. She took care to not settle any weight beneath her hands. The warmth beneath the blanket stifled Paine for but a moment, before she scented the dulcet softness of Lulu's need; before it filled her senses, guiding her farther down. Lulu clasped her hands behind Paine's head, drawing her into her arched waist. To multitask, to massage with her hands and gently apply her lips to Lulu's other aches—distracted Paine from their predictable voyeur.

Lulu lifted her legs, wrapping them around Paine's shoulders; directing her attentions with careful pressure. Paine kept her weight over her knees, curling her hand over Lulu's injury, still smoothing the elixir there.

"Paine…" Lulu's voice reverberated through her body. "How I miss you handling me with strength, with all your power.. These months have not…been easy." Her navel, Paine breathed against; kissed, with the comfort of Lulu's thighs along either side of her head. "You have been…so understanding, so—gentle…" Wetness thinned along the tip of Paine's tongue until she curled it into her mouth, thickened anew. Lulu shuddered to say, "Come here…"

Lulu opened her legs, easing Paine on top of her, one arm beneath Paine's body. Vertigo found Paine, as Lulu moved her higher, to straddle. Two fingers Lulu used, coating them, first, before coiling inside. Through Paine's low groan, Lulu pulled her down by the neck; whispering in her ear. Every minute movement within; the dullness of Lulu's nails; how her arousal spread for Lulu with ease; Paine felt it all as she fell into the depths of her control.

She could not stop it; could not deny the liberation of her legs, her sex so open to this allure. The constant curling sparked her again, again. The possibility of _someone _listening to this language she reserved for Lulu—it tightened her, around Lulu's penetrations. She pushed her hips down into Lulu's upward movements; lifted them up to drag out the sensations of shallow removal.

Arousal seeped from her, from within, from between her; the continuous contact of Lulu's hand against her, inside of her stroked every part of her at once. With expectations lowered, severed, Paine could not remember ever feeling so _close _to her. As Lulu took her time, she took all of her, all of Paine as she added her own essence and brand of love.

"How stunning you are," breathed Lulu, against; inside of Paine's ear. "I am ever so lucky to have you, all to myself…" She bit down on Lulu's shoulder—hard enough to silence the words she had to stop from speaking. "Don't leave me, Paine." Stimulation met her mind and matter, stirring her sighs to Lulu's delight. "Please don't…"

All that Lulu had ever made her feel culminated then, wrapping around those words to form the explosive that set off within her. It stretched on, endlessly; seamlessly lulling her to sleep in Lulu's arms.

The dreams that followed made little sense to her pride. Her heart understood them in their entirety.

Paine dreamed of standing with Lulu atop the Celsius as it flew over Zanarkand in its metropolis age. She knelt down on one knee before Lulu, promising to buy the perfect home for them in the city below after so many months of traveling through Spira on foot. Lulu held her clasped hands to her chest, smiling in wonder as she listened to all else of what Paine planned to purchase for her: tomes of ancient magic to line each wall, incense and everlasting flowers to keep her aroma of choice spread throughout, a grand piano that Lulu might play to unwind; sheets of black silk for their bed; the freshest variety of fruits and chocolates to indulge in.

Even through Yuna, Tidus, Rikku and Wakka finding them, attempting to discourage them from leaving, Paine still promised to fulfill Lulu's every materialistic desire. Lulu's enchantment sounded real; close to her ear, humming with ingenuity throughout her dream. The distance sounded disproportional, for Paine remained on bended knee in her dream, and yet that appreciation felt far closer. In her dream, she did not see Lulu giggle at all, but she heard those amused tones—somewhere, somehow.

More laughter—boyish laughter—also reached her ears. Lulu held her tight as their tent shook from the weight of someone being tackled against it. That _someone _fell through the flaps on his back, his head poking through, allowing him to see far too much.

Lulu's scoff sounded in all of her offense, before Paine felt the jerk of her arm as she cast a spell on him. Wakka muffled his screams with his hands, scrambling to run away. Paine stirred, with a kiss good morning from Lulu's scowling lips. As they changed into their clothes, Lulu muttered something about Vidina tackling Wakka into their tent, on purpose or otherwise. She suspected her son bore something of a sadistic streak toward his father. Paine offered to store their tent away while Lulu went to question Vidina on his behavior.

About an hour later, they all set off for the bridge leading to Mount Gagazet. Tidus and Rikku had left earlier, catching up to the group on chocobo. Paine carried Lulu in her arms this time, both looking rather grumpy from having been woken by Wakka in such a way. Vidina ran in circles around her on all fours, wearing the moomba mascot dressphere she'd gifted him for his sixth birthday. He looked indistinguishable from the real thing, even going so far as to imitate their squeals to deceptive perfection.

Tidus also circled around Paine on his chocobo, smiling; unfazed by her mood. "Hey, Paine!" he said. She kept her eyes on the road ahead. "Wouldn't you rather put Lulu on a chocobo instead of carrying her? Don't you wanna ride one?"

"No, thanks," replied Paine, dry.

His chocobo squawked. "But they're so cute!" insisted Tidus.

"That's nice. And?" she asked.

Tidus frowned, getting the hint well enough. "Dude, Wakka," he said, noticing his frost-bitten skin at last. "What happened to your face, man? Looks like someone threw snow and ice water all over it…"

Wakka growled, choosing not to say anything. To Paine, this was a vast improvement over his typical emotional displays that she and Lulu had learned to ignore.

"_Everyone's_ just a ball of sunshine this morning," muttered Tidus, steering his chocobo away from Paine and Lulu.

"Hey, now!" shouted Jecht. "When's the last time we got a decent night's rest, huh? Sure as hell didn't get one last night—no thanks to your screamin'. So stop with the sarcasm, already! Damned passive-aggressive sissy if I ever saw one, I tell ya."

Tidus turned his chocobo to face his father. "I'm not being passive-aggressive about anything, old man!" he said. "If anything, maybe you are, from not getting any sleep. You gonna blame me for that, just like how you love blaming me for everything else?!"

Paine walked faster. "This is ridiculous," she mumbled, for only Lulu to hear.

"I have to agree," said Lulu, wrapping her arms tighter about Paine's neck. "Our diversion to the valley could not have come at a better time. While I appreciate Sir Jecht's intentions, he should know better than to provoke his son into an argument. This is going to escalate, badly."

Jecht and Tidus continued to argue, having fallen back to the very end of the group by the time Paine reached the bridge. She crossed over the structure; she looked down to Vidina as she made her way down the slope to the valley. Lulu did not tell her son not to follow, nor did she voice any concerns over their comrades walking after them.

As Paine descended into the Cavern of the Stolen Fayth, she turned her head to regard those following at her heels. Yuna and Rikku stared back at her, their expressions expectant. Beyond, Braska and Auron shook their heads as Jecht scolded Tidus in the ravine. Wakka leaned against the entrance of the cavern, watching Paine with tired eyes.

"What is it?" asked Yuna. "Are we not allowed to keep following you?"

Paine sighed through her nose, facing forward again. "Do whatever you want," she said, stepping on the nearest portal. Vidina stood next to her, tail wagging as he waited for the portal to activate. "I don't get why you want to follow me. We've hardly spoken in months."

Rikku and Yuna stood obscenely close, teleporting with them to the back of the cavern.

Paine continued on to the Chamber of the Fayth, with Vidina at her side.

"Hey!" said Rikku, still standing with Yuna over the portal. "Is this your way of telling us you guys wanna be alone? Because you could've just said so!"

Yuna lowered her voice. "Not now, Rikku," she said. They exchanged more words that Paine could no longer hear—she'd reached the open chamber.

The absence of the fayth did not leave a hole as it had for the other temples. Instead, the statue remained, no longer able to shine from the glow of the fayth's soul. Paine sat down upon the small elevation around the statue, months' worth of fatigue catching up to her at long last. Vidina seemed to understand their need for privacy, dashing off to the opposite end of the room to practice his black magic spells.

"I told Vidina we'd come down here," said Lulu, "Just to get away from everyone else for a little while." She smiled at her son's aptitude. "He really does love his dressphere. You said it will grow with him, did you not?"

Paine nodded, observing Lulu's dress as she thought of the birthday gift she'd prepared for her. "Did you talk to him about Wakka?" she asked.

Lulu's scowl caught Paine's attention. "It seems I was right," she remarked. "We're all a little stir-crazy, from the constant traveling with hardly any privacy. Wakka's presence has been frustrating for Vidina."

"I don't get why he's still following us," said Paine, in regards to Wakka's stubborn behavior.

Lulu understood. "He had an overactive drive to prove that I made a mistake in leaving him," she supplied. "Now that nearly nine months have passed and he realizes he hasn't made a dent, he's calmed down considerably. I do not think he is above simply waiting for some type of opportunity to come along."

Something about the notion of Wakka's calculating nature put Paine off a great deal. Yet she would not dwell on that. They had chosen to visit this place for a reason.

"Tell me about the summoner you guarded," said Paine. "Lady Ginnem—how did you meet her?"

Lulu rested her head over Paine's shoulder, a far-off look in her eyes. "This may come as a surprise to you," she began, smiling faintly. "A few years after the Crusades, after I lost Chappu, I met her when I went to the old market in Kilika. She was quite determined to begin her pilgrimage, yet she felt she had no one to rely upon as a guardian. We spent…a few days—and nights—together. Alone."

An unexpected bout of envy came upon Paine, averting her eyes to Lulu's hands clasped over her corset.

"She and I had much in common," Lulu went on. "I was quite captivated by her intelligence, how wise she was for her years. However, in those days, Yevon forbade same-sex relations of any kind. We disguised our relationship under her pilgrimage. I believed I could find some way to save her from the fate of the Final Summoning.. She died, here, in this very room as she tried to pray to the fayth."

Paine voiced the first words that came to mind: "You didn't usually hear about summoners dying that way, back before the Eternal Calm," she commented. Lulu hummed in agreement. "What do you think got in the way? What happened?"

Lulu reached her hand up, to toy with Paine's necklace. "Guilt," she said, without thinking. "A summoner had to steel her soul for the hours—or days she spent praying to the fayth. Anything less, and the fayth would feed on that weakness under the guise of joining with their heart."

"You mean…she felt guilty about your relationship?"

"Perhaps," replied Lulu, at ease as she moved to touch the tendrils of Paine's hair behind her ear. "Our bond had to be strong, in order for me to become the fayth for the Final Aeon. As we traveled through the Calm Lands, we came to the unspoken agreement that we would never fall in love with one another. We would never have that bond required of us by the time we reached Zanarkand. Part of me still grieved for Chappu; she was too detached in the way she treated me. It simply wasn't meant to be."

Paine lowered her head. "Even if it wasn't, that's still a rough way to end things," she said. "I'm sorry…you had to go through that. It does explain a few things, if you wanna put it that way…"

"There's nothing you need to apologize for," said Lulu, moving Paine's head to face her. "But what does it explain? I'm curious as to what you mean."

She thought her words over, to be as diplomatic as possible. "You have a lot of weight on your shoulders," she started. "Because you've made it this far, you don't have much patience for people who can't handle a fraction of what you've had to face. That's just the impression I get, at least."

Lulu smiled. "That is quite the accurate observation," she confirmed. "From what you've told me of your past, you and I bear similar burdens. It helps to blur the age gap between us—I often forget how young you are. My heart finds much solace in yours—that our past troubles cancel each other out for the sake of our relationship."

"By the time we get to Zanarkand, we'll have been together for a whole year," mused Paine, almost in disbelief. "Doesn't feel like it's been that long at all…"

"The happiest year of all my life…"

Lulu's words prompted Paine to retrieve her gift. "Mine, too," said Paine, handing Lulu the dressphere. "I know your birthday isn't until the middle of the month…but at least wear it when we get to Mount Gagazet. All you have to do is think about the sphere if you want to watch what's in it."

She pressed the sphere to Lulu's heart, to place it in her garment grid. Paine expected a severe shock, like the first time she did this in Leblanc's mansion. Nothing shocked her or otherwise hurt her in any way at all. Rather, Lulu's spirit invited Paine's touch further than her flesh would allow; Lulu smiled with eyes closed, hands overlapped over Paine's, over her heaving chest.

For all of Paine's experience with garment grids, she knew what this meant to Lulu, for Lulu; regardless of all else, their silence, she understood.


	16. Servants of the Mountain

_"Servants of the Mountain" by Nobuo Uematsu_

_The thoughts I shut in  
Will someday be washed away by time; I'm losing sight of the hiding place_

Through the endless trails of Mount Gagazet, through the relentless snowstorm, Paine had insisted on carrying Lulu upon her back—no questions asked. The lack of fatigue; the sheer drive Paine exhibited to do this intrigued Lulu beyond measure. She wore the new dressphere Paine had given her three weeks prior: a long, hooded coat of the finest black coeurl fur over her dress that both kept her warm and weighed her down over Paine's back. Jecht also carried Vidina upon his shoulders. His moomba dressphere shielded him from the cold. The two of them exchanged banter from time to time, with Jecht commenting on Vidina's spells, and Braska also expressing amazement with his abilities.

The others stayed quiet. They had all been downcast since Lulu had emerged from the Cavern of the Stolen Fayth with Paine and Vidina. Lulu chose to take solace in their silence. She could enjoy this experience in peace.

Lulu kept her covered arms wrapped about Paine's neck and shoulders, eyes closed against her hair. Over and over again, she continued to watch the recording within her new dressphere. She could watch it with her mind's eye, shutting all else out of sight; manually selecting the memory Paine had created for her. Lulu knew that Paine was quite aware of her indulgence in this gift for her thirtieth birthday—the occasional soft moan reached Paine's ears, never failing to make her react in the subtlest of ways.

_On the docks of Besaid Island, Paine sat, facing her, legs crossed. She kept her head down for a long moment, the gentle sounds of the nearby ocean waves filling her silence. When at last she raised her head, she smiled with such sincerity—with traces of courage there that Lulu could only see because she actively searched for it._

"_Lulu," she said, leaning forward. "You know, I spent a long time trying to come up with something you'd like—as a gift. Every year before this one, whenever the Gullwings stopped by to visit you on your birthday, I never had much say in your presents. I remember being annoyed that Yuna would always ask me what I thought we should get you—as if I was supposed to know. Looking back on it now, I was only bothered by it because, deep down, I felt like I should have known. Better late than never, right?_

"_The coat is practical—something you can use. Your neck is the most sensitive part of your body…I'd go so far as to say it's your erogenous zone. I don't want it to get cold over these next few months. I never know what to do when someone gives me something I can't use. I have a feeling you're not exactly the same about these things. That's why I've included this memory for you._

"_I've told you a lot about myself, my past. You mentioned once, a while back, that you're forever inclined to be in the minds of those closest to you. Your words repeated in my head the entire time I spent coming up with this. To this day, I still don't think I fully understand what you meant. Something tells me that maybe I do. Maybe I just can't pin it all down with words. So for this, I'm following my instincts without stopping to think why. I know you'll appreciate it."_

_The screen blacked out. Paine sat down again, on a swing in a playground. Several houses outlined the area in one of Bevelle's central districts. She stayed still, her expression thoughtful as she spoke again._

"_Being with you is so…_liberating_…because you don't judge me. Because you're not afraid of the way I make you feel. When I went to you that night, before we left for Bevelle, I prepared myself to resist you. We both know how that turned out. And that's just the thing about you, Lulu. You walk through my barriers like they're not even there. You make me want things I'd sworn myself away from. So long as you're next to me, regardless of what we're doing, I forget that I ever suffered. My only suffering was in not knowing you sooner…_

"_My reservations about relationships started from my first and only one before you, when I was fifteen. I knew some people who got me into a twenty-one and over club, here in Bevelle. I met a woman there—she was twenty-two; intelligent, beautiful. She could tell right away that I was too young to be in there. I wasn't expecting her to laugh in my face when I told her how old I really was. She just assumed I had to be at least eighteen or nineteen. I told her she'd regret laughing at me, before I walked away. _

"_For about a year, she kept following me after I walked away—in an abstract sense, anyway. It was a huge ego stroke for me: that this woman was into me and at the same time determined to keep it a secret from everyone. She tried to keep it from me, from herself. It pissed me off. My anger got her off and neither of us understood why. One night she got so aroused by the fear I'd subjected her to. She begged me to fuck her with a strap-on, to grope her hard; to degrade her and verbally insult her. After I did, and I told her that was my first sexual experience, it didn't look like she believed me. She fell asleep._

"_We came here a few nights later. I hadn't kissed her or done anything with her, even though she wanted it. She asked me to push her on this very swing. I'd never heard her _really _laugh before then. She was…happy with me. After that, we had a mock sword fight with some heavy twigs we found in the forest nearby. I broke hers after a few minutes. I made her shout at the top of her lungs that she loved me. I got a rush from it, not because of the way she felt about me. But because I got her to do something she'd been denying for the longest. _

"_Later that month, the youth group I was in encouraged us to join the Crimson Squad. A sadistic part of me joined to get away from her—to punish her for wasting my time the way she did. She broke down and cried when I told her I was leaving. I didn't say why. I left and didn't look back. I never felt a single regret, if only to wonder why I didn't feel bad over it. I refused to let a girl touch me after that, even though she never did. I enjoyed that control over the other person. But it was never enough. At the same time, I didn't want to believe that. For me to give control to someone else…the thought sickened me."_

_After another blackout to the cabin of the Celsius, Paine came into view, lying down on the same bed Lulu sat upon during her last argument with Wakka. She wore nothing, one knee bent and her hands folded beneath her head. She stared at Lulu, wanting. _

"_There's a special something you have…like I told you before, it makes me want to be your bitch. When I said it at the time, I didn't think the words over. I used to tell myself how it would take a lot for someone to overpower me into submitting to them. You don't overpower me. You complete me._

"_I was the girl in school going through puberty, listening as her guy friends' voices got deeper, purposely imitating that to the point where my voice is stuck like this. I refused to tell my crushes that I was into them. I hated being around people my age. My parents never paid enough attention to me. Fighting was my only outlet. All you hear about with people like me is that they end up dying still angry at the world; how they lead reckless lives and eventually kill themselves. _

"_I need this completion I've found in you. So many nights I spent sleeping in this same bed, dreaming of you, though I never knew it was you until now. In my dreams, I would see the same woman—with your form, your aura. She would…boss me around, romantically, mentally; sexually. She exploited my every fear without ever asking me what they were. She did these things in such varied ways that always managed to shock me. It was a rollercoaster confined within my trust in her. I was completely high and addicted to it all while staying sober. When I was asleep, I loved it. When I woke up, I hated myself for it. _

"_I wish I remembered exactly how she did all of that to me. I want to tell you. I'm sure it has something to do with how I've always thought of you as my cruel mistress. As the embodiment of my vile wants…whatever those are. Maybe one day, you can show me what those are. I trust you with my life."_

—

_All remained black, with but Paine's voice sounding for Lulu to hear. The cadence of her voice took on an echo, to relax Lulu; to seduce her, thoroughly._

_That Paine had discarded all but her heart for these words—how it worked in her favor:_

"_Lulu, you set my soul on fire; you freeze my pride in place; you nourish my mind; you excite me in ways I couldn't imagine before. The shape of your beauty is one I can never fully describe, yet it won't leave me. I've needed you for far longer than I realize. Your attitude in life enchants me because of how effortless it feels. You're graceful in all things. You're experienced even in the face of the unknown. You're more beautiful than life itself, Lulu. Nothing is as constant as your care and devotion. Nothing is as thrilling as your intelligence and love. Nothing is as endless as what you've given me._

"_Tell me to close my eyes, to walk up a broken staircase; tell me I've walked up the stairway to heaven and I'll feel like I have. Show me a letter in your handwriting; I'll treasure those words beyond whatever laws there are in this world. Speak to me your greatest wishes, and I'll make sure they come to you. I've carried you for but a few months now—say the words and I'll carry you across all of Spira, for everyone to know just how much you mean to me. _

"_Listen to this romantic you've turned me into… I don't know how you do it. You could make me do anything. Make me say anything. Make me be anything. As long as it's for you, I won't complain. There's nothing you lack, nothing about you that leaves anything to be desired. Being with you is more than living. It's that high I've always needed. I don't need it from anything else. Not anymore. Only you…" _

—

The month passed with no signs of the Ronso anywhere about the mountain. For the first month, Lulu assumed her preoccupation with her sphere had distracted her from spotting them. Now twice that amount of time had passed; her comrades expressed concern; she fought not to worry about Kimahri and his people. She spent her mental power thinking of other things as Paine carried her still, even in the midst of casting spells in battle. Sharing these things with Paine too soon, Lulu thought, would ruin the element of surprise.

That night, Lulu lay upon the stone ground of an alcove, her coat wrapped about both her and Paine's bodies. She held Paine to her breast, smiling down at her; her own mind and heart racing too quickly for her to sleep. Paine had fallen asleep in Lulu's arms right away, as she always did since their first night on the mountain. Lulu adored Paine's devotion to this task for reasons far beyond the more obvious romantic sentiments. From the way Paine breathed as she plodded through the snow, over inclines that at times reached dangerous angles, Lulu could tell she enjoyed the strain. For Paine's breathing never labored; it never complained; never expressed a desire for the burden to end.

She suspected Paine did not rush into her slumber out of physical exhaustion. Paine hadn't shown these symptoms through the Calm Lands—she'd had Jecht, Braska and Auron around for conversation to distract her, often laughing with Lulu over one thing or another.

Their hike through the mountain exemplified near-isolation. Beyond civilization, with their comrades disinclined to conversation, Paine's focused had shifted inward. With the increase in difficulty of traversing unsteady paths as opposed to even plains, Lulu felt Paine bore a sense of enjoyment from it all. Lulu's heart quickened all the more from the various implications. This was no mere novelty for either of them—Lulu had recognized these signs for weeks; they continued to excite her, never diminishing.

Paine's eyes fluttered open, listening to those beats. "Mmm, Lulu," she said, shifting deeper into Lulu's hold. "You're still awake… You do this a lot." Lulu made a humming sound, as if to ask what she meant. "Staying up…thinking…while I'm asleep. If this keeps up, you'll give me a complex." Before Lulu could respond, Paine made a disapproving grunt. "Don't tell me it's nothing I need to worry about."

"It isn't," said Lulu, smiling at Paine's forethought. "It is difficult to feel fatigue when I spend the days upon your back. My sleeping patterns have been irregular these last months. Instead of forcing myself to rest, I prefer watching you sleep."

"Is that all you do?" asked Paine.

Lulu took her tone as one of suggestion, responding appropriately: "Were it that I did not need to wear my dress in this cold, I would make certain the back of my hand stayed against you as I touched myself." Paine shed herself of her weariness right away. "I suppose I could undress and increase these traces of warmth between us with my spells. Tomorrow night, perhaps…"

Paine continued to move, to shift, until she settled the side of her face low into Lulu's breasts. "And what would you think about?" she asked.

Deflection was not the goal of Lulu's response. "I wouldn't need to think," she said. She exercised caution, so as to not reveal anything just yet. It needed more time to simmer. "The pressure of your body against my hand would fool me into thinking you spurred my movements. The element of surprise as to whether or not I might wake you would certainly help." The breaths Paine let out spoke her thoughts—clear. Lulu decided for a hard change of subject in response. "But, you know, there are a few things I want to try, now that we have the opportunity. They're a little silly."

It took Paine a little longer than usual to find her voice. "…what are they?" she asked. Lulu heard no frustration, no disappointment. She tucked the information away. "I might not think they're silly. I want to know."

Lulu opened her coat, watching Paine stand up. As Paine knelt down to pick her up, Lulu grabbed hold of her hands instead to stand with her. No gravity spells were needed for her to walk a few paces away. She turned her head, watching the many emotions about Paine's expressions. They each spoke of a similar theme.

"Surely you didn't think me unable to walk on my own, still?" asked Lulu. "I've taken long enough to recover. The scars are finally gone. I'm all right."

Paine stepped forward, fighting her habit to once again attempt to lift Lulu's body. "I'm so used to having your weight on me," she said, offering her arm instead. She walked with Lulu outside of the alcove. "This is…strange. Why do I feel this way…?"

Lulu knew exactly why—knew exactly what she meant.

"Try not to worry about it, love," she supplied. "I only wish to walk with you for tonight. Tomorrow, you may resume carrying me if you so desire." Paine nodded, convinced enough to heed her words. "Walk with me, far enough away from camp; ideally to one of the monuments not too far away."

As they left the enclosed area, Lulu took note that Vidina continued to sleep soundly close to Yuna. She smiled as he slept on in his dressphere, his headpiece removed to avoid suffocation. She swept her eyes over the group, finding Wakka staring at her from where he lay on his side by himself. Lulu stared back at him, pulling her hood over her head, just before the winds from outside could lift her braids.

During their walk, Lulu admired Paine's state of contemplation. Though Paine did her best to keep Lulu's assurances in mind, the beginnings of heightened thought showed itself in her face. It showed in her silence, how she had forgotten to prod as to why Lulu wished to find a monument of all things.

"Here," said Lulu, as they happened upon a collection of boulders, and swords erected in the snow; a plain of dark sky lay beyond. "We can use the tips of the weapons here as a guide of sorts. It would be disrespectful to disfigure the monuments themselves in any way. They act as tombstones for the fallen, as you know."

At this, Paine found herself once more. "Wait, what?" she asked. "What are we doing?"

"Do you have a gun?"

Paine gaped at her, otherwise unmoved by the snow and gale blowing her hair this way and that. She did not question Lulu, instead procuring a revolver.

"Odd," said Paine, staring down at it. "This is Gippal's gun…I don't remember taking it from him."

Lulu took the firearm in her hands, mindful of the memories that resurfaced. "I wish to learn how to use it," she said. "Ever since Yuna returned to the village wearing her twin pistols, I have wanted to learn how to wield at least one gun at a time. Will you teach me?"

—

The final bullet cracked through the cold air. Lulu lowered her arms, staring off in the direction the bullet had fired. Paine held her from behind, removing the revolver from her hands. They stayed in place, saying nothing as the winds blew on.

Lulu continued to gaze into the far distance, wondering where her bullet had yet reached. She imagined following it, into the future that stretched out, unending, to find the answers as to what lay ahead. The absence of the Ronso gave Mount Gagazet a sense of foreboding she hadn't anticipated before. If Zanarkand remained in its ruined state, they would have no place else to go.

As she turned to voice her concerns to Paine, she found Paine's attention already directed elsewhere.

"Kimahri!" said Lulu, moving to Paine's side. Kimahri swayed as he walked toward them, wounds clear at his sides. "What's happened? Who did this to you?"

She felt inertia against her waist, from Paine's wrist, her outstretched arm before her. Lulu had tried to walk to Kimahri, to observe further, yet her concern for him had blinded her to the truth of the scene. Kimahri fell to his knees before them, revealing another behind him. He tried to speak to Lulu, before his body disappeared as a burst of pyreflies.

"Such a shame, that it's come to this," said Praetor Baralai, his jade robes whipping behind him as he twirled his staff. "He was too weak even to deliver the message I'd given him. That's too bad. I wanted you to at least exchange a few final words with your old friend before he passed."

Paine stepped forward, drawing her blade. "What did you kill him for?" she demanded. "And why the hell are you here?"

Baralai bowed to both women. "Ah, Paine," he said. "Ever the interventionist, aren't you? We were slated to have this very discussion _after _the court saw to your Via Purifico imprisonment. I'm here to take back those that rightfully belong to New Yevon and its laws." He readied his staff—pointing it at Paine. "My wife and my past. You, Paine, are my past. You must be erased."

"Can't you tell I'm leaving Spira?" asked Paine, grip tightening over the hilt of her sword. "You let us come all this way without stopping us. Leave now, or I _will _hurt you."

"Whether you leave or not is irrelevant," said Baralai. "Zanarkand houses the dead, and their pasts are erased from Spira the moment they set foot within the city. New Yevon's founder, Trema, has ordered that this come to pass for all of Spira. I wish to start that cycle, myself; personally. Your death will see to that—"

A gathering of black and emerald energies formed around Baralai, encircling, encompassing. Lulu directed that power into his destruction, double-casting _Ultima _on him to drown out his words. Paine backpedaled into Lulu, thrown from the burst of energy. Baralai lay upon the ground, bleeding and broken as he laughed to the skies.

"Lady Lulu, will you not wish _Death _upon me instead of your ultimate destruction?" he asked, before laughing anew. Lulu sensed the taint of death upon him already. Her spell would have no effect. "You have defeated me so easily…as I expected. Few in this world can best the wrath that belongs to Spira's legendary black mage… Will you not return to Bevelle with your comrades? Will you not witness what you're leaving behind before you say goodbye?"

Paine took Lulu's hand in hers, scowling at Baralai. "You're possessed," she hissed, walking around him with Lulu. "You're not the Baralai I used to know. Whatever's happened to you—it's none of our business. We don't need to be involved. You can all tear each other apart without us."

"Paine…" Baralai reached his hand out; Paine and Lulu did not turn back. "Be careful…loving death the way you do. It's dangerous. One day you'll see…you should have stayed and finished this. You'll lose her… You'll come back…and you'll lose her. You'll lose…everything…and you'll hate—_kill_ yourself…"

When they returned to camp, everyone sat awake waiting for them.

Paine discussed with the others what had happened. They had all heard many Ronso in the distance howling in pain, cursing New Yevon. Many expressed anger over Kimahri's murder, Lulu included, finding few reasons for New Yevon to justify such an action. Out of everyone, Yuna remained the only one to express a desire to stay and fix matters. No one agreed with her. She chose not to push the issue, falling into the majority decision with little else to say.

They all set off for Zanarkand, with a deeper-running silence between them than before. Weeks and months passed, longer, and longer, with all tension and anxieties dissipated the moment they happened upon the sunset over the sprawling metropolis. The Celsius descended to collect the party, Buddy's voice sounding over the exterior intercom as he greeted them after a long separation. After traveling for so long, it took everyone a moment to process these events as real. They had finally arrived to Zanarkand, and discovered the truth—that the residents of the Farplane had truly resurrected the city.

Lulu removed her hood as she stood near a cliff with Paine and Vidina, staring up at the airship. As her hair, dress and coat became unsettled by the artificial winds, she again saw the future spread out before her. She refused to see it all as running away from Spira. Spira did not need them. She knew what she needed—what she wanted to accomplish in this city, this new life ahead of her.

_end of disk I. please insert part II._


	17. II: Zanarkand, City of the Dead

**Note: **With this juncture, we begin Part 2. There will be several chapters in the story overall, with word count per each one increasing to about this length. The hard MA/NC-17 rating also begins here. While there will be far more sex than before, I still have a plot to keep going. Don't worry about this devolving into PWP.

I will detail all hard limits in a contract—yes, a contract—that I will _not_ have the characters cross. Beyond that, I take full responsibility for possibly appalling you on purpose down the line. I have quite the imagination, as you'll discover. If you know next to nothing about the BDSM lifestyle, I hope to provide an enriching learning experience for you with Lulu and Paine.

I'll shut up with notes until Part 3. Thanks for reading, everyone. _References: "Fly Me to the Moon" by Brenda Lee; also in my favorite video game, Bayonetta (2010). "Erotica" by Madonna ("If I take you from behind..."). "Closer" by Nine Inch Nails (industrial rock song)._

—

_The past I pursued is far-off  
Locking even emotions that I lost myself  
Even if I embrace the thoughts I want to stop, they'll spill over and fall  
Just an empty thirst will remain  
That the tears I shed were an irreplaceable treasure  
I noticed that because I lost them…how ironic  
My smile from that day, as well, has gone somewhere_

From where Paine stood atop the Celsius, with Lulu at her side sans her coat, all of Zanarkand underwent a time upheaval. As the Celsius entered the perimeter of the city, time reversed from the final point of its destruction by Sin from Tidus' era. Buildings' debris spiraled as they repaired themselves; upset waters returned to their original state; citizens flying throughout the skies fell back to the ground, unharmed. Thereafter began the shift through normalcy, backward, as errands and events rewound, until the Machina War between Zanarkand and Bevelle retraced from its culmination. Yu Yevon's summoning of Sin happened at the peak of this conflict. Summoners and their aeons defending Zanarkand fell to Bevelle's machina before rising for the first time, until all moved to a set point of calm.

Paine stood at the very edge of the airship, watching everything unfold before her eyes. Over a thousand years of history had spelled out backward in a matter of minutes, making her wonder if it would all happen again during their time there. She held Lulu's hand tighter with these thoughts.

"Not a lot of time has rewound itself, from before the war," noted Lulu, a strong sense of erudite calm about her as she observed the city. It soon shifted to worry; unrest. "I can only hope we don't find ourselves swept up in that conflict, considering why it is we're here in the first place…"

Without warning, without thought, Paine embraced Lulu, reveling in their height difference from her heeled boots, for the added protectiveness it afforded. With Lulu's head nestled against her shoulder, Paine looked over as Yuna changed to her songstress dressphere at random, it seemed.

"I think we'll be safe here," said Paine, returning her attention to Lulu. "I'm not exactly sure what will happen… We've come too far to turn back now. I won't let anything happen to you, or Vidina."

Lulu smiled up at her, sated by those words. "There's no doubt in my mind that you mean what you say," she responded. Pride, completeness, accomplishment—these all captured Paine fully as Lulu kissed her for a long moment, in front of everyone. "I'll keep you safe as well, love. I care for you—so much…"

While the others questioned Yuna's sudden interest in singing and dancing—in between their varied reactions to Lulu's display—Buddy's voice sounded, offering much-needed information to the party:

"So we spent a _long _time gathering information while we waited for you guys to get here," he said, his tone down-to-earth and easy as usual. "Sorry about the whole getting blamed for consorting with the Youth League thing. Anyway! It looks like the city's gone back in time, to before the Machina War. I'm getting an estimate of about twenty years before Yu Yevon first summoned Sin.

"No idea if our presence here will change history or what. I'll be on the lookout for anything unusual. In the mean time, you might wanna check out Shinra's files—he's indexed tons of need-to-knows about the city, including where to find treasure and some good places to have a bite to eat. Let's decide what to do from there! Gullwings—assemble!"

Paine did not move. Lulu's arms felt unyielding about her waist and back. She _couldn't_ move—Lulu needed her; she needed Lulu. Brother began his hysterics when he noted that Paine still did not budge; Yuna, Rikku and Tidus hurried to the elevator first. After a year of being free from Brother and Buddy's orders, she felt she could not go back to that debasement. Brother stopped his complaining with her inactivity at Rikku's behest, though Paine heard more than enough bitterness in that voice to justify it.

After she made sure Vidina had wandered over to Jecht, Paine pulled away to regard Lulu properly.

"You don't want to go back to that lifestyle," Lulu pointed out.

"No," said Paine, "I don't. I do wanna take a look at those indexed files at some point. Other than that, I'm not interested in running around with them. I don't need to run from anything anymore."

Lulu appeared most satisfied by this. "What would you rather do instead?" she asked.

Shamelessly, Paine replied, "I just want to have sex with you."

At this, Lulu laughed in delight, attracting stares per normal. "All day, every day? And nights, too?"

"Maybe," replied Paine, smirking. "Depends on whether or not you can keep up…"

Lulu smoothed her hands over Paine's chest, smiling down at it. "You don't need to concern yourself over that," she insisted, tilting her head up and to one side. "I'm also interested in taking a look at Shinra's files. We'll need to find some way to make this become a reality, after all."

"You'd really do that with me?" asked Paine, wide-eyed at Lulu's composure.

Lulu hummed her affirmative. "I want you now, in fact," she murmured, using her nail to trace the word _love _over Paine's shoulder. "Go to the cabin." She took a step back. Paine's pores flared from the implications of such an order. "I'll meet you there, after I make certain we'll be alone. I won't be long."

Paine made to leave, watching the way Lulu tossed her heavy braids over her shoulder, effortlessly, as she walked over to Wakka. That action had Paine slow down her paces; she disguised this between waiting for Auron, Jecht, Braska and Vidina to enter the elevator first. Wakka appeared disheveled, disoriented before Lulu as he listened to her, nodding without a word. Jecht slapped his hand over Paine's shoulder, hurrying her along in such a jovial manner she nearly forgot the source of her anxiety.

When the elevator almost continued on to the bridge instead of stopping at the cabin, Paine's unrest erupted anew. She struggled to hurry out to the appropriate floor per Lulu's request, ignoring Braska's confusion as he called to her before the elevator doors closed. For the notion of disobeying Lulu's order unsettled Paine far too much—she wanted no such thing to happen, no matter how small.

Barkeep was not behind the bar. Paine recalled Buddy mentioning they had dropped him off at the Moonflow, before arriving at Lake Macalania to escort Lulu and the others to Bevelle. She remembered her _reunions_ with Lulu.. She sat down on a stool for a second before getting up to walk around the bar.

With the lack of lighting throughout the cabin, Paine had a difficult time as she searched through the bottles of alcohol around her. She stumbled upon an old record player nearby: the one Yuna and Rikku had spent far too much time using to practice their singing. She tried to ignore it for the moment, preparing drinks while glancing at the machina from time to time.

Paine observed the record on the player as she walked over to it, uncertain if she'd heard the song before. "_Fly Me to the Moon_," she muttered, placing the needle down over the record. She recognized the falling melody of the wind instrument right away.

As she set the drinks down on the bar, she heard Lulu walking through the hallway; humming in perfect harmony along to the female voice as she went.

"How unexpected," spoke Lulu, as she sat on the stool closest to Paine. The easy smile on her face alleviated the dashes of embarrassment Paine felt from the discovery. "But not at all unwelcome…you've outdone yourself, love."

Paine leaned her forearms against the bar, eyes narrowed in amusement. She listened to Lulu hum as they sipped their drinks. "You've heard this before?" she asked, holding Lulu's free hand.

As the woman sang the words, Lulu kissed her, answering Paine's question—tasting of sweetened alcohol, sugared further by the sincerity of the sentiment.

"This song is rather old," remarked Lulu with eyes closed, speaking along Paine's parted lips. "I remember listening to it often when I was younger. Yuna loved it when I sang this to her, in an octave lower. It's been a number of years since I last did it."

"She and Rikku used to play this song out…it got on my nerves. It makes sense now."

When Lulu moved to whisper in Paine's ear the spoken words near the end of the song, Paine felt herself flying far beyond the walls of the cabin.

"_You are all I long for—all I worship, and adore._"

Lulu continued to hold her hand as she stood, walking with Paine toward the staircase, their warm hands gently interlaced; wrists gliding over the wooden surface. When their bodies met, unobstructed, Lulu lifted Paine into her arms as the song ended. Paine stared at her, child-like, arms wrapped around her neck as she was carried upstairs to the inn.

From Lulu's manner, how she walked and held herself, Paine felt little to no weight beneath her, as if she were floating over a plane.

"You deserve to relax now," said Lulu, setting Paine down over her usual bed at the end of the row. "I think carrying me across the Calm Lands, through Mount Gagazet has afforded you more than enough rewards to last a lifetime." She moved Paine over on her stomach, straddling her lower back—her dress and accessories removed of a sudden. "Allow me to do this for you… Let me finally take advantage of the opportunities we have in this city. I want to take care of you…in every way imaginable."

The first time Lulu spread her body over Paine's back, it was for a massage. It was before Lulu broke the most intimate of places within her. Such an action brought Paine back to that moment, relaxing her in the memory of that willful loss. For Lulu touched, and kissed her with such nurturing care, removing the leather in her way with the same focus. To feel those warmed hands running up and down her bare body—it made Paine lift and push her ass into Lulu's very presence on top of her. To hear Lulu's deep-sounding amusement—made her lift more, searching harder for more closeness.

The heights of vulnerability that left her throat sounded foreign to Paine. Softened and pitched with need: the feminine sort she would have once suffocated rather than allow herself to make. A breezy comfort washed over her, making her forget what she once was before she knew of Lulu's attentions.

With all removed but her collar—how Lulu _loved_ Paine's collar—she felt the fabric of Lulu's thigh-high stockings clear against her. The patterned lace at the very top of the material moved against the back of Paine's thighs, while Lulu shifted to whisper in her ear:

"If I take you from behind—" Paine felt the curve of Lulu's want against her; "Push myself into your mind…when you least expect it…" _Her_ _mind screamed_ _yes_—for more, more, _more _as Lulu found Paine's wetness and pushed all the way in; "Will you try to reject it?"

"_No_…"

As she said the word, her admission opened all else. The length to Lulu's fingers and sharp nails made her hands feel far larger as she grabbed Paine's thighs. Larger hands: more authority, more power; more masculinity—all gave such thrills unforeseen, heightened in that unfamiliarity. Paine could not help but lift her waist higher, her knees well upon the bed as she moved farther into Lulu's hold, Lulu's body. The high in her chest and mind washed out her old sense, her old pride. How Paine whined and whined again to the rhythm of her truest needs being fucked, and fucked, and _fucked _by her highest love.

How she could not believe Lulu's hips held such power—commanding, controlled, yet uninhibited in their strength as she roused every sharp sound she could from Paine's throat. Lulu gripped Paine's collar, keeping her head pulled back; to whisper mental fucks through Paine's ear in time with the slaps of their skin.

The stuttering of the bed posts along the wooden floor gave the illusion of approaching footsteps. Paine's heart picked up as she gasped, thinking someone had discovered them; Lulu sensed this, warped this.

"Do you hear that?" asked Lulu. She pulled out, flipped Paine over on her back and pushed inside of her again—_ripping_. "It sounds like someone's coming…"

Paine shut her eyes against Lulu's shoulder, gripping her upper body so hard, she felt herself lifted from the bed. She shielded her exposure beneath Lulu's form, at the same time giving more; begging for more. "Wouldn't that be awful—for you?" The suggestion opened Paine more, and more, far beyond the limitations of her legs, for Lulu to penetrate deeper, to _know _her more fully. "If everyone were watching this… What would they think? What would they say? Your reputation would be ruined—they'd finally see you as the submissive bitch you truly are; _mine_."

A low ripple rumbled through Paine's chest, making her cry out, shrill; over and over beneath the power unimaginable Lulu commanded on top of her. That language from Lulu's mouth, so unexpected; the thought of just Yuna and Rikku viewing this unraveling of her character: it all broadened the expanse of her pleasure to places it had never, ever reached before. If they sat on the nearest bed and observed—perhaps even visibly enjoyed the scene—it would brand her as Lulu's property all the more.

For Paine was beginning to understand Lulu's predilection for personal possessions, for _owning_.

"How many nights have you spent dreaming about someone fucking you?" Lulu's words were thickened with her physical efforts. She moved harder as Paine's arousal thickened in kind. "Taking everything away from you…stripping you bare…body and soul, leaving room only for you to whimper like a child?" From those words, Paine was blinded to all but the color of Lulu's skin in this darkness. She had no control—could only be what Lulu said of her. "As you are now… Keep doing it."

She whined Lulu's name, in sick, dripping want. She did it again when Lulu wrapped her hand around her neck, just under her collar. When Paine felt her breaths constricted, her reflexes tried to push Lulu away. Ever so much, Lulu increased the pressure, asphyxiating; pressing her breasts down to pin Paine in place; using her free hand to grab Paine around her jaws.

"Don't you dare—" But a breadth of space over Paine's mouth she allowed for her to breathe, to whine; "I know you want this. I've seen this very look in your eyes before." The slow oncoming of light-headedness multiplied everything, _everything_ Paine felt, with the fear most paramount. Would Lulu suffocate her completely? No…she trusted her—they trusted each other. This felt too good to _die_ from. Lulu slowed her hips down in imitation of this mental movement within. "I need to know you—completely." Paine tilted her head back, shuddering with the building need she could not contain in her body alone. "This year we've spent…journeying together, making love under the stars…it's not enough—" Lulu lightened her hold about Paine's neck, allowing her to breathe again. Such was a breath of life, given to her; allowed by Lulu alone—how Paine treasured this gift; "I must know…the very shape of your fears: what they taste like, their reasons for being. I don't care if it's sick or strange. _I need you, _Paine. All of you.."

The shuddering shook Paine out of control at last.

From her center, outward, she poured herself open for Lulu to bear witness to. Between the soft screams of Lulu's name, she grabbed hold of those strong shoulders, repeating, "_I love you_," again and again as she came. She could not stop it, the volume of it all. For the falls of Lulu's hair enclosed Paine's sight, making her forget all else.

The resolve in Lulu's arms around her body made her feel so small, so weak. Yet that frailty empowered her because she trusted it with no other; because Lulu kissed her the same way, treated her the same way regardless, and then some. Those three words repeated in her head, as whispers along her lips as she rested for but a few minutes—before Lulu flipped her back over to take her, _again_—

—

Much later that night, Paine sat alone at Shinra's panel on the bridge, searching through his indexed files. The others stayed in the cabin, mingling over drinks as they prepared to go out for the evening, with Jecht and Tidus acting as tour guides. Braska, Brother, Buddy, Shinra and Auron volunteered to stay behind with Vidina. Wakka had decided to go out with them—as to why, she hadn't the slightest idea.

Paine would not blink as she searched and searched, comparing prices and sizes and locations. Her head continued to pound with the memories from earlier in the day. As she clicked away from a somewhat favorable penthouse suite near the blitzball stadium, she wondered if Lulu entertained company while sitting on that same bed. She felt uncertain as to whether or not Lulu would do such a perverted thing. _Maybe..._

_Spacious suite atop a sixty-story building overseeing the City of Zanarkand, full amenities, four bedrooms, five bathrooms, personal skycar garage, outdoor Jacuzzi, leather furniture, stainless steel appliances, black granite counters, black marble floor, diamond chandelier above dining room table, grand piano in sitting room, full library, master bedroom empty for your choice of décor, and a short walk from the academies: 19,975,500,000gil._

She checked her gil tally, from all the money she'd saved up from her seven years in the Gullwings: _21,994,281,019gil._

Paine tapped her knuckles against the arm of her seat. She crossed her legs, shaking her heeled boot considerably as she considered this. That would leave more than enough for her to begin saving up again. Surely over two billion gil would hold them over until she found more treasure to pawn? Rikku was the true Gillionaire among them—she had an unprecedented amount saved up from constantly abusing the ability on her thief dressphere. Perhaps she could learn from her. A typical night out in Zanarkand appeared to only cost a couple an average of one thousand gil. That was nothing. Right?

She was turning twenty-four years old in a matter of weeks. Barely twenty-four, and she harbored an impulse so _strong _to spend such an amount of money on a home for her thirty-year-old girlfriend; possibly, probably Vidina, as well. This would be a complete surprise for Lulu. Paine was in a position to offer Lulu and Vidina both the stability they needed. And yet she had just told Lulu hours ago that she wanted to leave the Gullwings, to leave that lifestyle behind. This _plan _directly contradicted that.

Paine stared at the photograph of the full panorama beyond the glass windows, yearning. All she had to do was make an offer, and wait for the seller to accept. No payment methods—no waiting around for the seller to check her credit history, which she had none in Zanarkand…

"Having a crisis, are we?" sounded Auron's voice, somewhere behind her. Paine bolted around in her chair, facing him. He chuckled. "Lulu asked me to check on you. The others are preparing to go ashore. It seems you've been preoccupied down here."

She calmed down, noting that the surprise hadn't been ruined. He wasn't Lulu. "Sorry," she said, turning around again to close the browser. "I was just…"

"Thinking over the pros and cons of spending your life savings on your woman?" supplied Auron. Paine bit her lip. "It's quite admirable of you, really. After watching you carry her upon your back for so many months, I've begun to believe there's nothing you won't do for her."

"Yeah," she lamely replied, slowly getting over the panic of being caught. "I don't mind spending the money. That's not the problem…"

Auron understood. "Making it back is another issue altogether," he said, voicing her thoughts. "I'm sure you'll find a way. Zanarkand is a land of opportunity, after all. If you purchase that place in particular, I'm certain you'll catch the attention of a few higher-ups. You'll be new money all the same, but that won't stop them from wondering about you."

"You used to live here for a long time, didn't you?" she asked. Auron nodded, waiting for her to go on. "So…you know your way around, in a sense."

"If you're in need of assistance," said Auron, "I am rather knowledgeable about this city. I believe we know each other well enough to be on such terms of agreement. All I ask is that this remains between us and with Lulu as well—no doubt Yuna and the others will try to pester me for information. I'd rather avoid that, if at all possible. You'll understand my reasons soon enough."

Paine stood up, bowing a little. "You're too kind; thank you, Sir Auron," she offered. Auron gave a ghost of a smile. "What will you do while the rest of us are out? I'm sure Vidina will fall asleep pretty quickly."

"Ah, I was of the mind to peruse those same files," he replied. "I have a number of people I'm interested in finding. Some of them may be of interest to you and Lulu. I'll have to do some digging to find out more." Paine was most intrigued, and wished to ask more, but she knew Lulu must have been waiting for her. She wanted to ask Auron of his opinion on the matter of the home she'd selected. The thoughts showed in her face. "My advice? Purchase the suite. You don't need the Gullwings to advance in this city. Think of this as an opportunity to branch out. I'll pay you a visit when I learn more."

—

The dizzying heights to the buildings in Zanarkand lived up to the images Paine had seen of them throughout numerous spheres. Walking through these streets, among the dead and half-living alike, with Lulu on her arm, opened up her mind to the possibilities Auron had mentioned. The blooming architecture reminded her of Bevelle: a bluer, busier, brighter version of Bevelle—without the constant stink of religious officials attempting to dictate the actions of every citizen around them.

Here, the people smiled and laughed with their friends and families, allowing themselves to fall for the flirtations of the advertisements all around them.

Tidus and Jecht were no exception, directing the group to a nearby club that offered a number of spectacles for the crowd it attracted each night. As they stood in the long line to enter the building, Paine noted Yuna still had not changed out of her songstress dressphere. Yuna garnered a sizable amount of attention from this, and from others who had died during the Eternal Calm, recognizing her as High Summoner.

Paine also noticed that Yuna refused to hold Tidus' hand, or otherwise pay him the same amount of romantic attention as she had done in the past. Tidus pretended not to be bothered over it, engaged in conversation with Wakka about blitzball.

"Strange," said Lulu, also appearing to have noticed the discrepancy. "It's not like her to ignore him like this. Even earlier in the cabin, she refused to stand anywhere near him. When I asked her if anything had happened, she acted as though nothing was wrong. I find it hard to believe."

Paine felt a sting of irritation, for Yuna lying to Lulu in such a way. "I bet it's because she wants to go back to Spira," she surmised, speaking in a low enough tone for only Lulu to hear. "He was the first one to point out what a bad idea it was. Naturally, she got offended." Rikku spoke loudly enough to help mask this conversation, as she attempted to moderate Yuna's admirers. "It pisses me off that she lied to your face about it. You two used to be so close. I don't get why she's acting like this."

"It has gotten to the point where I've nearly desensitized myself to it all. From the day she left for Bevelle with Praetor Baralai, things have never been the same between us. It's been long enough. I've come to accept that this change may be a permanent one."

"And you're okay with that?" asked Paine, chilled by Lulu's lack of emotion over such a matter.

Lulu rested her head over Paine's shoulder, closing her eyes. "She's changed," she whispered. Paine moved her arm closest to Lulu, to wrap it about her waist instead; bringing her closer. She didn't care that the men walking by turned to stare in wonder, as though they'd never seen two women together before. "Yuna is always changing. When she left the village without a word, with no warning, that was when I first came to accept these changes within her. I heard about her adventures through word-of-mouth. I knew she was happy, she was alive. There was no room for me to worry."

"You didn't answer my question, Lulu," Paine pointed out—gently. "Never mind what she did in the past. I want to know how you feel about this, today; if you're all right with it."

She watched as Lulu's eyes fluttered open for but a moment. "No, I'm not," she replied at last. "You're right—today is different. It's not so much the feeling I have of an older sister watching her younger sibling spread her wings. Not anymore. Those days have long since passed. She is holding a grudge against me, against all of us.. Beyond simply _disliking _it, I'm not yet certain how I feel about it."

Paine turned her head one last time, to glance at Yuna. For a brief moment, she wondered if her songstress dressphere had reconnected her to Lenne, who once lived in Zanarkand. Her emotions may have been affected, again altering her behavior in ways she didn't understand. The possibility kept Paine from interrogating Yuna as to her secrecy and disrespect toward Lulu. She turned her head back, tucking the thought away.

Still, she did not appreciate this change in Lulu's demeanor. She was visibly upset, though, for everyone else, they perceived her typical stoicism. Paine knew better. She kissed Lulu full on the lips, so as to remind her of what else she had. As they entered the dimly-lit club, Lulu smiled at her, almost shyly so. All eyes moved to them as soon as they stepped inside; Lulu paid it all no mind, returning the kiss.

"Thank you, my love," said Lulu. Paine held her hand, leading her to sit down near the centermost stage.

Half-circle tables were grouped throughout the area, with plenty of chairs to accommodate large groups. On the stage, a group of male performers walked about in various states of undress as they removed their props from the previous show: wooden tables, rope, torches, blitzballs, and an assortment of weapons. Paine surmised it had all been to put on quite the spectacle for the sizable audience they attracted. The crowd in the club mostly appeared rather alternative by Paine's standards, though most dressed similarly to her in their leather and excessive accessories.

As Paine pulled out Lulu's chair for her to sit, Rikku made her thoughts known: "Are we here for a _reason_?" she asked Tidus. He smirked. "All right, the jig is up! Why the heck did you pick a place like this, huh? Everyone here's dressed like Paine and Lulu!"

"It's a good crowd," said Jecht, taking the seat next to Lulu. "Best crowd in the whole damn city! This place is brilliant—they put on the best shows! We got the best seats in the house, thanks to _my _awesomeness and Miss Popular Yuna here. Some nights, they even ask for volunteers! You gotta get in on this shit, I'm tellin' ya. It'll be worth the crazy cover charge—_trust_ me!"

"And what exactly _is _this…shit?" asked Rikku, not wasting any time to sit next to Paine—speaking across her and Lulu to Jecht. Wakka hailed the waiter over straightaway for drinks, paying for the whole group. Paine expected him to look at Lulu as he did this. He did not. "What's this placed called, again?"

"Overdrive!" replied Tidus, next to Wakka on the other side of the table. "And don't you forget it! They get up to some other stuff on different nights…I was never old enough to find out. Maybe now I can? _Dad_?"

Jecht waved away the waiter's offer of alcohol—during Braska's pilgrimage after a drunken mistake, he'd sworn never to drink again. "Yeah, yeah," he said. "If you think you can handle it! That's next week! You can't be squeamish if you're gonna get into it, though. Tonight's just a teaser, for _kids_ at best compared to what they usually show. If you like _this,_ you'll want more sure enough!"

Lulu sipped her white wine in peace, legs crossed beneath her dress; eyes focused on the performers putting the final touches on the stage. Paine leaned close to her, observing their surroundings. Several people noticed their intimacy, some gesturing to their necks as they clearly noticed Paine's collar.

They all spoke in a language that Paine could not understand, simply from this culture, this scene she was unfamiliar with. When she lived in Bevelle, she recalled making an active effort to avoid these types of clubs. Despite the way she dressed, she'd been rather intimidated by it all. She could tell that Lulu appeared at ease here. That was her cue to also be unbothered by the novelty around her.

She moved away when Lulu began speaking with Jecht, so as to not interrupt their conversation or eavesdrop. Rikku folded her arms, speaking with Yuna next to her in a hushed voice. They both looked uncomfortable, yet at the same time anxious to learn more. Wakka across from her mumbled with Tidus about something as they both started on their second glasses of drinks already. He looked right at her the moment she regarded him.

"Yo, Dr. P!" he said, not missing a beat. Paine rolled her eyes at the moniker. "Everyone around us got your same kinda leather on, with all these—" He gestured to his ears; "—piercings, and tattoos on their heads, ya? You know what's goin' on?"

Paine didn't know whether to be flattered or affronted by Wakka's attention to detail. "No, not really," she offered, her tone dulled by her uncertainty. "What makes you think I do? Just because they _look _like me? That's not enough, Wakka."

"Sir Jecht won't say nothin'," he went on, "And they keep lookin' at your collar, like it's somethin' special." He laughed before taking another swig of his rum. "Your _lady _keeps lookin' at your collar, too, ya! Think I don't notice? Shoulda known you two were into this kinda stuff, eh?"

She felt Wakka's attempts at conversation as grating at best—not at all stimulating or desirable. To top it off, Lulu said not a word to interrupt them, instead indeed continuing to glance at Paine's collar as she spoke with Jecht. Wakka laughed at this, vindicated.

"What _stuff _are you talking about?" asked Paine, growing fed up with his smartass behavior.

"_You know_!" said Wakka, ribbing Tidus as they both sniggered in their mild tipsiness. "How do you _not _know?! I shoulda known Lu was into all this when she first got obsessed with belts—then wayyyy later on when got bored with me in bed so quick. It's 'cause she wanted _this _instead—"

Lulu interjected at last, "That's quite enough, Wakka," she said, unusually placid in her command. "I don't go around advertising your sexual deviancy, or lack thereof in your case, when we're in public. I suggest you extend the same courtesy to my girlfriend, and to me. Am I clear?"

Jecht and Tidus laughed loudly at the swift shade Lulu had thrown over Wakka. Wakka muttered his consent, swallowing the last of his drink in one fell motion. Paine raised her eyebrows, sipping her wine in time with Lulu. Both of them hid their smiles behind their glasses.

The crowd began to cheer as the music started: an industrial rock song Paine had never heard before, but one that she loved right away. When she wrapped her arm about Lulu's shoulders, she could feel the thrum of the bass there. Lulu also looked like she enjoyed the song, as dark as it was; she smiled, with her eyes locked onto one performer in particular.

Wakka and Tidus were appalled when the men on the stage began dancing in a fierce, feminine fashion; Yuna and Rikku worked to hide their grins and giggles at the sight; Jecht roared with laughter at their reactions; Lulu laughed as well, clapping in enjoyment at the routine. Paine did not join in the amusement, instead trying to discern where Lulu's eyes were so focused.

All the men danced in one row, beneath blue strobe lights that highlighted the streaks in their high-spiked hair. Each of them wore thick guyliner around their eyes, with the bottom half of their hair cropped short. The centermost performer wore a nylon rope harness over his torso—it was one this one that held Lulu's attention. He was the tallest of them all, black, muscular, very well-endowed, and one of the few that did not smile—his were eyes locked onto Lulu as he contoured his body in time with the other performers.

Paine whispered in Lulu's ear: "Someone caught your eye, _love_?" she asked, her tone tipped with malice she did not understand, nor did she take the time to question.

Lulu sipped her wine. "He's very attractive," she responded. Another performer took the decorated tail of the man's rope, and attached it to an adjustable hinge hanging by the ceiling. "Don't you agree?"

"I don't see guys that way," replied Paine, moving closer—not of her own volition. "After spending so long with you, I forgot you're bisexual—maybe pansexual, now. You'll have to forgive me for that one."

"Is this going to be a problem…?" asked Lulu, still staring at the same man as he was lifted into the air. The crowd cheered louder; Paine felt her scowl deepen. "You're certainly allowed to look at other women, should you so desire. I see nothing wrong with it. Rikku _is_ sitting right next to you, after all."

Paine was at a loss for words. Tidus turned to his father to ask, "You _like _this kinda thing, old man?! Is _this _what you got up to during your late nights…? Does that mean you're…?"

Jecht got his son into a headlock. "It's entertainment, boy!" he insisted, as Tidus whined to be released. "I still like women—probably even more than you do! The way I see it, these guys dance better than me—they're fuckin' talented! Just shut up and watch! They're starting the shibari now."

"The heck is shibari?" asked Tidus, as his father let him go at last.

"The heck does it look like, kid?" Jecht pointed to Lulu's eye candy arching his body as he twirled in mid-air. "It's a special kind of bondage—comes from the ancient martial arts, how warriors would use the ropes in a certain way for _discipline_. You're lucky I never used it on you when your ass was actin' up. Do some reading one of these days!"

A woman walked onto the stage—a Dominatrix, if her outfit was anything to go by. Judging by the cheers from the crowd, she was a favorite performer. She wore black leather thigh-high boots, and a black corset; both of these matched the cat o' nine tails in her hand: a style of whip Paine had never seen in person before. The way she walked in those heels commanded Paine's attention, methodically. She watched as the woman spread special oil over the man's thighs and biceps, before igniting them in flames. The sight invigorated Paine, for she did not expect to see such a thing that night—or ever.

Through the loudness of those around her, Paine had a too-clear, too-distinct image of Lulu dressed in such a way…with her hair down; long, long…her thighs showing, her ass rounded; thick, thick… The way she might move in that liberating outfit: free to strut, free to dance, maybe—to give her lap dance, definitely. With her wearing a strap-on just beneath that corset, around her waist; if she might use every item at her disposal, to further introduce Paine into this world she had been avoiding for so long; to whip her into submission, for Paine to learn to _serve_ _her_ more directly—

"You were saying?" asked Lulu, most amused as she brought Paine's attention back to the present.

Paine sat back in her seat; deflated, but aroused by that _imagery_. She decided to say nothing, for now.

As the set changed, another Dominatrix came out to join the first. Lulu finished her glass of wine. The performers left the stage, giving a sense of informality to the ambiance of a sudden. The first woman spoke through a microphone, rallying the crowd as she showed them a set of throwing knives.

"Paine," murmured Lulu; close enough to speak with clarity underneath Jecht's loud voice. "You have no reason to be envious of others. I only stared at him because of his harness—I love imagining you wearing one…" Amid her nerves, Paine wondered if Lulu could sense her thoughts… "I'm certain you only stared at that woman because of her outfit." _No, no, _Paine repeated to herself, _she can't_— "Would you enjoy it if I wore the same thing, love? We both have a weakness for leather, it seems. I think you'd like it—far more than you care to let on."

When Lulu said nothing more, Paine had the feeling she was being allowed to stir with this information. And stir she did, as her mind traveled to places she had never fathomed before that night.

_I must know…the very shape of your fears: what they taste like, their reasons for being. I don't care if it's sick or strange. I need you, Paine._

…_stripping you bare…body and soul, leaving room only for you to whimper like a child…_

The recollection of those words set her into a mild trance. She listened to the Dominatrix speak.

"Everyone ready for my routine?" she asked, her voice more feminine than Paine expected it to sound. The audience cheered her on—why, Paine did not know. "You might be a little disappointed." She set the box of knives on the ground. The crowd moaned in dismay, until a set of white mages ran onto the stage—they cheered anew. "That's right—I want _volunteers _tonight! I've got mages on set in case we have to deal with any…_injuries. _We haven't had any of _those_ in over two years, thank goodness, right?!" Everyone laughed in between their jeers; the Dominatrix smiled sweetly, strutting along the stage with her whip as she observed the audience. "So—who'll join us for some edgeplay tonight? Any Mistresses or Masters out there want to use their precious slaves for some target practice?"

Paine felt as though the entire building was conspiring against her when they began pointing in her direction, clapping and whistling. They repeated the word, _"Newbies!" _again and again, as if Paine and Lulu belonged there. _Mistress—Master—slave: _these words held little meaning for Paine, especially in her confused state, until she remembered thus: '_Cruel Mistress_.'

Her pulse picked up when some of the men in the audience began stomping their leather work boots on the floor in time with their shouts. That rhythm drilled through her skin, making her tremble. She didn't understand _why_. Lulu looked unbothered, and so comfortable there—_too _comfortable in comparison.

Lulu placed her elbow over the table, arm erect and palm facing down—expectant as she looked straight ahead. Waiting. Paine felt her very will tear in two. Lulu _wanted _this. Lulu knew Paine was afraid, yet she held her hand out anyway. She heard comments from the crowd, complimenting Lulu's grace; how lucky Paine was to have such a, _"Sexy, commanding Mistress_." And, "_Hot_, _obedient slave_," they said of her, of Paine in contrast. Yet she was no slave to anyone, to Lulu…or was she? She didn't know anymore. She didn't know what that term meant in this lifestyle—if it was meant to be derogatory or not.

When the Dominatrix on stage also complimented their relationship in kind, Paine knew she could not back away from this.

She inhaled deeply, standing up; supporting Lulu's weight by her hand as she did the same.

That move, that submission would brand Paine white-hot for the rest of her life.

She refused to look at her friends, at Wakka in particular. Jecht's cheers reached her ears for but a second before she blocked them out. She refused to perceive anything else except her efforts to maneuver Lulu through the chairs and smiling faces.

Some of those faces were masked, akin to grim reapers with slits through the eyes, nose and mouth. Others were normal enough—encouraging, even, as they recognized that barely-concealed fear in Paine's proud features. "_Yeah, they're new—both of 'em: fucking hot_," she heard many whisper, before they gave her a thumbs-up. "_I want to know how she made that_…" a few females murmured, smiling as they observed the make of Lulu's dress. More voices growled and giggled in curiosity, shooting Paine's nerves through her skin. She _refused _to show it. She had a job to do: getting Lulu onto this stage…

"_Her hair's short enough—won't get chopped off—"_

"—_you think she knows how to throw knives? I hope so, for that fuckable face her slave's got—"_

"—_legendary guardian, black mage; oh, yeah, I know who that is. Doesn't she look like Elysia…?—"_

"—_damn, she trained her good: that's a true queen walking by—"_

"…_how much do you wanna bet she'll be so fucking scared she'll cream herself on stage? Think it'll drip down her shorts? 'Cause I'm definitely here for that…I'll even volunteer to go lick the stage clean…"_

Paine tensed her hand as she gave Lulu over to the Dominatrix per her instructions. The white mages guided Paine to the opposite wall, having her stand with her back against the pliable, wooden surface, with the entirety of the crowd on her left side. As she did, she noticed faint traces of blood by her head. She had no idea why this debacle could not compare to the years she spent with her sword in hand. She should have been used to danger. This was another story altogether. Paine licked her lips, digging the back of her head into the wall as she let the lights overhead blind her little by little. The wall would no doubt remember the fear she carved into it: jagged, unsteady. How she tried to conceal her trembling in this force. If she could hide in the faint shadows they created, somehow, perhaps she could escape this madness.

Her chest began to heave when she looked right into Lulu's eyes. Lulu had had enough instructions for the throwing knives in her hands. Did she? Paine had no idea if Lulu knew what she was doing or not. And yet Lulu appeared ever so knowledgeable, somehow. That _unknown_ was what crippled Paine so.

Did she trust Lulu to do this without piercing her throat—robbing her of the chance to scream? Did she trust Lulu to do this without taking her eyes out—ridding her of the opportunity to gaze at her properly ever again? How thickly could she cough to keep that blood from choking her? Would she be able to cry without her eyes? Would she ever stop bleeding? Would she forgive Lulu if that happened?

The outcomes were not what weighed so heavily on Paine's nerves and hearts. It was the simple question that preceded everything: _did she trust Lulu?_

Lulu was composed. So calm.. Paine tried to find solace in this. The more she _tried, _the more it escaped her. With so many eyes on her, any minute now, she knew her knees would give way. The white mages sensed this, and offered to cast strong protective spells over her body.

She knew that look in Lulu's eyes. It was an order to do this the right way or not at all. Paine tasted what might have been her final sense of control—she declined the mages' offer.

Just a blink. She heard the deep knock of knife through wood—right by her ear. Paine heard herself make a guttural groan; not from relief, but of rapture. The lights stopped blinding her long enough for her to see the sheer determination in Lulu's eyes; to ignore the laughter and cheering around them.

Lower now. Beneath that knife, another joined. The rush stirred and stirred. With eyes wide, she kept staring at Lulu. With each exhale, she remembered she was still alive and unharmed. Every breath mattered; _meant_ something that she could no longer take for granted. Her body trembled freely; she cried out as another knife outlined her, and another, and another, and another.

Near-death rounded out her head. Each knife symbolized risk and reward, taken, and given to her by Lulu, by the trust between them. Lulu held Paine's very life in her hands—one mistake, or one decisive throw to a vital point, and she could have killed her. Her mind boiled hot and cold all over from this novel experience, setting her over the edge of her orgasm for everyone to witness. It was all she could do to clamp her mouth shut, to keep them from _hearing _it. Lulu knew, of course—how she _knew_.

When the knives ran out, when Paine realized it was over and everyone cheered harder than ever, she found herself sitting against the wall instead of standing against it. The glimmer running down her shorts, her inner thighs, even down her face: it all spelled her stimulation. Lulu walked to her with a proud smile, and helped her up. When Lulu stood on the tips of her toes to kiss her, the elation Paine felt—she could compare it to nothing else.

Pleasure and pride unimaginable overtook her. She poured it into Lulu's lips; poured her life and soul there. That she willfully gave Lulu the chance to inflict such pain upon her, and could now walk away unharmed—everything between them, the love they shared, strengthened tenfold; _hundredfold_; _more_. When she felt Lulu's hands rubbing the moisture along her legs, and the tears over her face, massaging them into her skin—that did it all over again.


	18. Negotiations

_"Cruel Mistress" by Clint Mansell_

_The shards of sweet thoughts, I take to my breast  
And simply gaze at the noisy town…_

One week later, _elements_ filled Lulu's dreams as she slept in the cabin with Paine in her arms. The very same elements that she had chased away years ago out of confusion. Out of guilt.

Now they had returned, with Paine as the focal point. Her face and her body were clear this time, unlike before.

_Pointed thigh-high boot, in the air at ninety degrees, leg crossed over the other from where Lulu sat on a metal chair against the stone wall: black stretch patent leather, five inch stiletto heel, half-inch platform, laced all the way up the back. The slight stutters of leather, scrunched, along her leg offered perfect imperfections as the material otherwise hugged her form. A black corset covered enough of her breasts, curving down and around her torso. The strap-on she wore matched all else, down to the color of the curved dildo. She wore her hair down—all the way down, as a thick cape draped behind her chair. With her elbow upon the arm of the chair, forearm erect in the air and a chain leash in hand, she gazed down with scrutinizing eyes at the one on her knees before her._

_The length of chain connecting Paine's cuffed wrists chimed in time with her leash as she moved. She wore little else but the chained cuffs around her ankles. She held Lulu's leg, smoothing both hands down the leather. Paine used the side of her face along Lulu's shin to kiss, to caress with eyes closed: an act too kittenish for her, typically so, yet it was this that increased Lulu's enjoyment all the more. After Paine kissed down to the curve of Lulu's ankle, she opened her eyes to regard Lulu as she was spoken to._

"_Paine." Her voice reverberated along the walls of the basement-dungeon. "Put your hands, here." She gestured to the space along the seat of the chair, at either side of her thighs. "Wrist facing me, palm down, fingertips facing you." Paine did so, expectant as she waited for more. "Lift your weight with your arms. Your legs and feet are not allowed to touch the ground until I say otherwise." The order was followed; Paine kept her knees together and crossed her ankles with her feet pointed. Paine, again, gazed at Lulu with the glimmer of patience in her eyes, not at all straining to do so. Lulu reigned in the leash, pulling Paine by her collar up and into her lips' embrace. "Now kiss me…"_

_Obedience—submission—respect: to have all of these, shaped as the strain-free efforts Paine made to comply, vindicated Lulu's very character. The vindication shifted away from complimentary to completion the longer she was graced by this willful favor. _

_Not after long, the events shifted, melted…_

_Paine somehow ripped the chains from her wrists as she stood over her. She changed back into her warrior dressphere, glaring down at Lulu as she did. Lulu did not move—she simply rested her hands in her lap, with the sweat between her palms smelling of the chains of the leash._

"_What the fuck _is _all this, Lulu?" demanded Paine, fists clenched at her sides. Lulu tilted her head up, to meet her regard, however much it stung. "How do you get off, ordering me around like that? What's the point? What do I get out of it?"_

_She began to pace about the basement. Lulu gripped her hands together, to keep from showing her nerves. _

"_Who does shit like this?" Paine went on, pinching the bridge of her nose. "I thought you and I were equals? How—why—what the HELL is it with you and your control? Why do you need to control everything around you? Why can't you just go with the flow? Is this why you were always so unhappy in your relationships before me? Because you couldn't control every little thing about the person you were with? Is that it?!"_

_Lulu could say nothing, nothing, to answer those questions. This wasn't real. It wasn't real. Paine wasn't really throwing a tantrum—she never threw tantrums. This was only a dream. Paine wasn't really standing over her, leering, looking ready to strike her. _

"_And you know this __**isn't**__ a dream," said Paine, hissing along Lulu's closed mouth. That ire slithered through Lulu's lips nonetheless, parching her throat on the way down. "It's what you're afraid of. There's nothing false about this, how I'm reacting. You know this is what's going to happen. I'm going to resist you."_

"_You're right," responded Lulu. "I admit to being ashamed of these desires I have. I shouldn't have them. Yet I do. I can't help it. I thought you would be more—understanding, considering how you enjoy giving me whatever it is I want…whether I ask for it or not."_

_Her words set Paine off further._

"_Maybe once, I'll do this.. I'll give you the control you want…doesn't mean I won't put up a fight first."_

"Lulu..?"

"_You are free to resist me to your heart's content," responded Lulu, forgetting her diplomacy for the time being. "I will only take more pleasure once you finally decide to give in to me." Paine grabbed her by the shoulders, digging her fingertips into the flesh there. "As will you…this goes both ways. Even if it means crossing—certain—boundaries, lines…I will go there if it will bring us closer together."_

"What..? Why are you talking in your sleep…?"

"_Why?" asked Paine, her voice thinned in her anger and misunderstanding. "Why would you cross those lines? They're there for a reason."_

"_They are there to be crossed, broken, until we trust one another enough for them not to exist."_

_Paine laughed in her face. "You really believe that? Are you serious? That's the _least _logical thing I've ever heard you say! The only illogical thing, maybe, if you don't count this entire conversation! That's not how it works, Lulu! Work with me, here."_

"_You know I'm right. Your pride won't admit as much." Lulu paused, gauging Paine's sudden, thoughtful regard. Whether it gave her the leniency to say these things and to be believed, or not, it didn't matter. "Consent is a large part of this—what I want. I need you to give me permission, certainly. I will only take what you give to me…nothing more. That doesn't stop me from wanting the rest. If I transgress, I may even make what you will see as a mistake by overstepping your boundaries. But this, between us, this is personal. I'd prefer you to treat everything that concerns us and only us as such. Social constructs, fears, human nature…why must I have these desires and not act upon them? To keep you safe, comfortable? You claim not to need those things—why should I accommodate them for you?"_

"What…do you mean? What are you saying?"

Paine's tired whisper reached Lulu's ears at last, easing her from those images. The grey early morning of the Celsius' cabin veiled her sight. Paine hovered over Lulu, elbow propped along the bed as she stared down her with eyes and expressions near-indiscernible. After a moment, Lulu saw curiosity and confusion there—both, with one outweighing the other. When Lulu didn't respond, Paine tried again:

"_Answer me_, Lulu," she pressed. "What were you dreaming about?"

Lulu saw no point in withholding the information. "You and I, in a stone basement, with me sitting upon a chair against the wall in an outfit similar to those women in Overdrive," she began, closing her eyes to visualize it all; perhaps to hide from Paine's initial reactions. "You were on your knees before me, wearing nothing but the chains that bound your wrists and ankles together…and your collar… I held the leash in my hand. You…"

For all of her arrogance and assertions in her dreams, admitting to this in real life felt beyond difficult.

Paine didn't make a sound. Perhaps she had stopped breathing, out of shock.

This subversion on her character must not have been welcome.

"You held my leg in your arms, kissing up and down my thigh-high leather boot. You worshipped it, me. You did as you were told, without question, plain and simple. You looked so beautiful…even when you changed, and began arguing with me. _That _beauty was different. It was still beautiful because I feared it. I still do. Even now…I can't open my eyes in fear of seeing it again—"

Paine placed her hand over Lulu's mouth. Hurt had no room to take over, as Lulu heard the sounds of Yuna tossing and turning alone in the nearest bed but paces away. Yuna let out a soft whine in her sleep, turning around for several moments. Lulu and Paine froze as they waited for those moments to pass.

When Yuna calmed down, Paine moved her hand to stroke Lulu's temples.

"And I heard the rest," she whispered, warmly, over Lulu's eyes—closed, still.

When Lulu felt Paine pull their blanket over their heads, for a poor shield of privacy, she opened her eyes to that darkness. Her hearing amplified, picking up every bit of closeness between them in this enclosed space.

"Paine, _please_," urged Lulu, uncertain of where this entreating had come from. "I need you to understand something: I realize this isn't normal, and that you may not agree with it. Until you, I never knew I wanted it in this scope, this magnitude. It unsettles me. I don't like that it does."

"Then I want to know what this is," said Paine, smiling. _Smiling_…she had no _idea_.

"We don't have the luxury of _time _today. In fact, we need to get dressed soon—"

Paine cut her off, "Then we'll _make _time," she insisted, her regard hard as she moved her head to hold Lulu's eye contact. "I told you I want—no—I _need _to know what this is. You've made me more than intrigued and interested. I have to know all of it, no matter how long it takes."

Lulu put her hand along Paine's shoulder, just alongside the strap of her tank top. She stopped Paine from moving in to kiss her, to coerce her further.

"Love, you must listen to me," said Lulu, "As this is certainly part of it. Your cooperation and understanding are paramount, if we're to do this. I _said_ we need to get dressed."

Paine changed into her warrior dressphere. "I'm dressed," she announced.

"Did you manage to shower before my eyes as well, while still here in bed with me?"

"Lulu, can't you at least—?"

"We don't have time, Paine," said Lulu, her tone sharp. "Did you forget what we have planned for today? Don't make me repeat myself again. You know I hate doing it."

With that, Paine removed the blanket from their bodies. She got up from the bed, pressing her hands to her face to muffle her exasperation. Lulu glared at her back for a moment, before observing the others sleeping in the row of beds nearby. It was a wonder none of them had yet stirred. Brief glances of the morning light began to shine through the windows behind the beds. That sun touched Paine's skin, holding her as Lulu wanted to—she could not, for Paine began making her way downstairs to the bathrooms behind the bar.

Lulu rose from bed, wearing her quicksilver nightgown. She made the bed, her movements harder and quicker than usual. She didn't see why she could not postpone this discussion, considering Paine's stubborn silence that entire week concerning her own affairs. Paine had planned, or was up to something, and Lulu was not allowed to yet know what it was. How was this any different?

_Double-standards…_

After her minimal chore was complete, she walked the row of beds until she found Wakka near the very end. In the bed next to him slept Vidina, appearing peaceful enough to earn a small smile from Lulu. He'd been fretful and restless for hours until he had fallen asleep at last the night before, nervous for the day ahead.

Lulu decided to let him sleep a bit longer, waking Wakka instead with a light nudge of his shoulder. Wakka grunted and rolled over. Lulu sighed. She did not want to go through this ordeal of getting him to wake up. She knew he would not, not on his own—thus she bent down to speak to him.

"Wakka," she murmured, right in his ear. He did not move. He stopped breathing. Lulu knew he was awake now—this was very predictable of him. "I need you to start waking up. It's morning. You said you would come with me today, remember?"

After a deep breath, Wakka groaned as he exhaled, turning over again to face her. He shielded his eyes from the morning light slowly filling the room. "Lulu…?" he said, blinking the sleep from his eyes, "Since when did you start carin' 'bout whether or not I followed through on what I said? Thought you woulda left me sleepin' here while you took off with Paine and Vidina…"

Lulu looked away—away from those eyes so disbelieving, indulgent. "This is a very important day," she responded. "Depending on how well Vidina does during his practical exams, he may be able to skip several years' worth of study in school. You said you still wish to be a part of his life. Vidina won't admit it, but he wants you there with us. Don't make this out to be anything more than it is."

"If you say so…" conceded Wakka. Before Lulu could stand, he asked, "Somethin' wrong? You seem kinda down. Been a while since I seen you look like this. Trouble in paradise?"

Lulu scoffed at his—correct—presumptions. "My emotions are none of your business, Wakka," she said, and stood up to leave at last.

She heard him mutter a curse—at himself, most likely—as she walked away. Whatever his efforts at consoling her, or knowing her, they were misguided. She had no interest in divulging anything of the sort to him. Knowing him, he would have gotten the wrong idea from such a confession. She at least appreciated that he cared enough to ask, to notice. He rarely did before.

When she arrived downstairs, she had a choice to make: enter the other, general showers and allow Paine to hold this grudge, or attempt to see if Paine's private bathroom was unlocked or not.

Lulu walked past Paine's door, without looking at it, entering through to the crimson tile of the bathroom. Stalls of showers were scattered throughout the wide room, with its sharp design and color scheme matching the exterior of the ship. Of course this color so reminded her of Paine's eyes, of Vidina's hair—she still did not understand why her son's hair had changed to this abnormal color during that fishing trip one year ago. Lulu let her own hair down at the thought, all the way down as that thick cape ending at her upper thighs; she changed out of her dressphere and into the openness of her bare skin. She entered the stall at the farthest end of the room, in a corner, and closed the door behind her.

Jets of lukewarm water sprayed from the adjacent walls, washing over her. Lulu closed her eyes. She breathed deeply as she tried to relax. Something kept her nerves on edge.

When the minutes passed, nothing happened to justify her state. She felt foolish. Her instincts were rarely mistaken. Still, _something _about the way the beads of water hit and rolled down her skin made her wonder, wonder, why she felt this way. Her heart began to pick up. She could see a threat only visible to her closed eyes and heightened senses.

The temperature around her began to drop in concurrence with her skin heating from the water. Her pores began to open, drinking this moisture. Her hair weighed down with that water weight. She leaned her head back, just a little, and then more, and more, until she felt the source of her anxiety at last.

Those breaths behind her, along her ear—shallow, frustrated, aggressive. Lulu knew what this was.

"I know what's got you so down," said Wakka, gripping her shoulders. "You don't wanna tell her. 'Fraid she might run off if you do." She felt his want against the small of her back. The surreal quality of this encounter kept Lulu frozen through the mists around her; kept her from reacting right away. "You learned the magic. I gave you what you needed from me last week before you went to fuck Paine in her bed—I _know _that's what you did. But that's not all, ya? You want somethin' else from me, Lu?"

"Wakka," warned Lulu, turning her head to give him a sidelong regard. "Whatever we discussed, it does not give you permission to sneak up on me like this. The _only _reason I haven't killed you is because of Vidina. You have ten seconds to leave…before I change my mind—"

Wakka turned her around, and pushed her against the wall. The stall door was closed behind him, behind his broad shoulders. Lulu knew she could have burned him, badly. She could have maimed him for doing this. She could have _killed _him…

Why couldn't she do _anything _except stare up at him?

"You won't kill me, Lu," he said. "Even if you do, there's no other way I'd rather die than by your hands. You broke my heart. It breaks again every time I see you with Paine, every time Vidina smiles at her instead of me. Maybe I'm already dead, ya? Maybe I won't feel it if you try… Give me your _Fury_. I can take it, and so can you." Wakka bent down suddenly, hooking his forearms beneath Lulu's thighs. He lifted her body, and pinned her to the wall. "C'mon, I dare you—"

The moment finally hit Lulu that this was real—Wakka's need brushed against her center for but a second before she snapped out of whatever helpless trance she'd been in. She snapped, _completely_. Her sight and mind blacked out, lighting only for the spells her instincts had settled upon without her logic's input. Carnal, rage, _Fury _took over—Wakka would pay for not giving up on her.

With a barrier over her body, she dried herself off and locked out all water from reaching her.

With her strongest chain of lightning spells, the entirety of the bathroom flickered between black and blue light as a full emotional storm. Lulu electrocuted him—to _death_.

How his screams filled her ears, reverberating along the tile around her. Her fury was sated with those sounds. A definite end to this madness that could have escalated…

When her Overdrive finished, and the high wore off, Lulu found herself standing again. The howl of pyreflies brought her back to her senses. Wakka's body had dissolved into those floating, multicolored marks of death. All evidence of the events flitted away. She heard no signs of commotion coming from outside. No one had heard them.

Lulu's barrier wore off as she stood in place against the wall. She stared at the closed door, no longer blocked by Wakka's outline. The water began to shower over her anew. The chill of the tile against her back would forever remind her of this. If she cried out of shock, she did not feel it. Those emotions were masked between mists of heat—the same that had disoriented her earlier.

She felt no grief. She felt no remorse, no regrets. If anything, each time they had spoken since he came back to Besaid from his fishing trip had slowly led to this conclusion. All she could feel…was relief—especially relief that no one had witnessed or otherwise noticed what happened.

"No one needed you. You won't be missed," she spoke, hoping her words would find him some day.

She turned the water off. She exited the stall, and changed into her usual wear by dressphere. If anyone asked, she would simply tell them that Wakka left in the middle of the night. When enough time had passed, everyone would assume he had abandoned them all. Telling them the truth would only complicate matters.

But, Paine—she would have the truth. _Soon_. Not just yet.

—

As anticipated, those who accompanied her to Vidina's school speculated as to what happened to Wakka. Yuna, Rikku, Tidus, Jecht and Braska all conversed as to Wakka's disappearance, each coming up with their own theories as to what had happened. Lulu said not a word, holding Vidina's hand as they all walked through the streets of Zanarkand. Paine had fallen to the back of the group to speak with Auron, looking anxious about something. Whatever it was, she would not tell Lulu, thus there was no point in wondering over it.

Vidina looked so much happier. She couldn't bring herself to tell him, or the others. They were better off not knowing.

Auron's words to Paine reached her ears, saving her from her conscience. "You need to tell her,_ now_," he urged in a low voice. "We don't have much time. You've settled on this path. Or have you changed your mind?"

"No, of course not…" replied Paine, somewhat frustrated. "This is terrible timing, and, the seller, she—she said something to me, before I… _You might die_, she said. _If you do not, you will have what you seek. If you do, you will thank me later. _What's _that_ supposed to mean…?"

_Death, _again. It didn't want to relent that day.

She again heard Auron's insistent tones. Soon after, Paine's heels against the pavement sped up as she caught up to her and Vidina. Vidina smiled up at her, waving, as he so loved to do whether Paine had been gone for but a minute or all day. Paine was reluctant to return the salutation, before addressing Lulu:

"Hey, um…" started Paine, terribly off-center from her usual confidence. Lulu pursed her lips, and did not look at her. She knew she wouldn't enjoy hearing what she had to say. "Look, I'm sorry—about earlier. You don't have to tell me anything before you're ready. I'll be patient."

Lulu regarded her at last, eyebrow raised. "And…?" she asked, her own patience thinned by Paine's restlessness.

"And…" Paine appeared to be bracing herself for Lulu's inevitable reaction. Lulu suggested to Vidina that he go speak with Jecht—he did so, obedient as ever, unlike… "And…I can't stay, for Vidina's exams…" Lulu's regard heated and chilled at once. Paine felt that change, and winced as she bowed her head. "I—I have to go, sign up for…for something." _Something. _She couldn't even specify what it was? Lulu scoffed. "Lulu, I can't tell you what it is… it's a surprise, _for you_—"

"What ever happened to _making time_?" she reminded her, most unimpressed with this news. "I don't care _what _it is—you gave me your word you would come with us today! Don't you understand how important this is for Vidina? He needs your support!"

"Lulu, I swear to you, I had no idea—I just found out today and I _have _to go!" said Paine, with too much conviction, sounding too convincing. "I know, I promised, but—this is…it's different! I wouldn't break my promise without good reason, you _know _that!"

When Lulu turned away from her, prepared to speed up her steps, she stopped when she saw something she did not expect: Paine moved down to one knee, looking up at her, holding her hand. Lulu refused to look down at her, mindful of the way the others slowly came to a stop to observe the scene. She heard Rikku's whisper, _"Is Paine gonna propose?! Here, of all places?"_

"I'm _sorry_, Lulu!" Paine told her, with, again, _too much _sincerity. Strangers stopped to stare. Paine clearly didn't care. How it warmed Lulu in all the right places, yet she still would not regard her. "Please, forgive me, but I have to go… You'll find out later today what it is, after his exams. If you can, come find me then. I'll do whatever you deem necessary to make this up to you, and to him. I hate that I have to break my promise… If you're mad at me, I'll be distr—" She sighed, stopping herself. "Will you forgive me?"

In reality, she'd needed Paine with her today to keep her mind off of the events from earlier in the morning. She was wrong to rely on Paine as a distraction, as a constant.

"No, I will not," said Lulu, turning her head to look down at her. She used her hand to move Paine to her feet. Paine stared at the ground. "Now go, if you must. I'll know not to take your promises seriously from this day forward. Surely all of this is worth such a consequence."

Paine surprised her again—she stared at her with hard eyes, nodding. "It is," she said, and left with Auron.

Lulu glared at her back as she went. Vidina stepped forward, staring at Paine's retreating figure. He caught her attention when he began to cry.

"Where's she going?" he asked, hugging his moomba doll close. Lulu felt herself snapping again, at Paine for causing Vidina such distress. She held it all back, instead kneeling down to hold her son. "She promised she'd go with us! Mommy, where's she going? She promised!"

The staring passerby began to disperse around them, most giving Vidina sympathetic looks as they walked away. Lulu focused on consoling him, instead of her more morbid thoughts: how Vidina would react if he knew she was the reason his father had also broken his promise; how Paine would react if she knew she was being kept in the dark about far more than she could have ever guessed.

—

Lulu refused to allow the day to win. It would _not_ beat her. She could not let it.

Yet a few columns on Vidina's school registration forms had certainly put up a good fight:

_Marital status: Single, Married, Divorced, Widowed, Other_

_Name of partner/spouse_

_If unmarried, has your partner adopted your child? Yes/No or N/A_

_Nearest living (or dead) relative_

As she sat in the polished wooden stands of the academy's spacious indoor dueling arena, she thought on those. All of the noise around her faded. Vidina had completed the preliminary tests with ease, now having moved on to duels against students twice his age. None of the staff or students could believe the magnitude of her son's aptitude for his young age, it seemed. Yuna and the others were unsurprised by his skill, quite used to him having fought alongside them during their journey to Zanarkand.

"He is _your _son, after all," Jecht said to Lulu, grinning as he sat at her side. "What'd they expect? Just because he's only six, he can't even know his basic elements? You've got the number one spot for the most powerful black mage there ever was, defeatin' _me _as Sin an' all.. Did you tell anyone that, or…?"

Lulu could not find it in her to smile, despite the amusing memory. "When the nearest staff read my name on his registration forms, one of them nearly fainted from the shock," she recalled. "They did mention to me that, because of his heritage, he will qualify for certain scholarships when he is older. I had no idea there were charities for black magic education in my honor…"

"Your victory against Sin has reached the living and dead alike," supplied Braska, at her other side. "It is no wonder you are the subject of such praise among your fellow black mages, my lady. If my sources are correct, this incarnation of Zanarkand has been in place since but a few months after Vegnagun's defeat. It is quite possible this very academy was built in your honor."

"I can only hope he isn't teased by his peers for it," said Lulu, as Vidina and his opponent began to emerge to the center. "Some of them are bound to be jealous of the attention he'll soon receive. Children can be so malicious at that age. I know the pressure won't get to him, yet still, I worry…"

Tidus, Jecht, Yuna and Rikku cheered loudly for Vidina, making Lulu ache all over again. Vidina looked determined and focused to all else—she knew his anger masked his disappointment that not one, but two promises made to him had been broken that day. She knew he hardly cared for his father—it was Paine's absence that made him feel this way.

The previous night, he'd said that he wanted to tell all of the friends he'd soon make that he had two mothers. He'd made no mention of Wakka—in fact, he seemed to believe he no longer had a father altogether, instead replacing Paine in that reserved space. Lulu's divorce from Wakka had been a favor to her son, but killing Wakka as well? She did not think he would understand.

No one would understand.

"_He almost _raped_ you?" _they would ask. _"You, of all people? Why didn't you push him away? Wakka wouldn't do that…it's not like him! And even if he really did, why didn't you tell him to stop instead of…"_

Vidina erected a shield of running water spanning the width of the entire ground between the stands, stopping his opponent's advance. The other boy tried to burn away Vidina's defenses, to no avail. He conceded, allowing her son to win to the crowd's surprise. How those children his age had tried to tease him for using a doll instead of a traditional staff…and now, he had beaten all of them in battle. The older ones watching in the lower stands appeared somewhat intimidated—even the adolescents.

She _could have _told him to stop. In fact, she hadn't so much as reacted much initially. Had some part of her enjoyed his advances—for the novelty, the danger, the deviancy? Had some part of her already _wanted _to kill him, for his clear disrespect in the face of her relationship with Paine?

_Yes…_

The academy's principal walked to the center of the arena, joining Vidina. She wore elegant, traditional black mage robes, including one of those pointed hats Lulu so despised. She gestured for Lulu to join them. Lulu stood, and held the hem of her dress as she descended the nearest stairs. Out of the corners of her eye, she saw a number of parents staring at her as they clearly recognized who she was. The students she passed, the older boys especially, gaped at a very predictable part of her body as they watched her go. Lulu did her best to ignore it all, feeling that discomfort about her son as she regarded him in worry.

When she reached Vidina and the principal, she placed her hand along the back of her son's lowered head. He had his scowling face buried into his moomba doll, leaning into her. The principal guided them to a discreet bunker just nearby, beneath the stands.

"If I'm not mistaken, you are the Lady Lulu, are you not?" asked the principal, her eyes wide in reverence. "And this is your son?"

"I am," replied Lulu.

"Then, allow me to congratulate your son, Vidina, for making it this far," she offered, though her smile began to waver. "But, unfortunately, I need to disqualify him…" Lulu stared at her, affronted. "You see, my lady, the students here are not trained for real battles. We have been at peace here in Zanarkand for a number of years. Studies for the children here, including the upperclassmen, do not even begin to detail the beginnings of how to conjure the feats Vidina has managed at such a young age…"

Lulu stopped herself from scoffing, lest this woman thought her disrespectful. "I have only been training him in _real _battles for but a year," she argued. "We traveled, on foot, from the Isle of Besaid all the way here over the course of that entire one year. Do you mean to tell me that this institution has no place to accommodate what little experience he has?"

The principal wavered before Lulu. "What you may perceive as but a little experience does not take into account his heritage," she pointed out. "My lady, you underestimate such a feat. The six year olds here, why, they would all cry and complain for days at the mere mention of such a journey! They are barely learning about the opposing elements at that age." Lulu felt her scowl leave with those words. She had never gone to school to learn about magic, with Besaid so far removed from such things. She had indeed overestimated the pace and structure of these things. "Is his father also a black mage? I reviewed your son's file—you made no mention of—"

"He was a blitzball player—nothing more," said Lulu. "He had no training with magic whatsoever. He was lazy, irresponsible, and completely unfocused."

"Well, my lady…those qualities have not passed down to your son, I can assure you…" When Lulu gave no further comment, the principal went on: "And your partner? Where is she? I thought she might also be a mage, and that Vidina had picked up a few things from her as well."

Lulu frowned. "In a sense, she is…but no, she is a powerful warrior," she responded. "She…went to go sign up, for something—she would not say what." _Why _she had chosen to divulge this information, she hadn't the slightest. The principal brightened at the news. "Is there something else I need to know?"

"Ah, I've had a number of angry mothers coming to complain about their husbands leaving for the very same reasons," said the principal, before laughing. "Elysia, the most influential summoner in all of Zanarkand, is hosting a tournament later today. The advertisements for it have been going on for months now, you wouldn't believe! All for the grand prize of ten _billion _gil!" Lulu's eyes widened at that. Paine left her for a sum of _money? _She had no need of mere gil… "I have never met the woman myself, but she seems to enjoy drama and extravagance. Expect quite the show when you arrive!"

"Yes, certainly," replied Lulu, masking her distraction behind politeness. There had to be more to this than winning money she didn't need. "And my son? Do you have any recommendations as to where I might enroll him in school, if not here?"

"My recommendation is that you continue to train him yourself, my lady," came the principal's suggestion. That was not what Lulu wanted to hear. "When you feel he is old enough, allow him to participate in the city's tournaments. Show him the wilderness beyond the city limits, where he might train and meditate for an extended period of time. He will not be challenged at all in a learning environment such as this." With Lulu's displeasure evident, the principal added: "My lady, I am afraid I don't understand. Was it also your goal to socialize him? He is an only child—this is a valid concern."

Vidina moved to bury his head along Lulu's waist, to hide from everyone around them. Perhaps this experience had turned him off from getting to know anyone his age—so far, they had all either tried to chastise him or avoided him altogether out of intimidation.

"It isn't—not anymore," responded Lulu, as she held her son's hand. "I appreciate everything you have told me. I must especially thank you for your recommendations. I'll be sure to keep them in mind as we decide where to go from here."

—

The blitzball stadium had been repurposed for this tournament: the flat square spanning the center of the sphere spelled out solid ground for the combatants to battle upon. Ifrit and Ixion took to the field during this wait for the tournament to begin, battling with one another amid a spectacle of fire and lightning for the crowd's entertainment. These elements were not opposed, thus the two could merely spar with little worry for exploiting the other's weaknesses. Bets were placed amid the stands, with many people vying for the crowd favorite: the one who had won this same tournament three years in a row. However, when a few people noticed Paine's name on the roster, they began to clamor the crowd into supporting her instead. Her victory, too, against Vegnagun, had made quite the name for herself, as Lulu had in her fight against Sin as Yuna's guardian.

Lulu again found herself sitting, with Vidina this time, in these stands of the filled stadium late that afternoon. All of Zanarkand appeared to occupy the seats around her, below her. Jecht and the others had front row seats, turning to wave up at her on occasion. For Lulu's presence had been requested at the very top, to sit next to the one who had organized these events—the summoner named Elysia.

Yet this Elysia sat silent, veiled in black, in her personalized chair—one Lulu would almost call a throne. Next to her stood her aeon, Shiva, the ice goddess of destruction, overseeing the battles below with her mistress. Lulu kept them both in her periphery, wondering why the summoner had not addressed her if she had been so, summoned, to sit there with her.

Shiva was most appropriate to hold her mistress' spot as prized aeon. Elysia sat still, statuesque, as if frozen in her stoicism as her eyes roamed the stadium. She had given no greeting upon Lulu's arrival with Vidina, not even to ascertain her identity. Thus Lulu decided to say nothing to her, as well.

When the first battle began at last, Lulu was disappointed that Paine was not yet one of the combatants. She had no desire to watch these strangers fight one another, for either one who advanced would end up losing to Paine anyway. The way they fought—with caution, with tact—it could not amount at all to Paine's strength and dexterity…

Lulu could not help glancing at the summoner from time to time, in between these lackluster battles. As time went on, she learned from the announcer that the winner would go on to be Elysia's personal guardian in addition to gaining the grand prize of ten billion gil. Why would Paine go out of her way for _that, _of all things? Being this summoner's guardian seemed to be a job of vanity at best, with Zanarkand at peace. It didn't make any sense. There had to be more to this.

And over time, this woman began to feel more and more familiar to her… The longer Elysia continued to sit without a word, without moving save to cross her leg over the other, Lulu felt more at ease. Elysia, in her silence, helped to cancel out Lulu's thoughts of Wakka.

When, finally, Paine emerged to the grounds, Lulu felt a surge of pride when the entirety of the stadium erupted in exhilaration. Their earlier arguments faded away; her worries, her conscience stalled; even Vidina brightened again, jumping up and down in his seat. Lulu could not stay angry at her, whatever she would not divulge.

She could not tell as to Paine's expression from this distance, though she noticed that body language. Paine kept her head level—not tilted up, as she normally did, nor down. She held her sword at her side, without that usual flair about her. Her opponent knew he couldn't win. Paine, to Lulu, appeared most unconcerned over this battle, as if it were beneath her. She looked up to the stands, once, as if searching for someone—for her.

At this, the wind blew, unsettling the veil over Elysia's face. When Lulu turned to regard her, she found a near-mirror image of herself staring back at her. The same expressions on their faces, the same color in their eyes, and the same structure in the bones beneath those expressions—Lulu _knew _in her heart, without a doubt, who this woman was. And if she was correct, if her actions that day were anything to go by, it was no wonder she could not figure out the circumstances as to Paine's involvement in this tournament.

Her indifference toward the day's events, surely, she had inherited from her mother.


	19. Shadow of Venus

"_Shadow of Venus" by Apocalyptica_

_At least, if I open my window  
I should be able to see the shadow that can sleep  
If I wake, can I regain it?  
If I open the window  
I wonder if it will reach  
Even here  
Light..._

At that perfect frequency, Paine's blade sung as it swung in one crescent motion from the ground. Her opponent fell back by that strike, staggered by his poor parry. Through the roar of the hundreds of thousands, she kept this same rhythm going. He was already dead. She could not kill him. That logic made her strikes precise. Not quick enough to fell him—she could not, after all. Winning against these living dead required burning through their stamina, else forcing them to concede. She was the only living contender in this tournament. Paine _should have been _at a disadvantage.

Instead, she managed to continuously embarrass her opponents with her dexterity. One, after another, she made them beg for her to stop. Her frustration with the day made her uncaring for their weaknesses. Some shape of ruthlessness took over as the battles went on. Her heels learned the dust ground well, knowing when to dig into the earth at just the right time to push enough force behind her blade. She knew just when to strike, when to feint. She made sure to win after messing with their minds.

She knew, somewhere in the impossibly large crowd all around her, Lulu sat in those stands; watching her every move. Whether Lulu had her eyes on the sphere—the projection above her head, magnifying her movements—or directly on her, Paine felt it all as she fought. Lulu's attention, wherever she was, gave Paine that extra momentum she needed to push through these unchallenging battles. From Lulu's displeasure with her earlier that day, it would have been easy for Paine to fall back into the guilt that had crippled her hours before. She refused to accept defeat for any reason.

The late afternoon soon passed to evening, and then to night. Paine woke up from her battle trance at the loudest roar of the crowd she'd heard thus far, after her latest opponent's defeat. As he lay upon the ground before her, she stared down at him. She listened to the announcer filling her in—and reminding everyone else—of the events to come. She'd defeated all except the undefeated champion. Assuming said champion went on to win her subsequent battles, they would face one another in the finals. From what Paine had seen of her, she had no doubt this would come to pass.

Paine was about to retreat to the locker rooms, until she was accosted by a large group of news reporters. They shoved their microphones and sphere recorders in her face; lights beamed on her from all directions; they all spoke over one another to get a word in, either unmindful or uncaring of the annoyance plain about her face. They all acted like she'd already won. While she wished that was indeed the case, it was _not_. When she heard them asking about Lulu, it took all of her willpower to not punch any of them for their prying. She pushed through them all, with the help of the security guards that had found their way to her.

When at last she made it to the silence of the cold locker rooms, she found the general area she'd claimed as her own. She sat down on the wooden bench running the length of the row of lockers. With her head down, elbows and forearms over her thighs, she took deep breaths to calm herself down.

She needed to take advantage of her remaining time to mentally prepare herself for the battle ahead. Yet she could find the will to do no such thing.

Was Lulu still angry with her? Was Vidina disappointed in her? Most likely… It had broken her heart to hear him crying as she left them with Auron—to not turn around to make it better. She hadn't realized he cared about her _that _much… Maybe, if she'd been honest instead of trying to surprise them, things would not have ended up this way. She wished she could have searched the stands to find them, and explain herself. It would save her the trouble of being distracted any more than she'd already been.

But one victory stood in the way between Paine being able to give Lulu and Vidina everything they needed: a safe home, a nice skycar, gil to last them generations, the social standing to go anywhere they wanted…overall—stability, structure.

It wasn't an uncharacteristic hut on a far-removed island. It wasn't a location right in the middle of frequent weather hazards. It wasn't a crowded airship with little-to-no privacy. They would have places to go, people to meet. Lulu and Vidina both would want for nothing; Vidina would have the means to be self-sufficient when he got older with the opportunities she had to give him; Lulu would never have to worry for his safety ever again. They wouldn't have to worry about anything…

"We could be a family, together," she whispered to herself. The thought gave her all the inspiration she needed to press forward, yet Lulu's secrecy kept her wondering.

Paine reached in her satchel, procuring the first letter Lulu had written her last year when they began their relationship. The paper still smelled of Lulu's earthy perfume and her makeup, somehow. She'd read it after washing up on the Moonflow, after their separation from the monsoon destroying the ferry they'd been on. One line in particular, she read over and over again:

_I will hold nothing back with you, so long as you do the same with me._

The very opposite had transpired that day, upsetting the harmony they'd had. They both kept something from one another. In Paine's case, it was just a surprise—a poor surprise, one that Lulu had likely figured out by now if she'd been listening to the announcer. She knew Lulu had been using their limited time that day as but an excuse to avoid the topic at hand—the desires she was ashamed of.

_Ask me questions and I will tell you no lies._

If something could make _Lulu _hesitant in such a way, it had to be serious. It was difficult to remember that Lulu was human, and that she had her flaws. For everything Lulu did seemed perfect and right. Perhaps Paine had been naïve to think her lover could do no wrong—that nothing could ever faze her, make her question herself, or ever truly bring her spirits down. That was the same assumption everyone else made of Lulu, making them needy for her advice and attentions while neglecting what _she _needed.

As she replaced the letter in her hands with a long scroll of poems Lulu had written her over a series of months, she began to feel Lulu's troubles multiplying by the moment… Something was wrong. Very wrong.

"Hey, new girl," said that brusque, female voice, interrupting her absorption in Lulu's fine art. "You're in the finals already, right?" Paine raised her head to regard the long-standing champion of the tournament—a tall, rose-haired commando named Lightning who wielded an archaic gunblade in the hanging holster of her military uniform. This highly-trained soldier possessed even less patience than she did with the pace of the tournament thus far. "Tell me you are. Because if I have to fight another amateur for the prize this year, I might just concede instead."

"Yeah, I am," replied Paine, regarding her sharp blue-green eyes for but a moment. She saw too much scrutiny there for her to handle right now, though she had a feeling Lightning meant nothing by it. "I don't see why you would have conceded, if I wasn't." Paine went back to looking at the paper in her hands, rubbing the texture of Lulu's pen strokes. "It's free money, a free place to stay, and one of the best jobs in the city. You'd give all of that away to someone who didn't deserve it?"

"Maybe. It saves me fighting another pointless battle," spoke Lightning, knee bent and arms folded across her chest. Paine stared at the words on the page, without reading them. "Am I…interrupting something?"

Paine sat up to regard her properly. She turned the paper over on her lap, face-down. She did not think Lightning would try to sneak a read of the words on the page, yet still… "I'm sorry. You're not interrupting anything," she said.

Lightning scoffed. "Right," she responded, monotone.

"Really, you're not," insisted Paine, though, quite unsure of where this insistence had come from. "I just thought I'd have the hour or so to myself during your fights, that's all. I'm surprised you're not out there yet."

Lightning studied her, no doubt searching for any signs of lies.

"You're fighting for someone, aren't you?" she asked. Paine nodded and waited for her to go on, surprised by her observation. "A lot of people know who you are, including who you're with. Some of them think you have an unfair advantage because of her."

Paine stared at her. "You mean my _girlfriend_? Lulu?" she asked, incredulous. Lightning's stony expression she took as her affirmative. "How is she an unfair advantage? She's sitting in the stands, watching—that's _all _she's doing! I think I'd know if she was using her black magic to help me out…"

"That's not what I mean," said Lightning. Paine didn't understand. "She's Elysia's daughter. I _think _that's reason enough for people to be suspicious over your easy victories."

"She's—_what_? Elysia's _daughter_? You can't be serious…"

For some reason, the notion of Lulu's family finding their way to Zanarkand from the Farplane had eluded her until Lightning's reveal. The dead lived there—the _city of the dead. _Of course they were there… Why didn't Elysia _say _anything? Had Paine known she'd been corresponding with Lulu's _mother…_

Lightning did not appear to believe Paine's astonishment. "You mean to tell me you had no idea?" she asked. "How could you not know? You've never seen her? I'm pretty sure they look exactly alike."

"I didn't know…Lulu's _mother _was here. That—_she _was her mother…" Paine shook her head, in a poor attempt to clear her thoughts. "And no…I've never seen the woman in person. I've been too lost in my own problems all day to pay much attention to anyone else other than you. But from what she's written to me in her emails, the way she writes…from that alone, I can see it now."

The stands outside erupted at the announcer's call of Lightning's name. "I'd better go," she said, before offering her gloved hand. "I'll see you in the finals, Paine."

Paine shook her hand, returning that firm confidence. "Looking forward to it, Lightning," she replied. "Good luck out there. Not as if you need it, anyway."

Lightning gave a curt nod and left. As silence returned to offer Paine its company, she reflected on her many encounters with the soldier that day thus far. The ease with which Lightning spoke with her and supplied information was the result of much scrutinizing and sizing-up, before. Paine had been indifferent toward Lightning's brand of curiosity—she knew the soldier had been bored in these tournaments, before the sudden buzz over this newcomer.

Now, she regarded Lightning as more of a friend than a rival. She saw much of herself there, as a mirror that offered outside information about her own person. It was certainly unexpected, but not at all unwelcome.

And, now, the matter of Lulu's family returned to reprimand her. Though she had taken great care as to sound respectful through her electronic correspondences with Elysia, she would have held herself a little differently had she known _this_. It must not have occurred to Lulu, either, that her dead relatives resided somewhere in Zanarkand. Perhaps she'd been so used to the notion of them being gone—she had accepted it—and not once had she thought they could have been so close by that entire time.

That made her wonder about the rest of Lulu's family. Lulu had never mentioned any siblings, or extended family members. She did say once that her father had been a Crusader—he'd died trying to defend Besaid from Sin's attack when she was five. Lulu never said anything about the rest of her family, save for the rare remark that she had inherited her specialty in the arts of yore from her mother.

When Paine again tried to read Lulu's poetry, she _felt _someone approaching. She hardly heard footsteps upon the stone floor, for they sounded muted by something else—a dragging sound along the ground and the soft clink of bangles, earrings and belt buckles. Her heart soared and crashed at once as it tried to take flight over this surprise.

She didn't know what to expect—Lulu's affections, or her anger? She didn't know…

Lulu's hands smoothed over her shoulders as she sat down beside her. Despite that ease about her touch, Paine still tried to open her mouth, to explain herself—

Her mouth, she felt enveloped by the heat of Lulu's breath, and then that smooth lipstick. One press, soft—before another, softer—and another, harder, harder; Lulu pushed Paine down on her back along the narrow bench, unrelenting, uncaring if anyone spotted them. Lulu's perfume took up all the space of the dampness of the locker room, blocking Paine's sense of smell to all else.

Possessiveness embodied Lulu's aura, her touch. Her grips and grabs felt harder, more purposeful than Paine remembered them being before by this dynamic between them. Paine wrapped her arms about Lulu's neck and shoulders, holding that exposed area close. She needed _something _to hold on to, lest she fell upward into Lulu's control, never to return.

"I've been aroused for _hours_," spoke Lulu, into her mouth; "Watching you fight, sweat, scowl… It's a shame we have such little privacy here."

Something felt remiss of a sudden, removing Paine from her euphoria.

"Wait.. _Stop_," she said, pushing her away by her shoulders. She caught her breath beneath Lulu's glare. "Is something wrong…? You're…being really aggressive with me."

"Do you not enjoy it?" asked Lulu, pressing her forearms over Paine's chest for support. That tone sounded so…chilling, almost accusatory—not at all like Lulu's usual sensuality.

Paine tried to heave a sigh, her efforts blocked by Lulu's weight. "No, I do. It's just—it's not like you, to be this way," she replied, uncertain if she should have even voiced these concerns. She didn't want Lulu to think she judged her, or otherwise disapproved of her actions. "I wanna make sure you're okay, that's all. We didn't exactly part ways on the best of terms earlier…"

"And what if I said that, because of what's happened today, I'm choosing to take my emotions out on you?"

That question gave Paine pause. Lulu studied her—hard.

"If that's the case, I get the feeling you're testing me," said Paine. "And if you are, I wish you wouldn't. I don't like it. It's not like you to play games, or to be anything but straightforward about what you want."

Lulu removed herself from atop Paine's body. She moved to face the nearest wall, her hand over her eyes and forehead. Whatever she thought was going on between them, it did not stop Paine from going to her. She held Lulu from behind, wary of the way Lulu flinched at her initial touch. This, again, was not like her _at all_. She didn't feel Lulu's alarm directed at her, no…yet it was there nonetheless.

Paine nestled the side of her face along the crook of Lulu's neck, listening. She heard Lulu's too-soft emotions, the ones that did not want to reveal themselves to her too soon. Shallow breathing—and worry, worry, worry.

This needed to be freed from her with the utmost care, without judgment; without suspicion. Surprising her, softly, perhaps even sickeningly so with sweetness—this was necessary.

"Lulu, baby, tell me what's wrong," she said, feeling that the unexpected pet name might work in her favor. She caught with her lips as many of Lulu's tears as she could, to taste them with her lips; Lulu kept the back of her hand beneath her nose. Lulu concealed her small smile that left as soon as it came. "I'm not gonna hurt you—you know that." The stutter of Lulu's upper body spoke volumes. "Did someone…?"

When Lulu gave no response, verbal or otherwise, Paine rewound the day's events in her head. That morning, after she left Lulu in the cabin, she went downstairs to the bridge to check her emails on Shinra's terminal. That was when she found out about Elysia's suggestion to win her annual tournament instead of buying the penthouse suite, as several other potential buyers had bested her offer, going even higher than all of the gil she had. She replied that she would, despite this terrible coinciding of events with Vidina's exams…and then Auron found her soon after, advising her to follow through. They conversed until the others were ready to go, mostly wondering as to why Elysia would make such a—_generous_—offer, considering Paine's aptitude in battle.

She'd heard no commotion of any sort between then and her departure… Auron certainly would have picked up something if she'd missed it—

Lulu turned around in her hold, gripping her tight; suddenly sobbing, shaking, as if she'd been holding all of this in for far too long. The shock of this change made Paine blank out for a few seconds. She tightened her hold as she took all of this in, pulling Lulu up and into her—away from whatever overwhelmed her so. She had never witnessed Lulu crying like this, if at all save for the few tears she'd shed over Chappu a year ago—perhaps Lulu had never allowed herself such leverage. This time, Paine guessed this leverage was not _allowed_; forced, not-helped, and involuntary: yes, certainly…

The echoes of Lulu's wracking sobs did not slow enough to allow her to speak, not for several minutes. Paine waited the whole while, patient despite her heart breaking again.

Something had happened to Lulu, and she hadn't been there to stop it.

Right before Paine tried to voice that this was likely her fault, Lulu began to calm down. Paine canted her head down, to prod Lulu's face to stop hiding from her. Lulu moved her head, to regard Paine properly. The tears continued to fall, amid Lulu's jagged breaths painted with the sounds of this helplessness Paine had never heard from her before.

"Paine," breathed Lulu, her soft voice cracking in her emotional state. Her watery eyes roamed over Paine's face as she held those reddening cheeks between her unsteady hands. "You are so…beautiful, so pure," she went on, her tears widening by the second as they ran in thicker rivulets down her face. "I don't deserve you."

White-hot confusion blinded Paine's thoughts in that light yet again. She tried to comprehend this turn of events. She tried to listen to Lulu, to listen for signs that perhaps she had misheard her. She must have, for Lulu would only say such a thing in loving jest. That was the sole explanation.

"The more I think about these things, the more I—" Lulu paused, to catch her breath. "I keep falling into something. I don't know what it is! From the very moment I looked over and saw my mother sitting next to me, I felt my strength and defenses both banished from me. I feel like a fragile child again…"

"Lulu, wait, please," said Paine, coming to her senses now that she could see she hadn't necessarily _done _anything to make Lulu feel this way. "I had no idea she was your mother. I just found out a few minutes ago. Otherwise I would have…warned you." Lulu allowed Paine to wipe the tears from her face, though they continued to fall and fall. "I feel like you're about to break up with me… You're not…are you?" Lulu's silence, she took as a yes. That shock moved down to her chest, electrocuting. "After all we have together, _please_—" When Lulu appeared unremorseful of such a confession, Paine again moved to one knee before her; "I'm begging you, don't do this. I have so much planned for us! If you knew—"

"It's because I know…that I must say goodbye. I don't deserve it, or you, as I said. Please, don't make me repeat myself."

Did she know everything, truly? Was it all too much? Was it too soon?

Paine scrambled to find a solution, holding on to Lulu's waist with all of her strength—with enough to not hurt her, enough to beckon Lulu's regard and hold it. "I can disqualify myself if it's too much," she said, quickly. "We can take things slower, we don't have to—or, just—" Frustration began to surface, at her inelegance in dealing with this; how Lulu continued to cry, her mind clearly unchanged by these displays; "Do you not…want me anymore? Is that it…? Because if it isn't…I won't accept this—I won't!"

She stood up again, to pull her in close again. With her height advantage, she knew Lulu loved it; she could not resist the way she felt by it—the protectiveness. Lulu's body could not lie to that.

"I'm not leaving you, Lulu." Paine shook her head against Lulu's bare shoulder. "I can't. I _can't _imagine myself with anyone else—or you either alone or with someone other than me! _I'm _the only one, dead or alive, who knows how to give you what you need." She regarded Lulu once more; watched her tears fall thicker, faster. "I'm prepared to give my all out there, for you and your son to have everything you need. I want us to be a family together; is that so wrong?" Lulu shook her head through her shudders and crying, but it wasn't enough. Her mind was not yet changed. "…is it wrong that I love you?" At this, Lulu broke down again, and fell into Paine's arms, no longer able to support herself. "Because I do…I've said it before. I'll say it again a thousand times if it will make you _stay with me…_"

Paine didn't understand where all of this had truly originated from. Lulu's emotional, dramatic side she had never been witness to—yet it was as she said: Elysia's presence had changed her, fundamentally, likely out of shock, removing her back to the age of five years old when she didn't yet know how to hold herself together.

The way Paine felt Lulu's thumbs along her face, wiping away the emotions she didn't recall showing—it told her as much, without words. Paine refused to allow it all to get in the way of what they had, and would always have.

"I love you, Lulu," she said, deeply sated that she had said it—that Lulu heard it and that it calmed her down considerably. She had the strongest feeling that wasn't everything. Something else had to have triggered this. Someone had hurt her, physically. Paine remembered that flinch, from minutes ago. "You don't have to say it back… At the least—at the very least tell me who hurt you. That's all I ask."

Lulu sighed, composing herself at last. That action told Paine under no uncertain terms that she had changed her mind about leaving. Her hold around Paine—it was apologetic and forgiving all at once.

"After you left the cabin, I went to take a shower," she said, into Paine's ear. "For a while, everything was fine. I was vulnerable there, certainly, but nothing happened. I remember mentioning to you…that _someone _was not above simply waiting for an opportunity to come along, before doing something foolish…" _Just listen. Just listen. Don't react yet. Just __**listen**__. _"Wakka…he could tell that you and I had gotten into an argument. And then…he came into the stall…" _Just—fucking—listen—for now, until: _"He…pushed me against the wall…and, he tried to rape me…"

Paine did not think, did not feel anything but sheer violent hatred as she hissed, "_I'll fucking kill him!" _She startled Lulu, as she let go of her to pace in small circles. "Is that why he ran off?! Why didn't you say anything! You acted so calm—how—WHY?!" Lulu clasped her hands over the front of her dress, looking down in shame. "WHERE IS HE?! I'm going to _**kill **_him, I sw—"

"There's no need," said Lulu, gripping at her hand with the other. Paine stopped her pacing, raking her nails along the nape of her neck at the sight of Lulu's composure—_now. _"Wakka is…already dead. I electrocuted him through my Fury Overdrive, in the water of the shower. In fact, he dared me to, thinking I would not. His body dissolved into pyreflies. He may find his way back to Zanarkand, to me, one day."

"If he does, I'll take my turn."

This was undoubtedly her fault. They had argued, she'd left Lulu alone—_Wakka _managed to find out, to find her, to try and _force_ himself on _her_ _woman_…

Lulu looked up at her at last, her regard full of adoration. Paine's rage-remorse stopped for a moment, to take all of that in.

"What is it, Lulu…?" she asked. "Why…are you looking at me like that? Did you forget what you just told me?"

"I thought you would hate me, if you knew," revealed Lulu, stepping forward to hold Paine's hands. "The guilt—it affected me, with such potency, as if enclosing hot gas in a tight-lid container. I tried so hard to ignore it, to pretend as if it wasn't there… When I looked into my mother's eyes again, I felt it all as a fresh wound, as though I'd disappointed her through my actions. It took me back to the childhood I don't remember. And for you to see me as I've been, to tell me your feelings—to stand by me, despite everything…" Lulu's eyes began to shine again, though not at all for the same reasons. "I feel so much better. For far too long, I was used to fixing my own problems within myself. Letting everything out like that… I've needed to do it for over twenty-five years…perhaps my entire life."

The announcer called upon Paine, yet that news did not meet with the crowd's excitement as it had for Lightning. Paine could not wonder why with any clarity, for Lulu lowered her head again at the notice.

"Listen to me," she said, again kissing Lulu's face, to dry the stray tears that remained still. "I don't want you to hold anything inside like that ever again. If it has to wait until we're alone, that's all right…" Paine pulled away to regard her, seriously, to let Lulu know that she _meant _this: "Whatever it is, you know I won't judge you. Just promise me."

Lulu smiled at her, brighter than ever before. "I promise, love," she said, before looking down at Paine's gloves. "You won't need to worry about it…" Lulu raised Paine's hands to her stomach, observing them both. She raised one a little higher than the other, and vice-versa, as she asked: "Which is the hand you use to carry your sword?" Lulu brought Paine's right hand up again. "This one, is it not?"

"Yes, it is…"

She moved both of her hands to Paine's right, removing her long glove. The coldness of the locker room found Paine's exposed skin in that place she was so unused to feeling anything other than leather. The warmth of Lulu's touch met her arm soon after. And in that touch, Paine felt something she'd never recognized before: a softer, stronger devotion than ever before as Lulu kissed down her forearm, down her wrist. Disembodied by this fondness—Paine could only feel her hand, where Lulu so kept her attentions, circling her lips around the skin there.

Against her knuckles, up and down her fingers, into her palm; Lulu's eyes stayed closed as she murmured words of good luck, of love; Paine tried to back away, to bring Lulu outside with her; more tears came from Lulu; she held Paine's hand closer to her, closer…

Lulu wrapped her arms about Paine's neck, and gave the same treatment to her face, her lips. Paine's hand stayed pressed between them, along Lulu's breasts rising and falling with her hard breathing. Of a sudden, Paine felt an invisible, magical barrier of some sort around her body. She could no longer feel the wetness of Lulu's tears against her face; the sweat against her own skin—all moisture had been blocked out to her. Further, the barrier uplifted her, increasing her vitality to ranges she never thought she could reach until decades yet of training. She widened her eyes, to ask what Lulu had done—

"I know who you're to face in this battle," whispered Lulu. How Paine was brought back to the first time the vibrations of Lulu's voice filled her mouth… "Please, accept this from me. Don't resent me for it… If I lost you, I truly would not know how to go on… So, think of this as a good luck charm—nothing more."

—

A narrow path remained the only solid ground for Paine to walk upon. She followed the path, beneath the otherwise-filled sphere of water. The blitzball sphere had filled out, and darkened without the stadium lights. A figure stood in the center of the walkway, their back to them; indiscernible in this dark of night, save for the wandering glow of the water all around them. The crowd remained all around them, wondering aloud as to the change in events. The announcer had stopped speaking altogether, adding to their confusion.

The stadium lights shined anew. Paine shielded her eyes, wincing through the gaps between her fingers to get a better look at the figure beyond. The spectators began to mumble in collective speculation. It could not have been Lightning, for Lulu had given her a cryptic warning about this unknown opponent. If Lulu had gone so far as to give her an actual unfair advantage, the one beyond certainly had to have been formidable.

She stopped when she reached the center, a few paces short of the other finalist. It was no wonder she'd been unable to discern anything about them in the dark—her opponent wore a suit of armor much like her own dark knight dressphere, sans helmet. Yet, _her _armor—if that long, thick cape of dark hair was anything to go by—was more stylized in its wavy thorns, as if it were a sharp extension of her hair. The long, curved blade at her side Paine recognized as a two-handed great katana, belonging to the ancient warriors of Spiran history.

When she turned around, Paine's heart nearly left her in its haste to leave this reality. For this reality, must have, _must have _been playing tricks on her mind.

This woman who met Paine's height in her heels, by the heelless boots she wore, looked _exactly _like…

"You're my sister's obsession, are you?" she asked; scowl set as she kept her eyes on Paine's. "What a surprise—you're not what I was expecting." Her voice was so smooth, yet confusing in its allocation of identity. Without the clear femininity before her, Paine could have attached that voice to an—androgynous—young man's. The sole difference Paine could note between the face before her and Lulu's was the color of her eyes: hazel, not reddish-brown. "You'll have to forgive me—Paine," she went on, her forearm bent in front of her as she bowed. "I have not paid much attention to your face in this tournament. I know your style, how you fight. Yet I was not privy to your person until but an hour ago."

Paine tried to remember if she'd seen her fighting before. If she had beaten Lightning, and made it thus far, surely she would have noticed someone with such skill…

"I'm sorry, I haven't been paying attention to you either," she replied. "In fact, I don't recognize you at all. I'm sure I would have remembered your armor, if I'd seen you at all today…" Her opponent smirked, in satisfaction. "Who are you? What is your name? Lulu never mentioned she had a sister…"

"My name is Raine." Raine—Paine—was this a coincidence? "I have been in disguise, performing at a passable rate per my mother's request. And of course Lulu never mentioned me. She never knew I existed until today. Our parents had me a year after they'd departed to the Farplane. You and I are the same age." The dead could bear children even after life? "I am as alive as you are, for I have never truly died. That makes us even in this match…to a point."

"To a point?" asked Paine. "What do you mean by that?"

"I've watched you in battle. You excel in single strikes, with your one-handed sword." Raine tilted her head down, as if gesturing to Paine's blade. "You usually manage to stagger your opponents. And if you fail, you jump back before they can counter. The routine allows you to have an unconcerned flair in your movements. Yevon trained you in hit-and-run tactics, so that is what you prefer. Or am I mistaken?"

To have Lulu's observational skills, coupled with a type of weapon that could easily cause her trouble—Paine began to see why Lulu feared for her so in this battle.

"No, Raine, you're right…you're absolutely right," she responded. "I have to say, no one's ever really paid that much attention to my style before. They tend to charge in and wing it without stopping to see what they're up against. It's nice that you care enough to notice." Paine took a calming breath, folding her arms. She sized Raine up, taking a good look at her katana as she did. With such a heavy blade, Raine could easily overwhelm her in mid-range combat. Or she could lunge from afar, to pierce her. That thick, decorated armor certainly didn't help matters.. "Are you gonna keep that going and tell me if I should be worried about fighting you? We should keep this as even as possible."

Raine sheathed her blade in the holster at her hip. "We should," she agreed. "Yet I sense something in you: a great power that I hadn't picked up on before." Lulu's barrier… "It's making me rethink things. If seeing my sister again has given you this surge of vitality, I should be the one worried about this battle. I'll need some time to even the score." Another path appeared, crossing through the one they stood upon. It led to the area where Lulu sat with the others—they all watched the exchange with bated breath. Raine sat down, cross-legged, and closed her eyes. "Take a moment to speak with your friends, with my sister. I need to meditate."

As Paine walked along the new path, Raine indeed proceeded to meditate even with so many eyes on her. The loud murmur of the crowd again reached her ears, after that conversation that had deafened her to all else. Raine was certainly as intense as her older sister, if not more, only by the unfamiliarity about her. Her mother's order to advance through the tournament without notice—it was curious, suspicious.

Did Elysia want Paine to lose? Did she want her dead, perhaps for being involved with her daughter? Why go through so much trouble to orchestrate these events in such a way?

When Paine reached the stands, she rested her forearms over the surface separating the seats from the sphere. Lulu leaned forward to hold Paine's head for a moment, clearly worried by the strength in her arms. When she pulled away, she held both of Paine's hands, observing her. Vidina was at her side, standing now to hold onto Paine's arm closest to him. Yuna, Tidus, Rikku, Jecht, Auron and Braska were of course sitting with them—and Lightning, looking worn from her lost battle.

"You need to be careful," said Lightning, sitting next to Auron. "I thought she was a pushover at first, until she took off her disguise. She really wanted me out of the way so she could fight you."

Paine tried to smile at Vidina, and Lulu, before turning to Lightning. "How does she fight?" she asked, looking to both her and Auron. "Is she fast, or strong? Which class is she?"

"Surprisingly enough," said Auron, "She is a red mage—not a dark knight, or a samurai." Paine had never heard such a classification before. _Red mage…_? "To answer your other questions proves difficult. I sensed she was holding back in her battle against Lightning. We don't yet know her full capabilities."

"But what's a red mage?" she tried, looking to Lulu this time. "I've never heard of it."

Lulu took a moment to regard her younger sister still meditating in the center of the sphere. "Red mages are hybrids," she supplied, returning her attention to Paine. "They excel in everything, yet they are masters of none. Red mages are adept in combat, healing magic, enhancing magic, destructive magic, as well as inflicting status ailments. You could think of her as a jack-of-all-trades. She is androgynous in every sense of the word. It makes it difficult to give her an identity or to exploit her weaknesses…"

"Her only weakness, it seems," said Braska, "Is that she has none." _That _sounded incredibly helpful… Paine's nerves shot up at the truth of the matter. "Meanwhile, you are a master in whichever dressphere you choose to wear. You have mastered all of the ones in your possession?"

"That's right," she nodded, as Tidus caught her attention. He appeared to be brimming with something he wanted to say. "Do you…have any advice, or…?"

"Yeah!" he said. "If Lulu's sister isn't a master at anything, and you're a master at whatever dressphere you have on, _that means _you CAN beat her! Just pick one thing and stick with it! If it doesn't work, try something else!"

Rikku jumped up and down in her seat in agreement, squealing. "He's right, you know!" she said, pointing at Paine. "You can totally confuse her if you just change when you get overwhelmed! It'll keep her on her toes! Then, maybe, you can find _some _kind of weakness, yeah? You never know!"

Paine smiled as Yuna and Jecht went with those suggestions to keep encouraging her. It was certainly a good plan, in theory. She turned to Vidina, and asked, "What do you think I should do to win?"

She got Lulu to smile at that, laughing a little as Vidina hummed and looked to the night sky. Vidina returned his gaze earthward, smiling at Paine. "Hold the line!" he said. Paine laughed with the others, wondering where he'd heard that expression from. "Show her you're stronger and you don't give up. You'll win if you do!"

"Sounds like a plan to me," agreed Lightning, smiling. "If anyone can beat her, it's you. I know we haven't known each other that long… I have a good feeling. You can do this."

"Thank you," said Paine. Lulu remained the only one who appeared somewhat worried for her, still. "Lulu? Don't tell me you're losing faith in me. Unless you have something else in mind?"

Lulu sighed, again looking to Raine. "When I said red mages excel in everything, I meant _everything_," she responded. Paine frowned, listening closely. "The water in the stadium, the wind around us; even the shadows upon the ground and in the water itself—she could certainly use all of these against you, to weaken you until she lands but a single finishing blow. That is why I…" Paine had a sudden image of a phantom ravaging her from every direction with all manner of sabotages. _That was why she cast the barrier. _"You should be safe, defensible, by yourself. You will be free to do what you're best at…"

The crowd erupted as Raine stood up. She drew her blade, standing in profile; she extended it in Paine's direction, using it to beckon her over at last. Paine turned once to regard her, nodding. She reached into one of her unused garment grids, procuring a dressphere at random. She placed it in Lulu's hands.

"Here, Lulu," she said, before standing on the tips of her toes to kiss Lulu one last time. "I want you to have this. In case anything goes wrong, you should watch what's in it. I'm not…sure which one this is. Either way, I want you to see it. I think it's called Copycat, but I don't remember why. Guess you'll find out, win or lose." Paine began backing away, giving everyone one last once-over. Yuna, Tidus and Rikku waved with big smiles on their faces, their previous grudges and arguments forgotten. Jecht, Braska, Auron and Lightning nodded to her, confident in her chances to win. Vidina continued to smile; Lulu took a moment longer to look up at her. Paine smiled her widest smile at her love, and said, "I love you! I'll see you soon, with a nice surprise for you and Vidina when I win. It'll be worth it!"

Lulu began to tear up again, and shook her hair from her face as she waved goodbye. She blew her a kiss—at this, Paine kept smiling with ease before turning around. Though she worried for why Lulu was so concerned for her. But it was as she'd said:

_If I lost you, I truly would not know how to go on… _

Even Lulu had a sensitive side as soft as this, Paine supposed. It was beyond endearing.

As she walked the path to Raine, she checked her active garment grid one last time. There was room for but two dresspheres on this special grid. Her warrior one, of course, but the second one she decided to change. After that, she checked on her accessories: Ribbon and Cat Nip. Ribbon would keep her safe from any and all status ailments; Cat Nip was a last resort, to ensure she won the battle even if everything else went wrong.

When she reached the center, the path she took to the others disappeared. Paine stood at the ready, her back to Raine with her same over-the-shoulder regard. Her blade edged along the ground in front of her. Raine stared down at the skull of Paine's sword, both hands carrying her katana along her right side.

"An omen?" she asked, eyeing the skull one last time. She scrutinized Paine's back. "And you have your back to me. How disrespectful, Paine." Paine did not change her stance. Raine laughed—a rich sound, deeper than Lulu's. "I'm sure my sister has told you of my capabilities. Are you ready, as you are?"

Paine pushed away the hair from her face, confident in her battle plan. "All I need is my sword," she said. Raine's eyes lidded, and brightened, as if to express a hidden smile. "So now, give me your worst. I want to see what you're made of—what makes you so special. I'll take this as finally getting to know my girlfriend's long-lost sister."

"I was never the lost one. Though you soon will be."

The surrounding water crashed over Paine. It sounded as the destruction of several cars and airships at once, with high pressure closing in over her ears instead of twisted metal. The crowd around them suddenly muted. The sphere filled out completely, overtaking the space she once had to breathe. She felt it all as a minor push in two directions at best. She could still breathe, by way of Lulu's barrier around her. She suspected that, without it, she would have easily died from the water's impact alone.

When the waters came to a rest, she saw Raine standing opposite her still. The shock on her face, Paine would remember for years to come...if she lived that long. Raine's hair moved in the water as a mermaid's; she stood rooted there, glaring now as she prepared her next move. Paine held her ground, revitalized by Lulu's forethought. If she could keep surprising her opponent, she could win this.

Raine became as a serpent of black, disappearing into the shadows. Paine lowered her head, and closed her eyes. She could not hear anything weaving through the waters; could not feel anyone approaching. She kept waiting. She kept listening.

The image of seeing Lulu's amazement with their new home overtook her mind's eye. She saw someone appear behind Lulu—behind her. Paine turned around.

She was too late.

"Such slow reaction times, in the water," sounded Raine's voice, as she materialized again before her. She'd impaled Paine through her stomach, lifting her by her katana with both hands. Even the pain registered that much slower—it took until the perception of Raine's words for Paine to grip her katana, to cry out and make no sound. "Hm. Strange… I thought you would have caught that in time. Perhaps you're not as powerful as I thought you were…"

A flow of red began to pour from Paine's abdomen, tinting the water around her. She looked into Raine's eyes, so unfeeling. The weight of Paine's body worked against her. Raine's katana began to slice, higher. The pain of it all—Paine had blocked it out, in her trance, as she somehow saw Lulu before her.

Lulu, looking so happy, safe and in love with her and her alone—she had no fear of Paine dying, no need to worry for anything. Vidina stood with her, as an accomplished grown man, thanking her for working so hard for them. Another figure stood with them—a girl, looking so much like both Lulu and Paine. All of it was possible. That was all Paine needed. She _refused _to die. Not before reaching that paradise first.

Paine kicked her legs, bringing her body back down to the path below. She worked against Raine's current of surprise, pulling back, walking back, out of that bayonet. She struck Raine's blade away. Her Cat Nip activated, sooner than she thought she might have needed it. The water around her became mere air. Nothing hampered her movements, her strikes at Raine's armor. She used both hands to put the most power behind her attacks. Raine stayed staggered, staggered, through both of their rising anger.

Paine could no longer stay on the offensive. Raine had dug her katana into the ground as she knelt down, head bowed. She formed an impenetrable wall with her body. Paine stepped back to catch her breath. _What the hell is she doing…? How is she doing it?—_

A chime of sword against leather, and the force of that impenetrable stopping power: Paine was sent flying back by the strike of Raine's sword. Through the water and out of the sphere she went, scattering thick droplets of water in her wake. She landed hard against a few people in the stands. Panic and astonishment sounded all around her from the spectators. Paine groaned, and opened her eyes, before she was lifted into the air. Her hair, she felt pulled, and pulled, soon supporting all of her weight.

Raine stood in front of those wet and bled-upon viewers, gripping Paine by the top of her scalp. "What _is _this contradiction in my hand?" she demanded, leering at Paine's strength leaving her by the second. "I sense an abnormal amount of vitality within you… You are using it well, for you have not yet died! Now where is the strength and years of experience that come with such a gift? All I feel are your emotions!"

"If you feel my…emotions…" said Paine, gripping her sword anew, "Then you know…you can't win!"

She used the hilt of her blade to strike Raine's arm. Paine found solid ground again beneath her heels. She attacked once in her usual crescent motion, breaching that armor at last with her _Armor Break _ability. When she jumped away, she landed on the narrow divider between sections of the stands. Raine followed after her, landing on the same plane. The water still in Paine's ears clogged the noise around them growing louder and louder at this improvised spectacle. The spheres placed in helpful locations throughout the stadium offered a close-up of this view to those farther away from the action.

Sheer balance was tested as they sparred. Paine's heels trembled to support her steps and weight on this foreign path. Raine advanced with ease, as if treading upon the night sky around them. And it was so curious that Raine, too, fought with the heat of her emotions—with wrath, with ruthlessness far greater than Paine's. Paine was at a clear disadvantage—if she fell from this area of the stands, it would have been a long, hard way down. She needed some breathing room.

She began to change dresspheres. Raine had nearly landed a swift, precise blow to her abdomen. Her heavy blade was stopped by Paine's invulnerability frames during this change.

Paine descended into the boiling ground, and rose up again through the burning lava as a dark knight. She stayed upon the divider, in her armor similar to Raine's—not nearly as decorated. She could put this vitality to good use.

"No pain, no gain," she said, smirking, before swiping her sword in front of her. Blotches of _Darkness_ she sent out forward, damaging herself, but doing twice that amount to her opponent. She sent Raine stumbling back, far enough to repeat this again and again.

Yet her wound bled clear through her armor. The more she cast her Arcana, the more she bled. She couldn't stop—she knew it worked wonders, cutting through the very medium Raine used to hide in. The light-headedness that followed served to drive her more and more. It did not weaken her. The pain, she loved, for it made her stronger. Raine could find no way to fight back against her own defenses; her frustration showed. The high it induced kept Paine going.

But she could not keep this up for long. She began to feel weary. If Raine came close enough, Paine could attack her with free-flowing critical strikes by her Cat Nip's aid. Thus she stopped her onslaught. Raine did not charge forward as expected—she slithered forth in those shadows, fast as lightning.

Paine blinked once; she no longer felt the ground beneath her feet. She stayed suspended by shadows at the stadium's highest point beneath the stars. Those shadows impaled her face-up as venomous blades. The only venom was her blood—it ran from her, thicker, taking her life from her.

Raine appeared before her, standing upon a path of pitch black. She refused to let her fatigue show. The cruelty in those eyes cracked at the sight of Paine in such torturous arrest, yet Raine would not falter.

"Should I let you bleed out, or should I take your life from you myself?" asked Raine, as she sheathed her blade. "You have gained an upper-hand, somehow… Does my sister have anything to do with this?" Paine could say nothing over her occasional scream. She stared up at the lights dotting the sky above, _dying_. "I admit my drive to win would not be so…strong, if I sensed no imbalance. This is unfair, thus I have been most vindictive in taking my victory from you. Unless you confess…and forfeit…then I will spare your life. What will it be…_Paine_?"

There remained but one path to take—her last resort. She would not breach the secrets between Lulu and herself, and have her life spared for the sake of honesty. If she died, she would take all of Lulu's secrets with her…including the matter of Wakka's transgressions. Paine saw his face there, as a false constellation of stars above.

Her rage, her anger, her fury triggered the full explosion of her _Charon _on their own—she screamed out all of her regrets to the skies, for failing to protect her love. By those regrets, to now see Lulu safe in all things from that point onward, she kept her sliver of life as she fell from the shadows.


	20. Scythed and Stricken

_No matter how dark the night, morning always comes, and our journey begins anew._

Lulu moved to her feet at the sight of that explosion in the sky.

_She used it again…_

The entire stadium stood at the wide area-of-effect self-destruction from Paine's _Charon_. That same ability, that same self-sacrifice that had started their first argument months ago had returned. The first time, her heart had nearly seized her from the shock of the explosion and its implications. To see it before her eyes this time, watching her love and her sister descend from the sky after that madness of a battle… How Paine's scream of anger still echoed in her ears, throughout the skies.

But the day had not yet taken its full toll on her.

The water from the blitzball stadium had drained. Lulu watched on the nearest sphere as Raine purposely moved to break Paine's fall to the concave concrete below. With her back likely broken from such an impact, Raine could not move; she bled profusely from that _Charon_, swallowing her own blood as she fought to keep breathing. Paine used her spiked blade to move to her feet at a steady pace. She stared down at Lulu's sister, heaving. Blood streamed down from Paine's armored limbs. That armor—her dressphere itself—began to crack, and break, dissolving into shards of crystal in the air around her.

The sphere closed in on their faces—Raine glared as she breathed through the bitterness of her own blood; Paine waited, in her barely-concealed pain. Lulu shielded Vidina's eyes with her hands. Each time Raine had inflicted dire injury upon Paine, Lulu had anticipated it, shielding Vidina's eyes as appropriate. She wished she could have blocked her own eyes from the sight below, if not to keep her emotions in check. She wrestled with them, within, keeping them there as she watched…

"Do you surrender…?" asked Paine. "Please…don't make me kill you. We don't…have to do this…"

Raine looked to the sky, once, before returning to Paine's patient gaze. "You win," she muttered.

The crowd didn't know whether to celebrate or not—scattered clapping and cheers sounded, between murmurs of wonder; confusion.

A ramp descended before Lulu, offering a straight path to Paine and Raine. Vidina nearly sprinted down the ramp until Lulu bent down to stop him. She picked him up, and handed him to Jecht.

"He doesn't need to see this," said Jecht, already in agreement with her. Lulu held the hem of her dress as she hurried down the walkway. "Hey, hey!" he addressed Tidus. "Get Brother's ass down here with the ship, why don'tcha! We need to get Paine outta there ASAP…"

Rikku called on her brother via radio, sounding frantic. Yuna followed after Lulu, prepared to assist with her white magic spells. Security guards emerged, stopping the crowd from following them down.

Lulu blocked all else out of sight, out of mind as she tried to run. Paine fell to the ground at Raine's side. Her spiked sword clanked upon the ground as a divider between their bodies. Her dark knight dressphere continued to dissolve into the air, soon turning into a fountain of light.

When Lulu reached them, she moved to pick up Paine's bloodied body in her arms. With Paine's dressphere now broken, she only wore her strapped top, shorts and heels of her warrior dressphere. A handful of gashes bled as thin openings through her arms and legs, and the one in her stomach. Raine had somehow pierced her in so many places without breaking her bones. From the anger there in her sister's eyes as they regarded one another, Lulu could not say for certain if Raine had avoided such a thing on purpose—for her sake, for Paine's sake.

The Celsius began to descend from the sky, shocking several people in the audience. The winds upset Lulu's braids as she looked between Raine and Paine—how they both kept their eyes open eluded her. Paine managed a brief, victorious smile. Lulu could not find it in her to return the expression, for she felt prepared to burn from the acidic guilt boiling inside of her over this turn of events.

Yuna knelt down to Raine first, asking as to her well-being. Raine's bleeding hand gripped the hilt of her blade. Her grunt caught Lulu's attention. "You'll regret not letting me kill her," she said.

Lulu was too drained to think of a proper response to such a claim. Raine waved Yuna off, instead beginning to cast her own white magic over her wounds. The ramp of the Celsius' hatch descended. Rikku jumped the distance before the incline met the ground, running over to Lulu and Paine. Lulu went with her to the airship, turning around to have one last look at Raine.

Such power…and yet she'd felt her sister holding back all the while, despite Paine's dare for her to do no such thing.

—

Lulu's slow, controlled footsteps sounded along the metallic ground of the Celsius' bridge. From the hallway leading out of the elevator, Lulu carried Paine's bleeding form. One at a time, that hollow ringing led her closer to the company of their friends—their support. Paine had wrapped her arms about Lulu's neck, sedated from Yuna's temporary healing spells. The harder she pulled against Lulu's neck, to hold her tight, the faster Lulu felt her heart slipping down a slope—out of her reach.

She had to keep her eyes on the panorama of the night sky beyond the windows. If she looked down at Paine, Lulu feared she would start crying all over again. For so many reasons…not all of which she understood.

She descended the stairs, and made it to the very center of the area. Brother stood before her, subdued as he watched their approach. Lulu addressed him:

"Brother…" she said. He nodded. "Take us home."

"Roger that, Lulu," he replied, lowering his head. "Anything for you…"

How her mind burned from the recollection of the first time he'd told her that.

Brother went to jump in the pilot's seat, taking off within seconds. Auron had already told him the coordinates. Lulu had no real clue as to where _home _was, or what it consisted of. She would find out soon.

Braska and Yuna gestured for her to set Paine down perpendicular to Shinra's terminal, behind his seat. Lulu did so, closing her eyes as she did. She lowered her head to hide that motion. Soon she felt Paine's bloody hand along the side of her face, caressing. Paine tried to say something, but she was unable to. The blood had begun to fill her throat, keeping her from speaking.

Lulu moved away, to sit and lean against the railing of the stairs. With eyes closed still, she pressed the other side of her face to the cold there. If she could have felt numbness, she'd have preferred it. For this dull, drilling sensation within her felt as though it broke her very foundations.

All she could do was sit. All she could do…was breathe, and wait, and think, and regret; _love._

"Just stay still, Paine," advised Yuna, in her white mage dressphere. "It'll only sting a little. I promise it won't take long. You're lucky Lulu's sister didn't pierce or break any of your bones…"

"She is right," said Braska, moving his hands just over Paine's wounds to close them. "The blood loss isn't too severe—not yet anyway. We'll fix that soon. You will be up and walking again in but a few days' time. Though we will need you to stay awake for the procedure—try not to fall asleep…"

The elevator doors sounded down the hall. She heard small footsteps approaching—Vidina's, no doubt. Lulu bolted to one side, away from the railing; she stopped from getting up. Her dress, her chest bled of Paine's blood. Tidus, to his credit, noticed her dilemma—he hurried to go collect her son before he could see the scene below. Paine's grunts of discomfort were soft enough for him not to hear.

"Hey there, little man!" said Tidus, scooping Vidina into his arms. Vidina giggled, so unaware. Lulu ached as she listened to his innocence. "You shouldn't be down here! You're supposed to be upstairs with your Uncle Jecht! Let's go find him…"

Lulu could not imagine the trauma Vidina might have suffered, had he seen Paine in such a state. She made a mental note to thank Tidus the moment she saw him again.

Rikku changed into her white mage dressphere as well. She hurried over to Lulu, and knelt down with her. "Oh, Lulu, your dress is all messed up," she said, using her spells to clean Lulu of Paine's blood. "There—good as new!" Lulu certainly didn't feel that way. Rikku noticed this, and moved to hold her. "Everything'll be all right, Lulu… Paine—she's strong, she'll get through this. She fought _so_ hard for you… You're _really _lucky to have someone like her, you know?"

Lulu nodded, to acknowledge this—that yes, she was, perhaps even more than she would ever know.

When Yuna and Braska finished with all they could do for Paine, Lulu moved to sit next to her. She moved Paine's head to rest along her lap. Paine smiled up at her, unfazed by Lulu's constant frowning. The bleeding had finally stopped, but that did not explain the matter of her broken dressphere…

"Dresspheres don't _usually _break," supplied Yuna, seeing Lulu's curiosity. "I remember…the first and last time any of my dresspheres broke was during our so-called Last Mission. When we reunited, after those three months—you remember, Rikku?"

"Uh huh, I remember…" said Rikku. "All of mine broke, because we were fighting for so long… Eventually, I was down to nothing except my underwear. It happened to you, too. We could only punch and kick after that, but I felt so much stronger. Looks like it finally happened to Paine…"

When Paine tried to speak, Yuna placed her hand over her shoulder. "Try to rest, Paine," she said. "You should save your energy… You'll need to stay awake for as long as you possibly can. You might fall into a coma if you sleep too soon."

"I think she's worried about her dressphere," whispered Rikku. "It was one of her favorites…"

Paine nodded, frowning now.

"It'll come back—don't worry," said Yuna, smiling softly. "All of ours did, even if it did take a little while… I'm sure yours will, too. You'll just have to find some other way to look brooding and angsty until then!"

It was so simple for Yuna and Rikku to smile with Paine again, to keep her awake with their light banter. Yuna and Rikku teased Paine lightly over not being allowed to speak, giggling on occasion at her scowl; filling in what she might have said in imitation of her smooth voice. The way they conversed felt typical of them—typical, before Lulu had come into the picture. Lulu imagined the three of them speaking this way with one another while hunting spheres, or otherwise traveling between locations in this very spot.

Seeing Paine smile with her old friends again for the first time in months—it made this whole venture worthwhile. Whatever emotional turmoil Lulu had suffered, or otherwise put Paine through that day…it didn't matter, before the light of Paine's smile. Paine had her best friends back, without having to sacrifice her relationship.

—

With Paine in her arms still, covered in a blanket to hide her wounds, the door opened to their new _home_; Lulu again felt the day resolving itself in the fullness of her heart.

Vidina squealed and jumped through the doorway first into the penthouse suite. Lulu vaguely followed after him, in a trance from this surprise. The first thing she noticed were the full-pane windows that served as the entire wall opposite her. The view beyond of the city lit up at night bathed the room in a glow of blue and yellow. Elevated at such heights—even Mount Gagazet was visible along the far horizon. Skycars flew past a good distance away, through the arches of running water that served as highways.

The length of the suite spanned horizontally from where Lulu stood at the entrance. To her left, she could see the hallway that led to the master bedroom. Before the hallway, she saw the wide open kitchen with black granite counters. To her right, multiple hallways branched out to the many other rooms. Beyond the windows, she could see a railed veranda that led to the elevated Jacuzzi outside.

The first room: it was as modern, as beautiful as Lulu could have imagined a home of Paine's choice being. The black leather of the couches before the wide plasma screen were surely comfortable enough to spend hours sitting upon. The black marble of the floor was polished to shine, with various dark rugs scattered in ordered patterns along the room. Along the mahogany walls leading to the hallways stood empty shelves for decoration; there remained ample space for paintings, or books, or anything else she desired.

To the right of the kitchen she saw the dining room—and could not believe the diamond chandelier that shone above the amethyst-colored table.

Vidina hurried into one of the rooms along the right side of the suite. He expressed his amazement at the piano within, proceeding to press a few keys at a time in an unmusical order. Such discordance had never sounded so sweet to Lulu, because of the meaning behind it.

"Welcome home, Lulu," said Paine, smiling wider than ever before.

_This _was what Paine had fought so hard for, both in battle and in surprise—for her, for Vidina, for _them_.

The glow of the city lights tinted the tears welling up in Lulu's eyes. For a time, all she could see was the glare of those lights reflecting along the moisture in her sight. Through that blur, she had a perfect vision of spending years upon years with Paine in this very home.

The vision didn't stop, not even as she looked down. Two tears fell, and dropped over Paine's smile.

"_I love you_," uttered Lulu at long last. "I love you, Paine—so _much_… Thank you."

For all of Lulu's mentions of needing stability, she never imagined Paine would have gone to such lengths for her. Despite her hysterics and embarrassments that day, Paine had fought her very hardest to give this to her.

Paine reached up to kiss her neck, with lips wet, and said, "I love you, too. You're welcome." She moved back as Lulu began to wander the room at a slow pace. "I hope…this makes up for breaking my promise, earlier… And for leaving you alone…"

"It certainly does…"

Vidina again caught Lulu's attention as he shouted, "Water bed!" in glee, sounding as though he bounced up and down as he spoke.

Lulu smiled and went to his chosen room down the hall. She passed the smaller sitting room on the way—there stood the piano in the center of the room, with a bar and several cabinets on the far wall. She soon found Vidina lying upon his bed, wearing his moomba outfit.

"Figures," said Paine, as Lulu entered the room. Nothing else was in the room, except for the bookshelves that took up the entire wall adjacent to the windows facing the city. "You pick the only empty bedroom, save for the water bed. I had a feeling you would."

Vidina removed his headpiece to grin at her. "What's that word?" he asked. "Predictable! It's a _water bed_, Paine! I love the water. Now I get to sleep on it!" Paine laughed; Vidina looked to Lulu. "Mommy, why were you crying? Don't you like everything?"

Lulu blinked away the last of the tears in her eyes. "Oh, I do," she replied. "I was only a little emotional, that's all. It's normal."

Vidina curled up on the bed, thumping his tail behind him. "Do I have to go to bed _now_?"

The blankets, sheets and pillows on the bed appeared warm enough for him. "It's very late, Vidina," said Lulu. "I know you're excited, but let's save the rest for the morning. We've all had a long day."

"Okay…" he said, moving beneath the blanket. "Will you be better soon?" he asked Paine.

Lulu walked closer to him, as Paine responded, "As soon as I can. Braska said it might only take a few days… We'll have to wait and see."

Vidina moved to hug them both, as much as his oversized paws would allow. "Thank you," he said, before moving back to fall asleep.

"You're welcome, Vidina…" Paine looked up at Lulu. "Take me to our room…it's on the other side."

—

Lulu finished lighting the fireplace by her own hands, and stood to regard Paine lying in bed. She went to her, observing to figure out if Paine had fallen asleep or not. A veil of violet draped over the top of the canopy bed, matching the soft carpet underneath and the thick, heavy drapes over the windows. The mahogany bed and the matching dresser along the opposite wall remained the only pieces of furniture in the room. Paine lay beneath the black duvet, her clothes off and folded inside one of the drawers for the time being. Her heels were the only article of clothing in the wide, walk-in closet that split off into its own room between the dresser and fireplace.

The room smelled of fire-warmth, and of the new-furniture smell that Lulu knew she would soon grow accustomed to. The clean, unused-cold smell of the duvet, pillows and sheets also mixed with these. She changed out of her dress, and into her long nightgown. Those smells and contradicting sensations held her skin stronger, pressing a lasting memory there.

Lulu moved the veil aside as she stood next to Paine. Those eyes fought not to stay closed for too long.

"Love," said Lulu, sitting down next to her. "You mustn't fall asleep… You know what might happen if you do." Paine kept her heavy eyes on Lulu's, blinking slowly. She nodded. "I thought we might also spend our first night here, together—staying up for a long time. I have to help you stay awake."

Paine stopped herself from yawning. "Mmm," she hummed. "Have anything in mind?"

Lulu lowered her head as she considered her answer. "Yes," she responded, and regarded Paine anew. "Ask me anything—absolutely anything." By Paine's surprise, she hadn't expected such a proposal. "I will answer you truthfully, no matter how difficult it might be for me to do so."

It didn't take long for Paine to come up with something. "What…was the deal with Wakka?" she asked. "I know…he was jealous. But—he seemed like he'd calmed down over everything, and then… I'm not sure how to put it. I feel like I'm missing something."

Lulu adjusted her leg nearest Paine, to face her a little more. Paine stayed with her through the worst of it all so far. Knowing the background might have reinforced that. Maybe…

"Last week, when we first arrived to Zanarkand, you remember I asked you to go to the cabin while I made sure we had our privacy. You saw me speaking to Wakka, before you went…"

_After everyone but Wakka had left the deck of the Celsius, Lulu spoke to the listening intercoms, "Brother, could you give us some privacy? I would appreciate it if no one listened in or watched us."_

"_Roger that, Lulu!" replied Brother. "Anything for you…"_

_Wakka sat down, cross-legged. He stared at the many belts of Lulu's dress. "So…what's this about?" he asked. Lulu handed him a spare garment grid with two empty spheres. He took them both in his hands. "What's all this?"_

"_Equip them, now," she ordered._

"_What for…?" _

_Lulu pursed her lips, her patience running thin. She didn't have much time before Paine became suspicious of her absence. "I need your dressphere, to learn your biology," she replied. Wakka had been in the midst of pressing the garment grid to his chest, before those words. "Not necessarily _yours_, but—you are a man. I'm interested in knowing exactly how men's bodies work. Therefore, I need you to do this."_

"_What…?" asked Wakka, bewildered. "You wanna be a man now?! You wanna be ME? Is that what you're tryin' to say? How the hell did you come up with this, eh? _Biology_…pah!"_

_Lulu said nothing—he knew better. Wakka stared at her for a long moment, before he did as he was told. He shouted in pain as the grid and spheres became one with his heart. Once a few seconds had passed, Lulu held her hand out._

"_Now unequip a sphere, whichever one, and give it to me. You keep the other one."_

_Wakka did not give in to her demands right away. "Oh, I get it," he said, smirking. Lulu glared at him. "If you know how a guy's body really works, that means you could use your magic to make a _real one_. The plastic ain't good enough for you no more, ya? You coulda just asked for mine, I'd take you—you know that—"_

"_Wakka," said Lulu, grounding out that name. "I don't want you. I've made that perfectly clear over the past year, maybe longer." Wakka shrugged it off. "Now hand me your dressphere."_

_When Wakka handed the sphere to her, his clothes disappeared from his body. He sat before her, unclothed, and hard. Lulu did not look down at that want. She kept her eyes on his._

"_Ah, shit," said Wakka, sounding coy, though he had genuinely made a mistake. "You weren't supposed to see that… Too late now, ya?" Lulu began to walk away; Wakka grabbed her leg, stopping her. "Hey, don't run away from me so fast. I did you a favor, Lu. Now I want you to do somethin' for me."_

_He had a point… "What," she said, monotone._

_Wakka smiled to the night sky. "I want you to kill me, Lulu," he said, in all seriousness. Lulu stared down at him, unfeeling. "I mean, what else do I gotta do to get you to make it all stop…? It's like…I can't stay, 'cause Vidina hates me. Paine hates me. You hate me. But I gotta stay, to show you that I…can't…give up, you know? The only way to stop it all is to just…end. You want me to give up on you—I know you do. This is the only way it's gonna go down, if you do this."_

"_Surely you've lost your mind?" remarked Lulu, stepping away. She placed her hands over her hips, glaring down at him. "Why in Spira would I do such a thing? And you think I would get away with it? Other than Paine, I'm the only one out of all of us with _intent _to murder you. Figuring out the culprit would be child's play! Not only that, but you said to me you still want to be a part of Vidina's life. You would throw all of that away? For what?"_

_Wakka waved his hand in front of his face. "Vidina don't give a damn 'bout me," he said. While that may have been true… "All I do is make things worse for him, for you, for Paine. In the end, I never amounted to nothin'. And, in the end, all I want is for you to be happy, ya? You don't like me bein' around, though. But it's like I said—I _can't _give up! So, make me!"_

"_I'm leaving," said Lulu, and began walking to the elevator. "If you truly seek to die, by all means, jump off of the side of this airship on your own. Don't you dare bring me into this. I've killed enough people in my lifetime. I don't need to add you to that list."_

"_You know how stubborn I am, Lu!" he called to her. "I'm gonna find a way. You'll feel better when you do, with me gone! Right?!"_

_Lulu had nearly forgotten the entire conversation already. "I'd like to see you try," she muttered to herself. By the time she reached the cabin, she'd dismissed the memory of his words. She didn't take his claims seriously at all. Wakka, whatever his inner-conflicts, was no Deathseeker. His efforts to persuade her of such a thing were laughable at best…_

Paine took a moment to digest this information. She leaned back into her pillow, having leaned forward involuntarily to pay closer attention to Lulu's tale. Lulu untangled her fingers from the nervous grip she'd had them in. She had no room to regret telling her the truth.

"You _really _didn't think he was serious?" asked Paine. Lulu shook her head. "It's like he said…he wanted you to be happy, but he knew he couldn't do what you wanted—not by himself… Considering what you wanted from him, and what you did with me right after… That's…" Paine paused, before asking, "Did his body turn into pyreflies right away?"

Lulu nodded. "He didn't hold on, or resist in any way," she explained. "In his eyes, it was a clean death. It was…what he wanted. I can assure you he isn't wandering around the city as an unsent."

"And why didn't you tell me—about this magic, about what he said?"

"The magic…was to be a surprise," replied Lulu. Paine scoffed at the irony of the matter. "I planned on telling you the rest, after I'd mastered the spells. Mentioning it before would have spoiled things. I still need a few days before I can explain the nuances of what I learned from his dressphere."

"Considering what you had to do to learn from it," said Paine, "I don't think I want to know the details. Not any time soon."

Lulu could not pretend it didn't hurt to hear that. "I understand," she offered, feeling her face and neck heating up. She couldn't recall the last—or first—time anyone had ever made her feel foolish in such a way. This was the very same treatment she was used to giving to others on a near-daily basis, after all. "I admit, I am relieved you don't resent me or my actions. But I know you disapprove of my lack of communication with you. For that, I offer my deepest apologies…"

Paine watched her for a long, hard moment; thinking. By that scowl, Lulu already knew what she was going to hear.

Both the premonition and the truth of the matter excited the hell out of her.

"I think I've heard enough about all of that." Paine moved the duvet from over her body. "We both could have handled this week better, especially today. You promised not to hold anything in with me; I know to keep my promises to you, no matter what. I know you'll tell me if you feel guilty over Wakka again. It's over, we learned from it—done deal."

She gestured for Lulu to straddle her; to change out of her dressphere into bare skin, and let her hair down. Lulu did so, careful to not upset those closed, healing wounds. It weakened her and exhilarated her at once to see such evidence of Paine's love for her—all over.

For Paine to keep glaring at her; for Lulu to allow it without protest…such a shift gave her this momentum, unthinking, save for one recurring memory of the words she'd uttered not long ago:

_I want to take care of you…in every way imaginable._

Lulu held Paine's face between her hands, softly, and kissed her with the same softness. Along her lower back beneath her hair, she felt Paine's hand, fingers spread and firm, as claws, claiming her there through touch alone. Paine's other hand gripped her shoulder, as hard as Wakka had. Her skin still remembered that pressure. This fortuitous link excited her. The excitement was such because she'd tamed it, effortlessly so, within her; because this was _Paine_, not someone else.

She placed her hands along Paine's shoulders. Beneath her thumbs, caressing, she felt the grooves of bone and flesh, of gaps between muscles. The angle at which Paine's collar bone dipped in the center, and curved back up, and ran the length of her shoulder: Lulu kissed that undulation, just as soft.

"Paine," she whispered, over her skin; she looked into those eyes that bored into hers. "I can never thank you enough, for all you have done for me—and for _our _son." Paine could no longer keep the stubborn air about herself. Lulu arched her back deep, moving to wrap her tongue around that listening, burning ear. "You are more than I could have ever dreamed of—to love, to have, and to care for. The way you touch me, the way you look at me…it tells me again and again that you know so much of me: things that perhaps even I am unable to see. I need you to keep telling me—to never stop…"

—

Several hours passed, into the early morning. Lulu's logical sense of time was the way the sun began to rise behind the drapes of the windows. She preferred another: measuring the hours passed by the amount of relative fatigue she felt from Paine, through her sex. Through those hours, Lulu kept her attentions focused on this same task without stopping:

With the side of her face pressed against Paine's left thigh, Lulu curled her tongue around the vulva in her reach. Narrow, long—elongated, thickened, and widened in Paine's arousal. As soft as an angel's skin; as soaked as the ground beneath a torrential downpour. Lulu imagined them outside, in the rain, upon the ground…in an alleyway as Paine ordered her to keep doing this to her, no matter who may have stumbled upon them.

In real life, someone did indeed stumble upon them, for Lulu heard the chime of the doorbell. Paine sighed in her soft frustration, opening her eyes to look down at Lulu between her legs.

"Tell whoever it is to go away," she said, pulling at Lulu's shoulders.

Lulu hummed as she smiled. "They are our first visitors, so the immediate action to take is to ask them to leave?" she asked, changing back into her black mage dressphere. The locks of Lulu's hair brushed along Paine's skin as it reverted back to its usual style. Paine groaned, and collapsed against her pillows. "I've been doing this for several hours. I'm sure you can afford to take some time to breathe…"

She pushed against Paine's uninjured knees, moving off of the bed and to her feet. Before she could walk into the adjoining bathroom to brush her teeth, Paine said, "Don't." Lulu stopped in the doorway, and turned to face her. "I want them to smell me on you." Lulu licked her lips, twice. "Answer the door."

Lulu knew who it must have been. Had Paine known, perhaps she would not have been so inclined to give such an order. "As you wish," she replied instead, leaving the room to do as she was told.

When Lulu opened the front door, the morning light coming in from the windows behind her shone along her sister's repaired armor. Raine stood in the hallway, carrying several bags of food and drink in her arms. Lulu could only stare at her, failing to move at all for her to enter.

"May I come in?" asked Raine, wincing as she bowed to her older sister. "The bags aren't heavy—I am still suffering from a few injuries, that's all. I assume your kitchen is empty…"

Lulu stepped aside at last, gesturing for her to walk inside. "This is very kind of you, Raine. You have my gratitude," she said, before nearly closing the door. She saw who else had accompanied her sister. "Mother…"

Elysia moved to stand in the doorway. She wore a long, flowing strapless dress of deep violet, with a thick black-and-white coat of coeurl fur draped over her shoulders. No veil covered her face this time. Her long hair she had up in a tight tail, with her own locks wound and tightened to form its own fastening to keep that style in place. Her makeup was simple in its sharpness, with touches of drama throughout. She cradled a tall trophy of glittering crystal in her arm, with Paine's name on it.

"And may I also enter your home?" she asked, handing her summoner's staff to Shiva behind her. Shiva also took Elysia's coat in her arms. Elysia did not wait for Lulu's affirmative before walking through with her aeon. "Please do pardon this dreadful hour, my dear. We suspected you hadn't the time last night to do any shopping for bare necessities." Raine began removing everything from the bags in the kitchen. Amid those sounds, Elysia noted the many surfaces throughout. "Where might I set this?"

"The table nearest the television will do, until Paine decides she prefers it someplace else," replied Lulu.

Shiva stayed in her mother's shadow at all times. She followed Elysia's sinuous movements, forever prepared to assist or take a command. Lulu found it…curious, to say the least.

Elysia went to set the trophy down atop the appointed table. "Yes, this will do for now," she observed. She turned around, and found her daughter staring at her with hollow eyes. "Lulu, why do you look at me so? Is there something peculiar about having your family in your home after so many years?"

"The two of you feel like a dream to me. I find it hard to believe you're really…_here_."

Elysia moved to embrace her for but a moment. In those brief seconds, Lulu scented her heady perfume, and the smooth product she used to maintain the sheen in her hair. She did not expect her mother's arms to feel so warm. From what little she remembered of her, she held on to that image of strictness, of sternness; of her mother forever reprimanding her for being a little girl with emotions and ambitions too vast for her young mind to handle.

And Lulu caught Elysia's recoil, at Paine's bittersweet musk near her mouth.

"Come.. Let us sit," said Elysia, somewhat thrown as she guided Lulu to the barstools of the lit kitchen. "Raine, would you be so kind as to organize the items in the cabinets for them?"

Lulu thought it a strange sight to see her younger sister in that thick armor, putting food away for her.

"Yes, Ma'am," replied Raine, turning to face her as she spoke. "I'll prepare mimosas for you soon."

"Good—thank you," replied Elysia. She smiled at her oldest daughter. "Lulu, you have grown into such a stunning woman! I still have fond memories of the first time you truly smiled, when you learned to cast your first _Thunder _spell. How long ago that was! To think now that you have usurped even the legendary black mages of Spira's history far before your time. I am very proud of your achievements."

"Thank you, Mother," said Lulu, having to remind herself to add that last title. She hoped it would not take long before she no longer had to think to say it. She could think of nothing else to say, _because _of that incredibility.

Elysia appeared to think nothing of Lulu's absorption in this surrealism. "Yes, certainly," she went on, unfazed. "And where is…oh! There you are. I thought you might not be able to walk for a while yet!"

Paine emerged from the bedroom, wearing her warrior dressphere. She took her time to walk over to Lulu and Elysia, without her usual gait due to her injuries. Lulu felt a surge as she went to support her by her arms and waist. She could not scold Paine for being out of bed, though she _wanted _to.

Elysia's presence continued to drain Lulu of her authority, her character.

"Why, good morning, Paine," said Elysia, nodding as Paine bowed to her. "This is quite the surprise. And how valiant of you, to brave walking for but the chance to greet me! It is much appreciated."

"I didn't want to be rude," explained Paine, as Lulu assisted her atop one of the barstools. Elysia smirked in delight, crossing her leg over the other. Raine ceased her task, to regard Paine with an expression unreadable. "How are you doing, Raine?"

Raine gave a slight bow. "My worst injuries are underneath my armor," she replied. "Would you like a mimosa?" The question caught Paine off-guard. It was odd enough for Raine to be in this position after having almost torn her asunder hours ago. "My mother has a penchant for early-morning cocktails."

As Paine replied with her affirmative, Lulu sat in between her and Elysia. Lulu noticed Raine's concealed irritation with this servitude—how her movements were sharp, precise, as much as she'd wielded her blade the night before. Elysia conversed with Paine, with light banter as a prelude to something more serious. Did Paine notice these small things about her family as well? She imagined so.

Lulu imprinted this scene into memory.

"Raine," said Elysia, finishing the last of her mimosa. They had migrated to the couches, with Elysia and Raine sitting next to each other; Lulu and Paine adjacent to them. "Has your father communicated to you when he is to return from Bevelle? I told him to come back soon, but, you know his preferences."

Raine moved to set her mother's empty glass down on the coffee table. "No, Ma'am, he hasn't," she responded.

Elysia sighed in irritation. "That man…" she muttered. "Lulu, dear, your father has been most elusive with me in these recent years. When I rose to power here in Zanarkand, I learned of the dangers we are to face in the coming years, should we allow history to run its course. He began to investigate these, believing we could stop Vegnagun from being created. If you both recall, Vegnagun was the machina that first caused Yu Yevon to summon Sin during the war between Zanarkand and Bevelle."

"I defeated Vegnagun six years ago," said Paine. Elysia smiled at this, though she appeared to have known already. "I wasn't alone… I had my friends with me. If you stopped Vegnagun in this time, would that erase our actions?"

"No, Paine, it would not," Elysia assured her. "The wheel of time would not throw out the things you have done. It would merely make it so this alternate reality—one where Sin never existed—could be possible for the next cycle of Spira's life. The spiral would move to eternal peace after the world's end. We will never get to live through such an experience, but alas." Elysia leaned back in her seat, satisfied with her line of thinking. "It is for the greater good, as well as the continuation of our own Zanarkand."

"Is that what you plan to have me do, as your guardian? You want me to stop Vegnagun's creation?"

Elysia smiled at Paine's eagerness to assist with such an endeavor. "Eventually," she replied. "Not yet. We are still gathering information. Whenever my husband decides to return, we will move forward with the next stage. However, we will be unable to actively take steps to prevent the Machina War—not for at least fifteen years, if not longer. This plan is slow to grow, but it will succeed."

Lulu listened to the conversation. She listened, and held Paine's hand. She listened, and gripped Paine's hand, without thinking. However noble such a mission sounded, it brought about a nauseating feeling of foreboding deep in her stomach. Paine squeezed Lulu's hand, to convey that she understood—and agreed.

Vidina wandered into the room at last, his movements sleepy through his moomba outfit. Elysia nearly jumped in her seat at what she thought was a stray animal walking toward her. "What is this…?" she asked, as Vidina stood in front of her and Raine. His tail wagged as he stared up at them. "Lulu, Paine—you failed to mention that you willfully employ a moomba as your servant…"

Raine sat forward, and removed Vidina's headpiece. She smiled; Elysia made a sound of surprise. "You must be my nephew, Vidina," she said. "I'm Raine. It's nice to finally meet you."

"You're Mommy's sister?" he asked, looking between Raine, Elysia and Lulu. "I saw you yesterday. You're strong! I want to be strong like you."

Elysia lifted Vidina to sit in her lap, smiling all the while. Lulu thought her mother might have been adverse to such a thing, with Vidina in his deceiving dressphere. Even Raine, for all of her arrogance, could smile and converse with her nephew with ease.

The three of them—Lulu, Raine, and Elysia—they had the same defining, contradicting quality: the ability to appear ever-so-intense without effort, and to turn around and behave with the utmost gentleness with those closest to them. Lulu knew she had always possessed such a quality. But to see it in action before her—it made the characteristic all the more real and understandable.

Soon, Vidina moved to place his paws in Lulu's lap, as he begged, "Please, may I? I want Raine to train me!"

Lulu pressed her hands over those paws, and looked to her sister. "You're certain you wish to do this?" she asked. "He is only six years old…"

"The younger he is, the better," said Raine. "Don't think of his age as a limiting factor, Lulu. I know you want to keep him safe. He has to learn how to keep himself safe, as I did. I can teach him how."

Lulu's interest was piqued, at such mention of self-taught survival. "How did you manage to learn?"

"When I was four years old, I got lost in the Farplane," recalled Raine, to her mother's displeasure. "I found an Arbiter of Time there, who tossed me into another dimension. It was a version of Mount Gagazet, before the Ronso lived there. I stole all sorts of weapons from the dead to defend myself, learned magic from fiends, and hunted to stay alive. That is how I became a red mage. Father eventually found me and brought me back home…"

Elysia sighed. "It took him two _years _to find you," she added. "That was such a distressing time…" She looked to Lulu. "I had already lost you. The thought of losing your sister, it…" Elysia shook her head, composing herself anew. "Well. That is in the past."

Lulu turned to Paine, noticing her efforts to stay awake through this conversation. She thought it best to make a decision, and perhaps wrap up everything as soon as possible. Paine needed to get back to her rest.

"Where would you take him?" Lulu asked Raine. "I was going to enroll him in the nearest academy, until the principal told me she would not accept him. He is too advanced, she said. She recommended that he train in the wilderness along the outskirts of the city."

"That is what I had in mind," her sister replied. "Just for a few days, initially. I will stay with him the entire time, until I feel he can survive on his own. If it's too soon, we can wait. It's your decision."

Raine was of course very capable—Lulu could not deny that. She trusted her younger sister with her son's life, despite how long they had technically known one another. Paine appeared fascinated by the idea, having grown a great deal of respect for Raine after their battle. Vidina was clearly eager to get going. There was no need to think things over. The answer was already there before her.

Lulu could not resist the way Vidina smiled up at her, wagging his tail all the while. She hugged him for his silent persuasiveness. "Paine's birthday is one week from today," she said. "As long as you bring him back on that day, I have no qualms. I'm sure he will be safe with you."

—

After a few days had passed, Lulu settled into a comfortable routine…for the time being.

With Vidina out training with his aunt, Lulu had sufficient time to devote all of her attention to Paine. Before she'd begun these rituals, she had wondered if Paine would think her overbearing for doing such things. That night, they sat together in a warm bath. Lit candles of herbal aromas flickered upon the nearby counters. Paine's back was to the black porcelain of the wide bath; Lulu straddled her, using the wetness and warmth to her advantage for the task she'd set this evening.

With Paine no longer needing to wear her dressphere while in the privacy of their home, certain side-effects had come about.

"Hold still, love," said Lulu, as she ran her thumb along Paine's forehead. "If you keep trying to look up at what I'm doing, I may accidentally pull out more than I need to."

"It doesn't hurt," repeated Paine, for the third time thus far. She creased her eyebrows in disbelief. Lulu frowned, smoothing out that expression with her tweezers this time. "I can't believe you're pulling anything out at all. When I used to do this, it hurt like hell."

"I have a softer touch than you do," Lulu reminded her, yet again. "I imagine you were impatient, and plucked them out at random." She managed to pull out the rest of those errant hairs, to sculpt Paine's eyebrows back to how they naturally appeared with her dresspheres. "Your hair is starting to grow a little. If you choose not to wear your dressphere for a while, you'll need to decide what to do with it."

Paine laughed. "Maybe I'll grow it out," she suggested. Lulu tried to imagine her with longer hair. The image did not compute right away. "Probably as a phase. I don't think I'll grow it out like yours. Just…longer." Lulu hummed as she set the tweezers down. She began using a warm cloth to rub along Paine's eyebrows, to soothe the skin there. "Hey…why do you like doing all of this for me? You know—cooking for me, cleaning, carrying me around the house, cleaning _me… _I'm only curious."

Lulu folded the cloth over, and used the fresh side to stroke down Paine's face. Her eyes were lidded by the haze she felt within. "Injured or not, I would do all of these for you regardless," she responded. She set the cloth down. The bottle of medicinal body wash she held after, pouring just enough into her hand. "For all of your adventures, your frustrations and your priorities…" She rubbed the wash into the skin of Paine's neck, first, moving downward; putting her back into these caresses to soothe with firmness. "I have the feeling you never allowed anyone to care for you with this closeness. This is exclusive to me. I adore exclusivity, with you. And I adore you. That is why." Paine had closed her eyes, and let her head fall back to the surface behind. The sounds of her relaxation filled the bath, echoing. "I think it's about time I allowed you to finally sleep. We've been awake for three days now."

"What…will you do?" asked Paine, through her lethargy. "Will you sleep with me…?"

"Not right away, love," replied Lulu, twisting her hands down Paine's arm to smooth the wash along the healing injuries there. "I want to monitor you first. Once I can tell you're all right, I may stay up a while longer. I haven't made up my mind yet as to what I'll do."

Paine took a deep breath through her nose, frowning. "I can't believe you're not tired…" she said. "It's been days…"

"You need me," was all Lulu replied with. It was as simple as that.

She held Paine's shoulder, and motioned for her to turn over on her stomach. Lulu again poured more of the wash in her hand, and rubbed her palms together. As she did, she looked down at the length of Paine's back. The growing story there slowed her hands' movements.

Thin trails of old scars scythed along Paine's back, ones that Lulu had never seen before. She began rubbing the translucent wash along the skin there, so as to not arouse suspicion as she observed. The scars appeared to have been made by insistent fingernails, by the runs of four at a time in telling angles. Patches of broken skin accompanied these scars, as long-time bruises that never had the chance to heal.

Lulu had never dug her nails into Paine's back so, to garner such a branding—she didn't care much for that particular act, either done to her or from her to another. Certainly, there had been the first and only time Paine had scratched her fingernails down Lulu's back by accident—that was an exception to the rule, one they had never repeated since then.

These all had manifested along her upper-back, ending right where the folded leather of Paine's usual top covered her skin. Over time, her dressphere had cured those imperfections. She imagined they would heal again the moment Paine put her dressphere back on.

She also imagined it would have been unwise to ask about them. The subject would have kept Paine awake, to explain. Paine was already fast asleep.

—

Lulu monitored Paine's sleep as she lay next to her in bed in the pitch dark of midnight. Paine was on her side, facing Lulu, in deep sleep so soon after Lulu had dried her off and carried her from the bathroom. Lulu sat up over the pillows she'd propped along the headboard. Something, inside of her, spoke, as if waiting to be summoned, watched, or used.

"_You're so fucking pathetic. Why do you keep bringing me back here?"_

That was Paine's voice. She sounded younger—perhaps in her adolescence.

"_You're even more pathetic for coming back if you hate being with me. You love fucking me up and leaving me here." _

That was…another woman's voice. Unknown, unfamiliar; that conceited lilt made Lulu's skin crawl with abhorrence. That discomfort came from the dressphere in her garment grid: the one Paine had given her before her battle with Raine.

_Copycat_, she'd called it.

Lulu activated the sphere, to watch it in her mind's eye…

_A younger Paine stood in a small bedroom lit only by the grey of the late-evening overcast outside. She wore nothing but a black, sleeveless T-shirt and red shorts. She stood at the foot of the wide bed, glaring as another, taller, thinner woman rummaged through the small closet in the corner. _

_This woman was older: twenty-two to Paine's fifteen. Her skin was a touch darker than Paine's, yet pale for someone of her exotic ethnicity. Her dark, long hair ran the length of her back. She wore a delicate spaghetti-strap top that covered down to her upper thighs. It was those thighs, and her ass that Paine had her eyes so focused on—_

—_starving, murderous—_

"_Are we doing this or not? Hurry up, before I lose what little patience I have," ordered Paine, folding her arms. The woman scoffed, and slowed her movements. "Are you stalling? I don't have time for this, Jenna."_

_The memory switched, suddenly, to Paine straddling Jenna upon the bed, sinking her teeth into the shoulders beneath her. Hard and deep enough to draw blood, to make Jenna cry out; she raked her fingernails down Paine's back beneath her shirt. Paine hissed, and bit deeper, deeper—_

"_Please—fuck me," begged Jenna, trembling and whimpering. Paine growled, tightening her death hold around Jenna's slender body. "Paine, please," she panted, "I'm begging, just like you want me to… Please—" She screamed, high-pitched, at the sensation of her shirt being ripped in half. "Take me, take me, take me, Paine…all of me…"_

"_Why should I?"_

_Paine removed herself from that body, so wanton. Jenna sat up, to wrap her arms around Paine's shoulders, to beg more—Paine did not turn around as she shoved her back with force uncaring. Jenna grabbed hold of Paine's arm instead. She clutched it in her arms, kissing up and down._

"_Because I can't breathe without you inside of me," said Jenna, whispering along Paine's skin. _

"_You're breathing just fine, you stupid bitch. You could breathe before me, you can breathe without me. Don't try to bring romance into this."_

_Jenna moved to sit on her knees, entreating. "Then I won't call it romantic," she said, syrupy in her manner of devotion. "What should I call it? What do you think it is?" She crawled forward, to pump Paine's plastic dildo in the harness of her strap-on. "Come on…tell me. Keep talking to me the way I like."_

_Paine turned her torso enough to yank her arm from Jenna's one-handed hold. She shoved her down to the bed again. Jenna looked terrified—in her body language, in the way her big brown eyes widened at the sight of the power on top of her. Yet it was this terror that had her aroused, had Paine provoked into slapping her hard across the face._

"_You just don't know when to quit, do you?"_

_Before Jenna could answer, the crack of Paine's hand on her face sounded again. _

_The scene switched to Jenna pinned against the window, her hands pressed along Paine's collar bone. The placement of her hands was not for her to push Paine away, truly, but to give the illusion of non-consent. Paine fucked her against the cold rain on the other side of the glass. From the second floor, anyone passing by on the streets below could have looked up and seen this sight. Some did stop to stare._

_They could not hear Paine's words—yet, perhaps, they could have heard them transcribed through the way Jenna's body pounded against the glass, threatening to break it._

"_How would you like it if I were a man instead?" growled Paine, grabbing a fistful of Jenna's hair. "Barebacking…now that's something I know…you'd love to try with a guy…" Those long, long legs clamped tighter around Paine's shorts. "Or…maybe…copies of me instead…. With a bunch of us…all of our dicks hard for you, just waiting to fuck you, one after the other… You would be dripping from so many of us, needing all the while. You'd be a cunt to us—nothing more." _

_Those cries grew louder, louder—Jenna's female roommates opened the door, gasping. Jenna whimpered and hid her face along Paine's shoulders. Paine did not stop. _

"_With all of your friends watching, too…? Oh, Jenna…" At this, Jenna began to cry. Paine relished in it; she pressed her hand to Jenna's throat, pushing it back against the window. "You're perfect when you cry at the reality inside of you. I'm the one who makes you face your __**filthy**__—" A hard thrust, at the start of that climax; "—fucking—" A harder one, and Jenna began to tremble anew, and cried, cried, cried; "…truth…"_


	21. Libra

_The hardest person to know is yourself._

Wooden mask.

_Did I do something wrong? Why won't you say anything to me?_

Paine repeated these questions to Lulu again and again, for three days. Three days, and Lulu said not a word to her. Their routine otherwise did not end: Lulu still bathed her, still cooked for her, still cared for her all the same without words. That love in Lulu's touch was ever present, more so than yesterday and the day before—it was her eyes, her face, and her silence that contradicted it all.

Time edged away, and away, beyond Paine's perception. She'd nearly forgotten her birthday was fast approaching: the day after tomorrow. It was that night she could not get through. Anticipating such an occasion was out of her grasp. Lulu was either keeping a tightly-wound sense of discipline in her silence, so as to not reveal the gifts she'd been preparing for Paine's birthday…or something was on her mind.

Late that night, Paine leaned against the wall next to the open doorway of the sitting room. She wore a black tank top and red shorts, her head down as she listened to the sounds of pen against paper. Each night since Lulu's stillness began, she'd retreated to this room to write after Paine appeared to have fallen asleep. Lulu would write: words, and music; she would hum in contemplation at the desk before moving to sit at the piano. She would write more, and play just softly enough so that the sounds would not have reached Paine had she stayed in their bedroom; she would hum again in between measures, and write, and play, and create, all the while strumming Paine's heart as she listened.

_Romantic_ was not enough to describe the depths of the nocturne Lulu worked on by moonlight. The inherent lyric of the song was apparent to Paine, whatever her inexperience with musical techniques. Lulu composed their relationship: the beginning sounded guarded and ambiguous, as they had been toward one another for those long years of knowing one another at such a distance. The second night, Lulu moved on to the beginning of their romance with the explosion of deep, sexual energy. The hypnotism present in those tones made Paine nostalgic for those first nights they spent with one another. When she stopped to write anew, not once did she end the notes with any dissonance.

Lulu continued to work on this segment, progressing, writing more. Paine continued to listen. When the music stopped, and Paine could no longer hear any sounds of writing, she chanced peeking inside.

Lulu's back was to her as she sat in her quicksilver nightgown at the study in the corner, facing the full window. She sat still, staring down at the desk; her hair was down, covering the back of the chair. The energy about her spoke of her removal from the moments she'd been in not long before.

"Come here," she said, clear. Those words candied Paine's ears as she complied.

Paine stood a few paces behind her, waiting. She wanted to demand what the problem was—why Lulu thought it appropriate to subject her to near-four days of this silent treatment. If Paine had done something to deserve this, surely she would have remembered. She could recall nothing at all that could have prompted this behavior—from Lulu, from anyone.

"How does it feel?" asked Lulu, as she moved to her feet. Paine stared into her eyes; level with hers…if not but an imperceptible bit lower. Imperceptible: just as Lulu's intentions were. "Hearing me speak again after so long—tell me, how does it make you feel?" Paine made to contemplate her susceptibility to that sultriness, until: "I want all of your thoughts, not just the words you _think _to say to me. Go on."

So she wanted immediacy. "Hearing you again…it makes me realize how much I've yearned for your voice these past few days." _More. _"It was as if you weren't here with me. Now you're here, though you haven't left my side. Whatever your reasons for not saying anything…you're soothing me—that's what matters most to me right now."

When Lulu smiled at her, with the glow of the moon so soft over that beauty, Paine felt her spirit soar. It landed at Lulu's feet, as her pride had done without her noticing. She couldn't ask what Lulu's deal was. She couldn't express frustration that was no longer there.

Lulu walked past her, to sit at the piano. "Sit down," she said, gesturing behind her to the desk. Paine did so, and looked down at the words on the long scroll of paper there.

A carefully-placed landmine of surprise, of intrigue: Paine felt herself falling into the page as she read it.

_Do you know what it truly means to be a slave to another? The definition is, for the most part, subjective. Each couple who engages in this realm has their own experiences, their own rules. Some may favor staying on the safer side of things, while others prefer a more dangerous lifestyle together. Regardless of their preferences, the dominant partner is responsible for their slave's safety and well-being. This is not about unconstrained torture and mindless subservience. That is not what I want from you. This is about willfully giving, and taking—a balance of the two. Though, sometimes, that balance may be disrupted depending on the circumstances. I want to control that balance, and you—with your permission._

_I could not explain this to you when you asked me, because of the inordinate amount of time it would have taken me to do so. This is a multi-faceted fascination of mine, with perhaps infinite nuances. "It depends" is a common response that comes to mind whenever I imagine many of the questions you will soon have for me. This is something I wish to discover with you, and only you: the true answers to your questions. All I can do is show you what I know. But, I can't do that until I have your detailed permission as to what I am allowed to do, and what I am not. Once I have that, we can begin. _

Following that, Lulu had written a long list of kinks and fetishes, many of which Paine had never heard of before. As she read these, Lulu stood over her shoulder. Watching. She said nothing, allowing her notes to speak for her. Lulu had made her preferences known, having already crossed out a number of things to denote that—whatever Paine's preferences—she would not engage in these out of repulsion.

These were Lulu's _hard limits, _as she had written above. She had also written that it was typically the submissive partner who had limits: things they absolutely would not do for any reason. In a way, she had taken the liberty of stating the acts she would not subject Paine to. Lulu explained that these were necessary, for her own personal sake. It was up to Paine to add to this list, if she wanted to.

_Animal roles (Lulu noted: "Acting like a puppy, a chocobo, or any other domestic form. Seems a bit silly for you, doesn't it?")_

_Bestiality ("This is somewhat related… I doubt you're interested in making love to a chocobo.")_

_Clothespins, rings, and clamps ("A form of body art to some, and a method of intense pain to others, if the pins or piercings are fastened to certain parts of the body…")_

_Competitions with other slaves, being given away to other Dominants, Harems, prostitution, and swapping ("I don't like to share.")_

_Hot wax ("There are better ways I can manipulate temperature and textures in order to stimulate you.")_

_Infantilism ("This includes anything to do with you taking the role of an infant. Some practices such as general disciplinary methods I enjoy. I don't need to see you in a diaper, and you're not wetting the bed.")_

_Initiation rites ("We already love one another. That's all I need from you.")_

_Medical play ("A number of kinks fall into this category. The most common are medical examinations. Some people enjoy catheterizations—utilizing a flexible tube inserted into the area controlled by the bladder for urethral play. The most extreme fall under castration fantasies, which I am not at all interested in.")_

_Mummification ("I prefer to keep your body as visible as possible.")_

_Pony slave ("I have no desire to place chocobo gear on you for any reason.")_

_Religious scenes, racks, and riding crops ("No.")_

_Showers ("Not actual showers—I mean golden, brown, and Roman showers. In fact, I want nothing to do with bodily fluids except for the obvious. This includes any kind of urinal play, enemas, or vomit play.")_

Paine read the list over once more. Out of the hundred or more kinks listed, these were the only ones Lulu outright objected to. A number of ones that Lulu left unnoted kept Paine's attention, out of curiosity. She kept her eyes on them, repeating them in her head.

"Are there any other things listed here that you want no part of?" asked Lulu, after some time had passed.

Despite these things—whatever they were—Paine could not find it in her to object to them, or anything beyond what Lulu had already thrown out.

"No," she replied.

Lulu sounded surprised as she echoed, "No?"

Paine shook her head.

That silence again…yet, this time, Paine didn't feel it riddled with unknowns. Though there were certainly unknowns—she had no idea what Lulu wanted to do with her. Lulu continued to stand behind her, as a strict shadow overseeing her obedience to this task. Should she have objected to the particular items that had again caught her eye? Maybe, maybe not…

She understood, now, why Lulu had said nothing to her for three days. It hadn't been a test. Lulu needed to see for herself that Paine was capable of bowing down to her.

"You can do anything you want to me, Lulu," she said, with full confidence. That confidence, oh, how she _felt _it pulsing between her. "I trust you completely. There's no doubt in my mind." Lulu's non-response spoke volumes to her, of leagues and vastness communicated through that sternness. Again, the most prominent of items listed held Paine's attention. "I only have one question."

Lulu moved to stand next to the desk, to look down at her face. "What is it?" she asked.

Paine continued to stare down at the word in Lulu's handwriting. "You didn't specify what this is," she noted. "_Edgeplay_. What does it mean?"

Did Lulu expect a brief interrogation as to the nature of her desires? Perhaps so, perhaps not—Paine couldn't tell. She didn't need to tell. If Lulu didn't want to show it, it was none of her business. For Lulu, in this agreement, now held more over Paine, more than her age and experience: if she was to be the dominant one, to keep all of Paine's desires in her hands until she felt like giving them back…then Paine was to act, think, and feel in accordance.

This was but a natural extension of their relationship with one another. Natural, because Paine had always known in her dreams since meeting Lulu that this was what she wanted to be to her.

"We've already engaged in it, once," replied Lulu, her voice level—even. Controlled. "It is classed as anything dangerous, such as the throwing knives in Overdrive. That was a form of knife play, as well as edgeplay. Any situation where your life is at risk and it is my responsibility to keep you alive or unharmed is considered to be edgeplay. The thrills you receive are supposed to outweigh the risks."

Paine stayed silent as she recalled those sensations all over again; if Lulu could make her feel _that way_ again… She waited, for something—anything. The condition had been fulfilled. Lulu had answered her question. Paine didn't know what it all meant, beyond what she'd agreed to: _anything_.

"Then it is agreed," said Lulu. "You will do as I say, from now on. You will trust me to control you, whether it is with cruelty or care." She handed her a pen. "Sign, at the bottom."

Paine signed her name in red ink, below Lulu's in black. The hairs along the nape of her neck stood up.

When she set the pen down, she felt doors in her mind opening that she never knew existed before. It was as Lulu had written—if Paine wanted to know the reasons behind all of this, she had to experience them with her. The sentiment simmered her insides, with hot nerves waiting to be smoothed down by the sound of Lulu's next command.

Her ears burned all the same as she waited, and waited, beneath Lulu's patient stare. Her skin pebbled with shivers from this anticipation. And when Lulu spoke at last, Paine did not need to think before complying.

"Stand up, and follow me. We'll start with something simple, for now, until your birthday tomorrow."

—

Paine followed Lulu outside to the wide terrace overseeing the city below. Sixty floors up, at the highest point within several square miles, with a view of the entirety of Zanarkand and the horizon beyond. The railing came up to Paine's midsection, held up by a long sequence of glass rectangles. The midnight breeze blew along Paine's exposed legs and arms; her feet were chilled by the cold ground. It was all so safe. Simple, maybe; she didn't understand why Lulu chose to bring her there.

She turned to Lulu standing next to her, observing the city lights along the horizon. Lulu said nothing for a few moments. The light breeze could not lift but a lock of that heavy length of hair. Nothing could disrupt her calm, her place.

"Are you worried?" asked Lulu, without looking at her.

"No, I'm not," replied Paine. "We're so close. I can't see you doing anything drastic, like letting me die. Maybe it's naïve of me to think that."

"I wouldn't call it naïve. Perhaps too trusting; anything could happen, after all."

Lulu regarded her, coldly so. She _did_ just kill a man last week—the man she'd claimed to love for years, and the father of her child. Paine stared back at her, waiting; unfazed.

"I would like to discuss a few rules," Lulu went on. "Sit down in front of me, on the railing." Paine placed her hands behind her, to hike her body up to sit down. "I only have a few, as I said. I will introduce more to you over time." Rules were perfect—she could follow rules. Lulu hadn't even said anything yet; Paine felt a strange surge from these prospects. She listened with her full attention. "The first one we've already established, and it is the most important: you will do as I say, no questions asked. But, in case you feel I'm pushing you too hard, you are welcome to tell me to stop. In which case, I'd like you to choose a word, or a phrase that will act as your red flag."

"Something that means stop?" asked Paine. Lulu nodded. "Why not _stop_? What's wrong with that?"

"I like the idea of you telling me to stop, and for me to go harder for the sake of pushing your limits. Pick something else instead—something you wouldn't normally say to me outside of these extreme cases."

Something she wouldn't normally say… _Vulgar _and crass immediately came to mind. "If we're talking extremes," said Paine, "Then, _fuck off _works. I'd have to tell myself to say that to you. It wouldn't just slip out."

Lulu tucked the information away by the intensity in her eyes. "Second," she continued, "You will respect me at all times. You will not raise your voice at me, argue with me, or provoke me. You will put none before me—not your friends, your work; not even Vidina. I come first."

Paine nodded, to convey that she understood. Her chest began to heave; she began to sweat, even in the breeze, as she waited for Lulu to go on. She repeated the rules in her head again and again, imagining vague situations where she might apply them. In a way, these rules already applied before these agreements, especially the second one. She had a feeling the following ones would not be so malleable.

"Third, you are still allowed to call me by my name, but, when you answer my questions or give into my demands you will refer to me as _Mistress _or _Ma'am_—whichever you prefer. This counts in the company of others, as well. Any embarrassment about such a thing I expect to be banished from you by the time we're around other people. Do you understand?"

Paine hid her smile well as she replied, "Yes, Ma'am." Yet her voice took on that deep, aroused quality that no doubt gave away her excitement with Lulu's straight-forwardness.

If anyone else had tried to control her in this way, Paine would have laughed them out of her company. Lulu didn't even need to _try_.

"The fourth and final rule: if you break any of these, you will accept any punishment I give you. In which case, the punishment will be administered on _my _terms. Safe words need not apply. If you tell me to fuck off, I won't. Is that clear?"

"Yes, Mistress," said Paine, hearing her voice deepen further by this subtle exhilaration. She may have had the height advantage, sitting upon the railing, but Lulu was no less commanding even with being forced to look up at her to maintain eye contact.

Lulu studied her for a moment. When she spoke again, her tone was much lighter. "And now I have a few rules for myself," she said. "As I told you, I'm not interested in arbitrary torture or literal slavery. We are still in a loving relationship. You can expect me to love you through everything I say and do to you. If you have any questions for me, you are allowed to ask—but you cannot question _me_. I will still care for you as I have been, and then some. If I have pushed you during a scene, I will engage in aftercare and see to it that you feel comfortable again. You don't need to worry about anything."

_Social constructs, fears, human nature…why must I have these desires and not act upon them? To keep you safe, comfortable? You claim not to need those things—why should I accommodate them for you?_

Those words Lulu had uttered in her sleep last week replayed in Paine's mind. It made her wonder…

"What is it?" asked Lulu, never missing a beat. "Speak freely."

"I have a feeling you don't always want to keep me safe, that's all. I remember what you said in your dream that morning."

Lulu folded her hands over her front, interlacing her fingers. "You're right. I don't always want to," she replied. "In fact, it's curious that the only question you had for me from that entire list was but one word—the most dangerous of them all, if one isn't careful."

"A few others caught my attention, but that one held it the longest," said Paine, thinking back to that long list.

"You wish to know more about it? Edgeplay, was it not?"

Lulu was being far too nice to her, considering all they had discussed. "Yes, Mistress," responded Paine, again feeling those same depths within her simply from adding that title.

Lulu stepped closer to her, so that Paine's shins were against the front of her nightgown. She placed her hands over Paine's thighs. In the same motion, she stood on the tips of her toes, putting pressure down with her hands as she whispered in Paine's ear, "Let go of the railing." Paine let go with ease, unsure of what to do with her hands now. She switched her weight to her shins, to press against the warmth of Lulu's waist. "Put your hands behind your head. I expect a straight angle." Paine again complied, interlacing her fingers as she did. She glanced at her elbows out of the corners of her eyes, to ensure the angle was to Lulu's liking. "I want you to get into a routine of working out, and training, to maintain your physique and increase your strength." Lulu moved to stand normally, still pressed against Paine's legs. "Do sit-ups, until I make you stop. Right here. Start now."

"Yes, Ma'am…"

When she began to lean back, Paine felt strength stronger than Lulu's hands resting on her thighs keeping her in place. Even the weight of Lulu's entire body standing in place, supporting her shins seemed unnecessary. That safety allowed her to lean back all the way…until her body stopped at a ninety degree angle to the railing.

Paine stopped there for a few seconds. She took in the night sky above, how she could view it uninhibited so long as she did not fall. When she looked up in perspective to this angle, she had an upside-down view of Zanarkand's horizon.

If Lulu chose to let go of her, she would fall to her death. She did not—she was still alive. Paine completed the sit-up. She did another one, without stopping to take in the sights or the novelty. She continued, and continued, looking down at Lulu scowling up at her.

The more sit-ups she did, the less pressure she felt from that unknown force keeping her in place. She dispersed more and more of her weight to her shins against Lulu's body, to accommodate this. Each time she leaned back, she felt gravity working harder than before to pull her all the way down. Her abs began to burn as she reached her fiftieth one—she was a little out of shape, from the past week spent allowing her wounds to finish healing. That burning spurred her further, as did Lulu's heavier breathing the more time went on.

Lulu enjoyed this. It got her off, to witness this. The longer it went, the more it pleased her. Paine kept going, to keep pleasing her. That was all the momentum she needed.

Seventy-five, and her breaths through her nose as she sat up were hard enough to blow back a few strands of Lulu's hair over her eye.

One hundred, and the sweat began to show; it dripped down to the ground below, perhaps to fall on the head of a late-night goer and fool them into thinking it had started to rain.

One hundred and fifty, and the wetness between her legs started to get in the way of things.

Two hundred and twenty, and she shut her eyes as her balance failed her.

Paine ached as she awoke to her situation: Lulu had moved away from her, no longer supporting her legs. But the back of her legs and feet kept her on this edge, or so she believed. That illusion fooled her well—she let out the full sound of her shock when she felt herself falling. She'd already fallen for all she knew. So sudden; her mind brightened a hot white, stimulating, but scaring her with that sharp drop. She wondered how hard it would hurt when she hit the ground; if she would feel it at all.

When she opened her eyes again, she felt colder. She was still on the edge at a steep angle. Yet it was the small of her back that maintained her center.

Lulu's arms wrapped about her upper thighs, keeping her from falling. She tilted Paine's body down, farther; she hiked the back of Paine's thighs over her shoulders, and kissed the arousal between her. Paine clamped her legs around Lulu's neck and shoulders, screaming again for the same reasons, for different reasons. Without her noticing, Lulu had removed Paine's shorts to start this disequilibrium.

Upside-down, amid that view; how Paine's blood rushed to her head, throbbing, with escalated pressure from this literal high. Lulu's tongue felt warmer, thicker, softer, longer; better than before, better than all the times she hadn't held Paine's life in her arms, her mouth. And Lulu took her time, as she always did—she intended to prolong this. Paine felt herself going far too quickly for the slow, sensual pace of Lulu's attentions.

So long as she kept her ankles crossed behind Lulu's back, so long as she pulled Lulu down with her as she tried to stay up, Paine felt her inhibitions creeping through her enjoyment. They were in the way. She needed more—they needed to be dealt with. She could not feel the full breadth of Lulu's mouth and breaths between her if she didn't let go all the way.

A bit at a time, Paine relaxed the muscles in her feet and legs. Upward she went along her body, letting go more; giving Lulu more and more control over her fate. When at last she felt as a weightless slope waiting to fall, she instead gave into the pressure of Lulu's arms wrapped tightly around her thighs. Through the breeze and high pressure in her ears, she didn't need to hear anything anymore. She could feel the way Lulu moaned against her, through those vibrations that somehow sounded of that sultriness. Lulu took her time still, with that slowness speaking of the highest fondness—one higher than these heights, these risks, these thrills.

The image before her blurred at her highest point of spiritual awareness: water obfuscated the sights, and her mind's eye photographed this moment with the visuals, with the emotions. She didn't want Lulu to pull her back up and take her to bed. She wanted to stay there. Lulu remarked about blood rushing to her head, about safety, about falling; Paine could not reply with any coherence as she was carried back inside.

—

_The white sand of Besaid's beach blinded her sight in the sunrise. That blindness was temporary, irrelevant—she had Lulu beside her, to guide her. They walked hand-in-hand along the sea's shore. Their movements were loose; easy as they smiled with one another, walking close to the other. They paid no mind to the _other _following them several paces behind._

_Wakka walked in their wake with his head down. Every so often, he looked up to see Lulu kiss Paine's neck, speaking with her, or laughing with her. It was all so simple. From how easy it all felt, Paine wondered as to why she hadn't fallen for Lulu sooner._

_They walked along the entire shore. Lulu's presence dimmed over time. She vanished altogether. Paine stopped. She had no one by her side anymore. No one, until Wakka caught up with her. _

"_Hey," he said, putting his hand over her shoulder. "Lu's not lost. I can take you to her. Let's go."_

"_How do you know where she is?" asked Paine. Was the concern really there…? No._

"_I don't, but I can show you how to get there," replied Wakka. "It's easy. I got it all figured out!"_

_Paine should have felt something. Why couldn't she feel anything? Why did she still have this obligation to go to Lulu when she didn't… "Why are you helping me?"_

"'_Cause…you make her happy. When you get there, I can go back to her in the past and stay there…" _

When Paine fell down from that high, she crashed, and slept the whole night through. She didn't know where she'd fallen asleep, except that she'd been on a level plane and Lulu had been beside her, holding her close. When she woke up in her bed, Lulu was not beside her; she smelled breakfast, heard vague conversation, and saw the late morning sun trying to shine on her through the darkness of the drapes over the windows. That smell alone nearly filled her stomach, from how good she knew Lulu's cooking was. She had no idea how she'd gone for so long without it. Anything else couldn't compare.

She heard the sound of the bedroom door opening and closing again. That conversation increased in volume with the open door, muffling again as Lulu closed it behind her. She heard Yuna, Rikku, Tidus and Jecht teasing Lulu about Paine likely still not being awake. Soon the warmth of Lulu's chest and shoulders she felt pressed against the side of her face. Lulu wrapped her arms around Paine's head, covered by the sleeves of her dress; she kissed Paine's forehead, and laughed softly.

"I take it you're awake this time. Good morning, love," she said, smiling by the inflection in her voice. Paine inhaled the scent of Lulu's skin, of her perfume. She closed her eyes against that closeness. "If you hadn't heard already, we have company. They'd like to see you before nightfall."

Lulu was certainly in a good mood… "You sound excited about something," remarked Paine, as Lulu pulled away. She rose from bed, letting Lulu guide her by the hand to the bathroom.

"You should be excited, too," said Lulu. Paine stood in front of the sink, watching as Lulu began running the hot water of the shower. "Your birthday is tomorrow. I know you haven't forgotten."

"I never really looked forward to my birthday before…"

Lulu turned her head. She regarded Paine over her shoulder in understanding, as if she could relate.

Paine picked up the small glass cup of peppermint mouthwash Lulu had already prepared for her. She poured the wash into her mouth, using the distraction as time to think. Lulu changed out of her dressphere, and used her hand to check the temperature of the water jetting out from the walls. This was all part of their routine, though Paine had assumed this would all end when her wounds healed. She looked down at her body, to make sure she could no longer see those signs of battle.

There were none to be found. She looked up again. Lulu's hair was so _long_…

That length reminded her of her own body sloped down at a dangerous angle. All of last night came back to her—all that she had agreed to, what they had done. She was still alive.

When Lulu turned to her again, she nearly swallowed the mouthwash. Lulu might have had a question to ask her. She could not answer with her mouth full.

"I think you've had the mouthwash in long enough," said Lulu, smiling as she returned to adjusting the water's temperature.

Paine bent down to spit it out, and turned the water on. She watched the faucet run. She felt that pressure again in her head. She remembered Lulu's coldness—how she'd noticed traces of concealed cruelty that Lulu hadn't wished to show too soon. Paine supposed the literal edgeplay from last night was the _simple _beginnings of everything, until her birthday, as Lulu had said.

_If that was simple, I wonder what could be more complicated than that…_

Lulu moved in front of her, with hands wet from the shower. Small beads of water clung to the otherwise invisible hairs along her arms. Those stood up on end as she moved to remove Paine's shirt and shorts; Lulu made a point of holding her close through this favor. As if admiring her, firmly, with those wet hands, Lulu took her time in such short moments of taking off but two articles of clothing. She folded them and set them aside; she smoothed her hands over Paine's face; down her neck to press softly along her collar bone, and guided her into the shower.

And Paine didn't need to do anything—she knew to stand in one place, watching Lulu's every action.

Her head followed Lulu's movements, with eyes curious; admired; loved. The water sprayed over their bodies from either side, steaming at that perfect temperature. Lulu stood in front of her, eyes and aura indulgent as she spread translucent cleanser over Paine's face, paying most attention to her nose and under her eyes. She allowed the cleanser to sit, and washed her hands free of the residue. Lulu slicked Paine's hair back, to keep those strands from weighing down over her eyes. Soon, with hands full of conditioner, she rubbed her nails and the sharp tips of her fingers in slow circles along Paine's scalp. Paine could never stop herself from lulling her head over Lulu's shoulder, closing her eyes against the wet warmth of her skin. She could smell a mix of the cleanser that had found its way to Lulu's shoulder, the conditioner, and the weight of Lulu's hair behind her back.

"You always do this _after_ I allow the cleanser stay over your face," said Lulu, her amused tones echoing through the shower. She held both sides of Paine's head, and moved her upright again. "Perhaps I should change the order…"

Again she rinsed the conditioner from her hands. She only smiled as she spread the cleanser still on Paine's face over the bridge of her nose again. The conditioner began to drip down Paine's back, tickling as it trailed. She had no idea as to how Lulu could change the texture of her hands to be more abrasive, to scrub the scented body wash into Paine's skin. From Paine's neck all the way down, Lulu washed her, going so far as to bend down to give enough attention to her lower body. This she did with firmness, patience, fullness. If she applied her hands but a touch harder, Paine's balance would have been suspect—Lulu was decisive enough in her movements to relay that she was in control, but not so adamant as to push Paine's body around.

For some reason, Lulu made a point of paying the most attention to her back. Her hands were softer there as they massaged and pampered. With Lulu behind her, Paine could not tell as to what extra product she applied there. It smelled herbal, or medicinal. Paine was certain she had no remaining wounds along her back—she would have felt them whenever she lay down. Yet she was not allowed to question Lulu, thus she decided she would never know unless Lulu decided to tell her.

Lulu allowed that—something—to stay over Paine's back, as she'd done with the face cleanser. She stayed behind her, tilting Paine's head back in her hold to rinse the conditioner out. Lulu applied an extendable shower head to this task, keeping the running water close to Paine's scalp so as to avoid letting any water or product drip down to her eyes. She set it down, and worked to massage a new, perfumed shampoo into Paine's hair. The scent wasn't so much feminine perfume as it was masculine, wooden cologne. Now that she noticed this, the body wash Lulu had used also smelled of the same cologne. She was so relaxed, she hardly noticed…

"I should probably say this now," began Lulu, next to her ear; she cradled Paine's head in her arms as she continued to work the shampoo into her hair. "Yuna and the others are here because they'd like to spend the day with you. I would accompany you, but Sir Jecht is also here. I had initially only invited him over to help me redecorate the bedroom, until everyone else decided to come along. He will be here with me today, helping me bring up the new furniture I purchased for us. It's part of your birthday gift."

Paine nodded…or, at least, she thought she nodded—she was too comfortable like this.

"Also," Lulu went on, "While you're out, I want you to go shopping for clothes. You can buy anything you like. All I ask is that you go to the men's section." Men's clothing… Paine could perhaps get into the idea again. She had preferred cross-dressing once upon a time. "But, for shoes—they must be women's. I like heeled boots on you. I want you to grow a collection of them. At least purchase a new pair for tonight."

"Yes, Mistress…"

That same feeling consumed her once more, from using that _word_.

The shampoo had been cleansed from her hair, the wash rinsed from her back; Lulu had nearly finished smoothing away the remaining residue from the cleanser over her face. Lulu kept her hands along Paine's neck, observing her to make sure she was sufficiently cleaned. Something about Lulu's body told Paine she wanted to linger—something about the look in her eyes said she wanted to do far more than this. Yet, they had company, thus Lulu gave her but one kiss before turning the water off.


	22. Perfecting the Experience

_When I wear out the soles of the shoes  
I'd gotten used to wearing for so long  
In my feelings, as well, a hole opens up: do I give up and stop?_

Lulu stood behind Paine's chair in the dining room, arms wrapped about that heated neck. Paine ate her breakfast at one end of the table, dressed in her warrior dressphere, fighting not to blush in front of their friends as they questioned these novel occurrences. For Lulu had never before been so forward in her affections, going so far as to whisper in Paine's ear if she wanted more to eat or drink; caressing her face and hair; smiling in vindication whenever Paine replied to her questions by adding _Ma'am _or _Mistress _at the end. In front of everyone at the table.

This subtle torture lasted for several minutes. Paine ate slowly, prolonging it all on her own. Jecht could not stop laughing, having almost spit out his water several times now. Tidus next to him knew to make no comments in front of Lulu or his father—he kept his arms folded and eyes on his lap. Rikku across from them made sure to poke and prod Paine at each opportunity; Yuna next to her unknowingly helped with this as she inquired as to these changes, though her sincerity was true.

"Paine," said Lulu, beneath Rikku's uncontrollable, uncomfortable giggles. Yuna stared at them both, quite at a loss for words. "Yuna asked you a question. Did you not hear her?"

Paine took a deep, steadying breath after swallowing her food. "No, Mistress, I didn't hear her," she mumbled. Rikku and Jecht's laughter had no doubt dimmed Yuna's inquiry to a whisper.

"What was that?" asked Lulu, though she heard her just fine. "I couldn't quite hear you. You need to speak up when you address me."

"No, Mistress," repeated Paine, clearer this time. "I didn't hear her." Lulu pressed her smile along the back of Paine's head, laughing a little over her distress. "Yuna, could you please repeat that?"

Yuna fumbled with her words for a moment. "Why…are you calling Lulu _Mistress_?" she asked, soft in her confusion. "Did…something happen between you two?"

Lulu moved her mouth down, to edge the tip of her tongue over Paine's neck. "Be—cause," began Paine, jarred by that unexpected sensation. Rikku hid her face with both hands, muffling her laughter. "We…made an agreement. It's one of the rules I have to follow from now on."

"What kind of agreement?" asked Yuna, hand over her lips as she tilted her head to one side.

Jecht laughed louder at the sheer anxiety over Paine's face. "She owns me," replied Paine, her tone curt.

"But I don't understand," Yuna went on, to Paine's chagrin. Tidus groaned and put his hand over his forehead. "Aren't the two of you in a relationship? I thought you already owned each other…"

Paine took a large forkful of food in her mouth to bide her time. Her plate was now empty.

That certainly wasn't fair. "Paine, love," said Lulu, into her ear; she could tell how hard Paine fought not to tell everyone to stop. "You should have more before you go. I won't get to see you until midnight. That's quite a long time to go without anything to eat." Lulu let go of Paine's neck, and took her plate and glass. "I certainly don't want you getting hungry. I'll bring more food for you. I made plenty."

"Thank you, Ma'am," said Paine, though Lulu sensed she did this with much difficulty. Lulu decided she would get her back for that later.

By just before noon, Paine had had three full plates of food and five glasses of water, Rikku had fallen out of her chair twice from laughing, Jecht had finally spit his water out, once, all over Tidus, which had started a full-scale argument between the two that they had taken outside to the terrace, while Yuna still did not understand why Paine had agreed to Lulu's rules. Paine excused herself to the restroom. Everything about her body language spoke of a desire _not _to be followed, or chastised once again when she returned.

Lulu sat down in that unoccupied seat, settling in to the warmth Paine had left behind. She crossed her legs beneath her dress, finishing the last drops of water in Paine's glass. As Rikku and Yuna wondered aloud as to Paine's state, Lulu kept her mouth over the half-ring left behind by Paine's lips at the top. She savored those remains of water, spreading them along the back of her teeth with her tongue. It all tasted of Paine's frustration—Lulu humored herself into thinking she could taste those very hormones that had seeped through the skin of her full, pouting lips.

"Lulu, _really_, I still don't get it," said Yuna, most insistent in her desire to _know_. "Why would Paine agree to let everyone humiliate her like that? She didn't tell us off like she normally would have…it's not like her. I'm worried now. I hope she's all right…"

"She'll be quite all right, Yuna," replied Lulu, eyes focused on the glass. "You needn't worry about her. She'll be over it soon enough. And to finally answer your questions: Paine agreed to these terms in order to discover more about herself. In doing so, I gain much pleasure in watching her learn."

Yuna made a sound of understanding. "I've never heard of anything like _that_ before…" she said, eyeing Rikku strangely—she appeared ready to burst from all the giggling she'd done over the past hour. "Do other people do things like this? It doesn't sound very common."

"It's more common than you know," was all Lulu supplied her with—she heard the chime of the doorbell at last. "Those will be the workers I hired to help with the furniture. Yuna, Rikku, could you go ask Sir Jecht to come back inside? I'll need him to start helping them bring everything up."

While Yuna and Rikku went to comply, Lulu stood to go answer the door. She'd hired a handful of Al Bhed to help with the installation of most of the furniture, and to hide them in plain sight or in more discreet locations in her and Paine's bedroom. She had also purchased a bedroom set for Vidina's room, to compliment his water bed and love of the same element. She smiled at the thought of seeing him again tomorrow, and hearing of his adventures with her younger sister in the wilderness.

When she opened the door, the sounds of gunfire rang clear in her memory—that gaping pain.

"Let me make sure I got this right—one Bonk'er Classic Set, one Power Pole, one Liberator Esse with a scoop, one Vanguard, and…"

The Al Bhed trailed off when he saw who this order was for. He made the mistake of looking at her cleavage. His face became flushed right away.

"Oh, _shit_," he muttered, to her breasts. "It's _you_!"

Lulu put her hand over her hip. "Gippal," she said. He chanced making eye contact again. "This is quite the surprise. Paine told me she didn't kill you."

Gippal stopped himself from dropping his clipboard. "Uh…no, she—she didn't," he clarified, rubbing the back of his head. "I, uh, uhm…" Were Lulu not in a good mood that day, her patience would have thinned by now. "I came here with someone. I'm not dead… Bet Paine thinks I should be, after what I did to you…" He bowed deeply. "I'm really sorry! I never got the chance to apologize. I was trying to get out of Bevelle and I thought all of you were New Yevon's guards. Went right for the knee to keep you from tailing me…should have gotten a better look first."

"It's all right," said Lulu, as Gippal stood upright. "Your elixir helped a great deal. I'd much rather forget about it than linger on past mistakes."

"Oh…good!" replied Gippal, grinning wide. "To tell you the truth, I thought I'd turn into a human icicle the second I saw _you _standing there." He tried to laugh it off. "Ah, well…now that that's outta the way, I got everything you ordered down in the lobby…" Lulu folded her arms this time as she waited for him to compose himself. "You, uh…bought some interesting stuff! This equipment ain't cheap, either. You must be packing some _serious _gil to afford all of it."

Lulu gave no comment. She saw no reason to discuss her finances with Gippal, of all people.

"Right," mumbled Gippal. "Sorry, just trying to start small talk! You know—break the ice? Since, you know, I said I thought you were gonna make me into an icicle.. That was a _joke_?" Again, Lulu said nothing. Gippal cringed. "Guess you don't do jokes either, huh...?" _Not with you_. "I'll…go wait downstairs 'til you're ready."

Lulu closed the door.

Rikku suddenly appeared behind her, startling her. "Was that Gippal?!" she exclaimed. "He's here? In _Zanarkand_? How the heck did _he_ die? Ohh, I hope he's still alive like us… I don't wanna imagine anything else."

Lulu turned to regard her. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed Jecht in the kitchen helping himself to another glass of water, appearing somber. Tidus and Yuna were outside, engaged in a mild argument. The bedroom door was still closed.

"He isn't dead," said Lulu. "I'm not worried about him. I'm more curious as to how the entire mood about the house changed after I turned my back for a few minutes. What's happened?"

Rikku pointed her toe upon the floor, swiveling her ankle in place as she stared down at it. "Oh," she said, soft, as she placed her hands behind her back. "I went with Yunie like you asked us, but they were arguing really badly over her, not what happened at the table. Yuna asked _him_ a few days ago if they could just be friends, because he keeps making her feel bad about wanting to go back to Spira. He would always say she was too focused on other people, and that he wouldn't let her leave him behind again after everything they went through. Jecht wishes he would be more understanding, but…"

"This isn't the right way to go about it," Lulu finished for her. Rikku looked up at her and nodded. "Well, Rikku, I would offer to play mediator, but I need to begin preparing Paine's birthday presents. If things will be awkward with those two, could you at least take Paine with you? He and Yuna can stay outside for as long as they need to."

"Sure thing, Lulu," replied Rikku, with a faint smile. "Oh! I forgot to mention…" She pulled out two folded, cylindrical devices from her satchel and handed them to Lulu. "This is for you! The other one's for Vidina. It's Shinra's prototype. He calls it a _wireless_—it's like a commsphere with audio only. You can use it to call anyone else who has one! We all have our own. Jecht can show you how to use yours! I'll give one to Paine when we're out." She looked around. "Where is she, anyway? Still hiding?"

"Thank you, Rikku," she said, surveying the device. "This will certainly be very helpful. Be sure to extend my gratitude to Shinra." Lulu made her way to the bedroom. "She'll be right out."

—

When Lulu closed the door behind her, she observed the bedroom. Paine was not in there. The bathroom door was closed. She went to it, only to find that it was locked. Lulu took a deep breath and waited. She could hear Paine sighing loudly on the other side of the door. These predictable reactions from Paine were part of the reason why Lulu had hesitated for so long to explain all of this to her. She knew Paine would agree to anything, only to grow flustered with a number of subjugations.

She'd had a strong feeling humiliation was one of Paine's weak points. _Very _low tolerance.

"_Why_," sighed Paine, again and again. Each one sounded nearer to the door; it began to unlock; it opened, and the light inside turned off. Lulu held her ground when Paine bumped into her. Their heads knocked loudly on impact. "…sorry."

Lulu rubbed at the soreness over her temple, from Paine's head. That _hard _head… "You're forgiven, _if _you tell me why it is you took so long in there," she said, devoid of feeling.

"You told me not to question you, so I can't tell you," replied Paine, too quickly. She'd prepared this answer. "Besides, you enjoyed humiliating me. How I feel shouldn't matter if that's the case. I don't get why you bothered asking."

Lulu had to admit to herself—she hadn't expected _this_. Not from Paine, and not so soon.

She turned around, and made to leave the bedroom. Now was not a good time to have this conversation. "Rikku is waiting for you," she said, without looking over her shoulder.

"You want me gone that badly? Just because I'm not taking this how you thought I would?"

_Don't question me._

"Did you _expect _me to just sit there and smile while everyone laughed at me?"

_Don't argue with me._

Paine walked ahead of her, and closed the door with one hand. She leaned against the surface, blocking Lulu's way with her height advantage. "_Well_?" she asked, sharp; right in Lulu's face as she scowled down at her. "You can't even look at me. _That _helps a lot. I thought you loved me? Why would you enjoy something like that if you love me? It doesn't make any sense. If this were the other way around, I wouldn't embarrass you in front of everyone like that—in front of people who respect you…"

Lulu waited for Paine to finish speaking. When she had nothing more to say, Lulu repeated, "Rikku is waiting for you," and tried to open the door. Paine refused to budge.

"Is that all you have to say to me?" asked Paine, deeply offended by the tone in her voice.

"Yes," replied Lulu. She wanted to _do _more to her, certainly, but now was not the time. They had guests.

"I don't believe you."

Lulu maintained her composure well. "That's too bad," she said. "You would rather ignore your friends in favor of trying to argue with me. I thought you had more sense than that. If you're angry with me, then go out and enjoy yourself. You won't have to see me for an entire day. Shouldn't you be happy?"

"_Damnit_, Lulu, that's not the point!"

_Don't raise your voice at me._

Lulu held three fingers up. "The only point I care about right now," she began, "Is that you currently have three strikes against you. If all I wanted was to demean you, I would punish you right now for everyone to hear." She moved her hand back down. Paine faltered. "And, for the record, that was but a mild form of humiliation. Everyone was bound to ask sooner or later about what it is we're doing. They don't need to know anything beyond the answers you supplied. You're clearly not ready for that."

Of course, Paine had nothing to say in response. Lulu kept her mind clear of the myriad of situations she could imagine putting Paine through for these indiscretions.

"Move out of my way," she ordered. Paine stepped aside. "As I've said twice now, Rikku is waiting for you. Yuna, Sir Jecht, and his son will be here. I'll see you at midnight." Paine hovered there, trying to speak. Lulu didn't want to hear it. "I suggest you leave now before I change my mind about hurting you."

Paine tried to hold her. "I'm sorry—"

Lulu pushed her away. "I don't care. Leave, _now_."

Yet again, Paine did not do as she was told right away. She frowned sadly, gazing at her for too-long moments. She gave Lulu a chaste kiss over her scowl before leaving the room. Lulu licked her lips, lingering, as she watched her go with Rikku. Rikku smiled and waved goodbye to her; Paine turned to regard her one last time before walking out the door.

—

By the time Gippal, Jecht and the other workers finished with all they needed to do, Tidus and Yuna still had not stopped speaking outside beneath the late afternoon sun. Jecht and Gippal sat on the couch relaxing over the glasses of lemonade Lulu had prepared for them, talking loudly as they watched a show about monster machina trucks on TV. Lulu exited Vidina's room amid those sounds of twisting metal and revving engines, after making sure he would like everything she'd purchased for him. She'd needed a moment to retreat as well. Having so many men in the house, each save for Jecht trying _not _to stare at her body had been somewhat taxing.

"Man, Gippal," said Jecht, as Lulu entered the living room, "You sure you don't have'ta get back to work? What kinda job is this where you get to screw around all day?"

Gippal groaned over the absurd amounts of commercials still going. "I only have the best job in the city for someone of _my _expertise!" he said, before winking at Lulu. Lulu made her way to the terrace to check on Tidus and Yuna. "When the shop realized that I'm _The _Gippal, head of Spira's Machine Faction, I got promoted right away as head designer. I took on this little side job for the company for fun. Always a treat to see people react to the stuff I create!"

"So you build kinky furniture, _and _you deliver it…?" asked Jecht, scratching his stubble with a frown. "That's dedication right there…"

"Well, my specialty is actually those _crazy_ fuck machines!" said Gippal, gesturing with his hands in quick thrusting motions. Jecht raised his eyebrows as he nodded, appearing impressed enough. "Too bad Lulu here didn't order any. I've been itching lately to show another customer how to work one. Did you know that most people here in Zanarkand prefer to keep the settings at one inch thrusts instead of the maximum five…?"

Lulu opened the glass door, just as Jecht laughed over Gippal's anecdotes. She continued to pay them no mind, stepping outside just as Tidus and Yuna stopped to take a breath.

"I'm not here to help you solve anything," she said, closing the door behind her. "Your business is your own. I'm only letting you know that Sir Jecht and I will be leaving soon, presumably with Gippal as well. You're welcome to stay here and sort things out if you need to. We'll be out for a few hours."

Yuna looked between Tidus and Lulu. Her aura and body language spoke of a desire to leave immediately, without Tidus. However strange and out-of-place this was to Lulu, she truly was not interested in knowing what the problem was. She knew all she needed to know: Yuna wanted to go back to Spira and help end the civil war there, whereas Tidus wanted to stay in the city and settle down with her. Anything beyond that was out of her grasp, as it should have been.

"Thanks, Lulu," offered Tidus. "Is it cool if we get ready to go out tonight here with you guys? I'm guessing Rikku will be with Paine—they won't need us."

"That's fine," replied Lulu, grateful that Tidus decided to keep his affairs between him and Yuna. "There is plenty of food in the kitchen if you get hungry again. I trust that the two of you know how to treat my home while I'm gone."

Tidus gave her a thumbs-up, smiling. "No worries," he said. "We've got it covered! We'll keep your place just as clean as you left it. If anything really crazy happens, we'll give you a call!"

"I hope so," said Lulu, before leaving them to it. She knew Yuna did not want to stay, yet she'd said nothing at all about it. She was a grown woman. Lulu could no longer hold her hand through things—not like before. Those days were over.

"Those two stayin' here?" asked Jecht, grimacing at his son outside.

Lulu nodded. "It would appear so," she replied.

Jecht stood up and stretched his limbs. "Welp, can't say I didn't try to help!" he declared, as Gippal turned off the plasma screen. "Hey, Blondie—you comin' along? Or do you got more _work_ to do?"

"I, uh…didn't know I was invited!" said Gippal, moving to his feet. Lulu bent down to collect the glasses from the table, and took them to the kitchen. "If it's cool with Lulu, sure, I'll go!"

"I don't see a problem with it," responded Lulu.

"Sweet! So—where we headed?" he asked, without waiting for an answer. "Need some special-grade floggers? Heavy-duty blindfolds? Or how 'bout some latex beds?"

"Damn, boy," said Jecht, "You sure do got a loaded mind on you! And I thought _I _was bad…" Gippal laughed. "Nah, Lulu just needs some new clothes! She invited me along for a second opinion, since, you know, everyone else is either a prude, _outside arguing, _or hanging out with Paine. _I_ get these things."

Gippal looked over at Lulu, brow raised. "What kinda clothes…? Doubt you'd find anything more unique than that dress anywhere, not even in a city like this. You got anything special in mind?"

Lulu reached in her satchel to make sure she had her keys. Jecht hooked his arm around Gippal's neck, walking with him to the front door. "Trust me, you'll see," was all he said.

—

The main benefit to bringing two men along shopping with her was that they carried all of her bags for her. In each store she went to, they acted as mobile hangers for the clothes she picked out. There were the unwanted occasions when other customers would stare, likely wondering as to how it was that Lulu had two very submissive boyfriends who didn't mind sharing her with each other. Gippal had told a few of them off, insisting that Lulu was quite taken with another. Jecht had laughed each time it happened.

As the sun began to set, Lulu walked through the long strip of clothing stores with Jecht and Gippal at either side of her. She was of the mind to head back home, to prepare herself mentally for the night ahead. Because it was Paine's birthday, Lulu had accepted that she would need to bend away from her conservative nature to make their outing one to remember. Whatever their disagreements, Lulu still wanted to make this night as special as she could…

"Whoa, whoa—hey!" said Gippal, stopping in his tracks. He pointed through the window of the nearest store filled with cyberpunk and leather themes. "Are you kidding me? Is that _Paine_? In Cold Matter? That place is a total guy store! Didn't know she was into that kinda stuff, too. Huh." He moved his head this way and that. "That Cid's girl with her…? Haven't seen her in a while, either…"

Lulu entered the store amid its loud punk rock song playing through the speakers—the surroundings smelled heavily of polished leather and the dullness of testosterone. "Oh, man," said Jecht, following after her. "This is gonna be good, I'm tellin' ya. _Classic!_"

"Be discreet," spoke Lulu, as she approached just enough to hear Paine and Rikku's conversation; they both held a few bags each. Jecht and Gippal had Lulu's bags hanging from their arms, with hands free to try on leather masks to act as disguises.

"…that's not what I _meant_," Rikku was saying, surveying a heavy, sharp motorcycle jacket nearby. "You know that. I wish you'd stop getting the wrong idea _on purpose _to try and make me feel bad…"

Paine stood close by, observing the same jacket. "Sorry," she said, before sighing. "I'm not used to talking about these things with other people."

Rikku rolled her eyes. "Is that supposed to be news…?" she asked. Paine scoffed, and moved away to look at another jacket. Rikku followed after her; Jecht and Gippal shuffled over in their spiked masks; Lulu could still hear them well enough from her position. "You never talk to anyone about anything! Getting you to tell me your _birthday _that one time was like trying to crack open a kupo nut with a chocobo's beak! You just can't do that."

"Maybe if you stopped asking, you wouldn't be disappointed."

"Ohhh, you!" Rikku stomped her foot on the ground. "Don't you see that I care? I've always cared! We're _supposed _to be best friends, you know! Having each other's backs through thick and thin and all that! Why else would I ask? We've been shopping _all day _and all I've managed to get out of you was that you're officially in love with Lulu—as if I didn't know _that_ already."

A moogle dressed in a miniature bomber jacket and dark sunglasses floated over to them. "Two ladies in Cold Matter, kupo?" he asked. Rikku squealed and fawned over the purple Mohawk atop his head. Paine let out an irritated sigh. Jecht and Gippal hid their sniggers well. "Pardon me for not coming over sooner! Are you looking for anything in particular, kupo? Something for your boyfriends, perhaps?"

"We don't have boyfriends," said Rikku, giggling. The moogle made a _kupo_ of surprise. "Thanks for asking, though! We're just looking around for now."

"Surely the two of you must have sweethearts, kupo!" said the moogle. Rikku giggled again. "You're both far too pretty not to have boys lining up to take you out for dinner!" He moved closer to Paine, sounding a _kupo _of great interest as he surveyed her body and hair. "Especially you, kupo. You have excellent taste in clothes! Why don't you have a boyfriend?"

Something told Lulu that Paine was not at all keen on the natural inquisitiveness in moogle culture, due to their specialties in engineering and banking. "What makes you think I like boys?" she asked, scowling.

The moogle's pom-pom over his Mohawk wilted. "Oh," he said. "Pardon me, kupo. I try not to assume the ladies who enter our store like other ladies, kupo…" He began floating away. "If you need anything more, I will be behind the counter…"

Gippal and Jecht had to migrate away, now laughing far too much over a moogle hitting on Paine and Rikku—especially Paine.

"I'm getting out of here," said Paine, her heels sounding hard against the ground in her haste to leave the building. Rikku skipped after her, grinning wide. She stopped, however, to look around in suspicion. "Who the _hell _is laughing so hard? It sounds like they're dying…"

Lulu refrained from sneaking up on her, however much she wanted to. She watched Paine and Rikku go from behind a rack of oversized black T-shirts, allowing herself a few laughs over recent events. Seeing Paine again later would be that much better, to know something about her that she _technically_ shouldn't have. When she found Jecht and Gippal again, they had removed their masks. Tears streamed down their faces from having laughed so much.

"Are you gonna tell her you know?" asked Gippal, stopping himself from laughing again. "Hell, I sure as hell would! I'd never let her live it down! A badass little moogle with a Mohawk wants to take Paine out to dinner! Should've got his number…"

"Nah, you gotta keep that stuff subtle," insisted Jecht, as the three of them left the store. "Mind fuck her—make her _think _you know, only to turn around and play dumb. That's the kicker right there!"

Lulu laughed at their varying strategies, and shook her head. "I'll decide on that later," she said. "Come on. We should head back."

—

When Lulu returned home by nightfall, something felt wrong from the second she stepped through the door. Jecht and Gippal stopped their chatter as well, likely sensing the same thing.

Nothing _appeared _out-of-place. Other than Tidus and Yuna no longer arguing outside, everything else was as it had been from before she'd left. Except—her bedroom door was closed. She and Paine never closed that door unless one or both of them occupied the room. Lulu went to the door and opened it.

The lights were off. She couldn't see anything, save for the vague hints of city lights behind the drapes. With Jecht and Gippal behind her, she entered and turned on the overhead light.

No one was there—not on her bed, not anywhere else she could see. The pillows and duvet had shifted a great deal. She knelt down to look under the bed—no one was there, either. Jecht went to survey the bathroom, finding nothing out of the ordinary. Gippal set Lulu's bags down on the bed, finding that they landed over the duvet in a haphazard manner instead of what one would normally expect. He jumped back as some of the clothes began to sag out of the bags, sprawling a good space _over _the mattress.

"What the HELL?!" he exclaimed, gaping at the extraordinary sight. "It…looks like there are two invisible people lying on the bed… Ghosts, maybe?"

"_Invisible_ my ass!" barked Jecht, moving the bags aside. "All right, you two, show your damn selves! I know you're usin' that fancy dressphere Shinra made!"

Lulu could not believe any of this. "_What_…?"

Tidus and Yuna appeared on her bed, with Tidus wearing very little. Yuna was still in her songstress dressphere, though her clothes appeared disheveled as though Tidus had tried to remove them. They stared at the ceiling with red faces and necks, so hard, as if they could stare hard enough to make this moment go away.

Lulu could not believe this.

Lulu could _not._

Jecht rushed at Tidus, grabbing him and pulling him out of the room. He shouted obscenities at his son, with no filter whatsoever in his anger over Tidus' recklessness. Gippal rubbed the back of his head, mumbling something about waiting for the storm to pass while outside on the terrace.

Yuna did not chance looking at Lulu. She sat up, and faced away from her. "I'm so sorry," she said. "He…thought it would…help change my mind if we tried to be more adventurous, like you and Paine are. I couldn't tell him no. All it did was make me uncomfortable. I…had a feeling you would catch us, anyway."

This was real. Yuna had an explanation.

"More _adventurous_?" echoed Lulu, still uncertain as to how she wanted to react to this. "First the temple in Besaid, and now _here_, of all places? Having sex in _my bed_—the bed I share with Paine—counts as _adventurous_?"

Yuna sighed. "He…seemed to think so, yes," she replied. She stood to face Lulu, eyes to the floor. "If it helps, we didn't go that far. Either way, I know it was a mistake. I can't go back to him after this. I can't face him anymore…or you, if…if you're angry with me. I'll understand if you hate me for this…"

They hadn't gone that far. Lulu repeated this in her head, to find it in her to stay calm even amid Jecht's rage just outside the door. With Yuna so guilty and emotional in front of her, it brought Lulu back to those days when she would scold Yuna for her silly, girlish behavior before her pilgrimage. The years they spent growing up in Besaid with Chappu…and Wakka…all came back to her. And she realized:

Of all the people in her life, excluding Paine, Lulu had the hardest time imagining herself admitting to Yuna what had really happened to Wakka. Deep down, she feared Yuna would not forgive her actions. She would distance herself from Lulu, from everyone, if she ever found out.

In light of that, Lulu could not find it in her to _hate _Yuna for this. Not with Yuna crying, either.

"Yuna," she said, "Perhaps I should have been more sympathetic to your situation… He has been pressuring you into doing so many things, all for the sake of your relationship. And yet he does not seem to grasp the concept of boundaries…"

Yuna sniffled quietly. "No, he…he doesn't," she agreed, still looking down. "We were together for so long…I didn't realize it was pressure. He always made it all sound so easy, like it was the simplest thing to do for people who have been together for as long as we were. I couldn't talk to anyone—no one would understand…even Rikku said I needed to lighten up. I couldn't go to you, or Paine, because you were both mad at me. I shouldn't blame him for this. I only have myself to blame."

Lulu closed the door and went over to her. "That isn't true. Come here," she said, holding Yuna close. Yuna cried over Lulu's shoulder; Jecht had moved with Tidus to the other side of the house, his shouting dimmed by that distance. "I admit I had shut myself off emotionally from everyone except Paine and Vidina, back in the Calm Lands. I shouldn't have done that. If I'd known you were hurting, I would have been there for you. You know that."

"You've been so happy with Paine," said Yuna, shaking her head. "I didn't…I didn't want to bother the two of you, or get in the way. Everyone expected me to stay with him forever…because of all we went through…"

"I left Wakka, didn't I?" Lulu reminded her. Yuna calmed down at that. "You have it a little easier—you don't have a child to worry about. When I left Wakka, the only one I gave an explanation to was Vidina. You don't have to explain yourself to anyone if you don't want to."

Yuna sighed. "You're right," she said. "You're right… I made a big deal out of nothing. He'll just have to deal with it…"

"Do you still love him?"

"And that's the problem…" Yuna wiped her eyes against her sleeve. "I do. That's what makes everything so much harder. All I want to do is forget."

"If it truly isn't meant to be, you'll move on," offered Lulu. "Only time will tell. In the mean time, I'd like you to do me a favor."

Yuna smiled at her. "Anything—you name it."

"The cabinets in the hallway nearby have extra sheets inside. I need you to replace the ones already on the bed. When you're finished, come help me get dressed."

With Gippal offering to drive Lulu, Jecht and Yuna in his skycar to the Celsius once they were ready, it saved them the trouble of having to walk to where Brother had landed the ship. Brother refused to start a fuss in the city again by starting the airship—their displays after the tournament had upset the city's law enforcement, effectively grounding the ship until further notice. He and Buddy were also buried in paperwork at one of the police departments, trying to avoid legal battles over not having a permit to fly within the city of Zanarkand. Shinra was not one to go out at all, instead claiming to be hard at work on a special birthday present for Paine. Auron and Braska of course chose to stay behind on the ship as well. And with Tidus having embarrassed himself for the last time, he also decided to stay out of the festivities in favor of giving Yuna her space.

_Five minutes to midnight…_

Lulu sat in the backseat of Gippal's car, fingers tightly interlaced over her lap. The closer the red of the Celsius became in the near distance, the more Lulu's heart picked up. She knew she would have to expel these worries—they had no place for what she wanted to do with Paine that night. She'd hoped to have none by then, yet they seemed to have come out in full force the closer it got to midnight. Everyone in the skycar had approved tremendously over Lulu's choice of clothing for the night. The effect worked as reverse psychology on her, creating even more anxiety when she should have been at ease.

Yuna sat next to her, turning to smile on occasion as they sped through the busy skyway. Jecht sat in the passenger's seat, grumbling over Tidus' never-ending string of poor decisions throughout his lifetime. Gippal nodded and agreed, chiming in from time to time with his own regrets from his younger years. He glanced at Lulu through his rear-view mirror too many times to count, eyeing her new outfit.

"You know, Lulu," he said to her at last, after Jecht finished speaking, "It's pretty damn ballsy of you to wear _that _in front of all of us—and a bunch of strangers after we leave Brother's airship. What made you decide to go for it? Thought you might've picked that rubber dress instead—seemed safer."

"Paine won't be expecting this," responded Lulu. "I intend to surprise her thoroughly throughout the night."

Yuna whispered to her, "You seem really nervous…"

Lulu looked to the Celsius as Gippal made to park near the open hatch. "I won't be soon enough." As she said the words, she believed them. Seeing Paine's reaction would make everything worth it.


	23. Viewtiful Knight

_When the night sky wears the moon as its pendant, I shall await you at the dock_

The wide arcs of running water that served as highways throughout the city held Paine's attention as she stared out of the window of the inn upstairs. They reminded her of aquatic sunsets long after nightfall. Try as she might to forget it all, sunsets forever reminded her of the Mi'ihen Highroad. Nooj, Gippal, Baralai, the Crimson Squad, the Den of Woe, Yevon's secrecy—these came to mind again, shrouding her thoughts as the clock hit midnight.

When she tried to make sense of those events, more pieces of the puzzle appeared. They only served to obfuscate her understanding further.

_Why was I the only one not affected…? Why wasn't I driven to kill my friends, like everyone else around me? Why did Nooj try to kill Gippal, Baralai—me? _

Paine looked down at the deep red of her new button-down shirt, the black of her tight jeans; the red of her knee-high boots over her shins. He had shot her so close to her heart. She had fallen to the grass alongside that burning sun, immobilized in shock from the chest down.

_Why there? A headshot would have killed me…or maybe he missed my heart by accident._

The more she thought about things, the less sense they made to her. Throughout her travels with the Gullwings, she regretted never mentioning the Den of Woe to them. She had never gone back there. She had never breached that door again, though she had the means to do so. The notion of returning to Spira held a higher meaning to her now—she could return there, with Lulu, and face her past as they'd done together in the Cavern of the Stolen Fayth. Yet that would mean returning to the pointless conflicts there, of civil war, of political fallouts and misunderstandings.

As she looked to the city once more, she decided it wasn't worth it. Sacrificing the peace she and Lulu had in Zanarkand was not worth the chance to bury these demons head-on. The thought of doing such a thing threatened to choke her. She put her hand along her throat, softly, as if to suffocate. That was foolish, unnecessary. Her faint reflection through the window said this over and over again—only Lulu's hand belonged there, only during key moments.

She had her solution… She _heard _her solution—as the sounds of heeled boots upon the metallic ground of the hallway downstairs. Paine had to keep listening, to make sure this was real. No one with clearance to board the Celsius wore heels that high all the time—higher than hers. Someone had made the decision to put them on. For every step she heard, her heart beat twice as fast, three times, four times, more—they neared and neared, and she could only hope that her guess was correct. Listened, she did, as those boots sounded upon the staircase behind her. She didn't want to turn around and spoil the anticipation.

There was no way it was Lulu, and yet it had to have been. Anyone else would have said something to get her attention. Lulu never needed to _say _anything to have that from her.

"Happy birthday, my love," said that voice, those sultry tones right next to her ear: excited, warmly so. Lulu wrapped her bare arm about Paine's waist; her other hand went to Paine's neck. "I adore your new clothes. You pull this look off very well…the red matches your eyes. And you left your collar on…" Lulu kissed that brand of leather once, licking; admiring. "I had hoped you would. I didn't want to ask."

Paine leaned back into her touch, sighing. Lulu had changed her perfume—she smelled crisp and cold as the midnight air; tantalizing, in smell, as she always was. "Thank you, Lulu," she said, memorizing that allure. "I thought you'd want me to keep it on whenever we went out—to show everyone that I'm yours." She looked down, and found a pocket-sized object in Lulu's hand. "Is this for me…?"

Those nails along Paine's neck trickled down, around her waist, to open the small leather notebook. Lulu nestled her head alongside Paine's, showing her the filled pages—front to back—of her poetry Paine so adored. "It's a bit predictable of me," remarked Lulu, in total irony. Paine hadn't expected anything of the sort or anything at all, considering how they'd left things earlier. "I've written to you before. But, these—I have worked on them since we left Besaid. The poems I gave you before were separate from these. The ones here tell the story of our year from my perspective. I thought you might enjoy them."

"I _might_?" asked Paine, making to turn her head to get a better look at Lulu behind her. "You know I melt whenever you write to me… Don't be so modest." Lulu kept her head still, stopping those movements. "I want to see what you have on, too…"

Lulu closed the notebook, and placed it in the right pocket of Paine's jeans. "I know you do," she said. When Lulu sighed, hard, Paine felt the rise and fall of something shaped and sturdy along her back. _Contoured. _"I want you to admire it tonight. This _may_ become a regular thing for me." Lulu took a step back, and edged her nails down Paine's scalp, down her collar, down her back to hook inside of her leather belt. "I want to do so much more to you, here, with you so unaware of what I have…" She pulled Paine back, away from the window, to walk with her downstairs. "The others made me promise not to take an age up here with you. If I so much as kiss you now, I might go against that… We shouldn't keep them waiting. Let's go." Paine felt herself moved to Lulu's side, just as her sense was taken from her at the sight of that outfit—those boots, and that corset, and that _long hair_. "Stay on my left."

Though Paine walked with Lulu's arm wrapped through hers, she did not feel like she could lead their way to the elevator at all. Lulu stared straight ahead, vindicated through her silence as Paine stared and stared.

The marmoreal black of Lulu's corset shined as her usual dress did, without that fur at the top. Paine spent far too much time staring there, at the minimal lift and hold of Lulu's breasts there. She felt herself leaning down to get a better look, until she felt Lulu's other hand pushing her back a little by her nose. Lulu only laughed with her mouth closed, appearing amused enough to not be offended. Her bare shoulders and arms held her figure, her walk well—they looked stronger, elongated.

The piece beneath Lulu's corset covered _enough_; connected by four suspenders, two on either side front and behind, to those perfectly-fitting thigh-high boots of black stretch patent leather. The lacing ran the full length of the back of the boots. That heel was high, of five inches, and the half-inch platforms.

All black, all commanding, all sexy; even the angle at which Lulu's layered hair covered her eye closest to Paine had her captivated. When they reached the elevator, Paine pressed the button to go down to the bridge through her continued staring. Lulu faced her, smoothing down Paine's collared shirt to admire this novelty. Having Lulu's eyes on her in this way, with Lulu wearing such an outfit for her—it diminished, erased, their earlier disagreements.

"You have another surprise waiting for you on the bridge," spoke Lulu, eyes focused on Paine's neck. The tremble of her nails along the skin there told of her desire to do far more than look, and touch. "I hope it won't be _too _much of a surprise."

Lulu positioned herself at Paine's side once more, as the elevator stopped and began to open. The dashes of concern upon her face, Paine noticed, yet she could not focus on those. When the doors opened, she led Lulu down the hallway to the center of the bridge; she heard that _voice _joking loudly with others around him.

When she reached the railing of the stairs overseeing the bridge, he stopped rustling Rikku's hair to stare up at her and Lulu.

"Hey-hey, Paine! Happy birthday!" said Gippal, bowing a little with a smile. "Lookin' good! You're not, uh, still mad at me, are you? 'Cause Lulu sure isn't! Just tell me if you are—I'll head out, no worries!"

Rikku and Yuna ran upstairs, wishing Paine a happy birthday—Yuna apologized for being so absent yesterday. In between those friendly exchanges, Lulu stood by her side, watching Gippal as he made his way upstairs. Jecht stayed downstairs, giving Paine a thumbs-up in between trying to convince Auron to come along. If Lulu knew about this, Gippal couldn't have been lying about being forgiven by her.

He put his arms about Yuna and Rikku's shoulders, grinning wide as he waited for Paine's verdict.

"If Lulu really forgave you…" Paine glanced at her one last time. "I don't see a problem with it."

"So…we're cool again?" asked Gippal, hopeful. "Water under the bridge and all that? If I ever have to shoot anything again, I _promise _I'll look before I fire. Lesson learned!"

He _was _one of her oldest friends… If Lulu was truly accepting of his company, Paine had no excuses. In the end, his careless mistake had brought her and Lulu closer together.

"As long as you keep your promise, we're cool," she said.

Gippal grinned wider, if possible, and stepped forward. He offered his hand, palm facing his chest. "Welcome to the club!" he said, clapping her opposite hand in his with a one-armed guy hug. _What club? _"Always knew you were a member! Can't deny it now with Lulu next to you like this, and those clothes! Glad I finally got to say that to you. Thought you'd tear me a new one if I tried it back in the day…"

"Gippal," said Lulu, more light-hearted than Paine thought she would have sounded. "Are we ready to head out? You're driving, remember?"

Gippal announced his affirmative, gathering everyone to follow him down to the exit hatch. Paine noticed Tidus' absence at last. She recalled Rikku mentioning he and Yuna had been having relationship problems since arriving to Zanarkand. She hadn't thought Tidus would outright avoid Yuna's company altogether. Jecht had somehow managed to get Auron to join them, at least for a little while—Auron offered Paine a wry smile as he followed behind. Paine wondered how Lulu felt, dressed the way she was, in front of Jecht and Auron—two men she respected greatly.

And then she heard Gippal's loud tones boasting of his shopping adventures with Jecht and Lulu earlier that day. He jostled Paine a bit from time to time as they made their way to his car, laughing for no apparent reason as he did this—she had no idea as to why.

—

Vague crescents scattered throughout the night sky, appearing as blue-white rips across the black above. As Paine lay upon her back atop Gippal's car, she observed these. Her friends all stood around the car, oblivious to the wonders overhead as they conversed and drank the alcohol from Gippal's cooler. He had parked his car on a cliff overseeing the city: a popular spot for sightseeing, with various other groups scattered throughout the area. The streets that wound around the cliff offered a venue for traditional mountain-bikers and motorcycle riders—she heard those engines and cliques far behind, relaxing her, as did the closeness of her friends around her.

Lulu lay next to her, with eyes closed along Paine's shoulder. Paine held her close, marking these moments as her best birthday yet. Though this was to be the first stop of many, Paine was glad they had all chosen to bring her there. She didn't need to go _out _like the typical people of her age group—not anymore. Anyone else would have deemed this boring, uneventful. Paine disagreed. The sight of Gippal shamelessly flirting with Yuna and Rikku both over beers not too far away brought her much calm. Jecht and Auron standing near the edge's railings, drinking over conversation about wandering loved ones in Zanarkand offered her the same solace.

The occasional smile they each exchanged with her spoke they knew that this was enough for her.

"Lulu," she said. She felt Lulu's leg move farther over the both of hers—and that long boot. "Am I allowed to read at least one of your poems? I'd really like to see them."

She felt Lulu's hand reaching in her pocket to procure the notebook. "I wonder," said Lulu, "If I should make this a regular gift for your birthday." Lulu opened the notebook to the first page. "It will depend on whether or not you like this one, this year." Paine noted the similarities in length and meter between the first two poems. The others she had received from Lulu each varied greatly in length and structure. "They are all in iambic pentameter—fourteen lines of ten syllables each. It's an archaic, romantic form of meter, typically reserved for love sonnets. It dates all the way back to the Gandof era, after High Summoner Gandof defeated Sin and ruptured the Calm Lands. His lover was one of his guardians—he did not choose her to become the fayth for his Final Aeon. She went on to write poetry of their time together in this same structure, to depict the fourteen months and ten days of Lord Gandof's pilgrimage. Each one uses passionate allegories of the Scar in the Calm Lands and the death of her love…"

_When I met you, I never had the chance_  
_To see you through, to know you through, though I_  
_Felt within old flames caught taut through a lance_  
_That held in freedom all of my closed eyes:_  
_Years of burning rose over the gravel_  
_I had thrown atop them all to forget_  
_The foreign, the faceless feelings I felt_  
_Not for the man my sun did not beget;_  
_But for your body I knew before your_  
_Face, for your lips I knew even longer_  
_Before your voice, and for your presence, Lord _  
_My lord—I called you when I was younger._  
_In those dreams, how I felt you within me_  
_In between, shaping—and now I'm ready._

_Only a woman as noble as you_  
_Would take six years before taking her needs_  
_Into bed with her, at last learning who_  
_It was that had waited atop the trees_  
_Of Besaid as you grew and soon began_  
_To reach for me, to beg for me to come down_  
_Without your hands—no, I never do land_  
_Without looking, first: up, down, or around;_  
_With you, I don't need to look—you have been_  
_All over me, worshipping in patience_  
_As one must do to gain my favor, and_  
_Open me to their soul's lovely cadence:_  
_This you have done so by being all that_  
_I have known long before your name in wraps._

_Have you seen the way you look on top of_  
_My body, over me, as a warm drape_  
_Of spirit, a lit incense of soft love_  
_Softened and thinned by pretense's escape?_  
_Yet your body holds me with the fullness_  
_Of secrets, of exclusives known to none_  
_Else no matter your numbers; foolishness_  
_Would make me think you pure, else I would run;_  
_But they were only such whereas I know_  
_By the call of my name that I am far_  
_Above any you've held here, or here—no, _  
_I am worthy of what's between us; scars_  
_May show, blood may let, yet I want that pain_  
_Of knowing you at last, all through this reign._

Her immersion was broken when she spotted Rikku next to her, reading along with a wide smile. Paine closed the notebook shut.

"Aww, _Paine_," whined Rikku, standing on the tips of her toes. "I wanted to keep reading! No one ever writes _me _poetry! And if they did, I bet it wouldn't be half as good as Lulu's! Can't I read just a little more?"

"No," was all Paine said.

"Hey, Paine!" said Gippal, waving her over from the trunk. "Come over here for a minute, will ya? Take the last of these wine coolers for you and Lulu! The ice is all melted now." Lulu took the notebook from her, looking amused as she thumbed through the pages. Paine moved down from the top of the car, glancing at Lulu as she walked behind the vehicle. "Had enough lounging around with your _Mistress _yet? 'Cause we got more places to go!"

He did not want to hand her the bottles for some reason. "You're _supposed_ to be surprising me," she said, folding her arms. "You keep saying we'll leave when all the drinks are finished. We can leave now, can't we?" Gippal began walking down the road, enticing her to follow. Paine did so, wondering as to his strange behavior. "Or is there something you're not telling me?"

"It's not _that_!" he replied, laughing. Paine finally snatched _one _drink from him. With her back to the group, she stopped in place. "There's _a lot _of places to choose from! You're with Elysia's daughter—Elysia runs this whole city—_meaning _you and Lulu can get us in anywhere, crash _any _party! That's a lot to think about, don't you think?"

He waved Rikku and Yuna over. Gippal handed the other drink to Rikku, winking as he walked back to his car. Paine did not turn to look at him, too annoyed with the smug look on Rikku's face.

"Don't you want to take it from me, Paine?" teased Rikku, holding the bottle over Paine's head. "All you have to do is grab for it! Go on!"

"And what if I don't need it in the first place?" asked Paine, well-aware by now that everyone needed to stall her for some reason or another. "Keep it."

"Lulu might be angry," said Yuna, "If you go back with only one drink in your hand. I thought you weren't supposed to make her upset?"

Paine rolled her eyes. "Last I checked, you hardly understand what it is I'm supposed to _do _with her," she pointed out.

"You're right," said Yuna. "So why don't you tell us? It's _more _than obvious we really want to know!"

"Why would I do that…?"

Yuna's smile was far too suspicious. "Because it's important to you," she replied. "I've never seen you so willing to please someone else before. You usually keep to yourself, so it's a new experience for all of us, not only you. Is it so bad that we're interested in knowing?"

"Your _interest _pissed me off yesterday, you know that," said Paine. "What makes you think I'd tell you all the details after what happened?"

"It might make you feel better!" suggested Rikku. "Besides, you're gonna be all wet soon. Might as well air everything out now while you still can!"

"_Wet_? What the _hell _are you talking about—"

Gippal's voice sounded right behind her: "Bombs away!"

Freezing water crashed over Paine's head, soaking her to the bone all the way down to her boots. Her bottle shattered the second it hit the ground. Yuna and Rikku jumped back out of the glass and water's trajectory, giggling loudly. Her clothes and hair dripped thoroughly. They weighed her down, weighed her scowl down, and closed her ears until the sound of Gippal's laughter opened them again.

He didn't wait for a warning. He dropped the empty cooler to the ground and ran down the winding road. Paine chased after him. She followed after the sounds of his laughter, instead of his apologies. She fought not to trip in her wet boots, instead of fighting to find a way to incapacitate him. The night air dried her clothes after a time, and her frustrations. She couldn't find it in her to be _that _angry with him.

Gippal might have sensed this as he slowed down. He stopped, and bent down with his hands over his knees. He wheezed in between more laughter, as Paine came to a stop behind him. She slicked her hair back, laughing somewhat over the thought of Lulu's reaction to this prank. Maybe she'd enjoyed it.

"I know, I know!" said Gippal, holding his hand out. "I'm gonna pay…I know! Just—just let me laugh first before you self-destruct on me!"

Paine scoffed. "Funny," she remarked. Gippal wiped his eyes, catching his breath at last. "You're lucky I'm in a good mood tonight. Otherwise I might have taken you up on your offer."

Gippal stood upright. "Tell me about it!" he said, walking with her back to the designated area. "Hell, that's probably the _only_ reason I went ahead with it. Figured if you were all loved up with Lulu this time, you wouldn't fuck me up too bad. I'm waiting on that punishment, you know."

"You can keep waiting." Paine looked to the sky again, noticing that the scars had widened. "I think…I owe you an apology, for using my _Charon _on you. I shouldn't have done that. I let my anger get in the way of our friendship. I've been doing that a lot lately—not just with you."

Gippal hummed in agreement. "Yeah, I heard," he commented. "Rikku and Yuna might've mentioned a few things here and there…"

"They told you I'm a total bitch to them, haven't they?"

"_Well, _I wouldn't put it like that… _Total bitch_—now, those are some strong words, my friend…"

"Spare me," said Paine, scowling at him. "That's bullshit and you know it. Even if they didn't use my exact words, I'm sure that's more or less what they told you."

Gippal sighed in exasperation. "All right, all right—you win," he conceded. "One thing: they didn't call you a bitch. It's just—I don't wanna get stuck in the middle—the three of you go way back. Not as far as you and me, but, you get the idea. It's kinda hard for them to see you open up like this with someone you barely knew for so long, and now you're like ignoring them for her… They say it's not as bad these days as it was before, so you must be making some kinda progress."

He couldn't have known about their misplaced obsession with her. "You don't know the whole story, Gippal," she supplied.

"I figured," he agreed. "I can never know the whole story with you. No one can—except, maybe Lulu…" _No, not really… _"Wait…you mean you don't tell _her _everything, either? Guess I shouldn't feel so bad anymore."

Paine said nothing in response, not even to invalidate his accurate assumptions about Lulu. She figured her silence was preferable to the truth of the matter. He could have easily gone back and told Lulu the details of this conversation. She didn't need him starting any more problems for her relationship.

"When you think about it that way," Gippal went on, "Maybe it's a good thing you don't tell her everything. I mean, look at Yuna and her ex-boyfriend—he knew too much and tried to control the situation. Yuna put her foot down and told him he had to go. She seems set on going back to Spira to fix things there. There's gotta be some reason she doesn't mind staying here with all of us…"

The ground began to shake; the ruptures in the sky began to break open: enormous fiends poured from those tears, terrorizing the areas they landed upon. Yevon guardian wyrms blocked the moonlight in their flight overhead, spraying down their venom to the streets below. The nearby citizens screamed, running away from the chaos beyond. Gippal did not move right away, grounded by his shock.

And Paine could not move, either—from the sky, a red, spiked blitzball fell right into her hands.

_Wakka's World Champion…_

Gippal found himself at last. "We gotta get back to the others!" he said, grabbing Paine's arm to get her running with him.

They had trouble keeping their footing through the earthquake. Paine kept Wakka's blitzball in her other arm, staring down at it as she ran. A morbid thought crossed her mind, of Wakka having sent these fiends down from the sky to kill her.

"Hey!" said Jecht, waving them over. He'd ran ahead to find them. "Glad you're safe! Everyone's worried, come on! We gotta figure out what the hell to do about these damned fiends!"

Lulu had followed after him, not too far behind. She hadn't thought to change out of her new clothes. "Are you all right?" she asked, going over to Paine. She pressed her lips to Paine's, unmindful of Gippal's reaction. She looked down at the blitzball in her arm. "How did you get this…?"

There was no time to explain the confusion. They hurried back to Gippal's car, where the others watched the conflict below with weapons drawn.

Rikku ran to Paine, relieved. "You're okay!" she said, before staring at Wakka's blitzball. "What the heck? Did Wakka leave this with you or something? Oh! Or—did you see him? Is he around here somewhere? I miss poking his tubby stomach…"

Lulu stepped ahead, to stand next to Auron. She said nothing—no one thought anything of it, assuming her silence to be a symptom of lingering anger with his actions.

"I don't know," responded Paine, handing the ball to Jecht. He would know what to do with it. "Does anyone have any idea where these fiends came from? I noticed some tearing in the sky earlier…but it's impossible for the sky to literally tear apart like this."

"Someone's powerful will is at work here," supplied Auron, composed as ever. "Though the guardian wyrms appear to be Yevon's doing, I sense differently. Beyond that, I cannot say anything for certain. I can only speculate."

"Everyone!" said Yuna, having changed to her summoner dressphere. "I can feel the fayth of my aeons strong in my heart again. I can summon them again, so long as we remain within the city. It's been so long…but I must help. We must do something!"

Lulu turned her head to regard Yuna. "There are summoners in the center of the city with their aeons," she said. "If I could also take a more central—and elevated—location, I can provide assistance as well. Most of the fiends save for the wyrms are element-based. I can deal with those."

She turned her head again, likely staring at the large dark flan nearing Zanarkand's busiest highway. Lulu did not linger for long, soon walking back to Gippal's car with Paine. The others hurried inside the vehicle, whereas Lulu traveled around to climb over the trunk. Paine did not question her, though she thought Lulu quite mad, and moved to stand with her upon the hood of the car.

Gippal poked his head out from the window of his seat. "Are you two _crazy_?!" he shouted. Lulu held Paine's hand, hardly acknowledging him. "You expect to stand up there without falling off? There are _guardian wyrms _and freaking _dragons _flying through the air if you hadn't noticed!"

Lulu did not spare him a glance. "Just drive," she said. Paine felt the pull of gravity centered within her boots, keeping her rooted to the spot. "I will stomp my foot when I want you to set us down."

"Right—just don't scratch the paint or put a dent anywhere," he muttered, moving to sit in his seat properly. "Never took _you _to be the risk-taking type, that's for sure…"

Paine naturally expected to feel momentum's push against her when Gippal's car took flight. It did not—Lulu saw to this with her spells, such that they could stand as if on solid unmoving ground. Yuna had summoned Valefor to deal with the aerial fiends in the car's path, keeping them safe.

"Love," said Lulu, as they neared the centermost highway, "I don't have any of my dolls equipped to this dressphere. I neglected to equip my usual wear in this garment grid as well, thinking I would be tempted to change into it for comfort's sake… I'll need your help."

"What do you need me to do?" asked Paine, thinking to change to her black mage dressphere. "I can give you one of my staves from my dressphere if you need it…"

Lulu shook her head. "I dislike using truly inanimate objects to channel my magic," she responded. "The gain in using my dolls is that they do in fact have a soul—despite what others may think. It is through there that I find what I need to help me surpass my limits and become stronger. Hopefully Vidina has learned this by now, through his own doll…" Paine worried for his safety, yet Lulu's sister was with him. He must have been safe. "No, I quite literally need _you _for this task. I have never tried this before; it doesn't matter. Now is not the time to worry about making a mistake."

Lulu stomped her boot down, signaling for Gippal to drop them off at the top of the arc of running water. Paine could hear Gippal's distraught tones as he complied, hovering the car next to the unoccupied highway. Lulu went first—the moment her heel met the water, the entire arc became a solid arch of ice dry enough for her to stand upon. She helped Paine from the car to stand in front of her.

Gippal took off for the ground. Lulu instructed Paine to keep her back to her, instead facing the sea of fiends beyond. Lulu held her close, eyes focused on Elysia's bastion along the farthest edge of the city. Paine thought back to Auron's speculations, of someone's powerful will having caused these events. She doubted Wakka was capable of such a thing, wherever he was…

Her limbs began to lock up as if cramped of a sudden. She could not cry out in pain—she had no control over her body anymore. She fell back into Lulu's hold, feeling stiff and hollow as wood. Through that hollowness, that openness, she felt exposed; far more exposed than her mind could have allowed through typical means. The longer it continued, the less pain she felt. She heard and felt a soft susurrus slithering within; saw the dark bursts of energy inking the sky black and mauve all around her.

Waves of gravity spells she felt conducted from her, with or without her body's consent, it did not matter. The fiends nearby fell, weakened by Lulu's spells continually halving their health again and again. As the catalyst for this gathering of fireworks in the form of bent time and space, Paine watched it all unfold before her eyes. Her emotions were still her own, filling her to the brim to make up for the temporary absence of all else.

Soon her sight became suspect—from the black of Lulu's spells or the lack of control over her own body, she didn't know which. She felt herself falling, somehow, with Lulu still close by. The fiends around them had weakened considerably; the summoners and their aeons worked to assist, but their numbers were too few and too scattered. More fiends began falling from the sky.

A familiar crunching sound Paine heard upon the ground, freeing her from Lulu's magical servitude. Paine looked about and found herself indeed on solid ground, beneath the free-flowing arc of water. Aeons overhead worked to keep this central area free of fiends, however many continued pouring from above.

"Raine!" said Lulu, upon her sister's approach. "Is that you?"

Raine removed her helmet and bowed. "I'm glad you're safe," she replied. She avoided spending too much time surveying Lulu's choice of clothes. "We should wait here. Mother will find us soon." Vidina smiled wide and ran over to Paine and Lulu. He hugged Paine closest to him first, wishing her a happy birthday. "The fiends won't be a problem anymore once she arrives."

Vidina frowned, and tugged on one of Lulu's suspenders. "Mommy, what are you wearing?" he asked, concerned.

Lulu bent down to hold her son, choosing not to reply to his question. Vidina got the hint well enough, and did not repeat himself. Raine only raised an eyebrow while her sister's back was to her. Paine smiled, observing Vidina—his shirt and shorts were quite dirty, and he appeared to have a tan from spending his days out in the sun. After but a week, she could tell he had gotten stronger.

She heard the gentle sounds of light materials along the ground, nearing. Those jewels sounded like Elysia's. The temperature began to drop, no doubt signaling Shiva's presence at her side. Elysia's footsteps sounded hurried, impatient. When Paine turned around to bow to her, Elysia stopped.

"Oh!" said Elysia, upon seeing Lulu's outfit. "Lulu…that is you, is it not? I mistook you for a stranger holding my grandson." She clutched her pearls around her neck. Lulu continued to hold Vidina, appearing not to have heard her. "And Paine, I had no idea you frequented the men's department! This is…quite the surprise." Elysia cleared her throat. "I am certain I do not know all of what is going on here.. I will simply declare it to be none of my business and get straight to the point." Paine was grateful for Elysia's discretion, yet she had a feeling Lulu was more than a little embarrassed over the turn of events… "Paine, was my daughter able to use you in place of her dolls to cast those spells?"

"She did," confirmed Paine, uncertain as to why Elysia appeared so elated over the news.

"That will make things much easier than I'd prepared for," added Elysia, motioning for Paine to turn around. She placed her hands along Paine's shoulder blades, imbuing a spell there. "Lulu, I know you hear me speaking! Stand, and let Paine hold you. The fiends will be dealt with once this is finished."

Paine helped Lulu to stand, and embraced her. In imitation of that motion, of that intent to protect Lulu from more than her embarrassment, two giant white wings spread from Elysia's bastion to hold all of Zanarkand in its embrace. Alexander's Holy magic enshrouded the entire city, bathing everything inside in a sea of pearly white. All of the fiends both inside and outside of the wings turned to pyreflies.

In that mask of white hiding them from all else, Lulu took her time to kiss Paine, deeply—as if they had no surroundings, as if they had no place else to be.

It was there, through the gap of Lulu's inhibitions, that Paine felt that _strong will _as her own. The will to love, to protect, to be; the will to hate, to destroy, to die—because of Lulu, because of her, because of this, because of _everything_ they shared. Somewhere, far away, she saw it all being ripped from her despite her strong will. She could not grasp when, or why, yet she soon felt an insurmountable ambition to hold on to this moment, now, with Lulu there in her arms amid Holy light and never let her go.

When Alexander's wings subsided, all reverted to normal, yet this newfound ambition did not leave her. By the look in Lulu's eyes as the pyreflies reflected there, perhaps she felt the same way. Paine mostly saw confusion there. She looked down, between them, finding that something had changed. Deep within, Paine felt her dark knight dressphere return just enough to manifest itself much differently.

"This armor," said Lulu, smoothing her hands down Paine's chest. A full suit of armor the same color and shine as Lulu's dress had formed over Paine's body, except for her head. "It is almost identical to my sister's…where did it come from?"

Elysia looked to her youngest daughter. "I believe you're ready to learn now as well, my dear," she spoke to Raine. She turned to address Paine, Lulu and Vidina. "Come, follow me. We will need to formally induct you as my guardian, Paine, and more. You have proven your worth."

—

The stone floor and walls of Zanarkand's forgotten temple bore frescoes of its resident aeon Alexander, the Great Protector. Statues of past summoners and high priests filled the boundaries of the vestibule, much like the temples in Spira. The length of stairs surrounded by Holy ahead led to the Cloister of Trials. A number of citizens knelt down before the statues in prayer, fearful and most faithful after the recent attack. A number of monks tried to block Lulu's way, insisting her manner of dress was not at all appropriate for a place of worship. Elysia waved them away without a word, and had her daughter walk right past them. The praying citizens nearby paid no mind to the echoes of footsteps and scandalized voices behind them, engrossed in their chants, lighting incense, or placing other offerings to Yevon along the rows of elevated statues.

Elysia guided the group to one of the rooms adjacent to the stairs. She pressed her summoner's staff to the stone door. With a flash of a series of glyphs and Yevon's symbol, the door opened, revealing a small library. Suits of armor lined the walls devoid of bookcases, with scrolls behind each one written in Old Spiran depicting to whom the armor once belonged to.

"In this era without Sin," said Elysia, leading everyone to a circular table in the center of the room, "Without the Final Summoning, we summoners are instead tasked with sacricifing our personal lives for the sake of constantly living in the public eye. Summoners in this time are treated as royalty, given special privileges in deciding Zanarkand's political stances; because of our influence, guardians are also tasked to eliminate all those who want their summoner's head."

Elysia gestured for Paine to stand before her. "I have already completed my pilgrimage," she went on, as she smiled at Paine in front of her. "As you can no doubt guess, there are a number of people who want me banished back to the Farplane for eternity. I have a theory that tonight's attack was in line with someone's efforts to see me gone, but I have little proof to validate this. We must instead move on with the plans to stop Vegnagun's creation. I am sure you're familiar with the Code of the Guardian?"

Paine nodded, as Raine moved to stand at her side. "_Protect the summoner, even at the cost of one's life_," she recited, having remembered her studies in Yevon's youth group as much as she'd hated them at the time.

"Raine is already my guardian, as is my husband," said Elysia. "When Alexander responded to your emotional call, you proved to me that you have the ambition to protect not only me, but Lulu as well. In this era before Sin, we have a branching title for a guardian who is also responsible for the summoner's family and affairs—and, by extension, Zanarkand's affairs. They command great respect and hold considerable legal power not only in Zanarkand, but in all of Spira in these ancient times."

Elysia held out a scroll for Paine and Raine to read together. She motioned for Lulu and Vidina to join them in reading; Lulu held her son in her arms for him to get a better look, standing close to Paine as they all read the yellowing document.

_The Judge Magisters are the de facto guardians of law and order throughout Spira, making them in effect the Supreme Court of their nation, and commanders of their jurisdiction's military. They are also the elite guards of their chosen summoner's House. Judges are referred to as "Your Honor" by both outsiders and each other. _

_In the City of Zanarkand, the Judge Magisters are a special order of knights under the Spiran Ministry of Law. With the spread of Yevon's influence throughout Spira's many nations came a rise in crime and regional conflicts. To reduce the amount of time required by judicial process for the Maesters in the High Court of Yevon, House Alexander introduced legislation bringing a military court into existence—beginning the origin of the Order of Judges, whose powers are maintained by the fayth of Yevon. _

_Judge Magisters are always seen in a full plate of armor and are rarely seen with their helmets off. Each Judge Magister develops on their own a unique set of armor with complex helmet ornamentation, usually including horns. The developmental process typically begins when a summoner's guardian desires strongly for the perpetual safety of those around them, most notably their summoner's family. It finalizes when their summoner imbues within them a breath of fayth, which begins the growth of armor to protect the guardian from the tasks ahead._

_By their summoner's discretion, they are often sent on sensitive and important missions to further the gains of their charge. They answer only to their summoner and are able to override any decision made by local law enforcement. Maesters and all other disciples of Yevon are expected to respect each Judge Magister, their summoner, their summoner's family and their decisions. _

"Both of you," said Elysia, to Paine and Raine, "I will give you this power, so long as you make but one promise to me." She took a deep breath, and waited. Thinking. Raine gave Paine an unreadable sidelong glance. "Your secrets are your own. They are what fuel the strength in your armor. All I ask is that you keep these to yourselves. Do not share them with one another."

"As you wish," spoke Raine.

Paine thought this to be an odd condition, yet she agreed nonetheless. "I'll do as you say."

"Then it is settled," said Elysia, placing the scroll back down. "I bestow upon you both your new titles. Your Honors, I expect to see you in my home tomorrow at noon. As for your duties, I will need the time to decide on those. I must take a number of variables into account. Trust that I will decide fairly."

—

When Paine returned home with Lulu and Vidina, she was relieved to find that nothing had been damaged by the attack. All was in the same order as it had been when she left with Rikku yesterday. It all looked different from behind her horned helm. The limited vision forced her to be more aware, more alert for any signs of changes. The ticking of the clock upon the wall and the typically faint passing of skycars in the distance sounded louder, clearer. She would need to get used to this artificial amplification of her senses.

"May I take a bath?" asked Vidina, scowling down at his clothes. "I wanna tell you about everything I did! Both of you," he added, looking up at Paine, expectant. "Can you stay in your armor? It's cool!"

"I can," said Paine, nodding. Her voice sounded as muffled within a tin of metal. She frowned at the sound, though Vidina appeared impressed by it. He held her gloved hand. "We're going now?"

"Yes!" he said, walking with her to his room. "Mommy needs to change her clothes first, I think…"

Lulu was already on her way to the bedroom. "I'll join you in a few minutes," she said, her boots sounding louder over the marble floor to Paine's covered ears.

Vidina went on to tell Paine of his adventures with his aunt. Paine walked down the hallway with him, listening to how he'd insisted to Raine he wanted to be a powerful black mage like his mother. He'd recalled the vivid memory from last year of Lulu holding their ferry to Luca together with her gravity spells alone. He wanted to be able to do that one day.

He stopped his sentence short when he opened the door to his room and found the new water-themed set of furniture Lulu had bought for him. Vidina expressed his amazement as he hurried inside, surveying all of his new things. Tomes of all sizes lined the bookcase that took up the entire wall opposite his bed. Upon the crystal desk in the corner sat a number of new dolls for Vidina to choose from. The sizable rug that covered most of the floor and the blankets over the bed reminded her of the waterfalls in Besaid.

After taking enough time to look at everything, Vidina found a clean set of clothes in his drawers. He instructed Paine to wait in his room while he made the bath by himself. Paine smiled at him as he closed the door. Vidina frowned at her to make sure she didn't try to follow him.

_Still a little shy._

Lulu entered Vidina's room soon after, dressed in her usual nightgown. She held Paine from behind, resting the side of her face over Paine's back. The boots of Paine's armor still bore her typical heels, letting her keep this height over Lulu's form. She had already begun to enjoy what her armor symbolized, even beyond the obvious.

The only question, then, was how to remove it. Its link to her dark knight dressphere was ambiguous at best—she felt the sphere was still broken within her garment grid, repairing itself a little at a time. She feared that simply unequipping the dressphere would have little effect.

"I wonder what tomorrow will hold," spoke Lulu, without apprehension. "I never imagined myself in a relationship with one of the elite knights of Yevon. This is all very new to me. How are you handling it?"

"Feels like I don't deserve it, yet, if at all," admitted Paine. Lulu moved to sit with her upon the bed, listening. "I never thought I'd graduate from Yevon's youth group, and the Crimson Squad, all the way to Judge Magister. I'm surprised your mother trusts me this much so soon."

Lulu let her eyes roam over that suit of armor. "I have a feeling she has been watching us for a long time," she said. "My sister mentioned that she knew of your background with Yevon. Something could have prompted them to keep an eye on you even before you and I met. If that is the case, it's only natural that my family is able to trust you in this way."

Paine considered this, nodding. "Maybe, but your sister doesn't seem to trust me at all," she said.

"She doesn't seem to trust anyone for that matter," supplied Lulu, removing Paine's helm. "I wouldn't take it personally. I was once as closed off as she is, if not more…" She stared down at the decorated horns in her hands, melancholy. "From the promise the two of you made to my mother, I can also guess that it is because of her nature that she bears her armor at all times. It makes me wonder about her…yet I know better than to ask her questions about these things."

"You think she'll ever come around on her own?"

"It's possible, certainly… I try not to think about it. She is very respectful with me. I can tell she cares for me dearly. She kept Vidina safe, so I know I can trust her. That will always be enough for me."

The notion that Lulu could still love her sister despite knowing so little about her, despite Raine's purposeful secrecy: Paine tucked this away as a marker of Lulu's character—her acceptance and concern of those she cared for, regardless of how they presented themselves in normative ways.

The bath water stopped running. Lulu stood with Paine, walking with her to Vidina's bathroom. She knocked first. "May we come in?" she asked, listening as Vidina sat the water.

"Yes!" sounded Vidina's voice. "I have lots to tell you!"

Paine knelt upon the cobalt tile floor at Lulu's side, watching her bathe Vidina with a different care than the one reserved for her. They listened to his story about climbing trees, riding dinosaurs, learning to meditate beneath running water, and nearly setting Raine on fire. She was grateful that, so far, Vidina had a far easier and happier childhood than she could recall of her own. All she remembered from being his age was the constant neglect from her own parents, often having to take care of herself.

Her parents had preferred screaming at each other over bills instead of remembering they had a daughter. She had barely rested well, constantly hearing the sounds of walls being slammed against.

She had order here. The devotion Lulu gave her was irreplaceable—one she could never take for granted or find in anyone else.

Lulu listened to Vidina's tale, on occasion turning to her to ask what she thought. Paine smiled each time, feeling involved, feeling needed; remembered. To be forgotten was worse than death. She felt alive, as part of something that needed her to thrive. If her new duties could keep this feeling alive, she vowed to make sure that came to pass.

—

_References:  
Final Fantasy IX – the Summoning of Alexander against Bahamut in the Kingdom of Alexandria  
Final Fantasy XII – Archadian Judges, FFWiki_

_Lulu's sonnets to Paine are my original work. Please give me credit if you share them. Thank you._


	24. Fuck Responsibly

"_Mezzanine" by Massive Attack; __**note**__: Happy 21__st__ Birthday to the creeper in my reviews inbox…lol._

_I'm a little curious of you in crowded scenes;  
Why don't you close your eyes and reinvent me?_

She'd had to postpone this for two weeks. Lulu wanted to give, or take, endlessly, or not at all.

She didn't want to limit herself with Vidina at home. She didn't want anything _drastic _distracting Paine from her initial days of work as Judge Magister: memories, words, sights or sighs from nights before. The result instead was that Paine had gone to work frustrated for fourteen days.

Outright denial did not sit well with Paine's libido. It had been an unexpected delight, for Lulu, to see this development. They'd rarely had a reason before to not have sex—when they wanted it, they had it. The first change in the formula, Paine had accepted: Vidina had been at home. She and Lulu had a tendency to be somewhat rowdy and loud—inhibiting this hadn't felt right, so they'd opted to sleep instead. The next day, Paine had gone to Elysia's home with Vidina; Raine hadn't offered again to train Vidina just yet, too engrossed in her new duties as Commander of Zanarkand's army of summoners. Paine needed more time to assimilate into any such higher duties, spending much of her time going over the bureaucratic policies and religious mandates that governed the city and the other nations of Spira. The more she learned, the more power she would be given to enforce her knowledge.

The days had passed; Paine had wanted less and less to _sleep_; Lulu had kept control over her, keeping to this decisive decision to watch for more of these vital points in Paine's tolerance levels; Vidina had been none the wiser as to what his presence had begun, spending plenty of time reading with his mother when he returned home. Paine had yet to discover any of the furniture Lulu had purchased for their bedroom, hidden in plain sight as they were.

Lulu had also forbidden Paine from masturbating while they were in separate rooms, or at all. That had tightened the lid over the fumes of Paine's frustrations all the more. Lulu had delighted in it, thoroughly.

On this night, Paine returned home alone. Raine had, at last, offered to continue training Vidina for two weeks this time. Paine closed the door, locked it, and removed her helmet. She walked the few paces to Lulu standing in front of her, and kissed her for a long moment; relishing. When she moved back, Lulu held her hand out; Paine bowed, and kissed Lulu's lustrous hand beneath that patterned sleeve of her dress. She held onto Lulu's hand, with lips lingering over the skin there. She couldn't breathe.

"Is something the matter?" asked Lulu.

Paine stopped herself from licking; her lips continued to press, absorb. "Your hand is wet," she said.

Lulu took her hand from Paine's hold. "That's not an answer," she pointed out. Paine maintained her bowed posture, staring down at Lulu's belts as she was spoken to. Lulu stared at that collar… "You have one chance to change your answer—again, is something the matter?"

"Yes, Mistress," replied Paine, standing upright. Lulu raised her eyebrow. "It's been two weeks… Vidina's out training with your sister again. I—you _know_ how much I want you. I've tried to be patient. I've done as you've told me to do. _Please_…"

That want and sincerity showed itself sooner than Lulu thought it would. Paine's armor dissolved back into her skin, as it always did whenever she decided to submit fully to Lulu's command. She stood in her warrior dressphere, waiting for Lulu to speak.

"Hmm…" Lulu smoothed her wet hand up and down along Paine's scalp, drying it off between that silken hair amid Paine's groans. "I suppose you _have _been patient enough. But—" She had just touched her strongest urges away, before Paine's arrival. She needed time to get back to that level, and then some. Paine didn't need to know the details; Lulu took her by the hand, guiding her to the dining table. "Why don't we have dinner first? You've been hard at work all day, refreshing your knowledge of Yevon's laws and traditions. You must be famished."

Paine sat in her usual seat at the end of the table; her meal was already there, warm and waiting. "Thank you, Mistress," she said, her voice light from her indulgence in the sight and smell of Lulu's cooking.

Lulu bent down behind her chair, arms wrapped about Paine's shoulders and neck. Normally, the sounds of eating put her off—yet she listened to Paine eat with no other sounds around them save for the calm of their home. She could hear the control in Paine's mouth, teeth and tongue; how she savored this meal as she did with every other filling dish Lulu spent hours preparing for her. The wet, open sound of her swallowing the food, the red wine to go with the red meat—Lulu made the link to _other_ acts.

She used her nails to stroke Paine's face and hair. She watched Paine's every movement. When she closed her eyes, Lulu placed the gentlest, most indiscernible of kisses everywhere she could reach in this position. The back of Paine's scalp smelled hotly of sweat, from her helmet. She had a tendency to sweat there the most when under pressure. Lulu furrowed her nose through Paine's hair, there, where she felt the most sweat, smelling—she scented metal, the perfumed silk that lined the interior of her armor, stubborn saline and thick grime. She felt her own chest heaving along the back of Paine's shoulders as she did this, giving her enjoyment away. Paine slowed her eating.

"Finish your meal," said Lulu, lips moistened by this affected area.

Paine swallowed; Lulu's chest heaved anew. "Lulu…" She wanted to ask something, yet she knew she could not.

Lulu decided to save her the trouble of trying to word her wants around the rules. "I want you to eat first," she supplied, running her nails down the nape of Paine's neck; trailing sweat there and spelling out a vulgar word. "I had enough to eat earlier. I'll be all right for a while." She paused; Paine knew that was her cue to continue eating. "As for why I enjoy doing this for you…it takes my mind places when I listen to you consume what I've made for you alone…" Another pause. "Do you find it…revolting?"

Paine hurried to swallow the food in her mouth. "No, Ma'am," she replied, out of breath.

"Mmm, that's good," said Lulu, sighing—guttural, deep. Paine's fork suddenly clanked against her plate. Lulu felt her wireless vibrating in her satchel. "Hm." She stood up straight, and retrieved the device. She opened it and pressed the receiver to her ear. "Yuna? This is an odd hour for you to call me."

"_I know, I know, I'm really sorry_," said Yuna, in total sincerity. Lulu walked away from the table, regarding Paine over her shoulder to make sure she finished eating. _"But—well, Rikku and Gippal want to go out tonight. I don't want to be a third wheel, and I have some good news to share with you all, so we were wondering if maybe you and Paine wanted to join us?"_

That certainly put a damper on things. Yet Yuna mentioned she had good news… "Did you have some place in mind?" asked Lulu.

"_Yes, we're thinking about the club we were supposed to take Paine to on her birthday, before…you know_," replied Yuna, hopeful. _"The one with the _diverse _crowd, remember?"_

Lulu stared out of the windows of the terrace, thinking. "That's true—we never did get to take her there, or anywhere else for that matter," she remarked. This at least gave her the chance to do a few of the things she'd had in mind. "We'll join you. But, in the future, be sure to call ahead of time when you want to make plans, hm? This is a bit short-notice."

"_I will, Lulu, I promise. Don't worry! And thank you for saying yes. Is it all right if we come pick you and Paine up in an hour? Gippal's driving again…" _Lulu heard voices and laughter in the background, their tones encouraging. _"Oh…goodness—they want you to wear what you had on last time. The corset—and your boots… Is…is that okay?"_

"That's fine," said Lulu. "I'm beginning to accept that it will soon become my default outfit for our nights out. We'll see you in an hour."

"_Right—see you then!"_

Lulu closed her wireless. She set it down on the table in front of the television. She turned around, watching Paine put her dishes in the dishwasher beneath the dim night-light of the kitchen. The clicks of the dishwasher door closing sounded as Paine looked back at her. _Something _about seeing Paine do such a small chore sent her floating in place. She watched the subdued ardor in Paine's eyes grow and grow as she neared, as those heels upon the marble closed the distance between them.

Whenever Paine walked with her head bowed between eye contact, with loose arms, with decisive steps of her boots, Lulu had before her an image of ease and shyness all at once. The contradiction did not serve to veil the truth at all: that Paine wanted to say, or do something, yet she needed time to think things over. She thought with her body, through her gait alone. Those thoughts spoke clear volumes.

"You never leave anything for me to clean," said Paine at last, paces away from her. Her voice took on a mesmeric quality—she _seemed_ so innocent… "Everything is always immaculate."

Lulu took a deep breath, to clear her mind; to find her voice through her building wants. "I clean as I cook, and directly after," she spoke, as but a murmur when Paine's heels stopped. "I don't want you to clean. That is my job, not yours. Unless I specifically tell you to do so, you shouldn't worry about it."

"You never tell me to, either." This haze with Paine's nearness, with Paine looking right into her with that all-encompassing crimson made Lulu's thoughts unfocused. Feather-light and lifting at the same time, Paine held both of Lulu's hands in her own, swaying them a little. "I thought you might have by now. May I ask why you haven't?"

Lulu averted her eyes. If she _acted_, they would never leave. "No, you may not," she said, keeping her sighs to herself. "We need to start getting ready. You've been sweating in your armor all day—you could do with a shower."

When Paine inhaled, once, right next to her ear of a sudden, Lulu knew she would err. When Paine exhaled, "Yes, Ma'am," in that deep timber, Lulu felt all of Paine's hard intentions pressing down on her heart. The sound she let out gave it all away. "But, could we…try taking another sort of shower instead?"

Lulu narrowed her eyes. "What _kind _of shower…?" she asked. Surely Paine hadn't developed a predilection for something on her list of hard limits? That certainly wouldn't do.

"Sit on top of me," said Paine, guiding her to the couch. She lay down first, staring up at Lulu standing over her. "Please…?" She could _not _just give an order and add on _please _at the end like that. She never said _please_. And when she did, Lulu could not find it in her to be strict at all. "Baby, _please_?" _Again_…and that pet name; Paine changed out of her dressphere, into her bare skin. Lulu struggled to pace her breathing and keep her eyes steeled, with Paine tugging her by the wrist…_like a child_. "I need you to touch me. I need your lips, your tongue; your teeth on me. When you kissed the back of my head, I felt my sweat on your lips…and it gave me this idea. I want you to clean me, as you are."

They had thought the same things. Lulu had done her best to dismiss the notion at the time. She hadn't thought Paine would really want this…

"Here?" asked Lulu, doing her best to stay composed and in control. The continued look in Paine's eyes gave her affirmative. "Paine…you're not supposed to make demands of me. Or did you forget?"

"It's not a demand if you want it, too."

Lulu wanted to burn a hole through that expectant expression on Paine's face. "No," she said, and walked away. "I don't want you begging for something I didn't offer to give you. Go and get dressed." She heard that _precocious_ chime of crystal as Paine changed back into her warrior dressphere. She stopped, and turned to regard her once more. "Stop this. You know what I meant."

"Lulu," said Paine, lounging upon the couch, "I want to know why you're so against the idea of our friends walking in on us. That's the only thing I can think of that would make you tell me no."

"You're trying to rationalize it when you're already completely off the mark," countered Lulu. "Stop."

"So you're not against it… I don't see why you won't give me what I want, then."

Lulu had enough of this. She went into the bedroom, and into the bathroom. She shut the door, without locking it behind her. She changed out of her dressphere, and began running the warm water of the shower. If Paine knew any better, she would join her within the next few minutes so they could get ready to leave. Lulu did not wait for the door to open, or for the water to be at their preferred temperature before stepping through the wide, transparent door of the shower.

_She had Wakka's blitzball in her hands that night…she never said where it came from._

This black tile was preferable to that red.

Five minutes passed, and Lulu was still alone. Ten minutes, fifteen, twenty, twenty-five, thirty, thirty-five, forty—she'd washed her hair, and all else, now standing in place, thinking for minutes on end; thinking and thinking of _pressure_ the whole time. She would forever feel most vulnerable in the shower.

She felt a distinct tremble from the bones of her spine—especially within the nape of her neck. Something about the house seemed too open. The bedroom door was open—she could hear it through the draft of the now-open bathroom door. The front door was open as well; it had to be. Paine's heels sounded on the uncovered marble floor; muffled against the covered portions; loud and free, simultaneous, as she stepped along the rugs and the towel at the foot of the shower. She made no effort to mask her approach. She entered the shower, and closed that door behind her.

Lulu did not turn around to make sure it was her. There was no need. She knew that Paine was fully clothed in her same dressphere—the water of the shower sang against those belts, that leather. She saw the faint trace of dirt washing down the drain from the bottom of Paine's boots. Two more clicks from Paine's heels, and she was right behind her. She felt the pressure of Paine's hands over her shoulders, spinning her about-face.

And through the thickness of her hair, she'd felt that protrusion—now against her stomach with Paine that much taller than her. Lulu stared down at it, seared by the sudden heat she felt within.

"If you're really not against what I said," began Paine, moving one hand down to grab the base of the plastic between them, "Then I want you to make this real. I want to know how it feels."

Paine had situated her dresspheres appropriately, with the harness taut beneath her shorts; she'd made an opening just for this. Lulu continued to stare at it, unaware of where her command had gone with this sight, with Paine speaking to her in this way. _What command? _

"Mistress… Get on your knees."

The desire for this brief switch sounded loud inside of her. She felt Paine's other hand pushing her down by her shoulder; Lulu followed that motion, hoping to find her autonomy as she did. She did not, could not—she knew what needed to be done to make this real. She could not have that if she wanted this.

Paine held her face, just beneath her jaws, and tilted her head upward. "Before you start, I want to know something—have you ever given anyone a blowjob before? Or just a handjob?"

Lulu looked up into those glaring eyes, feeling all of her control drip away from her by the second. "No," she said, in full honesty, and pressed four fingers together to rub along the river there between her.

She smoothed that shine onto the shaft, so in her face; soft, at a slow time, shaping this certainty there. The plastic shifted from durable, to pliable; a soft bar of wet from her, from the shower. The limp did not last long at all. With those groans of deep surprise, of novelty, Paine closed her eyes for a moment, _living _as she sounded. She held onto her control, enough to lift Lulu's face higher, stopping Lulu's lips right against her.

"You're so…_fucking_…beautiful, Lulu," murmured Paine, eyeing her with hunger deep-sated. Lulu remembered the first time Paine told her that… "I always wanted the chance to fuck your beautiful face. I'm glad no one else has. I bet you were too proud to let anyone else do it. That makes this even better."

She felt the nail of Paine's thumb prying her lips open, first, before the rest pushed through. Paine hooked her thumb over the bottom row of Lulu's teeth; pressed her index finger up beneath the top row, and pushed Lulu's jaws apart as far as they would go. Lulu managed to moan through that forceful insertion. Elongated in moderate thickness, with the taste of skin pushed through along the top of her mouth, over her extending tongue; not trying to fit, but to simply _be_ in this place she had never allowed another of this kind to go.

Lulu stayed upon her knees high enough to twist her head from side-to-side, reaching. She wanted it all in her mouth, as far as it would go on this first time. The harder she pressed her tongue underneath, the thicker Paine tasted, widening in place. The pain in her jaws could not touch her fortitude to open her throat, all in this first stroke. But minor dripping of Paine's bitter sweetness she tasted on the way down. She pulled her head back, curling her tongue to lap all of this wet, thin thickness. She felt it sticking and un-sticking all within her mouth with Paine's growing pulse. _So warm_…

That voice, those sounds coming from Paine's throat were far more masculine than before. They deepened all the more with the slow, hard movements of Lulu's lips moving back and forth. They echoed through the shower, through the bathroom, farther—with the transparent door at Lulu's right side, she heard more echoes, outside the bedroom door, yet she did not stop. She heard those calls, asking if anyone was home. Paine leaned her head back, with eyes rolled to the back of her head, pulling hard along the back of Lulu's head; far too immersed to notice what was going on beyond them.

Lulu opened her mouth wider to accommodate the curl that had started to form; she gave a direct sidelong glance to Gippal and Yuna staring at her from the living room. Rikku had her back turned, looking around and calling Lulu's name. When she turned around, she _noticed_. The bedroom and bathroom doors were both open, with a clear passage, a clear view to this scene—Lulu did not care if they wanted to watch. She pushed her shoulders down and pushed her mouth over, deeper, harder, and returned her attention to Paine.

She felt both of Paine's hands tangling through her hair, combing back the falls from over her eyes. The weight of her cape she felt lifted; Paine locked her fingers through those thick locks, and used this leverage to fuck. Lulu fought back the urge to choke for breath; she compensated with her mana.

Constant pushing against the back of Lulu's throat, staccato, again, again, again, again and again it repeated, with Lulu's head and nose tilted down, reaching the skin of Paine's stomach one thrust at a time. Nasal grunts from Paine's mouth sounded over and over, trembling as her voice coated them in her rough need. The pain from this force, Lulu could only take so much, yet she wanted more, more, for as long as Paine continued to sound this allowed dominance over her. When Lulu conveyed through her eyes that she enjoyed this pain, that she could take more before her expression would ever break, it sent Paine over the edge with guttural calls of her name. Guttural, before breathy; breathy, before shuddering and loud; Paine pulled out enough to cascade that release just over Lulu's thick lips. Lulu wrapped her lips over one more time, to collect the rest with her tongue, to swallow all that she had sworn away from _before _Paine. It made the taste bearable—over time, she knew she would enjoy it more, this bitter, slick bundling slithering down her throat. The aftertaste was sweet; sour.

Paine pulled her up by the shoulders, and pushed her hard against the wall. She pressed her body of soaking leather and skin against Lulu's, kissing that residue off of her face with long, hard strokes of her lips and tongue. That hardening tried to respond, between them, against Lulu's lower stomach; the beginnings made Lulu wrap her arms around Paine's strong back, holding her close. Paine's need still had not left her—from her hold, from her aggressive whispers over Lulu's face, she wanted _more_. Lulu fought not to tremble before that stamina, of another who could again and again want her so…

_They had visitors. _Lulu stared at them from behind Paine's figure, as she was continually adored through roughness.

—

Zanarkand's beauty was unmatched by all other sights at night. Paine believed the opposite: that Lulu's beauty was supreme. She whispered as much in Lulu's ear as they sat together in Gippal's car. They were in the very back seat, with Lulu sitting across Paine's lap; arms wrapped about Paine's neck. Lulu listened to Paine's amazement and adoration, smiling darkly as she stared out of the window.

"_I never thought you would let me use your mouth like that; never thought you would let anyone fuck your throat, come on your face… Fuck, I love you so much more for letting me do that. I thought you'd whip me for trying to take control of you. Speaking of which…I want to have one of those intense scenes some time soon. Whenever you're in the mood…I know you wanna take things slow, at your own pace. There's no rush…"_

Every so often, Lulu caught a glance from Gippal through his rear-view mirror. Gippal's eye not covered by his eye patch darted away when she caught him; Paine didn't notice, quite busy using her nose to nuzzle Lulu's ear and neck. He adjusted his collar. Rikku in the passenger's seat screamed at him to keep his eyes on the road, lunging over to help him steer the car away from yet another oncoming vehicle.

"Geez, Gippal, what is WRONG with you?!" shouted Rikku, falling back in her seat in a huff. "Are you _trying _to get us killed? 'Cause you're doing a good job at it in case you are! You were driving just fine earlier!"

Gippal mumbled something about Lulu being on display in the back seat—not to mention their unexpected show earlier. Rikku's temper vanished at the reminder. Yuna chanced turning around in her seat to look at the couple behind her. She did not linger long, soon moving to sit properly again. Her face had taken on a near-permanent state of redness since they left Lulu and Paine's home minutes ago. Again, Paine did not notice—she smoothed her hand down the exposed skin of Lulu's upper thighs, the top of Lulu's boots, and back up again to test the firmness of the corset against her stomach.

"Hey," said Gippal at last, regarding Paine through the rear-view mirror this time, "Are you two…gonna be doing that all night? I'm not trying to be nosey or, or anything like that. I just—I wanna know these things."

Paine adjusted her gaze, to regard him as per normal. "It depends," she responded. Gippal had to keep from swerving. "We're not _bothering _you, are we?"

"Gippal!" said Rikku, infuriated by the rage in her raised hands. "Eyes on the road, Mister!"

"Oh, shit, right…" He grumbled, getting back on course. "No, no, Paine, you're not bothering me at all… You two start getting on like that, it's _never _a problem, trust me… Well, except for the part where you get me so distracted I almost get us killed! That's nothing to worry about!"

Paine adjusted her posture, with a definitive, show-off hold around Lulu's body, as if to say: _Yeah, she's mine, and she's gorgeous. Jealous? _"I think you _are_ worried about it," she pointed out. "I'm the one who left the doors open, not Lulu. She didn't say anything—she let you watch her sucking me off." The temperature in the front of the car shot up several degrees. Lulu smiled wide at Paine's new, uninhibited tongue. "You think more of that is going to happen in the future. You want more. Don't you?"

Gippal began descending the car into the nearest parking lot, struggling to maintain control over his vehicle. "Am…am I supposed to answer that?" he asked, bringing the car to a skidding halt.

"I already know what you want to say," said Paine, "But an actual answer never hurt."

He turned the car off. Rikku and Yuna sat stone still, listening to the silence all around them.

"Yeah…I do," said Gippal, before getting out of the car. He opened the back door for them. "Is that so wrong of me?" he asked, offering his hand to Lulu. "I mean, I'm just like any other straight guy who wants to watch two beautiful women go at each other… If it is, I can…_try _to stop picturing it in my head, even after what I saw earlier…?"

"It isn't," spoke Lulu, allowing him to assist her from the car. She knew how to pirouette her boots for maximum aestheticism. Gippal stared at them. "Thank you for being honest, Gippal." She soon felt the warmth of Paine's presence and proximity right behind her. "I'll be sure to keep that in mind."

Gippal began leading the way to the club down the block, with Yuna and Rikku at his side. "Not sure what that means, but you're welcome anyway…"

"You're terrible," murmured Paine, as she offered her arm to Lulu. With a smile of satisfaction, Lulu held Paine's arm with both of hers, leaning against her as they walked. "You want him to _watch_ again? As in something staged and agreed upon ahead of time?"

"Perhaps." Lulu stared at the back of Gippal's head, blocking out the excess attention she received from passerby. "I tend to forget that the two of you are the same age. He seems a little younger. More carefree, I suppose. He reminds me of the petty joys I once received a long time ago when a number of younger men were interested in me. Sir Jecht's son is _not_ on that list…"

Paine narrowed her eyes for a moment, thinking those words over carefully. "So…you mean to tell me you used to _like _that younger guys were into you?" she asked, disbelieving.

"I certainly did," replied Lulu. "If you recall, all of my lovers before you were younger than me. Ours is the largest age gap I've experienced. It used to be nothing more than an ego stroke, not that I have much of an ego to begin with… I enjoy being admired, so long as it's done in a respectful way."

Lulu could tell that Paine now noticed the exaggerated amount of attention she received from her outfit. The younger men walking down the block especially became on the receiving end of Paine's venom-tipped stare. They hastened to shift their sights elsewhere.

"Oh, no way!" complained Gippal, as they came upon the long, winding line to their club of choice. "The line wraps around the whole block! There's no way we're waiting that long…"

"Where else are we supposed to go, huh?" asked Rikku, gesturing to the other, crowded clubs across the street and down the way. "_You're _the one who suggested we go out!"

Gippal and Rikku began bickering over the crowds. Yuna gave Lulu a shy look, before glancing to the front of the line. That spoke enough for her—she was still too choked up to use her words. Lulu got the hint well enough, walking past Gippal and Rikku to the front door. Paine stayed at her side, trying to conceal the confusion on her face. They had people staring at them—Paine did her best to maintain that prideful awareness about her, to make it clear to everyone that Lulu belonged to her.

That possessiveness rivaled even Lulu's—she was most impressed by it, really.

When she approached the bouncer at the front, he had only to glance at her for half a second before recognizing that resemblance to Elysia. With Elysia's widespread influence throughout Zanarkand, this in turn offered Lulu a great deal of leniency that she now discovered she could exploit. The bouncer signaled for everyone to stay back as Lulu entered with Paine, Rikku, Yuna and Gippal, free of charge. The inside of the building reminded Lulu of the nightclub in Bevelle that Paine had taken her to, before they sought refuge in her apartment upstairs. It was mostly the crimson lights everywhere that offered that familiarity—this place was much, much warmer and more at peace with the trip-hop music playing.

"Wow!" said Rikku, as the dull thud of the bass began to take over. "We should've thought of that sooner!" Lulu did not receive as many stares in here as she had outside—the crowd here minded their own business, so to speak... "Think we can get free drinks at the bar, too? I wanna see if we can!"

"Hey, hey!" shouted Gippal, trying to stay on her heels. "You can at least wait for Lulu, can't you? Don't be greedy! I _said _I'd pay for you, anyway! Will you just let me treat you like you said I could?"

The smell of alcohol became more apparent to Lulu as she watched Gippal chase after Rikku. Not hard, no—smooth, sensual enough to warm her senses. Several enclosed booths dotted the entrance area, with a number of couples sitting together beneath the low ceiling. They were indeed a diverse group—Lulu noticed several people dressed similarly to her and Paine, either making out in the booths with one or more partners at once, or dancing on the wide floor on the other end of the building opposite the bar. The dance floor appeared to her as a rhythmic mass of red and black, with couples dancing close together, leaving enough space between others.

This downtempo electronic music soothed her in its novelty and ambient experimentation. It felt deep-reaching, aural, and transcendental; Lulu could spend an age there, listening, or doing more there with Paine. By the pleased softness of Paine's expression, she felt the same way.

Yuna clasped her hands behind her back, swaying her upper body from side-to-side. "Umm," she said, smiling slowly. "I think, maybe, I'll go talk to some people. I'll find you again later and tell you how it went, including the news I mentioned!" Lulu nodded; it was new for her to see Yuna this excited over anything like this. Tidus must not have been on her mind all that much anymore. "I've never done this before…I wonder if I'll meet anyone nice. There's a first time for everything, right?"

Lulu watched her go, smiling—she got the hint loud and clear.

"I wasn't expecting _that_," noted Paine, speaking in her ear at a normal volume. "Everyone ditched us…"

"Mmm, it seems they did," agreed Lulu, eyes locked on the dance floor. She could see how the tremors of this hard, persistent bass in her chest could become addictive…

Paine paid attention; she began leading her there. "I thought you'd want a drink or two first," she said.

"We can find Rikku first, of course. I was only observing the people dancing. I'm certain it's obvious I've never gone dancing in a nightclub before."

"That makes it even better…"

They soon found Rikku sitting at the bar, grinning as Gippal stood right behind her. He'd ordered her a drink, as promised, noticing Lulu and Paine's approach. He was slow to smirk at them, waving them over. Lulu took the seat next to Rikku, noticing she wasn't so uncomfortable around her anymore. The alcohol must have helped things along.

"You know, Lulu," said Rikku, as Paine continued to stand behind Lulu for some reason or another, "I totally _was not _expecting that!" She took another sip of her too-sweet strawberry martini, giggling. "How can you pull something off like that and not be embarrassed?! I seriously can't believe it!"

Seeing as Paine was too distracted by something behind her, Lulu nodded to the bartender as she was asked if she'd like the same drink as Rikku, with a little less sugar. "I have no room to be embarrassed over it," confessed Lulu, noting with lidded eyes Gippal's eagerness to listen to this conversation. "Paine set up a very good scene. I was too impressed to have any reservations about partaking in it. I have nothing to hide from all of you. I don't see why I should feel ashamed."

"Ohh…that makes sense—I think," replied Rikku, noticing Paine's distraction at last. "Yo! Dr. P! Why aren't you sitting down…?" Paine took the seat next to Lulu at last, turning to her other side to address someone familiar. "Is that…Lightning? Hey! Long time no see!"

Rikku waved to the soldier sitting to Paine's left. Lightning looked over at her, giving a curt nod. "Hey," she said. She regarded Lulu—the steel in her eyes melted, somewhat, out of respect, or surprise with her choice of clothes. "Didn't expect to find you guys here. Tonight's been full of surprises…"

"Lulu, you met Lightning, right?" asked Paine, eyeing the abnormal grip Lightning kept over her half-full glass of white wine and vodka. "At the tournament? I remember she sat next to Auron, so I'm guessing you know each other already…"

Lulu nodded. "That's right," she said. Lightning kept from looking over her shoulder at someone. "Lightning—are you okay? You seem worried about something."

Lightning sighed. "That obvious, huh?" she asked.

"A little," offered Lulu.

Rikku was of no help at all. "Ohh, hey!" she said, pointing in that same direction. "There's a woman with green eyes and dark hair over there that keeps looking at you! Does _she _have something to do with it? She's really pretty!"

Gippal let out an exasperated sigh. "Can't trust you to be subtle for _anything_," he said.

"Huh?"

Lightning let out a brief laugh. "Who'd have thought…" she mused. "My sister and her friends didn't notice. Now all of you come out of nowhere and spot everything so easily…"

Paine smirked at Lulu, first, before suggesting, "Why don't you go talk to her? It's obvious she has her eye on you."

"Yeah," agreed Gippal, taking his turn to check out the woman in the distance. "She's a damn good catch if I do say so myself!" Rikku rolled her eyes, going back to her drink. "Does she have spiraled pupils…? 'Cause she might be Al Bhed, even without the blonde hair… Hell, I say go for it!"

Lightning shook her head. "I can't," she said, firm.

Gippal didn't understand. "What…? Why not?" he asked, rubbing the back of his head. "She's staring right at you! She knows you know! I don't get it…"

"This isn't my _thing_," clarified Lightning, clutching her glass again. Unbeknownst to Lightning, the woman smirked and began walking over to her with a confident, sensual swagger. "I only came here because my sister forced me to come out with her on my night off. After tonight, I go back to my normal routine. My routine doesn't include dating anyone…"

"Hey there," said the woman, in a laid-back accent that sounded foreign to Lulu's ears. Lightning froze. "Y'can't pretend you don't notice you got my attention…" She took the seat next to Lightning, leaning down to get a better look at her scowl. "Lightning, right? _Previously _undefeated champion in the annual tournaments here? The name's Fang." She offered her hand. After some hesitation, Lightning shook it. Fang did not let go, instead having Lightning stand up with her. "You're gonna dance with me, right now. None of this stubborn business! I'm tired of playin' eye tag with you. I want you, now let's go!"

Lightning fought not to show her embarrassment, with Lulu, Rikku, Paine and Gippal smiling at her as she went. "Wait—_Fang_, I don't even know you! And I don't dance—"

"I don't care!" said Fang, pulling Lightning away with a triumphant grin. "You're gonna dance with me tonight, soldier! No excuses! You're too damn pretty to just walk outta here without learnin' about _me _all you want…"

Once the two of them were far enough away, Lulu turned back in her seat to laugh. She took another sip of her drink, listening to Gippal's commentary as he tried to keep an eye on Fang and Lightning. Rikku had nothing to say, quite busy with her emptying drink.

Paine moved to murmur in Lulu's ear. "Hey," she said, wrapping her arm tight about Lulu's hips. "You know, I used to dance in clubs a lot back in the day…"

Lulu savored the sweetness over her tongue, feeling the alcohol drip down and spread warmly. "Back in your promiscuous days, I take it?" she asked, reveling in Paine's dismay.

"If you wanna put it that way, sure…"

"Paine," said Lulu, looking right into her eyes. "Is this your way of asking me to dance with you, knowing I've never done this before?" She could not contain her amusement, seeing Paine so uncertain next to her. "You don't need to prove that you're an expert. You're better at it than I am—I'm certain of that much."

Paine sighed, before taking a long sip of Lulu's proffered drink. "I didn't know how you felt about it," she explained, after swallowing. Lulu watched that motion of her throat, breathing in the strawberry-alcohol of Paine's words. "Yeah, I danced with a lot of girls… Sometimes I'd use my hands underneath their skirts to fuck them at the same time. I just—I'm not sure if you think it'll be a throwaway experience."

Lulu used this opportunity to take her time with the remainder of her martini. "Now I'm curious," she said, with darkened eyes. "Is that all you did? Or is there more? You seem guilty about it."

With Rikku and Gippal engrossed in hushed conversation, Paine could speak freely. "I took two of them at the same time—more than once," she revealed, somewhat flustered. Lulu raised her eyebrows, listening closely. The deep bass of the current song playing accentuated this information, spotting the knowledge with Paine's sincerity in Lulu's mind. "I wouldn't know their names. I'd see that they were into me, with a few of them dancing against me at the same time. If there was only one that night, it was easier. But some of them came back looking for me. If the dancing wasn't enough, and I was feeling really self-destructive that night, I'd take them behind the building and fuck them there…"

The front of Lulu's head felt massaged and mauled at the same time. "More than one?" she asked.

"Yes…" Paine frowned, hesitating before putting her lips over Lulu's straw to drink more. "I never used the same strap-on. I'd make the ones waiting kiss each other. We'd go to an alleyway behind the club. It was like the _place _to go when you wanted a good time with the girls with straps…" That was not the worst part, not for Lulu. "This was all…after I met you, after Vegnagun. I'd go back to Bevelle every now and then to let off steam. Now that I think about it…I'd only take girls with long, dark hair and…" She glanced at Lulu's chest. "You get it."

Lulu crossed her legs, using the tip of her shortest finger to collect sugar from the rim of her glass. "You hid your preferences very well around me in Besaid," she commented, choosing her words with care. "Whenever you visited with the Gullwings, I never suspected you got up to such things on your own. I assumed that wherever you went, they accompanied you."

"Yuna and Rikku followed me, sometimes," said Paine, giving a sidelong glance to Rikku giggling at Gippal's offer to dance. "They tried to cover it up. Every now and then I'd notice her blonde hair. What they saw with us in the shower wasn't anything new. I wanted them to see that, on purpose this time."

"You wanted to show them that I'm a filthy whore who enjoys being fucked by you in an alleyway?"

The sudden splutter sounded of Paine choking on the sips of martini she'd taken. Lulu sighed, waiting for Paine to compose herself. Gippal and Rikku stopped, standing now, looking on in concern.

"You all right, there?" asked Gippal, frowning. "Need any help?"

"She'll be fine," offered Lulu, staring at nothing. "Please, don't be so kind to her. Go and enjoy yourselves."

They didn't know what to say. Gippal began leading Rikku by the hand to the dance floor, both of them looking over their shoulders as they went. When they'd put enough distance between them, Lulu slid her drink away from Paine's reach.

"Maybe the alcohol is making your tongue a little too loose," she remarked, before finishing the last of it. Paine exhaled with her mouth open, staring down at the surface of the bar. "I don't want to have this conversation here. Take me to one of the booths on the other side. I've had enough to drink for now."

Paine had sense enough to stand first, bowing as she offered Lulu her hand. Lulu held that gloved hand with some difficulty, imagining thick sweat everywhere underneath all of Paine's leather. She walked with impatience lining the clicks and thuds of her boots, well-aware of the swing of her hips and her heavy cape of hair behind her. The image of Paine as some type of sex goddess did not sit well with Lulu—it sounded as something out of an erotic fantasy. If Paine had engaged in threesomes or foursomes or more, she must have had more experience in their chosen lifestyle than she let on.

That recording of her _ex _stayed at the forefront of Lulu's mind. Paine still did not know that Lulu had seen the contents of her _Copycat _sphere.

When they found a circular booth, Lulu sat down first, moving to the center, far enough beneath the canopy overhead. Paine sat right next to her, facing her. Lulu crossed her legs again, staring out the small opening of their enclosed space.

"I didn't realize you were so sex-crazed," commented Lulu, still unable to wrap her mind around all of this. "This is making me rethink a few things." Paine placed both of her hands down over Lulu's lap, entreating through this motion. "What is it? Don't tell me there's more."

"I want to tell you everything—not just about that."

"It's a little late to be so forthcoming with sharing your experiences, don't you think?"

Paine shook her head. "It was never too late for us to be together," she said, soft in her efforts to smooth down Lulu's hurt feelings. "Would you have stayed away from me if you knew?"

"You're in no position to ask that of me," said Lulu, clear-cut. The irony was not lost on her.

"But Lulu, don't you see?" Paine went on, moving her weight in front of Lulu to regard her properly. "I was never in a relationship with any of them. I never wanted to be a parent to their sons. I never cared about them or felt anything other than a power-trip. I never even knew their names, like I said—!"

Lulu scoffed. "And that's supposed to make things better?" she asked, folding her arms now.

Paine lowered her head, first, before looking deep into Lulu's eyes. "I never loved any of them as hard and strong as I love you." Flares flashed all throughout Lulu's insides, from both anger and ardor. "I never wanted to serve them, to give them the world…and have the world look back at them in their perfect image…as I do with you." _…No_. She could not allow Paine to simply gain her forgiveness just like that, however tempting it was to push Paine down; to make love to her there and then.

Yet when Paine spoke with full sincerity over those tight lips, Lulu felt the last of her obstinacy implode within her into sheer zeal: "…I never wanted to marry any of them, either."

The words repeated in her head. The intention, the truth behind them, through Paine's actions in how she treated her, how she treated their son—she couldn't deny any of these. Of a sudden, she realized she no longer scowled, and instead, her lips had parted, trembling not to express how much this meant to her. The red, the red of Paine's eyes simmered her in their soft piercing of her emotions. She held onto this moment, as tightly as she was held in Paine's arms; as fondly as Paine kissed her burning neck.

For as long as Paine gave attention to her neck and throat, she must have heard the words Lulu wanted to speak. That she did not have to spend even a second to consider it—that she wanted the same, yet she was too willful to say so at this time. It took everything, all of her to not physically give in to Paine's control again. She _wanted _to run off with her, to go on a well-grounded whim and marry her; to be proud of their union; to spend the rest of their ageless lives together in Zanarkand…and to have Paine's child, somehow. This want—this _need _was not rooted in any recklessness, for she felt in within her very bones and hormones alike that she needed Paine inside of her with that intention.

The speed at which all of this assailed her had Lulu's head spinning, not only from Paine's fervent attentions. She had to think about this; she knew she didn't _really _need to think about it; the want was so, oh so apparent; it was too much, and too right in that overdose…


	25. Engaged

"_Whenever, Wherever, Whatever" by Maxwell_

_Wish I knew if I could  
Be the one that you would love forever and a day  
Take my heart and my love; take of me all that you want  
And if there's a thing that you need  
I'd give you the breath that I breathe  
For you and your blood, I would bleed_

Later that night after they returned home from the club, Paine lay alone on the couch in the living room. In just her black tank, red shorts, and her collar, she stayed upon her back, with her hands pressed hard against her wet face. She fucked up. She fucked it all up. There was no going back after this. She could not pretend she hadn't spilled her soul over Lulu's lap in so few words. Had she said any more, she suspected the extra efforts would have diluted this with dryness, somehow.

Instead, she tried and failed to keep her sharp breaths quiet; blowing and burning into her hands back over her soaked face. All of this, everything said again and again to the night air that she simply loved Lulu too much.

Lulu had locked herself in the bedroom and gone to sleep for the night. She hadn't needed to tell Paine to sleep on the couch that night—her silence and slam of the door had spoken for her. Over and over again Paine replayed Lulu's displeasure, the disgust in her face, the dearth in her silence since that admission—that truthful slip-of-the-tongue that she wanted to marry her. Such a short distance between them, from the cold leather of the couch to the bedroom down the hallway took its full advantage of Paine. It stretched this agony as far down as it would go, a little bit at a time in short, hard bursts. Her ears had clogged with water, yet she heard her misery all the same the whole night through.

She had spoken too soon. After telling Lulu about her recklessness, her failures in dealing with her urges, it had been the absolute wrong time to admit to such a thing however indirect. _Tactless. Worthless. _

_Anything but loveless._

All she wanted to do was collect every last breath she had, every last drop of transparent blood she shed and give them to Lulu. Whether or not Lulu would only cast them aside, it didn't matter. At least she would have them for that brief time before throwing them away. At least she would _know_; know that she was the only one capable of bringing Paine to this, and the only one she would always remain.

For hours, hours, and hours she did this—wanting, unable to do anything about it as she listened to these consequences echo and shudder inside and out. A puddle had formed beneath her head, soaking her with her own vulnerability—helplessness at these constant thoughts of Lulu leaving her, deciding Paine was too hasty and out of control, thinking her a liar too irresponsible to rely upon for anything.

If Paine could think, clearly, without this bleeding haze, she could tell herself she'd exploded all of this as it had destructed within her. She hoped and hoped that, if she managed to sleep, she would wake up with a lucid mind. The hopes soon escaped her, for she knew that, whatever her logic or thoughts, with Lulu, her emotions would override all else.

When the sun finally began to rise, Paine chanced moving her heavy hands from her face. The morning star caught the gaze of her bloodshot eyes, offering some solace to her. Lulu's natural affinity with Shiva, and, by extension, Venus: it showed itself there in that rising; it always returned, morning or evening, no matter the forces of nature that caused it to retreat from view for but a while. When she pressed her hands to her hard-beating heart, she felt the same story there: whether Lulu wanted it or not, Paine felt the world for her and she could not keep it inside. If it had been a mistake to release it in that small amount, it changed nothing.

That realization helped her to fall asleep at long last. She dreamed of wandering a desert, alone, with nowhere to go and no one to be with. She knew she had to find Lulu, but she had the strongest feeling that Lulu wouldn't even recognize her if they saw one another…

Paine woke up mere three hours later. It was enough; she needed to do something, now that the sun was up enough to give the illusion that Lulu might have been awake. The tears from what felt like so long ago still stayed dried as trails down her eyes to her ears. She rubbed those away as she sat up, and tried to figure out what to do—what she could do to make Lulu's day even just a little easier.

The kitchen felt like it held the answer, thus she stood and walked there.

As she stopped in front of the stove, she stared at the time—_9:39am. _Lulu usually woke up around this time to cook breakfast for her…

Twenty minutes later, Paine fumbled to find the button for the overhead fan of the stove. She growled before she finally found it, praying the billow of smoke wouldn't diffuse to the rest of the house. She was nearly finished preparing what she could find to make, what she could _think _to make; Paine hadn't the creativity Lulu did when it came to these finer things in life. Because she had still been sleeping each time Lulu had made her breakfast, she hadn't had the chance to watch and learn how to do this. She'd considered calling Yuna for assistance, but that would have resulted in having to explain _why_.

Paine had a feeling that, no matter how much anyone could have explained this to her, she still would not have pulled it off. The contents of the pans in front of her looked passable enough. She couldn't throw it out—Lulu wouldn't want her to waste food. She sighed, navigating the mess that had become of the kitchen to find two plates in the nearest cabinet. She found them and took them in her hands, only to realize she had no place to set them down.

Shattered egg shells, spilled milk, used utensils, measuring cups and powdered mix littered the counters. She couldn't have Lulu seeing the kitchen in such a state. Paine put the plates back, and hurried to grab one of the towels hanging on the handle of the oven—

"_Fuck!_" she cursed, recoiling her hand; she shook it out, scowling at the burning side of the pan she'd accidentally knocked her hand against. She spun around to the sink, holding the affected area beneath running cold water. An irritated sigh followed. "…I don't see how you do this for me every day."

After she'd nursed her wound, turned the fan off, lit some scented candles, and cleaned the whole kitchen, she finally set the food on the two plates. She picked up Lulu's first—the better looking, better tasting half of this experiment—and made to set it on the dining room table she'd already made earlier.

It was only after she set the plate down did she look up and notice Lulu standing paces away in her usual dress and braids, staring at her in muted surprise.

Whatever the burning in her face, whatever evidence remained there of her emotions from hours ago, Paine still went to Lulu and kissed her good morning. She knew better than to linger there, however much she felt her confusion mending by her lips melting against that mauve. Paine held Lulu's hand, guiding her to sit. She held her chair out for her, with boundless relief as she watched Lulu take this seat without protest.

She soon returned with her own plate and sat down across from Lulu, careful not to stare. She tried to eat through her frowning that this was not at all like Lulu's cooking. Paine kept her eyes on her subpar efforts, though she felt something akin to meekness about Lulu as she ate at her typical pace. Lulu did not pause to complain about the taste, or otherwise slow her eating to show that she disliked the food. The only slowness Paine sensed about Lulu's movements was the surprise that remained.

It was then that Paine wondered if all of Lulu's silence had been of just that—surprise, nothing more.

She chanced looking up at Lulu, finding Lulu staring at her in much the same way as she had minutes ago. Something in that look had evolved, escalated. There, in the light of the morning sun, Paine knew the evidence in her face was apparent to Lulu. Yet Lulu said nothing, as if she'd known all night; as if she'd chosen to stay in their bedroom and listen to Paine cry over her.

The notion didn't faze Paine in the slightest.

"I'm sorry about the smoke," said Paine, unable to hold Lulu's regard like this. She stared down at her near-finished plate, noting that Lulu's was empty. "You probably smelled it and came to see what happened. Maybe it's another sign telling me I shouldn't try surprising you again…"

She felt compelled to keep speaking.

"And I'm sorry…about what I said last night," she went on, keeping Lulu's gaze this time. "About marrying you…it's probably too soon." Was that…disagreement, there, in Lulu's eyes? No…it had to have been an illusion. "I feel like I haven't earned the right to ask you to be with me that way… I definitely shouldn't have let it slip right after you found out that Leblanc was right about me—how she said I played it fast and loose with the people I met before you. I wanted to tell you then that she was right…but I didn't want to get started on explaining a time I didn't understand at all. I knew you'd be disappointed in me. This is far worse…and I only have myself to blame for it."

When it didn't appear that Lulu had anything she wanted to say, Paine collected their dishes and took them to the kitchen. She washed them by hand, needing something else to do. She didn't have work that day. She would need to think of some place to go in case Lulu wanted to be alone for a while.

When she finished her task, she looked up to see Lulu standing in front of the glass door leading outside. She assumed Lulu didn't want to engage in their shower routine. Paine wiped the last of the water and lavender dish soap against the sides of her tank top, walking into the chill of the dark bedroom. The bed held a strange allure. She went over to it, noting that Lulu had still made the bed despite her mood. All smelled of those vestiges of Lulu's prolonged presence; the calm, natural scent of her body.

Paine smoothed her hand over the pillows, feeling nothing but softness, dryness. Nothing out of the ordinary… She turned them over, however, and found that they were wet—drying, now, but they had been soaking before. That evidence pulled her down; she bent over the duvet, pressing her lips to the black silk of the pillow cases. Her lips pressed farther down, with the side of her face following soon after, until she lay down completely upon the bed. She closed her eyes against this story, imagining, fantasizing; dreaming about a dimension where Lulu would say _yes _to her without hesitation…

—

When she woke again, the moon shone faintly through the dark drapes over the windows. Another blanket had been spread over Paine's body lying at an angle atop the duvet, tucked beneath her frame with purposeful care. The pillow beneath her face had dried, yet it continued to smell of that tale she would forever remember.

She smelled something else: ink, paper, and vague hints of Lulu's usual earthy perfume. A number of sheets of paper sat in order in the space there next to her. The ink clearly spelled Lulu's slanted handwriting there.

_Love,_

_I can't express to you my surprise when I awoke and discovered you cooking for us. I truly didn't expect you to do such a thing, considering your lack of practice. It is because you believe you're not very good at cooking that I will forever consider it to be one of the most romantic things you've ever done for me. Thank you for putting so much of your heart into such an unexpected task. I'll never forget it._

_As for your "mistake"—I don't want you to go on thinking that it was such. Yes, your timing could have been better… In my eyes that was your only misjudgment. The idea of marrying you isn't entirely new to me, either. Each time you bring Vidina home safely with you, or take the time to play with him, or even so much as smile and have him smile back at you, I've felt the same way: that I want to spend the rest of my life with you, so that he will always know how much you love him. I can tell how much happier he has been since you've taken this role that I didn't even need to ask you to take. He used to be quite the grumpy child, as I'm sure you remember. Much of this decision I've made weighs on his happiness, but that certainly isn't all of it. _

_I won't say the words here. You should know what I want. There was no reason for your tears last night. If you were uncertain, or distressed over the possibility of me telling you no, you shouldn't have felt that way. You have done more for me than anyone I've known. You have given me as much of yourself as these fourteen months have allowed. I know that you are sincere with me, and you have no reason to be unfaithful. Whatever your actions in the past, they don't cancel out what you do for me in the present._

_My reaction to your anecdotes last night was mostly jealousy. I dislike imagining you with other people, though I don't regret asking you to tell me about all of it. The rest of it was anger, at myself, for not noticing that we needed one another long before we came together. If I knew what you were going through, whatever I felt for you at the time, I would not have stopped myself from at least holding you without a word for hours on end. I suspected something was wrong, but it wasn't my place to ask in those days. I apologize for not being there for you sooner, both then and today._

_You and I have always needed someone who understands us without a word, without a tangible thought. I know you understand me; you feel me far deeper than perhaps even you realize. I didn't go to you last night because I wanted you to see for yourself that you did nothing wrong. I shouldn't have to comfort you and offer reminders—this is what I told myself earlier, and yet I felt that I wanted to regardless of that logic. Did you cry because I kept my silence with you, stemming uncertainties, or was it because of duress from how strongly you love me? Was it both? If it was, one of them had to outweigh the other. I like to think that you would not have been so unrestrained had it not been more of the latter. I like to think…that we shared that reason and that reaction this past night, too stubborn in our pains to simply get up and go to one another. I don't want us to go through anything like that again. So, let me propose this to you:_

_For the two weeks that Vidina was home, I was busy preparing a scene for us. I wanted to perform it with you last night, before Yuna called. Now, I'm glad I didn't. I'm glad that I've learned these things, and that I can add them to the rest of what I still want to do. If you're interested in knowing what this is, I want you to take a shower and prepare yourself mentally. Clean yourself, thoroughly. Wear nothing but the same strap-on and your collar when you emerge. Open the bedroom door to let me know that you're ready. Stand in the center of the room facing away from the bed. _

_I won't keep you waiting for very long. I love you too much to make the same mistake again._

—

Lit candles scattered about the multiple surfaces of the bedroom, smelling of crisp cherries. A waist-high table had been set up a few paces to her right, but otherwise, nothing else had changed about the room since her shower. Paine stood in place in nothing but her collar as she stared at the wall straight ahead. The longer she looked at it, the more she noticed there was something off. Something had to have been there, distorting the otherwise plain, purple wall. The entire bedroom now seemed more occupied than the wide open space allowed.

These subtle, subtle changes around her, and Lulu's absence, created a string of anticipation that held her up and hard. She looked down, noting the visible throbs there of this strap-on. She had no idea what Lulu would do to her. Lulu could do anything to her, anything. With so much to imagine, Paine couldn't settle on _anything _to think of. With so many possibilities, she felt herself open to all that she knew with her mind's eye. Anything beyond that, Lulu would have to help her with.

But a few minutes passed before she heard the cues of Lulu's entry through the open door. Against the soft carpet, she heard the hushed thuds of Lulu's boots. She had _that _on. This was serious. They were really doing it this time.

Lulu did not move to stand in front of her right away. She walked behind Paine, first, taking her time, as if inspecting. Paine could scent that midnight perfume on Lulu's body. The throbbing increased with that, with the ghost of proximity from Lulu's sharp nails along the back of her shoulders. She soon felt Lulu's hands pressing along her waist, and over, as Lulu held her close from behind. Through the hard contours of that corset and the length of Lulu's hair, she felt Lulu's heart beating fast against her back.

"Paine," she said, against her ear, "I want to know what you're thinking." She hadn't expected Lulu to say such a thing—not now. "Usually, slaves come to expect a certain detachment from their Masters during a scene. That detachment is supposed to enforce the idea that they are lesser than, or worthless. I'm not interested in making you feel that way. Not all the time…I wish to elevate you whenever we spend time together like this. So…tell me what's on your mind."

"I just—" She felt Lulu's hands pressing down, circling around; watched Lulu stand in front of her; "I don't know…what to expect," she said, staring into Lulu's eyes so full of yearning. "You're right about the detachment—even I thought that you'd give me that, and you know I've never done this before. Now I'm curious…about what you want to give me…instead…"

As she said those last words, Lulu moved down on one knee before her. Lulu pressed the side of her face along Paine's hardness, caressing, garnering groans. This was not so kittenish of Lulu as it was authoritative—those movements pressed into Paine with patience, with decisiveness, as if speaking:

"You've helped me overcome so much," said Lulu, against that pulse, spurring it further. "I can't tell you how ashamed I was when I woke up and realized the full extent of my desires. Waking up to the better realization that I can share these with you made those years of stoicism well worth it." Those heated words caught all around Paine, clinging as a memory already. All of the blood pounding in her head moved down, down next to Lulu as she tried to focus, to listen. "Simply listening to this inherent need…here…" Lulu kissed her there, once; Paine couldn't fight back the visceral reaction, however small. "…it tells me that you're ready. And so am I."

Lulu held Paine's right hand in her left. The way she paused to look up at her had Paine's imagination sprinting from place to place to make sense of this. The resolve in Lulu's hand had her trembling, as she figured out what Lulu had truly meant by not keeping her waiting. The wide, bright smile on Lulu's face made her want to cry again.

"Paine—my love, my life and my only one," spoke Lulu; a ruby ring with a lustrous black band appeared in her right hand. She held it out, offering; proposing: "Will you marry me?"

Her mind blanked out. That explosion was white-hot with warmth, all over, trickling down.

Her heart worked to fill in the emptiness, with a constant stream of Lulu's attention on her in a number of ways. So beautiful, so unique, so exclusive, so powerful; this could not have been real, yet it _was_.

She thought she would have to spill all before _she _would get the chance to ask this of Lulu, not the other way around. Lulu had taken the initiative to ask—it made the path to take far more obvious.

"Yes… _Yes_," said Paine, breathing the first out; moaning the second, from the sudden shift in Lulu's eyes from happiness, and then elation, and to obscurity. Lulu folded four fingers beneath those of Paine's right hand, glossing her thumb over Paine's ring finger. She held Paine's gaze, placing the cold metal of the ring around her finger. The slow, slow shift of that loving cold up her skin was symbolic in and of itself for her. Lulu stayed knelt down for a long moment, admiring the ring with Paine; marking this moment in memory with her.

When Lulu stood again, she did not smile with her. That couldn't faze Paine, not at all. Nothing could. She was impenetrable for those minutes, with Lulu kissing her deep, pulling at her tongue with tongue. In between those watery moans from Lulu, the vibrating words that she loved her, it all sunk in.

Engaged, engaged—they were engaged to be married, soon, later, whenever; she had this, with Lulu, and the evidence was on her hand and in the possessiveness of Lulu's hold around her.

Paine could not help her brief laugh of delight. Lulu pulled away, eyebrow raised in amusement.

"I like this," said Lulu, running her hands down Paine's face and neck. "You feel much lighter; happier. We should celebrate." She conjured an open bottle of champagne in one hand, and the appropriate glass in another. Lulu laughed softly at the surprise in Paine's face. "Surprised, are you?"

"I didn't know you were a magician, too," responded Paine, watching Lulu fill the glass before setting the bottle down on the nearest table. "Thank you, Mistress," she said, taking the proffered glass. Lulu smiled again, watching Paine take a sip. The saltiness there was…odd, to say the least. _Why was it so salty?_

Lulu smiled wider as Paine continued to drink, despite this strangeness. "Mmm, that's enough," she said, taking the half-full glass from her. "We will stay engaged for a little while. Some months should suffice. We can discuss the details later. I want to keep celebrating in the mean time." She drank the rest of it, and set the glass down next to the bottle. "Now…I want to teach you a few things. Just one more rule, and some positions. But first, the positions—these are for disciplinary purposes, mostly. They help to give you an idea of what it is I will do to you, depending on which position you're in. You follow?"

Her head began to grow heavy; the strength of arousal between her began to dull. "Yes, Ma'am…"

Lulu held two fingers beneath Paine's chin. "Stay with me, love," she advised, her voice light. As she let go, Paine nodded, trying to keep her head clear enough to listen. "The first is called _Present_, as in you presenting yourself to me for inspection." Lulu took two steps back. "Put your hands behind your head, closer to the nape of your neck." Paine did so, straightening the angle; keeping her head up. "Legs shoulder-width apart, feet facing forward…"

Again, she followed the order. The heave of her chest under Lulu's gaze felt more pronounced. Lulu did indeed circle around her again, to inspect as she had earlier.

"The second is called _Kneel_. It is as it sounds—you kneel down." She didn't need to voice the words as a directive; Paine knelt, left knee first. Lulu nodded, quite pleased. "Hands behind your back, wrists folded over one another, back straight. I will usually tell you to do this when I need you to listen to me…"

Disciplined and owned by Lulu through these acts—Paine began to feel again the addictive quality within from whenever she followed her rules. To feel her body in this position, with Lulu standing over her, observing with satisfied silence enforced those sensations all the more. No one else could make her do this. She belonged, here, under Lulu's gaze, waiting for her next order.

"The third is called _Expose. _A variant on the position you're in now. Tell me what you think you could change about this position, in order for you to feel more exposed."

Paine kept her eyes straight ahead, thinking. "I could…spread my legs," she guessed.

"Very good," said Lulu, smoothing her hand along Paine's shoulders. Paine shivered, before shifting her knees, opening them. "Hands behind your head as well—same as before… Yes, like that. Here, I have full access depending on what I want to do." Lulu bent down just enough to whisper her nails between Paine's legs, taking her time to collect some of the wetness there. "You most likely won't need to worry about remembering this one…" Paine took a shuddering breath as Lulu stood up again, licking her fingers clean. "There is another variant on this position here that I do want you to remember. But before that, let's review. What is the name of the first position?"

Inspection, Lulu circling around, around; as if Paine's body was a gift… "The first position is called _Present_," she replied.

Lulu used one hand to rub over Paine's scalp in small circles. "And what is it for?" she asked. "How are you supposed to appear to me?"

"It's for me to present myself to you for inspection… I'm supposed to stand up straight, hands behind my head close to the back of my neck, legs shoulder-width apart…feet facing forward…"

"So, from now on, when I say _Present, _you will get into this position," said Lulu. "But, I typically will not announce this one. I expect you to already be in it at the beginning of a scene, while you wait for me to enter the room. Am I clear?"

"Yes, Ma'am," responded Paine. Lulu moved her hands away. That massage continued over her mind regardless, as she listened and listened for Lulu to say more.

"What is the second position called?"

A variant of the one she was in… "The second position is called _Kneel_, Mistress," said Paine, still staring straight ahead.

Lulu stepped inside of the spaces between the floor and Paine's knees. She pressed her navel to Paine's face. She was so warm there… "And what is this one for? Remind me how you're to situate your body."

Paine could smell that arousal clear through the fabric against her nose and forehead. "It's…" _No distractions. _"It's—usually—for you to speak to me, for me to listen. I have to kneel down with my legs closed, and my hands…behind my back instead, wrists over the other."

The low timber of Lulu's laugh sounded, one of marked delight. "Your memory is quite superb," she remarked, using one boot at a time to step away from Paine. "I want you to remember this control you maintain over your thoughts, when you're otherwise distracted as I give you an order." She did not wait for Paine to give her affirmative, instead stepping to the side. "You're already in the third position, so I'm sure you remember it well enough. The fourth one is called _Expose Ass_. You're to keep your legs as they are, only bending down to the floor this time, with your arms spread and pointed in front of you."

Something about the way Lulu faced her told Paine that she expected something else she left unmentioned. Paine situated her knees to face Lulu, and moved away far enough to show her this fully. The sound of amusement Lulu let out as Paine spread her arms across the carpet told her she was right. The feel of that friction stayed over her skin; Lulu used the tips of her boots against Paine's hands to push them closer together; Paine intertwined her fingers, one hand over the other, keeping her face to the floor.

"Impeccable," commented Lulu, using her heel to press down slightly against the small of Paine's back. "Curve your back, as a cat would…yes, that's what I want. This beautiful curvature, just like the one between your legs…" Paine felt the pressure of her ring against her nearest fingers. She smiled briefly against the carpet that smelled of the stretch leather of Lulu's boots. "Obviously, the purpose of this position is to expose your ass. You can imagine a number of reasons as to why I'd want you to do this."

Lulu stayed facing the opposite way, standing over Paine's body with each boot at either side of her bent legs. She kept her boots in place, moving down to sit along the curve of Paine's back. Paine sighed at the feel of Lulu's hands on her skin, roaming, caressing.

"I like that you faced me first," continued Lulu, before standing up again. "You'll want to do the same for the fifth and final position. But for now, because this is another variant, I only want you to go into it from where you are now." She stayed in place, pressing her ankles taut along Paine's sides. "The fifth position is called _Apology_. Because you are so obedient, I don't expect you'll find yourself in this one very much…at least not tonight, depending on how things go. For this one, you're to simply prostrate yourself against the floor. Legs straight, together; arms perpendicular to your body, fingers closed."

As Paine did this, Lulu moved to stand in front of her. The smell of the carpet was far thicker like this, pressed fully against her nose and lips. She inhaled it, waiting as Lulu no doubt observed her. No reservations whatsoever did she feel about Lulu having this full access to her body, her actions, and her character.

"_Kneel_," ordered Lulu; Paine was quick to comply, facing her as she did. "Mmm. Your right hand can stay over your lap, relaxed; however you like. That's fine, like that. Look at me, this time, as I speak to you. Because we're celebrating our engagement, I want to make this part a little fun. If you enjoy it, we can make this a regular thing." Lulu conjured the dice and deck of cards from Paine's Lady Luck dressphere. She set the cards on the table, and bent down to place the two dice in Paine's hand. "As I mentioned to you earlier, I spent the last two weeks preparing a number of scenarios for you. However, I don't want you to get the sense that I've staged everything. I find that it can take some enjoyment away."

Lulu removed the deck of cards from the table, and began shuffling them, normally, without any sort of flair. "This game I've thought of will determine two things: how long the scene will take, and what tone I will give to the scene," she explained, still shuffling. "The dice are each numbered up to six, of course, with a maximum roll of twelve. Whichever number you roll will be the starting point. Depending on which suit of the card you draw, the scene can last seconds, minutes, hours, or days. And, lastly, if the card is red or black, it will tell us how I will direct things."

She gestured for Paine to roll the dice. "This is only an example," said Lulu, as Paine tossed them over the floor by her boots. _Three and four. _"You rolled a seven. Now, as for which card you draw…" Lulu bent down, offering the deck to Paine. The first card at the top Paine took in her hand. "Hm, a clover… By the designation I've given this suit, if this were the real thing, the scene would have only lasted seven seconds." Paine's face fell. Seven _seconds_? What could they possibly get out of that? "This is a black suit, however. Black means my cruelest intentions. I would have made those seven seconds the most intense as I could make them, in order to compensate. You would have also had the choice to roll again, after the scene. I wouldn't blame you if you chose not to. This only applies to the clover—nothing else."

Lulu took the card from Paine, shuffling the deck again. "Drawing a clover, as you saw, means _seconds_," she repeated, nodding as Paine collected the dice in her hand. "Drawing a diamond will earn you _minutes_, and a heart will give you _hours_. These two suits are red, as you know. If you draw red, I will give you pure love instead. Drawing a spade means the scene will last however many _days_ of the dice you roll. The spade is also black…you'll have my cruelty instead, as with the clover. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Ma'am, I understand," spoke Paine, wondering if she was allowed to smile or not.

And, of course, Lulu noticed. "I take it you're looking forward to trying your luck with me," she said. Paine nodded, licking her lips in anticipation. She couldn't possibly draw another clover in a row… "Before we start, one last thing—a new rule… During a scene, I'll want to keep tabs on you. My aim is still to take care of you, no matter what's going on in the room. I will ask from time to time if you're thirsty, or hungry, or if you would like me to adjust what it is I'm doing. Because these are subjective questions, I don't want mere _yes _or _no _answers from you. The goal of these answers is to put me first, even though you're the subject. So, for example, if I asked if you'd like a drink of water, how do you think you should respond?"

Putting Lulu first…pleasing her was paramount to Paine's preoccupations… "Not unless it would please you, Mistress," she tried.

Lulu smiled, and bent down to kiss Paine's forehead. "That's quite like what I had in mind," she said. "And what about for the affirmative?"

"If it would please you, Mistress."

"You've been reading my mind, love," said Lulu, moving to stand normally. She shuffled the cards one last time. "This will be the real thing. In case you draw another clover, you'll have the chance to try again after the scene. Anything else, and that's that. Go ahead and roll the dice."

Though she recalled a few tricks from her Lady Luck dressphere as to how to roll a preferred number, Paine knew not to use them. In a sense, it didn't really matter—the cards held the most of her fate more so than the number she rolled, unless it was a heart or spade. Hearts gave her hours, spades gave her days… Fifty percent chance of an extended time, in case she rolled something absurd like a twelve…

_One and two… _"Only a three," noted Lulu, shaking her head. She bent down with the deck of cards. "The poorest option in terms of length of time is to draw a diamond—you'll only have three minutes with me tonight, and no retries until we wake in the morning. At least you'll have my love in that case. Let's see what _Lady Luck _has to say…" Paine winced before drawing the card. She looked down at it; her heart sank, far below the floor. Lulu let out a brief, loud laugh. "A Jack of Clovers! Oh, Paine, that's…" She laughed again, a little more this time. "That is…unfortunate, for you. I thought you might at least draw a heart for your first time… Oh, well. _Present, _and face the same wall as you did before."

Without showing her annoyance, Paine stood up. She placed her hands behind her head, staring at the wall on the farthest side of the room. She did not watch to see what Lulu was doing—Lulu had her back turned, facing the table as she prepared something.

"Paine," said Lulu, without turning around. "Are you thirsty again? Would you like some more champagne?"

"Not unless it would please you, Mistress," replied Paine, biting back the annoyance from her voice. Fucking three and another _clover_… What the hell was Lulu supposed to do with three seconds?

Lulu laughed again. "It would," she said, turning around with the bottle in her hand. Paine stayed military still, wondering… Lulu stood close by, to her side, facing her. She looked down at Paine's erection. "Only not in the way you may be thinking…" Lulu held her hand out beneath the cock, a few inches down. A sudden, strong field of gravity _gripped, _turning Paine's arousal solid as rock. Paine fought not to bend over; her eyes widened; her heart picked up to drastic levels. _She wouldn't…she's not…she won't…she __**can't**__… _"I wish to know whether or not you're a masochist, love. The scene starts…now—"

The full air of her lungs and stomach Paine _screamed _out over the sound of shattering glass. The bottle of champagne—Lulu brought it down as a hammer, smashing it to pieces over Paine's dick. _Literal _salt over the wound—the added salt to the champagne trickled into the blood of that broken skin, bringing Paine to her knees. She screamed, screamed, and kept screaming; Lulu stood over her and fucking laughed at the sight of Paine crying against her will.

Paine threw her arms around her waist, clawing at the skin of her back to try and diffuse this pain elsewhere. She bit down on the skin inside of her mouth to keep from screaming. She shut her eyes, to hide from the bloodied skin, broken glass and salty champagne everywhere. Nothing worked. She couldn't even feel angry, for that to be her anesthetic…

Through this pain, she tried instead to find comfort in Lulu's sadism. That laughter—she'd never heard that from Lulu before, never this loud; never this continuous. However fucked up Lulu was—her fiancée now—Paine wanted more of it…if it would please her love.

She took deep breaths to compose herself, clutching onto this realization as hard as she could. She stood up, slowly, and returned to her position. Lulu's laughter came to a gradual stop. The gentle sounds of trickling glass and liquids replaced her enjoyment instead.

"What's this?" asked Lulu, observing the resolve in Paine's face. "Standing again? _So soon_? I didn't think you would find the strength this quickly. Perhaps you _are_ a masochist, as I suspected."

Paine sniffled, and exhaled deep. "Take anything you want of me, Lulu," she said, rigid. Glass crunched beneath Lulu's boots as she stood in front of Paine, eyes roaming quickly over her face. Paine looked her right in the eye. "I love you to _death_. I said you can do anything you want to me. So take me there, if you really want to. I'll find my way back to you, just for you to do it all over again."

"That's exactly what I like to hear from you."

After a few casts of white magic spells from Lulu, the mess was cleaned. Paine's strap-on vanished, and the pain went with it. No blood, glass or champagne remained on the floor, on her skin, on Lulu's boots. Relief washed throughout Paine's body. She survived that much. That relief evolved far deeper as she felt her heart expand within her chest; Lulu kissed her tears away, before holding out the dice.

"Would you like to try again?" she asked, smiling. "Remember, for clovers, you have this option. It's up to you to take advantage of it, should you so desire. But if I think you've had enough, that's it."

Paine didn't know what to do with her hands—if she could move one from the back of her head to take the dice or not. She kept them in place instead. "Yes, Ma'am," she replied.

"_Kneel_. Hold out your right hand, as you did before."

Paine did so, catching the dice as Lulu dropped them into her hand. She did not wait or wince before rolling them on the floor.

_Four and six. _"A ten this time," said Lulu, bending down now with the deck of cards. Paine noticed they hadn't been shuffled… "Draw."

_Another clover._

Lulu laughed yet again, _harder_. Paine scowled, staring at the card to make sure she hadn't drawn the exact same one. She did not—this one was a six, and the previous one had been a Jack. She suspected Lulu hadn't given the number of the suit any particular meaning, if only to _show _Paine that she wasn't being tricked into drawing the same card over and over again. Because Lulu was so very clever…

"Get in the shower, and turn the water on," said Lulu. Paine stood, and went to the bathroom. "It can be warm or cold—it won't matter. The scene will begin as soon as you feel it… Ten seconds."

Standing within the jetting lukewarm water of the shower didn't give Paine any sense of foreboding. Not right away—not until she remembered the source of Lulu's trauma in showers. Paine looked down at her body. She was still there. She was still alive. Adrenaline began to overtake her logic, hard, until:

She screamed again, echoing along the tile; her body crucified on its own by the bolts of lightning that struck down to her bones. Black and blue highlighted her view; thunder and cracking strikes sounded as sonic booms within her ears. Digging, drilling as jagged needles severed her in jolting directions. She could have died, Paine _could have _died within a split-second of this suffering yet she didn't. She could still breathe through this madness; she was still herself, still sane save for this excruciating pain.

It all lasted a mere ten seconds—it felt like leagues longer than that. Before she knew it, she felt herself fall to the tile below. The water cooled her burning skin. There were no scars anywhere on her, no literal burns along her skin. The occasional jolt of static lightning showed along her limbs, soon coming to a stop. She heaved for breath, clinging on to the relief that breathed over her again: that Lulu had not killed her—that Lulu had controlled that spell just enough to know how to hold onto her very life.

She did not hear Lulu's approach. The water turned off, somehow. "Paine, love," sounded Lulu's voice next to her, with a caress of her blushing face, "Come here." She felt her body picked up from the tile, into Lulu's arms. "I think you've had enough…for now. I don't want you to think I let myself get carried away. I'd hoped you wouldn't draw a spade with something like a roll of anything longer than two days… You'll need to build your tolerances to handle that. I'm very impressed with what you've shown me."

Paine tried to shake her head, to articulate—something—to say that she needed more. Incoherence replaced those efforts: mumbling, silences, groans.

Lulu seemed to understand. "Maybe you don't believe I did, but still." Where were they going? The kitchen? Would Lulu change her mind and tell Paine to burn herself atop the stove? "You need rest, and plenty of nourishment." No, not the kitchen—Lulu set her down along the couch instead, settling Paine's head atop a pillow. A warm blanket she felt covering her body; a kiss over her forehead, and Lulu went to the kitchen. "You don't have any injuries. No burns, cuts, or bleeding anywhere. At least stay awake long enough to eat and drink what I have for you…"

Who else could _know _her that fully, with such mastery of black magic to be able to do something like that? Paine felt her heart ready to burst from her chest at the speed at which it beat. It called out for more, more, more of this—more clovers, or spades, _more _of Lulu's love through this non-contradiction. Whatever she was—an insane masochist by her strong addiction to but two instances of severe fear and pain, it didn't matter.

Listening to Lulu prepare what she'd promised in the kitchen kept Paine awake, comforted by those sounds. She gazed with lidded eyes out of the windows to the city beyond, wondering where Venus had gone.

—

_Do I need to stress that no one try this at home, or anywhere, or ever? Unless you own detachable magical strap-ons or you're the most powerful black mage in existence, please refrain from replicating these scenes, or any of my "cruel scenes" in the future… _


	26. The Scorpion's Empress

"_Risingson" by Massive Attack_

_I long for your footprints upon the path in my heart  
Go to the greatness that awaits you  
This road is only for you  
Use it well  
Use me_

Images lit the living room in the midlight past midnight: a music video playing on the television, with the volume down low. Pastel-colored skin of the gorgeous female models brightened as tunnels of perception, flickered as light, as those nameless women wished they could do without technology's aid. They applied make-up to their skin as the female artist sang, voiceless in the foreground, immaculate. A sea of pretenses, accepted behaviors, pressures…and all the while, this one managed to maintain a separate identity, without needing to conform…

Those images brightened, hazed as Lulu's head was from the buzz she drank down spread up felt around. Lulu sat upon the couch late, late that night, wearing nothing but her boots; watching that wide screen unblinking, unthinking; feeling instead. Palm upward, cupping this glass breast and that sloped support between her middle and ring finger: this she canted up, to her mouth, to drink the granule-textured, smooth-tasting crystal cognac within. Her other hand stayed down, stroking the sweat-soaked strands of hair of Paine's head in her lap.

_Paine_…she was fast asleep after their scenes, yet again; bare save for her collar, for the warm blanket over her body. Uninjured, revitalized through her rest; those breaths could have been death through her transcendentalism these past eleven nights. The masochist wanted her name, thus _Lady Luck _had had her draw clovers, clovers, clovers…with the occasional diamond and heart, to give her a breather; to allow Lulu to remind her of the importance of _safety: Safe, Sane, Consensual._. Yet Paine preferred another philosophy: _Risk-Aware Consensual Kink. _She felt Paine's disregard for the notion of pure safety dwindling day by day, enforced only by Lulu's drilling to avoid purposeful pain. She had feared for a few days that Paine would begin doing something absurd such as burning herself atop the stove without permission, only to prove to Lulu her potential as a masochist. Luckily, Paine had not reached that point; she was sane enough, just much happier. Perhaps it was a good thing that Vidina would return home at last the day after tomorrow; that Paine had to work these next few days.

But before that—they had yet to leave home, to announce their engagement to anyone just yet. They would have to later that day. The world deserved to know…how fucked up they were.

One last sip. One last thickening, spreading of the heat in her blood. Lulu set her empty glass down on the crystal surface next to the arm of the couch: soft, soft enough, to not clink glass against crystal, to not wake Paine with that unwanted noise.

With that hand now free, Lulu conjured the dice that had decided Paine's fate over these short days. She closed her hand over them, shaking, shuffling. She stared ahead at the screen, watching, wanting.

Over the blanket; the rise and fall of Paine's breasts, the pips of the dice spelled out snake eyes. _Two_…

The deck of cards she conjured next. Lulu drew the first card, and raised it to her face.

"Queen of Hearts," she whispered, before the image of that woman in reds so regal. _Two hours._

Delicate, delicate care: Lulu set the deck and dice down by her glass; she moved Paine's head from her lap and stood with care, allowing the pillow to take her place. The rug beneath the couch and the nearest tables muffled the movements of her heels. A brief dressphere change and she felt the tug of that leather harness taut enough against her bare hips. She turned, for the illumination of the plasma screen to kiss her back again and again; to look down at Paine's sleeping form. Such peace, there—Paine could be so undisturbed in her sleep, quite able to rest through anything if Lulu had exhausted her enough. When she came down from subspace, she was just that: down, dead.

This was not the first time Lulu had done this. Not the second, not the third; not the tenth or more… This was a ritual for her and her alone. There was _one _way Paine would find out about it, other than simply waking up…so far, it hadn't happened. She had her theories as to why.

Lulu curled her fingertips into the spread of hair over her breasts, and pushed it over her shoulders. As she did this, she settled one knee beside Paine's head, and kept her other heeled boot upon the rug. She didn't have to hold the base of her need to direct it—the point remained, strong enough to go on its own. She pressed her hands along the flat arm of the couch; pressed the head along Paine's thick lips, testing, trying underneath her hushed sighs.

Always, Lulu took care to ease in, ease in, with Paine never taking long at all to open her mouth by herself. She didn't need to wait long: the warmth of tongue, teeth, textures she soon felt wrap around her. That sleepy breathing became interrupted for this pleasure. Slow, slow, Lulu pressed farther inside, farther than last night, listening as Paine shifted her breaths from throaty to nasal without so much as stirring. For Paine thought herself so _pure _as some butch women went, going her whole life without ever giving head to a man or a woman. The thought likely revolted her. Here…she had no choice.

Lulu moved one hand to comb her nails through Paine's hair chilled by dried sweat. "Even in the depths of sleep, you know…to give me what I want." She kept Paine's head angled down over the pillow, to push the downward curve of her pulsing more, more; but a minor deepthroat. She swallowed her sighs; smoothed one open-fingered hand down her chest, over her breasts—gripping, grabbing there. Lulu shuddered with the brief contraction and longer relaxation of those muscles beneath Paine's jaw that allowed her entry. "You'll be an—_expert_—by the time I decide to let you do this with your eyes open…"

She could not stay there, however much she wanted to. Removal proved more and more difficult as the nights progressed—Paine never wanted to _stop _being forced to take this. The thrills heightened with this evidence, here: the swallowing, the sucking. Yet when she felt that Paine was about to gag—as she did now—Lulu pulled out as quickly and quietly as she could… She marveled at the stretching stretch of mixed saliva and pre-cum that hung between the head and Paine's lips before it—_broke_.

Lulu moved to stand on both feet again, sighing, composing. She _wanted _to fuck Paine's throat until she choked, as payback for that unexpected scene weeks ago, but she did not want to take such risks this soon.

She wasn't done yet.

The blanket over Paine's body, Lulu shifted, off of her and to the side. She spread Paine's legs, and knelt down between the sweltering space there. Lulu kept one bent leg upon the couch, with the knee of her boot warmed by the considerable dripping from Paine's center. She had the other upon the rug of the floor, supporting, angling. The soft firmness of Paine's inner thighs, Lulu pressed the side of her face to. She caressed the skin and sweat with eyes closed, nearing the source of her fixation.

Thick, bittersweet viscosity called to her, begging to be lapped up and fucked. Lulu paced herself, only allowing brief licks, trailing and tracing with her tongue. She found that Paine tended to stir the most with too much pressure, too much time spent here. Through these gentle tastes, she felt the mild tremors through Paine's body, threatening to wake her.

Lulu pressed one last kiss along the thickest want, and pulled her head away. She moved her knee up beneath Paine's leg, moved her hips up. With her hands curled underneath the bend of Paine's legs, she situated herself to penetrate, stopping just short to savor. She looked over to the television. The screen had changed, as a mirror of this scene as she set the sphere to record.

As slowly as she could, Lulu pushed inside, slickness gripping, widening; pulling her in by force of need. As leaning wood, she moved her body down, stiff, in case the mere sudden shift of her limbs more so than this insertion would cause Paine's eyes to shoot open. All the way in, all the way in, until she could rest her body atop Paine's; wrap her arms beneath the warming skin of Paine's neck.

She gazed down at her, at the images reflecting faintly off of her face. She held her close, breathing low along her lips before kissing her so softly. _You have no idea…and you're powerless to stop it…_

Here, Lulu took the risk of rocking her hips a bit at a time. The shallowness in this submersion gave sufficient illusions of Paine gyrating her hips against this movement. The mild, up and down rocks of Paine's body in time with this quiet fucking fascinated, fascinated. For Paine was always aware, alert…and here she was, being used for her insistent sex without her knowledge; objectified, as Lulu perceived her as nothing _but _that sex, to be taken advantage of. No matter how long, how deep she remained asleep, Lulu felt the clench of Paine's exposure tighter, wetter, warmer, until it became unyielding at this slow pace she'd set. That progression had her panting, struggling to keep control.

The natural heat Lulu exuded from her body, from her spells, to keep her warm in this environment so unlike Besaid's heat: she could not control the temperature under this duress, under this blissful stress:

Thoughts of _raping _Paine, at any age, at a much younger age than she was now—

—thoughts of Paine's _shame_ upon waking and finding the center of her legs filled with ejaculate—

—thoughts of Paine whimpering on this discovery, holding her tight, to hide from it all—

And thoughts…thoughts she could see, here, in Paine's heart, where Lulu had so fallen in her lust-love, held her tight instead. There, she began to explore: the paths of the garment grids Paine had equipped and the dresspheres therein. The most common dressphere, her warrior dressphere, held within all of the thoughts, emotions, and subconscious fantasies she'd experienced while wearing the clothes…

_Subliminal, hidden—a deep, tender secret that no one could ever know, not even Paine herself, until this discovery:_

_On that warm, tropical night nearly seven years ago after Lulu had given birth to Vidina, Paine stood at the village entrance. She watched Lulu sit at the fire, with Vidina cradled in her arms, with Wakka sitting close by—intimacy, closeness, and love were all present, there, in this scene before her. Yuna and Rikku stood at her side, watching with smiles on their faces. Lulu and Wakka appeared so into one another, so into this moment with their newborn son, they did not notice they were being watched._

_Paine watched. She thought formless thoughts, yet her hormones—how they flared, raged, roared within her, calling for optimal use. The longer she stared at the gentle smile upon Lulu's face as she gazed into Wakka's eyes, the more pronounced the sourness in her mouth became. Her body began to sweat, more, from what she believed was the sweltering heat of this night that early spring. When she experienced these triggers, she knew her next stop would be Bevelle, to frequent the nightclubs there. She believed she harbored urges for strangers, unknown women to whom she had no attachments. She knew she would stay true to her patterns of only fucking large-breasted women with long, dark hair, and an aura of wise sophistication about them…_

_Here, a fantasy formed, without her knowledge, without her perception. Here, Lulu felt herself possess her body in this scene. Lulu did not linger in that body for long, standing within seconds to get away from Wakka. If she wanted to hold Vidina again like this, she could do so in her memories—without him. The scene was not disturbed by her getting up and going to Paine, for no one else could see her. Lulu had little control over her body; she could only do what Paine wanted her to do, deep within that stubborn, selective subconscious. _

_Yuna and Rikku disappeared from Lulu's view. In her same dress, she approached Paine, sauntering as she did. Paine licked her lips, watching those hips move, watching the drag of dress along the dirt path. When Lulu was close enough, she wrapped her arms about Paine's heated neck. With a satisfied smile, she waited; listening to Paine's escalating breaths._

"_Take me away from here," said Lulu, breathing through the parted lips before her. "I've had enough of us pretending as if we do not need one another on this level. At the very least…I know that I want you. I wish to know you entirely. So why don't we go out and get to know each other?"_

_Paine tried to look over Lulu's shoulder, to the scene by the fire that had vanished. "How—how are you doing this…?" she asked, as but a whisper. "You're not real…this isn't real…it's only my hormones playing tricks on me again."_

"_The point is—" Lulu pulled Paine closer by the hips. She forced her hands down the back of those tight leather shorts to grab Paine's ass, gripping; pulling her in all over again amid that whimper of surprise; "—you want this. Your hormones would not bring these fantasies about if you didn't need my hands on you; all over you. Don't make me have to seduce you yet again…"_

"_Seduce me, Lulu…" said Paine, her voice taut as Lulu scratched her nails on the way back out._

"_I don't take orders from you…"_

_There was no need, regardless. Lulu could smell Paine clear through her leather… Paine changed out of her dressphere on the spot, dropping to her knees in bare skin; looking up at Lulu with a sheer _need _to be taken and controlled._

"_Lulu…would you at least, at the very least show me why it is I keep dreaming about you…? The last dream I remember was of you finding me when I was fifteen, stopping me from meeting my ex. I was powerless to resist—you were older than me, commanding…still as beautiful as ever. You pulled me aside to the nearest corner of the club and made me masturbate for you. We can go do that right now…"_

And, she had to cut this venture short—the mental stimulation, the overload shocked her into filling Paine with her spend. Far too soon, and far too continuous: she felt the roping coating Paine of the fluids deep within, as those muscles pulled and pulled from her, taking her reason, taking her energy. Near-violent the release was; Lulu had to bite down on her lower lip, pressuring and piercing the skin until it bled to keep from making a sound.

Lulu had to pull out, now, and quickly, with Paine soaking wet enough to feel little-to-no friction. She blew out her breaths as quietly as she could, removing herself in one motion. She sat just by one of Paine's ankles along the couch, and removed the dressphere, heaving in silence.

For a moment, she regarded herself through the television screen. Shuddering, shuddering breaths she let out, with her mouth open, marking her as a depraved pervert. She turned to the sight between Paine's open legs: of Paine dripping with such a profuse amount of fluids, of _her, _of both of them. The mixture, the transparency and thick white there in this partial darkness; how it trickled forth, swelling on its way out; the musken _smell_…

Lulu could not stare for very long. She resisted her urges to reach out and _touch_ that evidence of her craze. If she did, she knew she would lose control again.

She stood, and covered Paine's body with the blanket; stopped the recording; lay down on the other couch, in nothing but her boots still, gazing at Paine adjacent to her with such _longing_ she did not sleep for hours until the sun began to rise.

—

The heat of the sun shining in through the windows warmed her body, waking her a few hours later. She opened her eyes, watching Paine stirring nearby. The moan Paine let out as she shifted her thighs spoke of such obvious, obvious things to Lulu—she noticed the abnormal amount of white between her that had dried overnight. Lulu did not move, watching as Paine bent forward to get a better look at things. By the mumbles Paine uttered, she was too busy reprimanding herself for soiling the couch and blanket, from the sexual dreams she'd had in her sleep.

If she wanted to believe that, Lulu saw no point in disputing it…

Paine looked over her shoulder and saw Lulu watching her. She moved from her spot, crawling over to Lulu in nothing but her collar. With a few kisses along those boots, first, Paine smiled up at her.

"Good morning, Mistress," she said, quite oblivious to all that had occurred during her sleep. Lulu gestured with one finger for Paine to kiss her lips; she did so, full thickness against her own in the shape of that innocent smile… "Did you sleep here all night? I thought you might have moved me to the bed…" Paine frowned, getting a better look at the skin around Lulu's lips. "…you have a little dried blood here…looks like you bit your lip in your sleep, somehow."

That tongue, and wet lips this time, Lulu felt along the afflicted area, cleaning, pressing. Lulu felt herself rocked back a little with those movements, eyes fluttering closed. She pulled Paine closer, as permission to lie on top of her. That twisting of weight above her had Lulu writhing from the tilts of Paine's head and shoulders in her arms. That dried _evidence _she felt between Paine's thighs, rubbing along her waist. Some of it rubbed off on her skin as dried specs running down…

Even by _kissing _her, Lulu again saw those paths of Paine's garment grids, again asking for access.

Lulu turned her blushing face to the side, needing to catch her breath. "Good morning, love," she replied at last, opening her eyes. Paine had her head tilted in the same direction, waiting for Lulu to say more; looking so very pleasant and fine. "I hope you remember what we have planned for today."

Paine smiled wider, keeping her hands pressed along Lulu's torso for support. "We're going to the Celsius to finally tell everyone about our engagement," she said, gazing down at her ring. "Yuna said she'd make breakfast for us, too. Should we get ready now?"

The truth of the matter was that Lulu did not want to _go _anywhere. She'd been spoiled by these two weeks of having Paine to herself. "We'll need to, yes," she replied. "You have work today. You'll need to leave the ship after we've eaten breakfast. I want you to wear your armor. Keep your helmet on until we arrive. I'd like the others to _see _your new profession…"

It did not take them long to shower and leave the house. The streets of Zanarkand that morning were far less lively than they tended to be at night. With winter fast approaching, the morning air chilled Lulu's exposed shoulders over her dress as she walked with Paine at her left side. She used the weather as an excuse to stay close to her, arms wrapped about Paine's armored one nearest her. It was not so cold as to warrant wearing the coat Paine had gifted her for her birthday earlier in the year—she merely added more potency to her spells along her skin, taking care to not melt Paine's armor in the process.

Though they had a destination in mind, simply getting out of the house and walking with Paine reminded her of the time they spent together in Besaid. The carefree quality to those walks she'd felt, regardless of all else around them: she recalled them well, having used them as markers for how she predicted Paine could make her feel in the future. Now, hearing the clanks and crushing of Paine's armored boots along the asphalt and concrete they walked upon gave her the same feelings.

They could have been anywhere—walking with Paine was an experience irreplaceable by none else. It helped a great deal to clear her head…and her hormones, at least for the time being.

"I've been thinking," said Paine, voice echoing as if through a tin can from behind her helm, "Your mother doesn't pay me anything to be her guardian… I didn't go into this expecting any kind of salary, either. We both have a lot saved up from over the years, but…"

Lulu smiled against the metal chill Paine's shoulder plate. "I had the same thing in mind," she said. "While we certainly have quite a bit of gil, there's no telling how long it will last us. Not _only _us… Vidina as well, whenever we decide to offer him something of an early inheritance. I'll need a source of income for all three of us."

"Really?" asked Paine, as they took a shortcut through a small water park. Lulu hummed her affirmative. "I didn't think you'd offer to do that. Mostly because I'm not sure…what kind of work would fit you. You always kept to yourself back in Besaid. Unless…" She paused for a moment, thinking. Lulu wondered if Paine would remember that conversation they had back on the docks in the rain… "Do you have the same dreams about teaching black magic? I'm sure anyone would hire you."

That perceptiveness sated Lulu's curiosity, making her smile all the more. "Now that I think about it," she began, "I'm overqualified for the job. It wouldn't make much sense for me to pursue that previous passion of mine. I prefer giving Vidina my full attention while he is at home. I offer him a variety of theories to study, and, with Raine, he can explore the practical side of his studies. It works well for him."

Paine nodded. "I thought so," she said. "You're a very good teacher. He's too advanced for regular school. It makes sense that you'd feel better working with him one-on-one."

"I'm curious to know what you feel would fit me best instead."

"Shouldn't you find something you like regardless of my opinion?"

Lulu could not stop smiling at Paine's sensitivity with such matters. "While that is true," she agreed, "I am mostly curious, as I said. I value your opinions in all things. To know what you believe would suit me career-wise—it's a way to see myself through your eyes. So tell me what you think."

Paine did not take long to come up with an answer. "You're…really artistic and creative," she mused, likely thinking of Lulu's writing by the lightness in her voice. "It doesn't necessarily have to be something along the lines of an actual artist. I can see your beauty and intelligence making money for you, without you exactly having to _work_. Whatever that means—I can't put a profession to it. I just know that it fits you, in my eyes."

"Hmm…" Lulu could not think of an exact career to match, either, but she loved the concept right away. If she didn't necessarily have to _work_, as Paine said, it would give her ample time to care for her family while generating income. "I hadn't considered that before. I very much like what you've come up with. I'll be sure to think it over. In case you think of something more specific, I want you to let me know."

"Do I have a deadline?" asked Paine. "Before our wedding or after—whenever we decide on a date?"

Lulu shook her head. "There's no rush, love," she said. "If I haven't decided on anything in a few months, I may have to begin searching around. We can see what everyone else thinks in the mean time."

"I can already imagine the crazy ideas _some_ of them might come up with, from what little they know about what we do with each other…"

"You took the words right from my mouth…"

When they arrived to the warm cabin of the Celsius, Braska was the first to greet and guide them to the dining area. Lulu could hear animated, speculative chatter coming from behind the bar; she smelled the savory meal Yuna had cooked for everyone, noting that it was likely almost done just by the aroma alone. Braska's smile brightened as he took in the make of Paine's armor, walking along her other side.

"If I am not mistaken," he said, "Your armor, my lady—it is strikingly similar to those belonging to the Judge Magisters in the ancient Yevon doctrines! Have you paid us all a visit to announce your new line of employment?"

"That's definitely part of it," said Paine, rather coy. She hid her excitement quite well behind her helm.

Braska grinned instead, with his wonderings plain on his face as to what other news could have been in store. "Well, I know we'll all find out soon," he remarked. "Though, do try and pace yourselves. Avoid telling us right away—perhaps in the middle of breakfast? Auron, Jecht and I have made a bet with Yuna and Rikku, you see, but we fear they may coerce you to speak too soon…"

"Lord Braska!" said Lulu, as Paine laughed. "It is unlike you to use such methods to gain the upper hand. This must be quite the substantial bet for you to tip the odds in your favor."

Braska appeared sheepish as they reached the bar. "Yes and no, my lady…you will soon see," he replied.

It had been some time since Lulu had seen the entire group all at once save for Vidina—he and Raine would find out tomorrow. Jecht and Auron sat next to one another at the long wooden table, at ease as they spoke beneath the bright lights. Yuna and Rikku prepared the plates in the nearby kitchen, both giggling over Gippal's jokes—Lulu could read her name from his lips more than once, interestingly enough. Even Tidus was there, his typical cheer muted for once as he sat at the table nearest Shinra, Brother and Buddy. He appeared rather bored as he listened to the three of them complain about their ongoing legal battles over airship permits.

Of course, the only one missing…was Wakka. At such a joyous time, Lulu felt a small shred of remorse over his absence. Whether he would have been happy to hear the news or not, it wouldn't have mattered. He would know. They had known each other for so long—it made sense that he should have been present for this. Maybe Chappu as well…

When Paine removed her helmet, it signaled everyone to notice their approach at last. After the warm greetings, and Paine had pulled out Lulu's chair for her to sit next to Jecht, Rikku and Yuna wasted no time in trying to wheedle the announcement out of them.

"_So_, what's the big news?!" asked Rikku, as Yuna set down Lulu and Paine's plates in front of them. Lulu thanked Yuna with a smile, though she wanted to ask at long last why it was that Yuna never changed out of her songstress dressphere. Rikku sitting across the way didn't want to give up on this very easily. "_Lulu_, come on! We've been waiting since _yesterday _to know! You're here now, you can tell us!"

But a strand of Paine's slicked-back hair fell over her eye; she spent an unusual amount of time rectifying this, looking nervous of a sudden. It had been simple enough for her to tell them about her new employment as Elysia's guardian—as Judge Magister, alongside Raine. With both hands gloved, none could see the ring on her finger. Lulu's hands had been subject to much observing and staring, though the others found nothing new or out of place there.

Lulu sensed it had just now hit Paine again that it was all real. With the validation from their friends knowing, from their excitement, it would solidify the fact all the more—

"I'm afraid you'll have to wait a little longer," said Lulu, placing her free hand over Paine's leg beneath the table. Rikku groaned and fell back in her seat. "We can enjoy the meal first, can't we? It's been some time since Paine and I have indulged in Yuna's cooking."

Auron on Jecht's other side let out a chuckle. "I get the feeling you're stalling," he pointed out. "Might I mention you're not very good at it?"

"He's right, you know!" said Gippal, next to Rikku, giving Paine and Lulu both suspicious once-overs. "If you're stalling, then maybe it's not such good news after all…" Lulu ate her meal in peace, unbothered by their speculations. "Don't tell us you're, like, _leaving _or something! 'Cause that wouldn't be cool…"

Brother shrieked in his panic. "Leaving?! But you _can't _leave!" he said, frowning. "We just got here! I'm stuck in this mess with the stupid police stations because of you! So—so…because of that, you…you have to stay, yes? We're all one big, happy family that sticks together, through fine print and stacks of bullshit laws! Right?!"

"Right!" said Yuna and Rikku in unison. Lulu noticed the way Tidus became flushed and averted his eyes.

Jecht laughed, likely more so at his son's reaction to Yuna's cheerfulness. "You'll worry all your damn heads off if you keep this up," he said. "Let them take their time…where's the rush, man?"

"That's not fair," said Shinra. "You have a vested interest in them _taking their time_. I find it hard to believe you really want them to, if not so you can win your bet. Am I right, or am I right?"

Yuna scoffed in her shock. "Sir Jecht, that's cheating!" Jecht folded his arms and grumbled. She surveyed Lulu's hands yet again… "Lulu, Paine, do you like torturing us? It's always _something _you're not telling us, whether it's about your pastimes or even things as important as this!"

Lulu raised an eyebrow at that. "Our pastimes, hm?" she asked.

"I don't know what else to call it, considering I don't know what it is in the first place…"

Braska spoke up about this. "I am rather lost as well," he confessed. "The subject has taken an abrupt turn, to where I know not at all. Could someone be so kind as to explain the details—?"

Most everyone began to laugh, or make comments to the one beside them on Braska's obliviousness. Gippal piped up, "Wait, wait, hold on!" He waved his arms, distracting Braska from noticing the sudden redness about Yuna's face. "No one has to _say _anything! I think we all know what the announcement is, now don't we, folks? Paine—take off your gloves, will ya? We gotta see this with our own eyes."

Everyone waited for Paine to comply. When it appeared that Paine was still too nervous to do anything, Lulu set her fork down. She couldn't share in that anxiety, for she smiled too much to feel such a thing. Lulu suspected it would catch up with her later. Until then, she could enjoy this uninhibited.

Lulu turned to Paine, holding one hand out. "Your hand," she said.

That hesitation, Paine did not mask well enough as she began moving her left hand—

"Hey, no fair!" said Rikku, shaking her head with a frown. Everyone but Auron and Braska jeered loudly, with Tidus, Jecht and Gippal each giving a thumbs-down. Paine winced, unable to hide her blushing. "Your _right _hand, not the left!" At this point, Lulu felt the announcement was irrelevant. They clearly already knew… "Don't be slick, Paine! You too, Lulu! Now show us—no more games!"

This part—it was complicated. Paine could only remove her armor, any part of her armor, after submitting to Lulu in their private, special way. Though she could have simply changed dresspheres, it was something of an inconvenience. Lulu regarded Paine with that knowledge, asking with her eyes if they could go back to their original plan. Amid the loud impatience around them, Paine nodded.

They continued looking into one another's eyes, as they said in harmony: "We're getting married…" To say it in this way, with the knowledge that everyone heard them—the fact again became rooted in stone, in the very metal and gem of Paine's ring underneath her glove. That uneasiness about Paine dissolved, joining with the lightness of Lulu's eyes, expression, and essence.

Rikku's reaction alone was enough to make Lulu think the entire table had exploded in elation. She and Yuna jumped from their seats, scrambling over to the pair to hug them both at once; Brother burst into tears of joy; any reactions beyond those, Lulu had a hard time keeping up with over the rapid speech coming from Rikku and Yuna. What she did manage to gather from their words, however, was that this part of the original plan was null and void—

"We'll plan the whole thing!" said Yuna, with metaphorical stars in her eyes, still squeezing Lulu and Paine together by the shoulders. "In fact, we've been planning the perfect heist with a huge payoff! We can use the gil from that to pay for your wedding! Oh, Rikku, you can call all of your old friends from Home and have them build a giant mobile platform for Lulu and Paine to stand on together! Lulu will be in her long wedding dress, with Paine in a nice tuxedo next to her, waving to the _whole _city at night! It'll be beautiful, won't it?"

Rikku giggled far louder than Lulu remembered her sounding in the past. "Yeah, yeah, that's perfect!" she exclaimed. "Yunie, Yunie! You can sing at the wedding, during their first dance! It can be a HUGE concert, and everyone in Zanarkand will be invited!"

"I know the perfect song for the occasion! Lulu, you remember—_Fly Me to the Moon_? The song you used to sing to me when I was little? I'll practice and practice 'til I get it just right, and then we can all sing along as the two of you dance in the center of the stadium! It'll be so romantic!"

"Oh! OH! And we can have a big machina at the top that rains down roses over the whole crowd! While they're dancing, Paine can catch one of the roses with her teeth and everyone will cheer!"

"Rikku, for the platform, we should have a throne on top so Lulu won't have to stand, you know? Remember that story you told me about the Scorpion's Empress? It's just like Lulu and Paine! Paine's a Scorpio, and Lulu _owns _her—whatever that means—so it totally makes sense!"

Gippal pulled Yuna and Rikku away, allowing Lulu and Paine to finally breathe. "Um, hey, give the lovebirds some air, will ya? You two are nuts, I swear…"

"Hey!" said Rikku, jabbing a finger in his face. "There's nothing wrong with being happy for them!" Only Lulu seemed to notice Paine putting her helmet back on to hide her steaming face. "For your information, Yunie and me thought Paine would _never _get married! Especially not to Lulu! So it's like a dream come true for us, you know?"

"Yeah, but you're making it more about _you two _than the ones _actually _getting married…"

Yuna looked puzzled. "We are?" she asked. "But we're the wedding planners. We have to be passionate about this, in order for everything to go well. Don't you think?"

Paine stood up. "I should go," she said. "I can't stay around. I have to get to work."

Brother stopped his sobbing to put his foot down. "Work?! What work?" he demanded. "You're getting _married _and you have to work? What nonsense is this? I've never heard of such a thing!"

Lulu stood as well. "Brother," she said, "Who said the wedding is today? We're only engaged for the time being. We haven't discussed the details beyond that."

"Oh," he said, appearing to think nothing of Paine weaving her way to the hallway. "But Lulu, if Paine is going, you must stay here with us today, yes? We have lots to discuss! Lots to prepare! It will be the wedding of the century for all of Zanarkand to witness and envy!"

While she appreciated the enthusiasm, Lulu was already a little more than drained by the prospects of enduring such dramatics for an entire day. "That's fine," she said, walking with Paine's hand in hers. "At least allow me to see her off. I'll return shortly."

"Dr. P!" said Rikku as they went. Paine did not turn around to acknowledge her. "When you get back, you're showing us the ring! I want _your _side of the story, about how Lulu proposed! No excuses, either! Not like last time when you took forever to tell me that you didn't even ask her out the right way!"

By the time they reached the elevator, they were far enough away from the chatter to have some peace. Lulu held Paine in her arms for a long moment, saying nothing. The near-two weeks they'd spent with the engagement only between them had been beyond blissful, relaxing. They'd been able to do what they wanted, have sex around the house without anyone dropping by at random, and have more than enough peace and quiet when they chose to rest.

Some part of Lulu knew that their unspoken agreement to _wait _before the announcement had been to savor that calm before the storm.

"I don't want you to worry, love," spoke Lulu, as she pulled away just enough to look up at Paine through her horned helmet. The dark openings on the helm for her eyes showed the shadowed crimson underneath, alluring Lulu that incongruity of affection. "Although, the one thing I _am _worried about is the matter of our maids of honor. It seems that Yuna and Rikku have volunteered themselves for another role altogether. They can't possibly fulfill both at the same time."

"I have this theory," said Paine, "That they knew we were engaged, and they decided to jump into this. It keeps me from having to choose between them. The funny thing is they'll never know that I was going to ask Rikku, and you were going to ask Yuna… Too late now."

"It would seem so…we'll both have to think of someone else. As for the matter of their grand fantasies regarding the ceremony, I'll see what I can do to tone those down quite a bit. I'd imagined something simple for us… I'll have to accept that they'll want us to compromise."

Paine held Lulu's face in her gloved hands. The palms of those hands were covered by silk-lined chainmail that smelled of the wooden cologne she'd started to wear recently. Whatever coldness or intimidation anyone else may have sensed from that armor, from the gesture, Lulu felt pure fondness. She pressed her hands along Paine's breastplate, feeling far younger of a sudden—virginal, at the sight of this strength and mystery that she wished to know more of.

"I don't want you to worry, either," Paine told her. "They're excited. They'll have a bunch of ideas we won't like. I don't want this whole thing to stress you out. If Rikku and Yuna keep trying to give you a hard time, tell me, and I'll deal with them. This is about you and me—our love for one another. Nothing should take away the focus from that."

One knee beneath her dress, Lulu bent with pointed ankle as she pressed her lips to the metal carve in the shape of Paine's. She felt she could do this blindly for years if she had to, without once questioning Paine on why she could no longer be in her skin. That same, young feeling captured her in the motion, invigorating.

—

By late evening, Lulu had to take a moment to sit alone at the bar with a drink. As soon as Paine had left for work, Yuna and Rikku had tried to bombard Lulu with a number of suggestions for the wedding. Lulu had endured but ten minutes of their ideas before putting her foot down. She and Paine were not at all interested in having a city-wide parade or a concert in place of a traditional ceremony. The mood had toned down considerably after that, yet she could not shake the feeling that the two of them were disappointed. That, in turn, had drained her differently, but at least they'd made some progress they could agree on.

She pondered over the most interesting anecdote of the day—the Al Bhed folktale Rikku and Gippal had told her about the Scorpion's Empress. Home, before its destruction, was once located deep in the Bikanel Desert—it was there that all manner of scorpions ravaged the wanderers there, keeping Home safe from Yevon terrorists. One day, the most feared and powerful scorpion on the island decided to truly take the time to explore the desert, instead of passing through on its way to another victim to sting. It found a beautiful human woman in one of the underground tunnels, weak, injured and vulnerable. She was in dire need of medical treatment, yet the only thing the scorpion could do was offer its murderous venom. The scorpion allowed the woman to inflict severe injury on it by cutting off its tail, watching as she sucked the poison from its stinger. It expected her to die, but she did not—she needed more and more venom to sustain her health.

Thus the scorpion grew its tail back under her love and care, only for her to cut it off the moment she needed its poison again. Because the scorpion spent such time isolated with the woman, it failed in its duties to keep Home safe from a terrorist attack. The scorpion and the beautiful woman emerged to the surface together. With the powers she gained from the scorpion's stinger, the woman rid Home of its enemies. The Al Bhed began to hail her as their empress for saving them. She refused such praise, insisting she could only be empress to one—the scorpion, whom had found her by instinct and risked its duties to save her life through continuous self-sacrifice. The Al Bhed offered her a throne nonetheless, which she accepted, and had her scorpion sit upon her lap until it again needed to protect the desert island. She claimed to be very much in love with the scorpion, despite its murderous nature.

From then on, it became a symbol of tenacity among the Al Bhed to persevere even in the face of non-tradition and unknowns. They embraced being outsiders; they welcomed hardships; they believed anyone could be of help, or offer friendship—even one as non-human and lethal as a scorpion.

Rikku had become emotional, after the story, to explain that this was why Paine upset her so with her distance, yet she could not give up on their friendship. Gippal and Yuna had agreed wholeheartedly.

With her glass half-full, she heard the approach of someone unexpected. Lulu turned her head, watching as Auron took the seat next to her with a number of files in his hands.

"Hello, Sir Auron," said Lulu. "What brings you here? I noticed you disappeared rather quickly after the announcement."

Auron placed the stack of files face down over the bar. "I apologize," he said, smiling a little. "It became rather hectic, as you recall. I'm afraid I didn't get the chance to congratulate the two of you while I had the chance. Though you didn't ask me to do this, I hope it will make up for things."

He turned over the first two files, revealing the faces of a man and a woman, both of whom looked vaguely familiar. The man's crimson eyes caught her attention right away. He appeared rather old, in his late-fifties perhaps—a stern, scowling man who had likely aged past his years due to stress, glaring at the camera as though it had stolen a large sum of gil from him. The woman's long hair bore that familiar silver sheen, though Lulu couldn't tell if the hue was natural or due to age and anxiety. Though she was much younger to Lulu's eyes, and very beautiful, she appeared uncertain; insecure, almost, by the way she could not make eye contact with the camera when the photograph had been taken.

"These are her parents," said Auron, though he knew that Lulu had already guessed as much. Lulu took the files in her hands, feeling a soft surge of care for them right away. "They are both still alive, living in the slums of Bevelle. The father—Sir Nyte—is an ex-patriot who lost his position in the military due to emergency sequestering before Braska's Calm. He spends much of his time drinking, and spending the inheritance money he'd saved up for Paine during his years as a decorated officer on a number of unfaithful indulgences. The mother—Lady Bellona—continues to work as a white mage for one of the hospitals in the slums. The hospital is next in line for deconstruction, ironically enough, due to overcrowding from the ongoing war. She'll be out of a job in a matter of months."

Lulu ached to hear such terrible news. "She looks very much like her father…" With a deep breath, she paused before wondering aloud: "Is there anything we can do for them? From what little Paine has mentioned of her parents, she is not very fond of them or how they raised her. Whatever her stance, I would still like to help relieve their burdens."

"I can't advise merely sending money to them. Knowing Sir Nyte's habits, he would burn through it all after a day. Growing up as a warrior monk in Bevelle, I heard stories of the man. I trust my sources, one of which is Lord Braska. Paine's father is…rather dangerous, you see."

"What do you mean?" asked Lulu, frowning as she stared at his photograph.

"About twenty-five years ago, around the time Sin attacked Besaid and took your parents, he and Lady Bellona met one another at one of Maester Mika's extravagant balls in the upper district. Sir Nyte was up for promotion to General of Yevon's army. Lady Bellona was quite the skilled nurse, believed among Yevon to have the power to bring wounded soldiers back from the brink of death. They married a few months later, and had Paine some time after that.

"All was well for a few years until the news of Lord Jyscal's death. People began to panic, claiming it was the beginning of the end for all of Yevon's leaders. Investors cut their donations. The citizens fled the temples in droves, wishing never to return. With this, Yevon saw no need to protect the people who could doubt their faith so easily. Sir Nyte was one of the first to be cast off. It was an unlawful termination that hid the truth of the matter entirely. All of the dreams he'd had for Paine were taken away in the same action. He began to hate Yevon. When New Yevon resumed power at the beginning of Yuna's Calm, they took great care to conceal Vegnagun in the Bevelle Underground because of him."

Lulu understood. "Sir Nyte attempted to use Vegnagun, didn't he?" she speculated.

"Before Shuyin possessed Baralai, yes, he was the first to attempt to use it in recent times," responded Auron. "I have never met the man myself. I believe he and Braska knew one another, though Sir Nyte did not agree with Braska's diplomatic efforts with the Al Bhed. As for Lady Bellona, there is not much information about her. She has always assumed a quiet life with her husband, on the surface, though I'm aware the two of them had heated disagreements during Paine's childhood."

"Yes, they did… Paine mentioned that she joined Yevon's youth group in Bevelle to escape their arguing. Now I have a strong feeling she also chose to join in rebellion of her parents, or at least her father…"

Auron gave Lulu a moment to allow the information to sink in. "You are still of the mind to help them?" he asked.

"It would be selfish of me not to help," insisted Lulu. Auron chuckled. "Though I've grasped that her father is rather dangerous, I can see that he merely acted out of despair. Before I decide on anything, I'd like to see how Paine feels about them. Would it be possible for us to visit?"

"It is a complicated matter," said Auron. "I can navigate the tides of time, life and death, as I did in my years as an unsent during Braska's Calm in the Dream Zanarkand. You are…familiar enough with time and death to do the same. Paine, however, would not be able to follow. Not until she has spent a number of years here among the dead."

"Her parents are running out of time… Still, I'll need to think it over."

"As you wish. The rest of the files are also for you—study them at your own leisure." Auron placed another item upon the table. Lulu's heart stopped. "I also discovered this in one of the stalls. Might this belong to you?" From the look in Auron's uninjured eye, this was not a test. He appeared understanding, and somewhat sympathetic. "Before you answer, I should inform you that I know enough about the mechanics of these things. When a person dies and dissolves into pyreflies, they will drop their garment grid and dresspheres in their wake. You are here in front of me; therefore this must have belonged to someone else."

Lulu sighed, placing the garment grid atop the stack of files. "This…was once Wakka's," she admitted.

Auron paused for a moment. "I see," he said.

"Do you?" asked Lulu, taking a chance in regarding him.

"I see that you possess not a drop of remorse over this news," he observed. "It means you either do not care, or you are guilty. Perhaps both." When Lulu could not find it in her to reply right away, Auron added: "I've asked Brother to turn the surveillance systems offline. This will stay between us. I am sure you had your reasons. We needn't discuss those if you'd rather avoid bringing up bad memories."

"Paine is the only one who knows everything… I could not bring myself to tell the others. They must never find out."

"I agree. You'll have my discretion. I can only hope the incident will not traumatize you over time."


	27. YuRiPa

_Give me a Y!  
Give me an R!  
Give me a break…_

The next evening, the hollow clanks of Paine's armored footsteps sounded over the violet marble floor of Elysia's bastion as she walked through the dim-lit hallway. The glass sculptures of aeons lining the stone walls seemed to stare at her as she went. She stared back through her helm at each Shiva figure she passed en route to Elysia's chambers, carrying a number of documents in one hand. The silk separating her skin from her armor held but a mild drench of sweat from being trapped in this suit of pale darksteel for so long. Mirages formed around her, of her learning—memories of other armored men standing around her, comporting themselves with dignity and distance, unrepentant to any who perceived them as anything _but _what they were, what they stood for.

All day prior to this, she'd had meetings to attend with the other Judge Magisters of Zanarkand, all of whom answered to Elysia for political purposes. The other Judges trusted Elysia's judgment in elevating Paine to this rank in title alone for the time being, yet she had the distinct feeling of being an outsider around them. Whatever her feelings, Elysia expected a full report on what she'd learned: facts, protocol, conduct, mandates, and so forth.

Paine's mind raced with reviews on how she needed to present her findings to Elysia; raced with thoughts of the time. Elysia had given her a deadline of five-thirty. Lulu promised to arrive at six o'clock. She had but half an hour to give her report; to see about an important something else.

The moment she reached the wooden double-doors of Elysia's bedroom, Shiva opened them for her. Paine gave the aeon a curt nod. She walked over the wide rug fashioned of glyphs and depictions of statues of fayth, taking care to not let her eyes wander about the room despite her helmed head. She knew Elysia did not appreciate any part of her home being scrutinized or stared at. Paine knew that Elysia's chambers were spacious, decorative with numerous symbols and paintings depicting scenes of yore: very warm and very violet. She was not allowed to take in the details of those, thus she did not.

Paine stopped adjacent to the burning fireplace, behind Elysia reclining in her long chair of blood red suede. "My lady," she said, bowing—staring at the hind legs of the chair as per expectations. "I've completed my report on the time I spent with Judge Zargabaath, Judge Bergan and Judge Ghis." She lifted her hand holding the documents, allowing Shiva to take them from her and give them to Elysia. "If that is all that my lady requires of me, I will return to my studies until Lulu arrives."

Elysia lifted her wrist, pointing her hand to the nearest chair. "Your Honor will sit with me," she said.

Paine stood upright and removed her helmet before walking to the appointed seat. Only after she sat down in the plush chair did she see that Elysia did not even bother to read her report; the documents lay upon her lap, over her satin dress of deep mauve. With her left arm resting flat along her left leg, and right arm cradling her helmet, she stared straight ahead at the glowing glyph along the fireplace.

"I have been thinking," began Elysia, reaching in front of her at nothing; Shiva complied, gracefully, replacing that reach with a glass of red wine, "You will need an alias, as Judge Magister. I do not enjoy the sound of Judge Paine. It is too familiar." She took a sip, savoring; staring ahead at the painting of her two daughters upon the wall. It always took Paine a considerable amount of willpower to not look there. "Remind me, Your Honor—what is your father's name? What does he do with his time?"

"My father's name…is Nyte," replied Paine, keeping the acid from her voice. "He doesn't do anything work-wise. The last I heard, he spends his money on alcohol and prostitutes—the money he promised to give me one day. It's lasted him this long; I don't know how he earned it. I know nothing else of him."

Elysia let out a short, amused sound. "His name is a pun, as is yours," she remarked. Paine fought to keep her expression neutral. "Judge Nyte. That is what you will go by, per tradition." How she _despised_ the sound of that—yet she could not object. "Female Judges are to take the first names of their fathers for their aliases. Male Judges take the maiden names of their mothers. My husband did the same, with his mother's maiden name. It may seem rather strange, but you would be surprised at how it all fits together nicely.. You are separate from your father. This alias is of no association to him, whatever his preferences." Elysia took another sip, observing the same painting. "Is Your Honor familiar with the nature of honorifics regarding this title? Namely, what it means when another refers to you as _Sir _or _My lord_?"

"No, my lady, I am not," said Paine. Elysia's wont to disregard the matter of her father's shameful decisions helped her in forgetting about him, quickly.

"This is rather sexist, really," added Elysia. "_Lady _does not apply, because it is believed that a female Judge is either celibate or cannot have children. Why else, then, would she accept such power when she would be of better use taking care of her home?" She threw her head back and laughed. "Oh, my… Your Honor, this is for courting purposes. When a young lady—and it is also assumed that she will be younger—addresses a Judge Magister as _Sir _instead of _Your Honor_, this is a clear admission of sexual interest on her part. Another cliché is that she will be a virgin, captivated by the lordly mannerisms and sharp wit typical of Judge Magisters. I know you have not your eyes on any other than my Lulu. You should not feel degraded if someone calls you Sir Nyte, or any variation of _Lord_. They merely want your sex. That is all it means."

Without any prompting from Elysia, Shiva offered Paine a glass of the same wine. Paine rested her helmet facing forward along her lap, accepting the glass with her left hand.

"And now, Judge Nyte, what of your report?" asked Elysia, taking the documents in hand at last. "I needn't a full reiteration of your day spent with those gossiping hens. Tell me what you have gleaned of them—your impressions."

"They think I haven't earned my position. Whatever I did to activate Alexander's wings, they think it's—_unremarkable and overly romantic, _as they said. I did my best to follow their politeness, their manners and the way they held themselves. I felt like they set me up for failure no matter the outcome."

Elysia nodded in satisfaction, reading through the report. "Jealousy," she surmised. "It took the three of them years to earn their rank; my respect. What they fail to realize is that I am the one who bestowed them with this power by my own subjective judgment. I could take it away just as easily if I wanted…"

Paine assumed by Elysia's mild relaxation that she could take a sip of her wine. She did; Elysia did not protest. "I made my report honest—as requested," she said. She noticed Elysia's offended pause near the center of the first page. "If I was too honest—"

"No," spoke Elysia, "You were not. This is precisely what I wanted. The three of them are unaware that you answer to me this intimately; I keep a marked distance between all else outside of my family." Her choice of words made Paine think she _knew _already. She and Lulu had not yet told Elysia about the engagement. They planned on doing so when Lulu arrived. Elysia sighed in faux dejection. "Their resignation letters will find their desks in the morning. I'll not accept this manner of discrimination or disrespect from them, from anyone toward you. My husband will want to read this when he returns."

She had Shiva relocate the report to her desk on the other side of the room. Paine had to drink more wine, to distract herself, in case she'd heard wrong. To think Elysia cared this much for her—it confused her, considering that typical coldness there.

Elysia noticed Paine's state. "Hm?" she hummed, brow raised. "Have you an objection, Your Honor?"

"Not an objection, my lady," said Paine, appeasing. "The Second and Thirteenth Bureaus and the Twelfth Fleet of the army will be leaderless with them gone. After the recent attack…"

"I will worry about replacements, Nyte, not you. Raine will train to lead the Twelfth Fleet in Zargabaath's stead. You will focus on your studies to all concerned with the Ninth Bureau until my husband returns to assist you further." Elysia finished her wine with a frown. "We have spoken enough about such matters. You look anxious about something. Tell me what it is."

Other than Elysia insisting on calling her by that name, Paine certainly did have thus to be anxious for: "I'm not sure if you know… I'll get to the point."

She inhaled deeply, taking a step out of her work headspace in order to _remember _Lulu again. She did not need to ask—Shiva reappeared to take her glass from her. Paine stood, helmet tucked between her arm and torso. Elysia looked surprised as Paine went to her side, and moved down on one knee. Though Paine had gone over what she wanted to say, she felt those prepared words slipping from her nervous grasp. That strong resemblance there in Elysia's face reminded her so of how but months ago, she thought she'd never have the chance to do this.

It was too late now for doubts or reservations. Paine had settled on this—she had to deliver.

"I'd like your blessing…to marry your daughter. Lulu…I love her with all that I am, all that I ever will be. I've only given her a home so far—I want to give her so much more, with her as my wife. Would you…?"

Paine trailed off when she noticed that distinct shimmer in Elysia's eyes; how Elysia raised the back of her hand over her mouth and nose. Those did not last long—soon Elysia took a deep breath, fanning her face. She blinked profusely and cleared her throat, smiling down at Paine's perplexity.

"Oh, Paine…" Elysia leaned down, holding Paine's head to her shoulder. "You did not need to ask." By the mild heat of her emotions, by the gentleness there in her hands along the back of Paine's head; by the depth of her words, Lulu's mother had indeed been watching them both for a long, long time: "You have had it since the day you were born." She pulled away, keeping her warm hands along Paine's face. "I had already departed to the Farplane by that time, as you know. There I searched and searched with my husband for a way to ensure Lulu's safety, her happiness. We happened upon an Arbiter of Time who showed us that we needn't worry. I remember seeing this very scene, here, reflected before our eyes. This déjà vu cannot be ignored. You have my blessing."

Such wisdom filled Paine with hope, validating. "Thank you," she said. "I wanted to ask for this out of respect to you. All I want is to make Lulu happy."

Elysia sat back in her seat, sighing. "I hold no doubt that you do," she replied, dabbing at her eyes with her wrist. "I must tell you how saddened he and I were to witness her endure such heartbreaks and stoicism in her younger years. We tried to find reason in those: that Lulu needed to learn what was not for her before she could know what she truly needs. It is a shame you were not with her in Besaid, to watch her grow into the woman she is now…"

"I wonder about it a lot—how things would have turned out, if I had," admitted Paine, thinking back to what little she knew of Lulu's time growing up in Besaid. "Even if I couldn't say a word to her for whatever reason, I know I would have watched her. I'd want to protect her from the world if I knew what she would face down the line."

With a smile, Elysia nodded and said: "That sounds like a lovely romantic dream… I want you to give this to her." She removed the violet-tinted diamond ring from her hand, and gave it to Paine. "This is the engagement ring my husband gave to me, passed down from his mother, and so forth. Our family crest is engraved along the band." Shiva went to the door, just as a few knocks sounded. "I know you will see to her happiness. In the event that you find yourself on the receiving end of her inevitable bouts of fury, you are welcome to stay here with me until they pass."

Forthrightness by care, or by cryptic meanings—Paine could not decide which one Elysia held, or if she possessed both. She could not linger in that moment to find an answer—it was six o'clock. Paine stood at the soft call of jewels and dress, holding her helm at her side and the ring clasped in her free hand. She went to Lulu, meeting her halfway through the room. The smile on Paine's face faded as she neared.

"Lulu…" she said, concerned by the sadness there in those eyes. Despite that sorrow, or because of it, Lulu kissed her for a long moment, unmindful of Elysia watching their exchange. "What's wrong?" She held her close with one arm. Paine looked down at Lulu's face resting along the black cashmere sweater she wore to conceal the unarmored area of her clavicle and neck. "You've been down since yesterday…is it because of the wedding? Are Yuna and Rikku giving you trouble?"

On Elysia's approach behind Paine, Lulu shook her head. "We'll discuss it later," she said, and pulled out of their embrace. The flatness to Lulu's voice had Paine wondering if she'd _done_ something. "Mother, Vidina has not returned home with Raine. Are they still out training?" Elysia smiled; the mild shine visible through Paine's gloved fingers caught Lulu's periphery, and her attention. "What is this…?"

"I am afraid they are," responded Elysia, standing beside them. Paine had her head lowered, her vitality having gone somewhere she knew not. Elysia embraced her daughter for a short moment, smiling through that sorrowfulness. "I have given your fiancée a proper ring with which to bestow to you, my dear. It is the engagement ring your father gave to me when he proposed during my pilgrimage."

With her helm clutched firmly in her arm, Paine used both hands to place the ring over Lulu's appropriate finger. She listened as Elysia spoke her praises for the wedding, with much confidence that Paine would keep her daughter happy and fulfilled. Yet that melancholy about Lulu smeared the whole canvas. The scene she felt ruined by the oils of her hands within her gloves as she held both of Lulu's—how she could not tell by typical cues if Lulu wanted this right now.

_Typical _did not apply with Lulu—it never could; it never would. By this juncture her heart had reached, Paine knew to hold on to the way Lulu stayed silent, gazing up at her with resilience in the presence of another; the loved shape to her eyes colored as russet red and embittered by past regrets.

The small, sympathetic sound Elysia let out noted her notice of these exchanges between the pair.

"Yes, yes, all right," said Elysia, waving her hands amid the space separating Lulu and Paine, "Enough of this. Let us go and collect our two mages, that you might announce your engagement to them as well. Bahamut and Valefor will locate them. I could use the fresh air—as could the both of you."

—

Upon Bahamut's back through Zanarkand's skies tinted by the dying sun, Paine held on to the dragon's tough scales of cobalt, with Lulu side-saddle behind her. Through her helm, she looked down at Lulu's sleeved arms wrapped about her waist: how tightly they held onto her, and not for fear of heights. This arrangement reminded Paine so of that night in Bevelle they had escaped the initial beginnings of the civil war. Elysia, too, sat side-saddle on Valefor ahead of them, wearing a shimmering coat of silver wendigo fur over her dress. Paine watched the long, flowing tail of Elysia's dark hair flutter about in her wake. She wondered as to why Elysia never seemed to show much affection to her daughter; even her congratulations on their engagement felt distanced, but nevertheless sincere.

From her observations since their meeting, Paine could have gone so far as to believe Lulu's mother showed more emotion to her, to Vidina, and to Raine than to Lulu. _Why…_

Paine turned her head close to her shoulder, gazing down at the lance of Lulu's braids behind them. The tautness of Lulu's hair along the back of her head, pulled up to meet the demands of this style: Paine felt that same pulling within Lulu, somehow, somewhere. Held up by such strength in beauty of those decorative pins, Lulu maintained her character in the same way in the company of others.

She hoped that, the second they were alone, Lulu would drop all of these and her dress to the floor at their feet; that Lulu would confide in her; _kiss _her until the heat in their faces and the breaths between them melted that melancholy away, never to return.

With those thoughts, Lulu shifted, holding Paine tighter. Paine moved one arm to press along both of Lulu's, facing ahead to capture this memory fully in her soul's gaze.

Elysia's aeons soon descended into the breadth of wilderness along the city's edge. The vastness of forest and flowing water discerned itself from the bustle of machina and metropolis but a few short miles away. They landed upon a short cliff overseeing a wide spread of verdant shore along the river. Paine jumped from Bahamut's back, first, before Lulu eased down into her arms. After she set Lulu down to stand upon the formation of rock, she went to aid Elysia the same way. Elysia gave a short laugh as Paine helped her stand; Lulu walked over to them, observing the scene with hushed skepticism.

The near sounds of Vidina's muffled giggling reached Paine's ears as Elysia dismissed her aeons. Paine held Lulu's hand, walking with her along the cliff to get a better view of Raine and Vidina by the river. Raine had her back to them, turning her head as if looking around; Vidina had mastered _Float_, allowing him to hover in the air behind his aunt in the same way as a moogle. He tried to silence his amusement, with hands pressed firmly over his grin. He wore his moomba dressphere, sans headpiece. By the relaxed air about Raine, and her occasional laugh, she must have known Vidina was behind her.

"How adorable," remarked Elysia, having veiled her head to shield her hair from the humidity of the forest. "I did not think Raine capable of such playfulness. It is of no wonder they have yet to leave."

Seeing her son again instilled a little brightness about Lulu. "Paine," she said, smiling gently, "Why don't you go say hello to them first?" Paine nodded to her, and let go of Lulu's hand, making to leave until: "I want you to follow my sister's lead. She is being playful for once. You should, too."

Paine did not understand this abrupt turn at all. "What are you asking me to do?"

"You could try changing dresspheres," suggested Lulu.

With the veil over Elysia's face, Paine could not tell as to her expression; if she watched this exchange at all. Paine understood, _now_, what Lulu wanted—she changed into her Mascot dressphere. That did not stop her from bowing to her fiancée, whatever her embarrassment about such a thing. "Yes, Mistress," she said, and began walking down the slope of the cliff.

She kept her dressphere transformation quiet, automatic. Raine appeared distracted enough not to notice, until Paine had neared enough. There was a mild buzzing noise from the radio in Paine's ear; she turned it off, not in the mood to know what the Gullwings needed her for this time.

Vidina noticed her waddling over. "A wild tonberry appears!" he said, floating over to her. _A wild tonberry…? _"Raine, Raine! Look!" He hugged Paine around her outfit's arms, giggling again. The inside of her costume felt very warm of a sudden. "She found us!"

"What…?" asked Raine, staring in their direction. The steps of her boots along the grass were cautious as she approached them. That steam increased from the neck-up as Raine scrutinized, recognized. "Is that…_Paine? _That cannot be you…"

Before Raine could reach for the hilt of her blade at her hip, Paine closed her eyes, and removed her headpiece. Through her red ears, she heard Raine's snorts of laughter. Before long, that laughter grew louder, richer—the kind she never thought she would hear from someone so stoic and serious. Lulu and Elysia's footsteps sounded behind her, both of them no doubt amused by the scene.

Paine kept the annoyance from her face as she watched Raine continue to laugh. "Are you quite finished?" she asked, as Vidina hovered over to hug his mother. When Raine could not reply, Paine put her hand over her hip and scoffed. "Fine. Laugh all you want."

"I have seen you in this before, Your Honor," commented Raine, catching her breath. "Still, it is no less amusing the third or thirtieth time I have witnessed it."

"Just how long did you spend watching me?"

Raine said nothing; the flow of the river, the far-off songs of birds and the steady buzz of insects spoke for her. Elysia went to her youngest daughter, putting a definite end to that brief conversation. Lulu held Paine's rounded hand, having them follow after Vidina a little ways down the shore.

"Mommy, what's this?" asked Vidina, holding Lulu's other hand. "Did you buy a new ring?"

Lulu sat down over the nearest boulder, smiling at him standing in front of her. "You do enjoy keeping track of all my jewels, don't you?" she asked, in that soft voice she saved only for Vidina. Paine sat along the grass, leaning against the boulder, against Lulu's side; she canted her head up to watch the sunset shine along the crimson of Vidina's freshly-cropped hair. "This is why we came to find you—to tell you the good news. Paine and I are getting married."

Vidina smiled wide as he jumped up to sit in Lulu's lap; Paine would never forget the strength of that shine of the sun in his reddish brown eyes. "When, when?" he asked. "Is it gonna be a big wedding where everyone gets to go? Can I be in it?"

"We haven't decided on a day yet, dear." She moved her hand closest to Paine's through the slicked-down hair there, to hold Paine close. "All of our friends will be there. You'll get to meet all of their friends here in Zanarkand, too. Your role will be very special. Keep that in mind. I want to know how things will be from this day forward."

The things Lulu wanted to say—she had discussed these with Paine, during those two weeks after she proposed. Many times Paine had envisioned how it would feel when Vidina learned the information.

By the way Lulu had spoken then, and the way she spoke now, she meant this to be forever. By the way Vidina smiled down at Paine, he wanted the same thing. This constancy canceled out the long days and nights Paine had spent alone even in the company of others.

"Your father is no longer around. As far as I know, he has no plans to return. I know you don't worry about him—I only want to remind you that he still loves you…wherever he is now. And so does Paine, enough that she wants to be your parent in his place. When I marry her, she will adopt you. We will both take care of you, the same way we do now. Even before the wedding, whether I'm around or not, you will listen to her and respect her as you do with me. Am I clear?"

"Yes, Ma'am," said Vidina, making Lulu smile again by the eager glow to his eyes. He looked down at Paine. "Mmm, you're really tough! Too tough to call you Mommy…I'll get lost if I call _you_ that, too…"

The laugh Lulu let out sounded rather suspicious to Paine's ears, almost as if she had something in mind she preferred.

Paine couldn't quite read her mind—she settled on this instead: "How about we decide on that later?" she suggested. "Think about it for now. If you come up with something, I want you to let me know."

Vidina nodded and began asking more questions about the wedding, about Lulu's ring. Paine glanced over and saw Raine and Elysia speaking in heated, hushed tones, clearly in disagreement over something. Raine had folded her arms in a tight grip, leering at the ground; Elysia had her hand near her veiled face, gesturing hard as she spoke. Too often, she read both her and Lulu's names from Raine's lips. From what little she could read and hear from there, it chilled Paine's skin on down:

"_This is a mistake!_" hissed Raine, shifting her regard to meet her mother's head-on. "Why do you encourage them? Why are you just now communicating to me that you have changed your mind—?"

Elysia backhanded Raine across her face; Raine shut her eyes, facing Paine's direction; Paine quickly turned her head to avoid being spotted. Lulu looked down at her, as Paine situated her head into the softness of that waist and thigh, before turning back to Vidina. Listening to Lulu's breathing, feeling the warmth of her spells through her dress grounded Paine, waking her to the quickness of her beating heart.

It was unusual of Lulu not to notice these things, too focused on their son and Paine next to her to care for all else. No matter how often Paine turned those words over in her mind, she could think of no justification for them. Nonetheless, the promise she'd made to Elysia on the matter of not sharing secrets began to make more sense. Though the temptation to eavesdrop further felt strong in her bones, she had her priorities. She gazed up at Vidina, at Lulu, listening to them instead; trying to think of some way to explain this to Lulu later on.

—

They all flew back to Elysia's bastion atop her aeons, in order for Vidina to collect a few things from his room there before returning home. Yet when they arrived to the lifted drawbridge, the magical controls refused to heed Elysia's call. Paine had changed back to her dark knight dressphere—her Judge Magister armor—going over to the five unresponsive glyphs at Elysia's feet to investigate. She pressed her gloved hand to the centermost glyph, frowning as it burned itself into the ground, spelling out: _Intruders!_

"There's someone inside," said Paine, moving to her feet. Raine had already become a serpent of shadows to locate the underwater entrance.

Elysia pursed her lips, glaring at the freeze present between the large stone doors of the entrance hall. "I cannot imagine who would be so foolish as to break into my home," she said, low, menacing. "Whoever it is, they will be trapped in the foyer if Alexander has done all he can. We will wait here until Raine lowers the bridge."

Paine stepped back with Lulu and Vidina, observing. Elysia's bastion sat atop the water at the city's edge, its make hidden within the embrace of Alexander's smaller wings. She stared at Elysia's back; she darted her eyes around, trying to spot anything out of the ordinary…

"Love," said Lulu, placing her hand over Paine's shoulder plate, "Tell me—why is it that you never mention your parents?" This seemed an odd, out-of-place question to Paine; she moved her head to look down at Lulu. "Do you dislike them?"

_Not allowed to question her._

"I'm not sure how I feel about them," replied Paine, working to focus on that _rule, _while at the same time staying on the lookout for anything suspicious. "All I remember of them is the way they would argue all the time. I haven't seen them since I was fifteen. Haven't thought about them since—might as well have been homeless with a roof over my head when I lived with them."

"You would rather never see them again?" asked Lulu. _Was that_—no, just a few citizens walking in the distance, out of the corner of her eye. "Or speak of them again, for that matter?"

The drawbridge began to lower. Paine watched as the doors also began to thaw. What would they find inside? Who would be there? Who would be so stupid as to do this? "I'd rather not, yes," she said, having forgotten about her parents all over again in the wake of this emergency.

"That's disappointing, but very well. Because we're getting married, I would have liked to learn more about them. If you are more comfortable not discussing them, we don't have to mention them again. At all."

That was…_kind _of Lulu, Paine supposed. "Thank you, Ma'am," she said, as they began following Elysia's quick steps across the bridge.

Paine's boots along the pavement hastened ahead of Elysia; she entered first to the foyer. The torches along the walls each lit as she passed them. The double doors closed once Lulu, Vidina and Elysia made it through, locking themselves by ice once more. She sensed Raine slithering about in the shadows at her feet, familiar enough by now with that preferred method of travel—

"Hey!" said a voice—a very, very familiar voice. A twirl of daggers sounded, before Rikku appeared in her thief dressphere, hurrying over to Paine with a grin. "You're here! You're really here! Yunie, Yunie! It's okay, Paine got our distress call!"

"Oh!" said Yuna, relieved. She jogged over to them, wearing a sizable backpack full of stolen treasure spheres over her gunner dressphere. "Phew! Thank goodness you're here! We thought we'd get caught for sure…whoever owns this place sure fooled us…"

Elysia, still wearing her veil, approached the scene. Paine stayed military still, staring at the nearest wall.

"Shoot, there's someone else here!" exclaimed Rikku, huddling closer to Paine and Yuna. "Change to emergency parameter three! Girls, tell her who we are!"

Yuna knelt down at Paine's side, pointing her twin pistols at Elysia; posing appropriately. "Y!" she said.

With another twirl of her daggers, Rikku posed at Yuna's other side. "R!" she said, smirking at the veiled _stranger_.

_These two are gonna get me fired, I swear…_

Paine folded her arms, and glared down at Yuna's head. Yuna sensed this, turning up to stare at her. "_Paine_," she complained in a whisper, as Elysia watched their exchanges but paces away, "You're not following the parameter! You have to—otherwise she won't know who we are!"

Lulu made her way over to them at last, holding Vidina's hand. She stood a ways away from her mother. "Lulu!" said Rikku, gesturing with her head in Paine's direction. "Your fiancée is _not _cooperating! Make her say it…" Slowly, but surely, Rikku had sensed that something was very wrong with this picture. "Hey…Lulu, you didn't have to come here with Paine…you're not a member of the Gullwings—"

A glyph of fire encircled the ground at Elysia's feet—she summoned Ifrit, the god of hell; with fangs and claws bared, he roared as a mass of flames, prepared to strike at his summoner's order.

"The Gullwings," echoed Elysia, removing her veil. Yuna and Rikku both dropped their weapons. "High Summoner Yuna, daughter of High Summoner Braska. Your cousin and former guardian, Rikku, daughter of the Al Bhed leader, Cid. I know precisely who the both of you are. Had we been better acquainted, I believe this misunderstanding would not have come about. Do you not agree?"

"Y-You're…you're—" Rikku stammered, her voice shrill as she tried to find her words; "Lulu's _mother? _Buddy didn't mention that…_"_

Paine watched Yuna and Rikku's eyes dart back and forth between mother and daughter. She stepped away from them, to disassociate herself from them so long as Ifrit remained summoned. At Elysia's side, she waited for an order—for anything, to rid this second-hand embarrassment with such an oversight. _This _must have been the heist Yuna had mentioned yesterday.

"Lulu, dear," said Elysia, "Are these the same friends of yours who claim to plan your wedding in full?"

"That is correct," replied Lulu, walking closer to Paine. Vidina watched the scene with great trepidation.

"Well then," continued Elysia, "Rikku, Yuna—I will spare you the agony of Ifrit rendering you asunder on but one condition: you will forfeit that responsibility to me. Are we in agreement?" Yuna and Rikku could only nod. Elysia released her aeon. "Judge Nyte, you are dismissed. Take five days to yourself."

Paine bowed to her, staying in the same position; Lulu whispered, "I will meet you at home." And these next words—she did not expect these at all: "Go to the bedroom. _Present_, with collar, with strap; wait."

—

In the darkness, in the chill of the bedroom, Paine stood in front of the bed, bare. Hands behind her head, near the nape of her neck; with her collar, with the strap-on; she stared straight ahead at the farthest wall, waiting. Her entire day had felt as a long string of following orders, appeasing to others, until this last from Lulu. She did not want to waste mental energy pondering as to what this _last _would consist of.

Paine knew but one thing to expect—that they would play their game; that they would have one scene unless she drew a clover, in which case there would be more. Elysia had given her five days off. Lulu had made another rule, revolving around this: in case Paine drew a spade, the roll would be null if the scene was to last longer than her time away from work. This was most considerate of Lulu, really. Though Paine wondered if that rule would always be in place, or if Lulu would one day choose to make an exception…

By the measured ache in Paine's limbs, an hour passed before she heard the front door open. The bedroom door she had left open, per Lulu's instructions. She listened and listened for signs of company, of Vidina—would anyone other than Lulu come in and see her standing here like this?

More confusion: she did not hear the sound of boots through the door, along the rug as _someone _entered. The soft pull of fabric against carpet marked the sound of Lulu's dress along the floor. The chime of her accessories sounded with each of her unhurried steps, until they were face-to-face. Only light from the hallway trickled in, outlining the agelessness of Lulu's beauty, whatever her expression.

Without heels present on either, Lulu matched Paine's height. For a long moment, Lulu stared through Paine with eyes unfeeling. Only by the drop of her chest did Paine realize the heaviness of her own breathing; the rush of blood to her groin, veins as vines of blood pumping all through her length.

Lulu conjured the cards, the dice. She waited. Paine expected a command of _Kneel_ to follow.

"My mother has set a date for the wedding," spoke Lulu, with traces of tenderness visible in her eyes. "She has learned that my father will return from his business in Bevelle in four months. She thinks it will be a good idea to have the wedding on my birthday, but a few weeks after my father's return. It will save you the trouble of having to buy me gifts at separate times, she said. How does that sound?"

That was perfect—their anniversaries could be spent celebrating two dates, celebrating twice as much. "I like the sound of that," said Paine, smiling.

"I'm glad." Though she could sense Lulu was equally happy over the agreement, Paine did not forget that sadness from earlier in the evening. "_Kneel_."

Paine knelt down; she could not _ask_—could not question why they were not discussing that, as Lulu had promised earlier. Unless, somehow, they had already discussed it without Paine's knowledge.

The dice, Lulu dropped to the floor by her belts. Paine collected one die at a time in her right hand. Amid the sounds of Lulu shuffling the deck of cards, she took the first of her chances to see what fate held for tonight. She felt—_lucky…_

_Two and two. _"Four," noted Lulu, bending down; purposely giving Paine a face-full of her cleavage. "Draw."

Paine could not see a thing, could not sense a thing other than the warmth against her. She smelled a bit of sweat—was Lulu nervous about something? Anxious? From the generous amount of breathing room her breasts had, Lulu had no reason to sweat there unless—

A sharp slap across Paine's face sent her leaning to the right, facing the same side. "Did you not hear me?" asked Lulu, low; admonishing. Paine stared at the floor, feeling Lulu's handprint burn into the left side of her face. She grew hard, harder by that tone; hardest by taking this pain for Lulu's pleasure. "I told you to draw a card. Or were you so fixated on my breasts that you neglected to do as I said?"

"I'm sorry, Mistress—"

Another, sharper slap had Paine leaning in the opposite direction. She didn't need a verbal reminder this time of what she did wrong. Lulu took a few steps back, sneering down at that want pointed directly up at her. Paine prostrated herself on the floor, in the _Apology _position—face down, legs together, arms perpendicular at her sides—to keep from having to _say _to Lulu that she was sorry.

The energy of Lulu's displeasure filled Paine's head, filled the space around her; filled her lungs as she breathed in the brittle smell of the carpet. Lulu had just been standing where her mouth was. Paine parted her lips, to breathe; by some sickness, her reason she felt vacuumed from her head. She kissed that space of the floor, once, twice, three times as she waited for Lulu to say more to her.

"Since you're unable to listen to me, I will draw for you."

The snap of a card sounded, as Lulu snatched the topmost one from the deck. She let out a brief laugh, letting the card flutter down next to Paine's face. The hardening pulse beneath Paine's stomach _hurt._

"Look at it."

_Spade… _Four days. The scene was to last for four whole days. They had never gone that long before.

"Stand up. Follow."

Paine hurried to her feet, disoriented as Lulu walked over to the farthest wall. She went to Lulu, waiting a few paces behind. As if pulling down blinds over a window, Lulu reached to the overhead shelf and pulled down a black, wooden contraption in the shape of an X. Paine knew what it was, but…

"I have shown this to you before," spoke Lulu, opening the nearby armoire. "But we have never used it. We will, tonight, just for a little while." She began searching through the contents: chains, straps, single tail whips, dragon tails, snake whips, and various other items; intent on finding something quite particular by the quickness of her hands. "Do you remember what it's called? Tell me what it's used for."

"It's called a Saint Andrew's Cross, Mistress," said Paine, staring at the hanging cuffs along the top corners. "It's used for bondage—keeping me bound to the cross by my wrists, or my ankles, or my legs if I'm hanging in place. I can be facing you, facing the wall; standing on my own, or upside-down. However you want me."

Of a sudden, Paine felt Lulu's hand against the space between her shoulder blades, pushing her forward. Paine stumbled into the cold, polished wood of the cross. With the jerk of Lulu's hand over her wrist, her arm she felt lifted into the air. Lulu pressed her body firm against Paine's backside, fastening the leather cuffs to both wrists.

As she stood in place with both arms suspended above her head, she again wondered about Vidina. Was he asleep in his room? Did Lulu feed him already? Had he found his way to the doorway, watching the scene without a word?

Her forehead knocked hard against that wood as Lulu pushed her fingers deep over Paine's scalp, grabbing a handful of her hair from the roots. "I feel your energy leaving the room," spoke Lulu, next to her ear. With a wince, Paine craned her neck back as Lulu _pulled_. "Your focus will remain here. I should not have to remind you. If you piss me off one more time tonight, I won't hold back. Is that clear?"

"Yes, Ma'am," breathed Paine; Lulu pushed her head forward, hand disentangling from her hair.

"Face the wall and wait until I return. If you turn around, I will know."

The fabric of Lulu's dress she felt removed from the skin of her back, her waist, her ass, and her thighs. Lulu walked away, not too far away; perhaps the bathroom by the distant echo of those jewels. Paine breathed into the chill of the wood, and of the wall in front of her face, trying to track Lulu's movements as the minutes passed. She could only stop worrying about Vidina with the _obvious _truth that Lulu would not have sent him to bed without feeding him first. Perhaps they had eaten before returning home…

Her energy left the room again. Paine held her breath, wondering if Lulu sensed this.

Lulu's hands were gentle as she removed the cuffs from her wrists; Paine _knew_ she sensed it. Softness, again, as Lulu turned her around by the shoulders. Lulu took her time in placing new—stainless steel—cuffs over Paine's wrists: chained, these were, linking her arms together by that chiming metallic binding. She bent down, applying the same, separate restriction to Paine's ankles.

"_Mm_—" The softest of moans Lulu let out as she stood again. Her breasts had knocked along Paine's need, pressing down on her way up. "You're insatiable, aren't you?" she asked, grabbing at the roots of Paine's hair again. Lulu's other arm she wrapped about Paine's waist. "The name of the game for this scene is _Waiting. _You don't get to learn why you're waiting. You've fucked yourself over; you'll never know, not until I decide to tell you." She shifted her hips, guiding Paine's body to the floor with that shift of center of gravity alone. "You will wait until I come back. You're not allowed to leave the bedroom—in fact, I'll make this easy for you. The bathroom is allowed. Nothing more."

Lulu said _nothing more_; did not kiss her before she left the room. The door she slammed behind her, sealing it shut by freeze of ice.


	28. Carpet Python

"_Know These Things: Shouldn't You" by Maxwell_

_You stung, as if you knew I'd sting right there  
And you shouldn't know these things about me  
Abused, as if your pain would quench my fear  
How could you know these things about me?_

Alone in the dark. Alone with her thoughts. Alone in the dark with her thoughts of Lulu, of why, _why now; _of what the hell had fucked up. Paine couldn't place it. What did she fuck up to deserve this without a reason why? It wasn't as if _reason _would help her now. Lulu had already left her here on the floor. And Paine could not forget the sadness that had been in Lulu's eyes; how she had promised they would discuss it later. _Later _as in later that day—not four days later, after chaining her wrists and ankles and abandoning her.

Lulu had promised her she wouldn't hold things inside anymore. She _promised_.

Now that the high from her earlier submission had worn off, Paine began to analyze. Lulu's hands on her had been rough—for the most part. The disdain and distance were not new methods from Lulu. Sometimes she chose to adopt these during a scene. That wasn't the problem. It was her timing. Had Lulu left her here on purpose with these very thoughts for the sake of riling her up?

"_Fucking hell_, Lulu," muttered Paine to no one; no one at all. No one could hear her.

The chains connecting her wrists together chimed as she shifted her upper body around. She moved to lie along her stomach. The cold, shapeless softness between her felt unusual—whenever she had this on, it tended to be hard only from so much as a prolonged stare from Lulu. Hard, because Paine _knew_, in that stare, Lulu wanted something from her.

For Lulu to want was for Paine to give. If Lulu wanted her misery, her starvation, her depravation, she would have it. Whatever Paine's mood, she knew there was no point to her irritation. It was precisely her _irritation _that Lulu had won first, for choosing with such calculation this method of torture.

"You know…my deal about being alone, having no one with me by my side… You knew, and still you did this anyway. Maybe it's because you know that you decided to do this to me…"

This zenith had Paine regretting how much she'd told Lulu about her previous loneliness.

The coldness about the room, the chill barely coming in from the windows behind the drapes felt more pronounced over her bare skin. That distinctness from the windows: she felt the oncoming of winter, wondering if it snowed in Zanarkand. She stared ahead at nothing—nothing she could see—feeling the distinct drop to the curve of her spine by her unsupported neck. The carpet would tattoo the affected areas of her body in flesh-colored, spiraled shapes of fabric if she continued to stay like this.

All she could do was think; think of the stories she'd told Lulu of her past; try to catch where Lulu had snagged the point of this trauma to use against her.

—

Paine had relocated to the unlit bathroom, sitting upon the toilet; bent over with her chest over her legs and head between her knees. There was no food there. The faucet water Lulu had rigged to only let dregs of water at a time, to prevent Paine from overdrinking on an empty stomach. The shower still worked, yet she saw no gain in trying to _clean_ anything. The last time she'd eaten was before work—Lulu had made her a large enough breakfast to tide her over until dinner that night. They never did have that dinner together.

Hunger sat in her stomach, waiting to be satiated. She had no idea how long to tell it to wait.

Why did Lulu want to do this to her? Why did Lulu want to subject her to this? Was it a test of loyalty, of submission? Surely there were other ways Paine could prove herself… What was there to prove with no one watching? What was there to gain with only the walls there to stare at her?

"_Paine_," said Lulu's voice in her head, "_You shouldn't need to know my reasons in order for you to do as you're told._"

"Your reasons would _help_," she droned back.

"_You shouldn't need them. You shouldn't need anything._"

"Not even you?"

"_Not even me_."

No…Lulu wouldn't say that. Paine's irritation had gotten the best of her.

She had gotten used to allowing Lulu to hurt her, physically; taking the pain before Lulu's eyes and seeing that impressed glow there. The emotional hurt, this—Paine had not been subjected to anything like this before. Of her own will, because she had agreed to this, this anything, though she had assumed Lulu would never do _this_. She had been misled by Lulu's promises to love her though everything.

This was not love. This was abandonment—nothing more, and plenty less than _love_. Cast aside and left behind, as if she were nothing, not even a human being who required daily meals or the exclusive attention from her _fiancée_.

This made her wonder—what it would be like if they maintained this agreement in the event that Lulu had fallen out of love with her. If she loved another—would they continue on like this? Would Paine allow it? Would she have no choice? Lulu did not like to share…would she make an exception? If there were another woman in the picture…or, worse, a man, would Lulu have them act for her pleasure? Kiss, fuck; pretend to be a couple or watching as Lulu made love to one and ignored the other…

The latter Paine was quite familiar with. Her experiences behind that nightclub in Bevelle were no different, though she never made _love_ to any of those women. On their knees around her, begging… They all looked like Lulu. _All_ of them did. Why had she not been able to _notice _these things before?

—

The bend of Paine's arms lowered, and went back again; lowered, and back; repeated as push-ups over the carpet in the dark. The natural nods of her dick tightened the longer she pushed herself. Stay in shape, stay aroused, stay awake and wait—Paine set herself to this task, thinking and thinking of Lulu as she breathed out through her mouth; as a mild puddle of her own sweat began to form over the floor beneath her face, dripping down from her nose, neck and sideburns.

She imagined Lulu underneath her, as if each push-up were a thrust deep inside of that sex she _needed_. The clawing within her stomach she had learned to ignore, for now, too focused on the hypothetical beneath her. Oh, for the curve of Lulu's hips—this was far more pressing, far more enticing to focus upon… Lulu had trained her waist in the corset of her dress for _years_. A fine curve angled down her body. Not too pronounced, not too subtle to notice.

The first and last time Paine had been on top of her, fucking her, was that time in Lake Macalania's travel agency. It was only plastic, then. Not skin. Not _her_. After that, Lulu had been injured—it would have been unwise to put too much strain on her leg… And once they'd arrived to Zanarkand, they hadn't had any time alone. When they moved here, Paine had been injured; and then the _agreement _began days later.

Paine stopped mid-push. Why would Lulu go to such lengths to learn how to give this realness to her, if not to use it all the way? Did Lulu _want _to have a child with her, by her?

Paine let her body slump to the floor. She was comfortable being Vidina's parent because she'd been around him for so long. She knew Vidina was just as comfortable with her, he trusted her; he preferred her to his dead father. Even then, Lulu did most of the parenting—if she needed Paine to do something, like picking up a new book for him on her way home from work, she did it.

Having one of their own from childbirth hadn't occurred to her until right then. She put the thought out of her mind. Unless Lulu brought it up, she would only get her hopes up in thinking too much about it. Maybe Lulu only wanted this for the kink factor. That was certainly possible, if not a little disappointing…

_I want to have a child with someone who has a murderous temper…someone who can leave me here like this, knowing I would die alone, without her, if I went too long without eating anything…_

She groaned as her stomach stirred, satiated by that sentiment—that she loved Lulu through everything, through her flaws; through the opacity of her intentions.

—

_I need something to eat…_

How long had she spent lying in this same place on the floor on her left side? She didn't know…

It would have been so easy to get in bed and sleep there. Yet each time she thought about it, she felt a distinct pang telling her Lulu would not be happy to discover her there upon returning.

Her hand she wrapped around her length, to stroke, steady, as her mind wandered. Lulu's breasts she thought of right away: sucking them for hours on end, for longer. The softness, the largeness, she remembered so well—how they felt pressed against her body from wherever Lulu stood or lay.

Just that same thought. If Lulu were sitting on the couch, perhaps some time in the morning with the sun pouring in through the windows behind her; if Paine were in her lap, facing her to do this. Pulling down the fur covering of her dress, to reveal Lulu's breasts there; kissing them, cupping them in her hands; running her tongue and lips all along the skin, to invite the telling hardening of both of their arousal.

The echo in her head of Lulu's sighs made her hand work faster. The chains along her wrists clanged quicker, quicker with the thought of Lulu's hand pressed softly over her shoulder, the other along the back of her head, holding her closer to this task. To have all of Lulu's gentleness after this torture—Paine wanted it more than anything, for the mere thought had her pumping as fast as she could. Jagged breaths, body trembling with this build-up; she could not pace herself, not with the image of her face pressed so snug as she sucked until Lulu came from that alone.

Strident were Paine's sounds as she reached that high of release. That white poured from her on its way out, forming as a serrated puddle on the floor in front of her. She breathed with an open mouth, taking in the sight—how her energy had left her far more than it normally would have, if she weren't starving. Without a single thought, she brought her covered hand to her mouth and licked it clean, swallowing.

She was so hungry, she didn't think again as she curled up to do the same to the affected spot on the floor. The bits of carpet caught in this slithery meal could not faze her—she could _taste_, she could consume and swallow something other than dregs of faucet water or her own sweat. Paine made sure to suck the carpet clean of herself, to not waste any of it.

—

_When did she first start wearing her dress? Did someone make it for her by hand? The weaver in Besaid who lived in the hut next to hers? Why did she want so many belts along the front? Did she want to challenge whoever looked there to count all of them? Or was it sexual? Having to spend that entire time undoing all of the belts to have sex with her means you're patient. I'm patient. _

_She's beautiful. She's the most patient person out of anyone I've known. Not when she's angry. Besides that. She's turning thirty-one in a little less than five months—she's gone for so long without me. Our wedding is the same day. Our wedding, our wedding—we're getting married… What will she wear? What will she want me to wear? What will the day be like? How long will we kiss for…?_

_I have to ask her where she wants to go on our honeymoon. Maybe we can leave the city; see what another place in Spira looks like one thousand years in the past. Maybe we can make love under the stars again for old time's sake…_

_I haven't been inside of her in months…_

Since she learned of the pressures unique to this magic Lulu had imbued in her, Paine had yet to _know _her skin-on-skin. The possibility of learning weakened her arms. She lay upon the floor on her side, torso curled. The thought of feeling Lulu gripping her, pulling her in, convulsing, convulsing until she came all over her—Paine groaned, shifting about by the depths those thoughts had reached within.

Complete silence all around her. Darkness—not a soul could see her, hear her. If she looked hard enough, she could see Lulu's bare form underneath her; kissing her with legs spread, _begging:_

"_Make love to me, Paine… I want you inside of me."_

Deep within her chest, her garment grids warmed, activating. She began to use her hand, pumping quick as she was used to doing by now. With Paine's focus directed this far inward, her dresspheres complied to complete a broken, forgotten dream she'd had years ago with the knowledge she possessed now:

_The stifling heat of Besaid Village—_

_An adolescent Lulu sitting outside her hut beneath the afternoon sun, reading a book in her hands—_

_The hem of her dress, she picked up as Paine approached in her Judge Magister armor. She ignored Wakka and Chappu's calls to watch them practice blitzball on the beach, too focused on the one nearing her. The breaths echoing through Paine's helm sounded heavy, as if weighed down by time. She felt considerably older than Lulu's fourteen years._

_By the respect, by something else in Lulu's eyes, she acknowledged Paine's seniority; she was captivated by it._

"_Good afternoon, my lord," said Lulu, bowing to her. Paine returned the bow, much deeper. Somewhere, Kimahri watched them. "I have waited for you to return to me. Would you like to come inside?"—_

_All switched to breaths panting and bodies shifting: inside of Lulu's hut, upon her bed; Paine on top of her, fucking Lulu with the speed and precision of absolute depravity and need. Hands interlaced by their heads, sweat dripping, hips rubbing, efforts filling the chilled hut with sheer disregard for anyone discovering them. A blindfold stayed over Lulu's eyes; Paine's breasts had been wrapped with gauze, flattening her chest, and her hair was much longer. _

_Lulu cried out of pain, shouting no but needing this; her broken virginity bled between them, beneath them; Paine cried over Lulu's hair spread out over the pillow. She could not control it; could not control anything whenever Lulu had inveigled her so._

_This, they did again and again for years, in different locations of the island, keeping this affair going quite openly for Lulu's friends to hear. She had nothing to hide from them. If they wanted to know how long her lover could last, all they had to do was find them and listen—or watch._

_Yet Paine…she felt she had everything to hide. Lulu had never seen her face. Lulu believed her to be a man, sent to protect her and love her; to prevent her life from becoming the same as it was._

When the dream stopped, Paine hadn't the energy to lick her mess from the floor. She stayed in place with eyes open. That _romantic dream_: a sick culmination of her wants all in one place. She could not tell anyone about it. Lulu, however, deserved to know; she _deserved _to know that Paine longed to taste the blood of her broken hymen by her power and placement.

This drive felt so akin to…the surge of marking uncharted territory; claiming it as her own, for all to know. Just as Lulu had done to her, for her body to remember.

Her body would remember this emptiness. Her body would remember the relief of being refilled and nourished again by Lulu's presence…whenever she decided to return…


	29. Riding the Waves of Death

_You shouldn't know these things _  
_ And be this awfully well in tune _  
_ Go as if not aware, be like those others that assume _  
_ You knew and you still managed to find my stare__  
_

Sunless and silver coated the clouded sky overhead and the still sea below. Lulu sat in the center of the wooden boat on its way back to Spira's present day. Her sister sat at her side, silent, sans helm; Auron stood at the bow, ensuring that they continued along the correct path. All felt as an enclosed space, as a tunnel out in the open, with every sound of the boat's progress echoed over-loud, over-sensitive. A few other boats passed by, filled with families and friends journeying together through time and death.

Lulu kept her hands folded over her dress, staring down at her sleeves. Her mother had volunteered to watch Vidina, allowing him to help her plan the wedding. Raine had said nothing as she followed after Lulu; by the aura she'd given off then, and the one she gave off now, she intended to protect her. Auron hadn't protested at the news of a third joining them, for they had little idea what to expect upon arriving to their destination.

The convictions she'd had before about leaving Paine the way she did—they left her, steady, as the trailing flow of water in the boat's wake behind them.

"Is something troubling you?" asked Raine.

Lulu could not regard her. "I'd rather not discuss it," she replied. By the timber of Raine's subsequent silence, Lulu knew she was offended. "Although, I would like to speak with you about another matter…" This silence she heard—this one felt much better. "As you know, Paine and I have decided to marry. I have spent quite some time thinking this over: I wish to ask you…to be my maid of honor."

That _better _fractured as she finished her sentence. Raine averted her eyes, likely thinking by the concentration there in her face. Perhaps she needed a bit of an explanation, yet she could not find the words to ask for one.

"There are others I could ask," supplied Lulu, imagining Yuna in particular, "But, due to recent events, it is best that I step outside of my comfort zone with this. I learned my lesson with taking too long to get to know someone…"

"Even knowing that I object to you marrying her, still you ask this of me?"

Lulu nodded; her younger sister scowled at her reflection in the water. Of course she knew—Raine's discomfort when she learned the news had said as much. She appreciated that Auron did not turn around, to let them know with obvious cues that he listened to this conversation. By the stillness of his body, she knew he paid attention. His discretion was most welcome at such a painful time.

Raine turned to look at her, scowling no longer. "Do you not care to know my reasons?" she asked.

"I only care to know whether or not you will accept. Your reasons will not stop me from marrying her."

"I need to know why."

"It is as I said—I want to get to know you better," responded Lulu. "You are my younger sister. You know so much of me, yet I know very little of you. You have done much for Vidina in such a short time. We can use this opportunity to learn more about one another."

Raine shook her head. "That is not what I meant," she said. Lulu looked up at her at last, questioning. "Why is it that you are fixed on this path when the future holds no guarantees save for uncertainty? Why is it that nothing I can possibly say will change your mind?"

The thought of Paine lying cold and alone on their bedroom floor would not leave her. "Because I love her," replied Lulu. "Why else would I marry her if not for love? That is all that matters. I did not propose to her on a whim. She did not accept only because of _something _other than her heart."

Lulu had the distinct feeling that Raine chose to keep something vital from her. Another reason behind this decision was that she wished to discover what that something was. Despite that secrecy, Lulu knew she could trust Raine with anything, with her life. Her sister had proven as much in taking such good care of Vidina during their training sessions…and in her decision not to kill Paine during the tournament.

"I accept."

With a deep breath, Lulu leaned over to hold her. Raine did not move; she lowered her head, and said nothing more. They stayed that way for the remainder of the boat ride. Lulu could not recall the exact moment when she fell asleep, unable to dream in this portal of lifelessness. Her continuous thoughts acted as placeholders for those absent dreams—guilt-ridden images of Paine _waiting _for her to return…

—

When they arrived in Bevelle that same night, desolation marked the streets of the slums. Countless vagabonds in tattered uniforms scattered about the walkways, packed together by the cramped spaces between tall buildings. Several had signs of cardboard with text written in black marker, identifying themselves as ex-military or veterans out of a job and home. Flags overhead bearing the Youth League crest blew on overhead, most partially torn, marking Nooj's conquest of the city in Baralai's absence.

Lulu wanted to tell them to flee to Guadosalam, yet she felt they were too debilitated to defend themselves from the fiends along the Thunder Plains. She could not organize such a thing, either—Auron and Raine had agreed that they had not diverted here to get involved in this conflict. She had but three and a half days to return to Paine, lest she violated the agreed upon length of the scene. Though her companions had no idea as to those details, they were wise enough to notice that Lulu was in a hurry to return home.

Auron led them to the correct address of the block of small, dilapidated homes, allowing Lulu to knock on the hollow door. Raine stayed a few steps behind her sister, on guard. After a moment of vague shouting from inside, the door opened.

An old military-grade shotgun aimed right in Lulu's face; Nyte gripped his gun, dressed in a dirtied white tank top and long shorts. "I don't want _help_ you fucking Youth League whore," he spat, uncaring of Raine moving to stand at her sister's side. "Got that damn dress on with your tits hangin' out—can't tell me you're not one of them. If I want you, I'll find you and fuck you myself. You better not charge me."

Down the barrel of Nyte's gun, Lulu stared at him with eyes steeled. Paine's father faltered at that resolve, lowering his weapon. "What…? You're not scared?" he asked. "All those other girls who came here ran away the second I opened the door… Who the hell are you? Wait a minute…" He narrowed his eyes, recognizing her. "You were one of High Summoner Yuna's guardians… Lulu, the black mage…?"

There was no time to wonder as to why any such women would solicit to help those who lived here. Lulu bowed. "Sir Nyte," she said, appeasing his hostility further by that mark of respect. "This is my younger sister, Raine. And this is Sir Auron—I am certain you also recognize him." Nyte set his shotgun down inside along the wall next to him. "I would like to speak with you and your wife. May we come in?"

Nyte stepped aside, gesturing for the three of them to enter. Lulu walked through, overpowered by the sudden stench of old, greasy cooking oil and gunpowder. The unwelcome mix made her a little queasy as she followed after Paine's father. The bare, yellowed walls around her enclosed on her: dotted with bullet holes, with cracks at shoulder-blade level by impacts of someone having been shoved hard against them. The low ceiling overhead held traces of mold and more bullet holes.

Beneath her feet, the scuffed and scratched hardwood floor bore bloodstains. Lulu hoped those had only been a result of the ongoing war—that they had not been present when Paine lived here.

"Bella, get in here!" said Nyte, as they entered the tiny sitting room filled with molding furniture. Lulu heard the sounds of cooking in the adjacent kitchen—the appliances there looked no better than the rest of the house. "Lady Yuna's guardians are here…don't know what the hell for." Nyte looked to the nearest couches, and back to Lulu. He gave a wry smirk. "I take it you want to stand?"

"My time is limited," replied Lulu. "For that reason, yes, we prefer to stand. I appreciate your hospitality nonetheless."

Nyte rubbed at his rough, graying stubble, snorting. "You look too high class for my _hospitality_, anyway," he commented, as his wife shuffled in the room.

Paine's mother wore her white mage robes even in the supposed comfort of her own home. Bellona clasped her hands along her front, looking down as she stood several feet away from her husband. Though her robes and long hair shined with cleanliness, the anxiety about her was marked. She stared at Lulu's belts, trembling, hunching, as though expecting her husband to shout at her any second.

Lulu had to remind herself that she was on borrowed time. However much she wanted to linger in that moment and observe the story before her eyes, she hadn't the luxury of doing so.

Paine's willful ambitions, her need for security—Lulu saw, now, where they'd originated from.

She bowed again. "Sir Nyte, Lady Bellona, thank you for allowing me into your home," she began. "I have come here to help you leave this place. It isn't safe here. Guadosalam is a neutral location—we can assist you in relocating to a home there."

"Leave?" echoed Nyte, recoiling his head. "You're strangers to us, we're strangers to you—why would you go out of your way to do _anything _for us? Hell, I just called you a whore not five minutes ago!"

This part she had not rehearsed in her head. "You are Paine's parents," she said. Slowly, Nyte nodded, waiting for her to elaborate. Bellona moved a little closer to her. "I am aware that she has not seen the two of you since she was fifteen. I have known her since she was eighteen; it was not until around her birthday last year…that we decided to be in a relationship together. We are now engaged."

Nyte stared at her as if she were unreal—something, someone that ought not to have existed. Bellona gave no visible reaction, except taking a few more steps in her direction, noticing her engagement ring.

"Whatever your reservations about this news, please allow us to take you away from this conflict," continued Lulu. "Your living environment here is less than ideal. Your health and your safety are of great concern to me. If you have further questions, I will be more than happy to answer them along the way."

"You're serious, aren't you?" asked Nyte, disbelieving. Lulu nodded to him. He interlaced his hands over his forehead, pressing hard down his face with a sigh. "Fine, yeah…all right. No sense standin' around here with a war on. We could've left a long time ago…just seemed like more trouble than it was worth." He made to leave, before stopping in his tracks. He looked at Lulu over his shoulder. "Follow me. I'll show you her room. If you want to take anything from there, go ahead and do it."

—

The pale darkness trickling in through the blinds of the window embraced her. The bare hardwood of the floor held her weight as she stood in place amid the rest of the wooden furniture. She breathed in heavy traces of dust that had floated from the unused surfaces around her. Through the stench of emptiness, she could scent lingering vestiges of anger, frustration, hatred—the walls hadn't let them go.

The bed Paine had slept in during her childhood—Lulu stood beside it, staring at down at the yellowed pillow along the rails of the headboard. Through that yellow, she could make out the shape of the side of Paine's face. The unremarkable brown of the blanket over the mattress held no creases, no wrinkles—no one had slept there in nearly ten years. She held one corner of the blanket, moving it aside: the stained sheets there reeked of decade-old menstrual blood and sexual discharge. The placement of those discolorations was undeniable, right where Paine's waist would have been.

Lulu moved the pillow aside, hearing the infrequent drops of her tears over the sheets. She scattered more dust to the stale air as she sat down on the bed, with those stains right next to her. The old, tattered leather journal from beneath the pillow she took in her hands. By the annotation on the cover, Paine had had this since she was fourteen years old. The pages were filled back-to-back with red ink, with Paine's irate, impatient handwriting, and several poor drawings of swords and guns.

A few more of her tears fell upon the first page as she read it. There were a few words throughout that she could not read at first glance, by the uniqueness of this scrawl branding it for Paine's eyes only. She did her best to decipher these, limiting herself to the first entry—for now.

_No one,_

_I wish I knew why Mom never stands up for herself when Dad yells at her. He does it all the time. She never says anything to anyone. She used to argue back. She stopped it when he fired his gun next to her face in the hallway to the front door. I thought she would leave us. She didn't. All she did was go to work and come back like she always does. She started cleaning a lot more. I told her to leave my room alone._

_When I thought she was leaving, it made me remember this…_

_You have all the possibilities in the world, you stand in one place without moving and all the windows are open to you until you have to choose ONE thing. Then you might end up regretting that and wanting to go back but you can't go back. That's what hurts more. Not being able to go back and mend stuff. Not being able to tell the people that are gone how much you loved them because you never tried while they were near… So now they're out of this world and out of your life and you sit and sulk and blame yourself for not saying 'bye' and 'I love you' when you had the time. The thought clutches at your head and claws at your heart like an angry beast and all you can do is just let the tears down, sigh and cry more, hating yourself because you think too much._

_Nothing lasts forever. I know that, we all do. But I wish they did… And I wish I had the courage to tell those people what they meant to me._

_The one I thought I could tell made me see that I can't. It's better to stay quiet and keep my feelings to myself._

_I used to be…I was…I am…_

_Too dependent on others._

_Fix it._

_I'm on the ground, crying. Over nothing. Again._

_Get the hell up. No one cares. Never did. Never will. Not as much as I did. That's a waste of energy. They'll all try to look like angels and make up with me. Just to free their guilt. Stop it. The pain isn't worth it. She isn't worth it. They aren't worth it. Tell that bitch to shut up and go fuck herself. If she really cared, she would have said something earlier. Fuck her. _

_I saw everyone I know in my dream. They all died. All of them were dead around me. What does it mean? That I don't deserve them? Because of all of my fucking mistakes? Or is it just my mind's way of saying "You can't have anyone." I thought I wanted to be alone before… I can't change my mind? I'm supposed to live with that? _

_I know I've done stupid things. I'm a kid. But my mind keeps telling me I'm just going to end up losing them. That's true…but…can't I have them for now? I KNOW they won't always be here. But showing that all at once is just saying I'm going to go crazy once they're gone._

_I'm UNSTABLE. EMOTIONAL. CLINGY. NEEDY. What ELSE do you want to hear?! I'm going to miss all of them to death and this is how you show me? I don't need this!_

_I hate having to reach out first. I'm tired of doing it. I don't want anyone to know these things about me. It's impossible for anyone to know and be okay with it. No one can do that. _

_No one, if you're reading this, I want to tell you that I love you. If you tell anyone I said that, I will hurt you. _

Lulu closed the notebook. She held it to her chest for a long moment, rocking back and forth. Bit by bit, that rocking had her bent over against her lap, heaving in the smells around her; trying to stay quiet. However much she felt the pull of the temptation to stay there and drown in her emotions, she knew she had to leave soon. After reading those words, she needed to return to Paine that much sooner.

She stood and went to the dresser. The notebook she set down over the dusty surface, before opening the top drawer. Within, she saw a low pile of unfolded underwear and bras. They all looked too small, too girlish for Paine now. For a few minutes, she only stared at the drawer's contents. The scowl over her face spoke of her resistance again to lose herself in the memories before her.

Staring only did her so much good—she needed to touch. One of the pairs of underwear she took in her hands: red, and far too delicate to be something Paine would ever claim to own. She used the tips of her fingers to smooth her touch into the cotton, focusing on the very center. The hard build-up she felt made her wonder about Paine's days and nights wearing this. If she had sweated between her legs, or if another girl had aroused her sexually without either of them knowing; if she had slept in these after masturbating in her bed, and simply thrown them back in the drawer without any regard for hygiene.

At most, Paine had last worn these when she was fifteen. Still just a girl, then—a young, frustrated girl with more emotions than she could handle… She'd worn these at some point during that frustration. Lulu wondered if it were possible for Paine to have recognized her as _no one_ at that age. The hormones that had seeped through this fabric would mark Paine's want for _her_ instead of some girl who hadn't deserved such attention.

She set the underwear back down in the drawer. She removed an empty sphere from her garment grid, and knelt down to press it to the hardwood floor, equipping the sphere to the bedroom itself. All of the furniture, all of the room's contents vanished as crystal light into the sphere for easy transportation.

When she stood up again, she placed the sphere back in her garment grid. She turned around, and found Raine staring at her from the doorway; quiet fascination lined her eyes, not anger nor disgust.

—

Auron had dispatched of the necessary guards in order for them to escort Paine's parents from the city. They managed to sneak out before reinforcements could arrive, barely escaping from the Highbridge just before the regiment of machina golems could spot them. Once through to Macalania, they had taken the lit path through the trees for safe, expedient travel above the fiends in the woods. When they began their trek through the Thunder Plains hours later, Lulu worried for Nyte's health—he wore his same shirt and shorts, with a pair of combat boots and no jacket. He appeared determined enough to brave the thunderstorm without aid of warm clothing. Nevertheless, Lulu offered for him to wear one of the—feminine—raincoats from another dressphere. He accepted it without a word.

Lulu expected them to ask her more questions—about Paine, about where they lived, about how they met… Yet the two of them said nothing at all for the day it took to arrive to the travel agency. Lulu paid for them to each have their own room, requesting for a warm meal to be brought to them. Auron also rented a room for the night, asking Lulu to wake them once she was ready to continue ahead. Raine stood in a corner, deep in thought. Lulu let her be, and went outside to walk around the building.

Underneath the downpour, Lulu sat along a small incline, staring ahead at the sea beyond. As her belt buckles chimed before she settled into one spot, they fooled her into thinking she heard the sounds of shifting chains instead. An image of Paine lying bare on the ground in chains before her, starving and waiting—it refused to leave, as real as the hammering of the rain against the plains around her. She sucked her breath in, holding it to stop her welling emotions from falling twice in the same day.

Imagined, she did, that Paine's lips voiced to her again: _"Take anything you want of me, Lulu…_"

She could not disguise any of this in the rain. The rivulets that ran down her face were not the same. Paine's parents had all but done the same—chained her emotions, her freedoms—and yet here she lay, allowing this suffering from Lulu, for Lulu, without protest. The eyes of this mirage spoke of such devotion as they stared up at her. Emotional, clingy, _needy_ devotion—not at all unstable…

"_I never wanted to serve them, to give them the world…and have the world look back at them in their perfect image…as I do with you._"

Even when she heard Raine approach her, even when she felt Raine's arms around her, the image did not want to leave. She couldn't stop this, any of this—neither the desire to take away, nor this guilt associated with her greed that inevitably came afterward. The only solution was to return, to remove those chains, to undo what she'd subjected Paine to for the sake of keeping this secret about her parents. Yet she could find the will to do nothing more than staying in her sister's arms and cry.

This was the right path to follow, to not tell Paine just yet about this. That rightness tasted so wrong to her guilt-ridden stomach. She felt ill again—from that remorse, from Paine's absence, from Paine's false-presence in front of her. By all that Paine had endured, for her to continue to stay there, willingly, only by oath that she loved Lulu to death—it debilitated Lulu so that she stayed in place for hours. Had Raine's arms not been around her, she feared she would have fallen into that image in a futile attempt to remove those chains.

When those hours had passed, she had everyone move on to Guadosalam. The town was mostly empty, with only a few residents walking about who all sought refuge from the civil war. Auron and Raine followed Paine's parents to an empty home, while Lulu went to ask the town's proprietor about purchasing the land…

She approached Leblanc's mansion, noticing the absence of the two goons who had stood watch the last time she'd been there. The double doors were locked, thus she knocked, waiting the few minutes before they opened.

Leblanc's expression shifted from cross to shocked as she stared at Lulu. "You…you came back?" she asked, folding her arms. "I thought… How did you get here? This is impossible!"

Lulu's head ached from that strident exclamation, and everything else. "I need a favor from you," she said. "I recall Paine mentioning you owe her a few favors—treat this as one for her, not me. I don't have the time to discuss how it is I arrived here. So allow me to get straight to the point." Leblanc appeared quite ruffled by this, yet she listened anyway. "I have brought Paine's parents here from Bevelle. She has no idea I'm here. I'd like things to stay this way, until I decide to bring her here. I will be able to visit on occasion, but in between those occasions, I would like it if you checked up on them from time to time. Can you manage that?"

"This is quite the favor, Lulu," remarked Leblanc, tapping her foot upon the ground. "You're asking me to play babysitter for two old people. If they're from Bevelle, they'll be prudes! The way I dress alone is problem enough—!"

"Leblanc," said Lulu, feeling ill yet again. "I don't have time to discuss this. I am well aware of your feelings for Paine—whatever they are. If you care for her at all, you will do this for her. I will pay you in full for the house they have chosen to stay in. All I ask is for a yes or a no from you."

With a sigh, Leblanc stepped outside, closing the doors behind her. "Oh, fine!" she conceded. "If we're talking hard cash, I have no room to argue either. Where are they?"

Lulu walked with her up the hill to the house they had chosen. Nyte and Bellona stood outside with Raine and Auron. Paine's father fought his hardest not to call Leblanc out on her choice of clothes, considering his first encounter with Lulu the previous day.

"This one?" asked Leblanc, searching for the key in her garment grid. "It's not a bad place. The previous owners sold it back to me for about five hundred thousand gil; they were that desperate to get out of here. I told them this town would be safe. They didn't believe me…" She opened the door for them, turning to Lulu. "You show them inside. I'll stay out here and think about the price."

"Thank you," said Lulu, walking inside with Paine's parents.

Nyte and Bellona did not make it farther than the elevated entryway before stopping to look around. The layered interior of the home provided plenty of room, plenty of space for them to no longer live on top of one another as they had back in Bevelle. Perhaps they wouldn't argue as much anymore…

"I still find this all…so hard to believe," spoke Nyte. "You come find us out of nowhere, take us away from the war, give us a place to stay… If she told you _anything _about us, about me, you wouldn't have done this. She hasn't, has she?"

"That is not important to me," replied Lulu. "You are her parents. Whatever your treatment of her in the past, you raised her, at least until she decided to leave. Without you, I wouldn't have her at all. I must be grateful to you, in her stead. I hope that the new environment will allow you to reconcile your differences and argue less frequently—and violently…"

"So you—you know about some things…"

"I know enough," said Lulu. "And I know that things have not always been easy for the two of you. I would like that to change now that you are safe here. Though I must return to her now, I will make an effort to visit every so often. I will offer a better explanation for everything the next time I see you."

Nyte shook her hand, before turning around to conceal his emotions. Bellona went to him, smiling down at Lulu's belts this time. Lulu nodded to them both and returned outside.

Before Lulu could ask if she had made up her mind, Leblanc said, begrudgingly, "Free of charge."

Lulu's eyes widened. "I find that hard to believe," she admitted.

"Well you know what? I find it just as hard to believe you're standing here. I can't believe you made me agree to be a glorified babysitter! After all that's happened since you left, there's nothing to believe in anymore… Your acts of kindness may have changed my mind about that. A little."

"When I come back, I'd like to learn of what's happened. I must get going."

Leblanc made her way inside the home, waving her hand over her shoulder. "Fine, fine, run off as quickly as you arrived!" she said. "We'll be here when you get back. I know it's probably not much, but you have my word that they'll be safe here."


	30. Unbound

_Lay still, be as my will, and promise that you'll wait to kill_

With the passing of but a few moments, the four days of the scene would be fulfilled.

Lulu stood before the bedroom door in the unlit hallway; the moon shone in her wake, down the hall, watching as she thawed the ice from the door. With a procedure to follow, Lulu _knew _she had no room for these sentiments. Yet they filled her, filling, completing her with eyes full of moisture; her hands trembled as the last of the ice vanished from her path. Whatever her undesired emotions, she did not hesitate before opening the door.

She walked into the pitch black of the room, save for the faint traces of moonlight shining down on the floor at her feet. But a few paces inside, she stopped, taking in the full darkness with her uncovered eye. The room smelled thickly of heat and sex, of Paine's bittersweetness all the way through; of that all-encompassing depth to Paine's natural scent. Sex and sweat both surrounded her second by second as she looked to the bed—Paine was not there, had not been there at all by the neatness there of the pillows and duvet.

The hollow chime of chain sounded, from the center of the room, from the floor—weakened, slowed presses of hand and knee, and she heard Paine crawl over to her. With every movement she heard, it reminded Lulu all over again of Paine's obedience despite this unwanted task. Paine curled up at her feet, face down and quavering; Lulu felt the gravity of this truth might bring her emotions down. They did, she failed: the healing scars over Paine's back cried as she did, with but two rivulets rolling down. Two was all Lulu allowed before she knelt down.

Lulu pressed her hand beneath Paine's face, her other along Paine's abdomen. Paine's shallow breaths and her shackles sounded louder as she moved up and into Lulu's hold. For a long moment, Lulu held her without a word. She listened, waiting for those breaths to calm; she felt, waiting for those tremors to rest. When she could tell that Paine accepted her presence as real, Lulu made to remove those chains.

Yet Paine shook her head. "I want them," she breathed, full of fatigue. "I love you.. I want this."

"I love you, too," said Lulu, removing the cuffs from Paine's wrists and ankles. "That is why these must come off, at least for now." She reached over to the bed, and pulled off the same blanket she always used for aftercare. After wrapping it around Paine's body, she lifted her at a steady pace. "Let's go to the living room. I have a few things for you."

Paine lulled her head back against Lulu's shoulder, wincing as she was carried from the room and into the moonlight beyond. Lulu noticed she no longer wore the strap-on—she'd had a theory that prolonged use would cause it to vanish on its own for a short while. Paine must have masturbated to excess, which explained the smell in the room; explained the faint traces of spend over Paine's lips, and how her breath smelled so strongly of it.

The thought stirred her; Lulu refused that call. The scene was over. It was time to engage in aftercare. Later, once Paine had recovered, these feelings could be revisited.

Upon the couch facing the television, Lulu set Paine down in a sitting position. Paine's eyes lit up as she noticed the food and drink on the table in front of her. She stayed cocooned in her blanket, allowing Lulu to set one of the plates over her lap. This one was but a light course, to not overfill her stomach too soon. A number of chocolates, fruits and vitamins stayed on the table, waiting to be consumed.

Lulu sat at Paine's side, feeding her. "I missed you terribly," she said, watching as she ate. Paine gazed at her, free of blame, free of doubt, free of question. "Part of me expected you to be angry with me when I returned. While I am relieved that my guess was wrong, it doesn't stop me from being surprised."

Paine swallowed the food in her mouth. "I like proving to you…how much I can handle," she spoke, sounding a little better already. "I'm used to showing you I can take any physical pain you give me. The emotional pain…it was…different… I admit I was pissed with you…at first. Felt like you did that on purpose. I can take it, so long as I know I have this to look forward to."

More needed to be asked. More needed to be said. Yet Lulu asked none of these, said none of these, watching in silence as she continued to feed Paine. Lulu filled that silence with her attentions: strokes of Paine's hair, observations; her lips pressing to the motion of Paine's jaw as she chewed and swallowed. Once Paine had eaten the meal, and had had enough fruit and water, Lulu had her consume the vitamins. Bites of chocolate followed, just a few—and here, she noticed those signs of sleepiness.

Lulu brought her close, listening as Paine fell asleep within seconds. With Paine's full weight on her like this, she was as deep asleep as she always was after a scene. With the sheer exhaustion she'd no doubt suffered, Lulu suspected very little would be able to wake her.

Taking advantage of this by her ritual felt—wrong…

She stared out of the windowpanes for a long while, watching as the snow fell outside. Faint traces overhead of what sounded like an airship blared at a near distance. She dismissed it, thinking she'd mistaken that noise for something else. No airships were allowed to fly in Zanarkand this late at night. Lulu closed her eyes, feeling as though she could finally rest now that she had returned home to her love…

Broken glass blew inside the living room; one of the windowpanes, someone's armored boots drove directly into as they broke inside the house. Lulu clutched Paine closer to her chest. The intruder drew their one-handed blades, prepared to charge through the room. They stopped, however, when they noticed Lulu standing up. The winter chill blew in from the broken window, filling their silence. How Lulu recognized that armor; she walked closer to them, disbelieving, yet the evidence was irrefutable.

By the power she held over this armored figure, she knew who it was.

"I didn't…think you would be here," they said, voice echoing through their helm. Their head lowered. "I'm too late…you're back early."

Lulu took care not to step over the stray shards of glass on the floor. She removed that decorated helmet. Her Judge Magister armor gave her away all the more. Up and into Paine's eyes she stared: through minor physical age, through her lengthened hair; through _time _she could not begin to imagine.

She turned her head—_her _Paine still lay upon the couch, dead to the world. _This _one fought not to move, to reveal any emotions; she turned around, showing the dark cape she wore that bore Lulu's family crest—the very same as the one engraved in her engagement ring. Glass crunched beneath those heels until she settled on standing as close to Lulu as she could…fighting back the urge to hold, to kiss.

No matter where—or _when _this one came from, Lulu felt her chest swell as it always did whenever she saw Paine again. By the strength in this Paine's eyes, she felt the same, tenfold; ten times even that intensity.

"Where…did you come from?" asked Lulu, holding this helmet close over her pounding heart. "What are you doing here—?"

Breaths became constricted; in but a split-second this Paine thrust their lips together. Déjà vu of times she'd never experienced overtook her perception beyond this tryst. Her wedding day beneath the clear sky, walking with her father down an impossibly long aisle amid thousands of spectators, as a powerful, poignant instrumental song about _change _played in the background; her honeymoon with Paine in sunny Luca these thousand years in the past, sitting upon a bench in the square as she laughed over Paine's numerous dressphere changes she'd never seen before; role-playing with her a year later, going on an adventurous date as if they had never met before; having her _children—_

Lulu shoved this one away, heaving for breath. "You don't belong here," she said, pointing to the broken window. "Leave this place… Go back to wherever you came from. I won't have you spoiling what is in store for my life, especially not without my permission!"

This Paine looked down at her helmet Lulu had also shoved back in her arms. She stopped herself from kneeling down. "I'm sorry," she said, _sounding _like the real one, yet this voice carried far too many burdens. "I—I haven't seen you in so long… If you don't want me to spoil…your life…I won't say where I came from, or what I originally came here to do. Seeing you again, it…it's made me change my mind."

She reached down into the silk lining of her helmet and armor, procuring several pocket-sized leather notebooks. These were the very same brand Lulu used to record the poetry of her time with Paine…

"You recognize these," said this Paine, moving to set them all down on the table. "You gave me one, so far, for my birthday…our first year together." She handed Lulu that first one. "Open it. See for yourself that it's exactly the same."

The first poem, the second, the third—Lulu flipped through all of them: every last one was the same as she had written originally in the notebook she'd gifted Paine for her birthday that year. She counted the notebooks on the table, including this one she held in her weakened hands. She could not speak; she could only listen as this impostor, this impossibility gave her answers she did not want to hear.

"Sixteen in all," said the impossibility. "Sixteen years… Our relationship, our marriage won't last any longer than that. Maybe hearing me say that will make you think of a way for that to change. I can only hope… If you succeed, there's something else that needs to be done. There's no rush… It's just something you should do for me for our fifteenth wedding anniversary at the latest."

Lulu had the strongest feeling that she needed to heed these words, _or else_. "And _what_ exactly…is this something else?" she asked.

The impostor collected the notebooks, placing them back into the lining of her armor. "What you're best at—an extension of these," she said. "Let your imagination go where it wants. Write a tale about us, about anything you want. Open your mind and your heart to more inspiration. It can start and end however you want…" She stood upright, unable to regard Lulu properly. "All I ask is that you make it as long as possible. It can be prose, or one long poem, or even a bunch of poems put together as one story. Once it's finished, don't be surprised when it eventually disappears from this world."

"No restrictions…?"

This Paine shook her head. "_Completely unbound_," she replied, walking backward out the window. "I've taken up enough of your time. Just know…that this is what will become of me, when you tell me to leave…when you hold onto your pride… To the ends of Spira and back, I love you."

The window repaired itself as she stepped outside. She blended into the night and vanished.

By the frost in the air that worked to balance with the temperature inside, Lulu could not deem that encounter a mere hallucination. Her heart felt the reality all the same; she looked down, and saw that the skin of her chest bore branding from pressing that helm so hard against it. Her lips felt the after-pressure of that starved, depraved kiss.

Anyone else wouldn't believe her. She didn't want to believe it—that what she had with Paine would only last sixteen years.

Lulu went to her, picked her up; walked with her to their bedroom. Something this simple, routine, magnified within because of those true lies. She never imagined this would all come to a definite end some day, on account of her pride. If it was, if it would, the justification justified the end—_then_, not now. She wanted to fight it now, then—all the time.

That battle manifested itself as boundlessness beyond her years. Her dressphere, removed; her hair, down: as she lay Paine down in bed, as she lay next to her beneath the duvet, again, that simplicity—became far more than this moment. Pitch dark proved as luminosity over Paine's body. Chill of fabric unused turned to warmth long before any such shift. To lie close to Paine, head upon her chest, legs intertwined; pretending she was lucid enough to hold her back; dreaming in wake of those vestiges of their wedding day: treasures irreplaceable, far more so now that she had that number in mind. _Sixteen._

This impossible-inevitable repeated again and again in her head; her head, she moved, tilting, to press her lips to Paine's. Hard as this heavy memory, soft as this silent song, Lulu dared not wake her. Settling her body anywhere lay as a contradiction, for Lulu bore restlessness too severe to stay at rest any way.

If she never spoke of it, maybe it would never happen. If she conveyed her knowledge, her growing fears only through her body, would that be premonition enough to keep it at bay?

Arching with the coil of this uncertainty, burning with the fire of this awakening, Lulu knew she would wake Paine with these. These—these opened valves from within, wide open, hissing with the release of inhibitions, of taking life for granted. Capturing the canvas of this shuttering moment: to know, to write, to never forget whatever _fate_ had to say about this.

To no longer maintain a persona, even in the late of night with Paine's body here to ravage as she stirred a little at a time; to stop _thinking, _for thoughts to act as stoppers to acts, to emotions long-since buried by past lessons now irrelevant; to take this time to learn through heated application the very shape of Paine's neck, how thick it was, how it thinned of skin and thickened of breath with Lulu's care to her sensitivities even in sleep; the length and strength of Paine's clavicle, how far it protruded with attractiveness profound; the spaces there, along her shoulders, of skin concaved or sinew enslaved by years of movement and use; the spread of her long legs to accommodate Lulu's hips settling between her, gyrating flesh against growing wetness; the curve of her shoulder, as a carved shell sharpened, with biceps stirring, flexing, to hold with both arms this welcome disturbance; the curve, now, to Paine's neck as she leaned her head back, shifting and sighing to the night air.

Just the softest whine Paine could manage, first. "Lulu… _Fuck_, where did this come from—_what_—?"

Words muffled by breaths pressing, compressing, melting as one sentiment in their mouths.

"_Just kiss me_—" Lulu insisted by voice, by vicious care in her touch; "Kiss me before you rest fully…that you might dream of doing more as you regain your strength…"

Reawakened with eyes open, Lulu tasted the potency of this muse within each crevice of her mouth. Breathing it, speaking it, swallowing it whole before it reworked to her mind for practical use, she would do, without _taking for granted._

—

On the final day of the year, Lulu sat at the desk of her study, early that evening. Paine had gone into work earlier in the day, taking Vidina with her as she always did; she had promised a night of surprises for them, bringing in the New Year with their entire—present—family. When Paine returned home with them, they would all have dinner together before having a night out, allowing Vidina to stay up for once.

Yuna and the others had been remarkably quiet about their plans for the night. So long as none of them called at the last minute, insisting on going out, there would be no issue. With dinner cooking in the oven for her family, she really could not afford any interruption to her plans. Yet she had the striking suspicion that there indeed would be a grand intervention, somehow.

Until then, Lulu had her maddening _peace _through this:

Several used scrolls of paper took up space over her desk, filled with ideas, muses, reasons for being. Writing an epic poem, or, rather, several poems as she had so settled on, proved more difficult than she'd anticipated. She could not contain her imagination to form any coherent structure.

Scattered concepts and triggers on the pages before her offered little organization for her thoughts—she needed to take a different approach. On a fresh page, she jotted down points of interest: conversations she'd had with Paine in the past, anecdotes they'd mentioned, longings or other such unfulfilled desires that felt fruitless to wish upon. As she looked them over, she saw that each of them harkened back to a similar theme, hidden as it was.

_Lulu…you're not all right, are you? You feel like you have no one to talk to. If that's the case…I'm here for you. Even if you don't feel that way…I'm not going anywhere. Not really…_

_No. I didn't need any convincing. Something told me it was right, so I went with it…_

_I wish I knew you back then…I wish I'd always known you. A part of me feels like I really have, except maybe in another lifetime…_

_How can that be, if the fayth are no longer present to continue dreaming of Zanarkand? Or have those on the Farplane taken the fayth's place?_

_Darkness is my ally. Those who cross me shall know its wrath. Hurt me and I'll hurt you back, twice as much…_

_I remember riding with him to Macalania Temple…_

_Because she loved me as a person—removed from the environment—it troubled me to let her see me as part of the environment, of society, lest she changed her view of me with the coloration of those outside forces…_

_I admit to being ashamed of these desires I have. I shouldn't have them. Yet I do. I can't help it. I thought you would be more—understanding, considering how you enjoy giving me whatever it is I want…whether I ask for it or not…_

…_you're so fuckable—_

_I'd like to see you try…_

_The last dream I remember was of you finding me when I was fifteen, stopping me from meeting my ex. I was powerless to resist—you were older than me, commanding…still as beautiful as ever…_

_The Scorpion's Empress…_

_I want to know why you're so against the idea of our friends walking in on us…_

_Am I to believe your garish charm would have been so keen, even at such a young age…?_

And then the hours passed; she wrote and wrote, forgetting all else but the transcribing of this tangible pain; Paine never returned home with Vidina; her muse _burned_—burned as the oven did, set on fire by neglect; the entire house went up in flames by force of inspiration, by intervention of another love; the sweltering, the sweat, she suffered without through dead ashes—

Loud, persistent knocking against the front door woke her from her day-mare. She stood up, her jewelry and the belts of her dress a hastened clatter of chimes as she went to answer that call. It could not have been Paine, unless she had, somehow, forgotten her keys. Unless it was Yuna and everyone else, having come as a poor surprise…

When Lulu opened the door, she gripped the doorknob. She stared, hard, at the one standing before her, cloaked in black with no hood. That water's wave of red hair could not _help _her mistake this man for another. Her mouth, her throat became dry—barren.

"Are you writing, Lu?" asked Wakka, scowling deep. "_She _might've said you got 'til your fifteenth wedding anniversary. Far as I know, you don't got the luxury of time, ya? That's my job now. Anything could happen, you know? I better see some progress when I come back—!"

Lulu shut the door. She stared at the floor, breathing heavily; as if she had dropped her sanity there and could only breathe it back in. The timer for the oven went off, startling her. Lulu hurried to the dim-lit kitchen, to turn the oven off. She opened the oven door, half expecting to see Wakka's head therein as she removed the pans of food and set them atop the stove to cool.

With her hands over the black granite of the counter, she tried to compose herself. By the same place within of these terrors, she felt her muse double, triple in strength. She needed to _touch _Paine again, to convey this through her fingertips.

Another knock at the door sounded—scattered, silly. Composed, mostly, Lulu again went to answer it.

"Surprise!" exclaimed Rikku and Gippal in unison.

Several people proceeded to enter through the door, forcing Lulu to step aside. Rikku, Gippal, Yuna, Brother, Jecht, Auron, Lightning, Fang, and two unfamiliar women all came into her home, unannounced and uncalled for. One woman stayed on Jecht's arm—presumably his wife, who had found her way to this Zanarkand at last. The other woman wore the same songstress dressphere as Yuna—_she _was most likely the singer that Yuna had grouped with some time ago, per her good news that night they went out clubbing together. Introductions were made: Jecht's wife, Myrna; Yuna's _partner_, Lenne. _And Tidus…?_

Without her permission, Gippal proceeded to turn on the television and sound system. Yuna hooked up her music to the stereo, playing it at full volume. The middle of Lulu's living room suddenly became a rowdy dance floor. Rikku went to the refrigerator, taking out various alcoholic beverages to hand out to everyone else. Jecht went outside to the Jacuzzi, marveling over its make. Lightning and Auron stood somewhere near the door, attempting to appear apologetic by the silence they both gave off.

"What are you all doing here?" demanded Lulu, making to close the door. Vidina poked his head through the doorway before she could. "Vidina…? How did you—?"

"Hi, Mommy!" he said, hugging her around her waist; for once not in his moomba dressphere, but in warm, winter clothing. "We missed you!"

"Hello, son…" Lulu held him back, noticing the rest of her family filing through the door as well.

Elysia's eyes glinted in mirth as she observed what had become of her daughter's home. Raine blanched as she studied the scene, standing next to her mother. Paine followed just behind in her armor, removing her helmet to glare at the random party that had developed. She went to Lulu, too distracted even to kiss her.

"What the hell is going on?" asked Paine, going over to Lightning and Auron keeping a low profile nearby. "Who started this?"

Lightning frowned at Fang dancing with Brother by the stereo. "Everyone, really," she replied, loud enough to be heard over the bombastic pop song of Yuna's choice. "It seemed like a last minute thing to me. Then again, Fang looked like she'd been up to something for weeks. I think she just took too long to tell me on purpose, otherwise I would've warned you."

Auron added, "They said little upon entering in the hopes you would not dissuade them from doing this… However rude or disrespectful they were, it seems they were correct. I must apologize on their behalf. I suggest continuing on as if we are not present."

With such scattered, scattered thoughts, Lulu could not find it in her to be upset anymore. Paine appeared prepared to stop the ruckus, until she looked over and saw the trouble in Lulu's eye not covered by the falls of her hair. Lulu noticed her notice, bending down to remove Vidina's boots, coat, hat, and mittens so as to not prompt any concern from her fiancée in this stifling company.

"Are you hungry, dear?" she asked him, allowing Paine to hang his clothing up on the racks nearby. Vidina nodded with vigor, giggling as Lulu kissed the few snowflakes from his nose. "Never mind the others. Go and wash your hands—the five of us will eat together when you return."

Vidina waved to Lightning and Auron, returning their smiles as he skipped down the hallway to his room. Lulu moved to stand, watching him go. She caught that chill from Shiva standing so close by, holding Elysia's staff and coat in her arms. That hollow crunch of Paine's boots nearing her sounded once, twice.

"Lulu," murmured Paine, in her ear, "You can't tell me nothing's bothering you… If you want me to kick everyone out, just say the word."

She was hardly concerned about _that _anymore… "Please, sit," said Lulu, gesturing for her family to go to the dining table. She prepared their plates, again wondering if she would see Wakka in each cabinet she opened.

That closeness from Paine did not leave; she hovered behind Lulu, arms wrapped about her waist. "Mistress…" she tried instead. As Lulu set one of the crystal plates down near the stove with one hand, Paine held her other one; kissed the back of her hand. Lulu paused. She did not regard Paine, though her periphery caught Elysia smirking at them from the table. "What's the matter? I know something's wrong. No one else may be able to see it…that doesn't stop me from noticing."

Lulu resumed placing portions of the steaming white meat and vegetables onto their respective plates, with such care. She had never cooked for everyone like this before, let alone with the rest of her home occupied in this way. She heard Vidina walking behind her to the dining room; felt him hug her and Paine together by their waists for a short moment.

At that, at the way Paine did not move away, Lulu could not help this smile. Yet when the song changed—to something about threesomes—and she heard a distinctly sexual moan from the woman's voice, Lulu turned to glare at Yuna by the stereo. Vidina appeared none the wiser as he spoke with his grandmother at the dining table.

"Sorry, Lulu!" said Yuna, changing the song.

"This isn't what I had in mind for tonight," spoke Lulu, navigating this nearness to Paine to hand her two of the plates. She nearly dropped them at the first lyrics to the rock song that began playing.

_Haters call me bitch, call me faggot, call me whitey, but I'm somethin' you can never be—_

Paine snapped. "Yuna!" she shouted. "Did you forget we're not all adults here? You're lucky Lulu doesn't care about you being here, or I would have kicked all of you out by now! Make a clean playlist or else!"

Yuna hastened to change the song yet again; she blushed as Gippal admitted to putting that song on her music player by accident. Again, Vidina appeared not to have noticed the new vocabulary, this time going over levels of mana with Raine; Lulu's mother certainly paid attention, clutching her pearls as she sipped the white wine Paine had already given her. Once they had all sat down at the table, Lulu could not stop herself from eyeing the ongoing party from time to time.

"This is quite the unorthodox family meal," remarked Elysia, sitting across from her.

They said nothing more afterward. Vidina did, Raine did—still discussing magic, its practical uses. Lulu ate at an excruciatingly slow pace. She needed, somehow, to vent this overstimulation—the music, the bass, the process of eating when she wanted to do other things; having her mother's eyes on her.

Those eyes stayed in place, studying. Lulu looked right into her mother's eyes, slowing her eating.

As slick and subtle as a snake, Lulu felt the breach of Paine's armored fingers through the spaces of her belts. Darksteel digits heated by sticking sweat and skin slithered slower, slighter. The lace of her thong, Lulu felt stretched aside, pressing against that _one_: stroking. Lulu sucked in her breath. If Elysia was oblivious to these movements, Lulu stayed unconvinced on this edge of her seat.

"Judge Nyte," spoke Elysia. Paine's hand stopped mid-stroke. Lulu shuddered, looking elsewhere. _Nyte_… "Your guests are causing an awful lot of noise. Their taste in music is also questionable. Why have you not asked them to leave?"

Paine continued stroking, stimulating. "You'll have to ask your daughter," she replied. Lulu sighed, leaning back; clutching her thighs together over Paine's hand. "Lulu's the head of the house, not me."

"Oh? And why is that?" asked Elysia. Raine did not make her notice of this strangeness obvious; her darting, leering eyes spoke enough. "_You _were the one who won my tournament, after all."

That wrist pushed in, creating more leverage for this continuation. "She takes care of me and Vidina," said Paine, with honesty, with secrecy. "She pays the bills every month on her own." Vidina regarded his mother, her minor restlessness. He tilted his head to one side. Paine did not stop. "She keeps food on the table, and clothes on Vidina's back. Lulu runs everything around here. If there's anything she wants or needs, she gets it." Slicker; Paine could go harder with more effect. This thick, hard material conveyed still the back and forth of the ligaments within, vibrating as that cold tip quickened in small, trembling circles. With so many guests, with some so proximal, with the bass of the music thrumming deep… "If I ask if she wants something else, and she doesn't say anything, that means she doesn't care…"

With every strand of strength she possessed in her limbs, Lulu fought not to _shove _Paine away as she moved that hand from between her thighs. Right before, _just_ before; Lulu quavered, staring at her full glass of wine.

Paine licked her finger.

Raine excused herself from the table.

Elysia took the remaining sip of her wine; Shiva soon appeared to refill her glass for the second time. "That is quite the dangerous stance to take," she commented. Vidina looked about, confused. "If she says nothing, it is possible she does not know _what _to say."

"You don't think she always knows how to choose her words?" asked Paine, allowing Shiva to take her empty plate to the kitchen. "For her, I think that includes knowing when not to say she doesn't care. As if she really couldn't care less, she can't bother to say that she doesn't. That's how I see it."

Bless them both for knowing to speak of her as if she were not in the room. Lulu did not feel present—not at all. She felt misplaced, perhaps in her bedroom being fucked by Paine to whatever song Yuna had decided to play. That was irresponsible of her. She and Paine had—other—guests. They were not alone. Did they have to play host to these unexpected festivities? Maybe not…yet they had responsibilities nonetheless.

"Pardon me," said Lulu, and made to stand. Paine moved to her feet, helping Lulu from her chair. "Vidina, when you've finished eating, you can stay out here with everyone. Only until midnight."

She went down the hall in the direction her sister went. The party continued, whatever her mood, her thoughts. When she felt Paine's eyes on her back, she wondered if she dripped so profusely that it collected on the marble floor, elongated and brushed along by the drag of her dress. She did not look.

In her study at the piano, Lulu found Raine sitting, staring down at the keys.

"Raine," she said, stepping inside the room, "Please accept my apology…for all of this, everything. If you prefer, I can tell them to leave. I know you're uncomfortable here."

"It has nothing to do with the _party, _Lulu."

Lulu did not want to bring this up, specifically, "Did we…offend you? Did I? Or, rather, Paine…"

"Oddly enough, no," replied Raine, moving to stare out of the window to the snowy city beyond. "I sense something is critically wrong here. This room is filled with mental and emotional demons." She looked to the desk. "You use this area to write?"

A few more steps, closer. "I do," replied Lulu, taking more steps, toward the desk. "When Paine is at work, I spend most of my time in here. You could say I use the mediums here to exorcise my thoughts. Instead of allowing them to fester, they can be released here. I used to focus on letting my spells do this. That is no longer practical in this day and age." Instead of staying there, she went to her sister's side. "And what of you? Do you have any outlets other than fighting?"

"I keep everything inside. I would rather everything eclipse me completely at all times, to bear it infinitely. I'm not caught off guard in times of _peace_, as one might call it. If anything is added to the weight, it is indiscernible from the rest. It is never a new occurrence."

"You are never at peace?"

"I have found my own peace in keeping chaos at rest," clarified Raine. "If I allow it to consume me again, I will only make more mistakes. The worst of my mistakes had Mother pressure me into an oath to her—that I would serve her as I do, to repent for my previous misjudgments." She frowned, allowing that moment of divulgement to pass. "What is troubling you, to the point where you could forget yourself in all the ways you have tonight thus far?"

Lulu turned to gaze out the window. "I have wanted to ask for some time now," she began, "At what age are the dead truly dead here in Zanarkand? When is the point where their spirits will no longer age—that if a living soul perished here, when would they no longer be able to return?"

"Thirty-three is the magic number," responded Raine, in mild good-humor. "The Creator's son, the Sacrificed, perished at the age of thirty-three. If someone came here before that age, the physical aging process stops when they reach this point. For example, Vidina will grow and age, but he will never look a day older than thirty-three so long as he spends most of his life here among the dead. It is at that age for women here, dead or alive, when they will no longer be able to bear children. Mother was thirty years old when she left with Father for the Farplane, where the same rules applied. If only one of them were dead or unsent, it would not have been so simple for them to have me. As for your final question…it depends on a number of factors."

"Such as?"

"The citizens here who are still alive cannot die here, unless they are murdered. They will always be able to return so long as the portal to Zanarkand through the Farplane remains open. The only way to open or close it is by a mass sending. Sin is no more in your present time, Vegnagun cannot be sent; one would be hard-pressed to find another being to send that fits this category…"

He would always be able to return—to knock loudly on her door, frightening her; checking on progress.

Raine made quite the accurate guess, "Does this have anything to do with your late ex-husband?"

"_Late_," echoed Lulu. "How do you know he is no longer on time?"

"His last moments hang on you as a veil of death. You allowed your anger to consume you."

When Lulu turned to regard her anew, she spotted Paine watching them from the doorway.

Raine paid their visitor no mind. "Know this," she said, stepping closer to her. "For all the years I spent keeping an eye on you, I could tell what you are—cool, collected on the surface, yet your heart and mind fester with strife far beneath the layers you have created within yourself. I know you love Paine because she has helped you remove some of those layers, and she has not fled at what lies beneath those. But when she has stripped you bare of all you are, will you still profess to love her so?"

That question gave Lulu pause. She had never considered such a notion. There was the truth to look forward to, on the surface—that constancy from Paine's love she would forever have, because of their characters _on the surface_. If Lulu's character were taken from her? If her self had fled? If her body remained as a mere shell of who she once was, would Paine stand by her side regardless of whether or not it all returned?

When Paine walked over to her, stood next to her; bowed to Raine, and excused them both for the evening, Lulu had her answer. Without a word, Lulu knew Raine did not believe her response.

—

Once they arrived to the chilled, dark privacy of their bedroom, Lulu used her back to close the door. She remained against the surface, counting the beats against her back of the electronic song playing in the living room. Paine reached close to her waist, locking the door; staying pressed against her. Even in this limited darkness, Lulu saw that smirk.

"I know this isn't exactly what either of us had in mind for tonight," spoke Paine, pressing that same gloved hand to Lulu's neck. "Your mother's keeping an eye on Vidina. We can celebrate together…" Her lips she brought to where her hand touched, trailing desire. Lulu stayed still. Paine noticed. "What…?"

"You're not at all shy about bringing me to the edge with our family sitting so close by, are you?"

Paine had the nerve to let out a brief laugh over the memory. "You're fucking hot when you try to hide things like that," she whispered, pressing the side of her face to Lulu's burning one. "You're an expert stoic, Lulu. Not so much when you're excited. When it's my hand that's messing up your image…"

Lulu moved her mouth closer to Paine's attentive ears, to convey: "Now you know why I enjoy humiliating you. But, to me, that was not humiliation. You haven't learned enough from me."

"You've hardly done it…"

Too many ideas assailed Lulu at once. "Go and take a shower before we discuss anything further," she said. She put her hands along the cashmere over Paine's clavicle, moving her away. "I need to prepare the room. When I open the bathroom door, you'll be allowed to exit. Not before." The memories that flashed before Paine's eyes spoke enough. "I won't take long."

Paine did as she was told, with some traces of lethargy. After turning on the dim bedside lamp, Lulu went to the armoire, keeping this in mind. Within, she located the item that accompanied this ritual: a black, leather dragon tail she had purchased with the rest of the furniture from Gippal's shop.

The six foot length of leather she took in her hands. She held the sword-like hilt in one, spreading her hand down along the tail's length with her other hand. Folded leather sang smooth and unused beneath her touch, until she reached the pointed tip at the end. This she held onto, as if readying a twisted towel to whip someone. She snapped the tail from her hand; it cracked at a moderate volume a few feet in front of her; it sagged to the floor—Lulu repeated this a number of times before taking the tail into both hands again. The leather still appeared brand new, with a few malleable folds from these daily and nightly preparations. Hilt in one hand, tail downward, she applied leather softener over the six feet; that smoothed, rubbed sound soothed her. She would need to spend far longer breaking it in before using it, for maximum effect.

The dragon tail she placed back inside the armoire. Forearm-length two-tailed leather, she took in her hands, turning it over. Her mother had used this very Lochgelly Tawse on her when she was a child—used it for punishment, for learning. The impacts had been so severe; her palms remembered the pain of one day in particular when she had failed to conjure water there.

Lulu considered finally using this tonight. On Paine's hands—for Paine subjecting her to the same, deft treatment she had given nameless women in clubs for years. No one would hear her screams over the music.

She set the Tawse down to prepare the room: lighting candles of the same cherry scent she'd used on the night of their engagement, pouring more of the white wine Paine had brought from the kitchen, and removing one piece of furniture from an otherwise unused corner of the room. Her Domme dressphere, she changed into, knowing the effects it added to Paine's immersion.

The shower water stopped not soon afterward. Lulu had returned to the armoire, staring inside at nothing. This sense of order she had imposed on herself kept her mind clear of demons. If she was going to write what Paine—what Wakka—had requested, and write it with any amount of force, she could not have this peace. She would need disorder, chaos, to fulfill the quota and be satisfied with it. She could not have both at once. Not like her sister… She would need to learn that skill from her, somehow.

After Lulu decided she'd had enough time to herself, she went to open the bathroom door. There stood Paine in nothing but her collar, shorter than Lulu by those heels. Paine moved to her knees, holding Lulu about her waist.

"I don't want to play our game tonight," said Paine, propping her chin along Lulu's corset. "I don't want time limits. I want all night with you. If I draw a diamond, we can't do that. We never gave it a name, either…"

"The Scorpion's Empress," spoke Lulu, without thinking. Brightened, Paine did, at that name, as if recognizing. "You are familiar with the folk tale?"

"Yes, Ma'am. Gippal taught me to speak Al Bhed when we were sixteen. He said that story is a cornerstone of their culture—I had to learn it. I never imagined it would influence me this much."

_Influence_… "You believe you're my scorpion?"

With a nod, Paine replied, "And you are my empress. If there's anything you need of me, it's yours."

So she believed.

"You are a Scorpio, after all," said Lulu, gesturing for Paine to follow her to the center of the room. "Emotional, secretive creatures."

Paine crawled after her. "What are you again?" she asked. "Taurus? I hear you're really stubborn…"

"That's not all I am."

Only by force of will did Lulu move Paine's entire body, crucifying her against the farthest wall. Those legs, Lulu had her bend at the knee, leaving Paine wide open—exposed in full. Shackles of cold steel clawed out from the wall, keeping her in place; taxing her flexibility. Toward her, Lulu sauntered, observing the mild tremor to Paine's eyes. This stretching of limbs had Paine's breaths come out in short bursts as she adjusted to the forced position. The Vanguard Lulu had pulled out earlier: a waist-high, backless and armless seat of leather, with study mahogany legs and various attachments for chains—she moved this in front of her prey, to sit upon for comfort.

Lulu crossed her legs, breathing in between Paine's legs right before her face. "Now, tell me," she began, doing nothing but _staring_ as Paine squirmed in place_, _"Would you enjoy it if I invited my mother and sister in here to witness you like this? Or do you only have the courage to show our sexuality to them when there is the chance they might not notice?"

"Don't—"

With two sharp fingers, Lulu outlined the open curve of this sex that wanted her. The song had changed to a low, thrumming trip-hop beat, instilling far too many thoughts in her at once. Lulu did not linger there for long, despite those breaths of need that sounded from above. She lay upon her back, with Paine adjacent to her; Lulu bent her knees, shifting the cross of her boots from one leg in front to the other.

"Or, rather," she suggested, cupping her corseted breasts in her hands, relishing in Paine's growing want, "I can invite everyone in. Except Vidina. The others, certainly." Her hands, she smoothed down her body, back arching. "If what we do is no secret, it is only fitting that they know the details firsthand."

"Lulu, _no_—not… Not unless I do something—something to deserve it. I.. _No!"_

"Why not, love?" asked Lulu, slipping her hand inside of her thong. "You had quite the reputation for fucking my doppelgangers in the middle of the night." But a warm-up; short, soft rubs right where Paine's hand had been; "You also employed your hands on a number of occasions in crowded dance floors. I know you enjoy exhibitionism…"

By the tracking of those eyes, Paine watched the circular motions of Lulu's hand beneath that black fabric. "Fuck, _fuck_—no!" she said—either in protest to the exhibitionism, or the masturbation, Lulu did not quite know which… "That was different, you _know_ that! They had nothing to do with you!"

"I think you're lying…not only to me, but to yourself as well." With four fingers pressed together, Lulu sighed at this gradual build-up, arching more. "They had everything to do with me. You became their resident tramp to immerse yourself in me, denying reality all the while…" A little faster, a little more: "Tell me the truth this time… Have you ever—fantasized—about finding me the night Wakka and I conceived Vidina—shoving Wakka to the side—fucking me, making him watch—filling me, denying that for him…"

As the song had changed to one of hard metal with an equally hard beat, Lulu had quickened her hand more, more, Paine thrashed about, attempting to escape—

"Something better—" Lulu went on, maintaining her will to speak through this duress; "I was seventeen—when Chappu and I made love for the first time…" That screaming, of agony, of pure frustration spurred Lulu harder within this thickening wet-hot-heat beneath her hand. "The night before he left—for the Crusades—he took my virginity with him, left me bleeding as he went to die—"

All of this new information hounded Paine at the _precise, _wrong time for her—she thrashed and thrashed, ripping the shackles from the wall two at a time. Such display of physical and mental strength pushed Lulu closer, closer than she'd been at the table in front of everyone. Fixing the wall was of no concern to Lulu whatsoever, for Paine had freed herself from that arrest and fell to her feet. Before anything, before Paine could reach between her, Lulu stopped her hand; pressed the bottom of her boots over Paine's shoulders to stop her.

"Jealous, are we?" asked Lulu, licking her hands clean. Those growls from Paine; her efforts to move forward, were answer enough. "What a shame. Scorpios are certainly known for their jealousy…"

Deeply, Paine rumbled with lust. "You didn't _mention _any of that to me before," she hissed.

"What difference would it have made?" Lulu moved to dry her hands along the sweating roots of Paine's hair, garnering more growls. "It took me months to learn you were a slut for the better part of your adult life. Then again, it is rather cliché of you. I should not have been as surprised as I was."

"_Why _do you keep bringing that up?" demanded Paine, foregoing the rules in another one of her bouts of temper. "It was a mistake! I owned up to it, we're engaged now! It's in the past."

Lulu settled her legs atop Paine's shoulders, squeezing that pouting face between the leather lengths of her boots. "Because of what it speaks about you," she replied, content to ignore the rule-breaking for now. The feel of Paine's breasts along the backs of her thighs; of Paine's insistent hands gripping the bend of her legs aided that contentment.

With much difficulty, Paine fought not to explode. "What, that I need sex?"

"That you have needed sex with me since the day we met," clarified Lulu, taming that tempest with this truth. "I hardly showed when I was pregnant with Vidina, as I am so notorious for. Surely you found my body desirable then; if not my body, I am certain my face was enough. From the gratitude you expressed to me when I allowed you to come on my face the first time, I know I'm right."

Through the heated force of this squeeze, Paine forced her head down between Lulu's legs, breathing in the bare skin of her upper thighs; biting, branding. Lulu threw her head back, laughing in loud delight at the vigor of Paine's need tonight. She hooked her ankles together, bending them to dig into Paine's back; stopping those movements.

"_Kneel_," said Lulu.

Another growl sounded instead of Paine's obedience. Lulu shoved one heel of her boot in Paine's mouth, silencing that attitude at once.

"I said _Kneel_, you spoiled little bitch!" _This time_, Paine complied without complaint. Lulu removed her heel from that mouth, lest she collected too much unwanted saliva there. "That's better," she said, pirouetting her boots as she moved to stand. Lulu placed her hand on her hip, gesturing to the gaping holes in the wall. "You have damaged our home in your haste to get to me. The shackles I had installed are of no use anymore. I'll need to have repairs done."

"I'll pay for it, Mistress," volunteered Paine, more frustrated than apologetic.

Lulu looked at the wall for a moment, thinking. "That won't be necessary," she spoke, contemplative. "I may decide to redecorate instead. It will be a surprise." She walked to the bed, gesturing with one finger over her shoulder for Paine to follow. Lulu sat down next to the nightstand, taking one glass of wine in hand. "I should punish you for this," she remarked, as Paine knelt at her feet. "_Should _being the key word." Lulu sipped her wine, taking in that luminescence of candlelight all along Paine's skin reddened in rings from her efforts. "This is the perfect opportunity. I strangely don't feel like it."

With a deep breath, Paine stared at those boots. "May I?" she asked, quiet.

The rises and falls of Lulu's chest she felt more pronounced as she sipped, and stared down at that staring. "You may." A pause. One of Lulu's legs Paine took in her arms, careful, careful; lifting as if cradling divine delicacy. "After you go check on Vidina."

Deflated, but understanding, Paine stood; changed into her warrior dressphere. "Yes, Ma'am," she said, bowing. "I'll make sure either your mother or your sister tuck him in at midnight. You and I are going to be too busy to do it ourselves."

_Is that so…?_

A knock sounded at the door. Paine went to answer it. Lulu turned her head in that direction, wondering…

"Hey!" said Fang, poking her head through the frame to look around the room. "You two been hidin' in here for hours! Everyone's itchin' to party with you! Must not be too busy if you answered this quick. So c'mon! The guys went out and bought more drinks!" She looked Paine up and down, smirking in pure mischief. "Maybe you and Lulu can show us a good time in that Jacuzzi 'a yours outside…?"

Lulu leaned forward, away from the door, to signal that she had no desire to exit the room.

Paine gestured for Fang to move, so they could walk back to the party together. "We're not interested in partying, Fang," she said, making to close the door behind her. "_Maybe _if someone called ahead of time, we'd be more involved…"

"Who says you gotta party with _us_?" sounded Fang's voice down the hall. "You two got a party goin' in there! Think 'cause the music's playin' that we can't hear you? All you gotta do is move it outside…"

"…not tonight."

—

The hammering of Paine's four fingers inside of Lulu pushed out her breaths and uninhibited sounds disjointed. No less needy. No less wanton. Thick, clinging, viscous lined her, between her, drenching Paine's hand, her sex clench clenching. She drank Paine's dripping sweat; swallowed Paine's short, hard breaths between crushing kisses, _needing_.

Hours after midnight had come and gone, after all of the wine in the bedroom had been consumed; after the music had stopped, the friction of the sheets beneath Lulu's bare back heated, heated. Lifted and stripped of all but her collar, Paine stayed on top of her, curling into Lulu's pull along her shoulders, her neck, her hair. With her boots still on, Lulu had her legs bent up over her head, with Paine pressing down, testing _her _flexibility as payback for earlier. Pitch black among smoking candles blown out earlier: Lulu scented those wisps; saw the same motions within Paine, igniting instead.

Rising, riding this growing onslaught, Lulu could not hold on to the weights that her life had given her before this love. The pressed point those fingers made inside of her stimulated as four directionless figures all going in the same direction. Up and down by the gripping in Paine's wrist as she focused all strength and speed there. Simplicity in misdirection, in gathering; Lulu knew she would stay whole for all her life so long as Paine stretched and tested.

Paine could never break her. She never behaved with intent to damage, never touched Lulu with such savagery unthinking. To test, to stress, to learn, to burn—she did all of these, knowing that wherever she placed her hands, her body, Lulu would respond the way she always did whatever her stubbornness.

When this reversed, when Lulu had Paine beneath her, drinking her to the brim, the wrap of Paine's legs around her neck and shoulders spoke differently. For Lulu had memorized where to put pressure, when to opt for teasing to take a desired reaction—she knew Paine had not _memorized _a thing about her in this way. If Lulu wanted to press her mouth to a specific place over this slickening sex, to suffocate stimulation by illusion of wanting to give; to kill Paine by way of frustration alone, she knew where to do this.

She teased that, enough—enough for Paine to come through this indirect stimulus, drenching Lulu's tongue and mouth with the release of that upsurge. It was then that Paine lost her energy, her stamina, and fell asleep, whispering, "_I love you_…"

Lulu did not know if she was still awake or not when she replied, "I love you, too," and kissed her again.

Still awake, she was; Lulu felt a call from the living room. She changed into her usual dress, leaving her hair down this time. Had she not, the chime of her pins would have awoken her guests scattered about the floor beneath the moonlight. As she walked to the only one sitting up upon the couch, she noticed Shiva placing blankets over everyone, silent, sympathetic.

Upon the couch sat Elysia, in the center, drinking some of Lulu's crystal cognac she had hidden in the cupboards. Next to her lay Raine on her left side, the side of her face along their mother's lap as she slept on. Lulu sat down on her mother's right, staring ahead at the soundless black-and-white soap opera playing on television at this time of night.

"Your wedding will be beautiful," spoke Elysia, light, caring. "The most important day… All for you. It will be your day, your time to celebrate your love undying… It will be a grand occasion…for all of Zanarkand to witness… The day my oldest daughter becomes the de facto Princess of Zanarkand, after I mourned for years over the truth I would never…see her…again…" Another sip she took, smiling with eyes closed. "And Paine will be your scorpion, your knight, your wife…to love and protect you—from Spira, from yourself…" A contented sigh sounded. "Whatever the future holds, I can think of no greater comfort."

Whatever her words, Elysia would not look at Lulu. She could not—her eyes had become misty. She held so much inside. Lulu could not blame her.

With that blamelessness, Lulu lay down over her mother's lap, her head behind Raine's, breathing in the wind-water scent of her sister's hair. Elysia used her free hand to stroke Raine's face, Lulu's hair and ears. Sleep soon took Lulu amid this peace, this novelty that should have always been known to her.

—

_Note: Sorry this chapter took so long... If you want an explanation for why, including a general run-down of all the chapters so far, check my LiveJournal. Thank you to those who have added to favorites/alerts and reviewed._

_Song references/party playlist:_

_Poignant, instrumental song about change: "Ruska" by Apocalyptica  
The first song Yuna puts on: "Give It 2 Me" by Madonna  
Bombastic pop song of Yuna's choice: "Bombastic Love" by Britney Spears_  
_Something about threesomes: "3" by Britney Spears_  
_Haters call me bitch, call me faggot... "Better of Two Evils" by Marilyn Manson  
__Somewhere between here: "Pop That Lock" by Adam Lambert  
Nastiness at dinner: "The Game Has Changed" by Daft Punk  
__Electronic song: "Are You Sitting Comfortably?" by Example  
__Low, thrumming trip-hop beat: "Dissolved Girl" by Massive Attack  
__Hard metal (technically nu-metal, but whatever): "Make Me Bad" by Korn  
After the sadistic masturbation: "Murderers Are Getting Prettier Every Day" by Marilyn Manson_


	31. Judge Magister Gabranth

_Let me see you suffer!_

Drilling, forced fucking, bent over and caged that way. Shoulders colliding against bars of steel with each quick thrust. Screams kept to a minimum to _take _this, to _know _this. Three months had passed, with but three weeks until their wedding—she could take this. Paine shut her eyes, face down, facing the floor, with no control. With her ass up, back curved, thighs spread, these stayed exposed to the night air of the bedroom, to the soaking slaps of Lulu's hips against them. All else stayed contained in a body-shape cage. Immobilized. Bare form trapped in this position, bent over with Lulu's pleasure behind her.

Heat gathered, pouring down from her neck; sweat pooled, drowning her in this mess of want and embarrassment. Objectified, used—these truths Lulu rammed into her, over and over again, fucking Paine with swiftness uncaring. Uncharacteristic, unreal, unwanted, normatively: yet the inverse of this Paine felt building, coursing, pulsing against skin thickening, slickening.

Crying out needed to stay lower than she needed; half as loud as she wanted. Vidina slept peacefully in his room on the other side of the house. Three in the morning felt safe enough for this unsafe hell.

"You keep—clenching—around me," sounded Lulu's trying voice behind her, above her. She stopped; slapped Paine's ass underhand, closed-hand; continued, harder. "_Let me in!_"

_In _where? _Where? _Paine tightened her trapped arms instead, to hold on to nothing. Triggers spread, forming memories once locked away in the depths of her dresspheres. Sodomy ravaged as strings of near-encounters—repressed, regressed, un-remembered:

_Bleeding beneath the sunset, on the grass, immobilized, vulnerable, surrounded by Al Bhed men, blond hair—_

_Ganged up on in the middle of the night as a teenager, boys' clothes torn from her until she murdered—_

"_Lulu, Lulu_—" Panted, panted that name again and again Paine did, to grip reality, reason; "Lulu, _stop!_"

Continued, continued this did, faster, as those memories seized her for seconds only to disappear again in the wake of her want. She _wanted _Lulu to keep fucking these, to fuck them away, to make them both get off to those past uncertainties. Nothing seeped between her, from Lulu's lidded reasons. If Lulu could coat all of this in white, risk a future commitment, Paine could forget these.

Reality escaped again.

Mind torn from her head, heart ripped from her chest, Paine thought and felt through an uncontrolled expanse. Veins raked as hard heat between her. Pounding stretched, testing, breaking. Yesterdays ago stayed trapped within, hiding; screaming as burned now by this friction, igniting bright and vivid uncontained. Lulu's presence never left, only added to these. Larger hands than these groped her, invisible, so visible in this uncontained canvas of recollection. Cold, filthy ground her face smashed against. Deeper voices laughed and taunted. Stronger frames whipped out their wants, pumping them in anticipation to punish this abomination for being _different_, for expressing those differences.

Their blood had dried over her ripped clothes when she _ran_.

"STOP!"

Thoughts of her love mocking and subjecting her the same way; of Lulu not giving a fuck about her; of being abused and left to the whims of needing strangers; of coming close to dying and having anyone put their hands on her for any reason; of Lulu gathering a group of _men _and ordering them all to rape her while she stood back and watched:

_And I'd want it all because of Lulu; I'd get off because of her; come all over their dicks or gag on them for her pleasure; the truth is I'd fucking love it—_

"_FUCK OFF!_"

Lulu stopped immediately. With jagged breaths and trembling hands, Lulu freed Paine from the cage, lifting her from it. Standing now, Paine watched as Lulu turned around to control herself. Relief only came over Paine because of the _stopping_, because Lulu was so obviously not those vague nightmares she had either experienced or made-up altogether in her head.

She went to Lulu, with curves of flesh fitting into one another back to front. "Sorry…I panicked," she said, hands wandering. Paine walked backward, bringing Lulu with her; sitting upon the foot of the bed.

Heaving, Lulu asked, "About…what?"

The shudders and pressing of Lulu's back against Paine's chest increased with this wandering. "I…don't really know." Her fingers tightened around Lulu's need, stroking up, to milk with her thumb and knuckle. "You're rarely that aggressive with me…" Her legs, she shifted, to grind her sex against Lulu's lower back in time with those sighs. "I think…" Her insides seared sweet satisfaction at this next: "I want you on top of me in bed, dominating that way. Take me…"

Just _saying _that last unshackled Paine all the more.

In this heightened state, Lulu's intuition was no doubt suspect. She turned around in Paine's hold, moving them both to lie upon the sheets of the bed. Ravaged by the need in Lulu's mouth, lips, tongue all over her body, Paine twisted in this clenching hold. Liberated by the simplicity of Lulu foregoing to ask further, to prod, to get to the bottom of this, Paine could allow her mind and wants to wander.

Thoughtlessness through Lulu's rare one-track desires tasted as a different manner of objectification. Natural, primal, uninhibited; Lulu's breath muffled and burst out down Paine's body, down her neck, circling into the soft hardening of her breasts; through this, Paine became as one far removed from herself, far above from what she knew of her typical self.

The length of her legs wrapped around Lulu's waist, elongated. The point of her feet, elegance. Her arms stayed in place around Lulu's neck, hands tangled through that impossibly long, thick cape of night. Sight blinded by that same darkness, shifting, suffocating through the scent of sweat, sex and streams of earth. With the pace of her hips, Paine pushed, testing this stamina above her; she goaded more as much as she could through this driving, opening, closing, pulsing, loving—

All different than whatever she'd imagined as pity for herself. None of that was real. This _was._

_I want you to come inside of me, I want you to come inside of me; I want you to fuck me, Lulu; I want…_

Because, somewhere, sometime, she knew she had enjoyed all of this before.

"_Fuck_—!" Lulu stopped, suddenly, and ejected herself with practice before it was too late; pulled out to come over the developed muscles of Paine's stomach. "Paine—_fuck_, _Paine, Paine_—"

Watching Lulu devolve before her into this gasping, sticking mess, on top of her, unstopping for a few moments—Paine felt it all as a swift hit of a mental, sensual high. She bit her bottom lip, smile widening the second Lulu looked into her eyes during this release. Lulu moved down to kiss, to consume this from her; when all had been cleaned, she lifted Paine's legs over her shoulders to devour her. This began a chain, a cycle—getting Paine to come, only for Lulu to harden again and need to free this erection. The cycle went on and on, until at last Lulu had decided on the agony of removing her dressphere to sleep on this lingering need instead of letting it out.

When Paine fell asleep in her arms, head over Lulu's breasts, she had forgotten all about those triggers. This change she had witnessed in Lulu during these months of their engagement did far more than merely fascinate her.

_Lulu's…definitely more open in her sexual passions… Pure raw form when she handles me like no one else can…and in three weeks, we'll finally be married…_

—

When morning came, Paine awoke to a faint sensation of rapid twitching in a small space against her forehead. Her head she had shifted to Lulu's shoulder in their sleep. She lifted her head, narrowing her eyes against the feel of fur and whiskers there. She blinked a few times to make sure this was real. Enough sunlight shined through the drapes to show her that she had not fabricated this in her mind. Through the open bedroom door—_when did it open?_—she heard Vidina panicking as he searched and searched for something.

Upon Lulu's head sat a small, flop-eared white rabbit, quite at peace as Lulu slept away, oblivious. On first instinct, Paine retrieved her camera from the bedside drawer. She took a photograph of this moment, trying not to laugh as she did. As she went to put the camera back, she let out a few snorts by accident. When she went back to Lulu, she noticed those eyes fluttering open, until they stayed open in silent shock. Vidina's tones grew louder, giving him away as the culprit of this surprise.

Carefully, Paine took the rabbit in her arms, to avoid the possibility of Lulu sitting up suddenly and scaring it away. Lulu stared at the animal for a long moment, listening to Vidina in the other room. She changed into her dress and left the bedroom. Paine changed into her black tank and red shorts, following after Lulu, still holding the rabbit in her arms.

"Are you searching for something…?" came Lulu's flat, warning voice.

Vidina put the couch cushion back in place. "Y-Yes…" he replied, trembling in his night clothes.

Lulu went over to him before Paine entered the living room. "Maybe I can help," she suggested, her lightness deceiving. Vidina shook his head. "Oh? Why not? Don't you want to find it right away?"

"Mommy, no!" said Vidina, too focused on his mother approaching to see Paine emerging from the hallway. "It's bad! I'll get in trouble!"

"Oh, son," said Lulu, admonishing. "You're already in trouble. You should know better." As Paine made it to Lulu's side, the rabbit's heartbeat picked up considerably. Vidina kept his head down, starting to cry. Lulu put her hands over her hips. "There won't be any of that this time, Vidina. I told you _months _ago—no pets! _How _did you manage to sneak this one in? Don't tell me you have more in your room…"

"Mommy—!"

"No. Take me to your room. I need to see this for myself."

Vidina went down the hall, walking slowly, trying to stall. Lulu ordered him to hurry up. Paine followed after them, worried for Vidina's emotional well-being in the wake of Lulu's contained fury. From underneath his bed, Vidina pulled out a shoebox filled with grass and stolen vegetables from the kitchen. Nibbling on the vegetables sat a smaller, brown flop-eared rabbit. Vidina's ears reddened as his mother's scowl deepened.

Lulu sighed, irritated. "_What _is this all for, Vidina?" she asked, hands over her hip again as she glared down at him. "Why not ask first? I _may _have changed my mind had I known ahead of time!"

"You said no," he mumbled, crying now.

"So you went ahead did it anyway, _because _I said you couldn't have any pets?"

Vidina's louder crying spoke for him. "But, Mommy, you don't know!" he said, sniffling. "The fiends outside almost ate Bun-Bun and Fran! They're best friends, I had to save them! Raine helped me make a funeral for their other friends! No more funerals!"

Lulu appeared not to have it in her to argue against his sentimentality. "When we go to your grandmother's, you're letting them go," she said, final. Vidina cried louder. "Had you been honest with me, this could have been avoided! No matter how hard you cry, I won't change my mind. Your grandfather won't want to see you upset when you meet him today—stop this, _right now_. You're seven years old now—you're better than this."

Slowly, Vidina steadied his tears. Lulu left the room, going to the kitchen to make breakfast. Paine stayed with him, placing the white rabbit in the shoebox. Vidina sat down on his bed with the box on his lap, still sniffling. She knelt down in front of him, searching his face; seeing traces of frustration and helplessness.

"Why?" he muttered, his voice cracking in his distress. "I don't want them to die… They don't hurt anyone. The fiends are gonna eat them outside! They're safe here."

"I know, Vidina," said Paine, soft in her sympathy. "But your mother just wanted you to tell her the truth instead of going behind her back. You could have even asked me and I'd have convinced her for you. You didn't have to hide it from us."

"But she said no!"

"You know how she gets when she's angry. Next time, try asking when she's not like that. When she's calm, she'll listen to you. There's always a chance she'll say okay."

Pouting still, but calmer, Vidina asked in curiosity, "How do you know?"

By the hiss of the stove being used down the hall, Paine knew Lulu didn't eavesdrop on this conversation. "Sometimes, she'll change her mind about things when I ask her to," she explained, keeping this example as tame as possible. "She doesn't like me driving the car without my license. I'm working on getting one. She knows it's faster for us to get around when I drive, so she's okay with it. I didn't sneak the car out the garage before telling her about it. You have to be honest. What if they miss their family?"

With a sigh, Vidina conceded. "Okay," he said. "Can you help me when we go back outside? I have to find Fran's parents so they'll be safe together! I know where they are. I don't want them to die…"

"I'll see what I can do," said Paine, looking between both rabbits. "Which one's Fran?"

Vidina smiled, pointing to the white one. "She's Fran! I think she's older 'cause she's bigger. Bun-Bun's just a baby. I dunno where her parents are…Fran takes care of her."

Paine continued looking between both of them as they ate. "How do you know they're both girls?"

"They don't make more bunnies," said Vidina, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

_Well, that makes sense… _

"Raine said she has a friend with bunny ears," Vidina went on, giggling as the two began sniffing at one another. "Her name's Fran, too. Raine talks about her a lot." Wonder took over as he recalled: "Did you know there's _people_ here like that? With bunny ears? Raine said they're all girls. They're _Viera. _Raine said in the real world they're…extinct?"

A few history lessons from school had said as much for her. "That's right," replied Paine, remembering that she had seen a few here and there throughout the city. "They once lived a long time ago where the Macalania Woods are now. The woods used to be different when they were alive. No one knows what really happened to them."

"Raine said her friend's gonna be there today! We can ask her! Fran sounds like her best friend. Maybe I get to make a friend today? I don't have any…"

Vidina frowned as he looked down at the rabbits in his box. The stunt he pulled suddenly made more sense to Paine, beyond his animal activist efforts. Paine moved to sit next to him upon the bed, wrapping her arm about his shoulders. Did he not consider the Gullwings to be his friends? Unless he meant someone his age, barring this Fran that Raine had mentioned so frequently.

"You never told me what it was like at the academy," said Paine, hoping to gather his impressions of children his age. "I know you were only there for a few hours. I didn't get to see how the other kids treated you."

"I hated it!" he said, scowling now. "They said my moomba's girly and dumb just 'cause he's a doll. Mommy said their staff things aren't as good as dolls. My moomba has a soul, he's my buddy. I told them that and they laughed at me! Why did they laugh?"

"Other kids can be really mean for no reason… They think something's silly and they'll laugh at it. Doesn't matter if it's important to you or not. I got teased a lot in school when I was your age…"

By his wide eyes, Vidina couldn't believe her. "They weren't scared of you?"

Paine laughed at that. "I wasn't always _tough_, Vidina," she reminded him. "When I was little, I liked wearing boys' clothes instead of what my parents wanted me to wear. I was a tomboy, but everyone still thought I was pretty. Some of the girls in my class who were jealous of me tried to pick on me. It took me a long time to learn how to ignore them with my friends. They stopped after a while."

"Your friends were boys?" he asked, confused.

Paine didn't see what there was to be confused about. "They were," she replied. "I didn't have any friends who were girls until I joined the Gullwings."

"But boys are mean," insisted Vidina, pouting again.

She wondered how he came to that ironic conclusion. "What do you mean? You're a boy. You're not mean, at least not to me."

"The black mage boys laughed at me the most," he said, shaking his head at the memory. "The girls were sorta nice. They laughed a lot. Not at me. Rikku said they _liked_ me, that's why they were nice."

Paine smiled. "Did you like any of them?" she asked.

Vidina blushed. "No…" he mumbled, looking away. Paine laughed, disbelieving. "…yes. One of the older girls who smiled at me. She was really pretty…"

"What did she look like? Did you talk to her?"

He gestured with his hands. "She had long, shiny blonde hair and big brown and green eyes," he said, smiling shyly. "She stayed with me when it wasn't my turn to duel. Her name was Gen, something longer. She said good luck for my duels. She said I was special…"

"You really are, you know. You're a lot stronger than I was at your age. Maybe we'll see her around one of these days."

"Think she remembers me?" asked Vidina, hopeful. "She said she's twelve…what if she doesn't remember me?"

"She does," said Paine, reassuring. "No one can forget you. And I'm sure all those kids who teased you felt stupid when they saw how powerful you are. Let's try to keep an eye out for Gen every day. I want you to have more friends."

Vidina hugged Paine tight, letting the shoebox slide a little over her lap. "Thank you…"

"You're welcome," she said, holding him back.

—

When they arrived by car to Elysia's bastion, Vidina hurried from the backseat to run through the building's rear entry nearby, excited to finally meet his grandfather and Raine's friend. In her Judge Magister armor, sans helmet, Paine stayed seated in the driver's seat, looking over at Lulu sitting statuesque next to her. Lulu stared out of the windshield, scowling at the expanse of the city beyond there.

The black, leather interior of the car caught the chill of the snow outside, clinging on to it. The same story—Lulu's mood from earlier that morning had not left her, rather, it had grown since then, the closer they had gotten to her mother's home. She had said nothing when Paine had parked in the forest to go help Vidina reunite the rabbits with their family. Nothing had been said, therefore, Paine knew _that _wasn't what bothered her right now.

"What's on your mind?" asked Paine, caressing Lulu's hand in hers. She looked down at her helm in Lulu's lap. "Are you anxious about meeting your father?"

"No, not anxious," supplied Lulu, matter-of-fact. "Rather, I'm looking forward to seeing him. I was very fond of him when I was a child. Either way, that's not what I'm most concerned about right now."

"Then what is? You've been really quiet since breakfast."

Lulu did not turn to look at her. "Was something troubling you last night?" she asked, noncommittal.

"You mean with the safe words?" When Lulu gave no response, verbal or otherwise, Paine took that as her affirmative. "I wanted something different. Moving to the bed felt better. I like the cage; it's just demoralizing to stay in it for too long."

One eyebrow, Lulu rose. "Demoralizing?" she repeated. "Since when do you care about comfort or morals where our play is concerned?"

Paine blanked out. "…I don't have an answer for you, Lulu."

Silence lingered, stifling Paine of a sudden in her armor. She resisted the urge to pull out the tall collar of the cashmere around her neck, to give her skin some of the much-needed cold air around her. When Lulu took her hand from Paine's, and used her other to hold the handle of the door, that signaled the end of their conversation—an end on a terribly dissonant note.

Paine knew better than to argue over it, or to try and reassure her that nothing was wrong. She removed her keys from the ignition, exited the car, and walked around to the passenger's side to open Lulu's door for her. Though Lulu took her hand, allowing this assistance from her seat; though Lulu stayed on Paine's arm as they proceeded through to Elysia's bastion, Paine knew she had erred.

She could not figure out what Lulu had meant. With Lulu clearly disinclined to elaborate, asking was out of the question—it would only piss her off even more. At such a time, Paine could not afford to do this.

Upstairs they went to the throne room: width and warm richness of wood and amethyst tinted by the overcast of snowing clouds outside the full-pane windows of either wall. The farthest wall held the centerpiece of the room: the thrones lined together in succession of size. But a few desks and statues occupied the otherwise unused space everywhere else. Down the narrow carpet they walked, nearest the thrones; there stood Raine, Vidina, Elysia, and the two others she was meant to meet that day.

Elysia's husband moved from before her, meeting Lulu and Paine along the carpet. The dull golden hue of his Judge Magister armor matched the blond of his short hair and sideburns. The hazel of his eyes matched his youngest daughter's—the smart scowl on his face, one that simply _was _and meant no harm, he had passed down to both of his children, most notably Lulu. His dark cape bore their crest.

Paine had to admit—this man's long, defined features made him very handsome. His scowl faded as observation, as learning when he met her eyes, Lulu's eyes.

"My word, you are both here at long last," said Gabranth, lordly and direct even in his astonishment. As expected, he studied his daughter, first. "Lulu, you have grown far beyond the fledgling mage I remember well yet. Simply beautiful, you are—a true reflection of your mother." Paine stepped to the side, watching as Gabranth held his daughter; he spent a good moment there, before pulling away to survey her further, gloved hands over her shoulders. "My daughter who defeated Sin at the young age of twenty-two—you would not believe how I have repeated your accomplishments to all who would listen." He let go of her, to regard Paine this time. "And this is your wife-to-be. Judge Magister Nyte?"

With remembered practice, Paine gave the appropriate salute. "Judge Magister Gabranth," she said. He returned the salute, exact. "It's an honor to meet you. I've heard you know quite a few things about me, Your Honor. I'm sorry I can't say the same about you."

Gabranth relaxed the tenseness of his glower, more. "Be at ease, Your Honor," he allowed. "I am aware my wife has been most reserved with her divulgements to you both on my character and history. Let us take this as an opportunity to be at once civil and open with one another."

Elysia stepped forward with Raine and Vidina. "And let us also take this opportunity to prepare for the wedding," she suggested, moving to Lulu's side. "I have had the final touches placed on your dress, my dear. If need be, more adjustments can be made; you will need to try it on once more. Shall we be off?"

"Such haste," noted Gabranth, mild alarm about his features. "Do you truly despise my presence so that you will run off with my children before the passing of five minutes in shared company?"

"You think me evasive, Noah," argued Elysia, with tension, "When it is _you_ who took seven months to return to your family, always in the name of infiltration and opportunity!" Gabranth lowered his head. Lulu held him once more. "We shall return late this evening. Goodbye."

Lulu moved to murmur in Paine's ear, "You will sleep here tonight," and kissed her lips before leaving. Paine ached through that press, through this pain. That upward tilt to Lulu's head, and that walk seemed—incensed.

Gabranth watched them go. "Goodbye, my wife," he said, to Elysia's back.

Behind him approached a tall woman of dark complexion, with long, thick white hair and elevated, thin rabbit-like ears. "Your Honors, both," she spoke, in a light, graceful accent. Filigree style she wore, with revealing metal armor of black akin to a teddy and stay-up stockings, and claw-like stilettos of match to her long nails. "It is Raine's wish that I assist you this day. She insists on her distance." She regarded Paine, the scarlet of their eyes a matching mirror. "I find it best to not inflame otherwise."

"Judge Nyte, this is Fran," supplied Gabranth, as Lulu, Elysia, Raine and Vidina exited the room. "She is a Viera—they are an extinct race, as you are no doubt aware of." The double doors echoed loud in their slam in Elysia's wake. Gabranth did not falter. "She is an excellent craftswoman and a highly-skilled mechanic. Throughout Zanarkand, she is known as Master of Weapons. She and Raine are…quite close."

"Vidina mentioned you," said Paine, offering her hand. Fran looked down at it in mystification soft.

With the smallest of smiles, Fran shook her head. "We Viera share not customs with Humans," she offered instead. "'Tis unusual for one to treat us as theirs. A mark of respect?"

"Respect, and not knowing any better," replied Paine, bowing as substitute; looking elsewhere. Those words Lulu had said played again in her thoughts. Sleeping separately—in separate places—was beyond extreme. And still Lulu insisted on her silence instead of showing anger as she tended to do.

"You are troubled as a matching pair," observed Fran.

Gabranth heaved a sigh. "As three, all of us," he corrected, noticing Paine's melancholy. "Has not my youngest banished you to our spirited company?"

"I am used to her denials."

"As you are, with her solitude," said Gabranth. "I must confess I did not plan for their swift departures. That we all might sit and converse with one another as family—this I did arrange the day for. Though now it is far more appropriate that we add work to our acquainting. What say you, Nyte?"

Paine saw no reason to dispute. "That sounds productive," she agreed. "I could use the distraction…"

Unused for the better part of a year, Gabranth's spacious study bore layers of dust throughout its numerous surfaces of wood and wine-color. He paid this no mind, satisfied to utilize the top of his desk without complaint so long as that sturdiness did not fail him. Upon the mahogany he spread a sizable document of scattered faces and titles, names, affiliations, points of interest and departures, with shadows along the pictures shifting in candlelight. He sat at the centermost chair behind his desk, with Paine and Fran before him, all three studying the document with varied—comparable—attentions.

"Judge Nyte," spoke Gabranth, "You and I together command the Ninth Bureau—our objective is to gather and disseminate suitable information for my wife, that she will command us to do with the information as she deems necessary. During my time in Bevelle, I collected a great deal of intelligence. However, most of it is hearsay. We can do little with word-of-mouth. We need facts directly from the appropriate men and women, or otherwise their dead-lives if necessary."

He pressed his hand closest to a portrait of Lord Seymour. "I heard the most talk of this man," he said, digging his fingertips there. "At some point in the far future, he plans to fund a generous amount to key engineers in Bevelle in order to make modifications to Vegnagun that would suit him. He must be located and dispatched of, quietly. If his banishment to the Farplane became common knowledge, all blame would be placed on my wife. We must plan this, thoroughly, and we must always be discreet." Gabranth sighed anew, as if he'd lost his thread. "Alas, we can do little with her gone. Until she knows of the threat Maester Seymour poses, we cannot move forward."

"I need to know something," spoke Paine. "Is he dead, or just an unsent? Lulu told me they defeated him several times before going against Sin. Seymour managed to keep coming back."

"His spirit is stubborn," supplied Gabranth, "I know not which. This is a fine concern. Fran—if you have contacts who have noted the whiff of death or determination on him, could you inform us? How we deal with him will depend on this."

"I will do this," replied Fran. "It can be difficult to discern in this city. Death touches all the same to us. Viera more practiced than I will know."

They continued to discuss, to make minimal plans. On occasion, Paine looked to Fran, wondering how it was she and Raine were so _close_. Raine had hardly said a word of her love interests, or of anything at all for that matter. By Lulu's decision to have her sister be her maid of honor, they must have known each other well after these months. Wherever they were, did the two of them take the time to discuss Lulu's problem, her reasons, and her mood? With such ease as Lulu refused to do with Paine—did they gossip?

Later in the night, Paine left Elysia's bastion, returning to the city. She could not focus on work: the returning prevalence of Maester Seymour, far too distracted to be _distracted_ by anything else. In her warrior dressphere, she entered the lesbian bar where she'd agreed to meet Gippal at about this time. Through the door she entered to the dark warmth of the lively building, the brew of beer heaviest on her senses as she went to find a free table by the window.

She sat down at a booth on the farthest corner of the building, staring out the window for a time. With but three weeks until the wedding, she thought these quarrels with Lulu would have stopped by now. What would the marital status be for, if not a mark that their relationship had moved past these trifling stages?

"Yo!" said Gippal, sitting down across from her. "Anybody home? You look hella spaced out. What's eating you?"

Paine shook her head, as a poor clearing of her thoughts. "Why did you pick this place?" she asked, taking care not to let her eyes wander. "There are tons of other leather lesbians in here. I'm surprised none of them tried to talk to me. I know they keep looking."

Gippal grinned at her engagement ring. "I think you're safe with that on," he pointed out. Paine shrugged. He pointed to a spot of the bar, gesturing with his head for her to follow suit. "They're just over there. So hooked they don't even notice _us _here! Seeing them like this is crazy, you know?"

There sat Fang and Lightning at the bar together—arms interlaced, foreheads close, sharing a drink with the same straw. Paine could barely make out their conversation by reading their lips:

"…you got that spark I like, Light," spoke Fang, quiet. "It don't matter to me if you ain't comfortable bein' like this with me 'round our friends. Just means I get to tease the hell outta you when we are. Win-win, yeah?"

"_For you_," said Lightning, averting her eyes. "_I'm_ the one who ends up embarrassed."

"What's there to be embarrassed 'bout, sweet pea? Don't you like bein' my girl?"

Paine did not expect this—for Lightning to kiss Fang, for her to say, "I more than _like _it, Fang. You know that."

Fang pressed the side of her face to Lightning's, tilting their heads. "Maybe I like your little reminders from time to time," she whispered. "The more often, the better." She looked right at Paine, winking. "They don't hurt none. Not one bit…"

Gippal laughed, not loud enough for Lightning to notice. "_Rare footage_!" he said, gesturing with his hands as if it were a camera. "Near-extinct life form: _Lightning _being a fluffy sweetheart with her girlfriend! The famous, powerful huntress named Fang managed to snag her! Can't believe it…"

Seeing them together made Paine ache for Lulu all the more. She looked away from them, resuming her staring out the window. A waiter came over to take their orders—Gippal requested sangrias for both of them, remembering it was one of Paine's favorites. A distinct slither sounded somewhere nearby, perhaps on the ground. She ignored it, thinking someone had spilled their drink or some such.

By now, Gippal knew how to notice these things. "Hey, come on," he said, encouraging. "It can't be _that _bad, watching two other women kiss and all that. Doesn't it turn you on?"

Or maybe he didn't notice.

"_Excuse me_?" asked Paine, affronted.

"You know—you like girls too, _so_, seeing two of them kiss must do _something _for you? Right?"

Paine sighed, disbelieving his denseness. "You're my best man and you're asking me about _other people_? I'm getting married—this isn't up for discussion. You of all people should know."

"Yeah, yeah—speaking of that, didn't you meet Lulu's old man today? What's he like?"

"He's serious and straightforward, just like Lulu," said Paine. "I like that he doesn't mess around. She doesn't look much like him. I think her sister has his eyes…"

Gippal leaned forward, both arms against the table for emphasis. "Okay, now what about the party?" he asked, hush-hush as he glanced about. "Brother's got it covered! He knows all the best strippers that wanna come by for you! We can deck out the cabin, set up a chair for your lap dances—"

Paine slammed her fist against the table. "I'm _not having _a bachelorette party!"

Gippal put his hands up in front of him. "Whoa, there, what's goin' on?" he tried again. Paine huffed, folding her arms. "Seriously, Paine, what's got you like this? Did something happen with you and Lulu? Can't think of any other reason why you'd be this upset…"

"She told me to sleep at her mother's place tonight," muttered Paine, staring at the windowsill.

"_Again_?" he asked, exasperated.

"Something's bothering her and she won't tell me what it is. Apparently I'm hiding something, or I've forgotten something, only I can't remember what I've forgotten. So now she's pissed at me."

"When did it start?"

"I don't know…last night, I think," recalled Paine, choosing her words with care. "We were in a scene and I told her to stop. Before that, I never used our safe words before. Maybe she's offended about it. We didn't stop everything—I let her do more to me, to show her I wasn't angry with her or anything. That must not have been enough."

Gippal rubbed the back of his head, slightly pink in the face. "Well—_why_ did you tell her to stop?"

Her time in the body cage was mostly a series of blank moments, fear, and too much pleasure for her to handle. "If I tell you, you know to keep your mouth shut," she warned. Gippal used his hand to cross his heart, nodding. "Now that I think about it…I started remembering things from my past. Things that I probably made up in my head. When I was with Jenna, I hated how much she'd only admit to screwing guys her age. We went to a party once…a bunch of her old one-night stand guys were there. They didn't like that I was dating her, in an actual relationship, and that I wore guys' clothes. The rest of the party is a huge blank for me. All I remember was feeling scared and homicidal at the same time."

Cautious, Gippal whispered, "You don't think the _guys_…?"

Paine shook her head as the waiter returned with their drinks. "There's no way," she said, certain. "I was still a virgin when Lulu and I started dating. I might have killed them before they got the chance."

Gippal took a long sip of his blood red drink, staring down at it. "You used to record pretty much everything back in the day," he recalled. "Hiding cameras in your clothes and all—your spot with us in the Crimson Squad made perfect sense. Think you have any footage lying around anywhere of what happened?"

"Back at my old place in Bevelle, if it's still there," said Paine, before drinking. "I don't get it. I don't see why that came up last night. It's not like I've ever had sex with a guy before. They don't interest me at all."

With a laugh, Gippal pointed at himself. "Come on, you mean to tell me not even _yours truly _could get you all hot and bothered?" he teased.

Paine reached over to shove his shoulder. "_Fucking pig_," she said in Al Bhed, scoffing. Gippal laughed again.

"Hey, you never know! You never even gave me a chance, anyway. Don't you remember how nice I was to you when we first met?"

"Teaching me a cipher to Spiran while trying to put your arms around me counts as nice, sure. Almost kissing me must have been downright _generous_."

Gippal waved it off. "Hey, you punched me in the jaw; I got the hint, all right? Took me a while to get it. _No dicks allowed here_!"

Paine allowed herself a small smile as she drank. The irony was that she quite enjoyed that appendage—on Lulu, most certainly. Her more lewd, ludicrous desires from the previous night returned to ensnare her, reddening her face right away.

Silence hung between her and Gippal. He stared at the tint of her neck. Paine looked away from him. _That blond hair…_

"Ah…well, yeah," he said, lamely so. "A-Anyway, you have Lulu now, and me and Rikku are swell. Heh, more than swell, maybe… Uhh…" He took several large gulps of his sangria, nearly finishing it. Paine stared at him. "Look," he whispered, "You told me something confidential, now I got something for you. Not even Lulu can find out, got it?" Paine nodded. "So…a few weeks ago, me and Rikku were going at it, and—" Gippal skipped straight to the point; "I think she's pregnant."

Paine scoffed, shaking her head. "That's impossible," she said, dismissive.

Gippal gaped at her. "How do _you _know? It's not like you and Lulu could try—"

"You don't want to finish that sentence," she warned, taking a page out of Lulu's book. Gippal winced. "I heard from Elysia that it's near impossible for people alive here like us to have kids. Until we get used to death enough, it's not gonna happen. That won't happen for over ten years. Unless you're completely used to death already, or you're already dead."

"No, no, I came here with her dad—_he's _the dead one, not me," said Gippal, sighing. "Listen, Paine, even if that's true, this has _got _to be an exception! She's been avoiding me like crazy and in the morning she spends all her time in the bathroom! She's freaking out—Yuna knows and she won't give in and tell me."

"I'll believe it when I see it."

Gippal finished the last of his drink. "Fine, if you say so. I'll just go on thinking I'm crazy," he muttered. "Anyway, _when _we find out she's got a kid in there, we'll tell you. Her birthday's a few weeks after the wedding. Probably better to save it 'til then—don't wanna steal your thunder or anything."

Paine could not wrap her head around this, how it happened. "Don't you two know to use protection?" she asked, eyes narrowed. "You've only been going out for a few months. How is this even an issue?"

"I pulled out," said Gippal, cringing. Paine only shook her head at him. "Hey, she's into the whole barebacking thing… I was too horny to tell her no, and—"

Paine held one hand out in front of her. "That's enough, Gippal." Lulu had done the same to her—several times. Several, several times—and she was not pregnant. It had to be impossible, at least for the time being. "Really…I've heard enough."


	32. Flower of the Court

_Pitiful fuck  
Are you still in love with me, missy?  
I know—I am so pretty and withdrawn…_

Decomposing corpses and skeletons littered the streets of Bevelle's slums; piled upon, rotting, forgotten. Beneath the polluted skies of where the moonlight shined halfway through, Raine used her boots to ease bodies aside in the street, creating a path for her sister. Lulu walked this path, head held high. Her dress trailed naught but dirt along the dried blood over asphalt and concrete. Her thoughts trailed as direction pointing through and beyond—beyond, to the familiar nightclub ahead.

Scattered outside as if waiting to go inside, dead bodies lay in tandem along the club's exterior. Blood spattered over the many advertisements tacked and fluttering over the front wall. Slumped along the doorway sat the skeleton of the same bouncer who had recognized Paine that night over a year ago. A musket leaned in his lap, his skull bearing impacts from its blunt end. Raine, too, used her boot to shift the bones out of the way, for Lulu to pass through.

Death's stench overpowered until Lulu forced herself to bear it.

Inside, light came in from the moon, from the spaces on the walls that had been shot through as makeshift windows. On the dance floor, corpses had fallen upon one another in embraces. Throughout the rest of the area, skeletons lay face-first in the direction of the back entrance. All had been looted from the bodies, the registers behind each bar. All that remained were the larger bottles of alcohol on the topmost shelves of the bar and a few broken glasses.

Lulu sat at the bar, a few seats away from a group of skeletons steadily sliding from their stools. Raine walked around to prepare a few drinks, taking care to clean the glasses and only pour from untouched bottles of patrón.

"Shall I tell you my findings now?" asked Raine, buffing the glass in her hand. "Or are you still deep in thought? I can assure you, I will only mire your mind further. It is best that I say this now. We only have so much time before we must return to Zanarkand without arousing suspicion."

With a nod, Lulu said, "I suppose you're right. Tell me."

"Your theory is correct, about her latent desires. She mentioned to Gippal what you saw through her dresspheres. Though, from what I gathered, I am not so certain they are desires. It is more the sense of, if you told her to, she would not object. She would be capable of finding pleasure in it, for you—not in relation to the men involved."

"And what of her traumas? Did she bring them up?"

Raine gave Lulu her drink. "She thinks she made them all up in her mind."

Lulu drank, steadily, swallowing slowly, until she'd consumed half the glass. "I saw all of them as if they had truly happened…" Raine leaned over the bar, drinking with her. "I cannot believe the extent she has gone to repress these memories. She must not recall more than half of what she has suffered."

"Perhaps it is better that she doesn't," offered Raine. "When I watched her, I witnessed a fair amount of it. Are you certain you wish to know?"

"I must know. If she is unable to tell me, I need to see this for myself. I want to know her…all of her. Including the memories she has repressed and forgotten."

"I should also mention," added Raine, "That according to Gippal, Rikku is pregnant." Lulu drank again, taking this in. "He expressed that this has to be an exception, and it is. I cannot see the pregnancy going well for her, not until her body has acclimated to death's hold in Zanarkand. As I have warned, that will take years for everyone else. The child will not survive."

Lulu continued to drink until she finished her glass, wondering what to do with this information. She could not warn Rikku without telling her how it was she acquired the knowledge. All she could do was wait, to see if Raine's prediction would come true. Hopefully this would manifest itself as fully exceptional. She did not want to imagine Rikku suffering otherwise.

"I appreciate you doing this, Raine. I must also apologize for asking you to hide in the shadows and eavesdrop on them for my sake. I feel selfish."

"I value that trait in you. I see it as a welcome duty for me to fulfill." Raine gestured upward with her head. "Do you sense that? Someone else is here." Lulu nodded, sensing the same thing. "I advise going to collect what you're after, and then leaving as soon as possible. I have a bad feeling."

"As do I," said Lulu, standing. "It is just upstairs, on the third floor."

Together they went to the rickety stairwell, taking caution with their steps. Raine led the way, intent on protecting her sister from any pre-emptive sneak attacks. Several holes had eaten away most of the second landing, with more bodies piling along the undamaged areas of the hallway. The third landing appeared far more manageable than the second. As they walked through the hall, Lulu turned around to observe the window: the glass was broken and bleeding in the telling shape of someone having jumped through it.

At the end of the hall they reached Paine's old apartment. The door was ajar. Raine entered first, cautious, on alert. Lulu followed after her, less-so alert, entrusting her sister to stay on guard during this emotional weakness. A faint beeping sound Lulu heard from the bedroom. Lulu did not look there, uncaring of whatever that was, focused on the television sphere in the corner of the living room. She went to it as Raine began gathering the swords and uniforms along the walls, and the books upon the shelves, storing them in a spare sphere.

Next to the sphere sat a large collection of smaller ones. Behind the collection sat an even larger one inside of a transparent, red plastic container. In black marker, Paine had written in large letters:

_F_O_R_G_E_T_F_O_R_E_V_E_R_

Lulu removed the top from the container. She took one sphere in hand, setting it aside. The rest she mass-equipped to the many garment grids she wore, allocating them at random. The other collection she also equipped, uncaring for the burrowing weight they pressed upon her heart. She collected the sphere she'd moved to the side, attaching it to the appropriate space in the television in order to view it.

There began playing a recording from Paine's point of view, of about the same placement as her neck. Paine's voice sounded as thoughts ethereal upon the opening: her lying face-up beneath the dying sun of the Mi'ihen Highroad.

_I'm a secret hoarder. I've kept that to myself._

_When the secrets become so entrenched that even I forget them, I don't want to be reminded of what happened. If I told anyone else, before I forgot, there's always the chance they'll remind me. They'll tell someone else, and that person will tell more people—soon I'll have lost my identity to the grapevine, living only as bitter, red wine to be consumed by the status quo. I will only bleed as I do now, with no one around to help patch my wounds. No one…_

_I used to write to no one, before I left. Are they watching this now? _

_Baralai and Gippal are next to me. I can think through my shock. I can't move. These Al Bhed men…why are they touching me? Do they want something? Why can't I do anything—fight them off? I don't want them touching me. I don't want their hands on me… What if Baralai and Gippal wake up and decide not to help me? They could rape me. It wouldn't be much of a surprise, after what happened with Nooj…_

_Before he shot us, he said that I'm dangerous. That I'm the one that made him betray us. That if I want to blame anyone, I should take a look in the mirror and realize what I've done. He also said that we're best friends. We'll always be best friends. He said he's going to do what friends are for and help me look after myself. Nooj thinks he knows what I need, what I don't. He claims it's his responsibility to make sure I'm kept away from the things I don't need in my life. Whatever that means…_

…_how long did I pass out for? I'm awake again. Just…need to get away from them. Go back down the Highroad, back to Bevelle, back to my apartment…however long it takes… Nooj, Gippal, Baralai—I don't trust them to keep this secret to themselves. They'll spread it somehow. They're dead to me. If they're dead, they can't do anything. _

_They don't exist. We never meant anything to each other._

The recording ended Paine's thoughts. By the back-and-forth motions of the camera, Paine limped through the Highroad, alone. Lulu turned the sphere off. She could not watch all of it with such limited time. Raine had finished collecting everything she could; she hurried Lulu out of the apartment.

"Raine? What are you doing—?"

"We need to leave this place, _now_—"

Midway down the hallway, they stopped. There stood a ghoulish-looking woman in filthy clothes, one hand reached down her trousers. She touched herself, staring at Lulu with eyes impious through her matted long, dark hair. She reeked strongly of stale sex. That complexion, Lulu remembered—

"Don't leave," said Jenna, as a pained whisper. The beeping from the apartment grew louder, quicker. "My Paine asked me to kill you for good. Now you're taking her away from me. Please don't—"

Raine shoved her out of the way. "We haven't _time _for this, specter!" she shouted, pulling Lulu close. "Hold on to me!"

She became her serpent of shadows, bringing Lulu into this darkness with her. They sped through the hall to the broken window. A wide-area explosion went off the second they escaped the building. That deafening sound reached Lulu even in this space; she felt the searing heat pushing them forward and encircling in the same motion. Forward, forward Raine went, all through time; refusing to stop until she had breached Zanarkand's portal; holding onto her sister's tangible emotions through this abstractness.

—

Within Zanarkand's borders an hour before sunrise, Raine did not stop until she reached an empty public courtyard. Back in their forms, she and Lulu sat together on a bench to rest. Lulu leaned back against the wood, staring up at the obsidian sky. The sight of what had become of Paine's ex refused to leave her mind's eye. All of the spheres in her garment grids echoed within as a soft cacophony of Paine's past. She fought not to activate any of them, to not view them just yet. She appreciated that her sister did not ask questions, not even to her well-being. Enough anguish showed in her face—Raine could certainly discern as much from there without needing to say a word.

Lulu recalled again and again as she stared at the clouds above, what had motivated her to go to these lengths—Paine's words to her one year ago:

_In my dreams, I would see the same woman—with your form, your aura. She would…boss me around, romantically, mentally; sexually. She exploited my every fear without ever asking me what they were. _

She could not exploit if she did not _know _where to strike. She could not control if she did not know how heavy Paine's body would be if all of these traumas returned to her. To think that Raine knew all—or most of them—simply from watching her for so long: those twinges of envy returned to Lulu, entangling and constricting as ivy thick around her veins.

"Raine," spoke Lulu, breaths coming out as mist in this cold air, "Do you object to my marrying her because you know of her past—more than she remembers of it? Is it anything to do with her character, her mistakes? Or is it something else?"

Her sister leaned back against the bench the same way; their eyes perhaps focused on the same cloud. "I worry for what's to become of you both," she said, tone unrevealing. "However possible it may be to avoid…I know it is inevitable. I vow to do all I can to protect you. My objection merely stems from the truth that the future is unpredictable. I cannot say anything more than that. Mother has forbidden it."

"You hold no grudges against her? No judgments or scrutiny based on what she has been through?"

"None, I can assure you. I trust that she will see to your happiness. I only worry for your sanity, for hers."

What their mother forbade—Lulu sensed this was all her sister kept from her, nothing more. She could not blame Raine for her silence on the matter.

Lulu closed her eyes to rest. "My sanity…why would you worry for such a thing?" she asked lightly. "This is the second time I can remember someone bringing this up, the first being Yuna while we journeyed through the Calm Lands to the city. Her assumptions I dismissed—yours, however, I take as valid concerns. So tell me."

"The demons in your study will consume you, should you not find other outlets for it."

"Oh?" mused Lulu, amused; delirious by the nightmares of recent memories. "What would you suggest? I'm curious."

"You mentioned…you are in search of work," replied Raine, moving to rest her head over Lulu's lap. "Perhaps you should heighten your search. A career in which you are able to express yourself differently than writing and music—I believe…this will suit you best. Play to your strengths, build memories…"

Lulu wanted to ask—_what of Paine's sanity_? Yet she could not; she had fallen asleep before her lips could form the words, before her mind could solidify the reminder to ask once she awoke again.

The following week, she and Raine walked together once more—this time with Paine, Gippal, Elysia and Fran. Snow and wind had hit particularly hard that afternoon, prompting Lulu to wear her black coeurl fur coat—without the hood. One of the final preparations for the wedding included the matter of photography—Elysia had taken care of this for them; the photographer had merely requested a casual session to get a better look at who it was he would be photographing. Lulu only thought it odd that her mother had hired a photographer from a modeling agency. She could already see the large building of glass windows protruding high in the sky from several blocks away.

The Gullwings had chosen to watch Vidina that day, having complained recently of not getting to spend enough time with him in between his training sessions with his aunt. She recalled how attached he had grown to Paine since the pet incident last week. Thinking about it stung, to realize that Vidina either held a grudge against her or simply could not handle her strictness. Yet she could not find any reasons to fall into leniency in parenting him—he needed to learn the value of honesty…one she and Paine chose to manipulate with one another on a regular basis. So much so that Paine did not walk with her—she stayed with Gippal, letting Elysia stay on her arm instead. The three of them laughed with one another; over _what,_ Lulu cared not.

She and Paine had rarely spoken since her father's arrival. They had not had sex since that morning. Lulu knew Paine did not suspect she had returned to the present Bevelle. Whatever grudge she chose to hold could not faze Lulu; the wedding would go on, regardless. All would mend by then—or, at least, enough.

Fran moved from Elysia's other side, going to Raine's. "How is it that you hold stubbornness identical as sisters not twinned?" she asked. Raine refused to regard her. Lulu noticed this, smiling a little. "Raine, you'll not achieve your goals by silence, if this persists."

"My goals align with Zanarkand's military, and with my family," spoke Raine to the snow. "None else."

"And it is I who supplies your summoners with staves of exceptional Viera make," countered Fran. "You care not for supplying me with the make of your body as payment?"

Lulu covered her mouth, turning her head to laugh quietly.

Raine tensed her jaw; remained free of reaction otherwise. "I am no whore, Fran," she warned. "You will stop these efforts, else you'll need replacing. I know not who you are anymore. The woman I once knew cared not for these trifling endeavors of wooing another."

Fran edged her claw-like nails along the snowflakes caught in Raine's hair, easing through to her neck. "That woman took time to learn that forward efforts suit you best," she said, close to her ear. "You'll not see beauty and chase after it. You'll not charm, or attract with signals known to all else. 'Tis your rigidness that makes me yearn for your strength."

"You would seduce an elder tree for its rigidness and strength as well, then?" asked Raine, without moving away.

"The tree would not flee."

Raine said nothing more, and did not flee from that touch.

Lulu made a mental note to ask her about Fran, later; to tease her transparency with this game.

When they arrived to the tall building, Raine held the door open for Lulu, first, and everyone followed. To her credit, Paine moved ahead with Elysia to walk at Lulu's side this time. The warm smell of freshly-cleaned carpet and printed paper reached Lulu's nose, a welcome contrast to the cold outside. A number of glass signs lined the busy lobby, marking in expressive font the name of the company as _Eyevine. _The name brought back memories of Paine's rich musings of vines and grapevines.

Elysia directed the way to the photographer's studio on the first floor. Several Viera walked to and fro through the area, most carrying stacks of paperwork or in stern discussion with a co-worker. Some recognized Fran, taking a moment to look away from their work to greet her, only to stare at Lulu, Elysia and Raine. Most focused their attention on Lulu: her coat, her dress underneath, her jewels, her hair and makeup. A Human woman in typical secretary attire chatting on her wireless promptly dropped her mug of coffee upon seeing her, the glass shattering to the floor in a pool of caffeine. Several similar stories played through the lobby as more and more employees noticed her.

"The heck's goin' on?" asked Gippal, uneasy by the growing stares and whispers. "Are we…not supposed to be here or something? The door was unlocked!"

Fran clarified, "They have discovered a fine fortune, it seems. It shows easiest in the Viera."

"Fortune?" said Paine, scowling at the rudeness around them. "What _fortune_ do you mean?"

"The one you are to marry in a fortnight."

They soon reached the wide-open studio, where the photographer sat in his chair in the center, surrounded by colleagues and a few female models. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed the group enter. He approached them, distracted by a few colleagues following after him. Lulu looked up and around to the green screen that covered the far wall, and the many lights shining in the area. She wondered what had taken place in such a room, other than photography. Surely a room so spacious had to have more than one use.

The man flicked the brown falls of hair from his steel-colored eyes, using his muscled arms to shoo his co-workers away. "Yeah, yeah, okay, I got it—look, my clients are here!" he said in a huff, un-sticking his black muscle shirt to air the sweat from his chest. "Can we finish this later—?"

He took one look at Lulu; his annoyance vanished on the spot. His eyes widened in wonder as he batted his eyelashes several times, staring at her as though she held the singular answer to all of his troubles.

Elysia cleared her throat. "You are Leon, the photographer I hired?" she asked, short with him. Leon regarded her, as if removed from his fantasy. When he noticed the resemblance between mother and daughter, the dreams returned to his face. "Yes, then, stare as you wish. You know who I am—this is my daughter who is to be married, Lulu—"

"Lulu," repeated Leon, in pure bliss. "Lulu! Lulu, yes, yes, you _are _the one! Absolutely perfect!"

Lulu scowled at his hysterics, suddenly reminded of Brother. "I beg your pardon?"

Leon turned to his colleagues, gesturing wildly. "Why didn't you _tell _me?!" he demanded. "Someone get Fleur down here RIGHT now! She needs to see this!" He turned back to them as his co-workers hurried out of the studio. Leon's sight fluttered all over Lulu, taking in her style, thoroughly. "Oh. My. Goodness!"

"What _ever_ is so entertaining, young man?" inquired Elysia, most irate by now. Paine fought not to demand the same thing. "Have we missed something? Do inform us, before I take more permanent measures to stop your incessant staring. My daughter is not an item!"

"No, my lady, she is a gem," said Leon, with a smile so syrupy it made Paine scoff. "Oh… Are you her fiancée?" he asked, studying her now. His eyes lit up anew. "Oh! That leather…yes, and her belts… Both beautiful, long hair, short hair, different personalities…this is genius!"

Another Viera stormed in the room, her high heels a rushed sound against the near-transparent floor. Behind her wake fluttered her length of shimmering blonde hair; her long, rabbit-like ears of the same shade stood at attention atop her head. Her sharp white blouse and scarlet pencil skirt she wore tight around her tall frame. The deep blue of her wide eyes darkened as she made it to Leon's side.

"What is going on?!" demanded the Viera, Fleur, gesturing her claws with impatience. "I cannot come rushing down each time the office believes they have made a discovery! Do you remember how much gil we lost on the last…"

She trailed off when she noticed Lulu. The same stars to her eyes, the same flutter of her eyelashes she gave her. Paine smirked, clearly on to something in her head.

"Fleur," said Leon, smirking, "This is Lulu, Lady Elysia's daughter. Do you remember how much you wanted to hire the Lady Elysia for a shoot?"

Elysia held her hand up. "Fleur, I did not come here for this," she insisted.

"Then your daughters did?" asked Fleur, the lilt of her voice pushy in her hopefulness. She studied Raine. "I have also wanted your youngest…"

Raine frowned, cutting that ambition from Fleur's face straightaway. "I am Judge Magister, and Commander of Zanarkand's army," she stated. "I am not available for hire."

Fleur waved her hand, dismissing Leon to return to his colleagues. "So you are, Your Honor," she conceded, crisp. "You will forgive my intrusions. As corporate executive, I must always be alert for opportunities for my company." Her eyes returned to Lulu, to Paine. "The two of you…could make for quite the sexy cover… Your faces lend themselves very well to film—deceiving features, yet undeniable in their beauty." She nodded, pleased with her observations, stepping forward to study Lulu's attire further. "My lady, where did you purchase your coat? It is absolutely stunning, if I do say…"

Paine answered for her, smirking all the while, "I made it for her."

"Oh!" said Fleur, awestruck. "And her dress? Are you a licensed designer? Would you be interested in—"

Elysia's patience could no longer hold. "I'll not say this once more—we did not come for this," she admonished.

"My lady—that is simply part of the beauty!" spoke Fleur, animated. "Your daughter, Lulu—" She looked to her; "Are you unemployed? Eyevine is the most esteemed high fashion corporation in all of Spira—we can by all means make up for any lack of income. Are you interested in modeling? You have the perfect look for it! Why, you are the fusion of a fashion model and a black mage! The Creator above made you this way on paper first, and now here you are!"

Lulu could think of nothing to say. Paine's smirking certainly made sense now—she'd had this in mind for some minutes now. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed Gippal's grinning, his thoughts likely wandering to the same places. Elysia threw her hands up in concession to Fleur's efforts, waiting for her daughter to instead make a decision for herself.

Now that she thought about it, this profession aligned precisely with the concept she'd had in mind ever since she and Paine had first discussed her career options. Yet this result she had not expected at all.

"I've never given it much thought," said Lulu at last. Fleur's smile widened all the more. "It seems too eccentric and dramatic for someone of my…personality. I'm not one to take orders."

The sigh Fleur let out sounded as she had just consumed the most delectable of foods. "My lady, as C.E.O. of the company, I will say this now: orders need not be an issue," she assured. Lulu raised an eyebrow at such a promise, interested in hearing more. "I am the one in need here. Eyevine may be number one in the industry, but it is not by much. I admit that we are in decline. I feel strongly that you will be the one who can lead us out of this—your look, your attitude, your style, your status. Therefore, I am willing to accommodate anything you require to make this a seamless transition for you. For runway _and_ shoots, your pay can be very high—we can discuss commitments and contracts with your say-so."

"That is quite the proposition," noted Lulu, intrigued by Fleur's forwardness. "An attractive one all the same, however unused I am to these things. I'll need to think it over."

"I am a business woman who follows her instincts," said Fleur, beaming in satisfaction as she handed Lulu her card. "Take your time. Your beloved mother has also invited me to your wedding—I shall be there to coerce you further if need be…" Fleur took one last look in Lulu's eyes. "What I see here—your troubles, your thoughts: they speak to the edge of your character. It is truly…revolutionary."

After leaving Eyevine, they all decided to sit down for a late lunch at a nearby restaurant. The ambiance and environment of the establishment reminded Lulu of a forest fused with civilization: even the walls had blended as illusions of wilderness, of verdant greens and the crisp aroma of oak and leaves. In this district, the Viera's presence had marked the architecture and style of the area, mimicking the Woods they once lived in long before. The Viera here stared as the others had before, most whispering to their neighbor on Elysia's presence with her daughters.

Lulu sat between her sister and Paine at the circular table in the corner by the snowy window. Elysia across from her pretended to pay the attention no mind. In silence she listened to Gippal's efforts to persuade her of the positives in this possible line of work for her daughter. Fran at Raine's other side did not chime in with her thoughts; Lulu suspected she was to blame for her sister's leg jerking in surprise against her dress every so often. Into the glass of her water, Lulu hid her smile well enough, pondering.

Over her thigh, she felt Paine's hand pressing, caressing. Quietly, Paine said, "Lulu, at least tell me you're thinking about this… It could be amazing."

"For whom?" asked Lulu, her lips moving closer to Paine's ear, to whisper, "For me, or for you? That smirk you had on spoke your thoughts to me. You would have me enter a line of work to suit your vanity." When Paine tried to look innocent, Lulu rolled her eyes. "Your _trophy wife _as a fashion model. Surely that appeals to your ego. Your innocence fools no one."

With a laugh, Paine shook her head. "_Trophy wife_? You're the one who said it, not me," she said, shedding blame. Lulu laughed with her, their earlier grudges forgotten. "Really, Lulu…you'd get to wear all kinds of outfits you wouldn't find anywhere else, ones you might love. Think of all the pictures I'd get to have of you—the kind you would've never taken before."

"Your fascination with photography and film is curious," said Lulu, thinking back to a number of cues.

"I like keeping track of my memories, in case I want to revisit them later," explained Paine, oblivious to the reasons behind this change of subject. As she needed to be. "Sometimes just thinking about them isn't enough. I want to be able to see them like I was there again. Back when I didn't have much to look forward to, I could re-watch old recordings of happier times. It helped me get through a lot."

"Hmm…I see," came Lulu's lukewarm response.

"Don't get me wrong," Paine went on, "I recorded some things I'm not proud of… It feels like it was easier to forget those, because I told myself they were just…" She paused, thinking. "…just spheres in a corner, instead of actual experiences in my heart. Forgetting was all I could do to cope when going back to my better times wasn't enough…"

Raine gave Paine the shortest, warning stare she could manage, as if to say her coping methods were sub-par. Paine did not notice, back to staring at her plate in between trying to eat.

Lulu could find little to relate to with that logic—her life had been very peaceful, easy, especially growing up in Besaid, save for the deaths of her parents, of Chappu, of Lady Ginnem, of others.. What few problems she did have, she internalized them. She reflected on them until she rose above them, to the point where they were problems no longer. She tackled them head-on, heart and mind planted firmly until she reached a solution. Such a contrast to Paine's hit-and-run tactics—exactly the way she fought in battle.

She could not chastise Paine for her decisions, for her manner in dealing with things. Because of this, Lulu felt that discussing what she'd learned was simply out of the question. Mentioning anything—her parents in Guadosalam, the fate of her ex, the spheres she had equipped to her garment grids and how they wept within her: Lulu could not find the heart to confront her love on any of these. If she preferred to forget about them, Lulu felt it was not her place to object, to bring them up again; to force her brand of logic on Paine to use instead of running away.

All she could do was show her over time—to give Paine the option of confronting them, even only in an abstract way.

Those words Paine had spoken to her, in the dressphere of her coat, served as justification:

_I wish I remembered exactly how she did all of that to me. I want to tell you. I'm sure it has something to do with how I've always thought of you as my cruel mistress. As the embodiment of my vile wants…whatever those are. Maybe one day, you can show me what those are. I trust you with my life._


	33. Bachelorettes

_Fuck tradition._

Ablaze, moving. Standing in place, dancing enflamed. Leather against leather: hips, ass. Friction by the beat: heavy, jagged, continuous, high fury. Overdrive's humid crowd—center. Lulu's leather cinched waist Paine gripped with palms sweating. Breaths panted out on length of hair. Sweat poured down their necks and faces. With Lulu's presses of her hot palms over gripping hands, Paine moaned. Sweating red silk from Lulu's blouse, beneath her waist-cincher, Paine breathed. Bending blood red leather from Lulu's thigh-high boots, Paine stared down at. How they matched—as the Domme, and her warrior slave. Higher she gazed at Lulu's cleavage moving, contained in this beat.

First, first time grinding at this pace. Paine's stamina persevered by this welcome shock. That Lulu could keep up with her. That Lulu shook her ass hard, right. This grinding against Paine's shorts, Lulu sharpened as innuendo. Paine's hands, Lulu guided over her breasts, to hold. Paine looked ahead, saw Gippal dancing with Rikku. He gave a thumbs-up to her—_wink_. Ego boosted. Tomorrow morning she would have the highest surge. With Lulu's declaration, her vow to marry her before all of Zanarkand.

As the song slowed, Lulu directed them through the crowd to the nearest wall. Chilled, blackened stone met Paine's back. Lulu pressed against her, breathing hot against the sweat dripping down her face. They stayed in place, catching one another's breaths to rejuvenate.

"Where did you learn to dance like that?" asked Paine. She laughed in her amazement—never did she imagine she would have the chance to have Lulu's ass moving against her at such a rapid rhythm. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you've been practicing with someone else…"

"I'm a fast learner," was all Lulu said, enigmatic. She pressed her wet, ice-cold hands to Paine's skin. "This should cool you off," she said, her eyes following the strokes of her spelling touch. Lulu noticed Paine's snort of laughter. "Hm?"

One of her signature lines, Paine recalled—she couldn't help it, "Ice, ice baby."

Lulu laughed into Paine's neck; laughed right with her. "Are you going to say that each time I do this? I'll be a little worried if it motivates you to go become a rapper."

"I can't believe you know where it's from," said Paine, teasing with eyes apprehensive. "Are you sneaking off to go learn all my secrets when I'm at work? This is a little too suspicious…"

"Maybe I do," Lulu teased back. Paine rolled her eyes in good-humor. "Breaking the fourth wall _is _your specialty, love. I remember these things. You enjoy breaking walls in general, after all."

With Paine's groan, the song ended; the crowd turned to listen to the Dominatrix on stage. "_Damn_, Lulu that was _one _time!" she said; Lulu laughed anew. Ice water dripped down Paine's top. Lulu bent down to lick up the rivulets along her stomach. With shudders from that cold-hot mix, Paine held her there. "And now…why do I get the feeling…you're up to something?" Taking her time, as always—Lulu's tongue and lips lingered, moving lower. "Lulu…what is it? Don't keep me waiting like this…"

Along the waistband of this leather, Lulu whispered with breaths alone what she wanted.

Upon the stage of this side of the club, the acoustics allowed the Dominatrix to speak at level volume; for Paine to hear her all the way from this wall. "_Any volunteers for a sexy scene tonight?_"

The crowd loved volunteering her and Lulu. Only the first time did Lulu concede to that pressure, willingly. This time, Lulu did not wait for Paine's submissive permission—she took her by the hand, and walked with her to the stage. They all knew—everyone there knew she and Lulu were to be married the following day, that they had broken tradition by spending this night together. She had the distinct feeling that this was no mere volunteering on Lulu's part—the angled table with chains, the metal chair in the center, and aluminum lining the far wall appeared too ideal beneath the red lights. What Paine kept catching between those goads and stomps of boots was the moniker they had set for Lulu:

_Mistress Fury_

No one touched her as she passed. No one could, as per etiquette, as per protocol and respect to her, to Lulu. Some collarless men eyed her openly, their hands in their deep pockets. Gippal, Rikku, Yuna, Lightning, Fang, Brother—she and Lulu passed all of them, all of their different expressions. All encouraging, save for Lightning's unease and Yuna's uncertainty. They had no idea what this meant, save for Jecht; Paine felt her own confusion as theirs all the same. Nerves for tomorrow, nerves for now all merged as one, forcing Paine to pace her steps to keep from showing her anxiety.

When they made it to the stage, the crowd fell into respectful silence. Paine stopped when Lulu let go of her hand, limbs tense, pride strong. All of their friends had weaved their way to the front. She had to ignore them—all focus on her Mistress. Nothing about this novelty could get in the way of that.

Lulu sat down on the chair facing the crowd. "_Kneel_," she said.

Paine obeyed. She waited. These moments Lulu gave her, regarding her in waiting—she knew how much Paine needed them. With a club full of eyes on them, with a good deal of Zanarkand's kinky population watching, Paine had to make certain that this was real. That beneath that red silk Lulu's heart pounded as hers did all the same, knowing that they had never showed this to anyone before.

Yet this opportunity presented a challenge to Paine—one she could not back down from.

She shifted and kept her attention on Lulu. Completely. Lulu's every breath, blink; her thoughts by the subtle shine in her eyes. Without a doubt, Paine could tell that Lulu wanted to use this stage to the fullest—to challenge her, as she wanted to be. Now if only Paine could keep this joined wavelength through the excess attention on them.

"We're going to do things differently tonight," Lulu informed her, strict—practiced. "You have a penchant for proving yourself to me—how much pain you can handle. Now all of these people are watching. They're looking forward to seeing how much of a pain slut you are." Pink tinted Paine's ears. Because of the truth; because she could not say anything back. "_Present_."

Standing now, hands folded behind her head, Paine kept her eyes forward as Lulu circled around her. Exact angle, perpendicular, she maintained in her arms. Shoulder-width stance, to Lulu's expectations. No injuries since their last play session. Lulu's hand, she felt along the back of her head, pressing down her body, down her leather top, down her lower back—stopping there. Lulu's other hand did the same, ridding Paine of the faint traces of anxiety she held with this exhibitionism. When Lulu moved in front of her, breaking character to kiss her fully, relaxation took over.

Lulu's makeup, her perfumed and ice-sweat skin, Paine breathed in, ears and face tinted this time. So many watching. It wasn't only them anymore. _Everyone _could see now who she belonged to, and why.

Relaxation remained. She trusted Lulu—that was all that mattered.

Lulu took her seat again, eyes set on Paine's shorts. "Pull them down," she ordered, "Enough to show off the new thong I bought for you."

That trust rung and sung as loudly as it could; leather sounded the same against Paine's thighs as she pulled down her shorts. Just enough, per Lulu's order. Just enough to expose the black lace, more skin; _her_. She felt too many eyes there, trying to tear her focus away. She would not let them win.

"_Expose Ass_, over my lap, head and hands near the edge of the stage."

Face-down, Paine straddled Lulu's hips. Convoluted upon first attempt, yet elegant in its execution; Paine had her navel along Lulu's lap, back arching down, arms outstretched and hands on top of one another just at the end of the stage. Her legs she kept bent, heels in the air parallel to Lulu's body. With her head down, she heard contained pants from the audience; barely-audible sighs of pleasured eyes.

The pointed back of Lulu's hand, Paine felt pressed along her ribs, keeping her steady. Smooth rubs of her ass she felt, soothing, warming up. Though she stayed still, Paine _wanted _to move her ass into that touch, to have more of it. One warming spank was enough to make her groan. Another, and more, all progressively harder, around her ass, around the clock in rhythm had Paine hissing for more. For Lulu used such a hard, firm hand with her, handling Paine with the deftness of one who must have, somehow, lived in her body before.

Listening to this repetition set her to trance; when Lulu brought her wrist and hand down _hard_, Paine did not cry out. Internalized, save for sucking breaths and more hissing: Paine took more of the same, keeping it inside to get to know it better. To have this from Lulu, she could not let it out or give it away by screaming as she used to. Unless Lulu wanted her to scream—that was different.

Lulu paced herself, slowing to rub, to admire the redness she'd caused. The breather lasted for but a few seconds before Lulu continued harder, with far more sting than before. Paine breathed it in, taking it as normal—until Lulu started speaking to her again.

"Don't think that just because you can handle this that it means you're suited to handle everything else," she warned, her hand landing down with the most resounding _slap_. "You have no idea… Count."

This—hurt like hell, yet Paine sucked it in anyway, gasping out, "One, Mistress—"

_Harder_— "Two, Mistress—"

Lulu's strength increased out of nowhere, exponential, making Paine pant, "Three, Mistress—"

_How could she hit any harder than this…? _"…four, Mistress—"

So fucking hard Paine wondered if Lulu's hand had become a palm of needles— "Five, Mistress…"

Out of breath from sucking, taking, she could not stop the loudness of her groan with this last, "…six…Mistress…"

"You're going soft," said Lulu, unimpressed as she made to stand. Paine's heart sank. "We'll need to fix that." She pointed to the aluminum against the wall behind the chair. "Stand against it—_Present_. This should cool your skin off, at least for the moment." Quickly, with grace, with her shorts hanging off, Paine complied. The chill of against her ass helped, however sudden it was, making it difficult to stay in place. "Look at me." So much anger there…why? "You are to stay completely still while I do this."

Lulu procured her Fire Moomba doll. Without warning, a wall of fire blazed toward Paine, engulfing the air around her; warping it to heat unimaginable. The aluminum caught fire around her, folding as it burned. An illusion of fire consuming her skin caught Paine; the audience failing to contain their shock caught her ears through this temperature. All of her willpower and trust it took to not move, to fight off her panic. Though the flames outlined her body as if burning to death, she no longer felt its dangers.

As a flaming lens, she saw through to Lulu's eyes. She stared there, holding onto Lulu's aptitude with the elements, as trust. Yet soon the sweltering began—beads of sweat poured down her face, collecting beneath the leather over her skin.

"I'm curious to know," spoke Lulu, her voice reaching Paine through these flames, "How much you can take tonight. It's rather unfair—you know I have mastered fire. That is your safety net. But what if I made a mistake—?"

Between her, Paine's thong caught fire, heat tickling her sex; she could not fight back this scream, of shock, of suddenness. She wanted to squirm, to somehow move away from those flames far too close.

"Quite the deliberate mistake. I'm surprised you didn't scream louder. Will you beg me to stop?"

Nearing blazes loomed just over her body, poised to burn on Lulu's command. Closer they came, trapping, teasing with tastes of pain yet to come. Smoke did not cloud her mouth or nose, yet she could no longer breathe. Paine refused to beg Lulu for anything, unless she specifically demanded it. That would mean admitting to weakness. She could not; could not beg for a return to safety.

Yet she _wanted_, for survival's sake.

With that thought, Lulu extinguished the flames. Her heels sounded on the stage, closer; she pulled Paine's shorts up amid that excess sweat. She held Paine to her, cooling her off by water-touch. Lulu whispered in her ear, "You are stubborn, love…your pride will be the death of you, one of these days."

Over Lulu's shoulder, Paine saw the awestruck crowd there. Whatever their expressions, their silence, Paine ignored them, moving to breathe in the comfort of Lulu's hair. For a time, Lulu only held her. Gunfire sounded outside; calls of the police storming inside. Panic spread through the crowd, ending the scene. Yuna and the others ran up on stage, pulling Paine and Lulu down and outside with them. Too many people; Paine could not keep up with the chaos; storm shields and guns overwhelmed, with shouts of "_Deviants!_" all through the building.

The same surge of energy from Lulu's barrier during the tournament, Paine felt encircle her once more. Afterward, Gippal yanked her one way; she lost Lulu somewhere in the crowd; Yuna shouted Lulu's name again and again; Fang claimed to have a hold on her; Paine did _not _believe her, trying to push back; the mess had them fleeing through the back door, out to the snowy night, to Gippal's car; Rikku shoved her in the backseat, reminding her that Lulu would be all right with Fang, that they had to go.

"What the HELL are you doing?!" snapped Paine, in the middle seat in the back; Rikku and Brother sat at either side of her, holding on to her. "Let _go _of me! How am I supposed to know Fang's really with her?"

Yuna turned to face her from the passenger's seat. "We have to believe!" she said, as Gippal took off for the skies. "They'll catch up later in Lightning's car, Paine. Don't worry! You should really put your seatbelt on, it's dangerous…"

Paine gripped the sides of Gippal's seat, of Yuna's seat, clenching them in her rage. "_Believing _isn't enough, Yuna!" she spat, shoving away Rikku's efforts to buckle her seatbelt for her. "I don't need to put this stupid seatbelt on, Rikku! Stop it! How can you all be so insensitive?! We're leaving my fiancée behind because you're too _fucking _scared of a little gunfire?! I can't believe you!"

"Paine, calm down, will ya?!" cried Gippal. "I can't drive with you in a fit!" He ascended higher to escape the cops on their tail. "And will you put your seatbelt on? I don't want anything happening to you—"

"So you want _me _safe but you don't give a fuck enough about Lulu to at least _wait _for her, for Fang, for Lightning?" When Gippal gave no answer, instead driving higher, higher, over the buildings and highways alike, Paine lunged forward. She tried to grab the controls, to set the car back down. "Take me back there _right now, _you coward! I won't let you take me away from her!"

Brother tried to grab her, to pull her back. "Hey, hey, HEY!" he said, wrestling with her, "Can't you see we're in deep shit?! We go back now, we're done for! Is that what you want?!"

Paine shoved him back in his seat. "I'll take all of you down with me if that's what it takes… I _said _turn back!"

"Paine, I _can't_!" said Gippal, turning around in his seat now. "Did you see how many fucking cops are after us?! It's an army of them back there! You have to trust that she'll be okay! Why wouldn't she be?!"

_I can't leave her behind, I can't leave her behind, I love her, I can't, I have to go back—_

"What—?!" Rikku pushed Paine back in her seat, keeping her from lunging for the door. "Are you out of your mind?! You can't just jump out the car! If you fall, you'll die! Don't you see how high up we are! Don't do something you'll regret later!"

"You're taking me away from her—that's ALL I care about right now! This isn't right!"

"Paine, _please_!" urged Yuna, desperate. "We don't want to lose you! You have to _believe_—!"

Deafening impact of momentum against invisible inertia; the car stopped of a sudden, tail rising up as whiplash; twisted metal and screams; Paine's momentum kept going forward, sending her straight through the windshield as a strident squall of scarlet shattered glass to the snowing skies.

The nearest ledge from a building—gripped on to. She hung by her fingertips for mere seconds, the snow there rendering her hold suspect, waking to the situation—that she had not died, that Lulu's barrier had again saved her life, that she was stupid for not putting her fucking seatbelt on; indiscernible phantoms dashed by, throwing her back to the wind to fall, fall, body curling, blood dripping, life pumping through her as the ground neared and neared face-first with her life goals ambitions memories all flashing through her wide eyes loudly as never to be fulfilled or remembered again to never kiss Lulu again know the taste of her lipstick hold her or smile with her fuck her love her be with her see with her experience with first days walking with each other in Besaid to her funeral now couldn't apologize never to her marry her no children no daughters no Vidina no Gullwings no friends no fucking parents no Nooj no confusion nihilism nothing nothing nothing her loss making Lulu widowed the night before their wedding as her fault her fault her fault for losing her for leaving her how she would cry in her wedding dress to be wed to death because of this mistake that gravity could not stop this vertigo could not reverse this barrier would not save her life would not keep her alive she would fall to the ground so close fall so close fall closer fall closer closer fall too close fall she could smell the asphalt fall anticipating the impact fall how it would maim her face fall to kill her on impact fall fall fall fall fall fall fall to _die_—

—_millimeters_ before her face smashed to the ground, a serpent of black engulfed her, saving her, slithering at speeds unfathomable back up to the skies, dodging those threats unseen to Paine's eyes even in this darkness. Higher this shadow took her, to the top of a building, to set her down. Trembling, Paine sat, hands propped behind her, gasping for air, for reason, for life. Gunfire and chaos still rang in the far distance. She turned over and curled up to the snow beneath her, unable to support herself. There she saw boots of darksteel, that armor—of Raine kneeling down at her side, casting white magic spells over her wounds.

"Raine…?" she managed, her sight reddened by the blood trickling down her temple. "How did you…?"

"I apologize for not catching you sooner," spoke Raine, increasing the potency of her spells. "It is more difficult for me to navigate in the snow. My affinity thrives best on untouched ground and skies in the night. Nevertheless, it will make a compelling story to tell one day."

Paine could see as normal again, that blood cleared from her irises. "Why did you save me?" she asked, recalling that ruthlessness to kill during the tournament. "I thought…"

"My motivations have changed since then. I cannot simply allow you to die the day before you are to marry my sister. She would have been most devastated, beyond repair." Raine moved to mend the gaping, the bleeding over Paine's back. "This is the second time she has saved your life with this barrier. It is undeniable this time. You should be grateful for her foresight. As am I."

"You make it sound like you care about me…"

Raine smiled at her. "That is quite the accusation," she said, light. "You'd rather I say nothing?"

"No, of course not…" Paine shifted with Raine's assistance, to stand with her. "You just—you always seemed like you didn't like me or trust me at all. If that was the case, I'm having a hard time seeing why you'd go to such lengths to keep me from dying."

"My sister loves you. That is reason enough, Your Honor," said Raine, in a final tone. Paine was satisfied enough with that, for now, and said her thanks. "If you will change into your armor, we can go and collect her. She and a few of your friends are being held at the closest police department. I will explain how to handle the situation on the way."

Before they left, Paine called Gippal on his wireless, to make sure he was alive; he and everyone still in his car were okay, having escaped the police somehow. Through their cries of disbelief that she was okay, she had them promise to lay low until she called them again.

Minutes later, they arrived to the exterior of the packed building. Several citizens clad in leather, latex catsuits, collars, chains, and various other kinky outfits were brought into the department in handcuffs. Most tried to fight against the restraints, trying to run; shouting the evils of this violation of basic rights. Inside Paine went, following behind Lulu's sister, into the brightness of the interior, past the front office and to the holding cells around the corner. She could hear the arrogant tones of former Judge Magister Bergan, now demoted to district attorney; how he barked at those in the cells down the hall:

"Insolent deviants!" he spat, sporting severe burns along his left side. "I'll not have you destroying the purity of this holy city! How many times need we shut down your hole in the wall before the point becomes clear?! Those of _your life choices _are not allowed here!"

"Bergan," said Raine, authoritative, "You will stop this power-hungry farce. You can do better than discrimination to regain your power. Need I remind you it was discrimination toward Judge Nyte that saw your title stripped from you mere months ago?"

"Elysia's daughter—of such young blood, how _dare _you speak down to me! The recent bill I have passed says very much otherwise! Are you not familiar with the changes, Your Honor? Or have you been preoccupied with your dalliances in the Otherworld to have noticed what is becoming of Zanarkand?"

"I am most familiar with them, Bergan. You are also in the presence of family of one inmate. You will present your argument to us. This is the only time we will listen."

Bergan sneered at Paine, not recognizing her face behind her helm; the make of her armor, he did remember. "So you are the black mage's fiancée, Judge Magister Nyte," he noted, blasé. "She is up for sentencing for inflicting severe harm on a public official." _Well, you fucking deserved it…_ "As for the matter of the _rest _of her kind, they have violated the religious sanctity of our precious city! More and more living citizens belonging to New Yevon are coming to Zanarkand with the aid of their unsent allies, fleeing the civil war ravaging Spira in their present time. We must set an example for them! They cannot feel safe here, knowing that any moment a vile _deviant _may decide to be indecent nearby! The _privacy _of that club, Overdrive, does not hold. The advertisements are too public, too open…"

He trailed off when he knew his argument held no bearings.

"You are overruled," said Paine, controlled—and that was that. Bergan lowered his head, vengeful. "Release the prisoners."

One by one, Bergan unlocked the cells; nearby officers removed the handcuffs from each person and sent them on their way.

"As Judge Magister," spoke Raine, following after him, "I declare that your bill now stands vetoed. Release the prisoners and end the raids. Dismiss your officers involved from duty. A formal hearing will be conducted to decide your fate, Bergan. This manner of prejudice will not be tolerated."

His objections were clear, how he fought not to criminalize himself further by retorting. Several prisoners spat on him on their way out, calling him names, threatening to inflict harm upon him, with Fang and Lightning being released among them. Raine moderated these, urging them to return home. Paine's patience thinned each time a cell opened, and Lulu was not inside, reminding her of her distress in Gippal's car to return to her—that distress that had nearly killed her. At this rate, she must have been held at the very end of the hall. Hurried footsteps sounded down the hall, nearing, of metal one pair, and of heels another.

"You are finished in this city, Bergan!" said Gabranth, at his wife's side. "I knew you were the one to blame for this mess! Are you so burned by your forced resignation that you will do anything to lick the boots of any who may offer you more power?"

When Began appeared not to have heard him, Elysia ordered Shiva front and center. The moment he opened the door to Lulu's cell, Shiva sent a blizzard's fury of _Diamond Dust _at him, freezing him in place. Elysia's aeon snapped her fingers; the glass shattered, as did Began's body. An echo of Gippal's windshield breaking with her body's impact played again in Paine's head, unwelcome. Lulu stepped outside, eyes wide in shock; Paine went to her, quickly, crossing the frozen shards on the ground to hold her. All else stood forgotten with Lulu's arms around her again.

Paine held her tighter, unwilling to let go of this relief. "I'm so sorry I lost you," she said, breathing in that earthen smell of Lulu's hair through her helm. "Everything got so hectic; Gippal pulled me away and drove off without you… I was pissed as hell."

"You're shaking," said Lulu, quiet, running her hands down the back of Paine's armor. "It's all right now, love… Unless something happened…?"

"Elysia!" cried Gabranth, over their conversation, "You have killed him! Are you possessed—?"

"You will deal with it, Noah," said Elysia, too calm as Shiva returned to her side. "I have wanted to kill him for months now. He crossed the line, yet again. Too far this time…"

Impatient, Gabranth bowed. "By your orders, my wife," he declared. Raine scowled and left, unnoticed.

"I don't wanna talk about it here," said Paine, her periphery catching Raine's leave. She mouthed a _thank you _to her back. "I'll call Gippal, have him drop you off at home…" Though the truth of the matter was that Paine cared not for sleeping without Lulu, all the way on the other side of the city. Whatever tradition said about not spending the night together, Paine knew she could not abide by this tonight. "…then again, I'd rather stay with you. Fuck tradition…"

Back in her warrior dressphere, Paine sat in the back of Gippal's wrecked car, her head resting over Lulu's lap this time. He had not yet replaced his windshield, driving slowly through that bloodied sight with minimal wind and snow passing through. The vehicle veered in the air, barely functional; Gippal claimed he would fix it soon. Rikku sat in the passenger's seat, turning around every so often to gaze down at her in concern. She and Gippal spoke of their panic when they believed she had died, talking about it as if it were a passing dream. The chill from outside kept her cooled off from the night's events.

When Gippal dropped them off on their terrace, he called out to Paine, "Hey, don't worry about the whole tradition thing! I'll cover for you. Might be better to take your car tomorrow… Make sure to call me before Lulu's mother gets there! She'll throw a fit if she finds out you two spent the night together!"

Rikku waved goodbye as Gippal took off. "See you tomorrow! Everything'll be perfect! I can't wait!"

Paine nodded to them, thankful enough for their discretion. She walked to the railing, placing her hands there as she stared down at the ground below. Lulu had unlocked the door, making her way inside to prepare things for them. This sight would never look the same to her again. Now that fear and panic had no place in her, here on the safety of level ground, she reflected. She could have mimicked Lulu's gravity spells to stop herself from falling, or to at least dull the impact. Being this hard on herself would do her no good, she reasoned—it was over. Maybe next time she would be able to think clearly through whatever fate had thrown at her. So long as nothing happened _tomorrow_, she could deal with the rest.

Before long, she felt the comfort of Lulu's bare arms wrapped about her waist. Paine continued staring down below, with the side of Lulu's face along her shoulder a welcome hold on reality. To her body, against her body, it felt to Paine that Lulu wore nothing, using her spells as usual to stay warm in this snow. That evidence stirred her, shaping her thoughts away from the accident.

"Are you reflecting?" asked Lulu, her tone gentle; patient. Paine held her arms, as an affirmative. "Take your time, love. Though I can't say I'm not worried. It sounded like a close call… I called Buddy as well; he assured me Vidina is fast asleep and unharmed."

"That's good—I wondered if that mess had reached the Celsius. Hopefully he won't hear about what happened. Let's go inside. Standing here won't help…"

Backward, Lulu walked with her to the cherry-warmth of the candlelit living room. As Lulu closed and locked the door to the terrace, Paine changed her dressphere, out of her clothes. Lulu lay down with her between the blankets over the floor, for them to watch the snowfall just by the windows. Comfort foods—strawberries, chocolates—Lulu fed her, patient all the while. As if the rest of the night after the club had merely extended their scene, Lulu treated these silent moments as aftercare all the same, relaxing Paine by these sentimental efforts.

"I'm still surprised Raine managed to catch me," she said, thinking back to her surprise at that overwhelming darkness. "I could have sworn she hated me. Now that I think about it, I'm not sure why. I guess I was wrong."

"She won't admit it, but she cares for you very much. After what happened tonight, it should be easier for you to keep that in mind later on."

"It'll be impossible to forget…" The moment, Paine took to let the chocolate in her mouth melt. Perhaps Lulu wanted to discuss the rest of what had happened. "What happened to you after…after we got separated? I know Lightning and Fang were with you, but…"

Lulu held her tighter. "Let's not linger on that anymore, love," she said. Paine hummed her agreement, content that Lulu did not want to dwell on things. "Our wedding is tomorrow… I'm beyond grateful that you're still alive. In light of that, I want to make each day of our marriage count."

By such compassion, Paine had forgotten all about her troubles in minutes. With her ear this close to Lulu's chest, she could hear the speed of those heartbeats as she had sensed earlier. Then, she could understand—this was something of a surprise. Even before in Overdrive, now that Paine was at liberty to ponder over it, the notion seemed strange. For Lulu was always in control, composed…

"You're nervous, Lulu… I can hear your heart beating like crazy."

Truth sighed out, as breaths unsteady. "So I am," said Lulu, smiling anyway. "Things have progressed at a normal pace between us. Our engagement has felt to me as a strong extension of our relationship. With my mother preparing everything for us, I never had the chance to allow the anticipation to overtake me… Now…I have no choice. It is truly a wonderful feeling, one that I've never felt before."

More sweet, sugar-coated strawberries Paine took in her mouth, licking at those sharp fingertips as she did. "Tell me more about it…"

One long, lingering press of lips thoughtful, contemplative from Lulu she felt upon her forehead. Lulu stayed there, emotion coming through to her voice, "After all that's happened, never did I believe I could find such love and support from anyone. You know me. I had gotten used to dealing with life on my own. With you, it is no longer a matter of _dealing_—I am finally living, breathing as I have always yearned for. For the first time in my life, I have no reservations about making my happiness this public. It is because I am so proud of you; because I am in love with you, far beyond the boundaries of my being…"

_end of disk II. please insert part III._


	34. III: Fly Me to the Moon

**Note **– Part 3 begins here, with the theme for this part as _fulfilling lifelong goals_. If you'll recall from chapter 30, Lulu settled on writing several poems in order to tell a story. The sonnets are the chapter contents from here on out, summed up in iambic pentameter. Keep in mind that even if a chapter is narrated from Paine's point of view, the sonnets are always from Lulu's perspective. It presents a paradox as well: is the plot of the overarching story following Lulu's sonnets in a clairvoyant fashion, or has she written the sonnets in response to what's happened in the story? I'll let you decide.

From here on out, I'll have the sonnets spearheading the chapter—with one exception…later. These are all my original work, so please don't steal them without attributing them to me. I'll keep notes sparse until part 4; check my LiveJournal from my profile for more in-depth commentary. Thank you for reading.

—

_As the two halves of the moon, we made love  
Hoping to reach incarnation as one,  
Separate, unified, reaching above  
Without stopping, going as we are young;  
On my heart weighed bravery to go through  
Where my logic whispers I must avoid;  
Headlong, forward I go—I must reach you  
And stay, no separations or devoid  
Of this truth: that we are now wed, and none  
Can break what has always been, for my life  
Has restarted anew, all richly sung:  
As my moon to yours, our loving now rife;  
Our snow white union, footsteps forever  
Stay here, as marks none will hope to sever._

Curled into one another in the pale silver of night, facing the other as a unified whole, tangled between blankets by the snowy window; Lulu breathed between Paine's thighs softened in heated sheen. Inhaling, circled by her lips pressed and pressing in sliding wet, deepened in vigor by the reciprocation full-circle. Exhaling, leveled by her tongue curled creasing into, upward, pitched as response to Paine doing the very same.

Never by the night around them could Lulu see this far with eyes closed. Stimulating, stimulated; invigorating, invigorated; the favor flew far: far enough to return to her. Concentration void, for Paine's efforts fueled hers, shaping them as the same by sources joined. With hard flicks of Paine's tongue, lapping, sounding as depraved and in need of more, Lulu slowed, moaned into her bliss, allowing the balance to tip down. Falls of Paine's hair brushed quicker, longer against Lulu's waist, pushing aggression by this communicated want. For Lulu's hands roamed near, smoothing just below her mouth, over where Paine's dressphere typically pronounced itself.

Lulu shifted, length of her hair fanned between and along Paine's thighs, pressing both hands to this bare skin. She breathed just loud enough, just soft enough, "I want you down my throat…" That humming vibration between her, of Paine's need to comply made her sigh out the same. "Give it to me."

Palpitations rose from Lulu's chest, up her throat; these she kissed through, all over this skin, swallowing them back down again when she felt her mouth fill with limpness. Cupped by her mouth, held loose enough between her lips, Lulu canted her head back and forth with this motion. To pull and push hardness and curvature both from this shaping shape, heated as it made her. Separating this from Paine's roughness between her worked not at all; she cried out the same, muffled or gagged, needing that muffling, that gagging to feel filled in these hours before their love's fulfillment.

Hips, sinew and lower back Lulu held onto, grinding into Paine's mouth with these triggers. Meeting that loving enmity closer, harder, pushed her higher. Lulu sucked longer, elegance elongated in her euphoria. Her head lightened and filled at once, blood throbbing by the pressure of Paine knowing her needs, where to persist. That knowing, that spirituality set Lulu off, wet thickening between her, changing shape as heightened for Paine to have, to know. How Paine could have lingered longer, yet she chose to move—somewhere Lulu had not allowed before, somewhere Lulu could not protest to tonight.

By her shoulders, Paine grabbed her, situating her. "Get on your back," came Paine's command, caring in uncaring. Lulu's whine sounded her liberation; Paine moved on top of her, stroking just by Lulu's mouth, the sound a kind soothe of palm against skin. "You'll answer to me tonight. I've missed fucking your throat—you never let me do it anymore. That's going to change. It's not up for debate this time…"

Upon her back, along the twisted fabrics beneath, Lulu opened her mouth again. With Paine's legs bent at either side of her head, Lulu took this thick throbbing in again; by this angle, Paine leaned over her face to thrust along the back of her throat. Blind to all but the shadows of Paine's body over her, Lulu took it all, stifled sighs sharpened by this force. Nails and pressing fingertips of Paine's hands Lulu felt gripping her roots, her hair almost contained in this grip, controlling her head to make her take more.

Lulu's character could not hold, having melted within her core. High-pitched from her marked Paine's preference—she gave this, sounded this without thought or reflex, contrasting the groans above her. Breaking away from their other dynamic, for this, Lulu could not help, simply afloat by the thought of being Paine's wife at last. Old barriers removed, old habits enflamed; she could be anything for Paine, anything Paine wanted whatever their rules, their lifestyle. That anything kept her heart pounding, working to widen the muscles of her throat, however much Paine loved her irregular gagging—this inverse, she _needed _this.

Breaths of air—Paine pulled out, without streaming, long before that by the control in her grunts. Lulu moved to accommodate Paine shifting down, her hands quavering to hold, to touch; attenuated by Paine's voice, mesmerizing, "Tomorrow, you'll be my wife—there's no reason to hold back anymore…" Another shift, for Paine to kiss her with hands pressing to her face, _inhaling_.. "Lulu, I want to know you…for the first time."

Between her, against her as hard heat against soaking wet, she felt Paine pressing, poised. Lulu arched in Paine's arms, sighing in mixed anticipation. "We haven't—haven't _discussed _the risks, Paine," she tried in vain. "I am not like…our friends, everyone else still alive here… I am used to death and death is used to me. There is always a chance, for two more years that I may…"

"Then we'll take that chance," Paine told her, with ease and no restraint, coveting. "I can't wait until after we're married… I can't keep waiting until you bring it up yourself…" Lulu did not care to know how this mounting pressure, how the urging of Paine's lips and hands down her body had learned such persuasion—she could only sigh, spread her legs; wrap them around Paine's hips. "I have you like this, now…we love each other…_please _don't tell me no."

"_Paine_…"

Lulu breathed out her name again and again, breathing in that persuasion by lips and length. Yet fear and trembling took her, as premonition that this should not have been. Logic snapped, searing; she pushed against Paine's shoulders and clamped her thighs together, stopping. Echoes of crashing water and broken wood returned to her; plains of un-end came back, spreading, of being held by someone else, and a shore too painful to bear; Paine moved from between her, full in concern. Thoughts, memories, fabrications and self-taught myths—these would do Lulu no good at all.

She _wanted _them to be taken away, with the rest of her.

"What is it…what's wrong?" asked Paine, breathing labored in this interruption.

"Why I keep hesitating about this—" Lulu stared down at Paine's pulsing between them, yearning all the same; "I don't want to be able to _think_. Something inside me…wants more than love. Maybe less than love…" Her eyes spoke it—did Paine understand? By the solemnity there, she did not. "Do you know…what it is I'm saying? Do you know what I want—what I cannot admit?"

Paine averted her eyes, interlacing her hand with Lulu's palm-up in the fan of hair there. "I want to love you," she spoke, quietly.

As quietly, Lulu moved from beneath her. "You don't know," she said, and wrapped one blanket around them.

"You're not gonna tell me?"

Facing away from her, Lulu pulled Paine's arm around her, to hold her there from behind. Still hard, hard in her confusion, her mild rage… "It is best that you figure it out on your own." Heat between them, of Paine pressed against her; Lulu moved into that blind want, finding comfort in Paine's anger. "I plan on helping you along, but not tonight. During our honeymoon, you will know."

"I can't _wait _until then! We were so close, and now—_nothing_? You _know_ how I get about this…"

The mild reflection in the snow, in the window of Paine glaring down at her kept her attention. "That's too bad," said Lulu. She shivered with Paine's shifted attentions to the nape of her neck, hands combing through her hair; waist grinding against the small of her back, impatient. "That's a start…not enough."

In a burst of breath and separation, Paine broke away, broke all movement, to demand, "What do you _want _from me? What's so terrible that you can't tell me what it is? Didn't we go through this already?!"

"If you truly have no idea, you don't need to worry about it. You'll know soon enough—"

"_Fuck,_ Lulu!" With force of palms rough against shoulders, Lulu turned around on her back, shoved there to her absolute pleasure she sounded out_. _"Fuck this _waiting_—" Wicked, wanton want had Paine force herself between Lulu's legs anew, locking them around her waist this time; "Fuck this guessing!" She did not try—Lulu did not try to fight back, not with Paine's weight on her like this, ravaging in strength to bind her body still. _There was no need… _"I've wanted this for _too long_! _Now take it_—!"

Ripping open from so long untouched this way, Lulu's throat bled from crying this pain out. Up and in, pounding as through the last that had opened with this end; opened and widened, swallowing Paine deeper by those thrusts and thrusts of impatience burst forth. Lulu held onto her, held onto Paine, held onto this force she had never known before, the one she needed and could not express. Feeling, and felt, touching, and touched; it never stopped, Paine did not stop, with might able enough to banish all of Lulu's faults. They had this, now, and there was nothing else: purity in power removal, denial.

Thinking held no caliber, she could not see. Heat spread over the sinew of Paine's body, ramming down. Heat collected between them, wet, strikes of fucking imprecise and imbalanced. Fury held, love crept through: Paine stayed too close to be a stranger raping; kissed too hard to be a lover docile and dulled by complacency. Friction remained, regained, maiming that purity full circle to gain trust, destroying it all in one thrust, bringing it back again by the melting frost of the queen within, giving it back, removing.

Faster, harder Paine went. Lulu had forgotten the feel of her face without this searing heat, and how it felt to not have this open violence between her. By the rasping of Paine's body, Lulu gripped her around her back, around her neck, breasts pressing severe to the point of pain that she _wanted_. Soaring quintessence sprang from within: her body would always know this, with Paine's stay in her life.

Whines without worry, without care Lulu sounded, her heart blown to pieces by this sadism. Closer, pressing to Paine's ear, tight, Lulu panted, "Fuck me harder…" Paine drove deeper, shallower thrusts unfocused all the same, loudening Lulu's shouts, her screams. Drenching sweat slickened Paine's back in Lulu's arms, with muscles, efforts more pronounced. Lulu panted again, "Harder, _harder_!" She screamed again with Paine's heightened intensity, unbelieving in her lust. "I'm yours, I'm yours—oh, I always…have been yours.. Long in waiting—my love—" Gasping, in growth, in building, gripping her body, gripping between, because Paine refused to stop; "Come inside of me, Paine, claim me—but don't stop—don't stop, Paine, don't stop, don't stop, _fuck_, love, _please _don't, don't you _dare_…"

Soaked roping Lulu felt inside of her spreading, distending her horizons far beyond all she could have imagined before. That soaking made her clench, and clench, tightening around Paine; Paine's hoarse, bleeding cries; spurring Lulu, higher, but she needed more. How they could not reverse this, how it needn't be reserved; the thought tattooed itself deep along her mind, but more, she needed.

"I'm not stopping…" Paine heaved for breath, burying her face along the heat of Lulu's neck. "All night." Ravenous as she kissed, kept kissing, using her nose to move Lulu's hair out of the way. "_This _can be…our wedding…until the real thing." Pulsing thickened inside of Lulu, slowly, slowly… "_Need you_, Lulu… I love you…too much to stop—before it's absolutely necessary. I love you.."

So long had passed, afterward: and they had moved to the couch, for Paine to make love to her there; in the kitchen, atop the cold counter at that perfect height, for Lulu to sit against and Paine to stand between her, gripping her legs and going—there, Lulu had made Paine stop long enough to pour ice water down her throat, from her own hands, nourishing. And Lulu could not stop, could not stop herself, not even when the sun began to rise, for she had nearly lost Paine to the darkness of gravity the night prior. This vigor from Paine chased those regrets away. Gravity between them, now, pushing to pull all made up for time lost, enforcing it, enthralling.

Deeply, Paine moved and breathed with what she felt within, with little regard for physical limitations. That evidence pushed through with every thrust inside of Lulu, as if new, as if unforgotten. When they returned to the mass of blankets and pillows upon the floor by the window, with Lulu beneath her again in all her strong splendor, she felt it coming to pass as the sun did overhead, peeking through the snow clouds for but a moment. Colder the room became; Paine threw the blankets over their bodies, keeping them more than warm from the freeze just outside. Soon the overcast took over, and snow fell, thickly, obscuring them to time, obscuring them to all else.

Over the resulting pounds of Lulu's body against the floor from this fucking, over her screams of delight, she hardly heard knocks at the door. Exhaustion could not take over, not yet; she could never tire of Paine's sounds, her need to please, to do far more than satisfy. Enough light had poured in the room to signal the early morning, quickening the beats of Lulu's heart; muffling that insistent knocking again with her nerves. Paine's soaking shoulders, Lulu held onto, throwing her head back when again she felt those lips burning down her neck and hair. Did someone else call her name from somewhere? Paine's name? It didn't matter—Paine called hers, ripened against her ear, yearning—

Smash and splintering of wood sounded as Raine broke the door down, blade drawn and prepared to strike. When she saw that her sister's screams were not the result of being under attack, Raine immediately turned her back to the scene. Gippal stood next to her in his sharp, tailored white tuxedo, violet shirt and tie, hair slicked back all the way nicely, staring. Elysia's affronted scoff sounded loud enough to jolt them to their senses, to reality. She hurried over to them in her well-designed gown of deep violet, gesturing with her hands as if this were all a giant mess that needed cleaning straightaway.

"You will stop this _instant_, both of you!" she ordered, stringent. "Nyte, you are not supposed to be here! Have you no respect for tradition? Have you no shame?!" Loss, Lulu felt between her, as Paine changed out of _that _dressphere and into her tank and shorts. "Last night—with the matter of your lifestyle—I can excuse! This I cannot!"

Paine scrambled to stand, to offer Lulu some semblance of privacy and protection from her mother. "Please, forgive me, my lady, I'm sorry," she said, bowing; out of breath. "We—I lost track of time… It's my fault. I didn't stop…"

Elysia's temper raged further. "_How _am I to explain to your guests that the wedding is delayed because you could not control your urges?!" At that, Paine moved to her knees, bowing deeper. Elysia observed her for a moment, taken off guard. "Be glad that the snow has not relented. It will be excuse enough." She turned to Gippal. "Take her from here. I want to see you both _on time_ at the venue. Understood?"

"Yes, Ma'am, don't you worry," said Gippal, no nonsense. Paine dared moving to kiss Lulu goodbye, brisk and charming. As they left, Gippal got her in a headlock, hissing, "_You were supposed to call me_!"

Lulu had changed into her nightgown, and moved to stand, watching them go. They would see each other soon, so far away, and all would be different—completely wonderful. She stood before her mother, hands clasped over her front, meek in silence as she thought and thought of the rest of what the day would bring. "…forgive me," she said, when Elysia turned to her once more.

With a sigh, Elysia's anger vanished—for the most part. "Have you no excuses?" she asked, even.

"None that would sate you," replied Lulu, noting that her sister still had not turned around, that the door had flown off its hinges, resting near those rooted armored boots.

"Tell me anyway."

Lulu did not want to recall this, yet her mother wished to know: "After her near-death experience last night, I…could not let her go," she explained, calm in her honesty. "I have never allowed anyone to persuade me the way she did. I couldn't help it. That _is _part of the reason why we're getting married."

"Yes, well," said Elysia, curt, "If you are not dressed quickly, there will be no wedding to speak of. Let us hurry—your father will be here with the limousine in but an hour."

—

Pearl white, draping, thick, elongated, beautiful. Before the large, full-body mirror of her bedroom, Lulu felt she could cry had she been alone. No veil covered her face; she wore her hair all the way down, per Paine's fetish, despite her mother's complaints; all of her face, she could see, without her hair covering her left eye anymore. No jewels—only her engagement ring; no heels; her shoulders she showed off, her waist trained with corsetry beneath, and cleavage mostly tame. Makeup of lighter purple she wore, softer than her usual wear, to bring out the red of her eyes without that intensity. Elysia finished applying this, angry no longer, for she smiled and doted too much to show such an emotion.

At Lulu's side stood Raine, wrists folded behind her back, military still in her silence. She had mostly repaired the door some time ago, promising to see to its completion during the honeymoon. After that, she had said nothing more, noting the damaged wall barely hidden by the mirror. No comment had been made by either her or their mother—they knew enough to render any inquiries as superfluous.

And Lulu wondered where Paine was at that very moment, what she thought of, how she felt; if they had shared their nerves the night before, splitting them evenly. If this amount were only half, she could not fathom what the rest of it would feel combined. Thousands were to be in attendance this morning, to watch their union, to see how much they loved one another. She knew several politicians—officials and summoners alike—would be there to observe this merging, to see whom Elysia had trusted to marry her daughter. All of their friends would be there, front and center before this display of two that kept largely to themselves, even with loved ones. All of the memories they shared would be remembered again just for this as they waited, and then watched, and then warmed in celebration.

And Vidina—he would at last have a proper second parent. Whatever resentment he held toward his father—it would be entirely in the past once she and Paine said their vows. Without his support, Lulu wondered if she would have even been standing here at all.

When her gloved hand began to tremble uncontrollably, Raine held it.

"You'll be all right, Lulu," she spoke, calming. "If you are concerned for anyone's safety, fear not. I have several soldiers and summoners stationed throughout the city to ward off any trouble. Sergeant Lightning Farron is among the soldiers present at the venue, per her request. We will remain vigilant."

When Elysia finished applying the last of the mild gloss, Lulu smiled, radiant. "You're too kind, Raine," she said. "After the ceremony, I do want you to relax. You promised you would dance with me, remember? You should enjoy yourself when the time comes."

Elysia dabbed a bit more cherry blossom perfume along Lulu's pressure points, sighing in joy. "You needn't worry, my dear," she assured Lulu. "I have made certain your sister will unwind during the festivities." This seemed like news to Raine, but she did not acknowledge this. Elysia used her nails to comb back a few errant strands of Lulu's hair, making sure it all hung down her back. "There! You are the striking image of perfection. Your spells will keep you plenty warm outside. I believe the snowflakes will work wonders for your look. For once I am grateful that Gagazet's winter stays here well through to mid-spring."

From the terrace windows, a few knocks sounded, signaling her father's arrival with the limousine. Elysia held her, fighting back tears, promising to see her soon—she seemed to have forgotten all about the incident from earlier in the morning. Raine escorted Lulu outside by her arm, wearing a tense shield over her emotions. Though she was not to ride with them, she would fly around them as her shadow form to scout for any dangers, while Elysia took off on Valefor's back to the venue.

When they reached Gabranth in his armor beneath the light snowfall, helmet removed for the day, he embraced Lulu and Raine both. "The day has finally come," he said, joyous through his practiced stoicism. When he pulled away, Raine stepped aside. "You are simply stunning, my dear—Nyte will be unable to take her eyes from you as we walk together." Lulu smiled, warmed by her father's care. It was not so long ago that she had remembered she would never have this again. "That reminds me: have you decided on the matter of surnames? Will you be taking her Judge Magister alias as your last name?"

"That is what we decided, yes," she replied, taking his hand. "I take it you've listened to the song I decided on, for the walk?"

Gabranth helped her inside the limousine, frowning. "Yes, I did—several times, in fact…we will discuss that on the way," he spoke, only to her. Elysia approached him; he bowed to her, and kissed her hand. "My dearest wife, we shall see you in a short time. Before you inquire, I have already spoken with Nyte and Sir Gippal—they are aware of what the Magistrate's Ceremony entails. She has changed her vows in accordance."

"You assume that is the only reason I am standing here?" asked Elysia, brow raised.

"Last night, you expressed to me concern that she had not prepared her vows to expectation…"

Elysia stared at him, unreadable. She moved to whisper in his ear words Lulu could not discern. Gabranth hid his reaction well enough, to keep their daughters from guessing as to their conversation.

Raine moved past them, to Lulu, conjuring in her hands a number of purple gladiolus flowers, arranged as a bouquet of swords by the natural shape of their stems. "These are everlasting," she said, bending down to give them to her. Lulu held the flowers close to her chest, smiling yet again as she smelled them. "They symbolize strength of character. I believe it is most appropriate for you both."

"Thank you for this," said Lulu, holding Raine about her neck. "You have been supportive and thoughtful since the time we finally met. I can never thank you enough for all you have done for us both."

To that, Raine gave no verbal reply, instead allowing a brief smile that vanished all too quickly. Gabranth entered the limousine at Lulu's other side; Raine closed her door. Elysia summoned Valefor to ride quickly to their destination, and Raine became mist of black to follow after the car.

Her father wasted little time. "Lulu—the song, _Ruska,_" said Gabranth, sitting close by. Lulu nodded, waiting for his thoughts to pass. "It is rather…depressing, do you not agree? A beautiful manner of sadness, yet poignant all the same…why did you choose it?"

"Mother warned that it would take us a little over four and a half minutes to walk at my pace down the aisle, between all in attendance," she explained, logical—first. Gabranth appeared to agree with this much. "The song…it also symbolizes change, as in the passing colors of the leaves when autumn arrives. That is when Paine and I found one another after so long…that is when we challenged one another to change, with each other, and to move on as one beyond what we once were… The instruments cry as I do whenever we are separated. I wish to walk with you, to her, as the end to this final separation."

Gabranth smiled, briefly, as he agreed, "That is a poetic assessment only you could make, my daughter. Your aptitude for such talents weigh greatly on your long days spent growing up in Besaid, I know. I am pleased to know your time was well-spent, with you most versed in both magic and all manner of fine arts." He waited a moment, mournful. "I must also…apologize for our absence, for mine. Your mother was severe with you in your youth—I remember how you would run to me needing your father's arms when her lessons became overmuch. My failures as a Crusader still haunt me to this day…"

"Father?" asked Lulu; Gabranth shook his head, obstinate. "Is something the matter? You, Mother, and Raine—the three of you have been rather…concise with your emotions today, more than usual. There is something going on that I should know."

Her father held her close, protective as he used to so many years ago. "You needn't know, my dear," he spoke, pained. The warmth of his sweater, of the limousine, of cashmere and leather mixed with secrets and heartfelt protection, Lulu photographed in her memory. "It is my hope that you never discover what it is. So long as you do not, all will be well. If not…we shall all adapt and persevere to a new solution."

—

Alone, Lulu sat in the dressing room of Alexander's temple—just outside, thousands had gathered, diligent even in the snow, mingling while waiting the twenty minutes for the ceremony to begin. Down the narrow avenue she and her father would walk to the altar, where Paine would be, with Gippal; where Raine would be across from them, all of them waiting for her.

For the fifth time in but a few minutes, Lulu smoothed from her palm the sweat there, against the back of her other hand. Brush in hand, she groomed her hair aimlessly, staring at herself as her thoughts meandered past too erratically for her liking. The brush vibrated with her persistent pulse, trembling as her hand did. She set it in her lap, to quell that evidence. Yet it endured no matter her efforts. That _something _her family refused to divulge to her—whatever it was, it did not feel right. It sat not well at all within her, festering, as if she had always known and could not recall what it was.

All of them were determined to keep this from her. _Why…?_

Thinking on it would solve nothing—she could not ask again, repeating herself, for if her own personality were any indication, her family would not yield on the matter no matter how hard she tried to get to the bottom of this. Her time would be better spent forgetting about all of that, to take a page from Paine's book with things…

From the inside of her long glove, she removed the pen and folded, blank sheet of paper she had placed there. Atop the surface of the vanity, she set her trembling hand to unfolded paper, to write.

Some paragraphs later, she paused to look in the mirror. Behind her, through the open door, she saw Wakka there in his hoodless black cloak. He scowled at her, yet his nod—she recognized it, the one he used to always give her to tell her to go ahead, that she was prepared and had his support. When she turned around, he was gone, but the door remained ajar.

Moments afterward, Vidina came running through the door in his white tuxedo to hug her. Yuna and Rikku followed after him, in their mauve bridesmaid dresses the same color as his shirt and tie, beaming.

"Lulu!" said Rikku, hurrying over to hold her, "Your dress turned out amazing! Paine's gonna love it!"

"You look beautiful, Lulu!" added Yuna, moving away to give Lulu room to breathe. "Happy Birthday!"

"Thank you," said Lulu, humbled. Vidina moved to sit in her lap, his eyes brightened as he looked at her. She held him tighter. "You look very handsome in this, son. I may have you wear this more often."

"I will if you wear your dress!" he said, poking at her corset beneath the fabric. "It's big!"

Yuna laughed. "You should see the one I wore to my wedding," she told him, making Lulu think back to that ill-fated ceremony with Seymour so long ago. "It was a lot longer than this one. Yours isn't over-the-top at all, Lulu. It's not that different from your usual dress, is it…?"

Rikku looked at Lulu's dress from all different angles, nodding. "Hey, yeah, it _does _look a lot like your other one. Just without the belts and it's a little longer! It is heavy to walk in?"

"Somewhat," replied Lulu, her eyes moving to Rikku's stomach. She sensed life there. Her eyes, she moved back to Vidina, lest Rikku noticed, still holding him close. "How are things outside?"

"It's _crazy_!" said Rikku, moving to peek out the door. "You won't _believe _how many people are out there waiting! Your parents sure do have a bunch of friends…"

"Paine's really nervous," Yuna told her, fixing Vidina's collar. She smiled at Lulu. "Gippal's trying to keep her calm. I don't think he's helping much…" Lulu looked down to her son, imagining Paine pacing about at the altar in her armor. "You _look_ like you're doing okay, just like always. Why do I still want to say that you're just as nervous as she is…?"

Lulu pressed her smile to the top of Vidina's freshly-cropped crimson hair. "That's because I am, Yuna," she admitted. "You know me well enough by now."

Vidina tried to look up at her. "Why, Mommy?" he asked. "You're happy! That means you're nervous?"

"It's a little hard to explain," she offered, barely understanding the reasons herself. "It's not a bad thing. If you decide to marry when you're older, I'm sure you'll understand." She heard the pre-chime of the bells overhead, shooting her nerves far through that roof. "There's the signal.. You should get going."

"See you soon!" said Rikku, leaving with Yuna and Vidina.

Yuna called to her, "Try to breathe! It'll all be wonderful! I can't wait to sing for you and Paine!"

She waved to them, to Vidina last as he tried to stay in the room until Yuna hurried him outside. From the vanity, she removed the pen and paper, situating them back in her glove. Her father soon arrived, bearing a folded cape over his forearm—the one he would present to Paine not long from now.

"Are you prepared, my dear?" asked Gabranth, offering his other arm to her.

Lulu held that armor, beginning the end of this last separation, mind and spirit. "Absolutely."

—

Rows and rows of citizens, of friends, of family in subsequent order lined Alexander's Avenue—a long street coated by the snow, with looming cherry blossom trees that had yet to bloom. Few buildings cluttered the view of nature and all else; a field of white, of waiting, of wondrous contradiction: that they all waited for her, as a mass spanning such distances both wide and far, and yet in their numbers, their ignorance proved greatest by that flaw, because of what they failed to notice.

High above in the sky, barely concealed by the clouds, a menace loomed, watching as Lulu stood with her father in the doorway to the temple. Gabranth stared up at the form, on edge. Lulu stared ahead, down the stairs, watching the snowflakes scatter over the heads of the endless crowd unsuspecting. They had no idea—none of them—yet she and her father saw what waited overhead with plain ease. They all stood, turning to face her; waiting for the music to begin, for the walk to start.

"This is highly unusual," said Gabranth, returning his gaze to the ground so as to not arouse suspicion. "Out of the thousands here, none can see what waits above? I noticed several figures there, as if sitting in the clouds…waiting. We must immediately postpone—"

"There is no need," said Lulu, mindful of her father's offended shock. "Allow the music to play. I have a feeling we won't have to worry."

From the visions that Paine had shown her months ago, their wedding was to take place beneath clear skies. By this strange, persistent winter, the weather had marked this occurrence as separate, unique from what had already happened in another time. Perhaps whatever waited overhead wanted to see if things would turn out differently in this time.

When the music began playing, the threat retreated. By those notes, by the meaning there, Lulu's heart soared to take its place. She held her flowers close, determined.

"Walk with me, Father."

Down the steps they went. Gabranth stared at his daughter, incredulous. "How in Spira did you know?" he asked, keeping his lips' movement to a minimum with this many eyes on them.

How they all smiled… "Even if I do not understand, I always _know_."

From this far away, she had but a glimpse of Paine standing at the altar in her armor. Lulu focused on that glimpse as she walked with poise, with practice. On occasion she turned to look around, to observe, noticing several familiar faces around her. Being among them, with their eyes on her after hours of nerves—this trivialized her earlier feelings. Her confidence brimmed loud instead, now that she was here, now that this was real. These realities weighted her footsteps and dress both with her emotions: that they had all come to see the pinnacle of her happiness, whether they knew her directly or not.

Each change in Lulu's character that Paine had ever brought about, she felt it all again with this song. Each time she had cried over Paine, when she had _never _cried over anyone, lover or not, she remembered it all again. Each time they had reconciled their differences with varied ease when Lulu had been certain they would not, she felt that relief, all of it again. Down this path of remembrance, Lulu reflected with all save for her logic, finding complete peace through the closing of this distance.

Whatever trepidations Lulu held for the future, for the uncertain present beyond them—disappeared the moment she saw that snowed-upon, slicked-back hair; when Paine looked at her, child-like, and smiled with the fullness of their love. Lulu smiled back with the same richness.

How her life had changed from simply taking a deeper look at the beauty that had been present for _years_. As if Lulu had stopped from her self-absorption and mechanical stoicism to bend down and pick up the flower that had always been in her path; for that patient, noble loveliness to walk with her, hand-in-hand, to teach her the ways of authenticity and passion.

Neither of them had known what those truly meant, not until they found them as land uncharted within one another. This land stretched on, endlessly—yet this path had reached its end. Paine's expression held all of her happiness uncontained; all had culminated to this. Behind her stood Gippal, grinning, though his face had reddened; across from them waited Raine, proud, stoic. Yuna and Rikku both smiled wide, waving to her. The thousands behind her blended as the snow, freeing her of all anxiety.

Lulu waited with her father, watching the priest remove the hood of his snow white robes. Her eyes widened at this surprise, to see Braska there, smiling warmly. Paine smirked at him, and at Lulu, as if she had known for ages; as if she had been prepared for this, all of this, for far longer.

_Paine…chivalrous, strong, beautiful—how I have so longed for this moment since even before I proposed to you… _

_As the snow falls over you, over us, light be damned if it is acting as a voice of promotion. I don't want to believe that the melting of snowflakes, the falling, the melting and falling again could speak of anything other than our continuous love. Yet as I walk to you, as my father gives me away to you, as my sister takes this bouquet of swords from my hands, for me to hold yours…I want to cry. I know—I see it as a madwoman blind, and I want to cry with you in this darkness._

_You hold my hands in yours, with the same resolve as you always give me. You smile down at me: full, complete. You gaze at me as if we know nothing beyond one another; you listen to Braska's words and shape them as my body before you. You, you, you—you are all I could ever want for, need for. These forces within me understand what lies ahead, far beyond my perception. I must discover what it is, with you… Though we have such promising years ahead, of love, of life together, I know something will get in the way. It is not my stubborn cynicism attempting to uproot me from this decision we have made. For I see it all as shadows, I know it by instinct only, and the best part is…_

…_I don't care what it is. These moments I have with you will be worth whatever is in store for us. All I can do…is hold on to you. I know you will always love me. So long as we have this—nothing else matters._

"The genuine thing offered by all passion," spoke Braska, to all, continuing through Lulu's thoughts, "Is that the beloved appears unknown, unrecognized; that lover is alone in revealing her worth. Nothing exists outside of her stubborn project; therefore nothing can induce her to modify her choices. And having involved her whole life with the beloved who can continually escape her, she feels her dependence. It is this dependence that is today solidified for all in attendance to witness.

"She is at once tragic, admirable. Tragic in that her whole life's involvement is with a woman who can continually escape her; admirable in that we admire and celebrate the pride of one who chooses her end without bending to any foreign law—and the precious brilliance of her lover is revealed by that declaration. To love, then, is to recognize her beloved as free in her own right, and therefore always capable of escaping all attempts to possess her. Love is the antithesis of passion, in that love demands the renunciation of all possession: and to love her genuinely is to love her in that freedom to escape.

"In this union, Lulu, and Paine—you both understand this exclusivity, this spiral. That whatever the future holds, you stand here prepared to weather any storm—together. It is my understanding that you have both prepared your own vows. Lulu—will you be first to declare yours?"

She'd had no need to _prepare _these at all. She knew she wanted to speak them on the spot, with Paine's hands in hers, looking up at that proud joy in Paine's eyes and smile. Lulu did take a moment to notice those sitting in the first row, behind Paine—Auron, Jecht and his wife, and the rest of the Gullwings were all there in their suits, with Brother blowing his nose into his handkerchief already. Yet again, someone was missing—_where was Tidus? _She had not seen him since the engagement announcement. Again Lulu looked around and somehow her sight found the trees beyond to one that appeared as Tidus—and there, there stood Chappu, smiling at her in pure support.

Lulu did not linger there, instead moving to look up at Paine. No one noticed that brief interlude; she refused to dwell on it for the moment. The grip of darksteel over her fingers tightened, in knowing—quietly. Rapture took over again as she spoke freely as a stream. _Unbound:_

"You and I…we met in the same season of our lives, feeling similar feelings very much unwanted. Our pains had reached that season of persistence, of perhaps acceptance. To look back and believe I had accepted anything less than you—it is unreal. So long did I spent praying that my loneliness might spur me into finding something to live for, great enough to die for.

"In loving you, Paine, I am only now living after I had died—my old ways I cast aside to the seas of Besaid, and I stand here now changed, fundamentally, by your devotion. You carried me home on instinct, through labors of love. It is my one wish now to help nurture this home, with you, to provide all that you might need. To stand by you, as your wife, unconditionally, and lift from you, with you, any burden you may face, for so long as I breathe for you—this I vow."

She could tell—Lulu could see how hard Paine tried not to at least hold her then. Braska did not need to prompt this next: Gabranth stood, folded cape in hand, and walked behind Paine. He tied the dark fabric around her neck; Paine held Lulu's hands tighter, smiling wider, because of what this meant to her—joining their family by law, in name, by more than love, with this duty that Lulu did not expect:

"Lulu, my love, as I stand in your light, I swear this oath of allegiance to you. At the end of my hope I found you—you sustained me, showed me what I've always needed. In all that you are, everything, you support me, enrich me… From what you've given me, I stand here prepared to give back to you all that I'm able:

"As your wife, as your first protector—and subservient one—as Judge Magister of Zanarkand's armies, I will serve you unconditionally. I will stand at your side for the remainder of my days, relinquishing my titles only at your command. If I should fail in my duties, as Judge Magister, as your wife, my life is forfeit. My heart beats at your command; my breath is drawn at your pleasure. From this moment onward, I answer only to you—this I vow."

By the sudden chill in Lulu's eyes, she knew her emotions had begun to show. Gabranth placed his hand over Paine's shoulder, smiling at her and Lulu both before returning to sit next to his wife. Braska nodded to Vidina sitting close by; he jumped from his seat, holding in his hands two wedding bands.

Smiling wide, he offered both bands for Lulu and Paine to accept. Lulu held his hand a little longer, squeezing it in her affection; Paine did the same.

Braska wiped a few tears from his eyes. "Pardon me," he said, modest, as Vidina took his seat again. "This is just all so wonderful. I'd rather avoid having ice collecting—"

_Ice, ice baby_

Barely, Lulu managed to hold back her laughter. Though Paine noticed—and she, too, fought back the laughs that so desperately wanted to get out. Lulu heard her sister's contemplative hum behind her, not helping at all. Of course seeing Paine trying _not _to laugh brought back more amusement, more than before; bouncing back to Paine, and so forth, until they both had to hold their breaths between clamped smiles, hands gripping…

Braska gave a confused smile. "Are we set to continue on?" he asked, considerate. Paine nodded, biting down on her lower lip; her face had reddened considerably. "Lulu, if you may." Working through the vice-like grip of their hands, Lulu moved to place the band over Paine's ring finger; replaced her engagement ring on this same hand. "And Paine." With their hands not quite so tight, Paine did the same, both of them hardly concealing their minor snorts of laughter. Braska continued on, smiling in amusement, simply glad to see them so carefree without needing to get the inside joke, "The ring, which has no beginning or end, symbolizes the love and trust between us that will never cease. May its presence on your hands remind you of your love and vows." The image of Paine as a famous rapper did not want to leave her. "They are now as visible signs of the promises which have made you—"

That inappropriate laughter could hardly hold anymore; Lulu and Paine both snorted non-stop, crying now, in both privacy and sheer emotion; with two as serious as them, laughing in such a way during their wedding had been the last thing on their mind. That it was out of character—_inappropriate, _made it funnier; that of the thousands watching, no one knew what the hell was so funny. To make matters worse, Lulu could hear her mother behind her, sighing in irritation for having ruined the moment again.

With a sigh of good-humor, Braska skipped ahead, "Judge Magister Nyte, you may kiss your laughing bride."

This amusement made their lips inelegant, with little room for holding still. Those gloved hands Paine pressed to Lulu's face, trying to keep them both in one place; by the time she leaned in, they had let everything out as the bells and celebration sounded, vibrating all against lips, tongue and open mouth. Not at all how Lulu had envisioned this moment, yet she melted all the same in Paine's giggling, possessive hold. The curve to her back by Paine's firm hand there, the lift to her leg, and the closeness between them of dress and armor, topped with ill-timed laughter, Lulu would never forget.

And when they had gathered with family and friends, to move to the reception area set up outside just a short walk away, she and Paine had contained their laughter enough. Alexander's wings had covered the city, to keep all warm through the strengthening storm. For their first dance as wives, Yuna had her place upon the nearest stage to sing beautifully as she had promised—_Fly Me to the Moon._

With her head resting along that cashmere close to Paine's neck, with Paine's hands on her waist, they slow danced in place for the first time. All else in attendance had given them the snowy floor, likely wondering or whispering quietly as to what ever had been so amusing moments ago. Lulu sensed this, smiling as a child along Paine's neck she had her arms wrapped around, feeling silly. When Yuna looked at her, the smile she wore as she sang was of light teasing. Vidina stood near the stage, carrying her bouquet, watching with glee; Lulu smiled back at him, at once fulfilled to know that Paine would care for him from now on as if he were her own. This snowed-upon wooden cologne Paine wore melded with this moment, congealing.

"I don't think your mother's gonna forgive me for today," spoke Paine, without remorse, smiling next to her ear. "Staying up all night and morning having sex, and then the laughing…I might lose my job."

Lulu felt her mother's disapproving stare along her back. "If you do, it'll be worth it," she said, unfazed by all else beyond Paine's arms around her. She kissed Paine's neck, for emphasis, breathing in that crisp cologne again. "If she tries to banish you to the Farplane, she'll have to send Vidina and me with you."

"Some birthday you'd end up having, if that happens…"

"The very best I could imagine."

"Lulu…" came that murmur of meaning, mesmerizing; "Is it just me, or…does it feel like we've been married all this time? We've had our home; you've let Vidina say I'm his second parent… Before whenever I said you were my girlfriend, it didn't seem like that was enough. And after all we went through to get to Zanarkand…it feels like I've loved you as my wife for longer than these few minutes."

Up and into Paine's eyes so unselfish, Lulu gazed, agreeing, "You're right. Our values have always aligned with that of a married couple. When I decided I wanted you, I felt as though I had stepped into this role. I could not move on with another I did not plan to marry for love."

"That reminds me of something…" Paine looked to the snow nearest them, to the snowflakes over Lulu's hair. "The first dream you remember having of us—weren't we dancing in the snow? Slow dancing…?"

_Waltzing_, actually, but the details didn't matter right now. Lulu only kissed her, to communicate that she didn't mind. "That was when I fell for you," she said. "And you have already flown me to the moon and back, or rather, walked me there, carrying me. I love that I didn't need to ask—as I love you."

"If I'm worth your love, you'll never need to ask for a thing. Just like before, I'll do all I can to keep you happy…" Slight hesitation, Paine showed, only for the flush of her skin, before she moved to whisper in Lulu's ear instead, "To the ends of Spira and back, I love you, too."

—

_References:_

"_Ruska" by Apocalyptica; "Fly Me to the Moon" by Brenda Lee; "General: The Oath" from Tomb Raider (2013); The Ethics of Ambiguity by Simone de Beauvoir._


	35. Luca, One Thousand Years Ago

_And the time of celebration has come  
For us to escape the constraints of home,  
To break new ground, do what we've never done:  
Out of practice, we're surely not alone;  
Down broken roads, we walk to new places  
Together, without fear, to break shelters  
We'd endured to maintain certain faces;  
Those we do not need, as Helter-Skelter;  
Surrounded by similar ones we see  
Engaging in varied schemes—Master, slave:  
While similar, they cannot compare—we  
Have unity deeper than that, depraved;  
Will you trust me to bend your conceptions;  
Give you pure in filth, love in collections?_

Captured within the frame of the sphere recorder, the events of their reception played out over again at Paine's choosing. She and Lulu rode the night away to their honeymoon's destination, sitting together in a private compartment of the Phantom Train. The dead used this train for transport all around Spira during these thousand years in the past; several people occupied the rest of the compartments all along the scarlet interior. Beyond the windows, endless ocean passed by beneath the night sky.

She and Lulu had changed to their typical wear for the ride, to relax; Lulu had fallen asleep some time ago, still managing to hold Paine's head over her chest. With headphones on to keep from disturbing Lulu, Paine rewound and fast-forwarded to key events she had recorded.

_Mild vertigo of the camera, and the view shifted to Lulu in her wedding dress, carrying Vidina in her arms, listening to Fleur trying to convince her to work for Eyevine. As Paine approached them, filming, Lulu gave her a sidelong glance and smiled. In the background, several people danced to the upbeat song Yuna and Lenne sang together to the band playing; off to the side, Gippal gestured to the dance floor to Rikku, interlacing his hands as if to beg; Rikku folded her arms and pouted, hissing at him._

"_Lulu, my lady, it truly would do wonders for your career!" insisted Fleur, too adamant in her efforts even to remember to drink the champagne in her hand. "Ah! And your wife—the two of you would look beyond beautiful, beyond sexy together if you allowed Leon to photograph her on occasion as well. What do you think?"_

"_I'm not yet convinced," said Lulu, hiking Vidina up higher with her hip. Vidina appeared distracted by something—someone—behind Fleur. "The world of fashion is very extravagant, is it not? I would be uncomfortable wearing anything flamboyant of any sort."_

_Fleur gestured to the simple, chic outfit she wore. "Eyevine's style reflects my own," she said, garnering a raised brow of interest from Lulu. "We do not bother with the trends of avant-garde that have plagued the industry since Zanarkand's rebirth. Simple, stylish, striking—these are what we strive for. In fact, for the runway during Fashion Week this fall, I would be more than happy to design a line expressly for you."_

"_Hmm," hummed Lulu; Paine panned to the mosh-pit that had begun on the dance floor, zooming in on Brother being thrown up and down in the center. "What exactly do you gain by having _me_ represent you? There are other women you could hire, perhaps more inclined or better-suited to this position."_

"_I must be honest," began Fleur. The camera moved over to where Vidina's sight stayed: a little Viera girl with her mother, both of whom looked remarkably similar to Fleur. "Another annoying trend in the market, especially runway, is the media's obsession with anorexic-looking models. Your body is the type that needs to be recognized, not those unhealthy ones. We at Eyevine are trend-setters—the moment designers see you in the dress I have in mind, they will change their philosophies straightaway…"_

_The screen and time changed—to Lulu and Raine slow dancing with one another amid a few others: Jecht and his wife, Fang and Lightning; Elysia and Gabranth in particular. After capturing the rare ease and adoration between her new in-laws, Paine zoomed in as far as she could, to catch this conversation:_

"…_you do realize she is recording this," spoke Lulu, not quietly enough, "Do you not? She is quite the amateur filmmaker. I would not be surprised if our conversation found its way to the speakers behind the band in a few moments' time."_

_Raine hid her smile, purposely, to keep anyone from witnessing it. "Then we will discuss another topic," she stated. She and Lulu looked around, as if caught in something. Fran stood in the nearby distance, champagne in hand as she conversed with a few fellow Viera. They made eye contact, slight. "…the snow is nice today. Above Alexander's wings, at least. The Holy glow here is also…pleasant."_

_Lulu giggled over her sister's shoulder. "You're terrible at small talk," she teased. Raine pursed her lips in annoyed embarrassment. "While Paine is filming this, should I also mention what else you ought to work on?"_

"_Don't you dare," warned Raine. The camera panned wildly for a moment; Paine scoffed loudly at the children nearby who had nearly run her over, Vidina being one of them._

"_Oh, but I must," insisted Lulu, devious. "Fran is a lovely woman. She is highly-skilled; the two of you share interests. Why is it that you have yet to take her up on her many offers? It is clear she admires you for more than your military prowess." When Raine tried to escape, Lulu moved forward to pull her back. "You won't get away that easily, Raine. These charades aren't helping matters. You clearly want her."_

_Raine's face had flushed considerably out of anger, mortification. "Lulu, on this stage our mother has created, we must all play our parts," she muttered, glancing at Elysia not too far away. "My role does not include romantic or sexual relations of any kind. That is what created my imprisonment in the—"_

_As if thrown to the ground, the camera jerked wildly about. "Hey-hey, Paine!" sounded Gippal's voice; the white of his shoes and pants came into view first. "Come on! You said you'd get her to do it after the kids moved away from the tables! They're gone now—bring her over here!" _

"_Damn you, Gippal," cursed Paine, focusing in on his confused expression. "I was in the middle of filming a goldmine! Raine was just about to tell Lulu why she lives the way she does…"_

_Gippal turned to the dance floor, moving his head this way and that until he spotted them. "Oh, shit, sorry!" he said, trying to get a better look. "See if you can still get something…?"_

_Back in the other direction the camera zoomed, only for Paine's hold on the device to shudder in surprise. Raine walked toward the lens, and shoved it away from her scowling face. Down the view went again, vaguely following Raine's wake to the other side of the area. Lulu's voice sounded as Paine redirected the camera to focus on her stern expression._

"_You really could have been subtler about it," she said, hands over her hips. "Now she's angry with me. Was that necessary, love?"_

_From behind the camera came Paine's meek voice, "Sorry, Lulu—"_

"_Hey!" said Gippal, forcing the camera to focus on his face, "I know the perfect way for you two to make up! How about giving Paine that lap dance, Mrs. Nyte? Or the other way around! I could film it for you!"_

"_Honestly, Gippal," spoke Lulu, disapproving; by Gippal's accident as he threw his hands in the air, the camera focused on her cleavage. Paine made no effort to move it from this angle. "I thought I told you we'll have more private festivities _after _Paine and I return from our honeymoon! I'm not giving her a lap dance in front of Zanarkand's politicians—not to mention my potential employer…"_

_The screen and time changed again—stable, the camera sat atop a table with a tablecloth of violet, just behind a few flickering candles and a plate of red velvet cake. In view, sitting down, Paine licked a bunch of red frosting from Lulu's bare palm, laughing at the excess frosting collecting along the outside of her mouth. Vidina stood behind her, poking his head over the table to watch; he waved and smiled to the camera—and again, shyly, to someone else out of view._

_Paine noticed the person, smirking. "There goes Vidina's girlfriend," she said, reveling in his alarm._

"_What? No!" Vidina tried to hide under the table. Lulu smiled, lifting the tablecloth to search for him. "I don't have a girlfriend!"_

_Lulu glanced at the girl in the distance. "I believe she's Fleur's niece, Geneviève," she recalled. After more rustling, and Paine's wider smirk, Lulu laughed. "Vidina, you can't hide underneath my dress all night. It's obvious you at least find her very pretty. There isn't anything wrong with it." When he refused to move, Lulu looked to Paine in faux vexation. "Now look at what you've done. I expect you to fix this."_

_For a moment, Paine only regarded her blankly. Then, by her eyes, an idea happened upon her; she moved down to join Vidina beneath Lulu's dress. Over Lulu's laughter sounded Paine's faraway voice, "Come on, Vidina. You don't have to be shy. I was only teasing. I know she's not really your girlfriend…"_

_Elysia walked into the frame, stopping behind Lulu's chair. "Dear, where has your wife gone?" she asked, looking about. "Some of Bevelle's Judge Magisters have asked to meet her…" When Lulu could only laugh, Elysia scoffed. "Did I say something humorous? What in Spira is so entertaining? You certainly have been quite the source of giggles today, now haven't you? I cannot imagine why."_

"_Mother, you can't possibly mean that," said Lulu, holding back her laughter. "On the happiest day of my life after Vidina's birth, you truly cannot see why I'm able to laugh freely as opposed to before?"_

_Elysia huffed, sipping her champagne to buy a moment. "Well!" she said, stiffly, "You clearly care not at all for your wife's political networking, else you would understand why this is important—"_

"_I'm right here," said Paine, emerging from under Lulu's dress. Elysia screamed and dropped her glass. _

_Lulu laughed yet again; Paine tried to contain her amusement as Elysia went off on her for the second time that day; Fleur's niece came over to take Vidina by his hand, both of them running off to join the other children; Lulu watched them go with a contented smile on her face._

_Another change: _

_Trembling of the lens and a close-up of Rikku's giggling face; she turned the camera around, bringing into view Yuna's smile and Paine rolling her eyes. "Sorry!" said Rikku, struggling to keep her hands still enough to record. "The Gullwings are finally back together! Seriously Paine, you've been totally M.I.A. lately! What gives?"_

"_You forgot what I told you," said Paine, unimpressed, arms folded. "Years ago, I said that me leaving the Gullwings was always a possibility. You've been looking at it for a long time now."_

"_What?!" she shrieked; in the far distance, Auron was visible, downing glasses of sake. "Since when?!"_

"_Since we went to Besaid to give Lulu those gifts. I thought it was obvious."_

_Rikku moaned in dismay. "That is SO not fair!" she said, moving the camera far too close to Paine's scowling face. "You and Lulu got together then! Does that mean she really _is_ the reason why you never wanna hang out with us anymore? Her mother busted our sphere hunting gigs…it's not like we could go back to that if we wanted. You could at _least _call us!"_

"_Rikku," said Yuna, sympathetic, "Really, it's okay. Don't you think it's time to move on from all that? We're older now, Paine's married—we have different priorities—"_

"_You agree with her?!" Sudden movement and then black; Rikku shoved the camera in Paine's arms. "I can't believe this! Now that you have your singing thing and Paine's turned into Lulu's freaking lap dog, our group's finished? Why don't you just get together with Lenne already and finish us off?!"_

_Paine began filming again, showing Rikku storming off between Jecht and Lulu in heated conversation nearby. Jecht shouted in Rikku's wake, as if expecting her to turn around and apologize. Lulu glared at the camera before taking the conversation elsewhere. The view panned back to Yuna's frown._

"_She's been really emotional lately," she spoke, giving Rikku one last concerned look. "I guess she's…just…well—"_

"_You don't have to keep pretending. I know what her problem is. Most of it, anyway…"_

_Yuna's eyes widened. "You mean you know she's…?" She sighed in defeat. "Everyone will find out eventually. I don't see why she's this intent on hiding things. It makes being around her difficult. I never know when she'll throw another tantrum…"_

"_That thing she said, about Lenne—where the hell did that come from? I know her well enough to tell it wasn't out of nowhere."_

_Yuna covered her face with one hand. "Oh, Paine," she said, bashful. "You know she's just being Rikku…"_

"_No…it's _because _she's being Rikku that I know she said it for a reason. Just fess up, Yuna."_

"_Oh, all right," conceded Yuna, blushing now. "It's just—I… I don't want to put a name to it. I want to blame my dressphere for making me feel this way, knowing her as well as I do… I'm not yet sure _how _I feel, if it's all mostly empathy and understanding. There's a connection that she and I have…it's what helps us sing so well together. As for whether or not it's a romantic connection…I'm not sure." The camera crept back over to Lulu and Jecht in a different area; Lulu noticed right away, raising her eyebrow in warning. All returned to Yuna's confused expression. "What do you think that's all about?"_

"_I'm not sure," said Paine, contemplative. "The last thing I remember hearing her ask him was something about his son, where he'd gone off to. Jecht told her to keep her voice down. That only pissed her off."_

"_His son?" asked Yuna, shocked. "I had no idea Sir Jecht had a son! Did he and his wife ever have children? Or is she expecting? I thought she was older than thirty-three…"_

_By the mild movement of the camera, Paine shrugged. "No idea." A pause, and then, "Hey, Yuna…why did you join the Gullwings, anyway? Weren't you looking for someone?"_

_Yuna smiled, puzzled. "You know, I can't remember," she said, before laughing softly. "It was so important at the time…and now I can't recall what it was. Oh, well. It must not have been all that important, anyway."_

"_Guess not," agreed Paine. "I wonder what the hell Lulu's pissed about, though. It's like she swears Jecht has a son and he's trying to make her stop talking about him."_

"_You know how Lulu gets when she's angry," Yuna reminded her. "I'm sure she'll calm down soon. It might not be a good idea to ask her about it… She might get upset with you, too."_

"_I know…I'm not allowed to question her, anyway. Unless she wants to tell me, I won't worry about it."_

"_Paine—_when_ will you tell me why the two of you have these rules? What are they for…?"_

_Yet another shift, another time:_

_From someone else's perspective, the camera showed Paine carrying Lulu to their seats, both of them smiling wide. Several others sat nearby, clapping and cheering in a way that made clear they'd had a little too much to drink. When they made it to their chairs, Gippal stood up, gathering everyone's attention, champagne glass raised._

"_I've been preparing a _long_ time for this," he claimed, holding his hand to his heart. "Do you mind if I just, uh, go ahead? I don't think I can wait for a cue!"_

_Paine looked at him in light warning. "As long as it's not overly-dramatic, go ahead," she told him, holding Lulu close to her chest. _

"_Right! So, ladies and gentlemen, the name's Gippal—best man _and_ Paine's most loyal, longtime_ _friend!" In the seat next to him, Rikku rolled her eyes. He grinned at her. "I gotta say, all of us, Paine's friends—we never, ever thought this one would get married. Thought she couldn't even hold down a girlfriend to save her life. Stubborn, secretive, Scorpio—yeah, girl, we know how you are!" When he smirked at her, and Paine rolled her eyes, the audience laughed. "Now look at you, married at the sweet young age of twenty-four, and the first out of all of us… And—imagine how shocked I was when I found out you and _Lulu _were together! I barely knew her at all then, just that she was beautiful and meant business—uh…!" _

_Both Lulu and Paine gave him a look. Gippal tried to save himself, "Not that…you aren't now, or that—that anything's changed, you know. I think from the way I act around you guys, it's hella obvious you're both beautiful to me…" Rikku scoffed out loud, earning a few laughs from the crowd. "A-Anyway! Like I was saying, Paine was always one of those cool people who didn't touch relationships. It kinda bummed me out the day she told me she wasn't interested in them. Paine's loyal, sticks to what she believes in; she's caring in her own ways, she's brutally honest a lot of the time—I knew she had all the qualities that _someone _out there needed. I'm just glad she found that someone, even if she was right under her nose for a good five or six years. And even though I totally messed up at the time, I like to think that what I did brought you two closer together—you both know what I'm talking about… So here's hoping I can support you however I can—without, uh…royally messing up this time! And here's to years of happiness…"_

The battery indicator blinked thrice before the sphere recorder shut off.

Paine kept from cursing out loud—she really wanted to watch that toast to her. She leaned farther back into Lulu's hold, setting the camera and headphones off to the side. The entire reception had been full of surprises, with that toast being one of them; never did she think an entire group of people capable of listening happily to their loved ones speak such praises of their marriage. She and Lulu largely kept to themselves—the sight of such an amassment of people both during and after their wedding was one she would never forget, because of what those numbers symbolized.

Simply listening to Lulu's deep breathing and heartbeats through her chest, being held in her arms after such a momentous day, watching the night sky and ocean beyond; Paine's emotions crept up to color this scene, changing the image for the better. Warmth from Lulu's skin exuded, and the rise and fall of her chest colored it all further—she was here, they were here. Everyone had seen them off to the train, wishing them well—except for Rikku, yet her absence could not dull any of this. Both of Lulu's rings together glinted over her hand. Both of Paine's did the same. Constant stream of thoughts, of memories from the day; Paine had to move her closed eyes against Lulu's chest, to contain this, somehow—

From the omnipotent current of push and pull she felt within her own chest, Paine had reached this pinnacle with Lulu where she could not contain anything anymore—not while they were alone like this.

Wetness against warmth, release against resoluteness; all Paine could control was the volume of her breaths—these she kept quiet, however difficult it proved. All of her previous loneliness, her frustrations; how lost she'd been, emotionally and physically, without ever wishing to admit as much; the instability of her youth, never knowing if it had been appropriate to express her feelings; how misguided she'd felt in life, always keeping things inside for the sake of not wanting to see them on the surface, or anywhere—all of these had defined her life, completely unwanted, with only her growing cynicism to prove her hatred of them. They were still there—but the vows she and Lulu had exchanged, the step they had taken, to this: all else now felt to Paine obliterated before the vigor of Lulu's devotion.

When Lulu's hands moved to pull her in, closer, with one along the back of her head to say all that needed to be said, Paine smiled. The longer rise of Lulu's chest, of her inhale, signaled her having woken enough, to support without needing to speak; without _needing to ask_ if something was wrong. Nothing was _wrong_. Nothing could have ever been wrong about being held, being loved; knowing that this day marked the definite end to all she no longer needed to hold onto.

"It's all right, love. What you and I have—I never want it to end. I love you. I won't ever let you go."

She wanted to say something back; Paine did whisper her love just as it burned. With those dulcet tones of Lulu's humming, of the same melody of _Fly Me to the Moon_, she felt herself falling asleep. As she drifted off, the pain she had known before her love for Lulu was all but a distant, unrelated nightmare.

—

Underneath the afternoon sun, countless air balloons, blitzball flags and seagulls of Luca in these thousand years of the past, Paine guided Lulu by her hand to the main stadium. All appeared as lively and vivacious from the Luca she remembered—yet the scale, the magnitude of the buildings of this iteration far surpassed the other. A seaside version of Zanarkand contained within the ports of Luca was to Paine a fine comparison. Through the crowds they passed, seeing a number of advertisements for entertainment throughout the town: the casino, blitzball, and most notably the Sphere Theater.

Despite the efforts she'd gone through to keep this as a surprise to Lulu, something about the smile her wife wore spoke that this location was not much of a surprise at all.

Paine frowned. "How did you know I picked this place for our honeymoon?" she asked. "You don't look surprised."

Lulu walked closer to her, that smile somewhat mischievous. "I had a feeling," was all she supplied.

"That's…weird," Paine went on, trying to recall if she'd let a few hints slip over the months. "I could have sworn I didn't mention anything about it. Unless you managed to read my mind…"

They said nothing more on the topic, though Paine's frustration lingered. For months she'd been anticipating the look of amazement on Lulu's face once they'd arrived to their destination. This clairvoyance she possessed had ruined that—mostly. Hopefully she hadn't been able to predict where else Paine had in mind to take her.

"Love," said Lulu, gaze focused on another leather couple passing by: two tall women—one broader, olive-skinned Human with long, dark hair and thick-rimmed spectacles in heavy butch clothing, and one feminine-looking blonde Viera who possessed a striking resemblance to Fleur; they laughed loudly as they jostled and teased one another, "Did you have anything specific planned for us today?"

This was all too convenient to Paine. "Not today, no…" She tried to keep the suspicion from her eyes, from her body language; Lulu somehow began leading them after the couple down a shifty street. "Even then, what I have in mind is always available. We can go any time. This place never sleeps, just like Zanarkand…" That look in Lulu's uncovered eye: curious, deathly curious—unavoidable, impossible to ignore. "I get the feeling you're making plans for us."

Charming, Lulu asked, "Am I not allowed to?"

Filthier and filthier the cobblestone street became, with puddles of oil and litter marking their path behind the couple. The Viera's high heels kicked up oil behind her, collecting along her long legs; her partner reached behind her, underneath her short skirt of leather, pretending to wipe her clean. Their laughter reverberated along the narrow walls of stone closing in. Various men smoking, drinking or sharpening their knives in dark clothing leaned against the walls; the Viera pressed her hands to their shoulders, one at a time, whispered to them, glancing back to Lulu and Paine with brown eyes roguish; most men smirked and nodded, others offered more ambiguous signs of understanding.

When Paine and Lulu passed them by, the men merely minded their business, paying them little mind.

Paine held Lulu's hand tighter nonetheless. "You're allowed to…" she replied at last, uneasy. "Why are we following them? This isn't exactly what I had in mind for our honeymoon…"

"I take it you had something…tamer in mind?" asked Lulu, as cryptic as she wanted to be. When Paine didn't know how to respond, Lulu went on, "We live in safety every day at home—for the most part. I associate honeymoons with getting out and doing things you wouldn't normally engage in. Taking risks and having fun, making new discoveries… We should take advantage of all Luca has to offer us, don't you think?"

"I never thought I'd say this, Lulu," began Paine, as the couple entered a tall, dilapidated hotel of blackened stone, "…you're way more adventurous than I am. I can't possibly see how this could be fun—risky, hell yes, but _fun_? _How is this fun_?"

Lulu had them follow through to the hotel. "I'm making this decision—you're putting complete trust in me," she supplied, calm as ever. The interior smelled hotly of cigars and sweat; dusty fans blew overhead, shifting their hair. Other patrons passing by in the tiny lobby minded their own business. "Besides, don't you remember how _sheltered _I was, living in Besaid? For all of its imperfections, this is—to me—a place of opportunity, of learning. I have a good feeling about this."

_Well, I don't…but I trust you._

The stringy, long-haired clerk behind the desk did not look up from his newspaper as the couple passed by to the narrow stairwell. When Paine and Lulu approached, he glanced at them, thrice, before setting his reading down. "You two—wanna room?" he asked, monotone. "You got gil? We got vacancies."

Lulu spoke for them, "We would, yes. Only for a few days."

Paine looked up, around—the ceiling appeared to vibrate from the activity overhead, bearing mild cracks. Occasional mist of stone dusted down, blown through the area by the fans circulating through. A large group of kinky people clamored down the stairwell, their laughter echoing through as they passed the front desk. Their heated, sexed smells beneath leather and latex overpowered her senses as they went by. Most noticed her, her collar; how she stood on Lulu's left—they knew, they eyed them with intrigue, yet said nothing _to _them on their way out.

When Lulu paid for their room, the clerk handed them a long piece of wood. "Use this to brace the door," he said, handing it to Paine. "No wood, no privacy. Someone doesn't feel it when they open your door, they're gonna come in. You play that way, you'll get it that way. If not, keep this on."

"Thanks," said Paine, dry, turning the wood over in her hands. The clerk went back to his newspaper.

Lulu appeared downright thrilled as they ascended the stairs to the fourth floor. Protective, Paine remained: vigilant, in case the general sense of respect about the hotel deceived. Louder, those telling sounds became. When they reached the fourth landing, the wood-lined hall bore several open doors. They passed these by, looking inside: sweat-filled rooms of the amazing sounds of orgy; screams muffled by drowning, from waterboarding, and from sadistic laughter; slaves trapped in pillories, bent over for their Masters' pleasure, either whipped or fucked or both at the same time by others; blood trickled down in the largest room, as a slave sat nude upon the floor, slitting his wrists for his Mistress to drink as she lounged in his lap, mouth open to her nourishment.

At that last, Paine had to keep from shuddering as she looked away. Her own blood curled in her veins, making her muscles ill as she and Lulu walked on to the room at the end of the hallway. Fewer doors remained open, here, until they all remained shut, and the final one they reached, theirs. She opened the door for Lulu, making sure to brace the door as she closed it behind them.

Light footsteps against wood and chime of jewels sounded, uninterrupted, as Lulu ambled through the wide room, observing. Paine followed her, noting the draft about the room, the mild grime about the space; the curtains over the dirtied windows stayed still despite that feel of wind; the full-sized bed next to the window bore sheets and blankets unkempt from cleaners too lazy to have made the bed properly. No other furniture lined the room—only space, plenty of space for other people to occupy.

"How fascinating," spoke Lulu, moving to stand in front of the window. The faraway sounds of industry, of flying cars and running pipes met Paine's ears as she approached. "That people actually choose to come here for pleasure, as opposed to remaining within the safety of their own homes… I'm beginning to see why." From behind, Paine held her, keeping their faces close; Paine listened to that hum of contemplation about Lulu. "Although, this isn't _entirely _new to me… I have a confession to make."

_Don't tell me you've fucked around in a place like this before_… "What is it…?"

"When I was younger, when I first began dreaming of the lifestyle we now have, I had a recurring dream about a place like this… Someone in a suit of armor would come with me to a similar hotel room once a year during the blitzball tournament. In complete darkness they allowed me to have my way with them. The typical disgust about the room allured me simply because it should not have; that we could share our darkest wants here, together, in a place that embodied them, at least on the outside…"

Paine shook her head against the warmth of Lulu's shoulder, perplexed. "I'm not sure I understand…"

"Allow me to show you."

Upon the bed, against the headboard Lulu sat, gesturing for Paine to join her. Specifically—Paine lay perpendicular to Lulu, face-down, over her lap, over the knee. For but a moment, Paine frowned at the half-assed cleanliness about the sheets under her nose; that moment vanished once she felt Lulu's hands on her body, roaming. Resonance of flesh against leather, against skin, alternating; of unknown encapsulating known—Paine wondered if, from this alone, it were possible to feel at peace and as one with Lulu, anywhere, even in a run-down place like this, or somewhere worse.

Reactions underneath her skin to Lulu's touch softened, strengthened. That relaxing response to this sensuality only Lulu possessed had Paine sighing, shuddering for more. Her surroundings, she did not disassociate from this—they amplified it all, through novelty, through reality that she could find it in her to fantasize _here_.

"My love," came Lulu's contented voice, "I feel the beginnings of your understanding. That your mind can wander even here; that you could want for the highs of our privacy to escape amid this unexpected stage…" Down, Lulu pulled Paine's shorts, and her thong with them, to smooth down over; to grab her ass, giving spanks light—intentioned enough to make Paine whine the way Lulu wanted her to. "Now that I have you like this, I want to establish a new rule…" Light, lighter, lightest of light, Lulu moved her other hand to Paine's hair, nails trickling along there. "Now that we're married, things will be a little different between us. Unless I say otherwise, we're to have high protocol at all times. That means—" A sudden, harder slap of Paine's ass, of pure pleasure from this build-up; "You're to be on your very best behavior with me. Do you know exactly what I mean?"

Those hands slowed to a near-pause, waiting for Paine to say, "No, Mistress… Could you please tell me?"

Down her thighs Lulu moved, to touch, to offer the same treatment, unbuckling clothes along the way. "Your—attitude," began Lulu, placing more pressure down with her fingertips, of both hands, "Whether we're in a scene or not, it is to no longer be directed at me in any way. If I tell you to do something, you'll not protest, verbally or otherwise. If I see the slightest bit of behavior from you that I dislike, I will rectify the problem. I won't be nice about it, either. Me, you will revere—everyone else, treat them as you will." _My empress, my beautiful empress, my wife, my commanding wife, you have me—all of me. _"I've been letting you get away with a number of things over the months. That ends now. Is that clear?"

"Yes, Ma'am—_yes_," said Paine, on emphasis, by her sudden exposure, undressed from the waist-down.

"We'll see if you do…"

—

_Vertigo again until the view settled on Paine in her armor, and Lightning in her military suit of white for the wedding, both of them staring at the one holding the camera. Fang's laughter sounded just behind the camera, until at last she held the device still. Somewhere behind them, Cid chased after his daughter, shouting after Rikku as she stormed through the reception area. Gippal tried to follow after them, soon giving up out of fatigue. He sighed and went in another direction instead. _

"_So," said Fang, drawing the word out, "What the hell's goin' on with you two, eh? I come back from filmin' for one bloody second and you're both as quiet as a pair of tonberries on the prowl. C'mon, let's hear it! Don't bother tryin' to hide it."_

"_Seriously, Fang?" asked Lightning, before sipping her champagne. "Why does something have to be going on? What if you just interrupted our conversation?"_

"_Then I wanna know what y'all we're talkin' 'bout. Figured that was obvious!"_

_When the view panned to Lightning's chest, zooming in there, Paine stepped forward. "Give me that," she said, snatching the camera away. Fang went over to Lightning, grinning wide in her violet sari despite her girlfriend's unimpressed eye roll. "It was nothing special. We were only wondering out loud about Rikku's problem—her dad's over there trying to get answers out of her. It's not working."_

"_Oh, _that_," said Fang, wrapping her arms about Lightning's neck—steaming now. The camera trembled, somewhat, from Paine holding back her laughter. "Well, if the old man was smart, he'd try a different approach. Hard-headed girl like her, you gotta trick the stuff outta her. Just like this one here."_

_Lightning stared at her. "What?" she asked, too distracted to notice the horde of children running by behind them. "What do you _mean, _hard-headed? That isn't me. You must have me mixed up with someone else. I'm not like Rikku at all."_

"_Sure you ain't," offered Fang, laid-back as always; incensing Lightning further. "Like I said, you wanna figure the problem out? Give her a few drinks, maybe get her feenin', she'll tell you what you need to know. Fool-proof, it is, I swear!"_

"_So is _that _why you always wanna have sex when I don't feel like talking?"_

_Fang smirked to the camera. "Maybe, maybe not," she mused. _

"_I don't care if Paine's filming this or not, Fang," warned Lightning. "Tell me what I want to know—now."_

"_Oh, Light," teased Fang, kissing that scowling face, "You should really know better by now: brute force don't work with me. You want somethin' from me, babe? Seduce me. I don't take orders from no one. That's Paine's job."_

_Lightning gave Paine a look, indiscernible. "You know, she's only saying this in front of you because she's been dying to watch you and Lulu one of these days—or nights."_

"_Watch us?" echoed Paine. "Watch us do what?"_

_With a scoff, Lightning asked, "What do you _think_?"_

"_Watch you and Mrs. Nyte go at it, that's what," said Fang, completely unabashed. The camera shook again. "Oh, don't give me that. When we were in Overdrive, that tease you gave us—let's just say it got us thinkin'. Light here ain't cut out for that kinda lifestyle. Next best thing would be to watch and learn from the outside, eh? We could sure learn a thing or two." _

"_Are you—" Paine tried to keep speaking, amid Fang's smirking; "Are you asking me if you can…?"_

_Fang shrugged, nonplussed. "Why the hell not?" she asked, gesturing with her head in Lulu's direction—the view panned to Lulu in her wedding dress, looking wary as she spoke with Braska, Jecht and Auron. "Ask her for us. Or I could ask—whichever you're more comfortable with."_

_Back the camera went, to Fang and Lightning. Paine's uncertainty sounded, "Both of you?"_

_Another sip Lightning took. "That's right," she said._

"_But, Lightning—why you…? Fang, I can mostly understand… You—you don't strike me as the sexual type. We never even talk about the things we do: me with Lulu, you with Fang. That's why this is all…a little hard to believe."_

"_It's simple, really," supplied Lightning, as a pair of rabbit-like ears surfaced in the background—there ambled past Fran with a rose in hand, searching for someone—Raine, most likely. "I don't have the mindset you do, to be owned by someone of my own free will. You don't look like you have that capacity at all—and there on your neck I see your collar, on your wedding day. I want to know more. Is that bad?"_

"_No, it's not… I'm just having a hard time wrapping my head around it."_

"_How 'bout this," proposed Fang, "I'll go chat your wife up, see what she thinks. You gotta do as she says anyway. If she don't want to, you ain't gotta deal with it. If she wants to, she'll prepare you for it—or she won't. Whatever she wants. Pressure's off of you that way. Better?"_

—

With her arms curled back behind her head, hands clamping against the rough sheets and pillow in her reach, Paine bucked her hips deeper—into Lulu's mouth. Heat immeasurable had coated her body, all aligning with the warmth of tongue and teeth against her. Undulations of bare, sweating flesh leveled the thin, creaking mattress, from Lulu curved as a feline between Paine's legs; the bends that Paine made twisted and turned out of her control, from the singular curl of softness unbound. Vibrations of muffled delight from Lulu between her, Paine sounded out as her own, different, uncontrollably, needing far, far more than this.

Night poured in from outside; their empty stomachs sated by this shifting: preferring, needing this nourishment; echoes of pleasure down the hall compounded with Paine's growing slickness, adding dexterity to Lulu's tongue that could not have existed alone. Blood pumped faster, harder with Lulu's resolve, consuming her wholly, without boundaries, without hesitation. Soaked sounds of saliva and sex spurred her, with those salient moans outside their room—because they were not alone. Anyone could have listened. Anyone could have been in her exact situation. Collective unity, with Paine knowing that she was _here_, underneath all of Lulu's wiles, at her disposal—disposable, for Lulu could have abandoned her there for anyone else, yet she did _not_.

Dripping to the sheets underneath, Paine quavered when Lulu pulled away; twisted again and again by those drags of moisture pulling at Lulu's mouth from between her until the lines snapped. Such a vile sight had never turned her on harder; Lulu crawled up the bed, over Paine's body, pressing soaked lips down on the way, gliding over her skin's surface by the wetness as it were. Lulu's hands curled over her ribs held harder, tighter than Paine could remember of this touch, beyond the mere realm of possessiveness.

When the falls of Lulu's hair reached enough to fan over and up along Paine's body, they had her convulsing, senses soaring. Lulu smiled dark into the kiss of skin between Paine's breasts. "Your fetish never disappoints." She moved to the side, mouth overwhelming enough for Paine to hiss, to scream, to hold her tight. Hot breath and voice over her breast, over the other, alternating; Lulu spoke again between sucking, "I wonder…what it is…about my long hair…that always—always manages…to get this reaction from you. What if I were—to cut it—?"

No control: Paine's body shot upward, in unexpected emotional pain as she shouted, "No!"

Heavier weight on top of her, the clamp of hand and sharp fingers against her mouth; Lulu moved up, higher, forcing Paine's head down and in place, pinning her into the dust of rough fabric there. Leering eyes added to this weight, fully of Lulu's character, of the wholeness of her body.

"It wouldn't be a bother, not for me." Lulu's other hand, Paine felt against her throat—toying with these possibilities as it lingered, lasted. "The only reason I haven't touched it is because you love it this long." Sheen, shining, those knuckles glowed beneath the night's light from outside; these she bent more, fingertips suffocating against skin to break Paine's jaw in harder. "Speaking of long, of length…" Lulu sat up, straddling her with a soaked center. "Have _you _ever given anyone a blowjob before?"

She could answer—with Lulu's two fingers inching down her mouth, now, she could answer, "No, Mistress," biting down light enough on those S's as she did.

"Would you like to?"

Paine dared to keep eye contract, despite her stomach curdling and coiling with confused challenge. Lulu removed her fingers. "Not—unless—it would _please you_, Mistress…"

Down her throat they went again with ease, no obstruction, as if natural. "Your emphasis is noted," spoke Lulu, impish. Out again Lulu pulled her fingers, using her same hand to conjure their dice. "Roll for me, love. I'm curious to see how the rest of our time here will unfold."

To the side, on the bed, Paine threw the dice—_five and one._

"Six, hm? Interesting." And the deck of cards, Lulu supplied, shuffling them. She stopped, and offered the deck to Paine. "Now draw."

Paine did so, feeling her heart sink to join the mess that had become of her stomach. Lulu took one look at the card; threw her head back and laughed.


	36. Six of Spades

_A nod and middle finger to Six of Spades by __**Quietly-Confident**__—only the chapter title, not content…_

_Line to the end for me you do descend:  
An end for those who wish it, not for you  
Whose fortune makes this risk a dividend,  
Not death, because I don't plan to kill you;  
Take my span as the same gun down your throat,  
Shooting there, thick, before shooting elsewhere  
Where there is no risk, memories afloat  
In the lost depths of your mind you do share;  
Spinning now, resting switch: a brief respite  
That you know will change, to show you how far  
Your pleasures go for me, to laugh in spite  
Of your misfortune—flushed through a glass jar;  
Atop alacrity we return home  
To breathe, to relax—call this peace your own._

_I can't believe I drew a fucking spade on our honeymoon…_

Head down, handcuffed and hating this—Paine walked in line, in her typical leather, branding her as she was, dissimilar in tandem to the collarless slaves before and behind amid innocent bystanders. Nightlife on Luca's docks held festivities, fanaticism as the slaves went through. Bursts of sound and heat from flames of fire-eating theatrics, sputtering from regular citizens trying to hold their breath underwater for prizes, resounding knocks of darts against boards and balloons, and loud, attention-seeking magicians all lined the circular promenade around the city.

Thick crowds stared at this parting between them, this long chain of out-of-place people who looked like they were all on their way to die. Rude observers threw popcorn at them, believing this was all an act. To them, to the vanilla spectators waiting on the ferry of Dock Four, it was. To those in line, this was their only option—refused, refuse. To Paine, this was the moment she realized Lulu had been going _easy _on her in all things. Until then, she had merely been a submissive who claimed to be her wife's slave. This—no self, consenting non-consent…that difference was marked.

Anything, anything; anything at all. Will given, taken, withheld. Never to return, unneeded.

To know that her heels against this pavement neared her to challenges, not death. Doing anything for Lulu, being anything for her, to rise above it all, to be alive. Terror chimed as the shift of chains behind her back. Determination broken down and built up again, by the advertisements, by the shouting from the ferry, gathering the vanilla crowd's attention. Those people knew nothing of their entertainment. He, the announcer, the magician, shouted in glory of the sights to behold, of desperate entertainers risking their lives for the chance to be Luca's finest, bravest.

A revolver, he took in his hands, gesturing with grandeur as he loaded the chamber with one bullet. Spinning, spinning, he encouraged their shock. "Witness before your very eyes how they will eliminate themselves to the final battles!" To his temple, he placed the barrel of the gun. "See their sacrifices—!"

Trigger pulled, shot fired. Through his head, the bullet went. He dropped to the wood of the ferry at his feet. Shock, gasps, panic: intrigue, unable to tear their eyes away. Paine kept her head down.

_Tear me down, Lulu…I'll win this for you…_

Unceremonious tossing of the magician to the sea—his body met the water with a dull splash, and that was that. Slaves boarded the ferry, snaking as a line through the crowd deep and heated with curiosity, directed to the darkened lower deck to wait. Seawater, sounds of seagulls, stench of salt and sweat mixed with that flavor of bland predictability, of clueless folk drinking, smoking and jeering, as if this were merely a game. Leather and latex joined these, calmer, more considerate, for they understood what this meant, as potential owners looking to possess any collarless winners of this venture.

Among them, somewhere, Lulu watched, never taking her eyes off of her slave.

With all aboard, the transport took off for the farther seas. Below deck, Paine waited. As the line, as one of the line, she maintained her sight to the creaking floor. Overhead, lining their heads, bamboo served as their ceiling, as the ground for those ahead to stand upon for the crowd's entertainment. As shots and blanks sounded, winners and losers became decided; as the line moved forward, blood seeped through the bamboo, onto the heads of those waiting below. Thuds of those collapsing above sounded, resounded; faint splashes of their bodies being thrown overboard came not long after. Stomps from boots and roars from demanding spectators joined these, intimidating to some. Somewhere behind her, a slave retched off to the side. He held his ground; did not flee.

Crimson dripped, pooling below, over Paine's leather, over her hair. Her sight remained the same, not to discolor with unfamiliarity. Anxiety boiled, to advance, to join those who had fired enough blanks, to prove herself beyond the realm of fortune. But a stepping stone this was. Whatever her quavering, whatever this blood over her flesh contained, she refused to run.

_Mi'ihen, burning sunset, grass blowing in the breeze: Nooj gripped his gun with both hands, toward the camera. Toward me. _

_I can take it. It doesn't bother me. I'm better than that._

To have Lulu see her triumphs, to be rewarded—soon, later, whenever…it would all be worth it. Their honeymoon could not end on this note. They had a home, a child to return to; by Paine's perseverance, by her trust in Lulu, she swore that her fate would see her through this to the end.

Atop the deck, up the stairs, through the claustrophobic space of spectators, Paine had made it to the front of the line. Pools and trails of blood lined around her feet. Attention swarmed, energizing, enlivening. Her own blood rushed at the clicks of boots familiar upon wood, bamboo, toward her. With a deep breath, Paine internalized this myriad as one moment. That revolver—Gippal's—shouted not to.

"She belongs to me," said Lulu to the surrounding hopefuls looking to own, her corset pressing hard against Paine's breasts. She removed those handcuffs. Despite this elation, Paine kept her head down. "Now, love…" Two tips of her fingers she used to lift, to direct Paine's gaze to her. "This will be simple. All you need to do is hold the gun to your head and pull the trigger. Keep pulling until I tell you to stop."

With ease, Lulu loaded the chamber with one bullet. With contained difficulty, Paine watched her spin it. Clicks and circling, spelling fate's decision to the end or continuation of all perception. Blood could not spill, not by Paine's will. Underneath her shaking hand, Lulu's palm held, steadying, spreading; placing the weapon into her control. Spinning did not stop, constant as a carousel. Physics had no place to give her an unfair advantage—elements present as chance, as Lulu's entertainment.

To her temple, Paine pressed cold metal, shaping her skin there with jagged clues of fear. Utmost trust to hold this, perpendicular to her sight, before the encompassing stare of Lulu's command reddish-brown. That color, those irises did not waver. That hue of mixed warmth and wrath held within the sheet to place over her memories, over her fears. All around them—the sea, the spectators, the salt, the stench—dissolved before Lulu's desire for her to see this through.

Precision, exact moment of clarity with the strongest pulls of the allure of her Mistress: Paine pulled the trigger, once. She heard only a blank slate. Vacuumed away the rest of the world, all of Luca, all of Spira past present or future; Lulu's smile, the moment the curl reached its end, Paine pulled again. Hastiness, with haste, Paine made to pull a third time, but stopped. Build-up, pressure—something was there.

Lulu's displeasure spread. Over her beauty, spilling through to Paine's insides, soiling and coiling.

"Pull the trigger all the way. If you don't…"

Paine _pulled _over those last words.

Casing, heat, oil and friction all burned at once as a scattered tattoo over her temple, exploding. Down her body went, to the blood below, not adding to it. When sound registered anew, she heard laughter. Her own trembling, pronounced, speaking her weakness. Functional, her body complied, slight, to lean on her arm, supporting; to look up at Lulu's amusement softer than the crowd's.

She had to read Lulu's lips, to make sure she heard correctly:

"Put the gun back to your head, and pull it again. I didn't say you could stop."

Shaking, twice more, blanks fired. _One more… _One more would be the death of her; Lulu suddenly bore a strong resemblance to Nooj. Night sky became bloodied by sunset. Wood prickled as grass. Threats of friendships ending spelled as no more marriage. No more life, love, learning. Boots, leather bent, as Lulu knelt down; Paine had shook all the way to the ground, unable to find reason enough to be strong. Those heels at either side of her abdomen, and Lulu forcing Paine's hands tighter around the revolver; clicks of manual cocking, adjusting, until Paine's mouth forced open to quaver around metal.

As an Alpha, dominating, Lulu glared down at her. Paine did not fight back, could not fight back; love burst forth, enflamed, burning flight responses. Downward, inward, hard, Lulu tilted this waiting load into Paine's mouth. Tightness, closeness, hardness all:

"Pull the trigger."

Shuddering underneath Lulu's calm, collected hold, Paine swallowed building saliva colored with the gaping of imminent death. Wideness, child-like fear took in all of Lulu's composure. Heart pounding for all the world to see, for her wife to devour with eyes unblinking. Slowly, steadily, Paine pulled the trigger, to suck, to take this, to swallow death whole.

Invasive thickness shoved all the way down her throat. On her knees, over the scratched wooden floor of their hotel room, Paine shut her watering eyes against the sweating skin of Lulu's navel. Semen, spit and suffocation overpowered. All mixed as one, clogging, unable to breathe. Nails, Paine's nails, she gripped into Lulu's bare thighs just above the leather of her boots, to let this out _somehow_. Lulu's nails had dug into her scalp, gripping roots, maneuvering—taking advantage. Through her nose she could not breathe at all; her nose, her lips, her face pushed from and pulled against Lulu's body, rapid.

Wet sounds of deepthroating filled the room, of Paine's feeble protests as _feeble _as Lulu wanted them to be. Her throat's length measured by this other presence. Passage unprotected, elongated, widened. As if she _knew _how to take this, Paine's panic leveled. Up into Lulu's daring eyes she stared, exactly as she had done on the ferry, precisely as Lulu wanted. Her hold on those thighs weakened as she noticed she'd drawn blood from Lulu's flesh; straightaway as anti-sucking Lulu pulled out, cock dripping. She backhanded Paine across her face, hard enough to send her to the floor.

Gasping for breath, quavering for air, Paine curled up there, bare, allowing Lulu's fury to deafen her.

"You worthless, cocksucking whore!" Insults, insults, as compliments dripping sweet from Lulu's umbrage. "Don't you have the decency to watch how you treat my body? _You're not_ supposed to make me bleed!" Shifted, Paine did, facing Lulu head-first, face-down, _Apology_. Lulu pressed the underside and heel of her boot down on Paine's shoulders. "You truly believe this is enough to sate me?" Inhaling old wood and filth, vestiges of fluids from their play, Paine kept her groans to a minimum from this lovely pressure. "It's nowhere near. Give me your fear in exchange for my forgiveness…"

Grabbed, pulled, desired elsewhere: Lulu forced Paine up and onto the bed, shoving her there. Swiftness, with suddenness, Lulu handled her, overpowering, locking Paine's arms behind her back. Delicious vulnerability, loss of control with Lulu's weight on her, sex unprotected, ripping through to Paine's soaking core.

Raising, rising, fucking, hard hot wholly as worthless as she had been named. Nothing, no name, no belonging beyond Lulu thrusting deep—and with no intention to pull out she could sense from this mindful mindlessness. Lulu intended to stay—Paine _felt _it.

Panic rose. Paine whimpered over the possibilities, _consequences. _Palms, she placed against Lulu's shifting shoulders. Pushing with no purpose. Powerless beneath Lulu's judgment—what she wanted, what they both wanted.

"Paine, don't you _fucking _dare push me away," Lulu ground out, taxing, panting. "Don't, don't—_do not_!" Her hands she burned down. Hiking Paine's legs higher around her. Clamping them there. More access, more access; "You forced…these risks…on me—it's time you know…how it feels." She didn't understand, Paine didn't understand: "There is no risk…not for you—you've forgotten…too bad…"

_What did I forget? How do you know if I never told you?_

_What? How? How do you know…?_

Thoughts scattered, broken and shattered. Bodily strength from Lulu above her, Paine held in her arms. Muscles moving, tensing, going, going, going, going; reactions beyond her own, Paine went with it all. Roars of engines, of motorcycles sounded somewhere in her psyche. She ignored it, loudening her screams of Lulu's name to drown it all out. Suffocating kiss from Lulu's lips: breaths exchanged, compacted, one. Soft, wet, thick knife of a tongue Paine felt against hers, trailing, tailing. Faint traces of steel lingered, from that revolver, how it had trembled in her mouth.

Rumbles of engines sounded, somewhere, far-off in memory. Verticality reigned, with Paine imagining herself along the front-side of a tall building, riding…

Rougher, re-energized, Lulu flipped her over, to ride with no control, ramming hard for desired shrills. Friction from Lulu's hands roving, groping elicited from Paine what she wanted, precisely all she wanted: powerless all as one. Terrifying, horrifying, the thought, the arousal that Lulu could _see _all of this as it played in her mind. That Lulu chose to fuck it all, despite whatever boundaries existed between mind and matter. It spun her out of control, beyond, twisting, writhing, spinning, going, madly, higher—

_My sixth sense peacefully placed on my breath…and listening…my ears know that my eyes are closed…_

Blindly in the dark of night, inside, on center stage of the empty Sphere Theater, entertainment to no one, spinning sung through the air surrounding them; Paine, in her tuxedo of black for the evening, led this dance, to the song Lulu had chosen, spinning her love as a threadful fan of scarlet dress and pirouetting heels, non-stop, not stopping, afterhours, it didn't matter, Lulu wanted this through her laughs, her smiles, her languor in Paine's arms, dancing, dancing, dancing with her as a child carefree with her lover, and Paine so serious in her enjoyment of this illegal excursion, Lulu's head thrown back, twirling as a flower spun by its stems in Paine's hands, in unison, in union, in circles, in spirals, in Spira, in life, continuous life through dance, Paine led this through alertness, learning Lulu's enjoyment, listening to Lulu's laughter, love, living, loss of losses, constant constancy, dreaming together with her, opening the world, going to this tune of the starless sky of pitch overhead, turning, over at midnight, watching Lulu through eyes amazed stunned adoring doting wanting needing, to keep going, keep going, leading with steps sharp and intuitive, learned from Lulu, as a storm contained in laughing order, with Lulu hanging from her, being supported, expanded, arching, happiness fulfilled in this moment never-ending;

When the tempo picked up, picked up, Paine placed her positions pointed, pacing, pleasurable for her wife, approving, going in rhythm to the woman's voice, of song, roaming in rules, with steps decisive, allowing Lulu this dreaminess in her joy, to be the solid one, sturdy for Lulu's enjoyment, leading, leading, going, listening to how Lulu loved her, to not question this, to keep it going, devolving the thread of their lives together in this instance, to allow Lulu her freedom in all things, to be anything for her, anything anything anything, because she could not help it, could not be _anything _else…could not _be _with anyone else…could not see anything else except this lingering, loving, light…

In that same darkness, Lulu maneuvered them to the grand piano on stage. Staged, as the song ended, shifting to ambiance, atmospheric, ethereal. Nestled against the curve of the piano, Lulu allowed Paine to press her against, to touch her in this rest. Photographic, with softness softer than allowed before through lips, through tongue, with sounds of hands sighing against fabric and skin, with Lulu arching her reactions to these orchestrations. Inward, again, Paine held her close, roaming down, _knowing _this pause in action had its gapes and holes to be suspicious of. Sighs from Lulu gave her permission, more consent, acquiescing through control. Down the wholeness of Lulu's body, curves soft, pronounced, trained, irresistible, Paine moved down, farther, underneath that dress of her eyes.

Lulu sighed, and sighed harder, both hands trailing down along the nape of Paine's neck through her dress. "Enjoy this…while you still can," she said, guiding; long leg wrapping over Paine's shoulders. Heat, through sex and senses. Paine tilted, upward, pleasuring, blinded in her devotion to this task. "I _need_…you to. To soften the blows…"

_Soften which blows…?_

Clawing through fabric, Paine felt Lulu's nails reaching down her neck, down her shoulders, nearing her back to pull her, pulling, directing. Slick sensuality from between her, Paine drank more and more, tongue curling against what she knew. Shuddering responses spurred her, to feel the bend of Lulu's leg trap her harder with more roughness. Authority, sharpness from Lulu's nails prickled, piercing skin not hard enough to bleed, but to bow Paine's body lower, underneath her, regal as they had done over a year ago against the ice of Lake Macalania. No coldness nor chill, no snow nor sleet, not from their surroundings—but _Lulu's intent: _Paine felt it as arctic than any blizzard.

Whatever her experience with Lulu's body, knowing these spots, exactly where the folds met to slip the tip of her tongue deepest for desired effect, it meant nothing in the chill of this foreboding. Hearing Lulu cry out for her, to say her name laced with such wanting agony, Paine knew to hold onto this moment. For her sovereignty would soon end; for Lulu's intentions would soon present themselves afterward, for her demise, as a surprise one Paine could not surmise with any accuracy.

Unexpected, unexpected cold, next—the one of different metal, hollow, of the locker Paine pressed her face against, body bare to the dark chill of the locker room belonging to the Besaid Aurochs of this time. Against Wakka's locker in this past, Paine stayed against, breathed against. Against the back of her shoulders, just above her blades, she felt not Lulu's nails, but the crack of her single-tail whip, of leather stinging skin. Welting waned in the shadow of her pain, internalizing her screams, breathing it all in.

Hard enough, away from her spine, just hard enough to elicit pain, but not to damage her. No harm done—only an opportunity to show Lulu how much she could take, for her. She didn't want Lulu to go easy on her. Their scene had lasted but three days. They could go longer, harder, higher. More risks, more incentives, more reason for rewards much, much later. If Lulu wanted to redden her back more, Paine wanted her to. If Lulu wanted this whip to echo through the locker room louder, to goad anyone there to watch, Paine wanted her to.

Stinging blows blew against her skin, lingering as if a hot brand of leather. Errant wind blew, marking Lulu's controlled force. In harmony, she heard a chime of crystal, and the increasing sounds of Lulu's boots…but by these impacts, Lulu had to have been standing still. Nevertheless, someone approached; clicks of boots came to a stop behind her, as did the whip. Hissing inhalation from Paine came as she tried to analyze, to listen—to feel Lulu's hand against the affected area of her upper back. Here, she felt that palm _here_, and yet over there she heard more clicks of Lulu's boots, walking over to her side, it made no sense, no sense, none at all; and when the hand on her back grew larger through another crystal call, panic levels rose far beyond the ceiling of the locker room.

Heart pounding, red flags waving and bleeding, alarms sounding shrill inside of her, with blood pumping hard and fast and long enough to arouse her in the wake of her sheer uncertainty. This larger hand on her back began to caress with Lulu's same calculating softness from her Mistress Fury persona, yet it _was not her_. And the door, the door never opened, not once—_how _else could someone have entered?

Next to the side of her face, Lulu breathed, her breath hot, amused; smelling of her lipstick from licking her lips again and again, "Shall I demonstrate to you your deepest desires…? Ones that, perhaps, you hadn't the chance to consider…until now…"

Knees trembling, body shuddering, eyes set to weep from this dread. Her hips, those hands grabbed; Pane felt her lower body being pulled away from the locker, to bend over. Lulu took the locker's place, for Paine to clamp onto that corseted waist; for Paine to look up at her Mistress with no ounce of fear contained. Hands soft, in front of her, Lulu smoothed down Paine's hair, petting, caressing down her back; hands hard, rough, behind her, _someone _undressed between groping her ass, dropping loose garments to the floor.

With sympathy false, Lulu looked down at Paine. "You will keep your eyes to me, love," she ordered. "Allow this, because I say so—and _only _because I have said so. This has nothing to do with what you want, slave. It is because you don't…that I do—"

Invading thickness, thicker than Lulu's, longer than Lulu's shaped through, _too real. _Screams muffled against Lulu's corset, with this roughness foreign, handling unwelcome. That timber, that voice behind her, bent over her, fucking masculine—a man's, a man's, a man's she knew, fucking her, fucking her, fuck, _fuck_; panic broiled, searing her, and she could only cry, could not fight, could only whimper in false anger. Life promises shattered, genuine sincerity, purity gone—tainted, wrong, no, _how _could Lulu make her do this? Along this rhythm rocking rough, Paine whimpered, _why, why, why?_

With Lulu holding her close, understanding could not reach in any coherence. Sadism tasted deep as Wakka—some clone, some part of Lulu—fucked her with the uncaring quickness of a man fucking a whore. All the while, Lulu continued to stroke, to pet, watching, with wiles wide as she smirked and smiled. Reason could not reach Paine, not at this frequency of fear. She perceived it all as real, with those hands that did not know her gripping the bend of her hips and thighs. That anatomy she did not know, at all, yet the _touch_—deep down she recognized it, felt it as Lulu's with no difference spiritually.

Unknown, yet she knew it all. Unfamiliar, yet she knew the taste of this stimulus, of the exact force Lulu used behind her thrusts to _tell _Paine how pathetic she was for enjoying this. Wakka—Lulu—both the same, all the same, the body didn't matter, and that evidence was undeniable whatever Wakka's grunts and uncouth insults. She could not deny, or fight back that it got her _off._

With Lulu watching her, testing her obedience, Paine felt arousal thickening within. Those thrusts quickened in time with Paine's growing guesses that this was not so _real. _Tears stopped not by her mind's realizations—her body sensed it all, sensed the safety in this humiliation; slowly, it reached _her_, that Lulu did not like to share, that they had hard limits in place, that _she trusted Lulu_, her wife.

"It's you….!" she tried to say, to convey through her panting.

Lulu smiled.

Harder now, only to let this reason out, the one behind her went to cause. Somewhere, somehow, Paine started to enjoy these differences. Only with Lulu's eyes on her to oversee this. Only with Lulu above her to moderate this. Lulu could take any form, any one; Paine saw herself being fondled by many of the same, however they appeared, to allow anyone to hold and love her so long as she knew who they were inside.

Even this _man _whose future had been murdered—Paine could separate not this from her pleasure. If the sturdiness of this figure offered all the same to her as she had come to love, she wanted more of it. Any person, anyone; all the men in her life she began to wonder of, if Lulu could have been them on the inside, Paine could imagine the hot nights she would want with all of them—all of Lulu. Barriers didn't matter, they didn't matter. This unexpectedness, novelty, difference of being used, of worse, all of Lulu's enjoyment made her clench, come, copious:

Personal peace.

Peace with sunset, at that time, bleeding sky overhead in Luca's square, crowded, with crowds aplenty passing by. Lulu sat down on a bench, no longer hesitant to wear her boots and corset in public, with Paine in her warrior dressphere standing in front of that amusement. Days had passed, with the remainder of Paine's tortures lessened somewhat by her revelations in the locker room. How she had learned, horizons broadened, expanded, thanks to Lulu's forethought, to the trust between them. Anything at all now, Paine felt prepared to endure, beyond the echelon she had been on previously.

And by the sound of Lulu's giggles, near-girlish, Paine felt this was another breather before more.

"You know," began Lulu, light; uncaring of the stares they received from passerby, "You never did show me _all _of your dresspheres, how they look on you. While I did witness a number of your outfits during our journey to Zanarkand, there are a few you've been hiding from me. I wish to see them."

Paine _wanted _to ask why, why then… "Yes, Mistress," she said instead, wishing of some way to shed her embarrassment.

Before she had even finished her shortened transformation, Lulu had already begun to laugh in delight. Light violet and darker ones of her thief dressphere, of a disastrous two-piece outfit with stiletto heels, showing far too much skin. Strangers stared as Paine gripped her daggers identical to Rikku's.

Lulu clapped in her amusement, commenting loud enough for others to hear, "Oh, Paine, you look like a tramp!" Flushed, Paine's skin became, suddenly aware of the breeze against her exposed back and abdomen. "Let me see another one, slut. I know you have more…"

Body-hugging, exposing, sleek, unwanted—Lulu laughed harder at Paine's Lady Luck dressphere, floor-length silk of purple and design centered on her curves. Accompanying deck of cards, she no longer owned, for Lulu had taken that from her and added it to her repertoire to conjure from. This enjoyment was not at all preferable to the one she had heard of Lulu in the Sphere Theater during their dancing.

And one more, at Lulu's command, to finish herself off:

When Lulu took one look at the white and pale blue bodysuit of Paine's songstress dressphere, the steadfastness of her ribs and lungs became suspect. This mix of Top 40 and rock 'n roll by her boots, her cane-like microphone; the _unbearable _displeasure from this assigned role of songstress had Paine's skin crawling, seething inside. Side-splitting laughter from one typically so stoic humiliated Paine all the more, and not at all like their shared laughter during their wedding. Surrounding onlookers also began to laugh, collective amusement tearing at Paine's insides. She scowled as appropriate, as _all _she could do, waiting for Lulu to either calm down or give another order.

Through this embarrassment, Paine somehow, slowly, found her own joy in it—the beauty of Lulu's laughter uninhibited did brighten this blow, somewhat… Because Lulu would have never laughed this hard otherwise. She suddenly felt the urge to take a picture of this moment. With Lulu distracted by her running tears and eyes wide shut, Paine managed to sneak her camera from her dressphere; taking a photograph, quickly, and putting her camera back before Lulu could take notice. Her success felt as vindication, enough to endure the rest of this.

Thankfully, Lulu did not make her sing and dance for their impromptu audience—they had to catch the Phantom Train back to Zanarkand soon. Yet they arrived to the platform just as the train began to take off for the night. Unbothered by the turn of events, Lulu improvised: her heels and hands she used to latch on to the back of the last car, climbing to the roof as the transport picked up speed. Back in her leather dark as the night around them, Paine had no choice but to follow. Though her mind screamed for a less dramatic solution to the problem before them, Lulu seemed to have planned this to the very last second.

Off-balance, with momentum pushing past that belonged not to her, Paine crawled after Lulu walking with ease atop the car by her gravity spells. Environments rushed past, of Luca's ports and the expansive city that rested along the Highroad in these thousand years of the past. Noise from the night wind soared through Paine's hair, making her wince. She tried to find reason through the pumping pistons below and Lulu's strutting up high before her.

High heels against steel helped to steady her, somewhat, though Paine's mind reeled at this turn of events. By the casual looks Lulu gave over her shoulder, there spoke encouragement for Paine to follow on her own two feet. Those same spells proved difficult to mimic under this strain, of speed, of certain death if she were to fall to the sea over which the train passed. In good-humor, Lulu backtracked to help Paine stand up with her, holding onto her tight.

"If you allow your fear to cripple you, you won't get anywhere with me," spoke Lulu, in Paine's ear: nurturing, consoling. "Come with me, love. Let's move to the center car, at least. I want to enjoy the view with you for the ride home."

Steady only by Lulu's support, Paine walked with her, hands interlaced—gripping tight in sweat and shakes. Each movement of the train, from stutters of motion against the tracks, from the continuous push forward all had Paine convinced that she could fall of these, any one of these at any moment without Lulu's hand holding hers. Not at all like their daring atop Gippal's car—this velocity, this uncertainty was unmatched, with the near-promised plunge below this bride a most unwelcome sight.

When they reached the center, Lulu sat down, gesturing in front of her, and on her lap. Against chilled steel, Paine lay down in front of Lulu, head pressing hard into her lap. Night's chill lost its hold on her by Lulu's touch, her spells, her affection Paine didn't see coming. As if in bed placed atop the Phantom Train, the terrors around and below began to dissipate in the heat of their trust. Quiet, attentive, Lulu's touch roamed along Paine's head, her shoulders, her neck and arms, caring.

"Better?" asked Lulu, already knowing Paine's answer by the inflection of her voice.

Paine nodded—that was enough for her, for them.

Whirlwind of emotions from their honeymoon—not yet over—all returned to Paine as she stared up at the constellations above. Clouds held little place in the sky she could see. Distant horizons showed regions mountainous, unexplored in their present time beyond Zanarkand, beyond what history could have ever taught. Experiencing all she had in this past had Paine learn the roots of her fears: that they could be pulled, and that they had been, even if they would continue to return without warning.

Hours, and on, the train ride went, with Paine unable to sleep, too comfortable where she was in irony. She thought and thought, pondering; wondering how they could spend the rest of their time, for Lulu had sanctioned the remaining days of their honeymoon to be toned down in difficulty. Farther out at sea, and the sounds from the train spread to the space around, distending, to allow conversation.

"Are you all right?" sounded Lulu's voice, humming through her body, her skin.

Surprising, a smile came through to Paine, as her answer. "Yes, Ma'am," she said in kind.

"You are certain?"

Wider, Paine smiled, nodding.

Lulu seemed satisfied enough with this, moving on, "Would you like to roll and draw again when we return home?"

"I'd love to."

With a smile to match, Lulu asked, "How are you so sure?"

No need to think it over—Paine replied, "I trust you, implicitly. After what you've shown me, how can I not? You know I want more. Whatever it is, I can take it—for you. Whatever I draw, I know I'll enjoy the rest of our honeymoon together. The rest of our undying lives together, as long as we stay in Zanarkand… I can't imagine anything better than that."

Paine could tell that Lulu wanted to ask—_do you hate me? Do you resent me? Are you at least angry with me? _

For whatever Lulu's technique, she feared the breach of trust between them. To a degree, Lulu did hold back, and Paine knew it, though she wished Lulu wouldn't. Down the line, with the strengthening of their marriage, perhaps she would no longer sense that fearful hold Lulu kept on the consensual non-consent they had agreed to. From conquering all that had flown by such a short time, the craving for more settled in, stalking senses and sense.

_What more could she do to me…? What more could I allow—not say no to, not fight back against?_

Expansions of what they had experienced together in Luca multiplied in Paine's imagination. If Lulu would allow herself to push the boundaries more, just a little more the next time she drew a black suit. More emotional pain, uncertainty, only for Paine to come out on top, victorious over whatever illusions Lulu had managed to send to slay her senses. Living to the fullest, completely, entirely—she wanted more. More hours moved past, passing through sea, past sorrows blown away through this speed, enjoying one another through shared silence. Not long after, through their sleepless night, the glowing horizon of Zanarkand's sunrise came through the distance, burning through as a glowing sea and city of opportunity, industry.

Just the beginning, only the beginning. However cruel Lulu could have been, her love moderated this. Uncaring, thoughtless cruelty was not to Lulu's tastes. After these six days, Paine could trust that much.


	37. Vespertine

"_Pagan Poetry" by Björk_

_Voyeurs cannot see all before their eyes,  
Not without piercing our souls joined as one  
Or digging into recesses of size  
Unfathomable to what sight has spun.  
Inspire me, my love—see through to me  
Where I dare not let anyone else tread;  
That I might make come true both of our dreams  
Together, building read on top of red.  
Suspicion: banish it from our romance,  
For you needn't know what it is I have;  
For your benefit, light disrupts your plans  
With reality, and again, to salve;  
Guilt burns, bleeds, burrows deep inside your heart  
Because you know this is only the start._

More connected for the complying eyes on them—Paine showed off her practice with Lulu's body.

Weeks later through to the early summer, evening met the candlelit warmth of their bedroom, heady in crispness and company. Lower halves covered in fine threads, upper by the sheen of sweat and plane of weight. On top of her, Paine stayed, patiently, placing breaths one at a time down Lulu's jaw, memorizing those marks of movements. Pressure from Lulu's arching pressed up and into Paine, signaling, through sighs as those presses neared the sensitivity of her neck. Slow, Paine lined that length of neck with her hand, stroking before licking; firm, her other hand clasped beneath that arch of back, supporting.

Breathing in the curve of Lulu's neck relaxed and relaxing again; shifting hands to interlace at either side of their heads, pressed down to the softness of sheets, tight despite any discomfort. Beside grasping hands lay the drawn card, face-up, _Heart_, with hours many, beginning here, in the twists and coils of reactions, of need Paine never had enough of. Together by sweat, slow for Lulu's sake, for there was no rush in her world, no need to make this moment tear away by force of roughness.

Slower Paine went down to Lulu's shoulders delicate in strength, shifting to cup, to hold onto softness, sighing by the unyielding grip of those arms along the back of her head. Epicene Lulu sounded, sweetening Paine's ears to sear down and along her movements, navigating this heated closeness. Her lips lingered on the soft protrusion of sinew she could reach, breaths hot. Her hips hiked Lulu up higher along the bed, pressing between, meeting heat, soaked against skin, slick, grinding, going. Guiding down, Paine's head went with Lulu's direction, to her chest over her heart, with arms wrapped tight around her body.

Here, through those hammering heartbeats under her lips, she felt something—light, crystal, love—pulling her in, by that pulsing, as Morse code to spell out this desire, to show, unrelenting—

_Judge Magister Nyte—_

_Sir Nyte, my lord, I love you, I love you, I love you, how I love you:_

_In the night, stifling heat of Besaid's dayless dryness, Paine felt dispossessed until resuming space in her armored body once more. As a ventriloquist, Lulu's will dictated her every action, thought, and breath as she stood near the steps of the temple. Total slavery, mind, body and soul—Paine could only be what this fantasy dictated: staring through the openings of her helm at the one sitting by the bonfire, alone. Hunger deeper than the hottest core miles beneath her armored boots tore, rumbled in waiting, waiting, waiting to be summoned; tamed, until then, by the young girl in her long, black dress reflected through crimson eyes sharp and wanting, never dulled by the currents of time. _

_Absolved, Paine was, of this yearning by the sheer presence Lulu emanated in her youth. Toward her, she walked, footsteps chiming and crunching blunt against heated stone and dirt—that heat there, under, or beyond of the bonfire, could not amount to the need immeasurable within her. Kept within, with practice, with poise, to impress Lulu impressionable at this age of fourteen, to keep her guessing, wondering…_

_Wondering enough, indeed, to recognize those footsteps nearing her—Paine sat down before her, watching those unfocused eyes wandering to meet her. Opacity shone clear through Lulu's eyes instead of the reddish-brown of remembered memory, sharpened by her head tilted at an angle too arrogant for a girl her age. Bent toward her, Lulu held her hand out, palm down, fingers together as the sharpest of daggers. Without hesitation, Paine held that blade of bone and skin soft and thin with youth and beauty. _

"_I had to be sure it was you, Your Honor," said Lulu, sounding foreign in that lightness of adolescence; but half a grade higher than her older sultriness. "While you are the only one in the village who insists on such guarded wear, I do like to be careful." Paine tilted her helmed head down a tic, listening a moment to the crackle of the fire proximal—hot. "Are you well? You seem…different tonight."_

_Deeper, on purpose, Paine's deadpan voice sounded as baritone through the echo of her helm, "I'm well enough, my lady," she replied, with mystery veiled. _

_Lulu's lips curled in amusement, tight in a smirk. "Ever the master of words, aren't we?" she teased, light. "That was an invitation for you to tell me what it is you've been up to. I did not think you would join me tonight. For the past few nights, Chappu has been helping me return home…" Such a mention singed Paine with envy, burning, broiling unfathomable. Something about Lulu's smile spoke of her purpose with that divulgement. "Or will you burn me by keeping your silence instead, as you always do?"_

"_It's not my wish to…harm you," spoke Paine, guarded beyond her own wants. _

"_Is that so…"_

_Lulu moved her hands to that helmet, pressing against either side. She waited. Tears stung Paine's eyes as a constant stream that could never recede. Beyond her armor, the wind breezed past, rustling trees overhead and the nearby fabrics of huts housing residents oblivious. Somewhere, Paine heard an echo:_

I need you…please help wake me up from myself…help me remember how I died and returned here…

_Without resistance, Lulu removed Paine's helm, revealing that length of silver hair blunted by sweat and time. Through the falls of her hair, Paine watched Lulu's hands raising, reaching up, unhesitant, to touch. Breaths aged by anxiety, fatigue, and fear sighed out over Lulu's trembling palms. Warm, young, delicate, Lulu touched her face, held Paine's face, firm enough to possess. Imprecise wanderings of those irises roamed there, touching further. Lifts of her fingertips tested, tasted, to complete this canvas; palms searching, soft as the breeze, innocent in such intentional prying, to know: as a lover familiarizing once more, not at all as a stranger._

_Curious, Lulu continued to hold her there, communicating, "Strange…I wasn't expecting this…" Point of pain, she pressed her digits into the femininity of Paine's bones around her eyes, stroking, stopping at the height of cheekbones. "You have a very soft face, Your Honor. Very, very soft…" _

_Higher her hands went, to thread between cascading hair, pushing back, pulling in, slight. Deeper Lulu's curiosity went as she fanned out Paine's hair over the back of her armor, repeating that lightness as she lifted and layered. Around her shoulder plates and over her breastplate Lulu's hands went, pressing there. By some wicked force, Paine knew Lulu felt the drilling of her heart through darksteel, vibrating. By that same force, Lulu moved her hands back to Paine's face, to the space between parted lips, swollen in need. _

_In that moment, Lulu's hold on Paine felt to take up far more space that the width of her hands allowed. "I apologize," she said, hands returning to her lap, staring down at them. "I'm…not certain what came over me. Whatever it was…if it was too forward of me, I will keep it to myself. Unless—" Red tinted Lulu's neck, rising up; "You wish to know?"_

"_My lady, you don't need to say the words… I know you deeper than you can fathom." With Paine's declaration, Lulu shifted, shoulders and hips, toward her, wholly feminine in allure. "By whatever force in this world, I admit these things to you not of my own will."_

"_Then…" Lulu regarded her, vast in her agelessness of a sudden, "Whose will is it?"_

"_Yours…I'm yours…"_

Ripped from that non-reality by the violence of Lulu's orgasm; she gripped Paine, clamping hard in this hold, nails digging, clawing deep, both ring bands branding, screaming her name. Trapped, needed, limbs pulsing, Paine adjusted to the loss of space, depressing her body to fit in the worldlessness of this heated hold. If Lulu's throat bled from the tearing of her cries, Paine felt it, encapsulating this wavering loudness in memory. Lulu did not let her go, did _not _let her go through those highs. Something far deeper than this spoke, sang, and burned within; Paine felt it against her, everywhere.

_Inspiration, inspiration…a blueprint of pleasure, secret code carved._

Moments passed, and silence resumed by the shallow sighs Lulu let out, breath catching. Relaxation found her; her head lulled to the side, and sleep took over in seconds. Paine watched that metamorphosis, of candlelight lining features strong in beauty—and that beauty fascinated.

That something subsided, vanishing into Lulu's hold, out of Paine's reach. With a small sigh, contented, Paine kissed Lulu's neck, once, before looking over—over to their voyeurs.

On the reclining chair near the bed sat Lightning and Fang next to one another, clothed; shocked in their respective ways. Though, Paine noted, Lightning bore more than mere shock. Some manner of fascination had taken over her typical expression and a tint of pink over her skin of match to her hair. Paine did not linger there; she gestured with her head toward the door. They both knew to not ask questions, to take their leave and lock the front door behind them.

With care, Paine rested against Lulu's body, listening to her breathe for a long while. She could not forget what she saw, what Lulu could not see in that illusion… Paine replayed it again and again in her head, trying to figure out how to ask Lulu about it; if she would ask at all, with their rules in place. They had agreed to continue the rest of their scene tomorrow evening. She made a mental note to try asking—enough—about it then. She wouldn't have the chance to after tomorrow. Vidina would return from his training then. Tomorrow…tomorrow it was.

—

Tomorrow, the next night, she and Lulu ambled with one another at a slow, intimate pace through Zanarkand, en route to a place of Lulu's choosing. Light, Lulu leaned against her as they walked, sighing against the white of Paine's top designed as a suit jacket, worn as a shirt by the button-down front. White followed for her pants, and heeled boots unsoiled by the cleanliness of the docks they approached. Lulu wore her scarlet dress from their time in Luca, having grown attached to it lately; by her ease, she enjoyed the light breeze and flutter of the satin around her high heels.

This simplicity appeared a fine intermezzo to Paine, breaking up any routine their play may have begun. Occasional stares they attracted, of curiosity, or mere glances to the lightness about them. This ease did not deceive, for Lulu still bore her adventurousness: they neared the expanse of water separating this county from the next, and continued walking over the water. Paine wanted to say something, to convey her surprise; this novelty of puddles forming beneath their feet, supporting, kept her from speaking.

Lulu held her hand tighter, laughing. "You really shouldn't be so surprised," she said, piquing Paine's curiosity all the more. "This is the same skill that summoners use to perform sendings over the water. It is possible I inherited the skill from my mother. I was the one who taught Yuna how to do this when she was only an apprentice summoner."

"How exactly are you doing it?" asked Paine, trying to sense any gravity spells at work.

"It is not necessarily an act, love. It is more of a symbiotic relationship with the water. Trust it and it will offer you safe passage. Fear, or, rather, expect that you will plunge to its depths, and you will. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy in that case."

"I'll keep that in mind…"

Together they traversed the body of water, walking over the glitter of moonlight over the still sea. Paine's eyes wandered to the sight in the distance, of Zanarkand's buildings piercing the night sky. She did not want to think of the present day that wore this memory as only ruins. This city deserved far more than that, to have been destroyed. That thought made her work come into the foreground, to do with Vegnagun, Seymour—she dismissed these, to focus on her wife, as Lulu deserved.

On the other side, they reached an outdoor restaurant elevated along the docks. Circular tables with white cloth and ivory candles dotted the area; hanging, veiled gas lamps provided light and enough warmth from the mild chill in the night air. Decorative font on the standing sign next to the entrance labeled the establishment as _The Bismarck, _offering a variety of fine seafood dishes to a limited, invitation-only group of Zanarkand's citizens. Without fuss, the Maître D' ushered Paine and Lulu straight through, showing them to the table Lulu had reserved nearest the water. A number of Zanarkand's elite, both political and military alike occupied the open space. Those who glanced at them acknowledged their status in Elysia's family; all who made eye contact with Paine offered respectful nods, though she recognized none of them.

Paine helped Lulu sit, first, before taking the seat across from her. Clinks and cracks of ice sounded, of warming, from the Maître D' herself filling their glasses with champagne; she gave a bow, asked them to wait for their server, and took her leave. Though Paine noticed something amiss about the space in front of her:

"No menus?" she asked, looking to Lulu. And why did the people here insist on drinking their champagne with _ice_?

Lulu took a sip of her champagne, humming first. "There's no need, love," she said. "My mother owns this restaurant. You will see that things are done differently here." She smiled at Paine's frown, at that confusion with the ice in her champagne. "The ice…never melts… It's to keep your drink chilled…"

They both began laughing, without warning; Paine had a strange thought of Elysia choosing to make ice mandatory in all of the drinks here, as a tribute to this absurdity she knew so little of. As they calmed down, Paine reached across the table to hold Lulu's hand. Amethyst glowed in the midlight and lamps overhead, of Lulu's engagement ring she wore under her wedding band.

Paine smiled down at that glow, thinking out loud, "You know, we don't really go out like this a lot… I never imagined us coming to a place like this for a scene, either. Then again, I drew a heart. It fits."

"It's automatic for us to stay at home, in bed," spoke Lulu, mirroring Paine's thoughts with ease. "I see nothing wrong with it. Unless—" That pause brought Paine back to the night before, to that illusion by Besaid's fire; "You believe it's a problem?" Paine only shook her head, averting her eyes. Lulu noticed—as she always did. "Something else is on your mind. It looks rather serious."

_So much for a seamless transition to that_… "It's not _serious_… I've wanted to ask—"

Their _server_ arrived, bowing in her usual armor as she stood aside their table. "Good evening," said Raine, terse. Lulu smiled in delight; Paine stared at her sister-in-law, thrown and at a loss. "I have already informed the chef of your preferred dishes. I will return with them in but a few moments' time…" She glanced at Paine, those hazel eyes full of ire. "Your Honor?"

Paine decided to come right out and say it, "Why…are you our waitress? I know your mother owns the place, but…"

Raine kept from scowling with great difficulty. "I suggest you enjoy your date and keep out of my affairs," she replied, curt. Paine shifted in her seat, looking away; offended and confused all the same. "Will that be all?"

Lulu's smile had not left her. "Thank you, Raine," she said, aglow. Raine bowed again and left. She looked to Paine again, smiling wider. "Love, you shouldn't let her demeanor upset you. She means nothing by it—you know that."

"I get the feeling she means _something_ by it with me," muttered Paine, moving her hand from Lulu's. Lulu appeared unbothered by this, by that persistent smile as she sipped her champagne. Paine stared at the salt shaker in the center of the table, humoring herself in pouring some of it into her own drink—as a reminder of their engagement night, their first scenes… "Do you have any idea why she's doing this for us? Doesn't look like she's anyone else's waitress… I thought she was with Vidina."

"Vidina has learned to fend for himself," supplied Lulu, rocking her wrist to swirl the ice in her drink. "I believe he mostly stays to the safer parts of the forest when Raine is not with him, tending to the animals there. So long as he doesn't sneak any of them in the house again, I'm happy with what he's chosen to do." In acknowledgement, Paine nodded, taking a few moments to picture Vidina enjoying himself in the wilderness. Such an inconvenience—she felt her wireless vibrating in her pocket. She reached through to stop the notification, otherwise ignoring the call. Lulu of course noticed, yet she decided to return to something else: "What were you saying earlier? You wished to ask me something."

Something more specific—and vague—spilled from Paine's lips instead, "You know what I'm afraid of—I only want to know what _your _worst fear is, since you…you never mentioned it to me before."

Warning flashed behind Lulu's eyes, yet she replied anyway, simply: "Going blind."

That fit perfectly. "Why that?" asked Paine, before adding, diffidently: "If I'm…allowed to ask, Mistress."

"I would lose a great deal of my independence if I were blind," responded Lulu, chilling. She stared at Paine's clavicle; her chest area just below there, right through to her heart. "Though it was beyond romantic how you carried me here from Macalania.. I do not want to imagine having to rely on you to do that for me all the time with even the simplest of tasks. I love you, Paine…but I would not love having my autonomy stripped from me. Especially not because of something beyond my control…"

Something told Paine that she should not have seen the things she did the night before. Lulu wished to keep her secrets, her reasons, and her _autonomy _private. Double-standards held no place in their marriage. Paine could not cross that line by confronting her wife on the matter of that fantasy.

_Where did it come from, anyway…? Thoughts, wants, desires…I can't read her mind. It's never happened before. I've already asked her too much._

Lulu gave her a piercing look, as if to cut those thoughts away.

_I don't want her to keep looking at me like that… This feeling—I hate this feeling. I'll stop._

Saved from much trouble, Raine arrived with their meals, steaming before the heat of her frustration. Paine could take little note of her food before Raine's dilemma—whether Raine wanted her to or not, she worried, and bore concern beyond her initial confusion as to the matter of this servitude. An appropriate conjuring of champagne, and Raine refilled their glasses. She said nothing, had no need to; Lulu gestured with one finger to her sister, beckoning her closer. Raine leaned down, allowing Lulu to whisper in her ear. That frustration dissipated on the spot; what little of Raine's neck Paine could see burned scarlet; Lulu's lips spoke with practice, planning; Paine's heart picked up at the sight, her veins boiling in unexplained, irrational anger.

She shook her head and looked away from that—that—_whatever _it was. Out of the corner of her eye, yet another out-of-place occurrence, she noticed: there at a table some paces away sat Fang and Lightning together. Paine frowned at them, at the red of Fang's sari, at the white of Lightning's attire. She stopped herself from saying _what the fuck? _out loud, lest Raine decided to make some unsettling remark or Lulu disapproved.

Lightning and Fang appeared to be in relaxed conversation—until Fang blinked, once, and noticed Paine, and blinked again, returning her sight to her girlfriend. She did not smirk as Paine expected, instead speaking much quicker by the movement of her lips. At Lightning's flushed reaction, Fang smirked then; she went on, flustering further, frustrating as she occasionally blinked over at Paine, as if to give away that they spoke of her.

When Lightning threw her drink in Fang's face, Fang only burst out laughing, attracting stares. Paine looked away at last, uncertain if she wished to know what that was all about…and found Lulu staring at her, hard. Raine had left some moments ago.

"Has someone else caught your eye, love?" asked Lulu, venomous enough to sting.

Paine bowed her head, nursing that sickening feeling in her chest again. "No, Mistress," she said, retrieving her utensils. "Fang and Lightning are here…they're just over there." Lightly, she gestured with her head in their direction. Lulu did not follow to look. "I…wasn't expecting them to be here."

"Lightning was recently promoted to an officer, was she not?" remarked Lulu, seeming satisfied enough with Paine's response. "She is in Raine's good graces, as well as my mother's. It is only fitting that she is on the list of people allowed to dine here. Think nothing of it."

_Is it only a coincidence that we're all here on the same night, at the same time? What's the deal with Raine? And Lightning? Why does Fang keep _looking _at me? I thought it was no big deal to them, watching us have sex? I thought that's what they wanted? Why does Lulu fantasize about the things she does, like last night? Why? Why that? Does she know that I dream about the same things? _

These questions, so many questions, Paine internalized, eating her meal to avoid the risk of letting them out. They ate in silence; Paine kept her eyes to her plate, well aware of Lulu's displeased eyes on her. Her wireless vibrated again and again throughout their meal; Paine ignored it each time; Lulu noticed it, said nothing of it. Music playing throughout the restaurant provided sport for couples to dance to in the center of the restaurant, melodious. On occasion, Paine glanced over at Lightning and Fang speaking with one another; Fang boasted of something, proud; Lightning sat still, stoic, as if refusing to be moved to spectacle again despite her girlfriend's provocations.

When her stomach at last neared fullness, and she had but one bite remaining, Paine noticed someone's gloved hand being held out to her—that someone stood beside her, looking down at her with eyes guarded, steeled.

Lightning received a nod from Lulu, first, before asking Paine, "Would you like to dance with me?"

Paine craned her neck to stare up at her friend, at this unexpected strangeness. Lightning's sincerity rung true through her shielded expression as she waited for a response. By the silence about Lulu, Paine surmised that she truly did not mind; that, perhaps, she encouraged this, and wanted them to dance together for whatever reason. Raine returned to their table, again bending down to let Lulu whisper in her ear. That baseless anger resurfaced, stirring.

Without an answer or a question, without taking Lightning's hand, Paine stood and walked with her to the dance floor. Both matching in white, with Lightning as tall as her without need of heels, they stood out in this thin crowd, garnering stares. None of that could bother Paine, not over the rest of her confusion from the night thus far—she knew she could get some answers out of someone, finally, in doing this, however bizarre it all was.

Lightning wasted no time in holding Paine's hips, ordering, "You follow." With eyebrows furrowed in suspicion, Paine did not protest; she only placed her hands over Lightning's shoulders, falling in slow step with her, waiting for an explanation… "I know you saw what happened not too long ago. Fang said she saw you looking at us."

"Seems like you didn't want me to look," said Paine, glad enough to be removed from the awkwardness of moments ago at the table. She did not turn around to look at Lulu, at Raine, at Fang. She kept her eyes to the curious curls of Lightning's hair over her shoulder. "Why didn't you?"

Lightning grunted deep in her throat. "She thinks she knows everything," she sounded off, mitigated enough to keep this conversation between them. "It pisses me off when she gets self-righteous like this, thinking she has me all figured out. Fang keeps trying to insinuate that I want something more from you. She won't let it go."

Instinct told Paine to not go there, to not touch this subject—not with Lulu no doubt watching them. "I'll take your word for it that you don't," she said; though, if Lightning did, it explained the blushing from last night and that night, the thrown drink in Fang's face… "Is that why you asked me to dance?"

Defensive, on edge, Lightning asked, "_What_?"

"You know what—never mind. I'm not getting into this." Paine tried to think of some way to change the subject, again feeling that frustration from Lightning—to her, it felt beyond mere anger. "Every time I bring up your promotion, you never tell me how you earned it. If I ask you again, will you tell me?"

"That depends on how you ask," replied Lightning, enigmatic.

Trying to speak with Lightning in such a state made Paine wonder if this was how others felt about getting information out of her. Maybe Rikku was right to have always been so exasperated with her standoffish attitude… "Why don't you just tell me what you think I'm allowed to know?" suggested Paine, feeling Lulu's eyes on the back of her head. "Pick and choose what you want to say. You don't have to tell me everything if you don't want to."

Lightning waited a moment, thinking. She looked right at Paine, uncaring of this closeness. Something in her eyes told Paine she was not going to enjoy this. "While you and Lulu were on your honeymoon, I was given an assignment for my promotion," she began, more open than Paine expected her to sound. "We heard about some abnormal activity near Mushroom Rock. My team was assigned to the Den of Woe." Lightning stopped here, appearing vindicated by that flash of panic in Paine's eyes. She went on, "Raine wasn't my commanding officer that day—we had someone else. She's dead now. One of my squad killed her. All of them killed each other. Screaming. They went insane. I…barely managed to escape alone with my head in-tact. _Barely_. And I got promoted for it." Sickness to her stomach had Paine stop, and stare down at the white of their clothes. "I'm not gonna tell you what I saw…I shouldn't—I can't. Raine made me swear not to tell anyone. I _will_ say this, and I don't say it very often—I'm worried about you…"

Paine refused to let her emotions show—not in front of Lightning, not her. Too much respect between them, pride, strength—she couldn't let it show. "I don't see why you'd be worried about me," she said, meeting that concerned regard. "I haven't been back there. There's no reason for me to return. The past is in the past. Whatever you saw—it has no impact on me today. Doesn't get in the way of my marriage. Let it stay there where it belongs."

However unconvinced Lightning appeared, she did not speak as much—not directly. "Fine, we'll talk about the future instead," she offered, easing that edge about Paine's emotions. "The tournament's gonna be on your birthday this year. Have you been training?"

Paine averted her eyes, muttering, "Not exactly…" With _stamina, _certainly. With her sword—no.

"You know Raine's competing. If you don't train, she'll kick your ass again. Is that what you want?"

"Of course not," said Paine, stopping herself from scoffing at the notion. Lightning knew better than that. "If I remember right, you said you'd be there too. If she kicks _your _ass too, we'll never get to fight each other for the prize. Have _you _been training?"

"That's all I ever do, Paine. You don't have to ask." A pause, and then: "I want us to train together. I can teach you how to use one of my gunblades. Two weapons at the same time—that'd definitely slow Raine down." Lightning gave a wry, knowing smirk. "Maybe it can teach you to face your problems head-on, if you focus on beating your opponent down instead of keeping your distance… Stop running away."

Paine's eyes widened at that—it felt vaguely familiar, those words, this moment. Her wireless went off again, making her growl. Lightning only gestured for her to step aside to take the call; Paine did, at last opening her device to see who called_. _

Irate, she answered the call, "What _is _it, Yuna? You've been blowing my phone up all night! I'm out—"

Suddenly, the sounds of crying in the background sounded to her ears; Yuna's pained voice spoke softly enough over that heartbreak. _"Paine, I'm sorry, just—please come to the Celsius. We need you here… Could you…could you come alone? Please don't tell Lulu about this…"_

—

After seeing Lulu safely back home, Paine drove to the airship, acidic anxiety searing her insides. That conversation with Lightning did not leave her; that strangeness about Raine, about Lulu's whispering did not let her go; such mystery behind that illusion from the night prior, and now this emergency—none of it sat well with Paine, at all, weakening her foundations. Nerves assailed her as she took the elevator to the cabin. When she arrived, when the doors opened, that crying echoed all the way through to her: sobbing, wailing, and words repeated, _why now? Why now? Why did she do this? Why did she do it?_

Through the hallway she walked, slow, as if time had slowed all the same. When she reached the bar, she saw Gippal sitting there with his head down, shirtless, wearing only a pair of shorts covered in blood; by the trembles of his body, he cried, fist gripping over wood, tears pooling down the surface. At the foot of the staircase stood Yuna, crying softly; beckoning Paine to her in her weakness alone.

Upstairs Paine found Rikku curled up in the centermost bed, writhing and twisting through loss as she cried in agony. Bloody sheets she clutched close to her body, howling those same words again and again. Trepidation, uncertainty weakened Paine's footsteps until she reached Rikku's bedside at last. No warning whatsoever—Rikku's eyes shot open; she threw a blood-covered pillow at Paine, crying harder.

"_Now _you show up!? I've needed you all night and _now _you're here?!" sobbed Rikku, curling into herself more. "It's too late—it's too late! It's _your fault _this happened! Do you know how much you hurt me when you don't—don't say anything, don't call? You don't care about me—about _anyone—_no one other than Lulu! _Selfish!_"

Paine could not find it in her to argue the point. She did not move—showed no reaction. Coldness showed, was all that _could _show in the wake of her blazing guilt she refused to show. Rikku continued to wail, screaming that her miscarriage was due to Paine's neglect, her non-presence—_her fault._

When that silence persisted, Rikku sprang up from the bed, clutching those bleeding sheets close to her stomach. Blood trailed as she let them fall to the floor, standing before Paine; beating her fists against that aloofness, trying to break through. Rikku could not—loyalties dictated the loss of valor in this act, for Paine had no room to give in to this madness, to show what she wished not to possess. Rikku tried to hold her instead; Paine stayed stone still.

…she was above this, these unwanted emotions. Nothing bothered her. Nothing fazed her—not even Rikku bleeding all over the white of her clothes. It meant nothing. With one look at Gippal downstairs, how he stared up at her—something in his eyes told her their friendship would never mend, as if he agreed that this was all her fault.

Pitifully, Rikku whimpered against her shoulder, "I can't believe I loved you all this time…you never even noticed."

"You wasted your emotions on me," said Paine, hollow; moving away from Rikku. "I have to go back home to my wife. Lulu's worried about me—"

Stringent, stinging, Rikku slapped her. "Your wife, your wife—Lulu this, Lulu that!" she shouted, shrill. Paine kept her head facing the same side, thinking of how it only turned her on when Lulu slapped her; dismissing the agonizing nausea she felt over this stoicism she could not help. "Can't you see what's going on right in front of your face?! I lost my baby because of you! Stressing, stressing, stressing over you, needing you in ways I shouldn't, wondering why you never call, why you never act like you care, _always _having to deal with your bitchy attitude like I did something to you! Don't you remember—how I told you—I _told you _I wanted lots of kids—don't you remember? Don't you? I never had any younger siblings, _I needed this_, Paine, and _you _but you just act like none of us even exist! Did you forget that if it wasn't for all of us, you'd have never met Lulu at all?!"

"The past is in the past. What does it matter—?"

Rikku stormed off, back to her bed; back to curling up as a crying mess of crimson. Without looking at anyone, Paine returned downstairs and exited the ship. She drove back home, bleeding onto the leather of her seat; fighting to keep her mind clear enough to drive. Here, she made up her mind—she could never return to them. She didn't need them.

Yet when she walked through the front door, and found Lulu standing there in her quicksilver nightgown, worried over the blood, Paine's pride could no longer hold. She went to Lulu, needing to be held like a child, like her own mother never—rarely—did for her; by that maternal instinct in her wife, she was, she did, she had her needs fulfilled; the guilt held her all the same.


	38. The Goddess Goes

_"The Bright Young Things" by Marilyn Manson_

_Now I grant I did see a goddess go  
As she is me, walking to the end of  
This path, envisioning another so  
Far before the present as a red dove  
Bleeding, needing until finding yourself  
With resolve strong enough to carry you  
To where I need you to be with myself,  
Waiting for me to find you again through  
Time, to show you what you love to endure  
No matter how many eyes by virtue  
Are on you, you can handle non-obscured  
Of confidence, and no need to argue;  
You have learned to fight head-on, awakened  
By pride, to win for me; all fears vacant. _

Extravagance in moderation: enough to attract, to inspire, to awe by the sharp length of this midnight gown trailing along the runway in Lulu's wake. Couture and darkly dramatic marked the theme of Lulu's line of dresses during Zanarkand's Fashion Week, in the late summer two months before her wife's birthday. Lights, camera flashes and eyes on her in this contained space of width quicksilver—she only cared for the pairs of eyes on her from her family and friends, felt them on her. In the long audience at either side of her, someplace sat her wife with their son; everyone else held importance diminishing, staggering lower. Investors and designers took feverish notes on the elegance, the ease of her walk, the confident tilt of her head held back by her braids: regal in simplicity.

Driven focus to walk this path, set by the deathly determination in her eyes. Somewhere, Fleur beamed at her, whispering to a neighbor about that gaze Lulu gave the far-end of the tent—that _this _was precisely why she worked so hard to secure her most successful supermodel to date. By the dress she wore, it lay held within the dressphere she had made: a transfusion of vestments and memories—Paine's memories. Simultaneous focus on her path and the one Paine had taken in her adolescence stimulated Lulu, kept her focused:

_Fifteen years old in Bevelle again, with Jenna again; Paine wore a masculine match of black jeans, leather boots and a midnight blue jacket, sitting atop the hood of her girlfriend's car in a deserted parking lot late that night._ _They leaned on each other, smoking cigarettes, staring up at the polluted sky. Jenna finished the last of their beer, throwing the bottle to the gravel below. Paine threw her dwindling cigarette bud somewhere near the bottle. A sign nearby noted a hefty fee for littering. _

"_Frankie's having his party tonight," said Jenna, off-hand; staring at Paine, unreadable. Paine rolled her eyes, reaching in her jacket for another cigarette. "Come on, he keeps asking us to hang out with him. At least come with me to see if the party's any good. If it's not, we'll leave."_

_Paine's cigarette bobbed between her lips as she lit it. "Fuck Frankie," she said, making Jenna laugh. "All he cares about is trying to get you back. I'm sick of him."_

_Jenna crawled over to her, caressing her face through the smoke. "Tell that to his face this time," she encouraged, seductive. "You know he thinks you two are best friends. Stop being fake with him and tell him how you really feel." Paine frowned, unconvinced. "You don't think he should know?"_

"_I think you want me to tell him just to start shit. I'm not going."_

_Closer, Jenna moved to her, her hands pressed over Paine's lap for support. "Think about it, Paine," she whispered, swallowing the billow of smoke between their faces, "You can fuck me in front of all of them—show them who I belong to." By the scowl Paine let out, by the breath and smoke Paine sucked in, Jenna knew she made progress. "Wouldn't you like that, baby? We can take the long way so we don't get pulled over for using fucking machina. Maybe I'll let you eat me out while I drive…"_

_Paine moved from the hood; opened the passenger's door and got in the car. Jenna grinned, vindicated, and hurried to the driver's seat._

_Cut forward, to both of them in a dark living room littered with people having passed out from overdrinking, from overdosing; Frankie and all of his friends surrounding Paine sitting on the floor, nose bleeding and broken, clothes ripped; Paine being pressured into trying an unknown substance—Jenna smirking as she disinfected a needle, finding a vein in the bend of Paine's arm, injecting—_

_Blackout; Paine went into a frenzy, fists stopping any who tried to tear her clothes off completely; glass bottles she smashed atop the heads of any she could reach; Jenna she shoved to the floor, spitting curses at her, uncaring of those fake tears and apologies; Paine ran outside, ran away from footsteps storming after her; someone from the party had left their key in their motorcycle; she started it and took off as a metallic bolt of speed uncontrolled, unhelmeted, unfamiliar with this, losing this; through the slums she drove, to nowhere, away from there; an incline she took, uphill, needing to leave, get away, far away; a large oversight of going full-speed ahead atop a hill, to go flying once she reached that zenith._

_Flying high, let go of the handles out of fright, to shield her eyes, panic, landing front wheel first several meters below. Tilted when she met the ground; handles vertical to her abdomen: impact went through her, impaling without piercing, complicating. To the side she fell to the ground, away from the motorcycle before it could crush her; Paine crawled away, clutching at her stomach and navel in agony. By some miracle, she had made it to the street near her parents' home—she dragged herself along the dirtied, littered ground, crying, somehow making it there. _

_Along the bottom of the door she tried to knock her fist against, weakened, needing. Her mother answered the door, dressed in those same white mage robes, shocked to find Paine in such a state; carrying her inside and to her room. Atop her sheets, Paine bled, trembling; Bellona cast all of the spells she could, trying to keep her calm. When at last the pain receded, her mother spoke quietly: _

"_You were with—with—that Jenna again…weren't you?" she said, stuttering. Paine nodded against her mother's shoulder, steadying her breathing. "Drugs in your system…your injury…I can't fix it completely. I can't—you can't…won't be able to have children—"_

"_I don't WANT kids!" shouted Paine, trying to move away. "I don't care about that!" Bellona held her tighter, stopping those efforts. "Damnit, Mom, let me go! I hate this! Those guys tried to beat me up just because of what I wear?! What does it matter…"_

_Bellona sighed, shaking, bottom half of her robes covered in blood. "Paine…I-I don't know…why people can be…be so mean," she offered, giving a fearful look to the closed door behind her. "Please, sleep here tonight… I worry with you running—running the streets…I worry all the…all the time… Tomorrow—tomorrow we can buy you new clothes…anything you'd like, I-I will pay for it…okay? You can—can run away again after that…please just give your mother one last thing to smile about before you go again."_

_Paine agreed without a word; she managed to sleep that night. And the following day, her sixteenth birthday, they went and purchased the leather outfit she would go on to call her warrior dressphere. A summoning from her youth group recommended her to join the Crimson Squad; before she left, Paine promised her mother she would go make a name for herself, to leave Jenna, to find security in life; to never again be involved in an actual relationship with someone where there was no true love involved. To be in love was the highest priority._

Standing ovation as all of the models came through wearing their best dresses; Lulu took up the rear, watching different memories. Success—Lulu became further a master of Paine's past, putting on a show specifically for her, for that ego; having this secret, keeping it hidden for both of them to gain from. And after the show, she stayed in her dress, on her wife's arm, holding Vidina's hand as Fleur showed them off to relevant designers and need-to-knows. Candid pictures continued to stream, to be taken, of Lulu, her family, smiling, and laughing together; marking this as a necessary memory.

For by the same clairvoyance these dresspheres afforded her, the necessity of this profession burned clear through the smirks she gave to Paine. As if her muse dictated this course to take, she could not ignore it. Paine enjoyed it, Vidina had become enamored with the variety of pictures she had taken. Stepping out of her comfort zone had to be done, for her art to succeed; getting Paine to do the same was next on the list.

—

Lulu wore nothing to bed, sleeping with Paine in her arms; dreaming of nothing but her waking thoughts. She dreamed—thought—of being lost in time, mired in her emotions. Wandering this space as if it could tell her why she possessed passions for acts inhumane; that she could want, initially, something heartless, loveless, and go on wanting it as she acted, only to regret. The act of subjecting these to the undeserving, to Paine: the want would never leave, never trumped by these aftereffects, though most affected by Paine's willingness to show her love by acceptance.

_If I told you to stand there and allow me to whip your back until your skin welted, why would you do it? If I did the same to your emotions, why would you allow it?_

_Because I love you…that's all the reason I'll ever need. It's not abuse if I want it; if I want to show you… You may hurt me, but you can never harm me. Build me, teach me; train me well. Do your worst. _

When Lulu opened her eyes, she looked up and saw the contraption she'd hidden in the veils of the bed. Chains and leather blended enough with the violet there, concealing it from view to any else who didn't suspect it was there. By the angle of light trying to shine in through the drapes, she knew they had slept the morning away.

Some minutes later, Paine stirred, moving farther into Lulu's hold as she shifted about. Lulu listened to that breathing as lucidity replaced sleep, slowly. Typical routine followed: Paine moved to kiss her good morning, before going to the bathroom and closing the door. Lulu rose from bed and went to the armoire, taking advantage of these few minutes she had alone before the day commenced. Her dragon tail she removed from within, taking the time to break the leather in as she did each day. She still had not used it—it needed more time, more breaking in.

When she heard Paine emerge from the bathroom, she placed the dragon tail back inside the armoire, hanging it from the door. Paine returned to her, moving to _Kneel _a few paces away from her. She regarded Lulu, at once brightened, innocent; attentive. Lulu took in those qualities about her for a moment, letting them sink in.

Lulu pushed her hair back from over her shoulders, smiling as Paine's pupils dilated. "We're going out today," she said, going back to searching through the armoire. "You and I have never had an entire day outside of the house to ourselves. That's going to change." She returned to the armoire, and turned her head to look down at Paine's smile. "What do you think I should carry with me to use in case you misbehave?"

"A single tail whip, Mistress," said Paine, though by that tone, Lulu knew she didn't expect to be on the receiving end of it.

"You are certain Zanarkand has no laws against this?" asked Lulu, pausing on another item out of Paine's view. This instrument her mother had used on her—no, it still was not a good time to give Paine any such treatment.

"Yes, Mistress; if anyone comes up to you, all you have to say is that it's a sidearm," advised Paine. "With fiends attacking the city every so often, the police can't fault anyone for carrying a weapon with them. I know there's a woman somewhere in Zanarkand that really does use a whip as her weapon… If they try to give you a hard time, I could tell them I'm Judge Magister. They'll have to leave you alone."

Lulu set the Lochgelly Tawse back where she found it. "No," she said, closing the armoire. "You wear armor for a reason. I want your public identity to remain separate from your private one." With the whip and leather dressing in hand, she turned to face Paine. "If anything happens, you are not to use your power to rectify the situation. I will talk our way out of it. Understood?"

"Yes, Ma'am, I understand."

"Good," said Lulu, bending down to hand the whip and dressing to her. "Both hands—take them. Work the dressing into the whip while I go prepare our shower. When you've finished, set them down on the bed and come into the bathroom. We'll eat out today—it's a little late for me to cook breakfast." That smoothed sound soothed her ears anew; Paine stroked the dressing into the whip, _just _hard enough. Lulu kissed her forehead. "You're very good at this…"

Paine faltered, with a guilty crease to her eyebrows as she stared at her handiwork. "You think this means I'm good at giving handjobs—or blowjobs?" she asked. "I don't think I am. I've only given you a blowjob like two or three times…"

Lulu laughed, went to the bathroom; left Paine there to _really _consider her experiences until she'd finished her task.

—

Through the tall grass of the forest on the outskirts of the city, Lulu allowed Paine to carry her, to avoid having to step through this vegetation in her new boots. Lulu chose to wear something different that day: a pair of amethyst knee-high boots, a black pencil skirt that flared at her knees, and a tight, violet button-down blouse, with her single tail whip curled up and fastened at her hip. She kept her hair down, playing on Paine's fetish for this particular style of hers. Paine wore her same dressphere, with a boyish leather jacket on, carrying Lulu without a word to a spot by the river for them to have lunch.

When they reached the flowing river beneath the afternoon sun, Paine set Lulu down to stand for a moment. Lulu did not need to ask—Paine removed her jacket, and spread it down over a patch of grass. With room for just her, Lulu sat down over it, legs together at her side; Paine knelt down in the grass before her, waiting, ready to listen.

Lulu waited before opening the lunches she'd prepared. "As we eat, I'm going to instruct you in something new," she said; "Although, it isn't _entirely _new—the shows you put on for me in Luca come to mind. This is a little different. It is something I have wanted to do for a number of years. I want you to be on your best behavior for it." She set them along the leather in front of her, opening them with care, keeping her eyes on Paine. "It is called public humiliation."

Already, Lulu saw how Paine fought not to show her apprehension. Humiliation alone was one of her weak points. Lulu gestured for Paine to begin eating, to give her something to do in order to hide her emotions a little better. She didn't want Paine to think she noticed these things. Not now.

"The idea is that we go someplace—in public—and we behave in high protocol. You are to do as I say, knowing that my orders will offend or shock the vanilla people around us. They may come up to us and ask questions. They will be concerned, perhaps frightened or angry. Regardless, you are to do as you are told. It will be a testament to how loyal you are to me if you are able to shed your usual persona for this. The only limiting factor is the matter of children—if any are present, we stop the scene until they leave."

Lulu began eating. She averted her eyes to the river, as if noticing something interesting there; she pretended not to notice the redness to Paine's face that marked her silent frustration. She spent some time eating in silence, considering how to best work around Paine's weaknesses.

"I expect most people will merely stare or let us be," continued Lulu, appearing as casual as possible; contrasting that growing aggravation in front of her. "People tend to be self-absorbed. They may notice you on your knees, kissing my boots in the middle of the sidewalk, but they will pass us by, too preoccupied with their own lives. As I said earlier, in the event that we are approached, I will handle it. In some cases, I may have you speak, in order to show that all is normal."

She could tell as to the number of questions Paine held inside. That she did not get up and storm off at this suggestion—this was a good enough sign as well.

"Stop eating. _Kneel_." Lulu surveyed her, thinking. She stood up over Paine's jacket, and moved to walk around her. "We will need to do a number of drills for this. This may take a while… You will only eat when I am satisfied with your performance, as a reward." She knelt down behind Paine, gripping her hair by the roots, reveling in that sucked in breath of surprise; hissing in her ear: "Don't you dare _think _about failing my drills on purpose to get out of doing this in public."

—

Hand-in-hand they walked together a few hours later down a strip of stores—the very same one where Lulu, Gippal and Jecht had spotted Paine shopping with Rikku the day before her birthday. By the stares they attracted already, Paine's eyes darted about in paranoia. She had to have been wondering about what Lulu would submit her to, _when, how, why_. Too many questions, not enough answers; Lulu had to show her, through experience, the answers to her questions.

They entered the nearest shoe store: bright, busy, and of moderate size, big enough to move around yet small enough to have several eyes on them at all times. Paine held the door open for Lulu. A group of three women took advantage of Paine's graciousness, smiling at her as they entered after Lulu.

"Thank you, Sir," said one of the women, not noticing Paine's heels; or, if she did, she assumed by that leather jacket and slicked-back hair that Paine was male. Paine kept her silence, her head down as she walked over to Lulu.

Mindful of the women smiling and staring, Lulu said, "Let's go over here. I want to try on a few shoes." She walked over to a seat in a corner in front of a mirror, passing by other people who gaped at her; Paine crawled after her. "Hm…" Lulu sat down, taking a look at the shoes along the shelves in front of her. She pointed to a pair of white ankle-high boots. "Bring those to me, love. It will soon be a little too late in the year to wear white. Still, they look nice, don't you think?"

"Yes, Mistress, I like them…"

When Paine—hesitated, growled—and took the shoes in her mouth and brought them to her, Lulu heard a loud sound of several boxes of shoes being dropped to the floor. A loud argument between customer and employee ensued. She ignored it, taking the boots in her hands. Paine used her hands to remove the boots Lulu had on—delicately, with care, and set them to the side. She placed the new boots on Lulu's feet, having calmed down somewhat now that less attention was focused on them.

"I need to try them a little more," remarked Lulu, as that argument began to subside. She moved to whisper in Paine's ear, "I know how much of a masochist you are—no doubt you'll love the digging feel of my weight, my heels on your ass. Let's see how much trampling you can take until you begin moaning for the entire store to hear."

That calm severed when Lulu stood and gestured to the cold floor. Paine prostrated herself there, with hands folded over the back of her head. Lulu stepped on top of Paine's ass just beneath that leather jacket, using her gravity spells to maintain her balance. She stayed in place, switching her weight from foot to foot as she listened to Paine's barely-concealed groans of delight. Every so often, she moved to stand over Paine's upper thighs, garnering sharp hisses and jolts of her body. Her wife's body had toned quite a bit more from training with Lightning all of these months for the upcoming tournament.

Lulu stared down at her, deathly curious—she did not think her wife would enjoy this so much.

A moogle wearing a small coat and spectacles floated over to Lulu. "Um, e-excuse me, kupo," he said. Lulu stopped in place, regarding him. "…is everything all right here, kupo? A number of customers have expressed some concern to me about what's going on here…"

"There is nothing going on, as you put it," replied Lulu, neutral. "We aren't nude, there are no children here, and we're not in anyone's way. I don't see what there is to be concerned about."

The moogle flinched at Lulu's resolve, instead hovering down to Paine's level. "Sir, is this true?" he asked. "Is she mistreating you…? Do you need any help, kupo?"

Paine turned her head, holding back her cries as Lulu again shifted to stand over her thighs. "No—thank you," she managed, breath held. "I'm right…right where I want to be." And she turned her head back to the floor, inhaling the chill there and residue of numerous footsteps.

Unconvinced, the moogle retreated behind the counter to consult a human employee. Lulu resumed her trampling until she'd gotten Paine to let out a loud enough moan, and then stepped off of her. It wasn't until then that Lulu realized how fast her heart beat, in pure excitement, energizing her. She knelt down to rub along Paine's ass, smoothing the pain away; smiling at those exhales that spoke of Paine's ascendance to subspace already. She couldn't have Paine climaxing like this—not this soon.

"_Kneel_, and stay at my side," said Lulu, standing; noticing that group of women staring out of the corner of her eye. Several other customers tried _not _to stare. For that, she added, "Kiss my legs until one of them approaches us again." Softly, she felt Paine's gloved hands along her boots, complying without complaint. With a sigh, with her hand along the back of Paine's head, she added: "…they won't be long."

A female sales clerk approached them this time, unable to hide her perplexed smile. "Excuse me, Ma'am," she said; Paine stopped to scowl at the clerk's knees, likely annoyed at the interruption. "My coworker mentioned to me that he tried to ask what was going on here. He didn't get the answers he wanted, so he asked me to come over and investigate…"

Lulu took an unassuming posture, making sure to smile. "There is nothing to investigate," she responded, glossing her nails through Paine's hair to calm that aggravation. "I am merely enjoying a day out with my little bitch boy." Bright the employee's eyes went; Paine's ears _heated_. "Should we take our business elsewhere?"

"Oh, no, there's no need!" said the sales clerk. "I wish _my _boyfriend would do things like that for me, not caring who sees… No, no, as long as you're not bothering anyone, there's no problem. Did you want to purchase the pair of shoes you're trying on now? We recently restocked those in several different colors if you're interested…"

When Lulu felt she had picked out enough shoes, the same employee rang her up at the register. Before the final total came up, Lulu held her hand out to Paine. "Your card," she said.

Paine reached in her satchel for her credit card. "How much…?" she asked, much more compliant than Lulu expected her to be on this first try.

With a sweet smile, Lulu replied, "It doesn't matter."

Card in hand, Lulu smiled wider, and kissed Paine on the lips. The sales clerk chuckled as the final amount displayed on the register. "I definitely won't forget this," she said to Lulu, taking the card from her to swipe. A few people stood behind them in line, whispering among themselves over the scene.

Lulu placed two fingers beneath Paine's chin, lifting. "Now I want you to apologize to this young lady for being such a fucking pushover," she ordered, watching as Paine's neck reddened considerably.

Paine vacillated between lowering her head and keeping it held high with pride. "I'm sorry for being such a fucking pushover…"

"Oh, I _definitely _won't forget this," added the sales clerk with a smirk, handing the card back to Lulu.

Of a sudden, the woman who thanked Paine at the door shouted behind them, scandalized, "What a BITCH!"

That unexpected insult had Lulu working to control her temper, her nerves. She did not react right away, too taken aback by this oblivious stranger that dared slight her. Paine scowled at the offending observer, sweating from the heat in her face.

Lulu turned around, regarding the offended woman standing next to her friends in line. "I beg your pardon?" she asked, brow raised.

"You heard me, you sadistic bitch! How many times do I have to say it? I can't believe people like you, treating your man like he's trash when all he wants to do is please you! Only Yevon knows why he does!"

"Sir, you don't have to take this!" said the second woman, gesturing for Paine to leave the store and run far, far away from Lulu, never to return.

"She's _awful _to you!" said the third. "Why do you stay with her? This is horrible! Don't you know how many other women would kill to date you?! You're too smart and handsome to let her reduce you to this!" She scrambled to find her phone in her purse. "I'll call the police right now—"

"You will do no such thing," said Lulu, as Paine took the bags of shoes from the counter. "Love, tell these women why they needn't interfere—and if they did, tell them why you wouldn't go out on a date with any of them."

Paine turned around, unable to look any of them in the eye. _Now _they noticed the swell of her chest underneath her unzipped jacket. "I'm right where I want to be," she recited, to their total shock. "And I wouldn't date any of you because no one else can compare to my Mistress, my wife." She regarded them properly this time, but to Lulu, it was already too late. "I'm not a guy, anyway… Please…leave us alone."

They left the store; Lulu's heels were a hard sound against the ground in her haste to find some privacy; those bags tumbled against Paine's knees again and again as she tried to keep up. "Tell me," spoke Lulu, stopping in the nearest alleyway, "Do you agree with her? Do you think me nothing more than a sadistic bitch?"

"No, Ma'am, I don't think that's all you are…"

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a couple walking with their children. "Pause," said Lulu, allowing Paine to stand with her for the moment. Paine equipped the bags and their contents to her dressphere; they vanished as crystal light. She stared at Paine's neck, how the heat there refused to subside.

At a normal volume, Paine spoke in Lulu's ear, watching the two little girls as they stared up at them in curiosity. "It's supposed to be a compliment," she tried, standing closer to wrap her arm about Lulu's waist. "I like that you can be mean…" Those same women exited the store, shooting dirty looks at them. "At the end of the day, I know I can take it. I'm getting better at all of this, don't you think?"

Lulu considered this, eyes narrowed. "Is that…an invitation for more down the line?" she asked.

"We're married now," said Paine, smiling with such obliviousness Lulu could have laughed. "I can take more than I could before. As long as it's for you, to please you, I'll do it because I love you. I really…feel like I'd do anything for you. Don't doubt that."

—

Another day later during a heat-wave on the final day of summer, Lulu reclined in a chair, hair down, wearing a one-piece bathing suit of purple. Atop a skyscraper by the name of _Costa del Sol_ she sat, with an expansive swimming pool but paces away—undulations sent the edge of the water over the building, held safely in place by gravity's hold. Vidina splashed about in the pool, wearing a pair of red swimming trunks to match his hair; on occasion, Lulu looked up from her reading to smile at him, forever glad to see him much happier than he had been in Besaid.

Nearby sat Elysia in a similar one-piece, reading a much thicker text on the subject of the afterlife. At her side knelt Gabranth, wearing his armor despite this heat, head down as he waited for an order. Lulu could not help but glance at them every so often, mind racing with ideas; inspiration. Raine had been suspiciously absent for some time—Lulu humored herself by wondering if her sister had finally given Fran a chance, and then some. On the far end of the area, Paine sparred with Lightning, both of them in their typical wear; Paine had learned to dual wield her weapons well over the summer—her regular sword, she had named _Omen_, and the gunblade of matching style to her leather Lightning had gifted her, _Helter-Skelter_: together, these joined at the hilt when Paine wished to use them as a two-bladed weapon. She separated them for her current match with Lightning, _Omen _in her right pointed toward the ground, _Helter-Skelter _in her other hand in the opposite orientation.

They both sweated profusely, matching one another blow for blow, styles flowing. Paine now preferred to stay in Lightning's face to _beat her down _with sheer power and determination, with more chances to stagger her. Lightning moved with enough finesse to keep from being pinned down, making Paine work to keep up with her. Lulu wondered if Paine's mentality had also changed, to do with her issues…

Back to her reading she went: hidden within this book she kept Paine's old journal she had found all those months ago. During the sparse times that Paine decided to take a break from sparring to massage more sunscreen into Lulu's body, the contents of this book-within-a-book never had the chance to come up. Too devoted to her task, Paine did not notice, simply glad to be kissed and doted over when Lulu afforded her that affection, before returning to Lightning.

When Paine again went back to sparring, Vidina took a moment to watch them. As if struck by an idea, he hurried over to Lulu, soaking wet from the pool, bouncing up and down at her side. "Mommy, may I ask you something?" he said, smiling bright. "You have to keep it a secret! Promise?"

Lulu returned his smile; Vidina moved to whisper in her ear. "Oh, my," she spoke in concern, frowning somewhat. "That sounds rather dangerous, son… You are sure you'll be able to handle it? It won't be easy."

"Yes! It's gonna be fun. May I? Please? I can do it!"

She thought about it a moment longer. Holding him back and sheltering him truly were not on her list of priorities… "All right, dear," she said, free of apprehension. Vidina giggled, hugging her in thanks. Lulu held him back, glancing at Paine and Lightning in mirth. "Go and tell your grandparents. If your grandmother is unconvinced, I will help you. Make sure they don't tell anyone about this just yet. It will be our secret."

Vidina hopped the few paces over to Elysia and Gabranth, bursting at the seams to tell them of his ambitions. Elysia smiled at him, sipping her drink as Vidina gestured, animated, telling her the news. She nearly choked upon hearing the information. Gabranth frowned in worry, listening intently. When Lulu could tell that Vidina had the situation under control, she went back to her reading. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed Paine staring at her; Lightning rectified the problem, knocking Paine to the ground as recompense for her distractions. Lulu giggled to herself, turning the page to the next entry…

_No one,_

_This should have happened a long time ago. My life…gone. Why do I still have it? I'm not supposed to be here. I'm not supposed to be alive. I think this is a suicide note. That's what people call them. I always wanted to go to the top of the altar at the Palace of St. Bevelle. I want to stare down at the city from there. I want to see how far the drop will be. I want to know for myself. I think I'll go there tomorrow. I should. I need to…_

_Everything I touch ends up dying. My friendships never work. I can never tell a girl that I like her. I'm the reason why my parents argue all the time. They're unhappy with me. They don't want to take care of me. I'll take care of myself. I'm tired of Dad firing his gun and waking me up when I try to sleep. I'm sick of Mom crying all the time. I want them to make up. I want them to be happy. I'm the reason why they don't have any money saved up. Spending money on my clothes and on enough food for all of us isn't what they have to do. Does that make any sense…? No… Whatever. _

_They'll be happier with me gone. _

_I don't make an impact on anyone's life. I don't amount to anything. I don't matter. All I do is make things worse for everyone around me. _

_End of the line._


	39. Rage of Poseidon

"_Rage of Poseidon" by Apocalyptica_

_Separated, and loopholes in those gaps  
I have found to reach you as I always  
Do, for you know of my drive, tender wraps  
Around your ear, gripping onto amaze  
Your urges, to suppress them? I cannot  
Say, taste, try, for I see them clear as day  
Before me—stronger, obsession, a lot,  
I feel, I need, make sense, no, no, I crave.  
Opponents challenge, tests of strength and will  
You suffer, as I watch you devolve as  
Pride and sexual all with honor, ill  
With guilt, soaking wet—waters come to pass:  
For squalls dictate your progress on this night,  
For my love to carry you through sin's fight._

Sound-proof marked Paine's private locker room in Zanarkand's blitzball stadium that day of the tournament two months later, on her twenty-fifth birthday. Not allowed to hear the announcer or the crowd, to listen to who advanced and who lost: all she could do was sit with _Omen _and _Helter-Skelter _at either side of her, stare at her hands, think, plan; try to keep from swallowing her heart completely, for it had lodged itself in her throat and refused to move. She and three other participants had been seeded—Lightning, Raine, and one other combatant she knew not of. Because of her win last year, she had been made to wait until the quarterfinals before seeing a single battle this time. She had not been given permission to see Lulu all day, due to the barrier issue from last year. No one had access to enter this part of the stadium to collect her for her battles, except for one person she had not yet seen.

Paine sat atop the wooden bench in the center of the room, head down. She changed between dresspheres again and again to review strategies for each, to calm her nerves. She knew enough about Lightning's style from long months of training with her to know how to deal with it—Raine was a different story entirely. Hardly concerned about this mystery third person; Raine had been too absent for a long time, likely in preparation for this event. She tried her best to settle on a garment grid arrangement to use against Lightning, tried not to consider Raine just yet—

_She switches roles in battle on a whim… Commando, Ravager, Medic, Saboteur, Sentinel, Synergist… Need to go over her strengths and weaknesses on each one again._

Memories of facing Lightning on each of her roles stayed, for but a moment, until she felt her wireless go off; she hurried to retrieve it, hoping, and fulfilled as she pressed the receiver to her ear:

"Lulu," she said, relieved, "I didn't think you'd call… Thought your mother was keeping watch on you."

"_Not to that extreme, love_," replied Lulu, sounding oddly amused. It didn't sound as though she was anywhere near the crowd of the stadium. "_In case you're wondering, I'm sitting in the car. It is far enough away that you won't be able to hear the announcements. How are you feeling?_"

Paine sighed, bending over to muffle her voice against her lap. "I'm trying to keep my mind on preparations…" Her wife deserved to know the whole story—all of it. No censoring: "I know it isn't like me to back down from a fight… I can't help feeling like I'm in over my head again. Like all of the training I did was for nothing. I can't fool myself into thinking I'll definitely beat Raine this time. She's too powerful."

Lulu hummed in concerned agreement. "_That is true… I almost want to call her strength abnormal. She is only a few weeks older than you, yet the difference in your capabilities cannot be ignored. I admit I'm worried. I don't think sugarcoating will help you at all._"

"No, it won't. All that'll help is winning this thing. Losing isn't my style." When Lulu let out a telling, sultry laugh, Paine's mind—and tone—followed. "Have something better in mind? More immediate. You know I'm impatient…" Coyness reigned when Lulu only laughed again, softer. Building, clenching found Paine between her legs, unexpected through the stress from minutes ago—she could never resist even the smallest of Lulu's allures. "I'll take that as a yes… Are you alone? Or is Vidina with you?"

"_You're lucky that I am, otherwise I wouldn't be doing this… Vidina is in good hands._"

Shallower Paine's breaths sounded, listening for any signs of arousal. "How are you sitting down?"

"_I'm in the backseat…lying down. I just tinted the windows completely._" Suddenly Paine stood up, pacing in anticipation. "_Paine…_" That inflection gave her the image of Lulu caressing herself. "_You have been on my mind all day. I keep fantasizing about you kneeling down in front of me, kissing up and down my thighs and boots. I would love you more if you did this in front of a crowd. Lightning and Fang, to start with… You could show off to Lightning even more after you defeat her._" Paine moved to the nearest locker, standing against it, facing the cold steel; breathing it in as though it were her wife. She heard a chime of belt buckles, and Lulu's sigh, stirring her further. "_Tell me what you're thinking, love._"

"How I want to kiss more than your thighs…" Her voice she did not have to work to lower, to deepen in her lust; to elicit more reactions from her love. "I can't stop thinking about the way you taste—like life itself. I'll never forget how the tip of my tongue fits exactly where your spot is. My tongue, hard and fast to lap up every drop—I know how you like it, Lulu. I want your clit soaking wet for me—" That distinct sound of soaked slithering from soft fingers touching sang volumes to Paine's heated ears. She moved down to her knees, as if to _beg_: "_Fuck_, Lulu, don't stop, please don't. I fucking want you."

Distinctness continued, with the breaths Lulu let out, hanging Paine by her every whim. "_Mmm, I don't believe you want me badly enough. Not too long ago…you said you would lose this tournament. If you lose_—" That sadism from Lulu never disappointed; "_You won't get to have me tonight. Perhaps not for a while._" Flares set off within Paine's pores, her veins, broiling beneath this challenge. "_I don't let losers fuck me, Paine. If you don't win this tonight, I will wear a chastity belt from now on._"

Panic stirred, because Paine _knew _Lulu would not say such a thing if she didn't mean it. "Wait, Mistress, _please_," she tried, collecting herself even with those continued slicking sounds in her ear, "You know I'll do my best for you—"

"_And if your best isn't good enough, you won't be doing me again until you redeem yourself. That can't happen until the next tournament one year from now. Wouldn't you rather have your birthday sex tonight—this year?_"

Paine slumped to the stone floor, torn between finding reason in this and allowing her hormones to get the better of her. "I'll do whatever it takes to win this. Except—I won't activate _Charon_. I'll win on my terms…" Saying it made her believe it. With Lulu's guttural moans of approval, Paine _had_ to believe it. "Baby, I need you—I need you to need me—I need to see you again tonight…"

"_Tell me what else you need._"

Bravely, Paine replied, "I need you to touch yourself for me. I'm not there to have you…at least let me listen to you—" Moisture and tongue sounded as Lulu licked her fingers clean, lingering. Gravity thronged Paine's ears: hard sucking, thorough sucking and tongue cleaning. "_Lulu_…"

"_While I do love it when you whine that way_—" One last, long suck had Paine convulsing; "_You are not the only one I am supporting in this tournament. I'm not talking about Raine, either._" There was someone _else_? _Who? _Lulu never mentioned such a thing before. "_Their match will be starting soon. I must get going, love._"

"But—!"

"_Win or lose, I will see you later tonight. I suggest you win, or else. Goodbye, Paine, and good luck. You'll most certainly need it against my sister._"

Lulu hung up.

Paine curled up on the floor, and slowly closed her wireless. However much Lulu had teased her over these two years together, each time felt as a new—worse—occurrence. She felt as an ocean drained of all its fish, all its life-forms whenever Lulu ended their time together in such a way: vast in unmet potential that would forever be present for her wife to return to, yet without the security of having that fulfillment _present _within her.

And, for reasons unbeknownst to Paine, such a mention of Raine from Lulu had her seething. As if Lulu truly did believe her sister would win, and that Paine stood no chance whatsoever. It brought back searing-hot memories of how Lulu treated her sister whenever Raine decided to show up these days: far too attentive, too secretive; suspicious. Occasional looks and touches from Lulu that lingered too long to be familial; Raine's frustration, or efforts to pretend as though she did not notice; quiet discussion between the two of them that ceased the moment Paine entered the room; written notes between the two exchanged in brief passing. With Fang, too, Lulu held secretive discussions…_only _discussions.

And yet they only displayed this behavior whenever Paine was sure that Lulu knew she watched them. Only a mind fuck, perhaps: one that had Paine contemplating on calling Fran to ask if she knew about any of this. She only resisted by the logic that she did not wish to give away her paranoia to anyone. If this was a game Lulu played, Paine could not allow her to win—not this time.

Near twenty minutes passed with her on the ground, thinking too much into things. What Lulu had said about _good luck _cemented this perpetual anger Paine felt toward her sister-in-law. That her wife had more faith in Paine's rival—her pride could not hold. Paine removed herself from the floor, pacing around again as she returned her focus to how to best deal with Lightning, first. She did her best to ignore the wetness between her legs. Her quiet rage certainly helped with that.

A knock at the door sounded, and Auron entered the locker room. He nodded to her; Paine collected her blades from the benches and sheathed them within her dressphere. She followed him down the hall to the sphere pool entrance.

Auron wasted no time in making his concerns plain. "Maester Seymour is in attendance," he said. _Work_—she did not want to be reminded of work at a time like this. "I take it you were aware?"

"He's not on my priority list, if that's what you want to know," replied Paine, deadpan from her mood.

"No, it's not." Auron paused, firm. "I already knew. Judge Gabranth and Lord Braska seem to be the only ones who share my concerns with Seymour's presence in this time. You do not believe he is planning something worth looking into?"

"I've been investigating this for six months, and all I've found out is a bunch of hearsay," Paine told him, fixed to recite the multitude of useless evidence she had piled up in her office in Elysia's bastion. "As far as I'm concerned, he's a non-issue. Hardly worth wasting my time over. I'm only looking into it because an order's an order. Doesn't mean I agree with it."

Auron chuckled. "You are…rather naïve, Your Honor," he remarked, knowing. A sidelong glance Paine gave him, as a question to ask what he meant, to expand. "You did not journey with us to defeat Sin, but you must surely know of the Maester's drive to make his mark in Spira's history. He is calculating, well-spoken and highly intelligent. The only way to find out anything more is to do as he does."

"What's _that_ supposed to mean?"

"Your work is too virtuous, from what your father-in-law has told me. You must be willing to get your hands dirty, else you'll never make any progress. However, it is not _my _place to tell you how to perform your duties. It is merely—a suggestion. Do with it as you will."

Suddenly, Paine had a striking feeling telling her to listen to the man's wisdom; that, perhaps, she had been so naïve as he'd said, not devoting the correct energies to her work. "Maybe I've been putting off the issue…focusing too much on my family instead," she admitted, thinking of several occasions when she'd dismissed her duties in favor of staring at the clock, waiting to go home to her wife. Auron gave a curt nod of agreement. "Your offer to help me out in this city—does it still stand?"

"It most certainly does," replied Auron. "After what the Maester tried to accomplish in using Yuna during her pilgrimage, Braska has also been keeping a watchful eye on Lord Seymour. We will have more substantial information for you and Judge Gabranth in a few weeks' time." They arrived to the door leading to the sphere pool. Auron stood beside it, facing Paine. "For now, I wish you luck in your battles. There are a number of high stakes running for your victory."

She changed into her Judge Magister armor, both blades drawn; cape unmoving over her back. "Thank you, Sir Auron…" Paine bowed her helmed head out of respect, out of shame with herself for such neglect. "You didn't have to do this."

Auron offered a vague smile. "I am no Judge Magister, but I do have a stake in all this. When the time comes, you will see precisely what it is—what this was all for. It is not my place to spoil events to come, Your Honor. This is your story. Trust that your wife is writing it well."

—

With the crowd familiar with and anticipating Paine's potential, the deafening roar of their approval of her sounded loud as she made her way to the center of the battlefield beneath the starry night sky. Hundreds of thousands contributed to the cacophony, of those sitting in the stands and tailgating still from overcrowding, echoing hard within the confines of her helm. Highest ranking military officer in all of Zanarkand as Judge Magister—Paine had her title to uphold on this night. That excitement boiled over in her ears, blocking her sound to all else: all senses stimulated simultaneously simply from walking among this unexpected energy, with each part of her skin pebbled from pre-battle adrenaline. Somewhere out there, her family watched her—Lulu watched her, adding tenfold to all Paine felt. Perhaps the Gullwings did as well: Rikku, Yuna—even Gippal. If Maester Seymour was truly present in the stands, she wanted him to know of her skill, for they would meet soon enough.

In the center of the dirt field stood her opponent, back turned, wearing that contrasting, elegant military officer's suit of pearl white steel: two shoulder-plates of onyx she wore, with spikes curved high, and two lit stripes of the blue of Fang's typical sari. In the leather holster hanging down shone the glimmering gold glow from _Lionheart_, her opponent's chosen gunblade for this battle in the tournament's quarterfinals. That weapon gave Paine pause, distending her breathing.

Lightning's goal must have been to stagger her, continuously, quickly, and reliably—that was what this particular gunblade excelled in. For that, Paine had the perfect defense in mind.

Paine stopped a few paces away. Lightning turned around to face her. Though they had prepared for, and looked forward to, having this fight during the semifinals or finals, this would have to do. Only Lightning and one other person stood in her way between the inevitable final battle against Raine.

"So—this is it," spoke Lightning, cool and collected, yet Paine noticed a slight tremble about her friend's hands at her sides. _Spikes of violet mana—she's in her Synergist stance. Enhancing magic. _"The moment you and I have been waiting for…it's been over a year now. Think you're finally ready to take me on?"

Breaths distended farther, thinner, as Paine gripped her blades tighter and told her, "Play time's over, Lieutenant Farron. We're not training anymore. I don't want you going easy on me."

Lightning scoffed, amused. "I won't. Your wife's watching, Fang's watching—I want that satisfaction of knowing they saw me beat you." That tremble did not stop as she drew her gunblade, with practiced flair. Unsteady—Paine focused there, unable to find reason behind it; behind her own jagged breathing. "You're in this for Lulu, aren't you? That and your pride… I want to take it away from you."

_I want… _"This is your lucky day—I'll let you try and take it." Such challenge behind those eyes, Paine noticed. Though something was…a little off about the timber, the tone there. "Too bad you won't get anywhere near enough. I haven't shown you my true power."

"You _actually _think you can win?" asked Lightning, sneering now, readying her stance: not so relaxed compared to their training before. Bravado, such bravado, all of it; Paine's conscience gave her friend a round of applause for such displays of hubris she could never sink to.

_No thinking, no thoughts—I know I will, I feel it…and something else…_

"Let's make it happen…"

Immediate spherechange at the precise moment Lightning began casting her protective spells. In her white robe and boots, _Malleable Staff_ in hand, Paine took advantage of that split-second of shock from Lightning, that moment of weakness—_Reflect _against Lightning, bouncing back those queued spells to her. Free _Protect, Shell, Haste, Bravery, Vigilance; _Paine smirked at that affronted expression, for she _knew _for a fact that Lightning had never learned how to cast _Dispel _no matter her stance.

Lightning glared at her for a long moment. "You son of a bitch…" she muttered in irritation, amazement.

Quicker, more defensible, reaction times enhanced—Paine reveled in this brief victory. Her staff she tapped over her shoulder, twice, and changed dresspheres again. Back to dark knight, warrior and black mage all in one as Judge Magister. Clashing back against Lightning's strike: two-bladed swords as one by the hilt. Paine lunged forward and knocked her back. By that sky blue aura over Lightning's form, she switched stances again—_Ravager. _

Hollow clanks from Paine's boots sounded over the ground, quickened from typical sluggishness in this armor. Not as much as she'd hoped. She moved back to keep her distance. Temporal glow from charging power—Paine stayed in one spot, focusing power, glowing aflame. She kept her eyes to Lightning, waiting. Lightning _wouldn't _just give her a free pass to charge her EX gauge freely…

Forward Paine charged in long bursts, singular blade held out before her as a battering ram. Meager distractive spells of _Aero _Lightning sent forth. To the side Paine dodged, artful through her armor. Another spell and another Lightning threw at her. Higher Paine dodged, airborne, wholly conscious of that glare in Lightning's eyes. Right when she noticed that bend to Lightning's knees, Paine drew her into a twisting vortex, spinning in a _Circle of Judgment. _Caught in that twist of wind and blade, Lightning struggled to escape. Paine sent her farther back by pure momentum.

_She's pissed off already. She wants me at my full strength to knock me down that much harder. I'm not falling for it._

On her feet, Paine watched that back-flip from Lightning as she found her footing again. More EX Paine gained, charging a little more. Black and silver surrounded Lightning as she switched yet again—_Saboteur_. During that switch Paine charged forth again, longer; straight through those status spells, unaffected, as if tearing through open doors by the thickness of her defenses.

Through Lightning's shock Paine thrust her blade upward, striking. Length lunged downward, upward, interchanging, staggering. Golden aura, and Lightning shifted to _Sentinel _mid-attack, non-crystal, without invulnerability. _Elude _Lightning triggered, dodges increased as incorporeal defenses indiscernible to the slowness Paine's eyesight behind her helm. Blades pulled apart as _Omen _and _Helter-Skelter _separate, Paine interchanged attacks left and right. Pummeling, one after another. Keeping this going, keeping Lightning on the defensive. Uncaring for Lightning's growing swiftness, Paine put forth more strength. _Last Resort _Paine triggered, more will, more power, at the expense of less defense.

"_Damn you_, Paine!"

Paradigm shift again, rose-colored, to _Commando_—Lightning lifted her _Lionheart _to match those blows. Blind spots Paine exploited, with Lulu fully on her mind and heart through this. Harder Paine went, needing the equivalent of this violence somewhere far deeper. With Lightning this close, grunting, gasping, irritated, surprised; Paine couldn't help this transposition. Sexual rage incarnate, unknown to her. Paine attacked Lightning harder out of that growing confusion.

_I thought Lightning was better than this…unless I've gotten stronger than I realized._

Against armor Lightning breached, stopping both of their movements. No dent, no scar of steel—Lightning merely waited, heaving, staring her down. Paine stared back.

"Time out, Your Honor," said Lightning, as a whisper beneath the roar of the crowd, catching her breath still. Paine waited, honorable. "Is it just me, or—is there—_something_—something here that's not supposed to show its face? It's—getting in the way of things… Fang was right about my feelings."

Echoes through Paine's helm of minor fatigue sounded. "Maybe," she said, evasive.

Lightning let a small smirk slip. "It's really…not supposed to be around," she mumbled, to mask this conversation from the sphere's listening machina. "I sensed it before during our training. Bloodlust, adrenaline… Think Lulu and Fang would get mad if they knew?"

"Who says they need to know in the first place?" asked Paine, controlled through the heat in her face.

Up and down, Lightning gave her a once-over, frowning. "I guess you're Human after all, just like me. And here I thought you were the perfect wife…"

Paine broke away from _Lionheart's _lock over her blades. "No one has to know," she said, stepping back.

"That includes you—time out's over!" Sky blue Lightning shone again, _Ravager_, lunging forward; perception to Paine slowed in this golden mist, weighing her down. Echoing, Lightning's rage, determination sounded: "_Time to end this_!"

_Army of One_, that signature move of Lightning's: quick succession of strikes, shots, staggers. She could not breach the thickness of Paine's armor, her resolve. Paine took it all, leering at that finesse of Lightning's form so unlike her own. Rage broiled, hatred seared, for _this_ was _not _supposed to show itself. Yet that challenge Lightning gave her from but one look, one spin of her gunblade…

Lulu could never give this to her. What example had she set with Wakka in Besaid? With Raine in recent months? Paine could never forget those influences…

_You're getting in the way of my emotions, Lightning—I'm not supposed to feel this way…_

_Hatred _built up from Paine, conjured as a sphere of energy. It burst forth, cascading shockwaves, blowing Lightning back by the force of this loathing. Onward Paine charged, blades apart, striking Lightning, stunning her in place. Sliced as lighting the largest match, Paine struck her swords as an explosion. That radius ruptured with the vigor of her guilt across time leading up to this moment.

Fuck-ups with Lulu, with Rikku, with Gippal, her parents; old flings and half-relationships, forgotten memories and losses, failures in battle and in emotion, and now _these _emotions so unnecessary: all of this Paine put forth in her clashes with Lightning's blade, felling her slowly through those repeats of _Army of One_. Patiently Paine took these, all of these as repentance for this sin she could not help.

She refused to let Lightning wear her down. Her armor would hold. By the persistence of the cape upon her back, Paine would not fall to her knees in defeat on this night to the white knight before her.

Gallant, loud gallops of a horse sounded—Lightning summoned her Eidolon, Odin, and mounted upon the steed's back, longer, mirroring blades of gold shining in her hands. Together Paine slammed the hilts of her swords, charging with energy as Lightning neared. Through the air Paine sliced with swords separate, firing arcs of blades of _Innocence_ at Odin. She slowed him down; he lost his step, bucking, yet Lightning lost not her hold. _Fulminating Oblivion _Paine sent forth as a gathering of shadows through a blaze of flames, shooting forth at Odin, at Lightning, staggering them both harder.

"_The storm is here_!"

Through flames and shadows Odin pulled through; Lightning stabbed Paine once with her heavier blade, twice as a seamless arc. Off-balance Paine felt, and then knocked down. High into the sky Lightning's weapons sent her. Odin galloped through the air in a twisting arc; Lightning struck her again and again, jumping up, twisting smaller in the same way. Shower of rose petals and chimes of sword on steel—_Zantetsuken _cleaved through Paine's armor, breaking it to crystal pieces: impermanent, transient.

Hard she met the dirt ground, bleeding, but unbroken in the leather of her warrior dressphere. Odin had been dismissed; Lightning landed before Paine, seamless, effortless. Without a weapon with which to defend herself, Paine tried to _think_ through this bloody haze.

Lightning's boots met the ground at either side of her body. She knelt down over her, grabbing Paine by the collar. "Not so tough without your armor, are you?" asked Lightning, with just enough malice to make Paine wonder… "You have two choices—" _Lionheart _Lightning brandished in-hand, pressing it to Paine's trembling neck; "You either concede, or make me kill you here and now. I don't want to kill you. Lulu would never forgive me…" Under her breath, Lightning muttered, "_Or would she_—?"

_Omen _Paine summoned by crystal. With her heeled boots she thrust Lightning's body off of her. Both scrambled to their feet, joining headlong as a haphazard clash of blades. Unfocused force sent their weapons flying, out of their hands, landing as unused javelins speared through the dirt ground. Lightning's eyes darted to the side, once, to glance at _Lionheart_. Paine's did the same for her own sword. Heaving, breathing heavily both, they turned to glare at one another.

Unpracticed fists swung wide, forearms and open fists rose to block; roundhouse kicks stopped by matching shins again and again. How Paine's shins _burned _from these blows. Hormones seeped through, sexual from these efforts, from Lightning's sweat tattooed to where Paine's limbs had met her skin. Bursts of Lightning's breath close, proximal, enraged without needing to fuck; these stayed in Paine's ears, branded as awareness. She kept on, needing this force to break through, somehow, unless—

Same instinct, same reflex and reaction: brutish, they tackled each other. By the weight of Lightning's remaining armor, she won this wrangle of balance, toppling Paine down—_hard _on her back. Long legs covered in leather Paine wrapped around Lightning's hips, to strangle her there to no avail. She stopped with the end of Lightning's struggle, conceding to this small defeat of weight on top of her.

Next to her ear, Lightning inhaled. Low, she murmured, "I can smell you clear through your shorts…"

_Against me. Against me. Fuck, get off of me! I'm not supposed to want this from you!_

Struggling picked up from Paine; she scurried out of Lightning's hold, taking advantage of that levity. Up on her feet she tried to run to her sword. Grab of her ankle, and Lightning yanked her back to the ground. Deftly Paine used the stiffness and length of her heel to twist Lightning's wrist, to kick away. Lightning refused to let her go. She wanted this to go down the hard way.

Spherechange to berserker, as a primal fighter in tribal furs to slowly heal her gashes and bleeding by _Auto-Regen_: martial arts, true hand-to-hand Paine used to beat Lightning down. Tearing that pearl white armor from her, ripping at those limbs—just hard enough to debilitate, not cripple or destroy. Lightning had the nerve to resist, to put up a fight. Blood-red, primal brutality Paine employed to make this point to Lightning's body, that she would _not _succumb to this temptation—that this would be the closest they would get, during their battles, and _nothing more _unless Lulu expressed permission for otherwise.

When at last Paine felt but a sliver of Lightning's dead-life remaining, she stopped. Lightning lay underneath her, bleeding and scarred; glaring right back at her with the same thoughts, the same reasons.

"And so it ends…" said Lightning, as her concession to Paine's superior—physical—strength.

Lightning's head lulled to the side. She closed her eyes, still breathing. All around them the crowd erupted in cheers. Announcements flew off on Paine's victory, her advancement to the semifinals. _Victory_—for Paine, this was only the start of something more, something she didn't know how to handle.

Back to her locker room Paine returned, in her warrior dressphere, sitting upon the bench. Her head she had lowered to her lap again, but for entirely different reasons this time. For the year they had known each other, she had always considered Lightning as a friend—perhaps her best friend now, after all that had happened. Yet this confusion with Raine and Lulu did not sit well with her at all. Somewhere, somehow, she knew she did not hold Lulu's full attention, whatever her wife had planned. After these long months of training with Lightning, old habits had sprung about. Urges, purely sexual in their nature, from that knowledge Lightning kept from her that linked them to the Den of Woe, from such heated sparring with her, with her friend…

_I don't want her more than Lulu. This is completely separate. That's the only sense I can make of this…_

Unless, for some far-off reason Lulu allowed it—and even only temporarily—she and Lightning would never be anything more than friends. That was it. Lulu did not like to share. There was no way.

Still—that certain-specific-direct masculine aggression from Lightning was something she had never quite received _all the way _from Lulu. In some way or another, her wife had held that back over the years. Lightning didn't. Lightning faced her problems head-on without running away—she'd died trying to defy her fate as the world's enemy in her time, but at least she had her dignity in-tact among these fellow dead in Zanarkand. Lightning's time in the Den of Woe had not left her emotionally stunted…

_Why do I want this at all…?_ _I can't possibly be jealous of the way she lives. She may have taught me how to fight better than her… That doesn't mean I'm stronger than her where it really counts. I'm not. I want to be…maybe that's why. _

Open the door swung, steady. Clanks of boots sounded, and her father-in-law entered the locker room. Gabranth closed the door behind him. His cape moved slowly about his heels as he approached Paine; she did not, could not regard him. Not like this.

"Your Honor," said Gabranth, kneeling down before her. "Lulu has asked me to assess your state. Your battle with Lieutenant Farron seems to have taken its hold on you. Your wife expressed to me the deepest curiosity on the matter. She is concerned."

_Then why didn't she call me herself…? _"I'm fine. Lightning broke my dressphere," she tried, redirecting, misdirecting. Gabranth gave a hum of contemplation. "I know it'll be back after my next fight. It's not a big deal." Paine regarded him, plain. "Did Sir Auron mention Maester Seymour to you?"

"Yes, he did," stated Gabranth, professional. "However, such affairs are beyond the boundaries of Elysia's tournament. Your wife will be most unsatisfied with the answers you have provided me."

"I don't know what else I can say at this point, Your Honor…"

Gabranth sighed, unwilling to pry further. "So it seems," he agreed. "If I may, Your Honor, I now offer you a pact of confidentiality—if there is anything you wish to ask of me, ask it now. Your questions and my answers shall not leave this room. Take this as a measure of my own concern, as family. It is not my wish for you to lose to your emotions on this night of valor."

There was only one thing she _could _ask—without…asking, so to speak. "Just one thing," she prefaced. Gabranth nodded, waiting. "Has Raine…mentioned anything to you about me? About how she feels—if she hates me or not. I get the feeling she does."

"It is…a complicated matter," offered Gabranth, direct even in such vagueness. "On the surface, no, I cannot say she holds hatred toward you. However, she is privy to possible events in the future, regarding your marriage—events she believes she has no control over. That lack of control frustrates her to no end, you see, for she cares deeply for you both—most especially her sister. If her decisions or demeanors seem confused or contradictory, this is why. Only time will tell you the true intentions behind her ire."

"I'll wait, then," said Paine, alleviated—somewhat. "It's not as if I have a choice. I can't ask her myself."

"Yes, your pacts as Judge Magister both forbid any mention of this between your persons. Worry not over it, Your Honor. There are more pressing issues at hand, such as your next opponent."

Paine shook her head. "I don't want to know who it is—not until I see them for myself," she said, stubborn.

Gabranth gave a ghost of a smile. "I am not here to spoil that treasure you're to discover," he vowed. "I will say this much: that you are due for a grand challenge. Prepare yourself to the fullest and do not hold back. Uphold your title, and your honor, always, no matter your opponent."

—

For the remaining battles, for show, the blitzball stadium had opened to the sea beyond, spread apart as a full horizontal set of stands. All participants in the semifinals and finals were expected to traverse the top of the water as the battlefield. Slightly removed at this distance, that excitement from so many met Paine's ears at a longer length than before. Lulu's lessons had helped with the water. With her back turned in the opposite direction of where her opponent was soon to emerge, Paine waited in her same leather, equipping key items to her _Omen _and _Helter-Skelter_. From her Full Throttle special dressphere, she had removed the Corpus Invictus and Victor Primoris key items she'd found with the Gullwings, moving them to her now-permanent weapons. That special dressphere of hers was merely for show; she could not remember the last time she'd used it with any efficiency. Respectively, these items would allow her vitality and damage output to break established limits, truly upping her game.

Paine had the strongest, most stringent feeling she would need these for both of her remaining battles. Not only for that day, but for the rest of her life. She'd been remiss without them equipped permanently all these years. If she'd remembered to equip them last year, perhaps she would have had a fighting chance against Raine…

Unexpected, collective adoration sounded from the audience, making Paine think they had all seen something very cute perhaps somewhere in the stands. She did not turn to look, nearly finished with her task. Vigor surged through her, unlimited, unmatched. Skies broke from within her, free from ceilings. She felt beyond prepared to face anything, anyone that she was up against—

Minor force met her backside; large moomba paws wrapped about her thighs. "Hi, Paine!" said Vidina, hugging her tight, tail wagging. Shock overtook Paine as she twisted her torso to stare down at him. "Are you proud of me? I beat lots of people! Now we're almost in the last battle! I get to fight you on your birthday!"

"_W-What_? Vidina?!"

Vidina let go of her, beaming up at Paine's stunned expression. He sat down atop the water, paws supporting him at either side. His tail continued to wag, hopeful, expectant; Paine looked about, wondering if this was all a terrible joke someone had decided to play. Many in the audience laughed and sounded their amazement with her son's progress to the tournament's semifinals.

_He's only seven years old…how the hell did he get this far? Lulu didn't tell me she let him sign up…_

"Yeah, I'm proud of you…you know that. Especially since I have _no idea_ how you pulled this off."

"Raine trained me, remember?" he asked, bright. Paine's veins went cold. "Mommy taught me lots, too." That reminder did little to help Paine's state of panic. "I bet I can beat you!" Vidina hopped to his feet, changing dresspheres. "No holding back! Okay? I'm gonna do my best."

Paine took a number of steps back, taking in his new black mage outfit. Traditional robes, pointed boots, pointed hat with a flopped point and mittens of black and splashes of purple: Vidina looked as a small powerhouse of magical destruction, complete with the moomba doll he held in his arms. He lifted his head high, grinning beneath the shadow his hat cast over his eyes and nose. He didn't even _need _to see—Paine felt his mana tracking her every breath, her very presence.

With a deep breath, Paine put aside her fears of hurting him. If Lulu trusted him to participate, and he'd made it this far, he had to be made of something special.

Blades together as that two-sided polearm, Paine stood at the ready. "Well, then—" All of that bullshit with Lightning, Lulu, Raine, Seymour: none of it mattered anymore, not in this fight; "No holding back now, like you said. It's all or nothing, Vidina. If you're gonna bring it, bring it!"

_Need to get in close. He's best with water. I have to break his magic, soon, or else—_

Clicks of time backward and slowed sounded, stopping Paine's momentum. Bound, immobilized in place, Paine struggled to free herself from this invisible ring wrapped about her waist. With his moomba standing atop the sea at his feet, mimicking his casting, Vidina kept his head lowered, arms raised perpendicular to his torso, hands in front of him as if clutching an unstable, spherical object. Energy gathered as he trembled in growing power, preparing, until he spread his arms wide at his sides, casting:

Black inked her vision. A revving, warping sound tunneled her ears. For a split-second she felt disembodied. Open air again, and she'd teleported high to the mass of the sea's waves that crashed about before the audience. Controlled, channeled by that same mana from Vidina, the water collided into Paine from all directions. Spiraled out of control, near-drowning, powerless, Paine could not think. Eyes shut against this loudness, this madness of manipulated nature.

_Fucking failure—_

—_got caught into this—_

—_can't control my bad habits—_

—_no one can know, not Lulu, not Vidina—_

—_can't end up like his father—Lulu would fucking kill me if—_

_Assault _Paine triggered without thought, granting _Berserk, Protect, Shell, _and_ Haste_. Bloodied, frenzied sight paved the way for her escape back to calmer waters. By chance outlandish, Paine looked up to the stands as she navigated this torrent, finding Lulu looking back at her with eyes so full of devotion, love.

_She can never know. I love her. Lulu can never know._

Solid water Paine found to stand upon, even with Vidina. She ran headlong at him, swords separated to strike.

Jolts, shocking, rupturing drilled down through Paine's soaking limbs. Bursts of lightning and roars of thunder Vidina assailed her with, unrelenting by the conductive water that had drenched her. Used to this, with masochism searing her all the way through, Paine did not stop. Immunity she had built to his immobilizing magic. _Berserk _began to wear off, affording her some sovereignty. One-track mind upon this singular path, preparing _Magic Break_, nearing Vidina rooted in place, poised to strike.

"No, Paine, stay _away _from me! Too close!"

Two halos met as rings over her, crossed as X's, shrinking over her body. Sound vacuumed, body stopped from _Stun_; Paine paused for too-long seconds, watching as Vidina ran back, away from her. Pitch black obscured her vision, again, this time from _Blind_, making her stumble out of this stun. She stayed in place, looking this way and that at nothing, _nothing_. Unable even to search her satchel for eye drops, Paine could not change to her white mage dressphere, else she risked Vidina knocking her out without the key items engraved into her blades. Deep breath, deep breath, she tried to think through those distant rumbles of Vidina's mounting power as he prepared to cast another powerful spell.

Theoretical, metaphorical _Sight Unseeing _she employed, to locate Vidina by his life energy instead of his physical presence in the world until her blindness wore off. Hesitant, first, Paine jogged toward him, attempting to discern, to _see_. His energy levels and heart rate picked up—this had to be the right way…

Weary, sleepy of a sudden, Paine collapsed to the still water, fast asleep from Vidina's spell. All blacked and blanked out for several seconds. Paine could not, did not wake, not until Vidina had put another dent in her stride:

Explosions of temperature, heat overtook her, crisping, detonating as a cast of _Flare _encompassed her. By a miracle her dressphere remained in-tact, yet that natural fever overwhelmed her senses. Her bloodlust from _Berserk _at last ended, canceled by this mind-boiling heat. Up from those ashes she rose to her feet. _Again _she sprinted forward, toward Vidina's energy as that blindness began to wear off.

_Magic Break _she prepared, again, seconds away; all of his debilitating spells he tried to recast, to no avail, for Paine had built immunity to all of them. "Don't bother blocking, Vidina!" One blade struck first, and the second—she encased him in a sea of light, lowering, breaking the potency of his magic. Spikes of ice shot from his body, nearly freezing Paine whole. She jumped back, fingers frozen in place over hilts.

Vidina staggered by the force of those strikes; he didn't give up. "You won't stop me!" From his quick cast, Paine's throat constricted, dry and rasping; she fell to her knees, clutching her throat, trying to cough, heaving for air. More power Vidina gathered, preparing, casting. "I'll show you!"

On her knees she stayed frozen in place, as an epitaph of ice—completely encased in thick ice. Paine's senses shut down, except for one: she could only see, only watch as Vidina raised the seas to overtake her again. Thoughts and emotions stirred all the same—that she could have died in this non-space, at the hands of her own son; somehow, somewhere she felt Vidina controlled his power enough to know not to kill. Survival on her own terms, she still needed. Anything less meant handing her victory to him.

Only by pure instinct could Paine heat her blades as _Flametongues, _to melt her way through to open water. Quickly she swam upward to open air, freezing all over again when she found it. Heaved up and onto the still surface her body went, thawed by earlier flames. She inhaled, deep, needing this air, collapsed upon this horizon of blue. Not too far away, she saw Vidina casting a wall over his body—she needed to break that wall.

Up she moved, to her feet, charging at Vidina yet again. Nearest she reached; as an expending of bolts coursing over him, he unleashed all he had by _Manafont, _awakening power sleeping within. Forward, with strength, she struck him. Again and again she cleaved, frustrating her, for he took no physical damage. His spell he continued to cast, uninterrupted, somehow even with Paine's full force behind her blows. Vidina shut his eyes, fearful as he nearly finished his casting; as his advantages began to run out:

"_Enough_!" shouted Paine, at last sending him flying before he could finish his spell. Vidina landed yards away, curled up and trembling. Paine walked over to him, sympathetic. She knelt down at his side, holding her hand out to him. "Vidina…do you give up? There's no way I'm killing you. You're my son…"

Vidina sniffled, frustrated as he rubbed at his face. "No _fair_, Paine," he muttered, his hat falling from atop his head. "You got way stronger…it's not fair!" He didn't need to know about her key items. "Fine—you win. I'll get you next year…"

—

For the final time that night Paine had retreated to her locker room, full of nerves, on-edge. Again she sat upon the bench, acutely aware of how cold the room felt. Alone with these emotions, alone with these thoughts she could not bear with any dignity; she wondered how Lulu fared. Her wife had not tried to call her, still. Paine thought against calling Lulu herself. Thought about it, thought against it, again and again, proceeding and receding.

Without her permission, again, the door opened. Lightning entered the room, staring at the floor for a moment before closing the door behind her. All of her wounds had healed enough from casts of white magic. Downcast Lightning kept her eyes as she moved to sit at Paine's side, silent. Paine could not spite her, this—not like before. She was too grateful for the company to care about that right now.

"Hey," said Lightning, staring at her hands. Pulse, heartthrobs, throbbing… "Looks like I can't call you _new girl _anymore. If you win this next battle, you'll surpass me all the way. You deserve it…"

Paine gave her a sidelong glance, unable to linger long. She, too, stared at her own hands. "Think so?"

"That's right. I went into our fight earlier not knowing what to expect. How it ended—I definitely didn't see that coming…" Long, long silence passed. Lightning turned to stare at something in a corner of the room. Paine followed her eyesight, to see as to what was so interesting over there. "We need to talk about this. I'm not running away from what's happened. You shouldn't, either."

"It's not something I can ignore, you know," said Paine, uncertain if she felt affronted or not. If she couldn't tell any of this to Lulu, then Lightning at least needed to know the truth. "It's only—sexual tension. On my end, your end. Right?" Lightning nodded in agreement, sharing the sentiment. "From fighting, from our differences…no matter what happens on our battlefield, I look up to you. I know how I get when I want something from someone…the craving can turn into something I didn't anticipate."

Lightning regarded her, eyes wide in surprise. "You—want something from me?" she asked, unsure.

She didn't need to think about it: "You're stronger than me, emotionally…I wish I had that strength from you—" A pause. Heartbeats quickened, heat soared; she had to say it, to tell Lightning the truth, even if she saved face through coy vagueness; "In more ways than one."

A moment Lightning took to register this, her expression soft as she did. "I guess that's…simple enough," she said. "It's…the other way around for me. Most of the time, Lulu topped you…it got me thinking too much. Seeing you vulnerable like that…" She shook her head, dismissive. "As long as it's not complicated, I can handle this. We can still be friends—or best friends, after everything…"

"I don't want this to get in the way of my marriage—I can't cheat on my wife," said Paine, stern; grateful that Lightning understood without needing to express as much with words. "So…like I said earlier, we keep it under wraps. Not a word to anyone. If this gets out—"

"—you'll hurt me," Lightning finished with a smile. "Or you'll try, anyway. I'm not interested in getting into it with you. You don't need to worry about that."

_Anyone else might not have understood so easily… _

"Thank you…"

_Maybe that's why I…_

"…any time."

—

Outside atop the water for the final time—the final battle. All watching from the stands stayed deathly silent. Back turned, cape facing where Raine was soon to emerge from, Paine waited in her repaired dark knight dressphere. Singed her chest felt from the unwelcome mix of emotions there, from elation and need and subservience as one. Uneven horizons of sea beyond along her left side raged on as waves immeasurable, not reaching the stillness of the water she stood upon.

Paine turned her helmed head to regard Lulu sitting between her parents. Mounting worry she saw there in those eyes; not without the same devotion from earlier—far deeper than before, than yesterday. Some vile, masochistic part of Paine wondered if Lulu worried more for her sister, that perhaps Raine would meet her match that night. At that, Paine scoffed to herself, looking away from her wife. That open, insensitive flirting with her damned _sister-in-law_—Lulu didn't give a damn about her. Sadism, fine; whatever the fuck went on between them, Paine didn't want to know about it. So long as she finally beat Raine on true terms this time, her pride would mend from its year-long broken state. Not to mention the swift blow her conscience had dealt on this day with these realizations.

_I have to win—on my terms._

Red mage, red mage—Raine was a red mage. Skilled in everything, master of none. Moving through the shadows, slick as a snake to escape: Paine had perfected her Arcana to deal with those tricks properly this time. For Raine rarely dealt attacks up-close and personal; she kept her distance, debilitating first, confusing, and then moving in for precise strikes. Head-on, head-first combat Paine had learned over the months from Lightning would suit her well in this battle. She was prepared.

Far-off, nearing sounds of footsteps over the water sounded…without that hollow clanking Paine expected. She waited until they grew closer before turning around—turning, to the change in Raine's attire, in her class she did not anticipate or prepare for: shining black Raine wore with tints of gold, of a thick, protective domaru over her chest, flexible haidate over her legs, a kabuto and matching boots and gloves, with a thicker great katana sheathed at her hip.

"_Fuck_," Paine muttered to herself, to no one.

_She's a samurai tonight…I didn't prepare for this._

Raine took a long, crouching stance, drawing her blade; wielding it over her shoulder as a sharp bat. "Your Honor," she said, thick with spite. Paine gripped the hilts of her separate blades, quavering. "I see you have changed your style over these months. In response to that, I have decided to do the same."

"Is that why…you were gone so often?" asked Paine, as a poor way to keep this conversation going.

"That is part of it," acknowledged Raine, forever inclined not to elaborate. "You should not be surprised. Your style has changed—it is only fitting that I adjust accordingly for the final battle. Fran has graciously gifted me with a new _Hagun _to use tonight. I anticipate I will put it to the best use possible on you." She noticed Paine thumbing her hilts, over where her key items were stored. "You are weak, Your Honor—you will never surpass me no matter what manner of smoke and mirrors you add to your repertoire of underhanded foolery. My sister wastes her time making excuses for you. I do not appreciate it." One click Raine moved, preparing; looking everywhere on Paine except where she planned to strike. "The only one you have fooled tonight is yourself. I tire of the falsities between you and I. _Desist_!"

Paine tried to respond. Paine tried to get answers. Raine had already charged forward. She struck upward. Paine's helm went flying sky-high. She did not stop. Raine did not stop. Constant hits. Successive hits. Peerless swordsmanship. Steadily breaking Paine's armor. Sheer rage behind these attacks. If not hatred, blame. If not blame, anger. Fury unmatched as it ran in the family. Clairvoyance to see through to the truth. Guilt kept Paine still—taking this without a choice.

Hardest hit so far. Nearly all of Raine's strength. Back toward the raging seas Raine sent her flying. Tumbling, twisting helplessly, far more than before, drowning in sorrow, in pride lost, for Raine wished to give no quarter tonight for holding back as she had done last year. No chance of victory; Paine could not see, could only sputter and scream as death came too close at each second of this insanity. Somewhere, somehow Raine's blade found her, striking again, sending her spinning longer, wider, wilder. Confusion, disillusion, disorientation all of it Paine could not hold at once, unregistering, with water soaking, clogging, and steel from Raine's sharp rage cleaving, ravaging, unrelenting, unwilling to kill her completely out of loyalty to Lulu and _only _to Lulu, for if Raine had her way, _if she had her way_, Paine would have been dead once, twice, thrice, ten times over, far before this moment, for causing Lulu so much pain, because they both knew far more of Paine than she could ever know of herself—

Outside again, beneath the sky again, Paine stumbled to stand. Quick as lightning Raine's strikes battered her. Life forces failing. Paine tried to breathe, to unleash—something—she couldn't think; sheer instinct activated her hidden power in this dressphere, _Blood Weapon_: lightly, weakly she raised her blades to parry Raine, sucking vitality from those attacks to heal herself, taking the very raging blood from Raine's veins to replenish her own failing life.

Outraged, _beyond _angry: Raine threw her back to the raging waters, differently. Into the still water Raine speared her _Hagun, _as a catalyst. Higher the waters went, twisting as a typhoon, a tornado with a radius thin enough only to engulf Paine whole. Higher, higher, soaring as a cyclone, flooding Paine with memories of leaving Besaid, of the ferry to Luca two years ago, when Lulu had to hold the transport together by her own powers to keep them all from dying; this time, Lulu could not save her, for Paine could only rise higher in this coiling tempest, triggering latent acrophobia, as that crash, that fall from the night before her wedding, uncontrolled, uncontrollable, none of it could stop and Raine knew, she knew, she fucking knew Paine hated this and wanted to cry and die all over again to stop this, stop it, _why wouldn't she stop this rage_?

Pulled from beneath her, the waters receded and Paine _fell_. In that freefall, Raine found her mid-air, slicing, striking, unwilling to break her fall. With _Blood Weapon _barely active, Paine tried and tried to parry, to hold on. Raine struck her harder, faster. Intent clear behind those blows: she did not approve of Paine's weakness—Paine would never be strong enough, never be good enough for Lulu—_never_.

Gracious, un-gracious, Raine _did _break Paine's fall: upon still waters, grabbing her by the roots of her soaking hair, dragging her face into the water as a shallow drowning, first. Raine threw her _hard_ against the stands, against the rise of concrete separating the seats from the sea, shocking the crowd. Forward she charged, reaching that shape of Paine's outline that had dug, shaped into the concrete, cracking. Dying, needing, Paine could not think to move; her heart bled into fight or flight instincts, crippling her.

Visual echoes of blue and green over Raine's body. _Meditate _in place with eyes open. Tactical power increased. Thrust back, thrust forward. Weapon skill of thick ice shards sent snapping over Paine's body of _Tachi: Yukikaze_. Blinded again. Spinning backward, and a leap: a glowing, bleeding moon materialized before Paine's eyes, as a manifestation of her emotions—Raine cut right through it all, and they shattered, silencing her, _Tachi: Gekko_. Sword sheathed, first, and one slice forward as a spread of cherry blossom petals, _Tachi: Kasha_. Paralyzed underneath her armor, bleeding profusely, Paine winced as she watched a formation of light energy form above her head, exploding—and Raine charged, unleashing her own hidden strengths as _Meikyo Shisui_—repeating this all over again—nearly tearing her apart—

"Raine…" she tried, when her opponent stopped to take a breather. Raine glared at her. "What…did I ever do to you…to make you _so angry _with me—?"

By her collar Raine grabbed her, throwing her away. Hard Paine landed atop the water's surface: defeated, broken. Taking her time, taking her time, Raine approached, steady, until she stopped just steps away from her prey. Feeble, Paine tried to search for her swords, knowing not where they had gone, and without the strength to merely conjure them of crystal again.

Cleaved through the water as a symbol, Raine pierced her sword there by Paine's reaching hands. "If you ever hope to achieve your dreams, you must become stronger than me," said Raine, softer than Paine expected her to sound. Up and into those eyes Paine looked—painful, bleeding sympathy she saw there. "I cannot help you do that. I wish…none of this had to happen. I wish I did not have to bear this anger toward you, Your Honor. But I must, and I will." Down Raine knelt, respectful. "To that end, I concede this victory to you." Back she moved to stand—back her earlier demeanor came, returning full-circle as she scowled, deep. "For you will never earn it from me otherwise—not in this dimension, never in this lifetime. _Why _my sister is this obsessed with you, to go to such lengths to assure your continued survival, I will never know…"

Raine turned on her heel and left the battlefield. Without merit, without pride or will, Paine watched her go. She did not count or take note of how long it took Lulu to reach her there, lying without reason. That unmistakable fondness from her wife Paine felt through the hold Lulu kept over her, and then some—far more than Lulu had given her before. If it could nurse her pride back to health; if it could rid her of these confusing demons; if Lulu could show her what this was all for, Paine would never leave this embarrassment of hundreds of thousands watching her cry in her wife's arms.


	40. 4

"_Daddy" by Korn_

_For Sky._

_Honor for one who knows not of what she  
Must do to preserve this mystery is  
A lofty goal to maintain, as a reap  
Of personality and this message:  
That I manipulate your time, your age  
To my liking—taking you back, for good,  
Move forward, far, mature, to confront nay  
A lie in your body over childhood.  
Possibilities endless you think I  
Have allowed—no—never; I will impress  
Instead, breaking expectations and cry  
Alone over your crazed, forced abundance.  
As I have written it, this is how your  
Alternative goes: other pot to pour._

That same night of her birthday, Paine sat alone in the Jacuzzi on the terrace of her home, scowling down at the bubbling water warming her tired limbs. Before she'd gone back inside for something, Lulu had changed the settings to offer more of a hot tub for Paine after her battles. Paine had been unable to look her in the eye this whole time. Vidina had not returned home with them, instead opting to go back to his training in the wilderness. She remembered how he'd pouted in frustration when she'd tried to hold him after their battle. Such a thought brought her back to her own broken pride and honor.

Before Lulu, before becoming Judge Magister, before that night, fighting had never been about _honor_. She had the aptitude for fighting; she preferred to do what she was best at. Venting, as an outlet: fighting had been an escape from…far too much. It had never been about anything more than that. _Now _she wanted nothing more than to find some way to regain that honor she'd never truly held.

It could no longer be about running away. Something to uphold, something to hold onto…

Zanarkand's ornamented buildings gathered much closer in the night, amid their light and running waters. Ink washed along the sky, blotching along the horizon as blood red. Counting the stars and the constellations there made her remember living in Bevelle: when she'd been a child, finding parts of the sky not hidden by pollution; wondering why the sky had to have been tainted in the first place; wondering if that same pollution had been present over her, making her appear female, as the weaker sex as she'd perceived. Such burning memories of how she'd wanted to be a boy, or _invisible_…

In her garment grid, she held the only birthday present she'd received thus far. Lulu had mentioned something about adjusting the gifts she'd prepared while Paine stayed outside. This one had been unexpected, from Yuna: a new dressphere with an improvised recording—

_Atop the hull of the still Celsius sat Yuna in her songstress dressphere, with a gentle smile. Behind her Zanarkand's night glittered, glowing. With her brand of kindness, Yuna spoke to Paine, calming:_

"_Happy Birthday, Paine. I'm sorry I can't be there to celebrate with you. Or…maybe I shouldn't apologize. This is how you want it to be, after all. I know things…haven't quite been the same with our group since you and Lulu got together. Back when we were in Besaid, before Baralai arrived, I think I knew that things were going to change. That explains the bad feeling I had. It took me a little while to adjust, but I'm okay with what you've chosen to do. The others don't agree with me…especially after the miscarriage… It feels like I'm the only one that doesn't believe it was your fault at all. _

"_I still remember those nights we spent talking together when Rikku was asleep—when you surprised me in letting me get to know you better. Some of the things you said…I couldn't relate to them very much. I appreciate how you told me anyway. What you said, about how when you were younger and you wanted to be a boy—or at least invisible: I remember those the most, because of how raw your words were. It had never occurred to me that you could want to be someone or something else. I know you said it was only a phase… I only want you to know that I think of those things every now and then._

"_Whatever happens, you and I will always be friends. I know that Lulu is everything you need. In the end, that's what made me decide to stop worrying over the civil war in Spira. Staying here in Zanarkand, knowing that the two of you are much happier here…it feels strange of me to say this, but your happiness has come to mean more to me than the honor I once held for a world that took me for granted. Maybe someday, we can all go back and fix things… Not any time soon. _

"_I'll be here if you ever need me. It's okay if you decide not to contact me after what happened…I understand it might be awkward for you. If you at least want to drop by and see Lenne and me at our concerts, that would be wonderful. Just knowing you and Lulu are there will make all the difference for us. I hope you like your new dressphere! Shinra spent a long time making this one just for you after a bunch of different prototypes. Let's just say it's something you've always wanted. _

"_Enjoy the love you've found with your wife, Paine. I'll do my best not to bother you or get in the way. You and Lulu deserve one another—to be happy after all you've been through. As a friend, I love you. That won't ever change. Never forget that." _

Within, further, Paine saw that the dressphere allowed transparency, for her to become invisible. Innocent, selfless thoughtfulness and kindness both from Yuna had Paine's eyes stinging beyond her control. _Invisible_: how Yuna had no idea that the word had been a mere euphemism for _dead_. How Yuna had nearly been privy to thoughts suicidal, acts nearly pulled off until last-minute decisions not to; all the while, all these years, she had believed that censoring. Yuna never thought otherwise.

Fucking oblivious; Paine moved her warm-wet hands to her face, blending this all as envy of that innocence.

Fucking lucky, Yuna was, for almost-always having Lulu around as that maternal, older sister to shield her from these dark depths.

Her own parents—_what the fuck_, no, they weren't parents. Roommates that made too much noise. Non-existent, ghosts, unseeing, hatred, manic depression, poverty, irresponsible, arguing, shotgun shots fired over and over and over again as her alarm clock each morning. Those images only dimmed with the thought of Lulu finding her in her childhood bedroom, comforting. Holding her through it all. Loving her through it all. If Lulu could have found her through her phases, either phase, of sexual identity or _invisibility_ or both…too many possibilities.

_Even back then, I would've let Lulu do anything to me… Maybe pretend to put up a fight until she forced me to do what she wanted. _

Thoughts persisted, of Lightning present there in that pretend-space. Watching, humiliating in passivity… Or if Fang was with her, they both might do more with Lulu's permission. Lightning and Fang, both, such beautiful women; headstrong…how well could they give head? Arousal stirred, seeping through the water Paine sat in as her imagination went off as it wanted to. Memories of previous threesomes and more she'd experienced couldn't compare to the novelty of these fantasies.

Lulu would never allow that. She didn't like to share.

Yet Paine recalled, from that long list of kinks on that night she'd signed their contract: Lulu had not crossed out _threesomes, foursomes or more. _Why hadn't she, whereas she'd crossed off everything else to do with sharing with others? Come to think of it, Lulu had also left _forced bisexuality _alone—and _who _did Lulu turn into during their honeymoon in the Aurochs' locker room…?

Sharp breath Paine hissed in when she heard the glass door open. Soft, light drag of dress from Lulu's quicksilver nightgown she heard, and the faint flutter of that long hair in the late-night autumn breeze. Warmth from Lulu's hold she felt along her shoulders: weight of arms wholesome and devoted wrapped there over wet heat from the water. Temperatures varied no doubt told Lulu all that Paine kept inside.

"Your annual gift of poetry is complete," spoke Lulu, near-melodious in her sultry lilt of amusement. "It is as I did for you last year—a collection of sonnets of our second year together. They are in the study on top of the piano whenever you'd like to read them."

Waterful sounds of waterfalls Paine heard, from Lulu dipping her hands beneath the bubbling surface to massage, to pamper with touches firm. Breathless, Paine responded, "Thank you, Mistress…"

"You're very welcome, love. As for the rest of your presents, you'll have those in the morning. It will be an all-day getaway that I have been planning for several months now. I want you to get plenty of rest tonight…"

Aqueous light lit Lulu's hands as they moved to Paine's face, tilting, turning toward. Lifts of Lulu's fingertips felt calculating in their softness: capturing prey unsuspecting. _Nothing_ Paine could suspect, not through this press of lips and lipstick that felt and tasted of Lulu this distinct. Gloss of nails sharp over her jaw and neck; Lulu kept her devotion kind, soft kneading with mouth and tongue. Open-mouthed, wanting more, Paine waited, enjoying, needing, feeling, listening.

Searing, hot need burned within, for Lulu to control more, dominate more. Any and every aspect of Paine's life belonged to Lulu to manipulate as she wanted, as her wife. Manipulate, Lulu did, for she ended this brief brevity to have them retreat to their bedroom. Water fell from Paine's body as she removed herself from the Jacuzzi; warm towel Lulu wrapped around her, drying her off; familiarity of their home greeted Paine once more as they walked back inside, with Lulu holding her close.

Purposeful placement of an item on the coffee table had Paine screaming for answers—mentally: that unmistakable make of Yevon's old military-grade wares, from the exact same shotgun her father had used in his rage to pepper the walls of her childhood home with pellets, bullet holes. Stringent echoes of shots fired in the early hours of the morning returned to her, startling stutters from her body.

Lulu made no note of it. She appeared not to have noticed how Paine's steps had slowed, merely continuing along with her to their bedroom. She said nothing as they lay down in darkness, holding Paine with voices unspoken saying to stay silent. Didn't understand, Paine didn't understand yet she could say nothing, could not question her wife on the presence of that _shotgun_, if it was truly the very same, where Lulu had acquired it from and how and why…

Eventually, Paine forced herself to sleep, having exhausted herself from such mental gymnastics in trying to rationalize such a thing. In the end, she felt safest under the assumption that she had seen an illusion. She made it up. There was no shotgun sitting atop the coffee table in their living room. She made it up. Perhaps the items on the table her mind had rearranged to form the image of that hallucination.

She made it all up in her head. There was no way Lulu could have known about these things that Paine had never told her; no way for Lulu to have acquired that gun from her father all the way in Spira's present, or thought to find a similar one simply to spite or scare her. Just a figment of her imagination…

—

Deafening booming shotgun shot fired bolted Paine from sleep. Deep, instinctive reaction of worry for her mother's safety blared loud in her heart. Eyes shot open, different surroundings, _familiar_, chain reaction: loss of bodily control, flailing back against the railing of this headboard to get away from this bed, this room. Dusty, blood-stained sheets rubbed as filthy friction against her uncovered, trembling legs and arms. Sleeveless, small sky blue blitzball shirt she wore—the only boys' shirt she had kept in the drawers across from her after moving to her apartment above the nightclub. Too-high, too-tight boxers of white she remembered wearing underneath all of her clothes as a teenager—she'd found these discarded in the street and hurried home to wash them…when she was fourteen.

Phase complete: the strap-on she wore underneath these boxers had been scaled down to belong to a pubescent boy, cock suffocated by the tightness of this cotton.

Shotgun fired outside the room, again; Paine scrambled from off of this bed, to the scratched wooden floor. Heaving this dust, shaking down to the marrow of her bones, pulse racing far outside her body. Dried yellow stains dyed the opposite corner of the room next to the floor, spotted outward.

_My old room—_

Memories assailed, recollecting, emotional rape in isolation—or was it emotional masturbation, because she did it to herself? By some ventriloquist she'd fucked herself up in this room, crying, writing, waiting until the noise had stopped before sneaking out to eat; new, girly clothes that didn't fit thrown haphazardly over her bed and floor when she'd returned, hating them, her parents didn't understand, wanting to burn those clothes in their frilliness for the simplicity of boys' clothes, wanting to _be _one to escape unwanted, blood-red biological embarrassment.

_My old room—how did I get back here—?_

Third shot fired, just outside the door, and silence; Paine looked around in a fright, curling into herself on the floor, rocking back and forth. She tried and tried to remember if she'd somehow died and returned there. _Hard _she tried to rationalize, to find herself through this thick haze of sudden cruelty.

Lulu had been with her last night—they'd slept together… Lulu… They were married. _Fly Me to the Moon_ from Lulu's timber hummed through as a distant comfort, keeping tantrum triggers at bay. Paine was twenty-five years old. An adult, accomplished, above this; twenty-five—twenty-five, _not _fifteen! _Twenty-five, twenty-five, twenty-five, twenty-five, twenty-five, twenty-five, twenty-five, twenty-five, twenty-five not fifteen not fifteen not, not, not, no, no, no, NO_—

Hard sound of heels down a hollow hall, and the door swung open. It slammed shut again. Knocks of those stiletto heels walked around the bed, approaching. Midnight perfume, leather, long hair let down, superiority, dominance came into blurry perception. Nails dug into Paine's shirt and shoulders, sharp hands grabbed, forcing her up and back onto the bed.

"Good morning, crybaby."

Lulu stared down at her, unfeeling. Those eyes roamed over Paine's body, finding reason to pause between her legs: growing hardness there, uncomfortable through this stifling fit of fabric. Fear seeped all over Paine's skin in place of sweat from this room hot with humiliation and hatred. Possessed, owned, Paine convulsed at that feather-soft touch of Lulu's nails glossing down her face and neck.

Harder Lulu touched her, attentive hands holding Paine's shoulders, moving down her shirt, up to the studs and leather of her collar still around her neck. Such touch took Paine back ten years, reversing, undoing; her arousal rose highest above this debasement. How Lulu handled her with such longing—perverted as a pedophile, wanting a teenage girl who wanted to be a boy, seeing Paine as her current age and previous age all blended into one. Current age justified the sexual craving; previous age tainted by curiosity beyond either of their control.

Gently, Lulu leaned down to kiss those lingering tears away. By her hands, her lips, her movements Lulu held over Paine clear seniority—the very same she had fantasized about the night prior. This reality kept her emotions under control. Barely. Enough to focus on Lulu instead of her own confusion.

What came to mind was another kink Lulu had not crossed out on that list: _age play._

"I see you've calmed down," observed Lulu, moving one leg atop the bed. Black leather from her boot shined as the only _right _thing in the room. "Before you try to ask—" Lulu placed two fingers over Paine's parted lips, to silence; "This is only a scene, for your birthday. There is no danger present. Not yet."

Thick blindfold Lulu conjured in her hand, placing it over Paine's eyes. Kept from asking, could not ask anything—no, nothing—more questions steamrolled, starting a migraine as Lulu's heels sounded again, moving to the doorway. Never, _ever _did Paine mention to Lulu the contents of her room. She reached behind her, underneath the pillow—her journal was not there. Her hands moved down, underneath her waist…this was too perfect: everything down to the placement of the bloodstains had been replicated.

On her side Paine moved, facing away from the door, from Lulu, curling into herself once again. She could come up with no answers to these questions that burned. That temperature boiled the nerves in her stomach to speed, making her nauseous with fear, confusion. Decade-old tears had stained the pillow beneath her face, as a tattoo over the white fabric—from lying precisely this way for nights on end.

Only blanks explained, offered any solace. Only trust in Lulu felt as the right path to take. Thinking—_no._

"Come right in," spoke Lulu to someone else—two other pairs of footsteps Paine heard down that hall: one soft, laid-back, perhaps from sandals; the other cautious, wary, from hard, heelless boots. "She's right here. I like to call her my little bitch boy. As you can see, she enjoys wearing boys' clothing. She felt ashamed of being a girl when she was younger, as if she truly believed that her sex made her weak. Such a desire to be strong… I don't believe she reached her goal. My sister defeated her with ease last night."

_Raine…_

These two strangers stood by the bed, listening to Lulu tell them too many of Paine's secrets. How she'd fucked Lulu's lookalikes in groups during her sexual confusion. How she'd enjoyed being fucked by Lulu when she'd used Wakka's garment grid to turn into him—into a man—a lesbian loving dick from a man! Oh, Lulu laughed at that; the strangers stayed silent on Lulu's order. And how Paine loved it rough, loved being submissive despite her appearance and attitude…

"For an _amateur_, she is very good at giving blowjobs. It is as if her throat and mouth were shaped precisely to deepthroat any length of cock. I imagine she could make quite a living as a prostitute or porn star—perhaps both." Forceful, Lulu grabbed Paine's shoulder, turning her over on her back. She couldn't help it—Paine couldn't help her whimper of surprise when Lulu held her dick trapped in this fabric. "This is only a strap-on. I've mastered the magic to turn a plastic one into flesh. Hers is much smaller today. It says more than enough about her…" A pause, and then: "Do what we discussed."

Hesitation… One of the strangers stepped closer. Weight upon the bed, next to her, the person knelt, over her, their hands at either side of her arms…waiting. Their presence felt familiar of a sudden.

"If you hold back, to hide anything," Lulu went on, warning, "It won't help you." Those sandaled footsteps circled around the bed, to the other side. "I am doing you a favor. Take advantage of her."

Curious curls, soft tendrils of hair she felt first as the stranger leaned down. They hesitated again. Mindless, blank slate of arousal overtook Paine from this presence she felt and could not see. Questions could not break through to Paine's psyche—not now, and not until the scene ended. Want burned clear through these unknowns: the recognizable scent of crisp perfume permeating through the stench of this room, the clench of leather over those gloved hands at her sides; the storm-like smell of their sweat…

As if their head was forced, pushed down by the other stranger's hand, Paine heard that soft groan before, before—abundance of temptation titillated, taking over by this kiss unfamiliar, welcome, unwelcome, wanted. This taste of their breath smelled familiar against her lips from heated, competitive hissing in each others' faces for months before this detonation. That same hand that had forced this head down snatched Paine's blindfold off, shocking her eyes open:

Crushing, firm, Lightning kissed her; scowling with eyes closed, speaking loud through forced action. Inside, within, letting her do this, wanting more by the heat in her face seeping _down_, shame and sexual all filled, from Lulu's leering eyes on them; from Fang smirking next to their bursting breaths. _This, _allowed, orchestrated, planned: how much better it felt, out in the open, with Lightning on top of her, gloved hands and uncovered fingers holding her face, feminine-sounding in this growing aggression.

"I _fucking_ knew it!" sounded Fang's haughty voice over this deepening. "You two had the _nerve_ to think you could hide this from us? I'll tell you right now—you were dead wrong. Bloody obvious sexual tension…" Something, _something _about the arrogance in Fang's voice made this sweeter, better—and Lulu _watching_, allowing this… Stopped short—Fang grabbed Lightning by the roots of her hair, pulling her back; leaving her and Paine both breathless. "That's enough for now…"

Lulu held Paine by her collar, procuring a long chain, fastening it there as a leash. "You will continue this later," she said, low, menacing. She pulled the leash, taut, and had Paine stand. Lightning faced the wall, motionless, rigid. "Fang, could you pick out a pair of shorts and shoes for her? I don't want to give anyone an obvious reason to stare in between her legs."

"Sure thing," said Fang, moving to search through the drawers. She found a white pair of cargo shorts and threw them on the bed. From inside the closet, she removed a pair of blue sneakers.

Thoughtless, forceful, Lulu made Paine put them on, chains singing all the while. Black permanent marker she conjured, writing a four-letter word over Paine's forehead: _SLUT. _Red tinted Paine's ears and neck, even harder when Lightning turned around by Fang's forcing, glancing at her, brief.

"There," spoke Lulu, unchanging from before. Fang laughed at Paine, loud. "Let's go. Our reservation is for eleven-thirty. We need to leave now, otherwise we'll be late."

—

For brunch they returned to _The Bismarck_ by the sea, eating with one another at the same table, couples across from the other. At the entrance, the Maître D' had turned the other way; in the restaurant, Zanarkand's esteemed summoners, law-makers and military officers _stared_.

Guilt made Lightning do as Fang said—she ate at a steady pace, military, stiff, disciplined. She kept her eyes to her plate. Lulu discussed with Fang, at ease, keeping the leash along her lap for now. Paine's plate of food was considerably smaller in portion size compared to the others. Younger, unable and unwilling to eat as much as them—Lulu went so far as to feed her, petting and stroking her hair, her face, her small dick. Meanwhile, the people around them muttered and pointed, scandalized in varying degrees. Their waiter had hastened to serve them and fled from the table, having nearly stared too long at Lulu's Domme outfit, at Paine's boyish clothing, at Lightning's discomfort and Fang's conceit.

Paine could hardly register any of it. Voids and black holes had overtaken her mental processes. Thoughts broken, she could only sit here and want sex as she ate at Lulu's behest. With Lulu, with Lightning, with Fang, with all of them—it didn't matter, so long as Lulu was present and allowed it. Letters branded in ink upon her forehead spoke of such truths, she could not deny them.

"What made it _really _stand out," Fang went on as she conversed with Lulu, "Was when they tackled each other that time and wrestled around on the ground. I swear I could read Light's lips—_I smell you. _Ain't that what she said?"

Another forkful Lulu fed Paine, humming in agreement. "I believe so," she replied. "Although, I have to wonder if that's entirely fair. You see, Paine was already wet some time before the match…"

Fang grinned wide, glancing at Lightning's near-empty plate. "You mean when you called your slave up for a little phone sex?" she asked, earning a nod from Lulu. "Ohh, yeah, I reckon that'd complicate things. I say it was both—you _and _Light. What d'you make of that? You think they've been fucking?" At that, Lightning tried to stand, to flee; Fang grabbed her by hem of her skirt, yanking her back. "Sit your ass back down _right now _and stay here, you no good, two-timin' bitch!" Lightning twitched, stopping her reaction—that guilt, again, made her clamp her mouth shut and ball her fists instead of fighting back. "If _anyone _should be leavin' between the two of us, it's me! So don't you dare…"

"I don't think they have," said Lulu, flat, as if nothing else had occurred after Fang's inquiry. "It's worse for you because Lightning denied it for a number of months. I never gave my slut a chance to confront the matter." At last Paine swallowed the final portion of her food, head down as Lulu used a napkin to wipe her mouth—with care, always with care. "She knows better than to lie to me. I felt it was best to simply not ask. I have a feeling none of this occurred to her until last night during their match."

"Guess so," agreed Fang, annoyed; glaring hard at Lightning seething next to her. "Hey, liar—why don't you ask your little crush to dance with you again? I'm sure the two of you'd love to get away from us. Need some time to strategize? Now's your chance. Bonus points if you kiss for us to see."

"That sounds like a good idea," said Lulu, before sipping her mimosa. She leered at Lightning from behind her glass; Lightning stood, controlled, and walked over to Paine. "Don't take too long with her."

Inflexible, Lightning offered her hand, looking everywhere else except at Paine. This time, by Lulu's order, Paine held Lightning's hand, stood up, and walked with her hand-in-hand to the dance floor. Complete submission, incredibly fucking turned on, wanting three times as much, three people, _Lulu_…

Again, Lightning grabbed Paine's hips, forcing her to follow. They said nothing, falling in slow step with one another; Paine thought nothing of other dancers edging away from them, turning to stare and glare as if that would _really _make them leave.

"This is—beyond embarrassing," said Lightning, teeth gritting, jaw clenching. Paine looked up at her, wants plain. "You…you're completely brainwashed by her… Like you're a different person when Lulu has that outfit on. I can't…I can't believe this is happening."

If Elysia knew nothing about this kinky activity going on in her establishment, Paine imagined her mother-in-law would hear about it soon—and she would not be pleased about it, at all. Now, _right now_, Paine didn't give a fuck about any of that—too aroused with Lulu's eyes on her, too horny with Lightning's hands on her; she did not notice Maester Seymour sitting at a table on the opposite side of the restaurant, tilted glass of water dripping down his front as he gaped at her.

"You want it," was all Paine said in response, stating the obvious.

Lightning's eyes darted about, searching. "I _can't_ keep doing this—"

"So, what? You're gonna run away?" When Lightning glared at her, hot, Paine saw such similarities there to Lulu's brand of fury, striking that match again and again. "You're better than that. Stay here with me and ride the day out. We're best friends. You can't ditch me during my birthday celebration…"

"You call this a _birthday celebration_? This is insane! You're dressed like a teenage boy—_you_ _look like one_—and for what?"

_Fly Me to the Moon _from Lulu's voice echoed again over those booming gunshots. "She wants me to face my past—" Her mother's howling sobs, screaming for help and receiving none; "My problems—" Wanting this appendage, wanting strength in society, wanting sex to block it out block it all out block; "Lulu wants to fuck them all away. I want her to. I want her so deep inside of me that I _can't _think, just like now. And if she allows it…I want you there, too. I want your strength. I need it."

Shocked, Lightning stared at her. "You're addicted to this…I don't know who you are anymore. Where _are _you? Where did you go?"

"Subspace," said Paine, simply—for that was all, all it was, everything, needing, strong.

"What the hell does that mean?"

Floating along a plane without pain, this constriction of her groin could not bother nor break her. "It means…I'm high without needing to take drugs. People watching. I don't care. Humiliation. I don't care. You're right—I'm addicted, this is my addiction, and it's safe because you want me—"

Pulled apart, stumbling; Paine took longer than normal to perceive Fang dragging them both by their arms, back to the table. "All right, lovebirds," said Fang, "That's more than enough time t'yourselves for now. We got other places to go. Light—you're payin' for all of us. Not a word, either—just do it."

—

All day they spent walking about Zanarkand as if waiting for night to come, for more. Electronics and video game stores they frequented, with Lulu guiding Paine by her chain leash, with Fang fending off offended observers. Other _masculine _stores they entered: for clothing, for accessories, for shoes, for auto parts, for sports. They purchased nothing. Fang indulged in this public humiliation much more so than Lulu, however mild it was, until dusk arrived.

All this time Paine spent wanting, wanting, wanting. Her heart and sense had fallen into the heated trench of her core, lost in this lava of hard-pumping blood. Lulu's displeasure, her _mean _disposition that day through her silence only excited, triggering emotional masochism to enjoy this subtle torture. Lightning's discomfort by her wooden body language made Paine want this grouping all the more, thinking of their kiss from that morning. How naïve of Lightning to resist this inevitable devolving and dissolution of her character, when Paine had already given in to hers against—and with—her will. Steadily, Fang's choice of words that day melted the steel of Lightning's barriers, enticing with temptation near and possible. Bloodlust, more, Paine slowly scented from her best friend as night came. From inside of this burrow, Paine failed to notice the suspicion around them, behind them, above them, of a singular black skycar following them everywhere they went.

Down a dilapidated street they traversed, nearing a low building of black dirtied by grit and graffiti. Chime of chain sounded from Paine's leash as she looked up to the sign designating the location as an adult store. Unprofessional, unsafe: no one bothered to check their identification at the door, which Paine had none, for Lulu had not allowed her to bring anything with her save for the clothes on her back. Overhead, the skycar made its descent to the nearest parking lot, unnoticed.

Bright iridescent light and sullied, pallid tile; near-everyone in the store wore black, as if to conceal their identities with effectiveness; rows and racks of sex toys and pornographic videos embedded in spheres customers perused. Shifty-looking employees with hoods and no name cards eyed Lulu, Paine, Fang and Lightning as they entered, lingering for a moment longer than necessary. Lulu led Paine by her leash to the contraception isle; Lightning grabbed Fang by the arm, dragging her to the opposite corner, claiming she had something imperative to tell her. Anything more Paine could not hear, dulled out by distance as Fang complied with annoyance. That distance soon turned into Lightning and Fang wandering into the area reserved for the store's private viewing rooms.

From this isle, Lulu selected a number of condoms and a bottle of water-based lubricant. She said nothing as she did this, not even to ward off the many staring observers nearby. She had been mostly silent that entire day, allowing Fang to speak in her place whenever necessary. From how badly Lulu had singed her mind from the friction of that unexpected fucking earlier in the day, Paine could not think as to why her wife chose not to say anything.

"Love," said Lulu at last, neutral, removing the length of Paine's leash from her collar, "Why don't you go check on Fang and Lightning? I'm sure you remember which direction they went off in. It sounded like they had something important to discuss. Eavesdrop on them until I find you."

"Yes, Mistress," replied Paine, bright as she complied.

Down the darkening hall she went to the other side of the store: opposite in coats of peeling black paint, claustrophobic, with rows of wooden stalls lined against the walls. Thick, musken stench she smelled, emanating from the stalls. Her sneakers she made sure not to scuff against the ground as she walked, listening in through each stall to locate her friends. Varied sounds of women moaning and screaming with predictable practice met her ears; grunts and growls from men masturbating or receiving blowjobs she heard—she ignored these, moving on.

From the stall in a corner of the room, she heard Fang's challenging tones. Silently, Paine pressed her ear to the black paint of the door, listening to their muffled argument:

"You think a bunch of _pyreflies _made you want her as badly as you do?" asked Fang, outraged.

Lightning stood up for herself, finally, retorting, "Damnit, Fang, you weren't there in that cave with me! You don't know what I saw! So don't act like you're better than me, because you're not. I _told you_, this is completely out of my control, as if—"

"—as if some mysterious god came and _wrote _the fucking feelings inside of you, yeah, you said that—"

"—_why the hell _would I want Paine otherwise? She's not my type! I have you, we live together—"

"—don't change the bloody subject, Claire! She's _clearly _your damn type—did you forget I saw that _passion _behind your damn kiss? From both of you?! Y'can't go boundin' off like that when we've been together a whole fucking _year _and you still ain't told me that you love me!"

Only a moment did Lightning pause for, trying to find her words. "…that's what this is about, huh? You're insecure—"

Rustling, rumbling sound, and then: "—_fucking _insecure?! _You're _callin' _me _insecure when _you're _the one who wants to bag a damn transvestite?" Sarcasm dripping, Fang laughed. Loudly, Lightning sighed, irritated. "Hold on, let's get to the bottom of this! 'Cause you swore to me you weren't like that. Remember, when I asked you if you wanted to get into their lifestyle, you said no? But you still wanted to _watch_? So tell me the truth this time—do you wanna fuck her when she looks like a teenage boy? Are you a giant, flamin' pedo like Lulu is? Are you tellin' me you're bisexual now?"

"Fuck, I _told you _it doesn't matter what Paine is! You don't know what this is! You don't understand and you _won't _no matter how I explain it to you—"

"—and you know why? Because you broke my FUCKING heart, that's why!" Harder sound, from Fang shoving Lightning up against the wall, startling Paine: fear of discovery. "If you'd just told me the truth from the start, we wouldn't be here. _Months _you kept denyin', denyin', denyin' like you thought I was _stupid_! You lied to me, Claire! That's _all _I give a shit about right now! Fuck Paine all you want while I watch—I don't give a damn! You're a liar. Get that in your head before you try raisin' your damn voice at me again…"

Deflated, dejected, Lightning said in sincerity, "I'm sorry you see it that way… I didn't know what it was, that's why I denied it."

Fang's voice sounded muffled further, as if she spoke against Lightning's neck. "Fine. But you _knew_ what it was last night when you fought her. You had a whole twelve hours to come clean, and you didn't."

"You got me there."

"Yeah, I know…"

Passerby gaped in Paine's general direction, having heard bits and pieces of the argument behind this door. She searched around for Lulu. No sign of her by the time Fang continued speaking:

"Just what the hell did you see in that cave, Light? Den of Woe, was it? The hell was in there that was such a big damn deal that it's got you all messed up in the head? I'm not buyin' that bullshit about Raine makin' you swear not to tell no one. I ain't _no one_, I'm your girlfriend. Now fess up—you owe me."

"…Fang, I know I owe you," said Lightning, before soft shifting of hair and clothing, "I have to pay you back in the way I've been doing today. I feel like if I tell you, it'll come true. We both care about Paine too much to see—_that_—" Movement again; voices a little farther away, against the opposite wall of the stall; "If you want me to do all of this with Paine, I will. I won't stop until you say. That's your payback."

"You get to have your cake and eat it, too. I get nothin'. That ain't fair."

"You get to boss me around for once. I never let you do it before today. Anything you and Lulu say, I'll do it. I'll do my best not to hesitate. You said you want to see this side of me. Now's your chance to bring it out…"

Such a proposition gave Fang pause, considering. Clicks from Lulu's heels sounded, approaching unmasked.

"No," said Fang. "Me an' Lulu already talked this over. You an' Paine ain't doin' _shit_ together. You got one kiss with her. That's as close as you'll get. Go any further than that and you an' me are through. I'm warnin' you, Claire. Paine gets her birthday sex tonight—we _watch_. Nothin' more…"

Lulu gave a knock on the stall door, calling, "Are the two of you finished? I'd like to return home now. You are welcome to join us, as always."

"Sure, sure," replied Fang, pushing Lightning aside to open the door. She smirked at the black plastic bag in Lulu's hand. "Buy somethin' nice for your little bitch boy?"

Vague, Lulu replied, "Something like that, yes." She placed Paine's leash along her collar once more, touches soft, caring as Lightning and Fang emerged. "Love, you and I will be doing things a little differently tonight. We will play our game first. Depending on what you draw, you may get quite a treat. Pray that _Lady Luck _will be as kind to you as I'm choosing to be."


	41. Narcissus Narcosis

"_Xibalba" by Clint Mansell_

_For Jay._

_How I have paved new novelty for you  
To enjoy this planned chance, typical eyes  
On us to elicit trust through and through,  
Showing you what could have been: mesmerized.  
Bipolar I do seem—motivations  
Show, twice as my mirror, better than all  
Who had lined to know you—celebrations  
Now for this understanding riding tall;  
Superior to other choices, stay  
With me, with these promises you have said  
To father our seed in me; how you've made  
A loving fool of me, to two in bed:  
Break my standards, make me your woman new  
With no common logic, but to love you._

Cobalt blue of the night in her old room Paine stood within, adorned by layers of dust and demonstration. Waiting in her same boyish clothes, hands along the back of her head, _Present_, she stood at the foot of the bed, facing the wall—away from the door—with her observers sitting together over the brown blanket, watching her wait. Sheer anticipation for this scene, for their game of The Scorpion's Empress, for Lulu to focus on her; Paine could not contain her zeal in her chest, sighing every so often. Her instincts declared that she was in for an extremely good night, despite the unbearable confusion from earlier in the day. She could not think, could not question; could only feel, want, feel hard and high how much she wanted to worship Lulu on this night by reciprocation.

Lightning stared at her through this tinted darkness, unreadable. Leaning on her, lounging, Fang whispered in her girlfriend's ear. That whispering stopped, respectful, from the sounds of Lulu's heels down the hall, entering the room. Already, she shuffled the cards in her hand. Explosive vibrancy painted over Paine's face, loving, adoring; Lulu set the dice atop the dusty dresser, gesturing for her to roll there instead of kneeling.

Brisk, confident, Paine rolled for the outcome. _One and two _gave her three. _Three, three_—Paine kept the number in mind as Lulu offered her the deck to draw from.

Unexpected, Lulu frowned at the result. "A diamond, hm?" she said, disappointed enough for both of them. "That only gives you three minutes with me tonight…" Paine stared at the card, hearing her wife thinking through this thick silence. "No, that won't do." Again, she shuffled the deck, entertaining Paine's hopeful stare with amusement. "How about this: I will allow you to draw again, keeping the diamond in play. If you draw another red suit, I will…_double-up_ on the love you're afforded. If you draw a black suit, I will make things ambiguous for you. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Mistress," said Paine, eager as she drew again—

_Two of Hearts._

For the first time that day, Lulu smiled. "Three hours," she said, indulgent. She set the cards down next to the dice. "The doubling-up…" Patient, understanding, Lulu stepped closer, closest, canting Paine's head up to regard her fully, "…you'll have it—in a way you won't expect…in the way you've _needed_…"

Through anything, Lulu loved her: Paine felt as much, heard as much through the spirit of that touch, of those arms wrapped about her shoulders, holding. Compassion and kindness all placed down in firmness of Lulu's lips down her neck. First press softest, second press soft, third press needing, fourth and all down needed more from this sensitivity, eliciting, smooth, satisfaction, susurrus' of saliency. Submission Paine offered without movement, arms still at her sides as if unpracticed and green, with Lulu holding and roving as experienced despite this boyish appearance and signs of insecurities.

For Lulu to love her as she was, however she chose to be: that sentiment slipped down Paine's throat from Lulu's breaths over her wanting lips. Resolve in Lulu's hold around her hips, against the small of her back no matter this out-of-place shirt; nails teasing the elastic bands of her shorts and boxers, no matter how strange anyone else thought it for Paine to wear such things; _kissing _her this fully, despite the revelations that day of her unsolicited want of the one watching them—Lulu did not discriminate in her touch, her care.

Call of crystal sounded to Paine's ears, eyes closed, from Lulu's heart, expanding outward, around. If Paine could speak that language of crystal, she might have heard all of Lulu's dreams therein, opened as hers were, as her mouth was, to speak the same things without words. Rolling movements of Lulu's lips against hers, parted, opening, edged Paine's head back in this effervescence, knowing Fang and Lightning watched this and could not have it. By that backward tilt of her head, Paine felt something—someone else there: the very same belonging to the familiar hands that touched her bare shoulders by her shirt.

Eyes wide open—Paine felt the long, thick coil of Lulu's hair surround her face and neck as twin adders, from two sources, two people, two women, _two Lulus _from that literal doubling-up: _Copycat _dressphere. Barely, Fang muffled her surprise; Lightning gave no audible reaction; nearly, Paine's knees almost gave way, until she felt added support keeping her steady, mind on overload soaring, soaring, soaring.

All those years of fucking Lulu's doppelgangers could not compare to _this_.

"You won't need this," they both said in unison, separate hands grabbing between Paine's legs. No thought needed—Paine removed that dressphere. Relief took over, more comfort, without that stifling member in the way. Tight shift and roll of fabric, upward over her torso: four hands removed her shirt.

From behind her, Lulu spoke, "Come here," directing her sideways to the bed. Bare back met that spread of blanket; both of them in that Domme outfit shifted over her, holding her body, moving her up for her head to rest atop the silk of sari and warmth of Fang's lap. "Relax, love…this is your night."

Down Fang smiled at her, amused—soft, parched hands tangling in her hair; Lightning stared, close by, readable of lust this time. Higher the first Lulu moved, straddling the arch of Paine's bare stomach to bend down and kiss; lower the second stayed, spreading Paine's legs, knelt between them, wet tip of tongue easing from her ankle on up. Arching harder, opening wider, Paine could not stop her reactions, doubled, mirrored, amplified. Sounds to the night air coated that dust and decade-old distress with the unbelievable. Detonating thoughts of Lulu truly finding her in this room when she was fifteen, taking advantage of her in this way—

That added softness of Fang's presence, and the sharpness of Lightning's had her twisting underneath all the attention she never imagined receiving all at once. All of them, all of them—they were all so beautiful…

Closest to her ear, Lulu whispered to her, hot and humid, "Do you want me to make love to you…twice as much, twice as deep?" Between her, the second bit gently along her wet inner-thighs covered by cotton, _nearing_. White-hot want flashed through Paine's mind, trickling out her throat as she whined, panting. "Can't speak, hm?" Through black fabric crystal chimed again: length, _length_, and Lulu straddled her higher, her chest. "I should do something about that…"

Enveloping span teased against Paine's full lips, hardening, steady. Stroking hands, still, Fang pulled back the falls of Paine's hair from her face. Downward Paine felt the tenderness of Lulu's shoulders hiking underneath her thighs; hot breath nearing, clinging onto every dripping drop seeping through white fabric. Upward this Lulu tilted Paine's head, caressing both. Speaking, unnecessary, removed: open Paine's mouth went, swallowing skin whole, liberated by fullness between her lips and tongue. To drink this, breathe this, muscles around and underneath her mouth expanded, allowing, asking for more.

Deliberately, dominance deepened down her throat, needing to stay. Near-choke from the surprise between her, of her second-equal love tearing the boxers from her, tossing them aside to ravage, relish. Vibrating voice, moaning, powerless, hummed over hardening. Velvet soft of tongue curled and coiling inside of her, warming up, testing clenching spreading. Two pairs of hands along her hair and face, three pair on her, above her, and one mirrored within this slickening: overload not to excess, loving.

Opening, opened, widening, widened by mouth and legs, spread open wide with no place to hide, lifted, high. Legs clamped around Lulu's neck and shoulders, hips lifting by the press of sharp hands along her thighs. Long sucking of Lulu in this place, the same person, her wife, twice, fulfilling this need inexplicable from nights of frustration. Tongue stimulated, tongue stimulating—no more uncertainty, not-confused with this doubling far superior to any adultery she could have committed with the one next to her.

Too soon, from between her, Lulu moved to stand, walking around the bed to Lightning's side. Sucking continued; wide-eyed, Paine looked up at both of them, all of them. "Tell me," said this Lulu, fanning her fingers out underneath Lightning's jaw, stroking down; amethyst ring glittering in the moonlight: "Do you want her? Do you want my wife? Knowing that she belongs to me, still, you bear this lust for her?"

Lightning dared to make eye contact, replying, "It's out of my control…"

"This is as far as you will get—" Not-intentioned to kiss, Lulu pressed her lips covered in Paine to Lightning's, spreading, shocking; Fang smirked, sadistic; Paine could have lost consciousness had this other Lulu not pulled out for her to breathe; "Perhaps until another lifetime…if I am unavailable. That is not the case tonight. _I_ am the only one in this world who knows exactly what she needs at any given time…" Careful, this second Lulu moved to situate herself underneath Paine, supporting her as a body-mattress; between their legs she searched for length and moisture, preparing. "You will keep your urges in check when you are around her, otherwise I will have to make better use of your name—"

Sparks of electricity cracked between Lulu's fingers closest to Lightning's face, in clear warning. Fang laughed lightly, shaking her head at the bits of fear in Lightning's eyes. Attention back to Paine as she cried out Lulu's name—insertion, thick, curved, angled, different, unprotected; instinctual, she grabbed her breasts, over Lulu's hands already there, gripping tight. Heels sounded as her other Lulu moved between her. With boots bent beneath the bend of Paine's spread legs, Lulu glared at Lightning, first, before adjusting her gaze to Paine—dressphere calling, crystal forming.

This Lulu amid her legs stroked herself, watching Paine hitching and rising from shallow thrusting. "I don't want to wait, love," she spoke, sighing over stimulation physical and visual. She moved her head down, to kiss, licking curved, soaking span, and lapping both. Deep, haunting timber—Lulu asked, "Or should I…? This is tempting…to stay here." At that streak of shine marking how deep her mirror thrust inside, Lulu kept her tongue there, moving with those movements, licking length and Paine both in the same stroke. Shuddering spasms Paine showed, from these unknowns of Lulu's intentions. Widening pain: one finger, two fingers Lulu inserted at the same time as this thrusting, testing, twists… "I want…"

Upward this Lulu moved, over Paine's body; in the same motion, she pushed inside, twice as thick, twice the motion, double penetration in the same place, same wetness, and the same pain. Taking it, needing this, Paine took it; breathing, breathing, breathing, sharp, gripping Lulu's undulating back, wanting to cry from this discomfort until it settled, until that joined rhythm in twos soothed, smoothing, and shallow until she dripped for less friction and more fucking.

"_Paine_," said both voices, in opposite ears, with the same need, "I love you, I love you…" Effort they both made to please, moving in unison; Paine smoothed her hand down to the small of Lulu's back, fingers tasting the arching waves there from purposeful pushing. "Is this—so dangerous—?" Stretch of her neck for Lulu to kiss her there, on either side; for Fang to keep holding her head, fascinated. "To love you through anything you say and do…" Heaving breaths Paine sucked in, veins sharpened along her neck for Lulu to take in her mouth, tasting, devoted, whole even divided in two. "No matter how you may break me—" Labored with love, with Lulu's focus irreplaceable; "Now and forever, I need you…"

By her heart, Paine felt all of her thoughts escape her and into this encompassing hold of arms around her. Everything about her, all qualities, all objectivity and subjectivity both left her for Lulu to have and understand. No one else could ever replace this love; no one else could ever surpass this freedom in closed hold. Always with this sensuality she could find in no other, Lulu found her, both of them found her continually in every movement, every breath, touch, kiss and hold twice as much.

Such a tease, both of them, for pulling out, steady; gaping wetness needed more. Unexpected movement, from Lulu—one of them—lifting her from bed, carrying her, walking out the door. Behind them followed Lightning and Fang, through this hallway to the actual bedroom.

Quietly, the other Lulu shifted the large, framed photograph over the wall that Paine had broken during their play during New Year's Eve nearly a year ago. _Redecorating _for her had meant adding another room through that area, covering it with a candid picture of both of them from their wedding day. There behind the glass, Paine wore her armor, carrying Lulu instead in her wedding dress, smiling at one another. Beautiful, how Lulu glowed in her radiance…

Drapes opened to reveal Zanarkand's vivacity at night—Lulu carried Paine to the wide window, having her stand in front of the glass, city lights reflecting all along her skin. Both of them stood before her, taller than her, two pairs of warm hands and lips roaming over her bare form. From delightful overstimulation Paine leaned back with her weight against the windowsill. Alternating touch back and forth between both bodies: Paine combed her fingers through Lulu's hair, twice, both, pulling them closer, savoring that silken weight this smooth against her skin. Again, Fang and Lightning moved to the bed, resting nearest the pillows, watching with their own reactions.

Enticing, seductive, one Lulu moved to her knees, hands caressing Paine's navel; the other stayed standing, whispering in Paine's ear: "Isn't this better than all of those cheap imitations in Bevelle?"

Intoxicated by this doubled haze, Paine smiled with lidded eyes. "Absolutely, Mistress…"

Force of crystal and arousal both responded to the one on her knees—strap-on procured, wanting. This Lulu standing with her stroked that arching neck, delicate. "I remember the things you said, about what you made those girls do with you and with each other. I would do anything for you, my love. Anything…"

On her knees Lulu moved, joining her twin. Both hands, one from each, stroking Paine, shifting, so sexy with that look of mischief in their eyes. Narcissism at its finest: when they both kissed one another, all the blood in Paine's head shot down, hardening, painful rushing, pulsing, eyes wide and watering, mind completely blank to make unlimited room for this new canvas of memory. Soft, epicene, ultra-feminine in slowness of touch: stroking the other's face, shifting hair out of the way; tilting heads for more access, lips tentative, tongue tasting, arms holding, corsets close, boots and bodies rubbing against the other.

All the while they each used one hand to pump Paine to guttural response, not letting her come yet. Lips apart, one broke the kiss to ease her tongue along that length; the second joined on the opposite side, mouth wide enough and lips thick enough to kiss her reflection in the same motion. Slowly they both moved, looking up at Paine with sufficient submission to smear her insides with depravity. Lulu, Lulu, she—both—they sucked her, one at a time, changing with kisses up and down and sucking in the same direction, alternating, going with practice, delight from mouths full vibrating all along her hard want.

Hissing breaths Paine inhaled, unwilling to ever forget this sight. "Lulu—I love you to fucking _death, _I love you…" Again she tangled her hands through impossibly long hair, both hands directing the head whose mouth she fucked, switching as they switched. "…need to make love to you—both…both of you."

Tongue dripping of Paine, one Lulu licked her lips, smiling up. "Greedy, aren't we?" she teased, brow raised. Still sucking, the other continued, minor choking sounds arousing. Heaving, Paine nodded, glancing over at Lightning—oh, how that lust burned, never-reaching this echelon Lulu gave her, continuously rising. "How do you want me…?"

"I want you whimpering," sounded Paine's voice as a growl, pulling both of them up to their feet. One she grabbed by the shoulders, slamming her against the chill of the window. Paine faced her, groaning; the other stood behind, body and breasts pressing against her backside. "I want you to hold me…" Lulu's legs she spread apart, hasty, pushing inside, filling, needing, craving this wet-hot-heat and moan of her name. With those arms around her, with those boots around her, surrounded, Paine breathed in Lulu's ear: "_I want you_…to have my child. We…keep trying…" Harder, pressing Lulu's back against the window, rubbing, thrusting, _harder_. "Please—_let me _come inside of you—for these hours we have… please, Lulu."

Scorched heart and emotion Paine gave her, needing, believing that this was their time. Risks didn't matter; what had been seen and worried over couldn't touch the heights her devotion reached, to stimulate, to fill Lulu this thick and long. Carnal reactions from the whimpering Lulu gave her, calls of her name; from the likeness behind her holding on, needing the same.

Whatever broken honor Paine had to her name, whatever mistakes she'd made or fallen into, Lulu loved her, she loved her—

_Everything I've always needed…_

To the bed Paine carried her, amid those sounds and sights of Lightning and Fang having given in to one another despite their disagreement earlier. Parallel to them along the bed Paine set Lulu down upon her back, refusing to stop. For the remainder of the hours their game dictated, Paine went, and went, and went, filling her wife with the white of her intentions, of her promises to never do her wrong and to cherish her, always. These she spoke to her as Lightning did the same with only her mouth between Fang's long legs, apologizing through action; as all needed to be.

Unnoticed, the other Lulu searched through the room, through Paine's old, unused things, finding what she needed. With the black plastic bag from the adult store in hand, she placed what she found inside, and changed into her dress. One last look of longing at Paine, and she left the room—left the house.


	42. Mandatory, Statutory Suicide

"_Requiem" by Otep_

_Time is the fire in which we all burn,  
And my devotion to you has reached its  
Highest, breaking, broken point in me, churned  
By my own envy, driving me to risks  
I can no longer entertain in my  
Mind alone—reality, tasting, touch  
I must know, saving you from all the why's  
In forcing through half, enforcing this clutch:  
Blood I consume, better than the first time  
Because of this suicide of morals  
I have endured to find you—and all rhymes  
With your whimpering; petals torn: floral  
Blossoming—come with me to meet Besaid  
In this Ideal, to avoid tirades._

Alone Lulu walked across the silver still seas of time, searching with eyes wide wet. Dreary, her dress dragged over this surface, steps slowed, with her chest heaving and hitching. Through this lifeless tunnel she saw only her flawed vision in this near-darkness, of the source of this passionate sickness in her stomach: that a matter as severe as her wife wanting another had reduced her to this. Leaving Paine, no—the thought sickened her further, with sympathy for the one who had broken in their home with no one left to love. _Lusting after Lightning, _of all people—an emotionally-stiff woman who had no idea of Paine's nuances the way _she _did, who was in no position to give Paine anything of true value…

Yet Paine wanted that woman, still. How Lulu wanted to take Lightning's gunblade and shoot—sever her from existence.

Shame with herself: Lulu would have left anyone else who wanted even a drop of another. Paine wanted far more than one drop of Lightning. Violent viridian boiled, twisting, coiling, unrelenting from thinking of that kiss—how Lulu could have disintegrated Lightning alive with but one thought when their lips had met. Weakness: Lulu said not a word, had no desire to. All she wanted was Paine, Paine, Paine. Her wife, inside of her again, once more, all day, all night; to have Paine's child, to be owned in that contradictory sense, to be subservient to Paine's spend, to have her body react to Paine's influence in the most intimate of ways; to submit to Paine's hands on her underneath undulating uncomforting until she cried as hard as she did now for months under duress of biology's laws before birthing their love as life—

With the mere thought that she had suffered such pains at seventeen years old, from Chappu; how that effort to have her former love live on ended in blood spilled, just as Rikku had suffered. Lulu did not care, for that time had not been right, had not been meant to be. This, already that she felt inside of her, she knew—Lulu knew it was meant to be. Nothing could take this away from her.

All the while, uneven or not, Paine wanted another who was but a poor alternative. In her heart, in her everything, Lulu did not care. It could not make her leave no matter what her mind screamed.

"_Paine_," she spoke, to no one, pained as her breaths sounded on the way out, "I have chosen…my stubborn path…to be with you—no matter the odds…no matter—how you wound me—I _will not _leave you…ever. Reverse this paradigm; beat my face or heart until they bleed and I will kneel at your feet, _begging_—" Distinct image of her words; Lulu stopped, wrist and back of her hand against her nose to stop this flow, trembling over the truth of the matter; "Kill me with your mistakes and I will come back to you on my knees each time, defying death and dimensions of common sense to be with you."

Knelt down to hold herself together—these thoughts Lulu could not stop, of suffering any dynamic so long as she could continue to tell Paine that she loved her, as her wife, as the mother of her children. This last, how she _needed _it. However Paine chose to treat her, it mattered not—so long as she continued to love and care for Vidina as she did now, nothing had to change. Such a thought cleansed Lulu of these venomous fantasies, to be reminded again of how Paine treated Vidina as if he were her own: a luxury Lulu could never find in another, even his own father. Too late.

Lulu thought not of what she lacked to explain that lust in Paine—her own mistakes or miscalculations held the answer. She could think of nothing else to explain this. She didn't need to—this epiphany, this surge of love for Paine would not have come about otherwise. She could not go on without this, as her muse, to do what that alternate Paine had so asked of her.

"I love you…"

Memories of Paine telling her the same—showing her the same—helped to slow the fall of her emotions. With words, with actions Paine did this so well—how she smiled at Vidina, encouraged him to do his very best in life; Lulu stood up again, validated in her decision: security in herself that this was the right path to take, to follow her heart and allow her logic to make this exception in her behavior.

Armored, tall, as a Judge Magister, an Arbiter of Time appeared before Lulu, statuesque as he spoke: "You have breached Time's laws for your own selfish purposes. How you cling to such for the same. Your perseverance offers you safe passage to one, and to return from Whence you came. Tell me, black mage, who and When you seek."

"My wife, Paine, Judge Magister Nyte of Zanarkand's Ninth Bureau… Take me to the moment when she nearly took her own life when she was fifteen years old. Allow me to change history's course for that lifetime of hers—and mine, in Besaid."

"These Times shall be inextricably linked from this Day forth—this and yours. A mirror's edge has been created. This mapping of experiences will overlap, for your benefit as the Ideal. You may proceed."

All disappeared. A shining trail of mirrors appeared as the singular path for Lulu to take. Brighter she perceived herself in these mirrors, showing her truths she could not yet understand. Deathly-deep curiosity dictated her distance down this darkness, illuminated only by her own skin in her reflection. For her very pores cried for her prying fantasies to be sated on this venture. Since she had collected Paine's old room from her parents' home, since she had touched those undergarments that once belonged to her, this want had slow-simmered, waiting to be fulfilled.

Intuition dictated that this be taken care of. Laws and morals be damned.

—

Night sky above, standing upon level elevation leading to the stairs of the altar hundreds of feet in the sky: atop the Palace of St. Bevelle Lulu walked, toward this new beginning. Different time, different setting—Lulu _felt _far-removed from her own time, in this reversal, backward, yet still belonging. Closer, she neared what she had needed to see and stop for far too long now. Days upon days she spent contemplating this, planning this, how it would all go—what she could predict from what she knew of Paine today and these yesterdays ago. Up the stairs she went, feeling the weight of her dress dragging her down. Her head she kept raised instead to offset that misbalance, hearing her jewels and accessories sounding as she did. She hoped she would not alarm the one she approached…

In the same spot Yuna had stood after being wed to Maester Seymour, this younger Paine had stepped atop the window-like opening at the top of the altar, fighting not to tremble as she looked down to the bright metropolis far, far below. Longer hair of silver kept up in a tail sprawling down her back, shifting in the winds of hesitation; that same barbed-wire necklace she wore; tight, black sleeveless shirt of spandex she wore, tightening down over her developing chest; shorts of silver denim that covered just over her knees held Lulu's attention: muscled, slender curve of calves and shins she stared at as they flirted with death, leaning forward and backward. As Lulu neared, she had a better look at the shake in those black sneakers, at the rise of hair from nerves and cold over those bare, toned arms.

_I know she won't jump. She is only fifteen… I must handle this appropriately._

At the topmost step Lulu stopped, waiting. No longer lost in the void of her own problems, Paine turned to stare at Lulu's body with eyes wide and ravenous. Without a thought Paine stepped down, thuds of her sneakers sounding hard over the red carpet. In these times, seeming so ancient, Lulu stared back with the fullness of her intentions; her hand she raised to her neck, caressing down to cross her heart. From this distance of a number of steps, Lulu spotted those thrumming palpitations of Paine's pulse in her neck; there, Paine raised her shaking hand to, mirroring the same signal.

Cautious, with that undeniable slink of want, Paine stepped toward her. "Who are you…?" she asked, her voice halfway between boyish youth and the velvet Lulu remembered of her. "Did you come looking for me? How did you know I was here? You're…" Under her breath, Paine muttered, "_Beautiful_…"

Lulu turned and left. Back down the stairs she went. Through to the Palace exit she made her way, atop the machina to save her the exercise, down the tower's winding staircase. Echoing, stumbling steps she heard high above from those sneakers, hastening to catch a lift after her. Downstairs Lulu took the exit, walking just outside the doorway. To the side she stepped, to lean against the wall, waiting again.

She watched passerby go about their business for but a few moments before she heard that haste again. Out of breath, Paine bolted from the doorway, stopping paces ahead of Lulu, looking about in anxiety. Calm, Lulu observed Paine's body from behind: fit, tomboyish, as if she spent much of her time running around with male friends doing masculine things… Wrestling, or perhaps sparring—sword-fighting?

When Lulu let out a soft laugh, Paine snapped her neck around to face her.

Again, Paine approached her, but a breath shorter than Lulu's amused expression. "You look at me like you know me. I can feel it," she said, fighting to keep her eyes to Lulu's—not elsewhere. Those eyes of crimson this youthful, and moving—Lulu had to control herself from drowning in them this soon, as Paine had already done with her. "Where have I seen you before?"

"You would be surprised," offered Lulu, conjuring from her garment grid Paine's leather jacket. She handed it to her. "This belongs to you."

Paine gaped at the jacket before taking it in her hands. "No…I _wish _it did…" She put it on; Lulu savored that sound of leather against skin, noting it was a little large for her. "Thanks…" That minor engulfment had Lulu smiling. Not from the cold, Paine shivered. "_Where _do I know you from? I swear…"

Lulu moved from the wall, holding out her hand with coolness. "It is a pleasure to meet you, Paine," she said, polite as ever. Tentatively, Paine held her hand—nothing more, no movement. Smaller, softer…bitten only by the chill of the night, by her masculine hobbies. "I have heard quite a lot about you. It's been a while, but I have finally found you. I'm glad."

With curiosity guarded, Paine looked between their hands and the smile on Lulu's face. "You're not gonna tell me your name? Or even how old you are? You don't look like you're my age at all."

Wider Lulu smiled at Paine's inelegance, unable to fault her for it. "Don't you know not to question a lady on her age?" she asked, teasing. Paine's eyes widened in shock; apologetic only because Lulu knew her well enough to tell. "It's all right. I am twice your age—thirty-one." Something more added to Paine's gaze made Lulu twist her hips, concealing arousal. "As for my name…there are two that I go by."

"Okay…what's the name you were born with?"

How unusual it was, to Lulu, to see Paine this interested in a stranger… "Lulu."

"_Lulu_," echoed Paine, staring at their hands again. She looked torn between pulling away and staying there. To hear this Paine, of this age say her name… Closer, Lulu pulled her. Warm, captivated already, Paine breathed out over Lulu's chest, "…what's your other name?"

"Mistress Fury," replied Lulu, careful to indicate: "This alias is specific. A certain crowd of people refer to me by this title." By that small confusion, Paine had no idea as to what she meant. Such novelty, such marked differences from her wife. Untainted—mostly. "You may call me by my given name."

"If I can do that, does that mean you'll tell me how you know me? How you found me up there?"

Though no one looked at them strangely—yet—likely believing the pair to be either family or close _friends_, Lulu did not want to start a scene during these near-archaic, pious times. "Why don't we discuss this…someplace else? More private," she suggested, sensing that Paine understood. "I truly would love for us to become better acquainted. It's…a little risky, here outside."

Small, internal conflict Paine harbored by the shifting in her eyes, before she finally said, "I have a place nearby…it's through one of the clubs here, called The Scorpion." _So soon?_ Lulu simpered at Paine's efforts to establish herself as stable, as a provider at her young age. "I get the feeling you're not from here…" A bit closer, a little closer Paine moved to her, looking down to Lulu's neck—pausing—and then: "Why don't we head over there together…? I can buy you a few drinks, show you a good time."

_If you only knew… _"That sounds like a wonderful idea," said Lulu, easing Paine away with her hand—only her hand, not her eyes nor other body language, to keep others from staring. Together they walked in the direction of the nightclub, hands to themselves through this thick crowd of robed citizens. "Aren't you a little underage to buy alcohol? The legal age in all of Spira is seventeen, is it not?"

Confident, earlier traumas forgotten, Paine smirked with that same swagger her older counterpart possessed. "Let's just say I know a few people with some hook-ups," she told her. This self-assurance about Paine made Lulu think she'd had considerable time thinking over theories of how to allure another. Some of the entries in her journal had said as much. That façade broke seconds later. "It depends if one of them is at the bar tonight…if he isn't, I might not be able to buy you those drinks."

"I wouldn't worry about it," supplied Lulu, cryptic enough to earn Paine's curiosity anew. "Nonetheless, I appreciate your honesty. I don't know how I'd feel if you tried to seduce me with lofty promises. I am not one to fall for those, you see."

Uncaring of the congestion of people around them, Paine came right out and asked, "What turns you on the most? You gave me the _cross_—what is it about me that you need, that you came looking for me to have? I'm half your age…doesn't that bother you? I wanna say you're out of my league…_I can't_."

"Those are questions better answered with action as opposed to mere words…"

—

How surreal to enter through this familiar establishment for the third time, without those marks of death from the second or growing feelings of their relationship from the first; to see the same bouncer at the door, letting them straight in with a salute. These red lights, everywhere, and open, circular spaces with thrums of bass and beats: so different than her first date with her wife, when they had walked together through Besaid to the beach and back, speaking together under the autumn rainfall. Maturity and troubles they had exchanged, finding solace in shared strife.

Here, walking through this sweating crowd with Paine shorter and smirking at her side, Lulu felt her own age lower in accordance—theoretically so. When Paine stopped, noticing her hook-up at the bar was not present, Lulu's delight compensated for that dismay. She procured an identification card.

When Paine took the proffered card, she stared at it, disbelieving. "How did you…?" She trailed off, noticing the differences between herself and the one in the photograph. "I have short hair here. Where did you get this, Lulu? I'm starting to get freaked out…" Her lips, she licked, when Lulu stepped closer to her, "…in a good way, now that I think about it. You really know me. I wanna know how."

"I hold no doubt that you do," spoke Lulu, noting that barely-concealed sigh from Paine—their differences in speech, for one, no doubt enthralled her. Not to mention their age. "Buy me anything of your choice—" _Drop that habitual term of endearment_; "I'm curious to see what you'll pick out."

Paine only smiled at her as she continued on her way to the bar. That lack of _Yes, Mistress _disconcerted Lulu for a moment until she remembered when she was. It also troubled Lulu not to call this Paine _love_, for the inevitable bewilderment that would ensue if she had. Saddened, she turned to stare at the stage on the other side of the building, at the setups going on there: microphone and sound checks, with people gathering round to watch the upcoming performances.

Back to Paine's backside she stared, watching that ease about her as she successfully fooled the bartender with that I.D. card already expired in Lulu's time—not yet in this era. Luckily, the card was already of one visibly denoting that the owner was of legal age; all one had to do was perform the math with Paine's birth date on the back to know it was an anomaly. Turned to one side, leaning against the bar, Paine stood, holding a conversation with the bartender to distract him from her card as he prepared their drinks. That cut of Paine's shorts covering her knees fascinated Lulu. Tomboyish in appearance; not enough to fool her eyes into thinking that body underneath the clothes was not feminine.

_I could break you._

Back to her Paine returned, two drinks in hand: a sangria and Bloody Mary. That matching blood heated Lulu from her sight on the way down. With a smile she accepted the Bloody Mary, following Paine to a booth not too far from the stage. This comfortable air about Paine had Lulu wondering if this was common behavior in her—from the numerous spheres she'd viewed and journal entries she'd read of Paine's character at this early age, Lulu had her answer.

Relatively close they sat together, saved from immediate discussion by the growing clamor from the area of the stage. Loud, aggressive music started playing; hard cheers from the crowd beneath those scarlet lights as a performer emerged: dressed in men's clothing, but clearly a woman to Lulu's eyes despite the illusion, she only needed to approach women in the audience for them to drop sums of gil down her clothing. Persistent, distinct: an image of her wife dressed similarly came to Lulu's mind.

"I think I know her," said Paine, amused as she drank her sangria. Spice and tomato Lulu savored over her tongue, mind wandering. "She tried to talk to me the other day. She thought that just because every other girl falls over drag kings like her that I had to. That's not my style."

With lidded eyes, Lulu stared at Paine's hand atop the table. "You are inexperienced," she stated.

Paine regarded her in worry, unsettled by that accurate reading. "Yeah…how'd you know?"

"Your energy around me says as much," responded Lulu, before taking another sip. At Paine's neck, her necklace she stared; controlled. "You are eager to learn information from me. You offered for us to return to your home together. Anyone else would—_play it cool _as it is so called among people your age. It is all the more inviting for you to be this sincere with me."

Smirking the same, Paine admitted, "You sound and look like royalty—I couldn't fool you even if I tried. I know I don't exactly _know _you… I already respect you. It's something about the way you are, the way you look at me."

"Should I take all the credit for your decision not to jump?"

Hesitation, waiting—this very expression from Paine, Lulu recognized well. "Most of it," she replied, and drank again. "When I stood there, I thought of how different my life could be if I decided to change… Like _her_," Paine motioned to the drag king on stage, narrowing her eyes, "Part of the reason I can't stand her is because she has the courage to go out there every night and have fun. I wish I could do things like that. When I saw you…your eyes hit me with a wave of nostalgia. I knew—_I know_—you could make me be anything, do anything and I'd want more."

How familiar this all sounded; Lulu had expected more reticence from Paine, more guarded behavior. While it was encouraging that Paine chose to be open with her, Lulu had to wonder…how to proceed.

"Is that weird of me…?" asked Paine, moving closer. Down at their nearing hands upon the table Lulu stared—at the long scar wrapped around Paine's smallest finger inching closer. "I've never met you—you know me, somehow, from the I.D., and…and the way you make me feel…" Breath smelling of virginal blood, Paine whispered over the corner of Lulu's mouth just by her falls of hair, "I know I don't know you, but I want you…_so bad_."

Redirecting this growing want to the temporary asylum of her _control_, redirecting, redirecting, Lulu entertained this attention, glancing at Paine with eyes superior, tempting. "You know that I want the same," she said, keeping her tone coy enough to stir those budding hormones. "In my case, the same may be entirely different from what you have in mind."

Haughty, attractive, Paine dared her: "Try me."

That nearing hand Lulu took in both of hers, first feeling the lingering wet cold from Paine's glass. Skin against hers, wrapping around; tasting with touch. Dull vibrations from her heart beating hard in her chest, reaching up to her head, Lulu moved her lips closer to Paine's, stopping a breath away. Beating bass thrummed through this closeness. High energy from the ambiance around them heightened. From what her eyes conveyed, Lulu watched Paine's reactions of uncertainty and excitement all in one.

"I need your permission first," said Lulu, pulling away.

Starry-eyed and breathless, Paine's expression shifted to one of concern. "Permission for what…?"

"I wish to show you why my other name is Mistress Fury." Eagerness, anticipation showed from Paine again as she nodded. "You're sure? I haven't given you any clues whatsoever. How do you know it's something you want?"

Against Lulu's neck this time, lips tasting pearls, Paine said with ease, "I have nothing to lose… There's a fire inside of me saying I need to follow you, do what you say… I'm open to you. I won't run away."

Was that enough—enough permission? Only one way to find out.

Calm, collected, Lulu ordered, "Go upstairs to your apartment and lock the door." She let go of Paine's hand, watching her move to stand already. "I will show you how it is I know you. I won't keep you waiting for very long."

Arrogance Paine embodied as she walked away, keeping it cool this time with her head held high. She didn't turn to look back. To the staircase she went, sparing a glance at none who passed her by or openly stared as she went. Calculating thoughts Lulu held, watching the measure of Paine's gait more boyish than she remembered—alluring all the same, because of that obliviousness. Something in those steps made Lulu think her younger love left a trail behind, invisible to all else. As she continued to sit in this same spot, Lulu felt herself making a mark on this time for someone to follow.

Her drink she continued to sip, eyes burning holes in the direction that Paine went, yearning. Mild fear she tasted from her own tongue—if this was a mistake, she would never be able to undo it. Something, somewhere deep inside _told _Lulu to do this with meaning, without fear—her future, Paine's future depended on this. No room for uncertainty.

—

Heeled footsteps up the weakened staircase to the third floor—down the carpeted hall in this darkness to the end of the landing. With the spare barbed-wire necklace her wife had kept on their vanity, Lulu unlocked the door to Paine's apartment. Leather from her Domme outfit sounded as she entered through the doorway, slow, and closed the door behind her, locking it. When she turned around, feeling that lengthened brush of her hair shifting over her shoulder, she saw Paine walking toward her.

Careful. Amazed. Intrigued. Ignorant. Untouched. Too pure of a contrast against the black walls.

_No more inhibitions—no more holding back. Practice, before taking back what belongs to me—_

"Lulu—?"

Brisk, Lulu stepped forward, grabbing Paine by the collar of her jacket. Choking protest _stopped_—Lulu slammed her against the bookcase, scattering texts at their feet. Scattered hands and flailing limbs Paine moved in all directions, fighting, futile; Lulu shifted her neck and head out of minor harm's way, sneering; seeing _Lightning _somewhere through this lustful haze, _needing to kill _that possibility. Momentum kept up: Lulu lifted her higher, slammed her harder, grip menacing with pent-up ire. Sputtering objections, shouts of her name from Paine, Lulu cut short—clamping hand over Paine's mouth, thumb and four fingertips seizing deep, branding her fingerprints there over sweating skin. Paine's arms Lulu locked behind her back with one of hers, skin between leather with no key.

Closer to Paine's wide, searching eyes Lulu moved her lips. "There is no point in fighting against this," she spoke, low. "No matter where you run, or how long you plan to avoid me, I can find you easily." Unfair advantages tasted too sweet to Lulu: tip of her tongue tracing the sweat over Paine's brow. "If you try to escape, I will take the paths in your nightmares of me to make you mine again."

Her hand from Paine's mouth she moved; her lips took its place, claiming, crushing until blood let. By the quickened pulse in those lips, in Paine's whole body, Lulu knew this struggling was but a farce. Volatile jerks from Paine's form did nothing to slow the sharpness of Lulu's free hand—leather and spandex ripped from her; bursts of breaths and moans against Lulu's mouth, tongue tasting them all down that wanton throat. Soaking wet between Lulu's legs already—she needed, needed, _needed_:

Sweating skin from Paine's exposed upper body against Lulu's corset; traces of split skin in telling directions from the sharpness of Lulu's nails. Wrenches of breasts against hers, hips jolting, trying to escape and stay all at once. Brief freedom Lulu afforded her, throwing Paine down to the carpeted floor. Scrambling on her hands and knees in only her shorts, Paine moved, hurrying to the door. Swift steps, and Lulu caught up to her. She stepped down over Paine's shoulders by the nape of her neck, pinning her to the floor.

"What's the matter?" asked Lulu, admonishing as Paine flipped over and tried to grab her boots. Gravity's hold from her spells afforded Lulu the leverage to laugh. "Isn't this what you wanted?"

Both hands Paine used to grip the underside of Lulu's boot digging into her throat, struggling. "What—the—FUCK—are you DOING, woman?!" she sputtered, choking, screaming. "I never did ANYTHING to you! Let me go—let me go—go AWAY!"

Down Lulu knelt, boot still in place; caressing Paine's body that responded to her touch even under this duress. "I suggest you surrender, Paine," she said, smoothing her hand down to the zipper of Paine's shorts. "No matter how much you try to move away from me—" Lulu held that privacy, claiming it with this calming clutch; "You cannot escape…" Through this denim, Lulu undulated her fingertips, feeling clear slickness through this thick material. "Do not lie to me with this struggling. I will haunt you for the rest of your life, in every lifetime, until you do what I want."

Away from Paine's throat Lulu moved her boot. Books scattered around them she shifted and straddled Paine's waist. Fear overtook those harassed efforts. Uncontrollable quavering of Paine's body underneath her.

"Please—" That submission from Paine, realizing the illogical strength of this need between her legs. "Lulu, you—you're fucking scaring me… I'm not…not supposed to want you… You're stronger than me. I give in. I give in to you. Just—_please_…what are you gonna do to me—?"

Hard kneading from Lulu's lips against that trembling neck, moving Paine's jaw out of the way; scalding, statutory, sucking; reluctant, ready, Paine held Lulu's head closer to her, fingers lightly tangled in that hair she loved already. Underneath her heightened hips, Lulu undid the zipper of Paine's shorts. Down she yanked them, pulling those boxer briefs off with them; Paine kicked them all off and over there, completely exposed.

Thoughts broken and lost, mind free as a river flowing into the sea, Lulu grabbed every part of Paine she could reach: holding, kissing, branding, claiming on the way down. "Beg, whimper—cry for me to stop," spoke Lulu, far-removed from herself. "Tell me you're sorry—tell me you're mine—_let me _do this—"

Vindication, listening to Paine's reactions—listening to this pleading so feminine, young, powerless and depraved, contradictory, because Paine did not want her to stop; following this order by the deepest loss of pride and person within her—dehumanized: _Lulu, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, please—please stop, please don't hurt me—please, I'm yours, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it, I didn't mean any of it, please, please stop, I can't take it, you're older than me, you're stronger, I'm yours, I'm sorry—Lulu, I'm sorry, please stop, please stop, please stop, stop, stop!_

After her dressphere addition, for the last tool of dominance—safe, protected, to avoid pregnancy—after Lulu forced herself inside that thick, constricting heat, _breaking her; _Paine clutched onto her, crying, whimpering the same; mapped experiences, of Lulu thinking of her wife doing the same, apologizing for her transgressions, for trying to lie about her wayward lust, trying to _hide _it from her as if she had _no respect_—thrust hard, thrust harder, thrust hardest in this Paine who needed this, respected her, feared her; fuck her, fuck her, fuck her, mindless, mindless, fucking the building blood from broken spaces; carnal, rage, _Fury_ from this sexual overdrive she had refused to ever show. Tightness, tangible, this, here, now, Paine took it all, looking into her eyes, _screaming _for Lulu to stop but she gyrated with her, needing more as the pain subsided and all else took over. Breaths blowing out against each other, joining; against that fear, Lulu laughed through building pulsing waiting to be let go as their inhibitions had done. Younger, sweeter, Paine sounded, high-pitched, moaning, wanting, yearning, breaking in her touch again and again and again and this was real, real, _real_…

At the height of Paine's pleasure, she held Lulu the hardest, crying out for her as the fulfillment of this fantasy. Lulu looked over to the nearest war book by Paine's fanned-out hair of silver in the moonlight: _Ark Angels_—the same she had thumbed through on her first visit there. She memorized the cover of five, faceless fighters dressed in black armor reminiscent of Raine's; pulled out from between Paine, ripped the condom off, grabbed Paine's jaw to fuck her mouth and throat. That lapping of tongue against her, wet friction of taste buds sensitive, curling tongue, hot heat, slick passage, humming moans all down, wide eyes staring up at her in utter submission, tearing up, _ruined _with fucking sweetness.

—

Outside of Bevelle they travelled together—the same treatment Lulu gave to Paine, feeling that invisible trail being made: from the glittering spring in Macalania, beneath the canopy in the Thunder Plains, along the shore of the Moonflow, quietly in a room in D'jose Temple, wide open upon the grass before the sunset on the Mi'ihen Highroad that would never mean anything else to this Paine, the same run-down hotel in Luca looking much worse for wear these thousand years in the near-present, the ferry from Luca to Kilika and from Kilika to Besaid…

When they reached the Promontory overlooking Besaid Village that night months later, Lulu sat in her dress next to the broken statue. In her lap Paine rested her head, fully-clothed, both of them savoring this moment together. Along their travels, Lulu had explained the differences between where she came from and the version of herself that belonged in this time—how she and Paine belonged together.

"It is up to you whether or not you would rather pose as a boy," explained Lulu, stroking Paine's hair. "I suggest being honest—at least with me. The others…might not be as understanding."

"How old will you be, again?" asked Paine, gazing down at the village with excitement. "Twenty-one, you said?"

Lulu nodded. "That's right," she said. "My counterpart has been in a relationship with a woman before. As long as you are honest with me, the rest will fall into place. It is better that we meet now while we're younger. I won't fall into a relationship with Wakka, with you around. I'm certain. We deserve to have one another as soon as possible…this is the best I can do."

Together they stood up, hesitant to let the other go. Such an impressive impact Lulu had made on this Paine—she understood where the strength in these arms came from, why Paine held her with this tightness. If not for this binding connection keeping them linked this intimately across all times, none of this would have worked. Such a time they took to hold one another, kissing, as if they would never see one another again. These contradictions made the moment all the more poignant for Lulu, waving goodbye to Paine as she walked backward down the dusty hill.

Surroundings melted; back to the open, colorless tunnel of time Lulu returned. Another Arbiter of Time in similar armor to the first appeared. "As my brother has stated," he began, formal as they all were, "This Time and yours shall be linked across all the Wheel. Things lost, forgotten—search for them here, and they shall be found. Understand that this bond cannot be broken, as the one that exists between you and the one you are bound to. Any new dimensions you create shall build through this foundation."

"I understand," said Lulu, revitalized enough to continue her project with these newfound discoveries.

"May The Creator guide your hand to encouraged endeavors."

Back home, back to her wife, back to her time Lulu returned, unwilling and unable to divulge any of this to her. No one, no one at all would know—except, perhaps, her sister, the only one she knew would not judge her. Not that Paine would _judge_. Mere fact, simple explanation: Lulu did not want to give her any ideas, to spoil what was to come during their play in the evolving years. Drinking the blood of Paine's broken virginity for the second time, a decade removed: Lulu knew she yearned for more. Not metaphorical.


	43. Pisces

_Spying with reason is a treat you do  
Enjoy, frustrating answers unanswered  
As you seek to put forbidden with new,  
Unknowing of the potency, danger.  
Have you calmed yourself enough to listen  
To the warnings around you? I hold doubt  
With your comfort in self, that you are in  
Need of this validation, whereabouts  
Your boundaries have gone, I know not, yet  
I do not fault you, for you know to take  
Care of what must be done, and to not let  
These questions consume—your mind, they will rake.  
As your nerves bleed into glass, drink this name;  
Pray that I don't, for us, suffer the same._

Invisible, water-like chameleon to the air around her, Paine stood in her Judge Magister armor right in the center of Lord Seymour's foyer as he entertained a multitude of guests that evening of the early New Year. Grander than the château he had owned in Guadosalam, the Maester's palace rivaled Elysia's bastion in size and scope. Numerous tapestries with Yevon's emblem marked the walls brightened by the brilliance of the fading sunset beyond the wide windows. Summoners who did not belong to the flagship of Raine's command socialized with other religious officials beneath the golden candelabra overhead, marveling with one another over the clear Guado architecture of Maester Seymour's home. Before her, with the blood-light of the sunset warm over her cape, and oblivious to her presence, one group of four men held her attention:

Praetor Baralai, Meyvn Nooj, Maester Seymour and Gippal all spoke with one another, not bothering to mask their discussion among the polite volumes of conversation and laughter around them. Though she made an effort to afford each of them her even ire, Gippal received most of it whether he was aware or not. Occasional, paranoid glances he gave in every which direction, as if he sensed this.

"It is only appropriate," said Baralai, glass of chardonnay in hand as he addressed his colleagues; "Judge Magister Nyte has made substantial improvements over the past two years—not only her character and her sense of judgment, but also as a proud warrior. Nonetheless, she has a long way to go yet. We must take this into consideration."

"If I understand you correctly, Your Grace," began Seymour, setting his empty glass down upon a passing waiter's platter, "You are suggesting that we give her more _time_. Do you not believe this would jeopardize our objective? After all, why wait? We risk missing our opportunity."

Nooj did not bother to acknowledge the same waiter's offer of drink. "The effect simply wouldn't be the same if we proceeded now," he urged. "Not to mention her wife—the lady has not yet finished her task. It would be foolish to plan around an unfinished story."

"This is true," acknowledged Seymour, glancing briefly at Gippal's fidgeting. "However, if we mean to make any manner of profound influence on the dimension that is to be created, we must act in some form. If the Lady Lulu is not aware of our existence in this realm, how are we to be relevant? We would then have to force ourselves in a universe where we do not exist."

"Your Grace, forgive me, but I must object to that idea," spoke Baralai, respectful. "I cannot advise simply making a scene for the sake of hoping we will feature in whatever setting she decides to write about. Either Sin, or Vegnagun will find their way in the story, certainly, but as for _us_—"

"Baralai," said Nooj, "You can't be sure she will include either Sin or Vegnagun in this tale of hers. There's no telling _what _she's planning. All we know is that energies are gathering on the Farplane for this moment—whenever she finishes writing it, to create it, and for Spira to live through it. Whoever chose her for this opportunity is the one we need to find. Make _them_ tell her to include us."

With a sigh of faux dejection, Maester Seymour disagreed. "Gentlemen, it would seem we are at an impasse," he announced. He again noted Gippal's clear desire to be far away from this conversation. Nooj and Baralai noticed, too, but said nothing. "If we seek to manipulate this chance to our advantage, let us first remember why it is we have come together in the first place: to have a clean slate, a fresh start at guiding a new world with familiar faces. We have in our hands the prospect of planning a true second chance after learning from our misguided failures in life. If we aim to influence this paradox of ventriloquist versus puppet, we must first learn all we can of the ventriloquist's strings…"

Seymour, Baralai and Nooj all looked to Gippal. He rubbed the back of his head, gripping the roots of his hair. Teeth clenching, jaw grinding, Gippal could not look any of them in the eye. He snatched a glass of wine from a passing waiter, taking several gulps at a time.

Nooj leaned heavily on his cane, eyes narrowed behind his spectacles. "Quit stalling, Gippal," he scolded. "We all know this is a risky situation for you. Still, you agreed—"

"I didn't know it was gonna be all of _this_!" insisted Gippal, gesturing in anger, nearly throwing his drink in Nooj's face. "Look, Paine probably hates my guts all over again because of what happened with my ex. There is no flippin' WAY she would let me in her place. Not just that—there's no way Lulu would talk to me about what the heck she's writing! She'd sooner flay me alive than talk to _me _about her work…"

"You underestimate yourself, Sir Gippal," said Seymour, poised to influence by the mirth in his eyes. "After all, you did—mistakenly—inflict severe injury upon the Lady Lulu. She went on to forgive you, as did Judge Nyte. You are a good, honest man—you are in every position to mend broken friendships. Isn't a little deception _now _preferable to having a brand new life as you'd have written it, later on?"

Gippal stomped his foot down, attracting stares. "Hey, Your Grace, I only came here because of what happened to the four of us!" he said, pointing to Nooj and Gippal—and, metaphorically, Paine. "We're all linked! We're all best friends, no matter what the hell happens! Nooj, you _promised_ me this had everything to do with it! You said we could stop Paine from going through that! Blowing herself up over and over again—_man_, I can't get it out of my head! I'm going crazy again just thinking about it!"

"I didn't lie to you, Gippal," said Nooj in earnest. "If you want to stop that from happening, then you need to trust me…" He stood closer to Gippal, and looked to Baralai and Seymour. "Why don't we…continue this discussion once we feel we can see eye-to-eye on matters? I've written down my theories on how this will work—and how it can be changed."

Seymour held one hand up. "Ah, say no more." He pulled out from his robe a pocket watch, flicking it open. "The Gagazet Sea just outside the city—throw it to the ocean floor at the end of this week. Rest assured it will be collected. Exchanging it out in the open will be risky—even here."

"Your Graces, both," said Nooj, bowing. He waited a moment. Gippal bowed, reluctantly. "We shall return at your earliest behest. Good evening, gentlemen."

"Meyvn," said Baralai, watching as Nooj and Gippal took their leave. Paine was of the mind to follow them, until: "My, what a shame. It seems they're both overly concerned with securing a better fate for Judge Nyte. Don't they see that they can't have that _and _the rest of what they seek?"

"How amusing," noted Seymour, frowning; "Something tells me that _is _all the two of them seek. Never mind the chaos inflicted upon Spira's present day—that was but a grand failure in the Meyvn's plans to save your friend from her poor decisions. If plunging the world into civil war was not enough, who is to say the man's vision can be trusted? He has not learned from his mistakes."

Cautious, Baralai asked, "And you, Your Grace? Have _you_ learned from your mistakes?"

Seymour turned in Paine's direction, nearly looking directly at her as he smiled, ominous. "Rest assured—I most certainly have."

—

Back in her office in Elysia's bastion, Paine stood at her desk, both hands holding her hunched weight atop piles of parchment. Stacks of files, irrelevant evidence, conflicting stories: these she wanted to scatter to the hardwood floor between these four walls of filled bookcases. An outlet, letting this out, somehow, she needed to do, or else she felt she would lose her mind. All four of them, _those _four—that specific make of men, together, discussing, disagreeing, mentioning both her and her wife by name as if they believed they could come up with some upper hand to achieve their goals. Laws, proceedings, bureaucracy kept her from taking all of them in for hard lines of interrogation to get what she wanted. _Real answers_.

_None of this makes any sense…what the hell do they want with Lulu's work? Even I don't even know what she's writing. She spends so much time on it… Whatever it is, it's important to her._

Countless times now over these two months since Paine's birthday, Lulu had favored returning to the study to write after their play together. Creative outlet or mental strain? Paine didn't know which. She frowned, balling her armored hands into a fist of carved paper beneath her weight. Worry, illness to her stomach at these possibilities—that these men, including Gippal, sought to harm Lulu in any way. _Now _of all times was the absolute worst for anything of the sort—from now through the next seven months.

Open, her door sounded, and her father-in-law entered. Gabranth stood some paces behind Paine, concern clear on his face. "Judge Nyte," he spoke, hoping to catch her attention. Paine glared down at her fists, listening. "You appear to be entirely too frustrated this evening. Might you direct your concerns to me, in an effort to lower your blood pressure? I worry for your health, Your Honor."

"I don't know where to _start_," said Paine, grinding out the words through her teeth. She turned to face him. "Is that why you came here? Could you feel my anger all the way down the hall?" When Gabranth gave no response, Paine walked toward him, her boots clipped in their clangs against the hard floor. "_Every day, _Elysia orders me to break the law to spy on this man—_every time _I come back, _you_ tell me we can't break the law by using my testimony against him. What the _hell _is it all for? Am I supposed to keep spying on him, listening to him plot to use my wife and not do anything about it?!"

"Your Honor, I urge you to control your emotions," advised Gabranth, civil even through the worry in his features. Paine paced around her office, trembling fingertips drilling through her gloves. "While you and I may be legally bound to inaction, our allies are not. Sir Auron is in the midst of a breakthrough. All we need is a single, solid piece of evidence that has not been collected by illegal means. Have you discovered anything of value that we might procure?"

Concerns, fear of the uncontrollable; images of Lulu being harmed during this vulnerable time did not leave her. "Yeah—yes, Your Honor," said Paine, shaking her head to clear those thoughts, to remember her manners around Lulu's father. "Nooj mentioned something he wrote—his theories on how to manipulate this story Lulu's writing…how to change it in their favor. Seymour told him to drop it in the Gagazet Sea. If I can go get it before the end of this week, we'll have something."

"That is certainly good news," agreed Gabranth. "Collect the evidence, look it over, and discuss with me what you have learned then. If there is anything incriminating written within, I will see what can be done in order to shed reasonable doubt as to how we discovered these theories."

Paine hadn't the energy to be glad about this—paranoia crept all through her insides, so much so that she had to sit down, slumping in the leather chair in front of her desk. Facing her: a framed, candid picture atop the surface of Lulu holding Vidina in Elysia's flower garden just outside. Vidina pressed his nose to the large sunflower in his hands, as if investigating something interesting therein; Lulu held him in her lap over her dress, smiling down at him, with the falls of her hair covering the left side of her face at such an angle: too beautiful.

She took the photograph in her hands, still unable to smile. Lightly, she scratched at the metal of the frame with her fingertips for something to do. From down the hall in the direction of Elysia's chambers, she heard Vidina giggling. Not long now, and they could return home to Lulu…

Gabranth stepped closer to her, and knelt down at her side. "What is troubling you, Your Honor?" he asked. "These past two months since the beginning of Lulu's pregnancy, you have been restless. Unfocused. I appreciate your efforts to maintain your dignity. Yet a father must notice these things."

"They picked the absolute worst time to plan all of this," muttered Paine, holding the frame tighter. "_Any _time would have been bad…but now—especially now…"

"It is natural to worry for Lulu the most at this time—you are to be a father in just over half a year." Such a reminder sent Paine's nerves flying off in every which way. She set the photograph down, to hide her quavering. "I understand your concerns. It is all the more fitting to be most vigilant in the wake of our investigation. Should you allow your emotions to overwhelm you, it is possible we will fail this mission."

"I understand, Your Honor…"

This dejection about Paine made Gabranth frown, offering, "Share your burdens with me—if I might be of any assistance to you whatsoever. You are also my daughter. I care for you just as any father should."

Straightforward compassion: the sort Paine found from all sources in her family. She could not deny how it brought her comfort, assuaging her pride to be truthful. "If we're not talking about Seymour anymore…" Paine sighed, well-aware that she shouldn't stall the issue. "I'm worried that I won't make a good father," she confessed, in total irony. By the surprise in Gabranth's face, he, too, found this fear contradictory, from how well Vidina approved of her. "It doesn't make much sense, I know. Part of the reason why Lulu married me is because of how good I am with Vidina. I've known him all his life. I knew how to treat him even before Lulu and I got involved. But this—this is different…"

"How do you believe this is such a departure from helping to raise Vidina in Besaid?"

Paine thought to those obvious influences—obvious to her, at least. "My father…wasn't much of a parent," she said, grateful that Gabranth knew of the details already, and that she did not have to explain. "I don't know how they're supposed to treat their children from birth. Wakka…wasn't much of an example, either… I can't stop thinking about Lulu possibly getting fed up with me because I won't know what I'm doing."

Gabranth tilted his head a tic, as a gesture of genuine sincerity. "How many of us truly know how to behave ourselves with our blood-born children?" he asked, giving Paine pause. "How you must act as your own person, and how you must behave in order to reflect the best possible mirror of the world to your child… There is no true word to follow. Strength of character shall be your judge. You should also trust that Lulu will continue to be patient with you, in all aspects of your marriage. That is her willing duty, as your wife. It is in her nature to be most understanding of you."

"That makes sense…" Multiple times Paine had sensed that Lulu noticed these troubles in her—and, each time, Lulu's lips had followed over hers, to soothe with words sensual, not spoken. "I couldn't tell if she wanted me to realize this on my own or not. We haven't talked about it. She knows I'm nervous."

"Find it in you to control your nerves. This marks a joyous time. When the time comes, you will know how to hold yourself—how to treat your child. Lulu trusts that you will. Believe in that trust. Protect her from any who would seek to harm her, and your family."

Seymour, Nooj, Baralai, _Gippal_—again—Paine gripped the arm of her chair, intending to crush this wood in her hand. "I'll get my act together, Your Honor. Thank you for listening to me."

"A moment—" Gabranth stopped her just as she made to stand; "Do not allow hatred to drive you and sate your pains. I made this very mistake during my time as a Crusader in Besaid. My emotional weaknesses that I mistook for strengths are what saw to my failure to protect the island from Sin's attack that day… If you become reckless with your anger, you will be in no position to do what must be done in this city."

This time Paine stood with him, nodding. "I'll do my best to keep that in mind," she said.

"We shall see if your best is good enough," replied Gabranth, bowing. Paine returned the gesture. "A fine evening to you, Judge Nyte. I shall see you on the morrow. I trust that your priorities will be better in order by the end of the week, with this evidence in hand."

"Judge Gabranth," said Paine, as he made his way out.

Vidina came running in the room, ready to leave in his winter clothing. "Paine!" he said, out of breath. "May we go home now? It's seven! Please?"

Right before Paine made to answer, she saw Raine pass by the open door. That look of pure loathing in Raine's eyes felt abnormal to her—as if Paine had fucked up far more than she realized, without doing anything, as usual with her sister-in-law. Since the tournament, Paine had given up trying to speak to Raine, to ask her what the problem was. She knew she would not receive an answer if she tried. All the while, Raine continued to treat everyone else around her as though they deserved her attention.

_I can never win with her…why do I bother caring this much? It's not doing me any good._

"Let's go home, Vidina. Your mother's waiting for us…"

—

Snowfall, winding path through Zanarkand's wide-tight spaces: Paine stood with Vidina atop the raised, moving platform through the city, holding his hand warmed by his thick mitten. Silk lining her armor, and Lulu's warming influence through her dressphere kept Paine warm during this travel. Never bored by this path, Vidina smiled wide as he looked round to the white-coated buildings and frozen water jetting from the buildings. Passing citizens who recognized and respected Paine as Judge Magister bowed with the old Yevon circle; she nodded to them, wondering when she would outlive this novelty.

Parents…their own child, from both, not one—though she loved Vidina all the same… Would they smile the same way through this path as Vidina did now? Would she? For some reason, Paine had the strongest feeling they would have a girl. Next month at the three-month mark, Braska assured them he would be able to perform the spells necessary in order to tell with reasonable certainty. Several names had come to mind. There were two she favored and could not choose from…

But, first—Vidina:

"Hey," she said, holding his hand tighter. Vidina regarded her as he lightly bit down on his tongue, collecting snowflakes there. "Your birthday's in two months. Have you been thinking about what you want to do? Anywhere you want to go?"

"I'm a Pisces!" Vidina hummed, smiling. "I want to be with you and Mommy," he replied, swinging their hands. "Fang and Lightning, and Fran and Raine, too!" Such a reminder made Paine's heart sink to her stomach. "All of our family. And the Gullwings…can we go see them? When you and Mommy got married they stopped seeing us… Why?"

"Vidina…now might not be a good time to go see them," began Paine, wondering what Lulu would say. "You didn't do anything wrong—it's my fault. They're mad at me. Except for Yuna…she understands. If you want to see them, it's better if I don't come along."

Unexpected, Vidina frowned in anger, asking, "Why are they mad at you? You didn't do anything!"

Paine let out a short laugh. "How do you know I'm the innocent one?"

"You're perfect," he said, pouting, as if it were the obvious thing to say.

Ignorance, naïveté… "No one's perfect, Vidina," she tried. "That includes me." He shook his head, vigorous, unwilling to believe anything less of her. "Why do you think that? Your mother gets angry with me every now and then. I know you've heard her. That means I make mistakes, just like everyone else."

Such an example gave Vidina pause. He stared up at the thick clouds in the night sky, wondering. "I love you," he said, unable to tell as to her expression behind her helmet. "Mommy does, too." These sensitive times made Paine feel this emotional response tenfold. "Remember? She says forgiveness is best. Only if you love them. That's why. They don't love you."

His words, how he said them reminded her much of Lulu—that influence ran strongly in their son. "I love you, too—" Did they? She hadn't considered it; "As for the Gullwings…I think—they do. Sometimes, seeing someone will remind you of things you'd rather forget. I'm a bad reminder for them. I don't want to cause them any pain."

Vidina stared up at her, confused. "Then why is your name Paine?" he asked, genuine.

Paine hesitated before answering, "That's what my parents named me…I never thought to ask them why they chose it. Either way, it doesn't mean I enjoy hurting others. I've been hurt too much. I never want to put anyone through that."

"See?" he said, vindicated. "You're perfect! If something happens, it's not your fault!"

_Rikku's miscarriage…was it really my fault? Hearing Vidina say that makes me think it wasn't…_

"You know, you're a forgiving person," said Paine, feeling an indirect reprieve from such a revelation. "I wonder where you get that from. Your mother…can be unforgiving, at least with me. That's part of the reason why I work hard to keep her happy."

Vidina giggled, huddling closer to her. "From you," he responded. "Whenever Mommy gets mad at me, you say it'll be okay. I believe you. You're better than Daddy was…" _He still remembers Wakka. Is he angry that his father _left_ without a goodbye? _"Can I call you that?"

They neared the entrance to the penthouse lobby, stepping off of the platform to walk across the snowy pavement. "If you want to, sure," said Paine, surprised by the sentiment.

Wider, Vidina smiled up at her, before looking over to the glass panes by the automatic doors. There stood Lightning in her military uniform of white, against the building, nearly blending into the snow if not for the rose color of her hair. Vidina ran over to her, hugging her legs in greeting. Such a sight of Lightning at this unexpected time had Paine's chest churning, pleasant and unpleasant all at once.

"Hi, Lightning!" said Vidina, as Paine caught up to them.

_The hell is she doing here…? _

Lightning smiled lightly at him, placing her gloved hand along the back of his head. "Hey, Vidina." She regarded Paine, cool, at least for the moment. "Paine…I need to talk to you. It's important."

Standoffish, Paine scoffed. "When is it _not_ important?" she asked, stepping before the doors for them to open. Vidina hurried inside to the warmth of the empty lobby of similar make to their home. Lightning only stared at her, expression illegible as always. "Fine. Come upstairs. I have to make sure Vidina gets in safely."

"Is your wife home?" asked Lightning, following after them to the elevator. Vidina bounced up to press the button, oblivious.

Something told Paine this was a terrible idea, to even give Lightning the time of day with these complications so presently present. "She's writing," said Paine, as the elevator chimed. "It's a good thing you didn't check. I don't want anyone disturbing her." Three at once they stepped inside to the mirror-like interior of the dark walls. Vidina pressed the button that read _Sixty_; violet glowed there, recognizing his fingerprint as authorized access. "What exactly do you want? This isn't a good time."

Lightning folded her arms, leaning against the corner farthest from them. "I'm not having this conversation in front of him," she said, looking to Vidina pulling off his hood and mittens.

With care, Paine brushed the bits of snow from Vidina's hair and neck, thinking. However silent Lulu chose to be on the subject of Lightning, she would not enjoy hearing about this last-minute company. "Then it's not a conversation we need to have," she replied, simply.

"I think otherwise."

They stayed silent for the remainder of the elevator ride, listening only to the sounds of Vidina's carefree humming. Very familiar the song sounded to Paine's ears: one of the haunting, evocative piano numbers Lulu had composed some time ago that Vidina loved to request hearing her play again and again. He'd said numerous times that the song was _Lulu's Theme, _because it fit her so well.

To the sixtieth floor they arrived, exiting the elevator. Lightning followed behind, not at all in a hurry. Down the hall to the center, Paine unlocked the door, watching Vidina skip inside, calling for his mother. With a sigh, Paine gestured with her head for Lightning to follow her, for this was the right thing to do. Hesitant, forlorn, Lightning did so.

In Lulu's study they found her, sitting at her desk as she held Vidina close. He smiled down at her stomach beneath her quicksilver nightgown, asking questions. Lightning waited in the doorway. Paine removed her helm and went to her wife. When Lulu stood to greet her, entertaining Paine's kiss of her hand with a smile, she noticed their visitor. That smile did not vanish as quickly as Paine expected.

"Lightning dropped by," began Paine, trying to keep from stealing glances at the neat, towering piles of books, journals and parchment atop Lulu's desk. "She says she needs to talk to me. Is that all right with you, or should I tell her to leave?"

Lulu walked past Paine, approaching Lightning still waiting in the doorway. "Have you eaten dinner, Lightning?" she asked, amicable as Vidina excused himself to his room.

"No… Fang's out with her hunting friends tonight. I'm on my own. She knows I'm here."

"Then you will stay for dinner," she said. By her presence, this was order enough for Lightning to move out of her way, for Lulu to head down the hall to the kitchen. "You are free to have your discussion afterward. My wife has had a long day at work. I'm sure you understand." Not at all muttered under her breath, Lulu added: "It is a wonder Fang trusts you to be here on your own."

That last comment ruffled Lightning to the point of redness. Paine only pointed with her thumb in the direction of the bathroom, for Lightning to wash her hands. Without a look or a word, Lightning went. Deflated of a sudden, Paine went to the bookcase along the wall, picking out a book to read to Vidina that night. None of these fit—none of these took her mind off of Lightning—thus she went, reluctantly, to Lulu's desk to search there. She took care to not peek at anything in Lulu's handwriting.

At the top of the book pile sat an oddly familiar title: _Ark Angels_. Five warriors of crystal decked in black armor filled the white, paperback cover of the thick text. She had this in the bookcase of her old apartment in Bevelle. In fact, Paine remembered _relieving _her youth group's library of this book because the story had fascinated her so. Didn't that particular copy have this wrinkled bend along the spine…? She couldn't remember. She made a mental note to ask Lulu if she could borrow this to read to Vidina.

—

Dinner with Lulu, Lightning and Vidina had been awkward. With such ease, Paine could tell as to Lulu's concealed cruelty toward Lightning. Maintaining appearances hadn't been Lulu's agenda—she simply could not have reduced herself to a level predictable of anyone else in her situation. That stubbornness Lulu possessed to not discuss the matter of this lingering lust, clear to all inside save for Vidina, told Paine all she needed to know. It was simply off-limits. No point in bringing it up.

Together Paine and Lightning sat in the living room, on the same couch. Far enough away from one another—not close enough to each other. In her warrior dressphere, Paine accepted the cold drink Lulu brought to her, fighting back a grin.

"Your favorite, love," spoke Lulu, handing her the sangria. "And for you—" To Paine's surprise, Lulu offered Lightning a glass of the rare crystal cognac she kept hidden in the kitchen; "Tell me if you enjoy it. This drink is difficult to find here in Zanarkand."

"Thanks," said Lightning, staring down at the uneven, hail-like surface of the alcohol. Paine had a morbid thought of Lulu poisoning both of them, or only Lightning at the very least.

"I will be with Vidina in his room if you need anything. Love, after I've finished helping him with his studies, will you read to him? The book you asked for will be on his desk. I would also like to have a private discussion with Lightning while you do that."

Uneasy by that last, Paine nodded to her wife. "Yes, Mistress," she replied.

"Good." Lulu bent down to kiss Paine's neck up to her lips, nails glossing through her hair as she did. Heat overpowered from that possessiveness, however subtle or soft. "I'll see you later…"

Yearning for more, Paine watched Lulu go down the hall, watched that length of dress trail after her in her wake. That effortless, elegant effort to Lulu's walk was one she could never forget: proud in its manner, assertive, and heavy from the weight of her hair. With a point, always; always needing to be wherever she had in mind next, with the grace to get there just _that _way. If they were to have a girl, Paine wondered if she would share her mother's confidence and certainty in all things. Would Elysia's strong genes pass down to mark that resemblance between generations? Or if they were to have a boy, would Gabranth's reflection pave through as it began to do in Vidina most recently?

When she remembered that Lightning sat next to her still, she looked over and saw that apprehension. Lightning continued to stare down at her drink, surveying it before taking the smallest of sips. A little more at a time, Paine drank her own drink of red, waiting for Lightning to say something.

_Tempting to wonder if this would all go away if I got it out of my system… I don't think it would._

"She's not showing yet," said Lightning, as an odd point of departure. She drank again. "Are you nervous about being a father?"

Paine stared at this blood in her glass, gripping. "More than I can say," she responded. An appropriate tangent she remembered: "The funny thing is—Lulu wants you and Fang to be the godparents. I thought she might've asked Yuna. She won't tell me why she picked you two. Then again, you were _there _when we conceived. I doubt that's the only reason."

"Your wife knows what she's doing. She always does…" Lightning hesitated a moment. "I know that's one of the things you love about her." Paleness, shaking; Lightning fought to stay composed. "Look—ever since…all of this started…I've been thinking too much. I can't find any answers."

"So you came here looking for them?" asked Paine, more compassionate than she should have been.

"I feel like I have to be honest with you. But, if I do that, it means upsetting a balance that's in place. It's set in stone. I can't change that. I wish…I could. I wish I could say the right things to change your mind about staying with Lulu. I want you with me…"

Warning, danger, alarm, red flags—they sated and surged Paine all the same, making her shift in her seat. "Lightning… This is oddly bold of you." Clenched fist from Lightning around her glass of cognac, drinking to mask this awkwardness; Paine didn't know what to do with her hands, if she should drink. "You know I can't… I'm married. Lulu and I are expecting. We have Vidina already. What about Fang?"

Gloss from Lightning's eyes showed as a brief shine before she blinked profusely, shaking her head. "I can never fall in love with her," she confessed in a low voice. "After what I saw in that cave, I can't go back to pretending that things will work out with her and me. I did everything I could to keep her happy, not once realizing that I'm not meant to have a normal relationship. And now you…"

"I'm not in love with you," said Paine, not expecting that mild flinch from Lightning so proud, strong. "…why does that bother you? Why can't you let this go? It's not going to get anywhere. I thought you might've been trying to forget about all this, for us to move on as friends. You're hurting."

Wounded words, truthful, clairvoyant: "Down the line…you're going to hate me for not telling you."

Wide-eyed at Lightning's cryptic rambling, Paine asked, "Not telling me _what_?"

"…the reason why I feel this way about you," said Lightning, calm and upset at once—showing neither, unreadable, yet Paine knew better. "The reason…it's simple: part of me feels responsible, like I have to save you from what's going to happen. When I think about the end result, I _can't_—"

"—_what_? What the hell can't you do?" Another mention of someone _else _knowing far more about her future than she was privy to, of someone who claimed to know better. "Why does it feel like _everyone else _knows about what's in store for my life? Elysia, Gabranth, Raine, Auron—" _Don't mention them, those men: Gippal, Nooj, Seymour, Baralai; _"And now you. Can't you just tell me what it is? If it's so bad, why don't you warn me? You're my best friend—you're _supposed _to have my back!"

"Paine, I swear to you, when the time comes, I'll get you to where you need to be. Trying to get in the way now—it's like a puppet trying to cut off its strings. It can't. _I_ can't. When I was still alive as a l'Cie, going against my sealed fate, it was much easier than this—and I failed. This—it's already written in the stars in Lulu's handwriting. You're not the only one under her control."

_Too many people keep acting like they know everything and they can't change it. It's like because of what they know, they can't go against it. If it's all so bad—if Raine hates me—if Lightning wants me—why can't they stop any of it? If they know what it is, shouldn't they know how to stop it from happening? It doesn't make any sense…_

_It's like Lulu's will is that strong. She won't let anyone go against what she's writing, what she's creating. Unless that person—or thing—on the Farplane, the one making this happen is the one to blame. Maybe.._

Vacant, Paine stared at the row of large, framed photographs along the mahogany walls above the plasma screen television. Her wife had posed for a scintillating session of shoots: black and white, heavy shadows, with Lulu in various dresses that spoke sharply to all who saw them. Such crisp angles of Lulu's defined face, seamless movement shown as an illusion from photograph to photograph: they each forced the viewer to think, to admire; to pick out the most pleasing places in each picture.

_Under her control._

Back to Lightning, Paine stared, again wondering as to what the hell she knew—what could possibly drive her passions to this point, and if Lulu's muse, Lulu's will had anything to do with this.

—

While Lulu and Lightning conversed with one another in the living room this time, Paine went to Vidina's room to read him a bedtime story. As promised, Lulu had left the requested book upon his desk. Vidina curled up underneath his water-colored duvet, smiling bright as Paine sat next to him on the bed.

"New story tonight!" said Vidina, moving closer to her, to get a better look at the cover. "_Ark Angels_. What's this one about? They look like they have Raine's armor."

"This is my favorite book. I remember how I wanted to be the main character," began Paine, savoring the crisp sounds of pages turning between her fingertips. _I still want to be him… _"It's a story about a dark knight's journey through the sky to find his lost love. On his travels, he comes across each of the five Ark Angels, one at a time. Five of the people he cares about in his life have turned into the angels. When they were still alive, these people all tried to warn him that his love would drive him to impossible lengths. He defies everything to find his love, even his family and friends…" A brief foreword on one of the pages before the first chapter: "_Apathy, Arrogance, Cowardice, Envy, Rage—the darkness that lurks within us all. The Ark Angels are the crystal embodiment of dominant negative traits…_"

Paine looked down at Vidina, to gauge his reaction. He stared at the pages with rapture, clearly wanting to hear more. To the first page, Paine turned and began to read…

Abridged:

_A lone adventurer began his life as a mercenary in the mining Republic of Bastok with nothing but the torn clothes upon his back. Stolen great axe in hand, he took up the warrior's trade. In slaying the weakest of foes outside the city, he made little progress by way of his goals. He wished to be the greatest warrior in Vana'diel. Levels and levels of rivals bested his efforts. During his travels through the barren wastelands of Gustaberg, he met an apathetic fellow warrior whom he felt he could trust. She offered to the adventurer a great deal of calm to think clearly in the heat of harsh battles. After much time spent with her, he wondered how he truly felt for her. Alas, her reticence chilled love from blossoming._

_Two marks of royalty in the Kingdom of San d'Oria he met: an arrogant dark knight and a secretive summoner, Duke and Duchess of the kingdom. Both urged him to continue advancing, to do his best in his travels, encouraging him to seek new lands with his friend. Four of them, together, conquered the harshest of foes: the depths of lifelessness in the Promyvions, crags of darkness in purgatory that held within such enemies that haunted the adventurer's nightmares. By the example the Duke set in battle as a fearsome dark knight, he encouraged the adventurer to follow his path of the Blade of Darkness._

_When the adventurer felt he was strong enough, he returned to his hometown in order to undertake a quest of great daring. Through the mines he traveled with a new greatsword by the name of Chaosbringer, ordered by his new mentor to slay hordes of enemies through the darkness. When he succeeded, the adventurer traveled with his companions to the blood-stained beastman stronghold of Beadeux. There he discovered two twins of his family, long-forgotten: a dancer and a geomancer who urged him not to misuse his new power as a dark knight. One twin marked her wisdom under the guise of her envy of his accomplishments. And the second quietly seethed in fury for reasons known only to her._

_All six of them, together, decided to revisit earlier parts of the world as a form of reprieve. As the adventurer—now dark knight—took a walk alone along the pearly sands of Valkurm Dunes, he met a young, beautiful black mage along the shore. Lengthy, luminous discussions they held, spending hours walking alongside the horizon's dying sun. As they spoke, the black mage warned of the dangers in loving her, for she was the descendant of a sealed sorceress who was once feared by all of Vana'diel. Uncaring of the risks, the dark knight declared his swift love for her, vowing to protect her from the darkness in her blood, for their love to shine through as crystal light. Captivated, charmed, the black mage promised to make all of his dreams come true. They snuck off to explore the world together, fostering their love for all of Vana'diel to witness—and fear._

_When the dark knight's companions found him at last at the ethereal entrance to the sky, Ro'Maeve, the five of them panicked, fearing that the black mage had manipulated his heart for her own purposes. As if transfixed by his love's beauty and power, he protected her from them—once his faithful comrades—as the world itself began to change. A portal to the sky opened, and the black mage vanished as a broken crystal. At the height of the dark knight's despair, his comrades' essence dissipated, coalescing into physical form high above in the sky. _

_As the full moon shined down upon the dark knight, he begged the Goddess Altana to allow him safe passage to the sky. He swore to defeat any who stood in his way in order to find her. Endless battles, limitless chaos: these he vowed to face until the end of eternity when at last he found his love. A shining path opened to the Hall of the Gods, where he proceeded to take the one-way portal to the trials in the skies above. _

_Across his love's essence he traveled: scattered clocks, rings of light that chimed under his footsteps, all as a host of surrealism that appeared as an impossible labyrinth to follow. One at a time, he faced his five comrades who had each changed—full suits of darksteel armor they wore, lifeless, as if all they knew was the Crystal, and all they remembered was that he had betrayed them for his love: the sorceress' descendant. Fighters of the Crystal they had become, to stop his plight and put an end to his life._

_His first friend, the fellow warrior, had become the Ark Angel of Apathy: "You shall be defeated by the apathy that plagues you," she declared, honing in on his weariness from this endless journey. He defeated her, his heart burning with the memories of what could have been—if she had loved him instead, none of this would have happened._

_His second friend, the Duke of San d'Oria, had become the Ark Angel of Arrogance: "You shall be overwhelmed by the arrogance that disfigures you," he declared, knowing of the dark knight's initial hubris in deciding to find his love no matter the cost. All the dark knight had learned from the Duke in battle gave enough leverage for him to defeat the one he once looked up to._

_His third friend, the Duchess of San d'Oria, had become the Ark Angel of Cowardice: "You shall be consumed by the cowardice that binds you," she declared, as a mirror of herself, her secrecy; cowardice for not telling the dark knight that she knew this was to happen to him. Her failure to warn him as any true friend would fueled his drive to defeat her._

_His fourth comrade and family member, the dancer of the twins, had become the Ark Angel of Envy: "You shall be twisted by the envy that drives you," she declared, of herself, for being envious of the love he shared with the black mage. Those omitted lies spurred his strength to best her, despite his growing guilt for defeating one of his blood-related._

_His fifth and final comrade, the geomancer of the twins, had become the Ark Angel of Rage, the most fearsome of them all: "You shall be burned by the rage that controls you." Rage did send the dark knight fighting against his enduring friendships in favor of his love. A brutal battle of unmatched strength—she twisted the very darkness around and inside of him, forcing his best efforts in order to defeat her. _

_When at last the five of them were defeated, the dark knight expected to find his love at long last. Altana appeared before him and said that this was not enough—that he must defeat them all at once with Divine Might in order to reach his goal. Spiraling endlessly, he fell back to the beginning of the sky's labyrinth to do this all again, differently. As a whisper inside of him, he heard his love's voice, urging him to press onward. _

_Sheer determination had him move forward, gathering his friends together under the guise of explaining to them that he had made a mistake in loving the black mage. When the time was right, he struck them, battling them all at once. As he fought, truths ran through his blood as the life force behind his strength—that no matter what even his trusted comrades tried to do to stand in his way, not even the memories of their friendship could stop his ambition. That was his Divine Might, what he needed to defeat them all at once. He succeeded._

_As each of his companions dissolved into crystal, they wished him well in his decisions. They swore this was not the end, and that they would find him once again to support him in life. Truly, the might of his will to love even one as dangerous as a sorceress' descendant showed the Ark Angels the error of their ways. When they disappeared, a straight path opened, where the dark knight knew his love waited for him on the other side. Sword in hand, he walked proudly across, feeling the darkness of his journey meld with the love of his future—and the beauty that smiled at him at long last._


	44. Taurus

"_Escape in Style" from Assassin's Creed III_

_Late he does echo himself, ghosts go by  
This night, watching, waiting, unheard to you  
Whose selfish sleep affords rest unshapely,  
And those names you say, crucify in view.  
Have we moved past these stages now, my love?  
Will my obsessions be this indirect  
While yours spiral absurd kinds of shove,  
Push, pull, and back, refusing to connect?  
Plot with you for reasons unheard I will,  
To delay this inevitable lie  
You tell with ignorance, hard as a pill  
I swallow it all, unreal repartee.  
Stubborn as I am, I will carve you in  
An image of my view that's sure to win._

Relentless knocking at the door startled Lulu from her dreamless sleep early the next morning. Tossing and turning from Paine's troubled sleep made Lulu frown—not so new, and nothing she could do with her wife disinclined to acknowledge her frequent nightmares. Quietly, Lulu rose from bed, changing into her nightgown as she went to the front door. Thick grey from the clouds streamed in through the windowpanes of the terrace from these inexcusable hours of the winter morning; by the silent ticking of the clock on the wall, Lulu read five-thirty. Unacceptable, predictable—_why _did he insist on making such noise heard only by her at such an hour?

Irate, Lulu opened the door. There stood Wakka in his black robes, scowling as usual.

"_So,_" began Wakka, expectant, "How goes it, Lu? You makin' good progress? I gotta make sure you stay on top of this, ya? Can't let you get behind!"

With her hand over her hip, Lulu shifted her weight to stay awake enough for this. "Tell me, Wakka—how in Spira could you possibly make certain I don't _get behind_?" she asked, her voice deepened with weariness. "As far as I know, you only exist to haunt me. Is this your idea of revenge?"

"Not revenge. I don't need it. You gave me a clean death—it was all I asked for. I know Vidina's happier with me gone. You too, ya?" Wakka stared at her stomach for a moment, giving a small smile. Reflexive, protective, Lulu placed her free hand there. "Think you'll pass down your skills to the little one? How artsy you are, anyway. I think you will."

"Wakka," said Lulu, disapproving enough to make him smile again, "Each time you visit me, you leave me with more questions than answers. Why don't you change that for once? If you insist on being a ghost to me, at least make yourself useful."

Wakka laughed, free to be as loud as he pleased; no one other than Lulu could hear him. "Make myself useful! That's a good one, eh?" Splitting laughter—he was the only one who got the joke, whatever was so funny. Lulu was not impressed. "All right, all right, you got that look. What do you wanna know?"

"Exactly _why_ you've taken it upon yourself to monitor my writing," began Lulu, as the most pressing of issues—for now. "This isn't a collaborative effort. I am aware of the time limit in place. I don't need you to keep _checking up _on me like this unless it's for a good enough reason."

"It's like this, ya? You write, and I check around to make sure you've got all the right inspiration goin' on. It's as simple as seein' you again. This look in your eyes—it hasn't changed since the first time I came here. If I think you're on the wrong track, I gotta put you back on the right one. That's my job."

Down Lulu stared at her stomach, her hand, feeling fatigue far stronger than she'd experienced in recent years. She considered stopping all of this—the writing, the surrealism in seeing Wakka again despite his cryptic wisdom—at least until after her post-partum symptoms passed. Fear of these strains affecting her pregnancy made Lulu reconsider everything. Whatever dangers surrounded not finishing her work, she had years to get there.

Nothing could overshadow the importance of what she held inside. If the stress of these procedures threatened to put a premature end to this—

"That's what I mean," said Wakka, getting a better look at her downcast eyes. "You're hesitating, ya? Think this might be too much to handle. Well, it's not. I'm tellin' you, Lu, you got this. There's nothin' to be afraid of. Everything'll all work out, ya? Just keep writing!"

"I don't need you weighing in on my decisions," snapped Lulu, highly affronted by his presumptions. "I can live without your advice for that matter. There is no reason for you to continue knocking on my door. Leave me alone."

Wakka folded his arms, grumbling. "No way," he said, simply. "I still love you, Lulu. I'm gonna do my part. When I'm finished, _then _I'll let you go on your way."

"I won't answer anymore," she declared, in total seriousness.

"I'll keep knocking 'till you decide to change your mind. You'll answer. I know you will. 'Till then, ya?"

Lulu closed the door over that overconfidence. When all quieted down in her mind, free from the echoes of Wakka's voice and laughter, she turned around. Down to the right wing she glanced, to make sure Vidina had not wandered over to see what the commotion was. A second thought passed: to possibly go to her study and continue writing, to make some…changes to her work. Down to the left wing she stared longer, feeling an obligation strong to soothe her wife's sleeping pains for the umpteenth time in recent months. Frequency of this duty did not bother her as much as not making any progress whatsoever.

Back to their bedroom she went, warmed by the darkness there. Fitful sleep Paine continued to have, shifting about and sweating with nothing on. Closed, unlocked door—unlocked in case Vidina needed them; Lulu changed out of her dress into the bareness of skin alone, and went to Paine sprawled about on top of the sheets and duvet. For a moment, Lulu only lay beside her, watching, listening.

Again and again she heard mutters of Nooj's name, and questions—_why_? _Why did you try to kill me…_?

Sweat-slick smoothness of Paine's hip Lulu pressed her hand to, for them to face one another. Fingers kneading enough to keep her in place, Lulu shifted closer, needing this nearness of contours against contours, fitting. Restlessness Lulu tamed by settling on top of Paine, calming that bodily tempest one moment at a time; pleasure, vulnerability and unawares took over by the stretching softness of Paine's limbs, exuding this different need.

Against Lulu's navel she felt growing wetness there. Instinctual grinding, gyrating, to soothe, all the while holding Paine's body with firmness; softness of Paine's jaw Lulu pressed her lips to, tasting that motion of open-mouth to sigh.

Seconds before this cause came to her ears, Lulu's spirit sank by sheer intuition. Before she heard this from Paine's soft voice:

"_Lightning_…"

Ill pains churned in Lulu's stomach. She lowered her head over Paine's shoulder, shutting her eyes to stop this emotional nausea. Gripping tighter, gripping Paine's body tightest, as if she would fall into the depths of hell if she held her any lighter. Lulu could not deny this beginning anymore. Screeching melodies from the scratch of this situation sounded in her head; roughness from the impossible tumbling her heart suffered before stopping, composed; echoes of that knocking, knocking, and shattering glass, reminding her of the dangers Paine would face with that loneliness.

Paine's hand, Lulu held, pressing it to her stomach, feeling that sweat melt this sickness away by heat.

_This was my idea. I've already written it down. Must I suffer these consequences? _

Such temptations to search through the crystal paths in Paine's heart, to know what she dreamed of… Lulu resisted by absolute irony that she could not purposely invade her wife's privacy. Not like this. There were better ways to deal with these clawing urges Lulu felt deep within.

—

Hours later after Paine had gone to work, Lulu held Vidina's paw as they walked through the snow to their destination that day. Vidina chose to wear his moomba dressphere for his outing. Over her usual dress, she wore the coeurl coat that Paine had gifted her what felt so long ago, back when none of this had yet come about. Her son's happiness as he hummed kept Lulu at ease enough. Biting winds blew her braids about on occasion, unable to break the concentration in her thoughts. She had to do this.

Zanarkand's military housing district bore a sense of sameness from the identical homes that filled the area. Obsidian depth of Zanarkand's typical architecture through the snow gave Lulu the special impression here of coldness and storms. One of the district's residents helped that imagery along significantly. Only by familiarity did Lulu find her way to the designated address. When they reached the correct two-story home, they found Fang just outside conversing with a few neighbors. Upon Lulu and Vidina's approach, the neighbors said their goodbyes, walking back over to their lawn; Fang, appearing warm enough in her sari and sandals, turned to wave the pair over.

"Hey-hey!" said Fang, grinning at both of them. Lulu envied her cheerfulness at a time like this. "Looks like you found your way. Figured you would." Vidina hurried over to hug Fang, making her laugh. "Hey there, little man. I got a nice surprise for you for our hunting trip today. Wanna see?"

"Yes!" said Vidina, removing his headpiece. "What is it? May I see now?"

Fang opened the door to her and Lightning's home, gesturing inside. "Sure you can," she said, as Vidina made his way in. "It'll be obvious!" When Lulu took the remaining steps toward her, Fang's smile fell. "You don't look so good. Didn't sound too well on the phone, neither…" Lulu only lowered her eyes, shaking her head. Fang led her inside. "C'mon, we'll have a chat about it. I'll make you some tea."

Irony: Lightning's home was one of near-total darkness. Lulu removed her coat by dressphere change, looking around, scrutinizing. Black walls, leather furniture, steel countertops, dark tile and onyx appliances—light shone in from the back yard's sliding glass door, letting the white of the snow pour in. Distinct smell of polish, gunblade polish stayed heavy on her senses. Obsessive compulsive cleanliness joined that smell, as if no amount of foulness could taint it. Narrow hallways, open spaces in the rooms; Lulu wondered if her dress trailed enough moisture from the snow to mark her presence.

Vidina's gasp of surprise from the living room caught Lulu's attention. From the kitchen, Fang smirked at her, gesturing for Lulu to follow after him. In the wide center of the room she found Vidina on all fours, tail in the air as he stared eye-to-eye at the baby behemoth there. As small as a piglet, shaped like one, purple, with a small head of unkempt hair akin to a Mohawk between two sharp ears raised in curiosity. Occasional snorts and high-pitched growls the behemoth let out before hopping on top of Vidina's back. Sheer adoration Vidina sounded out, as if he could have exploded from happiness at any moment; Lulu worried over the merits of a behemoth in the house, until Fang came over with a warm cup of tea.

"His name's Bane," said Fang, handing Lulu the cup. Lulu sat down on the couch nearest them, watching the light exchange. "Found him just outside the city, close to Gagazet. Poor thing was abandoned and beat up real bad. I fixed him up and he's all better now. Ain't he cute?"

"The cutest!" said Vidina, hugging Bane close. "Won't he get big? _Really _big?"

Fang sat down next to Lulu, smiling to make up for that melancholy. "Not for a long time. At least twenty years or so. By then he'll be strong enough to stay outside on his own. He's our new hunting pal."

Lulu did not have to suggest to Vidina that he take Bane out to the back yard for a little while. She sipped more of her warm tea, watching Vidina through the sliding glass door.

"In case you're wonderin'," Fang went on, "Light hates that I keep him as a pet. She thinks it's too risky. I let him stay inside while she's at work."

Lulu sipped her tea again, to soothe her stomach. "I see…"

"Now what's the matter? You've been down and out for a while. You sure it's just the pregnancy?"

"I wonder… This paradox is similar to the chocobo and the egg. Do they feel this way because I've written it so? Or have I written it because I felt the attraction was there beforehand?"

Fang could offer no verbal advice; her look of sympathy was enough. Outside, Lulu continued to stare, knowing that her efforts as a single-parent would not have brought out this radiance in her son. For Vidina knew, in his own ways, of the depths of vibrancy Paine instilled in her, passionate enough to have Lulu sit and bear this agony without a cry or complaint.

"Well, excuse my askin'," began Fang, considerate, "But why did you put it in your story this soon?"

"I had no idea my words would allow me to play God in this limited scope. The strange thing about it is that not all of what I have written has shown itself in real life. There are a number of situations that have not manifested themselves before my eyes. I don't know how or why _this _one has chosen to take my dignity from me. All I know is that it drives me to lengths I'm not at all proud of…"

Fang handed her a folded piece of paper, and a pair of gloves. "You know I support you," she said, warm, in earnest. "If there's anything else you need, be sure to let me know. You'll get a bunch of good inspiration tonight when we all go out, yeah? It'll be a great surprise—you're gonna love it!"

"Paine promised as much," replied Lulu, turning the paper over in her hand. "Thank you for doing this."

"It's no trouble. I'll be out hunting with Vidina and Bane 'till Light gets home from work. You said Paine and your other family are gonna head over this way 'round that time?"

"Yes, that's right," said Lulu, placing the gloves over her hands. "That should be enough time for me to search around."

"Well, if it ain't, you're free to come over any time. Just make sure I'm here first. In case she notices anything, I can just say I did it. She's got a small case of OCD, by the way. It's gettin' worse by the day. Make sure you put everything back where you found it. Real paranoid these days, she is…"

—

Darkness of Lightning's office with only the light from her terminal's monitor shining through. Alone there with no one to disturb her, Lulu had the freedom to do this for the next seven hours. Documents, folders, internet browsing history Lulu searched through for anything relevant. Next to the mouse she held sat the open paper Fang had prepared for her with all of Lightning's passwords, specifying which belonged to which. Mirrors of this foray reflected through Lulu's irises edged with anger as she sat at Lightning's pristine desk, searching, spying.

Pictures subdirectory: Lulu found an unzipped folder Fang had sent Lightning, labeled _Naughty. _Lulu left this one alone, despite her probing curiosity, scrolling through the rest of the folders. These all appeared to be simple pictures of Zanarkand and Lightning's time in the military, sorted by month and year.

Videos subdirectory: here, something of interest—an incomplete file had saved here, likely downloaded as an attachment from someplace else. To Lightning's email, Lulu went, already opened in a tab in the internet's browser. None received from Paine, none sent to Paine, not even in the trash folder… As a pre-emptive strike, Fang had sent Lightning numerous emails with helpful attachments, already read. All of the attachments, however, Lightning had left alone. Lulu downloaded all of these, mindful to delete them from their respective folders and the recycle bin once she no longer needed them.

Fang's emails had no subject, with similar annotations in each body of the messages: _Hey, babe. Went looking through my files and found this. Thought it might bring back some good memories ;)_

One video Lulu opened, scowling deeper as the screen filled with this sexual beginning: Fang fucking Lightning hard from behind over their bed; Lightning gripping the sheets with all her strength, trying not to cry out despite the blood trickling down her thighs. It appeared that Fang, too, held a penchant for recording intimate scenes such as these. Instinctive, Lulu placed one hand over her stomach, filled with a nagging thought that her unborn child could see all of this—that, perhaps, they would grow up to be as furtive as she was, as obsessive as this, to constantly tread where they had no true business being.

"_Say my fucking name, Light!" _Fang growled out, smirking; reveling in Lightning's shame. _"Motherfucking cunt—" _Name-calling fought against Lightning's efforts to stay quiet; _"Ain't this…what you wanna do to her? All day—all night—" _

Rougher, harder, louder Fang went as a catharsis of pent-up frustration. Strong novelty made Lulu watch the entire video for no other reason than this undeniable thrill of seeing Lightning vulnerable for once. Most of the videos offered this, with the others as intriguing, humiliating forms of torture from Fang to Lightning by way of interrogation—not only about Paine, but all of Lightning's secret desires she would rather die all over again than confess to another. Their relationship had a number of kinky elements to it, yet Lulu could not go so far as to describe this as one of Mistress and slave. Highly fascinating…

Documents subdirectory, jackpot: Lulu discovered a password-protected folder of journal entries. She entered the correct password, searching through to relevant dates. One fitting file she discovered, with several blanks as if someone had gone through and censored certain phrases and words.

_This isn't normal. _

_This isn't real love._

_It's as if someone, something raped my emotions and made me live with this. It was Lulu. I know it was. _

_When I was in the Den of Woe, I saw—, as if—and there was no—. The pyreflies swarmed me, made me relive it as if it had happened to me. It wasn't Shuyin's influence. It was—._

_The Wheel of Time held it—across all of—. That's the only explanation. Instead of losing my mind, all of my sympathy—twisted me into believing I—madness. Isn't that what Nooj, Gippal and Baralai saw? Isn't that why Paine—? If I could—wouldn't that—? Why can't I—? Why? _

_I have to live with this truth…on my own. Like watching a train crash, I have to watch it happen. Stand by on the sidelines and—. All of this so Paine has—when—. If I just blurted out that her—and if Yuna—or—someone, anyone, if they could—wouldn't that stop the possibility? Let—back to—and no one will have to suffer. What the hell is this for? Artistic integrity? So—get to live their fantasy? Is it worth it? The steps necessary to take, in order to—. Is it? I don't think it is. _

_The problem is, every time I try to—, it feels like someone's lodged a boulder in my throat and I can't—no matter how much I—. Raine told me she gets the exact same feeling whenever she tries to just blurt out that—. This obsession in knowing exactly what's going to happen—makes me want—. If I—Paine—Lulu—. She wouldn't have to. She wouldn't have to—. That's all I want. These feelings are here because of that. I can't even—. It's death all over again._

_I keep replaying her eventual reaction in my head. It haunts me. I want to—for her. When Fang—, all I can—is—. Lately, Paine's been having nightmares about—Nooj, seeing him again. He's up to something. I think he—because—best friends. His obligation. Baralai's on the wrong side of history. Gippal—but I think he's clueless. Harmless enough. I don't know about Seymour._

_But, Nooj—, and this won't end well. She won't come out and tell Lulu that this is scaring her. I can't even tell Lulu about this—it's the same block. Is there some way for me to communicate to Lulu that she needs to get to the bottom of what's bothering her wife? Besides me. I don't think Paine's all that concerned about—to do with me. I'm glad that she's not. She's focused on Lulu. That's all I can—right now. Paine won't come out and admit that what happened—still haunts her. She can't keep pretending that Nooj didn't scar her for life. She denies it to me, to herself. _

_Another thing that's strange: Paine mentioned something about Raine. It's like she swears Lulu and Raine have some—going on. Supposedly, that's what made her start to have feelings for me. Insecure, much? Why would Lulu want to screw her __sister__? Just because Lulu and Raine are close, Paine's jealous, swearing up and down that—and Lulu's cheating on her? Because Lulu technically cheated on Wakka—. Some loophole about how Paine's not allowed to "question her Mistress" keeps her—. What a cop-out. I think Paine's just ashamed that Raine's stronger than her, and now she's—in her head that—each other on the side. That's ridiculous! I want Lulu to—about Nooj AND Raine so Paine can get over it once and for all. If she's ever going to—, she needs to do this._

_I can't do anything except stay in this loveless relationship out of—Fang. My Fang. She knows, she understands—. I think that's why she stays. She has faith that—one day, when this is all over. When I think about that, it gives me hope. That there is a light at the end of this hellhole, and—. This is all I can do. Every drop of patience and trust in me, I have to put it in Lulu's hands for her to write with. That's why I won't run away. I can't—. _

_I have no choice. I like to justify it, to at least pretend that I have free will. Whatever stubbornness Lulu lives with is the same that—. I have to admire it sometimes. If she's strong enough to confront Paine about—when it's right, then the rest will follow…_

—

Grandiose design of the Viera's sanctioned district in Zanarkand offered a vast array of sights to behold within this artistic arrondissement. Music halls, museums, theaters, milongas, and ballrooms all made up the arrangement of buildings nearby. Garden-like scenery to match the Viera's native home in the Woods outside of the city swept beneath the gathering of snow that evening. Several Viera, Guado and Humans alike in clear upper-class clothing went on their way down the many avenues, most offering nods of respect to Elysia in particular. Few Ronso could be found in this part of the city for its artistic value—most worked as doormen for the several establishments in the area, speaking only if necessary.

With her coat over her dress, Lulu walked arm-in-arm with Paine, holding this armor close. Elysia held herself the same with Gabranth ahead of them, leading the way. Lightning and Fang also came along, exchanging heated whispers with one another; Lulu did her best not to let her eyes anywhere near Lightning, so as to not give her new knowledge away. Raine and Fran walked together, with Vidina, speaking with him, to get him better acquainted with this part of Zanarkand per his curiosities.

This surprise outing was one that Paine had arranged on her own, with some _suggestions_ from Lulu's mother. Heightened frequency of Lulu's decisions to write, more and more, Paine had offered to foster those efforts with more inspiration. Wherever this night took them, Lulu had a good feeling about it. Nevertheless, she could not put her troubles and concerns in the back of her mind. Though Paine wore her helm to conceal her face from the cold, Lulu wondered if that armor stayed over her features to also shield her expression from discovery. As of late, Paine had been most secretive with the matters of her mind and heart, often staying guarded or otherwise focused on Vidina. This news of her wife's absurd concerns with Raine also had Lulu wondering…

"Mistress," spoke Paine, cautious from the echo of her helm, "I know this is last-minute… I need your help." _Is that so_…? "When I bought these tickets, I didn't plan for this to interfere with our time together. While I was at work today, I learned a few things that I don't like. On top of everything else I've found out over the past two months, this has to be taken care of. Could you…?"

From the impassioned, low conversation she noticed between her parents, Lulu had a feeling these were related. "What exactly needs to be done?" she asked, willing to put their unspoken differences aside for the time being.

"Maester Seymour is here in Zanarkand… He's up to no good. I need to kidnap him tonight without being seen. After that, I'll take him to the bostaunieux oubliette underneath Elysia's bastion. Once he's there, I can interrogate him."

Of a sudden, Lulu became aware of how many eyes stayed on both her and Paine. "If you have good reason to believe he must be detained, I will assist you," she offered. "Do you have a plan for this?"

Through thickness of darksteel, Lulu could still tell as to Paine's sour expression. "Raine does," she replied. "We have to pull this off without anyone suspecting Elysia put us up to this. As long as we do that, nothing else matters. We're going to frame someone for Seymour's supposed murder."

"Frame who?"

Without hesitation, Paine said, "Gippal." Before Lulu could protest, Paine added: "Please…trust me. I can explain as we go. It has to do with your writing. As far as I'm concerned, you and Vidina are the only ones I trust in this world. I've learned too much…"

They made their way to the district's finest opera house, imposing in size and special effects therein. Through to the entrance hall they went: a mass of glittering light and rich color, with all manner of citizens gathered beneath the chandelier and frescoes for the upcoming production. All of these grand displays and undercurrents of secrecy mirrored the sentiments Lulu felt deep within—this willingness to go along with this outrageous plan without first making her frustrations known. She knew that, in doing this, they would only have to wait and fester more. Stirring hormones did not mix well with this decision. Each whisper, each glance in her direction triggered more rage she did not want to handle.

Onset of a hot flash. Out of her coat Lulu changed, feeling too much relief from the perfect temperature of this interior against her shoulders and neck. Cooling spells from innate ice elements she sent through her skin, weary from this constant battle of hot-and-cold her body insisted on putting her through. She looked behind them, noticing that Fang and Lightning were no longer present.

"Mistress, could I borrow one of your garment grids? It's for Fang," said Paine, taking great care to not move her head to look about. Lulu acquiesced, making sure to be discreet. Chivalrous, Paine bowed, and left her side to enter the nearest restroom.

Raine took her place, helmet present for once. "Lulu," she said, bowing as an armored entity of onyx.

Lulu returned the gesture. "Raine," she replied, looking over to be sure that Vidina was safe—and oblivious—with Fran. "I take it I will learn more as we go. Discussing anything of substance here would be foolish."

"You are correct. It will be better this way." Something told Lulu that Raine chose to wear her helmet for the freedom it afforded her eyes to look around and speak without notice. "Be on your guard. Your wife insists that this man is dangerous. She says it is pure instinct, as does Father. They both have no evidence whatsoever to back up their claims. This is lawlessness. We will all be tried and exiled to the Farplane if this backfires."

With her free hand over her stomach, Lulu averted her eyes there, thinking. "You disapprove?"

"Highly," said Raine, curt. "They both harbor an unhealthy obsession with our target. I have a feeling it will overwhelm them both, whether we fail or succeed this evening. Nevertheless, an order is an order, and I am in no place to refuse Mother's word. We will begin when Judge Nyte returns."

Unexpected, Maester Seymour noticed them from across the entrance hall, and approached them with grace. "Ah, Judge Magister," he said, bowing to Raine, "I have heard a great deal about you. It is an honor to make your acquaintance at last." By the glint in his eyes, he took subtle pleasure in Raine's silence, her non-acknowledgement. "I understand if you are not so keen to make _my _acquaintance. My history precedes me." He regarded Lulu, next, as quietly menacing as he had during Yuna's pilgrimage; how Lulu remembered it all so well, feeling confused mistrust toward him far before he had shown his true colors. "And your sister, Lady Lulu. I believe we have met before, have we not?"

Timely, to keep her from speaking, Paine returned, taking Lulu's other arm in hers. "Maester Seymour," she said, without those masks of respect. Seymour regarded her behind her helm, eyes narrowed in suspicion. "I find it hard to believe you socialized your way through the entrance hall that quickly. Or did you purposely come over here to speak with my wife while I wasn't here?"

"Such a gesture is highly disrespectful," supplied Raine, more knowledgeable of how to deal with these things. "Foregoing to speak to the opera house's guests in favor of making yourself known to a Judge Magister's spouse. Have you forgotten yourself?"

Seymour bowed, taking care to not remove his eyes from Lulu's stomach. "Please, do forgive me," he offered, not at all sincere to Lulu's ears. "I merely sensed a great disturbance. I had to make certain that it was not what I feared. Alas, I believe it is…" He inhaled deeply, as if smelling. "Judge Magister Nyte, pardon me, but is that lingering blood I scent over your person? It is quite old…several months, in fact." Such a reminder of Rikku's situation sent Paine on-edge; Lulu felt her tense up even behind her armor. "It has either been transferred to your wife, or the scene will repeat itself. We Guado are keen to these scents. Along with…a number of other indicators."

Elysia approached them, stern expression crafted to perfection. "My children, the show is starting," she announced, hardly bothered to make note of Seymour's presence. Gabranth next to her also made no spectacle of the Maester this proximal. "You will follow me."

"A good evening to you all," said Seymour, bowing once more. Somewhere, far-off, Lulu heard Gippal's unmistakable, loud tones, marking his presence in the opera hall. "And a safe pregnancy to you, Lady Lulu. I pray it will treat you well…"

Paine and Raine walked at either side of Lulu, ushering her along by her arms at an even pace among the crowd. Deeply, Lulu sensed Paine's irritation with this, as if those grievances she had shared with Lightning were indeed correct. As the lights overhead dimmed to darkness, making way for the stage to capture the milling audience's full attention, Lulu's entourage had her stop walking. Familiar darkness overtook her senses, her form, from Raine's gift, allowing the three of them at once to travel through the shadows of the winding halls after Maester Seymour. Widened and watery as if seen through a magnifying glass, Lulu had a view of her impostor, of Paine's impostor—Fang and Lightning—walking with the others to their balcony seats.

"_Both of you_," she heard Raine's voice say, "_I need your eyes and ears to the side and behind me. I can only see what's directly in our path. Warn me if you believe we've been spotted. We will stay on his trail._"

Upstairs through the darkened hallways they followed him. Both of them—Paine and Raine—Lulu sensed their thoughts, offering much-needed explanations for this turn-of-events. First, Paine's, and Gippal's betrayal sounded clearest to her: how he had not fired his revolver by accident at all.

_Nooj ordered Gippal to kill me._ _The thing is, he was so nervous, he shot you by mistake, completely off the mark. I still don't know why he told Gippal to do that. From what I could tell, Nooj made it sound like it was for the greater good…just like the civil war in Spira. All of this over me… Even though he missed, I'm getting my revenge. That's why we're framing him. As for Seymour…I have a strong feeling he has answers that I need. No, I don't have any evidence. We're breaking the law to do this. I don't care._

Raine's voice sounded again, as Seymour took a seat in his private balcony. "_Lulu, I need you to sit with him. Talk to him while I get what I need to pin this on Gippal. Fran will make sure Gippal gets here at the correct time. Pray that no one decides to look up here. Judge Nyte—be on your swiftest guard in case he decides to hurt her._"

Forced gently from this darkness, Lulu materialized in true form once more. To the seat beside Lord Seymour, Lulu approached and sat down, the chimes of her accessories unmasking her presence. Narrowed eyes, suspicious, Seymour turned to regard her as the curtains rose, as the audience clapped; as the orchestra began in a chaotic flurry of wind instruments.

"My lady…?" asked Seymour, apprehensive. "This is a private balcony. How did you make your way here? If it truly was your wish to view the opera with me, why, I gladly would have heeded your request had I known ahead of time."

To the stage, Lulu kept her eyes, marveling over the special effects allowing thousands of Crusaders and Sinspawn to be shown in brutal conflict. "My apologies," offered Lulu, completely improvised, "I don't know what came over me. I simply had to follow you. There are a number of questions I wish to ask."

"Ah," he said, failing somewhat. "I believe I know why. You are concerned that I am in the midst of plans not well-suited to someone of virtuous authority. You must understand, my lady, that not all of what I do is under my control… The abundance of time I spent inside of Sin before the Eternal Calm taught me the ways of the world—how Spira's wonders are best understood as repetitions, endless cycles. What has happened will happen again, if not, perhaps, varied from before."

"You mean to tell me, Your Grace, that you had no control over the atrocities you have committed?"

Seymour gave a small chuckle. "That is correct," he responded. "It should not be so difficult to believe, Lady Lulu. After all, you are quite the master—or, should I say, Mistress—of controlling those under your command. Your grandmother—was she not the feared Sorceress Edea? The one responsible for nearly plunging all of Spira into eternal darkness during High Summoner Yocun's Calm… Your sister, Judge Magister Raine, inherited that affinity with the night, did she not? It is all connected."

"How amusing, Maester," noted Lulu, regarding the main character of the opera, singing in bass, front and center: Captain Noah of the Crusaders, whose actor possessed an uncanny likeness to her father. "Are you suggesting that you are under _my _control, per my heritage?"

"Why, yes," replied Seymour, still ill at ease by the small stutter in his voice. "Not only your heritage, but your strength of will—you must have quite a few powerful friends on the Farplane who have gifted you with this rare opportunity. The first and only recorded time of such an occurrence was with the Yevon doctrines, how Lady Yunalesca was able to quite literally write her father Yu Yevon into the hearts of Spira's religious citizens. Sin instilled such fear in the people, and Yunalesca's will was strong. It worked."

"It is your wish to manipulate my own control?" asked Lulu, curious by the nature of this opera's libretto, for the captain's lover was the Summoner Elysia, whose actress also looked so like her mother.

Seymour pressed his hand to his chest, bowing his head. "You wound me," he said—and there, Lulu saw literal trickle of blood there, from her sister's forensic exploitations. "It is clear that you know not the scope nor breadth of the power you have been given. It is merely my wish to redirect that control to better pastures. Do you not believe it would be in Spira's best interest to be led by competence instead of fear? Yevon was but a farce during the time you and I were foes during Lady Yuna's pilgrimage…"

"I am of the mind that it is best to write a compelling story, Your Grace," said Lulu, with an out-of-place smile, watching these actors play out the story of her parents' love affair. "With that said, I can only write what I know. I have learned the hard way that some of what I write will play itself out for the world to see. Not all of it."

"Pardon me, my lady, but to believe that not all of your manuscript will feature is a foolish thought indeed. You live your life now as déjà vu, constantly seeing what your muse has burned over your mind's eye in your waking affairs. Each breath you take, each success and failure you make will repeat itself. Such is the nature of Spira, and such is the nature of the conflict between you and I. Call me the villain and that is what I shall be. You are intelligent enough to not have us all running amok with no purpose."

They stayed silent a moment, watching the opera in strained peace. Actors they were, and melodramatic this opera was, Lulu connected with the story there all the same. Fleeing from Bevelle, from the chaos there of Sin's attack, the captain and summoner fell into a torrid romance, driven by maniacal passion to live on through their love, despite the rampant destruction throughout Spira. Seeing this bespoken mirror of her parents' lives gave her much to think about, to consider.

Such news of betrayals, misinformation, implausible suspicion… None of it could overload her, yet she felt the need to take a step back. For the same reasons she had feared too early that morning: Lulu held her stomach, feeling Paine there in the natural shadows over her body. Main inspiration: challenging perceptions, life, love itself—if Paine could truly learn to wield the hardships she could think to put her through, to prove herself as a better person…

"If I may," began Seymour, courteous, "But, why did you agree to such an undertaking, my lady? It is clear it will take its toll on you in the years to come… To direct the very world itself with the muse of your wife—does that not sound highly dangerous? You could plunge Spira into ruin if you so wished."

"If you must know…it is to challenge my wife to achieve her dreams—dreams that she never knew she possessed. I have my ways of knowing what they are."

"Will you not share them with me?" he asked, strangely sincere this time. "We have become so well-acquainted, without those looming disagreements of morals from yesteryear…"

Lulu slowly canted her sight toward him, sensing. "I will not," she declared.

Seymour let out a dejected sigh. "You are stubborn," he said. "Obstinate as all Taurus people are… And here I believed I had made a new friend."

As Paine materialized behind her, Lulu said this last: "Forgive me."

Muffled, suffocating—Raine ensnared Seymour's body as a black boa constrictor of shadows, pulling him down with her and out from the balcony. Paine was about to take his seat, until she noticed the scowl upon Lulu's face. Instead, she moved to kneel before Lulu, helm removed, looking apprehensive.

Venomous in silence, Lulu stared down at her. "Are you satisfied?" she asked. "My sister has taken him in. Your former best friend will be framed for Lord Seymour's _disappearance_ to the Farplane. Is this what you wanted?"

"Yes, Mistress," replied Paine, unable to regard her still. "I can't explain it—I feel like he would have done something to you. Whatever you're writing, he could have forced you to change it to suit his needs. He planned to make Gippal fool you into it. I don't want them anywhere near you."

Lulu gripped the roots of Paine's hair, forcing their eyes to meet. "Your concern for my safety is admirable," she said, unsatisfied, "But, it is a vast insult to my intelligence. No one has any control over what I do." She leaned down, closer to Paine's wincing face, with the growing tragedy of her mother's near-miscarriage spelling out to her eyes' periphery. "You, Paine, are the one who needs a fresh outlook, a change. Do you know how unhappy I am with you? Such poor decision-making…"

"No, Ma'am—please, tell me… If there's anything I can do—"

"You will do exactly as I say from now on. You will suffer as I order. You will cry on my command. You will face the last of these demons inside of you, _with me_. I refuse to allow you anywhere near our child until you meet my expectations. Do you understand?"

Switching between nodding and shaking her head…Paine didn't know what to do with herself. For Lulu did not care as to what they had pulled off to sate her wife's paranoia. Images of this opera's continuation, of Paine's weaknesses branded her mind, moving her to disgust and disarray. Several minutes Lulu spent staring down at her, contemplating with all of her energy as to how to best deal with this problem in front of her. How, and why did she love this woman so—finding Paine captivating despite these shortcomings, needing to break them all, lengthen them as she wanted, to know them differently, for both of their benefit.

Through the intermezzo and through to the end of the opera, Lulu stared down at this scared symbol of justice hidden in false armor. Explosions of inspirations she felt and heard within her, cascading as her eyes did by the end: armored figure disintegrated by Sin in that vengeful pose stayed, _burning_.


	45. Scorpio

"_Watch the World Burn" from The Dark Knight_

_Scream for me as if burned by this displeased  
Subtext in me, opened for your peruse,  
Ignored in favor of your life mistreated  
By lies—but this upon your back, my muse,  
It will stay safely here, watching as you  
Misuse all you've been granted, and for what?  
Interrogations offer no virtue,  
For my safety, for our child? I cut  
The thought of more lies; let this show that  
You fear irrational, you fear never  
Surpassing limits, and remember this last:  
Chance to murder I ignore, to sever—  
That shadow lies in the fore—do you need  
To taste this guilt I have warned? Do you bleed?_

Upside-down torture through this night in their bedroom: bare, blindfolded, Paine hung this way, from the contraptions hidden, screaming at the top of her lungs from the elemental carving along her back. Absolute pain from this electro-torture, from Lulu lounging in bed as she did this; Paine could not move, wrists forced in place behind her. Just below the nape of her neck, just above her shoulder blades, Lulu used her electrified nail to brand four permanent letters there, right-side up to Paine's perspective, one at a time. Digging sharpness, popping out her skin red to form what Lulu desired.

_F_

Not a masochist anymore, no, not a masochist; she couldn't handle this. Without assured comfort from Lulu to hold onto, Paine had nothing, nothing to help her internalize this. Off-center without the security of knowing that Lulu still cared for her, uncertain with these thoughts that Lulu only wished to punish her and nothing more; fear, true fear, for despite her efforts to keep Lulu safe, all Paine had done was make matters worse. She could never do anything right. She couldn't keep Lulu happy as she'd promised on their wedding day, before that. Incapable, incompetent. Her pride came to pick up these pieces, to justify that this was all staged. That, perhaps, Lulu never gave a fuck about her at all, whereas her sister… Oh, Raine.

_U_

With Lulu's displeasure more than evident, Paine tried to scream her way to reason. Lulu could have aimed to fuck her up and leave her there, to go off with her sister—Raine, far stronger, emotionally-stable, competent: far more of a success than Paine could ever be. Didn't Lulu prefer that? She couldn't have possibly wanted to stay with her, displeased even with Paine's best efforts to protect her. All of those sleepless nights and restless days at work had been turned around into this unexplained torture. Lulu wanted to leave, she wanted her gone, knowing that her heart was not faithful.

_R_

Branding with this nickname was but a farce, to humiliate her. Show the world that Paine had once belonged to her—aesthetically, she still would, only able to watch as Lulu paraded about with her narcissistic lover instead. This pain said to Paine again and again that Lulu preferred that strength, that security. Did they fuck? How did they? Sickening, nauseating; Paine wanted to rip this collar from her neck, end it all, forget these fantasies, flee from those possibilities that _everyone else _knew except for her.

_Y_

For all she knew, Lulu could have been pregnant with _Raine's—_

Hard slap across her face, and the branding stopped. Burning skin in those telling letters, _FURY, _cooled in the chill of the night air. Blindfold ripped from her, for a blurry, upside-down view of Lulu's scowl. With such menace, Lulu kissed these from her, hands pressed firmly to her face. This thick softness from Lulu's lips and lipstick Paine loved and hated at once from these toxic thoughts. They had all imploded within her with such suddenness, she couldn't control them. No security from Lulu's typical sensuality or love—all she sensed was that anger, as had been so identified upon her skin.

"What's happened to you, love?" asked Lulu, reproachful. "Your obedience feels forced. Do you hate it? Or have you forgotten what it means to truly suffer?"

Annoyed, confused, Paine retorted, "I don't know what you're talking about, Lulu. I don't get why you're acting like this with me… After everything I did to keep you safe, you just throw it away like it's nothing… Is that what I am to you?"

Harder slap from Lulu, resounding sharply through the room. "You dare question what you mean to me…?" she asked, stoic—a reversal, worrying Paine further. "I have every reason to leave you right this second. I should have left you a long time ago. You're weak, insecure, uncertain…easily overpowered by stronger authority, just like your mother."

Before Paine could protest, to ask how the hell Lulu knew about that, she felt herself falling, quietly, through the hours, onto their bed; conversely, into the Gagazet Sea in her warrior dressphere, deep-sea diving suit present to help her breathe. Swimming down, down, farther down, all the way below to higher pressures, through the water fiends that paid her little mind on this excursion. She intended to find this evidence, to show to Lulu—to _prove _to her that she had every reason to protect her from Seymour, to keep her from leaving. For she feared that Lulu would kill her without a second thought, cover it up, and simply explain to any relevant parties that she had run off for some reason or another.

Everyone would believe her. Lulu was indeed capable of such persuasions. _Would she? _She could. It was possible. Just the possibility alone was enough to make Paine swim faster, harder, to reach the laminated booklet at the bottom of the sea. Instincts sharpened in the water: Paine felt in her heart that Lulu _wanted _to go, if it would erase all of the difficulties she'd suffered.

Clarity in this water offered Paine such obvious truths, that Lulu had broken her promise to not hold anything inside. Self-destruction was imminent from her wife, if she did not let any of this out. Fears, nerves, from Lulu deciding to do so, and Paine not being able to handle it…that was why Lulu chose not to say anything, for _her _sake. If Lulu suffered for the sake of their marriage, their children, it spoke volumes of what it all meant to her…didn't it?

_I've been an asshole to her… Please let this give me some answers. Please let this make her forgive me._

When Paine collected the booklet at long last, she did not think to open it right away. Back to the snowy surface she returned, clutching this evidence close. Pre-emptive knowledge this would afford her, reminding her of how much Lulu knew of her that she _shouldn't _have known. Matters of her parents, her upbringing, her fears, her _dreams _as she had told Seymour those nights prior: how did Lulu know? Nagging thoughts persisted that Raine had told her, from having watched Paine for all of those years without notice. Such time they had spent together as sisters…and those burning, irrational thoughts came back to the surface as she did, breathing in this vitriol of fresh air…

Swing, swing, back and forth Paine's emotions went, from high to higher, higher to highest as she ran in the leather of her dressphere through the city that afternoon to Elysia's bastion. Intensity all curled into these evidence-free feelings, intuition, that she had _reason to suspect_, to believe that there was more to Raine than what her sister-in-law decided to show. Stronger, strongest feelings that these were all connected: Lulu's sudden stoicism and _suffering, _Nooj's interference, Seymour's plans, and that story—whatever it was. Truth of the matter: Paine could not fathom such an undertaking, of Lulu literally crafting a new dimension for all of Spira to live in. When would it start? How? Paine didn't want to think of any of that. It made little sense and no one would explain it to her. No one had any answers for her. Only her own intuition offered any solace, thus she had to follow it, strictly so.

To Elysia's bastion she arrived, storming through the foyer, heading through the correct hallway to her mother-in-law's chambers. She and Raine had the day off, thus she knew she would not find anyone present save for Lulu's parents. With this evidence in hand, she could prove to them that more needed to be done, and that Nooj also had to be detained, not only Seymour. Nooj—getting answers out of him, such sweetness to Paine's senses, to finally _know _why he'd betrayed them, why he tried to do it twice or thrice over with the civil war, with Gippal's order to kill her. Why, why, why would he do this? They were supposed to be best friends…

To Elysia's chambers she arrived, knocking furiously when Shiva did not automatically open the doors. Angered panic she heard from within, and much fumbling around. Fearful that something had happened to Elysia, Paine entered through the double doors in a fright, bolting through the room. As if colliding with a sudden wall, Paine stopped, shielding her face with her arms and hands, gripping the booklet for dear life.

Upon the large bed Elysia fumbled to cover herself, with Gabranth sitting upright, shirtless, muscled, and likely nude beneath the duvet, staring at their visitor. Paine took a deep breath, knowing she could not run from this awkwardness. That portrait upon the wall, of Lulu and Raine standing with one another, Raine keeping one protective arm around her sister made Paine's blood broil anew—

"Nyte, what in Spira are you doing here?!" shouted Elysia, sounding prepared to kill. "I gave both you and Raine these days off for a _reason_! Am I not allowed time in peace with my husband?!"

_You call this peace…?_

Paine bowed, keeping that comment to herself. "I'm sorry, my lady, Your Honor," she said, trying not to hurry. She held the booklet up; Gabranth looked to it right away, intrigued. "I've found the piece of evidence we need. If it's useful, we could use it to go after Nooj—"

Elysia gestured hard with her hand. "Was this truly so important that you had to rush into my chambers?" she asked, swiping away the errant, sweat-slicked strands of hair from her face. "Did you not consider the possibility that I was preoccupied? I ought to make you wait—your timing is simply atrocious!"

"But—" She opened the booklet, in an attempt to _show _them how urgent this was. "My lady, can't you—?"

"No! These matters can wait! You will either sit someplace here or wait down the hall until we have finished! Were you not my daughter-in-law I would have had Ixion electrocute you to a swift death! Now decide where you will go, Your Honor!"

At a loss for words, yet unwilling to put anymore time between this than necessary, Paine took a seat in the blood-red suede reclining chair next to the fireplace. Gabranth tried to protest the continuation of their activities with such a voyeur; Elysia did not care, ordering him with her words and body to keep up and finish what they had started, having gone so long without him in recent years. With great care, Paine did not look over to her in-laws, quite red in the face from listening; learning where Lulu had inherited her sexual prowess from, and that trademark disregard of hers to have sex to her heart's content despite whoever may have been present.

This portrait of Lulu and Raine, sisters nearly identical save for the color of their eyes and natural expressions, Paine stared up at. Somber, serious both of them were, with that mark of quiet determination about them… Difficult to concentrate as it was, with these sounds but paces away, Paine attributed it all into a juxtaposition that never failed to anger her this deeply. Rivalry with her sister-in-law in not only strength, but the caliber of Lulu's affections… Lulu never grew angry with Raine. That obedience and willpower from Raine was one that Lulu needed—not the confused, contradictory one Paine possessed: one of an actual person who did not always know how to be a slave with her pride.

Nooj's laminated booklet, Paine opened, and turned to the first page. Despite the goings-on in the room, she was able to drown it all out by reading these words so unexpected. Here she thought she had found something objectively incriminating…

_Paine,_

_Have you been spying on us? Seymour thinks you have. If he's correct, then you'll be the one to find this at the bottom of the sea. That's exactly what I want. Though you've evaded many of my plans in the past, I have a better feeling about this one. It's almost as if it's meant to be._

_I have a confession to make: I've spent the better part of these ten years obsessed over you. Not in a romantic way—I know you're taken. It's precisely that, that you are taken, which drives me to these lengths. It's never under my control. Have you ever felt like fate has dealt its hand to you, and you have no choice but to heed it? When the four of us met one another that day as part of the Crimson Squad, I knew our bond would go on to take its utmost hold on me. That's why I went into battles recklessly—you remember that time in the Bikanel Desert, when I nearly got myself killed? Later on, when you reminded me that I was the Captain, I felt a surge of friendship for you all. I could never willingly betray that._

_You remember the days we all spent laughing with one another, getting to know one another. Gippal's crush on you was obvious. I recall teasing him about it. That's when I suggested he teach you Al Bhed to try and get to know you better, to see if you were interested in him that way. I laughed so hard when he came back to me with a broken jaw after you punched him. I hadn't laughed that way in years. All four of us, together, instilled in me a bond so strong that it finally made me want to get rid of my habits, what had branded me with the title of Deathseeker. That's when I promised you that the four of us would always be a team, with me as your leader. That promise still stands._

_It is narcissistic of me to be proud of this: leading you exactly where you need to be in life. I thought I'd failed that when you escaped from Bevelle's grasp, when Gippal told me the news that he missed and shot Lulu instead. I thought I failed again when the civil war didn't swallow you whole. And again, when Baralai predictably did not kill you on Mount Gagazet, instead falling to his own knees at Lulu's destruction… It was then that I realized I couldn't touch you, not with you forever standing next to the most powerful black mage in Spira. What was I to do, if I, as your Captain, needed to get you where destiny ordered, and yet destiny itself stood in my way? You have a thick head, capable of ignoring that call for the sake of drowning in your wife's love. Now that you believe your wife is focused on another, has that belief carved a new path in that tunnel-vision of yours? Let me pave the way there. _

_Listen to me, Paine. You are destined for greatness. All of the dreams you shared with me years ago, back when you were sixteen, back when you still had a few drops of innocence left in you—they can come true. Many lifetimes I've traveled, speaking to versions of you that had all failed. In their anger, they tried to kill you, to keep those failures from repeating themselves. I believed that anger, thinking that if I helped them along, that perhaps you could take an easier path to happiness. After all, I'd experienced it beforehand. The attack on your first birthday in Zanarkand, and the near-attack during your wedding—those were our doing. I apologize on their behalf. We were mistaken. _

_After much speculation, I've decided that the right thing to do is to simply let you live your life. Your mistakes are yours to make. I shouldn't save you from them by killing you. Though there will come a day when you wish you were dead, I know you'll be strong enough to resist suicide. The shining light of our bond, of all your friendships and loves will come together in a rapturous whole, paving the way to the best possible outcome for you. You are the Ideal, Paine. You've suffered to learn. Be the best you can be._

—

Underneath Elysia's bastion in the chilling dungeon of the bostaunieux oubliette, Paine's heels echoed loud through the dank darkness lit by torches. Various political enemies who had lost to Elysia's wrath occupied the cells she passed, skeletal. Most stayed quiet, knowing they had no chance of escape; others who had gone mad from the solitary confinement struggled against their chains, slamming their heads against the stone walls. Some reached out to her through the gaps of the bars, chains rattling against rusting steel, hissing false bargains to her in exchange for freedom.

Paine ignored these, path set on finding the final cell at the end of the hall. There in the filthy, small space sat Seymour in nothing but a loincloth, hair showing signs of stress already. His long torso covered in thin dirt he shifted, to sit against the cold wall. Before the door, Paine stood, watching him. Her conscience called, asking if this was all worth it—to imprison a man without fair trial, based on the logic that he was dangerous from his past decisions alone.

"Your Honor," said Seymour, looking up at her with some semblance of dignity. "What brings you here to my lovely cell? Have you decided to set me free, knowing that I have done nothing wrong?"

"My intuition says otherwise," replied Paine, arms folded, guarded.

Seymour gave a small laugh. "Flawless logic," he commented. "If I were in a position of great power, would it be all right then to imprison all of those whom I _believe _must be punished? I could have done the same to you. Your children would be fatherless and your wife alone with her despair. What fairness lies in a judicial system that can be misused this easily?"

Mind games—she would not let him win. "I am the effective Supreme Court, Your Grace," she reminded him. "I wouldn't do this if I wasn't absolutely sure. It's the way you speak to me, the way you plan in the shadows. Don't you plan to use Vegnagun to your advantage?"

"If you are this certain that I do, why do you bother asking?" posed Seymour, frustrating Paine with his predictable redirections. "Simply search my estate for my master plans. I am sure you will find none. I know there has been plenty of talk in these thousand-years past that I must be up to _something_. Why can I not live my endless life in peace?"

"Because I _know _you're up to something. You can't fool me."

Lightly, Seymour brushed his sharp fingertips along his chin, contemplating. "The fool misuses her power, as a tyrant to protect her wife—her wife that she believes no longer wants her. Are you but a jester to entertain your wife? Is it not true that the Lady Lulu is quite close with her sister—?"

Hard, Paine gripped the bars of this cell, as if they had switched places with that truth. "I know where you're going with this," she warned. "It's in your best interest to stop—_now. _I don't need you doing this to me."

"Doing _what_, Your Honor? Telling you the truth? The truth can be difficult to hear, I know. That is why I must not hold it back, despite what you may think. You would do well to learn the same from me."

If he knew where to strike in her pride's armor, he had to have been up to something. He knew too much. That smile on his face said it again and again. Whatever consequences Gippal suffered for this opportunity for her to learn more, they were worth it. He'd tried to kill her. There was no going back. Seymour had solid answers, somewhere, for her to give to Lulu, to keep Lulu from leaving, to explain her obsession with her work, why she had gone to such lengths to do this despite her disapproval.

Leverage over Raine, to prove her wrong—that this was entirely worth it…she needed that just as badly.

"My, Your Honor, how you've grown into quite the budding dictator…misusing your power out of fear. That is the exact manner of how all men in power reach their downfall. Greed, paranoia and hatred drives them to impossible lengths. While it is beyond romantic that you have done this, you have no proof. I cannot offer you any answers."

"Don't lie to me, Seymour. I know you're hiding something from me. Tell me what it is and maybe I'll let you go."

Callous, Seymour laughed. "You truly believe I care as to my freedom?" he asked, keeping from laughing again. "I am quite comfortable right here, thank you. I have all the freedom in the world with this power I hold over _you_, Judge Nyte. You are far too emotional to see the truth. Were you unfeeling as a true tyrant must be, then perhaps you would know what it is I see."

In frustration, Paine pushed back from the bars, letting them go. "Fine. Tell me what you see."

Lower, knowing, Seymour asked, "Where would be the fun in that?"

Fed up, with finality, Paine scowled at him and stormed back down the hall. In her wake, Seymour called after her: "Be all that you can be and let your truths show, Your Honor! Rest assured it will be worth it, no matter how much she bleeds!"

—

Dressed in a pair of black stiletto heels, a matching mini-skirt and halter-top, Paine walked at Lulu's side through Zanarkand late that evening, head down, eyes fixed on those thigh-high boots going strong in that fury. They went through to an unused part of the city that night, poorly-lit, but without signs to show that the area was meant to be avoided. General bodies of black ice water acted as pastures in the wide-open area, with one, large home of decorated onyx at the far end of the snowy lane.

Powerful feelings told Paine where this walk would take them—the same that had justified all of her decisions as of late. This couldn't have been wrong, erroneous; no, she was right, she knew there was more to this than what one could notice at first glance. Lulu could deny it all she wanted. Tonight would be but a grand foreshadowing before Paine was told to pack her things and leave, _after _Lulu was done torturing her with these truths.

When they reached the estate, cold as it was in this winter, Lulu waited. Nails, her sharp nails Paine felt glossing along her collar, making her shiver. Closer Lulu stood to her, corset hard against Paine's breasts. She could not look Lulu in the eye. By some sick delight, Lulu enjoyed it.

"This has been building up for some time now, hasn't it, love?" asked Lulu, amused, somehow. Paine frowned, shifting her shoulders; the material of her top did not agree with her tattoo of reddened skin. "Tonight, I can finally show you what it is you are threatened by. Won't it be nice to finally have the truth instead of running away from it?"

Lulu did not wait for an answer; she knocked on the door. Nerves, nauseating, Paine waited, looking down to Lulu's stomach. With such explosiveness in their marriage of late, she still could not forget what prepared there. She feared all of Lulu's best—and worst—qualities would pass to their child. How could she raise one with cruelty identical to her wife's? Such a thought unsettled her further, beyond even the sight before her: strangely arousing, there, as much as it confused her.

In the doorway stood Fran, wearing nothing, with the long, long length of her white hair going few lengths to cover much of her front. She offered a small smile to the pair. "You have decided to visit?" she asked, cordial as she stepped aside. "Enter. She waits in the sitting room for you."

"Thank you, Fran," said Lulu, entering first. Paine followed after her, head down.

Through to Raine's home they went, bright only from the special lighting throughout, keeping any from breaching the shadows to break inside. White walls, black marble flooring in the hallway and kitchen, white carpet in the rooms; plain, crisp, to-the-point, yet not without Elysia's clear influence from the furniture throughout, Paine felt as though she'd walked into a home fitting for a military officer. No photographs upon the wall. Drawings of charcoal instead, mapping out various places in the world in a number of different dimensions. Such efforts Paine made not to think of Lightning anymore—still, she recognized these differences between their homes, both career military women as they were; no more, _no more_ did she think of her best friend, not in the wake of this panic.

In the sitting room upon the suede couch sat Raine, forever in her armor, staring at the wall, at nothing. Fran returned to her, lounging across her lap, quite content with Raine's disregard to touch her more in favor of keeping one arm across the top of the couch. Her other arm, Raine kept in place at her side, allowing Fran to kiss her hand without a word. That control, that chaos within, Paine sensed, as though Raine wanted nothing more than to tear across the room and gut her without warning.

Before her, Paine stood, following Lulu's order to stay there. Next to Raine, Lulu sat, close, with Fran shifting so that she only lay across Raine to watch this scene in silence.

Raine glared at her, maddened and melancholic all the same.

"On your knees," spoke Lulu, legs crossed; one arm wrapped about Raine's shoulders. Paine complied, quavering. "Now, love, tell my sister what the problem is. You see, she is oblivious to what troubles you so. Why don't you tell her? It can finally be out in the open, and we can all move on and forget about it."

_If it was only that simple…_

With some grace, Paine fought to control her fear. She didn't want Raine to see this. She didn't expect this—any of this. Still, Lulu gave an order… "Ever since this past summer, I've noticed…something strange," she began, needing to look at the floor to keep this going. "You two like to whisper to each other… Whenever Lulu does it, you start to blush. She always does it when she knows I'm watching. It—" Hesitation from Paine—Lulu frowned, as a silent order to keep this going; "It makes me uncomfortable. Couple that with the fact that you're so much stronger than me…" _Just say it. _"I think you two have a thing for each other and you won't tell me. I think…that might not be my child Lulu's carrying. I think she wants you more than me because you're better at following orders than I am…"

Deafening silence. No one reacted. Paine expected laughter, cackles of disbelief… Nothing. Saying it out loud to them made her realize how _stupid_ it all sounded. She felt like a fool. _She _was the one who had technical reason to fuck around behind her wife's back.

Lulu no doubt recognized this revelation in her eyes. That was why she gave this order: "Take off your top." Harsher nerves seared Paine all over as she did as she was told, wishing she could be as obedient as Raine was in all things. Black lace bra covered her breasts from the odd chill about the room. "Spread your legs. Look at me." Open wide, exposed, embarrassed—Raine, Fran and Lulu had a view underneath her skirt of her sex, uncovered. Heels from her shoes dug in the carpet, keeping her legs in place. "Since you insist on sexualizing everything, touch yourself."

Trembling fingertips from her hand, wedding band cold to her senses; Paine breached the opening of her mini-skirt, breathing, breathing. Texture of herself, she forgot before this sight, before the vision her fears had fabricated in her mind—now, real, she could only do as Lulu said, trying, _trying _to remember the night Lulu had kissed her copy in place of this. She could not. She almost cried.

Casual, commanding, Lulu tilted Raine's scowling face toward her, identical lips pressed together in no rush at all. Fear, sickness with herself had Paine keep going, as punishment for believing this had all gone on behind her back. It didn't. It hadn't. None of it did. For Raine kept her eyes open, leering down, obeying only for the sake of making this sharp point: that Paine's mistakes had spiraled her to this unworthiness, that this was irreversible; Paine did this to herself. Just as she touched, just as she continued, Paine's emotional suicide was to blame for this, not logic or reason.

_I was wrong. Dead wrong. My own paranoia brought me here. I don't deserve her. I don't deserve anything. Lulu should leave me. She has to. She needs to. I can't live with this shame…_

Emotionally, physically, mentally all, Raine would forever be stronger than her, yet that was not what Paine lost to on this night. Her own fears, fabricated, made-up for the sake of offering explanations where logic could not fill; to color in her worst insecurities, that there must have been truth as to the matter of her incompetence; Lulu could not possibly have wanted to deal with her flaws. Lulu demanded perfection from those around her. _Why_ did she insist on staying, if not to drag out this personal torture of Paine's person? A decision had to be made.

—

Left alone to her own devices in bed at home that night, Paine tried to find sleep. Each time she'd tried over the past two months, those efforts failed. She dreamed constantly of Nooj finding her, killing her with his fucked up logic; of Lulu leaving her, or, worse, killing her and going on to live as if she had never existed in the first place. Those same dreams haunted her again, far worse this time, for she could no longer hide behind the barrier of her paranoia. With those truths so revealed in Raine's home, Paine could no longer pretend that she lived only to serve. Escapism, Lulu had offered, yet at the wrong time.

_Pyreflies, swarming, dank darkness of depths and despair in the Den of Woe: wails of madness surrounded, echoing, echoing loud, unstoppable over sounds of unwilling gunfire and spilling blood. Alone sat Paine in the center of it all, curled up, holding her legs close, sixteen all over again. Lives she'd affected killed one another all around her, of Seymour, Gippal, Rikku, Baralai, Wakka, all shooting at each other, screaming, shouting, uncontrolled. Lulu's handwriting spiraled about in the shape of the surrounding pyreflies, orchestrating all of this, keeping Paine physically safe—emotionally haunted. _

_Feebly, Paine tried to activate her Charon, foolishly in her warrior dressphere with no access to the skill, yet she could not think that far. She wanted to explode. She wanted to die. None of them deserved this all so she could be happy with Lulu. Before confessing her sick truths to Raine and Lulu, she had thought otherwise—now, she wanted to take it back. Now, sitting here again, trapped in the void of her transgressions, she wanted out. She wanted to keep herself safe. She wanted to say she did it all herself. This __**shame**__ twisted everything up._

_Too late. She'd already made promises in the vein of her happiness, not her despair. As Yin and Yang, they complimented, competed, never joined as one, never able to meld for her to make the right decisions to suit either of her dispositions. She promised, she swore, she vowed to love Lulu through anything. Without this certainty that Lulu loved her through the same, Paine could only sit here in this cave and relive this failure: Nooj standing before her, gun aimed, fired—_

Sweating, heaving, Paine shot up from where she lay, black tank top drenched in all her fears. Next to her, facing her, Lulu lay as contours of quicksilver, staring at her through the darkness. No arms around her, no kiss, no reassurance; Paine balked at her need of those things, that compassion; no, she had to get out, had to survive on her own; she could not let Lulu see her like this. It was done. It was over.

Paine scrambled from bed, kicking the sheets from her legs and shorts. From her nightstand, she grabbed her keys and satchel, hurrying from the bedroom to the front door. Right before, _just _before she put her hand over the doorknob, she had a distinct image of Vidina walking in the door after coming home from his training, crying over her leaving. She stopped. She waited. She heard that sound of Lulu's dress along the floor, approaching.

"Where are you going?" asked Lulu, emotionless.

Scowling to save face, Paine said, "I'm leaving."

"To where?"

Foolish, foolish, emotional, unthinking; Paine shook her head, to think through this intensity of Lulu's presence nearing, nearing. "Away from you. You don't care about me anymore. The way you just _looked _at me made it obvious! You don't need me."

Next to her, and then, in front of her, between her and the door, Lulu stood, eye-to-eye. "I'm not letting you go," she declared—and that was it.

Disbelieving, no, even with that validity, Paine could _not_— "Why, so you can keep me here to torture me?" she asked, voice breaking under the weight of her fears: Lulu this proximal, touching her, as if she _cared_, now. "I'm no good, Lulu, stop this! I don't know why I can't get this out of my head… If you could at least—at least—"

"Go easy on you? Dote on you again? Smile sweetly and tell you everything will be all right?" All of those suggestion sounded as candy to Paine's ears and heart, yet she refused to nod. Lulu's hands over her shoulders felt too good. "I'm the unhappy one. Aren't you supposed to do something about that? Instead, you're taking it upon yourself to leave when I never once told you to get out!" Maybe…maybe they could work this out. Maybe… "Tell me what you dreamed about. Did you see Nooj—?"

_Fuck—_

"No," said Paine, adamant. She tried to move Lulu aside. "Don't ask me about that. It doesn't bother me anymore. I'm stronger than that—"

Stringent slap cut Paine's face to the side, blurring her eyes. She sensed highs in Lulu, hormonal, anger, menace, to be feared. Chest heaving, thoughts scattered, Paine swallowed down this bile in her throat and heart, hoping the voids within her would rid them. Moonlight glittered along the teardrops that fell from Lulu's face to the floor. That acid grew inside; her pride exploded in size.

"Don't lie to me, Paine." Lulu controlled her emotions; deep breath, deep breath. "All of these secrets you keep from me—you don't see how they affect me, how I've cried over you. If _anyone _else tried to put me through this, I would have killed them by now. Is that what you want from me?"

Spilling, instinctual, Paine could not stop it: "I'd rather be dead than deal with this."

She expected more tears, anger. None showed. Lulu only conjured their dice, their cards. She handed the dice to Paine. Expectant. Out of habit, Paine accepted, and threw them to the floor. _Snake eyes_—_one and one as two. _Topmost card, Paine drew, uncaring of the result. Whatever it was, it would not matter. She was a dead woman walking before Lulu, already. This was but a passing amusement before the real grit of the matter.

"Two seconds," said Lulu, taking the drawn clover in her hand.

_Great, that should be long enough to—_

Cards and dice disappeared, keys and satchel dropped; Gippal's revolver, Lulu procured. She aimed it right in Paine's face. Focused, steady, this black barrel stayed pointed right between her eyes; down that path Paine stared into Lulu's, remembering their honeymoon, how she'd trusted that she wouldn't die that night. Now…

"Do you not care?" asked Lulu, backing her through the living room. "You would rather die all for the sake of escaping your problems! You truly believe…it's preferable to _die_…instead of living _with me _and keeping your promises…" Unraveling of that stoicism Paine saw, bleeding in her heart from this cutting guilt. Beauty in anger, this angry, Paine stared at, backed against the windowpane, glass chilling the brand along her upper back. Lulu's eyes overflowed, not yet spilling; her mouth trembled, working between a scowl and frown of sadness. "I should kill you."

Through this waiting rage, Paine sensed the gravity of her mistakes. All that Lulu had quietly suffered as the victim of her straying heart, _out of her control _or not; Paine should have been woman enough to sit down and discuss it, to assure her where assurance was not necessarily needed; the matter of their unborn child they'd rarely discussed, both too wrapped up in their work, yet Paine should have been the one to make her thoughts and wishes known.

If she'd done that, they wouldn't have been here. _Her fault—_

Explosion of casing, controlled, backed-up, _startling scaring the shit out of her_; Paine nearly broke through the glass behind her in her jerking reaction to the shot Lulu fired. Bullet did not fire, no; enclosed in the barrel by those gravity spells, overheating from nowhere to go. That shock bolted Paine to her senses; that clanging sound of Lulu throwing the revolver aside, trying to flee; in vein, with purpose, Paine held her close, feeling that hard frustration in Lulu's fists against her wet shoulders.

_If Lulu really didn't care, she would have…_

Inhaling, exhaling deep from this ironic epiphany, Paine held her wife closer, calming herself down to comfort. "Lulu…I'm so sorry—" Failing knees, Lulu could not support herself, crying in anger, mind and heart bending toward Paine, away from Paine; "I couldn't think—I was an asshole—I should have… I thought running away would have been better, if you didn't need me—" Tighter Lulu gripped her, in anger, in love, devolved only for Paine to see, that _obviously _she needed and loved her; "I know… I know. I can't ask for your forgiveness. I love you, I'm sorry, I love you. I lost focus of you. I'm sorry…"

Harder Lulu cried, in dire pain. Hurting more, for her, for everything, Paine lifted her, carrying her back to bed in hopes of making all of this better. All of that misinformation fell to the wayside. None of it mattered. Lulu needed her. That was all that mattered. Fears, lies, fabrications could not hold in the wake of her wife's needs. How ironic, that Paine needed to see such agony in order to reinforce that her wife loved her… Unhealthy. Insane. Unnecessary.

Back to their bedroom she returned, setting Lulu gently down over the sheets of their bed. When Paine made to let go of her, to walk to the other side of the bed, Lulu did not want to let go of her neck. With some difficulty, Paine managed to free from that hold, whispering of her love again and again. That pain in Lulu's cries did not stop, not even when Paine lay down to hold her again. Something was _wrong_.

Wetness, Paine felt on her arms, soaking her with mistakes as the sheets suffered. Lulu cried, cried, and kept crying; their game of chance had changed this, shown them this: Paine, her own arms, she stared at, her hands, covered in blood; pooling blood over the sheets underneath Lulu; hard, rocking, cries cutting her throat on the way out, Lulu curled up, clutching her stomach, facing away.

_Again. _Her fault. Trembling hands covered in life lost, Paine pressed to her head, nails raking, tongue tasting what dripped down her wrists, _trying, screaming, _failing, failed, fucked up; all of that hope, dead, because of her, twisting highs cutting, lows digging, someone _give her the means to make the world burn, _fucking failure, couldn't stop this, all of it spiraling out of control, everywhere, everywhere, gone—


	46. Nyx

"_Caius's Theme" from Final Fantasy XIII-2_

_My dear sister, your solitude intrigues,  
All, and me, for it encloses more than  
What you allow, with this sensing mystique;  
Rushing to my aid—travel to these lands  
That have caused this loss of me, collecting  
Sights to mirror for the rest of your days:  
Lay me to rest with this one I did bring  
To chance—level us in watery grave.  
Teamwork, displays show what your heart should not  
Continue to deny, as my child  
Knows, for you to smile, all the same, wrought  
With these reminders of your life's style:  
Tragedies—do share them with this right trust,  
For you deserve nature's dance: long in lust._

_(Raine)_

Endlessly repeating this servitude, with fewer and fewer changes to the formula each time—Raine knew only her family, what they needed, and how she could fulfill those needs. No matter the sacrifices necessary, she knew to get the job done. Sufficient lack of personal motivations, besides familial love and protectiveness…no life of her own, truly. Each time in her repeated life she tried to have something of her own, her mother ripped it away with the reminder that she had duties to complete. Déjà vu only returned _after _Raine realized that she'd repeated the same successes or mistakes with few variations.

Still, there were key events that she recalled, vividly, with the full force of her blood pressure. These, she knew to wait for, to anticipate and adapt to, despite the hardships they would bring to the ones she cared for. To be their pillar of strength—or opposition in Judge Nyte's case, for her sister-in-law's benefit, her growth as a person: this was Raine's calling, this was her purpose. Laughable, now, was the notion of living her own life, making her own decisions, wearing her own emotions—this constancy of obligation manifested itself as her armor, nearly indestructible from the potency of her secrets.

Nothing came to mind to prepare for any time soon, after that strangeness she'd endured in her sitting room. She supposed now was a good time to take a breather.

On this snowy night, after her sisters had left, Raine asked Fran to go about her way; to not tell anyone as to what had happened moments ago. She and Fran thought nothing of Lulu and Paine's bizarre choice of lifestyle, quite used to the notion by now. It was best to be careful, to have Fran's word about these things. She could not risk Lulu's privacy being betrayed in any way.

Raine went alone to the area of Zanarkand's forests where she knew Vidina preferred to camp out after dark. By moving shadows she found her way there, thinking back to what had happened in her home. Why Lulu insisted on these questionable activities to find fulfillment from, Raine would never know…

This was the first lifetime Raine had lived through where her sister preferred the leather, the kink, the superiority, the modeling, the secrecy and sneaking around. Each version of Lulu before this one had been most conservative, disinclined to do the things typical of her sister in this life. Vidina was happiest in this time. Paine was…weakest in this time. Perhaps the three were all related—she wouldn't know. Her mother knew the entire scope of it all, and was in no mood to share much of anything. This vast change in the formula from how they usually went through life upon Lulu and Paine's arrival to Zanarkand had to be worth it. Though Raine felt herself going about blindly most of the time, she knew to trust her mother's judgment.

She soon found Vidina in a thick part of the forest near his cave. His enjoyment sounded loud from the treetops where he practiced running from branch to branch in his moomba dressphere. Raine materialized near a thick tree, smiling up at him. When Vidina noticed her, he stopped atop the branch right above her.

"You're back!" he said, waving. Raine returned the gesture. "Where did you go?"

"Your parents wanted to see me at home, that is all," said Raine, trying _not _to think about it.

Vidina lay down on the branch, facing her. "Did you have fun?" he asked, far too innocent.

Raine could not avert her eyes, settling for vagueness instead. "Something like that, yes…"

With a laugh, Vidina was about to add to that, until his face shifted to worry and froze there. He stared through her for a long moment, with an expression far too grave for a boy of seven years old. In tandem, Raine's emotions followed: sinking feeling from her heart down to her stomach, to the invisible depths below, as if she had missed something dire. Through their eyes, unseeing, they saw verisimilitude there. Boiling sickness overtook her blood just as Vidina pressed his paws to his face, shaking his head.

"Raine," he said, sounding ill, "I don't feel well… Bad feeling. Like I'm gonna throw up…"

_Lulu… _"Vidina, come down here," said Raine, holding her arms out. Vidina floated down to her, curling up in her hold. She searched around, thinking against leaving him alone in the cave. He needed supervision. "Why don't you spend the night with your grandparents? I will go check on your mother."

"I wanna see her, too…"

"I know," said Raine, sighing, trying to think of how best to handle this. "It may be a bad situation. It is best if you do not see her in that case." Vidina appeared too unwell to protest. "Let us be off, then…"

Quickly, she managed to get Vidina to his bedroom in Elysia's bastion. She could not leave straightaway, not with Vidina this ill. She ordered one of the servants to care for him while she went to her mother's chambers, to let her know that Vidina would be there for the night. When she arrived to the double doors, they refused to open. Loud sounds and screams of her father's name she heard from within, much like the ones she'd heard on the morning of Lulu and Paine's wedding. These could not fool her this time. With a groan, she decided to let her parents be, and returned with haste to Vidina's room.

To the dim light of Vidina's bedroom she entered, nodding for the servant to take her leave. Raine went to her nephew lying in bed in his night things, cool towel over his forehead. She knelt down at his side, tucking his duvet in at his sides a little more, frowning. His intuition and empathy levels for his mother were abnormal, nearly of match to her own…

"Will you be all right, Vidina?" she asked, concerned for his health.

Vidina grumbled, blinking heavily. "Yes… When can I see Mommy? Is she hurting? Is that why I'm sick?"

Raine lowered her head, unwilling to lie or placate him. "If she is hurt, allow me to care for her," she said, soft enough to keep him calm. "I don't want you to see her if she is not doing well. She would not want to worry you. I have a similar feeling, as if something terrible has happened… I need you to wait until this passes before you can see her. I will do all I can for her. Have faith."

"Okay…"

Vidina's eyelids grew heaviest, and he fell asleep within moments. With her hands clasped together, and eyes closed, Raine murmured a small prayer for him—for Lulu, for Paine, for herself before she went to do this. Uncharted territory: wherever this turn of events would take her, she had to be prepared.

—

At this unusual hour of the night, Raine could not find it in her to knock upon her sister's front door first. After the incident from the morning of Lulu's wedding, she'd had a key made, to avoid any such accidents again with the door. Danger levels in her heart stayed the same as she used the key and made her way inside. Blood she scented right away from several sources. That could not faze her, not right away—not over the sight of Paine sitting upon the floor against the left wing's hallway. Blood in that head of short hair, from Paine continuously raking her hands there, clutching her knees together.

Raine hurried over to her, mindful of that trail of blood from the windowpanes leading down this hall. She almost knelt down to assist Paine, until she realized what this meant. What she'd feared when Lulu had told her the news of the pregnancy; this rare possibility that Raine had not wanted to fathom.

No decency even to regard her; Paine continued to cry upon the floor without a word. Deep, deep scowl Raine gave her, resisting far too many urges, already most disgusted with her for her displays not long before. Boots in a rush down the hall, careful to run to the side of the blood trail, emotions boiling to the surface of her eyes. This had never happened in any lifetime she'd experienced. _Never…_

When she opened the door to her sister's bedroom, she expected the worst. When she saw the worst, the floodgate within her threatened to open. Blanks came about as she tried to _think _through this, to reverse this, fix this—_anything. _This she controlled, enough to stay calm; to go over to Lulu lying in bed in this pool of blood, motionless, silent. Minor stirring from her sister as Lulu sensed her there.

"Lulu—" Raine bent over her, shifting her sister lightly onto her back, to make certain she was conscious, awake. All of this _blood_; "You…miscarried…?" Unfocused wandering from Lulu's eyes said as much. "This should not have happened… I refuse to accept it!"

Weakened, not all the way, Lulu managed to say, "It…is abnormal. Please, could we speak…?"

Abnormal…then, perhaps there was a way around this. Raine gestured for Lulu to wait while she went to prepare a bath for her. As the lukewarm water ran, filling the bathtub, Raine used her spells to clean the blood from Lulu's bed and dress. She ignored, for now, the trail of blood, not at all inclined to see Paine again outside. Lulu's full weight she took in her arms, carrying her to the bath. Crystal light from that dressphere change out of her gown temporarily blinded Raine as she turned the water off. Highly-sensitive to light, her eyes were, having been born blind to the darkness that she'd inherited from her grandmother.

At Lulu's side, Raine stayed, on her knees, waiting the few seconds for her sight to return to her. As she did this, Lulu reminded her, "I have miscarried before… It was not meant to be."

Slowly, Raine could see again. "When you were seventeen, I recall," she said. "When Chappu left for the Crusades… Still, it should not make this occurrence any easier to bear."

Lulu…smiled? "On the contrary, it lets me know that this is not as it seems," she supplied. Raine waited, eager to hear more. "I recall vividly how it felt the first time. I did not feel that. It is as if my child merely…was sent someplace else. Somewhere, some _when_. When I realized this…I stopped crying. It does not change this…emptiness I feel."

Somewhere, some _when_—Raine tried to think of an explanation: "When is the last time you rode the waves of death?" she asked, urgent. "You and I…we are different, and you are different all the more from me. We mustn't travel through there alone—I warned you. Where did you go?"

"I went…to make certain that Paine met me in Besaid in another lifetime. She was fifteen…"

Raine kept from showing her exasperation with great difficulty. "Why did you not _tell _me, Lulu?" she asked. Lulu let her head lull to one side, unmoved to answer. "How could you have possibly made such a journey? That would have taken months. You have been here this entire time!"

Lulu pressed one hand to her heart, as if to gesture to her garment grids. "My wife…two and a half years ago, she gave me…a dressphere. _Copycat._" Low, Raine grumbled, wondering why her sister bore such desires to meddle in situations beyond her control. "There were two of me, for a time. _I _didn't go anywhere, but I remember it all the same as if I had… Please, Raine, forgive me. I have…suffered the consequences. Do not blame Paine for this… I love her—too much."

"I refuse to accept these _consequences_, Lulu," insisted Raine, gloved fists gripping over her knees. "If you had safe passage, then you must have come upon an Arbiter of Time. They had to have created a link for you between this lifetime and the one you have changed. It is possible the child went to you there."

Weakly, Lulu nodded. "They mentioned something to that effect…you may be right."

"Then I will go and bring your child back to you—no matter the cost," said Raine, head bowed. Lulu smiled, grateful through her exhaustion. "You cannot come with me. You need your rest. Is there anything here that you took from that time? Or anything you had there with you that I can use? I will need to acquaint myself with the artifact in order to follow your footsteps to the correct era."

Lulu thought for a moment before replying, "On the vanity…Paine's barbed-wire necklace. It is a spare. I took it with me… That should help you." As Raine made to stand, Lulu added: "Come back here after you've found it… I have more questions before you go."

Standing now, Raine bowed. "As you wish," she said.

When she exited the bathroom, she found Paine barely standing in the doorway of the bedroom. Raine only thumbed behind her to gesture to Lulu, and proceeded to the dresser on the other side. By some force, Paine understood, and slowly made her way through to join Lulu in the bath. At the vanity, Raine took a moment longer than necessary to pick out the correct necklace, to give the two of them some time to speak in private.

She placed the cold, prickling necklace around her neck, listening to the sounds of water shifting, of Lulu's light affection and Paine's apologies. Any other relationship could have easily been destroyed by such an event. Whatever had happened to bring about this chaos in the first place must have threatened an end to their marriage—Raine could not justify such an occurrence otherwise. After all, Lulu had the means to conceive safely within this realm of Zanarkand, unlike her friends… Her meddling in other times, joined with inevitable stress from her marriage, had to have caused this.

When Raine returned to them in the bath, she was surprised to discover them holding one another. She knelt down in the same spot, waiting for Lulu to ask her questions—to word herself in a way so as to not betray these adventures to Paine just yet.

"Raine," began Lulu, holding Paine's head close to her chest, "Have you…heard mention of this life being the _Ideal_?" When Raine nodded, noticing that Paine did not appear to think much of the notion, Lulu continued, "How is it Ideal? What…makes it exceptional, if anything?"

Unabashed, Raine responded, "My presence."

"How do you mean…?"

Raine lowered her head, thinking of how best to respond to this without giving _too much _away. "I was born on the Farplane," she started, as a reminder. "It is not possible for multiple versions of me to exist because of that. I am unique. I am the only one of myself across all the Wheel of Time. When my duty is complete in this dimension, I will die at long last and begin my life anew. That is my fate."

Lulu held Paine tighter, both of them likely having the same revelation. "Then…do you carry all of those experiences with you…? Is that why…?"

"My strength and experiences carry over across these perpetual lifetimes, yes," said Raine, truthful. She gave Paine a pointed look. "That is why you will never defeat me. Each time I die, I will only become more powerful once I remember my skills. Be grateful that I am on your side, not against you."

"I'm not complaining," muttered Paine, against Lulu's neck. She noticed that necklace, staring in silence.

"Nonetheless," continued Raine, looking between both of them, "This life is…quite different than all I have lived through. I have not been able to predict all of it with accurate certainty. Events that I expected to have happened by now have not occurred. It is possible that this may indeed be the perfect version of your lives. If it is, then it is my destiny to ensure that it is replicated." When it appeared that Lulu had no further questions, Raine nodded. "If that will be all, Lulu, then I shall carry out my task."

Paine interjected, curious, "Where are you going…?"

"To retrieve your lost child, Your Honor," spoke Raine, unable to elaborate further.

Foolishly, Paine tried to exit the bath. "I'll go, take me with you—"

"No," said Raine, holding one hand out. "You do not yet have the means to follow. If you did, I still would object. Take care of my sister. I'll not be gone long if I can help it. Vidina is resting in his room in Mother's estate. She will find out he is there in the morning…"

Lulu held out one arm, gesturing. "Come here," she said, bringing Raine in to this warm-water embrace. "Thank you…for all you've done." Never mind the unease of being this close to Paine after what had happened earlier: this, Raine overlooked in favor of the transient quality to the moment. "I love you."

Raine pulled away, and stood up, vestiges of that water trailing down her hair and armor. "That is all I need," she stated. When Lulu frowned—weary, sad, Raine felt a strong bout of guilt. "…I love you, too."

She bowed before leaving, her mind full of plans in the correct, necessary order to execute. Wherever this turn of events decided to take her, she would uphold her promise. To her chagrin, she could not do this alone. Help was, unfortunately, necessary.

—

With both of her parents virtually incapacitated and of no help to her, Raine had to seek out someone else to assist her. To the Viera's sanctioned, garden-like district of the city, she traveled, en route to the correct pavilion: an outdoor club of sorts that held within a number of outlandish forms of entertainment. Tree branches had been arranged through the ground up to form bars, tables and stages; several shows went on at once, with some performances of song and dance, and displays of skin, with several patrons milling about with glasses of mead and other beverages in their hands. When Raine materialized before the entrance, the Ronso there merely let her through without a word or bother.

In the center of the area at the bar, Raine found whom she needed. She had passed by several Viera eyeing her with interest, whispering among themselves that she was _taken_. Hardly correct, though not necessarily incorrect, either…

Placating was not the goal here to get what she needed. Sincerity, honesty, and bits of courtship worked best.

"Fran," said Raine, approaching her right in the center of this group of Viera. "My lady," she added, taking Fran's hand in hers; kissing it. Fran's eyes edged in mirth over Raine's forwardness in the middle of her amused group of friends. "I do declare that your friends have seen enough of you this night. Will you join me on a quest? I am in need of your assistance."

"My lord," replied Fran, as a clear admission of her sexual interest in Raine as Judge Magister, "If I recall, 'twas you who asked of me to _go about my way_. You have changed your mind?"

Raine stayed bowed, holding Fran's hand close to her lips still. "My mind was not mine to change," she insisted, well-aware of how many eyes were upon them. "If you will join me, I will explain more on the way. What say you, my lady?"

"I say I haven't a choice. Lead me as you will."

By the time they reached the still seas of time, Raine had learned enough from her sister-in-law's necklace. She and Fran took the correct path, speaking with one another as to what had happened. Times such as these made Raine reconsider her typical attitude toward Fran—for, after all, this marked another difference between her lifetimes, another novelty. Despite Lulu's encouragements to further entertain Fran's interest, it only reminded her of past failures…

"Sir Raine, you wear your emotions transparently with me and _only _me," noted Fran, compassionate in her own ways. "Will you keep your silence as to what troubles you? I have made it clear that I care."

Raine had a terrible feeling of a sudden. "Caring is not always enough," she said.

Fran walked closer to her, touching, affectionate. "I sense you will find similarities in this time to your own struggles." Holding, with soft sharpness from her claws and hands; Raine could not move away, her sister's advice echoing through her thoughts. "I am letting you know that I will observe these. If I guess correctly, will you show me? Will you let me in to the coldness of your heart?"

Averted eyes; Raine stared off to the side, shaking her head. "I cannot give you forever."

"Forever is not what I need," said Fran, closer to her ear. "I need only what you can give. 'Tis why I accept this stubbornness from you—it will not deter me…"

Raine considered this, unable to allow cold logic to dictate her actions for much longer. That boiling feeling she'd felt in the forest helped to erode those efforts. All the same, she could not help but feel this had all come about without her input. As if someone else orchestrated all of this in her, that she should breach the dam of her fortitude in favor of these foreign emotions—someone she knew and cared for deeply. Until now, she hadn't realized the depth of Lulu's artistic influences in this time.

_Who else could have such access within me? How? I would rather not think on it._

To the stifling heat of Besaid they arrived, right at the Promontory atop the hill overlooking the village at dusk. Shattering earthquake toppled Raine's equilibrium; she grabbed the hilt of her sword at her hip, holding onto Fran by her waist: the loudness of Sin's destruction she saw in the direction of the beach, with a cyclone of Crusaders spun about above that monstrosity. All down the dusty hill leading to the village wandered a vast number of Sinspawn, on their way to join the other fiends ravaging the small settlement.

Despite this chaos, Raine could not tear her eyes away from Sin, her first sighting of it. More foreign feelings filled her, this time of fear—she had never lived through Sin's existence, always skirting by under the assumption that Yuna and her guardians would defeat it. Rooted in place, Raine stared and stared, wondering _how _Spira's citizens could live in any modicum of peace during its reign.

"My lord, we must hurry to the village!" said Fran, shaking Raine to her senses. "Your sister is there, is she not? We will fight our way through these fiends!"

Raine drew her long great katana, that unsheathing sound enough of a soothe to her ears and nerves. She said nothing, charging ahead, knowing that Fran had her back, making use of excellent marksmanship from afar. Legions of chaos in her blood from times learned and times lost Raine fought with, striking down these towering Sinspawn. Pyreflies overcrowded the downward slope as she felled each fiend with Fran's help. Unrivaled swordsmanship she wielded, yet that fear held her all the same: what would happen if she had to defeat Sin itself in order to fulfill her promise to Lulu, only to die a premature death?

She hoped it wouldn't come to that.

When they reached the village, they came upon more Sinspawn, making short work of the fleeing villagers. These last fiends, they defeated, unable to find Lulu or Paine as they did. More Sinspawn came rushing down the hill, and outside from the temple. Raine tried to listen for her sister's voice, for Paine's, for the sounds of infants; she ran, with purpose, guiding Fran to the correct hut through this pandemonium. No one inside, not destroyed nearly enough—everything could be salvaged.

"Fran, my sister lives here—could you go collect everything from inside in a spare sphere? I will search for them, and meet you back here shortly. They must be hiding somewhere!"

Nod of acknowledgment; Fran hurried inside to complete her task. This village was too small to hold many hiding places. Behind the huts on the other side, Raine searched, trying to stay level-headed enough to be thorough. But the mere thought of returning to Lulu and Paine unsuccessful—Raine could not bear such agony. She searched and searched, hunting by the determination she felt.

Curled up and bleeding between wreckage of fallen trees, she found a younger, different version of Paine, looking much different with long hair and beach-appropriate attire. In her arms she held a small, sleeping child, unharmed in the net of this protectiveness and the violet glow of Lulu's trademark barrier. Raine hurried to them, performing enough white magic spells to return Paine to consciousness. When Paine's eyes fluttered open, she stared at Raine in shock.

"Lulu…?" she asked, no doubt noting the resemblance. Raine lowered her head. "Wait…no—your eyes… Hazel… Who are you? Do you know where my wife is…?"

Raine picked her up, to free her from this entrapment. "You may think of me as your guardian," she offered, getting a better look at the child in Paine's arms. She looked to be at least older than a year—perhaps almost two years old already. "This is…your daughter?"

Paine tried to nod, still hurting considerably. "Lulu spelled her to sleep…so she wouldn't see any of this," she said, confirming Raine's suspicions. "Please—help me find my wife, we were separated. I think—think she ran to the beach… We were all going to take a ferry away from the island, but…"

Twinges of regret Raine felt from separating this child from at least _one _parent still alive. Still, she had a feeling… "We will go to the beach and locate her," she declared, hurrying back to Lulu's hut, taking the long way to avoid any Sinspawn. There she found Fran waiting for her, fending off a few fiends with her bow. "Fran, she says Lulu has fled to the beach. Could you take point? I will use my spells to assist."

Agreements made, and Fran powered up to her fullest to shorten this journey as much as possible. Raine followed after her, spells weakened from using line of sight alone to cast them. Swiftly, they made their way from the village, up the hill, across the roads and bridges by the waterfalls to the beach. Bit by bit, Raine felt Paine's life forces failing; she held on, in fervent hope to see Lulu; Raine could not fail her in this life nor the current one.

Bleeding horizon they reached by the pearly shores, just as Sin took its leave in the direction of Kilika. Dead bodies outlined in blood scattered the sands: Luzzu, Gatta, Wakka and the rest of the Aurochs, Yuna, Kimahri, along with hundreds of other Crusaders—all dead, limbs crushed, some of their faces torn from their skulls leaving only their clothes recognizable. Respectfully, Fran searched the bodies for this era's Lulu. Raine could not bring herself to follow that search, standing in place; staring off after Sin's wake, scowling deep with the dying sun burning in her eyes. Soft sounds of the water's ebb and flow mirrored her impulses, to run after Sin, to stay in place. _Revenge…_was it truly necessary?

When Paine opened her eyes enough to see the destruction around her, she sounded angered and horrified all at once. Near the water's edge Fran stood, having only to turn and regard Raine as signal enough. Wet sands Raine traversed, as this path toward the truth of this time—what Lulu had caused by changing events here.

Lifeless in the sand laid this version of her sister, the water rising to caress that blood from her hair and dress. Curious, confusing: in her arms she held another small girl identical to the one in Paine's hold, kept safe in a strong barrier's hold: asleep, breathing deep, and saved from the truth of this trauma. Raine set Paine down, alone to grieve with tears, keeping the first child in her armored arms; Fran held the second, head lowered, silent. Listening to Paine's lamentations gave Raine such unwelcome déjà vu. Aggrieved, suffering, crying, screams of anger and regret with the last of her strength; Raine had to look away. Unexpected, Paine removed from her pocket an old-fashioned sphere, setting it at Raine's feet. Failing life; Paine struggled, wrapping Lulu's dead arms around her. There, in Lulu's arms, she died.

Heavy heart—Raine looked to Fran, holding out the child. "Could you…?" Without a word, Fran did her best to hold both girls, still quite small at this age. "One moment…"

Lulu and Paine both, Raine picked up in her arms, and walked with them atop the sea's surface toward the sunset. This sacrifice would have to repeat itself again and again if it was truly Ideal. Deep inside, Raine felt this truth—that she would have to do this over and over. Such a thought distanced her heart from this mirror of her own, private experiences. Not enough. She remembered them, still.

When she felt she had walked far enough, she knelt down to set both of them in the water. Small prayer to the waters, the skies and entities on the Farplane as Paine and Lulu sank to their watery grave. Two wreaths of violet gladiolus flowers, Raine procured, and allowed them to float atop the water's surface.

With a deep breath, she turned and returned to the shore. That sky blue sphere, she bent down to pick up, turning it this way and that in the light of the sun to briefly see its contents. Together with Fran, she walked away from this destruction, contemplating her next move. Small clues she captured from this sphere—the girls' names, and the surprise this Lulu had had when she awoke one day, suddenly two months pregnant.

Near the entrance to the secret cave, they stopped. Raine looked through the sphere again, and back to the girls. She held one of them, relieving her from Fran. Both with such full heads dark hair, their faces indistinguishable from one another, with only different-colored clothing to mark their differences: Raine could not believe this anomaly.

"This one," said Raine, feeling her stirring from sleep already. Violet fabrics. "You must be Venus."

On cue, Venus awoke and cried—_loud _—piercing the peace of the whole island, and Raine's eardrums along with it. Raine flinched, fighting not to shove the child back in Fran's arms from this repelling reaction. Fran only smiled, proud that the one in her arms stayed quiet, awake; unbothered by her sister's screaming and wailing. When Raine let out an angered growl, Venus stopped, staring up at her. Small time to process, Venus took, to notice that resemblance between Raine and her mother. She then began to giggle.

"What an unpredictable child your niece is," remarked Fran, amused; annoying Raine further—on purpose, as always. Raine frowned at Venus, uncertain how long this giggling would last before another shift in personality. "For sisters twinned, they are both very different. The one in my arms has been awake for some time. Not a sound from her save for a yawn."

Raine turned her head to get a better look at the black fabrics the second wore, searching for her name. "Vevina is her name—" Tiny hands Raine felt against her face, from Venus, turning her head back; "What…?" Smiling, giggling again, she clearly reveled in the attention. "You mischievous child! Hardly two years old and your ways are manipulative already. I cannot believe this…"

Fran continued to smile, suggesting, "We should return them to their original parents, no? The children will be able to safely cross the Waves with us?"

"Certainly," said Raine, frowning. "I sense that they are able." Venus made a mocking mirror of that stern expression. "Were I a lesser person, I would _wish _a child like this on them… The sphere should explain this behavior in both children. Let us return to Zanarkand at once."

—

Such a journey with both children, with Venus most insistent on bothering Raine to the absolute fullest: constantly holding Raine's face to keep their eyes together, trying to speak with words incoherent, crying whenever Raine tried to address Fran or so much as _look _at Vevina… Though Raine had a few choice words to describe her niece, she kept them to herself, instead most curious to see how her sisters would handle their new twin daughters. At one point, Venus had kicked and kicked so hard to be let down; thus Raine allowed her to stand, figuring she knew how to walk already. She could not walk very well at all—no, but the child could dance, gracefully well for her age. Venus had twirled quite a ways away at one point, and Raine had chased after her, flustered in the wake of Fran's amusement. All the while, Vevina had not made a sound, though Raine sensed something was off about her. When she got a better look at her other niece's eyes, she had her answer.

Back to Lulu and Paine's home they arrived, early the following morning. Emotionally and physically drained, Raine unlocked the door, allowing Venus to dance in place at her heels. When she opened the door, she found Lulu awake still, in her dress and braids, walking toward her—expectant, worried, hopeful. Such delight for her after that tragedy, to have Venus recognize her mother without a shadow of doubt and dance over to her. When Lulu knelt down to hold her daughter, too happy to question how she had grown this much, Raine sensed that this mending for her sister was, if possible, too much of a good thing. Unable to pin it down with words, she said nothing as Paine entered the room; as Fran handed Vevina to her. Grateful, glad, gregarious both of them were for once, Lulu and Paine; Raine could not bear much of this, with all of these reminders. Both spheres: the one from the other Paine and the one Fran had used to collect the children's things, Raine and Fran gave to them—duty fulfilled.

After Lulu had thanked them both, and Paine offered an oath to take better care of her wife, Raine left with Fran. To the wideness of the Gagazet Sea they went, together, for a moment standing with one another at the water's edge glittering in the light of the sunrise. Memories weighed heavily on Raine's mind and emotions. Eyes downcast, she stared at the sea, wondering…

"This sea holds a vast secret of yours," said Fran, knowing. "Will you show me at long last? Or do you not trust me with this knowledge?"

Without a word, yet, Raine walked with Fran to the center of the sea. Often she made a point to return here, alone, to reflect; to reassure her conscience that she made the right decision. There, floating over the calm surface, she found the two wreaths of red roses, each with one name she had written in the center. Burning overtook Raine's eyes; she held it back, blinking, narrowing her eyes in this light.

"These names sound familiar," said Fran, somber. "Tell me…who were they to you?"

To the first wreath, Raine focused her attention; by now, that fire she once held had dimmed considerably in the wake of reality, of reason… "Floriane. My wife." To the second wreath, Raine looked, never once feeling _this _obligation leave her. "Our daughter's name…was Venus. They did not survive."

Gently, Fran asked, "Survive what…?"

Raine held her hands out in front of her, surveying them. "My mother's decision, my duty as her guardian…" For once, she did not consider how to _best _explain this—not with Fran holding her this way: understanding, compassionate. "When I was younger—sixteen—I had not yet remembered that I had been reincarnated. I can never recall…that I am not allowed to have a life of my own, that my sworn duty in this universe is to serve the needs of my family—to have none of my own. I made the mistake of being happily married to this woman. We…fooled around with one another, too in love to stop, and had a daughter at a young age. When my mother discovered this, she ordered me to kill them both. Each time I've done this, it is _always _the moment when I remember…what I must do for my sister, for Paine." All of those times spent at sixteen, seventeen years old—laughing, smiling, hiding, keeping this secret… "I am not meant for love, Fran. I have no idea as to how long I will live in this era. Meanwhile, you are truly immortal here in Zanarkand. Anything we have will only end in loss."

"You have forgotten, my lord," said Fran, sympathetic enough to have Raine regard her in this blinding light, "I have also made a promise, to you, to follow you wherever you should need me. When your time in this world must be reset, I will find you and we can begin anew." Such promises from Fran felt too genuine to ignore, to dismiss this time. "Your sister has found her happiness. You deserve the same. Allow me to convince your mother of this. My persuasion must run thick enough, to have moved you at long last."

Again, Raine stared down at these flowers. "I would not believe these words from another…" Determination and duty sounded clear once more: "You must understand that my first priority is to protect my mother, as Judge Magister, as her guardian. My sister, her wife, their children…"

To repeat these things felt only as obligation—Fran undoubtedly _knew_, and understood. Raine could not ask her to keep her promise as easily as she had made it. For she knew not where her duties would take her in this lifetime, if this unexpected venture was anything to go by…


	47. Venus, Vevina and Vidina

"_Piano Sonata in A major, Movement II (Andantino)" by Franz Schubert_

_Softly, with meaning, we meet in Besaid  
With you stubborn as I—match made to last,  
Continuing, finding what we have made,  
Before dying, for our children to cast  
Aside boundaries, growing into all  
They can be—we have learned our lessons now,  
On how not to behave, how not to call,  
Yet, still, to this haunting, my mind has bowed.  
Unwilling to hold as I did at glance—  
Slowly, I unravel for you to see:  
No fears, only to teach perseverance  
Until at last I fall—no scrutiny.  
Take care with your bargains for my sake, muse,  
For you never know what I must amuse._

_Youthful, vibrant, this alternate Paine of fifteen years walked through Besaid Village that night with nothing but boundless hope to her name. Many villagers by the bonfire stared, trying to figure out her gender from that misleading leather jacket that gave a flat illusion over her chest, those long shorts and boyish sneakers. Her long hair she'd kept up in a tail down her back, edging about in the light breeze and the slight bounce to her step. When Wakka emerged from the hotel and noticed her, he stopped in his tracks, watching her go to the temple. _

_Up the temple steps and through the heavy double doors she went, slowing her steps to a stop in the coolness of the interior. Dimly-lit by the torches throughout, filled with monks, and statues of High Summoners and revered acolytes—this temple held only one thing worthy of her attention. That woman of twenty-one she saw on the opposite end, back to her; knelt down in her dress, head down as if praying. Brisk, confident, Paine went over to her, and knelt at her side, pretending to pray with her._

_That excited smile on Paine's face gave her away to Lulu's periphery. _

_Lulu turned her head, slight, to regard this stranger. "Do I know you…?" she asked, flat, as if the best course of action was not to answer, but to leave her alone._

"_No," said Paine, raising her hand to her neck, caressing down. "You want to." Cross of her heart, as that obvious mark—she certainly got more of Lulu's attention. "The name's Paine."_

_Though Lulu did not return the gesture, she didn't need to. Not yet… "You are gay?" she asked, confused only by the edge in her eyes. Paine nodded. "I thought you were a boy…a very young one at that." Such a comment only made Paine laugh, soft enough to keep this conversation to themselves. "While it is daring of you to make such a move on sacred ground, I cannot offer you anything. I suggest you leave me be."_

"_If you're sure you want me to leave you alone," said Paine, standing; catching Lulu's surprise again, "Then I'll leave. You must've been through a lot. I won't bother you again."_

_Unbothered, undeterred, Paine left the temple. Not too far away, she spotted a suitable tree to climb. She was about to make her way there until Wakka stopped her in her tracks._

"_Whoa there, bruddah!" he said, good-natured. Paine only stared up at him. "You can't just come into the village without sayin' nothin' to no one!" He offered his hand to shake; Paine held it, disturbed by his strength. "I'm Wakka, Captain of the Besaid Aurochs! What's your name, man? You look pretty young!"_

_Paine fixed her face, finding that confidence again; out of the corner of her eye, she noticed Lulu exiting the temple. Only one name came to mind: "Nyte—I'm fifteen," she replied. "I moved here from Bevelle."_

"_Ah, one of them city boys!" said Wakka, laughing as Lulu approached them. "Sorry to say we ain't got none of your fancy buildings here, ya?" When Paine smiled at his obliviousness, Wakka clapped her on the shoulder, making her bend over—again, too hard. He waved Lulu over. "Hey, Lu! We got a new neighbor!" Lulu stood before them; Wakka pushed Paine forward. "Go on, introduce yourself!"_

_Showing, vanishing smirk: Paine couldn't control her expression. "Nice to meet you," she said with a bow, hoping Lulu would catch the hint. "My name's Nyte. And you are?"_

_Barely-hidden intrigue from Lulu's eyes showed; she gave a curt nod. "Lulu," she responded. _

"_Lu!" said Wakka, exasperated, "Can't you be nicer than that for once? We never get newcomers!" _

_Lulu raised one brow at him, arms folded. "Excuse me…?" she asked, stoic, dragging the words out. Wakka choked up, realizing his mistake. Paine watched her with rapture. "Since when am I obligated to be _nice _to anyone, let alone some little boy? Don't tell me what to do, Wakka. I won't warn you again."_

_With that, Lulu made her way to her hut, ignoring Wakka's feeble attempts to apologize. Paine couldn't stop herself from watching Lulu go with hazy eyes. Somehow, Wakka did not notice, too caught up in his own regrets._

"_Bah!" Wakka kicked away a nearby pebble. "Don't worry 'bout her, she's always like that, ya? She don't mean nothin' by it…" He wrapped his arm around her shoulders, walking with her toward the bonfire. "C'mon, I'll introduce you to the villagers! We'll get you somethin' to eat. Wanna make sure you have a good stay!"_

_Paine went on to meet each of the villagers, including the Aurochs, the Crusaders, Kimahri in limited scope, and Yuna, who was already an apprentice summoner at sixteen. She introduced herself as Nyte to each of them. Some of the Crusaders recognized that respected name, of her father, renowned former high-ranking officer of Yevon's army. On occasion, Paine looked to Lulu's hut, thoughts clear upon her face—not enough for just anyone to notice, but Yuna most certainly did. With Wakka far enough away, laughing with his blitzball team, Yuna and Paine held their sincere conversation uninterrupted._

"_Is everything all right?" asked Yuna in her apprentice robes, sitting next to Paine by the fire. "Forgive me for asking…after all, we hardly know one another. Still, your face, it's…easy to read, I suppose."_

_Paine shrugged. "I'm just not used to this," she said. "Meeting new people, being in a different place… I never thought I'd come all the way here."_

_Curious, Yuna asked, "What made you decide to come to Besaid? It is a long way from Bevelle."_

"_Someone brought me here, told me I should stay… I trust them. I can't say anything more than that."_

_Yuna nodded in understanding. "It's okay, I respect your decision," she said. "I watched you come into the village. The way you looked like you knew where you were going…and then how you seemed around Lulu… I don't mean to assume…"_

_Paine's eyes warmed at Yuna's observational skills. "I came here for her," she affirmed, not at all a surprise to her new friend. "In case you're wondering, I know she isn't an easy person to be around. That won't stop me."_

"_You are confident," noted Yuna, smiling. "It will go a long way if you hope to court her. With the Calm nearly at an end, you'll find it is not so strange that people around our age decide to be with someone a little older. Once Sin is reborn, anything can happen… It is better to live a full life while we still can."_

"_Have you known Lulu a long time?" asked Paine, unable to help her glance to that same hut._

_Yuna hummed her affirmative. "I first came to Besaid when I was seven, with Kimahri," she recalled. "Ever since then, Lulu has very much been an older sister to me. She can be…a little grumpy sometimes, but she is a lovely person—_if_ she allows you to get to know her." Unable to help it, Paine smiled as she listened. Small sound of amusement Yuna let out, inquisitive. "You like her already, don't you?"_

"_That obvious?"_

_Yuna laughed softly, attracting some attention. "You're smiling," she pointed out, covering her mouth with one hand. That laughter faded to a frown of concern. "I hope the others don't get the wrong idea about you and me… We've been speaking for a long time. I can already hear Lulu scolding me about it in the morning…"_

"_That's right—you're an apprentice summoner," said Paine, trying not to look at the ones staring nearby. "Technically you're not allowed to talk like this with a boy… We're just friends. Everyone else will get it eventually. Don't worry about them."_

_With a sigh, Yuna looked down at her hands clasped over her lap. "It can be difficult to live with these many rules. To be honest, I've considered giving up many times. I don't have a good enough reason to, not now. If I ever find one, I won't hesitate to tell the temple never mind…"_

_After she and Yuna finished speaking, Wakka grabbed Paine in a headlock, dragging her away from the bonfire. Paine struggled in vain against his muscled arms, sputtering for him to let her go. Wakka finally did let her stand on her own in a wide open area, with a cobblestone path to the communal spring._

"_Yo, didn't you get the memo 'bout Yuna bein' an apprentice summoner?" he asked, stern. Paine scowled up at him. "You can't be goin' around flirting with her, makin' her laugh in front of everybody! Don't you know what she's gotta do? It's disrespectful!"_

"_Wakka, I don't want her that way," said Paine, forceful enough to give him pause. "Besides, we were only talking. Yuna and I are just friends. She's allowed to have guy friends, isn't she? You're one."_

_Wakka rubbed the back of his head, guilty. "I'm more of her big brother than anything," he corrected, "But yeah, I see what you mean. I'm just real protective of her, you know? Sorry 'bout what I said, Nyte. Didn't wanna see her get hurt, ya?" Paine only nodded, scowling no longer; disagreements forgotten for all she cared. Wakka narrowed his eyes at her leather jacket, at the sweat dripping down her forehead and neck. "Hey, man, aren't you hot in that thing? You been wearin' it this whole time! Besaid's way warmer than Bevelle, you know?"_

_Paine wrapped one arm around her chest, lie prepared: "I got hurt on my way here—the wound's pretty bad," she told him, getting his sympathy right away. "Do you have any bandages I can wrap around my chest? It'll help a lot."_

"_Sure thing, bruddah," said Wakka. "No wonder you couldn't take it when I shook your hand an' all that. Figured you were pretty weak! Shoulda said somethin' earlier, ya?" He pointed her in the direction of the bath. "Just head over there so you can clean yourself up! Don't worry 'bout bein' out in the open an' all—we know not to head over if someone's usin' it. Be right there with those bandages!"_

_They went in opposite directions—Wakka to the hotel, and Paine to the spring. Down this winding path she walked, staring down at her sneakers as she went. When she arrived to the wide bath carved out in the ground, she sat down, watching the moon's reflection in the still water. Not long passed before Wakka returned._

"_You're not in the water yet?" he asked, kneeling down to hand her the bandages. "Thought you might've been. It's nice and cool in there, ya?"_

"_Thanks," said Paine, stiff; waiting for him to leave._

_Wakka laughed out loud. "Ohh, I get it," he said, standing up. "Don't want me to see how skinny you are compared to me?" With a scowl, Paine clamped her lips shut, listening to him laugh again. "Well, we could change that if you decide to play blitzball with me an' the boys! Anyway, when you're finished, just head over to the hotel. Got a bed saved for ya an' everything. I'll find ya in the morning for breakfast!"_

"_Thank you, Wakka," repeated Paine, sincere this time, still staring at the moon's reflection._

"_No problem, Nyte. Glad to make you feel welcome, ya!" Wakka was about to leave, until he turned around again to say, "Oh! One last thing: I feel kinda bad 'bout how Lulu was with you earlier… She's usually a little more open with people. You're not mad at her, are you?" _

_Paine shook her head. "Why would I be?" she asked._

_Wakka shrugged, wincing. "I dunno…there's just somethin' I felt earlier when you two met. It was real different, you know? I mean, I've known her since we were kids. After all that's happened…maybe she's still not over it…" He stopped himself from continuing on that tangent. "Uh, forget I said that! Listen, just don't let her get to you, ya? I'm sure she'll come around eventually…"_

_As the days passed, Paine steadily learned the art of how to observe from her periphery alone. From the tree she'd picked out, Paine spent much time elevated from the goings-on of the village, writing down her observations. Already, Lulu knew how to keep a secret—as she sat in her dress in the shade of the temple, reading, she never once commented on how Wakka kept referring to Paine as a boy. Whenever Wakka came over to Paine's tree, calling up to her, asking for the umpteenth time if she wanted to learn how to blitz, Lulu always looked over at them before returning to her book. Whenever Yuna went to Paine's tree, asking if she truly enjoyed herself up there, Lulu did not look, sometimes closing her book, holding the hem of her dress to stand up and retreat inside the temple. She wouldn't emerge for hours._

_Lulu made a point to never bathe during the daytime, for Paine had quite the vantage point from her spot, to be able to watch those who dipped in the spring water if she so desired. At mealtimes, Lulu never ate around the bonfire—something she used to always do, according to Wakka and Yuna, who had both grown confused with Lulu's increased reticence since Paine's arrival. At night after everyone had gone to bed was when Lulu took her baths. Paine didn't dare try to spy on her there._

_One day, Paine decided she'd had enough of the sun, and went to explore the inside of the temple. She made a point not to look at Lulu as she passed her by outside; that did not stop Lulu from watching her go, before going back to reading. Coolness from the stone architecture of the temple made Paine sigh, heading off down a corridor at random. Through here, she discovered a wide room as dark as the rest of the temple, with a single grand piano in the center. She went over to the instrument: black, sleek, well-cared for. _

_Gently, she pressed a few keys, not knowing the difference between the black and white there. Unmusical it sounded to her, making her wince. This added chill she felt from the piano was a welcome change from Besaid's constant heat, thus she lingered there, eyes downcast. _

_Soft dragging sound, chiming accessories and purposeful footsteps she heard. That all stopped with the added presence in the room; stopping at the entrance. Ominous, Lulu asked, "What are you doing here?" Startled somewhat from surprise, Paine turned to face her, watching Lulu walk toward her. "That doesn't belong to you. You have no business being here."_

_With Lulu right in front of her, scowling, Paine could think of nothing to say in response. _

"_I know you've been watching me," Lulu went on, disapproving. "I will ask you this once, and never again: what is it about me that has you this smitten? Anyone with more sense would be more discreet with their affections toward me. You must not know any better at such a young age."_

_Silence was the only immediate response, with Paine staring, staring with misty eyes, redness growing in her face. Lulu gave no visible reaction, walking around her to sit down at the piano bench. Paine stayed in one place, facing away from her; waiting for Lulu to play something, say something. Nothing followed, save for the ringing of Lulu's bangles under her dress sleeves as she situated her hands over the keys. _

"_If you insist on staying here," began Lulu, a little lighter than before, "Then have a seat. I don't want you standing right behind me while I play. It's rude." Paine looked around the entire room—there were no chairs anywhere, save for the piano bench. She moved to sit on the cold floor next to the piano. "Not there. You'll be uncomfortable."_

_At last, Paine got the hint—what Lulu couldn't find it in her to say. Thus she sat next to Lulu on the bench, in that small space, keeping her arms to herself and out of Lulu's way. Softly, with purpose, back straight, Lulu began to play: evocative, sensual, sorrowful, moving. Down at those dexterous hands Paine stared, moving her head with them to follow. That redness moved down to her neck during the minutes of this song she'd never heard before, breaths distended as she waited, listening. What looked complicated to Paine, Lulu pulled off with ease, as if she'd memorized everything by heart years ago. _

_To Lulu's face, Paine moved her eyes, at the falls of hair there, shaped and layered with flowing thickness. This angle that they fell over Lulu's eye had Paine captivated, listening still. More minutes passed, and Lulu finished her song, steadily lessening the weight of her hands over the keys. Barely-audible, hollow breaths of emotion from Lulu; sharp fall and rise of her chest, her breasts—Paine couldn't take it anymore. _

"_Lulu…"_

_When Lulu breathed harder and did not look at her, Paine moved her hands to that defined face. Long neck turned, beauty in her hands; with that same softness from her song, Paine kissed her, muffling that sharp breath of surprise from Lulu's supple lips. Upright Lulu stayed against Paine's body angling into her, deepening. With inflexibility alone Lulu reciprocated, eyes closed to this. Intensified, severe in these passions, Paine moved Lulu to face her all the way, dress draped over the bench; belts and waist she straddled, to show Lulu the answers to her question…_

_Continually, they did this in other places of the island, saying little, spending more and more time with few words to say. When they did stop to speak, Paine spoke of her growing love for Lulu, foreign to her at this young age; unwilling to run from it all the same, she treated Lulu, Lulu's body with the respect she deserved. They cared not that the villagers had noticed, most thinking nothing of it with the Calm nearly over. With the knowledge that Sin would soon return to Spira, within months Paine asked Lulu to marry her. Their wedding coincided with the end of the Calm._

_Yuna decided to give up her apprenticeship in favor of allowing her guardian to be happy, in love._

_From there, all began to spiral out of control. Wakka grew angry with Lulu for not wishing to join him on Father Zuke's pilgrimage, soon leaving the island with the summoner to be his only guardian. Days after Lulu and Paine had discussed how to keep up these appearances that they were wife and husband, and not wife and wife, Lulu awoke from her stressful sleep, suddenly two months pregnant. Everyone in the village was happy for them, asking how they managed to keep it a secret with Lulu this far along already. Paine did not discuss the matter of the one who had brought her to Besaid. Wordless love and joy she offered Lulu instead, discussing names with her; fulfilling her responsibilities as Lulu's _husband_._

_On Paine's sixteenth birthday a few months into Lulu's pregnancy, the two took a walk hand-in-hand through the island. They walked with one another over the bridge next to Besaid's many waterfalls on that warm autumn afternoon, speaking with one another._

"_Okay, so if it's a boy," said Paine, "What would you name him?"_

"_Something exotic," replied Lulu, at ease. "You and I are already heretics in our own right. Why not something in Al Bhed? Are you familiar with the cipher?"_

_Paine frowned, not expecting such an answer. "A little…I only know a few words," she admitted. _

"_Does anything symbolic come to mind for you?"_

_To the clear skies, Paine canted her head toward, thinking. "Future—the Al Bhed word for it is Vidina."_

_Lulu smiled, leaning against her. "Vidina sounds like a wonderful name for a boy," she said. "And if we have a girl instead? Have you decided on any names?"_

"_There are two I've thought of… I can't pick one." When Lulu laughed, Paine again tried to decide. "Venus, because I remember you said you have a strong affinity with Shiva. If not Venus, then Vevina…I really like the sound of it. They both sound just as good to me."_

"_You're right—I also like both names. We will have to decide in the next few months…"_

_As those months passed, Lulu continued to play the piano with Paine next to her. In between that practice, the two slow danced with one another to no music next to the instrument, simply content to be close to one another. As a daily ritual they did this to escape Besaid's harsh heat and rains both through the winter. When the New Year arrived, Wakka returned from his unsuccessful pilgrimage with Father Zuke, who had decided to give up his journey halfway through the Calm Lands. He appeared happy enough to learn of the pregnancy, insisting that was why Lulu declined to join the pilgrimage. It was easiest not to say anything; to simply allow Wakka and the other villagers to believe this._

_Almost one month later, Lulu gave birth to the twins at home; the loudest and first-born of the two they named Venus, and the second, quieter one Vevina. Vevina's silence unsettled Paine. She took her daughter in her arms, trying to return Lulu's smile as she held Venus. In Vevina's eyes, Paine looked, wondering if it was strange that her irises had no color. One finger Paine held out in front of Vevina. No response; Vevina's eyes wandered around before she shut them tight._

"_Lulu…" said Paine, after Venus had finally calmed down enough to sleep, "I think Vevina's blind…"_

_Winter in Besaid for Paine symbolized the birth of her children, and the beginning of Lulu's depression. After learning that Vevina was indeed blind, Lulu smiled less and less as the days passed. They raised their children with that quietude, with Lulu positive enough to not allow their daughters to see her pain. One night when Paine awoke to check up on their daughters, she panicked when she saw only Venus resting in her crib. She reached down to touch the spot where Vevina always curled up to sleep, feeling her there in the shadows instead. She woke Lulu up to show her this extraordinary sight._

_It was then that Lulu explained the matter of her heritage. She remembered little of her parents after Sin's attack when she was five; though she still recalled the stories they told of her maternal grandmother, the feared Sorceress Edea, whom the Crusaders had sealed many years ago. When Edea had been alive during High Summoner Yocun's Calm, she had manipulated the very shadows and darkness in the night to terrorize Spira's citizens for her own motivations. Lulu speculated that these powers had passed down to their daughter, along with this blindness. _

_More and more attention Lulu and Paine favored Vevina as the year passed, helping her adapt to these powers in the hopes that she would be able to see one day. Venus disapproved of this in her own destructive ways, often causing a fuss for no reason other than to simply steal attention away from her sister, too young to understand Vevina's disability. By the time she and Vevina were almost two years old, Venus had learned to dance in order to impress her parents and the villagers even more. Theatrics and entertainment became her forte at this young age, preferring to sing instead of speak; to dance instead of walk, for there was little else better to do by way of entertainment on the island. In her weariness with Venus one day, Lulu had commented that her daughter loved to overcomplicate things for the sake of overcomplicating them; to clamor for all eyes on her and to do whatever she could to make sure that people paid attention to her._

_At the end of the sphere, Paine sat alone on the piano bench, saying this last to wrap up the recording:_

"_With the news that Sin attacked Kilika the other day, I have a feeling it's on its way here.. Lulu—if you ever find this…I want to thank you, for doing what you did. It was a risk, but it paid off… I'm happier now, even with this strong possibility that my life will be cut short pretty soon. I'd rather have the short, full life that I've had instead of the long one full of emptiness I was afraid I'd go through. If I die tomorrow, I promise I'll watch over you. You are the world to me. I'll do everything I can to keep you safe. If you're ever lost…think of me, in all times. All I can say…is that I love you, with everything I am. I love you…"_

—

This sphere Paine had pressed between her and Lulu's ears, with them sitting close together on the couch. Over Paine's lap sat Venus, quiet for once save for her pleasant humming, most content to observe these differences she was not used to. Vevina kept her eyes closed, cradled in Lulu's hold. Tightly, Paine felt the minor trembling grip from her wife's hand in hers, marking distress from earlier events, from this confirmation of their child's disability.

Of course, Paine remembered that Lulu's greatest fear was going blind. She could never forget.

Those events from the sphere stayed in her mind as she looked between her girls. Many a time she had fantasized about doing just that: traveling from Bevelle to Besaid when she was able enough, to meet Lulu, to have a wonderful life with her regardless of Sin's presence in Spira… To see all of that happening, so close yet so far away—it did not make her yearn for the possibility in real life as she'd expected. It made her want to do everything in her power to make this life better.

Small hands from her daughter Paine felt against her face, touching, getting used to these more defined features. Venus smiled as she did this, looking very much like Lulu. Paine's head, she turned this way and that, in awe that her hair was much shorter. Details: over her fingertips, Paine noticed healing scars, likely from having grabbed her alternate's necklace. Now Venus knew how to lightly touch her necklace without getting hurt. Such novelty that Paine hadn't expected any time soon, that she believed for several hours she'd never have after what had occurred. She couldn't believe it. Missing out on the first two years wasn't such an issue—she was grateful to have this experience at all.

From earlier fears about parenting, and the suddenness of these circumstances, Paine didn't know what to say or do for the longest. She only held Venus with her free arm, surprised that her daughter was content with simply being held for such a time. These details of how small and fragile Venus felt in her hold were unforgettable. Listening to her humming added to everything, making Paine's throat dry. Having this moment with the four of them in one place changed her sight, her very perception. She almost didn't have this because of her insecurities.

With Lulu having suffered as much as she had, Paine felt the strongest need to make up for everything—to truly be better and follow through from here on.

With that promise she made verbally as well, the opposite began to happen in her wife as the years passed—Lulu finally began to lessen the iron grip she'd had on her character. For better and for worse.

Initially, explaining this to Vidina did not go over well; he couldn't grasp the concept of a miscarriage, of different times affecting one another. He understood that he now had two younger sisters, and that he had to set an example to them. Such strong memories Paine held of Vidina walking in the door with his grandparents, seeing them for the first time—how Venus had danced over to him and held him, as if she already knew who he was to her.

Getting to know the girls' habits, their likes and dislikes; how they couldn't stand one another more and more as time passed, with Venus' attention-seeking habits and Vevina never inclined to give her sister any attention; how Vevina could work around her blindness to learn how to play music with her mother, and Venus loved to dance and sing anywhere and everywhere to that music as one of their rare forms of reconciliation; how, with Lulu's insistence, the girls learned to spend more time together, learning from one another instead of Venus screaming for her sister to _listen _and Vevina screaming at her to _go away_; how Vidina was clearly intimidated for the longest as to how to deal with his sisters, but, eventually, with some help, he managed to find out how to best fit in their lives.

Vidina's growth into pre-adolescence marked a surprising change in his character, for Paine: he became hyper-aware of what people thought of him, appearing more reclusive, and susceptible to Venus teasing him about his changes. Thicker muscle mass and a steadily deepening voice he now had, having lost most of his childish obliviousness without much vertical growth yet. His age-long crush on Fleur's niece persisted. He began to spend more time around the girl's friends, trying to socialize by attending blitzball games with them; each time he returned home, he did not wish to speak to anyone, let alone Venus, who always took the opportunity to criticize his social skills. He often shut himself in his room, eventually opening the door only for Lulu, Paine or both to speak with him about what had happened; to help him make better decisions and adjust.

To Paine's surprise, she found that raising three children was not the most difficult thing to do, even with polar opposite twin daughters—Lulu's deteriorating mental health was the hardest to deal with. Lulu continued to write, to model, to play the piano, writing the most of the three. A near-crazed obsession with her story Lulu had, never willing to talk about the plot or _why _its eventual completion absolutely had to be realized. Many times Paine awoke in the middle of the night to find her wife lying motionless on her back, crying; staring at the top of their bed as though watching a terrible tragedy play out right before her eyes. With Vevina's disability plaguing her still, Paine sensed that Lulu felt that blindness as her own during these long nights. That tight, trembling grip from Lulu's wet hands around her arms, her neck, her shoulders, gripping Paine for some semblance of sanity through her visceral episodes: Paine could never forget it, from how often she felt Lulu holding onto her that way in the darkness of their privacy and love making almost every night. Such need from her wife strengthened Paine all the more, for Lulu to hold onto her in every way with the certainty that she wouldn't _fall_.

It took Venus a long time to understand that her sister was blind.

When the twins were six, and Vidina was twelve, the three of them sat together in the expansive garden behind Elysia's bastion one summer afternoon. Paine took Lulu for a walk along the extensive promenade, to have a breather and speak with her wife at leisure. They marveled at how long the girls' hair had grown, sleek in dark thickness just like Lulu's; how Vevina had learned a number of compositions for the piano most recently; how Venus had done so well at her latest recital at the performing arts academy she attended; how Vidina had taken an interest in blitzball, wondering if they should tell him that Wakka used to play the sport extensively… When they returned, they found Venus and Vidina in a heated argument, standing up in one of the flower fields. In between them, Vevina sat with her head downcast, a lone rose in her hands.

"She can't _see_, Venus!" said Vidina, throwing his hands in the air. Venus folded her arms, pouting. "Why can't you believe it? Vevina can't tell you what color the rose is or what color the sky is 'cause she can't _see _anything, not 'cause she's dumb! I'm sick of you being mean to her!"

Lulu faltered upon hearing the subject of this disagreement. Paine ushered her along, to face this.

"That's not true! She's just like me! _I _can see it, why can't she?!" Venus ran over to Paine, tugging at her waist. "Daddy, tell Vidina he's lying!"

For the countless time, Paine knelt down to her daughter, scowling too much like Lulu; trying to think of how to explain this, for Venus to finally understand: "Venus…your sister's blind. Just like how she hates dancing, and you love it, the two of you _are_ different. Her eyes aren't the same as yours…"

Something broke in Venus' expression that day. She stopped her typical screams for attention when she noticed that Vevina had everyone's eyes on her, to help her, to guide her. Constant vying for her parents' affection finally ended that day. She stopped singing all the time, dancing all the time. After some weeks of this inactivity, Lulu sat down with Venus just as Paine arrived home from work. Paine found them speaking together in Lulu's study, sitting on the piano bench. She went to sit at the desk, watching Venus sit in Lulu's lap, too dejected even to hum to the light melody her mother played.

"Now tell me what's been bothering you, dear," said Lulu, gentle as she always was. "Ever since your father spoke to you about your sister, you haven't been the same anymore. I miss seeing you smile."

Venus stared at the piano keys, disheartened. "I thought we were the same…"

"You and your sister are very different from each other. It's not a bad thing. There's nothing wrong with being your own person. I'd be worried if the two of you were exactly the same…"

"But Mommy, you said Vevina's my _mirror_!"

"Yes, you _look _just alike… Not everything else has to follow."

Venus jumped down from the bench, oddly impassioned of a sudden. She shouted at the top of her lungs, "You're wrong!" Paine stood up, unwilling to accept this behavior; Venus looked to her, frantic, gesturing. "Watch, we're the same! I'll show you!"

She ran to Vevina's pitch black room, finding her sister sitting in the center, doing nothing at all. Paine held Lulu's hand and followed, understanding how difficult this was for her wife. Venus sat down in front of her, situating Vevina's arms for them to start a rapid, rhythmic hand game together. As Paine stood in the doorway, she felt how hard Lulu tried not to break down in front of their daughters. Swift clapping sounds broken up by beats and hands sliding against one another; Paine saw that growing frustration in Venus' face at Vevina's wandering, colorless eyes. Venus simply could not understand how her sister's mimicry extended this far without use of sight.

When that concentration began to slip in Venus, from that anger, Lulu went to her, stopping the game by holding her without a word. Echoes of Venus' frustrated crying stayed in Paine's head when she and Lulu lay down in bed that night atop the cool sheets. With nothing on, Paine held her, knowing that Lulu needed this silence to think, at least for a little while. Inevitable, unavoidable weight Paine felt through her throat down her chest, thickening; constricting.

"My love," spoke Lulu, running her nails down that emotional path, sensing, "I don't know…how much longer I can go on like this. If I should let it show or keep it to myself…"

Paine shifted, to get a better look at Lulu's face in the moonlight through the open drapes. "I can tell… It's getting harder for you to keep it inside. I know it's not only the girls—this story is taking its hold on you and it won't let go." When Lulu held her tighter, she had her answer. "When you finish it, will that make things better? Do you think it'll help?"

Full weight from her wife she felt as Lulu shifted on top of her, gazing down at Paine's collar. "_You _are what helps me," she said, leaning down to kiss that leather. "I have learned to let go…to allow my faith in you to carry me through." This _fullness _Paine took in her arms, hands smoothing down the trained curves of Lulu's waist and back. "Never stop… Don't let me believe I've made a mistake in loving you this deeply. I need you inside of me—that deep…"

Softness of skin, familiar in unfamiliarity from this passing time; Lulu hadn't aged a day after thirty-three. Prowess with Lulu's body, to taste her neck with tongue and lips right where she needed; to make Lulu _sound _out her whole sensuality, shifting, sighing, sweat and slickness growing as Paine touched her, aroused her. Growing hardness, movement, and length all Paine handled with Lulu on top of her, mouth watering from this continuous slap of skin: hips against hips, Lulu's breasts quick against her own torso. This measure of depth, how the angle of this roughness hit against Lulu's spot, warming, bettering after all these years: Paine remembered this, needed this; knew just how to hold Lulu's hips in place to get her to scream this way in the safety of the late of night. Rising force from Paine's hips, lifting Lulu, to have more power behind these thrusts from her bent legs, feet pushing against the mattress for more, more pleasure from her love's breaths and voice. Hearing this liberation from Lulu, to have her forget her struggles for the sake of this thoughtless, thoughtful bliss that only Paine could give her—all else stayed behind, forgotten.

"_Paine, I love you_;" these four syllables, quick, throaty, rapturous, repeated again and again from Lulu's lips against her ear, full of heat, quavering with need, Paine needed, needed so badly. They collided hard with Paine's stamina, joining, motivating. Repeating again and again with Lulu's growing highs, ebbing and flowing with these harsh waves of joined emotions, colliding. Rolling hips, shallow thrusts Lulu preferred when she sounded _just _this way. She remembered; she could never forget.

Paine knew Lulu's body with all the assurance in the world, yet she did not know her mind with the same certainty.

Visits to the mental hospital began not long after. Lulu had nearly cried herself desiccated one night, startling Paine out of sleep; she'd rocked and rocked in Paine's hold, gripping Paine's shoulders with that _same _tightness from whenever she was about to fall from sanity. That time, Paine hadn't the strength to pull her up all the way, enough, at all. In the middle of the night Paine had gathered Venus, Vevina and Vidina, hurrying them to the car; carrying Lulu there, driving quickly with promises to explain to their children that she would explain everything soon. Soon…

Elysia arrived not long after she did, pulling the doctor aside. Anger, confusion—Paine was not allowed to listen to their conversation, not even when she changed into her armor. She held her children close, waiting to see Lulu again; trying to read Elysia's lips, the doctor's lips: _not in this ward… If you insist…_

When they at last were allowed to see Lulu in her white, white room, they found her in bed, unable and unwilling to wake from her sleep. Vidina stayed behind Paine from where they stood at his mother's bedside, in silent shock. In vain, Venus tried to speak to Lulu, to wake her, still not understanding even as Paine tried to explain… Vevina could not see the paleness to Lulu's skin, the distress of her sleep.

Outside the room, Elysia watched them through the thick window, emotionless. Gabranth stood next to her with his head down. Farther down still, Raine sat upon the floor, coalescing her emotions into anger; allowing Fran to hold her, silent.

When Paine turned around, she found all three of her children in bed with Lulu, holding her. They refused to move when a nurse came in, trying to enforce the visiting hours. Paine ignored the nurse, and went to her wife. Down at Lulu's side, Paine knelt, holding her hand; kissing the amethyst of her ring. Though Paine's helmet shielded her face from view, her emotions stayed as open and bare as they always did where Lulu was concerned. These rivulets tasted thick with the built grime and smell of old tears she'd shed all these years, _knowing _that it would all come to this one day, and more.

_If anyone is listening to me…please, hear my words. Put _me _through anything, make _me _suffer…just don't take Lulu away from us. I will change the whole world if I need to; I will go through anything, fight any enemy in Spira and win—just—please…don't take my wife from me._


	48. Die Another Day

"_Die Another Day" by Madonna_

_Struggles most dire I do face in these  
Times uncertain, with secrecy abound  
In all directions as my mind teases  
And flirts with the sublime matters around  
None other can know, not until, this soon,  
Mapped with plainness I do entertain walls  
Blank, virtuous, pure; tasteless as the moon,  
Where I at least hear your velvet, your calls.  
Take me away from my mind's immortal  
Prison, that it must relocate to home  
For me to regulate, control portals,  
Beginnings, signs, with optimism toned:  
This is not the time, not the age to go,  
Not before I say, not before the show._

No medication.

Lulu vowed to fight this without that aid.

Without that aid, the process stretched out over the next six years: on-again, off-again depression, mania, swinging from highs to lows. Her ability to write during her highs—how she cherished it. Her inability to write, to take care of herself, to do anything at all during her lows—she never remembered how she felt about it. Too much like a bad, love-hate relationship this disorder had instilled in her. She could not keep track of how many times she had to return to that hospital, that room.

These years passed quickly for Lulu. She remembered time spent with her family the most: how eager they all were to see to her good health, how that love from each of them prevailed in these trying times.

When she was able enough, Lulu kept up with her modeling gigs for the escape, for the money. More of Paine's spheres from her recorded past she watched during photo shoots, runway, letting it all show in her face; never losing that edge to her eyes and body language that had made the industry envious of her in the first place. All of the new photographs, her family appreciated, to keep them around in case she had to return to the hospital. These gigs continued for a full year at one point, without returning to that white room. Venus had broken free from her slump, dancing and singing again, until the inevitable reminder that her sister still could not see. During those lapses of depression, Paine had surprised her with newfound softness, offering to care for her completely: learning to braid Lulu's hair, apply her makeup, jewels and other accessories; waiting on hand and foot in case she needed anything, kneeling at her side in her study as she wrote, doing as she was told for the appropriate inspiration. For those nights, Lulu had felt like a mad queen.

That didn't stop the dreams, the nightmares. Eventually, they made her go back.

In the whiteness of that pristine room, taintless, she suffered recurring nightmares of losing Vevina somewhere in Zanarkand, and being unable to find her. With Vevina blind and unable to find her way, Lulu could not simply _hope _that her daughter would return to her. Each time she went through this, Paine and Vidina had run off to stop Venus from her latest mischief; no help at all. Conversely, the dreams often kept her asleep for far longer than she needed to be, worrying everyone around her. She typically dreamt of situations relevant to her writing—sex, sex, atypical sex.

Absolute darkness, feeling Paine's hands on her where they _shouldn't have _been. Helpless to Paine's touch, yet in _control _because of that touch, those uncontrollable urges… Moving on to a Scarborough Fair scenario for months, forcing Paine to perform a series of impossible tasks to _convince _Lulu of something, mostly manipulating sexuality for that proving force…

Often, Paine visited her instead of going to work. Even in the depths of sleep, Lulu could hear those telling sounds of armored, heeled boots down the hall, making their way to her room. Helm removed for Paine to kiss her, long, deep, breath inhaled. Always, Paine took care not to scrape the legs of the chair as she pulled it up to Lulu's bed and sat down. She took a moment to smell the everlasting flowers at Lulu's bedside; took a moment to compose herself.

"Mistress, how I've missed you… We haven't been able to keep up with our play over the years. That habit is still one I can't break. Even around the kids, sometimes I almost slip up and call you that. I know you've heard it… I managed to get Venus to go to school without her causing a scene this morning. I've been convinced for years that her enthusiasm to keep up with her art is linked to how well you're doing. It's probably a good thing you can't see how she is when you're not home… I don't like to think that she can be depressed at twelve years old. Yuna does her best to encourage Venus to keep dancing and singing. She's a big help.

"Vidina's at home with Vevina, making sure she's fed and motivated enough to keep up with her studies. Isn't it crazy how he's grown? Eighteen years old, already a grown man. I still remember when he used to be grumpy back in Besaid, just like his mother once was… Do you think he's getting involved with the wrong crowd? I don't think he likes that girl anymore…it's his new blitzball friends that I'm uncomfortable about. They like hanging around him because he's our son, Elysia's grandson, so they've been getting into places for free without thanking him. I probably won't ever have the heart to tell him he's not very good at blitzball. As long as his priorities are straight, I can't interfere with his decisions.

"Something amazing happened the other night—Vevina came in our room and told me she could see in the dark for a few seconds! It wasn't very long, but it's better than nothing. Raine's still teaching her how to harness her abilities. I know…Vevina's blindness has really affected you over the years. I think she'll come around soon. She's been playing your _theme _a lot on the piano lately. None of us can get tired of it. She really misses you. We all do…

"Your doctor tells me you're doing better. I'm beyond happy to hear the news—I just can't shake this feeling that you could've had better treatment, somehow. Like you're not supposed to be here… If you had the right treatment, you could've been better a long time ago. It feels like you're fighting this on your own. You don't _really_ need to be here. It's just my intuition talking. I have no proof…

"Speaking of proof—I haven't been down to the prison beneath your mother's place. I haven't tried to interrogate Seymour for…years. He's still down there. Elysia extended a pardon to Gippal, so the city freed him. All of this mess with Seymour was part of the lowest point in our marriage. I can't go back and face that unless I have to. I promise you, Lulu, I've learned from my mistakes. I'm keeping everything together while you're here. I want things to be perfect for you when you get back.

"I miss brushing your hair. I miss braiding it for you. I miss putting on each and every one of your jewels in the morning and taking them off before bed. I miss your cooking, you bathing me, the way you smile at the kids and at me… Holding your hand or having you on my arm when we walk somewhere, especially in your mother's garden… The taste of your lipstick over my lips when you kiss me… The softness of your shoulders, your walk, your taste, your breath mixed with mine and the way your tongue knows just how to turn me on… Lulu, I _need_ you. I'm nothing without you and what you've given me…"

_Not today._

_Not today._

_This isn't my day, not my time to go—there's still so much more that needs to be done. My family needs me. I won't lose to these demons._

Sudden feelings of loss, reminders of emptiness and blood spilled; Lulu could not see what was in front of her for the better part of two weeks. She saw moving photographs of ideas, déjà vu of all she'd transposed from her heart to paper. Four syllables. Four. Sometimes five. Softening, softening. Would she remember it all when it began? No, she'd written that out—

Walks on the beach, stolen kisses beneath the moonlight—if they _knew_, they wouldn't approve. My lord, my lady, Sir Nyte, Judge Magister, Your Honor, no, _Sir Nyte_, because of that sexual attraction once she can no longer hold it inside. _Will you listen to me play my heart for you, my lord? Will you treat me as I've longed for, as the one you most adore? Embrace your hardships and allow them to harden you, for I find that reclusiveness beyond attractive. When the illusion is broken, you will be honest and patient with me; allow me to grieve, to breathe you and know that you are the same. Where our children wait is when the truth will show itself, juxtaposed all, for me to no longer be able to deny. We will all go together to where we are needed… Your greatest challenge, your dreams come true, my love…_

_My love, my love…I can never have enough of you. I see you through these long days and nights, rays of Nyte, for I am your wife, your one and only. _

Of Lightning—Paine had not acknowledged the woman properly in several years. They no longer trained with one another. Lightning held her secrets, against her will; Fang waited, waited, filling in for her girlfriend's absence twice as much with her good humor. Vividly, Lulu recalled, when the twins were three years old, and they had gone to visit Fang: when Bane came into the room, still small back then, Venus had screamed, holding her arms up for Lulu to pick her up and keep her safe. When Bane had wandered over to the belts of Lulu's dress, curious as to all the screaming and crying, she thought him quite adorable in that moment—a baby behemoth, of all things. He had since grown, of course.

Of growing, grown—some days later, when Lulu again slept, she had another one of her frequent visitors. Vidina now held his height half a head higher than his parents, muscled from his time playing blitzball. Cropped crimson hair, always, to keep it from being a bother or getting in the way. He bore such a resemblance to Gabranth, keeping anyone in the league from recognizing him as Wakka's biological son and asking awkward questions. One frowning kiss he gave his mother before sitting down at her bedside, sighing. His dark eyes he kept downcast for a moment, contemplative.

"Hey, Ma," he said, his voice much deeper than yesteryear—still very kind in tone, "Vevina's training with Raine today. Things are looking up with her powers! Thought I'd come see you instead of hanging around the guys. I doubt they care… Feels like they're using me, you know? Every time I see them, I think about what you would say. You wouldn't like them. They joke around too much and all they care about is girls…that's not me at all. Maybe blitzball isn't my thing…

"And…I've been meaning to ask you about…my other dad. Like, where he is and why he left. I don't remember much of him, except for not liking him…at all. It's just—I know he used to blitz. I don't want to follow in his footsteps or anything. You divorced him for a reason… What's bugging me is why I care about all this. I don't miss him—I just… Something made me think about him again.

"In a weird way, I think it was Paine that reminded me of him. How she keeps it together to take care of my sisters while you're here… I don't tell her enough how much I look up to her. If she can keep Venus in line, she has to be something special. And she is…I know you miss her. It's weird not seeing you two kiss every morning, not hearing Venus pretend to be grossed out by it… The little things like that are what I miss most, besides you, I mean. It's not the same without you at home with us."

When another visitor entered, Vidina stood up to greet them. Yuna hugged him, praising him for being such a good son by visiting his mother. He brought over a chair for her to sit down next to him. As Vidina got her up to speed on Lulu's most recent condition, they were surprised to find the rest of the Gullwings in the hallway, including Rikku and Gippal who had recently reconciled. Paine had told Lulu that the Gullwings made a point to visit quite often, usually while she was asleep. A small reunion of sorts—even Venus had skipped off from school to pay her mother a visit, startled to discover that she couldn't keep her excursion a secret. Out of respect, they did not all crowd Lulu's room, instead entering a few at a time to speak to her as she slept on.

Lulu _wanted _to wake up. She could not—not on her own. Trapped in this nightmare, sensing everyone was there and watching them as if she were a ghost—she continued to sleep instead, smiling, somewhere, because they all cared enough to visit.

Finally, a week later, the day arrived when Paine's patience could no longer hold. She tried to get answers out of the doctor, needing to know why her wife had been ignored for days in favor of other patients. He repeated again and again that Lulu's mother had ordered him not to divulge any such information—not even to Paine or to Vidina, who both shouted in outrage at him just outside Lulu's room. Wide, the door opened, and Paine stormed inside in her armor.

"No way!" shouted Vidina, as Paine went to remove Lulu from bed, "This is _my mother _we're talking about, not some bum on the street with schizophrenia! If you're refusing to give information to my father who's Judge Magister, we're refusing to listen to you anymore!"

In vain, the doctor tried to shout, "This is against the law—!"

Paine lifted Lulu into her armored arms, swift. "And so is ignoring a Judge's orders, no matter _who's _involved!" she snapped back. Groggy, hardly awake, Lulu wrapped her arms about her wife's neck, having missed the feel of this black cashmere against her skin. "I'll take care of her myself! _Move_!"

"Your Honor, I can't allow you to do this—"

"I _said _get out of my way! Vidina, get your sister—we're leaving!" Down the hall Paine's boots sounded as a hollow hurricane, her cape fluttering in her wake. Several walking patients and nurses had to hurry out of her way. Vidina carried Vevina atop his shoulders for her to keep up with them. "Call your grandmother when we get in the car and tell her what we did. I don't care if she's mad at me. She's keeping something from me—way too much, and I'm tired of it. I'm over her. I am so over her!"

"I hear you, Dad," agreed Vidina, scowling deep. "It's like she _wants _Ma to be sick or something. What's up with that?! Why would she do that to her own daughter?"

Blinding light from the afternoon sun cascaded over them, forcing Lulu to keep her eyes shut. Actual air, natural wind she breathed in, grateful to be free from that stale cleanliness. Wonderful breeze Lulu felt through her hair; as that darkness shifted from over her eyes, she looked up to the sweat dripping down her wife's furious face as Paine hurried them along to the car. Thickness of leather, built heat from the sun shining in and that distinctness of their car Lulu smelled right when Vidina opened the passenger's door. He set Vevina down, moving the seat to allow Lulu to recline comfortably. With care, Paine had Lulu lie down in the seat, and they soon left before anyone could stop them.

Air conditioner on low, Paine's steady driving even through her anger, Vidina's standoffish argument with his grandmother on his wireless in the backseat, Vevina's hand wandering to Lulu's shoulder to make sure it really _was _her. Blissfully, Lulu found her way to true consciousness with these sensations, needing them. Determination to break through this for good, with the certainty that she had her family around her, truly…Lulu smiled in the aqueous light of the arc of running water they drove through.

Reassuring, reliable in this strength and devotion, Paine held her hand, promising to take care of her; that everything would be all right.

When they parked the car and exited the garage, Vidina carried Lulu this time, with Paine speaking to Elysia, telling her that this control over Lulu's life was now over. Vevina knew this hallway to their home well enough to walk on her own, arm outstretched, wrist bent in front of her, fingers together. At their door, Vidina stopped; Vevina kept going, stopping just before she collided with Raine there. With a small, disarming smile at such a time, Raine held her niece closer with one arm. Without giving this surprise away, Paine ended the phone conversation, staring at her sister-in-law in awe.

"Raine?" she asked, cautious. "What are you doing here? Did Elysia order you to…?"

Raine gazed down at her sister, sympathetic. "No, Your Honor, she did not order me to do anything," she stated, looking to all of them now. "I am here to extend my gratitude to you, for doing what I could not—what I have wanted to do for the past six years, since Lulu first checked in to the hospital. I could not communicate this to you…for my own reasons. Seeing her now, those reasons seem insignificant…" She bowed, respectful. "Thank you for doing this."

Vidina smiled at her. "You don't have to thank us," he insisted. Raine averted her eyes, clearly thinking otherwise. "Hey, why don't you stay for a little while? It's a good occasion! You could come with me to pick up Venus from school and tell her the news!"

"I would like that, certainly," she replied, looking down to Vevina this time. "I may have made a breakthrough for you. We will have to see if it is of any aid."

By the time Vidina set Lulu down in bed, she was lucid enough to hold him when he tried to stand. Vidina laughed, rich with relief that they had done the right thing. "You awake, Ma?" he asked, hopeful. "It's been too long!"

"Barely," said Lulu, deeper than she remembered her voice sounding. She smiled up at him. "I've missed you, son… Thank you…for taking care of your sisters…"

"Don't worry about it. I want you to feel better…"

All else drowned out in the comfort of this familiarity. During her sleep, she sensed herself lifted from these shadows. Somehow, she felt Paine's arms around her, pulling her from them for the final time. Weights removed from her, years of being lost in two worlds at once; when she awoke to the warmth of Venus' glee to see her again, everything felt justified: the pain, the confusion, all for the sake of this completion.

That much better, far better, later that evening, when Vevina lay on top of her, Lulu could see the crimson of those eyes she and her sister had earned from their father. Actual color instead of that opacity clouding her sight; Vevina smiled for the first time Lulu could remember of her, saying: "I look just like you;" overwhelmed, jubilated, this was the final weight Lulu needed removed from her; she smiled and cried at once, with Paine, and Raine stood contented in the doorway, forever of such invaluable help to all of them.

Venus at last broke through her mood swings with these events. Dancing all through the house, singing, telling Vevina with enthusiasm of all the adventures they could get up to now; Lulu could not find it in her to tell her daughter to stop, instead laughing off the rest of these demons. Even during those long years of uncertainty, Lulu had always been able to look to Venus and her theatrics for an extra smile or laugh to keep her going.

By the time Lulu was up on her feet, back to normal, those theatrics had exploded—in their own ways.

Together at the piano Lulu sat with Vevina late that morning, going over a few lessons on reading sheet music now that she was able. Vidina was out on the terrace, reading beneath the sun; Lulu was glad that he had decided to stop spending time with those blitzball boys, returning to his original hobbies instead. Paine had not gone into work during these weeks since her falling out with Elysia over Lulu's care; she was in the living room, on her wireless. Whoever she spoke to, the conversation sounded important just from her tone, though Lulu could not make out many words.

"Remind me what this denotes," said Lulu, pointing to a place on the sheet; still unable to get over this feeling of gesturing to something, knowing that her daughter could _see_ and understand.

Vevina played the appropriate chords on the piano. "G minor," she said, fluid.

Impressed, Lulu moved to another item. "And the time?" she asked, hearing bits of Paine wrapping up her phone conversation. "What scale is this piece in?"

"It's right at the beginning of the first measure," replied Vevina, looking at the sheet music in amusement as she played the song. "Four/four, the universal time… That's easy—the numbers are the same. I think I can get the hang of it." That acuteness to her other senses to make up for her previous blindness had not left her; Vevina turned around moments before Lulu could hear Paine's heels sounding in their direction. "Daddy, who were you talking to?"

Taken aback by Vevina's question before she had entered the room yet, Paine stared at them both when she walked in the study in her warrior dressphere. "Well—it's something I need to discuss with your mother," she said, folding her arms. "Do you mind putting off your lessons until later?"

"That's okay," replied Vevina, leaning on Lulu a bit before leaving the room.

Paine stepped inside, lightly running her hand through Vevina's hair as she went on her way. "So," she began, going to sit at Lulu's side, "I just spoke with Venus' principal at the academy…" Such a beginning did not sit well with Lulu at all. "The good news is that Venus is doing better now that things are back to the way they were, at the top of her class again. The bad news is she's been showing her excitement a little _too much _these days."

Brow raised, Lulu asked, "_Too much_? How is that possible?"

"He said she's _disruptive _during breaks, and sometimes during her genre dance class. This is how I know it's bad—he didn't even ask to make an appointment to go speak with him. He wants us to go down to the school right now."

They made their way to the performing arts academy Venus attended not too far from home, while Vidina watched over Vevina instead of tagging along. When they arrived, distressed-looking staff recognized them immediately, hurrying them along to the principal's office. After what felt like a mob for an entourage pushing them to said office, the principal opened the door in a rush. He ushered them inside, quickly, and had them sit in front of his desk. No offer of water, tea, no, straight to the point:

"Mrs. Nyte, Your Honor, _please_, I beg of you, something must be done about your daughter!" he said, loosening his tie; dabbing the sweat from his receding hairline. "We have done everything we can! Calling you here is the absolute last resort I am taking after _warning _her several times that her behavior is not to be tolerated!"

Lulu tried to maintain her calm, to better understand the situation before reacting. "What behavior do you mean, exactly?" she asked.

He pulled out a series of files. "I will start at the beginning," he said, brandishing one of the papers to read from. "This is from her academic counselor: _While Venus is an exceptional young lady and student, skilled in all manner of performing arts, I fear she has taken over the students here at the Academy. We all understand that 'cliques' are a normal part of the social environment among our eleven to thirteen-year-olds, yet this has blown out of proportion. Several girls in her year have come to me in tears, exclaiming hysterically that their lives as they knew it had ended simply because Venus did not allow them to sit with her and her friends during lunch hour. These same girls have also claimed that they feel personally victimized by Venus: subtle whispering in the hall, verbal humiliation, constant challenges to out-dance her and her friends, unacceptable forms of embarrassment in the showers and changing rooms, and so forth. On the other side of the spectrum, many boys—not only in her year—are smitten with her over her over-sexual displays in the halls and lunch hour: kissing other female students, dancing with them in a sexual fashion, and purposeful, inappropriate touching of one another for the sake of gathering attention. This obsession the female students have to be her and the male students have to be with her is finely under her control. Though she denies it to me, she is hyperaware of her power over other students and most staff…_"

When the principal set the paper down, slowly, in an effort to stay professional, Lulu was at a loss for words. She stared at the files on his desk, mindful of the way Paine sat in her chair—slouching, elbow propped over the arm of her seat, face hidden in her palm._ Venus is only twelve years old, and already, she's… _Of a sudden, a staff member rushed inside, exclaiming of the fuss going on in the dining hall at lunch time.

Beneath the brightness of the dining hall, a full-blown party went on, complete with blaring hip-hop music and the cheering crowd of students. In the center of the party, atop tables pushed together to form a stage, Venus danced in her school uniform of a maroon polo shirt, heels, and white—short—skirt. Two older students—one boy and one girl—danced behind and in front of her, grinding _too _well, close, sweating, hard, practiced. Venus wrapped her arm behind her, around the boy's neck and head, pulling the girl close to kiss—

Through these loudening cheers Paine pushed through, gripping Lulu's hand. Venus had the nerve to be happy when she noticed her parents decided to attend the festivities, waving to them. Paine reached up to grab Venus by her legs, stopping all of this. In the same, unceremonious motion, Paine pulled Venus down over her shoulder, carrying her back out the dining room amid hysterical laughter.

"_Daddy_!" said Venus, bent over Paine's shoulder, trying to kick free. "Why are you taking me away? We were having fun!"

_Why do I get the feeling she is not at all upset that Paine has embarrassed her…?_

Paine did not say a word, refusing to give into Venus' antics. Lulu also kept her comments to herself, for now. All the way home they walked, with Venus slung over Paine's shoulder the whole way, whining, earning smirks and laughs from passerby. When they returned, Paine said nothing to Vevina and Vidina watching television with one another, heading straight to Venus' room. Lulu gave her other two children a look, letting them know they would discuss this later. They knew not to question that silent order.

Some quiet, finally, when Paine plopped Venus on her bed, exited the room and shut the door. Lulu guided her down the hall by her hand, saying, "You don't need to say a word. I know that was difficult to watch."

Sighs of irritation Paine let out, glaring at the door to Venus' room. "As pissed off as I am right now," she said, "I can't help but feel…responsible. I want to know—did she get that from us? All of that sexual energy…I don't think it's just about the attention anymore. Because if she did get it from us, it's only going to get worse."

Lulu was already on her way to Venus' door. "I believe I know a way to at least have her tone it down…"

"What way is that….?" asked Paine, wary as she followed.

"Redirection."

Flawless timing: Paine redirected Lulu's momentum, to hold her close, face-to-face. "Before we go in there," she whispered, in her ear; holding Lulu firm around her waist, "I want you to tell me if you agree with something. Something I've had in mind for a long time now…"

"And what is this _something_, love?"

That small grin gave Paine's answer away before her words: "Don't you think she's turning into another version of Mistress Fury, mixed with my old habits?" Such correct observations gave Lulu pause, wondering… "Sadism and overactive drives… How are we gonna handle that now, let alone when she gets older?"

"Redirection, as I said," repeated Lulu, cryptic, with a number of ideas of her own.

Paine frowned, admitting, "I don't know what you could possibly mean by that…"

"I'll give you an example," said Lulu—she moved Paine against the cool mahogany of the wall, waists together; forgetting that anger from earlier, to not give into Venus' tactics. Paine's eyes glazed over, breathing heavier, waiting for more of this illustration. "Stay calm and allow me to handle this. You know it only entertains her when she can tell she's angered us. When we're done, I want to continue from where we left off with our play…" Fullness from Paine's lips against hers, with that brand of possessiveness Lulu had not lost over these years—Paine bucked her hips, sounding out quiet enough, _just _enough… That literal brand of _Fury _over Paine's back, she touched, caressing. Out of the corner of her eye, Lulu noticed Vevina and Vidina peeking at them down the hall, around the corner. "How I've missed you…"


	49. Aquarius

"_Toxic (Peter Rauhofer Reconstruction Mix)" by Britney Spears_

_Have we truly this time to ourselves, to  
Make up for lost years, tasting, knowing as  
Repeats of an ever-changing close view  
Of your quirks, annoyances—do this last:  
Interruptions we cannot avoid, thus  
Grace must be used to instruct, enlighten  
Instead of scold, be patient and not rush,  
For they learn from us—help me enliven.  
Listen, wait, learn, grow with our children; fear  
Offers no solutions—yes to freedom  
To act without consequences severe  
Unless it is needed—do not wait, run.  
Are these clues here to sate your wondering?  
Is this path to be taken long, hiking?_

_All those years…watching as my wife lost her mind, and not being able to do anything about it…I never want her to go through anything like that again. Since she's gotten better, I've chosen to stay home with her to catch up on lost time. Elysia's been asking me to return to work. I ignore her. She claims I'll regret it… My intuition tells me I agree with her. My heart tells me to focus on my family, my wife—while I can._

Arched back on the soft contours of this reclining chair, Paine spread herself wide to Lulu in the night air of their bedroom. Contradictory liberation by way of the linked chains on either side of this leather, binding her wrists; they sounded as she shifted, sighed, trying to stay quiet enough to not _wake _anyone. Firm hands, Lulu's hands, gripped the underside of Paine's thighs. Fingertips kneading into lean muscles from Paine's years of training, hot breath teasing before tasting; Lulu kissed all of this wet waiting with lips and tongue. Both bare, skin on skin, bodies indistinguishable, blended into one another.

Subtle, subtle sounds of Lulu's tongue moving, mixing with this _need_, hot, had Paine twisting and turning. Sweating started from this mounting pressure inside, unable to let it out with her voice. Harsh, heated whispers of her wife's name Paine hissed instead, grinding with this, needing far more. Underside of her thighs rested upon Lulu's breasts, comforting in arousal. Assured dominance from Lulu in taste and touch, tongue slow enough to tease as long as she wanted before surprising, falls of hair brushing against sensitive skin; Paine breathed, breathed, inhaling this moment, this sight of Lulu between her legs, looking up at her with eyes fulfilled.

_Too long _they had gone during those years without this closeness uninterrupted by worry or fear. That reminder intensified _this_. Lulu spoke to her between teases and touches, two fingers inside, thrusting. "Tempting, isn't it?" she asked, goading Paine's reaction harder, _harder_. "To scream at me over how frustrated you are… How long can you stay quiet, love?" Three fingers, four fingers; thumb out, pointed up, practiced. Aching agony Paine sighed out, blood rushing. At that, Lulu smiled from her sadism, ordering, "If you think you can handle more without waking the whole house, ask for it…"

Sucking breaths, sharp, Paine begged, "Please give it to me _harder_, Mistress—" Sharper breaths from this sweet sharpness of Lulu's long nails hitting, digging at the top of those deep, swift thrusts; "_Fuck_, yes, please, more, I'm yours, yours to take, yours to have—" Creativity from her own mouth turned Paine on all the more, for Lulu's sheer entertainment; "Lulu, fuck me up and let me _come—"_

_Right before_, from the other side of the house Paine heard a loud, high-pitched scream that persisted for several seconds. Lulu stopped. That scream transitioned into ecstatic laughter and cheers, continuing on for several moments. Immediately after, Vevina's undeniable tones of annoyance sounded, from her scream of, "_Shut UP, Venus_! Shut up, shut up, shut _up_!" Doors forced open, slammed shut, hard thumps from Venus dancing about the hall on the right wing of the house… Another door opened, with Venus exclaiming, "_Look, look_! I'm a woman now!" And Vidina shouted in disgust, in outrage, voice rusted with fatigue, "_GROSS_! GET THAT OUT OF MY FACE! Why are you even SHOWING me?!" And Venus told him, boasting loudly, "Because you _said _that I'm only fourteen, so I can't be a woman yet! HA! You're WRONG, big brother! My tits are gonna be as big as Mommy's next year, watch! Don't you think they're big now?" Vidina clearly did not care, yelling, "GET OUT OF MY ROOM, VENUS!" More movement, insistent tugging against a locked door that would not open, and Vevina's muffled shouts echoed, "I don't CARE, you stupid attention whore! I wanna sleep!" Continued pulling as if the door would somehow jerk open; Vevina cried out, "Leave me alone or I'll scream out all of your secrets!"

Inevitable storm of bare footsteps down the hall in the direction of their bedroom followed. In preparation, Lulu retrieved Paine's warm aftercare blanket. That fabric covered Paine's body just in time for that hard knocking on the door. Deep breaths, deep breaths; Paine counted backward from twenty, trying not to think of what she'd missed out on. Lulu changed into her nightgown, calm as ever, and opened the door. There stood Venus in the short shorts and sleeveless top she wore to bed, grinning.

"Mommy, look!" said Venus, shoving her pair of panties closer to Lulu's face. To Lulu's credit, she did not recoil at the blood there. "I started my period! Vevina tried to tell me I wouldn't get it until I was sixteen. Nope! _Fourteen_! I'm a woman now, right? Remember what you said?" When Lulu could think of nothing to say right away, Venus looked inside, spotting Paine in the _reclining _chair beside the bed. "Daddy!" She waved her panties in the air, showing them to her. Paine turned on her side, away. Venus frowned. "What's the matter…? Don't you care that I'm all grown-up now?"

Lulu spoke for her, "Your father is very tired, that's all. This is an unusual hour to wake us all up."

Venus turned her head this way and that, trying to get a better look. "Then why is she not in bed?" she asked. Such a strong urge Paine felt to rid this blanket, show Venus the chains and get this unavoidable talk over with. "Daddy, if you're tired, you shouldn't sleep in that chair. What if it hurts your back?"

"I'm thirty-seven years old, Venus, not eighty," said Paine, loud enough to be heard. "Go back to bed."

That _sadism_, again… "Actually," began Lulu, ushering Venus inside, "We should discuss this. You're right, dear—this is an important moment in your life." Venus beamed, sitting with Lulu upon the bed, facing her with excitement. "With this comes a number of responsibilities and things you need to remember…"

Thus Lulu proceeded to spend hours talking with Venus about ovulation, vanilla sex, gender stereotypes, child birth, and feminine hygiene. Venus of course had a number of questions, and asked them all unabashed. Lulu answered each one of them, kind and patient. Paine knew better. Spending this much time _explaining _when they could have continued from where they left off—her wife intended to prolong this. Impatient, craving each time Lulu talked about sex, Paine waited…

Nights passed, and Paine fucking _needed _this sting against her back from the whip of Lulu's dragon tail. Internalizing, internalizing, Paine inhaled and exhaled, turned on, turned on from proving that she could take this. Wrists above her head, cuffed against the Saint Andrew's Cross, facing it and the wall, Paine again had to be quiet—not so quiet to keep Lulu from hearing her clear arousal. Torso bare, collar around her neck, and leather and heeled boots from her typical dressphere covered her bottom half for the comfort and kink; cracking sounds from that whip met her upper back around her brand of _Fury_, met the leather over her ass, titillating. Nowhere to go, nowhere to move—she had to take this, want this.

Controlled, focused, Lulu knew how to hit where she wanted, as hard or soft as she wanted. Occasional thuds from her boots sounded against the carpet as she shifted backward and forward to adjust the distance when she pleased. Thoughts alone of Lulu covered in black from her corset down to her thigh-high boots, all the way down, doing this, controlling this space got Paine off, got her off, building, steady without sexual stimulation. Soft, sadistic laughter Lulu let out; softer rubs of her hand against Paine's back she gave in between this, soothing by sound, touch and intention.

At those telling sounds of running footsteps down the hall, Paine fought not to groan out loud. Lulu did not react right away, getting a few more whips in, thinking they were safe with the door closed, and locked. A sudden thought overtook Paine, fearful.

_We forgot to lock the door…_

Venus burst in the room in her night things, singing praise to her parents—only to stop and _scream _at the sight before her. From the other side of the house, Vidina barked at his sister to keep it down. She did not care, rushing over to her mother, grabbing onto her corset. "Mommy, what are you DOING to her?!" she exclaimed. Paine's ears burned, reddening. "What are you wearing? IS THAT A WHIP?! Daddy, why are you chained to that X thing? Is she hurting you? Are you two in some secret cult? What's—?!"

Lulu made Venus sit on the bed, handling this as though she'd been preparing for it. "I don't want you to panic," she said, gentle enough to calm their daughter down. "It's time we had another talk. What your father and I do with one another—it's not _normal_, but it is perfectly healthy. I promise I'm not harming her. There's no need to be afraid or concerned."

"But you're _hurting _her," Venus pointed out, adamant.

"Your father enjoys the pain when I give it to her. She is what one would call a _masochist_. I am a sadist. This is entirely consensual. Remember when I explained to you that sex needs to be agreed upon first? The same thing applies here."

By some miracle, Venus stayed quiet, listening to Lulu explain just enough to her about this lifestyle. All the while, Paine hung her head, counting down the seconds until this was all over. Though she was beyond grateful for Lulu's grace in handling the situation, it still did not erase the utter embarrassment Paine felt. She knew Venus looked up to her for her strength in battle, as a protector. To listen to Lulu unravel all of that by explaining that Paine was, in fact, very submissive deep down…

That notion only piqued Venus' curiosity all the more as she observed Lulu's outfit, Paine's state.

"No wonder you're in charge, Mommy!" said Venus, high-spirited again. "_That's_ why Daddy always wears her collar! I get it now! Is this why you don't get that mad whenever I go on and on to Vevina about kissing and all that? Don't I get it from you?"

Lulu could not answer right away. "I suppose you're right… We do our best to give you plenty of freedom. I suggest you don't abuse this privilege. With this situation, I need you to do as I say, not as I do. You're not of age yet. With that said, take this as a lesson to always knock before entering…"

Venus gave an enthusiastic promise that she would do as her mother said. Crystal clear lesson to Paine: remember to lock the door from now on. She entertained the possibility that Lulu had left it unlocked for this very purpose…

—

On the first morning of spring, Paine awoke to the rich smells of Lulu's cooking. Through the falls of her hair she stared out the windows behind the open drapes, lying on her side. She took a long moment to think, to wake, taking things in. Faint sounds of conversation she heard: Vevina's deepening, sultry tones she earned from her mother, and Vidina's kind ones. Vague excitement she heard from Venus, her voice a little higher-pitched of match to her personality; sudden burst of her powerful, soulful singing voice followed, and collective scolds from her siblings and Lulu to quiet down with Paine still asleep. That last had Paine smiling to herself, shifting to stare at the large photograph on the opposite wall, of her and her wife on their wedding day. After almost thirteen years, that pure radiance to Lulu's skin in her happiness never diminished. As to what was hidden behind the photograph…she and Lulu had had no reason to revisit that room.

To the vanity she looked, at the abundance of Lulu's jewels upon the surface. Many of those Paine had purchased for her wife for special occasions, for their wedding anniversaries, a romantic night out, or simply just because. Paine rose from bed in her blank tank and red shorts, going over to that sizable collection of necklaces, chokers, rings, bracelets, bangles, and earrings of amethyst, ruby, onyx, chocolate diamond and pearl—all Lulu's favorites. Gil she earned from winning the annual tournament kept Lulu and their girls spoiled enough by such indulgences. She made sure to keep both Vidina and Lulu well-stocked with new black magic tomes to learn from and dolls to use and choose from. Raine hadn't competed since that embarrassing time, after having made it crystal clear she was undefeatable—not to mention she still wore Paine's spare barbed-wire necklace, for her own reasons. Lightning also had not participated since that year, preferring to stay in the stands and watch. Age-old possibilities she had not forgotten about; too focused on her family to notice those temptations.

Atop the wide dresser nearby where Lulu kept her dolls, Paine looked toward, walking there. Miniature, plush chocobos, moogles, cactuars, cait siths, moombas, tonberries, coeurls, baby behemoths, and mandragoras Lulu had kept in perfect condition, including her prized Onion Knight doll imbued with her Venus Sigil and Crest. An odd gift from Shinra from some years ago stayed right in the center of this small family: a miniature Paine doll in her warrior dressphere, complete with customizable outfits of her many dresspheres. This one was Lulu's favorite and most powerful doll—to Paine's chagrin—capable of destruction most potent and terrifying. She remembered how overjoyed Lulu had been when Shinra gifted it to her during those long years her wife had spent battling her manic depression…

Within the small, topmost drawers was where she and Lulu kept their handwritten notes to one another from over the years. Much of what kept her going during Lulu's hospital stays had been re-reading these as often as she could. Crisp, earthen smell of Lulu's perfume smelled strong as she opened one drawer. In her hands she took one of the folded pieces of papers and opened it, chest soaring from the memories; knowing what it said already simply from recognizing this particular note, starting with Lulu's handwriting, and then hers, and back and forth:

_Venus keeps asking to know what we're writing to one another. Should we tell her?_

_No, I don't think it's a good idea. She's only five. She doesn't need to know how much I'm craving your control over me. I miss taking your whips on my back. I miss you binding me powerless with your hands and arms to fuck me hard. I don't see how we could tell her to begin with._

_You know I want all of that, love. Telling me right in front of them is a risky move. Risky, but I like it. In case she asks, we could always say we're letting each other know how close we want to be._

_Then she'll only ask more questions._

_Vidina's distracting the girls with his dolls. Good. Now keep telling me._

_Wait. Vevina's coming over here. Unless she's just wandering around. What if she…?_

_Love, you know she can't…_

_Sorry. I know you don't like to talk about it._

_It's all right. I never truly explained why the concept of blindness bothers me so. Not enough._

_You could tell me, if you want. I'd love to know. _

_I've told you how strict my mother was with me when I was a child. When I was four, she began using a special kind of punishment to make me obedient to her. Whenever she felt I had stepped out of line, she cast a Blind spell on my eyes. She would then order me to go about my day without sight. I remember that tangible fear of constantly thinking I would trip or fall for everyone to laugh at me. My father always allowed me to spend plenty of time with him, to keep me safe. That is why I am so fond of him…_

It sounded as though things had settled down outside, thus Paine decided to emerge. Once the door opened, she heard those bass-heavy, experimental tunes from the current pop song playing over Venus' stereo in her room. Her footsteps followed that figurative trail toward the kitchen, that aroma. There she found Lulu in her dress, cooking with Vidina's help. Vidina had since learned how to cook during those six years of Lulu being in and out of the hospital. One disastrous attempt Paine had made at cooking one day had put her children off severely, despite her good intentions. Yuna had then decided to volunteer to teach her to cook, to no avail, though Vidina had picked up on it well enough. That uninhibited expression of disgust on Venus' face, Paine remembered the most, and her daughter's constant complaints whenever she had so much as set foot inside the kitchen from that day on.

"You can come in the kitchen, you know," said Vidina in good-humor, recalling that ill-fated incident. Paine stepped through, sheepish. Lulu turned to smile at her, that warmth in her eyes beckoning Paine to hold her from behind. "Took you a while to wake up this morning! We thought you'd be out for a lot longer."

Paine shook her head against Lulu's bare shoulder. "I was just feeling nostalgic, looking around the room," she explained, before kissing her wife's neck. That humming sound of approval from Lulu made her smile. "Are we all still going out to train once Venus leaves for school?"

"We are, love," said Lulu. "Do you remember what else is planned for later in the evening?"

_How could I forget…? _"Venus is having her sleepover here with a few of her friends…"

Vidina grimaced. "And _I'm _getting out of here," he said.

Paine rolled her eyes. "Lucky you."

"Her friends are always trying to get my number," Vidina went on, "They're so annoying… I'm six years older than them, why do they keep trying? I know you two are six years apart, but you're different! Way, way different."

"As long as this isn't some excuse to have a giant orgy together," said Paine, paranoid of a sudden; Vidina burst out laughing; "I think I can handle it."

Lulu had to keep from laughing as well. "Love, why in Spira would they do such a thing?" she asked. "I'm not convinced Venus has truly reached that stage of puberty just yet. It is possible that she will never feel that way entirely. I know I didn't. Vevina certainly hasn't."

"What, to have sex with whoever, whenever?"

"If you insist on putting it that way, then yes. This sex culture does grow stronger with each passing generation. Questionable dancing aside, I think she only indulges in it in a nonphysical way because of the popularity she has among her many friends. She assures me she is still a virgin."

Vidina frowned, concerned. "Should I beat up any guy that comes near her?" he asked. "Or girl…?"

Lulu hummed in disagreement. "That's another thing—I don't think she finds boys attractive at all. She _seems_ to prefer people who are…similar to her—"

False cough from Vidina: "_Vain_."

"Son," scolded Lulu, scowling at his sudden sheepishness.

"Sorry, Ma… She's just—"

Venus twirled from the hallway to the kitchen in only her bra and uniform skirt. "Good morning, Daddy!" she said, hugging both of her parents.

Paine could never keep up with her daughter's cheerfulness; she smiled down at her, at least, content that Venus loved her as she was. "Good morning, Venus…"

"No hug for me?" asked Vidina, feigning hurt.

"_No_, Vivi," said Venus, sticking her tongue out at him. "I just saw you before I got in the shower! Daddy woke up late, not you!" She tugged at Paine and Lulu's waists, unsettling her mother's cooking. "Come with me! I have something funny to show you!" Paine let Venus pull her out of the kitchen, missing her wife's closeness already. "Mommy, you too! You have to see!"

"I'm cooking, dear," Lulu reminded her, as if she could forget. "You can show me later. Besides, you're supposed to be getting ready for school. Whatever it is, try to keep it short. We'll be done soon."

Venus skipped back down the hall, calling out to her, "Okay, but you're missing out!" Paine followed after her, watching her go to her room. Purple _everything _filled the large space there, with numerous posters along the walls of beautiful women—dancers and models in particular. "I said I'd show Vevina, too!" Venus collected her thin, violet laptop from her bed, carrying it farther down the hall to her sister's room. "Let there be light!" she said, pushing the door all the way open to the darkness there.

Black and washed out grey Vevina preferred as homage to her powers to wield shadows just like her aunt. Red fabrics from the drapes and duvet Vevina allowed, matching the eye color she and her sister had from Paine. No decorations, nothing to draw the eye toward except jewelry and amassments of piano sheet music organized atop the surfaces: but a simple set of bedroom furniture and open drapes over the window, allowing enough light to come through as Vevina listened to her music player.

Vevina frowned at her sister plopping down on the bed next to her. "You're not dressed," she complained, taking off her headphones. "I don't want your tits hanging out all over my bed, woman."

Venus scoffed. "You've seen me in less," she snapped back, opening her laptop. Paine went to lie down with her girls, raising an eyebrow at Venus' wallpaper: a topless female model on a beach with her back toward the viewer, arms wrapped about her chest. "Oops!" She quickly brought up her internet browser, giggling. "Here, look, you _have _to see this!" Vevina rolled her eyes, resigning herself to look at the screen of her sister's email. In excited gossip, Venus said, "_So_, you know prom's coming up, right? Now that I'm finally old enough to go to one, I've been getting all these emails from guys that want to ask me to go…"

A number of read and unread emails showed up, most from people that Venus had not bothered adding to her contacts. Venus cracked up at the first unread message she clicked on. "Ohh, listen to this one, listen to this one!" she said, as if Paine and Vevina could not read it for themselves. Venus then spoke in a mocking, male tone, "_I know you remember me. I'm Rai, that sixth year jock you _accidentally _walked in on in the boys' locker rooms right after my shower. The way you tried to play innocent and just smirked before you left, don't act like you don't know me. I'm still hard thinking about it. Yeah, I got your email from one of your friends. She said I had to ask you to prom with me. When I find you at school today, I'll ask. Don't let some other guy beat me to it. Unless you wanna come back and find me, that works…"_

Paine balked, not knowing if she should be concerned with Venus' cackling. "Hold on," she said, stern, "You were in the boys' locker room? What were you doing in there?"

"Oh, nothing," replied Venus, leaning on her some more. "I lost a bet to one of my friends—I said we wouldn't have Sex Ed that day because our professor was out sick. She said the most awkward professor in the whole school was gonna sub for us instead. She was right, for once. It was just a stupid prank. It was kind of late so I didn't think anyone would be in there. He's been kind of stalking me ever since then. For all the mess he talks, his junk was small, anyway. It looked so gross."

Unbothered, Venus went on to another email. Paine appreciated the honesty, though she wondered if Venus exaggerated the _stalking_ or not. That and all of what Venus did or did not choose to expose herself to already at fourteen… So long as she didn't _do _anything yet as she promised, there was nothing Paine could say.

Vevina disagreed. "Why do you do stuff like that?" she asked, revolted. "I bet everyone at your school thinks you sleep around. Don't you call each other sluts and whores?"

"If they think that, I don't care," said Venus, flicking the falls of hair from her face. "It's not like any of them matter. My friends at the school Vivi was gonna go to are _way _better. Besides, if any of those whores call _me _a whore, it's because they're jealous they can't get the attention I do. I don't even wanna _touch _one of those things… Nasty."

"Daddy used one to make us," Vevina reminded her.

"Yeah, but she's not a sicko that goes around waving it in girls' faces like it _means _something!"

That was another thing—Paine and Lulu had agreed to give their children this freedom in all things, so long as they kept the most important promises. They preferred to be open with the twins in particular, to avoid the possible disasters that might occur from resentment and rebellion if they were too strict. Confident, head-strong, intelligent, but still curious—Paine preferred these qualities in them as opposed to keeping a tight leash around her daughters that would only break from secrecy's sharp blade.

Paine had to ask: "Venus…do you _like _boys? You never want to answer me when I ask. Be honest."

Venus could not hide the disgust on her face. "Oh, Daddy, I don't know," she said, scrolling through the messages, absent-minded, "I don't think about stuff like that…"

Something told Paine that there was far more to this story. "You love to manipulate them, at least," she pointed out, to start with.

Venus smiled, impish. "They're just so _easy_…" She opened another message, laughing out loud. "What?! Is this guy _serious_?! Trying to pass this off like it's his—HA! I was just playing this song earlier!" Minor dance Venus did in place, singing in key, "_I'm addicted to you, don'tcha know that you're toxic?_" Venus fanned her face, eyes streaming. "When I see him today I'm gonna tell him Britney's suing him for tacky theft. He's such a dork!"

"_Venus_," said Paine, unwilling to let her change the subject.

With a light sigh, Venus turned to her father, batting her eyelashes. "Yes, Daddy?" she asked, innocent.

"You didn't answer my question, baby girl," replied Paine, adding the pet name for the sake of making Venus smile again, relaxed. "Why is this such a difficult topic with you? I've been asking you for two years and you never have anything to say."

Vevina piped up, "I can tell you—"

Venus bolted around to clamp her sister's mouth shut. "No, don't you dare!" she shouted. Vevina glared at her, challenging. "UGH, _why _are you so annoying?! Do you like ruining my life or something? I'm _trying _to tell her, I don't need you butting in!"

When Venus let go of her, Vevina clicked her tongue. "You're not trying to do _anything_. That's the point."

"Whatever," said Venus, dismissive. "Daddy, it's weird, okay? I don't like boys because their mentality is the ugliest thing I can think of. Their bodies make good ballet props…? That's like the only good thing I can say about them!" Back to her email she went, stopping herself from clicking on a message from someone in her contacts list this time. That sudden haze to Venus' face, that redness—Paine noticed. "Oh, no, no, _no_! You didn't see anything!" Venus quickly closed her laptop and bounced from her sister's bed. "Vevina, _sweet lady _and my most kindest, sweetest, bestest sister," she called, going over to Vevina's dresser; Vevina rolled her eyes; "Could I borrow this necklace? It's pretty."

"Don't touch my stuff, woman," ordered Vevina, scowling. "You have your own! Why do you need mine? Daddy just bought me that one!"

Paine stood up, hearing the sounds of plates coming from the dining room. "Venus, leave your sister's things alone. You wouldn't want her touching your necklaces."

"But it's _pretty_!"

"You only want it because it's not yours."

Venus smirked, shameless. "Okay, maybe…"

"Now go put a shirt on, please," said Paine, ushering Venus out of the room with her laptop. "Breakfast is ready. You don't want to keep your mother waiting." As Venus went about her way, singing along to the song playing over her stereo, Paine went to sit next to Vevina. "Hey, is everything all right? You seem a little grumpier than usual, you know. I'm worried."

Vevina sighed, shaking her head. "I just wish she'd tell you the whole truth," she said. "That last email she read was from another girl. She should come out and say that she wants someone who will treat her like you are with Mommy. Not a boy. I think she said it'd sound _weird _if she told you."

"How would that be weird…? I helped raise her; it's natural for her to want the same sort of thing outside of her family. There's a saying that girls usually want someone like their fathers."

"You have to keep asking her about it," said Vevina, resigned. "Sometimes she'll come crying to me that she'll never be able to find a girl like you… Other than that, I'm okay."

Venus screamed at them from her room: "STOP TALKING ABOUT ME! I KNOW YOU ARE!"

Vevina rushed to her door and screamed back: "NO ONE CARES, ATTENTION WHORE!"

"MOMMY, VEVINA CALLED ME A WHORE AGAIN—!"

Paine had done this plenty of times, knowing how to make sure her voice carried: "_Enough_! Get to the table, both of you! You're gonna be late, Venus, turn that music off!" Vevina gave her an apologetic look, going along to the dining room. Paine went after her, unable to be irritated anymore when she saw that amused smile on Lulu's face.

—

Later that evening, Paine sat across from her wife, having a romantic dinner at home, _just because_: dimmed lighting in the dining room, lit candles upon the table, chilled champagne nearby, vague voices in the background blocked out by this moment; _Fly Me to the Moon _playing lightly; an everlasting violet rose, Paine handed to Lulu, reveling in that indulgent smile; boundless love Paine expressed when she leaned over to taste that smile, tongue tracing, whispering through the warmth of Lulu's laughter; feeling that beautiful expression work itself out, into her lips, muscles working, corners widening to splendor immeasurable; Lulu whispered similarly, drowning out the rest of the world together—

Until that cacophony of girlish laughter reached them, breaking this immersion. Source of their hilarity—that male voice from the actor in the movie playing in the living room only worsened matters:

"_Don't have sex. Because you will get pregnant and die! Don't have sex in the missionary position! Don't have sex standing up! Just don't do it, promise…? Okay, everybody take some rubbers._"

Dejected sighs came from Paine's lips when she remembered that Venus and her entourage were just in the other room, huddled together in their night things watching a film. Venus' friends giggled and talked loudly throughout the movie, comparing one another to the characters on-screen. She had already forgotten the name of it—something to do with high school drama and the social pressures there.

Lulu laughed at the situation, strangely relaxed about it. "This reminds me of our first New Year's Eve in Zanarkand, when everyone decided to throw a party in our home," she recalled, nostalgic. She held Paine's hand in hers, caressing. "They must have thought I'd lightened up, with you making me as happy as you continue to do. Such a thing would have been unheard of before you and I began dating."

"I've heard plenty of stories of how severe you used to be," said Paine, before sipping her champagne. Lulu hummed, likely thinking back to some of those times. "I wonder…if I still would've found you attractive back then. You were pretty laid-back when I met you. Not as much as you are now—" By the mirth in Lulu's eyes, she seemed to ask, _Even Mistress Fury? "Sometimes_—you know what I mean…"

"Yes, love, I know," replied Lulu. "Those years were severe on me, on all of us. I believe you would have understood this and accepted me as I was. Tell me…do you agree?"

Paine had only to stare deeper into her wife's eyes, into that endlessness there. "I'm biased," she said, devoted to this truth.

Amusement from Lulu's lips glowed behind her glass, the gloss of her lipstick catching light from the candles around them. "Well, from what you know of me today and the stories you've heard, how do you believe things would have happened back then?"

This topic could never get old for Paine; they could never discuss it too much. "I think…at first, if I didn't know you at all, I'd—observe you, at least get a feel for you. If I could tell that soon that I had to have you, I can see myself staying in your sights as much as possible. We wouldn't have to speak, not all the time. When I'd look at you, I'd want to show you the depths of my emotions without words. I'd want you to see that in me…that I'm patient enough for you to warm up to me first. After that…"

Venus and her friends exploded in laughter, sounding as a series of echoes as they repeated the same line from the film over and over again to each other, "_That's why her hair is so big, it's full of secrets_!"

With a smile over Paine's state, Lulu said, "Go on," deeply curious. Paine frowned, thus Lulu decided to lighten the mood again. "Anything, love? Not even any silly, out-of-character pick-up lines?"

"_Pick-up lines_?" echoed Paine, puzzled. _One comes to mind that's completely ridiculous… _"I'd go up to you and ask, _Baby, did you fall from heaven? You're so beautiful; The Creator Herself must have dropped you down here to be with me_…"

Lulu held nothing back with her laughter; Paine clutched her champagne glass, feeling self-conscious for a moment. She eventually shared in that amusement, realizing that Lulu obviously meant no harm by it. Such a concept of being silly for the sake of comedy was novel to Paine even at nearly forty years of age. To her, it went lengths to show her that Lulu continued to teach her something new every day. That knowledge was certainly worth that minor embarrassment—to see Lulu this happy.

Just under that jubilation, Paine whispered to her wife, "I love you."

—

Some weeks later in the afternoon, Paine stayed at home alone, sitting at Lulu's desk in her study. With Vevina and Vidina out training with their aunt for the weekend, Venus spending the day with Yuna and Lenne doing dance routines, and Lulu at Eyevine working on a high-profile photo shoot for a few investors, Paine had this time alone to do what she had no business doing. Stacks and stacks of handwritten journals her wife had filled to the brim, untouched by Paine's tempted hands all these years. She recalled watching these stacks grow and grow, taking up more and more space until the entire perimeter of the room had been taken up by tall piles of Lulu's work.

This very work was what had driven Lulu to that brink of madness. Each time she stayed at home alone, Paine sat in this same chair to reflect; to consider what became of the ashes. How long had Lulu spent working on this story? Was it worth it? Judging by the extent of her wife's caring, easygoing manner these days, perhaps it was. Was she finished? Paine couldn't tell. She had no idea how to index these journals, to take stock, to measure.

Strangeness or devotion? How, after countless times of sitting here, not once had Paine given into this temptation. Not one journal had she touched, opened. All of them, she stared at, noting the numerals and vague, Lulu-only code written along the spines of each one. However, there was one thing Paine _did _allow herself to look at—a long, long sheet of parchment with Lulu's notes, though Paine found them impossibly vague despite this rare discovery.

_What does my love dream of the most, most strongly, unwittingly; never letting her go? To have the power to fight anything within her reach and beyond, though she knows this is surely an inhuman wish… She grew up with fighting as her only outlet. It was the only way she could prove to herself that she was alive, and that she was strong enough to continue going on. How can I give that to her? It cannot be given without great challenges of will to test her strength and improve it. A good story revolves around conflict, seemingly endless conflict, until the miraculous resolution that simply fits and leaves the reader satisfied. That satisfaction cannot come about if there are no struggles, no situations where chances of victory are slim._

_Paine enjoys proving herself, thus I am willing and able to provide her a grand challenge in this story. I have seen her dreams. I know all of her fears. I know her, inside and out. Her reactions, her thoughts, her motivations and reasons for being; why she walks and speaks the way she does, little reasons as to why those might change, what she goes over in her mind before making a bold decision or a cowardly one; what bothers her, the scents she loves, the attention to detail she possesses…and, perhaps the most important of all, how deeply she loves her family, our children, me. _

_Key words and phrases: emotional, brutality, rage, fury, incarnate, love, trespassing, determination, revisiting, fantasies, wrath, dominance, submission, slavery, willingness, Scarborough Fair, before, no holding back, otherworldly, worlds collide, not knowing, secrecy, is this applicable?, applicable, try again, tangible, realistic reactions, journeys, loss, gain, dancing, taking their place, The Farplane, Kinoc, Jyscal, Mika, Yunalesca, Zaon, Seymour, Trema, Via Infinito, Paragon, Penance, Judgement Day, In Memoriam, The Arbiter of Time, Ark Angels, The Scorpion's Empress, The Creator, Balfonheim, Zanarkand, temptation, sneaking around, should they see?, I cannot judge, all the time in the world…_

_Romance of questionable intentions…_

_They would surely disapprove._

_Have you seen the way they look at us? No._

_Stylistically, it must fit the world._

_Continuous, continuous; an endless spiral, with hope at the end of that infinity—to be used…_

_Are we supposed to do this? I have followed your lead all this time. Now you say you want something different? I don't trust you._

_Liar._

_I don't believe you._

_You've stolen my heart, broken it, tried to mend it…such turmoil drives me harder, to love you as I do._

_Is it your fault? Or is it mine for writing it so?_

_You look not a day over thirty-three. I am certain in my accuracy._

_I must believe you. I cannot live without you—this much is evident in our world. Your strength has seen us through this far. Will it be enough to carry us to the end?_

_This will be her story—from me, to her. I'm…a little nervous that it won't be perfect when it is finished. Have I kept everyone in-character? Will she agree with my portrayal of her? I do want her to read it after I'm certain it is polished. It will be the perfect gift for our fifteenth wedding anniversary. I have just the place in mind where I want us to be when I give her the first volume. I'll tell her that the rest is at home, ready for her to read. She has certainly been meaning to know what it is I've worked on. I feel it is best if I ask her not to comment on anything—not for a while, not until I'm ready. _

_Am I…afraid to know her opinion of how I see her? Perhaps, perhaps not…this is an intimate invasion of privacy. Any normal person would see this as quite the controversial tale. Admittedly, that makes this all the more enjoyable…_

Sudden vibration from her wireless atop the desk startled Paine out of this reverie. Paine snatched the device from the surface, eyes wide at the name there. She answered, hearing loud sounds of laughter and music in the background, "Fang? What is it?"

Fang tried hard _not _to join in that laughter. "_Hey there, Your Honor_," she said, low-key. "_I was just callin' to see if you still own a television. Seems like y'don't_!"

Paine narrowed her eyes, asking, "The hell is _that _supposed to mean?"

"_Oh, you_," said Fang, pitying her for not getting the joke. "_See, if you were watchin' TV right now, you'd know why I called. Hell, I think you'd be on your way already to stop it_!"

"Stop _what_?"

Fang laughed at last, unable to hold it in. "_Just trust me, Paine—go turn on your screen and change it to any news or music programs. It's all over the place, you'll see_!"

Irritated over the interruption, Paine hung up, hurrying to the living room to see what all the fuss was about. Right when she turned the television on, she switched to one of the news stations she kept up with, to at least _try _and pretend as though she still worked. There, the source of her complete humiliation: Yuna and Lenne singing and dancing at a crowded pop concert in the blitzball stadium, with _her_—Paine—in the white and blue of her songstress dressphere, smiling, belting tunes in perfect harmony, working her body in ways inexcusable right along with them as a trio. Screens on the sides and corners showed news reporters who respected her and her family, crying with laughter, highly unprofessional but clearly not giving a fuck anyway, exchanging repartee about this hilarity.

Quickly, Paine searched through her garment grids—she was missing one, that _sole one _she kept separate with only her songstress dressphere in case Lulu was of the mind to humiliate her again. Something told her this was not Lulu's doing at all; one culprit left, the _only _possible culprit; Paine rushed to collect her keys and satchel and stormed through to the garage. Nostalgia, unwelcome nostalgia echoed through her head, of Rikku's voice through the radio in her ear over twenty years ago:

_Y, R, P, in position…it's Showtime, girls…_

Laws did not matter on this day, not in her rage, no, though she _knew _she was giving right into her daughter's attention-seeking tactics, she did not _care_. She drove her skycar straight over traffic, grateful that law enforcement vehicles were sparse that day. Right through to the open blitzball stadium she drove, startling the audience and dancers on stage as she landed right in the middle of this old-school rendition of _real Emotion _for the hundreds of thousands of fans in attendance. Yuna and Lenne tried to keep dancing to calm the audience down, as did _Paine_…

Out the car Paine went, going straight toward this impostor—not Leblanc this time—uncaring of the deafening music, claps, cheers and laughter in her ears. Yuna's singing voice broke down into laughter when she realized what this was all about. Lenne stopped and stared, uncomfortable. This _impostor _kept dancing, pumping the crowd, whipping her short hair around as she worked those moves, until the real Paine stood in front of her, glaring, and snatched her garment grid back. Transformation of blinding crystal—disguise removed, Venus kept on dancing in her own songstress dressphere of match to Yuna and Lenne's, smiling wide at her father for deciding to attend the concert.

That same grabbing of her legs by Paine, hoisting her over one shoulder, carrying her away through Venus' complaints of, "But, _Daddy_!" while she kicked her legs about. "We weren't finished with the medley yet!" Paine said not a word between this overstimulation, this anger, carrying her wonderful, lovely, precious daughter back to the car. "Why do you always ruin my fun?!"

Back in the car, seatbelts on—Paine took off for the skies again, so red in the face she had begun to sweat. "You just danced away the rest of your privileges for the year. No prom. No dates. No sleepovers. No phone. No laptop."

Venus appeared not to care by that sweet smile on her face. "You're really mad at me, huh?" she asked.

_Don't give in. Don't give in. Don't give in and let her see me angry. _"I don't appreciate you stealing my garment grid, Venus," said Paine, firm enough to get her point across. "Right now, I don't care that you embarrassed me for the whole world in this time to see. You did this behind my back."

"I'm sorry, Daddy." Venus _sounded _sincere enough… "If I ask you next time, will you—?"

"No."

"Why not?"

Paine gripped the steering wheel. "That kind of dancing…isn't my style," she explained, fearing one of the veins in her head would soon burst. "I don't want people to get the wrong idea about me. It's too late now. Yuna should have told me."

"Yunie thought I was you," said Venus, grinning over the memory. "You should've seen her face when I used your voice and told her I was gonna join her and Lenne today! She almost—"

"I don't want to hear it. You're in big trouble. Don't chit-chat with me."

"But, _Daddy_, don't you want to know—"

"No."

"But—!"

"I _said _no. Don't make me repeat myself again."

Venus sighed, collapsing back in her seat. "Mommy must've been wrong," she muttered under her breath. "Pranking you is only gonna get me into more trouble." Paine did not hear her, too busy trying not to combust or cause an accident. "This _redirection _thing doesn't work on you at all…"

_—_

_Reference: high school drama film, Mean Girls (2004)._


	50. The Port City of Balfonheim

"_To You" from Final Fantasy X-2 International + Last Mission_

_Powerless describes not my words that I  
Have built from madness and passion both, all  
For you, my love, for me to show what my  
Voice knows not how to say, or to stand tall  
Before habit's broken records—let us  
Go to this mirror instead, listening  
To premonition's sighs between our trust;  
How it cannot wait to finish sewing.  
Dye this time to the colors you wish, and  
Know that I have shaped them for you, to you;  
Your cold face in my palm that has shaped lands  
For your sights, hearts beating the same as two:  
Building buildings with the beats of your love—  
I know no better toil, shapes high of: _

_Two years have passed, and our fifteenth wedding anniversary is finally here. It's also my forty-sixth birthday. Vidina makes a point to remind me that I haven't aged at all. I haven't forgotten what that other version of my wife tried to warn me of…my story is complete, right on time. I've organized a getaway for the occasions to a new, familiar place. Ironically enough, Venus' prank during Yuna's concert was the final push for the Gullwings and Gippal to patch things up with Paine—for the most part. They're all joining us for the trip. There are a number of things they still do not know…it's for the best._

_As for my mother, I share Paine's sentiments that she is keeping far too much from us. Yet still I feel the need to trust that secrecy. It is as if she is as well-intentioned as I am with our friends. I can only hope._

Aboard the Celsius again for the first time in over a decade; Lulu could not help this sense of nostalgia. Old memories had yet to wash away from the cabin, from this same bed she lay in, holding Paine through the long flight to their destination. With the airship on auto-pilot through the afternoon skies of spring, Brother and Buddy had the freedom to join the others downstairs at the bar, laughing, drinking. Gippal spoke loudly as he told his jokes about the time he'd spent in prison, still oblivious to the framing. Fang chimed in just as loud with her own thoughts, seeming all right with Lightning off in her own world alone in a corner. Shinra, Jecht and Braska joined in on that amusement with logic, banter and endearing innocence, respectively. Auron sat at the end of the bar with his own sake, deep in thought.

Upstairs nearby, Vidina leaned on the railing, smiling down at everyone as he listened to their jokes and conversation. Behind him, sitting on one bed, Rikku and Yuna discussed with the twins, asking what Vevina and Venus both planned to do once they were of age next year. Venus insisted she hadn't given it much thought, content to enjoy being sixteen years old for the time being. Vevina's story sounded far more convincing, of also not thinking too much about it. From Vidina's example of staying at home to take care of them at twenty-two years old, without much mind to live on his own, his sisters saw no reason to move out, either.

"Vivi's a hippie, anyway," remarked Venus, blasé enough to get her brother's attention; her voice having deepened and smoothed out to velvet femininity. "He wants to sleep outside and talk to his animal friends instead of finding an actual girlfriend. What kind of girl would want a guy like that?"

Vidina turned around, retorting, "Hey! I can find a girlfriend whenever I want! I'm not a hippie…"

Vevina observed her brother, solemn. "Your hair's way too short for you to be a hippie," she said, sounding as a younger echo of her mother. Vidina put his hands over his cropped crimson hair, self-conscious. "As long as you don't start smoking, I think you'll be okay…"

Yuna giggled before asking, "You've never had a girlfriend before, have you, Vidina? You're sweet and very handsome; I'm sure any girl would love to be with you."

"No…" Vidina turned back around, flushed. "Thank you, but…can you stop talking about me now?" he asked in earnest. Both Venus and Rikku looked over at Paine in Lulu's arms, equally unreadable. "You're embarrassing me. Talk about something else!"

Other than those visits at the hospital, Lulu could not recall when they had all been together like this in recent years. In reality, the last time she could remember was her and Paine's wedding day. After that, all had spiraled into a void of near-impossible reconciliation. Paine's silence spoke of her need to adjust to all of this—she had never been at the hospital with everyone at one time, having chosen to visit during her own unpredictable times to avoid them. Having Paine in her arms like this always reminded Lulu of those particular visits her wife had made. For all Paine knew, Lulu did not remember this:

_Two months after the first check-in, Lulu had nearly lost herself in this sleep; aware, unaware. Lying motionless for what felt as an eternity encapsulated in endlessness all the more—there was no yesterday, no tomorrow, only this, alone, with others only able to observe and hope for the best. Late at night, visiting hours over, secluded from the world again, sleeping, awake, desperate without anxiety. Need was something innate, deep; she could not breathe without it, could not swallow this depression down with it. Hadn't that been the beginning, the catalyst and the end-result all in one? Because she loved without remorse, without stopping for once due to imperfections, whereas all other times her mind and heart both had fled from that unwanted taint…_

_This time, she could not turn and walk away, knowing that she had left all of that behind. She was here, Lulu was here with these fractures in her mind; fragmentations that made no sense, made her love all the more. That kept her pride at bay, as her guardian angel had foretold. Enjoyment from this suffering, Lulu found, for she knew that this was necessary, all necessary…_

_Light opening of the door, cautious heels entered, light closing of the door; step, step, hesitation…more steps, hands rubbing down against leather, insecure, before a heavy sigh and sitting down at her bedside. Jagged breaths Paine tried to control, swallowing her emotions. Those same sentiments built in Lulu's ears, opening them for these moments. Leaning leather this time as Paine stood up, careful, to hover her parted lips over Lulu's, waiting. Broken breaths Paine breathed out there instead, moving to sit back down. _

"_Mistress… Lulu—" Emotion cut Paine's words short; she balled her gloved hands together, digging them into her lap; "You can't hear me…can you?" Small, weakened, and pride-free Paine's voice sounded, unlike her. Paine swallowed, willing herself to continue speaking, "I don't know what I'm doing… I know that I have to be strong for Vidina and the girls—I know, I know. Now that they're not here, and it's only you and me, I don't—I can't… I can't keep doing this." _

_Warmth from Paine's sweating forehead Lulu felt against her shoulder, that short hair limp in this despair. As a constriction of sheer need Paine wrapped her arms about Lulu's one closest to her, gripping, rocking back and forth bit by bit as a failing dam over her passions. Paine rose from her chair, bent over to hold, grasp; seize as a mirror of those many nights Lulu had done the same to her, to hold on. She shut her eyes, sucking sharp breaths in, heaving them out through her teeth; building sweat over her nose and brow, dotting until waves came of her will to say this out loud, hissing to try to control, failing:_

"_All those times I fucked up, Lulu, I swear they've built into this and it's my fault—stressing you out, making you unhappy—neglecting you—wanting someone else—the miscarriage, _fuck_, I don't care how long ago it was, I'm sorry…" More closeness, steadily, Paine moved on top of her, beneath the blanket with her, holding as if pulling, pulling Lulu out of this and back to her—to no avail. "If I could take it all back, if that would bring you back to me, I would, I would, I'd do anything, anything, _anything! _Fuck—fucking hell—damnit!" _

_Breaths blown out against Lulu's neck, emotions pooling down and muffled there. Barely, Paine managed to pull Lulu's arms around her, to give some semblance of being held. One arm just over the belts of her waist, skin-on-skin; the other, higher, over that brand of Fury, staying there through Paine's continued apologies, knowing they would change nothing; saying them, crying them anyway. _

"_Why do you love me so much if I can do this to you…? Why?! I never—ever—meant to hurt you. You're stronger than I am, more than I ever will be…you shouldn't be here… You're not supposed to be here. You're my wife—you're supposed to be with me—not fighting this alone!" Helpless and determined all at once, Paine held Lulu tighter, pressing into her more; kissing, searching for a way: "Pull me into you so I can help you, please… I won't leave. I'll never leave, not—not until you say…" _

_No matter how hard Paine tried, this strength she gave only branded her touch into flesh as a barrier, not an entrance. No matter how many times Paine said she loved her, she could never fall into her soul or mind to fix this. Not enough closeness, never enough—this weakness spoke out loud to the night air that this would never be enough, yet that contradiction drove Paine's devotion stronger, harder. Tired of crying alone, tired of pretending, tired of this despair—Lulu felt this all from Paine, from the need in her hands, her body that had fallen all it could. _

_Fullness of Paine's lips against this sensitivity, neck and shoulders; jaw, higher to the same, tasting, soaking wet with the uncontrollable; how she _tried_, "The worst part is…it's taken me—all this time—for me to really see…how much you love me. All of it, every drop, I see it now, now that you're here—there—too far away from me… You always…had this air about you…like you could live without me if you had to, like you only preferred my companionship, our dynamic… But, Lulu, when you hold me…all of that goes to pieces—and so do I. When you kiss me, make love to me, you tell me the truth over and over again… _

"_You tell me to not hold anything back. I can't… Because of my pride, or whoever's around, I don't care—I know now how much you need me. I won't ever forget… You can be grumpy and scowl all you want, my love—I know, underneath all your anger and pride, that you'll always love me. Doesn't mean I get free reign to keep fucking up and keeping things from you… That insecure Paine you knew…the one who tried to cover all that up with her own pride…you can forget her now. I won't disappoint you again. I'm too attached to you to act like I'm not. Wherever you go, I'll follow. I don't need to search for anything anymore—only your footsteps if I ever lose you again. _You_ are my honor, you are my life. To the ends of Spira and back, I love you…"_

As if thinking the same thing, Paine shifted in Lulu's hold, breathing her in for a long moment. That attachment had grown and soared since then, swollen from a need to not hold anything back. Ephemeral had come to define these hours Lulu often spent holding her wife without a word. Tighter, on occasion, Lulu held her, closer, soothing, as if Paine were a child that needed to be calmed, quietly as she did now, well-aware of Venus turning to look at them in curiosity every so often. Rikku was less obvious with her glances, though they were just as frequent.

"_Hello_?" asked Vidina, waving his hand in front of Rikku's face. "Hey, are you listening? What's wrong?"

"Oh!" said Rikku, trying to smile. "Sorry…what were we talking about, again? I wasn't paying attention."

Vevina sighed, exasperated. "We were _talking _about the story, remember?" she asked, earning only hums of cluelessness from Rikku. "_Ark Angels_? We want to know who would be who. What else is so important that you weren't paying attention?"

Rikku averted her eyes, shaking her head. "Don't worry about it," she said. Yuna made a small sound of concern for her cousin. Vevina frowned, looking to her sister; noticing the same behavior from her. "_Ark Angels _you said? That story sure does sound familiar… It's about the Fighters of the Crystal, isn't it?"

"Yes," said Vidina, worried, but continuing anyway, "Dad used to read it to me all the time when I was little. It's about a dark knight that has to defeat his friends and family to be reunited with his lover. They think she's dangerous, so that's why they turn into the Ark Angels to stop him. He defeats them all separately, but then the Goddess Altana tells him he has to beat them all at the same time, so he does. In the end, they see that they were wrong for trying to stop him, and he and his lover are reunited."

"That's her favorite book," recalled Rikku, smiling a little. "She'd be the dark knight, don't you think?"

Yuna hummed in agreement. "Of course—Lulu would be her lover," she said. "It's funny…her grandmother really was a sorceress. Strange how these things all work out."

Vevina glanced over at Lightning downstairs, still standing in the same corner by herself. "I think I know who the Ark Angel of Apathy would be," she added, turning back to the others.

"Lightning?" asked Venus, getting a better look at her godmother downstairs. "Yeah, you're right… She always seems really down, like there's something she wants but she can't have it. Why does Fang stay with her, anyway? They never—"

"Hey," said Vidina, disapproving, "That's none of our business, all right? She's Apathy, let's leave it at that." Venus did not try to retort or tease him as she normally would have. She only folded her arms, leaning on Yuna some more as her signal that she had nothing to say. Vidina widened his eyes in surprise, deciding not to comment. "Okay…what about Arrogance? I can't think of anyone."

Rikku scoffed. "That's an easy one," she said, getting Vidina to tilt his head to one side. "What about your _grandfather_, Gabranth? That man never smiles. It's always all about his wife, his honor and duty with him. He can't loosen up to save his life."

"That makes him arrogant?" asked Yuna, unconvinced. "I don't know, Rikku…I wouldn't say those are good enough reasons to call Lulu's father an arrogant person…"

"No," said Vevina, "Rikku's right. He's not conceited—I think he has a lot to prove and to make up for. He told me that when he met my grandmother, she was already with his twin brother. He killed his own brother to be with her. Back then, I guess it was romantic…except he still feels bad about it. I think he covers up that guilt by being serious all the time."

Yuna paled at hearing such a tale. "Oh… I guess he _is_ Arrogance, then," she conceded.

Vidina looked unsurprised, as if he already knew the story. "Would that make my grandmother the Ark Angel of Cowardice?" he asked, leading. "She keeps a bunch of secrets. It's obvious she knows a bunch of things that we don't. She could come out and tell us, but she won't. I'd say that's cowardly… I'll never forgive her for what she put Ma through in the hospital—whatever it was."

Venus regarded her mother for a moment. "Scared to tell the truth, huh?"

"That's her," said Rikku, nodding. "I mean, I'm sure she has her reasons, but she went way too far with that one. Have you tried asking her about it?"

"You're kidding, right?" asked Vidina. "She's like a dictator, or—or an empress with her secrets, Rikku. Getting her to tell you _anything_ is like—"

"—trying to crack open a kupo nut with a chocobo's beak—"

"—what?"

"Nothing…"

A few moments of silence passed, until Yuna asked, "What about Envy?" Again, Venus turned to look at her mother, as if not paying attention anymore. Lulu pretended not to notice, knowing it was better to listen for now, to observe. "Do we know anyone who's openly jealous of someone or something around them?"

Vevina stared at her sister for a time. "_You_," she said, accusing.

Venus jumped up in a fright. "Me?!" she asked, affronted. "What about me? What? You're crazy."

"Don't start with that, woman. I _know _you. I know every reason behind the things you say and do. You're my mirror, remember? So don't you dare think you can get away with lying to me or acting dumb. You can't. I know who you're jealous of."

"Ohh, sweet lady, how you wound me so," said Venus, mocking, tragic, with her hand over her heart. Yuna, Rikku and Vidina watched on in quiet interest. "You think you know me like that? When's the last time I told you a new secret? That was years ago. We're sixteen now, we have more going on…" When Vevina appeared unconvinced, Venus gave a weak laugh, brushing it off. "I'm not jealous of anyone…"

"Really?" asked Vevina, monotone in clear disagreement. Venus held her nerves back well, nodding. "If you're not jealous of Mommy at all, then tell me why you try to watch our parents having s—"

Quickly, Venus clamped her hands over Vevina's mouth. She pulled her sister aside to the far end of the inn. They spoke in heated, hushed tones, arguing, gesturing in anger at one another. Each one of their mannerisms appeared exactly the same, as if they were the same person; if not for Venus' penchant for short skirts and heels, and Vevina's more conservative dark clothing, one could not tell the difference between the other at this distance. Same length of dark hair whipping about as they shook their heads and turned around and back again; same crimson eyes glaring in anger or derision; same height, the same tone to their voices in that resentment.

Yuna and Rikku could not keep up at all, thus they turned to Vidina for some kind of interpretation of his sisters' behavior. Vidina held his hands up in defeat, unwilling to make sense of it. This was not new to Lulu; she had her reasons for not commenting. There remained but one Ark Angel they had not decided on—Rage. Lulu didn't need to hear their speculations, for she'd already had the perfect candidate in mind.

—

In these thousand years of the past, before Sin's many attacks, Besaid Village was supported by lush commerce from the Port City of Balfonheim surrounding it. Built as a bustling establishment of sturdy wooden piers and sprawling buildings of stone over the sea, Balfonheim housed a number of merchants, mercenaries and fishermen from all parts of Spira hoping to benefit from the healthy sources of gil in the city. That night as the Celsius pulled into the city's aerodrome, the ocean glowed and glittered as a sea of stars. Lulu marveled at seeing these sights in person for the first time, walking hand-in-hand with Paine down the winding cobblestone path of Sea Breeze Lane. Vidina followed close behind, keeping an eye on his sisters giving one another the silent treatment at either side of him; Gippal and the rest of the Gullwings clamored about around them, oblivious. Auron, Jecht and Braska moved ahead to check into the hotel first. Lightning and Fang stayed behind everyone, quiet; holding hands, secrets.

Variety marked Balfonheim's residency, of noblemen and peddlers alike all going about their way. Merchants advertised their wares in nearby stores packed to the brim with customers even at this late hour; regiments of mercenaries gathered along several piers, prepared to act as stand-in pirates to further their own interests at the behest of their temporary commanders; local thugs fended off ill-witted cutpurses, dragging them into unused alleys or humiliating them in public for all to see, and, from this uphill view, they had a vantage point of Besaid nestled in the center, removed from this commotion.

Paine smiled at the goings-on around them, at Lulu next to her. "This is nice," she said, close to her ear to be heard over all the activity. "I wondered where those ruins were from around the village. All these stone buildings and monuments—it makes sense now. It's too bad Sin destroyed this place…"

"I agree," said Lulu, "I would have loved to come here, to get away from the village for a little while. This city once rivaled Kilika in trade revenues throughout Spira. The dealings here can be shady, but the residents do what they can to stay in business. I appreciate the liveliness they offer as well."

When Paine looked to the starry sea, Lulu had a distinct image of seeing her wife as a ghost of pyreflies sitting at the nearest pier in her same warrior dressphere, fishing. No one else could see her, for a few passerby walked right through that illusion. More echoing ghosts passed her by, of Paine, in both her leather and Judge Magister armor, going about her way through the city—to the hotel, to the bar nearby. In her warrior dressphere, Paine was always by herself; as Judge Magister, she sometimes had Lulu on her arm, both appearing as spirits of pyreflies. _How surreal…_

"Mistress," spoke Paine, distracted still by the sea to notice Lulu's confusion, "If you don't mind me asking, why did you pick this place? Is it because Besaid's so close by?"

Lulu allowed herself this divulgement, with her plans this close to completion: "I spent much of my time over the years researching this location for my story." Already, Paine's interest was piqued; she turned back to her wife, curious. "I wanted you to see the city in person for you to imagine it better once you read my words. You'll have something tangible to think back to—not only the sights, but the smells of the saltwater sea and the sounds all around us. I want you to have the best possible experience."

She could tell that Paine had to stop herself from asking more questions about the story; nonetheless, Paine smiled at her for that thoughtfulness, for a moment removed from the unease of the history behind them. She knew that things would never be the same between Paine and her old friends, yet they were practically family all the same. Abandoning them completely proved impossible to do. Gippal in particular could not bring himself to say a word to Paine directly, and nor could she to him; this accepted company they shared was progress enough, despite the secrecy between them.

Sudden opening of the heavy wooden door of the nearest bar—the proprietor, a large, imposing man appeared in the doorway, throwing something—_someone_—out of his establishment and to the cobblestone street. "And _stay_ out!" he spat to the pudgy moogle he'd tossed away, "We don't need your damn cheer 'round here anymore, you hear?! My boys come here for a drink, not your gay talk! You're done pissin' off my customers! You wanna be happy? Join the fuckin' circus and stay outta here!"

He slammed the door shut. Upon the ground, weakened, the moogle could not get up, bauble wilted in defeat. Right away, Vevina rushed over to the moogle, kneeling down in worry. Lulu stopped with Paine a few paces behind, watching as their daughter took the moogle in her arms, brushing the dirt from its furry collar and coat. Venus stepped forward, observing her sister in silence.

"What happened in there?" asked Vevina. "Are you okay? You look exhausted…"

"Oh, no, please, kupo, don't worry about me," said the moogle, depressed, "I don't want to cause any more trouble… I've lost another job, kupo. I'll just have to find a different one… I'll be all right."

Vevina frowned, skeptical of such claims. "You don't have to lie to me," she said. "I get enough of that from this one." She gestured toward her sister; Venus rolled her eyes. When the moogle noticed the two were twins, he brightened a little. "Can't you at least tell me what happened? That man wasn't nice to you at all. Why would you work for someone like that?"

With a sigh, the moogle retrieved his meager earnings from his large satchel. "I have little money, you see," he replied, settling the gil back in with the numerous other items he kept stored there. "I don't have any place else to go… The only things I'm good at are cooking and caring for others, kupo. The people here don't like to be doted on—no, they want their food, not my company or conversation… I do my best to provide, but I can never keep my mouth shut, kupo. See? I'm rambling now! I never learn…"

"That's terrible…" Vevina turned to her parents, thoughts plain upon her face. "Mommy…"

Even at sixteen years old, Vevina still called her that; Lulu could not help this sympathy, though she had to be mindful of the attention they'd attracted. "Hold on, dear," she said, looking to the nearest pier where Paine's ghost of pyreflies sat, still fishing. "…why don't we speak with him a little more before you ask? Let's move out of the way. I don't want anyone saying anything to us." Vevina carried the moogle just down the way, sitting with him along the dock. Vidina followed after her. Venus hesitated before going down to the pier to sit with her siblings. Lulu turned to the others, suggesting, "You can all go ahead. If we don't find you again tonight, we'll see you in the morning."

Everyone else went off in groups in different directions. Through these lingering ghosts only she could see, Lulu walked with Paine to sit with their children by the water. She sat next to Paine's ghost; Paine herself took up that exact space. Dreamlike, bizarre this all was, as if she'd lived it before in her thoughts. All of these paths came together as one, as if they had never diverged at all to begin with.

"My name is Elias," spoke the moogle, floating about now. He lowered his head and yellow bauble in a small bow as Lulu and Paine sat down. "I don't quite know where I'm from—I've lived for a long time, and all I can remember is that I'm supposed to stay here until my benefactor appears, kupo. I have made a living as best as I can, cooking and cleaning for nearly every bar and restaurant in the city until they eventually throw me out! They all tell me I'm a chatterbox—whatever that means, kupo—and they don't like me… I hope I don't have to wait much longer, kupo."

"Your benefactor?" asked Vidina, curious. "How are you supposed to know who they are or what they look like? You're just waiting for someone you don't know?"

Elias made a _kupo _of agreement. "I haven't the slightest who they might be!" he said, excited anyway. "I admit the mystery appeals to me. Not when I'm at my wit's end and at rock bottom, kupo… You're the first ones to care to know me at all since I've lived in Balfonheim!" He floated over to Lulu, hovering before her. "Can you see the pyreflies, kupo? I see them all the time. I have a feeling if you can see them, then perhaps you're the one I've been waiting for!"

Lulu saw no point in disputing it. "Yes, I can," she responded. Elias sounded a _kupo _of surprise. "How do you know I'm able to see them? They're abnormal. I'm not sure how it is they're visible to me."

Elias waved his arms about, bauble pointed high in the air. "Oh, no!" he said. "You don't know—oh, my, forgive me, I'm intruding! Humans don't always know why. Cultural differences, kupo." He gave another bow. "Pardon me for being forward—I can't ignore this feeling that I have waited for you. If you would have me, I will be glad to join you and assist in any way I'm able, kupo." He moved a little bit over, to Paine. "My limited memory tells me that I will soon be of great help to you. I would be more than happy to fulfill that role, kupo, if you would let me!"

"Sounds important," said Paine, though Lulu could tell she wished to ask as to the pyreflies. "If my wife's all right with it, I don't see why not…"

—

A long hour Lulu spent with her wife, walking about the city that night. Vevina had decided to return early to the hotel, promising to care for Elias and take responsibility for him. Vidina and Venus had gone in a different direction, needing to discuss something on their own. More pyreflies than actual citizens passed Lulu by, not only of Paine this time—Wakka, Yuna, Chappu, Luzzu, Gatta, and the Aurochs, with a few familiar-looking hooded figures, all appearing different than she remembered. That ethereal echo the entities gave off stayed with her, jumbling her nerves about deep in her stomach.

Paine had them sit at an empty table outside one of the restaurants. She helped Lulu in her chair, as always, before taking the seat across from her. That silence Paine gave off was obvious in its curiosity, its torment. Both of Lulu's hands Paine took in hers, genuine and constant in this hold.

"Lulu, I need to say something," she began, solemn. She waited for Lulu's nod before continuing, "I love that you chose this place for our anniversary. I can tell you're happy to be here. I just can't get rid of this feeling… I tried to promise myself I wouldn't talk about it in case it spoiled our time here. There's something…_something _I feel, telling me that this is a turning point for us. What Elias said about you being able to see those pyreflies—I think it's related."

In that instant of seeing this raw emotion from Paine, in her eyes, in the shine there, she was too far away. Lulu pulled lightly on her hands, enough to get Paine to stand. In her lap instead Paine sat, holding her; uncaring of any overbearing overtones in this gesture.

Against her neck, Paine asked, "Do you and I come here in your story…?" Tighter hold, without a word. "…how do we get here?" Silken smoothness of Paine's hair, Lulu combed through with her nails, heart heavy with this trained silence. "Why here, Lulu? Why won't you tell me? We've been married for fifteen years—that's not enough for you to answer…? I'm going to feel this _sickness _until you tell me."

Empathetic, Lulu told her, "I know, love. I know." She couldn't be angry at Paine's impatience, not this time. "As you read, you will have the answers to your questions." Another ghost of Paine in her warrior dressphere came to sit in this very chair with them, burying her face in her folded arms upon the table. "I need a little more time before I give it to you. Please be patient…"

That patience persisted through to the next evening, after spending the day with the others, learning more about Balfonheim from Elias' sage stories. All those hours took them to Besaid Village that night where they all sat around the bonfire for the first time as a large group. Due to time, or deaths unavoidable, they had been unable to sit like this in Besaid, knowing what this village meant to Lulu and Yuna in particular. Sitting with Yuna and Paine brought much strife to Lulu, with such discrepancies in their knowledge of one who should have been there with them—Wakka. Yuna still did not know. None of them knew, except for Paine and Auron, both loyal enough to have kept their silence over these long years. Lulu also missed her sister, who promised to arrive at a later time due to disagreements with their mother over the matter of visiting Balfonheim and Besaid. She could not remember the last time she'd had a proper conversation with her mother. Such a thing felt not as a grudge, but as a _necessity_.

Paine's intuition also would not let her fully enjoy this experience. She stayed quiet, lying down with her head in Lulu's lap, facing the fire; staring into it as the others exchanged stories and laughed. Lightning stood off on her own by the darkness of the temple, much like Kimahri had done—such a sight made her miss his silent presence all the more. Vidina stood up and went over to Lightning, docile as he tried to speak with her. Venus sat next to Rikku and stared at her father, oddly silent for once in her admiration. Though Lulu knew as to her daughter's troubles, she felt it was best not to ask; to wait for Venus to approach her first, for doing the opposite only ended in vagueness and redirection. Gippal stood next to where Vevina sat with Elias in her arms, gesturing wildly as he told yet another story about his time in prison. His experiences there hadn't grounded him at all—he was still the same as she remembered him, unable to fault him for the true reasons behind the shooting accident years ago. By Paine's particular silence and non-acknowledgement toward him, she hadn't fully forgiven him.

More pyreflies decided to join them, visible only to Lulu—or, perhaps others as well, she couldn't tell. Of Paine in her armor, sitting with Lulu by the fire—just the two of them, talking. Sometimes Paine had her helmet off, listening. Oftentimes with that helmet off, she and Lulu kissed one another, before Paine picked her up and relocated them to Lulu's hut. When Yuna nudged Lulu, those pyreflies did not disappear; they merely retreated to the back of her perception, waiting to be watched again.

"Is everything all right?" asked Yuna, smiling, to keep others from looking over in concern. "You seem lost in your own world. Paine's…not really here, either. Did something happen?"

"I can't say for certain," said Lulu, stroking Paine's hair to rid that contemplative scowl. "There is a strange sense of nostalgia I feel about the village in this time. As for Paine, she's…not as accepting of these feelings we both have about this place."

Yuna looked up to the thick storm clouds forming in the sky. "I think I know what you mean," she agreed. "When you first told me you wanted to come here, I was happy. Now that we're here, I can't shake this feeling that perhaps we shouldn't be here—at least, not yet." Everyone else began to stand up, en route to the temple, commenting that it would soon start to rain. Elias floated after them, not at all a fan of the rain mixed with this humidity. "Almost like we're cheating, if that makes any sense…"

At that odd cue, Lulu heard armored footsteps through the dirt path behind her, approaching. She stood with Yuna and Paine, turning around to that unexpected sight this soon.

Rumbling thunder from a shortening distance sounded as Raine walked over to them, apologetic by that lack of her usual scowl. "Forgive me for my lateness, Lulu," she said, as her sister held her without blame. Vidina hurried over to them, his sisters on his heel. "I had to deal with Mother's foul mood, as you know. The good news is she will be absent for some time to the Farplane with Father. Something to do with _preparations_, they said."

"Hey!" said Vidina, stopping just next to Yuna. "We thought you wouldn't be able to join us for a few days. What happened, anyway?"

Raine offered a vague smile to her nieces and nephew. "Disagreements with your grandmother, as usual," she supplied. When Lulu let go of her, Raine turned to her sister-in-law, noting, "Your Honor, I say this not as an order, but a suggestion—that you might return to work once your trip is over. I feel it is best for you to catch up on lost time with your duties."

Paine took a moment to look at that spare barbed-wire necklace that Raine continued to wear, still, after all these years. "What makes you so sure…?" she asked, skeptical. "I've been just fine without going back all this time. I'm not really cut out for the job. You are."

Another roar of thunder, and it began to rain at last. Raine stared at Paine for a long moment, considering. "Despite what you may think, Your Honor, I only have your best interests in mind with this suggestion," she stated. Yuna looked on, watching this tense exchange—collecting this memory. "Not to mention I will be returning to participate in this year's tournament. I wish to test your strength in our inevitable final battle, to see if you are prepared for what's to come."

Surprisingly enough, Paine did not balk at the news. She merely gave Raine an even stare, as if to communicate that she looked forward to the challenge. Whatever was to come, Paine did not ask about, for she knew well enough that she would not receive an answer. That did not stop Lulu from wondering about it.

Vidina brightened at the announcement. "You're finally gonna compete again?" he asked, incredulous. Raine nodded to him, amused by his excitement. "Maybe we'll get to fight this year! Before you and Dad, I mean. I've been meaning to actually battle you myself. After all our training…"

"Perhaps so," said Raine, looking to her nieces this time. "And what of you two? Have you any interest in competing? If so, I can arrange a special branch for us all and match us appropriately."

Venus and Vevina stared at one another beneath the growing rainstorm, at a loss for words. Though they both excelled in their own varied styles, Lulu could not say for certain that the two had ever battled against one another, sparring or otherwise. Verbally, certainly, the two had had their share of fights in the past; nothing like this.

With a shrug, Venus said, "I guess that means we'll go."

"_What_?" asked Vevina, disbelieving. "You never train with us—how do you know you're good enough to stand a chance against me? You're always off with your friends, you _never _fight!"

Venus folded her arms, making her way to the temple. "That just shows how much you know about me… _Nothing_. Some twin _you _are."

Vevina followed after her sister, exasperated with her flippant attitude. Dejected, Vidina went along as well, with Yuna, complaining to her that he could never understand his sisters. Paine stared at them as they went, concerned; unwilling to say anything about it. Though she stood by her promise to give Venus this space to grow into her own person, Lulu could not help but feel left-out of whatever troubled her daughter. Did Venus think she didn't care by not asking?

"Temperamental as always," remarked Raine, frowning. She looked to what stretched behind the temple: the beginning of a vast, alternate path to Zanarkand that had since been destroyed by Sin in Lulu's present time. "I have been meaning to see Saber's Edge for myself. Legends say it is a dangerous trail to Zanarkand, erected by The Creator Herself from the nightmares of the fayth as a grander challenge to summoners on their pilgrimage." She glanced between her sisters, knowing. "I will be on my way, then. If anyone asks, I shall tell them you wish to be alone."

Raine made her way to the temple, walking slowly as she went, as if injured. Physically, no—Lulu saw no limp in her sister's step, no slashes in her armor; nothing to suggest she'd recently been in battle. Emotional, spiritual pain, Lulu sensed from her, running deep. As if it had been there all along and only her heightened perceptions in this past Besaid could have attuned her to those depths with this drowning clarity. Out of respect to her sister's silence, Lulu held Paine's arm in both of hers and went in the opposite direction. Walking through the paths of Besaid with Paine again made her remember the paths they'd taken before; the Celsius had always parked here on the hill; farther up, at the Promontory, the now-fixed statue all were required to pray at before leaving, how they had not prayed before leaving for Bevelle that day; and there, by the waterfall, she had found Paine sitting by herself, thinking, needing company; and there, on this beach, where they had nearly kissed for the first time, sharing troubles and memories, falling for one another. Paine and Raine both stayed on her mind as Lulu sat on this empty dock with her wife beneath the rain, at last presenting the first volume. This would be detailed again and again in Paine's memories, better than this reality of Lulu unable to say much, suffocated by her nerves; able to communicate only by pressing this book to Paine's garment grid; kissing her as she'd wanted sixteen years ago. If she had such influences preparing to make this all come true, she had to believe that all of it would come to fruition, not only the bad. For her wife, she knew that these nerves in handing her this book would turn into far more, feeling Paine's innocent wonder in her kiss as she held this part of Lulu's work in her heart for the first time. For her beloved sister, she trusted that the rain would cover up those emotions well enough for the others not to ask.

_end of disk III. please insert part IV._


	51. IV: Fury

**Note:** Part 4 is finally here. The theme for this part is _phoenix_. **Important!** _One_ chapter in this part will have Lulu's sonnet at the _end_ instead of the _beginning_. Don't freak out when you see this, just read the chapter as normal. Thank you for getting this far, and for reviewing if you've done so. I hope you'll stay until the end.

—

"_One of a Kind" from Bayonetta_

_Through tradition's path you tread, on your way  
To the emotions you have sewn these long,  
Long years of training, reacting astray  
With your goals, until you realize this song  
Fate has played, bringing you to my command  
For all to see: better birthday present  
Any could have gifted—none understand  
You as I do; no, it will not be sent,  
Not yet, later—until then, know your place  
In this blinding blood I take from you for  
You lower to me, show to all this race  
Ends as we say it will; one is but poor.  
Pseudonyms speak of personalities;  
Vengeance, your honor reigns as the black skies._

Internalizing this ascension, adrenaline, age forty at long last for this scorpion, Paine, as Judge Magister through this thick crowd of thousands in the streets of Zanarkand. Massive cheering, people, lack of space, no depth, only this singular path through numbers to the blitzball stadium that night. Ethereal glow from the buildings, residents looming over their balconies as a cacophony of crowds mashed together in this canvas, through slits of armor Paine saw them all in her periphery, focused. Long, traditional path, alone, thoughts solitary of these mysteries that had not left her since her wedding anniversary six months prior—and more, far more that had assailed her in recent days after she'd _finished _reading Lulu's story.

_My wife can't be human. She can't be. I'm in love with someone far…more than mortal. I have to be. That's the only explanation for this._

Far more, beyond all, incomprehensible: for the final battle atop the sea on this cloudless night, Paine walked toward her opponent, disbelieving, unbelievable, she couldn't fucking believe—

_Typical place in her sound-proof locker room during the quarterfinals and semifinals lasted not long at all—final volume she had access to in hand, final volume with words; and then—this confusion, from waiting for the final battle against Raine, to be tested, tried, only to have her door open and a visitor most unexpected enter:_

How the crowd _knew _as they cheered, hardest, harder from their stands facing the water Paine stood upon, knowing, wanting, craving the very fear that chilled her insides. Fear, frozen, fraying posture, even, decaying her footsteps until she stopped. This enemy, this opponent in all-black, that skin exposed as she remembered, not too much, no, for Elysia was not present on this day, thus no mandates, no restrictions on this unexpected challenge that ignited the crowd, higher, hotter, harder than they'd been in these fifteen years since her first tournament in Zanarkand.

How Paine's heart followed suit, when her opponent for this final battle turned and _smiled_.

_Limping through the door, armor slashed, slumping to the floor in streaks of blood; Raine, defeated; Paine rushed to her, heart stopped by this sight, unwilling to believe anyone could have truly bested her after such warnings that she was undefeatable. Swallowing blood, struggling, Raine clenched her fists, casting white magic upon herself._

"_Who did this to you?" demanded Paine, kneeling down at her sister-in-law's side. Raine choked back her coughs of crimson, casting stronger spells. "Raine! Who the hell messed you up this badly?! Did you even compete at all—?"_

_Deep scowl of shame Raine showed, staring her right in the eye. "Your next opponent—" Cries of anguish, more struggling; Raine shut her eyes, needing to rest a moment; "You must…see for yourself who it is…didn't tell me…competing…" Sucking inhalations, necessary to keep going, more spells. "Gods, had I known, I would have…prepared… Completely blindsided…"_

All black, all commanding, all sexy as Paine remembered from this first time of seeing this outfit of leather, styling, command, appeal and allure all in one. That description remained still in this root her legs had created with the still water beneath her, as those heels treaded, confident, toward her. Thigh-high boots with such meaning; not lost upon the crowd, deep baritone cat-calling low and deep beneath and above all else, ringing true. Anxiety, anxiety, nerves, nervous, anxious, _what? What is my name? Who am I? Where am I from? I know nothing else but this woman walking toward me._ Arousal followed in this shock, for she could not remember _ever _such a surprise, being stunned as she so was in this moment, listening to those steps, steps, steps nearing, water-wet, controlled.

For Mistress Fury had never lost this sway in her hips, this subtle power in her step, in this approach she worked _too _well as one of Zanarkand's most esteemed supermodels.

"Hello, love," said Lulu, impish, shoulders undulating, coquettish under Paine's open mouth. "You won't need this." Helmet removed, tossed aside to join those howling cheers, of men nearly passed out in the audience at these displays. Burning face exposed to the night air around them, the feather-soft-sharp caress of Lulu's nails; Paine felt her whole word fog up from that touch alone. "Armor off. Leather on."

_I can already see Venus getting way too many ideas from her mother tonight…_

Dressphere change out of her Judge Magister armor and into her usual leather, belts, buckles. More skin open to Lulu's perusal, touching. Another order from her Mistress: "_Present_. I want to be sure we're on the same page tonight." Humiliating or invigorating? Heeled boots shoulder-width apart, hands along the back of her head, arms straight; Lulu circled around her, territorial, checking every part of her on the surface; not afraid to touch her ass over her shorts and down, between, to make sure all was normal, for example. "Your fortieth birthday…and my mother isn't here… I think this is a good excuse as any to have a little fun tonight for our final battle, don't you think?" _Am I allowed to respond…? My voice, my voice, my throat, they're not—working— _"_But_—don't think that this is any reason for you to go easy on me, slave. I want your very best. This battle between us is long overdue. Differing styles is no longer any means to keep delaying this. I defeated my sister just minutes ago, after all…"

_In that locker room, before Raine's arrival, Paine had open the final volume of Lulu's story. Not so final, no—there were several more, in fact. But these that she had gone through over these six months, how she could not _believe _them: replications of their lives since their wedding day in sonnet form, first, and beneath each sonnet, a detailed, narrated story of what had occurred until the next sonnet came in to fill in different colors of action. Things that Lulu should not have known about at all: spying on Seymour, the exact thoughts she'd had when Lulu had put on Wakka's garment grid and fucked her against his locker room on their honeymoon, private conversations she'd had with Lightning and far too much, too much more, as if Lulu had written it all first and Paine had merely reacted to it…_

_When she arrived at the sonnet detailing the previous few weeks and the story surrounding it, all had been normal—enough—as that had been how it all went down. But when she arrived at the page that should have had the sonnet and subsequent narrating of this tournament, of how it would happen and who would win, the pages there and thereafter were all blank. All of the following volumes had blank pages. Blank, no words, and yet she had the distinct memory of that previous sonnet and filling-in being empty until the day had passed, and reality—or Lulu's muse—allowed her to read about it from a future state. Not before, not during; Paine could only read the rest of Lulu's story after living it, experiencing it._

"If you wish to know how it is I defeated her," Lulu went on, drawing her single-tail whip, "Then I suggest you watch the recording. I won't go on at length about it—not now. I want to take my victory from you—and I want to enjoy it." Length of leather Lulu took in her hand, smoothing down to the end of the tail; such a soothing, sadistic sound that had Paine fighting not to squirm under the duress of this surprise, the scope of this public display. "_Kneel_, slave." Compliant, completely shaken and obeying anyway, Paine moved to her knees, wrists folded behind her back, eyes forward. Clear musken scent she smelled through the fabric over Lulu's sex. _Focus. Fucking focus. _"In case you're wondering, there are no children present tonight. I made certain of that." Roots of her hair, Lulu grabbed, forcing Paine to look up at her, amazed, amazing love. "As for our girls…no, they're not here, but they may find a way to watch this…somehow. I will keep this as tame as possible. Do you have any other concerns, love?"

Owned. Correct headspace filled immediately with those assurances. "No, Mistress," said Paine, liberated by the loudness around them; the focus in Lulu's command just over her, quiet.

"Very well, then. Stand up and ready your weapons. I don't want your armor tonight. I want your leather and skin."

On her feet again, _Omen _and _Helter-Skelter _drawn, Paine waited. Still, Lulu stayed nearby, close, closer than close. Breaths hot and heady, natural, and that strong allure from midnight perfume Paine could not, did not want to rid from her senses. Soft, thick lips, pressing, filling out Paine's in this shared space; drilling deep, Paine felt those expanses widening her on the inside-out until all smoothed and shaped as she needed it. Just enough to get through this, to be prepared—no, that was not enough, not for Lulu, for she pressed far closer to Paine's body, corset against her stomach, boot wrapped about Paine's legs. Again and again Lulu spoke with her body the best _Happy Birthday _Paine could wish for, somewhere, not at all conscious, with these regards and concerns all thrown to the wind. Ringing, vibrating against her lips, Lulu's ominous laughter echoed, reverberated, _stayed._

Bent forward Paine's body went, metaphorical, metaphysical, dragged into depths of darkness, alone, and without Lulu: those tricks of arousal had bested her already. Stumbling, trying to find her balance, Paine hobbled about with her blades until she found even ground, eyes darting around. She heard only rumbles of water and splintering wood, nearing, as events foretold. Tricks, no; Lulu wanted to prepare her for something, isolating her in this darkness. Hard taps from her own heels Paine heard as she walked around, searching. Hilts of her blades she gripped, for some kind of preparedness, security. How that warning failed to stay in her blood, for all she could remember was the smell of Lulu's skin and perfume; how she'd tasted, and that tongue that had nearly licked her lips, down.

Blast of open air and space—higher, far higher Paine was in the sky, balancing atop a bursting wave of water far too reminiscent of her previous battle against Raine many autumns ago. Disoriented against this water's will, not unwilling, no, for Paine soon found her way to stand upon this element. Her dark knight's blood stayed through to her warrior dressphere, from Lulu's black magic influences, as a dark knight was naught but a warrior who wielded the elements all in one form. That disorientation persisted despite this clarity in her strength, from Lulu appearing before her, on an even plain, upside-down in this torrent of tides, holding that _doll_. Lulu's hair did not fall at all, it stayed behind her as if she were right-side up; just as she'd fooled when branding Paine as her own, _Fury_—how it still stayed upon her back.

"Do you trust your reality, love?" asked Lulu, stepping toward her. "As I wrote your story, I often felt like this—as if the rest of Spira saw the world a certain way, and I had no way of telling what it was. The only way I could cope…was through you, and through my art." That plush replica of Paine, Lulu caressed in her arms, smiling down at it. "Wouldn't it be lovely if I could change reality as I so wished? If the world I created for you could come to life? It sounds impossible…" Faces close again, this proximal—_was this real? _"Yet I would do _anything _for you. Anything to fulfill your impossible goals…I believe I've done that with this story. When you finish reading it, I want you to tell me if you think I _should_."

Blinding blood surrounded of pain immeasurable, too akin to when Lulu had used Paine as a proxy for her spells so many years ago. Not control, forced or allowed—simply sadistic of Lulu to surround Paine's world with herself, senses cut off from all else but this blood element of vitals being torn in the mind alone, of limbs ripped from her in thought solitary—not reality.

This same blood-frenzy Paine kept when her feet met the still ground, outside of herself—_inside_, she knew only this, barely able to register what safety she'd reached outside. Lulu doing this to her _constantly _and Paine begging for more stayed prominent, highest; somewhere, as a puppet following her instincts without thought, she wielded her blades and charged forward, closer to the source of this slick hurt. That amusement Paine heard, somewhere, and she followed it, followed this phantom that owned her heart, mind, body and soul, followed this source of all her gifts and grief. Did she really hear Lulu in pain from her strikes? Did she really feel the inertia from her blades meeting this corset and the flesh beneath there? Paine did not know; she knew only this pleasurable pain that she could take and find arousal from, find reason to want sex from.

_Real _meant feeling a fresh force to the back of her head. Forward she fell, onto her face, unable to get up right away. Weight from Lulu's body on top of her, stiletto heels at either side of her; Paine hissed, groaned at that triangle of fabric between the flesh of thick thighs over her brand of _Fury_, louder at Lulu's silent command. Mind soaring higher than any drug could induce, Paine heard Lulu's distant voice berating her, insulting, calling:

"_You will never defeat me_. _I've manipulated the very elements in your body: blood, hormones, mind and bone. Should I drag this out more, or would you like to swing about blindly again, only _thinking _that you've managed to strike me_?"

Sense of honor and valiance Paine felt stirring within as she forced herself up, forced Lulu higher, riding. Dulcet, refined tones from Lulu's laughter sounded from this free ride, from Paine's growls of confusion, stupefaction. Only from Lulu lessening these spells could Paine stand freely again, striking, missing. In amusement Lulu backed away, facing her love; increasing these spells again, blinding Paine again to the blood-red of her power.

Deafening booms from lightning strikes jolted Paine to fear uncontrollable from these near-hits. At her feet they struck, carving the water around her. Mere farce this all was—Paine had to adapt, to move forward and find Lulu with certainty. Obvious trail from the sounds of Lulu's continued laughter showed itself to her ears, yet she felt this misled her. In not the opposite direction, _some other _direction she went, trying to find her heart through this pain that had her panting now. No exercise, hardly any movement; striking sensations now of leather cracking against her upper back made her double-over, about to convulse from this straight current to her sex. Obeying and giving into this was all she knew in this sea of hurt, willing, needed. She needed a new sea, a new sky, new eyes if she hoped to have the slightest chance at making any kind of progress, anything, anything.

Sudden knockback to the stands at Lulu's behest, straining, near-concussion to her head. Toward Paine, Lulu walked, one hand over her hip, subtle power behind those steps. Enraptured, the crowd was, on their feet, leaning over to see this with completeness.

"Oh, love," spoke Lulu, smirking so rare, "I should have done this _years _ago. This is too much fun for me to have ignored for this long." Paine's face, Lulu held in her constricting hand. Tight, _just enough _force and strength to get her point across—that she, Lulu, would win this tonight. "Don't you agree?"

Struggling, panting, Paine replied, "No, Ma'am—"

That _laughter_, again. "Then perhaps you should have prepared for anything. I can tell you merely assumed I would never compete, let alone fight against you. Take this as a welcome reality check." Lulu grabbed her by the collar, and let her fall to the water-ground. Steps away, taunting, natural swing to her hips. "I'll give you a chance to collect yourself. Maybe you'll get to hurt _me _for a change…"

Up to her feet again, Paine barely managed to stand. Swords drawn high above her head, holding there, conjuring, focusing through this obfuscation. Her own revenge formed from her blades, taking to the skies, manifested of all her years of training, blackened to this disease of pain. Had she been breathing? Could she still smell, see, taste, _feel_ anything other than this. She didn't know, she didn't need to know; this strength knew her well enough to flow out on its own without her sanity, her input. Through continued bursts of lightning strikes from Lulu's ancient magic, Paine stayed still, conducting, taking it all, wondering, hoping—_maybe_; she had no idea if this would work:

Arms brought down at either side of her, wrists bolted to her thighs in this burning stance; bringing down the atmosphere above as her Arcana's _Black Sky_: darkness raining down as scalding, violent flows of vengeance. All this _pain _disappeared for her sight to register her power instead, of Lulu staggering beneath this manifestation. Those sounds of pain from her Mistress got her all the same, as if Lulu had cast another reality-altering spell over her. And Paine's resolve waned from those cues, from the glare Lulu gave her.

Advantage, maybe—Paine rushed forward, able to see this time, swords in opposite orientation.

_I probably couldn't even kill her if I tried…_

Dual wielding this mismatched focus was enough, maybe more than enough, maybe. That uncertainty softened her strikes, for fear, for being afraid of killing her wife with too much force. Mana surrounded Lulu after she felt that weakness; how she laughed, laughed.

_In her locker room, with Raine still slumped to the ground, Paine could not think of anything to help prepare her for this worst fear. Only one possibility remained for her final opponent. _

_Raine held her hand out, trying to warn: "By some hellish miracle I never knew possible…I have been surpassed… You must understand, Judge Nyte, that this is not ordinary… One of a kind, your next opponent surely is, able to wield the depths of your desires against you. As if that caring knowledge could be shaped into the dullest knife, to twist with, subtly, all the while fooling you that this seemingly worthless weapon has spilled far too much of your blood. Take the knife away and _you _will be the weapon instead… There is no end to that madness, that Fury, Your Honor… You will not win against it."_

Final fantasy taken, wielded: Lulu stopped these advances, holding Paine by the threads, the beats of her heart, paralyzing her in place. Pumping blood constricted in this impossible hold. Paused in pain anew, unable to make a sound, Paine stared into Lulu's eyes this close, this focused. If she so much as breathed, Lulu's magic hold on this organ would shatter it, scatter it to blood and pieces over this water.

"You will wait, love," said Lulu, low, ominous. "As for how long…that is up to me. I want to _see _this for myself—if you are truly afraid to die by my hand, or if you would welcome it." Emotions came to the fore to replace this physical loss of oxygen. Devotion gathered from these sixteen years together breathed into Paine, helping her _wait _at her wife's command. "How often do you hear the words, _You'll regret this later_? Do you believe the warnings that you will one day wish you'd died sooner?" Tighter, _unyielding _Lulu's hold over Paine's heart felt. "Give me your words."

_Some fearful, overwhelming part of me says to beg her to kill me. Like it knows something I don't. Like it believes some truth I can't fathom to know. I can't give into it. Only the truth…that is what my wife deserves._

"Lulu… _Mistress—_I never—never want to leave your side. I hear…those warnings—but I can't be without you. I know…in the past…I've said differently… I like to think…I apologize for that, every time—every time I tell you that I love you…"

Closer, Lulu's lips moved to hers. "You are certain…you don't want me to kill you?" she asked. "I dare say I have the power to rip your heart from you here and now. You're sure you want to continue living? I could easily kill you. If you wish not to die, then _show me _why not."

_Ever since she gave me her story, she's been talking like she knows way more than she should—way more than I do. I never know what she means. I just—_

"—have to keep living with you, Lulu."

_I love her too much to go back to that fear I had before. Whatever the future holds, I can't run away._

"You won't give up," noted Lulu, letting go of this hold. Paine fell to her knees, breathing in mouthfuls of air at Lulu's feet. "I'm not conceding, either." This leather, smelling so of water, of dominance, Paine inhaled next to her nose, not touching—no, she didn't have permission… "We will either kill each other, or we must end this in a draw. I know your weaknesses and you know mine." Down, Lulu knelt at Paine's side, turning her over on her back to watch the sky. "It seems the match has already decided itself… What a shame. And rather anti-climactic, I must say. I almost looked forward to winning tonight… Hearing you beg for your life would have been nice. I prefer the answers you've given me instead."

Darkness rained down, stopped by this metaphorical pause in events. Paine could not recall any weakness she'd exploited in her wife now, before, or ever—_at all_. That darkness could have kept falling; the rest of it could have done enough damage to make Lulu take back all she'd said about this match. Actual _fighting _had not been the point this night, not at all. Her wife had defeated Raine, physically, bringing her down. Such a different outcome with Paine, perhaps from the weakness she never knew she'd taken advantage of in Lulu. Her wife had uplifted her instead, as far more preparation for whatever she—or whomever—had planned.

Those blanks in Lulu's story needed to fill out the rest; not with the blood of Paine's fear and failures, but from the blood she'd spilled in triumphs instead. In a loop, continuously, spiraling, as she demanded.


	52. Fuck Off

"_Gina Escapes" from Battlestar Galactica_

_Unexpected silence on this night acts  
As a precursor to more—interrupt  
This commotion to find what knowledge lacks:  
Experience, never this severe, up  
And away we return, learning Envy  
Is our seed, sleeping, yes, Rage is all yours,  
And all they had spoke, we see, Apathy  
Waits, Arrogance waits, Cowardice orders.  
Reverse these mistakes you have made, to learn  
What must be done in this final act of  
Reality, until you make work stern  
Of your lessons; away they will be shoved  
When you see what order this must be done  
In, when you know how fair, fare bleeds the sun._

Laughter echoed through the hallway to their home as Paine carried Lulu in her arms, both jubilant over their draw not long ago. There was surely no need for such drawn-out dueling, not with Lulu clearly the more powerful of the two, of them all. Enjoying this power in her arms was preferable to defeat, walking together through the door. Lulu's heels sounded hard, excited as Paine set her down to stand upon the marble floor. Holding close, they kept their foreheads together, backing through to the living room. This hold Paine kept over her wife's corseted waist spoke of what she wanted, needed; Lulu's purpose behind her lips spoke of that endless desire to give, to provide.

They stopped, however, feeling something was amiss. At the same time, they turned to look down the right wing of the house, noticing that _silence _therein. Vidina had already retreated to the woods after his predictable defeat to Raine, insisting he had to train some more. And the twins, they had returned home at Lulu's say after their draw. Yet this stringent silence said again and again that neither Venus nor Vevina had to have been at home. Paine could not remember the last time their home had been this peaceful, even when she'd been there by herself.

Lulu held her hand, directing her down the hall to Venus' room first. Empty. No note, no hint of having rushed off in a hurry to avoid bumping into her parents… Vevina's room spoke of a similar story, save for one difference: the telling trembling of a bauble beneath the duvet.

"Elias?" asked Lulu, moving the duvet aside. There lay Elias face-down, trying in vain to continue hiding. "Has something happened? Where are the twins? I told them to come right home after their match."

"Oh, dear," lamented Elias, moving to sit upon the bed. "Venus made me promise not to tell, kupo. I told her she is not my benefactor, and that I must do as you say. She tried to bribe me with kupo nuts, you see, but I didn't accept, seeing the suspicion there. I heard them say there was a big party going on in the city! They went there, kupo."

Paine recoiled her head, trying to make sense of this. "_Both of them_?" she asked, incredulous. Elias sounded a _kupo _in affirmative. "Vevina, too? That's…odd. Exactly where is this party they went to? They're not seventeen yet, it's not like they could get in anywhere serious."

"They said there was a celebration going on during your match at the tournament, kupo," replied Elias. "I heard Venus say the people were dressed like you." Elias floated over to Lulu's side, observing her. "I believe they went to a place called Overdrive—"

Out the door Paine rushed with Lulu, back to the car, driving over the cheering crowds of the city celebrating the outcomes of the year's tournament. No mind for laws, not with law enforcement preoccupied on the ground dealing with on-going tailgating and other raucous activity. No regrets Paine felt for her and Lulu's displays during the tournament—their daughters taking this opportunity to mimic them had her worried, if they were being taken advantage of, even from the bits of knowledge they had about this lifestyle. She pictured vividly in her head Venus orchestrating these events, possibly having grown closer to her sister during their battle; convincing Vevina to skip off to this _club _with her for them to experience things firsthand there.

"How do they even _know _about Overdrive?" asked Paine, jaw clenched as she neared the area. "You and I haven't been there in years, not since that incident the night before our wedding. I swear, if someone pulls something again and they get arrested…"

Lulu held her composure well; only the scowl on her face gave anything away. "Perhaps it was irresponsible of me to give you that birthday present," she speculated. "The tournament wasn't televised this year because of my mother's absence. They must have seen the gathering at the club on television, somehow. That's the only explanation."

"What I don't get is why Vevina went with her. Since when were they partners in crime?"

"That's right, you didn't see," said Lulu, scowl lessening somewhat. "During their battle, they came to a mutual agreement to end the match in a draw. Raine told me she managed to record it. You'll see for yourself soon enough."

Right in the center of the full parking lot Paine descended. She and Lulu exited the car and went right to the front of the line at Overdrive. Hordes of kinky people gathered on the streets for their munch that had extended out the door, partying to the song blasting through the outdoor speakers. Expected treatment of this unfamiliar doorman in a studded mask, fishnets and mismatched leather and latex letting them straight through did not happen—he stopped them, perplexed.

"Mistress Fury?!" he said, earning only scowls of impatience from both Lulu and Paine. "That's really you…? But I just saw you go in without your slave two times now!"

"_What_?" asked Lulu, one hand over her hip. Paine tried to get a better look inside, of the mind to push right past this man. "Explain. This had better be good."

"The first time was weird, you just ignored me. The second time, you said you wanted to spend the night out without your little bitch boy after the tournament." Alarms went off in Paine's head—_how the __**hell**__ do they know about that name_? "It didn't make any sense, but I let you through… Looks like I shouldn't have done that. They looked exactly like you, Mistress… Was I fooled?"

Paine held Lulu's hand, pushing past this useless man and into the stifling heat of the club. A few members of the community recognized them both from the tournament, from Lulu's legacy of public humiliation with Paine; they both ignored these people, searching through this crowding mass of leather to find their daughters. Something told Paine to go to the dance floor and the booths there, what with the twins' preference for music, and Venus' for dancing. Utmost control Paine employed to not harm anyone in her way, instead storming through this jostling crowd with ambition, assertion.

There at a booth sat Vevina, sipping on a glass of what appeared to be only water; focusing on it as a tall, brutish-looking bald man in only a pair of combat boots and leather pants tried to talk to her. Several piercings he had along his chest, ears and eyebrows, with a number of tattoos along his backside of various dragons and snakes. He leaned as close as he could to Vevina, smirking, surreptitious as he spoke to her, his tone giving away his delight with her discomfort. Paine could not get over there with her wife fast enough, hearing only snippets of his words in her anger.

"…I'm the perfect man to come to if you wanna learn more about what the life means," he promised, leaning closer to her. Vevina stared at her glass, controlled, controlled; the shadows on the man's muscles and the ink from his tattoos began to shift, coalesce. "All of My slaves know to beg for My presence. Kissing My boots when I come in the door, asking Master and His friends to jerk off all over them." He tried to reach his hand closer, here: "You've got a pretty little face. Think it'd look even nicer with—"

Paine grabbed him by the shoulders, seeing; knowing only red, rage; "You sick FUCK! Get the _hell _away from my daughter!" He stumbled out into the crowd, earning stares, slowing the party down. Lulu went to collect Vevina, letting her scowl speak enough—for now. "Don't try to tell me you don't know she's my kid! What the fuck do you think you're doing?!"

He smirked, shrugging. "She was alone," he said, brushing himself off. "I'm always looking for new slaves—"

"You punk, she's only sixteen! Everyone in this city knows that—I _know _you did too!"

"Just makes the age play more believable…"

Lulu shocked him with a bolt of lightning strong enough to get her point across, "_Not _with my daughter!" Everyone around them screamed, panicking at the smoke his singed skin gave off. "I suggest you leave, _now_, before you give me a reason to hurt you more than I already have." He didn't need to be warned twice—he ran off, bumping into several people, making them drop their glasses to the floor. Many of them whispered _Mistress Fury _in concern, in awe. Lulu turned to Vevina, severe. "_Where_ is your sister? She left you here alone?"

Vevina had her head lowered to the floor, pointing to the motionless people on the dance floor. "She's over there," she muttered.

Paine did not wait for more information before going in that direction. Bystanders hurried out of her way, scattering to the walls. At the end of this path she found the only one who did not get out of her way, _could not _get out of her way: Venus sprawled out on the floor, passed out from having had too much to drink. That redness to her face and the peacefulness of her sleep said as much. Anger tore at Paine's very limbs as she knelt down to pick Venus up, carrying her over one shoulder per habit now.

In one place, Paine looked about to those standing nearby. "Did anyone see what happened to her?" she asked, authoritative. "Was she dancing with anyone? Did any of you _touch_ my daughter?!"

No one had anything to say.

In a rage, Paine stormed off, _hating _this uselessness of the strangers around them; Lulu held Vevina by her arm, taking her with them. Cascades of terrible scenarios refused to leave Paine's mind, stressing, so much so that Lulu had to drive instead. Vevina sat in the front, head down again as she listened to Lulu's harsh lecturing. Paine stayed in the back with Venus' head in her lap, frowning as she looked for any superficial bruises or cuts of any sort. Venus' clothing: typical short skirt and heels, and a dark halter-top held no tears, no signs of struggle. Anything more, she had to wait to ascertain. This wait had her nerves in a bunch, paranoia running high. There was no room or energy to blame anyone or anyone for this. Only regret.

By the time they arrived back home, Paine had learned that Vevina was innocent in all of this—that she had only gone along to keep an eye on her sister, unaware that the night would devolve in the ways it had thus far. Reality had overwhelmed Vevina once she realized what Overdrive had turned into: a gathering of recklessness outside of the law, not at all the positive environment it had once been when her parents first arrived to Zanarkand. Paine went with Vevina to her room, kneeling down in front of her; explaining this to her while Lulu dealt with Venus first.

"I'm sorry, Daddy," said Vevina, head down still; Elias sat atop her head, sympathetic. "I should have called you again. I tried, but you were fighting your match. She kept threatening to leave without me so I had to follow her. I see why you and Mommy don't go to that place anymore…"

With a sigh, Paine tried to stay calm—for Vevina's sake, knowing she did the best she could. "If I'm honest, it used to be a lot of fun there," she explained. "Trust me, if you were seventeen about twenty years ago, I wouldn't mind if you decided to go." Vevina nodded in understanding, still unable to look her father in the eye. "I'm not mad at you. Venus has a habit of taking advantage of how much you two look like your mother. Overdrive isn't the place to try that." She tried to think of how else this could have been avoided, for future reference. "Did you call your brother when this was going on?"

"I tried calling him. His wireless doesn't have a signal when he's out in the forest…" Vevina winced at Paine's groan, out of guilt. "The only person I got through to was Lightning. She said she didn't feel comfortable getting in the middle that soon, but to call her again if you didn't show up."

Paine didn't know whether to be surprised or not. "I'm glad she at least offered to help out at some point…as a last resort. She didn't have to. I'll…call her later and thank her." Such a thought mystified Paine, for she had no idea how that conversation would play out at all… "You're sure you're all right?"

Vevina held Paine about her neck, nodding. "I'd rather forget about what happened," she said. "That man didn't scare me. I think I scared myself, from what I almost did to him."

"I saw his tattoos moving, his shadows," noted Paine, holding her back. "I know…it was tempting. Looking back, I'm glad you managed to control yourself. I'm just sorry I didn't get there sooner." Strong splashes of water, stern demands and high-pitched screams Paine heard from Venus' room. She moved to stand, preparing herself for this next. "I'd better go see what's going on. If you decide you need to talk more about it, I'm here for you."

With that, Paine nodded to her, to Elias, and closed the door behind her as she went. Down the hall to Venus' room she walked, wary; knowing she wouldn't enjoy this at all. Darkness of Venus' room was lit only by rays of dim light shining through the adjoining bathroom—there, she heard those sounds of loud water, sputtering and gasping breaths. Against the doorway to the bathroom, Paine leaned against, arms folded as she watched.

Venus lay face-up against the large bath, face and long hair drenched with water. At her side in her Domme outfit still, Lulu knelt, sending spells of water over Venus' face to force her to sober up. Panting breaths Venus took now, barely able to open her eyes. She blinked and blinked, unwilling to look into the so-called strong light overhead. Harsher flow of water Lulu sent over Venus' face, pooling the tile floor below enough to spread over to Paine's heels this time.

"Wake _up_, Venus," ordered Lulu, menacing. Venus' head lulled about; she shut her eyes, groaning. "I know you can hear me. Your father and I are waiting for your side of the story. I don't care how long I have to keep doing this until you speak up. You're not getting off the hook this time."

"Mommy…" Venus drawled her words out, helpless, out of it, "You're _beautiful_…the most…beautiful woman in the world…next to Daddy—_she's_ the best protector… Can I wear your outfit…? I want it…"

Lulu decided to go along with this much, "Why do you want my outfit?" she asked, stern in her curiosity.

Venus threw her arms up, haphazard; hitting Lulu in the face, unable to register this mistake. "I want to _be _you!" she said, filled with drunken wonder. Lulu nursed her affected nose, one hand covering it and her dangerous scowl. "You're the best model…the best Mommy…the best writer… _I _wanna be famous like you… People buy your magazines…they go to your runways…they take pictures and…and…and they call you sexy _ALL the time_! Daddy lovesssss you to death…wouldn't she follow you there if you went? _To the ends of Spira and back_… That's the most romantic…thing… I wish I had that. _Ark Angel of Envy_…"

Venus then burst into tears. She turned over to bury this hysteria against her mother's chest. After drying her off, Lulu picked her up without a word, and walked past Paine to Venus' bedroom. Paine and Lulu both lay down with Venus, letting her hold them; waiting for her to calm down, to sleep. They waited for so long; Paine had already dozed off by the time she heard Venus apologizing to them, softly.

—

Urgent knocking at the front door startled Paine awake in the darkness of the next morning. She opened her eyes, slight, wondering how the hell Venus did not wake from the noise. _She's gonna have the worst hangover when she wakes up… _Shifting weight from Lulu signaled her wife's exit from the bed, as if she hadn't slept at all. That sexy silhouette of black against this obsidian morning Paine followed with her eyes, heart singed from her early bird hormones already. Those heels, Paine listened to, following them with her ears as they went to the front door. Something told Paine to follow with her presence, not completely. She leaned down to kiss her daughter, roguish as Venus was, she loved her anyway.

Paine snuck up the hall, uncertain as to why it had to be this way. Two voices she heard from the front door—Lulu's annoyed, tired tones, _and_—

"…I'm workin' on it, all right, Lu?" said Wakka, voice low, trying to calm his ex-wife down. "Look…it's tricky right now. I think they're startin' to catch on, ya? Soon enough, they're gonna be able to go wherever they want. Seymour's gonna go back to our time if he gets out. _When_ he does, you _have _to follow him, like you wrote—you gotta follow the story, everyone will, even if you think they won't—"

_This is serious. This is __**real**__. My wife is standing there talking to the man who tried to rape her! _

"HEY!" shouted Paine, stomping to storm ahead, toward him now. Wakka froze in fright as a deer caught in headlights. "Wakka, what the _fuck_ are you doing, talking to my wife?! She killed you for a reason! How do you know where we live?" That anger she'd felt fifteen years ago felt as a fresh wound, chasing after him now, out the door. That same instinct she felt, deep, to _**kill **__this man _for putting his hands on Lulu. "You son of a bitch, get back here!" Out to the hallway she went, stopping—she saw only pyreflies in the direction he'd gone off in. "Wakka! _Damnit_!" Wood of either side of the doorway she gripped in her hands, _hearing _her fingertips crunch and grind against this unyielding surface. She spun around to Lulu, who only stared at her, passionless. "What the _hell _was that about?! Why are you talking to that coward?" When Lulu only folded her arms, Paine slammed the door shut, moving closer—in her face, disregarding their rules. "Tell me, _right now_…how long has this been going on?"

Lulu adjusted her weight, arms folded; taking this stance that meant she would not yield. "If you want to ask the questions for a change, you need my permission—"

"Fucking _permission_, Lulu!" hissed Paine, this close to her face so as to not wake the twins with this debacle. "Forget our damn rules for one _second _and tell me what I want to know! Because I sure as hell could take a guess and say this has been going on since we moved here, since we were engaged…" By that cold, cold steel in her wife's eyes, Paine knew she was right. "No…don't tell me I'm right. I can't be right. He's been knocking on our door for _fifteen years _and I never once heard him? That's impossible…"

"It's not as impossible as you _think_," said Lulu, careful to emphasize reality's tricks with that word. "You can interrogate me all you want later." Lulu turned on her heel and made her way to their bedroom. "For now, you need to go to work. I won't say anything more about him."

Paine ran after Lulu, grabbing her by the arm to make her stop. "Don't do this to me, Lulu," she warned, desperate and domineering all at once. Lulu spared her not a glance, staring straight ahead. "What's all the secrecy for? What do you get out of this? Did you forget that I'm your wife? We're supposed to tell each other everything! If you've been lying to me by omission for years about _Wakka_, that makes me think there's something worse you're keeping from me. Do you know how that makes me feel—?"

Lulu spun around to face Paine, controlled torment fresh in her eyes. "It doesn't matter how you feel _right now_, Paine, that is the point!" she said, strong enough to make Paine let go of her, to back away. "I lost my mind preparing this for you! I have sacrificed everything I am to make this come true for you! I'm _not_ going to ruin it simply because your hurt pride needs answers right away!" Closer Lulu stepped toward her; steps back, Paine took, in this shuddering fear: cruel mirror of Lulu's madness she'd lived with for six years in a row beforehand. "You think you _deserve _to know your answers only because you and I are married… Let me tell you, Paine, that I have not forgotten the agony you once put me through. I said nothing then because I knew I would have my retribution later. Make _one _false step with me today and I will make certain that vengeance is exacerbated _tenfold _when this begins…" Apologies Paine spoke with silence alone, giving into this terror instilled in her from Lulu's knowing, verbal stabs. "I won't repeat myself again—go to work. I don't care how early it is…" _Their safe word, _ending this conversation for good: "_Fuck off_."

Lift of her head, proud, and Lulu turned again, entering their bedroom. She slammed the door shut behind her, disturbing frames hanging from the connecting walls. Shuddering breaths Paine let out, as if her pounding heart had shaped them so. As if she'd had the whole world in her hands, with Lulu's love and acceptance, only for it all to drop with this undeniable show of her wife's fury. She didn't know what to do. All of that certainty she'd had for years—it dissipated in the wake of Lulu's contempt.

Frightened as a lost child, Paine turned around, trying to find herself in the world again by moving, slowly, a bit at a time. Down the opposite hall she saw Vevina standing, staring after her in concern; slumped upon the floor, Venus sat, hung-over, but worried anyway by the distant gaze in her direction. She could not bring herself to explain to her children what had happened—she went to the door, collected her keys and satchel nearby, and left for Elysia's bastion at her wife's order.

—

Paine had barely remembered to change into her Judge Magister armor once inside the foyer of her mother-in-law's home. She went through to the smaller dining room upstairs, following the sounds and sights of Elysia's servants bringing breakfast to her. Therein she found Elysia sitting next to the lit fireplace, sipping her mimosa in her night things. No makeup, hair down, Elysia appeared weary, worn since the last time Paine had seen her in person over four years ago. She had not aged at all, not physically past thirty-three per Zanarkand's standard, no. That usual composure about her had merely withered to time, emotion, and stress' duress. Next to Elysia knelt Gabranth in his armor, dutiful, waiting for permission to sit with her and eat. Paine stared at him for a moment as she entered, wondering why Lulu never had her do that; the thought aroused her, irrationally so with her wife this livid with her.

"Judge Nyte," said Elysia, before sipping more of her morning cocktail. "I assume you are here at my daughter's command. Your fear of her wrath shows well in your face. I am proud of her."

"My lady." Paine gave a bow, though it felt half-hearted. "I…don't know what's going on. She told me to come here. I don't know what for."

Elysia waved her hand, and Shiva entered the room soon after. "You will follow Shiva to the bostaunieux oubliette," she ordered. "She will unlock the entrance for you. Should you make any decisions within, she will carry them out for you. Now go, that I might eat my meal in peace before this war begins."

"_War_?" asked Paine, startled. "What war? I've been back again for the past six months—Raine never mentioned anything about a war…"

With a sigh, Elysia gestured for Paine to sit across from her. "She did as I said, then," she commented, as Paine took this seat. "I thought she would disobey me yet again. How comforting to know that she chose not to this time." Shiva moved to turn on the television monitor hanging from the adjacent wall. There showed limited bird's eye footage of a legion of soldiers moving through Mount Gagazet—with guns, cannons and machina of all sizes. Those uniforms marked the soldiers from Bevelle. "Because you chose to put your wife and children before your work, my worst fear has come true." News reporters screamed over one another at the trembling footage of Vegnagun, imposing in size, transported through the gale. Paine bolted to her feet, bloodshot eyes wide. Elysia merely sipped her mimosa again. "I warned you that you should have returned to work earlier. You chose not to listen in favor of making me the villain."

"Just because _I _didn't come to work for four years, this happened?! What makes me so important? This doesn't make any sense!"

Elysia appeared unbothered by her daughter-in-law's displays, staring straight ahead at nothing. "Your prisoner will not listen to me," she said, speaking of Seymour. "He insists that he will only speak with you. He was to be our ace, our way of manipulating this war in Zanarkand's favor. Now that my husband has proven that Yu Yevon does not exist in this time, I know there is no way for Sin to be crafted. We have no reasonable defenses against this conflict. If you continue to stand there and stare at me, Zanarkand—and all of Spira—_will_ be destroyed."

Helpless again, weak again, Paine paced around, burying her face in her armored hands in between staring at that _screen_. Never mind that she had defeated Vegnagun once before with only a handful of people—they'd had no army of endless numbers and machina to deal with. Elysia again directed Paine down to the dungeons with Shiva; Paine did not hesitate to go this time.

—

Seymour Guado, once-respected Maester with veritable means to achieve his ends, now lay in this cell before Paine, near-lifeless, skeletal. Behind her stood Shiva, compliant; perhaps sympathetic. Years she had spent ignoring him, having left him there to steadily rot in his own waste with no just cause for his arrest or imprisonment. Guilty before proven innocent, he was, despite previous atrocities he'd committed of his own volition or otherwise. Through the bars of the cell door, Paine stared at him, at once feeling as a monster, remembering the paranoia that had forced him here by her judgment.

One gloved hand Paine set against the bars, holding one. She leaned her weight there, waiting for him to wake. "Seymour," she said, low, noticing his eyes steadily opening behind his unkempt hair. "Seeing you here now…it's bringing me back to the lowest point in my life—and my marriage… Regardless of who gave me permission to do this to you, I shouldn't have wanted this in the first place." Weakly, Seymour stared up at her—no glint in his eyes, no superiority. "You did nothing wrong. The only thing you're guilty of is knowing more about me than you should. More than I'm comfortable with…"

Seymour raised one of his long, long curling nails to his neck, to where he'd scratched until a wound formed. "Bevelle…must be on their way," he observed, voice cracking with silence, weakness. "Why else…would you apologize to me…? The tyrant…fears losing her home…now she comes to me on her knees…begging for a way out. How…predictable, Your Honor…"

"I'm not thinking about the war right now, Your Grace," said Paine, in total honesty. By that rare light in Seymour's eyes, he appeared to believe her words. "What you said all those years ago makes sense now. I wouldn't appreciate it at all if someone did this to me. I don't deserve your understanding. I just hope you're willing to talk now."

"…about what?" asked Seymour, interest piqued by her humility.

"How is it that you know these things about me? You knew my wife would miscarry. You knew my friend Rikku had one before—it was her blood you smelled on me back then. What else do you know?"

Steadily, a little at a time, Seymour moved to sit against the stone wall of his cell. "When I was inside Sin during Lady Yuna's pilgrimage…I saw too much," he began. "It drove me to lengths…I am not at all proud of… I saw you, your life—how your heart would eventually become intertwined with the death that Sin brings. After Sin's defeat, I spent much of my time…wandering the Farplane…learning why and how fate exists…who is in charge of it… And I learned, Judge Nyte, that with enough willpower…with enough love and determination…it is possible to write fate as one wishes it…just as Lady Yunalesca did, in writing the first of Yevon's doctrines… She brainwashed an entire world to revere her father, Yu Yevon. Now that their story is over, another will soon begin…"

_Lulu's story… _"You wanted to manipulate that fate, didn't you?" asked Paine, unassuming.

Seymour nodded, eyes closed in fatigue. "A foolish wish it was," he acknowledged. "Your wife's will is powerful. It cannot be moved… She nearly lost herself to it, yet it saved her, again and again. The only question now…is _how to begin _this story…? I know the two possibilities. The order in which they must be carried out is a mystery… I can only guess."

"What are the possibilities?" At that, Seymour turned away, disinclined to answer. "Please, tell me. Lulu put her heart and soul into this…for me. The least I can do is help her with this. I don't know what any of this means…I only know it'll make her happy. If you cared enough to learn about my life, I'm asking you to help me."

Seymour faced her again, jaded. "In exchange for _what_, Your Honor…?" he asked.

_I would do anything for her…_

Without hesitation, Paine said, "Your freedom."

Surprise brought more light to Seymour's eyes. "Your city is soon to perish to war…and you wish to bargain with this knowledge and my freedom?"

"I have a strong feeling the two are related, Your Grace," replied Paine, fluid. Seymour gave a cynical chuckle. "If I'm wrong, then say so."

"Your intuition _has_ typically been one of your strong points," said Seymour, verifying that particular feeling of hers. "Very well, then… You see, the best stories revolve around conflict and climaxes, infinitely, until the end. In order to begin a story of worth, you must have either sacrifice, cause, or both. In this case, with this particular timing… Zanarkand's citizens must disappear, and you must go through an emotional upheaval. Both of these things must happen—as I said…I know not which must go first, and which must follow. If Vegnagun is on its way now, I feel the citizens must disappear first…"

Paine knelt to the ground, unable to stand anymore. She thought, considered, _felt_. "I'm supposed to let Vegnagun destroy the city, just so Lulu's story can start…?" she asked to herself more than to Seymour. He observed her, inquisitive. "No…no, that can't be right… It _has_ to be the other way around."

"How else will Zanarkand's citizens simply _disappear_, Your Honor?" asked Seymour, strangely sincere in his inquiry. "Are they to merely vanish into thin air? That makes far less sense than my proposal."

Paine glared at him, frustrated with this already. "Just what do you get out of this story, anyway?"

"A chance to see a new, familiar world—new possibilities in the realm of learned knowledge… It will be interesting to see what your wife has come up with. I would much rather live there instead of in this world that believes I exist no longer. Perhaps I can…atone for my mistakes…"

"Seymour, I don't think letting Vegnagun do this is the answer," said Paine, firm. "I need to stop it. If I tell my friends, I know they'll help me—and we have Zanarkand's army, but that's not enough. You spent a lot of time in Bevelle before you came here—I _know _you know something about this."

"But of course," responded Seymour. "I spent much time going over Vegnagun's design with the engineers there. I know how to turn it against its creators. However, Vegnagun and the machina around it must sense no threat in order for this to work. You must be deep in enemy territory, in order for Vegnagun to be docile enough to manipulate. In that case…you may as well be invisible, for it will be impossible to sneak past Bevelle's army otherwise. That is the only way to turn the tide in Zanarkand's favor at this short notice."

Ideas, certainty Paine felt again—she inhaled, deep, and stood up. "That's not a problem—I can do that," she said, assured. "Once Vegnagun's taken care of, I can look into these possibilities. Letting Zanarkand get destroyed isn't the answer."

"If you insist…" Seymour faltered when, as promised, Shiva unlocked the door to his cell. "Are you mad…?" he asked as the door creaked open. "You're truly letting me go?"

Paine stepped inside to this stench, holding her hand out to him. "I've learned how to uphold my honor and keep my word," she promised. Seymour stared wide-eyed at her hand, disbelieving. "If you're planning anything else, I'll just have to stop you once this is all over. Saving this city and protecting my family is my priority right now. You helped me figure out how to do that, and to make my wife happy by starting this story of hers. I admit I don't really know what I'm doing, what any of this means…but I know this is the right thing to do."

Weight, stubborn weight Paine felt pulling her down as Seymour tried to stand with her help. She bent down to lift him with both arms, helping him take the few steps out of his imprisonment. Less weight she felt over her heart, yet that was not the only justification for this—ridding the history of her mistakes, of the constant reminder that she could end up as he did was necessary; she had to do this, for it was, as she said, just and right. With Lulu as her honor, her reason to fight and do what was crucial in this world, she needed to let Seymour go.

As he stood on his own before her, Paine pointed behind him. "There's a passage to the waterway just down the way," she said. "The waters there are shallow enough that you'll be able to go through them without much trouble."

"And what if I told you now that I _am _up to something else, Your Honor…?" asked Seymour. "Would you force me…back into my cell? Or would you not care?"

"Like I said, I'll stop you once this is all over. You're free to go. If you wanna give me a hint as to what you're up to, I'm open to it."

Seymour shook his head, amused. "All I will say is that you must return to the Spira you fled from on your way to this Zanarkand," he advised. "If you are now so noble as to let an innocent villain go, I suggest you tie up the remaining loose ends there… It…will be urgent." Paine nodded, prepared to turn around until this surprise—he bowed to her in the old Yevon circle, and said, "May Jubileus, The Creator, Grace You," before turning to limp his way down the hall to the exit, free at last after nearly sixteen years.


	53. Oblivion

"_When I Was Your Man (Bruno Mars cover)" by Boyce Avenue ft. Fifth Harmony / "Oblivion" by Astor Piazzolla_

_Optimism is all we have left now  
At this juncture, remembering time lost,  
And now we must make up for it—allow  
Emotions to show, regrets to accost.  
Love with me on this apology, mark  
This space as our secret place to return  
To, knowing what we've done, open in lark;  
While we have this, reminisce—with me, learn.  
Sixteen years is not too late to love as  
Young, this laughter, have we ever made it?  
Too serious in our affairs, and past  
We are now for more time: sun intrepid  
Shines on this snow, calm chaos, our symbol—  
Flowers, as you love me; all so simple…_

Beyond positive, as if making up for a lack of true clairvoyance—or, intuition's folly had sewn the sun's design over her heart, for Paine to smile as a fool. On the last day of this freedom, this path, this memory, what else was there to do except stay positive, to be happy? Semblances of youthful vibrancy put a bounce in her step through the halls of Elysia's bastion. Good feelings, the best of feelings kept her positive about making up with Lulu today. So long as she had this chance to make up, knowing that Lulu loved her enough to understand, Paine knew everything would work out. She knew the exact florist to stop by on her way home to buy a bouquet of flowers for her wife. Violet roses, Lulu loved. If they weren't enough to at least lessen Lulu's scowl, well, Paine would have to think of something more in the moment.

Signs of snow she noticed outside the windows as she went along to Raine's office, hoping her sister-in-law had arrived to work a little early. They needed to discuss how best to deal with this, with Raine as Commander of Zanarkand's army. With her sister-in-law so accomplished, surely Raine would know the best course of action to take. Once Paine had the necessary plans, she could take care of the rest of what needed to be done…

Shuddering breaths she heard coming through the open door of Raine's dark office, slowing Paine's steps down, down, all the way down until she stopped in the doorway. There at her desk, Raine sat, slouching, back to the door; gloved hand over her mouth and sweating nose, trembling as she tried to hold her breaths back. Down at the framed picture atop her desk, Raine stared, gripping it in her other hand—a candid picture of Lulu and Paine sitting together in the garden outside, facing each other, holding hands, smiling. That happiness trembled hardest in Raine's hold when that shine trailed down her face, twice on each side. Not a sound did she let out. She had no need to—that heartbreak sounded loud, inimitable, as if she'd tried to hide it all this time.

_I'm intruding…_

Just as hard, Paine tried not to make a sound as she stepped backward. Fear of discovery kept her steps quiet. She didn't dare breathe. Surely Raine didn't wish to be disturbed at such a time. Whatever troubled her, she was not the type to share her problems, let alone allow anyone to see them. Certainly, Paine had to be the _last _person she would let in that way.

Raine held that spare barbed-wire necklace around her neck, calling out, "Your Honor, get back here," and trying in vain to dry her face. Uncertain, Paine took those steps back, moving inside the office. That scowl on Raine's face fluctuated—pensive, guilty, concerned, torn; yet a scowl it was, all the same. "Judge N—…" She could not speak with that same formality, conviction. "Paine." Thicker rivulets fell when she at last moved her hand from her face, turned in her chair, and looked Paine right in the eye with this vulnerability she could not help. "This is the first life I have lived…that I've allowed myself to cry. This is how attached I've grown." She clutched this necklace harder. "I'm sorry."

Blanks overwhelmed Paine for the longest, until she thought to say, "You don't need to apologize for being sentimental… It's nice to finally know why you always wear that." Raine turned back around in her chair, in profile to Paine again, shaking her head. "I didn't think you cared that much about me…"

That photograph, Raine set back down atop her desk. "That's not why I'm apologizing," she said, sweating brow knitted with too many emotions for Paine to count. "Lifetimes I've lived, always believing that I held no blame. That I could not be held responsible for the orders I carry out… Allowing myself to care for you and for my sister for the first time has taught me otherwise. Knowing what will happen makes me realize that I care for both of you for as many lives as I've lived. It is too late to have this realization… It's too late."

"What do you mean…? We can come up with a plan for the war, if that's what you're worried about… I'm here now, and Lulu's right at home. We're not going anywhere, Raine. It's never too late."

Weak, forceless, Raine lowered her balled fist to the arm of her chair, shaking her head again and again. "You don't understand, Paine. You don't understand," she repeated. "In every other life I've seen, this war is where my duty is supposed to end. I am supposed to carry out my final task, die, and be reborn. Lulu has written otherwise, my mother has ordered otherwise—thus, that will not happen this time… That I will finally get to _see_ _with my own eyes _what happens with this _Ideal _play of your love with my sister… The irony is such that I feel as a child who knows nothing at all. Nothing…but this _love _for my family…" Deep breaths Raine took, unable to calm those tides streaming down. "_Why _am I to be spared to watch this? I don't…I don't want to see it… I'm not strong enough for this."

Paine stepped closer by empathy's pull, needing to know: "What is it…? If it's enough to affect you this way…can't you tell me what it is?"

Raine stood up, facing her. Hurt and pain, enough to move this stoicism to sensitivity beyond measure shone clear in those eyes of hazel. Seeing the future through eyes alone—how Paine wished she could do this, to know what troubled Lulu's sister so. Only the unexpected could provide any clues.

Closeness of armor, Paine felt, when Raine held her around her neck, unyielding. Hesitation followed from Paine, to return the gesture where she could, as if holding realizations that had once been out of her reach. Quietly, Raine continued to apologize, as if she'd done something terrible in following her mother's orders all these years. As if it would have been simpler, better, easier to disregard all of that, somehow, for some reason. And the harder Raine tried to _say _what it was, the harder her emotions showed as a contradictory dam over those truths.

When Raine pulled away at last, she took a few paces away, composing herself. In the moments of her silence, heels sounded down the hall. Raine stopped breathing, listening as Fran entered the room, going to her. "Paine," she said, allowing Fran to stay this close, holding her, "Take the day to spend time with your wife. Worry not for me—this pain is my duty. I am aware of what Lord Seymour instructed you to do. Return here at midnight. I will take the liberty of informing your friends of the situation. They will be here when you arrive. I will command us to victory—I swear this on my honor to you and my sister."

Paine knew not to linger here; she bowed, respectful, as she said, "Thank you, Raine." Steps she took outside, and lower she felt Raine's barriers fall, again, until at last she'd walked far enough down the hall; until Raine sounded out her agony, her frustration for only Fran to see.

—

Through the foyer Paine walked, lightened by her talk with her sister-in-law; seeing that side of her. Though it troubled her to know that Raine suffered so, she could only hope that everything would work out for the best. Looming war outside, previous arguments pushed to the side—boundless optimism replaced these spaces where pessimism should have resided, after freeing Seymour, freeing her conscience up. Knowing that Raine cared that much about her, about Lulu, lifted her all the more. Now was the perfect time to visit the florist, to purchase those flowers for her wife as an apology for earlier.

When she exited outside to the drawbridge, there she found Lulu standing in her usual dress and braids beneath the snowfall, holding in her hands a large, fresh bouquet of everlasting red roses—scarlet as Paine's eyes, scarlet as Paine's face over this sudden gesture. Up and into her eyes Lulu looked, apologetic, melancholic in depth, emotion. Forward Lulu stepped, pressing the flowers into Paine's hands and breastplate. Flowers between them, sharp softness of Lulu's hands over her gloves, shifting; Lulu moved to tips of her toes to kiss the snowflakes collecting along Paine's lips, warming, melting. How Lulu lingered there, making Paine rock back one step, light, out of heady surprise.

Such a strong reminder to how Lulu had proposed to her first, years ago, made nostalgia trickle up Paine's throat, up to her eyes.

"I'm sorry, love," spoke Lulu, fully sincere. "Please…forgive me for my pride earlier." She stood as normal, gazing up at Paine from this height difference, trying to smile. "When you left, I felt foolish for growing angry over you, over something I've worked on _for _you… The irony is that I put so much of myself into my art—I neglected to do small things such as this for you. I felt terrible…when I realized that we've been married for fifteen years, and never once have I given you flowers… You, or anyone…"

_No one's ever given me flowers…_

White of the snow behind this beauty—wise, experienced; naïve, in this way, to mark this first in their relationship, their marriage…Paine could not fault Lulu for having this realization after all this time. "It's never too late," she said, to Lulu this time, smiling. "I'm sorry, too, about what I said…" She moved one hand to this splendor of Lulu's face, to make sure her wife did not avert her eyes in stoic embarrassment this time. "If they're everlasting, I'll keep them for as long as I love you. Thank you, Mistress."

"And…" Lulu fought that habit with Paine's help, keeping eye contact. "Raine came to see me, just after you left. She…_may _have influenced this decision, a little… That and the war—I'm sure you know by now…"

"I know your sister's upset," said Paine, seeing no reason to skirt around the issue.

With care, Lulu wiped away those tears not belonging to Paine from her face. "She wouldn't tell me why, either," she said, knowing. "She only said not to worry about her. It is difficult not to… I must respect her wishes." This gesture reminded Paine of Braska tearing up at their wedding; how she and Lulu had laughed inappropriately at the _ice _reference, her silly line of _Ice, ice, baby _in Overdrive the night before—she laughed, Lulu laughed. With a smile, Lulu continued on, "What else is important is that she promised me we don't need to worry about Bevelle, or about Vegnagun for that matter. After all she has done for us both, I trust that promise beyond the panic in the city or in the media. I trust this security you and I have, for us to enjoy this day despite whatever tomorrow may hold." In one arm, Paine held her flowers, letting Lulu take her by the hand, into the city through the snow. "I have more to give to you, my lord." At that honorific, Paine smiled—Lulu's admission of obvious sexual attraction toward her as Judge Magister. "I want to walk with you for a bit before that…"

Hand-in-hand they walked together, through the city, through this panic of the citizens around them. This sharpness from Lulu's thumb nail deceived, caressing the armor of Paine's glove with sureness, devotion. Oblivious in their fear, these strangers noticed not even the oblivion Paine and Lulu lived in, without that fear, from this trust they had in each other, in Raine's promise that they had no reason to worry about the war. In Lulu's ear, low, sweet, Paine murmured to her of the memories she had—when they had gone down an adjacent road for public humiliation in the shoe store one day; another avenue went to the beaches, where Lulu enjoyed visiting on occasion for the reminders of Besaid, walking for hours there with Paine before the light of the sunset that no longer bothered her, from those reminders of the one on the Mi'ihen Highroad, and of Nooj; another street led to the many clubs in Zanarkand, to the one they had gone to with Yuna, Rikku and Gippal, where Paine had slipped up and admitted her desire to marry Lulu; another down the way spanned across the counties, for a clear path to _The Bismarck_. Here, Lulu mentioned beneath the panic around them that she'd made reservations for them there, later on that evening; that their children had volunteered to stay home, to give them this romantic night out alone while they had the chance.

To a wide open courtyard they arrived, covered in a neat coat of snow, far-enough removed from the noise in the background. They had enough privacy here, this far away from people running about in a panic for—to Paine and Lulu—no apparent reason.

Such sweet gestures, of Lulu procuring the late breakfast she'd made for them, spreading spare rose petals around their spots in the snow as she hummed _Fly Me to the Moon_. Together they ate, smiling, fruits placed into the other's mouth, kissing, sharing that way; situating those petals in a symbol between them: an open heart, with enough space for Lulu to use her long nail to write their names there in that pure, white space. Though the snow continued to fall, Paine held a fanciful delusion that this would stay here, somehow, as a landmark for them to return to.

After their meal, they lay beside this emblem, with Lulu on her back, Paine over her, slight. All the sun in her heart, Paine felt, making up for the darkening clouds overhead, watching Lulu's delight as they spoke with one another for hours. That radiance spread within her, everywhere, strongest in this core that Lulu had shaped and influenced so, keeping her alive with this hope that they always had another day together. This partial immortality they now had in Zanarkand, having lived among the dead long enough to adapt and fight off the Grim Reaper's scythe for the rest of their lives—Paine wanted nothing more than this, to know that so long as she had enough strength, she could protect her wife, her family from anything else that threatened this peace.

"Sir Nyte, do you remember that _clever _pick-up line you gave me two years ago?" asked Lulu, amused at Paine's self-consciousness of a sudden. "The one about The Creator dropping me from heaven?"

Paine buried her face in Lulu's neck, sensitive flesh reacting to laughter, loveliness therein. "How could I forget…? That wasn't exactly my shining romantic moment with you."

"I haven't forgotten, either," Lulu went on, toying with the softest tendrils of hair along Paine's neck. "It makes me think of Saber's Edge, the stretch of dangerous land behind Besaid's temple in this time. The Creator built that road as a test for anyone who wished to have her blessing. However, the blessings are always in disguise—when you arrive, there is supposed to be a choice to make. Say you had to choose between several copies of me to please you for all eternity, or one version of me with a mind of my own who didn't know you at all… Which would you accept as your blessing?"

"If the copies are superficial," said Paine, watching as Lulu conjured their dice, their cards for their game of The Scorpion's Empress, "I'd pick _you_, every time. I can always get to know you again."

Lulu hummed in surprise at that, shuffling the cards. "How noble of you, love," she said, considerate. Paine took the dice in hand, smiling as she tossed them. "Three and three, hm? Six seems to be a recurring number with us… You often roll a six."

Nod of agreement to that last, Paine went back to the previous subject: "What, did you think I'd choose the copies…?" she asked, drawing the topmost card. Surely Lulu had to have known her better than that.

_King of Hearts _she drew, of much surprise to her. This seemed far too convenient to Paine. She regarded Lulu in suspicion. That seriousness did not hold out long, for Lulu turned the rest of the deck over, giggling; showing Paine that they were all hearts. Fooled in good-humor, Paine moved to pinch that sensitive spot of Lulu's over her ribs, ticklish there, both bursting out laughing against each other.

A long moment Lulu took, holding Paine's face, her head in place. Those smooth, warm hands Paine felt against her face, her neck, her ears, fitting perfectly. Every contour, Lulu traced with her nails and fingertips, thoughtful by this tenor in her eyes, as if drawing them into the canvas of her memory. "No, my lord, I didn't think that," said Lulu at last, pressing those words to Paine's parted lips. That vibration of Lulu's sultry voice, that intoxicating smell and taste of her lipstick went through Paine's mouth, stirring. "I know…you will always choose _me_…" Words she spoke between each kiss, bringing Paine into her more each time; "…every time, no matter your sorrows…it will pay off…one day… I would do the same, if it were me deciding… I love you, too much…_not _to hold you above all else…"

Lips smoothed up and along Lulu's jaw, possessive as Paine's hold over this corseted waist beneath her. Paine held those words in mind as she did Lulu's body. Bare shoulders above her dress, Paine marveled over, holding this sensual strength. Lips down to these necklaces, beauty in jewels above beauty in skin and sinew soft enough to be this feminine, to be Lulu's, to _belong_ to her. Around to Lulu's back, down this fur, curving this contour to the strings of her corset Paine moved her hands.

Mellow, smooth and sexual Lulu's reactions sounded in Paine's ear. This barrier, Paine undid between the space of the snow and Lulu's arched back, accommodating this allure of touch; whispering to Paine again and again: "_Touch me…taste me…take me_…" Breadth of Lulu's bare breasts Paine breathed in. Inundated in supple softness of skin, hued by life's shine over their days together; Paine held one, both in her gloved hands, tongue tracing, mouth enveloping; eyes locked on Lulu's arching neck and shifting braids.

Chimes from Lulu's belts along her dress directed Paine downward, kissing firm down this corset and marmoreal fabric shaped by Lulu's body. By heart, without needing to look, Paine undid each of these belts, one by one. In between this space, she had more and more access to the length of Lulu's legs covered by her thin stockings, obsessing at the thick, hot smell of sex here. By Lulu's soft order, Paine changed out of this dressphere, into her leather, for this throbbing to thicken and lengthen in the space of her shorts—for now. She stayed warm by hiding higher in this heat of Lulu's dress. One source of cold she felt against the back of her head, directing her, welcomed: the bands of Lulu's engagement and wedding rings she wore on the same finger. At the lining of Lulu's thong, Paine felt those hands stopping her in place. In vain, she tried to lick at this lace, to taste that trailing trace of need there.

Back out to this snow, on her back Paine lay as Lulu's touch dictated. Same treatment to her body, Lulu gave her on the way down, settling on top of her. Bottom half of Lulu's dress, spread out behind her, over Paine's legs; shorts out of the way, to start this ride, no matter who may have stopped to watch in the distance. Invigorating, that Lulu's sex shaped over Paine's length fitted by memory, slipped into the slick perfect fit. Thrusts, quick, Paine couldn't help it, hips lifted from the snow, legs bent, hitting where Lulu needed, constant, prolonging this. Quick as she could make this, hard as she could go; Paine brought Lulu's body down, breasts pressing into one another, gripping body and braids both, hissing hot labor in Lulu's ear that she loved her to death—_refusing_ to stop or let go.

Back home, back in their dark room, this continued, differently, more of the same. Clothes off, Paine knelt upon the bed, hands along the back of her head, _Expose _position. Between her, on all fours, bare, Lulu lapped up this need, sucking and sounding delighted, _hard _enough to make Paine cry out.

Another voyeur, perhaps they had, for Lulu had somehow forgotten to close the door all the way, having left it ajar.

Against her dripping sex, Lulu ordered, "Stay in your position, love." Groping hands—Lulu held Paine's breasts, still eating her out. Struggling, struggling Paine endured to keep her back straight, keep her hands to herself; to not spread her legs any wider for Lulu to have more access, _all of her_. "Mmm… You're impatient. Predictable. If you can't stay in one place on your own, I'll need to make _sure_ you do."

Forceful, heavy-handed, Lulu moved Paine out of the way for her to take this space, sitting upon the bed now. Hard, wanting, this length of Lulu's dictated this next with certainty: Paine being situated against her will, with her will, penetrating. One hand Lulu propped behind her to sustain this depth of her thrusts. Her other she kept along the curve of Paine's spine, directing the angle of this deep fucking. Legs bent at either side of Lulu's thighs, Paine fell into this support of Lulu's soft-strong body against her, _holding on_.

"Hold me, Paine—_hold me_," sounded Lulu's voice, deeper, as a near-growl in her command. Both arms Paine wrapped about Lulu's neck, hands tangled in her long hair let down. Vulnerability she sounded out again and again for her wife's sadistic delight. "Take it, take it—_take it_! All of it—all of me… Just like that…oh, Paine, _just like that_…I need more—let me _hear _what a pathetic, desperate slut you really are for me and _only _me." Face and neck hot with this searing embarrassment over such feminine pleas: they freed Paine in the same motion, emotion, listening to Lulu's untamed reactions in voice and body. "So easy, you are…I could put my hands on you—grab you—rip your clothes off, _anywhere_, it wouldn't matter…and you'd still want me…" Gripping, staying, Paine kept this hold tight, opening herself up below for Lulu to exploit, to take advantage of however she saw fit. Building tension between her from this friction addiction wet thrusting igniting her setting her off— "An alleyway, Paine—I keep…thinking of an alleyway…that _same _one…you took your cheap thrills to… Reverse the roles—let me put one on you…break you off—show you what it's like to have no name—" Sharper thrust, and Paine could not _stop _this high pitch of her whimper; "—no meaning, no purpose except being a wet, _fuckable _cunt!"

At the height of Paine's helplessness at Lulu's words, her body, she felt those highs pushing past the limits of her spirit. Clenching, cascading, full force; Paine could not stop these waves, her loud reactions to them, burying her soaked face into the night of Lulu's hair. Pools of sweat and constant jerking motions of Paine's body, she reveled in, needing this loss of control, losing herself there and in Lulu's power. Panting Lulu's name, panting over and over, sweating, shallow breathing; whining it to spur her love harder—and _fuck me, fuck me, fuck me_—and _harder, please Mistress, I love you_..

_How long _passed before she felt that reciprocation, she didn't know—shooting, viscous spend filling her, dripping down to cover and mold them joined this way. Not long passed at all before Paine again felt that thoughtless power behind Lulu's touch, shoving her off and back to the bed face-down.

"_Expose Ass_, slut," ordered Lulu, hissing her breaths in, stroking herself. Paine curved her back, bent her legs beneath her, spread wide. She whimpered again at Lulu's sudden hands on her, pulling, spreading wider. "More—I want to see more…" Trickling, dripping fluids Lulu breathed over, murderous. Such exposure between her thighs had Paine shifting her hips from this too-comfortable comfort, from Lulu eyeing her, kissing this source, sucking and licking it all up. "Bittersweet, musken taste and smell mixed with my thick fill of you…how I _need _this from you, love…" Rough rubs of Paine's ass followed. Smacks sharp enough to make Paine whine. Lulu kissed this growing redness, adding more, more power, _obsessed_. "Only a warm up… Should I use the Lochgelly Tawse on your ass tonight, slave? Would you like a few sets of it on each side?"

Chance to prove that she could _take it_—Paine replied, "Yes, Mistress, _please _use it on my ass tonight…"

Deep amusement Lulu sounded out, throaty. "Come with me…" Strength in Lulu's arms; she picked Paine up, relocating her to the Vanguard in the center of the room. Elevated bench of leather, long enough for Paine to lie upon face-down—Lulu chained Paine's wrists and collar there, to keep her still. Armoire nearby opened—Lulu found her instrument of suffering: forearm-length, two-tailed leather kept in immaculate condition. "Let's see if you can finally get through this without screaming… Count."

Lower-half of Paine's ass and the line in the center that had formed from beatings over the years, Lulu aligned this leather against. Strong stance, controlled, and the first came down, whiplashing the air before severe, solid _pain_. "One, Mistress…" Sucking breaths, internalizing, practice; Paine fought to keep her body from flinching, recoiling with nowhere to go. "Two, Mistress." If she was due for any hurt tomorrow in this war, it would never compare to _this_, to Lulu willingly hurting her, pushing these limits, growing with her. "Three, Mistress." _Anything, _she could take anything from Lulu, anything at all, giving this power to her, even through this full-body sting from but one source. "Four, Mistress…" Paine _wanted _Lulu to give her her name, _her name, her name_— "Five…Mistress…"

Hardest, hardest hit Lulu had _ever _given her broke that energy, all-encompassing. In vain, Paine buried her scream into the leather underneath her. Loudness still managed to sound to her ears, Lulu's ears. Panting breaths Paine took, to remind herself that the set of six was over, it was over…

Lulu moved to stand in front of her hung head, dick hard against Paine's falls of hair. "My love…" That head, Lulu forced forward, to lightly slap Paine's face with this length. "You didn't finish counting… That was only the first set. You screamed. I knew you would, you weak little bitch." Amid the sounds of these soft slaps from Lulu's hardness, Paine twisted her chained body in clear arousal. "And you call yourself a masochist… If you want to keep screaming, I want it against my cock this time." She knew not to apologize, not with her words. Her mouth, she felt forced open by this intrusion of Lulu's command over her. "This is what you get for not finishing the set with me… As if it matters—I know you want this…" Paine sucked, drugged by this subspace, willingly taking her wife deeper down her throat. "And you know my weakness…doing as I say, even if—even if it humiliates you…" That substance Paine felt removed from her as soon as she'd had a taste of it; she whimpered, without thinking, looking up at her Mistress with this wanton want in her eyes. "Use your words. If I'm not satisfied with your begging, I'll masturbate instead. I won't let you watch, either."

That _power_—Paine wanted to swallow it whole, again and again. "_Please, _Mistress—I'm your worthless slut, I'm in awe of you… May I please have your cock in my mouth? I only want to suck you, drink you, _breathe_ you…" Stroking herself, stroking herself, Lulu tempted, teased the possibility right against Paine's lips, milking, sighing. "I want you to fucking own me with your dick. Make me choke on it. Slap it against my face. Call me a cocksucker, bitch, faggot, cumslut, _anything _you want and I'll get off on it." Subverting this begging into subtle demands always worked best when Lulu was aroused—_just like this_. "Mistress, Lulu, _please come all over me_. Let me blow you… I want to smell of you when we go out tonight…so everyone can know what you did to me…" Deep breaths; Lulu had to stop these strokes, sucking her breaths in, stroking Paine's face with her cock instead. That skin that smelled of _both of them_, Paine inhaled, not meaning to tease with these breaths. "Please let your slave suck you off. If you're recording this, somewhere, you'll get to watch my humiliation over and over again—"

"—_no_," said Lulu, forceful; denying this. "I have something far better in mind… Either way, we're out of time. We need to start getting ready to go out…" Disappointment dulled Paine's arousal as Lulu removed these chains from her. "The next time you choke on me, I want you to remember it. Look forward to it, slut. You've had enough for tonight."

—

Strong smells of earthen perfume and heat from their shower nearly overwhelmed their bedroom. Enough time had passed for Paine to have adjusted to that lost opportunity from earlier. In her black suit and heeled boots, she stood behind where Lulu sat at the vanity. Dress of aqueous blue Lulu wore tonight, flowing, V-neck; Paine's shirt matched that exact hue. Peaceful, at ease, Lulu watched through the mirror as Paine braided her hair, as this old habit they'd kept up with since those hospital years. Tightness as Lulu preferred, consistency, strictness in this hairstyle: Paine had memorized how to arrange these accessories in her wife's hair, the precise spot where to wrap this elegant fall of braids to finish.

When her task was complete, she bent down to Lulu, kissing her, fully, before leaving the room to check on their children. All three of them had insisted on staying home to give their parents this night to themselves. They all knew of what needed to be done at midnight—they had agreed to all go to Elysia's bastion, unable to simply sit at home in the midst of this conflict. Sounds of music came from Lulu's study, where Vevina played the piano there, speaking with Elias and Vidina at the same time about the war to come. Suspicious, it was, that Paine didn't hear Venus at all as she passed her wife's study. She went to Venus' room, finding that the closed door was locked. No light shone through along the floor, no music sounded from within. She couldn't have still been asleep, even with her hangover…

"Venus," called Paine, knocking upon the door. No response… "_Venus_! Your mother and I are getting ready to go. I want to see you before we head out, baby girl. Open the door." A strange quiet sounded before Venus answered, stepping out to the hallway in her short shorts and sleeveless shirt. Heat assailed Paine's face from the room before Venus closed the door, unable to look her in the eye. "Why are you shutting yourself in there with nothing going on? It's way too hot in your room. Were you sleeping in that heat?"

"No, Daddy," said Venus, making her way up the hall. "I'm fine, I was just thinking."

Paine followed after her to the living room. "_Thinking_?" she asked, disbelieving. "I thought you had a hangover earlier. You should've been resting." Venus had nothing to add, sitting down on the couch; shifting about for a moment before turning on the television. "Why didn't you want to go see your friends today? You're lucky your mother offered for you to go, after last night. Is something wrong?"

Venus turned away from her father, curling into herself. "I don't want to talk about it," she muttered.

Somehow, Paine sensed this bitterness from her daughter multiplied from the enjoyment coming through from Lulu's study—from Vevina having a good time with Elias and Vidina, playing _Lulu's Theme _together on the piano and flute. Hearing that favorite song of theirs made Paine remember the few notes she knew how to play of her wife's supposed theme song—she only remembered them because they were constant, as if she could jog at a set pace and have them repeat at the right tempo.

This vacant light of the television screen shining down on her daughter made Venus look conflicted, small. Paine went to sit with her, trying to hold her. Venus moved away. Such a small action spoke volumes to Paine, breaking her heart. She stared at Venus' back, at her long hair, at the violet highlights she'd put in earlier in the day by herself, marking her eccentricity, her need to stand out. This shine in her eyes, Paine blinked away. Venus had always been so open with her before. What changed?

"Venus," began Paine, composed enough, "I know you're going through some changes right now… With the war coming up, I don't know if it's stressed you out. Your aunt knows what she's doing; she's been through this before and won. If she tells us not to worry, it's best to listen—"

"I don't _care _about the stupid _war_!" said Venus, whipping about to face her now. "I'm having a meltdown, and it doesn't _matter _because you have your own thing going! We're supposed to _be _somewhere in a few hours, we're supposed to fight and you and Mommy are going out to dinner. I'm going to sit here and wait and cry and hate these fucking feelings I have that I can't help—"

Paine held Venus by her shoulders, stopping this devolvement as much as she could. "You need to calm down, baby girl," she said, stern in her care. "Whatever's going on, it's not something I haven't gone through before at your age…"

"Like hell that's gonna help _me_! Have _you _ever felt like no matter how hard you try, there's someone you'll never catch up to? They're in your life they're in your face all the time, like they're competing with you by just _breathing_! I can't win—I got this stupid competitiveness from you, Daddy, and I can't win!"

"What can't you win…?"

Venus threw her hands in the air. "_This_! All of it!" she screamed. "It's like, like the writing's on the wall all the time! Can't you see it, Daddy?! She fucking torments me, dangling this shit in front of me—!"

_This can't be typical teenage angst…_

Lulu entered the living room, scowling at her daughter's language. "Venus, I can hear you all the way from my room," she started, her tone warning. Venus glared at her and stormed off, back to her room, slamming the door shut behind her. "…did I miss something?"

Paine hunched over, sighing. "Maybe we shouldn't go out tonight," she reasoned. "She's really upset."

Smooth, close, Lulu sat next to her, arms wrapped about her shoulders and back. "Do you have any idea as to why?" she asked, concerned. "I _would _go ask, but it seems she'd rather have nothing to do with me… My efforts probably wouldn't go over well at all."

"No…I don't know, she's frustrated over something. I think you _should _talk to her, even if it doesn't get us anywhere closer to getting what the problem is. In case anything happens tomorrow, I don't want her to be angry with you…"

"Something tells me it's not anger," said Lulu, standing. She made her way down the hall, smiling at the music going on as she passed her study. Those constant notes stood out in Paine's ears, keying in on them as Vevina played them with such practice. That melody stayed in her heart as she waited, trying to listen to those muffled screams from Venus; trying to figure out what could have been so terrible that her daughter wanted to annihilate this remaining time with her emotions.

Annihilation into hell, oblivion, they had to avoid soon; that ticking time tocked away to the internal metronome Vevina had learned to use to pace her rhythm, her tempo of this haunting song that spoke _deeply _of Lulu's essence.


	54. Renegade

"_Suicide Mission" from Mass Effect 2_

_Remaining strife we must expel, speaking  
With veils gone, secrets shown, contradictions  
Blown to view, showing what's found, and leaking  
Mistakes, making up, seeing inflictions.  
Have we prepared enough for this long night?  
Spreading out, we take information, trust  
In our Commander who has won this fight  
Many times over, to save time, we must  
Listen, follow, even knowing the risks:  
Separated, have we begun to see  
What the horizon holds, beyond these ships  
In snow, infiltrating—learned secrecy?  
Momentum has built for this moment, high,  
And ripped to pieces it lands—we must sigh._

In the darkness of Venus' room lit only by the wide television over the wall, Lulu wore the aqueous blue dress she'd put on earlier as she sat on the bed next to her daughter. Stubborn silence her daughter gave off, lying in bed in her night things still with the remote in her hand, watching the screen with her mother. Strong, telling smells stayed in this heat. Pervading light from the television showed a key match from the tournament from Paine's fortieth birthday yesterday: Venus against Vevina, atop the still waters for the semifinals. Novelty repeated itself for Lulu as she watched this battle again:

_Out in the center of this water-field lit by the shine of the dying sun, before the roar of the crowd, Venus stood in her tight, white short-sleeved shirt, purple spandex leggings and fitted dance shoes. She folded her arms, long legs rooted in place as she tapped her foot impatiently against the water. Telling noise of chatter from the audience noted their notice of this resemblance between Venus and her parents—Lulu, especially, though she had her father's color of eyes, her father's impatience and competitiveness. Sixteen years were enough for womanly curves to show, for her hair to grow considerable length, attracting predictable stares and attention from the audience. Venus ignored these, waiting._

_Vevina entered the battlefield, all-black: similar short-sleeved shirt, dragging jeans and flat shoes, with washed out grey shining through as she always preferred. An air of unconcern she gave off, not at all worried over the prospect of battling her sister. Mirrors stared back at one another, across from one another, with enough distance between them to speak normally. _

"_Took you long enough," said Venus, sneering at the calm in her sister's face. "I thought I was staring at you this whole time, like you hid in the shadows of the water. That's the only thing your powers are good for, anyway—hiding!"_

_Vevina rolled her eyes. "That's what _you _think," she replied, nonchalant. "Don't be this quick to assume anything about how I fight. I'll only make you regret it."_

"_Whatever! Enough talk!" Venus took her stance, one leg back, fists raised as a martial arts fighter. "You won't beat me. Let's just get this over with…" When Vevina only continued to stand in place, passive, Venus laughed. "You're gonna just hand my win over? That works!"_

_Forward Venus sprinted, gaining momentum. Powerful somersaults replaced that running. Close enough, high in the air she went, to bring her heel down. That force from her velocity went right through Vevina's body—corporeal shadows dissipated the damage to none at all, disappearing into the wind. Upon the water Venus landed, back leg bent and the other spread out in front, hands at either side of her as she searched about, scowling. Front leg she whipped to one side and above, whipping her body upside-down in a handstand—graceful, always graceful. Ankles locked together above her head, she held her weight with arms strong, hair fanned out along the water beneath her, still searching. _

_In this same handstand, facing her, Vevina appeared just a breath away. On instinct Venus reacted, kicking; by her frustration, not expecting Vevina to kick back with the same force, blocking blows. Imitated down to the shadows of the crease in her brow, Venus growled loud, exasperated. She back-flipped away onto her feet. Vevina did the same. _

"_Is that how you plan on winning?!" shouted Venus, stomping her foot. "Pissing me off by copying me?! Because if it is, you should give up now. We're never gonna get anywhere if you just imitate every little thing I do!"_

_Vevina shrugged. "Why not?" she asked. "It's fun. Seeing you get frustrated is always a good thing. It's nice to put a dent in your stride for once."_

"_Damn sadist…"_

_For the remainder of the match, Vevina copied nearly all of Venus' moves as a reflection, with some variations. Strong storms of water Vevina brought up by measuring their shadows. Venus navigated these with her dances and constant, flowing tornado kicks until she found her way out. Mix of martial arts, gymnastics and dance Venus used, never drawing a weapon; certain dance moves afforded her breaths of health to maintain her stamina, shining through as crystal waves of emerald; others offered a steady resource of mana to support her knowledge of the water, with shimmering cyclones of cerulean around her as she pulled this off. By these support moves, this dancer worked best in a group, frustrated on her own with her sister's non-cooperation in this fight._

_Her long legs connected with her sister as roundhouse kicks, back hook kicks, spinning hook kicks and butterfly kicks through the water and shadows. Swift punches; Vevina brushed all of these off, shifting into that darkness to dilute the damage each time. Strictly defensive was Vevina's style—for now—guarding herself through adherence to the shadows, negating harm by becoming one with that formlessness. _

_One last, towering wave of water Venus avoided: running, bending over with the style of a swan; twisting her body right through that tempest, kicking up at shadows, landing down, bent, and arms spread. That toying from Vevina ended when she reappeared, nursing her bruised jaw from Venus's kick._

"_Stop," said Vevina, final. Venus stood as normal, taken aback. "All this time and you barely managed to hit me once or twice. You don't know my powers—you can't ever take advantage of them to win. We're only gonna tire each other out if this keeps up."_

_Venus swiped the sweat from her forehead, scoffing. "I can keep going!" she insisted. "I graduated at the top of my class because my final recital lasted long enough to keep my school open for twelve hours! I know you remember! So I'll keep dancing if I have to! I know how to breathe to never get tired…"_

_Unexpected end to this match: Vevina became a serpent of shadows, slithering to her sister; wrapping around Venus, protective, safeguarding. Echoes of Vevina's voice sounded, "I'm not letting you go until you say we have a draw. I can protect you from anything like this. Anything but you. Can't we agree on this one thing for once? Please?" Defeated by this sentimentality alone—Venus nodded._

Venus pressed pause on her remote, freezing the screen there. At this frame, Lulu had a better look at Vevina's form through those shadows: holding her sister, strong enough not to let go. She sensed that Vevina had also held herself back a great deal during this match. She knew her daughter to be capable of great destruction, just as Raine was with these similar powers. Perhaps Vevina simply saw no reason to let go, preferring to control her specialty with shadows so as to not harm anyone, Venus included.

With the click of a button, Venus changed the spheres streaming to her television. For some reason, Lulu was not surprised to see a still-frame of a scene she remembered well during her and Paine's engagement. Paine lay upon the couch, dead to the world in her sleep; Lulu knelt over her, holding the bend of Paine's legs as she waited to penetrate. Venus did not press play. She merely stared at the frame, breathing deeper.

"Where did you find this?" asked Lulu, unwilling to be angry with this war on the horizon. "It doesn't belong to you."

Venus shifted to one side, facing Lulu, lifting one knee higher on the bed. "Daddy looks peaceful in her sleep," she commented, head tilted to one side. "You left it in the recorder in the living room the other day. I thought my movie was still in there, so I started to watch it. This is better than that nasty porn my friends tried to get me to watch." That _play _button, Venus hovered her finger over, tempted. "Do you like taking advantage of her, Mommy?"

"This isn't up for discussion, Venus. I came here to talk about you, not my sex life with your father."

"We talk about sex all the time," said Venus—_we _as in her, and Lulu. "Why can't we talk about contradictions in personalities _and_ sex? You're controlled all the time. Daddy's more impulsive than you are. You practically raped her in her sleep like it was the thing to do. That says you're not who you seem to be. Neither is she." Having an intellectual conversation about these nuances in her behavior was not what Lulu had signed up for. All the same, she knew this was what troubled Venus so—what caused her to scowl as she did now, tapping this _play _button. "Everyone says I'm _temperamental_. I never hold anything back. I don't have a day face. _You _have one. All this time, I thought you were better than that! How many of you are there inside of your head? Is it because of dissociation?"

"Manic depression is different than dissociative disorder, Venus," replied Lulu, voice quavering at this attempt to step outside of her comfort zone—for her daughter's sake. "There is only one of me. I can understand why you believe I have different personalities hiding somewhere in me. I have extremes, yes…your father is the only one who wants to see these sides of me no matter the situation."

Venus turned the volume down and pressed _play_. She stared at Lulu, waiting for a reaction. Lulu did not give into this game, instead maintaining her calm. No embarrassment, for Venus had surely watched this sphere several times. Careful consideration she saw in her daughter's eyes lit by this scene on the screen. Her own neglect caused this sphere to fall into Venus' hands, thus Lulu sat here and allowed this minor punishment of her person. Deep rationale preferred that Venus stay at home with these images instead of seeking that fulfillment from a stranger, or someone she wasn't in love with. Or even if it was love, Lulu did not want Venus to know the possible pains of loss at this age—as Chappu had made her suffer, unknowingly.

"There were two of you when you conceived us," noted Venus, controlled by and controlling this subtle power she held for the time being. "And then me and my sister came out as twins. Isn't that symbolic? You're stoic a lot of the time…that doesn't get rid of your other feelings. It's just a mask. Maybe you put so much pressure on them that they start to turn into copies of you inside of yourself. Shouldn't you let them out? It's not fair of you to keep them hidden. Daddy, too. Not as much as you."

A knock at the door paused this exchange. Venus moved to lie on her back again, changing the channel to an actual television program. Lulu took a deep breath and went to answer the door. There stood Vidina, smiling down at her as he held a steaming plate of dinner in his hands. Such thoughtfulness slipped through this vulnerability Venus had brought out in her, multiplying there.

"Hey, Ma, I cooked dinner for everyone since you're not going out," he said, handing the plate to her. "I thought you and Venus could share, in case she's not that hungry…" Lulu left the door open as she took the plate to Venus, setting it on the bed. Vidina tried to get a better look inside. "Are you two okay?"

Lulu returned to her son, holding him. "Thank you," she said. Taller than her, physically stronger and more built than her, he returned the gesture without a word. Utmost kindness Lulu felt in his strong hold, sorely needing it. "We only have a few hours left. You know that I love you. I trust that Raine will get us all through this. Still, it never hurts to remind you. Venus and I will be a little longer."

"Love you, too—take your time," replied Vidina, before Lulu let him go. "Dad's learning a little more on the piano of your theme song. After all these years of listening to it over and over again, I think she's got it down. Come listen when you get the chance! She's trying to memorize it before we go."

Lulu smiled at her wife's persistence. "I will, son," she promised. "I'll see you soon."

Vidina returned the smile as he closed the door for her. Back to Venus' bed, Lulu returned, curious to find her daughter watching the news as she ate. Venus handed Lulu her own utensil, eyes focused on the report. Scrolling text at the bottom: _Wheel of Time expert, Sir Chrono, speaks out about what caused Bevelle to stage an attack without warning._

One panel showed a news reporter at the station asking questions, remaining calm despite the many crew members running about in a panic behind him. On the panel next to him, Chrono, a bespectacled man with wildly-spiked crimson hair, answered the questions, standing outside Zanarkand in the snow where similar happenings played out all around him.

"_Sir Chrono, I understand you have a theory concerning New Yevon one thousand years in the future,_" said the news reporter. "_Vegnagun is not on its way to merely destroy our city, is that correct?_"

"_Yes, that's correct_," responded Chrono, "_My colleagues and I have noticed timelines disappearing across the Wheel. It all began each time with Vegnagun's appearance in the Zanarkand of their time. The city inevitably lost the war because Yu Yevon was not present to summon Sin. Instead of simple destruction, Vegnagun's cannon in fact destroyed the _past _of each timeline. That destruction eventually trickled forward in the timelines, erasing them altogether._"

"_The past, you say? What gain does New Yevon have in destroying the past of each timeline of Spira?_"

"_New Yevon's founder, Trema, believes the youth of Spira have grown weak and restless without an enemy to fight. In High Summoner Yuna's time during the only Eternal Calm across the Wheel, Trema has carried out plans to erase the weakness in the hearts of Spira's citizens. He believes that weakness and restlessness caused them to war against one another instead of a common enemy. Nostalgia is what he wants to obliterate._"

"_And so erasing the past is the way to steel the citizens… Does he not realize that Vegnagun is destroying entire timelines?_"

"_Madness is a strange affliction. I believe he knows. He may not care at this point. If anyone is listening, please stop Trema. The Youth League has tried and failed to stop New Yevon's plans. Lady Yuna, if you're in our Zanarkand, please return to your time and put an end to his plans…_"

"That's the timeline you were born in," said Venus, frowning in worry, "Isn't it? You left it to come here."

"It was for the best…at the time," replied Lulu, feeling a too-late enlightening as to what they'd left behind. "We didn't try to understand it. We didn't want to be dragged into the civil war there, believing it would never affect us. Yuna was right. We should have stayed and stopped that conflict…"

"Then let's go—after Vegnagun's taken care of!" Venus said it as if it were the simplest thing to do… "I thought you said you trusted Raine to tell us the right things to do? Why are you worried, Mommy?"

"The right things to do…may not be the _best _things to do," she explained, thinking back to years ago. "When your grandmother first explained this threat to us years ago, I didn't like it. I had a terrible feeling that this conflict with Vegnagun would take its hold on us, somehow. There was no mention of it for a long time, until now. It's all so sudden."

"You're worried we might lose?"

"That depends on what you mean by lose…" Lulu held her daughter, earlier disagreements forgotten for this. "I love you, Venus. I don't want you to ever think otherwise. I hope you're not upset with me anymore."

Venus relaxed in that hold, blameless. "I love you, too…I'll get over it," she avowed, honest. "Sorry."

"You don't need to apologize, dear," said Lulu, moving to stand. "If you plan on wearing the same thing you did during the tournament, I want you to guard your hands and legs. Do you have any gloves or shin guards?"

"Metal knuckles and shin bracers, yes." Venus gestured to her bedside drawer. "I'll get ready."

Lulu nodded to her and left the room. As she walked up the hall, she passed her study, the music there. At the piano sat Paine, frowning in concentration as she finally managed to play _Lulu's Theme _with both hands. Vevina stood next to her, leaning on the piano; smiling, watching her father's hands as she played. Elias hovered over the piano, bauble lit up, as if recording this. Emotions came over Lulu, and the reminder that she had some more recording to do of her own. She retreated to her and Paine's bedroom, closing the door to have this privacy.

—

Still in this dress, Lulu went with her family through the snow to her mother's home at the far end of the city. They stood upon this moving walkway packed between buildings, above the ground, as it took them straight to their destination. Zanarkand's army of summoners remained stationed at the city's open portal near Gagazet, scattered back, waiting on Raine's command; citizens hid in their homes, leaving the streets empty. Vidina wore the black coat, gloves, pants and boots with streaks of purple of his traditional black mage dressphere, upbeat as usual as he spoke with his sisters. Vevina wore her typical choice of black jeans and a dark shirt, at ease, prepared. Venus had less to say through this conversation, still in a bit of a mood; she wore her same dancer's outfit from the other day, hands and shins guarded well. Elias stayed atop her head to cheer her up, his efforts working somewhat.

Paine wore her same suit, holding Lulu close through this cold. She had reasoned that she would be ill-able to infiltrate in her heavy suit of armor, thus she opted to keep the same clothes on. That same, terrible feeling pervaded in Lulu's core. She could not get rid of it. No matter how she tried to focus on this moment, it didn't work. She could not shake this feeling that she had more to lose from this war than to gain in victory.

When they arrived to the drawbridge of Elysia's bastion right at midnight, Lulu noticed Alexander's white wings had shifted somewhat, allowing a view of those standing atop the building. There, she saw most of their friends: Yuna, Rikku, Gippal, Auron, Jecht, and Braska, who all listened to Lightning in her military uniform upon their approach.

Gippal was the first to notice Lulu and her family on the drawbridge, breaking away from the talk to wave to them. "_Heyyyy_!" he called to them. "She wasn't lying! You're actually here!" Yuna and Rikku ran over to his side, smiling down at them. "Man, I thought she was seriously joking…"

Yuna smiled at Paine, giggling. "Is that really you this time?" she asked in jest, referring to Venus' infamous garment grid prank at the concert.

Laughter surrounding her; Paine allowed some amusement to show, nodding. "Very funny, Yuna!" she called back. "Where's Raine?"

"She's inside!" said Rikku, pointing below. "Go find her and come up here! We've got lots to talk about!"

Just inside the foyer, they found Raine speaking with Gabranth. Lulu went to hold her father, first, and then her sister. They both walked with them to the stairs leading up to the others, getting them up to speed about the situation beyond the city. Bevelle's soldiers were nearly close enough to mount an attack, thus they had to act quickly. Vegnagun, however, was still a ways out, offering them some time—not nearly enough.

"Their General favors practicality," spoke Gabranth, leading the way up the tower's spiral staircase. "She will not order her forces to attack once we mount our best defense. No, she will wait, try to ascertain the situation, and then move forward. While she waits, that is when our infiltration team will strike."

"Vegnagun will be stationary during this time," added Raine as they neared the exit. "It will also be powered-down for the perfect opportunity to be manipulated in our favor. Let us join the rest of our comrades before I go into further detail."

At the exit to outside, Elysia waited in her elegant summoner's robes of violet. She stepped aside for her husband to open the heavy door, watching them all pass her by. When Paine neared her, Elysia placed one hand over her arm. "Whatever our disagreements in the past, I hope you acknowledge that you are still my guardian," she spoke, strangely calm about all this. "That has never changed, Nyte. Your role will be the most important tonight. I trust you will be the first of all timelines to succeed."

"I haven't forgotten, my lady," replied Paine, bowing her head. "Thank you."

Elysia only watched as her grandchildren passed by—Vidina could not look at her, unable to forgive; Vevina regarded her for a moment, curious; Venus mirrored that curiosity. When Lulu approached, Elysia looked away, out of shame. Powerlessness. Guilt. In response, Lulu said nothing of it, walking with her wife outside. Jecht gave them a thumbs-up, carrying his large greatsword over one shoulder. Gippal hoisted up his imposing machina chainsaw, nodding to Paine in particular; she returned the nod. Yuna wore her summoner's robes, _Nirvana _in both hands, smiling as her father did next to her. Rikku had changed to her alchemist dressphere, sheepish as she smiled at everyone emerging from the stairwell.

Auron had his katana in his hand, walking toward Lulu. "If I might ask," he began, as her children went to greet the others, "Has my role changed? Do you still wish to do this?"

Lulu used one hand to rub Paine's shoulder, to keep that surprise in check. "Sir Auron, after all that has happened, I am uncertain if it will ever begin," she replied, honest. "This war is…unexpected. I don't quite know if we will have time to investigate how to make it come true."

"You mean your story?" asked Paine. "I heard about a few possibilities from Seymour on how to start it, if that's what you're talking about."

"Oh?" asked Auron. "And what are these possibilities, Your Honor?"

"He said the citizens of Zanarkand have to disappear, and that I have to go through an emotional upheaval. That's all he mentioned, nothing about how to start them. I don't know how either of those things will happen."

"I see," said Auron, contemplative. "The information lines up with my sources… As to how it will all be carried out, I will leave that up to you to decide—for now. It is best that I keep my silence for the time being."

As Auron walked away, Lulu could not help these words that spilled out, "I have a confession, love," she said, to Paine. "This emotional upheaval…I may know how to bring one about. The matter concerns your parents."

"My parents?" echoed Paine, surprised. "What about them…?"

Lulu averted her eyes, staring down at this snow. "What if…we went to see them?" she suggested.

"…they're in Bevelle. I don't know if they're still alive, what with the war there…"

"They are alive—in Bevelle no longer," said Lulu, nerves going from Paine's suspicion. "They are in Guadosalam. They…don't have much time left. Please, don't ask me how it is I know—not yet. Promise me that when this is all over, we will go see them. I will explain everything then."

Paine turned to face her, holding Lulu about her shoulders. Wondrous confusion, Lulu saw there, as if Paine had far too many questions and not enough words or time to ask them. "I promise we'll go see them, for your story," she said. "If we're on the subject of facing my past, I want to go to the Den of Woe with you. Just like in the Cavern of the Stolen Fayth, I want you there with me. We can figure out the rest from there."

Lulu smiled at such a suggestion, that courage. "I'm looking forward to it."

"Captain Farron," said Raine, approaching her officer, "Have you informed those here of what's to come? I trust this briefing will be more for my family in that case."

Lightning saluted her superior officer. "Yes, Your Honor," she responded. "They're prepared. We just need to go over the plans for infiltrating Mount Gagazet."

Paine went over to Lightning's side, child-like in this sudden innocence about her. "Hey," she said, making Lightning tense up. "All those years ago…when you said that, when the time comes, you'll get me to where I need to be—is this what you meant?" No eye contact; Lightning could not, would not look at her, focused on the view of the lit city beyond. "If it is…thank you. I have a feeling this is it. I appreciate you doing all this. You don't need to say anything."

Gabranth stepped forward. "High Summoner Yuna, High Summoner Braska," he spoke, bowing to them, "If you will accompany me, I will show you to where you will lay in wait in the clouds with your aeons. You will be directly above Judge Nyte to provide cover for her in the event that she is discovered. My wife will be with you—she will give the order if necessary."

"Good luck, Paine," said Yuna, moving to embrace her. "We'll see you soon, okay?"

"Thanks, Yuna," replied Paine, nodding to Braska. "I know you'll have my back."

Yuna and Braska took their leave with Gabranth; Raine took her father's place, surveying those remaining. "I will keep this concise," she began. "Bevelle has staged an attack on New Yevon's orders one thousand years in the future, in your timeline. Vegnagun's objective is not only to destroy the city, but to erase your time's past. The infiltration team is to turn the machina against Bevelle's army and attack. The moment the manipulation is successful, the rest of their army's machina and cannons will be useless, giving us the opportunity to make short work of their soldiers. I have a legacy of making this war the shortest in all of Spira's history. I expect that legacy will carry through to this timeline as well.

"For the matter of our most immediate defense, it will be these:" She gestured to Alexander's wings protruding from the building, glowing with holy light. "They will give the enemy pause, as I've mentioned. Once the wings retract, that will be my signal for everyone to launch a full-scale offensive. Our fire team at the entrance of Zanarkand's portal will lead the charge—Sir Auron, Sir Jecht and Fang when she arrives. Our engineering team will bolster our offenses throughout the battlefield."

Gippal held Rikku about her shoulders. "That's us, right?" he asked, grinning. "Need us to make a few _calibrations _for the war effort, Your Honor?"

"Correct—I will need you two to move in quickly during the fray, and reprogram as many of the enemy's machina as you can. They will turn on Bevelle's army and strike. Provide ethers for their aeons, potions for their masters in case they fall to gunfire. I will have more alchemists on the field to assist you."

Venus hurried over to her aunt, unable to stay still anymore. "What about me, Raine?" she asked, expectant. "What do you need me to do? I'm ready!"

Raine stared at her niece for a moment, unreadable. She looked to Vidina, and back and forth. "I will need the two of you to work as a separate team—together," she replied. "Vidina, you work best at a distance with your black magic. The moment an enemy comes too close, you will lose your effectiveness in battle. I need you quickly find a vantage point on the mountain once the wings retract, and send your most potent destruction down on the enemy. Venus, you will support him with your magical dances—provide him with enough mana for as long as you can keep dancing. If you are flanked, dispatch of the enemies in close-quarters combat to keep your brother safe. Do you understand?"

"Got it!" said Venus and Vidina in unison.

"All that remains is the infiltration team," spoke Raine, looking to Paine, Vevina and Elias this time. "This responsibility falls to the three of you. I must stress that if this team fails, we will lose this war, Zanarkand, and the rest of time as we know it. Are you prepared for your orders?"

Paine's expression, her surprise spoke volumes—she truly believed she would go through this alone. Not with her daughter, not with a moogle, either; yet, this must have been what Elias meant when he would soon be of great help to her. Venus stared at her sister, hurt, emotional, as if she did not want her to go through with this. Vidina regarded her the same, in shock.

Vevina looked to Lulu, first—they exchanged nods, before she stepped forward with her father. "I'm listening," she said, focused. Elias stayed at her side, nodding.

"I'm all ears," said Paine, holding her daughter. "What do you need us to do, exactly?"

"Your invisibility dressphere is the obvious boon to our efforts—I needn't remind you that you must wear it at all times for this mission. However, the blizzards on Gagazet are strong, and you are not trained to sneak your way through such snowstorms, let alone in the dark. Bevelle's army will not suspect much if they notice a moogle about, searching for the best path for you to take to where Vegnagun will be stationed. Elias, can you do this?"

"Yes, kupo," replied Elias, bowing. "I prefer the cold and snow. Seeing through it won't be hard at all!"

"I trust your abilities," acknowledged Raine, turning to Vevina this time. "While your father goes through the mountain, she will inevitably suffer from low temperatures. And, in the event of discovery, she will be largely defenseless without her armor. Shield her as shadows, speak with her and keep her warm. From our link, give me a signal to let me know if she is in danger or when she has succeeded in reprogramming Vegnagun. You are free to unleash your powers if the need calls. Understood?"

"Okay, Raine," said Vevina, holding Paine tighter. "I'll keep her safe."

Raine stood right before her sister-in-law. "Finally, Paine," she started, "You will discover helpful information on your way through the mountain. Pay attention to it, keep an eye on Elias, and remain hidden. When you find Vegnagun, take the seat on top of the machina, and apply what you have learned during the infiltration. Once it has turned against the army, it will proceed to vanquish all those nearby. When the process is complete, Vegnagun will power-down, and that will be the end of Bevelle's advantages. We will take care of the remaining soldiers thereafter."

"How will I know where to look for the information?" asked Paine. "Will it be obvious?"

A small smile Raine gave her. "More than obvious, Your Honor," she assured her. "You needn't worry over it. I have faith you will be the first to succeed. In the event that you do not, I will move through the battlefield to carry out your objective. Focus on getting this done—nothing else. Until then, I will stay here with Lulu to keep our defenses up." She signaled to Lightning; Odin appeared, and Lightning mounted her Eidolon, galloping toward Mount Gagazet. "Take a moment to say your goodbyes."

Lulu stayed in the center of this circle, with her family, with her friends, taking the time to hold each of them and say a few final words. She could not help but smile at this excitement around her—how certain everyone was that their plans would not fail. It all reminded her of the camaraderie between her fellow guardians during Yuna's pilgrimage, during their final battles against Sin. A shame Paine could not have been there, for she would have loved the challenge, just as she looked forward to this one.

From the ground below, she heard Fang's voice calling up to them: "Hey-hey! Fire team, engineering team, dangerous duo and infiltration team with me! Jump down! I got our transportation right here!"

Rikku and Venus looked over the edge, screaming at the sight there. They held each other for dear life, fearful, shouting down at Fang that they _refused _to accept this mode of transportation. Lulu walked with Paine to get a better look at Bane: fully-grown now, the behemoth took up the entire space of the drawbridge, half as tall as the bastion itself. Gippal, Jecht and Auron jumped first, landing over the behemoth's back without issue. Elias floated after them. Vidina held Lulu again, first, before grabbing Venus and Vevina's hands, forcing them to jump with him; laughing at Venus' screams on the way down.

"There's no way I'm riding _that_!" said Rikku, backing away. "What the heck are you thinking, keeping a behemoth as a pet?! Are you out of your mind?!"

Fang laughed up at her, _Kain's Lance _propped along the ground. "He works for free and he don't complain," she insisted in good-humor, rubbing his purple mane. "C'mon, Rikku, he won't bite! Not unless I tell him to!"

Paine smiled, shaking her head at Rikku's hesitation. She turned to Lulu one last time, sighing. "I'll make sure to get this done," she vowed. "You and I have our promises to keep. I won't let anything stop that from happening. If it's a step to take to start your story entirely, I won't run away from it. Once this is over, we'll go stop Trema and do what we promised."

"I know, love," said Lulu, bringing her closer; kissing her in this limited time, pushing those bad feelings aside to savor this, remember this. "You'll keep Vevina safe. Or, rather, she'll look after you. I love you. I'll be waiting here for you…"

That smile, pleasant and fine Paine gave her, reassuring. "I love you, too, Lulu—I won't take long." One last kiss, lingering; Paine turned to grab Rikku's arm, urging, "Come on, we have to go;" jumping down with her amid those screams. That laughter from Paine stayed in Lulu's ears, making her smile; watery.

Raine moved to Lulu's side, watching with her as Bane took off with everyone upon his back. From this distance, Lulu saw Gippal grabbing Paine in a headlock, likely teasing her over wearing her three-piece suit for such an occasion. Those old grudges had finally gone—Paine laughed, freeing from that hold; turning to nod to Lulu and Raine both. Far enough away they traveled, for Paine, Vevina and Elias to begin their climb up the mountain; Bane retreated with the others back inside the city.

"One last thing," said Raine, holding her sister. Alexander's wings sprouted, growing in size and scope; moving to shield all of Zanarkand in its embrace. "This may seem a little odd…but we must stay this way in order for Alexander's wings to hold. Bevelle thinks we are not expecting them. Our plan will work."

"I hold no doubt that it will," replied Lulu, resting her head against Raine's shoulder. This compassion behind her sister's hold intrigued her, for Raine had never been this sentimental before. "Why do I have a feeling this is also an excuse for you to simply hold me? You were never one for such displays before."

"This would all be so much easier if the portal to Zanarkand were closed. It can only be closed or opened again by a mass sending, as I mentioned many years ago. Sin's defeat provided enough energy to make room for such a portal to exist, before Vegnagun's energy created this city in the Farplane. When you return to your own time to defeat Trema, you must also face an enemy large enough to close this portal once the sending is performed. This will ensure that no other threats will find their way to this city."

Lulu tucked the information away, though she already knew. "That's not why you've become so caring, though, is it?" she asked.

Raine sighed, heavy. "There is something I must tell you now that I have the chance," she revealed. "Manipulating Vegnagun will be simple enough for Paine, provided she follows the clues given to her… However, energy cannot be created or destroyed—it must go somewhere… Paine…will not adjust to the changes well…not at first—"

That terrible, sickening feeling ravaged Lulu again and again; she tried to pull away, struggling, to go after Paine, to stop this, for she knew what this meant; Raine refused to let her go, torn all the same.

"Let me _go_, Raine!" demanded Lulu, shoving against this armor, these secrets within; "Is _this _what Mother ordered you not to tell me?! All these years, everything has built up to this, and you couldn't warn me?" Shame—Raine averted her eyes, looking away, refusing to let go of her sister all the same. "How dare you keep something like this from me… _Why _would this be necessary for her to go through? Won't it affect her for the worst? Not _only _her—our children, me!"

"Vegnagun must be stopped—at all costs," stated Raine, stern. Lulu could not hurt her to make Raine drop this embrace; her sister _knew _this, took advantage of it… "What will follow from this victory, you are strong enough to handle. If Paine does not do this, there will be no _time _to speak of. You must allow this to happen, and do what you feel is best to help her afterward."

Dangerous breaths, Lulu took, betrayed, confused. "I didn't write this… I didn't write any of this. Ever since you brought me the news of this war, the narrative has stopped in my head."

"I did my research on your gifts, Lulu. Not everything you write will come true. Take the steps to begin your story, and you will find that your words will stop rebelling against you. This ordeal will be…impetus enough, for everything to begin…"

"Mother told you that," said Lulu, stoic, spiteful, "Didn't she? She is the one who ordered you not to tell me… Is that what she has been up to, all this time?" This silence from her sister felt beyond _apologetic_… "Orchestrating events and information to keep me from finding out? Why…?"

Raine said nothing, had no need to say anything to confirm as much. These wings stayed, these arms stayed, separating Lulu from the truth she should have known years ago. Even in this fury she bore, she held a persistent trust in her sister's words. She had to believe—in Paine, in their marriage.


	55. The Great Colossus, Vegnagun

_What does my love dream of the most, most strongly, unwittingly; never letting her go? To have the power to fight anything within her reach and beyond, though she knows this is surely an inhuman wish…_

_Move through, to the new you must now complete,  
Seeing all before, what you're capable  
To take, it is as I write: make you weep  
With this truth, you're not yet reliable;  
It is time to prepare for what you wish  
For, dream for, long for in your subconscious,  
Knowing Spira from topmost views: anguish  
Individual, from your heart, abscond  
These weaknesses, make room for far, far more  
Than you could ever imagine, my love;  
No matter the consequences, this lore  
I've prepared for you—follow it above.  
Emotions: push them aside and test me;  
Fair's affliction before scythe's reverie._

Frozen water, snow, biting cold Paine crawled through, through this mist of night and war. Invisible, with the trust of her daughter surrounding her shadows, keeping her warm—Paine followed after the subtle glow of Elias' bauble, staying low. Legion of soldiers down the hill, waiting for orders; none noticed her at this higher elevation, getting through this, getting through this. At the end of this trek waited Vegnagun, massive, imposing, powerful. Echoes of memories stayed with her. Morale, motivation, misty as it all was in this dense fog and obfuscation, she trusted her instincts. Necessary, necessary, following this path of pyreflies now that Elias led her through, offering much-needed clairvoyance as to what lay ahead:

_Flashback to those who were here before, speaking out in the open over fifteen years ago—Nooj walked with Baralai through this snow, at ease, planning. They spoke as if they knew their old friend would see this again one day. As if they wanted her to, needed her to; for their sake, for her sake._

"_This is insane," said Baralai, regretful. "You mean to say that if I don't manage to kill Paine tonight, and if you fail with the others, we have to wait fifteen years? Why that long? Can't we skip ahead?"_

"_No, Baralai," replied Nooj, stern. "I have to keep trying. It's for her own good. I don't want her to suffer anymore. If we wait, it's because we failed. That will be our punishment. Who knows, she may be happy during the interim. She supposedly will be. Still, we must think of the grander picture."_

"_You care about her. A lot."_

"_I'm our Captain. I have to care for my crew. You care enough to be here with me, helping me. As for the wait, I've heard rumors about a story her partner will be commissioned to write at the end of the year. It will take her about that long to finish it."_

"_What kind of story?" asked Baralai. "Is it the one Trema warned of? The one he wants to happen?"_

"_Yes, the very same. I won't be surprised if he manages to influence it, somehow. I don't want to put all of our stock in this tale, however. Kill Paine. Make sure she finds her way back to Zanarkand. Her future mother-in-law will take care of the rest, and that will be the end of this. Perhaps the Lady Lulu will write a better story in that case."_

"_Understood."_

Farther ahead, Paine found more and more pyreflies of her old friends. She followed these, believing them to be the instructions Raine had mentioned. Vevina worked harder to shield her from the cold at the first sign of Paine shivering, sniffling. Warm enough to focus, warmed by her daughter's care, Paine paid attention to these apparitions.

_Some weeks later, Nooj walked through Mount Gagazet with Gippal. Nooj's resolve unsettled his old friend, making Gippal jittery, anxious as they trekked through this snow._

"_I can't keep doing this, Nooj!" shouted Gippal, pulling at his own hair. "All three of us tried to kill her—we all failed! Can't we just leave it at that and let her live her own life?! So what if YOU think she won't be able to handle the worst when the time comes? I think we all know Paine better than that! She's stronger than you say she is!"_

"_What exactly gives you that impression?" posed Nooj, thoughtful. "She's been traumatized about the Den of Woe incident all these years. It affects her behavior, her thoughts, her words. If she can't get over that, how do you think she'll handle the mess she's due for? We have to put an end to her life, to—"_

"_To what?! To save her that pain? Why can't we just tell her the truth, and then she can decide for herself what she wants to do? We don't need to deal with all this sneaking around, plotting against her. She's our best friend!"_

"_If you really believe that, then I want you to monitor her. See how she's doing. If I'm not satisfied with what you tell me, I'll make another attempt on her life. Did you forget that I'm not the only one who wants her dead?"_

"_Hey, man, look, this shit's gotta stop," said Gippal, glaring at Nooj in all seriousness. "All this could be avoided if we just let her know what's going on! Sir Auron, Lord Braska and Sir Jecht won't fess up because of you, _I _can't tell her because of you, Lulu's family has their own reasons for going along with this… Why am I the only one who wants to just tell her…?"_

"_Because you have instant gratification in mind, that's why. I don't. As I've told Baralai, the rest of us have to think of the bigger picture. If you're smart, if you want her dreams to come true, you'll do the same."_

…

_Far more recent—mere two weeks ago, another apparition showed Nooj alone, sitting in a large, empty alcove. Overhead, trapped in a prison of ice rested the Sorceress Edea, Lulu's grandmother, Elysia's mother—eyes closed, skin paled, arms folded over her chest, wearing a long, withered, fitting dress of black. Dark hair up, kept together with ostentatious jewels; careful design around her eyes, marking her striking beauty that lingered through this century-long sleep. _

"_The Sorceress Edea who once reigned over Spira as an empress with her shadows and secrets, revered, feared…is it a coincidence that I've found you here? Right when the planned tragedy begins, you will awaken to give the new dimension its shape, its scope. Will you sacrifice yourself? Will you feel the same pains in doing so—the same my best friend will suffer? If not pain…perhaps, feeling nothing at all…"_

_Nooj turned, facing the viewers—Paine, Vevina—as if he knew they were to watch this. A view of Edea remained, high above, ominous, knowing…_

"_Vegnagun is a strange entity indeed. Mighty, powerful, colossal—programmed to sense emotion, yet not able to discern friend from foe. That weakness is what you must exploit, my friend, just as others tried to do before you. Shuyin was the first, but he is not the most important—rather, your father, Sir Nyte, is the most interesting subject. You were much too young to remember this: when he was ejected from Yevon's military, when he lost everything to Yevon's corruption, he tried to use Vegnagun in his own despair. He wanted to wipe Yevon out. He knew what that rock bottom would mean for you, for your mother. All the sorrow, all the arguments, all the suffering…it became a self-fulfilling prophecy that he tried to avoid in using the machina in the first place. He did it for you and your mother. No matter his failures in your upbringing, never doubt that he loved you. I'll let you see for yourself."_

_In front of him, Nooj set down a sphere glowing crimson. Ice below swallowed the sphere, for now; to hide until a later time. _

"_You have a legacy of pain and torment in your family. Your wife's family bears a legacy of inflicting pain and torment on others. You come from a line of masochists; Lulu, from a line of sadists. That spiral must continue when you use Vegnagun tonight, my friend. She will not remember this, having written this arc in the deepest depths of her madness, but this is her doing. It is all for a reason…for the bigger picture. All that will follow is for the best—in the end—for you to look back on and know that you survived. The first step involves inheriting this power and strength—perhaps inhuman—that awaits you._

"_When you arrive to this alcove, Vegnagun will be here. Climb to the top, and sit at the organ-like keys behind its head. When you play the song most prominent in your heart, Edea will recognize it. She will awaken and take care of what needs to be done until you arrive at the next juncture. Until then, don't fear this power that you are to obtain. It won't agree with you at first, but with a little help…"_

End of the trail of pyreflies. Back to the reality of this snow, nearing the alcove. Bevelle's soldiers let their guard down enough to not notice her lone steps nearby. Waiting for orders, waiting for something to do, they stood together in circles, facing away from the alcove, complaining to one another about the cold. Through to this gaping chill of the large space she entered, hearing Nooj's voice echo one last line in her head:

"…_you will go on to achieve the greatness I said you were destined for. All of your dreams will come true. Be careful what you wish for, my friend. You may just receive it, with a large price to pay…"_

Elias floated ahead, toward Vegnagun sitting in the center. A barrier of mana surrounded the entrance after Paine walked through; her invisibility dropped, showing the sharper shadows around her, of Vevina holding her still. Clicks of her heeled boots sounded as she stepped through, slow in her amazement at the sight above: Lulu's grandmother sealed in that entrapment of ice, sleeping powers ebbing through the cold around them. Such a strong resemblance…Paine felt herself falling into that verisimilitude, somewhere deeper, darker. With that machine-face of death, Vegnagun remained powered-down, unaware of their presence. Large, long limbs, as an anthropomorphized angel onto a metallic beast, it sensed no threat from their emotions, thus it stayed stationary, waiting.

Down Paine knelt at the telling glow of a crimson sphere beneath her feet. Up and into her hand the sphere went, summoned by her ownership. She equipped the sphere to her garment grid and continued forward.

Next to the steps upon Vegnagun's back, Elias hovered, showing Paine the way. As if possessed by the tastes of power above, the premonition overhead, Paine followed without a word. She felt Vevina's tugs around her, trying to communicate to her; to warn her to not go through with this. Those warnings sounded as a distant echo to Paine in this drugged thirst she felt, for the power Nooj had promised; for the strength she'd always wanted, needed, to protect her family through anything. As she ascended these steps, Paine barely registered Elias asking if she was all right; if she was certain she wanted to do this. Paine managed to nod, to assure him that all was normal.

_If Lulu wants me to be stronger, I have to do this. I'll be able to keep her safe from anything. Not only her. Everyone I care about. I won't end up like my father. I have to do this. I can't fight this…momentum against my mind. I feel my love here, as my ventriloquist. She'll see me through this._

Keys, long, each glowing their own color—at fate's behest, Paine played _Lulu's Theme _as a loop long enough for this process_, _awakening the great colossus at her wife's command. Tremors and terrors as Vegnagun powered-up, growling as a rumble of twisting metal; above, Edea's eyes opened to show the deep golden hues of her irises; this seismic event shattered the ice that trapped her, setting her free. Minor awareness Paine felt of her daughter's fear, clutching her in human form now, trying to shake her out of this trance.

Barrier fallen; out the alcove Edea went as a serpent of shadows, leaving this echo in her wake: _"And the Ark Angels shall test this strength you will be given—know them, remember them, until you find me on your given path. May Jubileus, The Creator, Grace You."_

Movement Vegnagun took, stepping outside amid the panic of Bevelle's soldiers—gargantuan cannon priming as it vaporized flesh and blood in its path. At the helm of its musical controls, Paine continued to play; Vevina shielded her as shadows again, keeping her safe from the gunfire attempts far-away soldiers made before their inevitable deaths. Elias kept an additional barrier over them, unrelenting.

Reality faded to the background; Paine's emotions came to the fore, her very insides. Machine and music beneath her hands—she played this theme, killing thousands, as her allies rushed up the mountain to join her. Taking this power, wanting this power as the cannon continued to prime… Snow faded, her daughter's cries dissipated; she knew only this process, this beginning:

_Standing in the courtyard from yesterday, in the snow, Paine stared at Lulu's back paces away. Long, long braids, smart accessories, those bare shoulders lined by rare furs, waist trained by that corset, and that floor-length fabric that trailed to the snow—Lulu refused to face her, acknowledge her. Paine tried to call her name; no sound came out; Lulu faced ahead, away, as if she didn't care to know her at all. Between them rested their rose petals shaped in that heart, their names in the center. And Lulu had her back to it all, as if she didn't care, as if she didn't know…_

_All changed to Besaid Village, walking through for the first time—seeing Lulu there in the center with Wakka, pregnant with his child; not understanding why she felt this coursing __**rage**__. Lulu turned to face her, one hand over her stomach, smiling as if Paine were just a friend, as she was at that distant time—_

—_again, same motion, Lulu turning to smile at her, smile blurring, breeze cutting out, Fly Me to the Moon light and chopped all through this tale, background fading—_

—_again, blurred again, emotions fading out of self-defense, Paine did not want to feel this, she wanted to feel nothing at all—_

—_how Lulu looked at her as they stood atop the Celsius, entering Zanarkand for the first time, hopeful, happy, glad to be away from Spira's conflict, wanting to spend the rest of her life with Paine, Paine—_

—_all kept returning to that moment in Besaid, with Lulu owned already, owned by that incompetence that was not, could not ever-ever-ever be good enough for her; that this rage had to drive Paine to meet her eventual love this late, to make her suffer this truth, this reality, instead of having happiness given to her first in meeting Lulu earlier; oh, how she wished she'd known Lulu all along, to prevent this constant blurring, blackening, watercolors of Lulu's beauty fading into grey and nothingness—_

—_who was that? Did she know this woman? Did she recognize her through this watery palette? Yes, she knew, Paine knew, but the emotional memory faded as these images did; she still remembered Lulu backing her into the windows of the terrace, pregnant, gun pointed right in her face: this fear, that fear, over there, it dissolved, though Paine still remembered the events, the emotions didn't matter, she had to distance herself from it, from all of this, to gain this power she sorely needed, as fate dictated—_

—_Besaid, again, and she saw no one, no one except the villagers going about their way, Wakka wandering aimlessly without a care, as if he'd forgotten his attachments; rewinding, spinning around Besaid, to the beaches beyond, to the waters there, tempestuous seas; Paine saw Vidina as a small child on the ferry, crying, waking from a nightmare and finding that his hair had turned blood-red; turning, spinning, still, backward, going back and around to these waters, ferry torn by this monsoon, holding Lulu, not holding her, holding her, losing her; was she ever here to begin with? Toward her, through nature's will, storms, Lulu walked, in her wedding dress, over splintering wood, but it was too late—_

—_crystal light, dressphere changes, that power in Edea's eyes, Elysia's eyes, Lulu's eyes, Raine's eyes, how they all looked the same if not similar in hue; Vegnagun appearing, cannon erected, dark aeons Yuna and Rikku fought with her, the Celsius descending to the endless field of flowers in the Farplane Glen, all of her friends—Gippal, Shinra, Brother, Jecht, Auron, Fang, Baralai, Braska; Raine rushing at her, great katana drawn, hating her that day, loving her tomorrow; Lightning and her gratuitous love that lay in waiting, Rikku again hurrying Paine over and into safety, Yuna again calling out to her, machine gun fire from Nooj in the Bikanel Desert as he nearly killed himself; Venus dancing, dancing, dancing in the shadows of her sister, dancing, singing for Vidina to smile at, encouraging—_

—_Lulu, again, barely, turning to smile at her in their kitchen, their children surrounding them; Wakka pinning her to the tile wall of the shower, forcing—Paine without her seatbelt, flying through the windshield of Gippal's car, falling, falling, falling, the night before her wedding, last chance to truly die, falling, fall fall fall fall for Raine to save her, mind made up; driving through Zanarkand's freeways of arcs of water, to the avenue of their altar on their wedding in the snow; wedding dress, again, alone, bouquet of flowers, Lulu walked toward her, practiced, determined—_

_Too many images of Lulu's body, hands everywhere, nude, together, skin-on-skin, fucking, going, loving, everywhere, anywhere, juxtaposed on this water raging dancing singing smiling arguing making up marrying nearly shooting screaming laughing Lulu's face there, there, always there, emotions making up that beauty fading into nothing with this rewind, making room for this power, taking from Vegnagun, taking, taking; emotional memory, emotional memory, not enough room for this and this strength, there must be sacrifice, sacrifice, for the bigger picture…_

_Final rewind, images moving forward, Lulu nearing her in her wedding dress at last; Lulu pregnant, holding this gun to Paine's face, hating, hating; their seed detonating in emotion's blood, crimson everywhere, tears everywhere, Lulu's patience and love broken as glass, waters drowning, she had to hold on—epiphany—_

_That crystal light over Paine's face, crimson eyes wide staring into this death, gunshot rang through that Lulu should have fired; she should have killed her, should have killed her to save herself from Paine's imperfections before and to come; final emotion crying away, Paine fell to her knees, defeated, no emotion, she didn't want it anymore, didn't need it; waiting for this strength to uplift her._

Nooj's voice sounded one last time in her mind:

"_May Jubileus, The Creator, Grace You…"_


	56. Flowers

"_Flowers" by Lee Soo Young _

_Far, far away, if your heart is eased by leaving me far behind—then leave, before these flowers in my hands get withered._

_Army of one I have become, Fury,  
Going, burning all through this snow, finding  
You in this symbol of worship, duty  
To me as your eternal love, breathing—  
How you breathe, I live, I hold on for this:  
Caring for you, doting, how I adore  
You, my muse, my love; now I am remiss,  
Just as you are of all to come, the score;  
Thus I see these days as they are to you:  
No clairvoyance as I had before, no  
Knowledge of what awaits, so now this view,  
This conflict I must smooth over and show:  
Insanity gave, and sanity took—  
My book, I close on this painful outlook…_

Legion of soldiers along Mount Gagazet, powerless in their non-understanding of this mania: Lulu burned through them all in her haste to find her wife. Raine at her side, her children, her friends behind her, Lulu was not alone, whatever this withering of her wisdom, shortening of her sights. No sound she heard save for her own heart, beating, bleeding already, punctured with this loss she'd foreseen years ago. Passions palpitating, trying to go on—_Fury _Overdrive triggered in this black hole of the night. None stopped her, none stood in her way. _No one _bested this black magic: searching, murderous intent, following this path to the end.

She _knew _something had changed, something was _wrong_. Years of trusting her intuition, always, justified this—this mad sickness inside of her. Fuelling her, not forcing her to stop; propelling her, not punishing her to give up. Shadows upon the ground in this blizzard rose up, trapping enemies in black ivy before she scorched them from existence. Any she did not finish, her support dragged behind to take care of. Pushing forward, running through this snow her love had carried her through for months; Lulu did not stop, dress fluttering about her heels frozen in this snow; she did not care, did not _care _about these impediments.

_When she exited out to the drawbridge, there she found Lulu standing in her usual dress and braids beneath the snowfall, holding in her hands a large, fresh bouquet of everlasting red roses—scarlet as Paine's eyes, scarlet as Paine's face over this sudden gesture. Up and into her eyes Lulu looked, apologetic, melancholic in depth, emotion. Forward Lulu stepped, pressing the flowers into Paine's hands and breastplate. Flowers between them, sharp softness of Lulu's hands over her gloves, shifting; Lulu moved to the tips of her toes to kiss the snowflakes collecting along Paine's lips, warming, melting. How Lulu lingered there, making Paine rock back one step, light, out of heady surprise._

Up ahead stayed a billow of bloody mist—through that crimson haze, magnanimous in size, she saw Vegnagun, unshackled, falling to pieces. Strength, stronger, Jecht rushed ahead with Vidina, sifting through this metal, desperate. Off to the side Lulu focused, nearest the cliff there: one figure lying upon the ground, another kneeling next to them. Elias escaped from the debris, faring well enough, explaining to everyone what had happened. To those figures, Lulu walked toward, stepping over and around dead enemy soldiers.

Vevina turned as her mother approached, tears streaming down her face; opposite her, Lulu knelt at her wife's other side, listening, feeling. Breaths came from Paine's parted lips as billows of red fog. Normal pace, steady… Through Paine's hair, Lulu combed her nails, feeling life here, _wanting _not to worry.

"I don't know what happened," said Vevina, controlled enough to communicate, "She couldn't hear me at all… She was possessed." More footsteps in their direction she heard, of the others watching. Impetus for Lulu to lean down, to lay over Paine, over the jacket and shirt of this suit she wore; keeping this moment… "Something's not right with her. I should have made her stop. It's my fault…"

Breathing in Paine's signs of life, calm for now, Lulu shook her head. "Don't blame yourself for this," she said, all right for the time being—this was enough for her, knowing that her wife was alive. "You kept her safe. We've won the war. I don't want you to worry, Vevina… You don't need to be upset. She's breathing. She's here. She's with us. There's no reason for you to cry…"

"Mommy, you're not _listening _to me! You're in denial! Look at her, she's not the same! Since when does she scowl in her sleep like that?! That machina overwhelmed her with that energy, that power…she's not the same!"

Venus rushed forward, frustrated, powerless. "What's wrong with her? Why does she look pissed off?!" Lulu had no control over this, over anything; she buried her face in the crook of Paine's neck, needing. "Mommy, _what the hell_, can't you tell that something's wrong? Why are you just—_holding _her like that, like you can't see?!"

Paine, her wife, her love—she was here, she'd survived…they didn't lose anyone…that was all that mattered to her right now. Back and forth Lulu rocked against Paine's body, Paine that refused to wake, refused to hold her. All else, she could not hear anymore, could not see anymore. Mind blurred, buzzing with this brief comfort, Lulu allowed her heart to rule her in these moments, lying here in the snow. Placated for now, sated for the time being—this was all she needed, all she needed. Fearing what waited in the future, she had no energy for. That had no place here.

Still, she knew she had to take Paine away from these cold temperatures. Warmer environment, home—this was what she needed, to sleep, to rest until she was able to wake. Lulu took Paine in her arms, carrying her back down the mountain. She passed everyone, everyone, looking at her with such sympathy, as though she'd lost something—her wife, herself. She'd lost nothing. Nothing. Paine was here, breathing… Memories from years ago returned to her once more, of Paine carrying her through these heights. Burden returned, not nearly repaid, Lulu walked all through this gale and blood-stained body-stained snow, deaf to the muttered speculations behind her. They didn't matter.

"Raine…" began Yuna, some paces behind, "My father and I, we should stop…the dead need sending—"

Raine stopped. "You will wait, Lady Yuna," she said, with Braska and Yuna at her side. Elysia, too, waited. "High Summoner Braska, you are certain Judge Nyte was not harmed? My niece protected her?"

"Yes, Your Honor…" Braska turned to watch Lulu go. Yuna looked to her father, to Raine. "Let us wait, my dear. Allow them to make enough progress down the mountain. There is something we need to discuss first…"

"But, Father—"

Venus sprinted ahead, nearly catching up with her mother. "Hey!" she shouted after her. "Mommy, what is _wrong _with you?! Can't you see what's going on? You're shutting everyone out again! There's something off here, and you don't care?!"

Vidina followed after their parents, supporting Vevina—distraught, she was, taking all this blame. "Try to calm down, Venus," he said, soft. "Let's go home… I have a feeling we shouldn't be here anymore."

"Calm down?! She's acting like she lost her mind again and you want me to calm the fuck down?!"

"Ma's all right…she's okay," he promised. "As long as Dad's fine, there's nothing to worry about."

That promise kept Venus quiet enough, all three of them following after Lulu down the mountain, through the portal to Zanarkand, back to the city. Scarlet snow from the dead dragged through this untouched path of white, dragging from her dress, aqueous blue darkened at the hem by that death. Raine's army of summoners, Lulu passed by: all of them waited, respectful—more, before sending the fallen. Experiences, new, or old, or written, Lulu didn't know, for she could not recall visualizing this, anywhere, but she remembered this _weight _in her arms. Clutching onto Paine in the middle of the night, imagining this very scene, somewhere…she couldn't _remember_—not the visuals. These emotions, no, she could never forget. But the events surrounding the sentiments, she couldn't be certain of.

To the warmth of their home they returned, darkened by the stubborn gloom of the early morning. This mix of smells upon first walking inside, Lulu could never forget: leather from the couches, chill from the windowpanes and marble floor, warmth from the rugs and mahogany walls, fresh photographs from her modeling photo shoots hung over those walls, gatherings of all their preferred perfumes and colognes, and the persistent smell of the roses she'd bought for Paine in their bedroom.

"_I'm sorry, love," spoke Lulu, fully sincere. "Please…forgive me for my pride earlier." She stood as normal, gazing up at Paine from this height difference, trying to smile. "When you left, I felt foolish for growing angry over you, over something I've worked on _for _you… The irony is that I put so much of myself into my art—I neglected to do small things such as this for you. I felt terrible…when I realized that we've been married for fifteen years, and never once have I given you flowers… You, or anyone…" _

"We'll see you when we wake later on," said Lulu to her children, following that scent of flowers.

Morose, silent, Vevina held Elias in her arms, walking to her room. Vidina held Venus by her arm, directing her down the hall before she could protest. This silence, non-questioning, Lulu appreciated. This was all she needed to feel, to think clearly.

Though this war was over, its beginning, its cause was not—they still had to return to the Bevelle in their time and defeat Trema, defeat whatever creatures he had doing his bidding, and close the portal to Zanarkand to keep all threats out. She had not forgotten. But the matter of her wife's well-being was far, far more important to her. All else could wait. Until she could tell that Paine was all right, that Paine could continue on in the last chapter of this battle, she needed to care for her.

She had Paine lie down in bed, first; kissing those pouting lips before going to the bathroom. A simple bath, Lulu prepared for them: devoted, strange, and feeling at home in this strangeness. Shedding these clothes from Paine, from herself—Lulu took her time, checking her wife for injuries, which she had none. This luxury of Paine's body in her hands, Lulu indulged in, sensing these differences, touching with her hands: same appearance in the outside, yet as she touched, she felt strength in this sinew that hadn't been there before. Immense power, Paine held within, somewhere, somehow, from Vegnagun, as Raine had warned.

_It's for the best…is it not? She will need it for our upcoming battles…_

After setting Paine in the water, Lulu knelt at her side, staring at her for a time. This scowl upon her wife's face was one she hadn't seen in years. When Paine had tried to leave on that night of the miscarriage—that was the last time she'd fixed her face with this expression. She could never forget.

Back to the room she retreated, needing to check, double-check, triple-check her story…

_LV. The Great Colossus, Vegnagun_

Here, Lulu's words…she'd written this, all of this. She didn't remember. She couldn't forget this resentful expression on Paine's face, yet she'd forgotten _this_? In the darkest voids of her depression she had written this arc. _That _much she recalled. This all coincided with a vague visit Auron had paid her in the hospital, when she'd asked him to play a special part in seeing this story through. That was why he had asked the things he did the night before… _Why _couldn't she remember his words? Her own words?

_LVI. Flowers_

Here, Lulu closed the book. She did not want to know what she'd lost in memory with the absence of that madness. Just as Paine experienced this all as a blank slate, she needed the same for herself. As a punishment for forgetting, Lulu set this book back down and returned to her wife. Cleaning her, bathing her as she'd done for years and years now—this habit, this tradition was one she could not live without. Never mind that Paine was forty years old. Lulu could not help fussing over her, gently, seeing that she had everything she needed—that every strand of hair upon her head was clean, her every limb, all of her skin; that everything, all of her was cared for.

—

In bed, on one side, somehow facing away from Paine, Lulu lay, drowsy still, not alert that late afternoon. Dreamless sleep she steadily awoke from, sighing at this telling touch against her nude form. From behind, that curve of arousal pressed into the small of her back, again and again, swelling. Rocking against her, steady, skin-on-skin, until more force came, stubborn, shaping. Nearly on her stomach Lulu lay, leg bent in front of her, losing herself to this loss of control. Hand on her hip, gripping, pulling back with the effort of this erection, grinding, going without penetrating _yet_. Deep, sweet need Lulu felt in this disorientation. She cried it out, _letting _Paine do this to her, chest aflame from this near-shameful want of that power inside of her.

Small, submissive, Lulu whined for more, whined Paine's name, spurring that strength, those breathy growls against her ear. This need pulled Paine's hand down, between her legs. Grabbing, forceful, Paine spread Lulu's legs open, wider; _arousal _in her complied, again, again, until she felt all of her wife's weight on top of her, overpowering, shadowing. Duvet and sheets thrown aside, the chill of the room met her for but a moment; _heat _from Paine's allures and attractions many overwhelmed her, body and soul. Mind sailing and heart afloat, Lulu could not _think _through this tired haze_, _unable to discern right from wrong anymore with Paine's hand seizing her sex, panting, taxing.

Right in her ear, full of breaths, Paine spoke, "Wake up, Lulu—I fucking _want _you, _now_." Ankles, legs tangling together, before Paine used that light lock to force Lulu's knees apart more, more. "Or don't wake up…doesn't matter to me. As long as you whimper like the sorry whore you really are, I don't care." Powerlessness to this sudden strength made Lulu whimper just _so _when Paine flipped her over on her back. "More. I want more. You're pathetic for me—_show me _that!" Direct attention to her breasts Paine gave, groping, sucking, mouth pressing _hard _into them. Lulu arched at that power, burying her hands in the shortness of Paine's hair along the back of her head, pulling. "You're mine…_all mine_…"

Raping rush marked this quickness and vigor of Paine inside her, filling her whole. Separated, bodies perpendicular, Paine knelt between Lulu, control kept by grabbing the bend of her legs. Open, open, spread open to this fucking Lulu stayed, crying out her wife's name, breasts and whole body shifting and shifting in reaction, arms over her head, clutching onto the headboard banging against the wall. Hips slapping against her soaked thighs, wet friction filling the room; Lulu could not help this _volume_. Paine had never fucked her this hard before. Never this fast. Never this _thorough_, reaching all through.

Labored, panting, Paine grunted out, "All I want to do is use you…" That velvet through her voice caught Lulu's captivation, blinding her, blinding her. No name, no identity. No purpose in this moment. _None, _except to be whatever Paine wanted her to be. "Isn't that what you want?" Her face, Paine grabbed, sweating-slick hand over Lulu's mouth, clamped there. When Lulu couldn't respond—evidently, from this clamp—Paine let go for a second swift to slap her. "_Tell me_ that's what you want!"

Tears blinding—no shame, no pride, no sense of right in this high, Lulu said, "I want you to use me…"

Around her mouth with one hand, around her neck with the other, Paine grabbed onto, using this new leverage to thrust harder. _Saying _that out loud freed Lulu all the more. Never had she said such a thing, to anyone. But, Paine, she loved her; she showed as much through these sounds, _allowing _this unraveling of her character in her wife's hands. She _loved_ her; Lulu loved the hell out of her—

Venus stormed in the room, spotting this strangulation, not understanding it—in a rage she launched herself at her father, trying to stop this. "I knew it—I KNEW IT!" she screamed, tugging at Paine's unyielding wrists. "Take your hands off her!"

"This is none of your business!" shouted Paine, pushing her daughter away. "I'm not finished with your mother yet, damnit! Get the fuck out!"

That hurt on Venus' face—that language directed at _her_ made Lulu snap out of this. Vidina rushed in, grabbing at Paine, shouting at her with his sister, livid. Commotion on top of her, shouting, accusations, threats—Lulu sat up, forcing herself between the three of them to make all of this stop. With Paine far enough away, on the other side of the bed, Lulu snatched the violet sheet up to cover her body with. Forcibly, Lulu used her body as a barrier to push her two children out the room. Behind her, Paine slammed the door shut, spouting out curses and annoyance over the interruption.

"Fucking abuser! _Rapist_!" shouted Venus at the door, as Lulu made her continue down the hall. "Whatever happened to you isn't an excuse for what you did! I can't believe you!"

Muffled retort from Paine sounded, not helping at all, "I don't care! Get the HELL out of my house and don't come back!"

Vidina nearly pushed his way past Lulu, demanding to know, "Is she seriously kicking us out?!"

"No, son, please, I _need_ you to listen," urged Lulu, guiding them to the open door. Vevina stood there already, miserable; covering Elias' ears and eyes. "I will take care of your father. I don't need to make excuses for her—whatever happened last night _did _cause this, and I need you all to accept that." Frustrated tears from Venus were contagious, if not completely; Lulu felt her own eyes stinging, pooling over as she held her children. _Paine is acting just like her father did so long ago… _"You _know _her better than that. She would never behave this way on her own! _Let me_ take care of this…"

"But, Ma, we don't have _time_!" insisted Vidina, just as upset without tears. "The Gullwings, Raine, and _everyone_—they're waiting on us! We have to go back to our time and stop Trema! We don't need _her_, come with us!"

"I _can't _go without her…we need her—she needs to snap out of this first! Do you trust me to help her?"

Venus wiped at her face, shaking her head. "I'll never forgive her," she muttered.

"It wasn't abuse, it wasn't rape," Lulu assured her. With suspicion, curious, Venus regarded her. "It…is part of our play. You remember what I explained to you about it… I need you to accept that, understand that. How she treated you is what I _won't _accept." Vevina in particular, Lulu held, trying to help, to communicate without words that this was not her fault. "Go to the Celsius, all of you. I'll need a few days to sort through this… If I'm not there by the end of this week, tell everyone to go without us."

Shocked, Vidina retorted, "You're the strongest out of all of us! And…_Dad_, too, after Vegnagun…we can't win this without you!"

"Again—" Lulu weakened at this sentiment of her children holding her again, wiping these emotions away; "Do you trust me to help her…?"

Begrudgingly, Venus replied, "Yes…"

Vidina agreed, scowling. "We do," he said. Vevina sniffled, nodding in affirmative.

"Now go—I will do all I can for her," said Lulu, letting them go at last. "Don't tell anyone about this…they don't need to know. If anyone asks, simply tell them that we need some time alone to sort things out…" All three of them nodded in promise. "I love you all. I'll see you soon…"

They returned that sentiment before heading down the hall toward the elevator. After watching them until they entered those doors, Lulu closed this one, shell shocked from these past few days. Yesterday had been, perhaps, _too perfect _in comparison to this unraveling of events. She should have known. She could not fight this nauseating feeling now that she was aware of the severity of the situation. Thinking of yesterday calmed her enough to face this head-on, for she at least had that security…

_White of the snow behind this beauty—wise, experienced; naïve, in this way, to mark this first in their relationship, their marriage…Paine could not fault Lulu for having this realization after all this time. "It's never too late," she said, to Lulu this time, smiling. "I'm sorry, too, about what I said…" She moved one hand to this splendor of Lulu's face, to make sure her wife did not avert her eyes in stoic embarrassment this time. "If they're everlasting, I'll keep them for as long as I love you. Thank you, Mistress."_

Lulu returned to their bedroom. She found Paine sitting upon the bed in her warrior dressphere, hunched over, and toying with the rings over her fingers. That scowl had not left her wife's face. Eruptions from earlier made Lulu keep this distance between them, out of anger, confusion—not only with her wife, but with her mother for keeping such a thing from her. _Why _was this necessary to endure in exchange for the power Vegnagun had siphoned to Paine hours ago? Were her emotions running amok, out of control because of this new, foreign energy inside of her?

_Why is she acting like her father used to? This cannot be a mere coincidence…_

"What is wrong with you?" asked Lulu, low; clutching the gathering of sheets beneath her arm with one hand, keeping her body covered. Paine did not acknowledge her, instead staring at the roses on the nightstand nearby. "Rape play with me I can accept—unless your intent truly _was _to rape me without caring for me at all." Obvious arousal Lulu saw in that arch to Paine's back. Such a sight mortified her, but she held it back. "Speaking to our children that way, kicking them out with no authority—_that _is unacceptable! Who are you? What have you done with my wife? I don't recognize this stranger in my house. You must be someone else…" Echoes from the past found her, of that _other _Paine warning about her pride ending their marriage right at this time, right at this year; Lulu did not care, for she demanded with _all _of her hurt pride, enraged: "If that isn't the case, then tell me—_what _is the problem?!"

Irritated sigh Paine let out as she stood up, going over to the nightstand. She snatched the roses from the vase, out of the water. Uncaring of the fear and tears breaking the certainty, the very beauty in Lulu's face—cold, callous, Paine shoved these flowers into Lulu's arms, speaking the truth:

"I don't love you anymore."


	57. Ruska

"_Ruska" by Apocalyptica_

_Your lies and masks don't love me anymore  
Your hope and lips, Paine—they do still love me;  
Your rage and fear don't love me anymore  
Your hidden regrets—they do still love me.  
Penance for my madness that won't forget  
This waltz of change that now we must endure,  
Following you to nature who begets  
Your cure, not I, not as lightning ensures.  
Life holds these ingredients that must make  
All the colors, for black and white will not  
Suffice—all the spectrum, rainbows, I take,  
Crafting with all tools; tunnel-happy, shot;  
Last shows of my character before sleep,  
Last swan song, snowdrift waltz—pain, I do reap._

_Those words…_they reversed in her head, _dragging_, _cutting_, until reality found her again:

Water from the flower stems dripped down the front of Lulu's violet sheet covering her body. Weight from this building agony buried her own grave in the floor in the shape of her body. Wallowing, down, to her knees before her wife, she fell, flowers to the floor—too-vivid déjà vu of radiant sun shining down in Besaid, Wakka's same reaction to her _words_; she hadn't cared _at all_. Worlds of anguish crashed over her; she fell forward into this waist of leather and crimson belts wet with her loss, holding on, holding, hold. Warnings to watch her pride, her temper found her, continuously; she gripped onto this unresponsiveness, nails digging to find _some _response, to _make _her love _stay with her._

Exceptions shone bright, for _any other time _would have not succumbed to this, would not have allowed any of this to show. If it were anyone else, Lulu would not have tossed her persona aside with this desperation. If the woman in her arms did not—had not—love—loved—every single part of her, sincerely, for better or for worse, as she had vowed and upheld—none of this would have been there.

"No…_no_," she spoke, she tried; "That is a _lie, _Paine!" Lulu had no room, no _time _to run away with her masks and stoicism. "Logic or delusion…both or one or the other… I _know_, somewhere, that you're lying to me!"

Vague hope from the bewilderment in Paine's face kept Lulu's focus. Up, there, Lulu stared at, focusing on _this moment_, trying with all her willpower not to linger on the past. Glowing crimson through Paine's chest from her garment grid caught Lulu's eye, how that perplexity shifted at that call. That hope tested her, _tested_, when Paine shoved her off and to the side. Through that space Paine stomped through, to the door, out the door; shouting incoherent words of anger.

That incoherence gave Lulu pause. That crimson glow. That hopeful confusion. Tragedy heightened her intuition, for she _remembered _this emotional memory. It didn't matter how Paine treated her now, for Lulu refused to believe it was her at all.

That refusal pushed Lulu to her feet with only this wet sheet to cover her, running after her love. Fabric fluttering about her wake, slave to physics; tears taking hold of her, dominating this disregard of her character, her person—Lulu went out the door, down the hall, catching up. Clutching onto this sheet over her chest as if holding her heart still; _be still, be still, for this is not the end—this cannot be how I have written it. _Following these footsteps, heartstrings played by the song of this separation; Lulu did not stop until she forced her way through the elevator doors with Paine, subject to this scrutiny.

"What the _fuck_, Lulu?!" demanded Paine, backing to the opposite corner of the elevator. "Didn't you fucking hear me? I SAID I don't love you anymore, you desperate tramp! I _don't_ want you following me!"

Decades of control wavered, breaking. Lulu cried harder as a child insulted for the first time, by someone she _loved_. "I don't—I _can't _accept it…" Closer to Paine she went, unaware of the elevator's momentum going down; her heart would not do the same, could not. Electricity flickering on and off, ride shuddering; didn't matter. "This isn't _you_. My Paine would never—act this way, speak this way—"

"—well _get over it_, because that Paine's gone. I don't want you turning into another Wakka on me. He didn't give up, he should have. I'll take a page out of your book and kill you if it'll make you stop this."

_I'm not afraid of death. I know it so well… I'm not against repenting for my sins—getting what I deserve, before or after my transgressions._

Lulu dared to step closer to her. "You have already killed me with your lies," she confessed, bringing that hope back. _This _color to Paine's eyes, she remembered; _this _shape to her beautiful face, Lulu could never forget. "This isn't the first time…or the second…nor will it be the last…" Sheer determination, willpower in this love she held—nothing could move her away, only closer to Paine's lips. "My love, if you wish to be my judge, you must be fair with me… Give me a chance to _show _you that this is a lie. _Let me _pull the truth out of you…"

If she hadn't reacted this way—lips crushing, emotions pooling—then what? End of their marriage? End of all time together? Without this trace from Paine's garment grid showing her the source of this rage, this frustration that belonged not to her, Lulu would have believed those lies. _All _other lifetimes fell for that foolery. She could not succumb to such tricks, for _this _was the truth:

_Dissociation—before, multiple personalities—mixing up memories, believing she was someone else, oh, her father: his devotion to his family in his happiness and security under Yevon's eye, how he cared for his wife, planned with her for Paine's future. Taking all of that away, leaving only emptiness and despair; Nyte fled to Bevelle's depths, nihilism, annihilation of any who stood in the way of his family; energy siphoned to him, enough, to break him, fall into confusion, anger, hallucinations, paranoia that everyone was out to get him, trusting no one; distance from his daughter, for he fooled himself into thinking she somehow spurred him to this rage—_

_Never stopping, until the constant care and devotion from his daughter-in-law changed that. Lulu's presence in his life, helping him work through his anger during her visits to him and his wife: her staunch belief that he held no blame, that he could turn around and forget that resentment helped him far more than his wife's helpless acceptance of their fate. Visits over the years from Lulu's copy provided that stability again and again. She didn't give up then—_

"I'm not giving up now—"

Paine pushed her away, rushing out the open elevator doors. "I don't know what you're doing, but _stay out _of my head!" she shouted through the empty lobby. "Stay out of my garment grids! Stop fucking following me and give up already!"

After her she went, running to catch up. Outside to this biting chill beneath the growing rainclouds, through Zanarkand, through the people staring at her, Lulu stayed after Paine, unwilling to stop, unwilling to listen to these lies. Without that certainty of hope from Paine's face, fleeting as it was, she steadily felt that resolve drain to the snow beneath her feet. Heat from her spells did not work—this _cold _bit at her, tearing off her sense. Night fell, over her, freezing, as if nature warned her again and again to stop now while she was ahead. Empathy, so late in years, for the ones she had done this to without such anger…all of it came back to her.

Hearts she'd broken without a single care. Relationships ended on sudden notes, with no explanation to them as to her behavior. Change of heart she had somewhere through, refusing to give them the _truth _because she cared not enough to tell it. Annoyance with imperfections grated that purity from love's embrace, making pessimism and disappointment send that adoration on its way. Cynicism from _people _not knowing her when she never once gave them a chance—it built and built, blocking attempts from all else, until the unexpected, until Paine, until their life together…

Now, her exception, her everything shouted insults behind, mocking her for this devotion, trying to break her. Too many people sounded in that umbrage—_everyone but Paine_.

_Kill me with your mistakes…_

This street, she knew what it was, where it led to: Lightning. Lulu's footsteps could not go on. This direction broke her, _not _Paine's words. This move, this path, this asphalt under the snow leading to the one who had waited for her, waited, as if she _knew _she would have this very chance… Lulu summoned all of her strength in weakness, shouting at Paine's back: "We've been together for _sixteen years_! We should have been together since we were children! And now you…" _Why _did she do this? Why now? Why beneath this night sky? Why did she write this? Why put herself through this _pain_? Why…did her heart whisper to her that the first step to Paine's happiness, finding herself again rested in Lightning's hands…? Screeching shame cut at her heart again and again. "…this is what it feels like. How I've longed to bleed for you, my love… Take penance's knife and wound me, pierce me, stab again, again, again until you are satisfied with what you see… That will be my new mirror, for you."

Turbulence, torment, tempests with emotion's momentum brought her to her knees again, falling to this, falling, needing this—negative—to find…herself again… Crying instruments orchestrated this, emotional masochism, to _love _Paine with this sobbing, this devolving; tears tasting as real, embarrassment didn't matter, who stared at her held no place but to amplify this validation, in herself, first, before anything could move forward. Masks thrown aside, she cried because she _wanted this_. To know that she had _this _life inside of her, of feeling, instead of that fear she held in the depths of her insanity that she had lost herself long ago. To know that she held no pretenses for Paine, shedding herself of all that dead snake skin that had unraveled, unraveled with Paine's touch forceful or from fucking. To know that she would do anything, anything, anything for Paine, whatever this helplessness she felt over what was to come and become of them.

_Control this change—control the uncontrollable nature… Take this palette of anguish and paint it as I wish over this canvas of our story together. I could not ignore that necessity. I could not ignore that which draws, compels others to stop and read again, knowing that they survived—that we survived. Not for the sake of it, not for the cause of it; piece together this puzzle for the picture that I have denied for so long. Taking control of what I knew all along._

Last swan song before the inevitable. Trust that Paine would return to her—would she? Would she _stay there_ and forget about her, their marriage, their children, their promises to one another? Determination to try again, try again, successfully, no matter the mistakes made, catered always to the best outcome: change embodied, no matter the suffering in this song. For conflict was unavoidable. Better to play it out as the absolute worst at the lowest times in this grave her body had made—write it as such—than to deal with constant unpredictability, unhappiness…

_Waiting for this fantasy to begin…all of your mistakes, all of your neglect, all at once, is better than my fear of nothing._


	58. Soaked in Tandem

"_Soaked" by Adam Lambert_

_You're stoic a lot of the time…that doesn't get rid of your other feelings. It's just a mask. Maybe you put so much pressure on them that they start to turn into copies of you inside of yourself. Shouldn't you let them out? It's not fair to keep them hidden. Daddy, too. Not as much as you._

_Spin me out of control and into worse  
For wear, force me wide for your bidding,  
Strip me of me, strike me with you and nurse  
Me out of my mind, all unforgiving:  
In this line you all wait to drown me in  
The white of your neglect, your one-track want  
That I do fulfill, soul filled—I can't win  
Against you, with you; my non-worth I flaunt.  
Enough I have had of denying my  
Open girth, buckled to the bone and wet;  
No risk for birth, past that age, how I sigh  
Over worth, I find again—this pen lets  
Worlds form at hand, worse for you—have you come  
Back to claim, explain, to me, what you've done?_

Overwhelming emotional whirlwind kneeling still spinning disoriented beneath this freezing rain—as she had asked, requested: armored, heeled footsteps approached Lulu through this downpour. Blindfolded, gagged, grabbed and picked up, kidnapped of her own volition for this fantasy. These arms, this strength _belonged _not to her, not in this lifetime, yet they had saved her all the same, warning with words that this was to come. Taken away from here, off the beaten path to a quiet—deserted—part of Zanarkand, carrying her body and crushed soul in the same weight—this _other _took her into silent, dank darkness.

Sheet removed from her, thrown to the filthy ground; Lulu followed that motion, bare, body hitting this soaked fabric smelling of her regrets. Lying here, helpless, wanting this helplessness; unable to _hide _anymore, masks fallen, Lulu succumbed to this worthless, pitiable state of self. Needing validation from the one stepping toward her, sexual intent clear. _Just this once, let go_… Judge Magister standing before her, looming, _Copycat _dressphere marking this multiplication—unable to hold out any longer. This one stayed in her armor, arousal erecting through one opening; others appeared, armor-free.

"_I wouldn't know their names…I'd take them behind the building and fuck them there… We'd go to an alleyway behind the club…" _Those nameless sluts and whores—they'd had Paine's attention, they'd had Paine's time, however negative; Yuna and Rikku got to see that, watch that: "_What they saw with us in the shower wasn't anything new. I wanted them to see that, on purpose this time."_

Pride had surfaced that night, for Lulu had had no desire for Paine to treat her as some nameless woman who cared only for sex. In that pride, a fantasy had formed as a negative image, _because _she denied it—

"_You wanted to show them that I'm a filthy whore who enjoys being fucked by you in an alleyway?"_

—she wanted it all the more, now that denial could no longer hold after these long years.

Fifteen years old and up, up until this agelessness of thirty-three with appearances locked as such, Paines of all those ages manifested, taking up this space in the alleyway all around her. _Every single one except mine, my one wife… _Surrounding, eyeing her as prey, they stroked themselves, standing in as these multiple faces of the one they represented. All of those faces, hungry, ravenous, animalistic, uncaring for _her _as a person with values and needs; that _dangerous_, untouchable, immovable, stoic Lulu with a reputation they gave not a fuck about, for they stared with clear intent:

"_I want you to use me…"_

Mending, rending strength of hands on her, situating her, groping. Shape of these hands, she remembered, but not the people behind them, whatever their faces. On her knees, over this sheet shuffled and scrambled in this movement, Lulu stayed, ass up, legs forced apart. What had she succumbed to? What had she fallen to? These depths of despair for time to hold onto, to show _her _Paine somewhere, far away, unreachable in that rage…that she would be anything, anything at all for her. Nameless, useless but for one use unappealing to anyone with even scraps of sense of self…

Lulu had the strongest, tightest hold on who she was, and she knew it well—all the more reason to trust in letting it go.

Before her, Judge Magister Nyte, her warning, the one who had saved her, knelt, in armor, hard, protruding through that opening. Gloved hands over Lulu's jaw, guiding. All of this, all length in Lulu's mouth, taking, thanking; she sucked, smelling that armor beneath her lips and nose at deepthroat; all behind her, in a line, in tandem, those others spread her open, fucking, going, using, using, using. Rubbing knees and hands against this sheet beneath soaked by the rain, by growing spend as those multiples finished themselves off within seconds inside of her, hitting, quitting, and going back for more. Standing in that line, pumping themselves, groaning, turning this way and that behind the one in front of them to get a better look at the soaking sex that wanted to swallow them whole.

Dripping down her thighs, one in line needed her differently; mouth and throat free, flipped over on her back atop not the sheet, but another Paine. Grouping, gathering around her, kneeling, hands over her, roaming, stroking as they touched themselves, fascinated only by this uncharacteristic allowance Lulu afforded them. Inside of her again, lubricated by spend uncountable, this one beneath her fucked, all the way behind and under in this foreign-not-allowed space, before. Others, her breasts they took in their hands, experienced, older; inexperienced, younger, the ones at only fifteen years.

Two at a time stayed by her head, gripping the roots of her hair to keep those falls out of the way. Mouth forced open, side of her mouth protruding from these thrusts against tissue and tongue and teeth; changing hands, either side, taking this Paine in her mouth, that Paine farther down her throat for her to choke, _sweetly_, letting them come over her face and down her throat. Blood pounding between her at this building, wet, gangbang, fucking her sex with speed enough to say that was _all _she was. Laughter, mocking, masculine, these Paines jostled with one another, goading, daring one to not come for two minutes or more only for those dares to _break _from sheer allure with Lulu's powerless power over them.

Clenching, clenching all around them, coming whether one was inside or not, triggered again and again from this novelty. Hours, hours, for hours and hours this continued through the downpour, of ejaculations all over her, forceful, violent each time, for the rain to wash off, for these Paines and pains to spread over her all over again. Tears she shed, they laughed at, for her trying to give some semblance of being human, anything more than her wanton sex wet from their able attention, their constant concentration and thoughtless thrusts.

Her breasts, manhandled—her mouth, punctured—her throat, widened—her thighs, bruised—her arms, unused—her sex, abused. Reality, or tomorrow, the day after that, who knew her, what they might say if they knew, business spread to the world—none of it mattered without _her _Paine around, wanting her, loving her in truth. Thoughts of Paine seeing this, watching this, knowing this about her, that she had so _fallen _to this—it invigorated Lulu twice, thrice, ten times over, coated in sweat and semen all over her skin. These others did not stop, did not stop. They didn't _care _who she was or whom she longed for—only that she could get them off by lying here and taking it, otherwise worthless.

They ordered her not to talk. Only whimpering allowed. Only choking. Only coughing when she could not take all of them in this hurry. When they demanded that she speak, she called them what her youth had begun of this fantasy: "_My lord_…" Dreams of white sands, cloudless skies, finding Paine through her armor, sucking her with this same defenselessness for her love to smooth over… Being someone else, being herself, someone different in the same body, freed of all presumptions and pretenses of her person, she could love Paine without those fears of letting go.

Was it too late now…? Her love had gone off to someone whom she'd lusted after for _not _holding back.

Pride fallen, all those times sent away as these copies vanished. Armored arms wrapped this soaked sheet about her body once more, picking her up and carrying her home. In these arms, Lulu fell, wide open to nature, to this trying sunrise. Accepting that physics affected her, accepting that she had true flaws—accepting that she felt, therefore those lies of her fears she could chase away, for now. Nothing wrong with crying. Nothing wrong with needing someone _this badly _that she knew not where she was. Habit's compass told her she was nearly home…what did it matter if her wife was not there to greet her?

Back through this empty lobby, up this elevator. Down this hallway, through the door she'd left open. No one else had access this far up. Nothing stolen, nothing taken. Possessions posed no importance to her anymore. Strip these walls and floors bare, take all of her riches—with or without them, she held no worth without her wife. Accepting this, breathing this, knowing this as the one who had warned her stripped her of this sheet, bathed her clean of the night's escapade—breaking down, broken, Lulu had no reason to maintain herself anymore. She tried and tried to think of her children, that they would need her when they returned…

Worthless, useless; not at her best without their father, this marriage, this partnership.

After this cleanse, after reacquainting her body with the sight of her clear skin and clean hair of impossible length, Lulu lay alone upon the floor of the bedroom. In front of their large wedding picture upon the wall, of Paine carrying her as Judge Magister, wedding dress flowing—and that radiance of her own skin, in happiness…

Two days Lulu spent, alternating between lying there and in the bathroom, stopping herself from retching. It became easier, as these hours passed, when that helplessness started to shift. Carpet from the floor shaped itself along her bare skin as it had when she'd abandoned Paine here, in this very spot, for four days without food, without comfort, without security. Metaphorical chains stayed around her wrists until she unlocked them with these realizations. Shelter she found in old habits, again: resentment grew and grew. Beyond _pissed off _and ashamed at what she had subjected herself to, been subjected to those nights ago. That hope twisted into hatred—of herself, of this situation she had put herself through. _Why_? She couldn't _remember _and she refused to look, to give away all the answers.

Stoicism did not return, had no place to return to. Calculating crossness with her decisions in reviling herself so…Paine had claimed not to care for her, not to love her anymore. Why had she made a fool of herself out of that despair? Because she could not live without Paine's acceptance of her, all of her; without Paine's submission to her strength of character, needing that strength to lift her up and bring them closer together.

Inflicting pain on her, their love for one another shifting and shaping that into arousal not to be ignored…

Physical pain was one thing. Emotional masochism, Lulu now had a far better understanding of.

Steady, she rose to her feet. Blackout threatened to overwhelm her, ears ringing, sight dotting with black spots, dizzying. Dressphere change into her quicksilver nightgown to cover her body with, hiding from the prying eyes of her home. Flowers upon the floor, she picked up, and returned to the water in the vase upon the nightstand. To her study she walked, unwilling to drag her feet, empowered by this decision she'd made. Piles of her work organized about the room: she went to the appropriate volumes, taking the books to her desk.

Blood red pen she brandished upon these pages, crossing out words from the following arc of her story that she _did _remember. _Too maudlin_, she reasoned with vengeance; _too safe, too easy, too simple, too nice_. Crossing out, strike-out, new words in the margins, arrows pointing here and there to make better sense of _where _she meant to replace…

Resentment did not make her do this. Reality, respect for Paine's potential; realizing that she could not live that life and be satisfied with it. Pulling this blood out from Paine's heart when it all began—she needed to taste it when the time came. Skipping ahead, enough time, she spanned enough space to make up for enough discrepancies as this day passed to night. Zanarkand rose and Zanarkand fell with its citizens and their wake and sleep, sunrise and sunset—unaware of what she planned to put them through.

At the final change, she heard the distinct sound of keys in the door—cautious, careful they sounded. Mixed reaction, nerves shot and nuances unthreaded. _Only one possibility…_


	59. Pretty

"_Pretty" by Korn_

_Scattered scenes show what they have waited for:  
Snap you from this state, and shove you to wait  
And watch, and need, and cry, and pool this floor  
With your neglect—stop your mind from this fate.  
Your face will hold, my love—you needn't see  
What I carve again; in apology  
Your scream for me, cry for me as you bleed  
The truth to this dry stain: an eulogy  
To your ignorance, memory broken—  
Wait. I have more to show you, tastes to come  
On this bed, on this ground, eyes, lies fucking  
You again, listen to this talk—don't run.  
Rape as you want it, as I cannot help:  
Too pretty you are to fool what I felt._

_Lightning's front door, locked—Paine slammed her body against it, breaking through. She was there, Lightning was there, she heard those fucking sounds upstairs. Fuck Lulu. Fuck her. Fuck whatever had happened between them. She wasn't enough, wasn't enough, too attached, too weak, too feminine, she held back—Lightning didn't do any of those things, wasn't any of those things. Paine went through this dark house, up these stairs, militaristic, too clean—she wanted to smash her supposed best friend over these walls, whether Fang was there to watch or not. So motherfucking pretty, Lightning was. That cold, calculating beauty Paine wanted in her hands—now._

_Bedroom door flung open; Lightning making out with Fang on the bed, half-clothed; too much happened at once: Paine stomped over to stop all of this, screaming, yelling; hands everywhere, but not in the way she wanted—_

"_What the hell are you doing in my house?!" shouted Lightning, on her feet, shoving Paine back. "How did you get in here? The door was locked!" Paine did not care—she went for it, snatching at the loose shirt Lightning wore to tear it off; swift blow to her jaw from Lightning's punch sent her to the floor, reeling. "What is wrong with you?! You can't come storming in here, trying to force yourself on me!"_

"_You knew this was gonna happen," said Paine, standing anew. "This shouldn't be a surprise. I want you. Now get on your knees—"_

_Lightning punched her harder. "It doesn't matter!" she snapped back; thudding sounds of Paine stumbling back against the wall echoed, low. "Just because I knew doesn't mean I'm gonna _let_ it happen!" From Paine's heart, her garment grid, Lightning snatched Nyte's Sphere from within. That sudden loss paralyzed Paine. "Get your shit together!"_

_Fang went over to Paine, kneeling down in front of her. "I take it you didn't watch the sphere," she said. Doubles, triples, mirages everywhere, head spinning… "Figures you didn't. Now I bet you left your wife all heartbroken. This ain't gonna end well, y'know. You should've thought this through."_

_That spinning slowed to a stop once Paine realized Lightning had handcuffed her. Ankles cuffed together, rope between them—hog-tied, unable to move. In the adjoining bathroom, Lightning tossed her to the cold floor, no light. In vain, disoriented, Paine shouted back, "Thought _what _through?!" Crimson sphere rolled along the floor, toward her; door slammed shut and braced from the outside. "Lightning! Fang! Damnit, let me out of here! I never asked for this!" _

"_Shut UP, Paine!" yelled Lightning, voice muffled from the other side. "Just shut up and watch the damn sphere! I'll let you out when you find your head again—NOT before!"_

"_My fucking head?! It's right here on my neck! I don't need to find it! Now let me out, woman!"_

_Lightning's voice sounded farther away, as if she and Fang were in the middle of relocating downstairs, "We'll see about that!" _

_Without warning, the sphere began to project through this darkness:_

_Nyte, her father, much younger, running through Bevelle's depths in his military uniform—now expired. Eyes of crimson burning as he went down these memorized paths, his thoughts showed around him as pyrefly illusions—smiling with his family, planning for the future with his wife, caring for Paine, small child—focused, on destroying this institution, this religion itself based on false hope and spirals of death, and the brainwashed followers who fueled that corruption. Living in a Spira free from those rules, those lies, those restrictions and manipulations—this is what he wanted for himself, for his wife, for his daughter. Convinced, he was, that Sin could be defeated without Yevon, for Yevon merely controlled that spiral with secrets kept among Maesters. It needed to end._

_Vegnagun there in his sights at the end of this walkway. Nyte sprinted toward the towering machina, hopes shining through this rage. Dreams for Paine stayed at the forefront as he climbed up to the controls. For her to be free from this endless train of death Yevon forced the world to stay upon, tracks never-ending, never diverting, all for the sake of controlling the citizens with fear to line their own pockets with gil. His own reputation had been tarnished by the lawlessness of his termination—anything worse couldn't possibly shame his pride further. _

_Before Nyte could use the controls, Vegnagun powered on. Pyreflies surrounded him again, possessing, from a time far beyond his own. Mind fragmented, emotions split, judgment tampered with—Time's punishment for his ill-intentions of destruction in despair. For Vegnagun sensed emotion, knew how to twist it and make its mark on the mind and heart, to influence its controllers; unable to take this, too weak, Nyte fell to that fragmentation. _

_Thrown from Bevelle's depths, uniform stripped from him, he returned home. Yevon swore to cover up this incident; punishing him would merely publicize it, their failure to stop him sooner. That loss of self should have only been temporary…should have been, but first impressions made this last:_

_His wife, Bellona, greeted him in her white mage robes, happy to see him despite their on-going arguments in recent times, before noticing something was off about her husband. He grabbed her, slammed the door shut, shoved her to the hardwood floor and raped her there. She did not fight it—muted, silenced in her confusion. Only outlet, the only thing he understood: abusing her, demeaning her for no reason if not to sate his need to vent. Crass, vulgar, he became, as a poor communication of his failures, frustrations. Overwhelmed, unwilling to lower his pride and ask for help, he did not care if his daughter saw this, did not care how it affected her, whether she understood or not—this was her fault, for him caring too much about her. _

_All of that began to stop with Lulu's influence, finding him in Bevelle—getting through to him with matter-of-fact, straightforwardness. Not that weak, helpless acceptance his wife had given him, or the frustrated efforts Paine had made to pretend he no longer existed; no, Lulu's stubborn persistence to care for him, moved to Guadosalam now, changed him within days. That was all he'd needed in the first place. If he'd known his daughter-in-law all along, perhaps Paine would have turned out differently._

_Mapping of that machina's manipulation had shifted to Paine—as a test, a trial, in exchange for the power given to her. All other versions of her had failed this test. They had taken too long to realize what the problem was—and they had all lost Lulu as a result._

_Three days Paine spent on this cold floor, reconsidering everything. Hunger deflected, fatigue forgotten—Paine thought only of Lulu. Her father's frustrations, she'd felt as her own, taking them out on her wife and children. Her father's identity, she'd felt as her own, forgetting that Lulu was not the same helpless woman as her mother. _

_When she remembered, from this better perspective, how she'd treated her wife, Venus and Vidina…_

_Trembling body shaking over the pool of tears she'd shed; brace from the door, removed, and Fang entered the bathroom. Watery footsteps from her sandals; she knelt down in her sari, smoothing her hand through Paine's hair, sympathetic. "Think I've listened to you sobbing for long enough," she said, soft. "Seems like you snapped out of it. Took you long enough…we all gotta head to the Celsius tomorrow, else they'll leave without us." She removed the hidden knife fastened to her ankle, using it to cut the rope. Paine shook her head at this freedom, at Fang unlocking her cuffs—she didn't deserve it. "You'll be all right… Just go back home and apologize."_

"_F-Fang—I can't just—_apologize_—to Lulu… There's no such thing…no such thing as __**just**__ apologizing—"_

"_Hey. Calm down, now. I know what you mean, but you owe that much to her. It's fair, ain't it?" With care, Fang settled Paine's head in her lap, hands soothing. "There, there—it's a lot to take in. I'm sure you've got a few questions after watchin' that." Paine didn't need to voice them—how Lulu managed to take care of her parents, how she didn't notice after all this time… "Let's just say your wife's learned your bad habits of escapism. I don't know if you remember, that time the four of us spent the day together for some public humiliation. That black car followin' us? That was her—only a copy. She's been usin' that dressphere for a long time. How do you think she wrote some of the story from your point of view?"_

_Shrugs, shaking her head in Fang's lap—Paine had no idea. She didn't understand why Fang knew these things and not her—didn't understand why she had to go through this, why she'd lost her mind, why she'd confused her identity with her father's, why she'd done the things she did, treating Lulu like…_

"_Followin' you in your shadows…" Like Raine, like her daughter…of course. "That escapism of yours wasn't the only thing she picked up from you. She told me she had a good time fantasizin' 'bout the things you used to want, bein' a boy an' all…" How did Lulu know if she never once TOLD her? How did she know? How the fuck did she _know_? "I don't think you know how obsessed she is with you…" That was because Lulu never told her… Disconnect. Miscommunications, on purpose or otherwise—why? What was it all for? That obsession? Where? When? Why? "Another one of her copies—there's a drag king in the city that goes 'round callin' himself Fury. That copy of hers is in Zanarkand livin' your old fantasies. He's a man now, transsexual—didn't you used to want to be one—?"_

_Paine picked herself up from this mess, dizzy, starving. "Fang, this is—too much—I can't process all of it," she said, finding her balance again. "All I know…is that I have to go back…go back to my wife, before it's too late… I need to drop everything and just…just…"_

Opening this door now, stepping through to this cold darkness now, Paine found Lulu standing there before her. No eye contact—she didn't need to look at Lulu, didn't have the strength to. She dropped everything that had once kept her standing; knelt down to this marble floor, and prostrated herself there. _Apology. _She knew not to speak unless Lulu wanted her to. She knew not to make a move unless Lulu told her to. This was all she could do, to communicate without words the depths of her transgressions, that she was aware of them.

One step at a time, toward her, Lulu took, nightgown dragging along the floor. Unexpected, of Lulu to kneel down—just to gloss her nails over the fading brand of _Fury _there. Touch removed, Lulu stood again, walking to the kitchen nearby. Drawer opened, utensils shifting—wooden weight clanging before metal, and a sharp, sheathing sound. Something taken in hand, dressphere change, and the heels of Lulu's boots sounded as she returned to her.

_Whatever it is, whatever happens, I deserve it…don't say anything, don't make a sound in case—_

Digging pain, piercing skin, blood, carving through that popped-out skin, deepening these scars; Paine screamed into this floor, breath heating marble, home filled with this agony:

"Welcome back, love," said Lulu, beneath those sounds. Knife in hand, she continued her handiwork at leisure, prolonging this. "I see you've finally come to your senses. How _noble_ of you. I wonder what took you this long—" _F _re-formed, bleeding over her upper-back, Lulu moved to the next letter with little time for any breathers; this _focus _in Lulu's cutting hurt Paine more than anything, than the act itself; "I should turn you over and give the same treatment to your face, don't you think? What a pretty face you have, Paine…"

This continued, went on until Lulu finished the word. Blood had trickled down, over and around Paine's torso and shoulders. This Lulu cleaned with casts of white magic. Same treatment she gave to this affected skin. Wide, long bandage applied there, to make sure this healed and scarred as she wanted it.

To the bedroom Lulu sent her, by herself, for now. Standing at the bedside, _Present_, breaths heaving, Paine waited. She stared at their wedding photograph framed upon the far wall before her, trying not to cry. Over those memories, over the immense hurt she'd put her family through, _Lulu_, Paine fought her hardest to focus on the present, on right now. Obeying and submitting as Lulu wanted, no pride, was all she had to do. That was it. After enough time, then, maybe…her wife would forgive her.

As to what she had to obey to in the interim, Paine did not want to think on. Thoughts shut off.

When Lulu returned, she went to that frame, moving it aside. One finger she used, beckoning Paine over to her. Through this hallway dotted with shotgun pellets, Paine went, following. Her old room again…they had not returned after all these years, using it only once—the first time. One corner of the room she had Paine stand in, facing the story there: yellow spotting out along the walls, lingering stench.

Behind her, Lulu stood, corseted body pressed against Paine's backside. "Tell me, slave," she began, "Who did this? Who stained this corner in such a way? I already know what it is."

"I did, Mistress," replied Paine, memories clear in her mind.

"Tell me why."

"When I was eight years old, I saw my father in the bathroom. He didn't close the door. I hadn't seen a guy pissing before. I didn't know they stood up when they did it. I thought standing was better than sitting, so I tried it myself."

"Because you wanted to be a boy," surmised Lulu.

"Yes, Ma'am—"

Hands grabbing, spinning Paine around, shoving her face-down to the bed; Lulu made her face this old, old menstrual blood that stayed upon the sheets still. "Didn't anyone tell you you're too pretty to be a boy?" asked Lulu, shoving the side of Paine's face into this dry stench. "You could never pull it off…not on your own. The people around you would have to be too few and too inattentive…" Weight of leather and Lulu's body on top of her, curves fitting; arousing, arousing, Paine wanted to be fucked, just like this, she _wanted_. "This isn't quite the same…not as you remember it… You think this was caused by an accident you never cleaned up in your poor hygiene at this age. Don't you remember, love—how your mother found you the night before your sixteenth birthday?" Rumbling engine, velocity, heights, _impaling_— "This blood is the truth that you cannot give birth. _Months _I spent fucking you in your sleep, taking sick pleasure in your body's utter failure to notice my seed in you…"

Harder in this stain, Paine remembered crying in her mother's arms, white magic hadn't been enough; _how _Lulu knew, Paine fought not to contemplate, needing these sounds of ripped leather from her body instead. Rocking back and forth with this force uninhibited from Lulu's hands, Paine _let _this happen.

Mirrors and mirrors of sneaking to watch her father rape her mother in the middle of the night, uncertain of which side she wanted to be on when it inevitably happened to her; trance began in her head, slave to Lulu's anger driving inside of her, crying and crying out as her wife wanted. Body bare to this memory living differently, now, save for her collar, marking her as she needed, wanted, had no choice or say in. Uncaring, handling, Lulu fucked her with the depths of her pain, the pain she'd put her through. Tasting it, knowing it, to sympathize, empathize, atone, Paine felt this sickness of enjoyment, from Lulu _sharing _this with her.

What she'd wanted to avoid in being that different identity, Paine lay here and took it, all of it, all that Lulu had to take out on her. Dams broke between her thighs, new bleeding, not thinking; _fantasizing _about Lulu finding her in her youth, doing this to her whether she wanted it or not—especially if she did not want it. Drilling through her head and sex that she was _too pretty to be a boy, too pretty_—fuck her face up if she wanted to, to disfigure and change that mantra to something else: _too ugly, too broken—therefore, you can only belong to me—no one else will have you. _

Another thought persisted, and she wondered if Lulu knew: _I'm so hungry…haven't eaten in days…_

Trembling again, clenching, dripping of Lulu, Paine came over her, all over her, wanting this to continue. Removed, jerking strength, handcuffed again, gagged to keep from making a sound, Lulu lifted her, carrying her back to their room. Small cage, small enough to confine, to keep, as an animal, a slave, Lulu locked her inside. Freedom limited, bars digging into her bare body, Lulu carried her in this cage, out the house, down the hall to their garage.

Skycar, back seat, thrown there, haphazard, hurting; slammed door shut, Lulu went to the front, driver's seat and took off. Through the night skies Lulu drove, dead-set on a destination. Limited view from here: Paine could see through the windshield, how they drove through what looked like an outdoor brothel—lines of whores they passed, posing on the elevated walkways in the sky, hoping to be picked up. Skycars stopped next to these hopefuls, just as hopeful, if not more—mostly men in these cars, opening the backseat doors to test the women out before purchasing some of their time.

Lulu did not stop here, merely passing through. To _The Bismarck _she went instead, parking nearby. Door opened, Lulu picked her up in this cage, walking through to the restaurant with her. Swaying as a pendulum Paine felt in this confined space, going as Lulu's boots took her, not her own. Fear at others seeing them like this, she had no room for: sitting all along the restaurant, she recognized the politicians and summoners who, after so many years, had grown used to their play, consenting to it by being present there that night.

Table in the center instead of their usual one by the water, the Maître D' escorted them to. Eyes on them, unbothered, if not curious; Paine felt her freedom to those stares when Lulu sat down, and opened the cage. Weakened by that confinement, Paine crawled out, slowly, waiting.

Paine's collar, all she had covering any part of her skin save for her handcuffs, Lulu attached this chain leash to. Skin exposed to the breeze by the sea, exposed to these eyes on them; wet trickled down between her legs, and she shifted her hips, ravaged with wants for Lulu to rape her again in front of all of these people—for them to see how sorry she was, how obedient she was to her Mistress and none else now that she could _feel _again. Down at her feet, Paine stayed, looking up at these curves so beautiful—Lulu bent over her to affix a dildo to the ground. Back to her chair, Lulu sat down in, only needing to point to the toy as an order for Paine to obey without a word.

Thighs spread, Paine settled her sex over this dildo—not the same as Lulu—just as good, for the moment, with Lulu glaring down at her, ordering in silence to keep fucking herself there. Pulse racing, wants stimulated, Paine soaked up this attention, dripping between her; not even with the dim surprise of two pairs of armored footsteps approaching, of Shiva approaching, of other heels approaching, she did not stop; Lulu pointed one boot, toward her, pouring salt in her champagne full of ice, as if to ask: _Do you remember what this means? _Of course, of course Paine remembered—the salty champagne from their engagement night, the ice from their ridiculous inside-joke.

Onto the tip of her boot, down this leather, Lulu poured some of the champagne. Permission granted for Paine to lean forward, to kiss and drink this from her, worshipping, with adoration, always—she had not forgotten. Seats taken at the table with Lulu, her parents and sister sat with her, _watching…_

"Lulu," began Elysia, most unsettled by her daughter's calm control, "While I appreciate your invitation to dinner this night, you should know that I…will have a difficult time eating my meal."

"You knew this would happen," replied Lulu, blasé; Shiva knelt down to set a bowl of salty champagne next to Paine, for her to drink out of like a dog; arousal spread, thicker, over this dildo, to deepen her own thrusts as she drank to Lulu's pleasure. "Don't lie to me, Mother. All these years you have kept this tragedy from me. Regardless of whether Paine has come to her senses or not, I won't forgive you."

Gabranth placed his helm over his head, to shield his eyes from those sights. "_This _is the equivalent of your wife coming to her senses?" he asked, skeptical in his discomfort.

Raine seemed unbothered, instead rather amused by this spectacle. "Literally, Father," she supplied.

"Gods!" said Gabranth, affronted; Elysia choked on her champagne. "Lulu, where in Spira did you learn of such methods of torture?" _Torture, torture, _Paine rocked her hips harder against this imitation of the dick she wanted, completely removed from the vanilla around her. "The three of us have watched you for years! We saw no evidence of this—_deviancy_—forming anywhere!"

"The stoicism was the only outward sign, Father," responded Lulu, as Shiva brought their preferred meals to them. Again, she set Paine's on the ground next to her, for her to eat that way. Multitasking proved simple for Paine in this hunger, literal, sexual. "My dreams, had you seen them, would have told you all you wish to know." Those dreams, Paine remembered, from Lulu whispering them to her during their play—memories made this fucking sweeter; and when Lulu leered down at her— "Shifting to constant scowls was the only way to keep anyone from asking questions."

Elysia seemed unaffected by Lulu's unforgiving nature, toying with her knife instead. "We leave for Bevelle at dawn," she spoke, trying _not _to look to the ground. "Will you be finished with this…_whatever it is_…by then? I assume those on the Celsius needn't know that this is how you are choosing to spend your time…"

"Mother," said Raine, face mixed with emotion, "Allow them this reprieve…we owe them that much."


	60. Bitch, We Got a Problem

"_Bitch, We Got a Problem" by Korn_

_Parallels run strong after all these years,  
Explaining what we understood, showing  
The answers we should have known—now, in tears,  
I am, holding back, I show you; calling  
With your body, pose for still photographs:  
Men stare, lining, yet as I order, show  
Your sex to me, different looks—autograph  
Over your zeal, follow me to this row,  
Anonymity offered, and conform  
To this use to blend, how you do enjoy  
This subversion—and now, should I inform  
You that sexuality is a ploy?  
You never need know why I let you live  
Time and time again, we all love, we give._

Screeching guilt rumbled all inside of Paine as she sat in the passenger's seat of the car this time. No dignity, unnecessary—wearing this same black outfit her wife had forced her to don the first time they went to visit Raine: stiletto heels, halter-top, impossibly short skirt. Collar around her neck, always, not allowed to regard Lulu next to her, taking them through these great heights. Constant thoughts found her in this unspoken softness: that this should never have happened, that Elysia should have _said _something in warning, to prepare them both for this ordeal. Paranoia spread, with Paine wondering how long this _phase _of wanting Lulu to forgive her would last. Would she turn into someone else tomorrow? Would her wife put up with such imbalance in her character?

_The same thing that happened to Yuna with Lenne's songstress dressphere happened to me. Emotions captured within the sphere transfer to the user… Whatever I learned about my father, there's no time to dwell on it. Knowing what I do now, I don't know if I'll get over everything. When Lulu and I go see him and my mother after we all stop Trema, maybe…I'd rather not think about it until then…_

Warmth from Zanarkand's lights shone through the windows, with Lulu driving in utmost silence. That hurt showed itself over Lulu's face as anger, concentration, control. Lulu wanted to fuck her up more than she already had. That much was evident. Why didn't she?

Perhaps she did have something in mind, for they returned to the elevated, outdoor brothel in the sky. Vacant parking space near one of the pathways, Lulu settled the car into. Confusion spread over Paine's face, watching these women—and some outwardly gay men—along the sidewalk, posing, going up to cars that stopped in front of them, negotiating prices with their bodies or, preemptively, with their mouths. Prostitution was on their contract as a hard limit, because Lulu did not like to share…

But, if Paine had learned anything over the years about that contract, it was that her wife enjoyed exploiting the loopholes she'd created.

"Seatbelt off, slave," ordered Lulu, leaving hers on. Paine obeyed, keeping her eyes to the dashboard. "_I_ am the only one allowed to have you—ignore everyone else. Act like a good cheap whore, or else I will choose another one and I will leave you standing there all night long." Button pressed, doors unlocked. Heart pounding, Paine waited. "Get out."

_No, not yet—not like this_. "Mistress," tried Paine, facing her. Daring—she took Lulu's nearest hand in both of hers, caressing. "I want you to know that I'm sorry—for everything. I know you might not believe me…" Deep breath, hurt expected from Lulu turning away like this. "I _love_ you, Lulu—"

"I don't want to hear it," she hissed back, eyes shut. "I don't know _which one of you _is telling me this. Now _leave_—I need to think. Without you."

"Will you let me make it better after this…?" pleaded Paine, _begging_. Lulu did not move, did not breathe. "Lulu, please…all I want to do is make you happy again. You're my wife. I shouldn't have treated you and the kids the way I did." Her hand, Paine held firmer, harder, with as much meaning as she could muster. "I know…it'll take some time for you to trust me again. I just—_I'm sorry_—"

Sudden cruelty—Lulu snatched her hand from Paine's, snapping, "I thought I _told _you to get out!?"

With haste, Paine got out of the car and into the chill and abandonment of this night, this locale. Right when she closed the door, Lulu took off; Paine watched her go, blinking back these emotions. Light from the nearby lampposts smoothed over her, skin exposed in this way, provocative, feminine—it meant little if Lulu was not there to admire it, to take pleasure from it. She pretended that Lulu was here, somewhere, staying near this pole—taking cues from her wife's photo shoots and runway, posing; persona gone. Anything Lulu wanted, she would have. Pride didn't matter, preferences didn't matter—her wife was supreme, supremely so after these fuck-ups. Rhythm from these recollections of Lulu's body stayed in her, steady, slow, as her wife so preferred to take her time…

Men passing by slowed down, eyeing her from the dark shadows of their cars. Other whores around kept their distance, sizing her up, sensuous as their eyes roamed. Oddly liberating in this cold night, Paine focused on doing this for Lulu, role-playing. This _one _of her had never existed before, willingly displaying herself on this street for this attention. Unwanted shifted to wanted, thinking they were all Lulu, somehow. Not-sexually-attracted-to-men—this, too, shifted, imagining Lulu as one of these men, all of these men.

_I think I'd make an exception for her…if she were a man…I'd find her attractive. I can't lie to myself._

Matters of her own sexuality confounded her, suddenly, shaking her head no as hopefuls rolled down their windows. Memories from their honeymoon, of Lulu using Wakka's garment grid to fuck her _as him_—she could never forget how she'd enjoyed it only because she'd known it was really her wife. Wasn't that a problem? That she could simply _tell _herself to allow an exception, and she would then find a man attractive? Did she simply turn off her eyes to that attraction in the first place? Mental or emotional, sexual or physical—where did it start and where did it end? It felt now that only open-mindedness separated her sexuality from accepting men in that space she'd only reserved for women…

That conflict edged her body, movements all. That pose posed as added attractiveness to another passing by in a black skycar, sitting in the backseat. That car pulled over, parked in the space right beside her. She nearly shook her head no, not recognizing the car, until she remembered Fang's words from earlier that night:

"_That black car followin' us? That was her—only a copy."_

There were thousands and thousands of black cars in Zanarkand…this couldn't have been _that _one.

Tinted, backmost window rolled down. Paine saw her own reflection in that glass, first, before the space allowed her to see that face a bit at a time lit by the lamp. It was enough to make her freeze in place, holding this pole, gaping at _him _from over her shoulder. Those eyes, reddish-brown, shaped soft and dangerous; that dark hair, cropped short along the sides, top longer and slicked back, shining with product; facial structure, harder, clean-cut, to-the-point; thicker neck, broad shoulders covered by a sharp, black suit jacket. Window stopped—this was all she had a view of.

"_She told me she had a good time fantasizin' 'bout the things you used to want, bein' a boy an' all…"_

That deep bass held vestiges of the sensual, sultry voice she was used to, _filling _her: "Come here, Paine." Heels on the pavement sounded as she complied, drawn to this novelty. That door opened, welcoming her to this new space. Cufflinks shifted as he gestured with his hand for her to, "Kneel down. Spread your legs." Stilettos kept her in place on this street, legs opening for his eyes to take in. Same expression of impression made, impressed she remembered, simmering her _permission _for him to do this. "Nothing in the way, hm? How bold of you…"

Supple, fit, her inner-thigh he touched, taking in his whole hand—larger, more masculine than she remembered, caressing the same as she loved. Limited time they had, else he would take his time; thickness of his thumb he smoothed over her clit, soaking it more. No _man _had ever touched her this way, inveigled this seduction from her, reactions from her. This sheer resemblance in body and soul to her wife—was that all she could blame?

His hand, he moved to her face, hooking his wet thumb through her parted lips. Tip of her tongue, first, tasted before taking that evidence from him, sucking in as she swallowed. Chest, breasts heaving, Paine held onto his arm with both hands. Fine threads beneath her palms from his suit—she remembered the days she spent longing for this luxury over her skin, for these outward signs of success after the mess of her childhood and adolescence. To not have anyone discriminate because she _should have _wanted a dress instead, to not have anyone question her values…all of this he had in this disguise: the life she could have had, the person she could have been.

"…_there's a drag king in the city that goes 'round callin' himself Fury. That copy of hers is in Zanarkand livin' your old fantasies. He's a man now, transsexual—didn't you used to want to be one—?"_

"Get in," he ordered, moving his other hand to his lap. Paine settled herself there, facing him; he closed the door, and his driver pulled off. "Tell me—do you know who I am? You're more comfortable with me than I anticipated. I don't believe we've met before."

"Your name's Fury," said Paine. Strange pleasure she took from this stirring between her, underneath his pants—_obvious_. "I have to say, you took me by surprise. I didn't think I'd…" His hands over her hips, possessive in patience; she sighed, holding onto his shoulders. "…didn't think I'd like this at all. There's something about you that's familiar enough to hold onto. This is nothing like me…"

Fury eased his hands to the hem of her skirt, moving it higher. "Change is a beautiful thing, my love," he said. Stronger hands on her, roaming, making her wet, wetter. "This is _your _influence. Wasn't there a drag king in that nightclub you frequented in Bevelle? She never wanted to leave you alone. You were jealous of her for having the courage to be herself." _Yeah…how do you know about that? _"Mmm, Paine." He smiled, warm and disarming—exactly as Lulu did, unchanged by hormones. "I've done my research on you. I live this life because of you. I wanted to see what appealed to you." He grabbed her thighs, hiking her up over his waist, closer. "You're slick over my suit. I take it this means you'll love me no matter who I become. That's comforting to know."

"I don't know if I can say the same about you—loving me," admitted Paine, arousal distracted by this concern. Fury moved his hands to her face, as if asking her to elaborate. "You—the other you—well, she's pissed at me. This is all I can do to make her feel better, giving her this space…"

"I'll love anyone you are, whether you decide on the change or not. My heart is too connected to you to pull away because of the way you look or act. I may not agree with some things…that doesn't mean I'll fall out of love with you. It's too late for that."

Firmer lips over hers—he kissed her, directing her passions out and into him, _wanting_. He knew how she needed to be kissed in these moments, in this mood: uplifting, reassuring, and slow enough to stir her back to where he wanted. Lulu, Fury, Mistress Fury, all the same person, different masks, different moods—the same love she felt for all of them, not at all fragmented or separated between them. She gave into this, as a promise to above that she would do absolutely anything for her wife—anything to make her happy. Re-shaping her very sexuality as Lulu saw fit: this, Paine could do, and did, wanting this man as her wife, her wife as this man. Gender blurred before vanishing, unimportant for this exception her heart had made.

_No one else _could say they held this over her. Pride and pretenses dropped to make out with a man for the first time in her life, knowing who he was deep down—it made everything sweeter, freer. To let him touch her, everywhere, anywhere he wanted, whispering promises to let her have a good time tonight. Mind and all matters between her soothed and soaked, at last understanding how being held in a man's arms could be this irresistible. His want of her felt no different than Lulu at all, whatever these differences in appearance or hormone levels.

Deep appreciation Paine felt for her wife's obsession by the time the car stopped. Valet parking, door opened for them. Paine stepped out into the contradictory cold and warmth of the night, of the gaslamps heated nearby. Violet carpet beneath her heels led to the golden double doors of a gentlemen's club, loud and gregarious within. Her waist Fury held with his hand, pulling her close as they walked inside, both the same height. Membership card shown to the one at the door—allowed inside, simple as that, to the billow of cigar smoke, strong alcohol and lewd conversations.

"If anyone asks," began Fury, giving a light nod and smirk to his friends hailing him over at a booth, "You are my bitch tonight. I have never brought a woman with me before. In fact, I prefer to spend my time _beyond _Zanarkand." His emphasis made little sense to Paine, from what Fang had said of him. "Maybe someday you'll understand. For now, I want to broaden your horizons a little more…"

At this circular booth Paine sat against Fury at his side, along the far-end. His friends sat around them with their choice of woman for the night, smoking, drinking, laughing. If they recognized her in their drunken states, they made so sign of it; Paine preferred this anonymity. On the nearby stage, men sat in chairs next to poles, next to women dancing on those poles and giving them lap dances. Feminine curves and mild state of undress Paine felt against her backside, from another woman beside her sucking off one of Fury's friends, ignored, forgotten, used only for her mouth and minor moans. Fury paid them all little mind, only offering vague smiles on occasion, whispering instead in Paine's ear: instructions to unzip his pants, and imitate the other women sitting nearby.

Paine ran her hands along this bulging fabric, doing as she was told. Hardening, pulsating dick she'd tasted before, wanted that much more from the disregard all around her. Drowning in this anonymity, sucking Fury with the same vigor she loved to give Lulu—exactly as her wife wanted. His hand in the roots of her hair, guiding her mouth over him; she groaned into this overpowering smell of sex, skin, semen, saliva, mixing in her mouth, over her tongue and down her throat.

Open space around them, occasional eyes on them had Paine twisting her hips into the skirt behind her, pleasures shared. Escaping in this openness, fulfilling a fantasy she never knew she'd had until tonight. _Acting _like a cheap whore wasn't in her head anymore—taking in the depths of Lulu's obsession with her, to live this alternate life Paine had wanted for the longest, stretching her boundaries enough that she didn't care who saw or laughed at her. Fluid sexuality, for Lulu, only for her…

Sounds of hard, determined heels upon the ground, nearing, started this spasm. Minor movements on its own, and white spurted, spend coated, up her throat at this angle, dripping around and down. Viscous, thick, she swallowed it all, sucking more out, pumping more out with her hands; loving this second overflow, lapping with her tongue. Different hand in her hair, jerking her head up, toward the one still in her Domme dressphere who had entered:

Lulu knelt down at Fury's side, watching this mix drip from Paine's open mouth. "Enjoying yourself, love?" she asked, tone indiscernible in this cacophony around them. That mix, Lulu licked from the corner of her mouth. Lips and violet lipstick warm against her: "When I told you to act like a good cheap whore, I didn't think you'd listen…how fascinating." All of that spend coating Paine's tongue and teeth, Lulu sucked and licked out, softer, fuller lips kissing her this time, searing, invigorating. Arching back from Paine curved her harder into Lulu's allure. Anything, _anything _Lulu could make her do like this. Lulu broke away far too soon, standing anew. "Both of you, with me. I need to see this for myself…"

She directed Paine and Fury to the stage, finding two empty chairs next to one another by a pole. Down her thighs Paine felt herself dripping by the time Lulu and Fury took one seat each, staring at her. Mirrors of one another, different gender, different sex—the same person, how Paine loved them both the same… No fractions, no diminishing returns: she held onto this pole, for both of them, waiting.

"Give him a lap dance," ordered Lulu, gesturing to Fury—arousal straightening, showing again. Pole in her hands, cold metal swiveling in her touch; Paine faced away from him, letting her body speak her obedience, letting him grab, touch as he wanted—fucking loving it. "Love, are you _sure _you're a lesbian? It certainly doesn't look like it anymore…"

That question gave her no pause, did not conflict her. She owned it, wanting these hands on her, of Fury finding her open and wet for him; settling her down over his cock. Grinding and gyrating swayed to fucking, hard, making Paine scream just loud enough for everyone to glance and smirk at. Firm hands over her hips, keeping her at this pace, keeping her from getting away from this humiliation. Cold pole she gripped onto, whimpering when Lulu stood to replace this sturdiness with her body, her control. Paine's breasts shifting underneath this top, Lulu groped, deeply amused by this movement in her hands. Lulu's shoulders, Paine held onto, clenching and clenching around _him_, needing so much more.

"If you weren't so proud," said Lulu, "I think you would make quite the actress. Having sex with whomever, _whatever _at my order…would you trust me to direct your life in such a way, slut?" Louder whines for her love gave Paine's affirmative, keeping their eyes locked. "I have a feeling all the actors will soon take their places. When they do, I want you to give it your all. Sexuality is irrelevant where we're all going—at least to me, to you. There will be no boundaries…"

Lulu's words signaled something—forgiveness, satisfaction, sadism—Paine couldn't tell what. Body spun about, Fury's tie undid, buttons of his shirt pulled off, muscled chest in her reach for her to keep her hands against. He fucked her, panting, grunting, seeking only to _use_. Vague memories of Lulu using her the same way in her sleep kept Paine moaning, hands roving this sinew beneath her hands. Behind Fury, Lulu stood, smoothing down his hair, smirking. How she reveled in Paine's climax, laughing as Paine came to this man inside of her, laughing as he filled her; _laughing_, because she'd unraveled Paine's identity with this consent, taking something she'd sorely needed.

—

At nearly four in the morning they returned home, to this chill still smelling of roses and fresh photographs. Lulu had allowed Paine to change back to her warrior dressphere, bandage still over her back. Door closed and locked behind them, whirlwind of a night keeping them awake at this hour. In that leather, domineering in melancholy, Lulu stayed by the door, head down. Something told Paine to prolong this moment, to do as she'd wanted to earlier in the car. She knew that sadness showed itself not because of what happened at the club, for Lulu could not find it in her to envy _herself_. No, it was something else…something Paine needed to know, needed to ease away from her wife.

"Lulu, I have to thank you for doing that," said Paine, approaching her. Hands over these shoulders, exposed, thinking only of her, only of this softness. "I learned a lot about myself tonight. I think if I hadn't, I might've had another episode… I couldn't process all of those emotions I felt from my father. This certainty…no one can take it away from me." She didn't dare kiss Lulu as she wanted, not without permission to be that forward this soon. Instead, she tried and failed to decipher this sorrow. More needed to be said. "Unless you want to snatch it back, it's yours. If there's anything else you need from me, always, Mistress—it's yours—"

Black revolver pointed in her face for the third time, the last time; Lulu forced her back with that black, off of her. "Which one of you is claiming all of this?" she asked, backing Paine through the living room. Trembling footsteps from both—Paine, in fear; Lulu, in anger. "If you want me to believe you, one of you, or _all of you_, I need to hear your conviction." Backward Paine continued to the wide windows of the terrace, freezing glass against her skin, leather and hair. Ten paces away Lulu stayed, Gippal's revolver steady in her hold. "You and I, all of us, we have a problem: we have the ability to love the other through anything, even through lies. Truth is supposed to be absolute in this world. So, tell me the truth this time—all of those personas and moods in your head, do you all love me?"

"Yes, I—"

Bullet fired. No fucking around that night. Paine jumped in a fright at the crack of glass just by her ear. Cold, cold air blew through, drying these minor tears of shock rolling down her face. Harsh reminders of their first night out in Zanarkand, in Overdrive with the throwing knives… Paine tried again to tell her wife the truth, that she _loved her_; another bullet fired below the first, closer to her neck. Breaths and nerves swallowed, boiling in her stomach. Overdrive, their honeymoon, the miscarriage, and now, _now_, hurt her as if Lulu had connected with these bullets.

Stepping toward her, firing, outlining Paine's head with this control, Lulu did not stop before she had to. Hostile, so hostile—woman scorned, Paine did not want this, had not thought this through in her earlier rage. How she regretted it, falling to her knees, broiled over with this regret for having hurt her wife so. If not for this sadism in wanting Paine to beg, to grovel, she knew Lulu would have killed her long ago.

"Lulu, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, _I'm sorry, forgive me_!" she beseeched, underneath this cruel stare. "Keep track of all my garment grids, all my spheres, _everything I am _if it will make up for everything I did, I shouldn't have hit you I shouldn't have insulted you I shouldn't have left you—I wasn't myself, I can't make excuses, I'm sorry, I love you, only you, all of you, anything and anyone you are, I love you—!"

Holding onto Lulu's boots, crying, at this emotional rock bottom, Paine could not _think _with this cold barrel pushed between her eyes. With the utmost flavors of sadism, showing her enjoyment and fulfillment at last, Lulu smiled.

"I love you, too, Paine…_how I love you_."

Sight blacked out, sound voided by that deafening boom after Lulu pulled the trigger, vindicated.


	61. Via Infinito

"_Faded Memories" from Final Fantasy XI (Chains of Promathia)_

_Drop this grudge and another has blossomed:  
My worth you take, my weak you water, grow,  
Growing into ivy, poisoning song  
This sings—pride too heavy, too hard to throw.  
Limited time we have now to amend;  
We take it not, by my order—do I  
Regret that, without you, my heart will rend?  
Start this sick in me—I know not my eyes.  
Faded memories play before us now  
In this infinity we do rival  
With songs, beauty of Venus, and allow  
Our sorrows to silence this arrival:  
Tragedy begins its long overture;  
Symphonic poems are our curvature. _

Clang of steel against the marble floor, Gippal's revolver released, rattling before settling still. Intense heat from her spell's manipulation made Lulu drop the gun in a hurry, sensitive to such changes in her emotional state. Unyielding apology she felt from Paine's arms about her waist. Unwavering need to make things right she sensed from the absence of pride in this hold. Short hair, wilted by misery, Lulu ran her hands through, needing this silken texture to touch, to remember again. Hearing Paine cry like this…Lulu could not stay angry with her, yet she felt her point would fail to dig unless she held fast.

Flash-forwards weakened Lulu's knees, making her kneel down. She still could not remember any of this, though she had written it so. All of this, devised in madness, forgotten now, memories faded, until the next arc. Even those pages had blotches missing in memory, as if toying with her. She allowed Paine to cry over her shoulder, into her length of hair. She allowed Paine to repeat these apologies to her, promises to never lose herself to rage again in her presence. She allowed…this continuation, of Paine's lips over hers, watery, sucking breaths through that water. Irresistible Paine was in her marvels and mistakes both. No one else was allowed to see her wife in these states, full-circle.

Actively loving her through these mistakes would not condition the needed lesson. Lulu pulled away. In the same instant, she felt her heart torn asunder. She did not show it in her face, did not let it slow her movements as she stood up. Torn by the slowest of agonies, dripped in oblivion and waiting to drown, Lulu felt all her insides following that fate. She stepped out of Paine's desperate hold, away, to the other side of the room to make this phone call without awkward questions.

She stared at her wireless in her hand for a moment. Strong, persistent thoughts of not saying anything, of letting the others go ahead without them—the possibility tempted her beyond measure. But, their friends, their family—they needed her, they needed Paine in battle. It wouldn't be fair to simply abandon them…

Thus she called her sister, hoping that Raine was still awake at this hour.

"_Good morning, Lulu," _said Raine, solemn. Perhaps she was tired, thus Lulu chose not to ask on it.

"Good morning, Raine," replied Lulu, hearing strange sounds in the background. "Is someone…crying? Where are you?"

"_I am aboard the Celsius… Enough time has passed for everyone to become acquainted with death, as you and I both are…thus they've begun to remember someone that they had forgotten. Yuna's previous partner has come back to their memories. She is crying upstairs for having forgotten him those years ago."_

Lulu ached with concern for Yuna, needing to go to her. "Why did they all forget in the first place?" she asked, recalling heated conversations with Jecht on the matter of keeping her silence about Tidus' disappearance. "He simply…vanished, as if he never existed. When the fayth stopped dreaming after we defeated Yu Yevon, and he disappeared, none of us forgot about him…"

"_It had to do with the terms of his return to Spira after Vegnagun's defeat,_" supplied Raine, moving away to a quieter area. _"So long as Yuna cared for him, the fayth would continue to dream of him from the Farplane. When she made the conscious decision to move on from him to another, so ended his life's contract. Eventually, the fayth rescinded his existence to most, and called him back to the Farplane."_

"I suppose Sir Jecht didn't want me to complicate things by mentioning his son," surmised Lulu, feeling this understanding was long overdue. "I'd like to see Yuna as soon as I can, to comfort her…" Fantasies inundated Lulu: of staying abed with Paine, _staying_, until this conflict was over, dropping her pride for Paine to make love to her in apology, for them to make up completely… They didn't have _time_. "Is it possible for Brother to pick us up from our terrace? Or does his airship permit not allow such things?"

Raine hesitated for a long moment before replying, _"You needn't worry about his permit, Lulu. I will wake Brother and tell him to collect you and your wife from your home. We will be there shortly."_

"Raine," said Lulu, before her sister could hang up. This silence she heard gave her the apprehension, the freedom to admit as much: "I should tell you that, because of what has happened with Paine, I am feeling…a little strange. It is as if my heart and stomach are plagued with some emotional sickness… I will do my best for us in battle, but it's…"

"…_debilitating," _finished Raine, summing up this affliction perfectly. Lulu willed herself to keep standing. _"I understand. Will it help you to be with Paine, or away from her on our mission?"_

Lulu did not need to think about it, thus she said, "_With_ her…always."

"_Very well… Keep in mind that the Via Infinito may not help your state at all… If you feel the need to slow down, or stop, do let us know. We will see you soon."_

They hung up. Lulu changed into her dress, her braids, accessories, and returned to Paine sprawled about on the floor by the windows. If Paine were asleep, these chimes of her jewels and belts could have woken her. Her wife appeared to be sleeping by that stillness. No…Lulu knew better.

She knelt down in front of Paine, glossing her nails along this bandage. These scars would soon form as she wanted them to, permanently. Minor movement from Paine's gloved hands, searching for Lulu's belts to hold onto. Lulu did not return that effort at crossing this distance between them. She needed to take this sight in, to take it as real. Such dramatic changes in their marriage in this short time…she wanted to blame _this _for her sudden sickness, for her heart willing to disobey her health, pumping this anxious blood; for not being able to breathe unless she knew that Paine loved her still.

"I'm sorry," said Paine, face against the cold marble, thumbing one of Lulu's belt buckles.

Lulu settled Paine's head in her lap, sitting that way as she stared out to the dark morning. Scattered shards of glass lay by Paine's boots, spilled from the bullet holes in the window. Vague collections of the moonlight glittered through those, through her eyes. She looked down to Paine's comfort, strong arms gripping onto her waist, again; unwilling to let her go.

—

Crescent of time passed along the clock before they arrived to the Spira they'd left behind. Atop the Celsius they all stood, in awe with what their absence had caused. Everything beyond Bevelle—Macalania, the Calm Lands, Mount Gagazet and the Zanarkand Ruins had slowed to surreal stillness, bending, waiting to be erased. Lands fading—that fade inched closer and closer to the Thunder Plains, and to Guadosalam beyond. If they failed to stop Trema, civilization would begin to be affected. Lulu did not want to imagine how Paine's parents would fare in such a catastrophe, of their pasts being erased…

Yuna cried and cried in Lulu's arms, all this time having refused to let go of this comfort. She'd said little, wishing only that she had never met Tidus—that she cared for Lulu, so much. Lulu held Yuna still, watching Paine on the other side of the hull. Venus had her arms folded, facing away from her father, unwilling to forgive despite Paine's explanations. Vidina did not share in his sister's stubbornness, instead trying to convince Venus to be reasonable. They kept their conversation low enough to avoid questions; Lulu read their body language well enough to tell. Vevina had nothing to add, holding Elias in her arms, frowning with lingering guilt. She went over to her mother, leaning on Lulu. This hold, Lulu extended to Vevina and Yuna both, with Elias between them, bauble lit in contentment.

"Will you both be all right?" asked Lulu, as the ship descended into Bevelle. "This mission won't be easy… If you're upset, perhaps you should stay here? I'm worried about you…"

Yuna wiped her eyes, nodding. "There is little we can do at this point," she said, resigned. "All we can do…is move forward, and see this through to the end. Or the beginning of the end…I can't tell which." Lulu stared at Yuna for her riddling; Yuna tried to smile as she pulled away. "I'll be all right, Lulu. Thank you…for everything. Maybe the battles will keep me from thinking. I can only hope…"

"Mommy," said Vevina, taking up the space where Yuna had been, "I should stay. I want to. After the other night, I don't think I'll be able to focus if I go…"

"I understand, dear," said Lulu, sympathetic. "Some of us will need to stay. We can't be certain that the ship will be safe if we all leave. Are you comfortable with keeping an eye on the Celsius?"

As Vevina nodded, Raine moved to the fore of the group, gathering everyone's attention. "It is time to discuss our strategy," she stated. Lulu glanced at Paine, trying in vain to hold Venus, to assure her that she still loved her. Those efforts, at the very least, warmed Lulu, distracting her from this scorching emotion in her stomach and heart. "Trema has long since descended into the depths of the Via Infinito beneath Bevelle, hiding there as an unsent. The Via Infinito is a vast labyrinth with a score of powerful fiends within. We must dispose of any fiends in our way to the final cloister, where Trema awaits. However, because he knows we are to arrive, he is prepared. He may send fiends to attack the ship while we are underground…"

Vevina walked over to her aunt, volunteering without a word to stay behind. Lightning stepped forward with Fang, both looking somber. Elysia and Gabranth, too, joined their granddaughter; something about their composure belied more to Lulu's eyes… All else looked between one another—Gippal, Rikku, Yuna, Vidina, Venus, Paine.

"Rikku, Gippal," said Raine, "I am sorry to say that our parties will be unbalanced with both of you in one group…" She looked to Vidina, to Lulu. "And you as well. We cannot have two alchemists and two black mages with us—Vevina's group will need support. I won't make the order—decide amongst yourselves who will stay and who will go."

"I'll stay," offered Rikku, head lowered. Gippal frowned, nodding in understanding. "It's for the best, right?"

"Me too," said Vidina, joining his sister. "Ma's way stronger than me—you guys need her with you."

Those that remained—Lulu, Paine, Gippal, Yuna, Venus and Raine stayed together in one group as the Celsius landed at the base of the Palace of Saint Bevelle. Shinra's voice sounded over the intercom, _"Just so you know, our technology won't work underground. I'm picking up too many pyrefly readings down there. They'll interfere with radio and wireless signals. We can't rely on those to communicate."_

"That won't be an issue," supplied Raine, regarding Vevina. "You and I will communicate by our bond of shadows if necessary. Tell me if Trema summons any fiends to attack the Celsius. We will do all we can to push through the labyrinth and return to you if need be."

Groups decided—those remaining to protect the ship stayed atop the hull, and those descending to the labyrinth made their way to the palace. Lulu stayed close to her sister, to her daughter as they all walked through this avenue giving into time's decay. Somewhere behind, Paine conversed with Gippal and Yuna, fending off their questions as to what had taken her and Lulu so long to join them. They didn't _need _to know…it would only complicate matters. With little time to dwell on the past or future, they had to press forward. Despite this urgency, Lulu felt Paine's eyes on her, adoring, loving, devoted.

Through the heavy, decorated stone doors they passed to the temple. Empty, echoing with New Yevon's absence, these halls bore a chill that worsened Lulu's state. She stopped herself from heaving this emotion out with tears; if she could burst, if she could combust, she would have, to set this energy free, _somehow_. Instead she held her composure, refusing to show her weakness at this expected time.

Down another corridor they went, nearing a glowing glyph on the ground—the entrance, brimming with pyreflies, with memories of Spira's past. They all stepped upon the glyph, transporting them to Cloister 0. Obsidian depths, floors and hanging flags overhead patterned with Yevon's symbol, wide, open space; howling pyreflies lit their way, crawling in Lulu's heart, poisoning her further—daring this sickness to get out, to be free. These pyreflies spoke of the past: spheres donated to New Yevon by sphere hunters over the years, distilled in raw form as vague images she could make no sense of. Her past—her happier days with Paine—played out through these apparitions, tormenting her.

At the center of this room waited a glowing sphere of crimson. Venus jogged ahead to collect the sphere, stopping just before she picked it up. "Should I touch it…?" she asked, turning to the others—to Paine, pointed, particular. "It's not gonna possess me, is it?"

"Leave it," said Raine, scowling at the sphere. "The past ought to stay where it belongs…" She regarded Paine, curious. "Judge Nyte, tell me what you know of this place."

"Two years after Sin's defeat," began Paine, stepping forward, "Trema founded New Yevon to give Yevon's old followers something to hold onto. They clung to the past to stay stable during the rapid change of the Eternal Calm. He's the one who started sphere hunting. It used to be about donating spheres for the study of Spira's history…it turned into anarchy at some point. By then, Trema disappeared to this place. No one's heard from him since."

"You were in Yevon's youth league, which Trema also founded, were you not? Did you ever stop to wonder why he recruited you?"

"He knew my father—and, now that I think about it, he probably knew about Vegnagun… I remember Trema mentioning that he admired me for renouncing my parents. He promised all of us that we had the strength to transcend anything. It was as if he wanted us to get rid of our pasts through fighting."

"So long as you remember that his lessons were false, you will see us through," said Raine, gesturing for Paine to take point. "Look not to the past for answers, Paine, but to the future, to one day learn the answers within your heart." Paine stared at her, perplexed. "With that said, lead the way. One day, you will understand why I asked this of you."

Paine regarded at her a moment longer, before changing into her dark knight dressphere—Judge Magister armor. Helm over her head, voice echoing, she said, "Well then, follow me." Armored footsteps from her wife sounded different: Lulu noticed Paine's boots no longer bore heels. Far more masculine this shape of that darksteel appeared over her body… "If we jump down here, it should take us to the next cloister. I don't know how many there are. We have to be prepared for anything."

"Hey…Paine," said Gippal, "Your armor looks different…I almost thought you were a guy! It doesn't look the same over you anymore. Did your dressphere forget what you look like or something?"

Bewilderment Paine showed as she looked down at her boots, her breastplate, noticing these discrepancies. She said nothing about the changes, instead jumping down at the end of the pathway.

_Infinite _these cloisters felt—a labyrinth of similarities shifting into minor differences, offering what appeared to be different paths all leading to the same end. Seeing through this infinity meant seeing through the illusions here. Pyreflies swarmed their paths, around Venus, around Raine, and hovering far too close for comfort to Lulu with these images she cared not to watch. Minor distractions Paine offered with her orders for Yuna to speed this process up: in her gunner dressphere, Yuna quickly dispatched of fiends in their path, _Trigger Happy _with her twin pistols, her shots and health critical from the Cat Nip accessory she wore. Yuna often looked to Lulu after defeating a round of fiends, as if holding onto her in that regard alone. Venus danced and danced, swirling spells to the party to keep their mana or health up as needed, extending their resilience, infinitely, for as long as she could dance. Gippal offered front-line support with his store of items, dispatching of stray foes with his machina chainsaw. Raine chose to save her strength, staying back with Lulu to assist her with spell-casting from long-range. Paine led the charge, striking down fiends with sharp swiftness with her dual blades, clearly strengthened from Vegnagun's influence days ago. Brutal rage from her father's sphere had shifted to her fighting style. Uninhibited, vicious, Paine gave these fiends no quarter, skewering them with _Omen_, slamming them into the depths below with _Helter-Skelter_. That power fascinated Lulu beyond measure; she watched her wife, transfixed, face heated with love, impressed.

Lulu had lost count of how many cloisters they'd descended by the time they reached an area similar to Cloister 0 in appearance. A large arachnid waited in the center, pyreflies marking him as Maester Kinoc who had turned into this fiend in order to protect Trema. Paine wasted no time in running up to the fiend, attacking. Yuna recovered from her weakness enough to fire her shots, killing the fiend with ease. That ease did not extend to the next cloisters, where fiends with twice the strength of those previous awaited.

Longer and longer this continued, with the group saying little to nothing at all. Tension and anxiety ran high. As Lulu fought off this weakness within, she noticed small changes over time: Gippal could not stop frowning, as if willing himself to stay quiet about something. Venus looked to her, often, as if trying to remember something she'd forgotten; instead of saying anything, she merely went to Lulu when she could in between battles, holding her with this confusion. Yuna's forced fatigue with the accessory she wore slowed her down, yet she did not ask everyone to wait—determined, all the same, even in her sorrow. Raine did not allow her stoicism to shield her grief. Not once did she leave Lulu's side.

Paine _wanted _to turn to Lulu, to ask everyone to stop so the two might reconcile completely. That want, Lulu could sense, scent, and all, though she did not give it the time of day. All of that had to wait until this was over.

Endlessly they continued. Stopping to rest was redundant, irrelevant—with Venus' stubborn spirit willing to dance for as long as she was needed, they all shared her stamina as she gifted it to them. Lulu could tell that Venus worried for her sister and brother through this separation, though she chose not to voice it. Occasional glares Venus spared at Paine's back. Elementals of black they faced, strategies changed; great tortoises large and wide enough to shake the very Via Infinito itself into an earthquake of great magnitude they defeated; basilisks of petrifying means, reality-bending with _Heaven's Cataract_, sight screeching—these they bested, steadily making their way to the final cloister.

It was here Lulu felt that, perhaps, she should have taken more time—not just recently, but throughout all of these sixteen long years together. In the center awaited Trema with an impossibly large fiend behind him; such marked resemblance between it and Omega Weapon. Watching Paine in her armor step forward to these final foes, unafraid, steeled Lulu's emotional illness—for now. They had to finish this.


	62. Paragon

"_Summoned Beast Battle" from Final Fantasy X_

_Only one who renounces everything has the strength to transcend anything. You are the paragon of pastlessness…_

_Ultimate show of love in ancient times:  
Final Aeon born of bonds unbroken  
By years, by Sin; show him that you are mine,  
That you are stronger with ties bespoken.  
Final warning his control offers you;  
Tell me, my lord, do you believe riddles?  
This battle ends swift as my sister views  
Spira, honor endless, trapped, middle  
Road, there is none—we all follow my rules,  
You defend me in knowledge gained, and watch  
These signs that speak—as says my muse,  
All slated to begin, increase your notch:  
Penance I must fulfill, though yours, believe,  
Self-sentence—learned truth to be your reprieve…_

Agony over circumstance—_they had no choice_—had seized Lord Zaon one thousand years ago; his bond with his wife, Lady Yunalesca, was true, and he became the fayth for her Final Aeon. Paragon—High Summoner Yunalesca's Final Aeon—the strongest fiend of all time, with the power to rend the heavens and sunder the earth in agony of losing his wife to Sin, to Spira, to Yevon. Metamorphosis of rage and despair showed in his new form: immense size, hints of virtuous blue, pyreflies abound, showing an image of what Lord Zaon once looked like in Human form. Armor of gold, proud, protective showed as his previous form amid this dankness and despair of the Via Infinito's final cloister. Howls of pyreflies all around them showed vestiges of his honor and duty to his wife, her guardian.

Those images, Paine suddenly related to. Blades drawn, blood broiling for this challenge—she held no doubts that she would have done the same for Lulu if her wife had been a summoner before the Eternal Calm. Their bond could have conquered Sin with ease. Her strength, she would want to rival this fiend, what had become of Lord Zaon. She turned to regard her wife, to show this sentiment to her, somehow.

Fatigue, emotional fatigue had overtaken Lulu; she clutched one hand over her heart, bending over. Her lips tried to let something out, to speak. Paine hurried over to her, blind and deaf to Paragon's seismic movements as he attacked. Raine rushed forward, taking her place at the fore. Gippal and Yuna called to Paine—she did not, could not hear them over this pain her wife showed.

Heaving, heart pounding, Lulu stared at the ground, whispering, "_Sir Auron_…"

"What _about_ Auron…?" asked Paine, nearing her. Lulu could not look at her. "Did he say something?"

When Lulu regarded her at last, this look lingered. For once, Paine could not decipher what Lulu tried to communicate to her. Encryption, on purpose—did Lulu mean to keep this from her? _Why_?

"Paine, Lulu!" shouted Gippal, struggling to defend himself from Paragon's slashes; "A little help here?!"

_They have Raine—this can't wait—_

"Lulu," said Paine, trying to hold her. This distance, Lulu insisted on—shaking her head, easing away. "Mistress, please—anything else can wait—if there's something, anything you need me to do…" Near-earthquakes in the background, unsettling them; those didn't matter. "Unless you're still upset with me…if that's it, you know that I love you, we're okay again—"

"Hey!" yelled Venus, running over to them. "Daddy, this is _so_ NOT the time to have a private talk!" She grabbed Paine's armored arm, dragging her back to the battle. "We need you! You can talk to her later, come on! I can't believe you!"

Lulu conjured her doll, eyes shining. She smiled, watching Paine and Venus go. Those emotions in her smile—determination, sadness, resignation—Paine couldn't figure out why they were all there, why they were together in such a way. Beautiful all the same. Thus Paine took up her dual blades once more, focusing on those emotions. Head-on she took Paragon, at Raine's side, both blades ripping into this armored flesh. Representations of her own dreams, the lengths she would go to for Lulu—these she impaled, blades thrusting out. To show that she was stronger, that Lord Zaon had his brand of devotion, yet hers was better; blasts of heat from Lulu's spellcasting made double the effect on her morale, knowingthat her wife was here. Gippal's ranged support with items and electric Molotovs from his chainsaw strengthened their advantages. Yuna's endless assault of bullets, _Trigger Happy_, kept this onslaught in their advantage. Ravaging phantom of shadows, Raine, forced Paragon in one place, keeping him out of physical range from Gippal and Lulu. Running back and forth between the rear and fore, Venus danced, graceful as ever, bolstering them with spells appropriate, keeping this going.

Strange awe Paine felt with their combined efforts—she couldn't recall any of them fighting together in one group like this, with her included. _Genesis _from Paragon triggered at her good fortune—locked in place, Paragon's limbs spread, raining down searing, blinding light on everyone. Venus brushed it off first, healing with her dances. Knocked to the ground, Gippal threw restorative items at those he could reach. Resurged by that aid, Paine could see again. Shadows from Raine shifted, constricting Paragon, making him struggle, suffocating mass power from him. At that, Paine backed away, unable to discern real shadow from Raine, unwilling to attack her own comrade. She glanced over her shoulder at Lulu—her wife stood, vitality holding. They nodded to one another; too much adrenaline kept Paine from discerning those emotions in Lulu, still.

That anguish from Paragon changed—emotional to physical: reality as a capsule of nothingness, gathering of cosmic energy, fading star growing and growing into heat immeasurable. _Big Bang _he culminated, power mounting, heavens rending, earth sundering. Somewhere in this non-reality, Paine panicked; shadows ejected her, Gippal, Yuna, Venus and Lulu from this hold of heat, back to the Via Infinito.

Blink of an eye, and Paragon returned to the center, shadowed no longer. Paine helped her wife and daughter to stand, searching for Raine. Upon the ground, closer to their enemy laid Raine, struggling to stand with her great katana. Armor scorched, fading, Raine refused to stay down, rapid white magic spells surrounding her. That display of determination burned itself in Paine's memory. She vowed to remember it in case she found herself in a dire situation.

"You're all right?" asked Paine, to Lulu, to everyone.

Gippal gave her a thumbs-up, about to charge forward; he stopped, gaping ahead. "Whoa…"

Paine supported Lulu's weight, sensing it would soon fail her again. She held onto her wife, immobilized in admiration as they watched Raine fight. Watching was all they could do—Raine didn't need help, not after her rage had set her off. Venus rushed to assist with her dances, boosting her aunt's stamina; Yuna changed to her white mage dressphere to offer similar aid with her spells from this distance.

Matchless swordsmanship with her blade long enough to parry Paragon's limbs from his strikes. Chaos spanning lifetimes lived fueled her; quick, successive blows, unrelenting, unforgiving. Fading armor turned to black flames in that anger. Defying fate, going with it, contradictions in her duty and emotions; Paine sensed that conflict her sister-in-law had hidden too well for all these years. Finally unleashing it in this form, focused in this disorder…Paine wanted to know how she did this. Thus she watched Raine, picking up that source of her power: determined devotion to see this through.

That determination toppled Paragon at last—Raine's heavy blade bayoneted, balancing him in the air by her powerful lift. Stance held: Raine became awash with the pyreflies that spilled from Paragon's form. Stylized darksteel reformed over Raine's body, as before. She inhaled, sheathed her sword, and stared at the ground. Such displays took Paine back to years ago in memory, when she'd Lulu in the water of their bath, listening as Raine explained the source of her might.

"_My strength and experiences carry over across all these perpetual lifetimes, yes," said Raine, truthful. She gave Paine a pointed look. "That is why you will never defeat me. Each time I die, I will only become more powerful once I remember my skills. Be grateful that I am on your side, not against you."_

_I hope this isn't the end of her duty…I don't want her to die—not any time soon, not ever. We need her._

Sardonic applause sounded as Trema reappeared, walking to the center of the cloister. He wore an old, tattered priest's robe and hat, drenched with the pyreflies of his lingering life. Unsent, his wrinkled skin had greened from time trapped in this infinite madness. Beard of white showed his age, approximate. Paine held onto Lulu, steadfast as she felt her health declining again; they all listened as Trema spoke, voice aged with false, unwise wisdoms:

"Humans. So hopelessly entangled with their past. I had to seal away that past in order to guide them to the future! To guide the youth charged with Spira's future, I provided them with a training academy. But then came the Calm, and before long…I realized my error. In Sin, Spira's youth had an enemy. Without it, they waved their swords at shadows, eager for a foe. Their hearts, you see, were not made of the same tempered steel as their swords. I knew what I had to do to forge their hearts anew."

Draping flags and ceiling above melted to a view of Bevelle in twilight. Lit, towering buildings packed together, blooming architecture falling in vision to time's erasure. Such sights stayed, permanent, replacing the cloisters above of the Via Infinito.

"Erase the past. Expunge it."

Raine faltered, placing one hand over her heart. She stayed still, as if listening in silence. To the portal behind them she looked—to Gippal, to Yuna. "Both of you—with me!" she ordered, hurrying to the exit. "Gippal, your support is needed; Lady Yuna, your aeons, to help hold the fiend that attacks the ship—we must leave, immediately!"

"What about Trema?!" asked Gippal, forced back by Raine's arm. Yuna held such _words _in her eyes, looking between Paine and Lulu; she did not, could not speak of them. "Hey, we're not done here yet! You're sure they can do this on their own?"

"I would not give this order if were I not positive." To those remaining, Raine looked: Venus, Lulu, and Paine. "The three of you—I trust you are able enough to deal with this foe without us," she said, steeled. Lingering regard she gave to her sister, encouraging. "Allow your muse to speak over this battle. Your strength will hold." Venus and Paine, Raine glanced at, nodding to them as she used the glyph to teleport with Yuna and Gippal. "Defend and support her well, that my sister might make short work of this man. A far more formidable foe waits outside. We will see you shortly."

As if he cared not at all over half the group fleeing these depths, Trema went on, possessed by his unbending state of mind: "Nostalgia makes the heart feeble. It is the heart's nemesis. Only one who renounces everything has the strength to transcend anything! Judge Magister Nyte. You, too, have forsaken much of your past. You are the paragon of pastlessness…"

"That's not true," said Paine, stepping forward. "I remember what you told me about my parents… You tried to warn me that holding onto them wouldn't do me any good. That it was better for me to forget." Conviction to see this battle through—she felt it surge within, gripping the hilts of her blades. "Back then, I believed you. I wanted to do anything to separate myself from them. I shouldn't have done that. Whatever their mistakes in the past, it makes them who they are—who I am. I've made a better past for myself, without them… That doesn't stop me from wishing, deep down, that they could see me now."

"What a shame," remarked Trema, contemplative. "And here I thought I'd saved the one willing to see Spira through to a better future. Whether I perish or not, my influence will never leave you…"

Martial artist—tiger stance he took, readying a spell, chanting the _Hymn of the Fayth_. Forward Paine rushed to stop this spellcasting. Strike after strike she gave, punishing, merciless, repeating this rage. Behind her, Lulu mimicked this build-up, afforded room to prepare a stronger spell. Behind Lulu, Venus stayed, granting her mother more mana, more staying power. No matter how much power Paine put behind her blows, Trema refused to stop casting his spell.

_This isn't working…_

"Judge Magister Nyte…you will regret stopping me. This beginning will spread to your wife's story. This beginning, you will regret; you will lament your every fanciful wish, every impossible dream and fantasy you have with her. Thinking on them from a distance is one thing; experiencing them with the _pains _that accompany them—that, Your Honor, you are not prepared to face…"

Debilitation: _MP-Absorb _she threaded into _Omen _and _Helter-Skelter_ in hopes to drain his mana before the end of his spellcasting. Gatherings of blue Paine stole from him instead of blood, revitalizing her mind enough to focus. _Her pasts_—the one she wanted to remember and the one she'd wanted to forget stayed in the forefront. Who she was, all she'd built with Lulu—their friends, their family, their legacy in Zanarkand—she couldn't let anyone take that away for the sake of misguided ambitions. Recollections of meeting Lulu, their firsts, their recents, and their in-betweens—never their lasts—made Paine hold her ground:

Gathering in the sky of solid rock, heated by speed and size, falling. _Meteor _Trema sent to these open depths, colliding into this space. Impossible weight crashed down over Paine, crater concaved in the ground; she blacked out, registering only pain unimaginable to her head. Vague shouts from Venus she heard, worried for her. Small breaths of vitality she took as Venus took her place, sparring with Trema hand-to-hand, shin-to-shin. In those sinuous movements, stepping, punching, kicking in time with this tempo, Venus brought Paine back to consciousness. Paine stirred to the sight of Venus sending him flying, stubborn tornado kick. As though he wished to be defeated, Trema stayed upon the ground.

"Soon you will wish that your past had been erased. It will only weaken you. My plans will have been preferable to your inescapable fate… The signs have been before you all along. You should have taken notice…you should have stopped it. Now…it is too late."

Counter to that destruction—Lulu sent down a _Fury _of continuous _Flares_, burning of no element. Amused, maniacal laughter from Trema sounded over those scorches of heat. Venus danced to extend this Overdrive in Lulu for as long as necessary. Countless tempests of temperature Lulu sent forth, to overheat that laughter into his final death. At the first howl of pyreflies, Lulu ended her spellcasting, leaning forward in fatigue. Venus went to support her, dancing no longer.

Paine walked over to him, helm removed to say this last: "You don't know me. You can't claim to know what I'm ready for. Now that I'm stronger, I see that losing my past would mean losing myself."

Pitiable laughter Trema let out, echoing. "Tell me, Judge Magister Nyte," he said, fading away at long last, "Where is the loss in that…? _May Jubileus, The Creator, Grace You._"

Those words, Paine ignored, refusing to let them wound her to give her pause. She rushed over to her wife and daughter, looking them over for any wounds. "Venus, you're sure you can keep going?" she asked, helping to keep Lulu standing. "This isn't over yet. We'll need your support to keep us fighting."

Venus scoffed, as if her father should have known better. "I love this too much to stop," she said, watching as Paine took Lulu in her arms. "But, I don't know about…"

Lulu kept her full weight over Paine, shaking her head. "I'll be fine," she assured them. "I…need to leave this place." Concern showed in Paine's face, carrying Lulu to the exit portal. She couldn't imagine what had brought her wife to this state. "Worry not for me, love. I only need a little fresh air, that's all…"

"Fresh air?" echoed Paine, skeptical. Venus stared off to the side as she walked with them, deep in thought. "Lulu, do you have any idea what's wrong?" Feeling Lulu's weight in her arms always reminded Paine of the first year of their relationship: carrying Lulu through Macalania, the Calm Lands and Mount Gagazet, professing her love for Lulu with those words unspoken. "I love you, you're my wife—I can't help worrying about you. Not to mention…" All of this removed ten years from reality's time, to those first days of Lulu's mental illness. Such similarities in this sudden weight her heart bore—she couldn't ignore them. "…you know. I _know _you know how I feel about this. I just want you to be okay again."

"It's been a long time, my love…"

Surely her wife had to be delirious. "Lulu…"

They reached the glyph, teleporting to the Via Infinito's entrance. When they reached the Palace of Saint Bevelle, there stood a fully-armored figure much like a Judge Magister, waiting for them. This Arbiter of Time acknowledged their arrival, speaking to them: "Be warned—Time's erasure in this Era will soon begin if New Yevon's final fiend is not stopped," he said, authoritative. He regarded Lulu in Paine's arms. "Your allies on the Farplane warn that your dimension cannot be formed until this threat is sent. With its mass sending, the path to your muse will open. Following it will see to the beginning as you have written it. Also take care to remember—with this mass sending, the portal to your Zanarkand will close, to keep all danger out of the city and all residing residents in the city's boundaries. My brothers and I will offer a grace period of one Week for those traveling through Time to return to your Zanarkand. This grace will not extend to those already on the Farplane. I beseech you to make Haste."

_Lulu and I made a promise that we would face my past, together—going to the Den of Woe and visiting my parents, before they… All I remember from that cave is that I was the only one not affected by the madness there. My friends, my comrades…they all killed each other in the despair that possessed them. And my parents…maybe my father really has calmed down. My mother, a white mage—I remember wondering why she couldn't just fix him with her spells. She had the power to bring back wounded soldiers from the brink of death—why couldn't she help him on her own? Why did she need my wife?_

_How the hell did Lulu's _copy_ manage to get to them? Even though I don't understand what's going on, I have to be grateful that she cares enough about me, about them. I want to show her that when we go._

Atop the deck of the Celsius they returned, finding their comrades; the ship rose to the night sky to face the colossal fiend among the clouds. Penance, tall in size, thin wings spread behind, spinning disc over its head to keep it afloat, disembodied arms at either side that held vast power within: the last remaining tool in New Yevon's disposal, born to pass down judgement on those who have sinned. With Venus, Lulu and Paine's return, Raine called to their three summoners—Elysia, Braska and Yuna—for them to dismiss their aeons holding Penance at bay; for everyone to see this battle through to the end.

In this fresh, cold air of high altitudes, Lulu appeared to have found enough strength to stand on her own. Paine set her down, reluctant to let her go. No time wasted—_Obliteration, _Penance began, form glowing, preparing. Gabranth, Fang, Auron and Jecht took to the fore, bracing. Yuna, Elysia and Braska summoned their Bahamuts all at once, sending the dragons to attack Penance's arms. Lightning stayed in the air, saddled upon Odin's back, heavy dual blades cleaving all she could. Vevina and Raine joined as shadows, working to shield the ship and their comrades from this _Obliteration _as much as they could. Rikku, Gippal and Venus supported everyone as needed, one at a time, running to and fro along the crimson deck of the airship. Vidina ran over to Paine and Lulu in his black mage robes, out of breath.

"Hey, you made it!" he said over the winds, wincing at the rain of light but paces away, taking masses of vitality from their comrades. "You look a little beat up… Sure you don't want to rest a bit? Raine warned that this is gonna take a long time!"

Lulu held Vidina, glad to see him again. "Stay with your father for a while, son," she said. "I've had enough time to rest. It seems this fiend prefers to stay out of close-range. Paine will be at a disadvantage in this battle."

"Okay, Ma," said Vidina, watching her go. Drag of dress along this metal, chimes of her accessories…Paine felt at home, listening, watching this, whatever manner of chaos threatened them this nearby. "Let's sit down. I had to help hold Penance while you guys were underground. Keeping it asleep wasn't easy at all…I'm glad you're here now."

Paine sat down with him, eyes set on Lulu casting a barrage of spells. And that _Paine _doll in her arms… "It was getting to the last floor that took so long, not fighting Trema himself," she told him, admiring her wife's fortitude. Beyond relieved, she was, that Lulu appeared much better now that they'd left the Via Infinito. "He said a few things that bothered me…that, and your mother didn't react well to all the pyreflies down there. Other than that, we're all right."

"The pyreflies, really?" asked Vidina, recoiling; shielding his eyes from the chaos alongside them. "I think I'll just ask you about it later….now's probably not the right time."

Elias floated over to them. "There you are, kupo!" he said, to Paine, casting a few white magic spells on her. "Vidina, would you like to switch with someone? Paine needs more rest, kupo. Something must have hit her hard…"

"Yeah, a meteor," said Paine rubbing her head over the recollection. Elias sounded a _kupo _of shock, surprise, worried for her. "Thank you for the spells, Elias. I'm not sure if I'll be of much use in this fight… Penance is too far out for me to hit. I could use my Arcana, but it's not all that useful."

"Boost our morale!" said Vidina, sitting up. He went over to Gippal; asking him to take his place.

"_Hey!" _sounded Brother's voice over the intercom, _"I am taking us back to Zanarkand! You guys better beat that thing before we reach the city! We ran out of salvo—no more firepower! If you can beat it in the six hours it takes to get back, we'll all go out and party! Big celebration, yes?"_

"Brother's freaking nuts, man!" said Gippal, sitting down with Paine. Elias floated off to assist others in need of spells. "He's trying to angle us with a _party _for beating this guy? What a joke…" He grinned at his old friend, heartening. "Hey-hey, how'd it go down there? You three didn't take that long at all! Bet you didn't even need us in the first place, huh?"

Paine smiled at him, finding his good cheer infectious at a time like this. "I wouldn't say that," she replied, thinking back to those fights. "As strong as I am now, it feels like something's missing… Like my full potential's still locked, somehow. I wish I knew where to find it…maybe I could actually help out if I had it."

"You could always go hold the line," suggested Gippal, nodding to their four frontrunners. "Isn't that what your armor's for? Taking hits?"

Eyes locked on Lulu again; Paine shook her head. "I think that's part of the potential," she said. "All it's good for right now is keeping my power in-tact. If I unlocked it, things might be different. There has to be a way, somehow…"

Gippal regarded her for a long moment, remorseful and encouraging all at once. One-armed guy hug he gave her, staying there for a time. As if to apologize for something—Paine knew not what. She knew of his confusion in following Nooj's orders, whereas he did not. She was perfectly fine with setting all of that aside, relegating it to the past and leaving it there. He had nothing to apologize for. Her words, she could not form to speak as much. She hoped that he already knew. Eventually he went to join Rikku, cheering her up, gently, for she appeared torn, saddened.

Fang fought her hardest in her _Sentinel _role, defending, absorbing these hits. Some confliction Paine noticed from her, as if she _knew _something. Auron's steadfast scowl showed the same signs as he, too, defended the group from Penance's continuous onslaught. Jecht's guilt gleamed through his strikes, heavy greatsword faltering from time to time. Gabranth's expression she could not discern behind his helm, yet his dual blades did not heed him with all his strength. Lightning upon Odin's back—she fought with too much strength, too much emotion…unlike her usual, reserved style. Braska gave orders his aeon with hesitation, distracted by his thoughts. Yuna had her head lowered, standing next to her father, before snapping to attention at the first signs of her aeon's depleting health. Elysia commanded her Bahamut with finesse, with years worth of practice…on occasion, she looked to her guardian, Paine, with an expression indecipherable. Raine, she could not see, having taken those forms of darkness in this battle; Paine had the strongest feeling she would have seen the same signs in her, too.

One theme Paine could tell from them: they all _knew _something. Why wouldn't they say anything? What had Auron said to Lulu, to make her mention his name earlier?

All else—Lulu, Vidina, Venus, and likely Vevina through those shadows, all fought with _resolve_, without guilt. Though, Paine noticed something different about her wife. Emotion, Paine certainly sensed from her—the same as before, colored curious this time. Dressphere change to her leather; Paine went over to her, standing in front of Lulu, keeping up her own _Sentinel _ability to protect her wife from Penance's area-of-effect attacks. Honor held steadfast to keep Lulu unharmed, able enough to cast her spells without interruption. These joined efforts kept Paine's thoughts from the discrepancies around them.

These twisted hours they all spent, taking down Penance's health bits at a time. Disembodied arms they prioritized, defeating one, working on the second, only for the first to reappear with full strength. When they made the mistake of ignoring the arms in favor of attacking its body, Penance responded in energy:

Zanarkand's early morning lights shone in the near-distance, marking their arrival to the city. Farther away from the Celsius, Penance moved, skies darkened by gathering black magic. Spinning disc moved in front of its body, rapid, turning faster. Hands in the center, casting this spell, vigor assembling as crimson. Raine and Vevina shifted back to their forms, looking to one another. Aeons together at the fore; their comrades moved back at that priming spell. Backpedalling, Paine moved closer to Lulu, shielding her; willing to guard her from anything, anyone, whether she lived afterward or not. Lulu's soft-sharp hands over her bare shoulders, kneading, unafraid—trust communicated, agreed.

Into her ear, Lulu whispered beneath that firing beam, "I love you…"

No time, no space to respond in kind; _Judgement Day _Penance sent forth—deafening cut to static sound, staggering sights nebulous with crimson. Shadows from Vevina and Raine, joined one last time, absorbed this sentence; behind Paine, Lulu's eyes glowed with the reflection of this black magic, learning, gathering knowledge. Energies impossible, skills arcane and forbidden, Lulu mapped into the threads of her skin by this experience. Seconds passed, she shifted Paine out of her way, behind her. Corseted, trained waist of her wife, Paine held onto, watching this mimicry of judgement fire back at Penance, defeating it once and for all in a raucous haze of violet power. Her last resort, wisdom, all.


	63. Penance

"_Ending Theme" from Final Fantasy X_

_The people and the friends that we have lost, and the dreams that have faded…never forget them…_

Trinity of summoners dancing atop the Celsius amid this multihued sky, sending Penance's defeated form to the Farplane. Slow distillation of immense physical size to countless vibrant, sighing pyreflies in the sky at dawn over Zanarkand. Braska, Elysia, and Yuna mirrored one another, graceful, robes flowing, staves following their spirals atop the deck of the Celsius cruising through the chilled morning air. As the airship finished its entry into the city awash with autumn's morning glow, the multicolored portal to Zanarkand began to close, to shield these boundaries from anyone beyond the metropolis or on the Farplane. Warnings of waves undulated across the Waves of Death, to the dead and unsent traveling through time, informing them of their grace period of one week to return to Zanarkand if they so desired. Timelines across the entire Wheel, across all of Spira mended with this mass sending. Time restored, pasts recollected, landscapes reversed to how they once were.

Paine stood near the edge of the ship by the gull relic of the Gullwings, taking all of this in. Winds from this new dawn shifted her hair, sang over her leather and belts. This day should have warmed her more. This morning should have brought her more joy. This victory should have made her soar as her friends and family all did above this sleepless city. Disproportionate valor she heard from those behind her—her children expressed relief that this was all over.

No one else said a word.

Apprehension crept through her as she turned around. Vevina, Vidina and Venus stopped their celebrations when the others hadn't the heart to join. Elias stayed hidden in Vevina's arms, unwilling to look at anyone. Braska, Elysia, and Yuna continued to dance—resigned, saddened by their expressions. Auron stayed in the center, staring ahead to the horizon, as if waiting for something. Gabranth removed his helm, head lowered, facing away from her. Gippal held Rikku in his arms, shielding her tears, trying not to cry with her. Jecht dropped his greatsword and sat down, hitting his fist against the crimson steel beneath him. Lightning held onto Fang, _tightly_, with far more emotion than she usually allowed herself to express.

Mirror of Raine crying, _helpless, powerless_ days ago—and this sight, now, of her emotions pooling through her armored glove gripping her face. One regard from her sank everything Paine knew, everything Paine believed in and fought for. To her wife, Paine steadily turned, eyes widening.

Multihued transparency, and Lulu's body started its melt to pyreflies. Unwanted enlightenment showed in Lulu's eyes blazing in this sunrise glow—as if she'd feared this, as if she'd never realized this. Chimes of her belts, jewels, accessories sounded, steady, toward Paine. _Years _of truth dissolved to lies, changing, burning as Paine's eyes did, searing as her mind did. Powerless to will or unwill reality before her, paralyzed to fate.

Lulu's hands over her face, missing that _weight_, flickering in this sending. Rivulets fell there; Lulu could not wipe them away, slowly disappearing, slowly returning to where she'd refused to go.

_Unsent._

"My love," said Lulu, voice stammering in her passion, "I had no idea, for the longest… My mental illness feared this possibility…"

Emotion interrupted by everyone else rising into the air, glittering with crystal's shine. Paine snapped her head to them—_all of them_—her children, her family, her friends, all save for Lulu, leaving them. Their children tried to stay, tried to fight this, calling out to them. Auron, knowing, prepared, spoke as much, "It is time for the actors to take their places." He regarded Paine. "The ferry from Besaid…sixteen years ago…" Water crashing, splintering wood; "Lulu tried to direct everyone to safety…she died—"

Fervent with _anger_, Paine snapped back at him, "You knew?! You knew all this time and you didn't TELL me!?" Elysia, Gabranth, Raine—they could not look at her—she glared at them, shouted at them as they rose higher and higher, "Why did you keep this from us?! WHY? Why didn't you TELL ME that my wife's been unsent all this time?!" Throat bleeding—Paine could have kept screaming at them if it would make this all _stop_. "Why the fuck didn't you _fucking_ _**SAY anything**_?!"

Lulu brought her anger back down, trying to _hold on _to her. "Paine…" Down to her knees Paine fell, gripping Lulu's waist, refusing this fate, refusing this _lie_. "Please forgive me…I didn't know… You have kept me so happy, I couldn't tell…" With Lulu down at this level with her, holding her, Paine felt herself falling. Certainty, steadfastness from Lulu's arms faded, faded. "I'm sorry, love…"

This airship, Spira itself fell from beneath Paine when she realized she'd only made love to Lulu while she was alive—_once_, in Besaid. Once, when Lulu hadn't been fully hers. Once.

Once, one last time she felt Lulu's lips against hers. Fullness faded to fragile wisps of their love. Whispering instead of shouting this kiss did; Paine pushed all of her words unspoken, _loud _into Lulu, to _make her stay_. Her hold around Lulu's body failed in this fading. Her love around Lulu was not enough to keep her tied to this world anymore. Her arms _let go _of Lulu the harder she tried to hold on, pulling through her wife's body, through these growing pyreflies taking this devotion, this strength, this beauty away. Panic trembled Paine's hold until she held herself, with Lulu as a mere illusion before her. Words failed her; unable even to tell Lulu that she loved her back. Lulu understood. Her wife always understood.

"I love you," said Lulu, echoing deep, pulling, wrenching. "Never forget me," were her last words, before those pyreflies became Lulu at last, taking her away to the Farplane after sixteen years. _Omen _Paine cleaved into this spot, gripping the hilt of her blade—crying into this epitaph.

Impossible silence sounded, blanking, before waking Paine to this reality. Lulu was gone. As if reacting, visceral, the Celsius jerked with no one at the controls, threatening to crash into the sea. Split-second: her spirit _wanted _to die—split-second longer her heart refused; she let go of her sword, trying to keep her balance. Sound disappeared, mind bent, broken to pieces. One thing at a time. Lulu was gone. Something she had to do. To the elevator she ran, going down to the bridge. Empty, empty, everyone had gone, her wife was gone, they'd all disappeared—_why, why, __**why**__ didn't anyone say anything? _

Paine jumped into Brother's seat, behind the motorbike-like controls. Face wet, eyes pooling over, she could not see with sights blurry, unable to tell what she needed to do. Alarms going off, automated voices warning her of imminent death. Through these windows she saw her demise: nearing sea within the boundaries of the city. If she drowned, could she be reunited with her love? If she drowned, here, would that make up for everything?

_The portal's closed, it's closed, she went through it, she's gone, she's gone, right before it closed—_

Forceful crash of the Celsius into the sea; Paine ejected herself from the cockpit, into the water. Entire ship of steel continued through these depths—misguided hope made her swim to the surface. Delusions in mind, ideas in this splintering—she could think only of this last, only of this final plan. Through this snow, through this empty city she ran all the way home. Zanarkand's citizens had disappeared. Her wife, Lulu, no, Paine could bring her back, she had to, through habit, if she followed it, Lulu would return to her…

Empty lobby, elevator again, higher, Paine hurried through to their home. All was as she remembered it, this was only a game, this wasn't true, it was all a lie. To their bedroom she returned, in front of the bed. Trembling arms, Paine raised, hands behind her head, _Present_, waiting for her Mistress to return to her. Eyes streaming—that stream overflowed when she stared at their wedding picture. Posture failing, because this _glow _to Lulu's skin—unsent, unsent, this glow was in the photograph because she'd been _unsent_—

No longer able to deny; Paine fell to her knees again, head rocking back and forth until she bent over, shouting, "Where is my _son_?!" Memories of Vidina, growing up in Besaid and with her, with Lulu flooded, flooded; "Where are my girls!?" Her twins arguing, laughing with one another; Venus' pranks, Vevina's music; "_Where is my wife?!"_

Endless show of memories from Lulu's smile, Lulu's tears; her wife screaming at her in anger or in ardor, and the love they made, the life they made—destroyed by this truth.

_On this dawn, our summoners dance to bring  
Order to broken spirals, fixing them  
For all eternity—with that mending  
Comes the start of my tale: sorrow's rhythm,  
Playing my fears that I had forgotten,  
Unable to hide now that laws have come  
To punish me for my sins—this garden  
I must return to, and follow this sum  
Of clues, leaving behind for you—follow  
This lane of death, though not in my footsteps;  
I cannot go back to our tomorrows,  
When we still could see them—no, this misstep,  
The tale must show, unable to ignore,  
Wait not for me, our love has gone ashore._


	64. Judgement Day

"_Secret Door" by Evanescence_

_Memories awakened, faded no more,  
How the legendary guardian said  
To me all my fears and he did implore  
His special role as I lay in this bed,  
Devoid of rations to rationalize,  
Without wishes to grant to my recall  
Of this visit, now I do theorize  
That you held me to life—your kiss absolved  
Mine eyes and soul of all I no longer  
Could taste as truth, save for your white magic,  
Your spirit, gifts passed down and far stronger  
They are with you, my muse; be not tragic.  
Same sinew of mind I must persevere,  
This path I make: my footsteps, do revere._

_Locked depths of memory resurfaced: near-comatose in this white room, reality fractured by fatigue. In this bed that had shaped her for six years, on-and-off, Lulu swallowed paranoia, passive, consuming it. Enlightenment offered by this state—she thought back to hidden layers of recollection, constant cries of water, gravity, wood, and screams of separation. Separating these thoughts from actuality, she could not do. Burdens, curses on her being; Lulu could not remember if she was alive at all, if she deserved to be in this ward for the living. Her mother had designated her stay here. Thus, surely, she belonged here._

_Visitors came and went throughout the day: always kind, always considerate. Her children, her wife, her friends, her sister, her parents—they all visited when they could, often arriving together in unexpected groups. Unexpected was her final visitor that day. Auron waited until all else had left the room before entering. Same chair at her side, he sat down in. Vague signs of acknowledgment Lulu gave him—regarding him, barely, before closing her eyes again._

"_There is something you must know," he said. "In the coming years, you will be unable to escape what your mother has been keeping from you since we arrived to Zanarkand. Your father has asked me to inform you of what it is. It's my hope that you won't remember in your waking hours. Perhaps this will be enough to inspire you to include it in your story." _

_Weakened, hardly aware, Lulu asked, "What is it…?"_

"_Nearly ten years ago, when Yuna was slated to marry Praetor Baralai, you had to take the ferry from Besaid to Luca. You may recall a monsoon during the time. When you used your gravity spells to get everyone safely through the storm, you expended your life energy to do so. Do you remember?"_

_Remembrance proved difficult—flying debris, holding onto Vidina, losing Paine… "Perhaps… I'm not sure," she replied. "Curious…how it is I am used to death. Across time—as unsent do—how…how am I able to do this if I'm not…?"_

_At the first sign of Lulu's distress, Auron lowered his head. "I'm sorry," he spoke, low. "I am in contact with those on the Farplane who are to give life to your story in its own proper dimension. They care deeply for you. In order to bridge the gaps between this world and the Other, certain prerequisites must be met for this to come true. Liveliness of the spirit—heightened energies from those closest to you, they must draw upon. Without it, your words will merely stop."_

"_Sir Auron… I want Paine's dreams to come true. Our children will grow, learn… My highest wishes."_

_Auron paused for a long moment. Composure maintained, he said, "For nostalgia's sake, I would like to play a role in this true beginning. Your comrades on the Farplane wanted me to ask you to make a few changes. If you are lucid enough to remember this, can you do that?"_

_Irrational tears Lulu felt in her eyes. Beginning, beginning… "Tell me…your dialog. Tell me how you felt when you first said the words. Show me how you did it…I don't remember his story…" Somewhere, she knew this was real. Inevitability of her wife's reaction, upheaval, brought emotion out in full. "Paine…she kissed me in Djose…my coma. I wonder if she brought me back…helped me hold on to this world…"_

Pyreflies echoed through to the misty skies of the Farplane Glen. Full moon above, shadowed with an eclipse—no night, no day, only in-between overlooking endless waterfalls and vast fields of flowers. Ethereal multicolor brimmed with sighs, and Lulu appeared amid the roses, lilies, tulips, and all upon this sacred ground for the dead. Lying upon this paradise, weary, wallowing in the fears she'd forgotten, Lulu had no one to hide her weakness from. _How long _she had taken to notice, to remember Auron's words in the midst of her madness; how she could have stayed at home with Paine after their night out, forgotten about what her mania had concocted of this truth: unsent for sixteen years, and too happy, too in love to have noticed in her sanity.

Bonds broken, certain memories wiped clean of the life they'd had: Lulu remembered it all, what she'd written and why. In that truthful insanity, through her words, she had made a terrible mistake. She hadn't considered how they would all _feel _about their new reality. She'd written the words, the thoughts, the emotions and all, but never had she taken the time to empathize with their eventual states. Would she suffer for this, too? As if this penance wasn't enough.

Missing her love—this was beyond reconciliation, for she knew she would see Paine again. So long as her words were followed, she had nothing to fret over… This immediacy refused to relinquish its hold on her. Years of arguments, misunderstandings and grudges with Paine all felt as time they should have spent loving one another, understanding one another completely. Impossible. Naïve, fleeting wishes in her despair. If she could move forward, if she could bring Paine closer to her by _going_, perhaps it would make up for things. Staying here would solve nothing. Clairvoyance offered her this strength; she had to seize it, now, more than ever, to apologize to her wife and her children for this tragedy.

Accessories sounded as she shifted, lifting herself up. Body aglow as the start of this trail, for Paine to follow—with devoted dignity, Lulu walked through this illusion of endlessness, an abyss of flora. She could see Chappu and Lady Ginnem in the far-distance, waiting for her, patient. Drops fell to water these flowers around the hem of her dress, her belts. Through these highs of heaven, she knew Paine would follow her all the way—the right way.


	65. In Memoriam

"_In Memoriam" by Apocalyptica_

_Snow of our symbolism you recall,  
Clinging in light touch, no one else around;  
Part not with my sentiments, reds and all:  
Hold these flowers, but stay not on the ground  
Where they grow, allow this carrying in  
Friendship, chivalry, learning tight-wound grips  
Over lies against which you could not win,  
Not before this dearth, coldness of those lips  
Sealed—and sealed again this cave you do go,  
Witnessing Time that held all your despair,  
Possessing innocents, such rueful shows,  
As their own they sympathize, gone to air.  
Paths taken through death's lair, no suicide;  
Refuse, resist—accept my cyanide._

Emptiness of Zanarkand in this winter midday, all citizens disappeared save for one of grief, all movement ceased. Electricity they had all relied upon—gone, relocated. Everlasting field of snow Paine lay in, limp, in leather, facing this undying symbol: the rose petals shaped in this heart, both her and Lulu's names written within. Motionlessness hollowed her body with ache instead of air. Coldness she held in her arms, her bouquet of roses from her wife—all she had thought to take before relocating here. Elevators reliant upon that absent electricity; she could not return home. Celsius crashed into the sea; she could not fly away from this servitude to Lulu that lingered, still.

All she should have foreseen in those early years ensnared her in this open encasement. Pains too severe drank the blood spilled from these thoughts, nourished by this too-late knowledge. Endless spirals of negativity allowed them to win, to continue spilling these thoughts over her:

_Tidus burst in our room below deck, warning us…_

"_A nasty storm's coming in!" he shouted. "This feels worse than when Sin attacked us that time… The captain says it's a monsoon!" Lulu sighed, keeping her composure. "All we can do is tough it out… Is it a good idea to stay down here?"_

"_The ferry won't hold if it's a monsoon," said Lulu. "We'll be the first to drown if we stay here. Come on."_

_If I knew ahead of time, if Vidina wasn't with us…I would have gladly died with you that day…_

Other signs of her ignorance; other reasons she should have considered:

_When we went to the Farplane, and I didn't see Lulu there…because she was __**unsent**__…_

"_Lulu…didn't make it there in the best shape. She's in a coma."_

_A coma, a coma, dying, dying, dead, holding onto life, for me, for Vidina, for our future together, for—_

Puzzling signs she should have picked up on; puzzles she'd had no answers to before:

"_We don't exactly know for certain," said Braska over his shoulder. "That is another reason why we wished to join you. We heard from other residents of the Farplane that Zanarkand has been restored to its former glory, but the city can only be entered by those in the presence of unsent—"_

_Auron, Jecht and Braska weren't unsent—they were dead. The rest of us were alive. Lulu—Lulu was the only unsent—illusions on the Calm Lands, Lulu couldn't see them, she wasn't fooled—don't care about Wakka, how he couldn't see them—_

"_Lulu, what are you doing?!" shouted Paine, attempting to uproot Lulu's stubborn hold on the ground by her gravity spells. "Don't you see the giant snake headed our way? We have to move!"_

Her old friend had tried to warn her—about Trema, and about this, she hadn't listened:

"_Paine…" Baralai reached his hand out; Paine and Lulu did not turn back. "Be careful…loving death the way you do. It's dangerous. One day you'll see…you should have stayed and finished this. You'll lose her… You'll come back…and you'll lose her. You'll lose…everything…and you'll hate—_kill _yourself…"_

Countless times she recalled, without active thought—she could have died, held on, and been sent to the Farplane with her wife. Stubborn life had not allowed such simplicities. Baralai had ordered her arrest and sentencing to death in the Via Purifico in Bevelle. Gippal had tried to kill her in Macalania. Raine had tried to kill her during their first battle. Nooj had tried to kill her during her first birthday in Zanarkand. Again and again over the years, Lulu had nearly killed her only to _stop _from her momentous control, their love. Staring at Lulu with that revolver in her face, against the bridge of her nose: Paine felt dispossessed from this snow, living in those moments, unwilling to leave…

Thorn-less rose stems, Paine thumbed, regretting the absence of nature's knives beneath her gloves. Regret dissolved to nothingness. No room she held for such emotion now. Optimism beyond the boundaries of her being replaced that nothingness, filling her: thoughts of Vevina ridding her habits of blindness in finally being able to see when she was twelve years old; Vidina sitting in the wilderness surrounded by animals, at ease; Venus talking at length about minor issues in school that had meant the whole world to her at the time. All of those memories whispered of the chance to be redeemed.

Approaching footsteps—Paine could not interpret that sound. Sight blurred, dripping, she allowed them to grow nearer. Familiarity there, she sensed, didn't want to sense. She didn't want to sense anything.

Military boots, that skirt and vest; Lightning found her, kneeling down at her side. "There you are," she said, soft, sympathetic. "Paine…I'm sorry for not telling you sooner. Believe me, I tried. I tried so hard, back when I overstepped my boundaries and asked you to be with me instead." Would that have solved anything; rid her of this emptiness? Maybe… More reason, now, to regret. "I want to show you why I couldn't. You deserve answers—not just from me. I'll help you find Lulu again. I need you to _let _me."

Constriction in her throat; Paine could not speak, could not will a thing except to lie here in this memory.

"No answer, huh? Thought so…" Lightning made to pick her up, stopping right before. "You're sure you don't mind?" Minding required mending, of which Paine could not fathom at present. With a sigh, Lightning picked Paine up in her arms, flowers and all. "Come on, then. Our first stop's the hospital your wife was in. There's something in her files you need to see."

Eyes closed, wayward thoughts. Too many emotions these thoughts could put no words to. Lightning carried her through this cold void of a city; somewhere, Paine's pride wanted to object. She instead felt that pride drown to the frozen water below. Water. Tears, seas, drinking water—Paine could not face it, any of it. No more water. No more ferries. No more gravity. No more losing hold of Lulu, losing her. Just yesterday she had held her wife, carrying her from those pyreflies that had poisoned her efforts at holding onto this world. Had she known, she would have carried her home, all the way, as she'd done before.

Those words—_I'll help you find Lulu again_—started to register in this void of perception. Would Lightning instill in her false hope even in this chivalrous devotion in love, in friendship? Not unbelievable. Possibilities had all broken free of the roof of the sky above, of hell below. Some feeling of nearing Paine sensed in this sudden shade, colder now. By the automatic doors, Lightning tried to set her down. These doors would not open; Paine would not stand on her own two feet. Listless as a child who knew not how to walk, Paine did could not do this on her own.

"I need you to do this, Paine," said Lightning, situating her, standing, not letting her go yet. "I can't carry you the whole way. You have to believe that you'll be with her and your kids again. That instinct you have to serve her? I want you to apply that, now—always, no matter what. If you drown in your misery, nothing will ever change…"

_High heels against the steel helped to steady her, somewhat, though Paine's mind reeled at this turn of events. By the casual looks Lulu gave over her shoulder, there spoke encouragement for Paine to follow on her own two feet. Those same spells proved difficult to mimic under this strain, of speed, of certain death if she were to fall to the sea over which the train passed. In good-humor, Lulu backtracked to help Paine stand with her, holding onto her tight._

"_If you allow your fear to cripple you, you won't get anywhere with me," spoke Lulu, in Paine's ear: nurturing, consoling. "Come with me, love. Let's move to the center car, at least. I want to enjoy the view with you for the ride home."_

_Steady only by Lulu's support, Paine walked with her, hands interlaced—gripping tight in sweat and shakes._

Shaking the same way on solid ground, breath held, Paine stood on her own. Imaginary touch from Lulu she felt, nails glossing down her arm, her hand—this same hand, Paine used to conjure her _Helter-Skelter _by crystal. This glass showed not her reflection. Snow behind them, darkness of the hospital within. Lightning promised her she would have answers.

Logic, maybe, could save her; illogical strength she derived from thinking she felt Lulu's hands around her arm, raising this gunblade to the glass. Her other arm, Paine used to hold these roses, cradling this reminder. Shots fired, glass shattering, recoil high enough to stagger her. Shards littered the ground, path open. Over this crunching glass Paine walked. One step at a time. Echoing darkness, heels and heelless boots side-by-side. Vague light shone in through the windows down the hall, lighting their way. Vague hope that belonged to Lulu, transferred to Paine's veins kept her going. This pristine, immaculate smell and emptiness, Paine could never forget. Lulu didn't deserve to have ever stayed here.

To the lobby of Lulu's previous ward they arrived, finding the tall file cabinets behind the counter. Alphabetical order—Paine saw the drawer labeled _M _through _R. _This she tried to pull open, to no avail. Locked. Weaker—harder—too weak she pulled again, uselessness creeping up her throat, up to her eyes. More determination that was not her own, could not be her own: _harder _she pulled, failing again to break this lock with her strength alone. Physical strength distilled by this destiny, bleak; not bleak, for the one she served would never accept any such thing from her.

_Elysia arrived not long after she did, pulling the doctor aside. Anger, confusion—Paine was not allowed to listen to their conversation, not even when she changed into her armor. She held her children close, waiting to see Lulu again; trying to read Elysia's lips, the doctor's lips: not in this ward… If you insist…_

Entirety of the file cabinet, Paine slammed to the floor, opening most drawers—the one she needed. Through this one, she thumbed through to _N_. _Nyte. Lulu Nyte. _Thin folder she took in her hand, opening it as she sat down on the cold tile. Suspicions from years ago confirmed in this lack of notes: they had not given her proper treatment, if any at all, allowing Lulu to get away with avoiding medication altogether. And the explanation, she found, right on the first page:

_Patient's mother, the Lady Elysia, insists on keeping the patient in the Living ward. Lady Elysia refuses to keep her daughter in the Unsent ward. State of patient's death is to be withheld from any and all who ask. If the patient's spouse finds this, the nearest nurse is hereby given permission to burn the files._

In thought, in heart, Paine could not even ask _why_. Everyone had already known except for her, except their children. Damage was done, irreversible. More alternate possibilities came and went. None stayed.

Atop this overdue revelation, Lightning slipped another paper. "Keep that in there," she said. "Equip the file to your garment grid to look through later. We have another stop to make."

All happening so fast… Aged thirty, forty, eighty years in response to this secret kept from her; Paine stared at her wife's name. Shared surnames… Her father, Nyte; her parents, they had promised to visit them together, and the Den of Woe, and now…

Broken promises due to time, to circumstance—Paine rode atop Odin through the skies, holding onto Lightning's waist. This grip over her wrist from Lightning, to _keep _her from falling into the sea assured her survival through this. Water below, Paine could not look at. She shut her eyes against Lightning's back, against the care there, unable to hate, unable to distrust. Lightning had tried to warn her, had vaguely tried to free her from this love. Unmovable, unbreakable, she'd had no chance.

Hours passed through time—one thousand years to Paine's present—until Odin arrived to the Mushroom Rock Road by the sea, nestled between the nameless Highroad of this time before Lord Mi'ihen and the Crusades, and the road leading to Djose Temple. There, on the Djose shore, Paine looked, wondering precisely where Lulu had washed ashore after her feats of black magic… Rock formations, cliffs, ravines and winding roads Odin galloped through, stopping near the entrance to this fated cave.

Unwelcoming, unforgotten, this entryway led to the sealed door that held Paine's history, her confused past. Flashes of those broken promises melded with lingering bewilderment—how she'd been the only one unaffected by the madness within when she was but sixteen years old. Everyone else had gone mad, killed one another… Her friends only stopped the same behavior at her behest. Courage she found to face this, thinking of Lulu, when they'd sat together in the travel agency of the Thunder Plains in their haste to get to Bevelle. Mere thoughts of seeing her again allowed her to stand here, thoughts awash with this vivid memory, watching Lightning unlock this door with several spheres as keys.

"_Nooj shot me."_

_Lulu paled, first, before scowling in anger. Not at Paine, no—despite that Paine could not keep the words inside, she knew Lulu's resentment was not aimed at her._

"_He…he was possessed," she went on. "We weren't supposed to have survived. Yevon didn't want anyone to know what we saw in the Den of Woe—how Shuyin's despair crippled those inside to murder their allies. For years, I thought it was Shuyin who'd still possessed him that day…on the Mi'ihen Highroad. I'd been running from the memory, until earlier. It wasn't Shuyin who made Nooj shoot Baralai, Gippal…and me. It wasn't."_

_Lulu willed herself to ask: "Then…who was it?"_

"_Someone else was in there, in that cave with us. Something and someone deeper and darker than death, more dangerous than even Shuyin was…"_

Within this pitch darkness with only noxious pyreflies to light the way, Paine's energies reversed. Hope shifted to despair heavy enough to weigh her steps over the rock ground below. Pyreflies replayed these memories—endless screaming from her old comrades, _everywhere_. Gunshots fired, friends turned to foe, no rhyme or reason as to why—mirrors and mirrors of all the times Paine should have _let _Lulu shoot her to death, bullet holes lining her body; bathe her in blood and send her to the Farplane to _wait_. Wait for their reunion instead of chasing this false hope that they would have one. Wait for certainty that Lulu could easily find her, be reunited without this aimless fucking loss.

More mirrors of those men she'd known and hadn't known as reflections of her supposed _friends and family _who'd known all along. Manipulate by meaning and matter, make them kill each other to know how this all felt. Rumbling rage with them all, the same she'd shouted at them had her curl to the ground, nails digging through her scalp. Misplaced emotions from her father, from Vegnagun, from all the rage she'd ever felt: blood spilled from Lulu's miscarriage, and pyreflies abound from her sending, most potent—all culminated to helplessness, weakness at the reminder that Lulu was not here with her.

Nooj's voice: knowledgeable, superior, sounded in her head again and again, striking this fire in her to burn this world and all of its liars.

"_Your own despair…"_

That despair radiated outward to these pyreflies, repeating moments from that miscarriage; so many sighs of pyreflies leaving Lulu's body atop the Celsius: all of it left her without leaving. Left, for these paintbrushes on reality to remember, to infect, for someone to _know _how this all felt. Everyone who'd kept their silence deserved this madness. Across all times, these pyreflies bled with these memories. Emotional, spiritual, visual all; proof from her garment grid, from Lightning's words sated her.

_This isn't normal._

_This isn't real love._

_It's as if someone, something raped my emotions and made me live with this. It was Lulu. I know it was._

_When I was in the Den of Woe, I saw constant streams of blood and crashing water, as if I was Paine, watching Lulu die and there was no way to stop it. The pyreflies swarmed me, made me relive it as if it had happened to me. It wasn't Shuyin's influence. It was Paine's._

_The Wheel of Time held it through all timelines, across all possible dimensions even in the past. That's the only explanation. Instead of losing my mind, all of my sympathy for Paine twisted me into believing I couldn't escape that madness. Isn't that what Nooj, Gippal and Baralai saw? Isn't that why Paine was the only one not affected? If I could tell her what I saw, wouldn't that make her see that Lulu's unsent? Why can't I just say it out loud? Why?_

_I have to live with this truth…on my own. Like watching a train crash, I have to watch it happen. Stand by on the sidelines and feel this so-called love for her. All of this so Paine has the support she needs when Lulu's sent to the Farplane. If I just blurted out that her wife is dead, and if Yuna could send her, or Braska, Elysia, someone, anyone, if they could send her now, wouldn't that stop the possibility? Let Lulu find her way back to Zanarkand through the open portal and no one will have to suffer. What the hell is this for? Artistic integrity? So Paine and Lulu get to live their fantasy? Is it worth it? The steps necessary to take, in order to truly start this story. Is it? I don't think it is._

_The problem is, every time I try to tell anyone that Lulu's unsent, it feels like someone's lodged a boulder in my throat and I can't say it no matter how much I try. Raine told me she gets the exact same feeling whenever she tried to just blurt out that her sister's unsent. This obsession in knowing exactly what's going to happen to Paine makes me want to take her away from that eventual despair. If I could convince Paine to be with me instead of Lulu, she wouldn't feel that way. She wouldn't have to. She wouldn't have to suffer. That's all I want. These feelings are here because of that. I can't even tell her why, to warn her. It's death all over again._

_I keep replaying her eventual reaction in my head. It haunts me. I want to save her from that, not for my sake—only for her. When Fang asks me how I feel about Paine, all I can do is stare at her. Lately, Paine's been having nightmares about the Den of Woe and Nooj, seeing him again. He's up to something. I think he's trying to save Paine, too, because the four of them were all best friends. His obligation. Baralai's on the wrong side of history. Gippal knows and he wants the same things for her, but I think he's clueless. Harmless enough. I don't know about Seymour._

_But, Nooj is trying to kill Paine to make this all stop, and this won't end well. She won't come out and tell Lulu that this is scaring her. I can't even tell Lulu about this—it's the same block. Is there some way for me to communicate to Lulu that she needs to get to the bottom of what's bothering her wife? Besides me. I don't think Paine's all that concerned about anything romantic or sexual to do with me. I'm glad that she's not. She's focused on Lulu. That's all I can hope for, that she's at least happy in her marriage right now. Paine won't come out and admit that what happened in the Den of Woe still haunts her. She can't keep pretending that Nooj didn't scar her for life. She denies it to me, to herself._

_Another thing that's strange: Paine mentioned something about Raine. It's like she's convinced that Lulu and Raine have some secret affair going on. Supposedly, that's what made her start to have feelings for me. Insecure, much? Why would Lulu want to screw her __sister__? Just because Lulu and Raine are close, Paine's jealous, swearing up and down that Raine's a better slave and Lulu's cheating on her? Because Lulu technically cheated on Wakka, so the same thing's happening all over again. Some loophole about how Paine's not allowed to "question her Mistress" keeps her from asking Lulu about it. What a cop-out. I think Paine's just ashamed that Raine's stronger than her, and now she's got it in her head that she and Lulu are fucking each other on the side. That's ridiculous! I want Lulu to confront Paine about Nooj AND Raine so Paine can get over it once and for all. If she's ever going to show Paine this story, she needs to do this._

_I can't do anything except stay in this loveless relationship out of my lingering devotion to Fang. My Fang. She knows, she understands that this is out of my control and I don't want her to leave me because of it. I think that's why she stays. She has faith that these feelings will all even out and we can move on from it all one day, when this is over. When I think about that, it gives me hope. That there is a light out of this hellhole, and I can marry her once Lulu's finished playing God with my feelings. This is all I can do. Every drop of patience and trust in me, I have to put it in Lulu's hands for her to write with. That's why I won't run away. I can't act like I don't want to know how the rest of this will play out._

_I have no choice. I like to justify it, to at least pretend that I have free will. Whatever stubbornness Lulu lives with is the same that controls me as she needs. I have to admire it sometimes. If she's strong enough to confront Paine about all of her fears when it's right, then the rest will follow…_

Insanity stopped with the end of Lightning's words. Those moments had left her, those fears had unshackled from her at last. _Knowing_, having this truth, despite Lulu's sore absence, helped to dull the pain for the time being. Lightning standing at her side, steadfast in their bond; Paine could not pretend as if she'd gotten there by herself. Gabranth's words in his counsel years ago during Lulu's brief pregnancy helped to ease that anger away, to leave them with the pyreflies:

"_Do not allow hatred to drive you and sate your pains."_

Letting it out helped her to focus, to stand with Lightning's help. They left the Den of Woe together, left this all behind for the Wheel to do with it as it pleased—as it had already affected Lightning, Nooj, Baralai and Gippal, and would again in another time.

Riding on Odin again—Paine had enough focus to breathe, to believe with that negativity expelled from her. "I should probably tell you," said Lightning, as they crossed over the glittering waters of the Moonflow, "Your parents…they passed away a few days ago." Such an announcement rang on hollow ears—caring, or being concerned, Paine could not fathom, not now, not yet. "Auron wanted to say something—he's in touch with a lot of people on the Farplane. You might see them."

Foreign, Paine's voice sounded in this small hope she held, "Where are we going…?" she asked.

Over the richly-patterned ground of Guadosalam's entrance they arrived, jumping from Odin's back. Lightning dismissed her Eidolon, walking with Paine to the empty town. "To the Farplane—where else?" said Lightning, navigating these winding, elevated roads with her.

This complicated array of pathways, Paine took as a metaphor for the lengths Lulu had gone to keep this secret from her: having rode the Waves of Death to get her parents to safety as a surprise for her. A surprise, later, once Paine had been able to accept her parents as _real_, not a mere figment of her past. Beyond _thoughtful _her wife had been, considerate enough to do such a thing despite Paine's feelings on the matter years ago. To each of the homes they passed, Paine looked to, wondering which one her parents had lived in. Seymour's old mansion—Leblanc's home, abandoned now—and this entrance to the Farplane where she had walked with Vidina when he'd been a child. She should have known better, walking up these steps decayed from vestiges of death, to have posed the question:

_What if I can't see her here because she's unsent? If she's not on the Farplane, she's either unsent, or alive…_

Too late for that. Overlooking this Otherworld, mists parting to reveal the breadth of flower fields and waterfalls beyond—Paine could not think of _could haves, should haves, would haves. _Not with Lightning standing back, looking at her this way.

"Lightning…aren't you coming with me?" she asked, finding her full voice at last.

Lightning shook her head. "Not exactly," she offered. Sudden loss Paine felt all over again, hyper-sensitive to these matters. It showed in her face; Lightning frowned in apology. "This is something you need to do on your own. You know I'd go with you if I could." One embrace, empowering, encouraging, Lightning gave her. "I'll see you on the other side."


	66. The Arbiter of Time

"_Lulu's Theme" from Final Fantasy X_

_Abyss of the Farplane leads to blocked paths,  
Progress halted before your permission  
For me to take of you as I need, wraths  
In writing voiced as velvet—your mission:  
Interspersed hints on how best to proceed,  
You find in this darkness of my long muse;  
Piece together what you find, play this need  
In your heart to find—follow all our cues  
Along these keys of doors unlocked across  
Death and life, music brings us together  
Again, for us to converse as mad loss:  
Did you expect this one as our tether?  
He holds much foolishness exceptional;  
Answers shown, last battle: contextual._

Flowers at her feet, roses equipped to her garment grid, Paine's transformation of crystal into her Judge Magister armor was not of her own will. Through the Farplane Glen she walked, wandering beyond her accord and volition. Distant sounds she heard in this surreal sanctuary for the dead: chimes of her wife's jewels, belt buckles, and dress dragging along the ground. Farther away from the nearest waterfall Paine went, to hear these sounds with more clarity. These auditory clues from her love washed away stubborn sorrows with such ease.

Deafened to all else in this hope; blinded to all else but the vague, violet outline of Lulu's silhouette ahead of her. Drugged by this sight, illusion or otherwise, Paine wasted no time in doubting or reconsidering. She was here. There was no turning back. Following this trail Lulu had left behind elevated her high above that empty helplessness she'd felt earlier in the day. She could have been twisted, fooled into following this figure for all eternity with but the promise that, some day, she would see her family again. Mild subspace she entered in this childish anticipation: to hold her children again, to have Lulu next to her—more than that, formed all as vague pictures in this optimism.

Paces ahead, Lulu's shadow passed through a portal of the same purple leading down into a valley. When she tried to follow, the entrance solidified, refusing her entry. As free-flowing calligraphy in Lulu's handwriting, words written in black appeared over that pleasing hue:

"_This is your final chance to walk away. I won't promise that you'll enjoy this journey. Not all of it. You will see me again if you follow. You will also be challenged a great deal, my love. Do you wish to proceed?"_

With ease, mindful of this warning, Paine said out loud, "Yes, Lulu…I won't give up. I swear I won't."

This portal shifted forms to Lulu's silhouette, again leading the way. Vast change in scenery, terrain: fields of flowers vanished, sealed behind her as she stepped through. Darkness abound with clouds of charcoal grey, obfuscating the view beyond. Paine could only follow these sounds of Lulu's accessories.

When those chimes stopped, Paine nearly stepped upon a pedal of some sort. She set her armored boot over it, pressing down, recognizing this feel. Gloved hands spread out before her, she lowered them to this instrument. Musical notes sounded from this piano of this haunting song reminding her of her wife, of Vegnagun both—as she played, clouds began to dissipate, showing a wide, undulating path of piano keys leading far through this forced night. No instructions necessary: Paine remembered the lessons Vevina had taught her of how to play _Lulu's Theme _over these keys.

That long stretch of musical path mimicked what she played, spreading endlessly. When Paine stopped playing, so ended the trail, reversing, until it disappeared. When she pressed a few notes at random, another, jagged path appeared this time, lanced as a hazard of piano keys through the open space beyond. She looked about; she saw no other path to take; she couldn't possibly be in two places at once. Trepidation struck her veins, cold, when she realized that Lulu had dropped her garment grids after her sending to the Farplane. Atop the Celsius—she'd crashed it into the sea. Her wife had had her Copycat dressphere therein, which would have solved this problem of needing a second pair of hands.

Behind her, the portal had closed, locked, glowing a crimson red. There was no turning back. She had to think of something.

Away from this piano she moved, walking a few paces to the right of the instrument. Another piano she found here. With her left hand, she played the repeating notes that she remembered best, knowing so little of musical rules and properties. In the space where the path would have formed in the sky, a series of imaginary keys lit up in the same tempo she played them—on the path, these lights appeared one-by-one, spread far enough away from one another. Paine wondered if she could jog over those notes, one at a time…

She pushed this piano closer to the other, right next to it, connecting. Just to be sure, she walked back over to where the other piano had been, searching more. Between these clouds, she saw another shadow of pure black she could not discern, holding a flute in its hands as if prepared to play it. Next to this silhouette she saw another, sitting, with a harp nestled close, poised to play. Arrays of other instruments and shadows she saw, wondering if perhaps she had to get them to do something. This one closest to her with the flute, she tried to step toward; the shadow twisted their torso, away from her. All others around mirrored the same action, as if telling her she needn't worry about them.

Back to these pianos she went, wondering what to do. Paine returned to the first piano on the left, this time playing the song without using her left hand. Only the right. Halfway through, she stopped, expecting the path of piano keys beyond to fall apart again. When she noticed they held fast, she completed the song, once, and left this piano alone. To the second piano she looked, torn between trying the same and going on ahead. She decided to test this stretch of black and white instead.

From the first step she took, the song began to play; what she'd played with her right hand, and all else from other instruments looped as they needed on their own. Paced jogs at this required rhythm played the left hand. Losing this tempo meant losing this trail. On and on it extended through these shadows, revealing long-kept memories from Lulu all around her.

Most of Paine, of their children, the rest of their family; vague images of their friends, —yet those visuals could not distract her from this inner-voice, sultriness from Lulu, offering counsel:

"_When you arrive, you will find everyone who has been with us in some form or another. Not all of them will be the same as you remember. You'll meet one of them soon. You will listen, not allowing your emotions to get the better of you. For now, let's say that I've made sure you will do as I order."_

This path continued, this song continued for miles, miles. Paine continued to run. Stopping was not an option. Hearing Lulu again after what had felt as decades compressed into hours kept her going. Smallest shows of encouragement from her wife proved the strongest motivators. Lulu knew her well enough to know. Complete trust she felt in this slow transferring of free will from herself to Lulu's muse. Again she heard her wife's voice—enthralled, amused:

"_Allowing me to be your ventriloquist is dangerous, love. You are sure you want to do this?"_

"I have no choice," said Paine, resigned to this relief she felt, handing over all to Lulu's interpretation. "I don't want a choice… I want to know how you'd make me act, think, speak, feel. You know I trust you. As long as I get to see you and our girls, our son again—put me through anything. Tear me down if you have to, if you want to know if I'll fall or not. I love you too much to let anything beat me…"

An end to this path appeared across the way: a wide cliff of wildflowers and sprawling waterfalls jettisoning from either side of that altitude ahead. Light from the Farplane's typical mist and full moon found her again as this song ended. Another figure she found standing in the center. Not a mere shadow—this person stood with their back to her, wearing hooded black robes. With that hood over their head, she could not tell as to their identity. She bore a strong feeling that this was the person on the Farplane who had helped Lulu achieve such supernatural feats with her story.

Paine approached them, taller than her in this modified armor without her heels and feminine shape. Wide, strong build—they must have been male. When he began to laugh, she stopped, paralyzed, torn.

She'd sworn _not_ to let her emotions get the better of her. Slowly, steadily, she felt she had _no choice_.

"Finally!" he said, turning about, pulling his hood off. "I get my big reveal!" That head of hair—red, shaped as a water's wave. That _face_. Smug, vindicated, _excited_. "It's me again! I bet you're real surprised, ya? Didn't think it was gonna be me? Well, it is!"

"Wakka?!" blurted Paine; he burst out laughing. "_You?! You're _the one who helped do all of this?"

Wakka gave her a thumbs-up, quite the turn-around from the last time she'd seen him. "That's right!" he affirmed, grinning. "You're in the presence of an Arbiter of Time! Show some respect, ya? Took a hell of a lot to get this job! Lu didn't believe me when I told her! You got the same look on your face, too!"

After all that had happened in recent days, Paine hadn't the capacity or strength to consider how she truly felt about this impossibility. She only stared at him, quite at a loss for words, except for, "I can't believe this…"

"Well, how 'bout I explain, huh? Bet some part of you wants answers. I get it if you don't wanna ask any upfront. You been through a real emotional beating this week, ya?" Wakka waited for a reaction, smiling all the while. From that reminder of all she'd been through, Paine could not find it in her to react with much of anything. He tempered his expression. "All right, look, it's like this—when I got here, my brother Chappu told me he heard a few things about your lifetime. Said you were gonna lose Lu eventually 'cause she was unsent, ya?" _Hearing _that…stung, struck her, deep; she lowered her head as her only acknowledgment. "Sorry…was real rough on me when I found out, too. Not in the same way, but you know… So, anyway, we tried to think of a way to warn you. This guy, Nooj, found us and said he had some plans to kill you, so you'd at least be unsent with her…"

Paine glared at him when she remembered: his blitzball had fallen from the sky that night of her first birthday in Zanarkand. She didn't need to say the words. Oddly enough, Wakka understood.

"Lookin' back now, it was a stupid plan, ya?" he said, remorseful. "We told Nooj we couldn't keep doin' that, so he went on his way. Some best friend he was, right? So, me an' Chappu waited, tryin' to think of _something_… Another version of you showed up decked in your armor _and _your cape—this was before you and Lu got married. You couldn't have had the cape with her family crest yet, that's how we knew it wasn't _you_, ya? She told us about a story she asked Lu to write…basically, it was gonna be a free-for-all. Whatever Lulu wanted, you know? We figured, if we could kinda influence it, then, when she was finally sent here, you'd have a way to follow her. Seemed like a good idea, since you're here now, but…"

"…someone could have told me my wife was unsent. They could have told me a lot sooner. Would have saved me this…pain."

Wakka frowned, sighing. "Hey, look, I'm sorry," he tried. "Not just for that—I'm sorry for what I did way back when. I was outta line. I don't have no excuses—just—_something _strong told me I had to die, that I was better off here than I was bein' a failure in Vidina's eyes. Eventually, I found The Creator. I swore an oath to her so she could give me this power. That meant we couldn't change the plans. Had to make sure no one could tell you 'bout Lu. Once you get past here, my Scarborough Fair finally starts. Then I can go to Lu in another time, keep her happy…that's what's in it for me. Gotta make sure you get there first, ya!"

"Past here?" asked Paine. "You say that like there's more I need to do."

"That's right!" said Wakka, pointing behind him. "Just head on through. You'll know what you gotta do once you see the first sign. Just remember! You got this far with your emotions, good and bad ones. Put all of 'em to use for this test. I know you will!"

Before Paine could say anything, to thank him, or to be angry with him, Wakka dissolved into a gathering of pyreflies. She walked through these, stopping at the waterfall at the far end of this cliff. Beyond, she saw much more of the same: more waterfalls, more flowers, with but one difference.

At this pinnacle, she could see five figures decked in black armor spread out separately across this land, waiting for her.


	67. Ark Angels

"_Sapientia – In the Choice between Good and Evil" from Bayonetta / "This Is Your Story" from Final Fantasy X_

_Bedtime story evolved into this new arc,  
Archangels of Spira's ancient arks, crystal  
Encompassing negatives, how they mark  
In memory, similar to recall.  
Apathy waited for years as second  
Option to choose, saving you from sorrow;  
Arrogance too dutiful to reckon  
Your pains, Cowardice watching tomorrow;  
Envy holding resentment strong to tear,  
And Rage lying in wait as example  
Not to follow—these you all defeat, bear  
Truth that second victory is ample:  
Support you have from characters minor,  
All form your story; I am the signer._

_While Lulu and Lightning conversed with one another in the living room this time, Paine went to Vidina's room to read him a bedtime story. As promised, Lulu had left the requested book upon his desk. Vidina curled up underneath his water-colored duvet, smiling bright as Paine sat next to him on the bed._

"_New story tonight!" said Vidina, moving closer to her, to get a better look at the cover. "_Ark Angels_. What's this one about? They look like they have Raine's armor."_

"_This is my favorite book. I remember how I wanted to be the main character," began Paine, savoring the crisp sounds of pages turning between her fingertips. _I still want to be him… _"It's a story about a dark knight's journey through the sky to find his lost love. On his travels, he comes across each of the five Ark Angels, one at a time. Five of the people he cares about in his life have turned into the angels. When they were still alive, these people all tried to warn him that his love would drive him to impossible lengths. He defies everything to find his love, even his family and friends…" A brief foreword on one of the pages before the first chapter: "Apathy, Arrogance, Cowardice, Envy, Rage—the darkness that lurks within us all. The Ark Angels are the crystal embodiment of dominant negative traits…"_

_Paine looked down at Vidina, to gauge his reaction. He stared at the pages with rapture, clearly wanting to hear more. To the first page, Paine turned and began to read…_

Endless field of flowers and errant pyreflies of the Farplane as their battlefield—blades drawn, prepared, Paine approached the first armored figure. Back turned, black burned through this armor, skin and hair white as pallid crystal. Full tower shield this angel bore over one arm, _Omega Weapon _gunblade held in the opposite hand. Curious curls sprawled over this armor, marking their identity clear before they turned around.

_Vevina glanced over at Lightning downstairs, still standing in the same corner by herself. "I think I know who the Ark Angel of Apathy would be," she added, turning back to the others._

"_Lightning?" asked Venus, getting a better look at her godmother downstairs. "Yeah, you're right… She always seems really down, like there's something she wants but she can't have it."_

Face-to-face with this alternate Lightning, Paine stared, listening to this illusory voice, "You should have let me take you away from her. I could have saved you this pain. All those years I spent, waiting…only to kill you today. You wasted my time!"

Stance taken, Lightning shed her apathy to strike. Such marked differences between this angel and her best friend: callousness, eyes scarlet in place of green-blue of memory. Caught off-guard nonetheless, emotional, _all those years _consumed Paine, able only to block in guilt. Stronger, far stronger this illusion was than the Lightning she remembered. Dents in her Judge Magister armor. Pushed back, remorse taken advantage of. Flowers bent and dragged beneath her boots. Ground held when Paine realized her state—she could not turn back what had happened, could only move forward.

Grind of blades, sharp metal tearing against metal. Fighting back against those possibilities, dead now, haunting Paine in this ethereal reality. Training with Lightning in their younger years, finding feelings that should never have been there; betraying Lulu in her initial disregard of that lust: first failure she'd made in their marriage. Striking that past down, forging the future to find her wife—surges of strength found her, limbs tense with this freedom.

In Lightning's face, beating her down with both blades, head-on as she'd learned from her. Whatever they could have had in infidelity would never have compared to what Paine now had in her sorrows. Loss she held heavy within, siphoning all of it in force. Well-intentioned or not, Lightning had tried to take this away from her in pity, in false fealty. Tragic or not, Paine wanted this anguish because it was hers—suffered through Lulu, testament to how they loved one another. Beyond this path, her emotions were all she had left of her wife.

_No one's taking this away from me…_

Vestiges of leftover lust, Paine expelled in thought; terrible reminders from her straying, breaking Lulu's heart: _so motherfucking pretty, Lightning was. That cold, calculating beauty Paine wanted in her hands—now. _

_That wasn't me. That wasn't me. I need to kill that possibility—kill it—_

_Omen _pulled back over her shoulder; Paine pierced clear through this false, pretty face of crystal. Movement from Lightning ceased, locked-up. Crystal light trickled forth as blood. Finish the job—_Helter-Skelter_, her gifted gunblade from Lightning herself, Paine stabbed up through this skull, joining. Wrists crossed, full power cleaved out. Lightning's face and full head torn from recognition. Armored knees collapsed to the ground, headless body of the Ark Angel of Apathy dissipating to the wind. Sadistic satisfaction in Lulu's honor Paine took from this, watching, though she knew she had far more to face.

Down this winding path of scattered, spare roses Paine walked, following this trail. Occasional violet silhouettes of her wife showed, sounding of those jewels Lulu so loved. Motivation to keep going, Paine's eyes drank in full. So long as she wore their truth in the grit of her battles—that Lulu had done all of this for her—she saw no reason to falter, no reason to doubt.

Second Ark Angel, Paine approached—his back turned, horned helm upon his head, same cape as hers with their family crest fluttering in this light wind. Pitch black decorated armor of this fellow dark knight, Judge Magister, of the one she had looked up to in influence and honor. Despite her reverence of the man, he had known all along what was to become of her wife. He'd said nothing.

_Venus did not try to retort or tease him as she normally would have. She only folded her arms, leaning on Yuna some more as her signal that she had nothing to say. Vidina widened his eyes in surprise, deciding not to comment. "Okay…what about Arrogance? I can't think of anyone."_

_Rikku scoffed. "That's an easy one," she said, getting Vidina to tilt his head to one side. "What about your _grandfather_, Gabranth? That man never smiles. It's always all about his wife, his honor and duty with him. He can't loosen up to save his life."_

"_That makes him arrogant?" asked Yuna, unconvinced. "I don't know, Rikku…I wouldn't say those are good enough reasons to call Lulu's father an arrogant person…"_

"_No," said Vevina, "Rikku's right. He's not conceited—I think he has a lot to prove and to make up for. He told me that when he met my grandmother, she was already with his twin brother. He killed his own brother to be with her."_

Gabranth turned to face her, dual blades prepared at his sides. "Your Honor," he said, his voice as foreign in its mimicry as Lightning's had been, "Did I not warn you to keep your emotions from scheming your battles? Allow them to consume you and you shall not make your way beyond my blades!"

_Fulminating Oblivion _he sent, a mass gathering of flaming darkness firing through her. Rushing through, he struck forth. Poor reaction, Paine fell back, unprotected neck at mercy to his heel. She struggled and pushed, pushed against his weight crushing her throat. Suffocating, screaming with no sound; she could think only of her children panicking to watch this. Lulu's careful intent to make her suffer… Gabranth's honor and sense of duty to Elysia, unwavering, Paine had found for herself, for Lulu. Focusing on that resolve, steadfast even in the face of uncertainty: _Arcana _she prepared to rain down through these skies, to free her—

_Comet _she called from black magic learned from her wife, celestial downpour cutting craters all around them. Magnitudes made their mark over Gabranth's head, wavering his intent to kill. That same effect in her eyes with tears instead, Paine shut back in emotion, shoving Gabranth from her. To her stomach she rolled, heaving for air, coughing, violent. Back turned, anger sparked, Gabranth stabbed through her armor, merciless. Counter with twisting momentum—Paine struck him away. She stood anew, unwilling to let her wound consume her. Moment of weakness Gabranth exploited, _Black Hole _called through this Otherworld dimension. Pulling her through, slowly, Paine fought through, mental, refusing this fate.

"You waste your time resisting my command!" shouted Gabranth, widening this draw. Rooted to the spot Paine stayed, _Scarlet Delirium _primed, conducting this damage taken to enhance her attacks. "Envious are you of my sworn fealty to my wife? I have never betrayed her! Never have I resisted her orders by way of weakness, adultery or cowardice! You, on the other hand, deserve to die in the Void for your transgressions to my daughter… You will never know _true honor_, Judge Nyte!"

Dual blades from her father-in-law struck with swiftness, ruthlessness. All the same, Paine did not relent, taking these blows. Damage taken shifted in her favor, strength gathering tenfold. Suffering on purpose for this growing revenge. Enduring this pain to enact her lessons through blood as a true dark knight. Masochism as she could enjoy in Lulu's absence, at her wife's command, Paine bore these attacks until her full capacity she felt bleeding through her wounds.

_Guillotine _from Paine's blades fired: endless rings of crystal surrounded Gabranth, binding. Darkness all-consuming, _Omen _and _Helter-Skelter _assaulting. Armor broken, shattering to crystal pieces; both blades cut inward to his neck. His head she severed clear as penance for her suffocation, his taunts.

Mirror of Lightning, this Ark Angel of Arrogance fall to his knees, dissolving as crystal light. No white magic learned in this dressphere, unwilling to change; Paine continued forth with her wounds, honorable. Lulu's silhouette she followed once more, healed by this show of her wife's devotion. Revitalized enough to go on, to see this through, Paine neared her next opponent.

Third Ark Angel as appropriate after the second—summoner's robes hardened in elegance to armor, powerful staff _Ataraxia _in her hands, long tail of dark hair sprawled down her back. Exposed neck and arms with skin as pale as Lightning's had been, brimming with crystal energy. This one had orchestrated all the silence that had led to this culmination. Silence, secrets, even at the cost of her daughter's sanity.

_Vidina looked unsurprised, as if he already knew the story. "Would that make my grandmother the Ark Angel of Cowardice?" he asked, leading. "She keeps a bunch of secrets. It's obvious she knows a bunch of things that we don't. She could come out and say it, but she won't. I'd say that's cowardly… I'll never forgive her for what she put Ma through in the hospital—whatever it was."_

_Venus regarded her mother for a moment. "Scared to tell the truth, huh?"_

"_That's her," said Rikku, nodding. "I mean, I'm sure she has her reasons, but she went way too far with that one. Have you tried asking her about it?"_

"_You're kidding, right?" asked Vidina. "She's like a dictator, or—or an empress with her secrets…"_

Elysia turned toward her, striking resemblance between mother and daughter as always. Those eyes of red like Lightning, like her own, Paine glared at, listening to her false mother-in-law speak, "You brand my assistance as cowardice, do you?" she asked, unimpressed. "I had ordered my Raine to kill you at first, do you not recall? You scurried your way from death by bending the rules! Had you been honorable from the start, this agony could have been avoided. This _cowardice _belongs to none but you…"

Spinning staff, glowing glyph around her heeled feet amid these flowers; _Grand Summon _activated, this Ark Angel of Cowardice called for a dark aeon to do her bidding. Glyph shifted to a pool of oblivion beneath her, blood-red lava; from the sky, a portal opened, anchored chain falling from therein. That anchor pulled from this ground, summoning Dark Anima from the hellish depths. Chains from this towering aeon imprisoned in a shell of its own skin chimed in her suffering, powerful arms nestled close to her skeletal chest. Single visible eye bleeding, tears of pain, face wrapped in bandages, fangs protruding from her open mouth; a picture of this aeon's fayth hung from her neck—Seymour's mother.

Fear ensnared Paine to this spot, watching Dark Anima crane her head back, attack priming. Terrible stories Paine had heard from Lulu about Yuna's pilgrimage when they'd fought and lost to this same dark aeon. Vitality in the millions, able to bypass her _Deathproof _passive ability, Paine sensed she could not win this battle head-on. _Pain _burst forth from Dark Anima's eye, recoiling her head. Out of the way Paine hurried, sluggish in her armor, barely escaping that blast of power unimaginable inverting light and dark, life and death. More discharges of _Pain _Dark Anima sent at her. Running, sprinting round this field of flowers, Paine tried to _think_. Thinking proved futile; her emotions had held this reign thus far. She gifted control to them once more, brimming with need to see her family again.

Forward Paine bolted between these shots of _Pain_—at Elysia, at the conductress of this madness. Her mother-in-law moved not from her place behind Dark Anima. Goading, encouraging in her rooted position, Elysia raised her staff right before Paine reached her. Dark Anima's filled Overdrive activated, sinking Paine from this dimension and into the next in a haze of blood:

_Oblivion _surrounded her, inescapable breadth of torment for her sins. Dark Anima's hidden lower form escaped, shattering the chains binding her fists. Devastating punches, quick, remorseless, unending. Recoiling, staggering, bones breaking, cartilage crushed, wounded, bleeding, suffering, Paine drowned in this hell of cut-off emotion. Blood she'd spilled in Lulu's heart in disappointment or anger caught up to her, distilling this outside pain. Anguish inflicted from her wife and her wife alone Paine honed in on, owning it, replacing it with this oblivion exploding back to the Farplane. Specialties embedded in her blades helped her to hold on, expelled face-down to this field of flowers.

Unaware of her presence behind, Elysia stood before Paine, facing her aeon—waiting. Sneak attack from the back Paine willed herself to make, rising slowly to her feet in furtiveness and fatigue. _Need _to win, to move on kept her quiet; strong enough to raise her blades above her head. Last second—Elysia turned, shocked, _Ataraxia _moved high to block in vain. Tempered steel from Elysia's staff Paine willed to smite in resentment, in revenge of years-long schemes. Blades brought down, staff halved, Dark Anima turned to prime _Mega-Graviton_; head-down, cleaved in two, Paine ended this tyranny of control.

Dark Anima dismissed, dissipated. Both halves of this angel's body fall to the flowers below, disappearing as crystal. Victory earned, Lulu's violet shadow reappeared, this time casting a halo over Paine's head for her troubles. _Auto-Life _given, though Paine hoped she wouldn't need to expend it. Again, she followed her love leading the way to the next enemy. She willed herself not to limp, to walk proudly as though Lulu were on her arm, impressed by her victories. Those surges she remembered from Zanarkand's annual tournaments returned to her, multiplied.

Fourth Ark Angel—back turned as the others had waited, tight dancer's attire steeled thick enough into protective armor of black. Arms of crystal white exposed underneath those short sleeves: hand over her hip, knee bent, foot tapping impatiently in kept rhythm. Long, long hair of night shifted over her back in this light wind, this length kept in imitation of her mother. Here, Paine faltered, stopping farther away than she had before. Though she knew this angel was not _real_, her heart sunk at this sight nonetheless.

_A few moments of silence passed, until Yuna asked, "What about Envy?" Again, Venus turned to look at her mother, as if not paying attention anymore. Lulu pretended not to notice, knowing it was better to listen for now, to observe. "Do we know anyone who's openly jealous of someone or something around them?"_

_Vevina stared at her sister for a time. "_You_," she said, accusing._

_Venus jumped up in a fright. "Me?!" she asked, affronted. "What about me? What? You're crazy."_

"_Don't start with that, woman. I _know _you. I know every reason behind the things you say and do. You're my mirror, remember? So don't you dare think you can get away with lying to me or acting dumb. You can't. I know who you're jealous of."_

"_Ohh, sweet lady, how you wound me so," said Venus, mocking, tragic, with her hand over her heart. Yuna, Rikku and Vidina watched on in quiet interest. "You think you know me like that? When's the last time I told you a new secret? That was years ago. We're sixteen now, we have more going on…" When Vevina appeared unconvinced, Venus gave a weak laugh, brushing it off. "I'm not jealous of anyone…"_

Venus turned about, languorous in her attitude. "What's the matter, Daddy?" she asked, derisive. "You'd kill your own kid to get Mommy back! You shouldn't be _scared_ to fight me…" Flashes of her copies, twins, appeared as a haze between her, around her. This Ark Angel of Envy took her front stance, fists stretching the leather of her gloves. "All you care about is finding her, anyway. What if _we _died? Would you care? Would you do all of this for us if Mommy was still with you? I bet you wouldn't!"

Elegance in envy, Venus danced, sprouting spiraling vines of viridian from the flora around them. Ensnared in this lock of natural chains, raised high above the ground, Paine could think only of how she and Venus had left things beyond the Farplane. Tremors started from Venus' stomps in this refined dance. This Otherworld's earth thickened these vines, constricting harder. Blood-flow cut off, wrists pulled to either side, head hung as if waiting in chains, this envy drove Paine into the ground at Venus's dancing command. Eyefuls of dust and pollen Paine suffered through the slits of her helm. Penance for breaking her mother's heart, treating them as she had in that emotional confusion from Nyte's Sphere; Paine allowed this, summoning the courage to _do this_.

_She's fast, she's graceful…I have to slow her down, make her stay in one spot, and…_

Knowing still that this was not _her _Venus, this guilt bled clear through her strategy. That guilt, Paine used to break free from these vines. To the ground she fell, at mercy to Venus' fearless kicks forcing her up. On her feet again, punched and kicked in quick shows of gymnastics, martial arts. Enough was enough.

_Diabolic Eye _Paine used, gleaming crimson surrounding this sacrifice: vitality lowered, speed and accuracy improved. Enhancements ignored—Venus dodged her strikes with ease, laughing. Constant repeats, _miss, miss, miss, near-miss _in Venus' teasing; her daughter, her angel spun out of the way, twirling most times, body mass dissolving into mirrors of her copies whenever Paine struck through her. In some of those shadows, she saw Vevina in true form, without this armor and pale skin. This Paine took as a reminder of what else she had to fight for.

Frustrated, getting nowhere with this, Paine stepped back to catch her breath. Sarcastic, scathing, Venus danced in place, teasing her need for a breather. Paine knew Venus could keep going, forever, if she so desired. _How? _This angelic imitation lived up to her muse. Venus somersaulted toward her, glowing in her intent to enfeeble. What Venus had said in the Via Infinito came back to Paine at the last second:

"_I love this too much to stop."_

Both blades brought over her halo, crossed; Paine blocked this drop kick. She knelt down to brace against her daughter's weight. Same momentum returned: she threw Venus back through the air, away. At Venus' landing, her most vulnerable second, Paine shot black magic forward—_Break_. Petrification, turned to stone in this spot, Venus could do nothing but wait for this to wear. Sprinting forward in this rush Paine went before her spell failed her. Both blades in hand, pointed ahead, charging ahead as a behemoth's horns at this helpless target.

Metamorphosis of stone to skin, her blades pierced through Venus' stomach. Impetus forward, pushing back in this impaling. Arched velocity, pulling her hilts, Venus' body up, around, back down head-first to the ground, broken spine, cutting through those screams. Dissolving crystal showed for the fourth time—not the last. Regret caught up to Paine in her reflection. Wondering if she would have done the same if that had truly been Venus, Vevina or Vidina. That weight she carried with her, following Lulu's form to the fifth destination down this road.

_There remained but one Ark Angel they had not decided on—Rage. Lulu didn't need to hear their speculations, for she'd already had the perfect candidate in mind._

Fifth and final Ark Angel—complete shock: this one Paine did not anticipate at all. She'd expected Raine to be here. This armored figure before her, back turned, Judge Magister armor identical to her own in this misplaced masculinity. Horned helm decorated the same as hers; family crest upon this cape marking marriage to her wife; dual blades, gunblade and aged one from her warrior dressphere both.

_Lulu returned to their bedroom. She found Paine sitting upon the bed in her warrior dressphere, hunched over, toying with the rings over her fingers. That scowl had not left her wife's face. Eruptions from earlier made Lulu keep this distance between them, out of anger, confusion—not only with her wife, but with her mother for keeping such a thing from her. _Why _was this necessary to endure in exchange for the power Vegnagun had siphoned to Paine hours ago? Were here emotions running amok, out of control because of this new, foreign energy inside of her?_

_Why is she acting like her father used to? This cannot be a mere coincidence…_

This reflection stared back at her: enraged, outlined with that emotion in this crimson glow. Steps toward her—empowered, bloodthirsty, ruthless. Imitation reminded Paine of all she had lost herself to days ago at that sphere's behest. Tunneled vision she'd had, able only to see as this one did. Challenges awaited in battle and sex, mindless raping of her wife, cruelty shouted at their children…

_Irritated sigh Paine let out as she stood up, going over to the nightstand. She snatched the roses from the vase, out of the water. Uncaring of the fear and tears breaking the certainty, the very beauty in Lulu's face—cold, callous, Paine shoved these flowers into Lulu's arms, speaking the truth:_

"_I don't love you anymore."_

Ark Angel of Rage as a compliment to Lulu's Fury, still female; this second Paine spoke, snide, "Did you think you could get rid of me that easily?" More paces in Paine's direction Rage took, vengeful. "I'm a part of you. Just because Lulu held that bullet from firing in your face doesn't mean I'm dead. She's too proud to admit it—she wants me more than you. She wants someone who will break her down, challenge her, _end _her. You?" Rage scoffed, drawing her blades as Paine did—exact. "All you do is follow her orders like a mindless tool. You won't survive this story. _I_ will!"

Solo distended into duet, charging forth as drawn to one another, Paine at last lost sovereignty over her body. Clash of swords, attacking, striking, beating again and again; force stringed unending, competition in persona. Veins full of drive driven by Lulu, written by Lulu, losing was not an option under her control. Consent gifted, used in this way, willing. Continuous conflict as this mirror, Rage mimicked Paine in origin, not reaction.

_Souleater _started by both, wisps of skulls and shadows surrounding their heads, sacrificing vitality for this strength. _Last Resort _rallied as a removal of defenses in exchange for more power. String of never-ending assaults, mirrored the same, suffering the same. Sole difference: canvas of perception, emotion, dictating who would win with stamina, determination or both. _Blood Weapon _triggered by Rage, by Paine, same time, no split-second differences—gatherings of blood absorbed from this parallel, soaking up this damage taken and bleeding out damage given. _Guillotine _set off by the two, rings wrapped about, trapping them in motion; darkness scything through this reality, opening the next.

Paine's advantage—her memories with Lulu, untainted by lies from outside influences. These she used to fuel her strikes stronger than this second. Moments that Lulu had refused to reveal to another; times that Lulu had not been able to help, unafraid to show Paine the depths of her character. Lulu breaking down beyond her will in the locker room of the blitzball stadium during the first tournament; Lulu opening herself to shameless enjoyment during their night together in Lake Macalania's travel agency; countless times Lulu had stopped that bullet from firing in more ways than one with her fury or Gippal's revolver; nights they had spent in bed, Lulu clutching onto her, gripping onto the sanity Paine gave in their love again and again no matter the sacrifice; rare, unexpected moments of forgiveness Lulu had shown her, after the miscarriage, after their recent argument over Wakka, because of their exclusivity.

This _Rage _had none of those. This Rage existed only as a lesson—to not get the better of her. If Lulu had truly wanted her, they would not be here; Paine would not be here, fighting for but the chance to see her for a moment.

All of these advantages Paine siphoned to her strikes, staggering Rage at last. More strikes, more staggers, straight-up, stronger, straightforward, to _show _this imitation that she was wrong. Armor broken through in this relentlessness, heart exposed. Through that unfeeling heart Paine stabbed, one sword at a time. Crystal blood ripped forth in this carnage, Paine did not stop. Limbs severed from this reflection. Impaling clear through this false body that held her emotional mistakes, Paine tore Rage apart.

Crystal light faded into the air. All five Ark Angels defeated—individually. This was not yet over. For the final time, chimes of Lulu's accessories sounded; her violet silhouette showed her the way.

Weakened footsteps Paine took through these flowers wilting beneath the weight of her dripping blood. Weary, weighted down by her battles, Paine fathomed not the idea of stopping before Lulu allowed her to. Heart bleeding as her love commanded, Paine would have walked this path, endlessly, so long as she had this sight to follow. Thoughts, memories filled out this shadow before her with images of Lulu's true body, there, leading her to this final battle. Wonderful illusions of Lulu holding her hand filled her. Sufficient life breathed into her in these new breaths she took.

In a valley of flowers amid sprawling cliffs of impossible heights waited all of the Ark Angels, together.

Deep breath Paine took as she followed this form of her wife down into the vale. This halo over her head she felt leave her at last. Lulu's silhouette did not turn to recast _Auto-Life _on her. When Paine arrived to the perimeter of this battlefield, her wife's shadow walked into her, warming. She heard Lulu's voice one last time before this second disappearance into pyreflies:

"_In defeating the five Ark Angels at once, you will have overcome many of your own personal hardships… Though you may have killed your ignorance to your flaws, by no means do I need you to be perfect. You are a wonderful father…the most caring, attentive lover I could have ever dreamed of… Live through my pen with your blades and you will be that much closer to finding me. I love you, Paine. We will see one another again soon…"_

Sighs of these pyreflies surrounded her, empowering. Sorrowful they were, she found strength in them all the same. Suffering anything Lulu created for her in on purpose or otherwise. Vows made, mentally; Paine stepped forward.

Ark Angel of Apathy, Arrogance, Cowardice, Envy and Rage: Lightning, Gabranth, Elysia, Venus and Paine's twisted twin took their stances. Strengthened by their defeats, familiar with Paine's style, Venus, Gabranth, Lightning and Rage charged forth. Safe, staying back, _Ataraxia _spinning, Elysia summoned another dark aeon. Four blades—two each from Gabranth and Rage, Paine parried with her own. Countering this charge, Paine struck them both down. Lightning's_ Shield Bash _rammed, forceful. Heels and blades digging into the earth, skidding backward, Paine held her ground until she stopped.

Enhancements to the angel from Venus, dancing and dancing—she needed to be dealt with. Surrounding steel as a flurry of attacks, Paine refused to let them deter her. _Berserk _activated, sinew strengthened, doubled, finding Venus with her blade. Evasion Paine countered with _Helter-Skelter's _swiping strikes, _Omen's _vertical cleaves. Thick frost her breaths came out as in this sudden chill, Dark Shiva summoned. All of Paine's augmentations, dispelled by Shiva's physical attacks. Wide sickle of ice sent down over her head; immune to _Heavenly Strike's _slow effect, slowed enough in her sturdy armor. Able enough to think through this cacophony of sword and sorcery, Paine focused on her goal—getting there at all costs.

Stabbed in the back, perforated through her torso; frozen still for seconds before thawing; punched and kicked to poor effect with her protective armor; helm torn from her, tossed aside, roots of her hair gripped, nearly-forced to taste pierces of swords; _Absorb _spells from Rage's _Arcana _trying to steal her attributes; bullets fired from Lightning's gunblade, grazing her neck, her collar, symbol of slavery; piece of her breastplate ripped from her to show this torn, bleeding black cashmere underneath, exposed; no space to maneuver, striking blindly in this mob of five against one, dressphere close to breaking, breaking, Paine had to do something—

How each of them had had their part in her personal destruction… Honing in on this truth, how it affected her: strength broiling, mana recharging, _Arcana _activating. Absolute darkness they deserved to know, her full potential after all she had learned. Reminiscent of her battle against Lulu not long ago, that closeness in time haunted. Surrounded, vitality nearly at its end, Paine broke them back by force field of black. Gathering this sorrow and lessons learned, focusing on all of them—in her way, their time had to end.

Hilts gripped, wrists high over her head; brought down at her sides, _Black Sky _rained down her masochism by Lulu's order as visual. Masses of darkness came down as a calamity, destroying these Ark Angels. Enemies of mind, of heart defeated. Collective crystal changed all she saw around her, energies dispersing to the sky above. Paine heard one last call as all became white.

"_May Jubileus, The Creator, Grace You…"_

Slowing down, pitch white obfuscated through, silencing as a shield over her perception. Valley and flowers shifted, up, as the earth moved, Otherworld forced from her feet. Gravity lost, weakness she fell into. Threads of life Paine held onto, falling in this void of her victory.

—

Falling stopped when someone grabbed her hand, pausing this descent. As if she weighed far less, Paine hung by this hold, waking up to reality. Debris and chunks of ground pulled upward to the void of light above, blinding. Cliff of successive people she knew, _actual _people all waited among those great heights. This one who held her hand pulled her up, slight. Too weary to express surprise at seeing him again, Paine barely kept her eyes open, bleeding.

Tidus pulled her up a bit more, smiling. "Hey there, Paine!" he said, cheerful as ever, "You're not done yet! This is only the beginning! Promise you'll hang in there! I might not see you again…but that's okay. Bet you're not complaining!" In this near-weightlessness, anti-gravity for her alone, he tossed her higher to the next person on standing this cliff. Gloved hands formed in the old Yevon sphere—the same as the blitzball sign for victory—Tidus bowed. "Good luck and keep scoring those wins!"

Jecht grabbed her hand. "Hey-hey, you sure gave those angels a beating!" he told her, grinning. "It's like he said—this is just the start. You got a _long _way to go before it's all said and done! You're lucky Lulu cares about you this much, writin' all this… It's crazy! I know you'll get through it. No complaints!" Up to the third person he threw her, giving Paine a thumbs-up. "I won't be in the story, neither! Not that much, anyway! You better not forget me! I'm rootin' for ya!"

Braska caught her next, smiling warmly. "I must apologize," he offered, head bowed, "For not telling you of all this sooner… Jecht and I knew, those years ago, when we found you at Lake Macalania. I'd thought of sending Lulu then, to save you this agony… Nonetheless, your sorrow has fueled you to great lengths. It was a wonder to watch you fight all this way." To the fourth he guided her, gently, watching her go. "When you see her again, tell Yuna I said hello! Please protect her, always…"

Leblanc smirked as she took her hand, holding it gingerly as if to tease she would let her fall. "Why hello, love," she said, flirtatious, "Didn't expect to find me here, hm? Well, just so you know, I'm not _dead_! My looks never age, either. Don't you agree? I'll let you tell me how beautiful I've grown after all these years when next we meet!" Fifth person standing on this cliff, Leblanc sent her to. With her _Lady Luck _fan, Leblanc waved after Paine, calling, "Goodbye for now, love! I can't wait to see you fight again! It had _better _be for me next time!"

Gippal clapped his hand in hers, supportive, friendly. "You made it, bro! That was frickin' _awesome_ how you beat all those guys down, not once, but twice! You gotta get me in on your diet and training… And yeah, might not see me too much for a while. I'll be around when I can, yeah? No worries!" Higher to the sixth person waiting, Gippal led her to. With both arms, he waved to her as she went. "Hey, I know we had our share of disagreements and all… Whatever happens, I'm still your best man! You're not allowed to forget, you hear me?!"

Baralai held Paine's wrist, head lowered, looking somber. "I should also apologize," he spoke, soft. "It was a mistake to let my blind ambition get the better of me. New Yevon's Maesters held far too much control over my actions. Either way, that doesn't excuse my betrayals. I hope we can put our differences aside now, and move on as friends…" To the seventh person Baralai showed her, smiling a little. "May The Creator Grace You, my friend! 'Till we see each other again."

Bellona, her mother, held both of Paine's hands, light, weakened in her old age. She smiled, dressed always in her white mage robes, warmed to see Paine again after all these years. When she spoke, the lack of stuttering awoke Paine to her mother's emotional recoveries with Lulu's aid, "I'm proud of you. You've found the best wife I could have hoped for you. She has done so much for your father and me." Above to the eighth person Bellona eased her, waving. "We'll see you soon…"

Nyte gripped her hand and wrist, strong, unyielding. He frowned in good-humor, aged far beyond Paine's memory—those crimson eyes she still remembered, though not with this kindness therein. "Ahh, damn, the pictures didn't lie!" he groused, teasing. "You cut your hair! Didn't I tell you to grow it out like your mother? Told you I didn't want people callin' you a tomboy… well, too late now! Your wife's fine with it, I might as well be!" Higher now to the ninth person Nyte threw her, heartening. "When I see you again, you better not be all beat up! That's an order, Judge Magister Nyte!"

Nooj took Paine's hand in his, smiling down at her from behind his spectacles. "Hello, Paine, and congratulations," he said, warm. "You are the first of all your iterations to make it this far. What Lulu's done is nothing short of remarkable. I'm sure you're anxious to see how it all plays out. You're almost there." To the tenth and final person closer to this swallowing vortex of white Nooj directed her, giving an encouraging nod. "I'll see you soon, old friend."

Auron stood at the edge of the highest point of this cliff, holding her by the collar. He looked behind, above to that swallowing entity. "You are sure?" he asked, waiting to receive an answer Paine could not hear beyond her pounding heart. Back to Paine he turned, this rock beneath lifting them both. "This is it," he declared, easing higher into this white void. "This is your story. It all begins here…"

All the debris, all the Otherworld, the Farplane—the entire dimension of this time went overhead to this white, slanted handwriting from Lulu swirling about as black ink throughout. Pulled and pulled into this art created as real in Lulu's labors of mind and heart, nearly lost to it; all-encompassing white from that care Paine perceived, pure, persevering, drowning her in a new dimension, new purgatory, new hell, new heaven in Spira shaped by their highest dreams.

_end of disk IV. please insert part V._


	68. V: The Scorpion

"_I'm Hiding" by Korn_

_Trial of ignorant fear sentences  
You, Your Honor, to days in sun's prison,  
Chained in arid heat by shown allegiance  
In your armor, your cape, in chains lissome.  
Cowardice shows, inferior, this man  
Who shows your wounds as a trophy, displayed  
At Home's highest point—escape, not on land,  
And remember her kindness not astray.  
Return to our mirrors, journey with them  
To see this promise through, bringing friendships  
Across Spira, learning the rules, some then  
Seas offer in fear, conquer shadowed lips:  
Facing fears greatest in youth, forget not—  
Find honor with me as my eyes do rot._

Scorching heat of the Bikanel Desert; foreign men taunting, laughing. Armor half-broken, limbs weakened, wounds collecting sand. Groups of Al Bhed surrounded Paine, dragging her through the searing sands by her arms. Helmless, ears clogged by blood, eyes shut against this glaring sun, head full of shame. Yevon hate they all spewed in their cipher, glad to have caught this Judge Magister—deemed as a blind upholder of Yevon's laws and beliefs. Sunburned face covered in grime, sweat, sand, salt from these tears that had joined, trailing through dirt. This far from where she'd been, weakened, unable to tell left from right. Thoughts trickled in of her family, needing to find them again.

Chill from the shade she felt far later of the buildings of Home. Indoor, cooled only from the stone make of this building. Corridors these Al Bhed pulled her through, winding pathways and staircases, cheering spectators congratulating her capture. Children among this crowd…a girl with pigtails and a boy an eye patch, both no older than ten years old she noticed among them, strangely familiar despite this mass of blonds, blondes and green eyes. Will paralyzed, subject to powers beyond her; she fell into this powerlessness, deep sleep to rest.

Wrists chained and arms pulled perpendicular. Armored knees scraping the steel she kneeled upon. Thick, spiked choker manned more chains, forcing her head down. Impossible freeze of night numbed her burned face. Shoulders raised, skin of her neck stretched in this position. Disoriented movements chimed these chains through the distance of the desert. Raised platform atop Home overlooking the vastness of Bikanel Desert—endless dunes and fiends along this horizon. Celebrations down below of Home's residents reached not her ears too high above that jubilation. Some of the Al Bhed refused to join in that happiness, sitting in small groups, pointing up to her on occasion. She fell asleep again.

Forceful backhand to her jaw, sinewy knuckles and parched skin woke Paine days later. Shadowed outline of a burly man loomed over her, blocking the light of high noon. Second strike, her blood he spilled, smirking, satisfied with her busted lower lip. Behind him stood a little girl clutching onto his leg.

Cid, leader of the Al Bhed and Home—Rikku's father. When Paine tried to make sure it was Rikku, Cid gripped the roots of her lengthened hair, hissing in his foreign accent, "Keep your eyes off my little girl! Yevon hound dog! I oughtta put your ass to death!" He shoved Paine back, scoffing. Too weak even to clutch the taut, wide chains behind her wrists; Paine kept her head down. "I bet they'll be here any day to try an' save you… Better to keep you out on display 'til they get here! Your other Judge Magister punk got away from us with one of the summoners. I ain't makin' the same mistake twice!"

Overhead, a large Zu circled around Home's perimeter, errant black feathers from both wings falling in its wake. Through the falls of her hair, Paine focused on it, solid thought returning to her: being able to fly away from this place, to find the ones she missed.

Harder backhand from Cid; Paine tensed her hands, finding more strength. "You got _dreams _do ya?" he asked, mocking. "Think you wanna fly away from here? Then what? You gonna go back to Yevon with your tail between your legs?! Damn coward!" Hardest, final strike, blood spattering. Her torso beneath her broken breastplate he kicked and kicked, laughing. Trembling grip of these chains Paine managed, fleeting. In Al Bhed, Cid spat at her, "_Close-minded fools sacrificed that summoner to kill Sin. If she were still here, she'd be alive! If Yevon wants a war over it, we'll give them one…_"

He sneered at her before leaving. Rikku stayed, staring at her with eyes wide. So much younger…her friend had reverted to a child, gaping as if she had no recollection of Paine whatsoever. That boy she'd seen must have been Gippal. No energy to ponder this change in age, this reversal of time to pious times of Yevon and Sin. Cid barked at his daughter to get moving. Rikku hurried to comply, frightened. Paine watched her go, regretting not asking her how old she was…

Burning rays of the sun above overheated Paine in her armor and cashmere underneath. Dripping sweat hit steel below, gathering. Such great heights…if she tried to jump, to escape, she would have died. Panting in this heat, parched, and dehydrated. Gathering masses of people along the far horizon: she winced, trying to discern their identity, failing. Heavy thoughts of her family, her failure to locate them, trapped in repentance for what she'd done to Seymour… She tried to find sleep again.

No dreams, no sound—illusions found her in sleep, of Lulu standing before her, Domme outfit, commanding, pacing in those heels. With cruel care, Lulu lifted Paine's chin. Paine flinched at this touch of water from Lulu's conjuring spell. Ice cold over her wounds, triggering; Paine clamped her lips shut. Mistrust of that element, lingering regrets. Watery, sharp, Lulu slapped her awake.

Vesper's smolder settled over the desert; the figures in the distance had grown closer, grew closer: a legion of Yevon's soldiers marching toward Home. Guardian wyrms flew with this army, wings and long necks blocking dusk's glow along the sky's edge. Far below within Home's borders, crowds scattered and screamed as the Al Bhed mobilized their machina and frontline engineers.

Blocking that view stood Rikku, holding a cup of water in her trembling hands. Tautness from these chains over Paine's wrists and spiked choker remained. Weak efforts she made at regarding her friend, now a child. Fearful curiosity Rikku showed, tipping this cup along Paine's chapped, bleeding lips for her to drink.

"_I brought you some water and potions_," said Rikku in Al Bhed, as an afterthought. Slowly, Paine drank the water and Al Bhed potions, inhaling, exhaling between swallows. "_Sorry I couldn't bring you more…my dad's looking for me. Yevon's going to attack us." _Rikku paused, watching Paine lick the dregs of water around her mouth. In Spiran, this time, she asked, "Do you know what I said?"

"Yes," replied Paine, steadily regaining her vitality. "Thank you, Rikku…"

Rikku jumped a little in surprise. "You know my name?" she asked, holding the empty cup close. "How?"

Approaching soldiers on the horizon weighed on Paine's fatigue; she could not think of an answer. "You need to hide," she said instead, worried for Rikku's safety. "Don't worry about me…I don't want anything to happen to you. Is there…somewhere you can go? Somewhere safe…?"

"Wait!" said Rikku, setting the cup down. From her pocket, she retrieved a set of keys. "I stole these from my dad. I don't think he knows yet." She hurried to unlock the shackles around Paine's wrists, the choker around Paine's neck. "There! You can go now! I have a safe place to hide." Out of habit, exhaustion, Paine could not move her limbs to freedom right away. She stayed in this position, chains tight; wrists free enough to tear free once she was able. "Will I see you again?"

"One day…can't say when…" Before Rikku could go, Paine asked, "How old are you…?"

Rikku smiled and said, "I'm eight!" At the first fire of the Al Bhed's cannons down below, she screamed, covering her ears. "Have to go now, my friends are waiting! You'll make it! See you again, Your Honor!"

Paine watched her go back inside. She contemplated following. Invisibility or, changing dresspheres at all, would tax her too much. She couldn't escape that way—the Al Bhed would recognize her in this armor. Jumping was the only option. Not at all eager to risk such a thing, Paine waited, watching the war rage through the desert beyond, thinking. Rikku was eight years old—in their time, Rikku had only been on year younger than her, and two years younger than Yuna. Cid had mentioned something about one of the summoners escaping with another Judge Magister. This same summoner had been sacrificed to defeat Sin. Sacrificed, calling the Final Aeon. Thus the Calm was in effect for now, for a few years.

As night fell, she felt the life return to her limbs. Sudden sound of the heavy door opening nearby alerted Paine to another presence. Stomping boots rushed over to her. Cid punched her, shouting, "Tell your damn Yevon dogs to surrender! They want you and all my summoners alive! My men are out there dyin' to a buncha guardian wyrms and muskets!"

Cid continued to scream, spitting. Another Zu circled around Home, black wings flapping, nearing. Kindness from his daughter; anger from memories resurfacing made Paine curl her wrists back to grip these chains. One arm she thrust forward, shackles and chains lashing this man; second followed, striking his stumbling, sending him screaming over the edge to his death. Paine unshackled herself, wrists and arms aching deep. Hissing breaths she took as she removed this choker, as each of the chains fell to the steel at her knees. Freedom she had for but a moment. She could think of no way to escape these heights, this desert, or this conflict.

This same Zu flew close enough for her to jump upon. Blades drawn, she got to her feet. She ran to the edge of this outdoor prison and jumped. _Omen _first, _Helter-Skelter _followed, Paine drove this steel into the struggling fiend as poor excuses for reigns. Eastward to the sea she directed the Zu, high above the firing cannons and muskets, fires burning, smoke rising, soldiers clashing with machina and flesh alike. Night's chill in the sky over the ocean refreshed her—not enough to rid this stubborn weakness, mind and body. Breathing, heart beating deep and hard for her wife, her children, harder than she could remember of the past; taking this air in, grateful for this liberation, she had but one persistent thought, to find them. No idea where to look, except Besaid. If Rikku was much younger in this world…Paine didn't want to think of what had become of everyone else she knew. For the hours of this journey, she recalled each of the possible routes to take to Besaid. If no one else, at least Lulu had to be there.

Altitude lowered and lowered beginning over the islands of the Thunder Plains. Struggling, wings flapping in vain, the Zu lowered more as they neared the vast snowy paths of Lake Macalania. Sudden cold, opposite of the heat the fiend was used to, the Zu crashed into the snow; Paine landed hard upon the ground, winded. Hunger clawed at her stomach. Dull aches in her body kept her still in this freezing gale. Heavy steps of another fiend approaching shook the ground she lay upon. Fatigue ordered her eyes closed, to forget this famine. Years-old image she had before sleep found her, of kissing Lulu in this snow by their group's campfire: full lips, inviting, touching, needing. How warm Lulu had been…

Movement that was not her own awoke Paine hours later. Warm mane, purple, sinewy limbs, stomping steps, lying face-down upon this fiend's back—a fully-grown behemoth who sought to do no harm. Vague reminders formed into solid recollection when she said out loud, "Bane…?" A low growl sounded Bane's acknowledgment. He trekked through these empty roads en route to the travel agency, carrying her as he had done during the war in Zanarkand just weeks ago.

"You're awake, kupo!" said Elias, floating along next to her. "Oh, how relieved I am! Vevina sent me to look for you not long ago, kupo. I promised I would find you! Bane will take us back to the travel agency, kupo."

"Travel agency…?" asked Paine, wincing through this blizzard. "Vevina's there?" Elias sounded his affirmative, warming her. "What about the others? My son? Venus? Or, Lulu…?"

Elias lowered his bauble. "Only Venus, kupo," he replied. "We don't know where everyone else is…" Another ache overtook Paine for but a moment. She had to be grateful enough that at least her girls were safe, and that they remembered her. "Unfortunately, it will take us a few hours to arrive to the agency, kupo. Are you hungry, Paine?"

Paine did not have to reply; rather, her lack of assent said more than enough. Bane stopped at a wanderer's camp, lying down to rest. Elias moved to the logs formed in the center of the camp, casting a simple spell of _Fire _to light them. From his satchel he procured rations to cook, appearing quite happy to do this for her. She watched him, wondering how long it had been since she'd last eaten. Sorrow had robbed her of her appetite; hope had returned it, relieved to see the twins again soon. As she ate, her armor steadily repaired itself, and her helmet returned to shield her face from the cold. Bane continued on to the travel agency, reaching the perimeter before nightfall.

Panic incited from passerby in front of the travel agency at the sight of Bane nearing the building. He stopped, roaring at them in annoyance. Distinctive screams from Venus sounded in that cacophony, making Paine sit up atop Bane's back. That travel agency—she remembered it well. She slid down to the snow below, standing on her own. In thanks, she rubbed his mane, smiling at her daughters down the way. In their hooded robes and boots reminiscent of white mages, Vevina and Venus ran to her, jumping up to hold her about her neck. Same age, both of them, same hold even in their relief; Paine could worry for nothing else with them here.

"You're both all right," she said, unwilling to let them go just yet. "Have you been here this whole time? Did anything happen?"

"We've woke up in one of the travel agency's rooms," replied Vevina. "We stayed for a few days, wondering if we should go to Besaid or not… Mommy's probably there. We didn't know about you. Yesterday, Elias said he sensed you were nearby. I asked him to go look for you. I'm glad I did."

"Daddy!" said Venus, removing Paine's helmet, "Why's your hair so long? You look weird, like one of those fairy tale knights in little kids' books! You need to cut it, now! I don't like it."

Paine used her hand to comb the falls of her hair from her face, grimacing. "Sorry…I didn't mean for it to grow. Not sure how it got this long so soon." Vevina smiled, handing her a small stone of amethyst. "What's this?"

"It's a summon stone for Bane," said Vevina, nodding to him. Venus backed away. "I think Fang wants us to keep him for a while. We won't be able to take him into town with us…the people here are already freaking out. He can stay in there until we need him again. I don't think he minds." Paine held the stone up to Bane—he disappeared inside, shimmering as crystal as he went. She surveyed the summon stone before equipping it to her garment grid, feeling his strength therein. "Daddy, where do you think we should go? I don't know where or _when _we are. We heard people talking about the Calm, though…"

Elias floated over to Vevina, for her to hold him again. "We're currently nine hundred and ninety-three years in the future after the Machina War in your Zanarkand, kupo," he supplied, making Venus frown. "It seems that our actions in Zanarkand haven't affected this timeline at all. Sin was recently defeated, and the Calm has begun, kupo. Braska is not the High Summoner of this Calm. It's a different summoner this time!"

Paine recalled Cid's words, scowling at the memory of him. "A summoner with at least one Judge Magister as her guardian," she said, grave. And, as she said the words, their faces came to mind—what they had gone through, what this meant. "It has to be Elysia… I'm not sure if she had Gabranth and Raine with her, or only one of them. Whoever she chose as her Final Aeon will be the next Sin…"

Though Venus and Vevina expressed their worry over the matter, Paine sensed they knew not of the severity of the situation. They had never experienced Sin's destruction and death firsthand. Lulu's decision to put them all back in this time would change that. Depending on who had become Elysia's Final Aeon, there would be far more cause to worry. Her heart sank and froze, because she _knew_ which one of them Elysia had chosen. By that same intuition, she knew not to worry over it—not now.

"So…" began Venus, looking toward the nearby entrance to the Macalania Woods, "If Braska didn't beat Sin this time, does that mean he lives with Yunie in Bevelle? Or is she all alone there? Is she the same age?"

"I met Rikku not too long ago," said Paine, walking with her girls and Elias toward the travel agency, "She's only eight years old. That and she didn't remember me at all…" _And I killed her father…_ "If she's eight, then Yuna must be ten. Something might've happened to Braska and her mother. She's probably still in Bevelle in that case, unless Kimahri found her. We should go check the temple."

"Wait, how did you meet Rikku?" asked Venus. "Isn't she an Al Bhed? They're all in Bikanel, aren't they? How did you get all the way here from there?! I know we haven't been there or anything… Isn't it _really _far from here on Spira's map?"

Paine smiled, holding both of them about their shoulders. "I hitched a ride on a flying fiend," she said.

Venus laughed out loud. "Oh, Daddy, you're so funny!" she said, flicking her wrist.

Vevina rolled her eyes. "Why's that so hard to believe?" she asked. "She rode here on Bane's back. Crossing the ocean on a fiend isn't that much of a stretch if you think about it."

Venus considered this as they made their way to Macalania. Vevina sighed, likely glad to have some peace and quiet. Paine kept smiling, glad to have this chance to travel on foot with them throughout the world. She and Lulu had taken the twins and Vidina on a number of vacations throughout the years, but only to locations in those thousand years of the past before Sin. Deep cerulean from Macalania's coolness caught the twins' eyes—the glitter and glow of the fayth throughout the woods had them looking about, preferring this sight to the pictures they'd seen in books.

Yet, as they walked, Paine noticed growing sorrow about her daughters. Something in their eyes told her they thought of Lulu, how they'd been unable to say goodbye before she disappeared. She held them closer as they crossed through to the rich, decorative reds and golden hues of Bevelle's Highbridge, reliving that moment with them in silence. They asked no questions over the incident; they did not want to know how it was she'd been unsent, why no one had said anything. Such reflection called Paine back to how many times she could have suffered the same fate of death. Fate wanted her here instead. So long as she believed they would see Lulu again in Besaid, she could accept _fate _without much remorse.

_I wonder where Vidina is… Fang, Lightning, the Gullwings, Auron, everyone else. Elysia's on the Farplane again after her Final Aeon killed her. If Venus is here after I fought her Ark Angel form, then the others have to be around somewhere. Maybe Rage, too. _

As they all crossed through to Bevelle's entrance, Paine looked down at Venus. Strong, lingering memories from her battle with Venus' likeness made her ill with guilt. Ruthlessness she'd exacted even in her hesitation. She could not imagine doing the same if it had truly been Venus, or Vevina, or Vidina, or all three of them. Frequent shows of respect toward Paine from Bevelle's citizens helped to distract her from those thoughts. They all recognized her armor and cape, what they meant. Hopefully, she could simply use her position for her advantage; she had no plans of swearing her allegiance to Yevon.

When they arrived to the Palace of Saint Bevelle's ground floor, a number of temple monks approached them, bowing to Paine in the old Yevon circle. Excited whispers from the temple's visitors reached them, annoying Venus to the point of exasperation—her tolerance for Yevon was quite low, as low as Paine's, whereas Vevina didn't seem to mind the attention. This irony was not lost upon Paine, holding back a smile as she asked the monks of Yuna's whereabouts. They directed her to the altar atop the tower.

"UGH, this is the worst!" said Venus, scowling as they all stepped upon the machina platform. "I thought I'd never have to deal with these hypocrites! How did Mommy _believe _in this bull?" Winding up the tower they went, away from their admirers. Venus removed her hood, combing her nails through her violet highlights. "Daddy, is it a sin to have different colors in my hair? Is that why me and Vevina are wearing these things?"

"I don't know, baby girl," replied Paine, curious as to why Vevina was unbothered by all of this. "All we can do is learn as we go. One thing—we shouldn't mention to anyone that we came from Zanarkand. As far as everyone knows, the city is a bunch of ruins in this time. I don't want people in our business."

"Okay, Daddy," said Vevina. She noticed Venus' raised eyebrow, and asked, "What did I do this time? Have I upset Her Majesty, unknowingly? This poor peasant apologizes for not knowing any better…"

Venus scoffed. "Oh, stop it!" she ordered, stomping her foot on the metal below, echoing. "How are you just _okay _about this?! Don't you know what this means? When we go to Besaid that means no more electricity! No laptop, no internet, no wireless, no stupid memes, no more pathetic emails from boys who want to have sex with me…"

At that last, Vevina scowled. "You're not vain at all, are you…?" she asked, sarcasm dripping.

"Whatever! You get the point! How am I supposed to keep up with my dance routines on an _island_?!"

"Venus," said Paine, readying to exit the lift, "Try not to worry about it. We'll figure something out. You should be more concerned about us finding Vidina and your mother again. Save the rest for later…"

"Hold on." Vevina pulled from her pocket a thick, black blindfold with no strap. "Venus, I think we're supposed to wear these…remember what I told you yesterday?"

Venus retrieved hers. "Oh…" She and Vevina placed the blindfolds over their eyes. Venus flailed her arms about, trying to walk straight ahead to the stairs of the altar high in the sky. "I can't see anything!"

Paine stared at her girls, puzzled. "Why are you wearing those things?" she asked, guiding both of them steadily up the stairs. Venus slowed down, disoriented. Vevina resumed her habit from her previous blindness—tilted head, hand held out with fingers together, wrist bent. In her other arm she held Elias. "I assume it has to do with your hoods."

Vevina hummed in agreement. "I think it's because we look like Mommy," she speculated. "Maybe no one's supposed to notice the resemblance? I'm not sure why."

"No, that's wrong!" said Venus, gripping onto Paine for support. "This is just a really long, cruel initiation into an assassin's guild! Mommy wants us to be one with the darkness. We get to stab people from behind and take their stuff!"

When Vevina expressed her disagreement, and Venus retorted, their voices drowned out to Paine's ears. Another violet silhouette of her wife she noticed along this altar, standing in place. Farther ahead at the other end she noticed another shadow of crimson standing along one of the openings in the walls, as if about to commit suicide. That crimson jumped from the nearest windowsill to the red carpet, staring at violet. Lulu's shadow motioned—something—with her arm, waited, and then turned to walk right through her, jewels sounding and all. This second shadow ran after Lulu, through Venus who appeared not to have noticed the ethereal activity.

At the far end of the altar stood Yuna, a little girl, wearing her summer kimono. She stared out of the opening, saddened. Elias floated over to her, making Yuna smile. "Why are you here all alone, kupo?" he asked, curious. "Is everything all right?"

"I'm okay, thank you for asking," said Yuna, before looking to Paine and the twins approaching. "Oh, wow…another Judge Magister?" In the old Yevon circle, Yuna bowed; in that bow, Paine felt her anxieties rise. If Yuna didn't remember her, either… "It's nice to meet you, Your Honor!"

Paine knelt down to address Yuna properly. "You don't have to be so formal with me, Yuna," she said. As expected, Yuna looked surprised to hear her name—not as much as Rikku. "Where are your parents?"

Yuna lowered her head. "My parents…are both dead," she replied. "They were both killed in an accident a few years ago on their way to Home. This temple has been my home since I was four…"

"You're ten years old?" asked Paine. Yuna nodded, shyly so. "Did you know a summoner named Elysia?"

"Oh, yes!" said Yuna. "Haven't you heard? High Summoner Elysia defeated Sin five days ago! I knew her and her daughter for a long time. They were very kind to me. I miss them both." Her daughter…_which daughter? _"Her guardian Raine was a Judge Magister like you. Lady Elysia said to wait here for you…and that you would take me as far away from here as you could. I like Bevelle, but…it gets lonely sometimes."

_Raine… There's no denying it. Raine will be Sin once the Calm is over._

"Did I say something wrong, Your Honor?" asked Yuna, when Paine could only frown in response.

Paine stood up, shaking her head. "No, you didn't," she said. She gestured to the twins. "Yuna, these are my daughters, Venus and Vevina. They're both sixteen. And our moogle is Elias. We'll escort you southward to the Isle of Besaid. That should be far enough from Bevelle."

—

Two months passed as they traveled from Bevelle through Macalania, the Thunder Plains, Guadosalam, the Moonflow, and Mushroom Rock Road. Paine followed those shadows, calling to setup camp where the two had stopped, watching them. They had not located Vidina thus far, though she hoped they would find him soon. Upon the Mi'ihen Highroad at dusk, at the travel agency, Paine again offered for everyone to have a rest inside. She walked through the dusty road to the grass, to the cliff there overlooking the sea. Beyond, blocking the sun of the sunset stood the ruins of a stone bridge. She stared there with her helmet on, standing in this same spot when she'd learned of betrayal from Nooj—by her own despair that had possessed him, to save her from this emptiness. Beside her, these people in ghost form, purple and red, made love to one another with no sound.

_Lulu traveled through time to find me when I was fifteen, standing at that altar… That has to be how another version of me got to Besaid. And that's the timeline that had the twins. All this time…and she never once said a word about it. I always assumed that time and ours were unrelated. How naïve of me…_

Such lengths Lulu had gone to in her obsession. Locating that exact time must not have been accidental. Careful planning, justification; Paine did not doubt that Lulu had turned to the Waves of Death to search through her past, collecting information, things to hold onto. Spheres, personal items, _her old room_… Paine wondered if Lulu had somehow possessed a full map of her life, different lives and different times, having studied them in order to write her with this perfection. Had that research fuelled Lulu's plunge into madness those years ago? Paine knew not how to speculate over the matter; for there was nothing of herself, pride or secrets both, that she would not give to have Lulu in her arms again.

These months of travel instilled in her the rueful realization that Lulu would not recognize her. They would arrive to Besaid and find Lulu, Wakka, Chappu, Luzzu, Gatta and the Aurochs in their adolescence. That none of them would remember her or the twins. Though she felt that apprehension strong in her heart, she willed it to be all the more reason to find her wife once more.

These shadows she continued to follow with Yuna, Vevina, Venus and Elias, south through the Highroad. When they arrived to Luca, nostalgia and fear accosted Paine at once. Nostalgia, because she remembered passing through these streets with Lulu during their honeymoon, following down the alleyway nearby to the run-down hotel they'd stayed in. Fear, because, as she had so forgotten before, passage to Kilika and Besaid from Luca required taking the ferries between each settlement.

Down the long, busy bridge they passed, with Paine attracting attention as usual with her armor and cape. News reporters filmed her with their sphere recorders, announcing the arrival of Judge Magister Nyte, crediting her as legendary guardian to the High Summoner. Blindfolded still, Venus held onto her father's arm, possessive; Vevina showed no acknowledgment of the crowd, holding Yuna's hand. Elias stayed in Yuna's hold this time, hiding from all of the cameras. Mild temptation Paine felt to summon Bane in the middle of this crowd to clear them away. She resisted at the sight of the Sphere Theater on the east side of the city: when she and Lulu had snuck inside at night to dance with one another. That red dress her wife had worn, Paine could never forget. Texture of that flow in her hands, spinning; taste of Lulu beneath that dress, _wanting _after their dance. All they had done before, and after; fucking, humiliating, gun play, closeness. At that reminder, Paine's mouth watered, despite herself.

When they arrived to the promenade of the blitzball stadium, Paine stopped. A group of blitzball players and devoted fans clamored with one another down the steps. Their purple uniforms marked them as the Luca Goers. That distinct head of cropped crimson hair, Paine recognized. Venus removed her blindfold to see what had given her father pause, noticing Vidina there among those players. She ran ahead to her older brother, trying to get his attention.

"Vivi! You're here!" she said, pushing through this crowd. Vidina laughed with his teammates, paying her no mind. "Hey! Hello?! Don't you freaking see me here?!" When Vidina gaped at her, that look in his eyes said it all—that he knew nothing of her, and thought her strange for speaking to him this way. "What the hell's wrong with you? I _know _you know who I am!"

Paine stepped forward, removing Venus from this crowd. She didn't need to confirm anything; Vidina's teammates jostled him over Venus, teasing, telling him to go _talk _to her. Venus scoffed in all of her offense, disgusted, disappointed, watching them all leave. He appeared the same age as he was before, still twenty-two, yet he had no recollection of them at all. Paine stayed in this spot for a moment, holding Venus' shoulders to keep her from following. This sinking feeling, she knew she must get used to. She could not communicate as much to Venus, for her daughter stormed off in the other direction toward the ferry to Kilika, holding back tears of frustration.

Upon the S.S. Winno to Kilika Island, Paine sat with her daughters beneath the late afternoon sun. She watched Yuna standing near the bow with Elias, speaking with him about the sights of the sea. Here, Paine could no longer fight off the lead that had weighted her down over the months. Here, somewhere along these waters, she had failed to hold onto Lulu; separated, oblivious for sixteen years as to what had truly happened. That day, that monsoon repeated again and again in her head, unwilling to let go. It was here that Paine explained to her girls what had happened, fully—the whole story of Lulu's unsent state, how she'd traveled through time to set up her own advantages in obsessive devotion. She did not leave out the matter of the twins' original birth in Besaid, and what Raine had witnessed before bringing them back to Zanarkand.

In mentioning Raine again, Paine could not hold back her fears at the thought of her sister-in-law becoming Sin in this time. Though she remembered how Yuna and the others had defeated Sin to bring about the Eternal Calm, the Final Aeon had been Jecht. His strength was incomparable to Raine's. That strength would pose the greatest threat to bringing about the Eternal Calm once more. She could not imagine fighting Raine in that form, of Sin, of a Final Aeon, and coming out victorious, no matter how many allies she had. Lulu had defeated her once before in the tournament. She hoped that would be their saving grace, unless, their fate was to fail against Sin and die.

By the time they arrived to Kilika and made the switch to the S.S. Liki, Paine had not slept in days. These silhouettes she continued to watch, as if staring at the real thing through a rift in time. She vowed to act as a voyeur to herself if it would fight off these demons and phobias. Sounds of water crashing against the side of the ferry, distant waves growing, slight—not at all the scale of a monsoon, but reminders nonetheless of the source of her loss. Were it not nearly guaranteed that Lulu had to have been in Besaid, Paine would have considered staying in Luca to get through to Vidina instead.

Docks of Balfonheim they approached near nightfall, disembarking. Elias collapsed upon the pier, complaining, "Oh, dear, I've forgotten the heat here, kupo… My nose will dry out at this rate."

"I know!" said Venus, throwing her hands in the air. "My hair's gonna get fried in this humidity!" She fanned herself with her hood. "Do you think they sell my shampoo in the shops in the city?" Paine regarded her, thoughts plain in her face even from behind her helm. Vibes alone alerted Venus to that displeasure, though her eyes were blinded to it. "Fine, I'll shut up…"

"Thank you," spoke Vevina, relieved. Venus sneered. Yuna giggled as she always did over their antics, holding Elias once more. "Daddy, do you remember the way to Besaid? It's somewhere in the center."

Those shadows, again, Paine could see glowing in the far distance beyond Balfonheim. "Let's go," she said, leading the twins by their arms. "I hope she's here…she _has_ to be here."

Through the city they walked, taking the most expedient path to Besaid Village. Curious, it was, that Balfonheim remained in-tact through these years of Sin—an obvious sign that this was Lulu's doing, her choice to leave the city undestroyed. These same cobblestone streets with merchants selling their nautical wares, Paine remembered going through with her wife, their children, with the Gullwings, Gippal, Lightning, Fang, Braska, Auron and Jecht. Married for fifteen years… Those terrible feelings that had ravaged her in this city came back to her, with full understanding this time. Her intuition had told her something was off about Lulu's abilities to see those pyreflies. Elias must have known—he'd said nothing, though Paine could find no reason to blame him. It was much too late for that.

Down the dusty hill beneath the crescent moon they went, leading to the village at long last. Months had culminated to this point of near-sickness in Paine's stomach, out of nerves. Lulu had to have been there. She must have been there. Would she remember them? How old would she be? Would their years of love together be erased at the first sign of Lulu's amnesia? How would they interact with one another if Lulu were not the same age? Did she love Chappu already in this dimension? How would her pride deal with such _competition _from a teenage boy? Layers of sweat had built beneath her armor, silks and cashmere, hot even in this relative chill of night. Humidity reigned all the same, boiling her nerves further beyond her control. Her girls said nothing—trembling jaws, biting their lower lips, gripping her arms—they had to have been as anxious as she was. Yuna, by contrast, smiled bright in excitement, happy to be this close to her new home. As always, no matter Yuna's age, Paine envied this ease about her old friend.

When they arrived to the Besaid Village, all of the residents sat around the bonfire for dinner—the villagers all turned to regard the newcomers, moving to their feet. Bows and other signs of respect they showed to Paine, to her daughters, likely having heard the news of the family through word-of-mouth. There, in the center of that group, taking her time to stand, was Lulu—hair down, wearing a simple black dress. _Younger… So much younger. _Adolescence. Regret, rueful, rueful regret accosted Paine, slowing her steps. Yuna wandered ahead to greet the villagers who welcomed her, recognizing her as the daughter of the esteemed priest and diplomat Father Braska. Venus and Vevina stayed at Paine's side, too scared to move. Paine could not force them anywhere—not with those horrifying cues:

Wakka, just as young in proportion, beckoned Yuna over, introducing her to Chappu, Luzzu, Gatta and Lulu. All of them, teenagers, no older than fourteen or fifteen—_all of them. _Those eyes, Lulu's eyes; she did not regard Yuna. Slow to smile, slower to return Yuna's greeting, Lulu did not _feel _the same. Steady through this small crowd of villagers, Paine guided her daughters, eyes locked on her love, burning in this trepidation. For she should have ran to Lulu, held her, kissed her, whatever her age, she cared not; yet she _could _not, not with this strangeness she saw. Wandering eyes from Lulu, opaque irises; how she was the only one who did not bow to the Judge Magister who had entered the village. At the first sign of Paine's approaching boots, Lulu turned to face her. Not before. _Her eyes_. Those eyes looked not the same at all. Lightly, Chappu nudged Lulu, whispering to her of this presence before them—Judge Magister Nyte, her mother's guardian. Here, at last, Lulu did bow, though she did not smile. She didn't recognize the name. She didn't recognize—remember—recall—regard them, anyone, or anything…

Of a sudden, Paine realized that Lulu was blind.


	69. The Empress

"_Imaginary" by Evanescence (Origin)_

_Before, night took security away,  
Gone in the wind, and in the soundless Raine,  
Protection endured for twelve years, allayed  
In my anger, unacceptable pain.  
Tonight, Nyte brings that which I lacked for long:  
Freedom to fantasize in familiar  
Touch, going as I need, emotion's song  
Sings to high heavens—not peculiar,  
Is this, to know in unknowing, wanting  
You even in this bleak obscurity?  
Words spoken shape you as a thought, painting  
Imperfections; dealt immaturity.  
My field of flowers holds me as you should;  
Scent me, Your Honor, glean me as you would._

_Time measured in two years by the passing autumns had passed since Lulu last spoke with her mother. Upon the bed they had shared for twelve years, Lulu sat, hands clasped over her lap, listening as her mother prepared to leave for her pilgrimage in the middle of the night. This darkness plagued Lulu all the same. Each sound felt as a distinct read of her surroundings: the trail of her mother's robes along the ground, the flutter of fabric from the hut's entrance, the substantive chime of coin from her mother's sudden surplus of gil. That added sound stood out the most, for Lulu could not remember her upbringing as anything more than modest. Her mother had been kind—quiet since the death of her father years ago during the Crusades—until this sudden change in decision, in direction. _

_Though she sensed not whom, Lulu could tell as to another presence about their small home. This other Elysia had deemed as her sole guardian. There was another her mother had mentioned, a second guardian she expected to find, somewhere—all very vague and discreet. This change in behavior made Lulu wonder if she had been too daft to notice this gradual progression, or if someone else who sounded and felt as her mother did had taken her place. Such confusion distilled her sorrows. Knowing that this identical stranger was to leave in but a few moments did little to affect her. _

_Ignored in this stranger's haste to leave, Lulu willed herself to be heard. "Mother," she said, stopping those movements. "Why are you leaving like this? You told me you never wanted to become a summoner… You changed your mind?"_

_Sounds sounded anew; Elysia resumed collecting her things. "You do not need me, Lulu," she replied, brisk. "There are far better opportunities for you in this world than to stay on this island with nothing to look forward to." This disregard and distance felt not at all like her mother, not the one she remembered. These words she used, too secluded in their new ambitions for her. Lulu did not understand how all of this had come about. "You have chosen to sacrifice me, thus I must leave. That is my duty to you, as your mother, and to Spira, as a summoner. Accept this as a new beginning."_

_Lulu hadn't the chance to question this. Time shortened as walls closing in around her. Her mother would leave soon, to die for _her _sake. Not Yevon's, not Spira's. Words Elysia had spoken echoed again_: "_You are my religion, my dear. When Sin is defeated, you shall find another who wishes to worship you as you must be."_

_Closer she heard those silks along the rug of their home. Her left hand, Elysia held, fanning four of Lulu's fingers out along this soft—foreign—palm. Opulence and luxury that Lulu remembered not, she felt from her mother's touch. Chill of steel everlasting shaped as circles she felt over her fingertip, her ring finger she had learned years ago. One of less weight, and another, heavier, embedded with a jewel, followed, one over the other, resting a little large for her finger. Lulu imagined herself holding her hand tips up for the rest of her days until these rings fit her properly. She didn't recognize them, yet she felt they belonged to her, bound by spirit. _

"_You will wear these," said Elysia, voice thick with emotion. "Wait for the one who recognizes them on you. When they arrive, you will not want for anything. Speak or do not speak, you will have what you need. These limited times in Besaid have restricted you. I'll not have you grow into stoicism to hide your wants. Do not settle for anything less than what you truly need." _

_Lulu yearned to question such advice. She needed her mother. Her mother was to leave with a stranger, on a pilgrimage for principles that the temple would deem as sacrilegious. Cryptic words and vague promises for her to be great, when all Lulu wanted was for her mother to stay… This stranger, too, bore some familiarity. Footsteps against the ground, toward her—armor, in armor. This figure neared her, textured steel against her thin dress, her shins. Arms around her, gloves through her hair, holding close; close as a sibling she never knew she had. They held her with such resolve, Lulu could not remember a day she'd gone without this. Returning this hold felt as new knowledge, holding a suit of armor with a body of its own within. _

_This cold of a manufactured shell bore true warmth, from this voice that found her: "I'm sorry we cannot stay, Lulu…" Ambiguity surrounded this voice. A man's or a woman's—either would have suited. Curiosity marked this moment, for Lulu had always believed people were destined to adhere to one side or the other. Never both at once. "Call me a heretic if you wish, sister, but know this—Yevon is a farce. Disregard those ill limitations of their teachings. They will only cause you immense pain and suffering. I journey with Mother not to please the Maesters or the people of Spira. This is for your future. I will suffer any sacrifice required for you to have your happy ending…" Stronger hold through Lulu's mystification in hearing such words; this sibling felt more and more familiar to her, their name on the tip of her tied tongue. "I love you. We will see one another again, some day, some years from now. I hope you will recognize me then."_

_Lulu could not, did not want to let this safety go. "Who are you?" she asked. This strength trembled in emotion. "What is your name? Why are you leaving like this? I don't know who you are, but I don't want you to go."_

"_Raine," they said. "Raine…I am Judge Magister, tasked to guard our family. That is all you need to know. The rest will come back to you. I trust that your Judge Nyte will take care of that—and you."_

_So simple—the two of them left, Raine with love, Elysia without a word. Measured paces from their footsteps told Lulu that they heard her say those three words to them—to her sister, at least. One hand outstretched before her, per habit, Lulu used as a guide. Wrist bent beneath her thin dress sleeve to halt progress in case she walked into something; fingers together to measure the direction of the breeze as a poor compass in the world; slight drag of dress along the ground, to hear herself walk; thin soles of shoes to tell as to each grain of dust, each pebble upon the land, each texture of stone or earth to gather direction. Slowly, she did this on her own, walking outside next to the smell of smoke from the dying bonfire, without her mother's aid as she had grown used to. _

_Near this area of unity for the village, Lulu faced the direction of the hill. She willed hard to see, just for this moment, yet her will failed her. Anyone else would have seen_ _this departure. They could have measured the distance, taken in the perception of this sudden goodbye. How many steps had they both taken toward her new future as an orphan? How far had her mother gone away from her promise to never allow her daughter to live alone as Chappu and the other children in the village did? Promises broken by distance Lulu could not see—perhaps nothing had been broken at all. _

_Innocence shattered instead. Recalling words that had disillusioned her hope, the truths in the world—that Yevon was a lie and that she had prayed, dutifully, for nothing. Watching in nothingness as her only family left, Lulu could believe that much, in this nothing. Nothing shadowed childish dreams that her mother would always protect her. Nothing overtook years of warmth she had felt in Besaid and in Balfonheim, from the weather, from the people around her who cared. _

_Only the chill from these rings remained, warmed in this humidity. Lulu did not remember when they started to fit her._

In this same spot, surrounded by the villagers, Lulu stood next to the heat of the bonfire, neck heated by it—or another source. Fourteen years old, oldest of her friends, and two years an orphan, independence had been forced upon her, to learn Besaid and Balfonheim both by heart. These new visitors whom she knew nothing of, and now had to memorize: strangers, all of them, as unfamiliar as Raine had been. She had bowed, respectfully, to greet this second Judge Magister. She recognized the name—Judge Nyte. Yet in that recognition, Lulu was content to ignore him. Any connection to her mother, legendary guardian or not, she wanted no part of. This added fame from her status of the High Summoner's daughter brought too much distaste to deal with.

Wakka's overly-loud voice sounded beside her, "Uhh, Your Honor, if I may, uh, address you, addressly, Judge Nyte…?" When no one gave a response, Lulu sighed, irritated. "Err…I mean, uhm, Judge Magister, if I could, uh, guide you, and your—your—your _daughters_ to the—to the temple… Hahahaha! Haha…heh."

Chappu muttered to his older brother, "Hey, man, I know his girls are cute, ya—pull it together!"

"I'm not the one who said it, you did!" hissed Wakka. "Why do they got those hoods and blindfolds on anyways? Don't hide their faces all that much… Oh! Your Honor?! Where you goin'? I was gonna…"

That thump upon Wakka's hard head sounded as though Chappu hit him. "_Now _look what you did, genius!" said Chappu, between those footsteps going to the temple—armored, one pair, and soft and heelless, two pairs. Another vague sound followed them: mystical, mythical, perhaps of someone floating. "Shoulda let the old man take care of 'em and kept your big mouth shut!"

Yuna stayed with them, asking, "How old are you three? You don't look like you're their age…"

"We don't?!" asked Wakka, his voice sounding as though he'd turned to watch the girls go. "Ah, well… I'm thirteen, ya? My bone-headed brother here's eleven, and Lu's fourteen. Luzzu and Gatta over there are thirteen, just like me. Looks like you're the youngest, Yuna!" When Yuna giggled, Wakka added: "Hey, but, uh, how old are his daughters…? They twins or somethin'?"

"Yes, they're both sixteen," replied Yuna. Wakka sat back down, heavily, in distress. "Is…that bad?"

Chappu sat down, groaning. "They're out of our league, I guess," he responded. Wakka grunted. "Hey, Lu, you can sit back down, ya?" That hand from Chappu reached up, to touch her arm in assistance. "You're the only one standing up."

Far-off sounds of insects stayed in Lulu's ears, louder than this fire or conversation around her. Lulu wandered off toward those sounds, away from this help she didn't need. In one direction she went, away from that unneeded noise. Smaller footsteps tried to follow for but a moment—low whispers advised them not to, and that this was normal for her to do. Imaginary paths she'd memorized, labyrinths of formless walls upon the ground. All possible paths led to the center: solid line between the temple and the village exit. From that line, she knew how to find her way home, to her hut north of the fire. Flaps of fabric she found roughened in patched patterns, catered to her touch. Through these she entered, never bothering to seal them closed behind her.

Ten paces to the right, over the thin texture of the rug, and stop. Spread of her bed, here, held up as a soft cot. Waiting over this material laid her sleeveless nightgown, smooth as silk. Stifling heat of her dress she changed out of, shoes removed, with her body bare to the chill in her home. Curves granted young, long, long hair fanned down her back, chest weighing her grace down, shorter frame compared to her friends. Lulu moved to set her day clothes along the round table set close to the ground, uncaring of the possibility of someone entering, watching. So long as they stayed quiet, she would be none the wiser. No risk of embarrassment, and nothing to be embarrassed over.

Tonight, Lulu ignored her nightgown. She slipped beneath the thin blanket of her bed, head over her pillow of feathers, needing this added chill over her body. That deceiving silk coiled to the rug below. Faint conversation from outside reached her, voyeurs of sound. One hand along her rib, higher, to this hardness, already—had anyone else noticed? For whomever this had started for—did they notice? Never for her friends; she could not imagine indulging in such immature infatuations. Her second hand moved lower, over the flatness of her stomach, the bulging curve of her hip, the point of her skin edged as part of a triangle, down.

Wet. Soaking wet. Yevon forbade this—touching. With memories as her sole breadth of morals, she touched more, down to the chill of her rings. Never had she felt this thick wetness from between her before. Not without thoughts of her own, or encouragement from her hands in previous dryness.

Thoughtlessness alone had brought this about. In the presence of others, she hadn't noticed. Energies beyond her commanded her body, arousing Lulu in this absence of thought. Formlessness of another on top of her; no way to imagine their hands on her, how they might look at her, if they were _attractive_, whatever that meant.

This had come about with the new arrival—Judge Magister Nyte. His name evoked more, tempted Lulu more. On that principle, she resisted, and withdrew her hand. Impossible heat overtook her. Her body demanded again and again that she not rebel: twisting arches, fitful, restless. Her hair splayed behind her when she turned on one side, clamping her thighs together. She knew nothing of this man. _Thinking _of him, of how little she knew of him, should not have affected her this way. Dripping wet, her hand was, trapped in this soft heat between her inner thighs, fingertips close to betraying her again.

Judge Magisters: honorable, dutiful protectors. They followed orders. They offered perfection to their charges in this imperfect world. If he'd been her mother's guardian, his duties required that protection to follow down to her. Not as a guardian—Lulu had no intentions of becoming a summoner. How old was he? Old enough to father two daughters, both two years older than her; he had to be mature. Different. An outsider. What knowledge did he have of the world? Where did he come from? Did he hold the same disregard for Yevon as Raine had? He'd said nothing earlier. Lulu wondered if he could spell the world to her in silence alone. Asking him would have been improper.

Yet his relation to her mother and her valor as High Summoner—stung. Never had she cared this much for a stranger, or even for her own friends. Her hands betrayed her, despite her efforts, touching this growing curiosity, sexual and all. She had no impressions of him at all save for his silence, how his footsteps had hastened to find her above all else. Quicker stroking Lulu made, lubricated fully, thickly, wondering and wondering of him, unable to stop. To _stop _was a command she forgot how to navigate toward—not now, not drowned in thoughts unwanted of this man, of how his gloves might feel along her thighs, groping. His weight on her, by her order, no matter how right or wrong it was, or who might stare and gossip—she wanted him to do as she said, no questions asked.

Again, Lulu tried to take her hand away. Sleeve of her pillow, she bit down on, muffling these sounds she could no longer hold in as breaths. _How long? How thick? How does it _feel_? Oh, I want to cry when he breaks me. What does he _sound_ like when he's…? _Slickness slithered from her thighs, down to the bed, pooling beneath her with the sweatthere. She shut her eyes; shut back these emotions that belonged not to her. Without her hand, she came with touchless violence, biting down, pressing her wet face down, muffling as hard as she could. Revitalized, and awakened, Lulu did not have to stop as she had before. Before, with those aimless fantasies that had made no sense, she'd slept right away.

That night, she lay awake between each of these torrents, waiting for the energy to start the next. Hours passed, the conversation outside dimmed to none, and she kept herself quiet enough to not stir visitors to question her. Her heart beat so slowly, fully, Lulu doubted she'd had a heart at all before this.

—

By the swell of heat in her hut, Lulu awoke in the late afternoon. She'd attuned to memory the temperature of Besaid at each hour of the day and night in autumn. Lingering wetness from her sweating and masturbation stuck to her body, to the sheets beneath her and blanket around her. She'd missed her hour for the bath. She would have to live with this evidence on her for the day. Strange calm enveloped her. Contentedness she'd never thought possible in these days. Yet that elation left as soon as it arrived. Guilt and excess confusion from her lack of control the night before consumed her instead.

Several minutes had passed by the time Lulu awoke to herself again, realizing where she'd been. Thinking of _him. _That stranger. Someone whose duty it was to take her wants into consideration—unlike her mother, who had left, despite Lulu's wants, needs, for her to stay. Lulu wanted to know more of Nyte, yet she could not bear to make the scope of her wants known to him. Not to anyone. Per the proper rules of engagement, if he wished to know her, he would take the initiative. She felt delicate in adhering to these matters, twisting them into ones of courtship. Naïve, ignorant—Lulu indulged in these, did not indulge in these. She moved this fabric aside, to stand and dress herself. Perhaps this was all a lingering illusion from the night.

When she left her hut, she heard the distant sounds of her friends talking. South through the village she went, guessing they all sat with one another in the shade of the vegetation between the hotel and the local merchant's home. Luzzu, Chappu, Gatta and Wakka all conversed with each other, voices lowered to not attract attention from the other villagers passing by. As expected, they did not hear her approach, for once working in Lulu's favor as she listened:

"…did you _see _their—?" Gatta paused, unwilling to say the word, as if it were dirty. "Man, I know they have robes on and all, but their—their _chests_—have you seen anything like them?!"

This was why they would always—and only—be friends to Lulu. Immature little boys.

"Twins, too, ya?" whispered Wakka, "So that's both of 'em… _Four_, you guys, four! I keep thinkin' how just _two _would feel in my hands, you know?"

"I dunno," said Chappu, apprehensive. "Are you sure we should talk about 'em like this…? Seems weird."

"We're not supposed to," added Luzzu. "Doesn't stop us from thinking about it… They wear those masks over their eyes, but that doesn't mean we can't see how pretty they are. One of them has some kind of purple in her hair. They're so different. We can't help it. You're only eleven—you don't _know _yet."

Wakka groaned in exasperation. "They're sixteen," he lamented. "Sixteen! That's like forever away… You know what girls are like—a three year difference is enough to make 'em laugh at us… Oh, oh! What if we showed 'em how we blitz with the boys on the team? They gotta be impressed by that, ya?"

Gatta's question made them all pause: "What about Lulu?" This silence, Lulu hoped they all took to consider their answers with care. Somehow, she doubted that they would.

After a moment, Chappu said, "I want her. Hasn't changed."

"Oh, yeah?" asked Wakka, confrontational. "Well get in line, bruddah, 'cause we all do! Her chest might not be as big as the twins but she's got that attitude, ya? I'm tellin' ya, boys, she heard us that one time we were in our cave. Think she heard me say I'm the biggest, so I've got first dibs!"

Luzzu made a sound of disgust. "You think she _cares _about that?" he asked. "About us? Please, Wakka, tell me you know her better than that."

"No, but I _want_ to—"

Enough was enough. Lulu scoffed and stormed off in the direction of the temple. Their shock sounded to her ears, shouting and blaming one another over getting caught. Her haste to get away surprised the villagers she passed, most trying to ask what the hurry was. Stone steps she took two at a time. Quicker she went to the coolness of the temple, ignoring whoever held the double doors open for her. Here in this echoing chill of indoors, her footsteps sounded loud enough to alert those around to her anger. They stayed out of her way, thoughtful enough to not ask questions. This was nothing new. Her supposed friends had offended her many a time before this, causing the same reaction. Their objectification of her body, their assumptions that she cared for any part of their bodies simply because there were no other options: they disgusted her. Distant screaming down another hall alerted her, oddly comforting in this shared emotion. Thus she followed the sound, curious enough to calm down.

An impassioned, frustrated female voice sounded nearby, "Daddy, I can't fucking live like this!" she said, swinging a door open. "It's too hot, the people here suck, Yevon's a joke and Mommy—"

"Venus, _stop_!" said another voice, echoing through steel. _That voice. _Venus tried to speak, efforts muffled of a sudden. "I need you to calm down—right now. If anyone hears us, they're gonna ask questions. If they ask, I won't have answers. Get back in here!" Hard footsteps and that door slammed shut. Lulu felt to be intruding, yet she continued to listen to this argument, rooted to the spot. "You need to respect the differences here! I told you to watch your mouth! Do you know who I'm supposed to be to these people? If they excommunicate us, we won't get to see her _at all_! Is that what you want?"

"I want her to know who we are, that's what I want!" snapped Venus. "You think following these stupid rules are gonna help her at all? You can boss Vevina around and make her be happy about it—not me! You should know better!"

"Damnit, Venus, don't do this… Don't _fucking_ test me. This is the wrong time."

Venus cackled in clear sarcasm. "You just told me to watch my mouth, and now you're cussing—!"

"—because I can't believe you! We're supposed to think through this together! I'm your father—you were never like this before! What the hell's changed?"

"_Everything's _changed! My mother _doesn't know who I am_, Daddy! She doesn't know who you are, either! Don't think I'm stupid, either… I _know _what you've been thinking about. Don't you wanna be a pedo now, like Mommy was to you in that other time…?"

Intense silence followed. So thick—Lulu felt it was best to leave. She'd been unable to follow more than half of what they'd said. And a _pedo_, whatever that was, Lulu knew she had no business knowing any of this. Despite this draw toward Judge Nyte this nearby, Lulu turned and walked away, back outside. If she could have forgotten those words, it would have sated her conscience. Sneaking up on others was never her intention. Now she had far too much weight over her shoulders because of her silent approaches, because of her curiosity. How she wished she could walk louder from then on, or that she could wear something that would alert her presence to those around her, to prevent these awkward discoveries.

—

Lulu spent the rest of the day alone, wandering about the lively streets of Balfonheim. No one pestered her for gil or her company, knowing who she was, and to not bother her. Being the daughter of High Summoner Elysia afforded Lulu this new freedom to go where she pleased without incident. Pungent smells of fish and the saltwater sea, and lowering sounds of seagulls stayed with her through this autumn breeze. Listening to the distance between her and the people nearby proved a diligent sport, to navigate the cobblestone path of Sea Breeze Lane without bumping into anyone. This diversion to the city helped to free her mind from the confusions of the night prior, of hours before.

Distinct sounds from the bars and restaurants she passed alerted her to her location—The Drowning Wench entertained locals of all manner, joined together without segregation; Aleport housed the loudest drunks of the city, fist-fighting over the smallest dregs of alcohol spilled and wasted. Her habitual wrist she held out kept her aware of her surroundings, stopping any unawares from too-close encounters. Colder temperatures and louder brawls from the bars signaled night's arrival, and a shortcut for her to take on the way back to the village. This path she'd taken multiple times before with her friends. Wakka, Chappu and Gatta had heckled one another as they approached this club she neared now—Rising Sun—daring one another to enter. Impossible volume sounded from the enjoyment within: festivities, music, cheering, and multiple echoes of _Thank you _came from within. She'd heard numerous stories of what went on there.

All she knew for certain was that nearly two dozen men worked at Rising Sun, all over the age of seventeen. Those _host boys _worked to serve the women who frequented the establishment in exchange for exorbitant sums of gil. Conversation, champagne, and compliments aplenty Lulu knew to go on in there. Anything else, she could only imagine, though she wished she knew for certain. As always, she passed the club by, and made her way back to Besaid. Though she was barely old enough to enter without having any alcohol, she did not want to waste the gil she'd inherited from her mother to pay for such entertainment. If those boys were anything like she'd heard, they would care nothing for her. Their compliments would be false and their servitude to her would only be for money's sake.

Judge Magister Nyte again came to mind. He'd been strict with his daughter. Lulu wondered if he held himself with the same severity. Possibilities swelled her heart, emotions afloat with ideas.

Once she'd gotten far enough away from that noise, her senses picked up on another constant sound. Someone in high, wide heels followed her. She could only justify a woman wearing shoes such as those. An uncommon choice of wear—perhaps they were boots, from how contained those clicks sounded. Why would anyone dress that way in this heat? Lulu did not turn to acknowledge the woman behind her. So long as this distance persisted, there was no need to think much of it.

When she returned to the village, she continued past the bonfire where the village elders prepared dinner for everyone. None of the adults spoke to her out of respect, assuming she mourned the loss of her mother. Their celebrations of Sin's defeat the week prior had been muted by that loss. Lulu's increased time spent in Balfonheim worried no one, for they knew her status afforded her enough protection to go about her way unbothered. After what had happened earlier, she hoped her friends knew better than to speak to her this soon.

Lulu continued behind the temple, to the large field of flowers there overlooking Saber's Edge. This gathering of petals, stems and smells, Lulu lay down within, breathing in, breathing out. Many stories she'd heard of Saber's Edge, the dangerous path spiraling through the sea to Zanarkand. Such beauty in history, she could not picture, could not see, blinded as she was, as she'd always been. Since Nyte's arrival, Lulu felt she could see—her emotions, these she saw for the first time since her mother had left. Those foreign entities of color and depth she felt taking shape within. Varied and beautiful as these flowers around her: she wished he could smell these signs she'd lasted the day with, unmasked.


End file.
